Sisterhood Beyond Color: Are Interracial Friendships Genuine with Carla Hall and Christina Brown
Вставка
- Опубліковано 6 жов 2024
- We're diving deep into the heart of interracial friendships, asking the question: Can women from different ethnicities be best or bosom friends? Carla Hall, the acclaimed chef and TV personality, and Christina Brown, a renowned diversity advocate and influencer join us to discuss.
James Baldwin said it best," We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and my right to exist(well)." And that's the thing.
All day, everyday!
…and my right to excel! Even when it looks like I’m surpassing you!! 🤦🏾♀️ This is when the “friendship” gets stressed! 😩
Wow! Baldwin, dropped the Mic on that statement!
I've never seen this quote thank you 😊
Asking that different races love each other after all that has happened is really reaching. I think most would settle for mutual respect, but that is too much for those who want the upper hand in ALL circumstances...demons.
If people aren't an ally for your existence, your wellbeing, your life then they shouldn't be a friend.
I had a similar experience, Tiffany, with a high school classmate. We would joke around and flirt until the day he said to me, “I’d date you if you were white.” Now, I wasn’t attracted to him; I thought we were just being playful. But, I never spoke to him again after that incident.
I don't know what made him think that wasn't offensive..I'm so sorry queen.... did he ever try to reach out bc I know he felt stupid after that
@@keijuaniapowers6655 Nope! He was flanked by two white chicks (maybe he was flexing for them) and giggled until he caught my expression, which probably said, “Honky please!!!” 😂
@@florencej.tipton1569 crazy... I've had some yt men who tried to talk to me then comes the" I don't like yt girls" thinking that its going to make me feel special...it's so weird how some of them feel like they just can't be themselves
@@keijuaniapowers6655 Sort of like the reverse when black men can’t say they prefer white women without disparaging black women. Men need to understand that no self-respecting woman - black, white, Latino, etc. - wants a man who chooses her because of who she’s not. Those men have other unresolved issues.
Listen ladies all races of men say stupid things often. A Black man might say they don’t find dark skinned women attractive or that he prefers Latinas. A white guy telling you he wouldn’t date you because of your race isn’t about race. The deeper issue is about boundary setting and disrespectful behavior. He sensed your need to be desired, validated by him and used it as fuel to power his attack on your ego. That day, he taught you how to read the room. There were signs before he said that but you ignored them. Women should learn to pay closer attention to a man’s behavior and engage in skepticism when attraction is involved regardless of his race because many Black men can say equally hurtful things.
Tiffany, We Black Women, lift up our arched hands to you, for telling our necessary truths, so boldly beautifully ❤
This conversation is one I've had internally over the years. To hear it openly verbalized.. thank you Tiffany.
Carla is very much seasoned in this conversation. She is not wrong.The young lady at the end had some good points.
I am a 59 year old black guy from southern Virginia and i thought i had a lot of white friends until one of my best black friends explained to me that i didn't...and i have to agree with her. She explained that since i don't speak with them about my negative racial history and experiences they can't be considered my friends. I have spoken with her for countless hours about the racism experienced by my black friends in Virginia and she knew i didn't talk about these things with white people i think of as friends. She also asked me to count the number of white friends i would go camping or hunting with. That sealed it for me.
This episode really hit home for me. Growing up I have mainly had a diverse group of friends. Fast forward, I had 3 white women that had been my friend 20+ years. In the few years, starting with the election of 45 it changed the dynamics. Each friend thought they were “woke” in different ways. When challenged they cried or tried to use competition as a weapon to put me back in my place. The friendships went away I never could have guessed. Even after serving with a few of these women I can tell you I was never protected and I will choose my melanin sisterhood all day.
45 did peel back the layers and showed who people really are
Just keep an eye out for the Stephens out there. Not all skin folk are kinfolk
My best friend is white and we interact with each other's families. I go to her family reunions each year and absolutely love her family and they love my husband and I. It's not an act and nor is it false. Most of her close family members have stayed at my house. If you can have an interracial marriage or relationship, you certainly can have interracial friendships. Now, her and her family members are on the same page politically and socially so that makes a huge difference. None of my close friends or family are Trumpers. No way!
That may be the key...the political and social...I have some where I know they voted for Bush but despise Trump...so we could get down on some things...she went through a divorce and I reached out..she & I connected on this..sometimes life will do that...
NO ARE THEY IMPROVE BLACK ECONOMIC NOPE
Why are Black women speaking with such a closemind? People who refuse friendships because of someone else’s political ideology should be side eyed. They’re the same people who invite a known pedophile family member to the cookout and during holiday dinners or celebrate their birthdays together. They will go visit their brother in prison knowing that he assaulted, graped or even murdered someone. This is the most insane discussion on yt. I am embarrassed for Black women to be represented by this behavior.
That’s great but I find it hard to believe that you’ve been with her, her family, at her family reunions and you’ve never heard anyone say some questionable things about anything? I attend a mixed church and some stuff I’ve heard whìte people say, I pray constantly for wisdom on how to handle. And this is at CHURCH. And with “well meaning” people nor imtending to be harmful or mean. And yes, some of them love Trump. I’m certain some of the people in your friend’s family love Trump, too. I think we have to be real and know it’s all not a sunny walk in the park. Interacting like this is going to be rough sometimes if people are really being themselves and we are all real with each other.😞
None that you KNOW ABOUT girl
One of my very close friends is white. She's been there with me ride or die. She and I are both in our late 50s. We've been friends for 10 years.We don't necessarily agree on everything, but there is a strong mutual respect for each other's positions.
I think that’s the key to friendship across cultures. Mutual respect for each other and recognition of the differences in experiences.
OKAY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE A WHITE FRIEND DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN SHE IS OKAY WITH ALL OR ANY OTHER BLACK PERSON. EVEN BLACK PEOPLE DON'T LIKE ALL BLACK PEOPLE, SO THE QUESTION WOULD BE WHAT IS THE PERSONALITY OF THE PERSON BEING INVITED.❤💥⚖️🔑 SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT
I DEFINITELY AGREE WITH SOME THINGS CARLA IS SAYING. BUT, THIS KUMBYAHNESS FOR THIS WORLD IS DESTRUCTIVE TO THE DIASPORA, INDIGENOUS AND ALL BLACK PEOPLE COLLECTIVE INTEREST PERIODT ❤💥⚖️🔑
I have the exact same experience with my best friend who is white, I’m 68 she’s 73. Do we clash…YES; do we talk it through and maintain our friendship…YES. Praying together is how we have kept going for over 30 years as best friends.
So glad for this conversation
I am a Black American woman.
So I grew up in a Black and Latino neighborhood and attended schools that were 99 percent white. My father supported multiculturalism. My sister (14 years my senior) was pro Black. My house was filled with Black American and African art. My mom took me to the symphony and to the ballet and to Art museums and I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s That is the context.
I have 2 friends who have lasted for years. Others have come and gone.
My best friend for years (is still my oldest friendship today) is a white woman- but I no longer call her my “best” friend. This is not because of anything she did. It’s just -,I understand what friendship is differently these days. Friendship - to me - is not one kind of thing but at the bass/base level it’s a feeling of resonance and heart expansion. I have felt that in moments with my oldest friend. I have felt that in moments with my newer Black friends. The moments of closeness with each of these people cannot be denied.
That white friend over the years I’ve known her has changed so much but she would in our child hood make jokes about my head scarves and say I looked like Aunt Jemima . Her family is racist. This same friend has grown to realize that is wrong. That same friend - even back in the aunt Jemima years would drive through torrential flood storms to be by my side when I needed help and still does. That friend drives hours across states to help me and get me when my car won’t start and I need ti be somewhere. She holds my hand when I need it. She help me tight as I bawled in her lap for hours when my dad left my mom and ny mom had a nervous breakdown. She nourished and cared for and cleaned my dying partner. She assists me when I am in a bind with my art presentations - without pause. We dance and sing songs and eat food food and reminisce with each other and we are children again. It’s beautiful and I cherish our friendship. Even still - there are some things she will never understand and we will never be able to resonate with the depth of understanding I feel with my VERY SPECIFIC Black friends…
Now my Black friend I have held for years makes me laugh until my belly hurts. We cry together. We chant together. We wish together. We watch TV together and talk 💩 together. She kissed my dying partner sensually on the lips, looked him in his eyes and danced with him as if she were me when I couldn’t get to him in time for his last throws of a kind of consciousness. She is the only person I could EVER appreciate doing that for me and she is the ONLY person who KNEW that was what I wanted her to do in that moment.
Both of these friends have seen me at my worst and have loved me regardless of knowing ALL my flaws and dark secrets.
Both of these friends will be by my side when I am dying.
My other two friends that I have are Black and they are my soul sisters. They are the people I brought on retreat with me for my 45th birthday and paid for it all. They are the only people I am able to share across timelines and dimensions with. The intensity of resonance I feel with them is felt without words. Our times in each others company is literally HEALING on a cellular level. I can’t explain the spiritual connection I feel with them.
That said -I would not rely on either of them to come through for me in tangible ways like my other two friends would.
All of these friendships are precious to me. Each of them are different dynamics. I am not going to relate to each person
In the same way and over time relationships change. These newer two friends could just be friends for a season for all I know. It won’t remove the depth of connection I have felt with them.
But my best friend
Is ME. I have befriended myself across time. I am best friend to my child self, my teen self, my young adult self, my post partnership self and my future self.
I wanted to give all of that context because I believe we need to be best friends to ourselves before we can have any kind of deep relationship with ANYONE else and before we can show up in the world authentically.
----------------
From this panel - I vibe with the woman who lived in France and with the chef woman regarding segregation.
Segregationist here. I don’t jive with the kind of segregation in the 60’s and before then- I DO believe in segregated healing right NOW. I believe it’s time for us to be insular and heal and know ourselves (as Black people) before we try to relate to others. Black oriole of multiple generations, cultures, gender identities, sexual orientations - we need to do the work of truly seeing ourselves outside of the white gaze. We need a container that will not encourage fear of white judgement.
I really hope that the host will have a deep conversation going further into the segregation topic. A new conversation about it.
Carla Hall is DOPE.
My thoughts EXACTLY!! ❤❤❤
This was a great conversation! Kinda like a good book….page turner….wanting more! My second favorite episode so far! There were a lot of quotes that I related to from both guest!! However, the most profound was “my goal in life is to live in service to Black folks and live in service to liberation of Black folks”. Thank you for your service! Until next time, God be with you!!!
I think Christina's views may be too extreme for some older generations, but I love following her on TikTok and she is one of the people leading young Black Americans to be proud of their ethnicity again like we were in previous generations. She's definitely a great mind.
I grew up in predominantly white spaces and was often the only black child at school. I experienced racism at school and in the community. At home I experienced a different kind of racism from my black relatives from the south because I was brown skinned while my older sister was light. At almost 60 my cookouts are filled with loving/kind people. Black, White, Hispanic, etc.
Colorism, not racism.
Tiffany is good to see you in the media space again, Carla the axiology and epistemology concept was very illuminating for me and those realities facilitated an understanding why as different ethno-linguistic groups we resonate so differently. I attended two PWI’s and two HBCU’s ( Fisk & Howard). Contrasting the quality of and navigating the extreme differences in the social topographies of those experiences continue to inform how I negotiate spaces until this day. To the young lady who lived in France, so did I. I totally agree that location there was everything. Although , there were various places that l loved visiting, it was always making my way back to Paris that felt the most comfortable. Great convo and as a man, I found this exchange equally edifying. Thanks ladies! The work continues!💥
These discussions, especially with the panelists, are fantastic. But because I am still of working age, I am with Tiffany. I take the weekends off. I am not your Blaxpert.🙅🏿♀️
I love when Carla Hall is a guest. Always interesting hearing her perspective.
Yeah, Carla is always a vibe.
@@Eli-kq7qt girl please
Growing up in a predominantly Black country, I found this experience fascinating to observe. A few years ago, I moved to a predominantly white country, and I've noticed that being part of a white community requires more effort and explanation of certain nuances, as they often lack exposure to Black communities. Even my white friends, for whom I have a deep affection, tend to cling to their whiteness during racist incidents involving outsiders. I frequently find myself having to explain why something was offensive to me before receiving empathy, which makes me cautious about fully trusting white friendships as safe spaces unless the individuals are actively unlearning their biases on their own.
Bingo. And imagine your being having been cultivated out of that very experience. Its rough out here in the USA. I can speak to that.
I subscribed off of the title because with Carla Hall present I know this is going to be a respectful AND HONEST conversation!!! 👑👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This is an important conversation. I've been at the stage of all 3 panelists. But there's too much MISSING FROM THIS CONVO TOO.
Men? 😂
Keep up the good work Tiffany. This podcast is errthang.
Being black is a color, not a personality. I refuse to limit myself to being stuck in association with only black people. I'm a baby boomer, long island born of southern parents, raised in a very multi cultural village albreit, there was white racism. I've met some wonderful people of many cultures and countries and it's rich, its rewarding! I find sharing or educating folks on what they were taught about us and, it's a way to test their sincerity and I want to learn about where they are coming from generationally about American black people. I refuse to live my life stuck in my black history, what happened to my ancestors during slavery and after. I reared my children to stand up for who they are, no one is better than you but God does not discriminate, take advantage of the diverse cultures and learn who is sincere in your relationships regardless of their background because to coin classic NYC radio host, Gary Byrd "Every brother, ain't a brother, every sister ain't a sister". We would be no better than whites who don't want to associate with us who judge us wrong. This does not mean I am in denial of what my ancestors went thru, I grew up in the black power and civil right movement so that's instilled in me.. We are not monolithic, we are a diverse people in America as well!
Exactly!
@@deemari577 This mirrors my philosophy as well. People must develop their powers of discernment and the ability to trust one’s own judgement. Good people come in every ethnicity and race and so do folks with low character. Also, we choose friendships based on common interests. If I want a friend(s) to confide in then I must choose wisely regardless of their race or gender.
So this is my introduction to the podcast and I absolutely love it. Carla was insightful. The portion where she speaks of Axiology is intriguing; I never really thought of it that way.
Ive struggled with this issue my entire life. Even as recent as last week. This is a tough convo, especially, when you're a person, who takes pride in genuine friendships and relationships.
This girl calls me her BF. She supports Trump. She went away for vacation and told my 16y nephew he could go over and use her pool. I tried to explain to her that wasn’t a good idea and I didn’t want her neighbors calling police on him. She act affronted I would think that way of her neighbors. This was just after gorge floyd. She told me Candice Owen was a smart and well spoken and reminded her of me. I told her Candice Owen was a liar. That’s when I realized she says she loves me but she loved her tax break more.
Oh my goodness, what a 180! I enjoy Carla Hall in this setting so much more than when she was on the cooking segments of daytime talk shows where her personality absolutely grated on me. This Carla Hall I like. She comes across as wise and thoughtful. While I don’t agree with her 100%, I certainly enjoy listening to her perspective.
I initially wasn't going to watch this because it just sounded like a variation of "Red Table Talk." But now I'm seeing that these aren't women you know, and that adds an extra layer to the convo. I enjoyed this cookout convo. I learned it in reverse in college with a Japanese friend when I tried to invite myself over. I'm 99.9% sure that one of her guests felt exactly like Tiffany did! I liked this episode so much that I'm going to watch the rest (after I finish binge-listening to Native Land Podcast, another podcast I didn't know about until this past week).
The conversation about separate but equal was everything. Please expand on this conversation
Ive been very intentional about not engaging in those friendships, but it came after 40+ years of knowing them, being the only in their spaces and being in proximity to them, in both work and social spaces when they believed that I had no power. I've chosen it specifically for my peace. I can engage with them just as I can with everyone else, but I've been much happier in the 3 years since I intentionally removed them from my life. It isnt just them, but also the non-Black people who choose to assimilate into whiteness.
This was interesting. I notice that Black people who harp on the cookout and spades and whatnot usually grew up in predominantly white spaces. They seem to have a very specific view of blackness and have a hard time acknowledging the nuances in the Black experience.... I enjoyed Carla's and the younger women's viewpoint. I'm also a black woman that grew up in Long Beach, CA. Like the girl said, it's very diverse. It wasnt until i went to a PWI that i started realizing the differences in white people. I was used to whites that grew up in the same diverse environment as me. It's hard to befriend white people who grew up around other white people... I have a handful of white friends. The ones i connect with the most just so happen to be best friends with other Black women 🤷🏾♀️
I've always had a diverse group of friends, including white friends as well as Hispanic friends, in addition to my black friends. However, the level of sisterhood and intimacy is definitely a bit deeper with my black friends and hispanic friends. Still love all my friends downnnnn.
I think one thing I would've appreciated from Tiffany more in this conversation, especially when she talked about Brown v. Board of Education, is how white supremacy has been always been a backdrop of Black life in America. My sense is that the Civil Rights activists back in those days did not believe that schools that were predominantly Black were inherently lesser than predominantly White schools, but rather that some schools were disenfranchised to benefit others. I mean, look at the Tulsa Race Riots. Black people had their own flourishing businesses, but it didn't stop hostile people from burning it all down and that harrowing event nearly being lost in local and national consciousness. No doubt, that backdrop impacts interracial relationships (platonic, work, romantic, etc) to this day. I think we are all trying to do the best we can to whether these situations as we see fit for ourselves.
This conversation needed more time. It went fast
Right?! I blinked and it was already at closing remarks, LOL. I need a PART 2!
I absolutely love this dialogue. As a Gen Xer, I can agree with both Carla and Tiffany. Tiffany you made so many great points, particularly the rebuttal to the double standard…like Carla, as a believer, I’m clear about my role and my position but I also appreciate the truth about being fed whiteness always and we shouldn’t have to yield to that in our curated spaces. I also see so much of this while dating as an highly educated Black woman…folks across races are struggling🤷🏾♀️.
Carla, you are a bright spot in this conversation for me.
This is one of my favorite episodes….love both Carla Hall and Christina Brown. Keep it coming !!!
Tiffany I agree 100% with you as a collective community we did better as a people. BROWN VS BOARD disseminated our greatness as a whole. Blank Banks Black grocery stores Social clubs and the like...
I'm white, I don't expect you to be my best friend, but I think we can care about each other. I do agree with how it changes the vibe, on my part I just terrified I'll do or say something wrong, but for the most part I've always been treated kindly
I found this to be interesting. On the flip side, I do think that many black people have sought out friendships/relationships outside of our community based upon the need for acceptance or a more positive experience. Unfortunately, for whatever reason the black community tends to be hard on one another for being different and having a different perspective. Or there is a range of isms that present which can be discouraging to some.
#Truth. I just spoke to this in a post I wrote here. Religion is strong in the black community in general, and as a non-religious woman, I've struggled to find meaningful friendships. I'm desperate to find a 'sister circle' of my own but as soon as I say I don't go to church or don't believe that a Higher Power is responsible for personal achievements, the sistas tend to move away from me............ I don't insist that people NOT believe; why do they insist that I should? I'm a good and moral person who doesn't require a special book or person wearing special robes to guide me....
@lw5592 I am sorry that their is a struggle for acceptance in walking your own path. I have found that it is not my job to judge or convince a person of the gospel, however I won't deny Him or who He is to me in the presence of a non-believer. I hope you find community and if a person truly loves the Lord they should still show love and hope God will do a work in their lives.
💯
@@nasirasheartofgold Sigh... And there it is again. NO ONE ASKED YOU to deny your belief, sis! Geez...this is EXACTLY what I was talking about.
@@lw5592I have the same experience as a black woman. It’s difficult to have different beliefs especially spiritual beliefs and still be accepted by black women wholeheartedly without them underhandedly trying to convert you.
It doesn't surprise me in the least bit that Tiffany hasn't experiences friendship outside of her race. It really comes across. I'm 49 from Philly and have had 1 solid friendship with a White woman that has lasted decades. I recently moved to a very non-diverse area in the country and the Black folks I've met thus far, act so funny. Also there's a horrible Black man running for governor who is full of hate and caters to racist White people, so there's that. All skin folk ain't kinfolk.
So you are in NC? 🫠
Is the differences southern Vs not southern?
I think sometimes these conversations reveal trauma, acceptance, trust issues, preferences, risk-taking and safety. Therefore I simply love the fact that all these women spoke their truth and that's what is needed. Such topics are complex for some and simple to others. To me its less about right or wrong and more about communicating your truth and being willing to listen to others even though the process may be imperfect at times.
I screamed YOU KNOWWW SO FAST when I heard HU❤️💙 I’m definitely watching this whole episode 😭😭😭
Let’s TALK ABOUT 🗣️ subscribed off the title!!! I’ve been praying for a friend group that displays ethnic and racial diversity for a few years with the caveat it’s rooted in integrity and kindness. All my friendships that have lasted are with other black women. I appreciate culture and diverse experience. I want my community to look like United Nations ❤
Carla has the open mind in this one...
Agreed.
Shout to Medina from Cocktales for recommending this podcast! I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the different perspectives!
I have made white friends with my son’s friends parents as we live in a predominantly white neighborhood/school system. I love them and they accept me as I am. We all respect one another’s differences. I know their families and everyone is really friendly. You can tell if someone from another race is racist. I feel a lot of black people I know (family and friends) love me conditionally. A take away for me is to warn my black family and friends that they’ll be at the cookout because they’ll be there and we’re going to have a ball!
Agreed. At the end of the day I’m hanging out and befriending good people that we enjoy and have a good time.
Interesting conversation! I have the opposite situation from Tiffany's -- most of my friends are white or Latina and I'm craving more black friendships but they are hard to find. I grew up in a diverse neighborhood and my friends have always been of many stripes but the older I get, the more I feel connected to my blackness and want to be more at one with the community. Should be easy as a New Yorker, but part of the issue is that I am NOT religious at all -- I'm a humanist -- and many older black women are ALL about religion. Invariably, the question comes up, "What church do you attend?" "None". I don't subscribe to the notion that "God got me up this morning", or "God did this or that" when the person has accomplished something. I respect faith, but it's not for me.... and many other elders seem to be uncomfortable with me. The search continues....
Great discussion and I am most aligned with Tiffany on this topic. Keep these videos coming!
Same here
Since the show’s debut, I’ve watched each episode. Always entertaining & deeply informative. I can’t wait for more to come. Thank you, Tiffany! Peace.
As a Black person I hear you…. And also I think intra-racially we believe Blackness/being a Black American is a monolith and it’s not. This conversation lacks nuance. I know way too many activists/organizers/freedom fighters that are in deep community with white folks because there’s a shared ethic.
Black people are also harmful. And can be anti-black, capitalists, misogynists, etc. so idk lol
You have hit on some great points that warrant further conversation. Deep
I totally agree. I don't think the younger ladies understood that not all skin folk are kinfolk.
Beautiful conversations, thank you so much Tiffany for starting this podcast, I love your take on things and how you think, this was great.
As a mixed-race European I've been listening with a bit of envy (would have loved an all Black school), flapping ears and having a lot of thougths... (post-racial hahaha- yeah I hear you) And yes you were right Tiffany I wanted to tune in. And I also will send my friends an colleagues this link to think about.
I am so used to being the only one around that having no white friends would not be an option. Like where I currently reside I do have like 3 Black friends around...-that's it. Have to say that Carla Hall's "I allow people to be who they are" shocked me, cause I am used to white people telling me that. Also the sencence "I will not reject somebody because of his/her skin" shocked me. Though I like her - so no offence. Adored Christina Brown and what she had to share.
Could it be that due to early life experiences, commercial(network) reasons, less-harm-due-to-racism reasons etcera some of us are more into choosing white friendships/relationships? Or am I cursing now?
Also some things you brought up are connected to codes. God is good - All the time is surely Afro American but not per se Black...
I think this conversation is deep and important but needs more perspectives.
I just have to say this, when it is your family and you have that interracial dynamic then you see people in their own little areas or groups and that's just the way it is... But they learn real quick 🤯💯🙏🏿🙏🙏🏼🙏🏾
The truth makes some uncomfortable. But it's truth. We need our people. Nothing wrong with that. It's put in us to rely or open up to others when others don't really open up to us. Even if we date it marry them... You're still out. We need us.
Yes
This is much needed conversation...thank you, Tiffany. Please keep it up.❤
Subscribed! Resonated with this entire conversation.
This was such a good and rich conversation. So necessary to have.
I love Chef Carla and Christina!! Great conversation!
This was an excellent discussion as always!! I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Great guests who provided a great conversation 👏🏽 👏🏽
Thank you, Carla! You brought the knowledge.
Great topic! I definitely agree with you Tiffany. But both ladies had relatable stories to parts of my life specifically the college stories.
I love the podcast! Keep the topics coming
Tiffany, my girl. I agree with you and the younger 100%‼️
I absolutely enjoyed listening to all of the ladies. It gets to a point in life when you dont need exterior valodation to own who you are and what you like. I pray we all get there. I curate my circle. I remove and add all the time. It's my time, so I better choose right.
Cross made a statement about standing up and holding the line for "her" community. Does she mean the community in which she lives, or all Black people? She often says "my people" when talking to other Black people, as if Black people are not the people of those she is speaking with. She and others of this mindset, are being presumptuous, in thinking that they can represent all of us. Most of us are not against the abolition of police and prisons, and likely don't like people speaking as if they represent us, calling for the defunding of police, because it is an obvious political weapon for Republicans, yet woke activists are still saying this. They still have not retracted this senseless call. How can we even think of ourselves as a functional homogeneous group, if we don't have any basic common values and standards, we all agree on, and have an operational social structure to to enforce/regulate these values, standards, and our interactions? The notions that reparations will fix the problems of all Black people is senseless, in this reality.
My best friends are Mexican, Indian, Puerto Rican, Gambian, Dominican. Ive been to more Mexican cookouts than Black ones. Why because I am a first gen African Latina. Being Black comes in so many ways, languages, cultures, and norms. As Black people we need to normalize the questions "What is your heritage? Where is your family from? Where did they migrate from? To better understand who we all are. We are not a monolith we come in over 100 + flavors FBA, Caribbean, African, Afro European we need to open the aperture of what Blackness is.
I appreciate your POV Tiffany and your guests. It really is validating to hear someone who understands. Having "True" Friendships are hard in general in itself. Let alone adding racial dynamics. Great show!
I noticed quite a few commenters called Carla a BRIGHT SPOT because of her integrationist stance. That “judge by the content of their character not by the color of their skin”, thing. That’s cool. However, I’m in the Tiffany/Christina groups . Yes it can sound cynical. I’m in agreement with Christina on her statement of how does friendship with a white person serve her. Think about it. Friendships with ANYBODY serve a purpose.
I currently have no white friends. I have white acquaintances but I don’t consider them friends. I’m more than okay with it.
Please share the research that Carla mentioned about Axiology. I'd love to read that.
I appreciate you POV Tiffany and your guest. It really is validating to understand it really is hard having "True" Friendship across racial lines. Friendships in general itself is hard. Let alone adding racial dynamics.
Thank you #ACrossGenPod for this discussion. I agree with Tiffany Cross and Christina Brown. I don't have any white true friends. I have white acquaintances and white casual friends. However, my true close friends are all Black/African American. When I need someone to pray for me or to call someone at 2am because I'm locked out of my car, I feel that I can lean on my Black/African American friends because they truly understand me.
I really enjoyed this segment... The ladies and you Tiffany did a great interview 💯💜💜💜😊
I am listening to this episode and talking back like it's live and I'm in the room with Carla, Christina, Tiffany, and crew. I have people I consider friends from across racial and cultural spectrums as a person who grew up in a very multi-racial and multicultural neighborhood and attending diverse, yet majority white schools in Seattle, WA.
So much of what Tiffany and Christina said about Black cultural spaces (i.e. the Cookout) resonates deeply with me. My friendships are on purpose, intentional, and reciprocal in some way. And I do place parameters on who I invite to which events as well as the depth of conversations I have with people who have experiences different than mine, including white and Black people. Much of it is based on my own experiences with folks having or not having my back.
I respect Carla's perspective and happy for her that she has strong and deep friendships with white people. That is not my experience. I love this show. Keep the real topics and conversations going Tiffany and crew!!!
I grew up in Queens - one of the most diverse places on the planet. Embedded in my upbringing is getting to know, learn and understand other cultures. It doesn’t feel like work, just a way of life. I’m also bi-cultural. Agreed, not all WP can come to the cookout bc these are spaces where we want to be our full selves, not have to explain a damn thing and freedom from the gaze... something we deal with upon stepping out of our front doors daily - but I do think we’re always learning and the best way to break down barriers is through exposure. I don’t know anything different than my own experience, but I get how growing up in more segregated, less diverse places contributes to less trusting relationships.
If we don’t cross ethnicities cultures and races and form genuine friendships, then we are fucked. Nothing will ever improve.
I really vibe with Carla's way of thinking and being. I like hearing her perspective and lived experience.
My favorite part of "The Blackening" was when they had to name Black people that guest starred on "Friends"
Omg yes!!! It’s interesting that Friends holds such a cultural memory for America but not for my America. Unfortunately there will always be a disconnect.
I am new to your YT channel and it's a breath of fresh air
Mind-tickling discourse is MY JAM! ☺️ This was GREAT! Carla, your hair is beautiful, luv. 💖💖💖
How is the cookout/friendship dynamic for those with Black/White parents - the bi-racial people?
Its only a black cookout over here. I dont mingle with my dads side, but I cant speak for all black and white folk. I feel most at home in black spaces, thats where Im comfortable, culturally.
Ooo that would've been a good additive to the discussion, because that's a thing for many unfortunately, also the black people & diaspora black ppl that are adopted by white people. It's a tricky situation sometimes.
I might have been more open-minded before being a Black woman with a white husband. My family loves having him around , but I wouldn't add my inlaws to the mix. They aren't a save space for me, so I couldn't trust them with my loved ones
Pulled up to write ✍️: “I love black women. I love black women because black women are me. And I can only love that which is me. I love to see black women go through changes. I love to see black women enjoy their lives. I love to see black women shoot the shit.”
💙
Loved the topic today. Thank you so much for your fearlessness in tackling topics that normally would be considered off limits.
Great podcast. Amazing host❤
Love this podcast and it’s various subject matters
Today’s was especially intriguing as I recall a specific time period in life trying to be more diverse with my relationships. Being intentional with developing closer relationships with the elders in my family and trying to have a white friend in my circle.
I had one who came close but her silence on very public issues affecting my community made me pull back. On top of that when she had big events like her daughter getting married I wasn’t invited yet I still invited her to my dads 80th birthday bash wish she never even acknowledged. She was a gift giving friend throughout our time but really not a whole lot more than that.
Great conversation ladies. I agree with the lady in the red chair. I don’t invite anyone to the cook out because they do feel comfortable to say anything ‼️.
I’m still trying to figure out why Carla thinks someone on her Payroll is her friend. Anytime the relationship is transactional, the “friendship” probably isn’t as authentic as you think it is even if her employee was of the same race. 🤔
Didn’t she say even if the woman didn’t work for/with her, Carla likes her as a person? I would imagine that if the day came that they no longer worked together, Carla could still envision having her in her life, doing things with her, talking to her about life. It seems the thing that binds them currently is their work but there seems to be more to them than that.
Who says you won't find how much you have in common or that you just click? Its not odd.
Girl girl this Carla is a trip you know those types on the jobs the other two women are definitely black like that Carla would bring Karen to the cookout bringing Karen to the cookout because Carla feels that care and treated her okay because Carla doesn't act black like that so then Carla would bring an enemy into your community the whole conversation could be more intent and more knowledgeable if they did not have to keep going back over Carla's stuff and The third Woman was black as well❤
Tiffany, I enjoy you. You're superb, but please give the other ladies more time to express themselves.
Person 1 is supposed to say "God is good all the time" and person 2 is supposed to say "All the time God is good"
Same. I have no white friends. I have white associates, though. I need to know white people's views on Black American people possibly getting reparations (you know, like what the Jewish people received because of the Holocaust in their country) first and then I'll know how to move after hearing their responses first.
I think the cookout conversation was interesting. To me, regardless of how close a non-black friend is, I probably wouldn’t invite them to the cookout. Some personal spaces are built around some groups of people, and I would want to do my part to respect that.
I had a similar-ish real-life scenario recently. I was on vacation and visited a few gay bars, one of which is meant for a particular subset of the community. Later during my vacation, I was hanging out with a good friend and her group of friends, and they were considering going out to some gay bars and clubs. I had mentioned that I was personally going to split from them to go to the afore alluded to bar, and they said they wanted to tag along. I had a blunt conversation with them that I was not about to bring a bunch of straight people to this particular space because I’d be doing a disservice to my community.
So even though I had closer interpersonal ties to the people in my friend’s group, the particular community space I was entering had a higher priority to me. But one major important difference between a bar and the cookout is that the bar wouldn’t be able to legally turn my friends away simply for being straight, but at the cookout, if you don’t get an invite, don’t go.
A pleasure to watch ladies
Great episode…. I love ❤️ your work Tiffany
I loved every minute of this conversation
I know this podcast is not for me, but I enjoy the conversations that take place. Tiffany made great points but I do think that in some cases she comes off as a purest.
It's true about explaining my reality.... it can be exhausting. I don't always want to be the teacher.
I don’t have any yt friends and I’m actually proud of that and I don’t see you changing anytime soon
Ms. Cross you are going to have to do more part 2s. These conversations are so deep. Who are we without white people? Lupita Nyong’o made a reference to this after the first Black Panther. I Love you thought process. Thank you.
Great Podcast Tiffany!
Absolutely love and respect Tiffany.