Gender Roles With Carla Hall & Kimberly Ndubizu
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- Опубліковано 11 бер 2024
- Weaving in perspectives from different generations, this episode is a heartfelt journey through the landmines and love notes of partnerships. We hear from Carla, who's stirred up success as the main breadwinner, and Kim, a young podcaster who adds a modern twist to the protector and provider narrative. As their stories unfold, we trace the contours of love, labor, and money within the intimate dance of marriage.
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Carla is sooo dope 🙌
Give Kim another 10 years of life experience. Marriage is transactional, but it's also a partnership. Good women and good men both make sacrifices to make it work.
Yep…just keep on living!
Right....apparently she doesn't know legally (in marriage) there is no my money... only our money...
I appreciate Kim standing her ground. The generational and cultural differences were loud. I think that Kim was very clear and her desire to show up in a certain capacity as a wife and mother are clear. The desire for motherhood changes the conversation. I appreciate Carla reiterating the attributes of being smart, educated, and strategic still bring value as a partner even if you are not the breadwinner. Great convo
Great conversation! Carla Hall is my best friend in my head!🙂
My big sis
Kim’s idea of a relationship is purely transactional. I wish her well.
I like the term “pouring in” vs “What do you bring to the table?”
This is how conversations should. It was devoid of sarcasm or snarkiness. The panel was able to get through entire points without being rude or interrupted.
Exactly. ❤
I understand, at 40, that much of what we come to believe and understand about the world around us continues to evolve. I’d be interested to hear from Kim in about 5 years. 30-year-old me didn’t think the same as 25-year-old me, and 40-year-old me has evolved even further. Kim sounds like the get-you-before-you-get-me vacuum of social media dating culture of the moment. When you find a partner, who speaks to your soul, you quickly toss out the noise of the culture.
42 here. And " get-you-before-you-get-me vacuum of social media dating culture" was a dope way to describe her. But even in my 20s, I'd be thinking, "Kim is wildin!"
Intriguing discussion… it made me go to my husband and say thank you for the untraditional role he plays in keeping our family going ❤
This is such an amazing and much needed podcast! I married my hubby at 41 and completely agree with Carla. It is a process to become a WE. However, the journey has been amazing.
This was such a great conversation. As a Gen Xer with two daughters, one Millenial and one Gen Z. Each of us has different perspectives about relationship roles, and yet some similarities. Thanks for having the courage to have these discussions!
Kim still has a lot of life lessons to learn.
Have Carla on more often (with her husband if you can). She is a Claire Huxtable. that the diaspora could benefit.
Did you see her on the interracial friendship episode? I saw her there first.
Kim’s viewpoint was the standout in this discussion. It seemed that she has a realist view of patriarchy and the *original* point of marriage - a financial deal/contract. Kim is right about the twist. Whereas before, women were basically sold into marriages and became property to be manipulated as such with no ownership, she is saying that women in marriage should have their worth built into and protected in the marriage contract/deal. Agree or not, it is interesting.
I feel the same. Her viewpoint is very realistic. I believe many people are caught up in the rose colored view of marriage and not being pragmatic enough.
When were black women sold into marriage? Not my mother, grandmother, great grandmother nor great great. What patriarchal power do black men have?
I loved this episode! My only critique is how the 'olders' struggled with Kim's alternative perspective about gender roles and her relationship. i ain't made at her for knowing what she wants and how she sees her value. Good for her for defining her value. If she finds someone who aligns, great. if she twists her perspective as she gets older, fine too. Let her enjoy her life.
Oh, Carla hit the nail on the head when she said men have learned what not to say. I.e. we have grown to understand in today’s society that we will be scrutinized for expressing our preferences, but yet are expected to fully comply, and understand that a woman is allowed to have her preferences, if that’s what she desires.
I cant believe how much im agreeing with Kimberly 🤣🤣🤣. I love how brave Kim is to say this out loud 📢. I know some may say she is expecting too much. But its actually not too much and its a form of protection.
This is a got damn good pod. Great conversation Tiffany Cross!!!❤❤
I am happily married, and I actually appreciate Kim's perspectives.
I’ve enjoyed both episodes. Love the diversity of thought and respectful conversation despite different approaches. This podcast makes me think of the old Secret commercial slogan “Strong enough for a man but made for a woman”. In this case it’s “Informative for a man but made for a (Black) woman.” I’m really looking forward to more.
It seems that we automatically assume women come with nurturing qualities. We all have to learn this skill. This is important because love is nurturing.
Tiffany, Carla, and Kim this conversation is 🔥🔥🔥 I love the bonding of women, loving the looks on Carla's and Tiffany's face when Kim is talking ☺. Carla is giving a masterclass on life and relationships, I just ❤ her !! Great Show
I am really happy that I found this podcast. Great job, Tiffany! I love Carla on the food channels, but her insight on this podcast is top-notch. She should definitely be a regular ❤
This was a great conversation and I truly appreciated everyone's perspective. I believe we as men could benefit from having a similar conversation as well with each other.
Excellent conversation. I thoroughly enjoyed Carla's take on marriage and relationships.
While I won't pursue the relationship model Kim desires, I completely undestand her position. Despite what we claim our values to be, the evidence bears out that women often are left vulnerable in unequal relationships (the wage gap, sacrifice of child bearing and rearing predominantly on their physical freedom/ earning potential/educational prospects, intimate partner violence, child support etc ). We can't talk about how men benefit from patriarchy (to relative degrees) but discount how that is at women's expense. If we create a truly equitable society and stop privileging hierarchical structures, I think these perspectives will be less necessary.
Fair assessment.
This is what I call an adult response. I appreciate you not judging KIM for her perspectives but just simply seeing the reality that we have all grown up seeing, if not experiencing. This shit ain’t rocket science. And trust is a currency that is harder and harder to come by these days.
I appreciate this frank conversation very much
Lil Kim said Why spend mine when I could spend yours 😊😊😊
Black Brilliance from Tiffany! Sister Carla seems to be balanced enough to balance other others.Young lady is young, and dollarfied.
I enjoyed both episodes and looking forward to these types of conversations. Carla’s standpoint made more sense to me, as I could relate.
Good conversation. This young woman has an interesting take on relationships. It sounds very transactional. I believe each marriage has its own flow. Marriage is not a guarantee.
She is clear what will work for her at the age of 26 and based on her experiences. She is typically dated men that believe in a patriarchal system.
Carla's closing thoughts. 👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
I loved the conversation and I respect everyone’s perspective. They were definitely thought provoking and engaging. 💛💛💛
I'm happy to see Carla again. She was fun on the interracial friendship episode. She's blowing me at 21:20 though. I was my grandfather's caregiver and wiped his butt plenty of times. That didn't mean I needed to hang out in the bathroom when he was pooping BEFORE that (before he got sick or even when he could no longer bathe himself). There is a drastic difference between being able-bodied and classy enough to close the door and wiping someone's body when they have a disability.
This is simply f-ing Hilarious! I feel blessed to be in a gay marriage. While I earn all the cash for now my partner literally works harder than me. I got him when he needs it and he has me. When we first met I was broke. Because of his experiences and input, I’ve been able to start a biz and take care of my fam very comfortably . We owe each other love only. What we need and want WE get together. Hetero normative are so confusing to me. Clearly lol, I’m bi. Great conversation. Proud of you Tiffany!
My face was like 😳 when I heard Tiff say “will you wipe my ass” although I agreed 100% with everything she said lol! I just never heard her talk like that. She’s opening up I love it
Love the show!! Looking forward to more topics and discussions
I completely agree with Kimberly. I felt Tiffany and Carla weren’t listening to understand a different POV, they were listening to respond (Tiffany scoffed when Kimberly started speaking which indicated judgement). Signing a prenup isn’t different from getting life insurance or car insurance. In the event of death or a car accident one can access funds to help with planning, recovery, car rental etc., the same with a prenup. & if a man genuinely loves you and has no ill intent, signing one won’t be an issue especially since you can put whatever you want in a prenup. An understanding of what a prenup truly is would change many minds. I believe Kimberly is simply saying she will enter a marriage with love but is also being realistic and smart about it by creating a safety net for herself because you cannot predict the future of your specific situation. Also, men change, people change. Let’s not live in delusion about this. Kimberly’s thought process started at a different vantage point than the other two ladies. I wish the tone of the conversation was a bit more open minded instead of judgy.
She culturally Nigerian… different perspective
@@vgipson I’m 1/2 Nigerian so yes, I understand the cultural aspect but it’s also more than that.
All that is well and good, and as much of what you said may be true about her perspective, the bottom line is that a guy has to want what she is offering. She is going to have major problems because most men in general do not find her perspective on relationships attractive, so that greatly reduces the pool in itself, in addition to that whoever else is left in the pool is required to be financially better off than her, which even further restricts her options.
@@rondotrucking9866 Ok
I agree
Carla.. I received that too!.. it has taken me 5yrs to become a we, and agree it is totally a process... Kim, girl...definitely growth opportunity and hasn't found love yet...
Great episode Tiffany 🔥 🔥🔥
I listened to this episode on Spotify yesterday. I enjoyed hearing three different perspectives. I'm here for this podcast!!!❤
That was a great conversation 👍🏾👍👍🏽
This was a great conversation also. I enjoyed hearing all of the perspectives. I really resonated with what you said Tiff about finding someone to love you back and with what Carla said about the fact that becoming a we is a process. I can relate to what Kim said about having your own but I am learning that flexibility is important too. I can't wait for the next episode. I will be sharing these.
I enjoyed this converasation. I'm Gen X but I really relate to Carla's views.
Carla was really born the year before the start of Generation 5 it stands to reason she's more like Gen X than a Baby Boomer. I was confused that the younger woman referred to her parents as Baby Boomers.
Tiffany, I love your point of view and where you came from.It's about love
Another great one Tiffany, I loved the quote from Jill Scott , I am a widow and my husband was on the PPP , so i pray i can find that again in my life. Not sure if i want marriage again. I will be 59 in June feeling bout 45 , lol . I do wantt to spend this second half with someone.
I just want us both to give 100 and that looks how it will look, my late husband spoiled me and I no may not get that next time around. So as long we both putting in the work we will be good.
Thanks Tiffany
Great conversation! Much respect to all the ladies!
GREAT convo, and so many perspectives
Absolutely 🖤 this conversation!
This was EXCELLENT!! You Rock, Tiffany!!!!
What the younger woman shared about out sourcing is your modern day definition of the virtuous woman. And that idea shared about what love is at different stages in life was golden. Kudos! I love this conversation.
I thoroughly enjoyed the first 2 episodes of your new podcast Tiffany. You have another great project on your hands ❤️🙌💯
The young girl is quixotic. She has a lot to learn.
Young woman*, but quixotic is the word. To be 26 and constantly say things like, "..at this point in my life" means 30 is going to hit her pretty hard. Also, if she dates men from cultures with aligning values... who get it - why are we gathered here today, beloved? Possibly because even though this is the epitome of what the alpha male podcasters claim to want, they can't actually afford it or complain about feeling like ATMs... The confusion.
@MaxineShaw_84 I agree..... but I disagree lol
I believe that it's more so value/values. Listening to her speak, it's clear (to me) she values nothing & no one but herself. I & me is all I heard her say. She wants the opportunity to amass these great things monetarily & career-wise (& that's ok, she should have that opportunity). But it's solely for HER benefit, not a penny of that money or the fruits of her labor would be for the benefit of her family????
& that's what I believe the majority of the men are attempting to say/highlight, but never actually say it.
@@michaelturnbull8460 Oh, I agree. Definitely selfish and she's convinced herself that it's a fair exchange because being fully kept will allow her to focus on the kids and home... And in the next breath, she talks about having nannies and maids to help out with all that _stuff_ while she gets her bag. 😂 She absolutely wants an investor and those men do exist. So I think your last sentence is absolutely correct when it comes to American men, which brings me back to why even try to date the ones who aren't on that type of time.
@@MaxineShaw_84 You ain't never lied lol
Wonderful conversation ladies!!!
Great show! I love how insightful the convo was because there are a lot of shows out there that have this same subject matter and it just turns into a shame fest, mostly against the females. Thank Tif! Keep ‘em coming just like this
These women are amazing! All three!
This was good conversation
This was a great conversation! Tiffany this is your lane!
Tiffany, Great show. Amazing information!
Kim isn't serious. She wants a fully upwardly mobile man who earns big money, has a great job, mows the grass, does all the D.I.Y, takes the trash out. She wants to keep all her money to herself and he should pay for most of the household expenses. She won't cook or clean though or go 50/50 on anything. She's fully independent though 😑
When “I am a realest” made Carla laugh, I almost threw my f**king phone 😂. The irony lol.
THIS WAS AWESOME! thank you so much
I’m loving the honesty and real talk on this podcast and all the black girl magic. Both episodes 1 and 2 were riveting. I’m enjoying the Native Land Pod with Angela and Andrew, but also appreciating seeing this side of Tiffany too.
Such a cool episode! Great topics!!
Great podcast!! I love Carla! 💕
Kim is definitely Nigerian. I know what I want, its that and nothing less. A Nigerian man will definitely cater to this well.All the best Kim.
Great topic and great guest and host
The conversation was very interesting. Great job Tiffany!
Very interesting discussion and can definitely see the differing generational perspectives, and to some extent understand Kim's culture view points.. would be great to have and update in 5 years , kudos in standing in her truth!!!
As a dude, this was a great conversation to hear! Such diverse and confident perspectives. Awesome!
This was a great 😃😃😃 episode
Having just celebrated our 50th anniversary last fall, I can appreciate this conversation. Thank you for such a wide array of opinions.
@24:32 🧐🤔 HILARIOUS, I LOVE IT.. ..ALL A ‘PROVIDER MALE’ NEEDS IS A POSITION FILLED THAT HE’S NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR !!
@22:15 🤔🧐 …SHE’S SPENT ALL OF HER TIME THINKING ABOUT ‘AFTER THE MARRIAGE’ THAN ‘DURING THE MARRIAGE’..
This was so interesting. I love Tiffany and Carla in this episode. Kim is different, but I understand with her background.
Excellent discussion!
Love this podcast and this conversation. I appreciated all viewpoints; they are all coming with different experiences and perspectives. It would have been nice to hear a perspective from a married woman with children; it would have added an additional layer and made it a bit more relatable. I like the idea of knowing your dating audience but do worry about the sustainability of the black population with more and more young black women having this viewpoint on life. The comment on "becoming a we" was golden.
You ladies are so beautiful ❤
this convo, as fascinating as it was on its own, would have some worthwhile nuance with a queer-identified panelist/guest
Whew....Can Kim go beyond protect and provide? What does she do besides bringing her education to the table? Gee whiz......Great conversation but slightly disturbing in reference to Kim's mindset. But hey, whatever works....
Last comment, I’ve never put this many comments on a video 😂, which means you’re on to something amazing Tiff! Great job!
This will be an episode that will get VIEWS....Kim will seem obnoxious but it makes sense to her by her culture. Tiffany and Carla have lived more than Kim in America so they have more well rounded views
Tiffany's take is always amazing. None judgemental but she keeps her values on point.
I enjoyed the conversation. The younger woman’s perspective was different, but I applaud her courage to speak her truth. I loved Tiffany’s and Carla’s perspective, but I think that Kim’s perspective was challenged a little more and she may have felt judged for her view. Views on gender roles are always going to be varied, so I am excited for a space where these varied voices can be heard.
My wife, as a 26 year old lawyer, made more when she was 26 than I do now at 56. I think the 26 year old is missing some realities.
yes Tiff!
The very first time I saw Tiffany Cross on TV, I was immediately physically attracted to her. Listening to her and getting to know her perspectives makes her even more attractive.
Ms Carla Hall is repping ♉️ gang gang 😎
Tiffany & Carla were vibrant with their thoughts. Yet, I felt Kim came across, as a bit pompous and slightly arrogant at times. Just my opinion…
That's a very apt assessment.!!!! 💯
I completely agree, it almost made me want to shut off the conversation a few times.
Im with Kim when it comes money and partnership. I understand you are asking for a bit more.
@thr3385 going with the mindset makes a failure of said partnership imminent. Plus, you should watch some of her videos. She's a walking contradiction!
The context of culture really matters. Kim’s lens are different than the more Westernized views. It’s more important to seek understanding than judge the differences people bring.
That was good.
Kim is going to stay single forever if she doesn’t change
thats unfair to say
Enjoyed the topic and the guest. Love Carla Hall. I feel Kim has some maturing to do. Her expectations are not realistic for developing a long lasting relationship.
If I had a daughter….sending to anyone capable of receiving. Thank you all.
#Goddesses
I wish they had some millennial input here. I think i understand what kim is trying to say...maybe. it just doesn't seem realistic. But i agree more with Tiffany and Carla. great conversation nonetheless. I adore all things Tiffany Cross is apart of.
I wish this conversation was longer. Y’all need a part 2-5 lol
I love Kim
i do too.... i don't share her beliefs but i love that she stands strong in her beliefs.
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
It sounds like Kim’s ideals may be rooted in trauma. I would be curious to know what her models of family, marriage, and long term partnership looked like growing up. What did she witness? She seemed to focus on protecting herself to the fullest extent, and many examples that she gave were always the worst case scenario. It sounded very off putting to listen to, but I think she’s guarded and this is her protection mechanism. I can understand that.
Real housewives and social media really has this generation confused on what marriage is. The word partnership doesn’t seem to translate.
Taurus ♉ woman and Cancer ♋ man is PERFECT, honestly.
Can you do an episode that focuses on the development of platonic relationships between the genders instead of this laser focus on intimate partner relationships? Because the intimate partner violence rates don’t fall congruent with the desire to “mend relationships” between the “genders” in romantic, intimate relationship dynamics. So can we get a show about developing and nurturing and cultivating and growing platonic relationships between the genders. I think men and women should learn and know how to position each other in their lives without it being a romantic association…
Please read The Way We Never Were so that we can dismantle the idea of a traditional relationship dynamic where the woman is legally and financially dependent on a male partner?