Avoid This Massive Relationship Mistake - Teal Swan
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- Опубліковано 2 лют 2024
- In this video, Teal Swan exposes the truth about why you can’t change someone by loving them, the ignorance of the thought “they’ll change because of me” and how to avoid this common relationship trap.
She also shares some real-life examples of how this mistake can lead to emotional damage, trauma, and heartbreak. Watch this video to learn how to spot and avoid incompatible partners, and how to find someone who truly matches your vision for a happy life.
👉 Listen Out For:
- The crucial mistake of believing someone will change by being with you
- The reasons why we fall into this pattern and how to break it
- The examples of how this mistake can ruin your relationship and your life
- The questions to ask yourself when you meet someone new
- The importance of accepting people as they are
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👉 Who Is Teal Swan?
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader, Bestselling Author, and Speaker. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom, and joy and teach people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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Beginning and Ending Song:
Teal Swan Intro by Christian De Raco
This is why CHARACTER is so important. It tells you how a person has been in the past., How a woman treats others, to me is the greatest indicator of how compatible I'll feel with her.
no one's interested in squeezing themselves in your requirements
Avoid giving too much of yourself too soon, it may be taken for granted.
It's not about giving, but accepting the other as they are.
@@engatusadisimoyes, and this starts with accepting myself.
And that's a them problem not a you problem.. so instead of withholding love you could do the shadow work on the emotion they caused and find your core belief of being invalid and look you're no longer a narc entirely dependent on the behavior of others.
Oh, hello! Another people-pleaser. Welcome to the club
You're using strategy, instead of authenticity, to navigate the relationship.
The right person will love you for who you are, and fully appreciate you, even if you pour ALL of yourself into them from day 1.
Love will never change someone. Love would never try.
If you love somebody you yourself should have a urge to change and become you best version of yourself
Very eloquently put.
Some will change for love, though. Love is sometimes the only thing that would make them try.
it is not that easy.... wanting/hoping for someone to chage so the "Love will fit" is just a delusion because it is an ideal situation that you hope to happen, meaning it is not real. Who can not love something that is not real, that is very easy.
Personal experience tells me that you Love someone right now, and hopefully the growth and development of you and the love one will strenghts that love, but it is not a gurantee either
It is both accurate and not actual. Love is the only thing that elevates and changes people from one energy order to another. The process of that is by accepting you as you are now unconditionally, which is the foundation you need to start the process of transformation.
I resonate with Janiah’s story. I am in a 3.5 year relationship with an addict and cheater. My compassion for his childhood trauma makes me excuse his behaviors and double down in love thinking it will heal & change him. I am convinced we are twin flames and try to master self, language and boundaries since this is a learning relationship. It’s so easy to be obsessed and not live my own life. I want to break from this cycle.
There's a channel called "crappy childhood fairy", maybe it will resonate with you
Evene if there are TFs it doesn't mean it's a well designed game. I suffered a lot in the past someone was that person........but now I threw it out the window. I decided I was loyal to the TF concept out of fantastical sense I had a "the one" in this life and had to be with her. I don't think the "universe" is as smart as people give it credit for......so I chalk it up to yet another "divine plan" game that makes no sense while being a human.
Become very aware of what are your reasons for holding on to this relationship. And beyond staying or breaking up with the guy.........investigate what they mean about YOUR worldview. My dissappointment in the TF concept change my view of relationshisp substantially......but also what we are as souls to each other.......how romance is viewed by the HS etc etc etc
Congrats on seeing that. The first and biggest step. Go easy on yourself, I imagine most of us here have done something similar. I know I have.
My husband admits that he did not treat his previous girlfriends very good due to immaturity. He has changed dramatically since being with me because I demanded it if our relationship would continue. His family confirms they never thought it was possible for him to be the way he is now. I’ve also changed for him. We’ve been together 11 years and keep trying to grow spiritually for each other, ourselves and our son. 🧡
I was hoping to see a comment like this. Change is absolutely possible in my experience. Sometimes people want to change (and we DO change anyway and evolve with or without a partner). It becomes a problem when we expect someone to change in a way they themselves don’t want to or can’t for any reason. I’ve changed a lot through my partnerships and so have the people I’ve been with. I’ve honestly never seen a progression in someone happen as fast as it can in a meaningful relationship.
Love it!! ❤
sounds like you guys have made compromises.. good luck with that.. changing is not the objective of love nor is it the objective of making a beautiful life. that's why you don't really love him.. because you have demanded change.. and you yourself have changed for him... that strikes me as odd. what would you have changed for him i wander?? less girls nights out?? LOL please, projection is toxic.. Enjoy your "spirituality, each other, ourselves and our son" hopefully not in that order..
@@milicamartinovic7612 yes growing with your partner.. its part of building a relationship.. but that said... compromising who you are doesn't work. one of the examples given in the video clearly displays that... so this is not about denying outcomes based on your experience.. this is about what to avoid when building relationships fresh.. ok.. it has nothing to do with your personal experience and it has everything to do about what to think about when building your attachment to your partner and what that means for the quality of the relationship being built.. =)
He is narcisist 😆
This is called holding on to their potential. I just broke up with my boyfriend when i realized he wasn't able to consistently be the non negotiable qualities i need in a partner. He wanted to "slow down" and "grow together" and I told him its not fair to him for me to hold my expectations over his head for him to feel pressure and not good enough because he's trying to get somewhere in order to meet my needs. And it's not fair to me to wait and be at the effect of his dysfunctional patterns while he works through his issues. We ALL need to stop holding onto potential...but one can only do that if they have done the healing work and have a true sense of self worth. Best to you all ❤️
Monkey branch and find someone better😂
bla bla bla, non negotiable 😂😂 you sound toxic, I'm happy you dump your boyfriend, im sure he's secretly happy
That’s why you should get with someone whom you’re pleased with, just the way they are.
I feel there is more problem with - at least men from my experience - changing of people, pretending someone they are not and then showing true self after love bombing and showing the potential.
The problem with my last partner was that in the beginning he was exactly what I was looking for. Over the months though, he changed completely and then i kept hoping for the person he was to come back, which of course he never did.
Normal for most folks IMO
Relationships in general.
@@YesitisDex normal in what way? Of course you don't show everything in the beginning, but I've never experienced anything like that before in my previous relationship. It was really like a completely different person.
He was never that person. He morphed into what you wanted to get you to be with him and then when he was sure of you, he reverted right back to his true self. It's hard to see sometimes, but if a man seems like your perfect match, watch for red flags, because no relationship is perfect. There are going to be differences in the things you both like, things you want to do, habits, etc.. If there aren't, that person is hiding their true self. I went through this with a man I was with for 7 years. For some reason, I kept finding excuses not to get married. At the end, his true self came out and it almost destroyed me. Being too perfect is a huge red flag 90% of the time.
Something else to consider is that people do change, and sometimes it's not in the ways we would prefer. This can be completely independent from a display of true colors. Things may change in their job, or they may not be able to handle a relationship at the moment due to the combination of other life stressors or old trauma wounds being reactivated.
@@juliestrickland7754 So true! I can see that now and already started to understand at the end of our relationship, but it took me a while to realise this person never existed.
Hope you're doing better now. A situation like this can be so extremely self-destructive, although it was not our fault. So what we need is a lot of self-love to get out of this, which is especially difficult after such an experience.
💜
Two things came to me.
Firstly, I act as I would like others act with me. I see that many times people change when they see a better model for living. Many times they only did not know it was possible.
On the other hand, I see how much this have to be done in an unconditional way. If we expect others to change, we do not love them, it only our illusion. That being said, loving them does not mean we should stay in a incompatible relationship. This requires wisdom, not just love.
It's even more complicated in that people often want other people to be multiple things. For example, the girl who loves bad boys, might want the bad boy to change and also not change. But when people are unconscious about this and/or it's totally about their ego then the relationship will be a delusional failure.
That problem only exists because you are not even engaging with this person, only with the image you have created of them in your mind.
If not, there would not be a problem. Because people are multidimensional, unlike the 2D image we're talking about. "Bad boy" is a meaningless reference to such a 2D image.
Just speak your minds, and 90% of your problems will show themselves to have never really existed. The problem is lack of honesty with yourselves and others. Naturally, that will lead to others distrusting you, and keeping a healthy emotional distance.
And a repeating cycle is born.
Take it as you please :)
@@jibberism9910 Beautifully put, some deep wisdom there.
So grateful for this video, love Saturdays much more because of you
"Basically, regarding relationships, what you see is what you get. How a person is and what they have accomplished thus far is what you will get in them. Do not then place value on potential. Place value on what is actually there at this moment."
From _The New Message for Young People_ - a teaching from _The New Message from God_
Often in the honeymoon phase, you put the best side forward and show mostly that. It is when you are overworked, tired, having trouble financially, or with other family members, the authentic you is fully showing witch will be around 6 month to a year of you being together.
Often we are blinded by the pink glasses we stubbornly looks through, unwillingly to pick up on the subtle changes we actually notice.
Be brave and step up and tell what that change of behaviour does to you.
And be open-minded of how or where the relationship dynamic will take you.
Christians when the bible doesn't have any good quotes about healthy relationships:
If your a weak man like me and can’t lead, let someone else take the place to fulfil her needs. Broken hearts takes time to heal and it’s not worth breaking it again if you know your not good enough. This is why I’ve given up getting a gf at my 43. My first experience was at 41 and it was disastrous, mainly my fault.
What about confronting your demons and becoming a stronger man? Appears to be giving up on yourself, and giving up on relationships for no apparent reason? Ask yourself why you believe you're a weak man. Ask yourself what you think is the cause of feeling this way.
And then move in the direction of not feeling that way.
Discover who you truly are at your core instead of labeling yourself, something that is negative and painful.
All feelings and emotions that make you feel bad or sad, or an indicator that the thing that you are thinking, IS INCORRECT!!!! ❤️
I LOVE your jacket! Teal heals ❤ she's healing me for sure. Much love to you❤
I love teal swan. Shes helped me alot understanding deep concepts. If I didn't hear this clarity I would've probably gone insane with the way the world is right now.
Yeah, that's true, from my experience, at least. Especially for those of us, that have been so traumatized, to the point where we feel we have to be 100% perfect for someone to love us, we need someone to love us unconditionally for the aspects of us that were rejected, or we have perceived to be rejected, and that's what's gonna bring us true healing.❤
Finding someone:
Like doing a 1000 piece zigsaw puzzle.........blindfolded.
@@kurtvanluven9351 Yeah.... I get it, it can be hard. But by doing the inner work I think that we can find that person and these people in general.
But doing the inner work... oh, man, that's a whole other demon and a whole other level of hardship
I think we need to be that unconditional love for ourselves and not expect it from others. Otherwise that's codependency. If we're still needing love, validation and healing from others we still have more healing to do. Wishing you the best.
@@nicolegio9173 I think that the truth lies in between. We can't expect everyone to save us all the time, like, we got to be able to be with ourselves and meet our own needs, but at the same time we need to be able to rely on other people as well. And at the end of the day, we were damaged by relationships with other people in our life, and the healing is supposed to happen in relationships with other people, but only better and healthier this time.
In conclusion, we can't wait for others to do everything for us, but we also can't do everything by ourselves. And I also wish you the best❤️
@@nicolegio9173 I agree with you that we should give ourselves unconditional love, and to the aspects of us that we have rejected, especially. But since the damage was done to us in relationships, it is also a part of the healing process to experience being approved of in relationships with other people as well.
We can't just solely rely on other people to meet our needs, that's not healthy. But it's also not healthy to expect ourselves to meet 100% of our needs alone, by ourselves. I wish sometimes that it was possible, but for good or for bad, it is not.
And I also wish you the best.
Yes too often we see a potential mate not for who they are but who we want them to be. As you gradually realize they did not fit with your preconceived notions about them, that's when the denailism sets in and the belief that you can re-mold them into the image you initially had of them. Too often people won't put on the brakes here and acknowledge it's a bad match because they already invested too much time to walk away, or there aren't better options available and have to make do.
Damaged kids have two choices, help each other heal, or destroy each other even more. Sadly, 90% of the time, it's 'damage even more'. An enlightened mind at least help one face the fact they are in that quagmire. All my best and thank you.
This is the first time I watched a video of yours and realized I learned all of this stuff the hard way. And that I get an A+ for understanding and putting it into practice.
Kinda cried after this…Thanks. This video was highly needed. The delivery felt like a parent teaching a very important lesson. Very good video!
Perfect timing as always. Love you Teal. Thank you ❤
LOVE YOU TEAL 💚⭐💙 Thank you for the whole team 🤍🫂🖤 We LOVE you guys, Eternally Grateful ❤️🙏🏻💜
Incase You'd Rather Read About It Instead:tealswan.com/resources/articles/avoid-this-massive-relationship-mistake-they%E2%80%99ll-change-because-of-me-r589/
Please pin this comment in all your videos.Thank you!
Your voice sounds better, but thanks.
Thanks Teal!
The timing of this episode is impeccable…thanks Teal 💙
Isn’t it!! I just got out of a toxic relationship that stressed me out and was extremely toxic.
Teal I love you ❤️. Last question just brought me tears. Your way of expressing these things makes us understand at a deep visceral level. Thank you for your valuable advice 🙏. It really saves us making these mistakes and hence prevents us from emotional damage.
Thank you for all your help 💙
♥️ yes trying to change them is a lesson I had to learn over and over , now I know it must come from them when they are ready or not
I liked when you said deciding where to put them in your life
Seriously. This videos saves lifes.
This is exactly what i needed thank you! I LOVE you advice!
Makes sense. Great video! Thanks 🙏 ❤
This is great thank you 😊
Thank you Teal for everything you provide to us. This is wonderful advice. I needed it. ❤
As always Teal you nailed it!
Got it. Thanks Teal
Important video for humanity
Great video! Nice jacket!
great video. this is compleatly true. i don't know why peopole most espeically women don't realize this is not only self sabatoging but abusive to the other person as well.
Solid. I like the flip question. Would you want someone to get into a relationship with you hoping to change something about you? Puts it into perspective. I have not seen anyone flip this concept before. Simple but effective.
I actually would not mind if someone got into a relationship with me expecting to bring out my best self, and even to help raise my awareness, so that I alone could decide to change any counter-productive traits I might have.
Such an expert on everything.
Thank U Teal.
Luvin the splashes of Yellow 😊
Thanks❣️
Great message
Love your content! Best! Vedran
It is amazing how even in long term relationships spouses still think they can change their partners. And yet, pretty much anyone is capable of changing their behaviors. If someone is hard wired to be more introverted, they are not going to change into social butterfly, but even then, they can compromise if they are partnered with someone who is more extroverted. It just seems if people are basically compatible, goals, values, interests, conflict resolutions style, similar family background and especially similar humor then, along with that, if they have good communication, there is a high probability that the relationship will thrive. Of course, based on developmental stage, much is variable. For example, getting started with family and career in twenties is quite different that going back out after that divorce in your forties. I like Teal, this is good advice.
Thank you.
Conditional love vs unconditional love.
In other words, you CAN'T fix him!
This is a very good topic/subject to raise. I found my latest relationship a few years back to have this assumption built within it. I wasn't aware of my projection either.
Always fun to learn something new from old experiences.
Thank you
These are priceless insights, and a great assessment list that I WISH I'd had many, many years ago...
Go through these kind of situation is hell for me
People in love don't change because who they were was something bad or not loveable about them . First of all they are already loveable as how they are and secondly they were already aware and wanted to be better and someone who loves them comes along and be with them during their journey to change and even if they don't change.
My grandarents told me how the met and have been together for 65 years, it sounded so natural and easy. Today relationships are too complicated for me.
Yeah...their rules for life...and gender roles...were more simple. And people were more dedicated to working things out....though not saying all relationships were bliss. Women's lib messed up relationships between men and women....though it was a painful necessary step. I think we are starting to find balance between the sexes again and the next few generations hopefully will be better off. I dunno. I also think this with learning how to value ourselves and look for flags earlier on....then whey you find a good one...not looking for perfection and being loyal.
I guess most of us have been there. I just wish I knew all this sooner, and not loose over 10 years on trying to change someone who does not want to change.
I love your jacket and set up 🔥
The fact that people still find relationships worth all this work is insane to me
It's kind of freeing at the same time! Seeing something so stark. You realize that there is much more that you can forget about. Right now is all that matters. Depending on others is fatal!
@@scottcox9108 It used to be fatal not to depend on others. Our bodies are still wired for connection, even if just for survival, and current mental health stats speak for it - we're not meant to depend on online life only. Our bodies need more (I'm not talking about sex).
@@the_salty_melody Were already connected. But i get your point. Close connections
“She got legs!!...”~ZZ TOP
(I’m Assuming)
But your Jacket’s a HOME RUN!
Best,
HOME FUN!
I love these creatures so much even though I cause them a lot of frustration and misery, I don't know what to do. 😔
✨👏SUPERB👏✨
🙏THANK YOU🙏
This is the advice I need. Thank you Teal.
The organic babywatermelon giver of Amsterdam.
Just my three 'sense' here _ Big difference between an 'Actual Relating'ship and a Pre' Expectational'ship' _ IF Honest Pre discerned' healthy and intentionally accountable 'Personal Values' aren't Pre communicated First' between both people?! _ Then if they get together? It will likely be a very and continuously 'a d possibly toxic 'adaptive' close proximity agreement 'ie' A Pre expectational'ship_ Healthy Personal and Social' Mental health is Everything!✨🌐🌦️Great video' Teal🕊️ Thank you!✌️
I’m taking these baby steps because I’m afraid of being hurt , mislead by other humans like me
Knowing that nothing about them will change - I stop finding that person attractive altogether :(
If every relationship a person has is bad, they are at least half the problem. People can change and improve, but they have to want to and think themselves worthy of that kind of improvement.
Oh boy this hit home: 4 yrs in a relationship, 3 yrs of living together. I'm childfree since my whole adult life and clearly communicated this to him in the beginning. He said he doesn't see himself as a dad neither. Fast forward now he would like to have a kid, specifically with me... Like dude, I've been clear this whole time that is not something I want, only to be met with "well, I changed my mind. Maybe someday you will change yours. Let's not break up bc everything else is good. How about you try to picture yourself as a mom" 😑
2 people in my life said they were never having children. A childhood friend for one. She eventually married and had 2.
The other was my daughter. From a young age she would say. “Mom I’m never having children when you get old your going to be my baby 😅.
She went on to have my grandson that is now 5 years old. And I totally didn’t think she would have any children because she was never maternal as a child herself .
She didn’t play house or with dolls , she loved arts and crafts animals. she had no interest in her baby brother and she certainly lacked patience for kids. Never babysat kids before.
I could of lived with her not having children knowing not only did she not want kids but she didn’t seem to like them . Some people are kid magnets others not so much.
He is a very good and easygoing only child so motherhood is not as challenging as she would of expected. Daughter is a good mom and I anticipate what kind of person this gaffer will be one day? My guess his talents will be in the arts of some form? He’s a Pisces so maybe a rockstar?
I say never say never because life is like a box of chocolates. I don’t know your reason for not wanting children or a child but whatever perception it is? It’s a perception .
I’m so glad and thankful we have him as it was my awesome son in law that wanted children not her and she say’s definitely no more so I feel lucky to have one better than none. ❤️
Bingo!!! Truth Bomb!!
I had to learn this the hard way. Once a cheater, always a cheater! I do miss her though 😂
It doesn’t matter how I learned. Just THAT I learned.
Fortunately, I am still young enough & healthy enough that much of what you describe so accurately & concisely may yet emerge in my life as situations that I will have to deal with in tthe future.
You are one of the most intelligent, informed people speaking about healing & healthy relationships.
I have seen, and sometimes caught myself doing, the things that you are saying.
As a more or less middle aged man who has no family left except my twenty something son, I still have a possibility of a future relationship.
I hope to change my past disfunctional relationship patterns in the future.
In the meantime, I work on continuing health and growth.
If I ever have to tell my foolish heart to be still again, I hope I remember & apply everything that you are saying in this video.
As a side note, you give off a very serene vibe, and an honest straightforward persona, but you also convey an air of mystery and depth that most women, even beautiful, attractive women often don’t possess.
Just as a fit body suggests that someone has made fitness a priority, the calm vibe that you carry seems like the result of having done a lot of serious and ongoing work on healing yourself.
The fact that I find that sort of energy worth noting is proof to me that my attractions to women are getting healthier.
Because chaos can equal excitement, those were not qualities that I ever used to chase (and get emotionally involved with) in my younger “adult” life.
You give me hope that if I find an attractive woman who is attracted strongly to me, I now have the belief & confidence that I at least can leave my past CPTSD rooted maladaptive decisions in my past.
I hope that you do a video about your journey to now. Clearly it has left you in a good place, while still young enough to have hope that your past will not encroach negatively on your future.
Sorry for rambling. But you are too intelligent to describe in simplistic terms.
Thanks for what you are doing, and especially for giving me hope that if there is a next time, I can avoid repeating past self defeating relationship behaviors arising out of past disfunctionality.
Without that, it would be hard to avoid bad history repeating itself. And the depression that can come from that.
-Matt’s dad Dan
I was in a relationship with Angelo too😅 big mistake, still recovering
I was delusional thinking by being with my kindness they would become kindness and by me being with outgoing, I could learn to be more outgoing. They never became kind and I never became outgoing.
Love to you Teal ❤
@ This is a very deep and well though out response...
@ I love your jacket !
Carry on ..
People cannot change they just become more of what they allready are.
Hey
Tea 🍃
Best relationship advices come from people that in a long and faithful relationship.
My name is Jemaya and u just told me abt my own three year relationship 😅
that is one amazing suite
Yup just love them the way they are from the very start 😂i like your jacket 😊 ❤
"What a fool believes he sees, the wise man has the power, to reason away. What seems to be is always better than nothing". You can be attracted to someone, and then fool ourselves into thinking they are the person we want them to be,
Nice coat Teal,
Matches your eyes 😉
People need to love each other for who they are no matter what no matter what no matter what no matter what.
You can love someone no matter what but it doesn't mean you can be with them. And if you can't be with someone they will mistake it as you not accepting them for who they are.
Don't think of our love as a magic potion lol - People do change but nobody changes for the positive in a relationship where they are expected to change.
Every relationship in my 20’s
That jacket vibrates alchemical swag
...especially with the collar up 🎱❤🙏
There are songs about this!
In my experience, we get into relationships like this when we have childhood trauma and trauma-driven limerence. The only way to break free from these cycles is by beginning to heal our sh!t. It will continue until we start to educate ourselves, look honestly at ourselves and understand why we can't ever seem to have a healthy relationship. Through understanding we can heal.
It is a FACT that relationship changes BOTH involved ones. So I only agree partially to her statement(s).
Good knowledge 😇🙏🏼💖✨this is why I prefer to stay single lol 😂
Yes!!!
My job is so like this
thats right
Alright Teal Swan with the drip! Looking fresh Ms. T 😎
I love your videos! and you're so beautiful!
@Dm-oon-Tele.gram-The_TealSwan
Silence is what rests you, Dm-oon
How do I feel about this person if nothing about them would change?
I love them
Ouch...right in my face...
Bingo!
I think I have to ask this question about myself.. after all I am going to be with myself for the rest of my life
i do