Exposing The Codependency Mind Trick
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- In this episode, Teal Swan exposes the Codependency Mind Trick, when the need for confluence fools a person into thinking that they are being authentic and honest, when really, what they are deciding or saying or doing is simply getting them alignment with someone else.
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Beginning and Ending Song:
Teal Swan Intro by Christian De Raco
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader, Bestselling Author and Speaker. She was born with a range of extrasensory abilities and is a survivor of severe childhood abuse. Today she uses her gifts as well as her own harrowing life experience to inspire millions of people towards authenticity, freedom and joy and teaching people how to transform their emotional, mental, physical and spiritual pain.
The result when people are restored to wholeness is that the world will be restored to wholeness. Teal Swan's teachings invite people to step fully into their authenticity, knowing that this will bring about the positive change that we want to see in the world.
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I’ve never heard my behavior explained so well. Wow! I have a deep sense of relief and a deep sense of I’m fucked at the same time.
I feel exactly the same ❤️
... not just my desire for confluence speaking. Hahaha 🙃
Beautifully put! Me, too.
I feel relieved that she put words to this. I knew I was doing something wrong but couldn’t quite understand why. This makes so much sense now.
Same. I'm really trying to work on this and have noticed I'm becoming myself again, expressing my thoughts and ideas without worry if other people agree or not. I just want to re-remember what it is I like to do.
@@BayouBilly751 😅
We really are in the emotional dark ages. Keep putting these videos out there, Miss Swan! There are those of us in the world who ARE listening!
If you mean needing to be confluent to survive, that was something violently forced more commonly before. Look up the black pedagogy. There was a phrase that is "the silent child is the best child" (peraphrased). If you think we live in more co-dependent times now, your world is probably upside down.
So when was it not dark?
@@jobunny919 way darker back then, now it's ...
Listen to the Music it's been Speaking to Us all along Predicting The Here and Now Go Back in Time and listen to the Music
yes i feel danger when i point out something my family member did wrong to me that angered me. even when i say it in a nice and kind way i still feel this fear kicking in my system with a sense of guilt with it for pointing out something. maybe this is the cause. From now on my boundary is a priority even if it upset others
You feel fear and dread of the other’s response every time you ask to matter.
Wow I always thought I was a shape-shifter and had a gift for making people comfortable by mirroring them but I am just very codependent LOL
Yeah totally, me too. 😂 This was an eye-opener… but I think with a slight adjustment this awareness of others emotional states can still be a gift. We just take step back, learn to be the mirror. The reflection happens on it’s own instead of me needing to take the shape of the match. We can hold space for their experience and there’s harmony there. Maybe? Anyway, I’m guessing there’s a hidden boon in this weakness. Gotta feel it out. 🙂
I also think there can be a positive side to this. I’m really good at establishing rapport with all different kinds of people and when I was teaching English to foreign students, that really helped me. But it’s not great in one on one relationships, that’s for sure. I can’t do intimacy.
@@karenlien1900 I feel this in myself as well :) we can and will transmute our neurosis into great gifts, otherwise, we wouldn't be watching videos like this one ;)
Social chameleon…
@@ProfessorGothic I don’t “tell people” that I can’t do intimacy because I didn’t even realize it until after I got married. Then I became physically ill and, in retrospect, I’m thinking that perhaps it was partly psychological and partly physical because I did have Epstein-Barr syndrome. If I was aware enough to tell someone that, I wouldn’t enter into a relationship knowing that because it wouldn’t be fair to the other person. You make me sound like not only a coward, but an asshole. I’m neither of those. I actually stepped up to the plate when my husband became ill with Lewy body dementia and Parkinson’s and I took care of him for four years and watched him starve to death in front of me when he could no longer swallow. I let him chase me around the house when he was psychotic and occasionally hit me because Lewy body is a combination of Alzheimer’s, paranoid schizophrenia and Parkinson’s. It broke my heart and I no longer care about life because he was the love of my life. I will carry the regret that our relationship wasn’t all it could be till the day I die, but it was also the best relationship that I’ve ever had and I was able to give him a lot that other people never did. we had something most people only dream about. And for you to call me a coward when you don’t even know me is just such ignorance and meanness that I don’t ever wanna hear from you again. You should not be posting on here. You’re judgemental and again, ignorant. You know nothing about the situation. That’s not what I said at all. Most of the things, in fact probably all of the things that Teal talks about that people do arethings they do unconsciously until they realize it. That’s what shadow work is. You might want to look it up. P. S. And usually when a person has problems with intimacy it’s because they were raised with no one they could trust, or were abused, or in my case, both. I’m a much stronger and braver person than you could even imagine.
I think that its important to note that when describing the difference between how the two feel in your body. Codependents low sense of value in themselves causes us to not associate any type of goodness with our true selves hence the side that is True, (i.e. something about us we can't deny) often feels like nothingness.
thats a good point
Omggg 😲 that's true! I was practicing the exercise but the real truth didn't feel like anything. There was no sensation in my body. Thanks! That really helped
This has brought up a crude and painful need to cry in me, but I feel so drained and empty, I can't even manage to do that.
Just sit with the need and accept it and maybe you’ll be able to cry when you’re ready. Don’t pressure yourself. 💕
This is painful to listen to. This is what we did as children to survive. Now as adults we have to find people who are willing to look deeper to enter relationship with. To find a compatible person who is willing to explore this stuff has not been easy for me. When you are dating someone that you don't know and there is alot of attraction energy happening people can say and do alot of false stuff to present themselves in a way that makes it appear that they are compatible but then as time goes by you discover that the guy who swore he was so into camping and hiking really in truth loves to sit and watch tv and could care less about the hiking because he just said it and invested hundreds of $ in equipment because he was carried away by sexual chemistry/loneliness. Then there you are sitting in a tent with someone who doesn't have any interest in being there and you feel way more alone being with them than if you had just gone by yourself. I am really curious about the being truthful, not compromising your truth and being respectful of your partner's truth and finding a way to make it mutually fulfilling. Some people are worth the effort to be in relationship with. Some people aren't. Dang, there is so much to learn.
Yeah self love is the only thing that keeps me at peace. I take my time with relationships to be sure that they are loyal or worthy my trust
Im separated now from such a guy who did everything for me while I always felt lonely with his behavior wondering what was wrong with my feelings. Now I know more. Thx to Teal ❤
I feel like I’m somewhere in between codependency and narcissism
I used to sacrifice my "bad" part of me to create harmony around, letting people doing and saying anything, even if those things are against my boundaries and my personal truth. I keep attracting passive aggressive persons and now i understand why: they sollecitate that part in me that I used to kill 'cause it wants to be alive. It's time to review my priorities and speak my disappointment, even if this creates fractures instead of playing dead and keeping a "good living" wich mantains confluence with others but is totally false. Thanks Teal.
Gabor Mate’s new book talks about this too. Prioritizing attachment for authenticity. So important to remain true to ourselves so that we don’t lose ourselves in relationships and chose right.
Last few sentences hit the house hard. Thanks to Teal I’m getting more and more aware of my behavior and thinking and feeling patterns. Now I started wondering maybe even not being able to fight to end an already ended relationship is also related to this confluence addiction.
Great video! I think it can be pretty fun to discover our own personal truths in all the small ways they show up. It's like everyday we can get a clearer and clearer picture of who we really are.
You’re always outdoing yourself 🙌🙌🙌🙌
and this is why scapegoats get into this rut of isolation and exile. we were NOT ABLE under any circumstances to create confluence. the only way to 'belong' was to BE WHAT DIDNT BELONG. kept like a zoo animal in an enclosure
One day the former scapegoats will recognize it as their strength I'm sure ❤️💪✌️
I can totally relate to this. I hate liars but I remember when my ex used to lie I used to convince myself it is truth because I couldn't live with the fact that I would have to leave him because I hate liars.
Did you literally make this for me?? loll I needed to hear all of this right now
This was very well put together 😊 i always needed harmony between myself and others even if i had to place myself second. But now i live abroad and i am feeling what i want and need instead of listening to others. I just had my first tattoo to celebrate self expression and that i am gonna be friends with myself again 😊
I feel like I’m reverse guilty of this. Like I tell myself I don’t care how others feel because I was true to myself and they can go suck it! Even though I DO care and am hurt but completely unwilling to abandon myself to satisfy someone else. So, I just take the loss and become defensive. Sometimes I’m not sure how it is better, but I wouldn’t change it anyway 🤪
I am so grateful that I came across your channel Teal! Your messages are really helping me with my past traumas and hang ups that I still have. So thankful for you and what you do for others!!!
Welcome to Teal's community!♥️ Personally I listen to her lessons for about 5 years, yet still feel like an ant listening to Einstein...she is a Goddess from another planet🙏
Thank you for putting the attention on where it belongs… taking responsibility for meeting our needs in healthy ways.
*has to Google confluence bc I don’t know what it means* 😂
Omg Katherine not so anonymous haha I seen you on Facebook
Spot on Teal ❤
WoW i read phycology and i love to understand behavioral patterns. it is very interesting when one can act so normal and smile effortlessly but be so negative. wow
Thanks so much to be so brilliant in all your analysis always!
This is gold
Wow. This has opened my eyes. I feel like someone just pulled a blanket off of my head. Gonna go lie down and rethink years of my life now.
22:39 Helped me click into place some of what I've learned about Authenticity.
~
People like you more when they trust & respect you, so being truthful about who you are (i.e., risking people disliking you, by not desperately seeking confluence) builds better, safer-feeling relationships. Giving the world what you think you should recieve creates a feedback loop; projecting loving kindness & compassion with those you interact with can encourage others to bring that to their relationships. By witnessing you being authentic without fear, they may find less resistance (i.e., lose excuses to deny) to accepting parts of their identity, further manifesting a world of people who are existing more in alignment.
~
Bit of an essay, but I'm ever so grateful to Teal & the community, and am wishing you all well 💚
I haven't listened to your videos in a while because I found you speak too fast for me to absorb what you are saying. I very much appreciated the pace in this video and watch the whole thing fully understanding. Thank you.
Teal, thank you. ❤
Teal, I love it when you explain the somatics, that really helps me A LOT!! Thank you😘
Brilliant! 💫🌟💫
Thank you Swan Teal. I pray you don't inspire any breakup fights that could end with submission, divorce settlement, beatings etc. which the weakest among us can not endure
I am 100% with you
@@weakestman1666 don't shoot the messenger.
Anything that’s not authentic needs to break up.
Saved this video yup! Lmao. Painful sort of laugh. Kind of foxholish. Couldn't help but audibly laugh at 18:50. Definitely playing this in the morning while I do my wall pilates--- if I do them. Ungrounded me so much after watching this that I plugged my passcode into the microwave timer trying to warm up coffee. Lol. Thank you
Totally feel you. Just watched this video and then another one about narcissism and codependency and I feel like my entire universe shifted.
I understand. If it is a desire, they will receive it. Honored to serve the will of it has already chosen for us.
That came in the right time! Thank you!
I guess what we all want is that perfect parent that never existed, or again. That unconditional love that religions promise in a heavenly father. Some become obsessed with it, maybe because they sacrificed their true, authentic selves by too much adapting to the emotionality of parents (their addictions, mental illness, family of origin distortions). Upon finding it, nothing could be better and so they once again sacrifice their true selves to this partner who is stable, boring but stable. Inside of them is the thirst for adventure, something the stable partner can't relate to. Is there not a middle way? An amalgamation of adventure? It does not have to be pathological, as the presenter claims. Maybe it's about good communication, humility, integrity and honestly.
WOW. Thank you!
1:12 101😊 2:56 confluence.. no matter the cost
You are a genius Teal.
Brilliant video. While I've made progress, I still have a way to go. Thank you for the insight.
I have listened to several of your videos throughout the years. The one thing that I can’t figure out, is How can Teal have accumulated so much knowledge on so many different topic in her short amount of time. She looks quite young to have this Vast amount of knowledge. Do you have a team of writers of different professions to help with the content?….just wondering. I’m just overwhelmingly impressed with your insight
For one she's very, very smart. She has an academic background regarding her family, which implicates that she knows how to draw conclusions, find links as well as being articulate. She knows how to use people (which isn't meant in a negative way, just so you know). I can only assume, but she has assistents and lives in a shared living situation, she has very strict boundaries who can live with her, so she probably has only people around her that have talents and characteristics that help her.
Congratulations on your comic, hello from Honduras!!
Both codependency and narcissism are extremely sad ways to develop as a child. Unfortunately this is a lot of how our culture is. We need more education because it's a foundation that needs to be shared!
Btw I have dual thoughts of codependency and authenticity often! It is exhausting, especially now that I'm aware and in therapy.
We love Teal in the EU! And I love her eyes!
I tried but to no avail...
Its somehow what i am dealing with now. ...
Thank you❤❤❤
But to truly believe it, you must experience it. And I'm telling you. If we are family, we talk first, then helpl each other, in the intent of outcome desired by all. So it will become more right and wrong as we try.
Teal Swan, your videos are extremely helpful. Thank you
I cannot with you!! How do you know what I need to hear?
Either way, thank you for delivering, Love! 💛
Please write a book on 'codependecy'
Confluence is the root of my addiction
A life only lived for others was a life with no self acknowledged, how people interpret that whether its a good thing or whether it is bad only allowed a self awareness to recall memory in our youth viewing memory outside looking in an appropriate framework to explain how religious beliefs may affect self esteem in knowing the differences between others/self forgiveness and how its approach is reasonably possible.
Huge Gratitude 💖 🙏
Very good exercise! I have done the exactly same journey as the in the first example. I really need to solve this situation 😮
This is sad 😢 and I identify with it. :/
write a book & i would buy it!! ♡♡♡
This is really useful. Thankyou.
Wow, this really speaks to me .
I see things sp same I love the confirmation
School teaches us this. Because we have to adpot coping and personality changes in order to survive the dangerous place without adults supervising
I'd definitely have to send this to my Mom 😂 also YOU ARE SO FUCKINH BEAUTIFUL TEAL both your face and words hit me everytime
thank you Teal
Can you please make a video about limerence
Wow! I've never heard of confluence... But that makes so much sense in a really bad way 😅
Thanks
Never make sacrifices unless it’s on the others part of your smart haha
Super interesting ThankU. Also confusing! Am I a failed codependent? I flunked out of relationships. Sounds like a good thing to fail hehheh
Schism and personal truth?? Wouldn't this be culture or beliefs? Both not acceptable to change? Wouldnt shape shifting be more empathetic? Open for opinion as this is my perspective at this moment is likely to change. 😀
Wow this is my biggest issue in life
Predictions for 2023, please! 🐱
Brilliant
Protection the trap and snare for co dependence.
Thank you.
*brilliant!* 💜
WOW :O !!!! so freaking true omfggggggg
Sounds like self-abandonment too me.! :( !!
It's really a funny thing that it's often the most unauthentic people who always talk about authenticity.
What a great video
Good video. you make some good points.
I know you love my character.
Ok you destroyed me hahaha
What is confluence?
Wow 💡💡💡💡💡
Queen 💗
TEAL YOU NEED TO STOP LOL THIS IS TOO SCARY HOW ACCURATELY YOU'RE DESCRIBING ME LMFAO!!
Ouch😳!
She's correct.. codependency
(co-de pen de-sea)...
(Co) Two
From Of/down IN
(Pharmed Energy) Authority
From Of/ down IN
(current/torch) sea/see
Go deep in the sea 😂
@@cecilia1099 Sounds about Right! But nothing Rings bell or Sparks light for you in Arch & Ark.. does it?
Haven't you ever come to know and understand your atmosphere & environment through English language?
ENG & ING
Noah/Lot
El & MAG?
👁👁
This is💦 us💨 in🔥 er☘️ (wat) age ⚡️
Sea & See through Spirit & Soul
Conscious & Physical
Sound mind enlightenment and
20/20 vision for those who have understand of synthesis symphony ..
Ears of sound waves synthesis darkness of earth/ sea and Ion beam (array) air & ray of light to see.
What builds into Echo/Reflect
Economy💦 Ecology🔥 of God & Animal kingdom in Authority "Human Ecosystem"..
Matriarch Patriarch to Matrix Patrix.
@@cecilia1099 simply put what is current of wat..
"currency" (current sea) is finance (fin an sea) related to monetary money
(moon eye fish) monitoring.
Depth 💦& Debt 🔥 of
"GO deep in the sea"...
could we say that confluence is collaboration? kinda? am i understanding it right?
Yes, I would say that is pretty much the same thing. It’s like being on the same wavelength with somebody. Agreeing with them rather than disagreeing. Doing anything that makes them accept you and not reject you.
OUCH ,,, thank you
My dream woman. ❤️
Hmm. I wonder if my relationship fits this model of codependent style. My partner asked me what my love language is and he beats himself up if he leaves my house without doing something that is considered my love language. Also, if he gets less time with me than he expected or doesn't get to do a certain activity with me he gets upset. One night he was pouting and hiding his head. When I asked him what was wrong it was because he wanted to give me a back rub and there were things that he wanted to do for me that he wasn't able to do. He repeats this type of behavior regularly. Today, he cut his hair and I told him I thought he looked fine but I was glad he felt better. He responded by saying that he wouldn't have cut it if I liked it that way, and he told me that he had asked me to help him with his style.
Oh dear none of that sounds healthy but there you are in an unhealthy relationship. All you can do is fix yourself not him. Don’t waste one iota of effort fixing him. It will be in vain.
You should meet Leo gura and maybe make a video with him.
... the solid thing does not work ... doesn't make me feel good.
Hi
Twisting yourself into 🥨self annihilation 🤯for validation….
oop, thanks for calling me put babes
On behalf of my third eye.... Ouch.
Thanks for showing how to take the "e" out of Confluex. My science validates your instantaneous seyeonc'e #candeurneverexactly100%
Do I like it? If it could have been any different, would it still be the best? 🏸
”People who develop the relationship adaptation style of codependency decide at a subconscious level that because no one is really concerned for their welfare, benefit and best interests, the best way to survive is to get their own needs met by sacrificing parts of themselves so as to conform to other people’s interests and creating an attuned emotional contract with them, whereby their own needs are manipulatively met in exchange for doing so”. Teal Swan. Thank you Teal 🌎
wow :O !!!
🤯
Word 💯💥💫
Magnificent!
If it's at a subconscious level it's not really decided...