THIS is the EXACT Moment Your EX Will Realize What They Lost and Regret Leaving

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  • Опубліковано 25 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 348

  • @blacademic
    @blacademic  Рік тому +15

    Thanks for watching! If you want to talk about your situation, book a 1 on 1 session here: calendly.com/breakupcoachtj

    • @SIRICKO
      @SIRICKO Рік тому +2

      I needed this video thank you.

    • @PipSqueekOG
      @PipSqueekOG Рік тому +1

      Man if you ever come to Seattle lmk! Love your videos, thank you!

    • @darrylholt4370
      @darrylholt4370 Рік тому

      Thanks Coach

    • @irmaolivacce6980
      @irmaolivacce6980 Рік тому

      ​@@SIRICKOQQ❤❤❤ use

    • @tc6307
      @tc6307 Рік тому

      @blacademic
      Hi what about if I did something that cause my ex to be mad and is thinking of breaking up with me or on the verge? I apologize sincerely and did not defend myself. I heard him out and even agrees on what some of he said. He said we are done but yet did not block me and still talk, or call me even when he is on a date or over at a woman house that he is currently seeing/hooking up. What should I do? Should there be no contact?

  • @goldenlifelove7251
    @goldenlifelove7251 Рік тому +544

    He left me & I decided IMMEDIATELY to disappear & start my healing journey. I miss him terribly, but this no-contact is for me to heal, no other reason. I'm not speaking or thinking negatively of him, I hope he gets what he ultimately wants. He blindsided me & hurt me worse than anyone ever, but I'll deal with this gracefully & with dignity. Rejection is God's protection.

    • @alittlebirdy1313
      @alittlebirdy1313 Рік тому +12

      Same. ❤

    • @G2daG
      @G2daG Рік тому +11

      Wishing you all the best in your healing journey

    • @kikiclement1423
      @kikiclement1423 Рік тому +6

      Wheeeww I wish you nothing but the best and great healing

    • @angelm1115
      @angelm1115 Рік тому +2

      We're almost the same situation now...

    • @lisagetto5781
      @lisagetto5781 Рік тому +4

      Love reading this

  • @JoelJosiah-fd7fu
    @JoelJosiah-fd7fu Рік тому +330

    I've found that it gets alot easier when you release the hope and program your mind with logical words and self affirmation💪 ...hope can kill you sometimes.

    • @moim5659
      @moim5659 Рік тому +3

      Very true

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому +8

      hope without any action is pointless.

    • @davemaurer7341
      @davemaurer7341 Рік тому +1

      Hope is an Obama word...and we didn't get😊 dhit outta hope or Obama

    • @truth7080
      @truth7080 9 місяців тому +1

      Agreed, just focus on yourself. Focus on making yourself better for you, not anybody else! Go to the gym, socialise with friends, do some DIY projects or take up old hobbies.

    • @jessicahitchens6926
      @jessicahitchens6926 6 місяців тому

      Hopium addicts... Its not a good idea to rely on it. Better to live in reality.

  • @desmondrivera8083
    @desmondrivera8083 5 місяців тому +15

    No contact isn't easy, but it's absolutely necessary, invest in yourself, enjoy yourself and make no apologies for it.

  • @Kathluvsbts808
    @Kathluvsbts808 9 місяців тому +11

    I left him because he’s saying things that makes me feel bad and guilty about the relationship.. and I started no contact for me and it was for the best.. I realize how much he hurts me and made me feel the way I’m feeling.. 😭

  • @MadisonPort-c7g
    @MadisonPort-c7g 11 місяців тому +26

    Just focus on yourself and try to get better every day. The best revenge is making yourself happy again.

  • @el-im3jf
    @el-im3jf Рік тому +64

    Been separated 3yrs now from my ex..we were together for 24yrs with 3 beautiful children..I'M NOW STRONG AND INDEPENDENT AND BEING THE BEST MOM I CAN BE TO MY KIDS..KEPT MYSELF DISTANT AND DISTRACTED..AND THE HURT WAS GONE B4 I KNEW..IT.

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому +2

      replaying media soundbites to make you feel better . . . you probably have zero idea what you typed.
      I'M NOW STRONG AND INDEPENDENT - independent form whom? did someone hold you hostage and did not feed you?
      BEING THE BEST MOM I CAN BE - that comes with the responsibility of parenting, do you want accolades for doing your job?

    • @stellam2841
      @stellam2841 Рік тому +3

      I’m in the same situation. 24 years, high school sweethearts, been through a lifetime of ups and downs - children, job changes, supporting him through all his ambitions even when they failed. He’s dismissive avoidant, he never mentioned there were problems. I’ve gone limited contact as we co-parent, but he will realise what he had and lost. I’m not expecting closure from him. I’m working on myself, but already have been as he’s been distant for so long. I’m caring less about him every day that goes by but still feel discarded and that he’s ungrateful for what he had.

    • @Goodwillwinoverevil1984
      @Goodwillwinoverevil1984 6 місяців тому

      Wow at least you got to procreate, but wow 24 years is a long time for them to change their mind. 😞 Sorry for your loss.

  • @italiancapo7
    @italiancapo7 Рік тому +114

    Break ups make bodybuilders. Break ups make stronger men. Break ups make driven successful men.

    • @SaneandShinning76
      @SaneandShinning76 Рік тому +6

      And Women

    • @DonaldMeyers-v8c
      @DonaldMeyers-v8c Рік тому +11

      Shouldn't need a break up to do those things

    • @Mr.JBGood
      @Mr.JBGood 8 місяців тому +2

      I can't stop lifting weights. Only a week and I'm ripped.

    • @dennismccarthy3346
      @dennismccarthy3346 5 місяців тому

      Boom

    • @franklujan8304
      @franklujan8304 3 місяці тому

      @@Mr.JBGood I lift weights, six times a week two times a day. It’s awesome…. I just left and walked out of a three-year and a half relationship…. July 11, 2024 no contact September 7, 2024… keep lifting, brother💪

  • @charleesummertv6109
    @charleesummertv6109 Рік тому +31

    Your ex is an ex for a reason. Leave it all on the table when you leave and never spin the block

  • @gematriawithjen28
    @gematriawithjen28 Рік тому +30

    Yep he left me because i bought myself a house and his insecurities came out and left me 2 months ago. I've been finding myself and now on this healing journey. Stronger and wiser. God protected me from what i did not need 🙏 💯

    • @Missybella92227
      @Missybella92227 Рік тому +6

      Realized my ex was jealous of me too.
      He was constantly competing with me.

    • @gematriawithjen28
      @gematriawithjen28 Рік тому

      @@Missybella92227 you want someone proud of who you are x

    • @WamBamThankyouMam86
      @WamBamThankyouMam86 Рік тому +5

      That’s just so stupid. Should of supported you and been happy. I don’t understand ppl at times

    • @ccjailen
      @ccjailen 11 місяців тому

      I’d leave also. The writing was on the wall.

    • @jumpedintheriverwhatdidise5499
      @jumpedintheriverwhatdidise5499 9 місяців тому +2

      Why would you buying a house be an issue? I have my fair share of insecurities but don't understand that at all.

  • @ciara161990
    @ciara161990 Рік тому +15

    Self love and self worth 💯

  • @Junoj101
    @Junoj101 Рік тому +118

    First, as a man you should not care what your ex realizes or thinks. She is your ex for a reason, what is done is done . . .move on. Every second you are thinking about her is time that can be used for something useful. Realize, the only reason you care about her validation is because you are putting on a pedestal - someone who does not care about you, ZERO care.
    2nd, never be with someone who does not want you. Make it an effort to remove yourself from that situation.
    3rd, never get back with your ex. She is an ex for a reason. Move on with your life and focus on your goals and growth. 3.5 billion women on the planet, stop obsessing over the one that was not meant to be with you.

    • @cic-jakevanddalgeemyers.2739
      @cic-jakevanddalgeemyers.2739 Рік тому +4

      Real talk...

    • @isaiahkenny3544
      @isaiahkenny3544 Рік тому +2

      Factz Bro

    • @10minutebooks-ww1nh
      @10minutebooks-ww1nh Рік тому +10

      I wish it were that easy

    • @DucAnh263
      @DucAnh263 Рік тому +8

      BIG talk, but we all know this is like saying "just stop being sad" to a person who is depressed :)

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому +8

      @@DucAnh263 this may be a surprise to you but you do have a chose. you can feel sorry for yourself or move on. not saying that it's easy, but every action that you take is dictated by you and nobody else.
      for instance, you can go to the gym, or go to the park, or meet friends, or go volunteer for people who actually have hard life, go volunteer for animal shelter, pickup a hobby, go meet new people . . . . the list goes on and on.
      the point is that you need "action" to fill your day so that you have less time to feel sorry for yourself. volunteering for people who have it much harder than you can give you a new perspective on life and how fortunate you are to even have the opportunity to experience things like breakup.
      during Thanksgiving I received a text from my previous place of work. one of the young man who did internship with us, very nice and cool guy was taken to ICU. yesterday his wife updated everyone that he now is on a heart transplant list. He is much younger than me and has been in shape all his life.
      the point that I am trying to make is that, when you think your life is "bad" realize that your "bad" is actually something not bad at all, it's part of life and most people experience it too (take notes, learn your lesson, and move on to be better). needing a new heart in your 20s however, is not part of the norm. change your perspective and appreciate your time and experiences.

  • @TejuanHart
    @TejuanHart 5 місяців тому +4

    No contact is very easy whenever you already have options and know that women always come back.

  • @jumpedintheriverwhatdidise5499

    I broke down after 10 days and text. She was receptive and we got back together. After a few days I wanted to chat to sort out out problems just to be shouted at and blocked. She refuses to even communicate so back to no contact. Never reach out first guys. Even if they meet they will still have a feeling of control and know you will come back every time they leave.

  • @valariepigletpeairs888
    @valariepigletpeairs888 Рік тому +30

    To be honest, I don't want what hurt me back in my life… He made his choice to go with his options and I made my choice to love myself and let him go play with someone else… Hopefully they'll protect themselves and their heart…

    • @teresathreatts4266
      @teresathreatts4266 11 місяців тому +2

      Exactly, sis! I agree with you wholeheartedly! I'm sick of immature, cheating "men." He cheated and got caught; therefore, I blocked him and never looked back! The front door to my house is not a "saloon-door." He cant' come and go when he wants to. I thank God that I have my own house...and he doesn't have access! GOD BLESS!!!

  • @angelgeorge4637
    @angelgeorge4637 9 місяців тому +3

    I watched many of your Vids..they have helped ALOT! But I've come to the conclusion..chase no one if its meant to be,it'll come back.once u train your mind to be stronger than your emotions..u don't even miss em again! Self growth😊

  • @PP-xm4gx
    @PP-xm4gx 8 місяців тому +3

    This blew my mind. The message was crystal clear

  • @fitforfreelance
    @fitforfreelance Рік тому +35

    Focus on increasing your sense of value and self-worth!

  • @sreach93
    @sreach93 Рік тому +6

    The pen they use in the Men in Black movie analogy. After the break-up, your ex put the sunglasses on before you could. They forget everything that happened prior ....you, your relationship, all the good times, your family and friends. That's how they're able to move on so quickly.
    Grief involves memories and if you try and suppress memories, you can't grieve.
    Fortunately your ex is human with a conscience and grieving whilst in a relationship with a rebound can't be good

  • @Savi85leolioness
    @Savi85leolioness Рік тому +6

    I just found you and wow this is helping me so muvh! Been six months he texts me every two weeks or so saying he forgot so thin at the house we shared.. about three weeks ago called crying saying sorry begging for sex 🙄 I’m quiet and working hard on myself and taking care of my kids! I quit drinking over two months ago he hasn’t quit he’s codependent I’m sure he’s been with hoes.. I’m good though.. it’s been hard I do still love him but the alcohol is what resulted in the ending. I will never go back to drinking like that… I do pray for him to heal. Thank you so much!!❤

    • @AlwaysHope2019
      @AlwaysHope2019 Рік тому +1

      you’re in the right path
      I wish you all the best😊

  • @porschetech2491
    @porschetech2491 Рік тому +13

    My situation is weird to me and has left me asking myself if she was really into me/loved me or just used me to fill the void until something better came along. I gave her a lot and did just as much for her. I know my worth and I impressed her on many levels. Now she’s backed off, doesn’t want a relationship/commitment and all kinds of excuses. I don’t text or call her like I use to. Funny thing is while I’m showing no contact she’s staying in touch with me with the odd daily text. She confuses me 😂😂

  • @Goodwillwinoverevil1984
    @Goodwillwinoverevil1984 Рік тому +4

    I really loved this, thank you. Thank you for this. You give me hope that it's not the end of the world and that I can be happy and healthy and maybe even find Mr.Right finally.

    • @JB-dk8zc
      @JB-dk8zc Рік тому

      Except you already found Mr. Right. He's waiting to reconnect with you and build something even better. It's not pride, is it?

  • @catdoghedgehog619
    @catdoghedgehog619 Рік тому +2

    You are more realistic than Matt! 4 min the narc hasnt called!!

  • @lucyoclarke
    @lucyoclarke Рік тому +7

    I so needed to hear this today. Going to do just this!! I know my worth and if he doesn't get it, then see ya! 💪

  • @lucasdunn1147
    @lucasdunn1147 Рік тому +3

    I’m just watching these videos after a 2 week stint, with my first connection with someone, just questioning everything. I can’t imagine how everyone else does

  • @videowilliams
    @videowilliams 11 місяців тому +1

    Excellent insight. Nothing I'd thought of for myself but the perfect move for where I'm at.

  • @metalangyalkaaa
    @metalangyalkaaa Рік тому +9

    Exactly. If you start saying: oh noo, why I love you blabla, its like when a salesman starts to force on you what he want to sell to you, and you said NO, so you will get angry and put off the phone.

  • @tcjmylife
    @tcjmylife Рік тому +10

    This was amazing and very touching! You have no idea how much I need of this video. Opened up a little bit of a different perspective for me on where he stands and how he is thinking. And I just really appreciate this video for that

  • @brianoreilly6435
    @brianoreilly6435 5 місяців тому +1

    Bro,You made some really good points!

  • @AbigailMunalula-kl6yy
    @AbigailMunalula-kl6yy Рік тому +25

    Always following and learning while waiting for the no contact to be over

    • @shorronb
      @shorronb Рік тому +1

      How long have u been in no contact

    • @omnitheus5442
      @omnitheus5442 Рік тому +6

      If you’re smart it’ll be for good 😎 Move on as it rarely works

    • @fitforfreelance
      @fitforfreelance Рік тому +15

      The whole point is not to wait. Continually developing yourself is for you. When the person tries to reintroduce themselves to your life, you choose if you want them there.
      Your control of the situation starts immediately. No contact is not a phase of your relationship with them- any perception of that is literally your relationship with yourself. The previous relationship with them is dead.

    • @nino_94
      @nino_94 Рік тому +7

      "No contact with the ex" is a time to be "In contact with you", that is to work on yourself. It is a time to enjoy being you, and recover/discover/uncover your personality, your boundaries, your flaws, your wounds, your attachment style, needs, emotions, feelings, and sort it all out in order to heal, repair, align, focus, reinforce, secure what constitutes the true you and discard what is the false you who is unsecure, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, angry, bitter, in distress, in pain, etc.
      This is what i do regarding my situation. So let us encourage ourselves in this process.

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому

      lol, pathetic . . . . please move on with you life.

  • @couldstrife1
    @couldstrife1 Рік тому +6

    She told me she hadn’t been happy for a while, spoke to everyone else but me. It’s been 7 weeks, 1 week since I’ve tried no contact. I’m dying haven’t slept properly and just want to work things out. Want to like her posts on insta but resisting as much as possible. What should I do other than keep trying to work on myself, she’s watched all my stories that I’ve posted as well.

    • @ahmadelshbasy3222
      @ahmadelshbasy3222 7 місяців тому

      Updates ???

    • @ahmadelshbasy3222
      @ahmadelshbasy3222 7 місяців тому

      Any updates ?

    • @couldstrife1
      @couldstrife1 7 місяців тому

      @@ahmadelshbasy3222 been 9 months now, we started talking towards the end of last year but she was in a rebound relationship which didn’t last he broke up with her. So she trained talking to me about him all the time, I couldn’t handle it and told her I didn’t want to hear about him. She said then when have nothing to talk about and blocked me.
      She was watching all my stories but then unblocked me started messaging slightly but I didn’t really engage/ let the convo just die. But it was more her asking for things.
      She came to get her stuff 3 months ago and said she’d message when she was settled in but haven’t herd anything since she’s recently unfollowed me on socials again but still watches my business page stories
      So I really don’t know at this point

  • @MenaceDuck
    @MenaceDuck 10 місяців тому +1

    You are so well spoken. Your words really resonated with me. Thank you

  • @eyeconforeverclothing3530
    @eyeconforeverclothing3530 Рік тому +2

    That paperclip line though, you sir, are an Eyecon. Keep striving for greatness!

  • @gemmaburns6407
    @gemmaburns6407 Рік тому +2

    I had to end things even though I loved him deeply, he either didn’t love me back or just emotionally immature, I felt like an option and not important in his life, I was a good woman to him apart from I put his feelings before my own lessons learned!

  • @kostroma1949
    @kostroma1949 Місяць тому

    Thank you coach Blac. Greetings from Russia!

  • @tamikagordon904
    @tamikagordon904 9 місяців тому

    This was right on time. He said he’s so called working on himself & his money is funny blah blah blah. I don’t think he values me. However, he reached out saying. “I hope you had a great day, then sent me a funny Meme. I was very vague in my response. I said “Thanks same to you” & in the meme I responded hilarious with one laughing emoji. Did I do too much?

  • @alijhill
    @alijhill 10 місяців тому

    Once again!! The truth has been spoken ❤

  • @joemama_99
    @joemama_99 Рік тому +1

    I still cant imagine my life with anyone else but i also cant imagine me forgetting the things she said. Like i don't love you i dont want to settle, etc. i cant settle for her now or i lose.

  • @Mellie726
    @Mellie726 11 місяців тому +1

    Thank you, great encouragement!

  • @jinxedking
    @jinxedking Рік тому +15

    I went NC immediately but had a bad day 2.5 months in and looked at her LinkedIn. Realized she would be able to see viewed her profile and I was absolutely crushed. I was working so hard to grow and let go, but felt like i erased it all. Its been a couple weeks since and feeling better. Sucks to think i reset but I'm really focused on letting go of the attachment and letting it be.

    • @godlover4life4
      @godlover4life4 Рік тому

      linkedin shows you who viewed their profile?? You must have been logged into your account when you looked at her page

    • @jinxedking
      @jinxedking Рік тому

      @godlover4life4 yea. I completely forgot I had created one a while back because I was in the process of transitioning jobs.

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому +5

      pretending to move on is not actually moving on. the whole notion of NC implies that you are actively trying to not contact her . . . that is still simp behavior. you are giving her attention that she simply does not deserve, go out connect with a lot of new people keep you mind healthy and you will quickly realize that all that simping is not good.

    • @jinxedking
      @jinxedking Рік тому

      @Junoj101 Ive been hustling and changed so much. This was moment of weakness that was built up. I was attached to the idea she would come back. You're right. i wasn't truly letting go. A lot of healing and growth has to be done. I'm grateful to be in the place to do it.

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому +3

      @@jinxedking this is why I am not a fan of NC, it implies that one is still hoping that she will reach out and save the day (very simp behavior), if your man friend told you that they want noting to do with you, you are not going to be like, "okay NC" . . . you simply will move on and make new friends. when a woman rejects you, you simply move on just as you would do if anyone else rejects you. you go out to the market and make many more, you improve yourself so that the opportunity to meet the people that you want also increases.
      one day you will realize that your behavior was actually conditioned. it's not a natural behavior, it was years upon years of brainwashing from all direction . . . your reaction to someone who dump you was put in your head, that is why you think that you feel this way.
      if you look at little kids on the playground, they naturally move on when someone rejects them, they naturally make new bonds and do not dwell over the past. this is nature without the brainwash and years of indoctrination.

  • @SaneandShinning76
    @SaneandShinning76 Рік тому +2

    Thank U for the clarity. God Bless ❤❤

  • @steft.6463
    @steft.6463 2 місяці тому

    This is so good. Thanks coach 👌🏼

  • @isaiahkenny3544
    @isaiahkenny3544 Рік тому +2

    U saving Soulz Champ keep up the good work! 👊

  • @ravenron9154
    @ravenron9154 Рік тому +2

    Good House to relationship Analogy.

  • @ChristineAristides
    @ChristineAristides Місяць тому +1

    My husband recently left me for a younger women, I've been stupid and over reached out when I shouldn't have. We have kids together as well which makes it hard. How do I show him what he is missing out on?

  • @joaoricardo4092
    @joaoricardo4092 Рік тому +1

    Ur analogies r amazing bro. U have found ur calling! Tks for the wise words in these tough times.

  • @DarthVeach
    @DarthVeach Рік тому +1

    She's not coming back. I need to accept that and try to heal and move on. We got our "2nd chance" after being apart for 3 years. Sadly it ended up not working out. During that first breakup we kept in touch and stayed civil and friendly. This time, I have barely heard from her. She has moved on so quickly this time. And what good would it do for her to regret anything, if I never know or she never acts on it? SO sad... 😢

  • @rainerneumeister5239
    @rainerneumeister5239 Рік тому

    Brilliant analogy the paper clip and the house. 👍

  • @theicewolf714
    @theicewolf714 Рік тому +3

    I've been in NC 207 days , almost 8 mths, but whose counting ? I get that feeling she ain't reaching out. But I stay the course , she in law enforcement which should pretty well tell you her mindset comply or consequences in her world and in a relationship you need compromise. She can't separate personal and professional. I'm doing OK doing me. Working out , keeping busy with friends 3 Fs. Finances, Fitness, and Fashion. I do miss her but it isn't on me to fix what she broke , I will stay the course and "be the paperclip" cheers, bro ,keep up the great work you do ,-TIW

    • @TACTICOOLJOE
      @TACTICOOLJOE Рік тому +1

      Coming from someone who’s been a cop for over 6 years and currently has a child with another cop. It’s super super hard to date a first responder. Long shifts, finances like you said and so on. I will say and not trying to be funny, they are some of the most toxic people out there. My bm cheated on me with a married coworker and others as well. I’m far beyond over her and don’t want her back. She currently continues to cheat on her current bf. I will say you are probably better off with her my guy. Especially females in law enforcement. They are the worse. I see it everyday.

    • @TACTICOOLJOE
      @TACTICOOLJOE Рік тому

      @@dongy762 whole facts.

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому

      you have problems if you know the exact day, and no you are not doing you. move on, the point of NC is to move on, if she reaches back you will have the option to address that. but at this moment you need to move on, find other women . . . 3.5 billion women on earth and you are counting days for the one that does not care about you. this is major simping . . . . move on with you life

  • @justinlarsen2952
    @justinlarsen2952 Рік тому +7

    Ex ended things in jan weve had two text convos that were surface level back in may. Havent really cared and dated a bit. I doubt ill ever go back. No contact is a win win. If she sees this i could not care less keep preaching gospel

  • @mjbb8797
    @mjbb8797 Рік тому +13

    I can tell he regret it when he saw me he kept saying I messed up messed up messed up I know I messed up, then when he saw that his items were still in the same spot and it's been 3 months that really tore him up cuz he's already living with another, then I started thinking why would I want another man to move back with me when all he did was move from women house the women house two women house the women, even though I'm hurt by it still kind of makes me feel like I don't want him anymore now

    • @dougedoug2105
      @dougedoug2105 6 місяців тому

      I’ve been here before. When someone leaves you they’ve somehow convinced themselves that you didn’t care and that propels them forward. The moment they realize you did, all the feelings and emotions they suppressed come rushing back in. Lust is probably what drove him to leave but when he saw your stuff, he probably realized just how much he still loves you. And now he also sees that you genuinely loved him, which is a double edged emotional sword. That’s why I tell people to really be honest about their feelings because cheating blinds a person’s reality. Some realize too late and unfortunately never recover. What goes around comes around. I always mourn first and once I’m healed my exes mourn me second

  • @johnjennings9693
    @johnjennings9693 Рік тому +3

    Thanks it's like a saying we have in ireland stand back and let the dog see the rabbit thank you,

  • @lynncarlson1543
    @lynncarlson1543 11 місяців тому

    EXCELLENT ADVICE
    VERRRRRY HELPFUL I WILL BE LISTENING TO MORE!! ❤

  • @Yourlifeeafter50
    @Yourlifeeafter50 Рік тому +1

    I broke up with him because of the situation and i do miss him but i had to walk away. I disapeared, my social media is private but if i open it he will think its for him. But i have accepted our situation

  • @CatwalkPurz
    @CatwalkPurz 9 місяців тому +1

    DETACH By going no-contact. It creates emotional disconnect and helps you to see “the ex” clearly, instead of through rose colored glasses. If they discarded you, THAT IS how you HAVE TO remember them…as someone who was cruel and threw you away AND what you built together away like ROTTEN trash. It requires rewiring the brain though. The brain wants to fix a problem. So it keeps you strategizing “the how” to fix it but THE ONLY way to truly disconnect and detach is by going no contact.

  • @GodHelpMe369
    @GodHelpMe369 8 місяців тому +2

    I AM FILLED WITH TERROR
    AND ENDLESS PANIC
    how to heal from PTSD flashbacks?
    the man I revered as my best friend...
    raped my soul.
    he betrayed and abandoned me.
    discarded me like garbage.
    replaced me with another.
    I want to die.
    he slammed the door on me.
    I want to die.
    he did this more than 14 months ago,
    and I'm still not healed,
    and I still don't breathe,
    and I still have nightmares every night.
    I can definitely detect my patience waning in life...
    I am filled with, and consumed with, rage and grief.
    I desperately want to die, I can no longer bear the darkness...
    I AM SO FUCKING exhausted and depressed:
    trying to desperately understand someone
    who doesn’t understand themselves.
    I’m not vilifying avoidants, but for me,
    the more I work on understanding my OWN attachment style and becoming secure,
    the more I get turned off by someone who isn’t doing the same...

  • @brendonmccluskey665
    @brendonmccluskey665 Рік тому +23

    Hey Coach, somewhat long-time watcher, first time commenter. I broke up with my ex over a year ago and didn't go into NC until recently (no I didn't beg or plead to get back together), mostly because I hadn't heard about it until recently. Been NC for about 2.5 months now and recently it has hurt a lot. Doesn't help that we work at the same place, and she treats me like I don't exist, and I don't try to make any connection (though trying to not ignore her is just as hard). Any advice to how to deal with similar situations? Maybe that could be a topic for a future video.
    Oh, and to all the people that comment about giving up and moving on. I know I have no say but please stop trying to convince others to just give up. I don't know what your story is/was but some of us really do want to get our respective exes back. I understand that it's not a guarantee, but the hope is still there. And that can be a great motivator to get better. Let people come to your conclusion on their own if that's where things lead. Don't try and force them to see things your way by blasting the comments section with your bad experiences. Just my opinion, not trying to call anyone out. Let's support each other in our struggles right now, not cause more pain. No matter how short term it may be.

    • @PetrVita
      @PetrVita Рік тому +6

      Hey Brendon. I have a divorce threat ticking, and trying to stay calm and give the distance and space is driving me nuts. But I can tell you what helped me. The situation we are in is just a situation. It is only bad or good based on how we evaluate it. If I look at it with the optics that I lost the love of my life, my kids, the future together, and my home, it truly is bad. But I can look at it in another way. If I consider that I started to learn to drive a car I was scared of, I dropped 25kg, started to run again, I have the best time with my kids ever, and I look for a better job, I see a huge positive impulse that my wife gave me. Instead of thinking about the hurt, I focus on the positives that rebuild me. She does not care about me or see the changes but will eventually notice them. The better me. But the key was internally accepting that our relationship in its old form is gone, and shifting the perspective on the positives I am suddenly creating about myself helped me to let loose.

    • @CartierInfinity
      @CartierInfinity Місяць тому

      💯

  • @luisaladsou6131
    @luisaladsou6131 11 місяців тому +1

    Now i'll focus on myself

  • @AbhishekSengupta-z4w
    @AbhishekSengupta-z4w Рік тому +1

    Lovely lesson coach

  • @xoivaniaxo
    @xoivaniaxo Рік тому +3

    Thanks Coach ❤

  • @mimi_elk.7614
    @mimi_elk.7614 Рік тому +1

    I have been off social media for 3 weeks I am trying to rest mentally as I am going though very difficult time…
    I am trying to focus on myself and healing…

  • @chrissyhannah7307
    @chrissyhannah7307 3 місяці тому

    He broke up with me a few weeks ago because of how I treated him and made him feel less than a man many times... He moved on but told me we don't know what the future lies and things can change.. But, is this what I really want? I love him dearly and we had something special but he let me go. I'm om the contact journey now. It hurts it really does but I'm just loving me now..

  • @jeaneengant6771
    @jeaneengant6771 Рік тому +2

    Today is his birthday and I'm not wishing him happy birthday.. He want to be single so I'm letting him live the life he wanted.. And without me. Even when he asked to see me earlier this week I told him NO.. It was very hard to say that.. But I had to

  • @ejirealestateinvesting1430
    @ejirealestateinvesting1430 Рік тому +1

    You are so right

  • @Carlos12-z8s
    @Carlos12-z8s Рік тому

    Thank you!

  • @timothymaimone8611
    @timothymaimone8611 Рік тому +4

    Mr. T.J. … I’ve had lady friends (plutonic friends) argue with me and I do not engage in the argument but go into silent mode. The silence of no contact makes them re-evaluate your value in their life. After about two years, my lady friend moved back near me and called to apologize. Her mom was dying at the time, so she was mad at the world. Basically, if you’re a decent person, they will come back at some level, whether they were just friends or former-lovers. Never argue with women. Listen and acknowledge them. Ask how you can help. Most of the time they needed for you just to be there and listen.

  • @imatexan3
    @imatexan3 Рік тому +16

    It sucks being the one to mess the relationship up. It’s been almost 6 months since we last saw each other and I still love her, meanwhile she moved on and started seeing someone that’s she’s been long distance with for the past few months.
    I’ve finally gone NC since the first of June, after trying to reach out the first 3-4 months.
    Hurts every dang day.

    • @blacademic
      @blacademic  Рік тому +1

      How did you mess up the relationship?

    • @imatexan3
      @imatexan3 Рік тому

      We dated for 4 years the last 1.5 was long distance for the majority of it. During the first couple years she would try to end things instead of communicating and we’d work it out and be fine. Then I stepped out on our relationship during long distance, I think I didn’t feel good enough. Biggest regret I’ve had and trying to live with knowing I messed it up.

    • @fj4731
      @fj4731 Рік тому +1

      ​@@blacademicHi Coach Blac ...I wish if you have video On and Off LTR , I am doing No Contact for 5th time and today is going 8 weeks ...what do you think the chance of getting back is lessen ?

    • @terribickford2228
      @terribickford2228 Рік тому

      ​@@blacademic hope you are doing well! Love your live shows. When are they scheduled for weekly? Thanks!

  • @Copasyetic
    @Copasyetic Рік тому +5

    I called it quits because he really didn't value me. I blocked him on everything. I do miss him but if he wants me he'll come to me.

    • @limaflavio7926
      @limaflavio7926 Рік тому +5

      How is someone going to come to you when you blocked them lol

    • @janicechituku9767
      @janicechituku9767 10 місяців тому +1

      😂 u want to be chased by who

    • @LeeEverett1
      @LeeEverett1 7 місяців тому +1

      Sounds like you're the toxic one. "I blocked him but if he wants me he'll come back" like what logic is that 😂
      That's straight mind games and narcissistic

    • @TaylorDulong
      @TaylorDulong 5 місяців тому

      ​@@limaflavio7926 they know were they live

    • @franklujan8304
      @franklujan8304 3 місяці тому

      Is that being childish blocking him?…

  • @rezdadgar5079
    @rezdadgar5079 Рік тому

    Very well said 👏👏

  • @octavia7141
    @octavia7141 9 місяців тому +1

    Hi Coach Blac my relationship was over 2 years ago, so I know there is no way I am getting back with my ex. And the way it ended I don't need to, so I am just looking forward to completely moving on. However, It seems like the thoughts and pain will never go away. I'm sure he has moved and I want to as well. I have done all the wrong things you said not to do at the beginning of our breakup and I'm completely embarrassed. I just want to forgive myself and believe that I will be able to find true love in the future. Do you have any sound advice you could give me?

  • @allen432
    @allen432 Рік тому

    Hi Coach, after him ghosting me, i did the same. Gave him the silent treatment. Of recent he started reaching out to my children and giving them money. He continues being a friend to my daughters given that ge stays in a different country. Recently i received a text from him wishing me a good day. But thsts how it is.

  • @krisgiovanetti
    @krisgiovanetti Рік тому +5

    How do I increase the price of meeting with me and talking about things when she comes back? Can you please give a couple examples? Thank you!

    • @videowilliams
      @videowilliams 11 місяців тому +4

      Talk less. Leave sooner. You're busy now!

  • @amagoldokafor4451
    @amagoldokafor4451 Рік тому +5

    😢😢😢so broken

  • @jeaneengant6771
    @jeaneengant6771 Рік тому

    I woman will do that.. a man won’t allow himself to beg even if he was in the wrong

  • @terezavalencia2908
    @terezavalencia2908 Рік тому

    I was mean and rude. But I did everything cook, clean and more. Idk it’s ok I let it go. Ready to receive someone new in my life.

  • @jc15347
    @jc15347 Рік тому +5

    Coach, please kindly make a new video on this topic if possible. We are supposed to set a meetup when they reach out after months of NC, right? How can we initiate to ask when they are just texting us as a friend after 1st NC? Go back to NC again until they reach out again? How will going back to NC again change their mindset of treating us as a friend & regret losing us if they already consider us as a friend after the first NC. I am a little bit confused on the reattraction phase/talking phase after months of NC. Btw, I am female.

    • @Junoj101
      @Junoj101 Рік тому

      a man with abundance does not care about NC, because he is getting a lot of contact from others. only a simp is going to think that them games are acceptable.

    • @mikaylalindsay6028
      @mikaylalindsay6028 Рік тому

      im sorry to break it to you, but the no contact rule is not certain to work. It can sometimes but it also can’t (it really depends on the kind of breakup you had). No silly no contact rule is going to for sure bring your ex back, so instead of holding onto hope please try your best to move on, it is a lot healthier. He will come back if he decides to, but definitely giving him space will determine that. keep yourself healthy during this hard time.. ❤️‍🩹

    • @jc15347
      @jc15347 Рік тому

      @@mikaylalindsay6028 Thank you for your words. I hope so. :(

  • @veronicahewlett318
    @veronicahewlett318 Рік тому

    Wise words

  • @topg7778
    @topg7778 Рік тому +1

    She isn't coming back, didnt get proper closure on why she ended it so I did everything wrong, chased her, quadruple checked it's what she wanted etc. Problem is we have a baby together, she completely ignores me now, will only respond regarding out daughter, fully detached. I can't go full no contact so I'm stuck

  • @1EyeCandyAndy
    @1EyeCandyAndy Рік тому +2

    So I just got broke up with 4 days ago, literally this video hits home with him obviously being more okay with it than I am. But what my question is…. He wants to stay friends, not hang out soon but want us to share our dogs basically have joint custody of them. It’s hard to go completely no contact like I would like to when I know he is going to be reaching out to want my dog and for me to watch our dog we got together. Our dogs literally have never spend time apart since they were puppies. I know this may seem silly, but it’s a big deal. But I really want to get my ex back and do this process properly. Any advice

  • @cynthiareynolds2017
    @cynthiareynolds2017 Рік тому +13

    He's with someone else. He's not missing me.

    • @danica6884
      @danica6884 6 місяців тому +4

      Just because he's with someone else does not mean he's happy. Pride and ego in some people are so big

    • @TheChiefJudgeDredd
      @TheChiefJudgeDredd Місяць тому

      You’re wrong

  • @kandiceluvux3
    @kandiceluvux3 Рік тому

    He didn’t want to be with me we have 3 kids but he wanted me to stay for his convenienc we lived together … he said I don’t wanna be with you .. then when I decide to leave completely “ I can’t see my life without you”… now I have very minimum contact him has him on DND and he saids I need to take my phone off DND due to the kids I said I don’t just call your phone at random times you can text me when you want to call the kids ect I set boundaries of the way that he has access to me. I’m Focused on self healing working on myself … he’s on social media trynna bang every women and meet new people 😅 coming from a person that says they don’t do social media

  • @MarvaSukhu
    @MarvaSukhu Рік тому

    coach here is the funny thing about my situation i start watching these videos to apply to me i am the female trying to win back my ex but little did i know he is using these techiques on me instead...second number 3 work really well for me i did that and i got results in shorter space of time than i thought

  • @chico240sx7
    @chico240sx7 Рік тому +3

    My ex hasn't stopped texting me "good morning" and "hope you have a great day" everyday since our break up. Should i even respond? Or wait till an actual conversation pops up? I would like to get back with her, but she doesn't know what she wants.

    • @miehinaharutomi9165
      @miehinaharutomi9165 Рік тому +11

      I would not respond until she writes something that is not crap like "Good morning" text. She's looking for to be sure you're still available. Don't play her game.

  • @najmahabrahams856
    @najmahabrahams856 Рік тому +2

    Thanx coach you the best 🫠💫

    • @blacademic
      @blacademic  Рік тому +1

      Thanks for watching! 🤞🏿

  • @sirg-had8821
    @sirg-had8821 Рік тому

    You're offering a noble sentiment, but the ex never comes back. They realize nothing, they learn nothing, and they set a speed record finding a replacement.

  • @msj793
    @msj793 Рік тому

    Y’all when I say mine thought that grass was greener on the other side but it was turf 😂😂😂😂!!! She can’t have no kids! She can’t work! She’s very sickly and will eventually need 100% total care! Me and the kids JUST fine! Go head and have fun over there caregiver

  • @Trulyblessedandgrateful
    @Trulyblessedandgrateful Рік тому +2

    Should you block them on Social Media?

  • @graziella257
    @graziella257 5 місяців тому

    Hi, do you provide email advice?

  • @tonis8429
    @tonis8429 Рік тому +1

    I’m struggling with NC. He broke up with after a year and I don’t know why. We’ve talked since the break up a few times but shuts down everytime inask about the relationship. It’s so confusing because the week before he left, he was telling me how much he loved me and was going to show that I deserved to be loved right😢. I’m so confused and hurt. It’s been almost 4 months and I just want to be on the other side of this

    • @franklujan8304
      @franklujan8304 3 місяці тому

      If he’s trying to get a hold of, you do not speak to him it’s part of no contact.. I know how you feel… I walked out of a three year relationship… trust me it really hurts… it was July 11, 2024 now it’s September 7, 2024…

  • @babyluvjr
    @babyluvjr Рік тому

    Fizzacts, coach, ALL FIZZACTS!!!

  • @catdoghedgehog619
    @catdoghedgehog619 Рік тому +1

    What if he cheats while no contact?

  • @jenn4116
    @jenn4116 Рік тому +2

    Its been a week, i notice everyday im blocked on something. all i did was support and treat him like a king! i tried to call juat once to get my house key back, my rings and other belongings and no respose! Its hard because he lives a block away because he had to out from my house for being physical. I DESERVE BETTER

  • @TheSabiha317
    @TheSabiha317 Рік тому +1

    Would this also work on someone you’ve been on a few dates with and they’re now seeing started someone new?

  • @SentilongJamir777
    @SentilongJamir777 7 місяців тому +3

    I see so many people commenting never get back with your x lol but why are you here 😂 stop being a fake ass and accept the truth. I'm here because i fucked up i abuse and Insulted her and i was so comfortable and lazy 🦥 because i thought she would never leave. I stop giving her time and attention so she couldn't sleep and gained weight but when she started going to church and became stronger she left me and wants to go forward in life towards her goals but she said she'll come back in future if I'm single in future she said i must become a better man for myself and take this time to change and stop drinking alcohol and build myself up. I lost a wife so I am trying hard to be a better man for God and for the People around me. Sometimes it's always better to self reflect and change if you feel in your heart that she/he is made for you. But if they sleep around here and there never take them 🔙

  • @keoung5189
    @keoung5189 7 місяців тому

    I would like to do no contact but we have children and home together. How do I do this without looking like I’m abandoning my children?

  • @TettehChris-u3w
    @TettehChris-u3w 7 місяців тому

    I did no contact she contacted me but taught because she made a mistake I have to draw her closer to me ...we had an argument she pulled back again...is it possible for her to come back again

  • @starlight1514
    @starlight1514 7 місяців тому

    How can you do this if you have to work together?

  • @ivanandriyovych2416
    @ivanandriyovych2416 Рік тому

    Will their perspective still change even if they’re seeing someone new during no contact? She was pulled away from me after 3 years right before we were going to get engaged. She explained a lot of little things got bottled and our connection weakened. And someone else snaked in and started building the chemistry with her that she needed from me. She explained to me how terrible she feels about what she did and also because I got caught snooping while trying to catch her multiple times. Think there is any chance to comes back? Things have been in a cold limbo space for two months while she has been seeing him as a distraction. I’m finally moving out and starting no contact for real. She says we have no hope currently, but under these conditions you think she still comes back to salvage the 3+ years lost? Just focusing on upgrading me for now.

  • @beastmodebestman
    @beastmodebestman 5 місяців тому

    What if your ex is with someone else but he's in jail for 2 months but she doesn't want to see you but will reply to your texts calls and meets up with you should you go no contact if you are doing all the effort

  • @AmirZ1
    @AmirZ1 Рік тому

    always here