4 Ways to Beat A Breadcrumber 😮 (from a licensed therapist)
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- Опубліковано 2 лис 2022
- Welcome
Hi! I’m Jourdan Travers, LCSW, a licensed clinical therapist and Clinical Director of Awake Therapy, making videos about mental health, relationships, wellness, and finding our purpose.
I am available for online therapy. You can book a session with either me or one of my colleagues at Awake Therapy using the link below:
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If you or someone you know is in danger, please call 911 or go to your local emergency room. My videos should not be used in place of working with a licensed mental health therapist.
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Just stop talking to them. Much easier.
Absolutely
Yep
Exactly!!! You are better off single than trying to fix someone's nonsense behavior. Be a man. Show up or F*** off!!
💯
That's great advice for the therapist. They have already shown you who they are and if you follow what this therapist is saying, that says much about you. The therapist knows that talking to them will only make you to need therapy
Breadcrumbing = just walk away! 🙄
Thats the only good advice needed.
Yes I think this is not the best advice, because she is having the person over explain their feeelings to someone who clearly doesn't care. Just walk away.
So right. It will not change.
Precisely walking away is power they know they are not giving you what they gave you before
Yes. Correct, this happens all the time to salespeople. People show interest, then the moment that you ask for the small commitments to take the interaction further, they flake and disappear.
3:17 i would never say that kind of stuff, youre giving the idiot way too much power. When someone does this to you, stop investing time in them immediately. Do not express anything to them. You meet people where they are, match their energy. If they ignore you, ignore them and block. These types of people are messed up.
Very good input, GoldBrick.
I get what you’re saying but being passive will lead to no relationships ever. There is always an aspect of winning someone or proving that it can work.
@@peacefulruler1 its not about being passive, its about avoiding unhealthy people. Make relationships with healthy people. Does that make more sense?
The reality is you have to use your words.
@@DJcyberslash i dont understand what you mean as it pertains to my comment
They're just trying to put you in rotation.
Block, delete and forget about that person.
Life too short
Yes, the person I was dealing with would text me whenever he had a fight with his gf. As you say, he wanted to keep me in the rotation. He had to maintain his supply of people he can use. Live your best life. There’s your way to inflict some pain if you wanted to. He can see you being happy with someone else. But really, the best advice & remedy is to walk away permanently. He will never change. Don’t try to figure it out. I tend to do that & ruminate myself to illness. Why is he choosing her over me? Why is he confused about me? He’s not confused. He’s not capable of a long term stable relationship with anyone - it’s not just you. If he does “stick” with anyone he’s cheating on her. Anything is better than letting someone treat you this way. If you’re alone on your death bed it’s better than having a creep like this around. Way better.
I would never ever tell anyone who is breadcrumbing me that I start to spiral when they do it. That’s making you vulnerable to someone who doesn’t care about you or who is potentially a narcissist. I actually made the mistake once and it was not worth it. Best to move on without so much explanation
''Mixed messages are not for me, good luck''
I called him out... He led me on. Over 7 months long distance. I cut ties. We are both over 55. There shouldn't be games at this stage of life.
How about: Invite them to your place for Meal and Chill.
Then hand them a plate of Breadcrumbs.
With Ice cubes for dessert.
Omg 😂😂😂 i laughed on this comment
LMAO 😂 Maybe then they will finally understand how it feels
LOL😂🤣😂Something that made me laugh in a long time!!! Thank you! It was much needed 🙏🏼🙏🏼
😂
yummm
This happened a lot in NYC. When this happens I walk away. If it’s not a heck yes it’s a NO
I wouldn't even waste time "calling them out". Stop chasing them and walk away.
Calling out a breadcrumber and letting them know how you feel is a waste of time walk away !! They know they are breadcrumbing you it’s just a way to keep the door open in case they get bored
Fuck em don't tell em shit. Speak by saying nothing ever again!
And not being around, actions speak louder than words or texts
Real talk.
😂🤣😂
Yep. No contact is better than looking like a desperate simp.
🤣😂@@freepressright
A lot of guys with this behavior are already married or have a girlfriend.
And narcarcisst with harem
Yep or pursuing someone they “perceive” as more valuable and keeping you around as second option and side piece either you know this fact or not.
Girls do this to. A Girl who was doing this to me. I found out she had a boyfriend while she had me thinking we had something going. And when i called her out on it. She said she didn't think it was any of my business. What a P.O.S. I dodged the bullet.
Exactly…
I have a women whos married doing it to me.
They think you’re dumb for continuing to communicate … just leave them on read
Can't agree more but what I have learnt is a breadcrumber /manipulator/gaslighter does it on purpose so they already know what n why they are doing .so I don't see a point in wasting time with such a person.An honest healed man with good intentions will always be direct and on point with his approach.Wake up call ladies.
Exactly. I think this video was for actual relationships, but I’m surprised one can get that far with a true breadcrumber. They do it to string you along with a bunch of others to have you at their ‘disposal’. It’s to get you hooked and wondering, ‘’could they be interested in me?’’ ‘’Are they just shy?” Because psychology tells us that a sure sign of returned interest is someone having interest in you, they are utilizing that for themselves for supply. (Manipulation) Using someone else for ‘’supply’ is extremely disrespectful.
One doesn’t even have to call them out on their breadcrumbing. And as you said, don’t waste your time with such a person. Just LEAVE.
Yeah, don't treat flaky or thoughtless behavior as your call to begin negotiations.
Having the tools to work through relationship problems is INVALUABLE. But you don't need to break out that "relationship toolkit" for someone who isn't even interested in consistent conversation with you, nevermind an actual relationship.
If someone won't make plans to spend time with you despite your repeated attempts to set something up, just tell them that it's been nice getting to know them but you're not feeling a connection. Then move on. Save your attention and your effort for people who are prepared to reciprocate.
I so agree with you. They are just players
@@katherinegraham3803 I agree. It’s just that the person had better make ACTUAL plans, and ask the other about the actual plans….and not think flirting heavily and beating around the bush is going to be mind read from the other as an attempt. Like if a person kept asking what my plans were for the weekend. I answer, and they left it there. No follow through… That’s breadcrumbing in my opinion!
Spot on.
How about, ‘heyyyy! you’re breadcrumbing me! And it’s not fair. I’ll disengage from this dynamic and if you want to help create a more open, mature and balanced relationship - with expectations - reach out. Otherwise, I wish you the best.’
Why tip toe around it? Call them out!
@michelleolak7898 love this!
Point is....they WILL reach out! To breadcrumb you again
Well they are looking for perfect match probably narcarcisst then they will dump you and any other they are breadcrumbing ...then he will post ot on social media found perfect match..Block when they start push and pull...don't tolerate it
Thank you for the information! It makes me realized I was right in the feeling of his behavior . Nah ! I won’t point it out . I am just testing how far he goes , how many excuses or situations he brings up as an excuse after he told he has interest to know me better. I simply answer all his same questions and almost frequent shortly enthusiastic greeting messages and after my short answer I immediately erase the messages and erase the delete messages . I don’t have him as a contact so I AM NEVER the one initiating contact again. It’s been almost 4 months in contact and almost 2 since he told me his interest to know me better and basically nothing happened almost 2 months later . In one week I am going to answer one of his usual greeting messages with a thank you it was nice to being in contact with you for this 4 months I hope you the best in life. 😊
I won’t invest my time and energy in that kind of dynamic.
“..if you want to help create….”, is only giving them the necessary information on how to get better at breadcrumbing you. If you already KNOW what they’re doing, there’s no need to appeal to them. Also, I wouldn’t want to give them any insight they could use against anyone else.
I Solved this immediately, I sent message that I dont like messaging i prefer verbal communication, so he was in shock and he stopped messaging me he learned calling 🤣🤣🤣
While this video helps to point out the signs of a 'breadcrumber'😅 it gives too much power to the person. The best thing for someone in this situation is to walk away when you observe a consistent pattern of broken promises.
I just sent her a image of breadcrumbs and left it at that)
I treat it with the same energy and if nothing changes, eventually go full no contact if necessary
I just blocked him😂 he would take days, weeks, even months to reply. I’d understand if he didn’t want to talk anymore, but he was the one texting me first. And he was doing it on purpose because I called him out on it one time and he IMMEDIATELY texted back 🙄
Same shit happening to me from a married woman. I ignored her and told her i wasnt going to text her so she started texting with me with stuff at work. I see her about every day at work so its impossible to be away from her. This crap is difficult to deal with. Shes basically using me for attention. Then I reply and she takes forever to reply back. She says im confusing friendliness with flirtying but I know what im seeing. I finally am waking up to it and was super mad few days ago. Im going to try to never share anything of my life again with her as she just uses it against me. No friends do that to real friends.
Giving a narcissist feedback that their method of punishing you is working? Is the dumbest advice you could give.
Same thing i had in my thought, they will gaslight it 😂
Breadcrumbing is the art of leading someone on without any clear plan of pursuing a relationship.
Me: that’s toxic and narcissistic behavior right there. Going through it now.
I don’t think it’s an art.
Or you can just date someone else! He is obviously not interested so drop him!!!! Always follow a mans actions as the proof not what he says with words
I'm a dude. Correct.
Yup, Soo true.
That ol adage; "actions speak louder than words", is correct and so are you!
I'm personally a; don't tell me, show me, kinda guy.
A fellow breadcrumbs both me and a girlfriend of mine. When she and I chat, we both laugh about it. Neither of us are interested in dating him, but we know his game.
I just walk.
If someone is manipulating you, communicating your feelings only empowers them more and tells them that its working. Just limit contact and walk away
Explaining anything to a narcissist is just giving them more toys to weaponise. Try maybe once, if it happens again run and don’t look back 😂
In most cases wouldn't the best option be to remove yourself entirely?
Yep. This video is BS. WALK.
Yes
There are more people that are like this nowadays it’s all ego it’s honestly humiliating on them
I like that you have given us the right words to say. I find it hard sometimes expressing myself in an assertive manner and it comes out as passive aggressive. Which is never good.
I had to block a guy, a friend, who wasn't sure what he wanted, apart from having a physical relationship. I told him I wanted to date someone. His loss.
he was higher value & you had to settle for someone else lesser than him while he played the field. your loss.
@asdfdc1946
Better to be single and happy, than deal with an inconsistent man child. Keep your misogynistic advice to yourself.
He just wanted a free prostitute.
Sounds like he was clear with his intentions.....
@KC-lg8qf
One day he wanted to make a go of it, next weekend not, so blocking him and making it clear what I wanted was the best thing to do for me
They are broken, emotionally unavailable men who just want to live up the moment.
I'm a dude. They arent broken they just aren't interested enough.
Women bread crumb too, so stop it 🙄
So true. He actually told me at the end he was emotionally unavailable.
@@GUITARTIME2024the ones she talk about have 5 or more relationships and keep it moving..
Never chase after breadcrumbs look what happened to hansel n gretel, always ends poorly lol look simply put they say treat others how you wanna be treated n if someone is not treating you how you feel you deserve; save your energy for someone who is worth your time and attention because while your connected to the wrong person you can't be free to find the right person.
Amen.
So true this can really hold you back and the breadcrumbed will let it go on and on until they don’t need to anymore and you are left sitting there looking stupid.
I just blocked them, no patience for games
I moved on after it was clear they didn't want what I did. I started to see someone else and now I have the sort of relationship I was looking for. Remember " Fish or cut bait" !
When I have spoken to him about breadcrumbs I'm creating drama
Just ignore and block them.Its their tactics of finding faults in the other person.
Yes, yes, yes! Plus ghosting.
I was breadcrumbed for 6 months. at first you rationalize it excusing bad behavior "maybe". Then you try to pin a date and time "I don't know when. let me check." When you confront them then your not interested in seeing me "your rude." Then they friendzone you; you move on , but they reach back out because they are the ones who are craving attention. "How are you." Then you think they want to see you nope same pattern "I'll let you know." What your left with is make them jealous and show they can't use you anymore for attention and live your best life. They need help from a mental health professional. The ironic part was she was teaching occupational therapy with a psychology degree 🤣
😮
I have no problem blocking someone like that. Just ...Click! Bye!
@yupyup3878....actually yupyup, you just sound very much like you are trying very hard to justify the girls actions here.
Men are not so fragile that they cannot take rejection, they are all actually pretty well adjusted to rejection because they experience it far more than females do.
Given your attempted justification of her actions, coupled with your attempt at reverse-psychology toward the end of your message, points towards the fact that you may well be a typical bread-crumber yourself, or you've been badly hurt by a man recently, and wish to vent it onto our good man Alexander here.
@yupyup3878 What a load of hysterical misandric nonsense.....
@yupyup3878Now I will tell you something, yeah sure some of it what you said is true but let me tell you, I'm a woman, who is being breadcrumbed, by my boss, who is also a woman, she's single, knows I like her, she knows what I want. This has been going on for about 1 and a half year now. We are both in our 30s which means we are both adults enough to be able to communicate and express ourselves. I'm a very direct person and I don't have time for games, yet I keep falling for her games because she's really good at what's she's doing. Yeah sure I could sit here and cry about being such a victim, but sometimes the situation is more complicated, like for instance in my case where she's my boss and I have to see her 5-6 days a week. Before you tell me to just "Quit and go find another job" it's not that easy, I'm working on it, but let me tell you, some breadcrumbers are really really skilled and it's not always easy to stand up for yourself, especially when it's your boss who does it to you, how are you going to confront the person?? Most likely it will end up with me just quitting but I hope you see this from a different perspective.
Bread crumbing... OH GOD... please make it stop!!!
This is the advice and next steps I needed to hear. Thank you
"I feel frustrated and start to spriral when I don't hear from you for several days. Especially when I know you've read my messages. I understand we all have hard days and life can get complicated but I am looking for someone who can stay in touch on a egular basis and is willing to have open communication" -
Thank you Jourdan Travers
If you end up using that script, I would suggest leaving out the part about "and start to spiral." It just invites a whole debate about whether or not the "real" issue is that they're bread crumbing you, or that you're being "too emotional."
@@katherinegraham3803 I appreciate the insight, it resonates. Thank you for your input 😊 very useful ✨️
“We all have hard days but one non-negotiable for me is someone who stays in touch on a regular, timely basis.”
@@bristolcorvid8894 definitely !
The spiral language has to go. Makes us sound crazy for having feelings.
If you aren't in regular contact you don't have a relationship, you have an acquaintance. People pick their own level of involvement with you, you just have to believe them and act accordingly. If they have picked acquaintance through their actions treat them like that. If there's an agenda they will most likely take this badly, move on.
Thank you, Jordan, Your video is very helpful.
You have defined bread crumbing in the absolute best manner . Thank you.
This was very helpful. Thank you! 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Beautiful advice, thank you ❤
Very helpful advice. Thanks and God bless you🙏
This is excellent thank you
Thank You!
For the people who say just walk away or cease communication, maybe this video is for people who find it difficult to break contact or who go back and forth. Sometimes you need to speak up for yourself and then walk away rather than go and leave a bunch of unsaid words rumbling in your heart
Thanks ❤
Best to walk away. She’s not interested or attracted to you anymore
Or she just wants validation that you still like her and want her because it boosts her ego.
I hate people who do that.
Not just romantic. Happens in families too.
And in “friendships” too.
I put ‘friendships’ in parentheses because it’s not really a friendship if you two aren’t spending time together because other person won’t make plans with you to do so, nor be there for you when you need them (like you do for them) BUT they continue to communicate with you first and insist they want you as a friend and want you in their life.
I had this happen to me.
I don’t communicate with them anymore. I ignore them.
It happens with toxic bosses! Beware, they pretend they will give you a promotion so you will complete important projects before you catch on that they do not intend to do anything positive! Up level to a new job, dumpy the losers! Amy types of losers!
Absolutely my life for the past 40 years.
Breadcrumbing isn't limited to romantic relationships; it can be done by anyone who has any kind of leverage over someone else, such as a parent to a child, an employer to an employee, etc.
Why is the volume so low in some videos?
I thought so too, I can barely hear her.
They just skim the surface. After a short while it's so obvious and transparent. When you're not getting anything real out of it, just irritation.
No no no - bad advice, you will end up in a maze, gaslighting crazy making endless discussion. Never beg, never ask for love and respect. Just walk away.
Be direct and call them out? Nope. Wrong. Block. Done. That mess is out of your life. I see no valid reason to get into the drama of calling them out.
Never ever ever say those things to someone breadcrumbing you. If they do it twice, then just never respond to them again. Simple. Don't give them your energy by letting on that they had an impact on you. Bad. If anything, you can say, you're not really that interested in dealing with someone who hasn't learned text etiquette or common courtesy, and are they dumb?
"I sense that what you are looking for might be quite different from my expectations. I am looking for something serious and long term. I'd like to work on building a stable relationship. How about you ? "
Just ghost them back
Gosh I just went thru this.
I didn’t even know this was a thing
Oh this helps
He monitors my telephone, stocks me, just for fun, I feel terrified, terrified of him, his ghosting, breadcrumbjng me.
Contact the police...then change your number
Don't ask a fish how to catch a fish! As soon as you see someone start to flake on you, have a pizza by yourself. Count yourself lucky you're not paying for a deceptive b..ch and move on. Walk away with honour!
I want different video! How to be not unintentionally breadcrumber! BECAUSE look I am affraid I will be too much, also I have this weird situation and I am not sure if it is also the right one because I am still kinda hung up on the one that had old guy training adds 🤣
More volume and cowbells, please.
Volume is too low. Too much talk. You walk away or block him. End of story.
And likely married. 🙄😡
👏👏👏
But like I don’t get it though, they do all that for what ?? Waste your time and get you all excited just to do the complete opposite of what they said they would. Like you came to me I was chilling… i almost want to give them a taste of their own medicine but it’s not worth it. Just delete their number and ignore THEM
let me know how it goes when you "call them out"
Why is breadcrumbing only spoken about in context of dating? I experienced breadcrumbing about marriage for years with my ex boyfriend.
Seems to me like the same advice applies: Communicate in a nonconfrontational manner about the behaviour, and if it doesn't change, move on.
I'm sorry that happened to you.
Some people call it 'future faking' when partners do it about major life decisions, like having children or getting married. But the principle is of course the same.
In your case,it’s called why buy the cow when u get the milk for free?I learned that from my dad when I was 13 ,don’t move in with a guy ,until ur engaged an are planning the wedding ,,the rules haven’t changed,,it’s still the same ,lol
@@laurahenry3562 wow, thanks a lot captain hindsight! How nice to hear you had a protective father growing up, which I did not have. Crazy how some things are so obvious to people who got what they needed growing up while the rest of us get screwed over. Thanks again for reminding me of that! 🙄
Why all these videos talk about sexual relationships and never just platonic friendships??
If their bread crumbing their not interested. Leave them alone and move on or accept any very casual friendship.
In the words of sex and the city…..he’s just not that in to you…..
This is woman SOP 101. Now when it happens to them they need a therapist. Welcome to the new age,
110%
She replied to msg after ghosting me for a day i then told her i cant meet as i have lower back injury and then after a day i posted stories of going out
Done haha
the sound is very soft
Just block them ❤
Yes. All in or not interested...why breadcrumbing? I understand being cautios and going slow but breadcrumbing is a whole different story.
Oh lord. Lady, men NEVER have plans for a relationship. We are just happy to be with you. Plans for the relationship are what women do
‘’We are just happy to be with you”’ equates to saying, ‘’our needs are fulfilled so YOU shouldn’t need more” It’s callous disrespectful and selfish. Physical relations without intentions is whoredom, and in your case, even more disrespect, they go without pay.
Mature men do plan. Mature women let a man know that they are looking for marriage from day one and will not remain with a man for more than 2 years unmarried 🤷🏻♀️
Tell me you breadcrumb without telling me you breadcrumb. Healthy, mature men DO make plans when we are in love.
Just admit you're a F boy, it's actually more honest
@@Thiago_Alves_Souza👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
The man who is now my husband moved heaven and earth to be with me. Together since 2002.
I only have one response. Ignore forever. 😂
This will just inflate their ego. Just ignore them.
Breadcrumbed by someone... I tried your method to call her directly... But even after 48 calls she didn't reply and after I call someone near her and say pls help me to talk her ... Then he give his phone to her but she clearly denied she told she don't have my calls... When I m in front of her she make me realize that I am important to her... But whenever I call she didn't pick and even never call back.... It made me so doubtful about myself..... I feel I had a mistake or something.... My confidence is drained a lot because of this.... I make doubtful about myself....
And even after that incident she didn't called me once.... Even I always help her make her feel good.... What do I do now
This video provided long winded and weak-minded advice that merely enables time-wasters and abusers.
Please cut to the chase.
Thank you. This video and the advice here is horrible.
I got breadcrumbed until I got pregnant, then I got blocked.
She expect me to reach out when it wasn’t her timing? She can stay petty. I aint taking no bait. Ima wait for her to reach out first. She put me through the ringer and expect me to reach out and call? 😂 Hell nah to the nah nah nah
I've got breadcrumbers. They're called mice :-))
Step 2 is hilarious 😂 it's the whole point of breadcrumbing to make you feel that way, are you serious?
Yeah, right?! This video and advice is bunk. Step.
Going No Contact works great to get your ex into their anxious emotions, but the next hurdle may be, once they finally reach out, beware of the bread crumbing, which is probably worse than the No Contact, because of the manipulative holding pattern your ex may keep you in, dangling the carrot of hope, which ironically enough, may cause you to actually prefer the No Contact over that bread crumbing crap.
But what do breadcrumbers get with breadcrumbing?
They get back ups until the person they want to be with comes along or until they decide to settle for u.
Wow! Thats pathetic
Manipulate someone for what they want them to do. (Typically hook ups)
It can also be laziness. They want the benefits of a relationship without investing the necessary time and effort.
Bread crumbing is a tool Married Men often use.
They can have their cake & eat it, too if you will settle for crumbs.
He throws out bread crumbs on the trail just enough to keep you around for when he needs you.
But he will not give you the full course meal because he’s giving that to his Wife.
Whatever he can do to keep you available to him with the least amount of effort invested in you is what works.
He may seem like a ‘nice guy’ but he is truly selfish and manipulative underneath it all.
You deserve BETTER!!!
"Breadcrumber" seem to act like a lot of women....
A woman’s kindness is not interest.
She means well here, but her advice is inviting yourself to be "gaslit" and B.S.'d beyond what is deserved. Just walking away and leaving the breadcrumber not knowing what the hell you have already figured out is retaining the power over them and the pride in yourself.
Sports. When guys are the center of attention, They talk to lots of girls/have many come up to them. You'll see them mirror to be polite. What they are really doing is seeing who's around and waiting to pick one. Then V day comes or a prom, and then they need to a decision to be seen with a girl. They usually though expect the girl to do the initial conversation, weird I know. Sometimes they like the flirting at the sport and will find another girl completely outside of it. The girlfriend from the Mom's friend or church or a separate class. But still flirt all around at the sports.
Hi your sound is too low to hear
What does breadcrumbs mean ???
‘Bread Crumbing ‘ is throwing out bits of time, attention and effort into you instead of being truly invested.
He gives you just enough to keep you around for his convenience.
Hopefully you don’t hang on, hoping for a reciprocal relationship because this guy clearly isn’t available (for any number of reasons.)
The chance of him changing are slim because this kind of behavior serves HIM - and leaves YOU with the short end of the stick.
No one deserves this ‘Bread Crumbing’ bull sh*t while you are on the begging end of the relationship, waiting for his call.
You deserve BETTER. 💕
why would you want to enter into a relationship with someone who breadcrumbs you at the outset ? just stop talking to them and move on.
ya leave