THIS Is Why the Avoidant Breadcrumbs & What You Can Do Immediately to Stop It

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  • Опубліковано 7 тра 2024
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    In today's video, Thais Gibson explains why the avoidant attachment style (dismissive avoidant attachment style) breadcrumbs and what you can do to stop it. Watch now to find out why as Thais provides useful tips and guidance.
    To learn more, explore the transformative course, "How to Heal From a Break Up & Transform Grief", for powerful tools you can begin using immediately on your journey!
    ---
    00:00:00 - Intro
    00:01:01 - What is the Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style?
    00:01:44 - What Is Breadcrumbing?
    00:02:40 - Is breadcrumbing always intentional?
    00:03:24 - Signs of Breadcrumbing
    00:05:02 - Reasons Dismissive Avoidant Breadcrumbs
    00:08:19 - What to Do
    00:11:55 - Course: How To Heal From A Breakup
    00:12:36 - Conclusion
    ---
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    Hey there! I'm Thais Gibson, and this is the channel where I teach you how to transform your life.
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 184

  • @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
    @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool  11 днів тому +14

    Have you ever experienced breadcrumbing in a current or past relationship? What was your experience like? ❤

    • @Ahicksaf
      @Ahicksaf 11 днів тому

      Then after the break up: my ex was contacting me after the discard asking for favors during a 4 month period of no contact. Sometimes she did it for random reasons like "oh can u contact this person for me ? or i saw u watching this on tiktok video? to which i replied casually. One day she called to get her car back from me ( long story), of course its her right and i gave it back to her. But i was frustrated of her previous breadcrumbs, so I set a boundary, i calmly told her that she was contacting me for random reasons sometimes and i didn't know what she wanted. I told her to only contact me if she needed to talk about the relationship that she discarded and nothinge else. she got very angry and told me that her contacting me meant nothing and that I was overthinking. i told her regarldess please respect this boundary, she accepted but she was upset and claimed that I am still hurt. Her reaction was unexpected and it felt I Gave her attention more than she deserves. does this count as breaking no contact after 4 month of silence? As a result it now feels like i lost her forever, cz now she's also doing no contact. What if I was setting a boundary but broke no contact by accident? maybe i showed that i still care ? have i made a mistake ?😂

    • @Ahicksaf
      @Ahicksaf 11 днів тому

      my ex was contacting me after the discard asking for favors during a 4 month period of no contact. Sometimes she did it for random reasons like "oh can u contact this person for me ? or i saw u watching this on tiktok video? to which i replied casually. One day she called to get her car back from me ( long story), of course its her right and i gave it back to her. But i was frustrated of her previous breadcrumbs, so I set a boundary, i calmly told her that she was contacting me for random reasons sometimes and i didn't know what she wanted. I told her to only contact me if she needed to talk about the relationship that she discarded and nothinge else. she got very angry and told me that her contacting me meant nothing and that I was overthinking. i told her regarldess please respect this boundary, she accepted but she was upset and claimed that I am still hurt. Her reaction was unexpected and it felt I Gave her attention more than she deserves. does this count as breaking no contact after 4 month of silence? As a result it now feels like i lost her forever, cz now she's also doing no contact. What if I was setting a boundary but broke no contact by accident? maybe i showed that i still care ? have i made a mistake ?

    • @Ahicksaf
      @Ahicksaf 11 днів тому

      Long story short, She discarded me. We had a strong connection and I loved her deeply. After the breakup, she started asking how I was doing? it seems she wamted to make sure I was doing well. after the total abondonment of our bond, I replied casually and then she went cold again. I was in a 4 month no contact, during that period she kept contacting me again, this time its for favors, "oh can u call this person for me. its urgent" , i didn't reply. She blocked me then unblocked me, then she contacted me bcz apparently I have been watching a tiktok video that she shared. and she started to make jokes bcz the name of my profile was funny. Then she became serious and got upset because i didn't reply to her request, "i would appreciated if u replied" I told her I was busy. Then finally she contacts me she was coming to visit my country ( yes she lives abroad ) and wanted her car back which lent during the relationship, which is of course her right. but then later on she called me and asked me if i can deliver the car to her friend. During that conversation i finally lost emotional control and I telling her that she spent the last 4 month sending riddles and i just didn't know what is her purpose? I told her once we settle our car problem, to stop contacting me unless she needed to talk about the relationship.

    • @Ahicksaf
      @Ahicksaf 11 днів тому

      After the breakup, she started asking how I was doing? it seems she wanted to make sure I was doing well, I replied casually and then she went cold again, then she did it again which was okay. I was in a 4 month no contact, during that period she kept contacting me again, this time its for favors , i didn't reply to her request cz it wa rude. She blocked me then unblocked me, then she contacted me bcz apparently I have been watching a tiktok video that she shared. and she started to make jokes bcz the name of my profile was funny. Then she became serious and got upset because i didn't reply to her request, I told her I was busy. Then finally she contacts me when she was coming to visit my country ( yes she lives abroad ) and wanted her car back which she lent to me during the relationship, which is of course her right. but then later on she called me and asked me if i can deliver the car to her friend. During that conversation i finally lost emotional control and find myself telling her that she spent the last 4 month sending riddles and i just didn't know what was her purpose? I told her once we settle our car problem to stop contacting me unless she needed to talk about the relationship. She got really angry, and took the car and left and never contacted me again

    • @Ahicksaf
      @Ahicksaf 11 днів тому

      After the breakup, she started asking how I was doing? it seems she wanted to make sure I was doing well, I replied casually and then she went cold again, then she did it again which was okay. It was during 4 months of no contact, the she started to ask favors to which i didn't reply to her. She blocked me then unblocked me after a week, she contacted me again telling me that I have been watching a tiktok video that she shared. She started to make jokes and banter a bit. Then she became serious and got upset because i didn't reply to her request, I told her I was busy. Then finally she contacts to take her car back which was reasonable. but then later on she called me and asked me if i can deliver the car to her friend. During that conversation i finally lost emotional control and find myself telling her that she spent the last 4 month sending riddles and i just didn't know what was her purpose? I told her to stop stop contacting me unless she needed to talk about the relationship. She got really angry, and took the car and left and never contacted me again. I was trying to set a boundary, I know this may count as breaking no contact.

  • @Michelle-qq4sd
    @Michelle-qq4sd 11 днів тому +43

    Avoid dating an avoidant. Learn how to be secure yourself. Then find another secure person. Understand how to stop bread coming yourself!

  • @cobragirl15
    @cobragirl15 4 дні тому +4

    Currently in the aftermath of an avoidant/anxious relationship. Going into the relationship I was secure bc of all the work I have done on myself. I enjoyed going slow and seeing where this would go - he claimed he was super busy and didn't have much time outside of work but we talked every day. After 7 months it came out he hadn't told me about a pregnant woman and baby (at this point the baby was 2 weeks old), from a one night stand that happened before we met. Cue anxious attachment. We tried to work it out but his avoidance made it impossible for repair. So I'm left picking up the pieces. They will ruin you and leave you in their wake of destruction. Run.

  • @nannyboo9832
    @nannyboo9832 9 днів тому +25

    Dating an avoidant has been the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. Word of advice… just don’t.

  • @markcollins1012
    @markcollins1012 6 днів тому +5

    I gave two decades to an extremely avoidant person. I got better with my anxious attachment and I learned my lesson. Bread crumbing is manipulation and disingenuous. I can have sympathy and compassion for the avoidant, but I want nothing to do with them and have zero desire to connect to them at all anymore. If someone has a partner with no desire to work on themselves, then I would advise anyone else to do the same. You will be neglected by an avoidant who can't work on themselves.

  • @dandanut5409
    @dandanut5409 11 днів тому +40

    Here s the secret with avoidants. DAs need to have many of their boundaries brought down and broken while FA need to have boundaries built and lifted up.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +8

      A dismissive avoidant has excessive boundaries. We, like other insecure attachment types, need to learn how to have more appropriate boundaries. A steel fortress is not an amazing boundary. But remember, to us it's like the world is full of Mongolian horsemen charging at the steel fortress. Yet we need to do work to unwind all that fear trauma and tension so we can have more appropriate boundaries.

    • @dandanut5409
      @dandanut5409 11 днів тому +3

      @@Littleowl85352 how do you respond then to social dynamics like friendly encounters, work colleagues, parties, and crowded places?

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +3

      @@dandanut5409 it's really quite difficult to be honest, unless it's work because in my profession there are strict formal rules on how we interact with each other. I just keep to those rules. I have good friends, not a lot of them, but they don't try and get me to "open up" or anything like that. As far as crowded places, I practice breathing techniques to stay calm and not panic. Parties? I will be at the gym.

    • @dandanut5409
      @dandanut5409 11 днів тому +3

      @@Littleowl85352 how do you function in a friendship dynamics? Doesn't a friendship relationship require opening up? How often do you have get togethers with friends and do you trust them?

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому

      @@dandanut5409 probably once a month in person, I would text or communicate on social media daily... And yes I would trust them entirely! I don't know, it is just happy, maybe we share a few small personal things but it is not huge and often

  • @SK-no2pp
    @SK-no2pp 11 днів тому +29

    If someone acts like your partner but refuses to use titles, it's because they aren't ready for a relationship, want to keep their options open, or aren't sure about you. Titles define a relationship.
    There's no ambiguity when there's a title, which is why labels scare people who aren't read to commit. Relationships are about actions AND words. When it comes to relationships, actions don't always speak louder than words. One is not more important than the other. The important thing is whether someone's actions align with their words. To avoid using a title, people might say things like let's just take it slow, I want to enjoy what we have, I like things the way they are, I don't want to get hurt, I don't do labels, it's too much pressure, I'm not ready for a relationship yet, the timing isn't right, let's see how things are going in a few months, etc... But when a person is ready to commit, comfortable with intimacy, and sure about you, the way they act will align with the words they speak

  • @user-mi2uo9xj5t
    @user-mi2uo9xj5t 11 днів тому +20

    To all: This is supposed to be a safe space for everyone to share their comments. This thread seems to have some that are annoyed by the differences of perspective & opinion. I just want to restate that I’m not trying to judge, offend, or criticize anyone. But yes, I am hurting, just like a lot of others are, and I am working on my healing. So I apologize if I said anything “wrong” in your eyes. Lets just all be grateful we found Thais & the PDS. Best wishes to all.

  • @Livvy925
    @Livvy925 11 днів тому +71

    I fear heights. Therefore I AVOID heights. If you fear vulnerabilities in relationships, AVOID relationships.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +14

      Imagine if you had a biological imperative programmed into your amygdala that led you to seek out cliffs... but you also had that phobia. That should leave you with an idea of what causes the trouble.

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 11 днів тому +11

      Avoidants can make good partners as long as they are paired with someone who understands and loves them for who they. It's no different with anxious attachments. They need to be with someone who wants and accepts them as is. There's someone for everyone.

    • @Livvy925
      @Livvy925 11 днів тому +10

      @@LeeChrissy It possibly works IF the avoidants understands he/she has this issue and does the "work". Otherwise you are S.O.L.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +2

      @@Livvy925 isn't it pretty normal to surrender a relationship that fails due to the lack of compatibility

    • @Livvy925
      @Livvy925 11 днів тому +1

      @@Littleowl85352 I don't think a lack of vulnerability is about a lack of compatibility. This person LACKS a key ingredient of a RELATIONSHIP. I feel the same way about folks making babies that don't possess empathy. Sex is not for them.

  • @Temporary3334
    @Temporary3334 11 днів тому +21

    Set the deadline and he didn’t “show up.” I got my answer

    • @dandanut5409
      @dandanut5409 10 днів тому

      Did the same but it was about something very important for both of us regardless of is anything continued between us. Many spiritual messages that I received about her that had to be checked with her. I'm sorry I had to block her. But keeping to words is also a lesson she needs to learn and I couldn't break my word. She appeared a bit interested to follow up with it but wasn't direct about it, idk perhaps triggered? I kept trying to reasure her before the term, but ended up with her not complying. I asked her about this 1 or 2 weeks before but she kept avoiding it.

    • @l0uann3
      @l0uann3 5 днів тому

      Move on. Not worth it

  • @buellerferris
    @buellerferris 11 днів тому +64

    Here's what you do to stop it, you leave. Stop giving these selfish/inconsiderate people a pass and have some self-respect to not be in relationships with toddlers in adult bodies.

    • @HippieZippy
      @HippieZippy 11 днів тому +4

      It comes from a place of trauma! Do you not think we should show more compassion & and understanding? Should we not just accept the breadcrumbs. Afterall, better to have crumbs than nothing at all, right?

    • @buellerferris
      @buellerferris 11 днів тому +23

      @@HippieZippy Compassion and understanding doesn't mean enabling or that I need to lower my boundaries or lower my standards. Why should I risk getting traumatized after being breadcrumbed, stonewalled, and discarded just because the other person hasn't done the work to heal? You don't think the recepients of this crappy treatments don't have their own traumas to deal with? DAs are the most self-centered people and everything is about them.

    • @user-mi2uo9xj5t
      @user-mi2uo9xj5t 11 днів тому +4

      Agree with buellerferris 100%!!! I don’t hate my FA ex nor do I think she’s a bad person, but yes, the FA behavior that I remember from when we were together still aggravates me at times. And I can’t help but think what a cowardly way FA’s tend to act. No disrespect to anyone who is FA but at this place that the world is at, especially if they are well into their adult years, I don’t understand how they don’t wake up & try to grow up.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +4

      @@user-mi2uo9xj5t I am of the opinion that growing up also means learning how to let go of bitterness and resentment

    • @mammamonssterr
      @mammamonssterr 11 днів тому +8

      @@buellerferris It's the way you talk about it. You can simply say "stop enabling dysfunction in your life" and leave it at that, but the moment you say "they're toddlers in adult bodies" and that they're just selfish and inconsiderate not only you're spreading misinformation and being reductive but you're actively feeding the prejudice most people have about this topic. It's really interesting: the people that know the most about trauma responses (bc they read a lot about them or watch this types of videos) are the one's saying the craziest most offensive things about them, more than people who don't know about the topic.

  • @nineangels7572
    @nineangels7572 11 днів тому +13

    Seven months of keeping in touch but never meeting (long distance) He disappears for a week at a time. Just leaves a msg or text unanswered then pops back up like nothing happened. We are both over 55. Very frustrating connection.

    • @peterjaro7386
      @peterjaro7386 11 днів тому +1

      Im in the same boat 52 yr old but she lives 20mins away. Smh.

    • @SK-no2pp
      @SK-no2pp 10 днів тому +2

      What you permit you promote. He’s comfortable having you as a pen pal, you meet his limited emotional needs. This won’t be a relationship

  • @lordkillohendrix-8501
    @lordkillohendrix-8501 11 днів тому +7

    Thank you I did this exactly took a huge step back because of lack of reciprocity ✅

  • @Seraphina93
    @Seraphina93 8 днів тому +2

    Personal tip -> go off for 2 weeks and please don’t tell them about it
    Distance = „what do I feel?“

  • @civulaskolowe5393
    @civulaskolowe5393 8 днів тому +1

    You have a very clear way of explaining these dynamics without putting blame or shame on either side of it. Thumbs up!

  • @catboxcleaner3532
    @catboxcleaner3532 11 днів тому +2

    Hello, Thais. Thank you for the introduction to this topic. The advice to pull way back is calming for me. To build a cost/benefit analysis of staying sounds beneficial. Take care, all.

  • @carlhouseofoliver345
    @carlhouseofoliver345 11 днів тому +1

    Thank you so much for this amazing video!! Just what I needed today when I've been questioning Bread crumbing. So good to see where I affect myself in this by being addicted to the bread crumb fix I get

  • @gabrieledawson6064
    @gabrieledawson6064 10 днів тому

    I'm so grateful for your videos. You've been really educating me on my past relationship and helping me heal my broken heart to move on. You're amazing, thank you for what you do 💓

  • @anitawieman3900
    @anitawieman3900 10 днів тому +2

    I love it how you value the core wounds in every attachment style and devote yourself to healing. at the moment I'm recovering from a breadcrumbing relationship with a DA; apart from protecting myself by setting a deadline I didn't have the tools to navigate through the process in a healthy way. thank you very much for your work, a labour of love ❤, next time I will be more equiped; or even better; ready for a relationship with a securely attached man 🥰

  • @mmohseni69
    @mmohseni69 6 днів тому

    Thank you for your explanation well done🙏

  • @Mudpuppyjunior
    @Mudpuppyjunior 10 днів тому +6

    Not sure how a deadline of a week or even a few weeks can work.
    If they're healthy and self aware enough that they're capable of change that quick, they probably wouldn't be breadcrumbing in the first place.
    Seems to me it would take a DA, even one ready and willing to change, much longer to trust enough to stop breadcrumbing.
    If you feel the person is worth the try and you have the patience, figure on a whole lot longer than a few weeks. If they're not worth the try or you are unwilling to invest in a real try, skip the deadline and just move along.

    • @BracaPhoto
      @BracaPhoto 7 днів тому

      I think it's more of a deadline for yourself - kinda a test to make sure you're not leaving a "fixable" person 😂😂😂
      I said fixable 😂

  • @beaker7353
    @beaker7353 8 днів тому +1

    My ex fiance wouldn't answer messages for days. Always on his phone 😢sometimes it was worse if he'd read it and not replied. Im securely attached. But suffered severe anxiety. As i thought id said something wrong in the message 😢

  • @msp720
    @msp720 8 днів тому +2

    I think I'm being breadcrumbed. The FA I'm trying to date is always responsive and has occasionally been vulnerable to me, but she's canceled on our plans a few times in a row. We've only ever hung out in groups, and she's always so enthusiastic whenever we make solo plans (which is why I've kept trying), but it seems like the reality of actually going out scares her. She's not inconsiderate, but she's unreliable: She lets me know as early as possible and never cancels last minute, but I'm tired of getting my hopes up. I'm still interested, but sick of the constant chase. I'm open to something happening organically, but not expecting anything now.

  • @nannoreul
    @nannoreul 11 днів тому +4

    Thais, these videos are absolutely invaluable. The guy I’ve been seeing is a dead ringer for DA behaviour. His feelings tend to overflow just a tiny bit every now and again. I’ve been privileged to hear bits and pieces about his childhood, and it’s quite sad and definitely neglectful. Wish me luck on trying to help him move toward healthy emotional behaviour and therapy.

  • @debbiesweet
    @debbiesweet 10 днів тому

    I am trying to find the link you were talking about in this video . The link about making a list and how to.

  • @beaker7353
    @beaker7353 8 днів тому +1

    I did in the start of the relationship. I called him and said "can we work on communication? " as my anxiety was getting worse. He said it was my problem to deal with. I ended up apologising for calling him 😢

    • @Man-qq7jg
      @Man-qq7jg 7 днів тому

      .....I feel for you.

    • @beaker7353
      @beaker7353 7 днів тому

      @@Man-qq7jg thank you. That means a lot. Wish I'd known about attachment styles and breadcrumbing 18 months ago 😪 would have saved my sanity

    • @lil-5154
      @lil-5154 6 днів тому

      Been through that!

    • @beaker7353
      @beaker7353 5 днів тому

      @@lil-5154 really. What was your experience like? I know it's horrible, but I'm glad other people can truly understand and sympathise

  • @Seraphina93
    @Seraphina93 8 днів тому

    It’s good to communicate needs I did that when he came back the 2/3 time for me basically even if they don’t do it. I’m classy and I wanna state my needs.

  • @karenpoirier9352
    @karenpoirier9352 11 днів тому +2

    Can you discuss limerence? I'm AP and highly prone to limerence and not able to get out

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +1

      There's a video on this posted a few days back

    • @Beth1300
      @Beth1300 2 дні тому

      What's AP?

  • @Kas33345
    @Kas33345 9 днів тому +1

    Great vid, question - How does sex in avoidants play into their attachments and relationships? Obviously, that is part of a relationship, can start at the dating stage, and into the long term. But when it is a crutch or self soothing or other dynamics. A video on this would be great.

    • @Seraphina93
      @Seraphina93 8 днів тому

      Doesn’t at all they’re robots without feels
      Sex = good, sex = ego
      U don’t factor in

    • @Kas33345
      @Kas33345 8 днів тому

      @@Seraphina93 That is an over simplifcation and sounds very bitter. It does factor in, we all have feelings and sex does connect us on a physical as well as mental, emotional level.

    • @1999Chelsea
      @1999Chelsea 7 днів тому +1

      I have had 2 DA ex’s that became sexless in the relationship 2 years in
      Turning to porn or an affair

    • @Ghostecy
      @Ghostecy 5 днів тому

      @@1999Chelseawhat were their reasons for it?

  • @azarelgonzalez1049
    @azarelgonzalez1049 11 днів тому +4

    Thais I have a question. One time I asked the guy in dating if he knew about attachment styles and what his was and he said he was secure. After a few months of dating I’ve come to realize he’s actually a DA. How could I approach the topic of maybe having him watch your videos describing a DA so he can see for himself? Or maybe just a way to bring up the topic so that he can become aware that he’s a DA so we can both be aware of what we need to work on?

    • @1999Chelsea
      @1999Chelsea 7 днів тому +1

      My ex DA thought he was secure as well
      They don’t have a lot of self knowledge and don’t really know what needs are and why they are such a big deal

  • @beasmarty
    @beasmarty 10 днів тому

    in the kindest and most loving way possible: these comments...

  • @boxcar402
    @boxcar402 11 днів тому +2

    QUESTION - Me and a female DA roommate had a falling out 1.5 years ago. She stonewalled so we never spoke about it and moved out suddenly. I was unclear if she likes me romantically or not. I contacted her recently as she had mail. She was very receptive and wanted to meet straight away. I wasn't available and she was going away so she said she'd get back to me in a month when she was back in the country. She returned 4 months ago but hasn't been in touch to get her mail. I'm thinking of just phoning her up and asking her on a date as I've liked her for a long time. I'm sure she'll be surprised and not sure what her answer would be. Is calling up a DA asking for a date point blank, too much? Should i ask in a text beforehand for a call as i have something to ask? (Or would that be anxiety inducing for a DA?) I'm not sure how to move forward with this. Many thanks for any help! 🙂

    • @sj3969
      @sj3969 11 днів тому +3

      I’m not her, nor are all DAs the same, BUT I would be very confused if someone I had a falling out with almost 2 years ago keeps reaching out to me. If her mail mattered that much to her you wouldn’t have to keep reaching out about it. I would be even more confused if you asked me on a date randomly like that. Idk…she might be different

    • @cecilang9721
      @cecilang9721 11 днів тому +7

      She isn’t into you and isn’t thinking about you in that way. You have been thinking of her all the time. Doesn’t matter whether she is DA or not. Just not into you.

    • @sifublack192
      @sifublack192 11 днів тому +2

      I wouldn't call at all. If she hasn't reached out she's not into you.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +3

      Just ask her very directly but don't come on here weeping moaning calling her a narcissist if she dares say no. I'm a DA and deeply appreciate people getting straight to the point and being open and honest. If she's hesitant she likely knows you've got some sort of grenade waiting for her so best be open about what that grenade is. She will know you like her because women always do.

    • @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
      @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool  11 днів тому +3

      I appreciate you sharing vulnerably! It might be best to reach out by text to remind her about her mail you want to get back to her, then see how it goes from there ❤

  • @danparry3730
    @danparry3730 11 днів тому +2

    I just found your videos after my DA ex broke up with me. My question is that she wants us to remain friends, but doesn't want us to hang out one on one. She says that we can revisit the idea of us hanging out one on one in a few months. Any insight on why or what this means?

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +4

      She wants to make sure you disengage from her emotionally and that you are not going to try and get back together with her before she can trust you in a one on one setting. She likes you as a friend but doesn't think it's appropriate to extend that friendship to romance.

    • @melissa3986
      @melissa3986 11 днів тому +3

      Are you sure she’s a DA and just not interested?

    • @danparry3730
      @danparry3730 11 днів тому +1

      @@melissa3986 she is. She told me early on in our relationship that she was and is aware of her attachment style. That's why I've been trying to understand DAs. Some of her behavior in our breakup also aligns perfectly with a DA.

    • @danparry3730
      @danparry3730 11 днів тому +1

      @Littleowl85352 Thank you for the insight that is close to what I had predicted. I guess now I have to make a tough decision.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому

      @@danparry3730 I would say the more mature thing and appropriate thing for her to do is to not have contact with an ex, I know that may lead to some hand wringing among some people but best to make a clean break.

  • @1999Chelsea
    @1999Chelsea 7 днів тому +1

    Wow a lot of Avoident bashing in this thread

  • @SK-no2pp
    @SK-no2pp 11 днів тому +1

    How can I get a DA who is bread crumbing me about meeting to actually meet? I think he has fears or is nervous but I can’t talk on the phone endlessly without meeting…. He will bring it up but not follow through

    • @purr181
      @purr181 11 днів тому +3

      Idk... I managed to meet someone after 5-6 years chatting and then they became avoidant IRL instead. It's a waste of time to try.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +4

      My answer to that is to give long distance relationships a hard pass, meet someone in person.

    • @SK-no2pp
      @SK-no2pp 10 днів тому

      @@Littleowl85352 we live 1 hour away and I can easily drive to him or vice verse yet he’s made no REAL plans to meet

  • @favourebede6334
    @favourebede6334 6 днів тому

    I ghost them no explanation and I think they understand

  • @PisceanSol_1
    @PisceanSol_1 11 днів тому +2

    Yet, they expect the other party to be vulnerable with them. How does this work????

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +4

      I think we would rather you weren't vulnerable 😂

    • @sj3969
      @sj3969 11 днів тому +1

      @@Littleowl85352 yes, I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone to open up to me. In fact, people do it unprovoked and then will say something to the effect of “I’m not even gonna go there” when referring to the more nitty gritty stuff. 99.9% of the time I say it’s fine, only say what you feel like saying and they’ll do it anyway lol. I never pry because generally the stuff they might want to be vulnerable about isn’t relevant to my life. The difference in lifestyle and mindset means I don’t even think to ask people to “open up.” I don’t even know what that means under normal circumstances as I don’t have some hidden inner world just waiting to be revealed. If I’m sad I say it, if I’m happy I say.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому

      @@sj3969 when people say "being vulnerable" I have this mental picture of this awful woman with sage and twigs in her long curly hair crystals up her nostrils snivelling and moaning because she's been waiting ten minutes for a text

    • @Erica-cf1xb
      @Erica-cf1xb 10 днів тому

      If you are a open book and they get to be a closed book then they can fill in the cracks...with tech support of course. Invasion of privacy is necessary to get in real good to be the best person ever, make you a pet, or just to steal.

  • @tiffanylindfield9157
    @tiffanylindfield9157 11 днів тому +2

    Leave

  • @Seraphina93
    @Seraphina93 8 днів тому +1

    Watch these videos,
    Become so good at this u use them right back when they use u
    ???
    Profit

  • @Littleowl85352
    @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +1

    I remember a former friend who was constantly going through upheavals with her married love interest and always messaging me for advice. I got slower in responding because I was overwhelmed by her while I worked out how to sever the friendship. She's still mad at me. But I've also got friends I may not respond to immediately because I don't have the bandwidth for a discussion at the time. Surely this is all very normal and acceptable and none of it is breadcrumbing but I could see how people would jump to that conclusion. The point I'm making, check yourself and don't jump to conclusions. Us dismissive avoidants do NOT breadcrumb as we are not motivated to be manipulative, we're not trying to draw you in deeper we're trying to keep you at a comfortable distance. I would say anxious attachment styles would breadcrumb more as they'd do anything to enmesh some poor sap.

    • @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
      @ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool  11 днів тому +1

      Thank you for sharing your personal experience! ❤

    • @saskiao492
      @saskiao492 11 днів тому +7

      The issue here is that at no point did you mention you directly communicated your need for less contact. Yoh took a passive aggressive approach in hopes that she got the hint and when she didn’t you responded by going nuclear when you couldn’t take it anymore and severed the entire relationship. There are healthier ways but basically you lashed out at her bc you didn’t have proper communication around your own boundaries.

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому

      @@saskiao492 I did actually tell her that I needed to take breaks. You weren't actually there. Then I was the one to inform her (once I had decided) that we were not going to be communicating further with each other. Yes some responses were slower than usual but that wasn't me hinting, that was exactly what I said it was. Pure overwhelm not having any idea wtf to say.

    • @julesD0222
      @julesD0222 11 днів тому +2

      Yup! That sounds like breadcrumbing to me and as Thais mentioned, for DAs it’s not always intentional, but to the person on the receiving end it feels the exactly the same

    • @Littleowl85352
      @Littleowl85352 11 днів тому +3

      @@julesD0222 honestly tho you guys need to realise it's not intentional just as much as we need to learn how to manage our anxiety so we respond in time... but I defend my right to disengage (with open communication) from relationships that are making me uncomfortable. Just because something feels like something, doesn't make it something. I could feel like this indigestion is a heart attack, but it isn't a heart attack and it doesn't require the same treatment. We are not trying to draw you into the magical woods or gingerbread cottage, no matter how much you "feel" it is so. That's your past stuff blinding your eyes.

  • @kaydubya6347
    @kaydubya6347 6 днів тому

    Most of em bread crumb because THEYRE BORING , AND " THE WHOLE LOAF " aint shit😂😂😂
    If they gave it all, you'd be interested for a week MAX.. They HAVE TO BREAD-CRUMB YOU ,in order to seem interesting and mysterious 😊

  • @comments3179
    @comments3179 11 днів тому +1

    Or… just don’t date avoidants!!!

    • @1999Chelsea
      @1999Chelsea 7 днів тому +1

      Lots of times they don’t look like Avoidents or don’t show up as avoidents until you are about 6 months in
      So easier said than done

  • @rohithiyyattil
    @rohithiyyattil 11 днів тому +2

    I'm very sorry, I love your contents in the video, but I just cannot stand the way you talk with the scratchy, hoarse and strained voice while speaking... It seems like you aren't interested in talking at all... I maybe old fashioned to think people must speak clearly and be happy about it...

    • @pizzelle2
      @pizzelle2 11 днів тому +2

      What the hell are you even talking about? What kind of weirdo posts a comment like this? Her voice is fine…please seek help.

    • @LeeChrissy
      @LeeChrissy 11 днів тому +2

      ​@@pizzelle2 I know. It's so rude.

    • @Irish_27
      @Irish_27 7 днів тому +1

      I love your voice and your videos. We all sound different and have no judgement.
      I am only here for your amazing content and appreciate your help.