INSECURE MEN

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  • Опубліковано 10 вер 2024
  • Like alot of toxic men, I too had a period of time where I struggled with my insecurities. I did things that were stupid and disrespectful to myself and others because of it too! Things like date women that i felt were not as smart as me, because I needed to feel smart. Or be flashy with my money or my income, because I thought women only wanted men that had money. I was lost and I'm not proud of that period of my life. I could've been living a much more enjoyable life and I could've avoided wasting a few women's time as well. That's why I recorded this video... I want to make you aware of how insecure men behave. I know it can be hard to tell when a man is insecure, because we can hide it so well with fake confidence. So I'm going to tell you some of the things that I did and I'm also going to tell you what I did to overcome my insecurities as well. Hopefully this information can help you understand how to deal with an insecure man and for the women that have been destroyed by this type of man, hopefully it will bring you some comfort to know that it's probably not your fault. You can do everything right and still get cheated on when you're dealing with an insecure man. Trust me.
    THANK YOU FOR WATCHING!
    CONNECT WITH ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA:
    INSTAGRAM: www.instagram....

КОМЕНТАРІ • 349

  • @TheShumakeWay
    @TheShumakeWay  3 роки тому +47

    Hit the subscribe button while you’re here 🤝

    • @Truthseeker869
      @Truthseeker869 3 роки тому +2

      Love your page! Good stuff! Definitely sharing with some young men that I know

    • @skye-theconspiracyrealist8584
      @skye-theconspiracyrealist8584 3 роки тому

      New subbie for sure🙌🏾 & I must say, I love that you not only admit to having a fiance, but you celebrate her! A lot of low down & thirsty pickmeishas will want what she has (you) but, a stand up woman such as myself prefer to genuinely pray for the success of you guys' union 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 keep up the great work as a man, particularly, a Black man & keep the great content pouring in!!!!!! Signed, a proud, determined, resilient and stand up woman-namaste🙏🏾🙌🏾🙏🏾

    • @Shalondria
      @Shalondria 3 роки тому

      I did. Thanks UA-cam for the suggestion!

    • @danieldelfy171
      @danieldelfy171 3 роки тому +1

      Dude I could see this becoming a podcast

    • @victorianjohn
      @victorianjohn 3 роки тому

      @@danieldelfy171 yes

  • @Lawyerbaejess
    @Lawyerbaejess 3 роки тому +115

    This goes for women too. Some women choose toxic men because it’s what they are comfortable with. Men and women both need to heal from their traumas to be better and ready for a relationship.

    • @TheShumakeWay
      @TheShumakeWay  3 роки тому +17

      I agree with you

    • @marleyhill34
      @marleyhill34 3 роки тому

      I'm 40 past it according to some male UA-camrs...I'm still trying to heal my traumas.

    • @quieracollins5127
      @quieracollins5127 3 роки тому

      Say it again 💯

  • @trafficcontrol2420
    @trafficcontrol2420 3 роки тому +94

    That's why cheating or habitual cheating can be a form of psychological abuse.

    • @jamaltimmerman7052
      @jamaltimmerman7052 3 роки тому

      WTF

    • @marleyhill34
      @marleyhill34 3 роки тому +15

      Sexual violation too. Sexual abuse. Sleeping with other people and bring back home their energy or just doing it in the marital bed. I know some one who slept with their exes sibling just to get back at them. That's just twisted.

  • @lro001
    @lro001 3 роки тому +130

    Straight up, my father in law told me if I didn’t know my scripture in the Bible, there was no sense dating her daughter (wife now) because if I can’t lead my family biblical, I’d fall for anything due to having a weak, feeble, spiritual awareness.....and those were HER standards.

  • @nik-at-nite
    @nik-at-nite 3 роки тому +154

    The difference between a Future and Russell Wilson. Future basically called Russell weak by saying that he lets his wife run him. Meanwhile Russell is glowing, he and Ciara’s pockets are growing, the kids are happy and healthy and it looks like what Russell is pouring into his wife he’s getting right back. And yet, Future declined the opportunity to meet the man who’s partially raising his child and similar men call Russell a simp (not sure how you simp for your wife but whatever)

    • @iamme2399
      @iamme2399 3 роки тому +33

      Future just needed to say something...but actually said nothing. Straight from his insecurity storage.

    • @nik-at-nite
      @nik-at-nite 3 роки тому +4

      @@iamme2399 exactly

    • @dr.100purrscent5
      @dr.100purrscent5 3 роки тому +18

      Future is the perfect example of how God protects Fools and Babies.
      God has taken every precious seed he thrown away and gave them to gardeners who are dedicated to see the best qualities in his children grow. The majority of Future's children will successfully rise above the generational madness that exists within that bloodline.
      Future had an opportunity to not only rise and be successful, but to actually be a good man. Unfortunately, he chooses to reflect his self hate onto women mainly.
      This is being publicised because he is being used as a wake up call for other men and women who tolerate and/or participate in toxicity. He has bonded so intensely with his insecurities that his ability to self reflect is nearly nonfunctional.
      God has covered his children in Love and surrounded them by individuals who will want to do better for themselves so they can do better by those children. Future will not be involved in this glorious process until he commits to getting healthy (especially spiritually) himself.
      He will watch his children drastically surpass him from afar. As other people help guide them into their abundance willingly cheering them along.

    • @candacecasey5634
      @candacecasey5634 3 роки тому +17

      Future is emotionally stunted.

    • @candacecasey5634
      @candacecasey5634 3 роки тому +6

      @@dr.100purrscent5 perfectly stated. He is " transparent" in the most negative sense of the word.

  • @beliveable8539
    @beliveable8539 3 роки тому +133

    Transparency=transformation

  • @viceanterra3
    @viceanterra3 3 роки тому +55

    I experienced that security at a pretty young age thankfully. I've never been one to care about what other people think from jump (not always a good thing. But it is what it is). When I met my wife I used to spend a lot of time with her and she used to be worried about what my friends would think and I would tell her they'll be alright. I'm not worried about them lol. 14 years and a daughter later, it was 1000% worth it. Friends drift apart all the time. I have new ones and they know my priorities.
    If people call me a simp, so be it. They have no power over me. Sticks and stones and all that.

  • @user-kk7cv8du3y
    @user-kk7cv8du3y 3 роки тому +14

    Moral of the story men need to stop wasting women time and energy if you don’t know if she is the one because no woman begging you to like her or waste her time. Women don’t come up to men. 9 out of 10 the man comes to the woman knowing he just want to use her and waste her time. Don’t pursue a woman out don’t have the attention on staying with.

  • @pausemental
    @pausemental 3 роки тому +111

    I'm liking this channel more and more, not necessarily because of the advice alone but more so because of the transparency. One of the most beautiful attributes a person can have is the ability to be transparent. Black ppl, our ppl are so hurt by so much, and wear a prideful facade too often . We literally all can relate, but suffer alone , pride aside, we all share a collective pain and we take it out on each other. I hope the birthing pain of the "blackosphere"will awaken more truth and transparency within our people.

    • @benjaminhenry3815
      @benjaminhenry3815 3 роки тому +2

      ✊🏾✊🏾✊🏾

    • @tid8583
      @tid8583 3 роки тому +2

      Well said! So true! I've been saying this for a while.

    • @darrylbrumfield7659
      @darrylbrumfield7659 3 роки тому

      Don't you follow cynthia g? Lol

    • @pausemental
      @pausemental 3 роки тому +1

      @@darrylbrumfield7659 are you a stalker, what a total creep 🤮

    • @pausemental
      @pausemental 3 роки тому +1

      @@darrylbrumfield7659 get a life , a job , and some business of your own #supremeweirdo

  • @nicolebradshaw5423
    @nicolebradshaw5423 3 роки тому +199

    The red pill community is a reactive sickness. This right here is HEALTH. Mad respect for this dude 👏🏽

    • @swayfitness5777
      @swayfitness5777 3 роки тому +4

      There's good and bad in every movement. There's positive and negative sides to the redpill. 👍🏾

    • @Quinn_M97
      @Quinn_M97 Рік тому

      Most black relationship UA-cam channels are toxic whether they are male or female. I only watch Shamuke now and he is a diamond in the rough.

    • @EverythingLvl
      @EverythingLvl 2 місяці тому

      @@swayfitness5777 there's good and bad in kkk? lmao

  • @TECHRRESTRIAL
    @TECHRRESTRIAL 3 роки тому +71

    Yeah, I feel like it isnt a bad idea for people, especially teenagers and young adults, to be able to successfully identify insecurity. A lot of people dont like talking about why they were (are) insecure.

  • @morenabonita8834
    @morenabonita8834 3 роки тому +60

    Interesting. Your story reminds me of when I was 22. I got my first apartment. I Furnished by myself. I had one little car paid off, and bought a brand new Tahoe from a Chevy dealership , by myself. I had a county job, no kids. I started dating a guy (he was in his mid 30’s)who made decent money. He made more than me, but still found himself telling me that I don’t make him feel needed. He said he wasn’t used to dealing with a woman who takes care of herself. He wasn’t mean about it, but that to me was a red flag.I would never be the woman he needed/ desired. I remember thinking to myself , “what the hell is this bullshit?!” 👀 lol some women may have thought that was cute and enduring. I was more focused on the potential issues should I have stayed with him.

    • @lavendersunsets7066
      @lavendersunsets7066 3 роки тому +21

      There's men out here who are jealous of their own kids because you show them affection. With some men it will always be something they're never satisfied. So I'm glad you were aware about those red flags.

    • @lightoverdarkness3078
      @lightoverdarkness3078 3 роки тому +20

      Probably smart for staying away... “needed” is typically a means to control or abuse in some form. Many blk men have no idea how to have a healthy relationship with a successful woman.

    • @MJ-vt4nb
      @MJ-vt4nb 3 роки тому +2

      You were smart at a young age.

    • @jahryd6108
      @jahryd6108 Рік тому +1

      Happened to me too recently. He definitely exhibited some controlling and abusive traits.

  • @fitz2523
    @fitz2523 3 роки тому +55

    I pray in the future that you and other men like you can do a mentorship program for young men to guide them in life experiences and the Christian faith 💯🙌🏾☺️

  • @lorriebrown1243
    @lorriebrown1243 3 роки тому +38

    Shumake...you have hit on that thing that drives most dysfunction in relationships. People don't think they are worthy. They don't realize that their worth is their purpose. You are living your purpose right now. I need you to know that I was first drawn to your channel because of your striking and attractive appearance. Your eyes spoke volumes, then I listened and your voice was like an old soul, then I focused on your words and I heard your maturity. Keep it up! You are ready for a whole relationship with that strong woman now. Just remember strong women need men that can allow her to be vulnerable because we get tired of being strong

  • @lavendersunsets7066
    @lavendersunsets7066 3 роки тому +44

    You know I listen to a lot of different channels when it comes to these topics. I'm everywhere. And a lot of them are basically telling some truths in an insulting way. And I see women saying it's harsh or hard to listen to. It's not for me because I know the place they're coming from. But when I listen to you it's a hard pill to swallow. Not because you're harsh. It's because I feel like you are coming from a genuine place. And I've been in some of these circumstances myself. It's like wow he's telling the truth I can feel it and been there. Even though I'm a woman. I've dealt with insecure men and for a long time they had me thinking something was wrong with me. For a long time my now husband made me realize it wasn't all me it was them too.

    • @skye-theconspiracyrealist8584
      @skye-theconspiracyrealist8584 3 роки тому +3

      @Lavender Sunsets I am so glad to hear you have the type of husband who uplifts you vs tearing you down just like this gentleman said. Congratulations to you Mrs./Miss Lavender 🙏🏾👌🏾🙌🏾🙏🏾

  • @shirllee9542
    @shirllee9542 3 роки тому +33

    You sound very self aware. Self reflection and honesty gives a person the solid foundation to build on and improve themself on. If you build on a lie you tell yourself about yourself, it'll eventually all fall down.

    • @TheShumakeWay
      @TheShumakeWay  3 роки тому +3

      I try to be pretty honest with myself. That’s where I gain my strength from

  • @kimmiet1980
    @kimmiet1980 3 роки тому +15

    I have an older cousin (middle aged now) and shortly after he got married, he told me that he tested other men by teasing them (today, that would be calling him a simp or something similar). If the guy folded to what he said, he's not ready for a woman. But if he stood his ground, he was ready.

  • @andymiles7677
    @andymiles7677 5 місяців тому +2

    Ive been an insecure man for the past 10 years. My wife has left me and brought this up. It is sad when you realise hoe much insecurity takes from you. It has taken me losing my wife (which i deserve) to realise i need to become secure and man up. Thanks for the awesome video

  • @stephanieoutlaw1170
    @stephanieoutlaw1170 3 роки тому +34

    Some parts of this hits home for me. My ex fiancée use to tell me that I didn’t make him feel like a man. And I did almost everything that I could to prove otherwise. He was cheating, got married to a young lady who 😞 sadly turned her back on her family and everything for him. He then repaid her by still trying to “see” 😒 me , before I just let it go altogether . These are some if not all the traits he had now that I think 🤔 about it. 😔 sad , for both of them
    Thanks for confirming my original thoughts about that situation 🙌🏾

    • @trlpop7911
      @trlpop7911 3 роки тому +4

      Be careful. Just because a man is insecure doesn't mean he isn't wicked. There is such a thing as an insecure wicked man (and same for women of course).

    • @hungrylion7742
      @hungrylion7742 3 роки тому +1

      Hope you doing well Stephanie ❤️. Always be at alert, a man like that is never good to be around.

    • @stephanieoutlaw1170
      @stephanieoutlaw1170 3 роки тому

      @@hungrylion7742 Thank you so much 😊… I’m doing very well and I’m glad to report I no longer have those types of ppl any longer.

    • @danilaroche1156
      @danilaroche1156 10 місяців тому +1

      It's a good thing you didn't marry. I was to 2 insecure men. Was cheated on and battered.

    • @stephanieoutlaw1170
      @stephanieoutlaw1170 10 місяців тому

      @@danilaroche1156 Yes, you are absolutely right ! Come to think of it we did use to tussle here and there☠️… I only imagine the future of that ☢️

  • @justlivinginthematrix6260
    @justlivinginthematrix6260 3 роки тому +10

    Wow man, when you made that point about going for low quality women because of insecurities it’s as if a light bulb lite in my head. Been dealing with a weak female like that because I liked how she needed me so much and how easy it was to control/manipulate her. It gave me a sense of security and put ease to my deep physiological trauma. And of course like you said with time the relationship falls apart. As I got more comfortable, my insecurities began to seep out and she sniffed it like a bloodhound. Ultimately that came to my demise. And I knew she wasn’t no good for me and I could’ve done way better. But the insecurity witch lives deep inside me simply did not allow me to attract a more stronger seasoned women. Feeling that you are inferior to other men or men she dated before you, feeling that she will cheat on you because you are not good enough.. Thoughts like those will kill you ! I’m only 19 but I truly believe that the medicine to this sickens is SELF IMPROVMENT. With that being said great topic well articulated !

    • @hungrylion7742
      @hungrylion7742 3 роки тому

      Keep working on yourself man. You’ll be fine.

    • @danilaroche1156
      @danilaroche1156 10 місяців тому

      The anecdote to this sickness is Christ. He's the Mighty Counselor & the Good Physician. He certainly helped me over my massive insecurities.

  • @katrynlittle165
    @katrynlittle165 3 роки тому +19

    These type of men believe or not a lot of them are damaged , just like there are damaged women, there are a lot of insecure damaged men out here but this is hardly talked about

  • @Ceceee21
    @Ceceee21 3 роки тому +27

    The insecurity that you are describing is something that I also think is the reason why men make the decisions that they make sometimes. This is definitely something that I have observed with my own father. Red Pill content is leading so many young men astray. They think that they are being put onto game but really..they are trying to overcompensate for their insecurities with this “alpha mentality”. There is nothing wrong with having a dominant personality, but the problem with that content, or one of the problems, is that it’s laying out a singular guideline for all men. And that in itself is problematic and unrealistic. Staying true to yourself is what shows how secure you are in yourself and your beliefs. Allowing that kind of influence (red pill) to change their own philosophies, shows how truly weak minded and insecure they are, in my opinion. They respond to that content so much because for them, it’s a way to deal with their insecurities.. it’s a way for them to validate their masculinity.. I can go on and on but again, great video.

  • @vmystery1
    @vmystery1 3 роки тому +36

    It is unfortunate that some of the GOOD men can't seem to find the GOOD women and vice versa. So much time is wasted when you are spending time getting with the wrong one instead of the right one. You can't be a LEADER trying to follow others.

  • @msdecemberloveangel8236
    @msdecemberloveangel8236 3 роки тому +14

    We need more men like u being transparent

  • @mangagod3785
    @mangagod3785 3 роки тому +29

    I lacked from my past a father figure so i didnt know and still struggling to find a proper description of being a man.. but i accepted my insecurities and thus beginning to grow UP. Even embrace to be an Adult. Sometimes i even forget im 24 thus putting a lot of pressure onto myself. But i have faith in just a year by being humble and keeping improve myself that things will once again evolve. Thk God for the lesson brotha.
    Love from France ☺️

    • @myisglim7801
      @myisglim7801 3 роки тому +1

      Fatherless ppl overestimate a father. You think you’d be a doctor or rich with your father? Lol

    • @mangagod3785
      @mangagod3785 3 роки тому +2

      @@myisglim7801 you kinda have a point. No matter with/without a father, at a certain point i believe we become adults so it's up to us to do the right thing. So i hear you very well. It's just sometime you like.. "would it have been different if he was there " and then you catch yourself and back at it again.

    • @myisglim7801
      @myisglim7801 3 роки тому +2

      Father is still human, he isn’t perfect. My Father is now my best friend. He was home every night not on drugs didn’t drink. I’m still not
      Perfect. I respect you get what I’m saying, cause some of us just don’t get it. Even with a father I had cuffs on me. I just wasn’t sutupid enough to do something to have an actual charge. Those ppl would have one with
      Or without a father.

    • @mangagod3785
      @mangagod3785 3 роки тому +1

      @@myisglim7801 and i thank you for saying it. I actually believe and want to see the two sides of a coin. Not only the one that im confortable with but also the opposite one so i appreciate the exchange. We gonna make it and it is helping me grow.

    • @myisglim7801
      @myisglim7801 3 роки тому +1

      @@mangagod3785 respect ✊🏿

  • @38mmartin
    @38mmartin 3 роки тому +38

    Dope video. Real men embrace and work on their insecurities...how else can you reach manhood??🤔...folk these “boys” don’t even understand how to be a man...(no values; no morals; no standards...etc) real men focus on their brand, business, and outcomes...we don’t have time to entertain what another dude think/view of us. Keep up the great work Fam and hold it down.

  • @skye-theconspiracyrealist8584
    @skye-theconspiracyrealist8584 3 роки тому +10

    I've been in a relationship with the type of insecure guy this gentleman used to be, so I can vouch for everything he said. It is indeed REAL TALK-wow!!! 🤯🤯🤯🤯

  • @loveyb3347
    @loveyb3347 3 роки тому +9

    This is deep. Im glad for this honesty. Alot of times women think men are dating us for us...not our flaws to hold over us. This explains why so many sweet women with careers and things going on for themselves get dogged out so much. While it appears the women who have everything going wrong for them stay with a man. So many women have businesses,their own place and accomplished but suffering.

  • @melaniejohnson9791
    @melaniejohnson9791 3 роки тому +6

    All he said is so true. Some men not all, hide behind different things. Positions, titles , money etc.

  • @serenityparie4596
    @serenityparie4596 2 роки тому +8

    You just helped a 17 year old with relationship advice. I been dealing with insecure men for 9 months thank you for making this video now I can finally cut it off 💯

    • @jazzy9282
      @jazzy9282 2 роки тому +1

      Stop dating.

    • @danilaroche1156
      @danilaroche1156 10 місяців тому

      I agree. Just focus on being your best. Prioritize Christ. The fellowship with His believers. Wait on God for a spouse. Don't date in the way the world does.

  • @PrincessCollins2023
    @PrincessCollins2023 3 роки тому +12

    Also, thank you for this...... It will be a beautiful thing once men realize to stop caring about what OTHER MEN think of themselves. You're the only king of your own jungle, let no other influence invade.

  • @Morgan24_7
    @Morgan24_7 2 роки тому +4

    I had a guy like that. He is DEFINITELY reaping what he sowed. Smh

  • @michaelamarcia2336
    @michaelamarcia2336 3 роки тому +16

    Our generation needs more men like you! Thanks for simply being you ~

  • @ldwoods3237
    @ldwoods3237 3 роки тому +18

    Speaking Facts 💯 My prayer for our black kings is that they let go of their false-pride/ insecurities because our children and community need them 🙏🏽 I'm not giving up on my warrior king finding me and I know he'll be a confident man 🙌🏾

  • @FLEXNAZ
    @FLEXNAZ 3 роки тому +20

    Stumbled across this channel! And this is a powerful message, as men and especially black we are not taught and in some instances allowed to express our insecurities. Alot of our mental/behavioral problems stem from these insecurities. When I wasva young man my identity was being a player because that's what I thought was expected of me. I was afraid i would appear fraudulent if I was faithful. I had to relearn these behaviors which allowed me to grow into the husband and father I am today! Big Salute young man!

  • @mahoganyheaven1491
    @mahoganyheaven1491 3 роки тому +7

    I wasn’t going to subscribe, I watched plenty of his videos but I thought he was just another Mr. Jaxn, it takes a real man to admit he’s insecure and for that you gained a new subscriber. Don’t disappoint us!!

  • @Kim-qo5iy
    @Kim-qo5iy 3 роки тому +10

    You seem like a really honest and straightforward man
    I pray one day you find the right woman who appreciates and respects you
    Take your time

  • @KissaraDB
    @KissaraDB 3 роки тому +8

    Need more men like you, please keep setting the tone.

  • @janetthenubianqueen6234
    @janetthenubianqueen6234 3 роки тому +6

    You did your shadow work and came on the other side successfully. Keep dropping jewels! God Bless!

  • @Carlyon100
    @Carlyon100 3 роки тому +4

    Sure bet, the hollering fussing fighting and cussing is all drama to mask the pain of rejection, insecurities, inadequacies and shortcomings but that in and of itself aint bad. What gets me is that people stay dumb and down and not want better for themselves snd project their internal strife onto someone who professes love for them not knowing he think you a fool loving him when he don't feel love for himself. Lastly check how the media and the music undermines the black family, the black man, the black woman and make us go to war with ourselves everyday

  • @dejstoney
    @dejstoney 3 роки тому +5

    This video was sooo real! Men hate admitting to insecurities cuz it makes them feel emasculated. I’ve said this so many times too.

  • @donnamcintosh2109
    @donnamcintosh2109 3 роки тому +7

    When many of these men continue to talk about how they are not impressed by a woman's education and job, part of it is insecurity. It is understandable that they are not impressed by these things. And, if it makes these men feel better b y dating the pretty barista at Starbucks, do it. I have limited patience for insecure men. It is draining continuously stroking a man's ego.

    • @candacecasey5634
      @candacecasey5634 3 роки тому

      it really is.

    • @nightwishisthegreatestband6355
      @nightwishisthegreatestband6355 3 роки тому +1

      I dunno what their obsession with women and degrees are. You didn't pay my university tuition. Do you really i would throw 4 years of hard work for a man who just showed up.

    • @khadhrikhan1549
      @khadhrikhan1549 3 роки тому +1

      It is draining as hell...I yave had situation where the person almost wants you to feel guilty of having good and responsible parents, trusted friends and good grade...

    • @hungrylion7742
      @hungrylion7742 3 роки тому +3

      @@nightwishisthegreatestband6355 As a man I can’t even understand sometimes!
      Like, I’ll honestly want to be with an educated, intelligent and beautiful woman.

  • @MoshehM
    @MoshehM 3 роки тому +6

    Keep doing what you're doing brother. I feel you on this one, I'm currently working through my own insecurities, instead of carrying that stuff into the future and polluting my relationships with self and others. All that you were saying is spot on, most of us just aren't honest or aware enough to admit it and do something about it.

    • @TheShumakeWay
      @TheShumakeWay  3 роки тому +1

      I appreciate you bro. Being honest with yourself is most of the battle. Only a real man will admit to their faults. 🤝

  • @therealkayslay2734
    @therealkayslay2734 3 роки тому +12

    Your perspective is accurate 🎯❤️💯

  • @LisaDavis-ze7gz
    @LisaDavis-ze7gz 3 роки тому +4

    FACTS, 100%. This DID need to be talked about. Mad respect Michael. Thank you.

  • @JustinHakimTravel
    @JustinHakimTravel 2 роки тому +3

    Once I learned how to reverse my insecurities into my superpowers, it changed the game for me. Thanks for your video brother

  • @Mom_Luvs_Tech
    @Mom_Luvs_Tech Рік тому +1

    Insecure men try to bring you down to their level rather than raise you up to theirs.
    I believe that insecurity is a social disease. Because as one secure brings another down, it leaves then emotionally, physically, or financially insecure.

  • @CarolineSharesATopic
    @CarolineSharesATopic 3 роки тому +4

    Really thank you for taking the time to make this video. "Being secure in the way (You are / I am) is so very important!" Not only to us as individuals; but, to us as a whole (community). Might be the 1st step in rebuilding.

  • @TheRacqgrl769
    @TheRacqgrl769 3 роки тому +35

    There is the same issue with females. Two so-called friends exited my life because I'm secure in myself, have no f*cks to give about what anyone thinks of me, and I lead a positive life. I get the attention of males easily and they couldn't understand me ignoring 99.5% of it. Also, you are correct that an insecure man cannot handle a woman who is secure in herself.

    • @candacecasey5634
      @candacecasey5634 3 роки тому +5

      They have this need to feel needed. I personally cannot stand this kind of man because he uses women as a sort of " drug" for his own issues. I really think a lot of them do not even see women as people just " accesories" to make them look good or feel important.

    • @danilaroche1156
      @danilaroche1156 10 місяців тому

      My female friends take issue with my confidence & the attention I get from men. I have to keep these ladies at arms length now, especially as my career grows. I definitely see your point & yes insecure men resent secure women. P S don't curse. It's unladylike.

  • @LordsCadence
    @LordsCadence 3 роки тому +2

    Great topic! A book I read a few years back talks about emotional intelligence. When you mention that you took offense to your cousin’s question is called amygdala hijacking, which the book dives into the science of the emotion you felt when you received that observational feedback. Insecurity is usually geared towards women, yet we are typically more open to accepting that truth, but I am glad that you pointed it towards men . In recent convos with peers, I asked a male friend, what is the next evolutionary step for men (not man), being that women are becoming less reliant on monetary needs and ect from a man? And he replied ‘emotional intelligence’. And I nodded my head in agreement as that was an excellent response. When a man recognizes and accepts insecurities that he holds, that is where true internal growth and evolution of his self begins. But there also needs to be a driving force that facilitates the want and need to pursue the change.

  • @TMIAI
    @TMIAI 6 місяців тому

    This showed up for me right on time and I appreciate you fam. I came to the realization about me being insecure and instantly knew that I was the biggest problem in all my relationship woes. Thank you for this sign that let me know I’m on the right frequency now

  • @randygivens8421
    @randygivens8421 3 роки тому +3

    Yes, you’re so right! It’s nice to hear a secure man own up to his issues.

  • @DarlingEbony
    @DarlingEbony 3 роки тому +17

    Some of this insecurity is the result of how religion has been abused and the patriarchy that comes with it. Some of the positions of religion is based on the insecurity of men. Hence, the reason the religion calls for the controlling of women. Black people are a religious people.

    • @philiciabernard
      @philiciabernard 3 роки тому +1

      Can you break this down for me? It went completely over my head.

    • @mintleaf4651
      @mintleaf4651 3 роки тому

      Most of us are not traditional or religious, stop the cap.

    • @DarlingEbony
      @DarlingEbony 3 роки тому +4

      @@philiciabernard Essentially, religions, particularly the Abrahamic religions, which were not native to us teach patriarchy in the sense they teach a woman is to be submissive to a man. Men are taught that they are dominant. But that really is not the natural order of things. We are to compliment and balance each other. So when a man is insecure, he goes back the patriarchal indoctrination even if he is not that religious.

    • @DarlingEbony
      @DarlingEbony 3 роки тому +1

      @@mintleaf4651 We don't have to be traditionally religious. The Black Church is just as, if not more, cultural to us than religious. And the patriarchy in the community is a residual to this.

    • @nik-at-nite
      @nik-at-nite 3 роки тому +2

      @@mintleaf4651 Well as someone that is, people pick and choose what they want from religious teachings. They take the word “submissive” and run with it. In Christianity, the Bible says that both men and women are supposed to be submissive and respect one another. But you never hear that because it’s not beneficial to some.

  • @iamme2399
    @iamme2399 3 роки тому +6

    There are a bunch of insecure men still running loose in their 40's ++++++. If they haven't done the work by now, is there any hope for them?

    • @marleyhill34
      @marleyhill34 3 роки тому +4

      nope. Segway and avoid. If they are in a 12 step programme maybe with very strict boundaries. The rest are just floating along in life like dead fish in a stream.

  • @anam_cara_222
    @anam_cara_222 7 місяців тому

    Good for you. I just walked away from a man who is deeply insecure. It broke my heart doing it, but I love and value myself enough not to tolerate unhealthy behaviours from a partner, no matter how much I love him.

  • @dionnerobb7397
    @dionnerobb7397 3 роки тому +11

    The women you have used to grow up to become a "man", I truly hope their self esteem has not been infected by that "insecurity".
    Some men make babies knowing that they are not "secure" to handle that lifelong responsibility, hence creating more insecurity on the planet.
    Women are not here on planet earth to be used and cast away at will....AND I hope we women can understand that our worth is divine and not man-made for man-gaze or man-games.

    • @Laurenppp
      @Laurenppp 2 роки тому +2

      THIS! This is why I refuse to date. I refuse to be some niggas collateral damage on his quest to manhood. Whole time everybody praising a dude for “being better” but how many women were hurt in this process?!
      It’s so much better to not even be in proximity to men at all. They wreak of insecurity & codependency. Then once they’ve used every woman they come in contact with, they get a happily ever after while those women are still dealing with the broken pieces.

  • @girlmeetsreality4644
    @girlmeetsreality4644 3 роки тому +1

    False bravado is the most unappealing shit I've ever witnessed. I was repulsed by it when I was younger and is repulsed by it now. Great vid!!

  • @DexterpresOU
    @DexterpresOU 3 роки тому +1

    Couldn’t agree more. Most are insecure. Being real isn’t insecure.

  • @gclark8228
    @gclark8228 Рік тому +1

    Now I can definitely agree with this message!
    Insecurity is a very destructive and toxic energy!
    That causes all kinds of problems in relationships!

  • @lightoverdarkness3078
    @lightoverdarkness3078 3 роки тому +4

    Great content. Thanks for being transparent and walking in your truth. I think it’s a little more than insecurity. It’s also negative socialization. Many Blk ppl collectively have no vision, purpose nor positive self image which i think is the root cause of the insecurity. Many have no clue or foundation on who they are nor where they are going so the pressures of the negative socialization leads many astray.

  • @niahernandezlove2194
    @niahernandezlove2194 Рік тому +1

    The man I was with was very insecure but played it off as "confidence" and "self-worth". I later realized he also had a "victim" mentality and lacked a lot of empathy. He also made me feel like I wasn't good enough and made ME extremely insecure - when before him, I was doing fine. He told me, that I was toxic and needed fixing. I believed him and continued to work on myself while he did the same things...
    The point I'm trying to make here is, some insecure men are dangerous (emotionally and mentally). Some can break you down so low, to get a high and feel powerful. You have to be careful and have full discernment.
    Everyone has insecurities, this is true. But when your insecurities bleed into other people, it's no longer an introspective issue, it's now a toxic issue.
    I'm not perfect, but I surely didn't deserve that and no one, men and women alike - deserve to be mistreated and belittled by an insecure man or woman.
    He was 29 by the way. I'm 23.

  • @paetonwalton6346
    @paetonwalton6346 9 місяців тому

    This video was real and raw and ive seen some men in the comments, gain knowledge from this. You're changing lives, keep making these videos. ❤❤❤

  • @tessajones1693
    @tessajones1693 3 роки тому +1

    You are so on point. Definitely real talk. I am very driven and ambitious women and that is exactly what my ex husband did. And I didn’t realize until I was outside of the situation and things were over he was very insecure. Even in spite of me helping him with starting business and getting his 2 degrees while we were married he still dealt with insecurity and let his friends influence him.

  • @charlottesamuel7929
    @charlottesamuel7929 3 роки тому +4

    Thanks for such powerful statement. It takes a lot of courage and self awareness to accept what is right or wrong and explain it on a level that every male and female to understand we have to know when things are not right and make it right. Cause insecurities are the way to make things worse when do not want to make that change period... Thanks for this awesome video and be blessed💯💯👍🏾👍🏾✊🏾✊🏾💕💕

  • @user-pk4ee9od2i
    @user-pk4ee9od2i 27 днів тому

    thank you so much for this video! The way you wrapped up so many different topics that i have seen in other dating advice and just summed it all up so smoothly and clearly. Just awesome, thanks!

  • @oliviarodrigues2323
    @oliviarodrigues2323 3 роки тому +1

    Yes - this 2020 I just went through the grand revelation of AM I who I THINK I AM, and is there another part of me that OTHER PEOPLE witness that I cannot see. The only way for me to study that about myself is through relationships with other people. I really do appreciate your real game because very few men talk about this stuff. Have a beautiful April 2021.

  • @katyaangellove
    @katyaangellove 2 роки тому +1

    I really thought we were getting past all this macho toxic masculinity but now we got words like "simp" and it's just so sad... If your friends say you're not a man or you're a simp for respecting your wife, respecting people in general, and just being a good human being then maybe those aren't good friends.. :(

  • @listeningtoreason5499
    @listeningtoreason5499 3 роки тому +7

    I understand brother

  • @joannejoanne7816
    @joannejoanne7816 3 роки тому +1

    Good insight, thanks. I really believe insecurities is the reason my ex husband cheated on me. I always felt this way even though I bent over backwards to ensure he felt secure.

  • @buchansha6780
    @buchansha6780 3 роки тому +1

    Please keep your channel going.You are helping more people/ families than you can ever know. Thank you 😊

  • @KINGMANI6
    @KINGMANI6 2 роки тому

    i appreciate your message! i’ve been searching youtube for black men with a REAL, positive, and insightful message. You’ve made me realize my own insecurities in my past relationships and the insecurities i face currently. i appreciate the message

  • @SeasonedWoman1900
    @SeasonedWoman1900 3 роки тому

    I am amazed at what you said in this video. I just not an hour ago talked to a 65 year old man, who is like you decided at a young age he was going to fully commit to his wife. Everything that you said he said the exact same thing so you are right on point He called names from other guys and a slew of women just started pursuing him, and to this day they still do because hes committed to his wife. Women feel like they can throw themselves at him - All races of women Hes a Christian man Who loves God and loves his wife. He said before he decided to get married he had many girls on rotation and was still lonely. He prayed to God and God answered his prayers.
    Keep putting the message out there! Because his age, he is secure with his wife, while a lot of men his age have no one.

  • @sweetwettkitty
    @sweetwettkitty Рік тому

    I do quite a bit of youtubing and watching specific videos that bring real talk. Videos that are real with real emotions and real heartfelt spirits. So to say the least, you have been added to my collection. Let me say to you that I thank you for being secure enough to become aware of your insecurities. For now becoming aware of the things that you needed to take accountability for and responsibility for. In this video you truly exemplify what it means to evolve. I understand quite a bit now that I am self educating on the whole topic of dating and grown boys and grown girls. It is a great thing that you and others are coming out with the message. But the hardest and biggest part of all of you guys assignment is actually getting the others to listen to the message. Even for myself in my now more aware and more educated state, it is hard to get others to actually listen to the message. So again my hats off to you for making this video and becoming evolved. Thank you for being one who can deliver the message. It is my hope that all who have not become aware and evolved can indeed get the others to listen to the message. For the sake of myself who is an evolved woman and is looking for an evolved man and for the sake of all other women like myself. I hope that myself and others will share this video to every platform so that the message can carry and hope that it reaches and touches others.

  • @chelsearosaya8661
    @chelsearosaya8661 2 роки тому

    I love that you’re an honest and open man that’s not ashame of your flaws. It’s a beautiful thing to see a man especially a black man to express like you do. And I admire you for that. To me, as a woman and I’m only 27 that’s a plus. You communicate and you admit and you learn. Bless your heart and soul love. You’re a beautiful man within and out. And don’t worry about them boys being in their feelings about what you say because you keep it real!

  • @PamelaDFrank
    @PamelaDFrank 3 роки тому +1

    Right back at you - I appreciate you as well, thank you for what you're doing!

  • @redhead_honey
    @redhead_honey 3 роки тому +6

    Is your fiancé that longtime friend you talked about in previous videos that you said you weren’t ready for???

  • @trachelleallen9958
    @trachelleallen9958 2 роки тому

    Your are speaking the truth!! It’s sad people try to make others feel like crap because of what they are lacking. Sad part is whole time we had your back!! Kudos to you for your honesty! Thank you!!

  • @mrspeed48
    @mrspeed48 2 роки тому

    You are one of the wisest voice out here in this season of toxic insanity. Keep doing what you're doing. Blessings.

  • @joannelandix2389
    @joannelandix2389 3 роки тому +1

    Hello my big brother I'm so glad that Our Heavenly Father turn the light on in your Heart. May He continue to Smile on you.❤️

  • @justme9514
    @justme9514 3 роки тому +1

    @10:30 ... That part 😂💯. All the confirmation I needed right there 🍻, I laughed so hard with disbelief over your honesty, and relief over my own theory. I only found this channel by chance and I must say, as a high value, pretty, and established black British woman I've pretty much deivested in black men, I'm starting to open myself up to non black men, but I really appreciate your overall stance, honesty, and content.

    • @marleyhill34
      @marleyhill34 3 роки тому +1

      I'm nearly 40 Black British-Barbadian. I'm removing men from the equation. IVF or adoption. My living uncles and male friends are good enough role models and my male cousins are already raising boys successfully even as a single dad.

  • @sweet_heart2094
    @sweet_heart2094 3 роки тому

    I enjoy how honest is with everyone and not sugar coding anything or appealing to ppl feelings. This generation including myself needs a huge wake up call and reality check. Cuddling our feelings is exactly whats holding alot of ppl back from progressing in life

  • @solituderose5277
    @solituderose5277 3 роки тому +2

    thank you for this got a child on the way and in an I interracial relationship i love her and we are going to make it work need these videos thank you

  • @aazablue
    @aazablue 3 роки тому +1

    I think you are doing an amazing job. Thank you for being so open and honest!

  • @stephaniej.stanley2141
    @stephaniej.stanley2141 Рік тому

    This was me (the female version) before I truly surrendered to God and therapy. Your testimony shows me that beyond the flesh, we children of God are truly the same spirit.

  • @monicaivy2497
    @monicaivy2497 3 роки тому +2

    So is it wrong to like the video before I watch? 😊 Keep up the great work! Your videos are just right in timing.

  • @Celestial_Diosa
    @Celestial_Diosa 3 роки тому

    Initially when I learned of the “red pill” community. I was like “ummm ok” hyper masculine energy, borderline toxic. But listening to the right folks will have you understanding the underlying message. And as of lately, I can feel the energy shift, because we’re all healing.
    This is the mans way of healing. It may not be perfect but at least they’re speaking and most of them have good heads on there shoulders. When it comes to teaching men to lead. And how to have higher standards.
    to be clear I’m not speaking on the narcissistic/egotistic ones. Just the one trying to help there brothers on how to be men. (Like you)Since most don’t have that healthy father figure In their life to lead them right. But everyone has different energy & teaching methods.
    They still have a lot to learn but again I feel like it’s a start.

  • @marilynroscoe5314
    @marilynroscoe5314 3 роки тому +1

    Your right most men so worried ABOUT what SOMEONE gonna say or they trying to change you if they realize the niggas that saying negative shit not there friend at all because if they were real try would be happy for him and lift him up that he found happiness they the ones that miserable and can't expect the shit they got going on with in themselves

  • @merciamorris7953
    @merciamorris7953 2 роки тому

    Thanks for sharing and all that you do, I admire you wanting to inspire and teach young melanated men we need that , thanks for stepping up and being the man that so many

  • @sanfranciscodamn
    @sanfranciscodamn 3 роки тому +4

    I enjoy your southern vibe subscribed and watch for updates.
    since you have a fiancé pls don’t bring her to your YT that breaks couples up. Keep her & your kids more private. Do not do a couples video.

    • @TheShumakeWay
      @TheShumakeWay  3 роки тому +5

      Thank you. My woman is a more private person so she’ll probably never be seen on UA-cam. I appreciate the advice though 🤝

  • @nikiwilkinson2656
    @nikiwilkinson2656 Рік тому

    I needed this video ty

  • @ayyo1476
    @ayyo1476 3 роки тому

    Yes ! If you are secure in who your masculinity/intelligence/wealth/beauty you don’t need to convince people you are... unless you don’t believe it

  • @jillcabler3398
    @jillcabler3398 3 роки тому

    It’s Really REAL talk Thanks Bruh keep bringing it Peace Love and Enlightenment plus Many Blessings to You Ase

  • @nacholuva_
    @nacholuva_ 3 роки тому +2

    a real word from our sponsor👌🏾👌🏾💪🏾

  • @Mom_Luvs_Tech
    @Mom_Luvs_Tech Рік тому

    Yep. Nailed it.

  • @kathyphillips1723
    @kathyphillips1723 3 роки тому +7

    What you went though that was your journey to where you are now..

    • @kathyphillips1723
      @kathyphillips1723 3 роки тому

      Thanks only a test from the lord your journey. 🙏💞

  • @Nikki-zg5sx
    @Nikki-zg5sx 3 роки тому +4

    Mature young man 💙💙💙

  • @beutibymimi3245
    @beutibymimi3245 3 роки тому +1

    Facts 💯✅✅ You hit 🎯 once again!

  • @pookietheplant_
    @pookietheplant_ 3 місяці тому

    When you date an insecure man, he will spend every moment attempting to punish you! Because he knows you deserve much more than his spirit has to offer. He is in disbelief by your ability to love him when he can’t love himself. This same statement applies to women.

  • @carlathomas4740
    @carlathomas4740 3 роки тому

    Thank you for the knowledge. Because I have had all these negative experiences. Now I have ptsd from the bulshit

  • @goddesszoei9872
    @goddesszoei9872 3 роки тому +2

    Facts machine 📠