why our marriage changed
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- Опубліковано 21 лют 2023
- There’s no doubt your relationship changes once you have kids, but I think we may have underestimated how much it changes! Most of the change is for the better but there’s definitely a learning curve! Let us know how your relationship changed after kids in the comments below- we’d love to hear from you :)
Love you guys!
Shawn and Andrew
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I love how you guys make a point to be optimistic and positive. Children are truly gifts. Putting in the work/effort makes all the difference. We have four children, and they bring unexplainable joy, aggravation, bliss, frustration, and happiness. The good outweighs the negative by an enormous margin. Enjoy ❤️
I have 4 daughters had them all in 5 years (when I was 23-28) have been married for over 16 years at this point my oldest is 12. Kids forced us to not be selfish, to mature, to learn to trust each other, our love and care for each other has deepened so much…. Having kids and being determined to love our kids and each other in words and actions has changed us in huge ways all for the better
Great video, my relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@ddirtdid Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@@bartholetbay412 Her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer
@@ddirtdid Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
I think what you are going through is VERY normal and healthy. Some people seem to get over a relationship quite fast and easy and for others it seems to drag on. I can tell you for certain tho that you are doing well in giving yourself time to feel the emotions and get through them and work past things. It’s not healthy when people shove their hurt aside and do things like going and finding a new rebound partner to help fill the void. Five years is a long time. You naturally would be feeling all kinds of things as you get through the coming days, weeks and months. It takes time to reconcile a relationship that lasted that long.
Keep doing what you’re doing but I’d suggest adding time to focus on you. Do some things that you’ve always wanted to do but never had time for. Treat yourself. Use this time to become the best version of yourself possible. There’s nothing more attractive to an ex and everyone else than confidence and seeing someone enjoy life. If she was meant to be in your life she will notice and see what she is missing but more importantly this is where someone new may enter your world and you’ll quickly forget about your ex-what’s-her-name.
Everyone has been there my friend, you are not alone in this. Best of luck to you.
The fact that you guys talk about these things makes you so much more ahead of the game than many of us. I admire that about you. God bless.
Loving this episode (as I do all the other ones) Can really relate to what you are both saying about kids changing your marriage. I think it’s very easy to get lost in the mom role and forget the wife role. I just have to say that I think it is fantastic you do date nights on Thursdays. My husbands schedule is all over the place and we used to be able to sit down at night and watch a show together but now that our kiddos are older we can’t do that anymore as we are taking the girls to their extracurriculars. They are only in one thing each! I can’t imagine doing more! Connection is s important in marriage and I feel like couples with kids miss that. I do agree with Shawn that it’s all a phase but man it’s tough as the kiddos get older. Loved your perspectives! Thank you! Always so insightful ❤️
Kids have honestly changed our marriage for the better. It’s brought up our selfishness and ugliness and forced us to confront/change the ugly stuff we had inside. It’s also provided so many opportunities for us to love and help each other in ways that wouldn’t be there if we didn’t have kids. Not to say that kids are the only way - but they’ve really changed us for good. Also we’ve both gotten closer to God and made a point to know more about the Bible and stuff bc we want to raise the kids on the right path. We had 3 under 2.5!! Which was a lot but really made us work together, mature, and love intentionally. So thankful for the gifts of these kids and this marriage
Your videos are truly such a ministry to me! Thank you for being brave enough to share even the vulnerable parts of your life. God is working through you! 🤍🙏🏼
Loved this podcast!! I am currently pregnant and Shawn talking about how you were scared to lose your husband and that relationship by adding a third love is something I struggle so much with with! So thankful for y’all’s honesty 💗
Shawn and Andrew
Thank you so much for this episode. I so needed to hear it! Three months ago my husband and I welcomed our first child, a baby boy. Babies totally change marriage and when you’re in the thick of it, it can be extremely isolating, like no one has gone through the same things you are going through. I can relate to this whole episode and have experienced the exhaustion, changes in time with my husband, having to be intentional with things, and so on. Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your lives with us. ❤
Start a mom group and meet at parks etc. or we joined a thing called little gym. Best thing for you I promise! Get yourself out there cause I was declining fast mentally
I loved this podcast! All the yawns and human moments in it with the audio and such are just a reminder that no one is perfect. I look forward to being a mom but I also know it takes so much effort to keep your marriage strong and the baby happy. My parents have been married for 39 years and they go on date nights every week. Even if one of them is sick they lock themselves in the bedroom and still have a babysitter.
Wonderful pod cast! I have 3 grown children and thoroughly enjoyed listening to this. I can only hope that my kids will have their respectful and thoughtful conversations that both of you have had over this topic is they become parents. I can’t imagine my life without my children. They are my biggest accomplishment in life and I feel very blessed.
Excellent episode!! Life is difficult ~ kids or no kids. As the years go by your relationship changes whether or not you have kids. I hope you continue to be best friends as you raise your beautiful children. It’s more about ‘family time” now, versus ‘couple’ time. I pray that God will fill your home with love, joy and peace for the next 60 years!! 🙏🙏❤️❤️
Just remember to not be selfish to each other and your marriage for your kids. A healthy marriage is good for your children. It’s good for them to see you giving time to each other not just for work. Dance together in front of them, let them see you hug and lovingly kiss each other. It’s important for them to see theses actions to instill into them. Does your marriage change with kids, hell yeah it does, it’s another new chapter in your lives and relationship. It will change when they are teens and when they leave the house and leave you empty nesters. But we are nit the same as we were as little kids cause we grow up and mature. Your marriage grows and matures and goes through different chapters. Give yourselves grace and never stop praying and communicating with each other. 💕🥰🙏
We were 34 and just celebrated our first anniversary and my oldest son came early. It was such a blessing. We made a schedule of who would do what feeding. I had sever postpartum 1) he didn’t breastfeed 2) I thought I was the worst mother. It brought us closer together then it took me awhile to have my second son and we worked together with the feedings because #2 was breast fed. We are still closer than ever before.#2 will be graduating college in early May. You tag team. Y’all have a strong marriage you will make through these toddler times❤
Saving this info for when I am in this stage of life! I appreciate you two!
Best marriage and parenting advice we received is to both give 💯. Rather than trying to keep it even or spend any energy on who is contributing more or not enough, each person is doing their best to give everything with the assumption that the other is doing the best they can… and communicate with empathy and grace. … wish it was always as simple as it sounds, but having that as the goal has been powerful
LOOOL "I never resented you, I was mad at you" that's an amazing quote. 28:40
As I’m listening to you I am remembering how I felt when my kids were born. Our second child was born 5 years after our first. I had bonded so much with our 5 year old that I really felt that I might not be able to love a second child as much as I loved the first. Of course when the second child comes and you meet them, there is an instant bond and I couldn’t wait to introduce her to her big sister. I loved being a mom, but it did change things in our marriage, for the better!
That is awesome!!! Having them dedicated.❤. Always work at your relationship with each other never quit dating your sweetheart. The day you stop is the relationship is hurt and the relationship can only take so much hurt. It's beautiful that you all prioritize your children over other things except for your relationship.
I think this is a really good conversation, and puts some things into perspective for me. We definitely did strengthen our bond after our first but I also worry sometimes that we actually grew apart after our second. There’s some other things that impacted it I think but it’s been a stressful year and some. Sometimes I wish we had waited longer than a 22 month gap, even though I love our second so so much. It makes it really difficult when my heart wants a third but every single other sign on the planet is saying no. I don’t want a third to break us, or me. It’s so tough!
Amazing, real talk. Thanks for sharing and relating guys.
Lol, Shawn yawning through the pod! 🥱
Love y’all so much and really appreciate these convos. Asking gracefully to turn down shawns audio track by like 2 decibels. I have to turn up to hear Andrew. And then turn down for Shawn
Jesus, I thank you for Shawn and Andrew. You are the God of life and so I speak life into this marriage, I speak restoration in their marriage, and an increase in their bond. More patience, more understanding, I see this is a woman and man of God that are in need of your healing hand. You’re a good Father, so this in Jesus name. An increase of joy and love between Shawn and Andrew. Remind them to turn to you in all things first. Thank you for doing this, Jesus. Amen 🙏
Can you please have someone on the channel, who has dealt with physical disability after being married? Asking for all of us out there... where your partner is a different personality post accident. AND RIGHTLY SO. that transition is soooo hard. And most couples give up. How do you not?!
I think Andrew directs his conversation more towards Shawn than the listening audience. He keeps forgetting to keep his voice loud.
my wife and i just had our first kid a year and a half ago and our marriage has never been better i cant wait for a second God willing
I don’t think rough housing means harming at all.. my husband rough housed with our oldest two children and they loved it.. wrestling in the floor tickling.. etc… bonding!!!! and then 13 years later, our youngest baby came along and then when he was old enough they started rough housing and he absolutely loves that connection and bonding time with his dad too!!! I absolutely love it!!!
While i have enjoyed many parts of this. Visually, when you each play with phones to check where you are in the outline i honestly can hear and see that they each stop intentionally listening and responding to what is actually being said. Please try to find a way to follow an outline or agenda without having to deal with a device. Appreciate that deep listening is more challenged when doing multiple things. Just a constructive suggestion.
Random thing i just observed during this episode. Andrew has seemed to change even his voice very laid back and not as high strung. Does anyone else notice this?
Little kids are easy. Yes they are a lot of work but it’s still worth it. But look out for the teenage years. Now that’s hard and they will try to get the easy going parent to side with them. Parents have to be on the same page.
Sleep is a thing! My kiddos are grown I have three. The dynamic with three changes the two kids you have already. My younger two are only 20 months apart so they are pretty close. What I have found is that two will gang up on one. It's weird and it does not matter which gender they all do it. Tip for sleep. Decide for an example who is going to get up from 10pm-2AM and then 2AM to 6PM. Pick shifts and then switch if you have to depending on the week and whats going on.
Can you guys interview Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife on your podcast? I love her and her youtube channel and would love to see the dialogues you both come up with! Thank you for posting these! I LOVE the content in your podcasts and watch every single one!
Andrew's mic was fading in and out, probably cause he was looking/speaking to Shawn, maybe angle it differently lol, just constructive criticism! Loved the episode, definitely a lot to think about! Good job guys!
Changed mine for the better! There’s a new found love that comes with having a baby with someone. I mean someone you wanted a baby with. Yes there’s new struggles but you work it out.
Loved listening to this video!!!! Thank u so much for sharing your insights! Have so much in common with two littles under 2.5 years old and potentially thinking about a third.
My favorite videos are the ones with y’all talking. Thank u creating this channel Shawn and Andrew! Y’all are awesome!
Yes Shawn! I was the same way. No sex after the 5 month point. I felt so uncomfortable and ugly. Pregnancy was not a good experience for me with either my children. I love them to the moon and back but the process to have them was not a cake walk for sure.
Yes ! Totally agree so hard
Can I just say that studies have shown, and one who’s studied developmental therapy, that children’s brains are enhanced when they are wrestled with by their dads. They’ve proven that their body spatial awareness increases and their brains thrive. Rough-house away! 🙌🏻
Hello from Waco TX!
Great man... diamond in the rough.
Question - maybe obvious, and I’m not being sarcastic, but how much do you think “affluence” has to do with the affect of children on a marriage?
I think it’s funny how we have become so fragile. My grandparents had 16 kids. My mom is the baby. 8 boys, 8 girls. My Grandparents had a wonderful marriage. Believe it or not we’re all very close. Unfortunately, now a lot of my Aunts snd Uncles have passed away. There’s only 1 male and 4 females living. Sometimes I think we try and over think things. Listen, once the baby is on the way it’s time to grow up, don’t be selfish, help everywhere you can. You just gotta do it there’s no sending them back. Children are a gift from God.
Came from apple podcast app to say what a lot of other people are saying, Shawn is a good volume all throughout but Andrew’s volume goes in and out making it hard to listen to
We have 2 boys it didn't change a thing in our marriage at all I had them at 23 and 25 been married 15 years together 19 never been an issue she nce we had kids
#3 was the easiest transition for my family. Now we’ve been together for nearly 20 years. Our youngest turned 14 in January. Oldest will be 19 in June.
Is it just me or does Andrew’s microphone keep fading in and out?
I think Andrew directs his conversation more towards Shawn than the listening audience. He keeps forgetting to keep his voice loud.
I didn't finish the podcast because of the audio, also they both speak very low at times.
Shawn, you sound like one of the Mama Bears from the book I'm reading. Which is awesome! Check it out, it's called Mama Bear Apologetics...
Andrew seems sad and distracted …
Im not really sure why but this video made me a bit sad. I have been a fan and subscriber for so long, pre and post kids, and to me, in this video, Andrew seemed to have to shut himself down/especially at the beginning. It just seems like Shawn had very little patience for him during this video and it was at times hard for me to watch having been accustomed to Andrew being more outgoing, talkative etc. It seems like he was not able to be that in this video unfortunately.
And how will 3 kids change your marriage wink wink … I wonder ❤ it’s cool if you can’t have 3 but I mean you make cute kids and you guys are adorable .. just saying
Is the shirt your wearing from Celia?
Andrew sounds like trying to cover the recent loss of his father with a new life…and the distraction and hope
it brings…I feel for his loss, but that might not be the solution.
@@PinkPaws88 I feel very sorry for what happened to you. Losing a parent is really though. And it is amazing that you had a great support system and that you Husband helped you. You are right! Everybody handles things differently and technically they could definitivere have a child and then see how it goes…they both seem very loving to me.
I was thinking the same thing.
Andrew seems not his self in this podcast.little sad
Or not feeling well
Andrew looks different .mustache? Unhappy?..feminine? Can't hear either1 of u very good.this video kinda dull .
Andrew looks sad