I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s. I never quite resonated with it at all. I was also diagnosed with CPTSD, OCD and ANXIETY. I decided to work on myself and work through what was happening to me. I’m now pushing 40 and I don’t have any symptoms at all of BPD I haven’t for around 10 years. I still have mild anxiety but I can work through it. I didn’t have BPD never did, I was struggling with trauma from being raised in a highly abusive home with added religion. I went no contact and that’s what really healed me all those years ago!
I went no contact a few months ago at 50. Huge difference. I can think things through now. No diagnoses but Richard's vids certainly have helped me clarify causes and approaches to trauma. Glad you're progressing!
Regardless of a person's mental "diagnosis", if their actions are abusive to others around them(and they dont go get help/therapy), that makes them a bad person. As humans, we all know the difference between right and wrong. Just because someone has a "diagnosis", it doesnt give them a pass.
And unfortunately they do use it as a pass to justify their behavior, instead of exercising self control and taking responsibility. It's always someone else's fault, never theirs.
Exactly! Most of the people that are intentionally hurting people are the so called normal people. They are the same people that love to blame others. They can't look in the mirror so they project that into a stronger person like a pwbpd. We get blamed for everything, we've been trained to just take it. I don't know any one with Bpd that sets out to hurt another person, mostly it's because they're inn survival mode and feel they're being attacked. If this doesn't make sense to you, count your blessings you don't have Bpd.
Yes, Please! I would love to hear more about sexual bias with this diagnosis! I was correctly diagnosed with PTSD many years ago, then a male, young, clinician diagnosed me with BPD. I was months out of a very toxic relationship with someone with narcissistic traits and the emotional and physical abuse. I believe there is a bias and easier for the system to label me the problem as opposed to the sexual assault, domestic violence and sexualization I was harmed with as a young woman.
I've read this a multiple times - that women are quickly labelled as BPD when they choose to seek official help from medical industry - doctors have no idea what it is so they use hyper-cognition to stick labels on someone who appears to them dysregulated. Narcissistic abuse - when we explain and describe it to people who never experiences it - will never trust us, because it is unreal. Anyone who has never been in narc abuse - they cannot understand it. To them it will appear as if we are conspiracy theorists.
I was clinically diagnosed with both BPD and CPTSD in my 30’s (after my brothers suicide when I was 27). I do not have the anger or aggressiveness associated with the diagnosis. And although I have only had two long term relationships (only had five relationships in my life and I’m 57). Both relationships were abusive, I was on the receiving end of verbal and physical abuse in a marriage of over 20 years. And to say I saw suicide as my only way out is putting it mildly. So I think your description of people like me is actually painful to hear. I’m extremely caring and empathetic to the point of putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I would give someone my last penny if they needed it more than I do. After my brothers death I became terrified of not being prepared for every eventuality and to protect my family because I had to be strong for my parents at that time. And now I’m terrified of letting anyone close because of my previous relationships. I am not some kind of demon, I am a human being.
@@Nicana68 It took years to be given a diagnosis. If it’s incorrect then I don’t know what is the right one. I’ve accepted BPD as being part of who I must be.
I was raised by a BPD mother. This woman was absolutely BPD and the classic symptoms you may read about don't even begin to describe them. That said, I do believe it can be over diagnosed. My mother could be a good mother but when she flipped, and she always did after a time, her abuse was monumental, could go on for days and the damage she left behind is profound.
My mom does the toxic positivity thing. I can't even be myself around her or my father my father is annoyed with me and my own mother says the meanest things like, "Oh you're singing off key" when I've sang or she won't listen and just dismisses my feelings so I cut her off. They are both religious to so I'm not for that. I even wrote a suicide letter once and my dad found it and said, "What will people think?" Not even caring about my feelings. I'd get shitty gifts apparently to my dad for christmas and my own step mom would say rude passive aggressive things like, "Wow did you get that from the gift exchange?" Meanwhile the gifts they would give us our gift cards. I'm never good enough so I'm done. Last time I talked to my mother I told her I'm taking shrooms and stopped talking to her. They don't want to get to know me, they never wanted to understand my mental illness so I'm done and my last thing I said to her also was to get counseling and of course she ignored me and made it about her..."Oh I have health issues." etc etc etc so yes I'm done I needed a mother not a fing child I have to take care of and my mom is like a child so i my grandmother so yes I'm done.
Such a relief to hear “ it s extremely painful” to be around and it was weighted heavily even after ! Went to therapy after such a encounter ! Thank you Richard
Yes, and thank you. I was pigeon-holed for years, until hearing the idea that I may have been wrongly diagnosed, and that it's more likely to be CPTSD. That rang true!
I want THAT video please, I. have lived this journey and it's fascinating! Also, it's taken me 20 years to finally hear someone that is prepared to say these things re BPD/PTSD as well as the BPD diagnosis being placed on a 'certain type of female' by a 'certain type of psychologist/psychiatrist.' Thank you!
This is so confusing, honestly. I know a diagnosed BPD male. Hes a an ex lawyer who definitely shows signs of NPD(traits) but is completely delusional like a borderline. Quiet BPD with NPD traits
Yep. I was diagnosed, along with bipolar 1, adhd, autism & CPTSD. I am not a bad person, i do struggle a lot. I’ve felt my whole life I’m a burden on the ones I love. It causes so much guilt. We don’t want to be this way. At least I can say I would never purposely manipulate anyone to get them to “bend to my will” nor would I ever aim to use people. I strive to spread awareness, tips for those struggling, and education about my conditions that educate people who love people like me, to help them understand more. I have a highly sensitized nervous system. Someone clanks a dish I immediately go internally panic. I have panic disorder & a severe anxiety disorder. So yes, someone offering me a cup of tea is no different than someone suddenly grabbing me and shouting BOO!! Agoraphobia naturally becomes a factor. Your world gets smaller & smaller. I actively learn myself, my conditions. I do what I CAN & I accept what I cannot change.. at least not instantly.. It didn’t happen instantly. It’s years upon years, then adult relations after toxic adult attempts at connections with other broken people. Do not date until you heal. Please.
I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun. But now I’m convinced I have been trauma bonded to my mum for years and never fully recovered from it.
I recently had, or tried to have, a relationship with a BPD woman. I was meteoric. Love, love, love … then the SHTF. She had me thinking I was dealing with a Dark Triad. Possibly. Anyway, glad I found this guy. Vet here.
I press into the cans of worms and no longer shy away from talking about it the elephant in the room. A video about how the BPD diagnosis has historically been used in a sexist way? I think it’s actually a needed video. And I honestly can’t think of any other UA-camr who regularly handles “Cluster B’s” to better take on this topic and genuinely welcome the opportunity to do so. Know this: at least one of your followers will cheer your video loudly. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But more importantly (in my opinion), I think it’s a needed video. And dare I say, given the topic, I think it will be embraced more quickly in society and psychology if presented by a man. I appreciate you. Your videos have been so key to me knowing what “Cluster B monsters were hiding under the bed” of my life, and how to disarm them.
My mother was a malignant narcissistic psychopath. Because of my experience growing up, I was hospitalized at the age of fourteen. I was diagnosed with BPD at that time. What teenage girl isn't a borderline? I took, fit a criteria for BPD but I also do not fit the criteria at the same time. I had some manipulative behaviors I didn't recognize as manipulative because it was a learned behavior. I no longer act that way. I have empathy. Lots of empathy. I don't screw people over it burn bridges. I hope a new diagnosis will be assigned to us people who have survived narcissistic parents. To throw us in a cluster B isn't really fair. Thank you for trying to shed light on this subject.
Yes, indeed. Open that "can of worms". You are so accurate in your understanding of these things. I just shake my head sometimes when listening to you in agreement. Hearing you echo my very words and sentiments is a strange kind of relief.
Gosh, what you said is so important. As someone who has suffered with a series mental illness, it is NOT someone elses responsible to carry your mental illness. As a grown ass adult, it is my responsibility to seek treatment and heal my own trauma. Yes, your partner can be supportive. However, your partner needs to also care for their own needs. If you are unable to self manage.... you shouldn't be in a relationship. When I was 16 years old, I was a mess. It took years of therapy to get my head on straight. Thankfully I was able to heal and learn how to regulate my emotions. I've been happily married for 10 years. Heal first.... then seek a relationship. Relationships are like pure poison when you have open trauma wounds that need healing. I am not saying you need to be 100% healed (no one is). But you absolutely need to be able to regulate your emotions and be able to identify your triggers.
I was diagnosed with BPD in my late 20s after a relationship with a violent man. I went to therapy and mostly we talked about him because I was so stressed afterwards. The therapist ended the therapy after a year and said I had good emotional respons but needed to be better to set boundaries towards men. Today I live alone with my daughter and have a good stable loving life❤
might just be CPTSD if you don't enjoy hurting people for sport, that's not on the Cluster B spectrum. Traumatized people have really tough time sometimes with emotional flooding, and ADHD type symptoms, addiction and alcoholism, anxiety and severe depression and not wanting to be around people AT ALL - etc. - a lot of things get misdiagnosed esp in terms of BPD.
Excellent video. I was diagnosed with BPD during Covid with my CPN, over the phone. At the time I was in an abusive, Narcissistic relationship and had no idea how much I was being gaslighted. My anger was reactive abuse. I am in therapy now and since my Nex left, I have had no major outbursts. In fact, I went through the typical CPTSD cycle of symptoms. I had an abusive childhood, my first relationship was abusive etc. I bought a book by Dr Daniel Fox and began working through it and found that this wasn't me. I could see the similarities, but when I started learning about Trauma, it all clicked into place. Now I am well along the healing path and start studying psychotherapy in October.
I agree. Ptsd, and Cptsd is FUCKN HORRENDOUS to live with, and way more research needs to focus on understanding and healing it. Thank you Richard. 👏👏👏❤️☯️💪🔥🖖☮️🦋
I am so happy to have found this video. In my 40s now and diagnosed BPD in early 30s but never really felt convinced by it- I used to call it the fibromyalgia of the mental health world - just that diagnosis given for when they can’t work out a better one! However I did have an extremely good psychiatrist who explained it’s just the best they can come up with due to the criteria I had and nothing is really set in stone - but the hormones connection I resonated very much with and always thought my challenges were CPTSD and hormone imbalance - just made more sense - the only difference was I self harmed which made doctors immediately go for BPD - but hey diagnostics can only give you insight it’s not meant to be a fool proof diagnosis - I am just so happy to see discussion and videos on this as I’m sure it’s helping a lot of people re-evaluate some diagnosis they have had and think again about what the root causes may actually be - much love to Richard!! ❤
@Beth-iv4lj mainly whether there are manic episodes or not. Types of treatment, and the type/length of cycle. Borderliners seem to cycle between up and down a lot more frequently. Bipolar people have up and downs, but usually a little longer lasting in each state Also borderlines seem to have more issues with anger and abandonment I think bipolar has an earlier onset and worse prognosis overall. Borderline seems to start later in life and get more manageable. That's my personal experience, I am not a health expert, just a relative.
Loving someone and living with someone with BPD is agonizing and everything Richard says is truth, I'm in it. I'm just glad to see Richard again, his videos help me through. 👍
I'm not sure about personality disorder at all. I was set up by mother to accept abuse, to seek out narrcissts. Because I was raised as a people pleaser it is essential for me to make sure people are happy because of what I've done. Knowing now narrcissts will never be happy that meant I was a failure. So by keep seeking narrcissts I'm trying to right "the wrong" that was my birth, and my inability to make my narrcisstic mother happy. Over and over and over, this was what I was raised to believe. How does being a good person, never intentionally hurting people, give all I have to make others happy a disorder? I'm doing exactly what I was raised to do. I didn't have a choice. So I'm being the best people pleaser i can be. Therefore changing who I am is going against everything I've ever known. How can that be right? I don't think I'm out of line. Also I've been raised to accept the blame for everything that comes my way, not even capable of doing what I've been accused of, that makes me prey for Al on micro and macro scale. I am I strong person that can handle so much more bullshit than most people. I don't know of anyone that can handle what I do every day. I'm 61 and still here!
I realised a week and a half ago that if I'm not helping people, my inner critic tells me I need to be dead. It was a huge leap forward and away from my 'letting go of fixing people' role. The way I've stormed over boundaries to 'help' and 'fix' problems I've been trained to diagnose and attempt to resolve have ruined so many relationships and opportunities. I'm addressing my helpful instinct and turning it on myself. I don't want to live like that any more. I'm teaching myself how to invest in me. Like touching a slug, feels horrid, but I have to know who I am without my abusers or their impact on my psychological development.
I was raised this way. I can't relax when I'm with people. My energy feels so scattered. I fawn and people please to buy myself time/ keep people away. I don't feel worthy unless I'm giving myself away because people don't seem to want me around otherwise.
@@kadran3263 I had to sit with all the guilt I felt as someone was knocking at my door, only to get something from me or use me, but I've always opened the door and helped. It was so hard to just sit and feel the guilt, I never answered. Ya see I either give everything I have to everyone or feel guilty if I don't. It's uncomfortable for us because we're not use to talking care of ourselves. But keep doing it it will get better. At first the people will keep knocking and it will get louder because we've trained them to keep knocking and we'll give in, but don't. Hold strong and it will get better
This was an excellent video. But, I won't be one of those people who isn't a friend or a supporter to someone who had been treated so bad they now (at the hands of other people etc) have a boat load of trauma. That in my opinion will further traumatize the person. Not to say I'm going to ruin my life for them but everyone deserves support and love...
I worked with cluster b people for years for this reason, but if you are going to do it, please be careful and be aware of what the trauma has made them as the last one killed my cat and poisoned me (he was 15 heading to an aspd diagnosis when old enough) and I have had a few BPD people assalut me and do a lot of damage to my home and the rage they have is dangerous, and it will harm you. Please make sure you know how to work with these people if you choose to take that path, you must stay safe, we know its not their fault thats why we try to divert the abuse pattern behaviour because it leads to such isolation for them, but you can never forget that they are capable of doing you very real damage.
Very exhausting I’m so depressed from the depletion fair because you start off with love you start off with compassion you start off with and it’s incredible because you could be empathetic and this is why I tell you there’s a huge difference. It’s so depleting because it’s constant. I hate to even say that been guilt trip throughout this entire journey and it’s changed, but it’s just it’s just something at the point where if it’s someone that does not see have no insight that they can’t just go on with their mouth today, they’re only gonna bring the closest ones down with them
26:55 I think you're right from a specific perspective. But wrong from another. You see, I think if you're sick in any way, u should avoid contact that can infect other people without helping you getting healthy at least. But on the other hand, it's especially important to seek and really get good help from other people to get better. From a healthy distance I'd say. Normally this would be considered as common sense. But in today's dystopian world (yes we're living a dystopia, check the characteristics of a dystopian society), it's necessary to provide both perspectives due to a growing tendency toward splitting in people's mind.
Question #6 answered something for me. Why I was so messed up when I was a young adult and married, and how I was able to grow over the years into a level-headed person. Thank you for that!
Really?!?! 😳😳 My ex husbands wife told me the same thing last year when I was at their place. That’s so interesting. 🤔 I wasn’t sure where she got her info, and was busy with paper work at the time and didn’t ask or have time to dive into it further. Thank you for keeping every one up to date with info Richard. ❤️☯️💪🔥🖖☮️🦋
Maybe it's the diagnostics? If a neurodivergent person is self isolating after burnout it's self care. But there's no flexibility in the diagnostic. If a Neurotypical person is, it is usually a sign something is up. Same tick box. Same diagnosis. Different lived experiences. Neuro divergent people need to go into their shell to grow a new one. Neurotypical people need prising out quite often.
nah its that GPs are allowed to diagnose BPD but not ADHD, we need it so that any female they want to hit with the BPD diagnosis is first screened for being ND@@Beth-iv4lj
I can so relate to this, especially if “so called” friends do this, I almost want to end the friendship when they show disinterest in or dismiss, my pain, but I try first to remember the adage; “don’t hate the person hate the behaviour”. I do this to prevent me from mistaking humanness, (I got that word from you Patrick) for toxicity and try not to take action against someone that I may regret later, when I am p___d off with them, however, it is definitely triggering because it really helps when people in my close circle of connections can somewhat empathise with me in the moment. Thanks for always creating a deeper awareness of how my childhood trauma affects me to enable me to benefit from the insight.
Very interesting. I remember many years Back when I was struggling I thought me and my brother had BPD as we had many of the traits. That's when I found a video of Richard and started searching more on complex PTSD . After ending a narcissistic relationship and going through a lot of counselling I no longer see myself as having those traits. None of this would have been possible without understanding all this from RIchards videos🎉🎉.
Testament to your strength that the videos you were making in 2017 lit my way. I have not watched your videos in quite a while (around 4 years), and you look... healthy. Solid. Glad I watched this one. I can see your shadow, and it looks absolutely lovely.
Yes, Richie, I would love and appreciate it if you’d be brave and open that can of worms about how BPD or whatever it should be called (and possibly other diagnoses), have been disproportionately aimed at women or whatever you wish to share. Thank you always.
I think some labels dehumanize people like those suffering from post traumatic stress disorder My wife suffers from complex post traumatic disorder but they are hiding that she had spinal meningitis as a child and continue to give her meds that don't work except olanzapine but they don't prescribe it
Yes. I am sorry for your wife. You know on 'take your data book' There's support groups worth looking at. (even if she doesn't join) Being around people who understand that, even online might help her. Richard is intelligent. I always learn about things listening anyway. Retention shaky.
I am so glad that you have a strong and influenial voice in this conversation because I see your persepective as common sense, highly intelligent and well informed with education and personal expereince. And that doesnt have to make you 'right' about everything and I would argue that in a field like psycology its dangerous to label anyone 'right' about their theories. If the theories lead to treatments that are effective then that should be how we judge them and I would like to see the industry explore treatments based on the theories you articulate because they make a lot of sense with my personal experience and historically the field hasnt been incredibly effective and it certainly hasnt been effective enough to give it the crediblity it has aquired in many circles. And to be honest I think many of those circles simply use diagnois to bully and abuse vulnerable people coercsing their behavior in a way where those diagnoising others personally gain. And I think history has shown that and we dont speak about it enough. (excuse my spelling here and there I prefer other academic subjects)
I know you focus a lot on NPD. But I wish you did more videos on CPTSD and DBT like self help videos. I like the way you explain things and think it would help me and other people.
My step son was diagnosed in 2020 and was gutted, he felt less human. Despite just being little old Paula from Bensham, I tried to reassure him that he most definitely did not. I'd been his other mother from 17 months old and so understood his needs. I can't believe a professional gave the diagnosis. I had him listening to you and he also found J Peterson helpful. Sadly, he died in 2021 at 21 years old. We are all devastated. Telling my kids was horrendous. Children shouldn't grieve a sibling. People can't get the correct support if they cant even understand where they are in the moment. I thought his dad had BPD but learned though your videos and other research that he in fact has CPTSD. This understanding enables us to maintain a supportive relationship despite being divorced.
Absolutely amazing video!! I definitely agree. Complex PTSD. It’s absolutely horrendous in my 20s. And I just wanted to be by myself to fix it. But being attached to a borderline personality disorder as a partner. They didn’t want to leave. Took a long time to fix and a lot of therapy. But once you actually get to experience joy, even enjoying the journey of healing. Oh my goodness, the positivity and the life that is now what I call home within my own mind. I can’t be anything but positive I love it. It’s like something I’ve never experienced even as a child contentment and happiness.
Not a lot to say, I agree with you 100%, trauma is always at the root. I want to be a poster girl for CPTSD, because of how much i suffered and how much happy, serene and grateful i am now. I have had it all, depression, insonnia, nightmares with the devil, limerance, psychotic episodes, medicine abuse, chronic health issues, social avoidance, intimacy issues, toxic shame.... Psychoterapy is n.1 because it's extremely likely you start off with denial, then meditation, and then the biggest Panacea is giving yourself unconditional love, with this love you find the strenght to accept and work. I honestly feel so blessed i got where i am now, so hope hope hope and hang on! Love to everyone!
I have done so much therapy man, I think a lot of people very high up have and people who landed through trauma very low down in society. But not karens/nurse ratcheds. The high up people take their data from. I don't know how else to put it but there's a class of people who don't or won't and do damage. Sharp elbows and heels. It's a minefield because of that not ptsd Stay blessed Even if you do it. Don't matter.
F*uck, everything you say makes sense. I was diagnose BPD, I’m in no way an abuser, I got better in my late 30’s with a lot of introspection and the internal feeling of craziness is triggered 9 out of 10 times when I begin a new relationship and struggle to maintain it when I see myself of not worthy and feel that I’m gonna be abandoned. I’ve been in therapy for 25 years, are you suggesting that I’d stay single till the end of my life, that s pretty cruel, I maintain my single status because I’m afraid of the other, they don’t understand and we live in an era where people are not worth more than Kleenex, first obstacle, you’re interchangeable. but I desperately want to be loved…
I do agree I was told by a psychiatrist at 16 I was a scapegoat carrying a burden of childhood sexual abuse and trauma that I wasn’t able to tell my mother-in-law I was 36 at the time I ran away from home and the psychiatrist had mentioned to my mother because I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was eight but had told her that I have borderline personality traits and that’s probably why I ran away from home or giving her this rebellion because I was never telling them how traumatic it was to live at home being divided with an emotionally immature, parents that created nothing but fear in me I was already going to the patterns of disorganized attachment style regiment, and I’m not saying that those traits weren’t accurate yet was not feeling this intense emptiness, or neither did I cut myself or did I have identity disturbance these traits that they were speaking of or just how I was responding to my body my mind, fear n trauma . And it just kept going until it didn’t. I was able to suppress her sustain my trauma until the age of 36. I was very functional. Everything was pretty composed. I had a major surgery and another series of events that just proved that I was wounded and untreated it on heels and things that it processes flashbacks patterns and then that’s where I fell into the dynamic of Attracting narcissistic abuse, high pretty much and pick them after that and became a pattern so I agree because now I can definitely tell you that I am living with somebody that has these behaviors. He’s a male and it’s a little different and it’s serious and Baltimore into the narcissism and I know narcissism, but this is a lot more for me Draining and confusing. This one’s actually deleting. It’s a lot of reactive abuse and I was diagnosed early age cptsd
I have a very uncomfortable conversation in front of me with a long term friend I keep putting off. But what you said is true. I’ve been thru far worse so bring it on. I’m not that brave and In such a sturdy place. But will deal with business that needs to be dealt with. Thank you Richard
I just found your channel through your interview with Andrew Gold. I was misdiagnosed with BPD as a teenager and around 10 years later after starting with a fantastic therapist, discovered I have c-PTSD. I don't realy understand how people can have both, that feels like overdiagnosis because the overlap is so huge and if the root comes from trauma, isn't it automatically PTSD/c-PTSD because of being able to identify the root? I don't want to invalidate anyone who feels that a BPD diagnosis has helped them understand themselves & start to heal, I just question the models we have around understanding mental health. After lots of therapy I am well along my healing journey and pretty emotionally regulated, but other things are an internal battle every day. Feeling very seen here and welling up a little as a result. Thanks for talking about these things in such a grounded way.
I have PTSD, Bipolar, UPD, anxiety, and insomnia. So I started my channel to share my story and get others to share there story. So I know the struggle with PTSD.
Would a person with CPTSD block you, but still email you, insult you, call you mentally ill and then contact your family members after you told them they had upset you and that you just needed some space? Or, is that something that someone with BPD or narc traits would do? Unfortunately, I'm not the first person they have done this to. It's pretty scary.
Great video Richard. I can imagine that Favourite Person issues could manifest itself when a Borderline female is older and less likely to be around many people. It is known that they find themselves alone as they age!
I said to a registered schoziphrenic I know: "Right you can't get yourself into gear to help, can't be bothered - so what would you have done 200 years ago in say the British Navy, had you been pressed? When if you hadn't got going then you'd have been whipped...". His answer was straight and clear - "I'd have got up and cracked on - I'm schizophrenic, not stupid".
I was diagnosed with BPD in my late teens. It was revised to CPTSD a few years ago but I think I am on the spectrum/have autism and what they called BPD are autistic meltdowns.
I totally agree that underneath every case of BPD (at least that I have met with) lies trauma. But it seems that so it is with the narcissistic, antisocial and in some cases of histrionic and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. But why then we decide that BPD is complex PTSD and other personality disorders are not? It looks like all of them are just different reactions to extensive traumatisation. (And not always that different, because in some cases it is really hard to distinguish is it BPD or NPD or histrionic). So I wonder is CPTSD just a less "scary" word for BPD now?
I have CPTSD and my first attempt at leaving this world was at 16 and I've lost count how many more times since...20 yrs of therapy and I still struggle in relationships.
I see this video over and over again . Congratulations i have nothing to say more . You answer to all my guestions im not wondering anymore. I know i can find the solution to my problem just listening to you .thank you 😊
The narcissist guy I was dating made me believe I had BPD... But I've had healthy relationships before. I'm still trying to unravel this. I do have abandonment but I'm not impulsive... I did get diagnosed as cptsd. I tried telling him that. But every time I had reactive abuse from him he'd call me BPD and said I needed help and was the bad one.
Thank you very much, Richard, for all the information you explain in your videos. You were the first person I heard the term CPTSD from, and after having lived through some really difficult and traumatic experiences, I think that is what is happening to me. Also, I think I may also be an HSP, so CPTSD may affect me even more. I will try to find a therapist to help me, although sometimes it is not easy to find the one who can help you most effectively. By the way (and this is just an anecdote), with you I am improving my understanding of English because you speak clearly and sometimes quickly, so thank you very much for this too 😊😄 Many greetings from Barcelona, Spain!
It was very hard to accept that my mom was actually a narcissist because I wanted to keep the false belief that she really loved me and wasn’t just using our interactions for narcissistic supply…then I really paid attention to how she only talked about herself and even if I called to vent about my problems she would immediately turn it to how she goes through the same thing or that I wouldn’t be in that problem if I had only done everything she tells me to do… it’s weird how we can completely misunderstand narcissistic treatment as love just because they were the primary caretaker. My sister and I were convinced our mother had BPD but the only difference from thinking she had narcissistic personality disorder is because her erratic emotional outbursts made us think she was more empathetic and human…but I’m thinking it could just be the more covert form of NPD makes them look like suffering victims rather than the abuser
hard when yo urealize that some human-like beings are actually NOT CAPABLE OF LOVE.. everyone is not "just doing the best they can with what they have", ... some really don't give a F, and some really enjoy hurting others as entertainment.
why on earth should your mother not talk about and compare your own experiences to hers? Is that not a form of empathy and understanding? And perhaps you would not listen, who am I to say, but it's worth thinking about... Loads of people suddenly now are convinced a parent has Narc disorder because they're too ill mannered to give a toss about their parents or even to listen to anyone other than their own ego, and cannot take 'no' for a answer and cannot take/accept any punitive measure for something they were ultimately responsible for.
I could tell you the nightmare Healthcare fiasco It starts with a little girl who lived 2 blocks from the old Elderodo nuke plant in Port Hope Ontario and she was constantly get blood in her urine
Can you do a video on narcissistic gangstalking, community harassment, a person getting a community to harass the target,I believe it's going on a lot,many including myself is experiencing this,but very hard to believe.
I’m diagnosed BPD . Later in life in my early 30s. It explained a lot, actually gave me all the answers for my nihilistic attitude sometimes How can somebody access therapy in the U.K. because I e tried and tried and no luck, and there’s no way a million years I could ever afford private. Spose just got to ride it out 😂
Don't pathologise some natural feelings. Everybody feels nihilstic sometimes. Look at the crazy society we live in, why wouldn't you? lol "It's no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." _ Krishnamurti
Not sure about BPD lightening up as they grow older maybe self aware diagnosed ones but undiagnosed there are many up to their seventies with all the traits but from what I learned that the approach- avoidance repetition cycle is an integral part of the disorder and it remains.
Exactly. Saying I like is "No excuse for bad behaviour" There have been times in my life where it would have sucked for people to be around me. Doesn't matter my story, if I'm tearing your life apart you need to get out of there.
Excellence information, you are so knowledgeable and well- stated. I am Thankful you are providing to help people. The Court systems needs you to educate them. God Bless You! 💯 ⭐ 🙏
People were walking on eggs shells around my sister inlaw since 1978. BUT, after working 25 years with brain damage and studying Psychology for 35 years am open to new findings Richard. I mean we used to think that people with Epilepsy was possession so why not ? I always felt like my sister inlaw needed to control and abuse everyone around her because of a sexual tramau. My mother inlaw was very much the same after a rape at age 7 when she lost 2 years of memory and became a very toxic , controlling alcoholic.
Richard, as you so eloquently posited in a video a while back - talking about whether the whole world and US in particular has gone NPD - that if it's true BPD in the traditional sense of a PD, there has to be the element of evil - entitlement and pleasure in harming others like NPD and ASPD. I think that graph should be a centerpiece for the next DSM version!
2 days ago i got my BPD diagnose Beginning of the year i had found out i have adhd and now this. I am heart broken i am dying inside. I can say that having a love relation is impossible with me ( and that was the thing all i ever really wanted) 2 be loved. I had more than 100 boyfriends lovers and that type of stuff. I killed them all .. with moodswings, violence i chead i cry i scream i let them no that they are the bad ones... The moment they start questioning themself i can feel remors .. Not for them but for myself. The shame i feel is so high that that is my reference 2 feel their 'pain'. I can't feel pain from others but i can mirror myself with them "sometimes' in a way. I am 47 and living 2 lives.... Nobody and than i mean nobody knows the real me.. I lay I cant deal with money I need attation I feel shity I am depressed when i am alone I can love you and know you are the world 2 me and than 5 min later i can jump on you and scream shout pull your hair, fight and i can break windows... I always feel like i am in my right 2 do this because you hurt me. I had eating problmes bigtime Sex issues Alcohol problems, more than 100 times i drink myself almost 2 death Used a lot of drugs. Right now i know i want 2 be normal. I want 2 be a good mother. Thats my goal. I am working on me with meditation and thc olie. I will start the program of BPD and i need 2 work on me ... I hope one day i can controle it. I know i am getting better around family and friends, dont know if i will ever be ready for a relationship. Can not do that 2 any man anymore 🙏 🌱💚 thaks for your videos ❤
Therapist says trauma, doctor says personality disorder. Hospital says bpd. Several years in psychodynamic therapy that doesnt work. Feel like I am beyond hope. My only relief is antipsychotic medication. 😔
I'm convinced that BPD is an umbrella diagnosis for those who have seen through the borders of society, and don't conform. These are the people who wake up to the levels of coercive control we are all under, and they do not like it.
They might diagnose you with anything. In the 60's/70's teenage girls who would not join secretarial school or did acid. They ended up in Broadmoor with you know who 'now then, now then" And electrocuted and often diagnosed with different types of diagnosis. Overturned as adults. These were young women who did not comply. They were the victims of a maladaptive culture.
Yes the father of my child and I have grown so much in treatment to regulate my trauma and this has been i’m telling you the most depleting training it has made me more negative because of the way that you cells and their low sense of self and they don’t know who they are and their insecurity and then the aggression and it’s and I’ve gone out with narcissist I believe whatever it is that this is supposedly not intentional but there’s that darkness where I can’t believe that you know there’s a lot of people that are non-intentionally evil but so you really have to behave in a way and do things that are so despicable
If BPD is not real / not a personality disorder which is possible. - Behavior that could be considered BPD is at least a maladaptive coping mechanism that is the result of having been subjected to abuse of an extended period of time.
I dated someone with 'quiet' BPD. For a while, she seemed like the sweetest, most innocent, loving and kind individual I'd ever met for an extremely long time - albeit quite anxious. Once she split, she became manipulative, avoidant, dismissive, jealous, and cruel. She held no space for me, we didn't have one conversation and after a month of breadcrumbing, she ended things over text message before messaging exes and people she felt jealous of. It turned out that she'd been hiding a lot of her pathologies under me. Her emotions became accusatory, angry and for a year following, she monitored and stalked me - finding out my place of work, showing up etc. I think it's extremely difficult to state whether someone does or doesn't cause 'harm' to others. My ex would consistently talk about how hurt she was, how sad she was, how empty she felt. With time, the harm reared itself. I do think that these things are on a sliding scale - they are extremely complex to define.
You were 1/2 the relationship, so accept your part. Stop blaming and labeling people. Look at YOUR OWN issues. You attracted her. Relationships are a mirror.
A Cult of One How to Deprogram Yourself from Narcissistic Abuse Auteur: Richard Grannon . Wow.....can buy it now in my country: The Netherlands. Will read it very soon. Love your way of short clear video's. Thanks.
I was almost misdiagnosed. Very often women with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) are misdiagnosed with Borderline - as clinicians frequently fail to recognize the cyclical nature of these intense emotional states (including aggression, psychosis, depression, suicidality, anxiety). And many are not aware that this is a real, neurochemical thing that affects 3-5% of all females* in reproductive age.
I was diagnosed with BPD in my early 20s. I never quite resonated with it at all. I was also diagnosed with CPTSD, OCD and ANXIETY. I decided to work on myself and work through what was happening to me. I’m now pushing 40 and I don’t have any symptoms at all of BPD I haven’t for around 10 years. I still have mild anxiety but I can work through it. I didn’t have BPD never did, I was struggling with trauma from being raised in a highly abusive home with added religion. I went no contact and that’s what really healed me all those years ago!
I went no contact a few months ago at 50. Huge difference. I can think things through now. No diagnoses but Richard's vids certainly have helped me clarify causes and approaches to trauma. Glad you're progressing!
So happy for you, well done for doing that for yourself, a tough long road. ❤
@@kadran3263 I wish you all the best on your journey 🫶🏻
@@braverisingwithamanda yes it was a very tough long road. Getting to the other side is so freeing and I finally know what it is like to live!
@@jwillis2530was the religion JW’S ? Because it wouldn’t surprise me.
Regardless of a person's mental "diagnosis", if their actions are abusive to others around them(and they dont go get help/therapy), that makes them a bad person. As humans, we all know the difference between right and wrong. Just because someone has a "diagnosis", it doesnt give them a pass.
And unfortunately they do use it as a pass to justify their behavior, instead of exercising self control and taking responsibility. It's always someone else's fault, never theirs.
Spot on.
This is how Quiet BPD is born, and then this leads to misdiagnosis for person who suppress their emotions in order not to hurt others around them.
Exactly! Most of the people that are intentionally hurting people are the so called normal people. They are the same people that love to blame others. They can't look in the mirror so they project that into a stronger person like a pwbpd. We get blamed for everything, we've been trained to just take it. I don't know any one with Bpd that sets out to hurt another person, mostly it's because they're inn survival mode and feel they're being attacked. If this doesn't make sense to you, count your blessings you don't have Bpd.
"You can mourn the child they were, even as you put down the monster they became" -Garret PI
Yes, Please! I would love to hear more about sexual bias with this diagnosis! I was correctly diagnosed with PTSD many years ago, then a male, young, clinician diagnosed me with BPD. I was months out of a very toxic relationship with someone with narcissistic traits and the emotional and physical abuse. I believe there is a bias and easier for the system to label me the problem as opposed to the sexual assault, domestic violence and sexualization I was harmed with as a young woman.
I've read this a multiple times - that women are quickly labelled as BPD when they choose to seek official help from medical industry - doctors have no idea what it is so they use hyper-cognition to stick labels on someone who appears to them dysregulated. Narcissistic abuse - when we explain and describe it to people who never experiences it - will never trust us, because it is unreal. Anyone who has never been in narc abuse - they cannot understand it. To them it will appear as if we are conspiracy theorists.
Omg I went through this exact thing too 😫
I was clinically diagnosed with both BPD and CPTSD in my 30’s (after my brothers suicide when I was 27). I do not have the anger or aggressiveness associated with the diagnosis. And although I have only had two long term relationships (only had five relationships in my life and I’m 57). Both relationships were abusive, I was on the receiving end of verbal and physical abuse in a marriage of over 20 years. And to say I saw suicide as my only way out is putting it mildly.
So I think your description of people like me is actually painful to hear.
I’m extremely caring and empathetic to the point of putting everyone else’s needs before my own. I would give someone my last penny if they needed it more than I do. After my brothers death I became terrified of not being prepared for every eventuality and to protect my family because I had to be strong for my parents at that time. And now I’m terrified of letting anyone close because of my previous relationships.
I am not some kind of demon, I am a human being.
It doesn't sound like you were diagnosed properly at all.
@@Nicana68 It took years to be given a diagnosis. If it’s incorrect then I don’t know what is the right one. I’ve accepted BPD as being part of who I must be.
@@Nicana68 diagnosises are fake
I was raised by a BPD mother. This woman was absolutely BPD and the classic symptoms you may read about don't even begin to describe them. That said, I do believe it can be over diagnosed. My mother could be a good mother but when she flipped, and she always did after a time, her abuse was monumental, could go on for days and the damage she left behind is profound.
My mom does the toxic positivity thing. I can't even be myself around her or my father my father is annoyed with me and my own mother says the meanest things like, "Oh you're singing off key" when I've sang or she won't listen and just dismisses my feelings so I cut her off. They are both religious to so I'm not for that. I even wrote a suicide letter once and my dad found it and said, "What will people think?" Not even caring about my feelings. I'd get shitty gifts apparently to my dad for christmas and my own step mom would say rude passive aggressive things like, "Wow did you get that from the gift exchange?" Meanwhile the gifts they would give us our gift cards. I'm never good enough so I'm done. Last time I talked to my mother I told her I'm taking shrooms and stopped talking to her. They don't want to get to know me, they never wanted to understand my mental illness so I'm done and my last thing I said to her also was to get counseling and of course she ignored me and made it about her..."Oh I have health issues." etc etc etc so yes I'm done I needed a mother not a fing child I have to take care of and my mom is like a child so i my grandmother so yes I'm done.
I've BPD. Can relate.
Such a relief to hear “ it s extremely painful” to be around and it was weighted heavily even after ! Went to therapy after such a encounter ! Thank you Richard
Yes, and thank you. I was pigeon-holed for years, until hearing the idea that I may have been wrongly diagnosed, and that it's more likely to be CPTSD. That rang true!
And there is Quiet BPD sub-type which does not meet DSM BPD criteria at all.
I want THAT video please, I. have lived this journey and it's fascinating! Also, it's taken me 20 years to finally hear someone that is prepared to say these things re BPD/PTSD as well as the BPD diagnosis being placed on a 'certain type of female' by a 'certain type of psychologist/psychiatrist.' Thank you!
This is so confusing, honestly. I know a diagnosed BPD male. Hes a an ex lawyer who definitely shows signs of NPD(traits) but is completely delusional like a borderline.
Quiet BPD with NPD traits
Yep. I was diagnosed, along with bipolar 1, adhd, autism & CPTSD. I am not a bad person, i do struggle a lot. I’ve felt my whole life I’m a burden on the ones I love. It causes so much guilt. We don’t want to be this way. At least I can say I would never purposely manipulate anyone to get them to “bend to my will” nor would I ever aim to use people. I strive to spread awareness, tips for those struggling, and education about my conditions that educate people who love people like me, to help them understand more.
I have a highly sensitized nervous system. Someone clanks a dish I immediately go internally panic. I have panic disorder & a severe anxiety disorder. So yes, someone offering me a cup of tea is no different than someone suddenly grabbing me and shouting BOO!!
Agoraphobia naturally becomes a factor. Your world gets smaller & smaller.
I actively learn myself, my conditions. I do what I CAN & I accept what I cannot change.. at least not instantly..
It didn’t happen instantly. It’s years upon years, then adult relations after toxic adult attempts at connections with other broken people.
Do not date until you heal. Please.
I have been diagnosed with everything under the sun. But now I’m convinced I have been trauma bonded to my mum for years and never fully recovered from it.
Thanks I just broke it off with my boyfriend so that I can heal it's just way too much it sucks.
I recently had, or tried to have, a relationship with a BPD woman. I was meteoric. Love, love, love … then the SHTF. She had me thinking I was dealing with a Dark Triad. Possibly. Anyway, glad I found this guy. Vet here.
I press into the cans of worms and no longer shy away from talking about it the elephant in the room.
A video about how the BPD diagnosis has historically been used in a sexist way? I think it’s actually a needed video. And I honestly can’t think of any other UA-camr who regularly handles “Cluster B’s” to better take on this topic and genuinely welcome the opportunity to do so.
Know this: at least one of your followers will cheer your video loudly. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But more importantly (in my opinion), I think it’s a needed video. And dare I say, given the topic, I think it will be embraced more quickly in society and psychology if presented by a man.
I appreciate you. Your videos have been so key to me knowing what “Cluster B monsters were hiding under the bed” of my life, and how to disarm them.
My mother was a malignant narcissistic psychopath. Because of my experience growing up, I was hospitalized at the age of fourteen. I was diagnosed with BPD at that time. What teenage girl isn't a borderline? I took, fit a criteria for BPD but I also do not fit the criteria at the same time. I had some manipulative behaviors I didn't recognize as manipulative because it was a learned behavior. I no longer act that way. I have empathy. Lots of empathy. I don't screw people over it burn bridges. I hope a new diagnosis will be assigned to us people who have survived narcissistic parents. To throw us in a cluster B isn't really fair. Thank you for trying to shed light on this subject.
Yes, indeed. Open that "can of worms". You are so accurate in your understanding of these things. I just shake my head sometimes when listening to you in agreement. Hearing you echo my very words and sentiments is a strange kind of relief.
Gosh, what you said is so important. As someone who has suffered with a series mental illness, it is NOT someone elses responsible to carry your mental illness. As a grown ass adult, it is my responsibility to seek treatment and heal my own trauma. Yes, your partner can be supportive. However, your partner needs to also care for their own needs. If you are unable to self manage.... you shouldn't be in a relationship. When I was 16 years old, I was a mess. It took years of therapy to get my head on straight. Thankfully I was able to heal and learn how to regulate my emotions. I've been happily married for 10 years. Heal first.... then seek a relationship. Relationships are like pure poison when you have open trauma wounds that need healing. I am not saying you need to be 100% healed (no one is). But you absolutely need to be able to regulate your emotions and be able to identify your triggers.
I was diagnosed with BPD in my late 20s after a relationship with a violent man. I went to therapy and mostly we talked about him because I was so stressed afterwards. The therapist ended the therapy after a year and said I had good emotional respons but needed to be better to set boundaries towards men. Today I live alone with my daughter and have a good stable loving life❤
might just be CPTSD if you don't enjoy hurting people for sport, that's not on the Cluster B spectrum. Traumatized people have really tough time sometimes with emotional flooding, and ADHD type symptoms, addiction and alcoholism, anxiety and severe depression and not wanting to be around people AT ALL - etc. - a lot of things get misdiagnosed esp in terms of BPD.
Excellent video. I was diagnosed with BPD during Covid with my CPN, over the phone. At the time I was in an abusive, Narcissistic relationship and had no idea how much I was being gaslighted. My anger was reactive abuse. I am in therapy now and since my Nex left, I have had no major outbursts. In fact, I went through the typical CPTSD cycle of symptoms. I had an abusive childhood, my first relationship was abusive etc.
I bought a book by Dr Daniel Fox and began working through it and found that this wasn't me. I could see the similarities, but when I started learning about Trauma, it all clicked into place.
Now I am well along the healing path and start studying psychotherapy in October.
I agree. Ptsd, and Cptsd is FUCKN HORRENDOUS to live with, and way more research needs to focus on understanding and healing it.
Thank you Richard. 👏👏👏❤️☯️💪🔥🖖☮️🦋
I am so happy to have found this video. In my 40s now and diagnosed BPD in early 30s but never really felt convinced by it- I used to call it the fibromyalgia of the mental health world - just that diagnosis given for when they can’t work out a better one! However I did have an extremely good psychiatrist who explained it’s just the best they can come up with due to the criteria I had and nothing is really set in stone - but the hormones connection I resonated very much with and always thought my challenges were CPTSD and hormone imbalance - just made more sense - the only difference was I self harmed which made doctors immediately go for BPD - but hey diagnostics can only give you insight it’s not meant to be a fool proof diagnosis - I am just so happy to see discussion and videos on this as I’m sure it’s helping a lot of people re-evaluate some diagnosis they have had and think again about what the root causes may actually be - much love to Richard!! ❤
I think some of the commenters are confusing borderline and bipolar disorder.
They are 2 separate things. Please get it straight
What are the key differences? I want to learn stuff
@Beth-iv4lj mainly whether there are manic episodes or not. Types of treatment, and the type/length of cycle. Borderliners seem to cycle between up and down a lot more frequently. Bipolar people have up and downs, but usually a little longer lasting in each state
Also borderlines seem to have more issues with anger and abandonment
I think bipolar has an earlier onset and worse prognosis overall. Borderline seems to start later in life and get more manageable.
That's my personal experience, I am not a health expert, just a relative.
@@user-lt3yb4fm6q k.
Loving someone and living with someone with BPD is agonizing and everything Richard says is truth, I'm in it. I'm just glad to see Richard again, his videos help me through. 👍
I'm not sure about personality disorder at all. I was set up by mother to accept abuse, to seek out narrcissts. Because I was raised as a people pleaser it is essential for me to make sure people are happy because of what I've done. Knowing now narrcissts will never be happy that meant I was a failure. So by keep seeking narrcissts I'm trying to right "the wrong" that was my birth, and my inability to make my narrcisstic mother happy. Over and over and over, this was what I was raised to believe. How does being a good person, never intentionally hurting people, give all I have to make others happy a disorder? I'm doing exactly what I was raised to do. I didn't have a choice. So I'm being the best people pleaser i can be. Therefore changing who I am is going against everything I've ever known. How can that be right? I don't think I'm out of line. Also I've been raised to accept the blame for everything that comes my way, not even capable of doing what I've been accused of, that makes me prey for Al on micro and macro scale. I am I strong person that can handle so much more bullshit than most people. I don't know of anyone that can handle what I do every day. I'm 61 and still here!
It’s hard to pretend otherwise. Just start choosing you first, your desires.
I realised a week and a half ago that if I'm not helping people, my inner critic tells me I need to be dead. It was a huge leap forward and away from my 'letting go of fixing people' role. The way I've stormed over boundaries to 'help' and 'fix' problems I've been trained to diagnose and attempt to resolve have ruined so many relationships and opportunities. I'm addressing my helpful instinct and turning it on myself. I don't want to live like that any more. I'm teaching myself how to invest in me. Like touching a slug, feels horrid, but I have to know who I am without my abusers or their impact on my psychological development.
I was raised this way. I can't relax when I'm with people. My energy feels so scattered. I fawn and people please to buy myself time/ keep people away. I don't feel worthy unless I'm giving myself away because people don't seem to want me around otherwise.
@@kadran3263 I had to sit with all the guilt I felt as someone was knocking at my door, only to get something from me or use me, but I've always opened the door and helped. It was so hard to just sit and feel the guilt, I never answered. Ya see I either give everything I have to everyone or feel guilty if I don't. It's uncomfortable for us because we're not use to talking care of ourselves. But keep doing it it will get better. At first the people will keep knocking and it will get louder because we've trained them to keep knocking and we'll give in, but don't. Hold strong and it will get better
This was an excellent video. But, I won't be one of those people who isn't a friend or a supporter to someone who had been treated so bad they now (at the hands of other people etc) have a boat load of trauma. That in my opinion will further traumatize the person. Not to say I'm going to ruin my life for them but everyone deserves support and love...
I worked with cluster b people for years for this reason, but if you are going to do it, please be careful and be aware of what the trauma has made them as the last one killed my cat and poisoned me (he was 15 heading to an aspd diagnosis when old enough) and I have had a few BPD people assalut me and do a lot of damage to my home and the rage they have is dangerous, and it will harm you. Please make sure you know how to work with these people if you choose to take that path, you must stay safe, we know its not their fault thats why we try to divert the abuse pattern behaviour because it leads to such isolation for them, but you can never forget that they are capable of doing you very real damage.
@lizericsonn9367 thank you 😊 I appreciate that ❤️ and I'm so sorry you went through that 😢
it is what it is, I am sorry I couldnt divert the teens behaviour development before it was too late and I miss my cat a lot@@wandalynnellis7814
Very exhausting I’m so depressed from the depletion fair because you start off with love you start off with compassion you start off with and it’s incredible because you could be empathetic and this is why I tell you there’s a huge difference. It’s so depleting because it’s constant. I hate to even say that been guilt trip throughout this entire journey and it’s changed, but it’s just it’s just something at the point where if it’s someone that does not see have no insight that they can’t just go on with their mouth today, they’re only gonna bring the closest ones down with them
26:55
I think you're right from a specific perspective. But wrong from another.
You see, I think if you're sick in any way, u should avoid contact that can infect other people without helping you getting healthy at least.
But on the other hand, it's especially important to seek and really get good help from other people to get better.
From a healthy distance I'd say.
Normally this would be considered as common sense. But in today's dystopian world (yes we're living a dystopia, check the characteristics of a dystopian society), it's necessary to provide both perspectives due to a growing tendency toward splitting in people's mind.
Question #6 answered something for me. Why I was so messed up when I was a young adult and married, and how I was able to grow over the years into a level-headed person. Thank you for that!
Really?!?! 😳😳
My ex husbands wife told me the same thing last year when I was at their place. That’s so interesting. 🤔
I wasn’t sure where she got her info, and was busy with paper work at the time and didn’t ask or have time to dive into it further.
Thank you for keeping every one up to date with info Richard.
❤️☯️💪🔥🖖☮️🦋
Richard,you nailed it with this approach! Thanks from the bottom of my mind...
You're my best teacher here on UA-cam
And you have boosted my mindset to another level 💯
Asd can have special people too
Speaking from personal experience, ASD also ramps up with PTSD and ADHD and to exaggerate BPD symptoms. I would appreciate your input. Thanks!
Maybe it's the diagnostics?
If a neurodivergent person is self isolating after burnout it's self care.
But there's no flexibility in the diagnostic.
If a Neurotypical person is, it is usually a sign something is up.
Same tick box. Same diagnosis.
Different lived experiences.
Neuro divergent people need to go into their shell to grow a new one.
Neurotypical people need prising out quite often.
yup, 26 years of misdiagnosis here 19-45 treated as bpd but surprise surprise, Autistic with adhd/rsd and PTSD episodes of dissassociation
nah its that GPs are allowed to diagnose BPD but not ADHD, we need it so that any female they want to hit with the BPD diagnosis is first screened for being ND@@Beth-iv4lj
@@Beth-iv4lj I appreciate your input but these things you've mentioned are not what I was asking. Perhaps my question is too vague.
@@lizericsonn9367 that's what I'm looking for! I wondered if this mix could look like BPD! THANK YOU for the reply! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is truly a captivating concept! Thank you as always Mr. Grannon. I come to you for your teaching excellence. 👏🏼👏🏼
I can so relate to this, especially if “so called” friends do this, I almost want to end the friendship when they show disinterest in or dismiss, my pain, but I try first to remember the adage; “don’t hate the person hate the behaviour”. I do this to prevent me from mistaking humanness, (I got that word from you Patrick) for toxicity and try not to take action against someone that I may regret later, when I am p___d off with them, however, it is definitely triggering because it really helps when people in my close circle of connections can somewhat empathise with me in the moment. Thanks for always creating a deeper awareness of how my childhood trauma affects me to enable me to benefit from the insight.
Thank you for addressing BPD...I have often questioned the discrepancy.
Very interesting. I remember many years Back when I was struggling I thought me and my brother had BPD as we had many of the traits. That's when I found a video of Richard and started searching more on complex PTSD . After ending a narcissistic relationship and going through a lot of counselling I no longer see myself as having those traits. None of this would have been possible without understanding all this from RIchards videos🎉🎉.
Thank you for being so kind to me Richard. I will be back. I dont want to overwhelm you with my comments. You 'aight
The sound volume is perfect, now I finally can hear you clearly even through earplugs!
Testament to your strength that the videos you were making in 2017 lit my way.
I have not watched your videos in quite a while (around 4 years), and you look... healthy. Solid.
Glad I watched this one. I can see your shadow, and it looks absolutely lovely.
Perhaps Bpd is more like a bad coping mechanism
Yes, Richie, I would love and appreciate it if you’d be brave and open that can of worms about how BPD or whatever it should be called (and possibly other diagnoses), have been disproportionately aimed at women or whatever you wish to share. Thank you always.
I think some labels dehumanize people like those suffering from post traumatic stress disorder
My wife suffers from complex post traumatic disorder but they are hiding that she had spinal meningitis as a child and continue to give her meds that don't work except olanzapine but they don't prescribe it
Yes.
I am sorry for your wife. You know on 'take your data book'
There's support groups worth looking at.
(even if she doesn't join)
Being around people who understand that, even online might help her.
Richard is intelligent. I always learn about things listening anyway.
Retention shaky.
Listening to this lecture was both informative as well as enlightening.
I am so glad that you have a strong and influenial voice in this conversation because I see your persepective as common sense, highly intelligent and well informed with education and personal expereince. And that doesnt have to make you 'right' about everything and I would argue that in a field like psycology its dangerous to label anyone 'right' about their theories. If the theories lead to treatments that are effective then that should be how we judge them and I would like to see the industry explore treatments based on the theories you articulate because they make a lot of sense with my personal experience and historically the field hasnt been incredibly effective and it certainly hasnt been effective enough to give it the crediblity it has aquired in many circles. And to be honest I think many of those circles simply use diagnois to bully and abuse vulnerable people coercsing their behavior in a way where those diagnoising others personally gain. And I think history has shown that and we dont speak about it enough. (excuse my spelling here and there I prefer other academic subjects)
Aymen -- preach it sister!!
I know you focus a lot on NPD. But I wish you did more videos on CPTSD and DBT like self help videos. I like the way you explain things and think it would help me and other people.
Seconding this! 🙌
I love your honesty! Thank you! 🫶
My step son was diagnosed in 2020 and was gutted, he felt less human. Despite just being little old Paula from Bensham, I tried to reassure him that he most definitely did not. I'd been his other mother from 17 months old and so understood his needs. I can't believe a professional gave the diagnosis. I had him listening to you and he also found J Peterson helpful. Sadly, he died in 2021 at 21 years old. We are all devastated. Telling my kids was horrendous. Children shouldn't grieve a sibling. People can't get the correct support if they cant even understand where they are in the moment. I thought his dad had BPD but learned though your videos and other research that he in fact has CPTSD. This understanding enables us to maintain a supportive relationship despite being divorced.
Absolutely amazing video!! I definitely agree. Complex PTSD. It’s absolutely horrendous in my 20s. And I just wanted to be by myself to fix it. But being attached to a borderline personality disorder as a partner. They didn’t want to leave. Took a long time to fix and a lot of therapy. But once you actually get to experience joy, even enjoying the journey of healing. Oh my goodness, the positivity and the life that is now what I call home within my own mind. I can’t be anything but positive I love it. It’s like something I’ve never experienced even as a child contentment and happiness.
Not a lot to say, I agree with you 100%, trauma is always at the root.
I want to be a poster girl for CPTSD, because of how much i suffered and how much happy, serene and grateful i am now.
I have had it all, depression, insonnia, nightmares with the devil, limerance, psychotic episodes, medicine abuse, chronic health issues, social avoidance, intimacy issues, toxic shame....
Psychoterapy is n.1 because it's extremely likely you start off with denial, then meditation, and then the biggest Panacea is giving yourself unconditional love, with this love you find the strenght to accept and work.
I honestly feel so blessed i got where i am now, so hope hope hope and hang on! Love to everyone!
I have done so much therapy man, I think a lot of people very high up have and people who landed through trauma very low down in society.
But not karens/nurse ratcheds.
The high up people take their data from.
I don't know how else to put it but there's a class of people who don't or won't and do damage.
Sharp elbows and heels.
It's a minefield because of that not ptsd
Stay blessed
Even if you do it.
Don't matter.
F*uck, everything you say makes sense.
I was diagnose BPD, I’m in no way an abuser, I got better in my late 30’s with a lot of introspection and the internal feeling of craziness is triggered 9 out of 10 times when I begin a new relationship and struggle to maintain it when I see myself of not worthy and feel that I’m gonna be abandoned.
I’ve been in therapy for 25 years, are you suggesting that I’d stay single till the end of my life, that s pretty cruel, I maintain my single status because I’m afraid of the other, they don’t understand and we live in an era where people are not worth more than Kleenex, first obstacle, you’re interchangeable.
but I desperately want to be loved…
I do agree I was told by a psychiatrist at 16 I was a scapegoat carrying a burden of childhood sexual abuse and trauma that I wasn’t able to tell my mother-in-law I was 36 at the time I ran away from home and the psychiatrist had mentioned to my mother because I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD since I was eight but had told her that I have borderline personality traits and that’s probably why I ran away from home or giving her this rebellion because I was never telling them how traumatic it was to live at home being divided with an emotionally immature, parents that created nothing but fear in me I was already going to the patterns of disorganized attachment style regiment, and I’m not saying that those traits weren’t accurate yet was not feeling this intense emptiness, or neither did I cut myself or did I have identity disturbance these traits that they were speaking of or just how I was responding to my body my mind, fear n trauma . And it just kept going until it didn’t. I was able to suppress her sustain my trauma until the age of 36. I was very functional. Everything was pretty composed. I had a major surgery and another series of events that just proved that I was wounded and untreated it on heels and things that it processes flashbacks patterns and then that’s where I fell into the dynamic of Attracting narcissistic abuse, high pretty much and pick them after that and became a pattern so I agree because now I can definitely tell you that I am living with somebody that has these behaviors. He’s a male and it’s a little different and it’s serious and Baltimore into the narcissism and I know narcissism, but this is a lot more for me Draining and confusing. This one’s actually deleting. It’s a lot of reactive abuse and I was diagnosed early age cptsd
Thank you!!!!! I’ve been saying this, but apparently not loudly enough. Thank you so very much for your work.
I have a very uncomfortable conversation in front of me with a long term friend I keep putting off. But what you said is true. I’ve been thru far worse so bring it on. I’m not that brave and In such a sturdy place. But will deal with business that needs to be dealt with. Thank you Richard
I just found your channel through your interview with Andrew Gold. I was misdiagnosed with BPD as a teenager and around 10 years later after starting with a fantastic therapist, discovered I have c-PTSD. I don't realy understand how people can have both, that feels like overdiagnosis because the overlap is so huge and if the root comes from trauma, isn't it automatically PTSD/c-PTSD because of being able to identify the root? I don't want to invalidate anyone who feels that a BPD diagnosis has helped them understand themselves & start to heal, I just question the models we have around understanding mental health. After lots of therapy I am well along my healing journey and pretty emotionally regulated, but other things are an internal battle every day. Feeling very seen here and welling up a little as a result. Thanks for talking about these things in such a grounded way.
I have PTSD, Bipolar, UPD, anxiety, and insomnia. So I started my channel to share my story and get others to share there story. So I know the struggle with PTSD.
Would a person with CPTSD block you, but still email you, insult you, call you mentally ill and then contact your family members after you told them they had upset you and that you just needed some space?
Or, is that something that someone with BPD or narc traits would do? Unfortunately, I'm not the first person they have done this to. It's pretty scary.
I hate that I get thse notifications of upcoming videos but it doesnt always notify me when the video's available
Great video Richard. I can imagine that Favourite Person issues could manifest itself when a Borderline female is older and less likely to be around many people. It is known that they find themselves alone as they age!
I said to a registered schoziphrenic I know: "Right you can't get yourself into gear to help, can't be bothered - so what would you have done 200 years ago in say the British Navy, had you been pressed? When if you hadn't got going then you'd have been whipped...". His answer was straight and clear - "I'd have got up and cracked on - I'm schizophrenic, not stupid".
I was diagnosed with BPD in my late teens. It was revised to CPTSD a few years ago but I think I am on the spectrum/have autism and what they called BPD are autistic meltdowns.
I’ve wondered the same thing about myself. What is an “autistic meltdown” like for you? If you don’t mind me asking that
Why does the Terminator get along so well with Borderliners? - He tells them: "I'll be back!"
Thank you! I’ve only watched one minute in and I agree completely. Women getting diagnosed instead of helped with actual trauma.
There is a very good article published recently in the BMJ about this supporting your content
Thank you. I need it more than ever .
I totally agree that underneath every case of BPD (at least that I have met with) lies trauma. But it seems that so it is with the narcissistic, antisocial and in some cases of histrionic and obsessive compulsive personality disorder. But why then we decide that BPD is complex PTSD and other personality disorders are not? It looks like all of them are just different reactions to extensive traumatisation. (And not always that different, because in some cases it is really hard to distinguish is it BPD or NPD or histrionic). So I wonder is CPTSD just a less "scary" word for BPD now?
I have CPTSD and my first attempt at leaving this world was at 16 and I've lost count how many more times since...20 yrs of therapy and I still struggle in relationships.
I'm grateful you're still here. 🤍🙏
I haven't had good experiences with people diagnosed with BPD, I hate to say it but I rather avoid them.
The video ended at 11 11, I never saw it from this perspective. Thank you 🙏💜
I see this video over and over again . Congratulations i have nothing to say more . You answer to all my guestions im not wondering anymore. I know i can find the solution to my problem just listening to you .thank you 😊
The narcissist guy I was dating made me believe I had BPD... But I've had healthy relationships before. I'm still trying to unravel this. I do have abandonment but I'm not impulsive... I did get diagnosed as cptsd. I tried telling him that. But every time I had reactive abuse from him he'd call me BPD and said I needed help and was the bad one.
Who in their right mind would even wish to admit to having BPD?
Oh.
Thanks - You answered it upin the end...appreciated...
Thank you very much, Richard, for all the information you explain in your videos. You were the first person I heard the term CPTSD from, and after having lived through some really difficult and traumatic experiences, I think that is what is happening to me. Also, I think I may also be an HSP, so CPTSD may affect me even more. I will try to find a therapist to help me, although sometimes it is not easy to find the one who can help you most effectively. By the way (and this is just an anecdote), with you I am improving my understanding of English because you speak clearly and sometimes quickly, so thank you very much for this too 😊😄 Many greetings from Barcelona, Spain!
It was very hard to accept that my mom was actually a narcissist because I wanted to keep the false belief that she really loved me and wasn’t just using our interactions for narcissistic supply…then I really paid attention to how she only talked about herself and even if I called to vent about my problems she would immediately turn it to how she goes through the same thing or that I wouldn’t be in that problem if I had only done everything she tells me to do… it’s weird how we can completely misunderstand narcissistic treatment as love just because they were the primary caretaker. My sister and I were convinced our mother had BPD but the only difference from thinking she had narcissistic personality disorder is because her erratic emotional outbursts made us think she was more empathetic and human…but I’m thinking it could just be the more covert form of NPD makes them look like suffering victims rather than the abuser
hard when yo urealize that some human-like beings are actually NOT CAPABLE OF LOVE.. everyone is not "just doing the best they can with what they have", ... some really don't give a F, and some really enjoy hurting others as entertainment.
why on earth should your mother not talk about and compare your own experiences to hers? Is that not a form of empathy and understanding? And perhaps you would not listen, who am I to say, but it's worth thinking about... Loads of people suddenly now are convinced a parent has Narc disorder because they're too ill mannered to give a toss about their parents or even to listen to anyone other than their own ego, and cannot take 'no' for a answer and cannot take/accept any punitive measure for something they were ultimately responsible for.
Your mother did 'love' but it was a mammalian attachment type of love. Most mammals have attachment to their offspring.
I could tell you the nightmare Healthcare fiasco
It starts with a little girl who lived 2 blocks from the old Elderodo nuke plant in Port Hope Ontario and she was constantly get blood in her urine
@Richard grannon please do content on narcissistic roomates, landlords, and narcissitic neighbors
Can you do a video on narcissistic gangstalking, community harassment, a person getting a community to harass the target,I believe it's going on a lot,many including myself is experiencing this,but very hard to believe.
Thank you for your important and interesting work. Greetings from Austria
I’m diagnosed BPD . Later in life in my early 30s.
It explained a lot, actually gave me all the answers for my nihilistic attitude sometimes
How can somebody access therapy in the U.K. because I e tried and tried and no luck, and there’s no way a million years I could ever afford private.
Spose just got to ride it out 😂
no reason you can't do dialetical behavioural therapy workbooks. Google for it +pdf
Don't pathologise some natural feelings. Everybody feels nihilstic sometimes. Look at the crazy society we live in, why wouldn't you? lol "It's no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." _ Krishnamurti
@@sonja7halcyon In a nut shell exactly.
It's tricky though, when people have all the markers of BPD but did not experience major trauma
Not sure about BPD lightening up as they grow older maybe self aware diagnosed ones but undiagnosed there are many up to their seventies with all the traits but from what I learned that the approach- avoidance repetition cycle is an integral part of the disorder and it remains.
YES I knew it wasn't valid! I don't have a personality disorder I am traumatised, and that is curable!
How?
I’d be interested in a video on sexism and BPD and also your thoughts on Judith Herman’s perspective
I don't care if his tantrums and controlling behaviors are a personality disorder or not, treatable or not. Get the eff out. Save yourself.
Exactly. Saying I like is "No excuse for bad behaviour"
There have been times in my life where it would have sucked for people to be around me. Doesn't matter my story, if I'm tearing your life apart you need to get out of there.
Excellence information, you are so knowledgeable and well- stated. I am Thankful you are providing to help people. The Court systems needs you to educate them. God Bless You! 💯 ⭐ 🙏
People were walking on eggs shells around my sister inlaw since 1978.
BUT, after working 25 years with brain damage and studying Psychology for 35 years am open to new findings Richard.
I mean we used to think that people with Epilepsy was possession so why not ?
I always felt like my sister inlaw needed to control and abuse everyone around her because of a sexual tramau.
My mother inlaw was very much the same after a rape at age 7 when she lost 2 years of memory and became a very toxic , controlling alcoholic.
Richard, as you so eloquently posited in a video a while back - talking about whether the whole world and US in particular has gone NPD - that if it's true BPD in the traditional sense of a PD, there has to be the element of evil - entitlement and pleasure in harming others like NPD and ASPD. I think that graph should be a centerpiece for the next DSM version!
Epic Richard. Bravo.
Sheeesh talk about spot on 😢
2 days ago i got my BPD diagnose
Beginning of the year i had found out i have adhd and now this.
I am heart broken i am dying inside.
I can say that having a love relation is impossible with me ( and that was the thing all i ever really wanted) 2 be loved.
I had more than 100 boyfriends lovers and that type of stuff.
I killed them all .. with moodswings, violence i chead i cry i scream i let them no that they are the bad ones...
The moment they start questioning themself i can feel remors ..
Not for them but for myself. The shame i feel is so high that that is my reference 2 feel their 'pain'.
I can't feel pain from others but i can mirror myself with them "sometimes' in a way.
I am 47 and living 2 lives....
Nobody and than i mean nobody knows the real me..
I lay
I cant deal with money
I need attation
I feel shity
I am depressed when i am alone
I can love you and know you are the world 2 me and than 5 min later i can jump on you and scream shout pull your hair, fight and i can break windows...
I always feel like i am in my right 2 do this because you hurt me.
I had eating problmes bigtime
Sex issues
Alcohol problems, more than 100 times i drink myself almost 2 death
Used a lot of drugs.
Right now i know i want 2 be normal.
I want 2 be a good mother. Thats my goal.
I am working on me with meditation and thc olie.
I will start the program of BPD and i need 2 work on me ...
I hope one day i can controle it.
I know i am getting better around family and friends, dont know if i will ever be ready for a relationship.
Can not do that 2 any man anymore 🙏
🌱💚 thaks for your videos ❤
Thank you for your perspective. I've learned a lot.
Exceptional video.
Thank you, Richard.🙂
Therapist says trauma, doctor says personality disorder. Hospital says bpd. Several years in psychodynamic therapy that doesnt work. Feel like I am beyond hope. My only relief is antipsychotic medication. 😔
Thank you for creating and sharing.
I'm convinced that BPD is an umbrella diagnosis for those who have seen through the borders of society, and don't conform. These are the people who wake up to the levels of coercive control we are all under, and they do not like it.
Get in a relationship with someone with bpd and get back to us
BPD = Female Autism
They might diagnose you with anything. In the 60's/70's teenage girls who would not join secretarial school or did acid.
They ended up in Broadmoor with you know who 'now then, now then"
And electrocuted and often diagnosed with different types of diagnosis.
Overturned as adults.
These were young women who did not comply.
They were the victims of a maladaptive culture.
Yes the father of my child and I have grown so much in treatment to regulate my trauma and this has been i’m telling you the most depleting training it has made me more negative because of the way that you cells and their low sense of self and they don’t know who they are and their insecurity and then the aggression and it’s and I’ve gone out with narcissist I believe whatever it is that this is supposedly not intentional but there’s that darkness where I can’t believe that you know there’s a lot of people that are non-intentionally evil but so you really have to behave in a way and do things that are so despicable
If BPD is not real / not a personality disorder which is possible. - Behavior that could be considered BPD is at least a maladaptive coping mechanism that is the result of having been subjected to abuse of an extended period of time.
Yepp, the maladaptive stategies are what makes it worse
I dated someone with 'quiet' BPD. For a while, she seemed like the sweetest, most innocent, loving and kind individual I'd ever met for an extremely long time - albeit quite anxious.
Once she split, she became manipulative, avoidant, dismissive, jealous, and cruel. She held no space for me, we didn't have one conversation and after a month of breadcrumbing, she ended things over text message before messaging exes and people she felt jealous of.
It turned out that she'd been hiding a lot of her pathologies under me.
Her emotions became accusatory, angry and for a year following, she monitored and stalked me - finding out my place of work, showing up etc.
I think it's extremely difficult to state whether someone does or doesn't cause 'harm' to others. My ex would consistently talk about how hurt she was, how sad she was, how empty she felt. With time, the harm reared itself. I do think that these things are on a sliding scale - they are extremely complex to define.
You were 1/2 the relationship, so accept your part. Stop blaming and labeling people. Look at YOUR OWN issues. You attracted her. Relationships are a mirror.
A Cult of One How to Deprogram Yourself from Narcissistic Abuse
Auteur: Richard Grannon . Wow.....can buy it now in my country: The Netherlands. Will read it very soon. Love your way of short clear video's. Thanks.
Defintmake that video discussing the sexism involved in the concept of BPD!!
I was almost misdiagnosed. Very often women with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) are misdiagnosed with Borderline - as clinicians frequently fail to recognize the cyclical nature of these intense emotional states (including aggression, psychosis, depression, suicidality, anxiety). And many are not aware that this is a real, neurochemical thing that affects 3-5% of all females* in reproductive age.