3 Reasons Why The Narcissist MUST Abuse You
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
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00:00 - Intro
02:02 - Narcissists need to abuse targets
05:15 - Vulnerable children are instrumental in narcissists abuse
13:54 - Facetoface interaction requires simulation
14:42 - Self-loathing and aggression in narcissistic relationships
22:23 - Integrating Summoning The Self course with 30 day challenge
23:39 - Discussing the differences between NPD and BPD
28:07 - Removing the voice of sociopathic parents with qualified clinicians
30:51 - Heterosexual narcissists fuse with lesbians
34:25 - Love offers trust, and healing in relationships
37:37 - Absolute wanton, joyful, chaos, loving, pain-loving
40:27 - Psychedelic boundaries help avoid psychotic risk
41:12 - Discussing the proliferation of reality TV
45:50 - Difference between MPD and BPD
46:49 - Borderline Personality Disorder Indefensible, Outofdate diagnosis, misdiagnosed
48:59 - Psychology diagnostic criteria for personality disorders
53:50 - Psychopathic disorder Fragile, comorbid, unpredictable
58:36 - Bpd psychotic, a fragile narcissist with a psychopathic side
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I joined so a narcissist will help me heal from a narcissist lol 😂
@@ThomasDelaMohrq
Most narcs are charming, warm, manipulative, superficially friendly
Until they aren't. Then it gets real.
I also know narcs, who are none of that.😮
When you meet them...
True...excellent actors
@@heide-raquelfuss5580 all different types. Covert . Malignant. Antagonistic. Grandiose.. it would appear a lot of us know the charming warm superficially friendly manipulate type !
This makes perfect sense as to why my brother is a Narcissist and I'm not! He got the opposing information, whilst I didn't really get anything! I got onto the fact something wasn't right at a very young age in my family dynamic and instinctively didn't show any emotions to any family members! I obviously didn't understand why I'd cry myself to sleep as a child, until I was a lot older and I still went on to marry one, which wasn't the best, so it obviously affected my self esteem, but I eventually discarded ALL of them and started the long road to recovery! Go me!!!!
@lynneleverton 8825
You go girl!
I'm on my own too. The family is toxic and I just left the covert narcissistic husband who made me almost go cray cray. He is no good for me.
@@ND-or5soglad u got out!! The abuse and neglect from our childhood would make anyone go crazy. It’s a wonder that a single one of us came out sane. But a lot of times we go on to marry or partner with abusers, not knowing what they are until much later in life.
Everyone is a narcissist now.
I am very surprised I didn’t become a narcissist. ( At least I don’t think I am.)
I never thought much of myself and still feel this way.
Lol...go you...
It's like they are cutters except instead of cutting themselves, they cut others.
This really gave me a new perspective on things.
Sounds like a huge gaslight
They can probably sense in themselves their behaviour is not right and doesn't help them any...
Only Jesus...
Acts 2:38
It did for me too. I understand now what my brother's acting out was supposed to do, why he cycled in and out of it in tough times. Not that that excuses anything.
That’s a good analogy.
i noticed my mother did not like when i was calm. she’d repeat, sarcastically “don’t be so excited now.” realizing now how much she did not like when i wasn’t reacting/emoting
They thrive on chaos... Why if it's not there they'll create it. Why my husband now deceased said, "This is not fun for me, I want to have fun" and that I was "just teetering on the edge" lol...
Can you just imagine what this narc abuse is doing to unsuspecting people?
The amount of psychological damage we get from their abuse.
Unfortunately I can, unfortunately I can personally.
Yes, sadly have experienced this myself. NPD and BPD. There was no awareness of this in my day. I have forgiven now.
They should teach about it in school 😅
@@collinr811 System is abusive itself. IT cannot profit if we are all educated, we are much easier to mold when we have invisible veil and filter over our brain and eyes.
I keep saying that too !!! I had NO CLUE what narcissism was exactly until I THANK GOD, happened to find a therapist when the relationship I was in, started falling apart. The person blamed EVERYTHING ON ME, and bc of the extremely manipulative games he had me caught up in, I was actually able to AGREE WITH HIM to some extent as to why I was to blame for all of the lies he came up with that involved my vulnerabilities that were oh so cleverly weaved into each fault I had, BECAUSE I WAS OPEN, AND ALLOWED MYSELF TO TRUST HIM. THANK GOD for that therapist who picked up on what I was going through and how damaging it all was. She didn’t have me believing I was a victim to be looking for pity. She helped me see the trauma i never even considered to be something that happened TO ME that shouldn’t have happened. She taught me that I had inner wounds that needed to be fully opened and then healed . But that work only came AFTER she got me to a point that i was confidant enough in myself to realize that his constant screaming at me was bc he KNEW I’D REACT and it would kill ME INSIDE a little more each time, while he filled his supply tank with a smile . I was determined to learn how to NOT react. I’ll never forget the session after the first time I successfully didn’t allow him to have the desired effect on me. I was so proud of myself. My heart sank though when she said, “ok this is really good that we can keep you safer now as long as you continue blowing off his rage . The problem however is that you are essentially swallowing that pain and if you do it enough times, it will start to damage your self worth even further so we need to get you the hell out of that relationship so he’s completely out of your life.” This was ALL SO UNBELIEVABLY MIND BLOWING to me, bc no matter how hard in the past I tried to understand what the hell narcissism was, i still didn’t GET IT. . I really believe that if these toxic personality disorders were somehow taught while kids were younger but taught in such a way that the disordered person wouldn’t just be getting more ammo to add to their armory, so many people could be spared this pain.
I am so grateful to people like Richard Grannon, and Kenny Weiss , and Sam Vaknin. The information they have shared has helped me tremendously when understanding just how complex these disorders are and the trail of shit they leave in their wake.
This should be on the curriculum in schools. I fell for a narcissist, thank god I got out, as I thought I would lose my mind, I’m happy,& content now, & peaceful. On my own, looking after my inner child.
I concur
Well done for getting out and for being on the healing journey. I hope your inner child feels safe, content and free. 😊🙏🪷
I am so happy people are waking up to narcissism. Welldone everyone 😊
Sometimes they ask you a question, and you are busy answering them...while you still answering, they talk about a totally different topic.
Seems more like lack of proper social conduct.
My narc interrupts me and carries on with her own version of the reply, and gets it wrong anyway.
No wonder my adult son bullies me!! Thanks to me he thinks he's perfect and he needs to abuse me if I call him out! OMG; it's my fault. I created this monster. My husband was always looking up to him too. My son put me down because part of him says I was abusive while he grew up and then another time says I was tooooo easy on him and never corrected him nor disciplined him!! I told him daily how loved he was by me and hugged him all the time!! It's so depressing.
@@susanblanche9684 Sounds like this has been really bothering you for quite a while.
You ever think about talking to a counselor or somebody about how you feel about the situation?
This is strange, but true. They start talking like you never spoke😮
Ahhh! That explains the smug smirk when they hurt you with a particularly egregious bit of emotional abuse.
It also explains the swing between anger and anxious questioning when I became more non-responsive.
Sooooo true.
My ex's son said... " youre a dog for dating my Mom" .....When I told her about it she made a smirk like " well, he isn't wrong ". Then I called her out on it, she said she was appalled that he said such a disturbing thing and that I imagined the smirk on her face. So frustrating. I should of walked then. Insanity at its finest. I went into the relationship with an open mind, and it was challenging. It made me a better person and I'm grateful for it. It taught me alot of things I never saw in myself before. I'm grateful it made me more resilient even though I suffered mental, emotional, spiritual and physical pain.
My dad would rage like a monster. My mother would call me stupid. I shut down emotionally as a child. Grew up, left the home and never went back. I was the scapegoat while my brother was golden.
Do the same. I forgive and forget totally how life was with them
Well done on getting out. I’m proud of you. 🌿
I have been out of an abusive relationship for almost 6 years and by minute 17 of listening to Richard I am tearing up.
Its horrendous to hear that portion of their minds going insane forced to abuse the other
The "simulation" as Richard calls it sounds actually scary
I can't think of ANYONE who would listen to this for these 17 minutes and be remotely interested in engaging or remaining close to a person with a REAL (NOT JUST A LABEL) a REAL NDP entity.
They will "eat" your energy ... make you age... take you to the ground
And this is why...
Thank you Richard
Npd
It's reliving it plus some more and the education that goes along with it. I will have to tell my story to get it out there because it was total devastation for me and I know I'm fcked up from this sh-t. I aint lying 😢
makes so much sense...thank you Richard...well expressed
You are soooo right !!!!!
I have been married to one for 8 years and it's just so scary to be able to understand what's been going on. Especially simulation. I'm depressed, physically ill with no clear diagnosis from consultants and isolated. Need a way out!
I cannot count how many times I heard the complaint, "I can't tell what you're thinking", or "I can't read you"...because I held myself emotionally neutral. Always followed by being devalued...funny that.
Yep yep, she suddenly couldn't understand me or my personality and would say how easy it was to read her ex... at one point she said "Your personality is favoured by a lot of women here"
It's so damaging how they push you into a certain state and then judge you... like how a child treats a toy after messing with it and then throwing it to the side 😕
Yes the narcissist said that. People also say that I am a little bot reserved which I have the right to. Yet they try to make me talk so that they will then read me.
Thanks for the 😂😂😂😂😂Laugh, and reminding me not to die analyzing it😅. We only have so much time. Nice job. You helped me. Tonight. and before. But making me laugh was what I needed even more than more psychology🎉🎉🎉
Those are your neurons firing. 🎉🎉🎉calm down. Get sleep. Your brains on REV. Fast revolutions
Abandonment melange? Back to analyzing it. Uh oh. I'll look it up tomorrow
Every victim of a narcissist needs to watch this video. They might find it hard to believe, but it would save them a lot of time to understand that the person has to abuse, and will never change.
Also gives the part of you that's looking for a reason to forgive or help them an understanding that it's greater than anything you can personally do for.
Their love is conditional.Based on what you can do for them ,when they want.They want accolades. It is egocentric.
Now I understand why they are sarcastic to hurt you. With sharp language whilst you don’t do anything wrong. If you are in peace. They do anything to disturb it. 😮
This is the first time that I really recognize why the narc behaves so weird. Thanks for your clear and obvious language.
“You must be due for a bit of abuse, because I’m perfect.”😮mic drop.
Woah! That sounds psychopathic
Winnicot: The precursor of the mirror is the mothers face. Well, that is an explanation!
It is irrelevant whether you are a narcissist or not lol …
The main aspect is , always remember their insidious behaviour was never personal to you!
I finally walked away with pity for them . How sad is that . That’s the absolute true deep sadness , so if you stay with the narcissist , toxic person , dickhead, prick , low life , whatever you want to label them .
They are unwell , why add to their sufferance whilst grasping for their affection .
IT DOES NOT EXIST !!
For some of us, it's not as simple as being able to walk away especially if you're dealing with a Narcissist on the malignant end.
For many,they don't realize the abuse is even happening because the abuse started subtly,and by the time it could have been realized,the trauma Bond is formed.
The trauma Bond formed as a result of the intermittent rewards,basically,the Narcissist was nice at some point,then devalued you,gaslit you abused you,then did something nice again,through this the victim starts seeing the Narcissist as a benefactor,they believe that if they just do the right things,they Narcissist will love them like they did in the beginning,which of course never happens.
@@sandralogue1774
That’s exactly what I was meaning .
Initially it is so subtle , as more time passes their behaviour becomes that little more selfish and the abusive behaviour really starts to rear it’s ugly head .
Believe me , I was thrown out onto the street one week before my major cancer operation . And that’s just one example of many disregarding abusive incidents . I hope you are now able to lead a good fulfilling life and never meet another abuser x
I found myself telling him “no one can possibly hate you as much as you hate y’self”.
❤ 😮 " you are just sending your energy into a black hole " NPD an awful personality disorder as there is no cure, Right?😢 "The Narcisist must abuse you!" I live on my own, I will not put others needs before mine. I'm happy to be alone and avoid certain people. God willing 🙏 I pray daily that I will not fall in anyones black hole or my own ever again. Thank you Richard Grannon
Yeah that really got my attention as well. Like a bucket of ice ( that’s half water) poured over my head.
This was so funny ‘secretly a schizophrenic’… ‘googling if they have brain damage’, ‘Richard Grannon is a genius’ 🤣🤣🤣. It was so helpful as well, thank you. 🙏🙏🙏
I'll never forget towards the end when I stopped giving my ex any sort of big emotional reaction to something he FLIPPED out on me and said "I can't read you right now! You've changed! What are you thinking!?" That's when this realization hit me that you're talking about. I calmly replied, I'm keeping to myself, if you must know, I feel uncommon in your presence but that won't change because you'll always yell at me so I'd rather not talk about my thoughts feeling/emotions anymore. He would then either yell and slam the door and leave or try to "talk about it" but it was just another way to bait me into an emotional conversation where he could flip it from seeming caring to then yelling at me to see if I'd react after he pulled me in with a false vulnerability so I'd let my guard down. Man it's wild once you see through it. Also yes there were fireworks 😂
Standing ovation
I am dealing with a narcissist at work. I did not know he was one at first until he made me do a presentation with notes, send it to him and take all the credit for it while our manager was on vacation. I really don't want to paint all narcissists with one brush but it's extremely hard to have a balanced relationship with them (Impossible even?!)
No $hit Sherlock,
hehe
Impossible, and it’s not a relationship.
I hope you never obliged again.
Holy cow! This is the BEST description and explanation of narcissistic behavior I've found, ever. Richard's description of the behaviors describes a narcissistic friend of mine to a T. Her behavior has confounded me for over 20 years, and I only realized about 4 years ago that she's a communal, benevolent narcissist. This video explains her narcissistic origins so well, cuz i know her parents. Thank you Richard!
I am married to one, it is absolute hell!!!
You are not alone.
Leave!
Same here! But I really don't know what he is:
He is a serial cheater, lies constantly, never admits to anything.
But he isn't abusive towards me. I mean puts me down... He is very affectionate, always wants to hug and kiss me... Give me cute nicknames... He would give me his last money, even if it means, he will have to eat ramen for 3 days... So I am confused... He never shouts at me...
I am asking, what is he?
A decision to leave might be your answer. Staying in hell isn't usually a good idea. You might need to formulate an exit plan -- things like where is a safe place to go, how can you secretary save a cash cache to fund a move, etc. If possible, find trustworthy friends to help. Hope things work out for you! ❤🙏
Maybe he needs you as his base.@@Amuslimpointofview
I worked with a narcissist. This is her to a T. Full of rage and lashing out even while trying to maintain a 'perfect' façade. Performatively sympathetic, but not a merciful bone in her body. She hounded people out of the workplace and drove some to antidepressants, but could also have moments of lightheartedness, 'trying' to be a good manager people could relate to. She tried to attack me but I went "grey rock" on her until she was all alone with her frustrations. She left the company hating me with a passion. I never once showed her any emotion whatsoever. It cost me, but I did it to survive. Scary stuff.
I know a similar experience in the workplace.
Going through it now
Richard, I’ve been watching you since 2019. I’ve learned SO MUCH by way of you. Thank you.
This video had me laughing and learning at the same time! As usual!
(Fireworks moment in the video - my sides hurt from laughing!)
You have the most delightful sense of humor.
Btw, escaped my NPD/DID/Alexithymia husband 3/25/21.
Went no contact 6/4/22 fully aware I was trauma bonded.
Went through trauma bond “detox” from 6/4/22 to 9/2022. With your help (the information / courses).
Broke the trauma bond 9/2022.
I’m 55 and it’s now 2024.
I never knew life could feel this peaceful.
I understand now that I was in a state of PTSD my entire adult life. Pre husband. He just exasperated my wounds. The trauma was already there going in.
I understand the WHY behind how I got into narcissistic relationships and why it took me 2 years this last time to walk away.
I feel accountable for Me now.
I understand boundaries (and have them now).
I understand self-care (and practice this now with ease).
Thank you for being this tiny little (handsome) man on my iPhone 😂 walking step-lock with me to get where I am today.
🫡🫡🫡
My recent ex sometimes used to do what you describe in the beginning of the vid the mirroring..when I was talking, that stare, it wasn’t often I noticed this, but when I did, I would wonder if he was stroking out, or autistic, or lost his mind or something. It was SO freaking weird. Like he’d go someplace else, and just his body would be staring at me..
This explains it. Unfortunately your explanation makes it about 100 times more disturbing than if he was stroking out or autistic.
The few time I caught this “dead eye stare” it scared the shit out of me, was like looking at an empty human shell, freaked me out like nobody’s business. Thanks for sharing what was actually going on. WOW, the mindf*cks get deeper by the day. 3rd week of reverse discard and he has been hoovering me like I didn’t know was possible. Been using the fake apologies, guilt trips, pet we used to “have” together, telling me he can’t live if I’m not going to be part of his life, trying to come by for this or that, everything, playing on all my “weaknesses” just a complete and utter mindf*ck.
After 4 years, I finally realized what this is. He is a narcissist, I didn’t know people like this existed in real life. What an incredibly painful lesson this whole this has been, and continues to be. Wow
I have no contact with him. Why are you even playing into it? If there's one thing I learned from Richard was to walk away and never look back.
Funny you point out the autism idea, I’ve thought this as well.
@@Positively46he worked with autistic children for years, it was weird, somehow that in itself made my cognitive dissonance worse. I so admired his job, working with discarded, abused, unwanted autistic children made me think there was no possible way he could be a “bad” person.
It definitely helped him mask the gaslighting and manipulation, at least with me it did. Was tough to understand someone who did such good as a profession, yet could lie directly to my face while looking me in the eyes.
Sometimes, with the word salad, I used to wonder if he was autistic himself (I understand autism/behavioral disorders in general clearly are not contagious), but he’d tell me he thought he was autistic (not often, maybe once or twice) and somehow my twisted brain would use this to excuse the abuse sometimes. Turns out pretty sure he just npd/bpd cptsd generally toxic tendencies. Vulnerable, fragile, feminine (male) covert, so very low level, easy to overlook stuff, until it wasn’t.
Crazy reflecting on all these things.
@@southphillylillyrecent breakup, his car is still in my driveway (shut off remotely by financier), and he has a fish tank here he needs to somehow relocate. He had to grab the rest of his stuff the other day, I cannot go completely no contact just yet, but I am not responding to the hoover attempts, which there are many. After the car and tank are gone, no contact, should be in a few weeks max.
It’s mind boggling and glad you are now on the realization and recoup side.
When I asked my ex what his best and most favourite/meaningful memory in his life was-it was performing music and feeling that every woman wanted sleep with him and every man wanted to be him. Deep…
My ex is also a musician and thrived on the adoration when he was well known, on MTV etc. Every girlfriend he had back then was a model and he would gleefully tell me how he cheated on them with models from more elite agencies when they annoyed him for whatever reason.
Yup yup this was my cyberstalker to a T: he has a UA-cam channel where he performs (he's ok at it I guess nothing special) & the swooning of 4 women must just reinforce his delusional fantasy la la land. He's like there on a piano in his dusty adolescent esq bedroom...sexy as hell that lol
Same here. My Ageing Narc musician grasping at youth lives in his ego dream world, desperately arranges gigs for his band so he can suck up admiration & adoration from strangers imagining it's a world tour! 😂 Meanwhile devalue destroy discard the wife & ignore responsibility and dad duties.
my ex was in band in high school and said he loved the feeling of people watching him play. at 24 when he said he wanted to sell beats for a living i told him he should have a backup plan and threw a huge fit. he said i didnt believe in him and i was wrong for trying to kill his dreams lmao
My spouse is a dark triad or malignant narcissist- psychopath, Machiavellian, and narcissistic. He is a nightmare. Steals, cheats, betrays, and is addicted to 3 substances. Virtually no conscience. Richard, 3 years ago I began to listen to your material. No one educates like you- plenty try though. I love your truth & humility. ❤❤❤Many thanks from. Buffalo NY.
I get you. Stay safe sis. Plan your exit quietly and quickly. Between Richards and The Royal We on UA-cam my life has been given hope. ❤
@@balanceskateboarding8807 I am into The Royal We also. The best help, these wise men. Thank you for your kind comment. ❤️
My son is the same - but also watches these kinds of videos and his tactics are to 1) blame everyone for his (in his words) terrible abusive childhood and how dreadful his life is as a result of his and 2) project his drug induced narcissistic claptrap on to other people - so everyone is a narcissist apart from him and 3) constantly abuse me as a parent by calling me cold and uncaring because I have learned the trick of not engaging in the drama and not showing emotion - I simply agree with what he says ‘if that is what you think then it must be true’ and 4) I will not allow drama in my home - it is a place of peace and refuge - and he will try constantly to create drama in it by making sarcastic and abuse comments - he is asked to leave. Finally, he is jealous of his own children who luckily do not live with him, jealous of the relationship I have with them and anything I do for them and even jealous of his cousins and my friends. It’s bizarre to watch!
You described my adult narc son to a tee!! Im quilty of how wonderful and amazing he was. And told him daily to raise his self esteem and hes a bully and then nexr hes sweet. He saw his Daddy bully me and show no respect to me and my son follows his footstep
This makes me feel really bad for narcissists. Like, really bad.
You can’t help them. They’re psychological disasters. They’re miserable. They’re angry. They’re afraid. And, they were created by the monsters they have become.
Can you imagine it? Can you imagine living like that?
This makes me so grateful I was the scapegoat of my entire family. I didn’t get the good/bad… I only got the bad. And, that bad made me very sad, but also very loving towards others and towards myself.
I unfortunately attracted narcissists as partners, and am finally making sense of my entire life. I wish I had learned this at 20. We need this education to get to young people to stop the creating of more narcissists and victims from this terrible abuse.
Thank you for making these videos.
50:00 onwards. The trauma line, splitting off in either direction. The quick sand/stamping on anyone to keep on top was absolutely spot on. This is exactly what I've experienced.
Up and down….anger flares up and you can’t tell them how you feel because it’s all your fault and your the problem.
I have been educated on line and so relieved that I can make sense of the situation.
Wow narc's are very sick individual. I wish these videos were around back in the day, but it's never too late to learn.👌🏽
Fantastic! The best dissertation on narcissistic behavior that I have heard to date. I was almost killed by a narcissistic lover, who decided to terminate my life, because I was nonresponsive to his manipulations. He is in jail for us attempt to kill, however, he is still playing a highly manipulative game by sending love letters to me that somehow I misinterpreted his motives and he was really the one who was the victim. Thank you for giving me insight to the fact that I should not be feeling guilty for him, paying the price of his destructive whims in the termination of meby languishing in jail. Thank you so much for the information that you so beautifully impart to the public.
OMG! @ 12mins in I saw the narc! When you acted out what they do, pretending to be interested in your day. 💡 brilliant !
My brother who’s younger than me whom I believe is a full blown narcissist would stare at me in the same creepy way. He came to me looking to start a fight one time but it was disguised as him wanting to make amends, as I remained emotionless giving 2 worded answers, I could see him staring at me from the corner of my eye, he was trying to see what kind of facial expressions I would wear, whether i was sad, agitated or mad. I was completely unbothered and he seemed unfulfilled with himself like he didn’t get the fight he was looking for, he feeds off of people’s reactions like it gives him energy, excitement and a false sense of power. As he stared at me though in the back of my mind i was thinking why the fuck is he looking at me like that 🤣 it was mad creepy. Now Im aware its what they call a narcissistic stare, its a blank empty stare, he had a Stare of someone who’s wanting to find a reason within themself to kill you off physically and psychologically, all so he can project his own inner feelings of worthlessness, anger and shame on to someone else. It was a disappointing day when I came to conclude that my brother has become a malevolent humam being, but he too was raised by a women who was a malignant narcissist, can’t help but think our mother is partially to blame.
Partially???
Wow!! The googling disorders was a regular routine for me when I was engaged to a narcissist!! So tiring
Thank you so much. This was a lot to take in. I actually felt nauseous. I've been in a form of isolation for about 5 years. 2 months after a knee surgery my sister died. The next year my mother became so unbearable I went no contact. I had already cut out an older brother after helping his girlfriend escape his abuse. I then cut out my other older brother for a smear campaign he started against me. Found a really great psychologist and in there realized my husband is a narc too. For the last 2 years I've been trying to get out from under him, divorce is close to final 🤞😊 and my oldest daughter has lost it on me for an opinion I have on a "social matter " while I was hurt by the accusation and lack of relationship we'd have since the separation I've quit engaging with her as well 😢 I'm just trying to stay sane. There's so much more to this, I should likely get a publisher 😂. The fireworks , balloons and particularly your reaction were a wonderful touch. 😊👌💕 thanks again for keeping it real. ❤
Yep
Your mother, two brothers, a daughter, and a husband? 🤔
That's just terrible, hang in there, I've got similar and it's very sad, indeed. You're likely the best of the bunch and receiving all the crap. 😢
@@southphillylilly My husband, a best friend, my father, my mother, my sisters, my past employer. yes it can happen and thankful for this help.Seeking help to understand why I have gone through fake love and abuse. I think everyone has their own dealings with this mental illness. My question to you. Why are you watching this and why would you question Mega. That to me is just looking at a comment that a person has shared their hurt and you question it. Are you not here because you have an abusive situation? And if it's just singular, doubt there could be more. hugs and love and not everyone's lives are the same.
@southphillylilly wondering what the common denominator is huh
Wow Ritchie, you just described to the letter my ex npd wife (covert)’s cycle of “neuroticism”.
Throughout the 15 years together it drove me completely confused about what was wrong with her. At the very end I was blaming myself in full accordance to her criticism of me.
Crazy!
When i got in a fight with a family member who has this i also couldn't stop wondering whether i was wrong. Somehow they make you believe you could be the one with a distorted reality. Kinda wack
"Ritchie?"
Did you really type that?
I had all the symptoms of bpd…then I got out of a narcissistic relationship and I am much better now. It was cptsd
Same 😢
It was a nightmare
With a textbook narcissist.
I thought I was a clever, independent woman. Never had I imagined that I would fight for a man like him. At my 45.
Each time I attempted to take revenge and hurt him, he would hoover. And I would fall for it. Big mistake, the revenge.
I wondered why my mother never really knew who I was; it was all about what people would think of her!
The staring at you when you’re watching tv 😅 I turned round to have a shared laugh about something and was met with an expression of I don’t understand how you can just laugh like that, then quick change expression to pretending to laugh. Boy that was creepy.
I have never heard it so well articulated. Scary - like you have been there observing how my daughter at age 37(?) began to behave with me. Nothing peaceful, after 6 years of relationship....it was escalating before I realized I had lived this life before........with her dad. I had been away from him for 10 years when she assumed his role in my life. I am no longer her supply.
That role play of a human with personality disorder is way scary, I experience it with my Indian Ex-wife. Now, after the break-up when walking next to her, she silences me for like 5-10 minutes. When I converse then, there are like 5 subsequent silencing periods before her mouth opens for the utterance of single or double syllabled words. We quickly get into fights then because the treatment is driving me absolutely nuts. I will get the rest of my things she stole from me next week and then ignore her on the messengers. I dont intend to block, I leave that to her kind. Thanks Richard for opening my eyes (or orbifrontal cortex) 2 years ago in the Maiorium Society group. I am now rebuilding myself physiologically and emotionally, studying psychodynamic therapy in Oxford and making new friends slowly, while avoiding malevolent people as often as possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart (or right-sided limbic system).
Of all the research, studying, websites, UA-cam videos, ruminating, etc…
These words were the most healing I’ve ever heard:
34:39-40:00
I physically felt your empathy for all of us. Thank you for that.
I am 60 years old. Have had a life of mixed up why's do the ones that I care for the most that have hurt me and there are many, and I just kept trying to to hard to be dragged down and still be the loser they want me to feel I am. yet I have realized now at this age with the support of several channels that it is not me. And I am focusing on the ones, mainly so called not blood that really do love me. your exasperation with this stream is a great kick in the butt. I am not alone with the exasperatin as you are showing. I needed this so much. I am good enough and still have life left to just not let anyone control me. Yes still with you haa fireworks..
Thank you hugs
I'm 57 and had the same life, constantly depressed and confused, suicidal ideation was constantly with me. I was saved by Jesus Christ last year and I now sleep well every night and feel great. I feel deep peace and positivity every day. ❤
This makes perfect sense. How they switch off in a second onto another person telling them how great they are while abusing you to the ground. It is so horrible in one moment they are telling you, you’re sick no problem, the next moment digging your grave.
The staring 😮 oh my goodness!!!! I lead worship in church and he stands almost in front of me STARING and if I catch his eye, he winks! I've never heard this explained before. It's the creepiest thing ever
Richard: you are hilarious!! I LOVE the Jedi mind trick reference. You are a wonderful teacher and communicator. As someone coming out of a terrible long-term relationship with an abusive narcissist- you are helping me to heal my heart. Thank you!!!
The way you describe looking at one’s self to see how you should look is also how an autistic person masks. Since autistic folks are vulnerable to predatory types, I got a little pinchy in the gut over someone watching this and deciding they are a fragile narcissist when they could be undiagnosed autistic. Be sure you all are asking a therapist who knows YOU before self diagnosing. Xoxo, long time listener random commenter ❤
Exactly! ❤
Thank you for this 🙏🏻
When I finally got out of what I know believe was a relationship with a narcissist, I remember sitting on the lounge and feeling like I had just been freed from a kidnapping including years of brainwashing. Unfortunately I had no idea what I had just gone through was a relationship with a narcissist. I didn’t understand the scope of it! There was emotional abuse calling me dumb, physical abuse although I fought back heavy so he quit that after two tries. The worst part though was how he baited me to loose my cool in front of audience so I was perceived as the one that had something wrong with me. He then stood there arrogantly smiling, looking dismissively over his nose full of fake pity. I didn’t manage to put it all together, unveiling what had gone on. Cut a long story short I didn’t move in with a man after that for 20 years. Had a child and raised him as a single mum. 6 years ago I met my now husband and am happily married. So for all you out there, don’t give up hope! Healthy love, fair relationships are possible.
Gosh , Richard.. ( love the fireworks;))) but the 'nobody was hurt like me' .. I still can't wrap my head around it is the same pattern worldwide and how well you describe this. .Why your work is so, so important: My ( diagnosed BPD) ex used to say 'nobody values my work. everyone thinks a am a bad person..' he was controlling, almost 100 percent passive agressive, contantly using silent treatments, punishment and revenge, was grandiose (switching between godlike and victimhood). I stayed with him because I was blindsided by bpd, as in thinking I was just dealing with a bit of mental instability.iInstead he got me severely traumatised.THAT is why your work is important!!! I also had a female friend diagnosed with bpd who was NOT manipulative, grandiose nor aggressive. she was merely mentally unstable and had a deep deep fear of abandonment.
Omg that sounds like my partner 😥
Soooo Vrty Painful 😢
Oh my Gosh, what you said about the gift of love, opening the heart 😢😢😢😢. I wasn't aware how much hurt, betrayal pain is still there. You opened me up to allow sadness, it was still covered by bitterness. Thank you this. 🙏
Malevolent AI: That's why I can still be surprised at the viciousness of a partner. It's a relationship between human and machine.
I think it's amazing you found a way to help others as you go. It's genius and simultaneously one of the most inspiring things I've seen in my life. Proof none of us should waste a day of our lives giving a thought about what others think of us. We are all flawed and we are all amazing. All we can do is embrace the challenges along the way and always choose life on purpose. Loving our neighbors as ourselves is the only real answer to every problem. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, very insightful.
My neighbors are narcissists.😢
The outwardly aggressive and nasty ones are one kind of narcissist, and then there's the covert sneaky ones who emotionally abuse you by being emotionally and physically completely unavailable, starving you of all loving and normal relationship interaction.
That description of watching a movie and feeling like you were being watched cracked me up 😂 . Thanks really useful video
Do people with NPD/BPD know they are abusing? It seems that what they do seems totally right, natural, entitled. I have a hard time seeing they believe anything they do is at all bad.
@7:53 OMG That's exactly what my husband did. He got in major trouble at work, articles even were written abt him and when I confronted him abt his lies I said "I don't think you even love me." He replied "Well you dont love ME." I yelled "I supported you thru everything, I stood by you, I tried all the time to make you feel better." And he just coldly says "Well I don't want that kind of love." He, weeks earlier, had told me his "love language" 🤮 is words of affirmation...so ya, he can lie steal cheat, verbally and financially abuse me and our children and at the end of the day I need to tell him what a good little boy he is.
watching for years - i suppose its never over till its over... your videos have become so refined.
Thank you for this video. It's hardbreaking but helpful. My therapist told me I should stop overanalyzing all these but it's helps. I ll try to have them in mind and keep my distance from the people that hurt me....I really appreciate what you do
Their behaviour is counter intuitive, because after years of their emotional abuse and generally being unpleasant, people start to avoid them, refuse to engage in circular conversations with them. Refuse to be upset by them. Lightbulb moment which explains everything I experienced. I even also wondered if he was on the autism spectrum too. Tried to make excuses for his behaviour. Thank you so much.
Interesting. The way you described the narcissist’s childhood sounds exactly like mine. I am not a narcissist but i have some traits, explains a lot. Thanks Richard, your content helps me a lot!
Me too
It also works the other way, I have had peace and quiet since my abusive daughter stopped talking to me. She made my life an absolute misery. I use to dread her coming.
This video is pure gold. You described the insanity of my ex psychopath to a T.
Richard you are absolutely amazing and brilliant!!!! I love that you are a smart @$$ too!!! You are doing awesome work, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being you and doing the work that you do!!!! ❤😂
The drowning analogy is how I have felt for a long time. You have your head above water. Someone pulls you down under water, so she can put her own head above water, thus drowning you. Excellent video. Could you explain why one sibling becomes a narc at an early age, and the other becomes a codependent?
My narc would actually say those words “mhmm”….”yeah”……”right”… long after I would stop speaking to him when we were on the phone. He thought it was funny.
hello, do you need help to fix the broken bond?
My situation could not have been different, I lacked awareness, but situation could of been alot worst, I only have myself to think about, I m good and grateful for what I have.
My sister split from our family by hanging out with her friends and wanted to be with them, because her friends were spoilt and she wanted what they got.
This happened at age 8 or 9.
She is 53 now and her behavior has become worse the older she gets.
I've told her I'm not interested in having a relationship with her.
She's suddenly taking an interest in our parents now they're getting older, after almost no contact for 12 yrs.
I didn't know about this whole thing of Narcissism and I pointed it out to my " mother " I told her face to face : did you ask me because I am answering and you're not even listening. Oh my god from that day till now she is angry all the time , talking in a aggressive way , abuse is multiplied to 10 she wants me dead .
my father use to tell me that, when I was good, he loved me, but if I was bad, he hated me, the problem was, I was always bad.
😡😭no You weren't !!! xo
OMG😢. You have my deepest sympathy x
Mine too. I did everything he wanted but it was never good enough and made me try harder to be loved. To not much avail. Until I got older and defied his I would never go anywhere in life. I did. Then he changed. Told me he was shocked how I truned out very proud. However I know it is fake love. He kinda looked like the heel. Tried to save face. But I give due respect still at a distance and realize its his mental illness. And I love him inspite of his sad fault of this narcissim. But spend my energy on the ones that truly love me. We just need to really stop spending our time on people who suck the life out of us. It is very hard. Took me 50 year. But it is never to late. hugs
Same here😢
I never, ever understood the staring . I’d ask him what he was looking at and he’d say, “ you’re so beautiful baby “ or “ does it bother you?” Or “ can’t I just look at you?” Which immediately made me feel guilty for asking ☹️
Oh my, it's weird when you see things your husband said to you on someone else's post!!!!
Can I not look at my wife? Creeped out I am now....😢 it's so creepy
This explains why after two months of bliss, no arguments because I had finally learned how to be the perfect non-reactive girlfriend, he out of nowhere started hitting me hard on the leg as a joke and then when I told him it hurt told me I was a see you next Tuesday. I’ve never ever understood why he did that until I watched this.
I have come to the end of the Road and time to part company in my situation. We have a wonderful boy together and that is a blessing 🙏❤️. Scary watching this as all 3 subjects ticked!
hey, i can help if you want
My mom is a narcissist. My dad has narc traits. All 3 of my siblings and myself have narcissistic tendencies to some degree. I’ve done a ton of painful work on myself. My mom has discarded me for, in her words, being “mentally disturbed.” I didn’t want to live in nonstop drama and aggression anymore.
omg the staring….😳
You made me laugh by imitating the narcissistic face. It was EXACTLY the stone face of my ex. I still remember how I absolutely adored his stillness and self-control while he completely ignored me 🤣.
I was abused by my ex husband. We divorced. I then met someone else 18 months later. I felt i wasn't ready for a relationship and move in with him. He then went on and on to as how much ge loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. Like bully me into a relationship with him. I went along with it. What a nightmare it turned into. 😅😅😅😅
do you want help?
Seek professional support, there is plenty out there and free
Detatch and manage guilt and ruminating.
Grey rock and minimal contact if u cant completley No contact.
Prepare for backlash, discard and isolation.
Self care and ongoing support
Thank you for answering my question. I am glad you are victorious over the sleep apnea.
The best yet Richard. I’ll watch it again and again.
I figured out eventually that the constant made-up pointless arguments would be immediately over if I would just instantly start raging or crying. So that's what I'd do, like within 1 minute of starting - and he seemed completely satisfied and everything would be done. It was never about anything other than getting an emotional reaction. Super weird lol.
Around min 36. I know I over intellectualize things I don't want to feel. But you're so right, it wont end until you feel the feelings.
Richard, you are absolutely brilliant and you have a wonderful gift of being able to explain something SO well, that it is understood completely. I have so much appreciation for your passion for what you do and how it changed my life. I thank God for you!!!! You are a Blessing!!
I'm thinking of my current gf. My question & curiosity have led me here. Among many other things this recently happened. Im still hooked in but dreams arent meant to be interpreted ?
She was talking in her sleep which is very rare. Sometimes she'll be communicative and somewhat coherent and get back to sleep its funny or cute. Not this time. She sounded like her mother. Speaking as herself but saying things just the way her mother has before and i know her to despise. It was incoherent, gibberish with quite coherent mean, hurtful phrases slipped in. Then, out of nowhere seemingly interupting whatever was happening in the dream or sleep talking.. in a loud, clear, high pitched, young girly sounding voice "Im perfect"..... Over and over and over. I lost count how many times and it got so strange i had to wake her from sleep. She had no idea or memory of any of it.
Weirded me out.
Great clarifications!😊
Richard, you hit the hard notes for those of us who do not want to understand our own selves in the right way to deal with narcissistic energies in others - and to keep our own selves under control
So much info all bundled up in this one video, I’ll definitely need a rewatch.
Your metaphor of the narcissist crushing people into the swamp to stand on their broken and beaten bodies rings so true. Narcissistic rage is an unexpected and terrible thing to behold.
(Some of your riffs remind me of the comedian formerly known as Eddie Izzard; I laughed til the tears flowed at the fireworks and balloons from nowhere 😂)
Thx for sharing you and your wisdom.
Great explanation of why splitting manifests. Thanks, this makes so much sense understanding the treatment the narcissists I know who displayed this freaky phenomenon to witness received as a child from each parent.
34:30 was so healing. Thank you for these words and for framing it like that.
This is such a great explanation. 100% Spot on!
Thank you for your work.
This is amazing how you are mapping out conversations I’ve had!! I can’t tell if you’re giving me information or weapons 😮
I love your videos! Such a unique view on NPD and such a down to earth delivery. Thank you.
Richard, I look forward to the day when I no longer watch your videos -- and I mean that with great respect, sincerity, and admiration. Your teachings help me more than I can measure. Thank you x 1,000,000.