Why Christmas Should Be ILLEGAL
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- The Witchfinder General of the Colony of Massachusetts Bay in New-England preaches against the heathenry of the Pagan Carnival known as Christmas, and exhorts Good Christians to Ban it by Law; together with, a Testimony against the Authors of that most vile and deplorable Pamphlet, r/christmas, and irrefutable Judgments upon them, drawing from the Word of God, and the Puritan Laws of this fair Commonwealth.
"What's up with the weird accent?" It's a rendition of Original Early Modern English Pronunciation, commonly abbreviated as OP, an accent reconstructed by a linguist and Shakespeare scholar that's our best guess as to what people in southern England sounded like in the 17th century.
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I look forward to the Witchfinder General’s review of Netflix’s The Witcher.
Have you seen High Lord Gopher's video about the topic? It seems that Witchfinder General and Witcher Geralt have much in common when it comes to opposing christmas.
And ‘The Witch’.
add this to the list of things i did not know i needed. but now, really need.
+
I look forward to the Witchfinder General's review of the "Witchfinder General (1968)."
yelling 'Thou has't baked the very likeness of the Devil' with such bitterness and condemnation as a response to a mother's cookie of baby yoda for her children at Christmas is somehow absolutely hilarious. 10/10.
Couldn’t agree more
Couldn't agree more
Couldn’t agree more.
Couldn’t agree more
Couldn't agree more
"THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN!"
Bro, that was beautiful. You're amazing.
THOU HAST BAKED THE VERY LIKENESS OF THE DEVIL!
I'm getting French, Creole, English, Cajun, Irish, and Scottish accents all in one. That. Is damn impressive.
CommandoDude no there isn’t no wooden shoes.
I def here some Irish in there. Not sure which part of Ireland but it's there.
Oh noes! Heretical Papist accents!
@@koolnomi95 Some of the vowel sounds sound quite northern Irish to me, but the accent in general is more like the west country of England than any other accent I know of.
@@sidarthurgortimer355 bout right
This Sinfulle Holidaye even has rootes in the Pagan Heathenry of the Roman Papists!
It is most pernicious, indeed!
Piratesucm Jack 1. Im an atheist so I don’t care
2. I was being in character as a Puritan, because they hated the Catholic church
Awesome that would a great death grind band
@Piratesucm Jack BLASPHEMY! BLASPHEMY! DAREST THOU TO CALL THAT POPISH ABOMINATION KNOWN AS THE CHURCH OF ROME 'GOD'S TRUE CHURCH'? IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN ART THOU AND I HEREBY SENTENCE THEE TO BE BURNED AT YON STAKE FOR SUCH BLASPHEMY UNLESS THOU REMOVEST THYSELF FROM YON MASSACHUSETTS COLONY AT ONCE! METHINKS THAT WRETCHED PAPIST COLONY OF MARYLAND BE MORE TO THY LIKING? OR FANCYEST THOU PENNSYLVANIA?
YON WITCHFINDER GENERAL HATH SPOKEN!
@HowNotTo Games
Gaudete! Gaudete! Christus est natus
Ex Maria virgine. Gaudete!
Cunnilingus, Vagina
Fellatio, Phallus
Phantasie, Orgie
Multiple Orgasmus
Most underrated dude on UA-cam
@Piratesucm Jack huge idiot
Definitely the most underrated dude on UA-cam.
Stonefaced Reactions elaborate mr fuck face
@Stonefaced Reactions_Gaming no you
@Stonefaced Reactions_Gaming salty neo Confederate shitbag
Ideas: Witchfinder General goes to...
- A metal concert
- A scientific symposium
- the Salem Witch Museum
- Pride Parade (actually maybe not)
- Coachella or ACL
- Burning Man
This^
VVitchfinder General goes thus to Walmart to make purchase of vvitch-burning equipment, but findes instead unnatural and heathen profanities on the fhelves, and that the indentured labourers are embraced with the Devil's wicked curse.
Honestly, his reaction to the animatronic area at the wotch museum would be priceless
Halloween
He goes to burning man and is deeply disappointed at the lack of people actually being burnt alive
Honestly, when you consider how historically, Christmas was more “raucous booze fest” than “wholesome family holiday” prior to the 19th century, it’s no wonder deeply religious people such as the Puritans hated it
That’s not true at all. Historically, and today for most Christians, Christmas is celebrated by liturgy. The feasting is just done to celebrate the end of the Christmas fast
It's still a raucous booze fest
They didn't even want people going to church to celebrate Christmas. You would think that would be the one thing allowed.
@Cardboard Cape Mass?! How can a person stand to mention such idolatrous papistry in the comments of a godly video?
@Cardboard Cape Ye who laughs in the face of such Godly words is certainly of those damned to the deepest pits of hell! Enjoy the company of your fellow Papist dogs, while Satan revels in your untold suffering.
Last Xmas I apprehended the demon known as Santa and presented him to the magistrates at the court in the parish in which I dwell. I denounced him for cavorting with elves, magical reindeer and other unholy creatures from the depths of hell. I wept tears of joy as the righteous flames of God's holy judgement forever banished him to the eternal abyss.
In the parish? Are you a papist
@@Coyote-qs6fs He could be Anglican.
@@Meow_Zedong_1949 Just as bad!
"THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN!"
-the witchfinder general of the colony of Massachusetts
I need this on a shirt
Shut up and take my money!
So I'm a Reformed Baptist and I'm in seminary and we read the Puritans all the time and I can't tell you how funny it is that you get their lingo so right🤣 I can really relate because a lot of people within the Reformed community actually still argue about this stuff😆
@N Fels I hope you're doing alright. That's a fucked-up experience.
@N Fels I agree. Religious extremists and extremism are all fucked up groups, they always seem to act like a cult. And its also sad to hear stories of the survivors of said groups.
The most ironic part is that his instructions to steep oneself in prayer and hope God saves them because of it is an anti-Gospel, works based theology they would ostensibly oppose but end up advocating. Being busy persecuting sinners was a high priority alongside murdering unbelievers for their material possessions.
@@idontknowaboutthat1904if you listen closely, the saying is “steep thy life in prayer, and hope that God sees fit to have mercy on thy corrupted soul.” God’s not responding to the prayer, you’re just hoping for mercy.
So basically anything fun the Puritans were a bunch of killjoys
Thy joy shall lead thee into the arms of the Devil!
@@AtunSheiFilms well at least it'll be warm unlike where you're standing LOL merry Christmas bro
@@AtunSheiFilms They also believed in predestination... which is pretty kill joy to me, and I'm a Christian saying that. Now there are many variants of predestination doctrine, with some believing the only some people are chosen (elected is the term used) to be Christians and thus saved, but that doesn't include damnation, whereas other groups will say that predestination counts for both sides of the coin. Its actually a bit contentious, that and the related concept of limited atonement. You'd think with presdestination, people would be bigger assholes, but no actually, since the idea also had the idea that from your conduct and heart there would be signs, so to then everyone would then follow the rules and behave as best as possible, since that would potentially mean more positive signs in your conduct, and if you failed then you weren't.
Imagine thinking Catholics aren't miserable enough.
Puritainism is the irrational fear that somewhere, somehow, someone is happy.
This guy and the confederate soldier should have a crossover episode
Meanest thou that fellow in gray clothes who glories in war and delights in enslaving other human beings? Fie upon him! I have looked into this Confederate States of America and it is nothing short of an abomination! These confederates call themselves 'rebels' which telleth me they have nay respect for authority! Be assured that Yon Witchfinder General shall send this blasphemer to his reward!
Yon Witchfinder General hath spoken!
Aye, and so they did! ua-cam.com/video/Lac-8tTuyhs/v-deo.html. It's conceivable that your comment was where it originated. It appears the crossover was on April 28th, 2020, and you commented 4 months ago.
@@toddmiller5656 Actually, the Witchfinder general would have been ok with the idea of slavery, it was also practionned in New England at his time.
They Do have it go watch was it War of the northern agression video from checkmate lincolnites
More specifically the crossover happens in ua-cam.com/video/Lac-8tTuyhs/v-deo.htmlm33s
Ignore ye the cold. Cold be naught but God's way o' tellin' us to burn more papists!
Wise words
I thought hanging was the preferred form of execution for Puritans.
Nice Blackadder reference.
"Though has baked the very likeness of Satan himself." Lol.
I found it!
The Witchfinder Christmas special!
It's just as beautiful and heartwarming as I hoped.
Please make this a yearly event!
Patrons can write-in and try to convert the W.G. to the spirit of Christmas.
Oh, the joy it would bring us!
😂
To be fair, Christmas during the VVitchfinder General's time was pretty rowdy, more like St. Patrick's Day meets Halloween. It only became a family friendly holiday during Queen Victoria's time, when she and her husband did Germanic Christmas customs.
I don't know about England, but in the US Christmas started to change a few decades before Vicky became queen. The change was also largely commercially motivated. The earliest know newspaper ad for store-bought Christmas presents dates to 1806. See Nissbaum, _The Battle for Christmas._
My neighbor has a banner up that says "Jesus is the reason for this season." I want to put up a sign that says "By Order of The Witchfinder General, the Heathen festival of Christmas is an affront to God and celebration will send thee slaves of Satan to HELL!"
You sound nice.
GF trying to cuddle with me before marriage: Come here, I'm trying to get cozy.
Me: THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN!
‘Babe please stop saying you’re the witch finder general, we’re not even from New England we’re from the Midwest!’
>SILENCE THOU DEPLORABLE WENCH, FOR THOU ARE A MOST WRETCHED SINNER IN THIS TAINTED HEATHEN LANDE!
2:47 Oh I'm using this for Christmas cards to the family.
"Thou hast baked the very likeness of the devil"
No no, he has a point
LOVED IT!!! Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and yours .
How dare thee wish me a merry Christmas...
@@AtunSheiFilms 🤣
@@AtunSheiFilms shall we bring this papist before the magistrate of the shire in which he resides?
@@anthonyhayes1267 in which he dwell if I may please!
@@Tarnatos14 of course, a thousand pardons for my improper grammar
1:00 this part is absolutely perfect.
"You vile heathen! You have been found guilty of the ultimate crime! BLASPHEMY! That'll be 5 shillings please."
I want to hear the Witchfinder General's review of "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"!
The funniest part is that in the 1600's no one would recognize a Santa hat
It was not even recognizable until the 1800's
Me vvraetched foul be feekin' for Vvitwchfinder General's advice, for me be afraid for the fate of me gonads and vvish to keep thaem clear of Beelzebub's hot pokers. Me hath refrained from the exchanging of gifts, for I'm a good God fearing man, but me neighboers accufeth me of the fin of greed for keepeing me hard earned coin for mefelf. Is me foul and gonads doomaed for eternal daemnation either way? I'm a vvretcheth finner and vvorthy of damnation, but me vvifh to keep me gonads clear of fiery infernoes.
Thou spells aright. What printing prefs doth thou ufe?
@@AtunSheiFilms Me vvraetched foul ufes the prienting prefs in the fhire in which I dwaell. It is the lateft model, fimilar to the one ufed by VVilliam Bradford. Truely a marvel and beneficeal to the publick. Thou mights confider it a fin, but reft afsured, I use the time faved by ufing labor faving contraptioens in filent prayer.
Someone's mad that Father Christmas didn't bring him a little red sled when he was a wee boyo!
"A gingerbread baby Yoda"
"THOU HAST BAKED THE VERY LIKENESS OF THE DEVIL!!"
So Witchfinder General's the Grand Moff?
"THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN" had me crying. Omg, i love your videos, Atun
Back in Ye Olde times, most people celebrated by spending the month absolutely smashed. Sometimes I wonder if we've lost our way.
The Irony is that I hear Odin's Ravens flying as he rambles. 😆
The Witchfinder's concerns about the sinful behaviors associated with Christmas in 2022 are spot on. It's sad the devil has perverted this holiday celebrating our Lords birth. We must take back the holy days and run the papists out of this young nation! Witchfinder I stand with you, give us the arms to accomplish this great work! :D
This should be a recurring character on SNL. But then again, this is way funnier and well written then anything on SNL.
As a descendant of Puritan preachers, I approve of this. And yes we do sound like this.
"Behold!"
'Every room is cozier with a tree''
"THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN"
This is such a mood
Watching this every year since it came out a few years ago is becoming a Christmas tradition, especially now without A Charlie Brown Christmas.
I love seeing these old videos you made, where you have a grand total of ten patrons. You were already making such excellent content, and you've come so far since then. Thanks for the education, and thanks for the laughs!
I really want to get "THOU HAST BAKED THE VERY LIKENESS OF THE DEVIL! " into a normal conversation with somebody now 🤣🤣🤣
Have your friends over to bake cookies and make them in the shape of the devil. Simple really.
I had the captions on, when you said idolatry it translated to I Dollar Tree. Nice to see the witchfinder general giving our retail stores some love during this trying time.
"Thou hast baked the very likeness of the devil!!!!"
Best line ever 🤣😂🤣😂
Bro, this just became my favorite channel! Keep up the great work man! I hope your channel grows and gets the popularity/ viewership it deserves!
Oh, and merry Christmas YE FILTHY HEATHEN!
Filthy heathen? Includest thou me in thy comment? If so, be forewarned that thou shalt be found and burned at yon stake along with that abomination called Santa Claus!
Yon Witchfinder General hath spoken!
@@toddmiller5656
You meant St. Nicholas of Mira, that had slapped Arius in the face?
Good old chap, brought gifts to the poor children of the Roman Empire. And slapped heretics in the face... good old times...
@ There can be nothing good in such as advocateth popery and superstition in opposition to God's Holy Word! Cease thy foul utterances immediately or face the magistrates in the shire whereupon thou residest!
Yon Witchfinder General hath spoken!
@ SAINT? SAINT?! HOW DARE THOU SPEW THAT POPISH BLASPHEMY THAT CERTAIN PERSONS CAN BE RAISED UP BY THAT ANTICHRIST IN ROME KNOWN AS THE POPE TO GODLIKE STATUS! TIS AN ABOMINATION AGAINST OUR MOST SACRED LORD AS WELL AS HIS HOLY WORD THE BIBLE! CEASE THY FOUL BLASPHEMIES IMMEDIATELY OR I SHALL SENTENCE THEE TO ONE HOUR IN MOST HOLY PILLORY AS WELL AS A FINE OF TEN SHILLINGS!
YON WITCHFINDER GENERAL HATH SPOKEN!
@ THOU SPAWN OF SATAN! I SHALL HEAR NO MORE OF THY VILE BLASPHEMIES! REPORT THYSELF TO MYSELF OR TO THE MAGISTRATES IN THE SHIRE OF WHICH THOU RESIDEST THERE TO SPEND ONE HOUR LICKED IN YON STOCKS WITH BOTH ANKLES AND WRISTS FASTENED AFTER WHICH THOU SHALT BE FINED FIFTEEN SHILLINGS!
YON WITCHFINDER GENERAL HATH SPOKEN!
I just got an ad that said "You, the filth of the earth". Must be a message from god to stop mine slothful and gluttonous feasting and dwelling under missle-toes.
What a pleasant man.
So hilarious!!!! Love the Witchfinder General from Duxbury Ma!
Thou art cosy with Satan!!
💙💙
this playlist is fantastic, thank you so much, and what a great OP accent!
Voice from the cemetery, "Hey! Keep it down! Trying to sleep down here!"
Witch Finder General, "DEVILRY!"
this made my first day of 2020
I am currently re-reading Gaiman's and Pratchett's "Good Omens", which has Witchfinder Sargeant Shadwell, who speaks very similar to this on the audiobook! I doubt your WA General would see eye to eye with him though! Great fun!
I... I have no words. Imagine going to visit that grave yard and seeing this guy shouting about Christmas.
I watch this every morning for motivation
My 8th great-granduncle Mark Haskell was fined 5 shillings by the court in Salem for wearing broad lace around 1655.
I think the writings quoted by Justice Alito recently call for a new episode of The Witchfinder General...
You're the only fire and brimstone preacher that has ever managed to warm my heart, VVitchfinder General.
You just convinced me to stay Catholic.
Papist
Lol. How sad.
Me three! Déo grátias!
Jan Sitkowski damn straight
That just means you’d rather feel guilty instead of scared.
Here's to another year of great videos!
I need a Netflix series based on this Character
*Praise Sol Invictus!*
The User-Name doth check out; and the Judgment of God shall be swift upon thee, thou villainous heathen!
@@AtunSheiFilms ye sound loike ye might be an unbeknownst servant of the Empyrean entity known as Khorne, lord of unbridled wroth and senseless violence as it rules it's neverborn minions from a vast brass keep, sitting on a throne of skulls as the blood of sacrificed mortals rains from the skies.
Khorne cares not from whence the blood flows, only that it does....
"THOU HAST BAKED THE VERY LIKENESS OF THE DEVIL!"
Thank you, Witcherfinder General of Salem, for that wonderful PSA. By the way, you might want to talk to Billy Yank and Johnny Reb for having that CHRISTMAS tree up!! Cheers, Antun-Shei, you do awesome work!
The witchfinder general should cover more holidays like Halloween and Valentine's day
Brandon keeps reminding me of Reverend Ian Paisely of the Ulster Unionists.
This fellow speaks a good deal of sense.
Merry Christmas 2020 everyone
Amen Witchfinder General. You are a true Saint.
Only PAPISTS believe in Saints! You shall be delivered to the magiſtrate of the court of the ſhire in vvhich you dvvell, vvhere they vvill put you put to inſtant death!
I'm cracking up about this puritan rabble-rouser.
A true holiday classic!!
“Thou art cozy with satan!!!!”
I know The Witchfinder General videos are supposedly not his most popular, but I love it every time he uploads one of these. That accent is amazingly spot on, and the humor is very Python-esque.
My mother described people like the Witchfinder General, doing their fire and brimstone speeches, still going around in the 1940s and 1950s in New Bedford. My Irish Papist Grandfather would ask my Swamp Yankee Grandmother if they were her cousins, and would refer to them as “Freetowners”.
lmao
Witchfinder General 2024!!!!!!
The poor people visiting that graveyard XD
“THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN!”
One of the best lines I’ve ever heard on the channel 😂
Thanks for bringing these stories in a unique entertaining way.
I almost crashed my truck at "YOU'RE COZY WITH SATAN!" I'm dying
It's like someone filmed this in 1650. Damn impressive.
And a merry Christmas to you sir!
I think Horrible Histories summed up Puritans best "they'd be miserable as sin but sin is not allowed."
My family celebrated the 3wise men visiting Jesus in the first week of January. A good portion of December was singing and feasts.
We didn't know anything about Santa until we got here to the USA.
same, except we knew about santa as a western thing. where did you live before?
Me every time I hear the Witchfinder's closing statement on total depravity: PREACH
"Thou art cozy with Satan!"
Love the Witchfinder General, however you really need to get red of the buckle on the hat, unless your head is to small for the hat and need the belt. In Puritan Massachusetts, the buckle on the hat was a symbol of the sin of pride.
Witchfinder general reacts to the next "Avengers" movie (or any super hero film).
Now it is that time of year again: Happy Pagan Yuletide, dear Witchfinder!
well there acctually is a text called "A Testimony Against several Propane and Superstitious Customs" from 1687 that is pretty much more of this Christian puritanism :D that makes it even more awesome that it isn't just something made up.
This made me interested in the history of the religious belives of the European immigrants at the time. Like why did these puritan ideas get spread at that time? what is you talked on that @Atun-Shei films?
I love that he kicked away the Santa hat, like touching it would stain his soul forever
I dig the "Checkmate Lincolnites" videos. It informative, & funny, & I cant imagine trying to act out Jonny Reb & Billy Yank at the same time. But the Witchfinder General, that's sick little pup that I could go drinkin with. That accent is perfect. Im late to the party finding this, but I hope there is more of this guy out there.
Please do a Halloween themed witchfinder video
Seriously one of the best characters on this channel.
Can't wait to hear him praise the easter holidays ^_^
It is a TRAVESTY!
@Piratesucm Jack Sssssh, nobody tell him.
@Piratesucm Jack Jesus? What hath eggs, bunnies, chicks, and frivolous clothing to do with he who died for the sins of the predestined? Tis a papist abomination which belongeth in the fires of hell as do ye!
This is probably my favorite one of his characters
I have a question for the Witchfinder General and his historically-inaccurate buckled hat: I am an agnostic, pansexual, transgender half-Indian who writes stories about elves, magic, demons, and with a heavy emphasis on gay, lesbian, transgender, and bisexual characters. How damned am I and what circle of hell am I going to?
@N Fels oh goody, I can't wait
Why does "thou art cozy with Satan!!!!" make me laugh so much
I always imagine that during these videos, Atun-Shei is behind the camera, showing the reddit posts to the Witchfinder General.
He is right. In the Jewish scriptures it’s clearly forbidden to celebrate and adopt pagan holidays. Jeremiah chapter 10.
Re: ""What's up with the weird accent?" It's a rendition of Original Early Modern English Pronunciation, commonly abbreviated as OP, an accent reconstructed by a linguist and Shakespeare scholar that's our best guess as to what people in southern England sounded like in the 17th century."
I'm not sure that "our best guess as to what people in southern England sounded like in the 17th century" is what the Massachusetts Puritans should sound like. I'd heard previously that American English (in differences in common pronunciations from British English, not current vocabulary, etc.) is actually fairly close to that of 17th century Lincolnshire (in the Midlands, northern rather than southern England). I couldn't quickly find anything saying where in England the Puritans generally came from, but the two prominent leaders named by Wikipedia of their founding generation, John Cotton and Richard Mather, were both from the north of England, not the south.
This just never gets old ... I love how the VVitchfinder general be goin' hard ALL the time.
Next: The Witchfinder General vs. the Easter Bunny: Cage Match!
"THOU ART COZY WITH SATAN" Gonna be using that on Christmas day lol.
Not all heroes wear Capes, but this one do! And it is not maybe what we need, but what we want!
Christmas must return to its Mithraic origins, Padawans, or reap the wrath of Ahura Mazda.