Codependency and Complex Trauma - Part 3/10 - Relationship Patterns
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- Опубліковано 7 чер 2019
- Codependent relationships tend to follow a similar pattern.
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No one can understand this abuse unless they experienced it!!!!😢 more frustration!!! They can’t imagine it! Too much like a nightmare!!!
I don’t know where this guy came from but he’s really really good. Direct, honest, straightforward. He doesn’t shy away from the truth. He articulates the lived experience for so many that have been traumatized.
CAnada
God
I noticed that someone referred to Tim Fletcher in a comment as Pastor. I do think he is Canadian, from his accent, but i am not sure. I don't know how anyone can be so clever, as I have never heard any other experts talk like this.
I just came across another video on youtube with the name of a church on it, as well as the name Tim Fletcher.
''Complex Trauma - Part 1 with Tim Fletcher''
Lakeshore St. Andrews Church
Yes, he has a great grasp on how complex trauma plays out, especially the "rush to intimacy" thing. Been there, done that.
Yes and Doctor Ramani too. They're great at what they do.
This is the complete timeline of my last almost 5 years. I can't believe how textbook these relationships are. Trying to explain your situation to your family and friends is nearly impossible. Thank you for this.
I agree. Tim is like a bolt of lightning, divine intervention, giving us clear knowledge of why behave like we do ….and after 60 yrs of me not understanding my strange reactions are now laid out on the table and I can now choose how to act as opposed to reacting, thank you Tim and all the best for your ultimate healing Amanda x
The accuracy stunned me.
Same thing for me. 6 1/2 years. So textbook.
Same...
@@AllIn1Studio nkl me me 1
Pp
I watched part 1 and I started to weep because he was describing my life! My jaw actually dropped because he described my top problem and that is I lost myself and I can’t find me again. Thank you. After 9 years of misery I need answers and I deserve to understand what was wrong with me. Well now I think I understand that I am not too nice or a people pleaser but I have been an enabler. It has made me excessively unhappy and has taken precious time away from me. I’m 65. This has affected my health. I want to be happy before I die. Thank you so much. My conversation with my therapist will be interesting! You are very clear and concise. You are very easy to understand. Love the complete honesty!
You’re not alone. ❤
Oh my! I am 69 and have been on and off miserable...most of my life??? Like you, I have become almost tortured thinking I will die before I experience the love of God and the joy of that must come with the realization that He loves me. I am tearing up as I write this to you. Please Lord, show us joy before we die. I think my therapist would learn from Tim. He is not an accident for a lot of us who are listening to him spilling TRUTH. I actually fear my "house will not be in order" before I die and am trying to organize everything because I could kick the bucket at any time. I am obsessed with my literal messy house, not my actual self! Time to step into reality.
@@IamOverit1140 this man explains the narcissist dynamic so eloquently. The narcs are parasites. They drain our spirits, self awareness, self respect. I went through so much as a child, and had so much strength. I was happy. A sparkle of life. I compare the narcissistic to a demonic human form. They drain the life out of you. Healing is a process. Finding yourself again.
The healing process is slow, Do not be hard on yourself. Easier said than done I know. But I refuse to let them win.
Childhood trauma can happen in a more pronounced way to a particular child in an increasingly dysfunctional family. For example, it can happen to the "spoiled baby" of the family, the youngest, while people on the outside looking in puzzle over the family having just that one child exhibiting such odd behaviors as failure to thrive, total silence in social settings, and fierce independence.
It's a long, mysterious, and dysregulated life until that child/person figures out that the unwitnessed trauma of their upbringing was peculiar to their childhood. No one else in the family had the same upbringing, so there are no fellow-survivors to verify the trauma of their early childhood.
Spittin’ facts. Tim is ballin’ hard here. Him and Sam Vaknin are the goats when it comes to this type of content.
#agreed
This is exactly what my narcissist mother has been doing to me. She tries to convince me that I am ugly, fat, unattractive, no men would ever find me sexy, and that she sacrifices for my education so I owe her bigtime and forever, and that my career isn’t satisfying and my job is shameful. However, in FACT, I have a Ph.D. degree and now teach in a middle ranking University. I am top three popular teacher in my department. And I have no problems getting a date if I want to. Gaslighting, brainwashing and manipulating are what they do, even if they are your mother, they still do the same things.
Sorry for this happening to you. I hope you keep control of your mind.
True 😢
Sad but true.
You're amazing. Other people's hate is THEIR PROBLEM. Sounds like a personal issue that she needs to work on. Others opinions have NOTHING to do with you. Continue to be you love ❤
I just recently discovered your channel and I have to say after 3 1/2 years of studying narcissism this has to be probably the best overall, well-rounded videos I have seen on the subject. Kudos to you Tim!
Totally agree!
You have been blessed Tim to help others get back to who they were born to become. Arohanui from NZ listener, thank you thank you.
I started shaking when I watched this. I feel like I was living with a monster/predator/narcissist.
This WAS my 33 year marriage with my ex
I survived only by maintaining radio silence during the separation (friends insisted I do that).
He, of course, brought me cookies, flowers and wrote notes. “Together we’ll get though this.”
It’s been four years now. Yesterday I figured out I was codependent. I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Szssdz x
ditto!
I can not imagine 33 years. It hasn’t been 2 yet, and it has had a tremendous effect on me.
After watching these videos I have learned a lot about myself. I am totally terrified that I’m not strong enough to change or get out of this situation. My addiction to this toxic relationship feels beyond me.
Kate…it has been 22 years for me…we have been separated for 2 years (he promised change and I hoped…). Take care of YOU…emotionally separate internally if you can’t physically…create your own life with your own interests…I wish I left decades ago…😖…his rage now and vindictiveness is over the top…telling our college aged kids that I’m unforgiving…unGodly….
50 years in co dependent relationship. Stuck in the grooves of going around and around. 5 1/2 years post leaving, 4 years in counseling for a lifetime of trauma healing. Yes, much hard work, but worth every minute of it. You have embarked on your journey of healing…I pray the best for you.
Most people are either codependent and narcissistic to one degree or the other. The key is to keep them from going to extremes. Balance.
the system is set up to cultivate one type or another
@@allaboutdetox7526the system? U mean trauma
@@americaneden3090 The system is designed to create trauma bonds and a state of fear.
That is Mind-control 👁️
Brave New World, 1984 and the Matrix are excellent examples/predictive programming.
A completely accurate narrative of my marriage. Brought to a zero. But I did not die. I learned about what I was dealing with, and then, why, and I got out. Rebuilt, then my family did not like the boundaries I built in my recovery and discarded me. At least this time I understood what was happening.
Its been several months since ur post. Have ur family members or you changed ANYTHING to resume any semblence of a relationship or healthy communication?
@@americaneden3090 Being estranged from my family is far from ideal. It is just my best option from among the awful choices. In a dysfunctional family where there is scapegoating, the scapegoat must step out to protect themselves, or be torn asunder emotionally, spiritually, physically.
In my case, if I do not work to repair the damage they do to me, as I was raised to do and tried to do for many years, then there is no relationship. So, I am out. And it is very likely permanent unless the divine intervenes to awaken one of them, which is even more unlikely because they lack faith in God or any power higher than themselves.
So enlightening. You have put this whole devastating problem from the subconscious mind to the conscious mind. When this happens a person can now act, not react to a broken person, like the narcissist. Knowing is power. Thank you Tim..... keep it coming!
This message with the story of Esther, a favorite in the Bible, gives such hope to me! Thank you, Tim for loving God, His Truth and people who are broken. You are a man after God's heart Sir! ❤️🙏🕊
This man is really good. He must be a really great counselor. This information is priceless yet seems harder to achieve the healing we all desperately need even if we truly want it
Nothing is impossible with God. ❤
This series is nothing short of phenomenal. Thank you!
I have been bingeing many of your series for the last 2 weeks. What an education! I am the codependent and have been married to an alcoholic/narcissist for 25 years until I was suddenly discarded. I have sent the last 2 years trying to understand what happened there was no explanation. This has been the most painful experience I have ever been through. I’ve been in Al Anon for the last 4 years and have worked hard but it hasn’t answered all for me. This however I believe has been the missing piece to my recovery. Thanking you for your service doesn’t seem enough. Your words are to healing to me. I thank God for putting you in my path. You are very articulate. Thank you Pastor Tim, please continue sharing your message. So many of us are struggling and your words have the power to heal.
Maybe what you started to learn, and put into action, after some time in AlAnon before the end of your relationship.. WAS the beginning of the end of your relationship.
And maybe you would have reached the decision yourself to exit.
Just because you werent in control of the timing doesnt mean it wasnt the correct thing.
It can hurt to be "unceremoniously" dumped, especially after 25 years of "service" ... hopefully yiu can heal and feel GRATEFUL that you have a chance to be the leader in your own life now
Hope things get better for you
I, too, was married to an alcoholic/narcissist for almost 25 years, and did not even know it until 16 years in. I was discarded too for a business and another woman. Tim is helping me understand. I grew up with alcoholic and I'm the codependent. Always thinking I can fix them or help. You are stronger than you think. I've survived this 4 times!
God bless you!❤️🙏🤗
:) Gods Word. Ps 107:20
We all relate to one another from our wounded self. I have isolated myself for years now after my long relationship. Finally now I'm undestanding a bit better my codependency issues and deaping with it and setting some serious boundaries so I stay in my healthy lane and not inviting people who are not healthy. You have to put the work. It's not easy nor pretty.
I prayed for truth to Jesus who I’m just getting to really know. A relationship with the real Jesus was stolen during childhood by Spiritual Narcissist abuse. My relationships are painful and codependent so I prayed to him for help today and this video appeared in my timeline. I’ve cried all the way through so far but the validation and hope I feel can only come from the comfort of a God who loves me. Thank u for this divine work
Amen Sister Saint
Our Lord is SO good !
Me too.
So much spiritual abuse ...and physical , mental , emotional , sexual , financial abuse as well .
He has been leading me to this point of healing and RIGHT on time , Tim appears in my feed .
God LOVES us !
Amazing !
@@jackieann5494 i
This guy knows every granular detail of the process. I was raised by a malignant narcissist (my mother's rapist). At 51 I am finally realizing how I have been routinely attracted to narcissists and I have acted like (which I guess means I have been) a covert narcissist. Shame has pretty much ruled most of my life decisions. At this point I don't have hope for a healthy relationship. I have a dog instead.
I'm 59 and I have chickens lol
Doggos are way more loyal ❤
@@Avenray19and thus healing
This is extremely generalised, Empaths also love bomb, often they don’t realise it is also transactional. Doing nice things for people makes them feel happier and more loved when the other person smiles, they want to smile too. Their intentions aren’t bad.
Brooke Castillo @ The Life Coach School has an episode called "People Pleased".
You might listen to that.
I am a recovering people pleaser. That podcast was an irrefutable proof of how my people pleasing "I just want better for others than they want for themselves" view was just as manipulative as the overt manipulations which I so resented receiving from others.
Also, the people pleasing behaviors are not ill-intended, but they are also not functional. With that, we scare away healthy partners, and attract those who we wish we could avoid.
"The definition of crazy is doing the same thing, over and over, while expecting different results."
Wishing you all the best.
thats codependency
True! It crossed my mind
@jukodebu there are healthy and loving individuals who are just really kind and thoughtful towards every human but most especially the people they love. It may seem like love bombing but it isn't. 😊
Extremely generalized?? 😂 Did you listen?.......
More people need to learn this process to protect themselves.
I’m not a religious person but your explanations are super in-depth and enjoy the fact that you are just not glossing over the subject matter. Going through a lot currently but your synopsis have been super helpful for understanding me and my outlook on life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, for putting this out there.
15:08 Devaluing Stage: disrespect enters the relationship, lash out, blame you for their discontent. Walking on eggshells.
Becomes verbal, emotional, physical abuse. Financial abuse.
Both get discontent: the narc begins to justify cheating. Become a parasite to mooch off of you. More conflict, anger, fear => becomes gaslighting: gets you to doubt your reality. Wear your self image down to zero. The narc is the only one with a realistic view: you have zero self image, zero worth.
Cycle of honeymoon & blow up, until all becomes destroyed.
Discard Stage: replace you with someone else, no longer the mirror they need. They groom and mirror a new person who feeds the narc anew.
The narc is all about their image.
They accuse you of stuff you've never dreamed of doing: projection.
They do damage control, broadcast their new image.
They flip a switch: they don't end with you until somebody new is set up. Sudden end, no answer questions, no explanation.
Unavle to maintain wonderful personality: coldness cruelty, no remorse, done & gone.
I greatly appreciate that you are sharing your knowledge and wisdom so generously. This type of information should be included in the senior years of high school and in college courses as well, together with counselling assistance to those who need to make changes to their behaviour. Like a child, who needs a village to be raised, adults need also the support of the whole society to be able to function in a healthy and conscious manner. Thank you!
Societal support doesnt replace coping skills.
Yep this person who wants sex and the moving together real fast has a motive, and that is a dangerous abusive person.
This is excellent info. I have to say, it’s much less painful to see unhealthy patterns from a healthy distance !
I know this is an Old video, but sure do wish I had heard this 4 yrs ago
Could have saved myself Alot of hurt and heartache. You were absolutely right on the money. Step by step. Thank you for for wisdom and knowledge you have shared with all of us. I am and will survive...Thanks be to God!!!
It's your time, when it is your time, not before or after
The dance of two wounded souls …
Narcissist and empath! My God you are insightful and right on point ‼️
🥚 🥚🥚
You’re absolutely correct about everything 😮 😢 ‼️
Recovery helps people set boundaries to prevent narcissist people from creating toxic relationships with others.
Some of those boundaries take time to set.
Some things you've accomplished may not come till later in life.
You could be the best teacher I’ve heard in the 7 months I’ve been studying this topic!!! 😮❤😊
I have been in addiction recovery for 10 years and then really immersed my self into codependency recovery 5 years ago as well. Basically I still struggle with being my own person. I still struggle with adulting...lots of emotional anorexia and isolation. I'm neither my old unhealthy self nor totally on the independent highway...wish life would be easier...in-between life.
Have you learned emotional regulation techniques? That has been such a huge part of my healing, that I'm still working on....but, I'd been in therapy off/on for years and years, had no idea I had anxiety for a long time.
Anyways, emotional regulation was such a big component, such a key missing piece. I don't get it right all the time, but I feel so much more empowered.
I also have worked on reprogramming my subconscious, healing the core wounds (iex, "I'm unworthy") and the narratives that are created through those. I found out I had fearful avoidant attachment style, and that was huge to validating myself and having answers.
I wish you all the best, healing and peace.
@@Alphacentauri819how do we get this emotional regulation therapy ?
26:00 "Giving chase is how a narc responds to rejection: saying no makes them try harder!". This explains everything 🤯😵💫 "Hoovering" Dosing Stage: they give you enough to get back from the current crisis. O. M. G. THIS is what he did every time i left. I wish i had understood this pattern and not believed in his fallacies. It trains them that your No doesn't mean No. Keep boundaries early in relationship: if they break boundaries, huge red flag, they will never respect your boundaries.
Limbic Brain is captive to narc: go to cortex brain to get the facts and reason on facts alone.
Behavior never lies.
-Jim Rohn.
I can't thank you enough for this information, and also the way in which you explain everything without being judgemental in your presentation, Thank you pastor Tim
Love this! My ex narc would always blame me for his cheating ways “if you did not question me or argue with me I would not text her”.. Thank you Jesus for saving me from a toxic and evil relationship.
Wow, 100% spot on once again!
Exactly the story with my narcissist ex fiance.
Tim Fletcher, you're amazing. 🙏 You've helped me on my recovery and healing so much, just by validating the hell I lived for 3 years with the monster.
Praise God for Pastor Tim Fletcher of Finding Freedom, Wooohoooo!
This guy is SPOT ON!!!!!! Holy moly he just described exactly what happened to my relationship of 6 years. Im right now ion the discard stage
Thank you so much sir, you have answered a million questions in just 4 hours of videos I have watched from you. I will be watching more and recommending you to others
You are most welcome!
The more codependent/co narcissists learn not to be drawn to narcissists, the more they will be left alone with no fuel being supplied to feed their ego. This will force narcissists look at and feel their own hurts and possibly work towards changing their behaviour.
Hopefully!,
I don’t think they ever change.
They don’t change or accept responsibility. They end up in jail or a nursing home
Sounds like a plan! But you what? Maybe God already had that plan- after all arent many here doing exactly that? Just my thoughts- xxoo Praying for us ALL! 🙏
Exactly
Coldness and cruel behavior
We feel deep emotional feelings for narcissist people cause the foreign exchange rates vary in language and mind when dealing with your own feeling.. it confused you to the point that you forget what it's like to be on your own.
It makes you regret relationships.
Totally true.
I’ve spent 18 months post narc. Trying to get my head around the 4.5 month relationship that had me leaving my lovely husband if 23 years after only meeting this man 3 times. He destroyed me via this process - exactly this process. And I’m still trying to recover. Shame, grief, boundaries, etc…. Still getting it wrong but this lecture sheds some new light in some things …..
Be kind on yourself ❤
❤
I did the same, and have so much shame and self-loathing related to that, in addition to processing the trauma of the relationship. I hope you're healing. 🙏❤
OMG to be pulled from a long term relationship is like falling off the wagon into codependency thinking that person was going to complete you! You have described my fantasy! Thanks to you and Tim Fletcher I will focus on my shame and lack of self love, and stop looking outside myself for someone to fix me. Thank you so much for sharing your story
Not trying to shame you but you chose to betray your husband and receive this attention. For your sake, I hope your husband is noble enough to forgive you but you need to work so hard to deserve that.
By far the most profound teaching in understanding these dreadful, soul destroying, debilitating dynamics. Wow thank you for the very best teachings in understanding and healing from the deepest, most life crippling, intense cycle of pain and suffering that i have yet to discover. Let there be light and freedom at the end of the tunnel. Thank you Father God 🙏🏻🙌🏻❤️
This is exactly my 6 year relationship with my ex husband. We've were separated 2 months and now divorced two weeks, and I feel that confusion and emotions all over the board. It took several months to go through with the divorce. He definitely took to FB to make me look like a horrible person. My family and friends all wonder why I stayed so long. Since we have a child together I can't cut off communication but I will definitely be careful. Thank you for this video.
Watch out for parental alienation!!!!!
Filed for divorce last week and moving 3 states away from him, my emotions are all over the place as well, but i know i cant fix him and he will never change i have been the only one who has changed he sucked everything out of me emotionally and financially
Thank you for your biblical perspective. Very refreshing and validating .
Love Tim’s talks, the only thing that disappointed me about this incredible information, is the referring to Narcissists more as male, rather then equally as they. Other than that, this is full of priceless information & help. Which is much appreciated.
This was my parent’s marriage. The Esther story is mind blowing 🙏
Absolutely great series, what a bless that it is shared in full- and that I have found it. Helps me work over and come to my senses. Thank you.
The story of Esther just brought me to my knees🙇♀️🧎♀️❤
All I do is navigate my way through the world...
Doing my best, moment-to-moment,
to endure the least amount of suffering as possible...
And I keep doing that every day, just waiting to die.
There's no joy, no hope, no happiness in my life.
It's just pain and trauma and survival and misery.
I live in poverty. I am ashamed of my life.
I have severe (c)PTSD.
My heart is shattered.
Rage and grief consume every cell of my being.
I pray to heal from,
and be released from,
the prison of:
- poverty
- aches and pains
- an inflexible mind and body
- diabetes
- PTSD flashbacks
- (c)PTSD
- suicidal depression
- homicidal rage
- grief
- guilt
- regret
- loneliness
- heartache/heartbreak
- repression/suppression
- soul rape
- a silenced voice
- a lack of boundaries
- perpetual aloneness
- obesity
- trauma
- obsession/rumination
- the past
- spiritual attacks and curses
- parasites
- heavy metal poisoning
- brainwashing
- terror
- panic and panic attacks
I MUST REMIND MYSELF:
If we fight against the darkness, we are swallowed by it.
If we react to the lack of visible progress with despair,
we extinguish our own inner light
and block the aid of the Higher Power.
Step aside, yield, let go, allow people and events to pass without attachment.
To have patience with oneself is to have self-love.
Progress may be slow, but there will indeed be progress.
Growth takes time.
my dream list for what I want in my partner-to-be:
1) wealthy/generous
2) deep thinker/excellent communicator
3) warm/soft/safe/gentle/kind
4) is in regular ongoing therapy,
and a men's circle,
continuously doing his own emotional work
and always evolving spiritually
5) deep connection to Jesus
6) traditional values, extremely chivalrous
7) wide awake/red pilled
8) calm patient excellent driver
9) loves to travel, loves to go out and do things together
10) our relationship with each other,
with ourselves, with God, with our families,
is always TOP priority
11) bold and free and radically honest
I’ve been looking for answers and the “WHY” of my last relationship, specifically the cheating part. You’ve helped me understand SO much and answered so many of my questions. Absolutely insane how on point you are.
A lot of comments about “they” do this or that. Truth is both parties in these toxic relationships are doing things. It’s not just one issue, it’s a dual set of issues.
The codependent person is usually vulnerable and well meaning
True. And mostly neither person does understand what is actually really happening...it gets blurred hence you stating it is 2 who do the dance.
Yes definitely and same happens in families and work relationships as well not just romantic ones.
It’s definitely not one person with wounds to heal in these situations but everyone involved in these dynamics.
I’m glad a lot of us are getting this. ❤️
@@SarahMilton64they are both codependents. He has deliberately labeled them “narcissist” and “co-narcsssist” for a reason because labelling one party as a narcissist and painting them black or bad and then labelling the other as an empath or codependent and painting them white or good is textbook black and white thinking / splitting, it’s also textbook cartmens drama triangle (victim persecutor, rescuer) and negates the fact that both parties are narcissists who are fulfilling their sick needs thru each other and that the roles can reverse depending on the relationship and even within the relationship. That’s deliberately the point. And that it’s incredibly narcissistic to assume you are the martyr who only dates narcissists.
19:35 that’s where im at right now. Discarded, replaced by someone else thrown away like trash. Heartbreaking 💔
Might be a blessing in disguise. Be strong!
happened to me too, stay strong my dude. My emotions are going up/down right now.
I’m in the process of breaking the cycle, after a 20 year marriage..with 2 children and a stepson that he is now alienating (I had him move out a year ago)…he tried love Bombing his way back…and it didn’t work…he did a devalue and I gray rocked and he is now RAGING demanding to come back or else! He went silent for a month and I am miserable!!! Missing him and thinking about how nice he can be, great provider, poor abused boy …but then I talk to him and he is angry and condescending and demanding 😮😢… I just don’t want to lose my kids..and go through all those terrible things he mentioned…I’m SO codependent! So lost myself in him…😢😢😢
That’s a blessing
This describes my past couple relationships exactly, word for word. I have wanted to isolate and feel jist far too overwhelmed, mistrusting, and confused to try and build new relationships. I know it’s not good for me and I’m trying to figure out how to clear all that out. I can say I went no contact and it’s been done done done, I will not be faulting on that. Thank u for your words! Very helpful and sadly accurate.
That scary stage was the dark night of the soul Madness! Absolutely !
At the end,he stood in the doorway in the sun,l closed my eyes'lead me not into temptation...deliver me from evil'
@ 15 minutes in and it sounds like my last relationship perfectly. Thank you for breaking this process of abuse down. I'm so happy I'm out of that situation!!!
Tim. The sex part is resonating so much about using it to solve problems. The pressure that creates. Also the pressure as a man from society to feel like you MUST have sex on the first date if not the second. If you don’t there must be something wrong with you. Thank you SO much for shedding light on this. I’ve felt so alone with these sexual issues for so long so I thank you for finally putting words to my experience.
You have articulated this perfectly. You have encompassed the experience very well. Thank you.
I discovered my husband was cheating on me for the past 7 years. I realized he was a narcissist when I read up on cheaters. This video is so spot on of my 30 years with him. Thank you for your channel. It is self-affirming. I finally am understanding how I missed the signs of abuse.
Oh my goodness!!!..
I wish I knew this decades ago!!!.
If I had known how vile a narcissist is I would’ve prevented him from visitation &/or terminated his parental rights!!!!!!!.
My son is 25yrs old & battling serious mental health issues!
He is exhibiting Schizophrenic tendencies due to his father’s emotional abuse..
I rebuke all those dark forces & unclean spirits in the name of Jesus Christ!!! Amen 🙏🏽
Thank you so much for creating this series. I wish I had watched it 4 years ago. I'm grateful that God brought me here now. The story of Esther was very inspirational and gave me hope.
You are describing me. Thank you for putting my struggle into terms I can both hear and take to heart. Thank you so much
You are so good at what you do! It’s the right time for me I finally get it. I hope I can keep moving toward health! Thank you for all you do!!!
Wow... listening to this I hear so much of both my own thoughts and feelings but also so many of my husband's actions and choices. It's like I can "see" all these problems, but I can do not accept their existence. I keep evaluating everything and determining that this is the best I can do now. That it is simply too late now. My options are simply not the same anymore. What I wanted in this life, the life I believed I was living, the reality I thought I was making these sacrifices for, everything I allowed to be taken, all those things I wanted and needed all along that I have always had to do without... I get stuck recalling all the memories, all those times that I thought were the best times of my life, the "perfect moments" that have all been exposed as times of lies. I simply can not move past this... why? Why can I just not accept that this is my reality? Why do I continue to go back to my hopes and dreams? Why do I continually recall my fantasy life? The life I thought I was living, the one I deluded myself into believing all this time. All those memories of stuffing down all the suspicions, the self doubt, the constant feeling of being deceived... in order to function only to learn after 20+ years that I was correct all along. Now, there is supposed to be honesty... but how could I possibly know. I can not but at the same time I am no longer desirable anymore so my options are not the same now. I wasted my youth on someone who could not ever love me the way I desperately needed... of course I must also acknowledge that the same it obviously true for him. I have not ever been what he wanted either. 😔
I'm so excited. This was wonderful and to hear about God also. What a moment to come across this video since looking into my codependency for the first time... For such a time as this. Praise God, this was SO, SO on point.. Wow, thank you
His mysterious ways! :)
I wish you could also add the roles of God given masculine nature and the female nature, and how that plays into these dances.
Life On planet earth is just hard. Jesus knows.
He knows how to help us deal with our crap. 🙌
This has been very helpful. Thank- you.
The body of Christ needs healing.
We are all broken.
You have been so on point from what I have experienced throughout my life, but with some tweaks, but yes for the most part this has been great acknowledgement for me. Thank you for this series. Namaste🙏🏽
I have worked so hard on this...AND I am 46 and single. At least the last person was chronically depressed instead of a narcissist... just consuming.
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I love the book of Esther. Tim you have been such a blessing ❤️🙏🏻
Dosing- Breadcrumbing. OMGosh I've lived that cycle. I didn't know anything about this then and I did it all wrong, but God... Now I'm healed and healthier than I was even before we met.
Thank you for sharing your knowledge sir. You are making a difference in my own life. This is the understanding I seek.
I have an issue with his gender usage. He always assumes the narc is a man. It can be just as much a woman especially with all the borderline personality disorder women that are out there !
@@slinkified
The issue is not gender specific. All one needs to do when someone else is describing the issue is flip gender in the mind. They all follow the same patterns and it doesn't matter where the narc is on the planet. They run off the same playbook.
It's definitely a demonic attachment in my opinion.
Thank you for another Excellent Video, Pastor Tim!!!
thank you i just found you & this is the best ive heard over 30 years & im learning a lot about my life
I am gonna cry. Thank you for this video.
Glad that i didn´t get into this type of relationship because of my gut feeling
You are so spot on!!!! THANK YOU!
This series is phenomenal. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.
Thank you! This spoke to my soul. My married life in a nutshell. Still healing.
I find it beneficial to myself, listening several times throughout my first time.
I got told " I am done", exactly how you said it. 😢
Marriage = the dance of two wounded souls
amazing breakdown of Romans 8:28… God bless you, Tim 🤲🏽
Some excellent advice right here. I went through this with a person and it was one hell of a rollercoaster that ended up off the tracks and I broke damn near every emotional bone in my soul.
Rollercoaster is a understatement. Lol. Finalizing the separation now. He don't want to do things nicely.
Sounds great. I've only listened to the first 6 mins or so as I cannot listen to the whole thing now but I greatly appreciate these videos of yours and have learned a lot from them. Keep up the great work, guys!
Follow us on Facebook also to keep up with the latest news, events and quotes!!!
FindingFreedomMedia I’m following now. Thank you for Everything that you are doing!
@@TimFletcher so what about hey day i mean a number of us are visualization a mind that is a visual thinker so when i ask for a image proving codependents highly processing for emotions i mean give me something to see in real time.asking for visualizations photos images and artwork is the way i been thinking since childhood visually.
He explained my relationship perfect! It's so hard. I appreciate how he brings biblical truths!! Thank you Sir, and may God continue to use you to help us..
God bless you for your work. I just found your videos alot of healing is being done in my life.😢
Thank you so much for this beautiful story. This gives me hope for my future !
Best description I've ever heard
Another amazing video. Thank you Tim.
the empath does not groom the narc, we come into it from a geniune place of love,,,,,, the narc cant love so he needs his mastered grooming techneque
It’s not exactly genuine place of love if they are looking for someone that needs to rescued and they get their self esteem from being the rescuer. Or if they associate with other who appears to be strong and outgoing in order to compensate for their weakness
Empaths aren’t angels. It’s a manipulation (not negative) to get their needs met
This is what happened to my husband by his parents. He ended up in a mental unit.
This made me call for therapy
I need to break the cycle
People mirror all the time if they like someone. Doesn't mean they are a narcissisit
Yeah, you smile, they smile back,
You 👋 they 👋 back.
Normal people do not pretend to like what you like, just to get to you.
I don’t understand the point of this comment.
I loved hearing this story of Ester! Well done
100% spot on!! This is my life with my first husband! After remarrying to a wonderful man who we have a son together, we had to watch him go through the same heartbreaking nightmare with, thank the Lord, now is his x-wife! 🙌
Man, I'd be afraid to give this guy a compliment lol.
He's definitely on que and it frightening how much this happens in all of our lives.
The cycle is so true … I feel like the person likes the explosion bc it makes the love comeback stronger and I really am not wanting it be upset so I stay so positive idk it’s def a high and low
The stages are like the mirror of my personal experience...sad but so real.
Great content - but does anyone else agree that the Narcissist label is used too often in general? I definitely have some narcissistic tendencies, but so did my ex. I just think people are much more complex than simple labels, and everyone has some degree of trauma, so these behaviors form in an infinite number of ways and degrees.
Yes, I agree. I have narcissistic traits yet have empathy, suffer from trauma which started in childhood, battled with life long addictions and I'm definitely codependent. I seem to be everything!
@@wmad33 Thanks for agreeing! It's helpful and it gives hope we can improve these traits.
@@JTECreates you're welcome! Yes, we can improve - I certainly have during the last few years.
@@wmad33 that’s great!
Narcissism is a spectrum but Tim is referring to the bona fide narcissists who do not feel empathy and who gain supply from destroying other human beings.