My Affair Killed My Marriage (What Do I Do?)
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- Опубліковано 13 вер 2023
- My Affair Killed My Marriage (What Do I Do?)
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She totally slept with that co-worker. You can tell it in her tone of voice. I understand not wanting to reveal juicy details on the internet, but if you feel that way, don't call in. I'm sure she lied the entire time during counseling.
Yep came here to say that. John may or may not be realizing he is dealing with an emotionally intelligent narcissist here.
💯. She is lying through her teeth. She is a disgusting person
I kind of thought that too , by how her voice changed when she said noooo
@@CRobinsonpk absolutely. John is so naive in some situations. She played him like a fiddle. She is a narcissist.
Not only did she sleep with him, but she has probably carried on for the entire marriage. Only this time, she got caught.
"I'm a good person and I have morals."
Yeah, nah. Get real and take responsibility for the mess you created.
As soon as I hear someone claim "I'm a good person" i automatically assume the opposite. If you're really a "good person" that's something OTHER people say about you, not something you tell people about yourself lol
She is NOT a good person. John was snowed.
As soon as she started off the conversation making excuses of why she cheated I knew that she was 100% in the wrong.
Then she cries about giving her HUSBAND physical intimacy. This woman is a living nightmare.
Yep! The way she denied sleeping with the guy was real sketch too. Blocking emotional/physical connection with your significant other for an extended period of time is also abusive
i didnt hear about her going to therapy or seeing a doctor for her lack of libido
100% agree.
Did you guys listen to the whole thing? Sure, she could be lying, as could be any caller on this show, but dang, I'm worried about her. I've known people like this in real life, who blamed themselves for what was clearly abuse, so I don't think it's a stretch
"How do I live life again even though I don't want to take accountability?" There I fixed it
Best answer ever!
This lady is 1000% lying. And trying to blame it on her husband as he is “sexually” abusing her is crazy.
I know! She sounds like she's BSing and trying to get sympathy.
she sounds like a psycho
Yeah she deffffffffffff slept with him. That no was the most yes no I've ever heard
@@kimberlyharris2774 I know! That delay. Least convincing no I've ever heard
@@Zumcho😂😂bingo
Not for abuse, but she's manipulative as well. She wants the marriage but won't meet her husband's physical needs. They should've stayed single.
Her call is all over the place.
She emotionally wrangled the approval and took no responsibility for the damage. As there are two sides to every story, her story does not check out. It all started with an argument, can't remember the argument. Missing something in her relationship, seeks connection with another outside of the marriage. Thinks she has a much better marriage than most, withdraws intimacy from her husband. Wants to be a good person to others, not so much to her husband. She obviously does not love this guy.
She's all over the place, how on earth can you think you have a better marriage than others when you don't even have sex with your husband......
@@MrJimmy3459 because many people see “marriage” as a bunch of kids and a mortgage.
She slept with the guy. She’s not being honest!
Her husband probably found out that she has carried on for the entirety of the relationship. That is the origin of the conversation she seemingly can't recount. She wants to keep him out of financial security.
exactly! I picked up on that...she paused when the doctor asked her..she definitely slept with the guy@@JourneyDestination
It honestly sounds like she is describing it where he is the villain and abusing her; she is the one who had the affair and wants no accountability for her choices/actions.
What’s that saying about cheaters and accountability… lol
@@johnsmith-kt7efthey're are females 😂
@@dabd8175you again
All affairs get blamed on men at some point.
Accountability is kryptonite to women like this.🙄
I don't believe this woman at all. I think she is not saying everything that happened and/or framing it to make herself look better.
Yeah and 99% of people in the comments can immediately feel and sense this. I don’t know if Dr. John is high up on the autism spectrum or is scared to lose his UA-cam revenue if his content isn’t 100% bluepilled and always agreeing with the woman. Maybe he has to behave like this or otherwise get flagged as a red pill channel and loose all his income.
"I have morals, I have values...."
Sure these morals and values disappeared when she cheated on him ☹️
Way to hold her accountable….horrible call.
John missed it on this one. He got manipulated in real time. She basically tortured the guy with a sexless marriage, cheated on him, and now she's claiming he forced himself on her. Insane. He should head for the door and never look back.
I think he knew it. But he's not gonna be harsh on her, especially after she dropped the other storyline.
@@Zumcho This!
@@Zumchoyeah but John went to far as to call her husband abusive.
We don't know the whole story.
Yessss this lady is a wack job!
This woman is fishing for someone to tell her she’s a victim and that she’s right. Hence the whiney voice. It’s a backhanded way to feel like shes right and the husband is wrong. Imagine being the husband who works his butt off to provide for his family, and who is loyal and whatnot, only to be constantly rejected and lied to. I might want to kill myself too, being in that trap.
She started with a long winded reason and story of why she cheated. Plus she kept stating her beloved husband issues were mainly from all the other stuff not the affair. Betrayal always has consequences and now she is shocked she has to live with the consequences of her very own active doing.
Yeah, when you're married you agree ( unless talked about before mariage) yo have consensual sex and show each other love. She purposely withheld love for years until her poor husband nearly lost his mind, but then somehow , was able to find someone else. I feel bad for him. Now she's accusing him of graping her.
@@anneshirley9560 Sounds like he has been assaulting her for years and manipulating her for years. That's what drove her away.
She literally couldn't answer a single straight question and I find it hard to believe that she didn't have some sort of a sexual encounter with this person. She specifically defined herself as a "cheater", but yet nothing happened? There's more to this than just a crush or a little flirting, a definitive line was clearly crossed somewhere (that's why it's weighing on her so hard) and I also suspect her husband doesn't know the full truth either and is actually the one who's being emotionally abused.
Exactly!!! She referred to herself as a cheater !!! That’s why she is struggling with getting her identity back. You don’t feel that way over an emotional affair. This woman is shady! She is shifting blame on him . I’m disgusted with her. She has no affection for her own husband? She has issues . I’m annoyed with John for the fact that he’s coddling her instead of calling her out. This woman is a horrible wife.
Emotional relationships with people other than your spouse is cheating. Affairs began emotionally and graduate to sexual. I don't believe they didn't sleep together.
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 I am glad there are women like you in the world, Gabriela.
I’m so glad I’m not alone. I think she’s leaving a lot out to make herself look better. I don’t blame him for wanting to leave after she has no affection for him
@@gabrielamartiniuc6322 100 % agree with you on all issues. Horrible wife.
Bro what am I listening to? He found a way to blame the man who got cheated on and called that man a manipulative person and an abuser while uplifting the actual person who cheated and withheld sex in the marriage which is alwo a form of abuse. I've been calling John out in the comments for the last couple weeks on how he attacks and name calls men but never does the same to women and uplifts them even when they are wrong. He holds men accountable and let women off the hook time and time again. I don't mind either tatic, but be consistent with both genders. This is becoming unwatchable. My guess is he doesn't actually believe what he says. He just needs to cater to the gender that gives him the most views.
My only conclusion with this - is she couldn’t handle hearing the truth. This is a quick online therapy session. It seems like she has NPD, but your spot on accountability is vital.
Yes! Finally someone is saying what I am also thinking!
He is super biased towards women. How many times has a woman called in saying that their husband's had an affair and he said they never had sex and John always says he bets 1000% that they're lying, and here she does the same thing and he just takes her word for it
Thank you guys! I was thinking man maybe I’m being a hater but honestly i want to like this guy. He’s smart and gives some great advice sometimes. But man the bias he has is getting worse the more I watch and it’s very frustrating because he loses credibility. But I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed!
This John guy does that a lot. He doesn’t get full stories goes off assumptions, which would be acceptable if he didn’t offer such confident and concrete advice, which is anything but that in reality.
Sounds like she’s been emotionally abusive to him for years… Sounds like a self-centered woman who’s oblivious to this fact coming to realization that she’s messed up things bad but can’t handle the thought of it. So she’s desperately looking for outside validation to a perceived/concocted victim story she needs to feel good about herself and move on wrecking this marriage and the child’s life…
She didn’t sleep with him? I don’t believe her. She herself referred to herself as a cheater!! And she didn’t have sex with her own husband? Or want to? It’s not a medical issue, she isn’t attracted to her own husband . But she will have sex with another guy? I don’t believe her that she didn’t have sex with that guy for a second.
100%
the way she said "no" was also not believable
@@rosedewittbukater5763 right
exactly 💯
This poor husband. It sounds like he reached a breaking point to threaten that. He didn’t know he was getting into a sexless relationship.
Sexless only would have been okay as many men are in sexless marriages. The issue is that this woman is blaming him and still accusing him while being a serial cheater.
exactly 💯 💯 💯
Wow, she’s low… what a heartless person. She sounds like my old female boss who cheated on her husband with a coworker.
There’s a lot this woman not saying. I believe she slept with her coworker or she’s sleeping with that co-worker now that they are separated.
She belongs to the...
@@Melissa.712 Earth lol.
@@Girlgonewisehell
She MOST DEFINITELY didn't tell the whole story. I'm sorry, John can be all trusting and caring as he wants, but my BS alarm keeps ringing with this woman. She is either telling half truths or half lies.
Right? It’s seems manipulative…
Ya she wants to okay victim
Crocodile tears
she's very good pretending to be a victim
Lying through omission. It's a woman's way.
After living this exact experience (as a man), she has NPD. She can justify anything, takes no accountability and the husband will suffer to no end if he doesn’t just move on. She should let him go. The best thing I ever did was walk away, turned my energy towards myself and my kids.
this girl is pretty wicked. Some folks are never satisfied unless they tear down their whole house.
This woman is crying bc she had to have sex with her husband and she’s having an emotional affair…. I would run from her so fast and I would encourage her husband to do the same. She needs help.
Yes, I was caught off guard that John basically said the husband raped her. I didn’t interpret it that way.
She says “I’m a cheater” to overshoot the perception; so that when she claims she did not have sex , people assume she’s being too hard on herself. I’ve interviewed people during police investigations and it’s my opinion that she sounded deceptive Anna manipulative.
Dude needs to run.
Good point, I actually had a thought in amy head like oh that's all she did
Well said
Wow that’s deep. Makes sense 👏🏼
Yeah (relatively) emotionally intelligent manipulators use these this a lot. I’m disappointed John failed to recognize or confront her with her very clear deceptive tendencies.
Don't bother with Omaha Steaks. Mediocre at best.
Overpriced for sure.
Overrated for sure!
Sounds like she successfully manipulated Dr. John into making her the victim. She's a good manipulator.
BINGO! I love the comment section because it seems like everyone clearly saw through her bullshit. I think she is planning to use this call to get sympathy from all her friends and family for her cheating and her actions to end the marriage. She is using call for manipulation tactic.
Also she rewarded her husband for the bad behavior. She gave him intimacy only when he said he was going to zero himself. Of course he is going to keep doing that. I don't THINK that is abuse at all, it is her rewarding his bad behavior. She doesn't want to take accountability at all.
@@triplecheesemac I think the suicide threat for intimacy is also a manipulation tactic but what was ignored in the call is that it was apparent she withheld affection from her husband for years and his breaking point was an aha moment where he learned that a threat of self harm at least got him some crumbs of attention.
@@mozerm Agreed but IF you have to get to that breaking point your partner sucks. She no longer cared for HIS needs at all. It seems like she didn't care he needed physical intimacy. As a failthful married man, his only option for physical intimacy was her, and she didn't care. She didn't do anything to make that situation better. She said that was going on for 2 years? That is nuts. I hope the husband find someone that makes him happy because he isn't losing anything he wasn't hardly getting anything anyways. She sucks.
@@mozerm that comment makes it sound like the husband is a victim. He isn't if he threatened self harm to get laid
Husband: “I feel unwanted and unloved”
Wife: *proceeds to have affair with coworker* “he coerced me to have sex with him”
John: “he abused you”
Really…..REALLY?! Men….if your wives call into his show your marriage is done.
coerced on have sex these days are incredibly unlikely women will ask for a lawyers help no time and make big money in a lawsuits lol
One thing I want to mention and this isn’t excusing her cheating- that’s wrong period. The timeline isn’t matching up she said the affair happened about a year and a half ago and she stated her husband has been doing this sexual coercion manipulative tactics for 2 years now- that’s a 6 month gap! (3:00 and 13:07)
That was my thoughts. The poor man is being transparent with his wife of feeling unloved and unworthy and she has an emotional affair. I bet that solidified his emotions l.
Wow. This woman thought it was torture to have sex with her husband and she was abused because she agreed to stay and live with the terms he set out for him to stay. How embarrassing for dr John on this one. This was not 'give me anal or I'm offing myself' it was 'Im not living in a sexless marriage' and you played right into her hands.
@@flashthecorgi2053 Excellent catch!
A woman openly admits to not being faithful, not being intimate with her husband and causing the man a breakdown because he felt like he was in a loveless marriage and Dr. John's response was pure asinine.
Dr. John - "You're going to do this sex act with me or I'm going to kill myself."
^ She didn't say that's what he said though but John being John, he had to find a way to make the man out to be Public Enemy #1.
Big time!
There's has to be more context to that that she omitted. Besides it's been probably years she has emotionally and physically bailed from the marriage
And of course John coddles her
Have you forced yourself to have sex?
He usually sides with the caller. Drives me nuts. What a way to be objective Dr John. No care or consideration for the other person at all
@@JustBree716agree! He just doesn't want the caller mad or hanging up on him....makes him look like the "good helping guy"....
Whoa…. I mean basically she didn’t love him at all if he says I need this for survival and connection and she says you are forcing me to do this. Her husband said I feel unloved. That means for years her behavior was neglectful for a long time
He's a horrible Dr, The man is always in the wrong.
Dr John please stop representing men your an embarrassment
Idk if John looks at these comments but dang did he get played by this woman. It has nothing to do with a particular sex act that made her uncomfortable. It was sex in general. Him threatening to delete himself is def not good and inexcusable, but why didn’t John have any sympathy on what maybe have gotten him to that point. I obviously don’t know the entire situation but that was ONE case of emotional abuse. So that’s something to look into if it’s not a normal characteristic of him to have.
Could not help but notice the hesitation when asked if they had sex ... followed by the unconvincing one word answer.
I think most people who had an emotional affair but did not take it to that level would want to be VERY clear on that point.
I noticed the same thing and John let her get away with it
Because she spent 20 mins saying she dosent like sex lol it make her look like a thirsty if she jumped on another cock
Yes, and if they hadn’t taken it that far they probably wouldn’t refer to themself as a “cheater” to start off the call. I agree with someone else in the comments that she is manipulative.
A hesitation to answer a question that is under 3 seconds, a typical way that she talks; her mannerisms. I once asked a question to church Pastor, a biblical question; it took him longer than five seconds to answer the question. The answer should be under three seconds. I would do the same for prison inmates, I would ask them a question but depending on how long it takes to answer the question; quite revealing the answer. 12 years dealing with inmates, felon prison…the facility treatment for sexual offenders. It can not determine whether she lying or not.
Absolutely right!👍
As a woman sex is extremely important for me. I feel connected, happy, loved. I cant go without it for more than 2 weeks! This poor man didnt have that for 2 years! Nope! Its time to go. Hopefully she doesnt find another man to torture
Exactly he should've just divorced her if the sex was important for him. Forcing yourself on someone is never the answer.
we would be the perfect match lol
@@ivywildwssdon’t be dumb she made that up to where she switched the blame on him for her cheating don’t be dumb like Jon
The physical part of a relationship is extremely important to me. That’s part of why I divorced my husband. Sad that so many of us go through this.
We all have different libidos. My husband would be very upset if I said I I can’t go more than two weeks(!!) without sex. He can’t go past 2 days without becoming irritable and sulky. My libido died completely after the third baby. So for years…decades…I’ve done it, having zero desire, to try to meet his needs. My need for emotional intimacy, though is considered “a bunch of crap.” Bet this woman wasn’t getting her needs met and found them in the guy at work. She’s so starved for emotional intimacy. Yet we all come on here and crucify her. So many men think sex IS the only connection that matters in marriage. God help those who have low, or no, libido. They are incredibly lonely. And sex without arousal and desire is pretty awful, by the way. There’s no Viagra for us-no treatment that works very well, if at all. Believe me, I’ve been to every specialist and even quacks trying to get help. God help us all to be less judgmental and more willing to learn, and to try giving more grace and compassion to all.
She definitely slept with the coworker, but she ruined the marriage way before that by not loving him.
Also, she basically said he raped her again and again.
Wtf.
“Unalive yourself?” Come on, say what you mean, not these silly made up words. Stop trying to complicate language.
@@benjaminhough8804”unalive” isn’t complicated language; anyone beyond the fifth grade easily understands the word.
Men get tough love, and women get validated on this show. I love some of his takes, but I cannot listen to him give counseling to women. It quickly turns into the John Baloney show.
I think this will be the last time I listen.
@@matthewalexander1943 I don’t blame ya man. I am not pro man or woman, individuals are individuals. It’s just John’s bias that gets tough to listen to
Always, 100%
Thinking the same honestly@@matthewalexander1943
SMH, that poor guy has to be on the brink of killing himself before his own wife will sleep with him. That’s sad.
She isn’t sleeping with the co-worker OR her husband? Yeah, I don’t buy that.
It would be nice if we held women to the same standard as men when discussing similar topics
Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Exactly what I was thinking throughout this entire episode. I literally just watched an episode where a woman was complaining about feeling unwanted in a sexless relationship and he was 100 percent sympathetic towards her. But the husband… very disappointed in John for the way he handled this episode. I’m not saying the husband was right for threatening suicide… but o guarantee she’s not telling the whole story. You don’t go from we have the perfect relationship to I’m shocked he felt that way overnight.
Ummm. The world holds women to a HIGHER STANDARD than we hold men. Let’s not play stupid. Even in the Bible, they brought the woman to be stoned but not the man for adultery.
@@kalimbaayinde25correct but that's a different story. We are talking about this show
Nothing about that sounded like abuse. Nothing she said indicated she was showing love or affection in any way. Sounds like she was gaslighting this poor dude while cheating.
"My husband threatens to kill himself in order for me to give him sex"
You: doesn't sound like abuse to me
'Can I call myself a good person?'
She knows the answer. A good person would have remorse and try to fix the damage.
She has no real remorse and continues to inflict damage on her whole family.
She said she didn’t want sex. That’s different from “do this or I’m leaving”. She allowed you to think she was strong armed into some sex act that she didn’t want to do.
"Do this or I will Kill Myself " is much different the ...or "I m leaving "
John, unfortunately, you have given into your bias of traditionalism. The woman doesn't have scruples. Be fair, be equal! This is the problem with the Ramsey crowd, women are not the same as they were in the older generations. There are dual standards for men and women.
John missed here. This lady is 100% lying. If this was a dude telling him all this i guarantee he'd be pointing that all out
I feel bad for the husband imagine your only love language you have your wife (best friend, ride or die, partner) doesn't do that language for 8 years of your life they should have never gotten married if she didnt find him attractive or loved him and then blame him for it. Rough stuff
I can't bear the thought that my child would lose their father...... Proceeds to have an affair. 🤦🤦🤦
I'm really confused by her call. What i hear is that she doesn't want to have sex with her husband and he's upset by this. How is this abusive? It doesn't sound like he wanted something kinky, only to be wanted by her. She says she's not attracted to him, just wants her child to have a dad. Also, she hesitated when asked about sleeping with the coworker. I don't really believe her.
It seems like she is playing herself as a victim. To a small extent she may be, the behavior of the husband threatening is not ok. That is wrong. But it sounds like he reached the end of his rope and didn’t know what to do. It sounds like she was withholding ALL and ANY forms of physical affection, and, as a man who needs physical connection, that can be really tough. It seems like he mentioned it several times and she just refused to move at all. She didn’t seek ways to love her husband by his love languages and he didn’t seek to love her via her love languages. There’s a lot of turmoil, but she is the one who cheated and she is responsible for that behavior.
Very well said. I can imagine it wasn't just the sex but the lack of physical touch and attention towards her husband. I bet a single touch, kiss or a rub on his leg would make him feel loved. He was vulnerable and she turns around and cheats.
Threatening suicide to get laid is way worse than cheating
So he got tired of being rejected and decided to physically and mentally bail out and she didn’t change her behavior? She’s not the victim.
He threatened to off himself to coerce into having sex with him
🐂💩... she totally got it on with the co-worker...I know 10 yr olds that are more convincing liars...
I'm like a lot of people here and am totally calling BS. I do not believe this lady.
I understand John's position though, he can only work with the information he has and he can't just outright call people liars if they are claiming sexual abuse. I hope HE hears this though so he can know what is being said about him.
I don't know, dude. After hearing just her side of the story, I am totally on the hubby's side. John pissed his pants on this one. I can only imagine what her husband might have to say.
Did you sleep with this guy “nooo”. Lol we all know that’s not true. Also how many times do we have to hear “I’m a good person I have morals” from a cheater. Look we are all fallible. I remember this vividly from when I was a senior in high school (I am now 36), when i did something dumb and got in trouble with my parents. I used to always say “I don’t know” when my parents asked why I did something that was wrong. This time I said “I did it bc I wanted to…” My dad was proud I finally took accountability but I still got punished lol. Now I have made other mistakes in my life since, but tried to own up to accountability each time I made those choices in life. She doesn’t sound like she wants to take accountability.
WTF is we? the person said no + i have no reason to believe that's not true. speak for yourself.
"we all know why you believe she's lying."
@@hellaSwankkyTooyour just dumb if you believe the hoe
One of the few calls where I had to stop listening a few minutes in. This lady sounds like a liar and I can't deal with how she is deflecting responsibility.
Tbh it’s John’s job to know what’s going on and he just blames the dude no matter what had to stop watching this show for that reason
That's it. Spot on. This girl is making up lala land stories. She is manipulating just about anyone she's in contact with. Totally fake. Totally a liar.
so you starved your husband of physical affection for years, and are wondering why your marriage is over? I bet you expected him to be loyal though huh. I understand what it is to struggle in that dept. as I struggle with hormonal imbalance. I also am aware how important physical intimacy is for my husband to connect with me and to function at full capacity in life. Your problems started way before the affair. Let him go please.
So h called the husband abusive for wanting to have intimacy with his wife. But what they call a spouse that refuse to have intimacy? Are they abusive as well? Because here you are stuck with an option of becoming a weekend dad, alimony, and losing half your stuff that you worked so hard to get for years or be in a dead bedroom marriage. Is that not abusive as well?
He was abusive for threatening to take his own life for her to have sex with him.
@@elfascisto6549 Broken people tend to find each other. But I would assume being rejected over and over and over and over and over again might have just tipped him over the cuckoo's land.
@@elfascisto6549 she is a liar and manipulative..
She herself withholding sex from him
She had an affair with co-worker but lied she didn't had sex..
She try to gaslight and frame her husband as villian to feel good..
This person is a scam artist. Things didn't work out with her affair and she tried the uno reverse card and it back fired. She cheated on him and drove her marriage off a cliff with no regard for her vows, child or the man she tore down in this marraige. She sounds so self centered and confident in herself that she was right, she was the good person, she kept trying. I'm no expert like John but I have been cheated on enough to hear it in her answers and phrasing.
Oh please 🙄
She knows she is wrong. She wants to convince herself that she is not responsible for her marital problems by having someone else tell her she did nothing wrong.
I'm becoming doubtful about that "John is the expert" part. Js.
She was not being honest about their relationship. It would be interesting to hear the husbands perspective.
When she was asked if she sleeps with that guy, (her crush), it took her way too long to answer "no" in my opinion. Also, the tone how she said "no" doesn't make me believe her.
Sounds like she was offended lol
@@mariahwilliams5333 She probably was. Cheaters always make themselves the victims.
It's not therapy if you go after an affair. At that point is just you trying to sell him into accepting an affair. You want therapy then you do it before you cheat.
She did the crush. No doubt.
Without a doubt. I totally caught the weird tone and inflection when she said “no” after a looong pause. She’s probably justified it somehow to be able to say that.
@@probablyworking3905
Her intermittent pauses signals that she is very carefully choosing her words because she is hiding something. Did she get physical ? 🧐
I don’t think she’s saying the full truth ,I think she actually slept with that guy and that’s why she feels so guilty
Ole girl cheated on her husband and came back later thinking her husband was going to be a simp and just forgive her and be cool going forward. Not today Bertha.
But a man would do the same and expect his wife to accept him back. Double standards.
@@kalimbaayinde25 she didn't say he cheated so that didn't apply to this specific situation. She cheated, end of story.
Quite yelling that most of the chatters agree she’s a manipulative liar and John just fell for it… 😳🤣🤣🤣
He's a 🤡
There’s no way this couple should be together. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want sex, but it’s beyond cruel to marry someone who needs it as part of feeling loved. And yet the way he handled it doesn’t have anything at all to do with feeling loved. If you don’t know (or care) that your partner is going through this during sex, then sex for you doesn’t have anything to do with love.
That's why the whole no sex before marriage is nonsense. Gotta figure out if that part of the relationship will work before you make that commitment.
@@johniii8147 My impression was this couple did have a sex life for years, but it died off after the birth of their daughter. Caller should have gone to an Endocrinologist to have ALL hormones checked. If lack of libido was not due to hormonal issue, then caller needed to seek out a psychiatrist to get to the root of her sudden disinterest in her husband. She still values her husband as a father, so she probably still values him as a provider too. Caller's disconnect is not valuing her husband's need for physical intimacy specifically with her. It is interesting caller had an emotional yet sexless affair. Is caller only interested in attention or romance from a man, but doesn't want it to culminate in physical intimacy? It's like she has reverted back to a 13-year-old girl's fantasy of unrequited love. I really question if there really was an emotional affair, or was that all conflated in her mind?
At this juncture it would be best for both parties if they just get on with divorce because this definitely appears to be irreconcilable differences.
John missed the mark here. She is very manipulative. She is looking for him to validate her self-pity, and he did. She is 💯 % at fault here.
Your comment wins. It was balanced on both parts. Most comments are just attacking her, but they both sound pretty awful and I definitely agree that they don't need to be together. If she can't be intimate with her husband then they need to end the marriage. There's nothing to resolve.
@@Thanian I'd bet money they had sex before marriage. For some strange reason, many who are hot and bothered before marriage are suddenly uninterested once they are married. (I'm not talking about myself, it is just something that I have heard, repeatedly.)
If that was a man on the phone, I don’t think John would have said the same. She has to take accountability.
He definitely would not have. He seems to always backs the woman. Hope the guy dumps her hard and fast and establishes no contact. He should royally sue her.
"has to take accountability"...or just cry.
By sleeping with her husband she didn't want to cheat on her affair partner.
You were spot on here John. This woman did not disclose everything. She is withholding some info and only cares about herself. Her husband did the right thing leaving her. She cannot take responsibility for her wrong doing
I think you missed big time on this one John. Her behavior is just as much a language as his! She wants a lifestyle/illusion where everything and everyone in it is a prop that needs no attention and can be used on her terms. She was very good at glossing over and minimizing the feelings and impacts of her husband & daughter before circling back to her issues. "I didn't want my daughter to lose her dad" but yet no other mention of the instability her daughter is likely experiencing? I think she said it all with that comment about the bullet proof relationship, that vision got shattered when her husband left. Those tears had nothing to do with his trauma of feeling unloved and unwanted, it was the loss of her happy little picture. Her husband is better off on his own.
John knows what the real spill is here. He was just playing along to get her to lie as much as she could. If he had called her out, then she wouldn't have opened up as much. He makes sure they're comfortable when speaking to them. I'm pretty sure he knows the husband is leaving and there's not much John can do to help at this point.
Yeah this was sad! The way she kept adding 💩 to make her self seemed the victim
Exactly, you want your daughter to have her father yet YOU cheated on him. Worse of all you dont even try to meet his basic sexual need. 😩
I got the same feeling as well, there was this sense of “I cheated, and now you don’t trust me, so I’m the true victim now”. My ex-spouse performed the same tactics/word choice/deflection mechanisms.
John is simping hard on this one.
I think the great doc got it wrong.
Husband isnt asking for particular sex act
He wants sex, from his wife. If we can't get it ,we absolutely consider un alive ourselves. This whole convo needs refamed
He coerced her under threat of suicide. She is 100% a victim here
She created the situation that lead to the marriage dynamic that then justified her in her own mind to start an emotional (and more) affair. And we all know her “values and morals” are in name only. The fake tears and contrition are not convincing. She is clearly still playing the room.
She cheated on him and she feels like the victim.
This is actually typical cheater behavior.
@@joannawert3095 more like typical FEMALE behavior
She had sex with the other guy, multiple times, and is now manipulating her story to make herself the victim. She's probably a narcissist.
It’s ok to not want to have sex, but it is not ok to withhold it from someone you are committed to who needs that to feel loved by you. Sometimes you gotta suck it up. Once you get started you can get into it. Desire doesn’t always come first. If my husband decided he would withhold “I love yous” and any words of affirmation simply because he didn’t feel everything he said, I would lose it. What a lonely way to live, not receiving love in the way you need it from someone who promised to love you the most.
Bingo. Or if one day he decided “meh, I don’t want to provide for the family anymore”. It’s part of the deal being in a relationship. She is just using him, and lusting after side guy.
It is absolutely ok to not have sex if you dont want to. If men want sex on demand they should get a hooker on speed dial, not a wife. Grudging sex when they both know she dorsnt want it isnt "love". Its him getting off and not caring about her feelings at all.
@taycie1486 Your post gives me hope for women as a whole! Often women forget that men also do things they don't want to do. In marriage, both sides often do things they don't want because it's important to the other person.
@@Dansyoung absolutely. I think women think of sex as a chore. Of course sometimes people can get into a rut and it feels like you are going with the motions. But I would argue for most men, not all but most, it is an opportunity for connection. Recurring intimacy with your wife is something a hard working husband can be proud of. Keeping your man happy and satisfied should be something for women to be proud of as well.
@@Alexander44665 men should be appreciated for what they do! In my marriage we both have had to make a lot of changes so we can each recognize the efforts made on both sides! Super difficult but sometimes it’s necessary to have someone point out when my husband takes care of everything with my car maintenance/finances and budgeting, that’s a form of love I didn’t appreciate before. Men and women care for each other differently and there’s small wins everywhere😎
Crazy how the story arch changed, she went from villain to victim...smooth operator here!!!
Husband was losing himself and went off the deep end, he definitely handled it terribly but both of them are absolutely lying to themselves. I've been in something similar. I was with a woman who was with me for convenience and was not nearly as attracted to me as I was to her. And you know what, I knew that. She knew and knows she's not feeling him like that, doesn't want him in that way, and deep down I think he did too, neither one of them had the guts to walk away.
She kinda sounds like she's lying and trying to get sympathy from JD. The tears sound fake too.
11:45 EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT! The fact that THAT is where her first thought went to is horrible. The love of your life has just in an emotional rant where he has let everything he has been bottling up out, and that he feels unloved and that life isn't worth living anymore, the fact that her first thought was not to worry for him and his well being and to feel sympathetic or sorry, the fact that her thoughts went to something completely separate is beyond disgusting. And also to think that she never showed that love to her husband, but did to some random co-worker is sickening
Completely separate? I thought she said her first thought was for their DAUGHTER! Idk maybe I’m missing something.
@@sarahalderman3126 I mean completely separate as she isn't thinking about the pain he is going through right now or how he feels or any sympathy for that, no, she is thinking about "oh no, now my daughter wont have a dad anymore, cant have that happen", her concern is for her daughter, not for him or what he is going through or how he feels
But really i think this relationship was doomed from the start if she finds him so physically repulsive that she cant even give him any physical affection at all, so i don't think these 2 people should have ever got together in the first place. As i don't get how someone can feel such repulsion about simply just showing physical affection to the person you are supposed to love the most in the world. As i mean even if you don't enjoy it and find it neutral per say, the fact that its something so important to him should make her automatically want to do it, but no she actively feels negative towards it, that its repulsive. So imo, if you find the thought of physical intimacy with the person you "love" repulsive, then you probably shouldn't be with that person
@@SarahConnor562 her concern for their daughter, a child, is appropriate given that it is her father. She is clearly close to crying while discussing this. I hardly think a mothers concern for her childs welfare given her father’s behavior is alarming or telling. This is a sad situation for everyone involved though. Unfortunately this wasn’t addressed appropriately by this man and instead left to fester for what sounds like a decade.
It's not just that. Also the way she portrait herself as she was force in bed by her husband, because he threaten to "leave this world". He should've have done that. That's for sure. But I can't see her as 100% the victim.
Maybe in his head that's the only way to get affection. It's Fd up.
She wanted to be married and have kids, and it seems she used him to achieve that. He's just a title for her.
@@thebeegood1731 no, when he told her this she “talked him back”. Now that the danger has passed she is concerned with their daughter. Personally I would PREFER my husband concern himself with the welfare of our children in a situation such as this.
Victim mentality to the MAX!!! Hi John, I cheated (definitely slept with the guy but I'm trying to convince you I didn't). My husband wants to kill himself but how about those Omaha steaks? Everything is about ME, ME, ME... Can I still be a good person? Also, we haven't even separated our bank accounts yet...
Dude I cracked up..... "my husband wants to kill himself but how about those Omaha steaks"
Omg haven't laughed that hard in a while
It sounds like she is withholding intimacy/ not a healthy marriage
Her husband victimized her by threatening to off himself to coerce to have sex with him
I really get confused by some women like this. Like this is your husband, the love of your life, the one you love more than anything in the world and the one that you are more attracted to than anyone in the world, yet, you find it literally impossible to show him physical affection? How? And lets say you maybe don't like it but its like something neutral, well why not do it then when its something that means a lot to the person you love the most in the world? Or do you actively not want to for some reason? Will something bad come from doing it? why? Its bizarre
And btw this is NOT me arguing that she should just go along with whatever he asks. I'm just stating that something is seriously wrong if you find it repulsive to do physical intimacy with the person you supposedly "love". And that maybe you shouldn't be with that person in the first place then, or find out if there's some childhood trauma or something that is causing it
It’s called asexuality. Maybe we should be more open about its existence so people will be honest with themselves and not wind up in unequal relationships
@@SarahConnor562 Exactly, its very evident too the oddity of her situation when you consider that she fell for another man too while not giving that same love to her husband
And we dont know the extent of it, but since John said maybe you guys sent some inappropriate pics here and there and she DIDNT deny that, that's not an admission of guilt per say but it could be very telling if that's the case so
If you a short, ugly or balding man that just has a lot of money then this is the type of woman you will get.
@@thevipez8740my guess is ether the co worker is taller than her husband, has a better looking face or has a full head of hair while her husband has gone completely bald. Her husband obviously makes more money hence the reason she married him.
This lady was confusing. I had a friend who ALWAYS "put out" with her husband but then he started threatening to kill himself to get her to do weird stuff and control her. It was DEFINITELY abusive and she got out within a year and was glad to be free.
This situation involves some of the same abuse but also weird things going on from her end too. I really don't get it. I felt weird through the whole phone call. People can be bizzare.
I doubt she was truthful in her call
I've seen a couple, when I was a teen, do the same thing with each other. Doing drugs and always threatening to off themselves whenever one wanted to break up. Weird.
What this woman isn't saying is that she carried on an affair behind her husband's back. It was a long-term situation where she was caught by her husband. That's what happened a few years back that she claims not to recall. She is talking in circles, constructing the story as she goes along, and she likes the financial security her husband provides. Dr. John did an awful job on his response. She is manipulating John to justify herself.
And John fell for it because he’s a SIMP when it comes to female callers
her "no" when he asked if she slept with him... she definitely did.
And John just sailed right by it
She sounds like she's playing victim when she's the one that cheated and slept with the co worker that's why she didn't wanted to sleep with her husband. Just my thoughts.
Geezs lady, you cheated on you husband and made him feel that way. You were not treating him with respect , love and kindness when you were messing around him.
Smh she’s all over the place. I feel bad for her husband.
She slept with her co-worker 😒
Right? It’s so obvious. Her hesitation when he asked gave it away.
She is so disgusting. She didn't want to be physical with her husband but she goes out of way to give it to her coworker. I hope he found someone that speaks his love language. I like how she makes her husband out to be the villian.
I hope karma gets to this cheater.
@@BG-mh6pcher voice inflection gave it away… completely different change in tone.
I don’t believe her
John doesn’t seem to sorry for the husband despite the hell she put him through.
Dear Dr John,
The first question to this woman should be" why did you marry this man?". Clearly, love had nothing to do with it.
They had time to date and she must've known that her husband loves physical affection. Why didn't she quit early on if she can't do it? Myself as a person who's love lunguage is touching, holding hands and other physical interactions, i can understand how her husband felt. And then she went out and had an affair! @Dr John, she lied to you. She cheated emotionally and physically but she was not bold enough to say it.
I have been dealing with this kind of thing professionally for over 40 years as a Pastor and Police Chaplain. I have learned to read people and situations pretty well in that time. With all due respect for Dr. John, I think he had it all wrong on this one.I will give you 100 percent assurance that she had sex with this guy. I heard it in the tone of her voice when she answered “no” and the amount of time she took to answer the question. He should have explored how she got caught and exactly how far did their texting go? Was it romantic niceties, or photos being sent. Somethings I’ve seen a lot of is cyber sex and/or phone sex. It’s amazing how good these people are at congratulating themselves over not physically getting into a bed together. Dr. John let her off the hook to easily in my view. This guy will do well to be rid of her.
That flat "no" after John asked if it got physical. Hmmm.
Let that man go and find a woman that will actually love him
i cannot believe what john is affirming in this woman. her husband could have gotten a catholic church annulment in any century for what she was pulling. He left she knew reasons why and should have manifested maturity and let him go. He returns and she continues to demean him by making her distaste for him obvious What was the reason for the "confession" about the other man. Her "values' she has none nor any common decency and has the lack of self awareness to call and cry ? what a monster. I hope she is reading these responses it does not seem she is getting much support.
for some reason I don't believe her...she paused when he asked if she slept with the side piece..she slept with him and is not physically attracted to her husband to the point where he had a mental break down and is a simp...I don't like her and I feel she called to have someone tell her "she's a good cheating person"...no broad you are NOT good..stop torturing your husband
304s doing what they always do and then trying to find a way to be the victim so it’s not their faults.
BS she didnt sleep with him.
That’s exactly what I immediately thought she is Lying
Damn i cheated and this dude says its your husbands fault. Wow how do people listen to this guys advice
She slept with that man. How are you in a relationship and won’t be physical intimate, have sex, or give this good man what he needs?! Girl, please you should have set him free from this misery. You can’t give your husband what he needs but can flirt with another man and not have sex? She’s so wrong. Let him go and find someone who will love him?
Notice john distorted her claim as if the guy was mandated her to do some perverted sex act. Like he is a monster.
Wow. So she denied her husband any form of intimacy for years and he trys to reach our to her and she goes and cheats. Lady you're the reason the marriage fell apart. Suck it up, divorce him and move on..