Your comments are predicated on the idea that young love is inherently flawed. Like the only youth who fall in love or experience intimacy are "lonely and unheard" which is not true. In fact I'd say....if your teen is able to hold a LTR in high-school that shows a level of openness, trust, and vulnerability.
How old is the teenage boy? A couple of years older than her? Did he coerce her to engage in sex. OMG - She was 15 when it began; in many States, this is statutory rape.
Powerful and works every time. It's awful as parents, but connection: love, reaching out to her, regularly and frequently for the right reasons works powerful..especially when faith, through "fatherhood," importantly is present.
Definitely my dad and knowing that is what that saved my daughter. My husband had medical issues from when she was 12 to 20 that put him out for several years and I was able to protect my daughter. 23 and she's amazing with boundaries and self reflection. In hindsight I'm glad he was out. He would have messed her up. Much more to the events than I can write here but she's good. I got in the trenches with her.
I love that advice! I wouldn’t know what to do and my first reaction would be removing privileges like the caller. But the opposite is how it should be handled.
@@Shessolostintheworld not saying you're wrong, that can certainly be true, but it's not always the case. I had great parents growing up who respected my boundaries better than I'd say 99% of the other parents of kids I knew. I joined because I was lost and kind of backed myself into a corner. My parents were one of the things I missed the most about being in. So it's not necessarily a red flag. If anything my parents gave me so much room to explore that I kind of took that to an extreme 🤣
Yes, BOTH older daughters joining to get the hell out of there is really telling. Also, the way the mother talked about past situations and how he just gives the silent treatment for months, god damn. Seems he lost two daughters already due to his childishness, what's one more?
@ It’s not about just controlling. It’s about raising them right from day 1 with discipline so that they regulate themselves when it comes to right from wrong. But it’s up to YOU the parent to discipline/control when needed from an early age. That’s why I say it’s a mix of both. So many 5-12 year olds running their house completely undisciplined. That’s where the problem starts. Can’t allow your child to run the show then try to control them when they’re older.
If the father didn't talk to his daughter for MONTHS for coloring her ends, he'll never talk to to the one that had sex. It makes sense now why she's searching for connection outside of the home.
Sounds like she's alienated from her parents and friends, and has almost nothing left to lose but housing. Congratulations, her runaway priming is complete.
@@judyperri9496 there’s holding kids accountable and there’s this…giving a child the silent treatment is about as immature as you can get so remember that accountability starts with parents- set the example
@@70night5yeah that will probably change, at least if it’s your daughter(if you have any). Parents tend to be very cautious with their girls when it comes to this type of thing, and rightfully so considering the dating pool today
@@70night5 It'll likely change. I'm 15, and when I was 13 I did the novice version of this video, and yeah I wouldn't let my kids have it. Too risky with too many possible consequences in this world.
my dad found out i had been sexually active at 15 also. he did not speak to me for 3 years. missed my high school graduation, missed me going to university. i moved out at 17, and had no contact. now i am 20 and have no sort of emotional connection with my father. sexual and emotional education is important to talk about before it’s too late. don’t punish a child for your faults as parents. not talking about it doesn’t mean it will not happen. it’s better for them to be educated on sexual safety and healthy relationships
same. My parents still ask why we don't have a relationship, but they deny it even happened and say that I am insane and that I should just be grateful they didn't abandon me (which they would joke about constantly growing up).
I was her. This was my family dynamic. I packed my bags & left one night at 17. I never went back. Moved continents soon after saving up. That was almost 2 decades ago. He absolutely will lose his daughter.
Either that, or this poor girl will be plagued with mental health and behavioral issues. I’m heartbroken that she doesn’t have more contact with her sisters. I am sorry about your situation. I hope you are in a better place. (hugs)
Same here, it started at 15 and I was out of the house and not speaking to my family by age 17 as well. It took nearly a decade to have any kind of relationship with my parent, and it’s still a work in progress today.
@@alexdex9439Delony is and he said the same thing. Do you have another rebuttal? Even the mom said it’s childish and she’s less than respecting of how he’s choosing to parent!
I was 15 and was forbidden to see a boyfriend. All my parents did was yell at me about everything. No real connection. It just made me want to see him more! I climbed out windows and snuck around with him for about 5 months. We just broke up on our own, without my parents even knowing... Terrible parents equal no proper communication.
@@jones2277 lol! I knew better (even at that age) than to get "knocked up." and I didn't. My parents ended up getting divorced two years later.... So there's that. 😉
When my husband was a teen and started getting in trouble and hanging with the wrong crowd his parents didn't tell him no or take his car away. His parents just kept him really really busy and it worked BRILLIANTLY!! He would come home after school and say "I want go with my friends" his parents would respond "oh sorry we already have plans to go do this really cool thing" then they'd take off to the mall all evening or to grandma and grandpa's or drive 2hrs to go eat supper somewhat cool or they'd all of a sudden need help building a shed at uncle's house! It worked out so well!!!
My parents made me get a job at 15 all year long in HS. I was busy. But you know what? I would roam the streets and damage cars and buildings for fun. I was too smart to get busted. I was also lucky. Your kids will always find time to have sex. You can only educate your kids. I have 11 year olds.
@@mikethemechanic7395 I think it's about parents giving teens access to do the things they enjoy that aren't risky, and fostering new interests, no? It won't mean that their teen children won't ever have sex, drink, smoke, etc. while in school, but a full life will make those things less tempting, less of a focus. Less of a focus compared to the kid who's barely developed any interests, bored by school, and mainly finds excitement in getting drunk and having sex. For myself, I had my crushes back in HS, but I was a very artistic kid and spent my free time doing art-related activities that'd keep me up well into the night, saw no reason to be outside, practically.
That “dad” has major control issues. I had a dad like this and it destroyed my self-esteem. I also searched for unconditional love from boys at a young age and my dad blamed me and just thought I was an awful child. I still struggle with blaming myself and feeling worthless to this day and I’m 36. I’m glad John called out these parents actions.
I'm sorry but even if your dad was a pastor, you'd have still been doing that stuff. You're really beautiful and you'll always have so many opportunities and there's nothing wrong with that. You really think that if you had a loving and caring father that you'd still be eating dinner with him and the family on Saturday night at 18? LOL There's nothing wrong with hot people liking to have fun, that's great. Just own it. Women like you who had good dads could make the case that calling them "beautiful princesses" for 25 years would lead them to be entitled and narcissistic. So it's all about your decisions as a person which you can control, not your parents' words and actions from your childhood.
@@charlesbell5500 My dad WAS and still is a pastor, actually. I’m not sure what that has to do with this? I appreciate the backhanded compliment, but I’m not really following the rest of what you said. You don’t seem to know very much about childhood trauma or its impact on people as adults (which is interesting since you seem to watch Dr. D). You sound very judgmental and I wish you the best. Be well.
@@angelac5954 Hahaha! I just used your dad being a pastor as a symbol of a man with a good character. Since your dad was a pastor, it was a bad example. But my point is that even if you had a good father who didn't destroy your self-esteem, guys would still tell you you're pretty and try to hookup with you. My point is that your parents shouldn't control your behaviour as an adult. But you're a nice person and I regret posting that rude reply. God bless you. 🙏
I’m 66 and went through depression until a few years ago. My life was a train wreck because I was away looking for love and never truly finding it. I grew up with no affection or connection. So sad to be this old before I could realize how my life went so wrong. I never had children because I couldn’t find the right partner / husband. Pretty lonely life with out a family.
I don’t get the connection between after school activities and having sex with a boyfriend. I think parents forget what’s it’s like to be a teenager. It’s definitely not right for the father to not speak to his daughter. Devastating for her. Dad needs to get over himself.
As far as my experience, there was no time for sex with boyfriend when I was busy. School and then school sports practice, then home, dinner, homework, practicing piano for 45 mins, and by the time that was all done, it was basically time to go to sleep. I feel like the kids that were sexually active in HS were not in sports or music or any activities. They had nothing better to do.
@@COINsimp2024sexual activity during high school is very healthy, as long as it’s within the confines of a healthy, committed relationship. It’s so weird and frankly, quite creepy, how eager parents these days are to prevent their children from growing up and forming connections with other humans. We’ve become so collectively insecure.
@katieandnick4113 No it's not. Let's stop telling children it's OK to be on the level of an animal where they have no self-control We teach our children every day to refrain from behaviors that are potentially harmful. Drugs, overeating, among many other things. A fifteen yr old has no business having s3¥ period. Teach your child especially a daughter to have respect for herself and confidence in herself.
Not that I'm condoning her sneaky actions and I also think 15 is too young to be having sex, but often times when dads are "disgusted" with their daughters sexuality, it's pure projection because they were total dogs when they were young and treated girls like dirt. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, he can't handle that boys might be treating his little girl the way he treated other people's little girls. Maybe the person he should be truly disgusted with is himself. Some men truly only think of women as people when they're in someway related to them.
Sooo true!!! My fiancé was so upset when he found out my 16 yo daughter was sexually active (I had taken her to get on birth control). He felt like me giving her birth control was “giving her permission” but it was me choosing to be responsible since she was at that point. When I pointed out to him that he was having sex in HS when they were younger than my child was, it was really eye opening for him. Hard stuff… It also was a huge realization that his daughter was almost grown up also and close to being in the same place. Hard stuff for daddies.
You are projecting purple. Most girls are 304s and not innocent angels. Women control access to sex not men so how about ye act normal and stop being 304s
@@mimimonsterYou failed as a mother and ye wonder why so many women today are 304s, single mom's and divorce rates are through the roof because women can't pair bond.
Yep she sure is finding connection with the wrong person and the wrong position!! Sometimes it's just hormone related and not have anything to do with connections.. if they're hormone levels are way off which if she's almost 16 they're going to be.. And so is the boys!! Hormones usually rule their brain cells until they're in their mid-20s.
When we discovered something equally disappointing about our son’s behaviour at around the same age, my husband built a climbing wall with my son at our home and apologised for not spending enough time with him. Ten years later they have a fantastic relationship and run marathons together. He lives independently but picks up the phone regularly and will seek our advice if he gets ‘stuck.’ How parents respond in these situations is *so* important.
Can't any of you have any sympathy for the father? I don't think he's doing it on purpose. He's angry and sad. Is he supposed to smile at her and say what? Hi? Maybe it's almost physically impossible for him to act differently. And the girl? Why must she run away from her parents after this? Do you take her for an idiot? She did something very wrong, but that doesn't mean she can't tell right from wrong. She knows she wasn't supposed to have sex with her boyfriend at all, much less on her own bed while her parents were in the house. And she knows her parents are right in punnishing her, and that they love her and want the best for her.
@@olgac.h.1278A 15 year old girl won’t know her dad loves her if he won’t talk to her. He can be hurt, but he’s also a grown ass man, he needs to speak to his children.
Dad is not only making daughter distrust him with reality, her feelings and her privacy but also really damaging her view of herself in regard to sex. Mom admits dad is “disgusted” and read daughters intimate messages, I’m sure this “disgust” isn’t well hidden towards his daughter. I can only imagine how damaged this little girl must feel right no. Embarrassed for the situation, ashamed and exposed by them discussing her sex life with the rest of their family (siblings), looking through her texts, heavy punishment with no support, and a father that makes it very clear he’s disgusted by her. This girl will discuss this in therapy as one of the reasons she has a poor sense of self and poor relationship with her father in the future if he does not immediately adjust.
@maximillian1109 They sure do. What if he didn't, they made plans, and she wound up dead somewhere? If parents pay the phone bill, they can do as they wish. If the phone is in her name, and she's paying the bill, then no. There was a time when we were growing up that there was NO privacy on the phone. There was ONE phone, typically in the kitchen. Didn't hurt us a bit.
As a former 15yr old girl this call hurt my heart because i know that girl feels shame and embarrassed so glad my dad didn't treat me like a street gal when he found out I made a choice to grow up. I was 15 also and had the same boyfriend for almost 2 years. So glad our parents still allowed us to see eachother we just werent allowed to be alone anymore
@HoneyHoops-ig9wsare you ok? You seem very quick to judge and don’t seem to have any empathy. People that call in and comment here are doing it for self help reasons, not to get shamed into oblivion. For example, why would the parents of this commenter be a failure? I could sit here and say that your parents are a failure, because you are demonstrating all of the traits and characteristics of a self-absorbed narcissist, but I’m not . I know it’s easy to act tough and sassy when you can hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard , however, I would be surprised if you had the balls to say this nonsense to someone’s face
This was me as a kid. When you can’t talk with your parents, when you never have Voice, are villainized for being a person you instinctually seek out protection or connection. Her behavior is a symptom of something big missing in her life.
But I also don't think it's a coincidence that you're beautiful too though. Like, at some point, we gotta stop putting the blame on the parents and start calling it like it is. You're hot and you get lots of attention, simple. That's great, but just own it. Another girl with the same father could end up being a serial killer. So, we can't just attribute the teen's behaviour to their father's parenting. It's the girl's personality that causes her to do the things she does. You're hot, end of story. And I guarantee the girl in this story is hot too. No problem with that, but we're putting too much blame on the parents.
WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOut???? How tf is this linked to the dad you weird asf bruh just don’t have sex at 15 it’s common fucken sense. But thots will be thots🤷🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Any man who uses the silent treatment with his own kid is just projecting his own lack of ability to address issues. Incredibly immature, genuinely shameful.
Shakespeare and biology agree that at 14 Juliet was ready to have sex. Kids older and younger than that are having sex. Parents are too vapid to know what's going on with children these days. They have the Internet. 11 year old boys can tell you what the best porn sites are. Around that age, pre-teen, kids are mortified to be seen in public with their parents. That's because they are biologically programed to start being independent. They are going to pull away from you. Take it or leave it. Kids and Internet raise other kids. They teach each other about sex. Mom and Dad are sidestepped, their opinions do not matter. Don't put more distance between you and your kid. Teach the kids about intercourse and pregnancy, if you can. At least teach them about rubbers. If you don't, they'll get the information from other kids. Kids still need to know you are there. Don't threaten them for not being a carbon copy of you. Ogically
My mom always did this, while visiting my home! I was already in my 40-ties. I had therapy, found this behavior sickening, in my own home! She wanted to control the cooking, the LIGHT on my over head stove! Not allowed! They both ignored me, went out to eat, without me, didn't ask, then came home laughing, ignoring me. I got my courage up and said, Mom, dad, wouldn't you be happier someplace else? You aren't talking to me. They left in a huff, telling everyone, I threw out my own parents! My mom, was happy when she made me cry, with her outrageous behaviors.
The recommendation from Dr. Delony is exactly what I needed when I was a pre-teen. I sure hope this family implements his counsel to draw her closer to them both!!!
@XtremeSportX247 most people don't go into the military that young unless they feel they have no other options in life. Means they lack the support that normal families provide.
I know a girl that was grounded an entire year when her parents found out about her and her boyfriend, when she was 15. She's now 40 and has been living across the country for over a decade, she might see her parents once a year...
@@DABADDESTBARB to learn from peoples mistakes for free xd there are THOUSANDS of parents in this situation who dont even try to listen on how to improve themselves. lets hope in this case the mom stands up and calls the dad out for being abusive and immature and so the daughter is still allowed to talk to her friends for gods sake! its really sad how common this is. and the fact the other 2 daughters left as soon as they could tells a lot too. these parents will have no connection with their kids someday once they get fully independent from them.
@@DABADDESTBARBSo they can learn and not repeat the same mistakes? That's how we change the next generation for the better? Are you seriously asking this?
Im tearing up a little bit because this is what i needed from my parents. I've been this exact 15 year old. And she desperately needing her father figure, she needs his love!
after school activities (school related) are teen pregnancy kryptonite. forbidding them is not a good move. sitting in the house bored all day isn't going to make someone follow rules more closely. you just find better ways to skirt around them
What if the boyfriend is involved in those same after school activities? Maybe the father is concerned that she's going to sneak away with the boyfriend?
💯 My dad was very clear that he wanted me and my brother in after school sports because “I want you too tired to do anything other than homework and sleep when you come home.” Did entirely stop me from sex as a teenager but kept me out of the majority of trouble.
I got a third ear piercing and dad told me it wasn’t classy (which I throughly was really funny) he never brought it up again and wasn’t angry at all. Never made me feel like I had less worth because of it.
@lorannamoody7011 Letting anyone into my house after hours alone would get my kid grounded, even if it was a girlfriend. For me, this isn't about the sex. It's having people in my home without my permission.
As a teenage girl (17) the guy is absolutely right and I respect he mentioned how taking away more things will only make them distrust you more and not want to tell you next time
they are in danger of losing their daughter. She is not a criminal or deserving of being treated like an alien. They should separate what she did from how she did it. As a human she deserves to have her door on the room and have friends outside from school.
@@frosty65233 you know what it grinds my gears when in this country parents have no problem with thier under age teens engaging in such activity when they aren't legally old enough to drink alcohol or to support themselves but its okay to have se* no 15 year old is mentally mature enough to engage in that activity im sick of people pretending they are its weird they cant even drink yet but it's okay to have intercourse screw the rapid rise in std rates i guess they will continue to rise i cant wait to get out of this falling country
Idk about that. I was hit with belts and broomsticks and I actually grew up good. No issues. In fact I didn't do anything bad like sneak around. I'm now 41 and great.
My parents told me at 12 years old that if I ever got pregnant in middle school or high school, they would kick me out of the house. Guess what? Never touched a male until I was 24
I was this girl, and John could not be more on point with this one. This was what my parents needed to hear. Our relationship wasn’t good to begin with, but they lost a piece of me that they will never get back when they reacted like these parents did. Their heavy-handed attempts at discipline made me more sneaky and drove me permanently away from them-what they didn’t do was change my behavior. These parents need to be very intentional about their actions.
Seems like you aren't taking responsibility for your bad behavior. You say that your parents lost a piece of you for how they reacted, what about your bad behavior?
@@GAFB1122 I was literally about to comment this. Spot on! No ACCOUNTABILITY whatsoever. Western civilisation is quickly losing grip of the sense of the word, especially for "protected victim groups".
Panicked boomers racing to the UA-cam comments to shame a minor (at the time) as if kids are smart enough or mature enough to take responsibility for their actions. … genius comments from panicked boomers
Whoa! Maybe they got full-ride college scholarships to one of the military academies. Maybe they’re following in dad’s footsteps if he’s a retired military officer.
These are the kinds of parents who are gonna call back in twenty years asking why their children don’t talk to them. Just utter lack of self awareness or the impacts their actions have on their children.
I don't believe it's narcissism. I believe it's people that follow societal scripts and scripts that they grew up with WITHOUT stopping to examine whether or not the causal relations are actually true. People grow up with beliefs such as that punishing a child will lead them to learn. (The child actually learns to fear and avoid getting caught rather than understanding the morality of their action). When a certain script is widely believed in the society, people don't even "see" the script. They don't realize that they're following a script and that there are alternatives. When you do things only based on intuition (that is the scripts you've grown up with), you may make fantastic choices if your parents were fantastic parents, but otherwise you'll probably repeat bad scripts that have been passed down for generations.
My father didn't speak to me for about a year when I was 14. I can't remember why. We had loads of rows and he just stopped speaking to me. I didn't realise it was cruel until now but I knew it was wrong. He was the adult.
Just awful parents. Being cruel never works. They’re stupidly naive and their actions will drive their child away. They need to figure out why this threatens them so much.
This father is acting like an immature man baby. Ignoring your daughter will only push her away, and teach her that she cannot trust either of her parents.
and when she ends up pregnant the parents would be responsible because their daughter is still a minor its irresponsible a s an older sister to my siblings i always tell them to sit down and think ! think about your actions if you are still relying on your parents to take care of you then you do not need to be having sex gtfoh america has really lost its marbles
This is some of the best advice I have ever heard for parenting. Raising children is not about you and you need to put aside how you feel sometimes to do what is good for them.
Taking away a bedroom door is an inappropriate punishment for a teenager, in any circumstance. Forbidding her from any hobbies & connection with others is completely wrong for the circumstances too.
@dorino9057 - the driving privileges are sufficient. Taking away her door/right to privacy is a cruel & unusual punishment...particularly during adolescence when you're not necessarily comfortable with your body. She needs space to spend alone time & get changed without being exposed. Removing any after school activities isolates her from friends. It's not like she's going to engage in sexual activity at these after school activities so all you're achieving is reducing healthy outlets for non-sexual connection.
@@dorino9057 Punishment? She's 16 (assumedly, now). Therefore, the parents need to grow up. The only real 'punishment' should be some awkward discussions, INCLUDING maybe WITH the boyfriend! Could've found out what a genuine dude he was and that they've been in love since they were 10. What a mess this situation is, all due to the hang-ups of people like yourself.
I grow up in a very religious family … still snuck my boyfriend in , still snuck out and drank, still did all the ‘bad things’. Such strict harshness for discipline doesn’t work .
Same. I also was always semi-awate of feeling lonely,as young as 7/8/9 yrs old. even with married parents, a brother and friends at church and school. I never felt truly connected to my parents as a child. I'm now 44. I have 2 teenagers right now, and through going to therapy in my twenties I slowly learned what type of parent I wanted to be. I know I'm nowhere near perfect, I lose my temper etc.... But! I made a promise to myself with (my husband) and to each of our 3 children that we would try to keep a close emotional connection/availability with them, and always be available to give a hug or hold a hand or sit and just listen and withhold the anger in the moment. I dreaded absolutely dreaded having teenagers because of the way I acted when I was 15 16 17 and 18. Lost my virginity at 15. By 17 I was sneaking into boyfriend's home having sex in his room overnight across the hall from his parents room. I did all of that. And it caused me a lot of hurt and harm as a young adult and when I was in my '20s. Some kids will always do what they're going to do and are more rebellious by nature. And that's okay. But if I had only been raised by parents who actually showed me their love and would show interest in what I had to say it would have maybe turned out different for me. It wasn't until I started having kids in my late 20s that I reconnected with my parents after moving out at 19. Now I have a good relationship with my parents as do our children (their grandparents).
I was that 15 year old girl. My parents trying to cure me by going scorched earth on me made everything in my life 1000000 times worse. Thank God the next man who came into my life was my husband. He saved me… but my parents tried to destroy that relationship… not keep me from him, but try to poison him against me. God help this young girl whose parents are very misguided.
My younger sister told my mom she was sexually active when I was a senior in high school. A year later, I joined the military and found out she was pregnant while I was in boot camp. I’ll never forget how hurt I felt because I loved my sister and wanted so much more for her life. Even though the parents here may be going about it wrong, they are trying to save her
Dr John is 1000% correct. I stay very close to my 15 year old daughter for this exact reason. You have to spend alot of time with them and keep the lines of communication open. And you have to get ahead of it by teaching them your beliefs about it before the issue pops up. Like teaching them about the only thing that 99% of guys are interested in. And to be non judgmental whatever they tell you. And most important of all is that they are loved no matter what.
Someone once told me how they took the doors away from their rebellious daughter among other punishments. His daughter ended up a striper, at blackout parties, alcohol, sleeping around, etc... it just doesnt work.
I don’t think taking off the door made her into a stripper, etc. especially as you say she was already rebellious. What the parents could have done was look into the reasons why their daughter was rebellious in the first place and dealt with those issues.
This girl definitely needs some consequences: for the the lying, for the sneaking around, etc , but she’s not selfish or abnormal. Parents will NOT win a war against another human beings sexual desire. It can be guided, NOT beaten down. If dad is this “disgusted” he really needs to introspect on how he was as a teen and reevaluate how he though of the teen girls in his class.
One of the things a couple parents I know did was have honest conversations on sex and the consequences of it, both physical(STD'S) and reputational(being looked down on for being easy). They talked about things boy and girls will say to have sex that shouldn't always be trusted, even if the other didn't think they were lying(I love you, baby!). It's an adult activity that comes with adult responsibilities. And then they made it clear what would happen if there was a pregnancy. Hopes and dreams die because they won't be able to go to school and be a parent, they'd have to drop out and get a job. And abortion means not being a part of the family because birth control is plentiful. So far, seems to be working but time will tell.
@@csx6910 Yes, a mother I know was very realistic with her teen daughter. Daughter had a boyfriend at 16, and the mother treated her so respectfully that her daughter told her, a few months into the relationship, that she wanted to start having sex with the bf. Mother was clear about the risks and asked if she trusted her bf enough, wasn't doing it because of pressure, asked for her to wait. But she knew her daughter would probably be sexually active anyway, so got her on birth control. No teen pregnancy happened.
This was one of the most powerful conversations that Dr. Delony has ever had. It has shown people who experienced this type of parenting what type of healing they need to do. It shows those who are currently experiencing this type of parenting clearly what is happening, that they have worth, even if those whom are closest to them, make acceptance and love conditional = unhealthy. It's showing people who want to become parents one day the level of emotional and psychological effort, maturity, and labour it takes to create a HEALTHY family, relationships, and as a result, home.
Mom paints herself as the hero here because she's not giving her the silent treatment, but she's gone along with the scorched earth consequences. And the giggling is...odd.
As a parent of a 20,18,17,and 11 year old. You have to remember your kids are PEOPLE with hormones and feelings. Communication is key and not shaming them is key.
As a 65 yo grandma I love the advice given in this video. I was divorced when my kids were little and over the years found spending MORE time together to be the best recourse for most things ("The Proximity Principle"). All throughout high school they were both required to have Friday night dinner with me (afterward they could go off and do their thing). That consistency was the secret to raising happy well adjusted kids - we talked about everything. They understood my values and why I had them. I understood where they were coming from. As they grew punishments were appropriate (and by the time they entered high school unnecessary). My kids are in their 30s now and we still have hard conversations sometimes. They know I will always have their back (and have never questioned that). Every parent should listen to this video. Great advice Dr John!!
She doesnt need the silent treatment, they need to talk to her about safe sex, STIs, pregnancy, etc. Dad is childish and archaic. Grow tf up and have a relationship with your daughters! He prob treats his wife the same way.
@@alexndelk thank you! preserve this young girls value and do not let her drop her panties for just anybody, because later down the line the only one that´s gonna suffer is her.
My dad was like this, super strict w/ control issues, I learned how to be sneaky & hides things quick, & he never hugged or told me he loved me, & he was my only parent...so, anyway, I became a stripper & drug addict for many years...John is completely right
@@hillarybillary21 probably some sort of co-dependency. Sounds like the dad has obsessional compulsive personality disorder, usually they end up matching with another personality disorder.
Sometimes it's terrifying to think of joint custody with cases like this, because then you have no control/say with his parenting, and you can't help your child.
@@outdoorluxuries2887 I mean, it is abuse of course. But if the husband is willing to accept that, apologize to the daughter and wife, and correct it, then ok
You can’t protect your kid from being how you were at 15 all you can do is be open and guide the choices through openness. You gave her a smart phone that amplifies everything x100 for these teenagers. Parents are so dim they don’t understand that at all
She's not promiscuous. She's 15. Talk her through it and talk to her. Don't draw away! She made a mistake. Help her deal with it and deal with why she felt that she needed to do that. They need to look in the mirror. It was her choice but she is a product of her environment. What isn't she getting at home?
@@lucianaromulus1408 sneaking in a boy several times to have sex right next to your parents sounds promiscuous because I love sex and was a "busy" teen but I would never sneak a boy into and bring that around family, its desperate and promiscuous
These were my parents and I got pregnant my freshman year of college. All my friends who had moderate freedom to date and were put on birth control by their parents in HS had planned pregnancies after marriage. Sometimes you have to decide what battles to fight.
Amen! ❤ That is how parent(s) should react. These parents did her daughter very wrong. The 15 year old knows the punishments are too extreme, I agree and side with the 15 year old.
And yes I'm a parent of a girl. Her father and I would never do this to our daughter. We would in fact teach her healthy boundaries, healthy feelings around boys/young men, and wouldn't punish her for having strong feelings for a young man - the girl obviously has love for the young teenage boy.
I disagree. Feelings of “love” are at times the most intense when you’re a teenage girl. They just aren’t mature enough to know what to do with that. My bf passed away from a car accident at 18. I loved him deeply and being intimate had nothing to do with following a crowd or being infatuated. We dated since middle school. I’d be more concerned with a girl being promiscuous with multiple guys than wanting to take the next step with a bf. Some relationships move faster than others despite the age.
@@SylviaA-ht1ncand resisting that “moving faster” is a sign of maturity and concern for one’s own wellbeing. BC and STD prevention have non-zero failure rates and aren’t worth risking as a teen.
I once heard “little girls start seeking kisses from boys when dad stops giving kisses”. My little 3yo girl gets 100 kisses a day from me alone, let alone her momma and brothers! Even my boys, 12 and 9, still yearn for my hugs and physical connection. Too bad this dad will miss those special moments if he doesn’t stop throwing a childish fit…
This is really sweet, but I caution you against this dichotomy going forward. My dad is wonderful and always was very emotionally connected to me. However, I was still very inclined to have a boyfriend and to be somewhat sexually active with him from 15 onward. Your daughter becoming a sexual person isn’t like the antithesis to a healthy relationship with you as a man
@@F12getmoney I agree, but it definitely gives you a clearer head to think through your actions before jumping head first into a bed with your boyfriend. desperation is powerful, and it knocks all sense out of your system, especially at 15. all teenagers feel sexual urges... but its important to understand that they can be satisfied whilst being safe and responsible AND age approrpiate. sex is not the only answer. 15 year olds should not be having sex. period point blank. the psychological implications of a sexual act are not appropriate for a teenager to bear.
@@a.o.4584 a good relationship with my dad made me be critical about who I was allowing into my life and into my space, and it gave me a good sounding board. However, it didn’t stop me from being attracted to my boyfriend. I wasn’t having sex, but we did other things, and it has nothing to do with my dad
The consequences they chose for her will 100% enforce her sneaking around more. Stricter parents = sneakier kids. If you don't connect with your child and communicate, they won't tell you anything.
@@shaktimishra9710that stereotyping a whole group of ppl first of all and also…if you think they don’t sneak around…you’d be very wrong…you see from the outside what’s going on…that’s ur perspective…you don’t actually know those kids…or what they do…even if you say you do you really don’t…just bc you know some that are more disciplined doesn’t mean that others aren’t…and those kids you call “disciplined” yea maybe some are just like everyone else…but guess what…those kids are better at hiding things…I mean you fell for it…you see a whole group of kids as “disciplined” when in reality they are just like every other teen with strict parents…so not only are you stereotyping asians but you are just wrong in the fact that they don’t do these types of things…but you are just as gullible as the parents of those kids thinking that they never do anything like that. And you also used a stereotype to try to “prove a point” I’d try to find a better argument that stereotypes about race and/or ethnicity to have any validity to your argument…bc when normal ppl see ppl like u stereotyping to try to prove a point they don’t really take ur argument seriously…bc your argument is based on a oversimplified view you have of certain ppl and an expectation you expect of a particular group. An unrealistic expectation really and a harmful one…bc stereotyping a whole group of ppl may not be the best way to start out your argument…instead of seeing Asian ppl as individuals who all are different unique human beings you dehumanize them by acting like they are just one being who all act a certain way…I’d be careful next time you decide to make an assumption of a whole group of ppl based solely on them being apart of that group…but of course you decide to use Asian stereotypes to try to fit your argument…instead of viewing them as individual ppl who all are different and have their own individual characteristics…honestly sad to still see ppl using stereotypes to make an argument…especially to throw them into your argument bc you had no other better argument to make…I’d be careful next time you start putting everyone from one group into a box that in your mind they all fit in too…maybe view ppl as individuals it may help to not come off as a bad person or at the very least an obnoxious one.
Some of us don't even have a chance to do sex while being a teen. Some of us might be too shy or some of us don't like the idea of having our sex lives be made public in school. I mean at that age, high school also have prom events too which promotes sex technically. Some of us don't even have a nerve to ask our crush out which means some of us don't have a chance to have sex that young. Some of us may wait to be adults to have sex which means some of us aren't pretending. Some of us never had a chance to have sex until becoming adults. If you become a parent in your 20s, then you may have a power to argue saying you did not have sex as a teen. I mean suppose you hook up in college, then this proves you will have a power to claim you waited til you were an adult to have sex.
@@mark12008 Wanting to do it and acting upon them is different. Lets suppose you have a crush on someone but you chose to hide your feelings which meant you ended up having self control. Then you will have a power to claim you never had sex that young. Admiring crushes from afar is different which meant having sex won't count. You have to actually have sex for reals and enjoyed it at that young age. If lets suppose you had sex that young, ended up pregnant being a teen parent and choose to deny it, then you are pretending you never did it. If you look at majority of people who turned into parents in the their 20s, 30s or 40s, at least they have a power to say they waited til they were adult to have sex. If lets suppose you turn into a teen parent, you cannot cover that up because you would of been the candidate who did the same thing as a teen. Only people who did not have sex as a teen earns the right to lecture their kids about waiting til they get older to have sex.
John is absolutely 100% right that if her father shuns her, she will definitely run to another boy or man. The cat is out of the bag and you can't put the cat back in the bag. What she needs is a safe and loving home so she doesn't feel like running away from what is going on in her family home. Love her, embrace her, protect her, guide her, educate her. She'll be an adult in the blink of an eye. Be her safe place. She needs her father now more than ever.
You can most definitely put a cat back in a bag no problem. I think you've got your streams crossed with the toothpaste analogy but I get where you're coming from.
She didn't tell them she was having sex. She snuck her boyfriend into the house. She lied to her parents and disrespected them by breaking their rules. If you are seeking a good relationship with your parents, disobedience and disrespect are not the way to go about it. I always wondered at my school mates who would disobey their parents, get punished and then say their parents hated them. Umm... they broke the rules, of course their parents were upset.
@@gemmeldrakes2758you gotta think about it outside of this 20 minute video though. WHY do you think she felt she had to be so secretive and lie, usually falls back to the parents. When I first became sexually active I told my mum (live in a single parent household) she spoke to me calmly about it and made sure I was taking the proper precautions because people who aren't lost with their head in the sand realise if teens want sex and have someone to do it with, they'll do it, no 2 ways about it.
@@suggestagoodnameformeplz1035 She probably lied about it because she knew her parents' position on this matter, but wanted to do it anyway. It may not be anything more complicated than that. I think people sometimes act as though children defying their parents is always a manifestation of some sort psychological issue, but I not sure that is always the case.
My dad treated me similarly. As if he owned me. Owned what i did, owned who I was, owned my body. I HATED him for it. I wasnt allowed to color my hair the way I wanted, wear my makeup the way I wanted, etc. As soon as I graduated high school, I ran away to another state with a guy 3 years older than me and ended up pregnant 3 months later. I just wanted someone to love me. This father is not only destroying his relationship with his daughter, he’s destroying her self esteem and driving her to do things like this. Not to mention, she probably feels disgusted with herself, and her dad is making it much worse It’s pretty telling that the older daughters rushed off to the military.
Ruined the relationship with your father because he was trying to keep you safe in the best way he knew how.. 🤦♂️ when men say they don’t want daughters, THIS is exactly why
I don't agree what your dad did, but don't blame him for your poor choices, you chose to move away another state to a man who you hardly know and open your legs and the result to is being pregnant after JUST 3 MONTHS Flip the gender roles, if a son move to another state cuz his mom was "controlling" just to find out he got a women pregnant just 3 months after, you would "feel" and think differently
Another example so you can see it differently would be saying a BF was to over protective, and since she can't stand him anymore she breaks up with him and has a H03 phase and gets pregnant and blames the Ex BF and hates him for it, like yes the Ex BF did you wrong but choosing to be a H03 phase and get accidently pregnant it's all your fault What your dad did was bad but the aftermath of your choices is all your fault not his, womp womp ik truth hurts but own up to the mistakes you did by your choices
as someone who is about to go off to college and didnt always feel that connection with my parents. i really felt this story. thankfully me and my parents have recently become way closer. ive never seen your show before but i could really feel the compassion you have and i feel the advice you gave was absolutely incredible. thank you.
Some things are just feel little bit taboo when you're young and you're not comfortable getting them out in the open even IF you know your parents would be cool with it.
If you choose to give your kid a smart phone, please, please don’t let them take it to bed with them. That’s when all the trouble starts. Bullying, sexting, inappropriate pictures and more. I am speaking from experience because a smart phone and social media almost cost my granddaughter her life. Parents please realize nothing good happens when you send your kid to bed with their phone.
Glad we have neighbors were I live who already told me, no matter if 10 or 15, before they go to bed, their kids need to give their phones to the parents. Ours are little and do not posess one yet, but it sounds as a very important measurement
Taking the door off is so horrific. Every young person needs and deserves privacy, regardless of what they have or haven't done. They need some autonomy. The level of harsh punishment inflicted on this child will be incredibly scarring. If they don't change course they will truly lose her. That's not love.
Right, I completely disagree with the social isolation. That is cruelty. Where was the conversation of birth control and education, and spending more time with the child to ensure you have more influence on her?
Or better yet free mothers helper for a week to two weeks. After school you’re there until bedtime, and on the weekends you’re there all day until bedtime.
This guy sounds like a horrible father. Not only for punishing his daughter in such a draconian way for normal teenage misbehavior, but for not talking to his other daughter for months for dyeing her hair. People like this should not be parents. I feel so bad for his kids.
If I did anything right, we found out my daughter was having sex at 17, and she was crying when she told us, afraid of what her mom and I would do, and I held her, and she knew I loved her, but she also knew we were disappointed in her actions. Make your daughter feel loved. The opposite sex parent has the most influence with a teen. Please brother, remember your youth, and love your daughter.
Some parents are just infuriatingly unaware. Now she has to explain to her friends why she’s persona non grata? So her sex life is now potentially public? Then dad withdraws love? He (dad) doesn’t deserve to have the power over the heart of a young woman. I bet he’s a proud ‘Christian’ too.
@@hmmm2564 we all agree her behavior is unacceptable. That’s not the point. This kind of parenting drives kids further away. You can discipline and have standards and still show love and connection. Also - if your 15 y/o is this sexually active you’ve likely made some pretty big parenting mistakes along the way.
There is no safe sex at 15. Consequences arent always hugs, cuddles and kind words. With so many teenage pregnancies and STDs in the US, you need to be parents not best pals.
My dad was the authoritarian parent. Would get very angry. Remove doors, bed from the room, etc. he got mad at me about something (can’t remember what) when I was 16 and he gave me the silent treatment on my 16th birthday, no happy birthday, nothing. I’m 29 now and have a hard time talking to my dad about anything unless I know it is something that will make him happy. He will try to have deeper conversations with me about my life and I just shut down and nod my head and mentally/emotionally cannot have those conversations with him.
Same. I love my dad though. I give him credit, because he is better than his dad was. I hope to be better than my dad, and I hope my children become better than me.
Does not sound like your dad wants to explain it which means that is an abusive father. That sounds like whenever he is pissed at something, he takes that anger out on you. It doesn't sound like he is trying to set ground rules. It is more like whenever he is pissed, he wants to come to you and yell at you. If you try to ask him what you did, he won't even want to explain it. That proves he will make up the rules where he wants to bully you. Sounds like he is a controlling father that wants to keep taking his anger out on you even if you did not do anything wrong. You may choose to be submissive and your father may start changing the rules and look for errors to yell at you just because he had a bad day. It is more like each time he have a bad day, he just wants an excuse to blame you and wanted you to believe you are at fault.
I couldn’t listen to this whole episode . The parents make me sick. Taking her daughter’s privacy away is insane. I hope the parents aren’t surprised when she cuts them off completely for doing this.
So what? She is 15, and if she wants privacy, then she can leave. Parents need to stop giving in to their children. If she wants to get pregnant at that age, then she can suffer the consequences.
@coureenlawrence4915 These parents are the ones who will be confused why their kid doesn't come see them when they are adults but won't self reflect and notice how they over reacted majorly
As a former 15 year old girl who got in regular screaming matches with my dad until we talked about nothing more than sports; listen to him, please. I’m begging for the kid.
A lonely, unheard girl will gravitate to the first boy who makes her feel special.
Yep. Many boys are the same way...they will fall for the first girl that gives them the time of day. Having a connection with your kids is imperative.
Or, you know.. girls and boys have been kissing since time immemorial.
Your comments are predicated on the idea that young love is inherently flawed. Like the only youth who fall in love or experience intimacy are "lonely and unheard" which is not true.
In fact I'd say....if your teen is able to hold a LTR in high-school that shows a level of openness, trust, and vulnerability.
The heard ones too
They all do it
How old is the teenage boy? A couple of years older than her? Did he coerce her to engage in sex. OMG - She was 15 when it began; in many States, this is statutory rape.
" Increase connection, don't take it away " That was powerful!
Yes!❤
The increased connection should be within the family though, not the friends.
Powerful and works every time. It's awful as parents, but connection: love, reaching out to her, regularly and frequently for the right reasons works powerful..especially when faith, through "fatherhood," importantly is present.
Definitely my dad and knowing that is what that saved my daughter. My husband had medical issues from when she was 12 to 20 that put him out for several years and I was able to protect my daughter. 23 and she's amazing with boundaries and self reflection. In hindsight I'm glad he was out. He would have messed her up. Much more to the events than I can write here but she's good.
I got in the trenches with her.
I love that advice! I wouldn’t know what to do and my first reaction would be removing privileges like the caller. But the opposite is how it should be handled.
No surprise that both older daughters rushed off to the military is telling.
Right!!!??
This was my first thought….. children who run to the military are running from something and it’s usually the parents
@@Shessolostintheworld Yep. My Mommy. Nonetheless, she makes me proud ❤
@@Shessolostintheworld not saying you're wrong, that can certainly be true, but it's not always the case. I had great parents growing up who respected my boundaries better than I'd say 99% of the other parents of kids I knew. I joined because I was lost and kind of backed myself into a corner. My parents were one of the things I missed the most about being in. So it's not necessarily a red flag. If anything my parents gave me so much room to explore that I kind of took that to an extreme 🤣
Yes, BOTH older daughters joining to get the hell out of there is really telling. Also, the way the mother talked about past situations and how he just gives the silent treatment for months, god damn. Seems he lost two daughters already due to his childishness, what's one more?
Lack of parenting. Parenting isn’t controlling children, it’s guiding them
It’s a mix of both
This !! Omg
Stop cappin. It's both
@@Dmgolfer22Modern teens will get the better of you if you try to control them. The Internet is simply too powerful of a tool.
@ It’s not about just controlling. It’s about raising them right from day 1 with discipline so that they regulate themselves when it comes to right from wrong. But it’s up to YOU the parent to discipline/control when needed from an early age. That’s why I say it’s a mix of both. So many 5-12 year olds running their house completely undisciplined. That’s where the problem starts. Can’t allow your child to run the show then try to control them when they’re older.
If the father didn't talk to his daughter for MONTHS for coloring her ends, he'll never talk to to the one that had sex. It makes sense now why she's searching for connection outside of the home.
Exactly this they don’t realize by pushing them away they are pushing their kid to seek attention elsewhere!!
Sounds like she's alienated from her parents and friends, and has almost nothing left to lose but housing.
Congratulations, her runaway priming is complete.
I wouldn't talk to a purple haired woman for months either.
@@Chet_24please don’t have children.
@CammiDred so, people should let their children do whatever they want? You sound ridiculous.
5 years later: I don’t understand why our kids don’t want anything to do with us!
literally
Well my goodness holding a kid accountable for her actions🤦🏻♀️
@@judyperri9496 there’s holding kids accountable and there’s this…giving a child the silent treatment is about as immature as you can get so remember that accountability starts with parents- set the example
Exactly
If that’s what it takes to get your kids to “ have anything to do with you “ , you failed miserably as a parent
The parents just proved to their daughter that she was right to hide it.
when i’m a parent as long as they use a condom idc (im 14 that opinion is prolly gonna change lol)
@@70night5yeah that will probably change, at least if it’s your daughter(if you have any). Parents tend to be very cautious with their girls when it comes to this type of thing, and rightfully so considering the dating pool today
@@70night5yea it’d change. It’s not good for teens to be having sex at an early age regardless.
@@70night5 It'll likely change. I'm 15, and when I was 13 I did the novice version of this video, and yeah I wouldn't let my kids have it. Too risky with too many possible consequences in this world.
@@Gerishimocan I ask why isn’t it though. A large percentage of teens do and they’re fine
my dad found out i had been sexually active at 15 also. he did not speak to me for 3 years. missed my high school graduation, missed me going to university. i moved out at 17, and had no contact. now i am 20 and have no sort of emotional connection with my father. sexual and emotional education is important to talk about before it’s too late. don’t punish a child for your faults as parents. not talking about it doesn’t mean it will not happen. it’s better for them to be educated on sexual safety and healthy relationships
This is terrible. Your dad is emotionally & spiritually shut down. His behavior is abusive. Even Jesus showed love to a prostitute. Dang!
This sounds psychotic
Im so sorry😔that is terrible
I'm so sorry. Screw him. You're better off without a father like that.
you blame your dad for not educating you when you was the one having sex at 15?
My parents were experts at the silent treatment. They had no idea how much it destroyed our relationship!!
I am 78 and it still hurts when I think about it!
The silent treatment is a form of ostracism and emotional abuse. The dad needs new tools in his parenting box.
Yep.. 🙄
So very sorry for you. Hope you're doing ok now.
same. My parents still ask why we don't have a relationship, but they deny it even happened and say that I am insane and that I should just be grateful they didn't abandon me (which they would joke about constantly growing up).
I was her. This was my family dynamic.
I packed my bags & left one night at 17.
I never went back.
Moved continents soon after saving up.
That was almost 2 decades ago.
He absolutely will lose his daughter.
I am sorry to hear, thank you for sharing. This is why there are so many estranged families.
Either that, or this poor girl will be plagued with mental health and behavioral issues.
I’m heartbroken that she doesn’t have more contact with her sisters.
I am sorry about your situation. I hope you are in a better place. (hugs)
@ElevenElevenSaturday her parents took her phone away so she can't even talk to her sisters. Her parents are making everything so much worse.
Same here, it started at 15 and I was out of the house and not speaking to my family by age 17 as well. It took nearly a decade to have any kind of relationship with my parent, and it’s still a work in progress today.
@zdavidzz what are you on about?
Giving your child the silent treatment is cruel and childish as an adult. Dad needs to grow tf up too.
Shush! You're not a parent so pipe down!
@@alexdex9439Delony is and he said the same thing. Do you have another rebuttal? Even the mom said it’s childish and she’s less than respecting of how he’s choosing to parent!
@@alexdex9439 i’m a parent silent treatment Is cruel, and the dad needs to grow up.
@@alexdex9439 how do you know I'm not a parent? You'd be surprised, huh?
@ethan4048 Delony is basing that off his own behavior. Sometimes, people need time to process things.
Any boy or girl that’s lonely or depressed will go to the first person who makes them feel special and loved
The same people crying their adult kids won’t talk to them
THIS!!!!! Very true
💯
LOUDER so the old folks can hear you.
I mean, I know taking away a teen's door is almost sexual abuse but... WHAT WOULD JESUS SAY!?!?!?!?!
@@aleksandar5323 Give away all earthly possessions including your door? lol
I was 15 and was forbidden to see a boyfriend. All my parents did was yell at me about everything. No real connection.
It just made me want to see him more! I climbed out windows and snuck around with him for about 5 months.
We just broke up on our own, without my parents even knowing...
Terrible parents equal no proper communication.
But if you got knocked up and abandoned you’d have trotted back home and expected them to take care of the mess for you.
@@jones2277 lol!
I knew better
(even at that age) than to get "knocked up." and I didn't.
My parents ended up getting divorced two years later....
So there's that. 😉
@@jones2277 Acting like nobody's taught what CONDOMS do since friggin primary school.. lol.
Sounds like you were a terrible, disobedient kid too.
Terrible parents and a terrible kid. Agressive parents and a liar of a child. None of you are innocent.
When my husband was a teen and started getting in trouble and hanging with the wrong crowd his parents didn't tell him no or take his car away. His parents just kept him really really busy and it worked BRILLIANTLY!! He would come home after school and say "I want go with my friends" his parents would respond "oh sorry we already have plans to go do this really cool thing" then they'd take off to the mall all evening or to grandma and grandpa's or drive 2hrs to go eat supper somewhat cool or they'd all of a sudden need help building a shed at uncle's house! It worked out so well!!!
Great parents who wound up raising a great husband for you, I'm sure :)
Now that's some wise thinking! Good on them.
My parents made me get a job at 15 all year long in HS. I was busy. But you know what? I would roam the streets and damage cars and buildings for fun. I was too smart to get busted. I was also lucky. Your kids will always find time to have sex. You can only educate your kids. I have 11 year olds.
@@mikethemechanic7395 I think it's about parents giving teens access to do the things they enjoy that aren't risky, and fostering new interests, no? It won't mean that their teen children won't ever have sex, drink, smoke, etc. while in school, but a full life will make those things less tempting, less of a focus. Less of a focus compared to the kid who's barely developed any interests, bored by school, and mainly finds excitement in getting drunk and having sex. For myself, I had my crushes back in HS, but I was a very artistic kid and spent my free time doing art-related activities that'd keep me up well into the night, saw no reason to be outside, practically.
That's epic!
That “dad” has major control issues. I had a dad like this and it destroyed my self-esteem. I also searched for unconditional love from boys at a young age and my dad blamed me and just thought I was an awful child. I still struggle with blaming myself and feeling worthless to this day and I’m 36. I’m glad John called out these parents actions.
I'm sorry but even if your dad was a pastor, you'd have still been doing that stuff. You're really beautiful and you'll always have so many opportunities and there's nothing wrong with that. You really think that if you had a loving and caring father that you'd still be eating dinner with him and the family on Saturday night at 18? LOL There's nothing wrong with hot people liking to have fun, that's great. Just own it. Women like you who had good dads could make the case that calling them "beautiful princesses" for 25 years would lead them to be entitled and narcissistic. So it's all about your decisions as a person which you can control, not your parents' words and actions from your childhood.
@@charlesbell5500 My dad WAS and still is a pastor, actually. I’m not sure what that has to do with this? I appreciate the backhanded compliment, but I’m not really following the rest of what you said. You don’t seem to know very much about childhood trauma or its impact on people as adults (which is interesting since you seem to watch Dr. D). You sound very judgmental and I wish you the best. Be well.
@@angelac5954 Hahaha! I just used your dad being a pastor as a symbol of a man with a good character. Since your dad was a pastor, it was a bad example. But my point is that even if you had a good father who didn't destroy your self-esteem, guys would still tell you you're pretty and try to hookup with you. My point is that your parents shouldn't control your behaviour as an adult. But you're a nice person and I regret posting that rude reply. God bless you. 🙏
@@charlesbell5500 Ahh I see what you’re saying. I appreciate your reply. God bless you as well 🙏🏼
I’m 66 and went through depression until a few years ago. My life was a train wreck because I was away looking for love and never truly finding it. I grew up with no affection or connection. So sad to be this old before I could realize how my life went so wrong. I never had children because I couldn’t find the right partner / husband. Pretty lonely life with out a family.
I don’t get the connection between after school activities and having sex with a boyfriend. I think parents forget what’s it’s like to be a teenager. It’s definitely not right for the father to not speak to his daughter. Devastating for her. Dad needs to get over himself.
Studies show that kids with a lot of responsibility aren't sexually active.
As far as my experience, there was no time for sex with boyfriend when I was busy. School and then school sports practice, then home, dinner, homework, practicing piano for 45 mins, and by the time that was all done, it was basically time to go to sleep. I feel like the kids that were sexually active in HS were not in sports or music or any activities. They had nothing better to do.
@@COINsimp2024sexual activity during high school is very healthy, as long as it’s within the confines of a healthy, committed relationship. It’s so weird and frankly, quite creepy, how eager parents these days are to prevent their children from growing up and forming connections with other humans. We’ve become so collectively insecure.
@@katieandnick4113 Sexual activity as a child is never healthy. You sound like a liberal pervert.
@katieandnick4113
No it's not. Let's stop telling children it's OK to be on the level of an animal where they have no self-control
We teach our children every day to refrain from behaviors that are potentially harmful. Drugs, overeating, among many other things.
A fifteen yr old has no business having s3¥ period. Teach your child especially a daughter to have respect for herself and confidence in herself.
Not that I'm condoning her sneaky actions and I also think 15 is too young to be having sex, but often times when dads are "disgusted" with their daughters sexuality, it's pure projection because they were total dogs when they were young and treated girls like dirt. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, he can't handle that boys might be treating his little girl the way he treated other people's little girls. Maybe the person he should be truly disgusted with is himself. Some men truly only think of women as people when they're in someway related to them.
Whoa! That hit home! Good insight.
Sooo true!!! My fiancé was so upset when he found out my 16 yo daughter was sexually active (I had taken her to get on birth control). He felt like me giving her birth control was “giving her permission” but it was me choosing to be responsible since she was at that point. When I pointed out to him that he was having sex in HS when they were younger than my child was, it was really eye opening for him. Hard stuff… It also was a huge realization that his daughter was almost grown up also and close to being in the same place. Hard stuff for daddies.
You are projecting purple. Most girls are 304s and not innocent angels. Women control access to sex not men so how about ye act normal and stop being 304s
@@mimimonsterYou failed as a mother and ye wonder why so many women today are 304s, single mom's and divorce rates are through the roof because women can't pair bond.
This is so accurate
She’s searching for connection and you’ve cut her off from it and not allowed a safe avenue
100 percent
Yep she sure is finding connection with the wrong person and the wrong position!! Sometimes it's just hormone related and not have anything to do with connections.. if they're hormone levels are way off which if she's almost 16 they're going to be.. And so is the boys!! Hormones usually rule their brain cells until they're in their mid-20s.
Nope… she’s just got raging hormones and needs a reminder of whose house it is and what appropriate behavior looks like cuz that ain’t it!
Going to be funny when that connection becomes a baby and now everyone has to “feel bad”
@@mrxw1ck842 could have been sports and stuff, but now she’s trapped in a room with no door. She can’t even get changed in private
When we discovered something equally disappointing about our son’s behaviour at around the same age, my husband built a climbing wall with my son at our home and apologised for not spending enough time with him. Ten years later they have a fantastic relationship and run marathons together. He lives independently but picks up the phone regularly and will seek our advice if he gets ‘stuck.’ How parents respond in these situations is *so* important.
"his weapon of choice is silent treatment". ugh... don't have kids with people like that.
You don't often know how the person you married is going to act like AFTER you marry them.
So men shouldn't have kids with women then.
Can't any of you have any sympathy for the father? I don't think he's doing it on purpose. He's angry and sad. Is he supposed to smile at her and say what? Hi? Maybe it's almost physically impossible for him to act differently.
And the girl? Why must she run away from her parents after this? Do you take her for an idiot? She did something very wrong, but that doesn't mean she can't tell right from wrong. She knows she wasn't supposed to have sex with her boyfriend at all, much less on her own bed while her parents were in the house. And she knows her parents are right in punnishing her, and that they love her and want the best for her.
@@olgac.h.1278A 15 year old girl won’t know her dad loves her if he won’t talk to her.
He can be hurt, but he’s also a grown ass man, he needs to speak to his children.
@@TheHetaliafan123His child needs to respect her family’s home
Dad is not only making daughter distrust him with reality, her feelings and her privacy but also really damaging her view of herself in regard to sex. Mom admits dad is “disgusted” and read daughters intimate messages, I’m sure this “disgust” isn’t well hidden towards his daughter. I can only imagine how damaged this little girl must feel right no. Embarrassed for the situation, ashamed and exposed by them discussing her sex life with the rest of their family (siblings), looking through her texts, heavy punishment with no support, and a father that makes it very clear he’s disgusted by her. This girl will discuss this in therapy as one of the reasons she has a poor sense of self and poor relationship with her father in the future if he does not immediately adjust.
Did the Dad and Mom ever have sex before marriage? Were both of them always so chaste and virtuous?
@@careydepass130she says the dad remembers how he was when he was her age and I’m guessing he was pretty promiscuous and didn’t treat girls very well.
Why did he read her texts?! Like...the parents don’t need to know the details about what exactly is being done/said! I feel disgusted by him!
@maximillian1109 They sure do. What if he didn't, they made plans, and she wound up dead somewhere? If parents pay the phone bill, they can do as they wish. If the phone is in her name, and she's paying the bill, then no. There was a time when we were growing up that there was NO privacy on the phone. There was ONE phone, typically in the kitchen. Didn't hurt us a bit.
Her “privacy”. She is 15. That is gross
As a former 15yr old girl this call hurt my heart because i know that girl feels shame and embarrassed so glad my dad didn't treat me like a street gal when he found out I made a choice to grow up. I was 15 also and had the same boyfriend for almost 2 years. So glad our parents still allowed us to see eachother we just werent allowed to be alone anymore
Thank you for you're vulnerability.
@HoneyHoops-ig9ws been with my husband 13yearsn👰 the correct title is wife😉
I was so scared of my mom I didn’t do it until 21. I’m so glad I wasn’t a child having sex but not sure what I would do if I caught my kids 🥲
@HoneyHoops-ig9wsare you ok?
You seem very quick to judge and don’t seem to have any empathy.
People that call in and comment here are doing it for self help reasons, not to get shamed into oblivion.
For example, why would the parents of this commenter be a failure?
I could sit here and say that your parents are a failure, because you are demonstrating all of the traits and characteristics of a self-absorbed narcissist, but I’m not .
I know it’s easy to act tough and sassy when you can hide behind the anonymity of the keyboard , however, I would be surprised if you had the balls to say this nonsense to someone’s face
@HoneyHoops-ig9ws incel garbage. So jealous that you can't get any, lol.
This was me as a kid. When you can’t talk with your parents, when you never have Voice, are villainized for being a person you instinctually seek out protection or connection.
Her behavior is a symptom of something big missing in her life.
But I also don't think it's a coincidence that you're beautiful too though. Like, at some point, we gotta stop putting the blame on the parents and start calling it like it is. You're hot and you get lots of attention, simple. That's great, but just own it. Another girl with the same father could end up being a serial killer. So, we can't just attribute the teen's behaviour to their father's parenting. It's the girl's personality that causes her to do the things she does. You're hot, end of story. And I guarantee the girl in this story is hot too. No problem with that, but we're putting too much blame on the parents.
The silent treatment for months over hair dye is insanely manipulative. Holy.
Wonder when his youngest will open her OF page
My dad and mom used to give me and my brother the silent treatment over getting a bad grade . And just over the smallest dumbshit
Narcissism.
That's just plain crazy.
Yes he’s a controlling parent!
At 15, she is searching for connection and love. Dad isn’t doing his job.
This is truth!
nope shes a normal teenager
How… is a 15 year old girl being sexually active linked to the father? What?
@@dylanhumphrey2479 Honestly idk what logic they're using either but then again I haven't watched the whole video
WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOut???? How tf is this linked to the dad you weird asf bruh just don’t have sex at 15 it’s common fucken sense. But thots will be thots🤷🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Any man who uses the silent treatment with his own kid is just projecting his own lack of ability to address issues. Incredibly immature, genuinely shameful.
Agreed. It’s a way to try and control. It’s abusive.
Shakespeare and biology agree that at 14 Juliet was ready to have sex. Kids older and younger than that are having sex. Parents are too vapid to know what's going on with children these days. They have the Internet. 11 year old boys can tell you what the best porn sites are. Around that age, pre-teen, kids are mortified to be seen in public with their parents. That's because they are biologically programed to start being independent. They are going to pull away from you. Take it or leave it. Kids and Internet raise other kids. They teach each other about sex. Mom and Dad are sidestepped, their opinions do not matter. Don't put more distance between you and your kid. Teach the kids about intercourse and pregnancy, if you can. At least teach them about rubbers. If you don't, they'll get the information from other kids. Kids still need to know you are there. Don't threaten them for not being a carbon copy of you.
Ogically
I don’t like the silence treatment, especially to a child. No mater what!
My mom always did this, while visiting my home! I was already in my 40-ties. I had therapy, found this behavior sickening, in my own home! She wanted to control the cooking, the LIGHT on my over head stove! Not allowed! They both ignored me, went out to eat, without me, didn't ask, then came home laughing, ignoring me. I got my courage up and said, Mom, dad, wouldn't you be happier someplace else? You aren't talking to me. They left in a huff, telling everyone, I threw out my own parents! My mom, was happy when she made me cry, with her outrageous behaviors.
any woman too for real....my mom. My mom exactly
The recommendation from Dr. Delony is exactly what I needed when I was a pre-teen. I sure hope this family implements his counsel to draw her closer to them both!!!
The fact that she hesitated to say the older kids were not there is more telling than anything else.
Nah... they just moved n in military... that's normal
@XtremeSportX247 most people don't go into the military that young unless they feel they have no other options in life. Means they lack the support that normal families provide.
@@talathewolf6723the older siblings are prolly grown adult. my older brother is 10 years older
@ompatel5570 unfortunately your wrong in this case. She opens up about it just a little and they left because of the dad and the abuse.
@@talathewolf6723 Damn
As someone who was raised in a home where dad used the silent treatment to control and manipulate and deflect his accountability, it is WRONG!!!!
I am 59 and still dealing with trauma in therapy...
Brother what is the silent treatment?
@@Yujiro945basically ignoring them in every way.
Wow, that kids gonna leave you and never talk to you again
good she can figure out how hard life is .
I know a girl that was grounded an entire year when her parents found out about her and her boyfriend, when she was 15. She's now 40 and has been living across the country for over a decade, she might see her parents once a year...
@@gmoney1089 An entire year of being grounded is insane.
She will run into the arms of the next boy, looking for love.
@@Sher7061 exactly. Stuff like this has made many kids run away first chance they get
it is so calming for me to see how the Dr. spots the abuse, and where is coming from so quickly.
You’ve handled this terribly. She will be talking about this in therapy for decades. Your husband is the child here.
im just like why is this on youtube for people to watch and listen to
@@DABADDESTBARB to learn from peoples mistakes for free xd there are THOUSANDS of parents in this situation who dont even try to listen on how to improve themselves. lets hope in this case the mom stands up and calls the dad out for being abusive and immature and so the daughter is still allowed to talk to her friends for gods sake! its really sad how common this is. and the fact the other 2 daughters left as soon as they could tells a lot too. these parents will have no connection with their kids someday once they get fully independent from them.
@@DuhAnimeProtagonistso real lmao. So many "what not to do" lessons for free online these days
@@DABADDESTBARBSo they can learn and not repeat the same mistakes? That's how we change the next generation for the better? Are you seriously asking this?
@@sparklesp9304 girl Gn
Im tearing up a little bit because this is what i needed from my parents. I've been this exact 15 year old. And she desperately needing her father figure, she needs his love!
Same. I felt I was damaged goods. When what I really needed was someone to walk me through my mistakes. It lead to a lifetime of poor decisions
@@steevo8754accountability, love yourself wtf lol
Liar 😂
…and you need therapy
@@Filosofodecabrobó I think you need therapy
after school activities (school related) are teen pregnancy kryptonite. forbidding them is not a good move. sitting in the house bored all day isn't going to make someone follow rules more closely. you just find better ways to skirt around them
What if the boyfriend is involved in those same after school activities? Maybe the father is concerned that she's going to sneak away with the boyfriend?
@@carlahoag7154 depends on the activity. Most of the time, there is supervision. I do understand your point tho
💯
My dad was very clear that he wanted me and my brother in after school sports because “I want you too tired to do anything other than homework and sleep when you come home.”
Did entirely stop me from sex as a teenager but kept me out of the majority of trouble.
@@carlahoag7154It's irrelevant. Studies have shown that kids with a lot of their plate have sex later.
@@carlahoag7154 if the boyfriend is at school they could sneak around at any time if they really wanted to.
I got a third ear piercing and dad told me it wasn’t classy (which I throughly was really funny) he never brought it up again and wasn’t angry at all. Never made me feel like I had less worth because of it.
That’s how it should be happy for you!
Ew.
They've handled this terribly.
Mental. So extreme.
Kid made a mistake, but man the parents are doing everything they can to ensure their child won’t trust them
Seriously, if anything they are driving a bigger wedge that may make the girl rebel even more
Good she needs to be punished and taught not to misbehave and lie actions have consequences children need discipline.
Teenagers cant be trusted
@@dorino9057why does she need to be punished? Discipline is different from punishment.
@lorannamoody7011 Letting anyone into my house after hours alone would get my kid grounded, even if it was a girlfriend. For me, this isn't about the sex. It's having people in my home without my permission.
Trouble is: dad isn't on the phone.
As a teenage girl (17) the guy is absolutely right and I respect he mentioned how taking away more things will only make them distrust you more and not want to tell you next time
What's worse is as a parent they can no longer trust u and u don't care.
they are in danger of losing their daughter. She is not a criminal or deserving of being treated like an alien. They should separate what she did from how she did it. As a human she deserves to have her door on the room and have friends outside from school.
Yea they should be reflecting on their behavior as parents and what got them there.
The wife sounds like she’s had to go along with the husband to keep the peace.
Exactly, he sounds like he’s abusive.
@@ChelseaSBJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.
The dad is a narcissist, but it’s not uncommon for narcissists to pair up.
Sure she did 😉.
she sounded like delony was supposed to agree with her because shared christian values but toms pretty progressive
Being so strict on them makes them rebel even more.
yeah untill they become a parent and have to deal with the same thing
@@joimonae4090bro does not see the logic at all
story of my life lmao
@@joimonae4090 and tmaybe then they realize "oh i hated my parents when they did this so maybe ill try something different"
@@frosty65233 you know what it grinds my gears when in this country parents have no problem with thier under age teens engaging in such activity when they aren't legally old enough to drink alcohol or to support themselves but its okay to have se* no 15 year old is mentally mature enough to engage in that activity im sick of people pretending they are its weird they cant even drink yet but it's okay to have intercourse screw the rapid rise in std rates i guess they will continue to rise i cant wait to get out of this falling country
Strict parenting doesn’t make obedient kids it makes sneaky ones
100%
Idk about that. I was hit with belts and broomsticks and I actually grew up good. No issues. In fact I didn't do anything bad like sneak around. I'm now 41 and great.
Precisely!!
My parents told me at 12 years old that if I ever got pregnant in middle school or high school, they would kick me out of the house.
Guess what? Never touched a male until I was 24
@@MattyDemello this is why its bad. you think this is normal and will probably do the same to your kids.
I was this girl, and John could not be more on point with this one. This was what my parents needed to hear. Our relationship wasn’t good to begin with, but they lost a piece of me that they will never get back when they reacted like these parents did. Their heavy-handed attempts at discipline made me more sneaky and drove me permanently away from them-what they didn’t do was change my behavior. These parents need to be very intentional about their actions.
Seems like you aren't taking responsibility for your bad behavior. You say that your parents lost a piece of you for how they reacted, what about your bad behavior?
@@GAFB1122 I was literally about to comment this. Spot on! No ACCOUNTABILITY whatsoever. Western civilisation is quickly losing grip of the sense of the word, especially for "protected victim groups".
Girl, you were running fast for no reason
Panicked boomers racing to the UA-cam comments to shame a minor (at the time) as if kids are smart enough or mature enough to take responsibility for their actions. … genius comments from panicked boomers
@@johnweinhandl8890 my exact thoughts lol
Honestly wouldn't be shocked if the other two daughters deep down joined the military to get away from him
I bet he's military and super strict.
100% they fled
Yeah no woman ever joins the military because they love their country or want an adventure or wants to earn money for school.
Join the military where they end up rax bunnies
All women are the same
Whoa! Maybe they got full-ride college scholarships to one of the military academies. Maybe they’re following in dad’s footsteps if he’s a retired military officer.
Those consequences are BRUTAL. Taking away the door? That’s nuts
lol I got my door taken away
@@k1ngzgaming757❤
@@k1ngzgaming757for what?
@@ajuister smoking weed in my room and getting caught like 60 times
@@k1ngzgaming757 I'm team door staying on until the 59th time...sorry bud
seeing stories like this makes me glad i have a good relationship with both of my parents
These are the kinds of parents who are gonna call back in twenty years asking why their children don’t talk to them. Just utter lack of self awareness or the impacts their actions have on their children.
Yes! My siblings don’t talk to my dad and he is oblivious.
Narcissism
I don't believe it's narcissism. I believe it's people that follow societal scripts and scripts that they grew up with WITHOUT stopping to examine whether or not the causal relations are actually true.
People grow up with beliefs such as that punishing a child will lead them to learn. (The child actually learns to fear and avoid getting caught rather than understanding the morality of their action).
When a certain script is widely believed in the society, people don't even "see" the script. They don't realize that they're following a script and that there are alternatives.
When you do things only based on intuition (that is the scripts you've grown up with), you may make fantastic choices if your parents were fantastic parents, but otherwise you'll probably repeat bad scripts that have been passed down for generations.
"Why do you never come to Christmas anymore ?" Is gonna be the future for that daughter.
My father didn't speak to me for about a year when I was 14. I can't remember why. We had loads of rows and he just stopped speaking to me. I didn't realise it was cruel until now but I knew it was wrong. He was the adult.
Just awful parents. Being cruel never works. They’re stupidly naive and their actions will drive their child away. They need to figure out why this threatens them so much.
This father is acting like an immature man baby. Ignoring your daughter will only push her away, and teach her that she cannot trust either of her parents.
Something tells me he didn’t just start ignoring her.
@@sellmav?
Right. Teens have sex. Grow up
@@Zeppelin_Wooperhe’s probably been ignoring her for a long time
and when she ends up pregnant the parents would be responsible because their daughter is still a minor its irresponsible a s an older sister to my siblings i always tell them to sit down and think ! think about your actions if you are still relying on your parents to take care of you then you do not need to be having sex gtfoh america has really lost its marbles
This is some of the best advice I have ever heard for parenting. Raising children is not about you and you need to put aside how you feel sometimes to do what is good for them.
Taking away a bedroom door is an inappropriate punishment for a teenager, in any circumstance. Forbidding her from any hobbies & connection with others is completely wrong for the circumstances too.
What is an appropriate punishment then?
@dorino9057 - the driving privileges are sufficient. Taking away her door/right to privacy is a cruel & unusual punishment...particularly during adolescence when you're not necessarily comfortable with your body. She needs space to spend alone time & get changed without being exposed. Removing any after school activities isolates her from friends. It's not like she's going to engage in sexual activity at these after school activities so all you're achieving is reducing healthy outlets for non-sexual connection.
@@dorino9057 Giving her a basic phone they monitor for contact with family only.
No, it’s not. If that is what you do with privacy, then you now get the privacy we deem necessary.
@@dorino9057 Punishment? She's 16 (assumedly, now). Therefore, the parents need to grow up. The only real 'punishment' should be some awkward discussions, INCLUDING maybe WITH the boyfriend! Could've found out what a genuine dude he was and that they've been in love since they were 10. What a mess this situation is, all due to the hang-ups of people like yourself.
I grow up in a very religious family … still snuck my boyfriend in , still snuck out and drank, still did all the ‘bad things’. Such strict harshness for discipline doesn’t work .
Same. I also was always semi-awate of feeling lonely,as young as 7/8/9 yrs old. even with married parents, a brother and friends at church and school. I never felt truly connected to my parents as a child.
I'm now 44. I have 2 teenagers right now, and through going to therapy in my twenties I slowly learned what type of parent I wanted to be.
I know I'm nowhere near perfect, I lose my temper etc....
But! I made a promise to myself with (my husband) and to each of our 3 children that we would try to keep a close emotional connection/availability with them, and always be available to give a hug or hold a hand or sit and just listen and withhold the anger in the moment.
I dreaded absolutely dreaded having teenagers because of the way I acted when I was 15 16 17 and 18. Lost my virginity at 15. By 17 I was sneaking into boyfriend's home having sex in his room overnight across the hall from his parents room. I did all of that.
And it caused me a lot of hurt and harm as a young adult and when I was in my '20s.
Some kids will always do what they're going to do and are more rebellious by nature. And that's okay. But if I had only been raised by parents who actually showed me their love and would show interest in what I had to say it would have maybe turned out different for me.
It wasn't until I started having kids in my late 20s that I reconnected with my parents after moving out at 19.
Now I have a good relationship with my parents as do our children (their grandparents).
I was that 15 year old girl. My parents trying to cure me by going scorched earth on me made everything in my life 1000000 times worse. Thank God the next man who came into my life was my husband. He saved me… but my parents tried to destroy that relationship… not keep me from him, but try to poison him against me. God help this young girl whose parents are very misguided.
They are sooo incredibly misguided. It’s UNREAL!😢
Her laughing made me so mad. I feel bad for this young lady.
She is a child if it wasn’t for her parents she would’ve become a single mother by now
My younger sister told my mom she was sexually active when I was a senior in high school. A year later, I joined the military and found out she was pregnant while I was in boot camp. I’ll never forget how hurt I felt because I loved my sister and wanted so much more for her life. Even though the parents here may be going about it wrong, they are trying to save her
❤ It is a nervous laugh ❤ don't judge 😔
The girl that invited a total stranger into her parents home routinely, without their knowledge or permission?
Yes, completely inappropriate.
Dr John is 1000% correct. I stay very close to my 15 year old daughter for this exact reason. You have to spend alot of time with them and keep the lines of communication open. And you have to get ahead of it by teaching them your beliefs about it before the issue pops up. Like teaching them about the only thing that 99% of guys are interested in. And to be non judgmental whatever they tell you. And most important of all is that they are loved no matter what.
99% of guys and like 40% of women, by today's standards. Overbearing parenting is probably why there are so many bi-curious kids these days :P
What random stats are you both spouting out?
I don't understand how people forget what being 15 was like.
Someone once told me how they took the doors away from their rebellious daughter among other punishments. His daughter ended up a striper, at blackout parties, alcohol, sleeping around, etc... it just doesnt work.
Facts what it probably is is they need a way to realise how that stuff can hurt them instead of being told what hurts them
I don’t think taking off the door made her into a stripper, etc. especially as you say she was already rebellious. What the parents could have done was look into the reasons why their daughter was rebellious in the first place and dealt with those issues.
This girl definitely needs some consequences: for the the lying, for the sneaking around, etc , but she’s not selfish or abnormal. Parents will NOT win a war against another human beings sexual desire. It can be guided, NOT beaten down.
If dad is this “disgusted” he really needs to introspect on how he was as a teen and reevaluate how he though of the teen girls in his class.
One of the things a couple parents I know did was have honest conversations on sex and the consequences of it, both physical(STD'S) and reputational(being looked down on for being easy). They talked about things boy and girls will say to have sex that shouldn't always be trusted, even if the other didn't think they were lying(I love you, baby!). It's an adult activity that comes with adult responsibilities. And then they made it clear what would happen if there was a pregnancy. Hopes and dreams die because they won't be able to go to school and be a parent, they'd have to drop out and get a job. And abortion means not being a part of the family because birth control is plentiful. So far, seems to be working but time will tell.
I disagree. If the daughter ends up pregnant of with an non curable STD; then her life is ruined
@kiki11974 And that's why you educate your kids on safe sex and consent.
@@csx6910 Yes, a mother I know was very realistic with her teen daughter. Daughter had a boyfriend at 16, and the mother treated her so respectfully that her daughter told her, a few months into the relationship, that she wanted to start having sex with the bf. Mother was clear about the risks and asked if she trusted her bf enough, wasn't doing it because of pressure, asked for her to wait. But she knew her daughter would probably be sexually active anyway, so got her on birth control. No teen pregnancy happened.
I remember not having sex as a teen
This was one of the most powerful conversations that Dr. Delony has ever had. It has shown people who experienced this type of parenting what type of healing they need to do. It shows those who are currently experiencing this type of parenting clearly what is happening, that they have worth, even if those whom are closest to them, make acceptance and love conditional = unhealthy. It's showing people who want to become parents one day the level of emotional and psychological effort, maturity, and labour it takes to create a HEALTHY family, relationships, and as a result, home.
They probably should've had this 'healing' session before severely damaging their relationship with (all?) 3 daughters.
This comment should be higher, and hopefully more people will call in with similar topics so there will be more discussions to help more people.
Parents act like they weren’t teens once and it’s kinda funny lol
Teens having sex?! You don’t say 😂 How are they shocked by this?
I am just as flabbergasted as you about this 😂
They’re like “we shouldn’t taught her better not to have a sex drive…”
This is only normal to Americans.
Broken western society, anything goes
not shocking for Americans.
Mom paints herself as the hero here because she's not giving her the silent treatment, but she's gone along with the scorched earth consequences. And the giggling is...odd.
Well yeah but giggling can be a sign of nerves. And she is seeking help here
She’s picked her husband over her kids.
@@texasrodeogirl3814 If that were true, she wouldn't be out seeking Professional advice.
Absolutely and saying her daughter is behaving in a promiscuous way is disgusting. There's more to this in regard to the Father.
@@Lemarcus03I agree and hear it alot on his calls. It takes courage to call in and ask for help like this.
As a parent of a 20,18,17,and 11 year old. You have to remember your kids are PEOPLE with hormones and feelings. Communication is key and not shaming them is key.
Ive never seen such a spot on and caring therapist. I learn so much. Its profound you saying it as it is.
I really want to to call you too.
"Take care of my daughter because I won't do it." Wow.
😲👏👏👏 dang !!!
As a 65 yo grandma I love the advice given in this video. I was divorced when my kids were little and over the years found spending MORE time together to be the best recourse for most things ("The Proximity Principle"). All throughout high school they were both required to have Friday night dinner with me (afterward they could go off and do their thing). That consistency was the secret to raising happy well adjusted kids - we talked about everything. They understood my values and why I had them. I understood where they were coming from. As they grew punishments were appropriate (and by the time they entered high school unnecessary). My kids are in their 30s now and we still have hard conversations sometimes. They know I will always have their back (and have never questioned that). Every parent should listen to this video. Great advice Dr John!!
She doesnt need the silent treatment, they need to talk to her about safe sex, STIs, pregnancy, etc. Dad is childish and archaic. Grow tf up and have a relationship with your daughters! He prob treats his wife the same way.
Exactly.
The parents should have done a better job raising her to believe that she shouldn’t be having sex that early on
@@alexndelk thank you! preserve this young girls value and do not let her drop her panties for just anybody, because later down the line the only one that´s gonna suffer is her.
@@mathewtorres3284let me assure you that as long as she's practicing safe sex and she's sure about her choices she will not "suffer".
@@truthseeker9249 Yes she will, it could have major consequences on future relationships.
My dad was like this, super strict w/ control issues, I learned how to be sneaky & hides things quick, & he never hugged or told me he loved me, & he was my only parent...so, anyway, I became a stripper & drug addict for many years...John is completely right
I don’t understand how she can even stay married to this man. He’s a child
She doesn’t want to be alone which trumps her children’s well being
@@hillarybillary21 probably some sort of co-dependency. Sounds like the dad has obsessional compulsive personality disorder, usually they end up matching with another personality disorder.
Sometimes it's terrifying to think of joint custody with cases like this, because then you have no control/say with his parenting, and you can't help your child.
Divorce over that would be selfish. No man is perfect, and his behavior is miniscule and can be corrected
@@outdoorluxuries2887 I mean, it is abuse of course. But if the husband is willing to accept that, apologize to the daughter and wife, and correct it, then ok
You can’t protect your kid from being how you were at 15 all you can do is be open and guide the choices through openness. You gave her a smart phone that amplifies everything x100 for these teenagers. Parents are so dim they don’t understand that at all
💯 %. And rn it’s time for remediation and close conversations
The mom seems ok just need guidance
Not everyone has sex in their teen years. Some people say no and wait.
@@angelatandfam9308 most people I know who weren't are people who didn't have it available to them😂
She's not promiscuous. She's 15. Talk her through it and talk to her. Don't draw away! She made a mistake. Help her deal with it and deal with why she felt that she needed to do that.
They need to look in the mirror. It was her choice but she is a product of her environment. What isn't she getting at home?
Right ? If its just with the bf i wouldn't call that promiscuous lol
@@lucianaromulus1408Sicko!
@@lucianaromulus1408 sneaking in a boy several times to have sex right next to your parents sounds promiscuous because I love sex and was a "busy" teen but I would never sneak a boy into and bring that around family, its desperate and promiscuous
Also people who think 15 is too young don’t know anything about teens.
@@Plantaemaven spoken like a true pedophile
Brother, I've never seen a channel that's more needed in the world. You are the voice of common sense that is missing these days
These were my parents and I got pregnant my freshman year of college. All my friends who had moderate freedom to date and were put on birth control by their parents in HS had planned pregnancies after marriage. Sometimes you have to decide what battles to fight.
Amen! ❤ That is how parent(s) should react. These parents did her daughter very wrong. The 15 year old knows the punishments are too extreme, I agree and side with the 15 year old.
And yes I'm a parent of a girl. Her father and I would never do this to our daughter. We would in fact teach her healthy boundaries, healthy feelings around boys/young men, and wouldn't punish her for having strong feelings for a young man - the girl obviously has love for the young teenage boy.
@@CatalinaFOIAthat's not love but infatuation and following the crowd
I disagree. Feelings of “love” are at times the most intense when you’re a teenage girl. They just aren’t mature enough to know what to do with that. My bf passed away from a car accident at 18. I loved him deeply and being intimate had nothing to do with following a crowd or being infatuated. We dated since middle school. I’d be more concerned with a girl being promiscuous with multiple guys than wanting to take the next step with a bf. Some relationships move faster than others despite the age.
@@SylviaA-ht1ncand resisting that “moving faster” is a sign of maturity and concern for one’s own wellbeing. BC and STD prevention have non-zero failure rates and aren’t worth risking as a teen.
I once heard “little girls start seeking kisses from boys when dad stops giving kisses”. My little 3yo girl gets 100 kisses a day from me alone, let alone her momma and brothers! Even my boys, 12 and 9, still yearn for my hugs and physical connection.
Too bad this dad will miss those special moments if he doesn’t stop throwing a childish fit…
This is really sweet, but I caution you against this dichotomy going forward. My dad is wonderful and always was very emotionally connected to me. However, I was still very inclined to have a boyfriend and to be somewhat sexually active with him from 15 onward. Your daughter becoming a sexual person isn’t like the antithesis to a healthy relationship with you as a man
@@F12getmoney real
@@F12getmoney I agree, but it definitely gives you a clearer head to think through your actions before jumping head first into a bed with your boyfriend. desperation is powerful, and it knocks all sense out of your system, especially at 15. all teenagers feel sexual urges... but its important to understand that they can be satisfied whilst being safe and responsible AND age approrpiate. sex is not the only answer. 15 year olds should not be having sex. period point blank. the psychological implications of a sexual act are not appropriate for a teenager to bear.
@@a.o.4584 a good relationship with my dad made me be critical about who I was allowing into my life and into my space, and it gave me a good sounding board. However, it didn’t stop me from being attracted to my boyfriend. I wasn’t having sex, but we did other things, and it has nothing to do with my dad
It’s easier to kiss on a 3-year old than a 15-year old, trust me.
The consequences they chose for her will 100% enforce her sneaking around more. Stricter parents = sneakier kids. If you don't connect with your child and communicate, they won't tell you anything.
This is a fact…at 8-years old it’s cookies, at 15-years old it’s boys…
With my kids….eat the whole plate of cookies, stay up as late as you want, they are the best kids….🤷🏼♀️
Is that the reason Asian kids are more disciplined?
@@shaktimishra9710that stereotyping a whole group of ppl first of all and also…if you think they don’t sneak around…you’d be very wrong…you see from the outside what’s going on…that’s ur perspective…you don’t actually know those kids…or what they do…even if you say you do you really don’t…just bc you know some that are more disciplined doesn’t mean that others aren’t…and those kids you call “disciplined” yea maybe some are just like everyone else…but guess what…those kids are better at hiding things…I mean you fell for it…you see a whole group of kids as “disciplined” when in reality they are just like every other teen with strict parents…so not only are you stereotyping asians but you are just wrong in the fact that they don’t do these types of things…but you are just as gullible as the parents of those kids thinking that they never do anything like that. And you also used a stereotype to try to “prove a point” I’d try to find a better argument that stereotypes about race and/or ethnicity to have any validity to your argument…bc when normal ppl see ppl like u stereotyping to try to prove a point they don’t really take ur argument seriously…bc your argument is based on a oversimplified view you have of certain ppl and an expectation you expect of a particular group. An unrealistic expectation really and a harmful one…bc stereotyping a whole group of ppl may not be the best way to start out your argument…instead of seeing Asian ppl as individuals who all are different unique human beings you dehumanize them by acting like they are just one being who all act a certain way…I’d be careful next time you decide to make an assumption of a whole group of ppl based solely on them being apart of that group…but of course you decide to use Asian stereotypes to try to fit your argument…instead of viewing them as individual ppl who all are different and have their own individual characteristics…honestly sad to still see ppl using stereotypes to make an argument…especially to throw them into your argument bc you had no other better argument to make…I’d be careful next time you start putting everyone from one group into a box that in your mind they all fit in too…maybe view ppl as individuals it may help to not come off as a bad person or at the very least an obnoxious one.
@@lexeevaly1302 Agreed
Why is everyone pretending they also weren't doing this exact same thing at 15 and 16 years old?
I am 22 and did nothing so can I speak ?
@@mehdih8165 yeah but you def wanted to, all teens hormones are through the roof
Some of us don't even have a chance to do sex while being a teen. Some of us might be too shy or some of us don't like the idea of having our sex lives be made public in school. I mean at that age, high school also have prom events too which promotes sex technically. Some of us don't even have a nerve to ask our crush out which means some of us don't have a chance to have sex that young. Some of us may wait to be adults to have sex which means some of us aren't pretending. Some of us never had a chance to have sex until becoming adults. If you become a parent in your 20s, then you may have a power to argue saying you did not have sex as a teen. I mean suppose you hook up in college, then this proves you will have a power to claim you waited til you were an adult to have sex.
@@mark12008 Wanting to do it and acting upon them is different. Lets suppose you have a crush on someone but you chose to hide your feelings which meant you ended up having self control. Then you will have a power to claim you never had sex that young. Admiring crushes from afar is different which meant having sex won't count. You have to actually have sex for reals and enjoyed it at that young age. If lets suppose you had sex that young, ended up pregnant being a teen parent and choose to deny it, then you are pretending you never did it. If you look at majority of people who turned into parents in the their 20s, 30s or 40s, at least they have a power to say they waited til they were adult to have sex. If lets suppose you turn into a teen parent, you cannot cover that up because you would of been the candidate who did the same thing as a teen. Only people who did not have sex as a teen earns the right to lecture their kids about waiting til they get older to have sex.
John is absolutely 100% right that if her father shuns her, she will definitely run to another boy or man. The cat is out of the bag and you can't put the cat back in the bag. What she needs is a safe and loving home so she doesn't feel like running away from what is going on in her family home. Love her, embrace her, protect her, guide her, educate her. She'll be an adult in the blink of an eye. Be her safe place. She needs her father now more than ever.
You can most definitely put a cat back in a bag no problem. I think you've got your streams crossed with the toothpaste analogy but I get where you're coming from.
She'll never tell you anything again. Get her back to you gys as fast as you can.
She didn't tell them she was having sex. She snuck her boyfriend into the house. She lied to her parents and disrespected them by breaking their rules.
If you are seeking a good relationship with your parents, disobedience and disrespect are not the way to go about it. I always wondered at my school mates who would disobey their parents, get punished and then say their parents hated them. Umm... they broke the rules, of course their parents were upset.
@@gemmeldrakes2758you gotta think about it outside of this 20 minute video though.
WHY do you think she felt she had to be so secretive and lie, usually falls back to the parents.
When I first became sexually active I told my mum (live in a single parent household) she spoke to me calmly about it and made sure I was taking the proper precautions because people who aren't lost with their head in the sand realise if teens want sex and have someone to do it with, they'll do it, no 2 ways about it.
@@suggestagoodnameformeplz1035 She probably lied about it because she knew her parents' position on this matter, but wanted to do it anyway. It may not be anything more complicated than that. I think people sometimes act as though children defying their parents is always a manifestation of some sort psychological issue, but I not sure that is always the case.
My dad treated me similarly. As if he owned me. Owned what i did, owned who I was, owned my body. I HATED him for it. I wasnt allowed to color my hair the way I wanted, wear my makeup the way I wanted, etc.
As soon as I graduated high school, I ran away to another state with a guy 3 years older than me and ended up pregnant 3 months later. I just wanted someone to love me. This father is not only destroying his relationship with his daughter, he’s destroying her self esteem and driving her to do things like this. Not to mention, she probably feels disgusted with herself, and her dad is making it much worse
It’s pretty telling that the older daughters rushed off to the military.
Ruined the relationship with your father because he was trying to keep you safe in the best way he knew how.. 🤦♂️ when men say they don’t want daughters, THIS is exactly why
@@oahts5906it’s pretty easy not to treat another human being like property.
Treating a human being like property doesn’t warrant going off and getting pregnant in 3 months
I don't agree what your dad did, but don't blame him for your poor choices,
you chose to move away another state to a man who you hardly know and open your legs and the result to is being pregnant after JUST 3 MONTHS
Flip the gender roles, if a son move to another state cuz his mom was "controlling" just to find out he got a women pregnant just 3 months after, you would "feel" and think differently
Another example so you can see it differently would be saying a BF was to over protective, and since she can't stand him anymore she breaks up with him and has a H03 phase and gets pregnant and blames the Ex BF and hates him for it, like yes the Ex BF did you wrong but choosing to be a H03 phase and get accidently pregnant it's all your fault
What your dad did was bad but the aftermath of your choices is all your fault not his, womp womp ik truth hurts but own up to the mistakes you did by your choices
as someone who is about to go off to college and didnt always feel that connection with my parents. i really felt this story. thankfully me and my parents have recently become way closer. ive never seen your show before but i could really feel the compassion you have and i feel the advice you gave was absolutely incredible. thank you.
I thinks more telling she didn't feel safe/comfortable enough to be open with her parents
Bingo!
Baloney. What +5 year old girl is going to say my boyfriend is coming over tonight after you go to sleep so we can have sex?
Well teenagers don't just announce to parents they're having sex.. kids sneak around for less
@14elvira14 yes but from how the wife is talking doesn't sound like her husband is someone you can just talk to he sounds cold
Some things are just feel little bit taboo when you're young and you're not comfortable getting them out in the open even IF you know your parents would be cool with it.
If you choose to give your kid a smart phone, please, please don’t let them take it to bed with them. That’s when all the trouble starts. Bullying, sexting, inappropriate pictures and more.
I am speaking from experience because a smart phone and social media almost cost my granddaughter her life.
Parents please realize nothing good happens when you send your kid to bed with their phone.
This is the truth….
Glad we have neighbors were I live who already told me, no matter if 10 or 15, before they go to bed, their kids need to give their phones to the parents.
Ours are little and do not posess one yet, but it sounds as a very important measurement
My heart breaks for all the girls in that family.
Taking the door off is so horrific. Every young person needs and deserves privacy, regardless of what they have or haven't done. They need some autonomy. The level of harsh punishment inflicted on this child will be incredibly scarring. If they don't change course they will truly lose her. That's not love.
I know right ! I would want to escape the house the next day !
In my opinion, the consequences should be like: free babysitting for a neighbor or extended family member. Scare her straight lol
Right, I completely disagree with the social isolation. That is cruelty. Where was the conversation of birth control and education, and spending more time with the child to ensure you have more influence on her?
Or better yet free mothers helper for a week to two weeks. After school you’re there until bedtime, and on the weekends you’re there all day until bedtime.
That's a really good idea.
And then they end up childfree and never have kids!
@@LSSYLondon It's a wonderful life!
This guy sounds like a horrible father. Not only for punishing his daughter in such a draconian way for normal teenage misbehavior, but for not talking to his other daughter for months for dyeing her hair. People like this should not be parents. I feel so bad for his kids.
1:23 they took her door? "Why won’t my grown child ever call me?" What an idiotic thing to do.
If I did anything right, we found out my daughter was having sex at 17, and she was crying when she told us, afraid of what her mom and I would do, and I held her, and she knew I loved her, but she also knew we were disappointed in her actions. Make your daughter feel loved. The opposite sex parent has the most influence with a teen. Please brother, remember your youth, and love your daughter.
See, that is a good ending. What your daughter did was horrible but the way you handled it was good.
Some parents are just infuriatingly unaware. Now she has to explain to her friends why she’s persona non grata? So her sex life is now potentially public? Then dad withdraws love?
He (dad) doesn’t deserve to have the power over the heart of a young woman. I bet he’s a proud ‘Christian’ too.
She is 15 with a sex life
@@hmmm2564She’s about to be 16 and the age of consent, legally there won’t be a damn thing her parents can do about it.
@@hmmm2564 we all agree her behavior is unacceptable. That’s not the point. This kind of parenting drives kids further away. You can discipline and have standards and still show love and connection.
Also - if your 15 y/o is this sexually active you’ve likely made some pretty big parenting mistakes along the way.
@@jessehudson1318 👏 dead on
Birth control is needed as the sex doesn't stop.
If you don’t wanna deal with your kid growing up, you shouldn't have kids.
There is no safe sex at 15. Consequences arent always hugs, cuddles and kind words. With so many teenage pregnancies and STDs in the US, you need to be parents not best pals.
Right! If the father was a neglectful father he wouldn't have been hurt by her actions.
My dad was the authoritarian parent. Would get very angry. Remove doors, bed from the room, etc.
he got mad at me about something (can’t remember what) when I was 16 and he gave me the silent treatment on my 16th birthday, no happy birthday, nothing.
I’m 29 now and have a hard time talking to my dad about anything unless I know it is something that will make him happy. He will try to have deeper conversations with me about my life and I just shut down and nod my head and mentally/emotionally cannot have those conversations with him.
Same. I love my dad though. I give him credit, because he is better than his dad was. I hope to be better than my dad, and I hope my children become better than me.
Does not sound like your dad wants to explain it which means that is an abusive father. That sounds like whenever he is pissed at something, he takes that anger out on you. It doesn't sound like he is trying to set ground rules. It is more like whenever he is pissed, he wants to come to you and yell at you. If you try to ask him what you did, he won't even want to explain it. That proves he will make up the rules where he wants to bully you. Sounds like he is a controlling father that wants to keep taking his anger out on you even if you did not do anything wrong. You may choose to be submissive and your father may start changing the rules and look for errors to yell at you just because he had a bad day. It is more like each time he have a bad day, he just wants an excuse to blame you and wanted you to believe you are at fault.
Damn. So she basically has no one rn.
She has her bedroom. Albeit without a door.
@@jasonboche a bedroom isnt a person tho
I couldn’t listen to this whole episode . The parents make me sick. Taking her daughter’s privacy away is insane. I hope the parents aren’t surprised when she cuts them off completely for doing this.
This is the consequences for her bad behaviour. Children need discipline before it’s too late and they become a single teenage mother.
So what? She is 15, and if she wants privacy, then she can leave. Parents need to stop giving in to their children. If she wants to get pregnant at that age, then she can suffer the consequences.
@coureenlawrence4915 These parents are the ones who will be confused why their kid doesn't come see them when they are adults but won't self reflect and notice how they over reacted majorly
@@AlannahGardener no this girl lied and is completely in the wrong
@@dorino9057 This girl is 15 and needs her parents to be there for her to show her the right path. Not to alienate her from everything in her life 👍
PREEEAAACH JOOOHN!!!!!!!!!.......I know both sisters to this girl , lets get both sisters on the podcast ASAP!
As a former 15 year old girl who got in regular screaming matches with my dad until we talked about nothing more than sports; listen to him, please. I’m begging for the kid.