Breaking Away From Trauma Bonds, featuring Dr. Nadine Macaluso
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- Опубліковано 6 тра 2024
- Dr. Les Carter is joined by Dr. Nadine Macaluso who specializes in treating relationship trauma and C-PTSD. Her personal story was depicted in the movie, The Wolf Of Wall St. starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Actress Margot Robbie played the role based on Nadine's life. Once she broke away from her harrowing experiences, she took time to heal, eventually remarried, then earned her Ph.D. in Somatic Psychology. She has authored a book, Run Like Hell, detailing what she has learned.
To learn more about Dr. Nadine Macaluso, you can visit her website here: drnae.com/
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his UA-cam channel, his videos have received more than 110 million views.
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To break away from trauma bonds first you have to get your head and heart and guts in alignment, you need all three of them in agreement with one another and then you say NO to narcissist.
“Presence is the key to freedom.”
Eckhart Tolle
My community, the folks, Aaron, Fred, I write cool, things, than I write my complaints, all I know, is my go team healthy, is my natural peace and harmony, thank you, please keep sending good questions, hey don't say nothing to the narcissist, I tried my best, I was a flying monkey, I went to the good side, to keep peace and harmony, sit back and watched ugly, my whole life, hec, I thought I could eat fire, being the half normal drug head, I can't watch no more, 0 if I would have told you, bad words, everytime I didn't understand your lack of, I walked in this ugly long enough, 0 I love you, now look at me, my free will, to show you real ugly, my community is saving my well being, hec at least I tried to be on the top shelf of normal, not the off base pattern, just to keep the peace, at the end of my life, I went all gusto for what, to blame a what, it was like looking into nothingness, and I was able to destroy with my words, a screwed up trouble mindset, it's a crying matter, my Doctor can put joy to normal, it was like every thing the narcissist touched isn't no pretty picture, and I kept letting you get away with being, what's wrong with you, 0 yea let me finally turn ugly, take your own well being and destroy it, with those thoughts, blame the nut, no way, my choice, 0 now I got the narcissist, on edge, our Doctor is trying to help me, to be cool, have pity, 0 you is not kind, your not aware, thanks, Community, these folks is like, a life saver, I'm waiting for class, hurry up central time, in Texas, hey Linda, hey dog, I like talking to myself, feed me to the dogs, sorry I stink, sorry I turned ugly, just don't do it no more, yea buddy, hang on to your lugg nuts, save yourself, I'm one person, my community rules, I'm going to class, with my sidekicks, tablet, plus I got a button on tech, it's my tool, show me your butt, that's me, tell it like it is, it's about me, save yourself, my Doctor says be normal
I'm struggling with this. I keep feeling a pulling force wanting me to desperately go back even though I know he's no good for me. Idk what to do, everyday I'm getting more stressed and depressed just trying to stay away. Why does it hurt so much?
@@StellarSTAR24 okay, narcissist first idealises you to fall in love with yourself, it’s good feeling, then pulls away to make you doubt yourself, then comes back and pulls away to form a Trauma bond via above process known as intermittent reinforcement, now your confidence becomes dependent on narcissist validation of you, you form a codependency, narcissist have control over you to secure you as narcissistic supply in order to survive.
Then this feeling sick in the gut is the catalyst for change. The head can be fooled, the heart can be fooled, the gut doesn't lie. I have felt it ever since this video today and I haven't seen 'The Wolf of Wall Street'.
If behavior is intermittent, it keeps you off-balance. You never know when "it" is coming!
Exactly, that's why is so confusing and put your nervous system in a fight or flight mode.
Yup
That's exactly right. Both my parents do it and then expected me to be a well balanced person. My elderly mother is worse than ever. She now forgets what she said or did and swings from sickly sweet to nasty even more. Takes no accountability for the distress she is causing
Psychologists and therapists are one of miracles of life a gift not to be taken for granted.
Seeing it from a different angle to get a wholer picture. Every profession is a gift:
Look at the busdriver, who brings you safe from one place to another.
Look at the loo woman/man, who is cleaning your sh.. and is giving you probably even a smile.
Look at the cashier at the supermarket, who will make it possible that you will have food...etc.etc.etc.
And by the way, if there would be enough love and therefore sanity in this world, we would not need any therapist. They would be unprofitable.
@@roxymovie3938 yes I agree humans are social beings, people need people!
"Your terrorizer becomes your soother!"
This says it all, the core of what beeing trauma bonded actually is - and like any addiction (you think you need it although it is destroying you) you first have to go "cold turkey" (no contact) in order to start your healing process of finding out who you really are and what you have not given yourself.
-----
Primary conditions of a Trauma Bond:
1. Power imbalance
2. Intermitted reinforcement
Starting point of a Trauma Bond:
1. Love Bombing
It may feel like love for it can be very intense, but it is nothing more than hooking you with lots of promises, admiration and flattery.
Signs of a Trauma Bond/CPTSD:
1. Cognitive dissonance on so many levels: a mental discomfort because you have two opposite definitions (the good and the bad guy) in your head which is total confusion and you lost your executive functioning.
2. Loss of self
3. Depression
4. Anxiety etc.etc.etc.
Everyone can fall prey to Narcs but there are prime candidates, Narcs find most attractive and these are people, who score high on these character traits:
1. Openness
2. Neurotizm
3. Conciousness
4. Agreeableness
5. Extroversion
Thank you, Dr Carter and Nadine Macaluso for this interesting interview. 🙏
For me, I felt my soul dying and that forced me to stand up for myself and started seeing things the way it really was..Oppression of yourself being
My ex was abusive and my daughter went through trauma of she his abuse to another.
This happened after I had been married a year. When it happened I thought it was somehow my fault. That I wasn't handling the situation well or violence breeds violence.
I reported it, it stopped, but his family kicked in gear meddling.
He wasn't the person I thought he was. I was able to stand up, refused their sick dance.
So much was happening I tucked it away but here I am decades later thinking about these things, facing them. There were red flags early on. I fooled myself thinking I was responsible and I solved it.
@@An-mei My kids suffer too with low self esteem. All I wanted was a good normal family. My mom and mean as he'll step dad did foster care so my home was far from Normal and I was lower then a kid that had no relation to the family. My dream was to have a happy normal family. Mine took all of that away. I'll never be able to make that dream cone true. I am so sorry to hear what you wrote. I never knew ppl acted like this. I thought my step dad was a rare monster and I entered the world of adulthood very nieve
It’s amazing how many of us have had the same experience and are now thriving or starting to!
My first n-ex was just like this. Socially prominent and influential, charming, cunning, cruel..0 empathy. 0 conscience. 0 accountability. 0 authenticity. I used to describe it as facade under facade under facade. Like the Bugs Bunny cartoon where he is opening doors only to find another door underneath, never getting inside. That relationship exposed me to the darkest type of narcissistic personalities. Reflecting on that situation I am filled with gratitude. Yes! Gratitude! I was lucky to escape alive and with my soul intact. I am now able to be my authentic self and know I am worthy. All I can say to those reading this is Get Healthy. Stay Healthy. You will find Healthy others to grow with! Thanks Dr C and Dr Nadine Macaluso and my wonderful TH Peeps!Continued and Greater Blessings!
Thank-you too 🙏🌸
❤🫂
Thank you Les and Nadine 😊
Thank you Nadine and Dr Cater. Breaking away from their perfect world is to live reality in authenticity and away from their illusions.
How is it possible that I could have so much in common with Dr. Nadine??? ME: Only Daughter of a Brooklyn raised momma with narc traits of her own, who married a dark triad narcopath! The countdown has begun…….cant wait to reclaim me ENTIRELY (been fighting to be my independent self for nearly 20 years!! And my doctorate degree will be attained end of this year, God willing!) Stayed so long to get my son to adulthood and off to college. Thank you immensely, Dr. C and Dr. Nadine!! Brilliant, and soooooooo resonating ovah here!!!! 👏👏👏💪💪💪
I can relate to her. Specifically when kids get in the mix and you want to give your kids the family you never had but, unaware it will never happen so.. You find yourself playing mom & dad as well as trying to protect them from seeing who their Dad really is. It becomes Emotionally and Physically Excusting and there is nothing left of you to give.
That is one of the hardest realizations, when you get that your aspiration for your family isn't going to happen.
@@An-mei My daughter in middle school said Mom, in family health I learned that Dad mentally abuses you. When she got out of the car, I cried.. I thought I broke the abuse cycle and my own daughter explained what her dad does to me and I realized I didn't break any cycle and I failed in everything that mattered to me. Being Happy, Having a happy family. I been abused from a step dad to my husband my entire life and all I ever wanted as an adult was to be happy and break that damn cycle. I failed
@@sandyhenry3238 You did have a daughter who recognized and told you. That is great, she helped you decide to leave I hope. Any child that can see it and come to you is a win (my oldest became a paralegal).
My pastor before he was moved to another diocese told me to keep talking to my adult children. He said it may not feel like they are listening but they value your judgement.
Still it could have been so different and it is grevious.🫂
A great duo, Thank you Dr Carter and Nadine Macoluso 🌹
Dr C and Nadine. WOWZA. Thank you both.
Thank you for your beautiful conversation ❤😊 your help and support are invaluable for me. God bless you❤
I feel we women must take responsibility for ending misogyny. Many thanks.
True.
Well, we do have to raise better boys. And our daughter’s better, too.
I have to teen boys, 14-16, and I sure raise them sensible to women’s reality. Our hormones don’t make us go “crazy”, our hormones are why human beings still exist. Having periods at 11yo is not fun, its painful, embarrassing, and it’s hard to adapt to it in our daily lives, so accidents happen, I’m an adult and they happen to me sometimes, it’s not disgusting, it’s basic biology, we shpukd be thankful bc it’s why we can have children, her body is just doing its job. They know if they ever see that a girl had an accident but doesn’t seem to be aware of it, they have to be respectful but help her, ask the teacher to handle it instead of you maybe, but don’t let her go around like that, be the one that does something, offer her your sweater to tie around her waist or your pants and you go put your phys.ed shorts so she doesn’t have to, idc just be helpful, and if some boys saw and are teasing her, they have to stand up for her, doing nothing is not an option, they both know they’ll get in trouble with me if it ever comes to my ears that they’ve let something like that happen and they did nothing.
It's not a shame or a curse to be a woman, it shouldn't, it's nature, but it's a shame that it actually is.
The 2 narcs in my life are both women.
There are plenty of JEZEBELS in this world with a death grip on their selfie sticks, doing the splits in their yoga pants, hell bent on bringing glory to themselves.
Genesis 3:6,13 💯
2 Timothy 3
I just looked online, and her book, "Run Like Hell", is available at my local library. I'm going to read it. What a great episode. Thank you.
You don't have to be the Wolf of Wallstreet to have your rage work for you.. I have had many authority figures who were constantly in a state of rage.. Rage was normalized where I came from.. Still is..
How fortunate for you to find a therapist who understood what was going on. It took me years to find one
Please have her back on again. I could listen to this conversation for the next couple of hours…or days!
So informative.
I will definitely read her book.
If in doubt save yourself of hardship
Great interview! Thank you for hosting. It’s one thing to master boundaries, it’s another to master and avoid trauma bonds.
Totally agree!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Shoot! And I thought I was on the home stretch! Turns out I’m only halfway there. 🤣🫠
This is the best information I’ve ever come across.
So much blah blah to wade through out on UA-cam.
Stick to the information that helps you survive, grow , & heal!
I’m keeping this video.
Trauma bonding was my life growing up. I read all the boundaries books I could find back in 80’s which help me.
So much great information to absorb! Excited for more growth.
Thank you Dr. C & Dr M
Watching it a 2nd time and doing yard work moments I wanted to cry had to walk away thank you so much for this .im glad to see you got past this. Thinking of my own situation I will get past this but thankyou for sharing. This gives me hope . Thankyou thankyou thank you.
You can do it! It starts in the mind!
Dr. C. This so highly relatable. Myself being a natural born, life long, beautiful woman. And from a dysfunctional start. Keep up the good and productive works. 🎉 Amen..( note I describe myself: beautiful ❤️ not out of arrogance. And to show earned self love.) ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Ladies and gentlemen of the team healthy, I recently encountered a female covert narcissist, how did I came to such a conclusion because being on team healthy and frankly I always say in order to discern toxicity you don’t have to have PHD in psychology.
I just want to say until then I didn’t know the calamity of detangling with a narcissist now I know why you my friends what you going through I even managed to dodge the bluet, still this woman doesn’t give up she still trying all the tactics and more and more I convinced of my discernment, being on team healthy saved me my life and my career.
I've followed Mr Carter for years and my life is so sweet now. I'm living my dream as a hobby artist in Santa Fe. Thank You Sir!
I had resolved my abuse by escaping. No one knows my address. But I was having a hard time releasing the Emotional Bonds even if it was no longer a part of my life.
I was raised as my mother's scapegoat for being her teen pregnancy and how I ruined her life. Then when I was 35 I found out she lied. My older brother was adopted by the CEO of SEARS. If ever there was a Gold Child it was him. So this past week I sent the "Collective" a Group Email of the Timeline they put me thru. No insults. Like I had filed a police report. Just the facts. It was like I had weeded my Spiritual Garden. I Metaphorically "returned" all the garbage they left in my Soul. I am Free now. :)
Thank-you for the interview.
Thank you both so much for imparting your wisdom and knowledge in this wonderful meeting of the minds. “Don’t lose the lesson,” is the takeaway from this episode. Narc abuse is a real wake-up call!
What an EXCELLENT guest🎉🎉🎉🎉 Thanks Dr C. This lady is awesome
Thank you both very much. Always nice to hear from new people. And to hear Nadine saying there is the wonderful times, but they underway the bad controlling signs. I so so so needed to hear that. Because I am having a very hard time with that. Not understanding that there are the good why is it even there. Or ever was. So so needed this tonight. And many other points she pointed out that is my husband to a t. And highly manipulative oh yes. And other people adore them. Even watching him abuse me just sluff that off. Close their eyes to it because they benefit from him. Like you say. Jeeeeepers what am I waiting for!! Thank you for such an extra pump of reassurance both of you that it is not me that is crazy. Like he tries to tell me it is me. They do strip your sense of self away :(
I have been trying to regain myself slowly and this has just totally given me huge strength. hugs to you both
Great collaboration yet again. This awareness is incredibly powerful…kinda like a sword…that divides…families. Matthew 10 34-36.
I'm currently learning of "moral injury" which is more subtle than PTSD.and as a part of trauma. Worthless indeed.
I just started to learn about it recently thanks to a NICABM webinar.
36:41, you're not at the airport, you dont need to announce your departure. Leave discreetly
Fear helps create the trauma bond, for sure
Wow! What a great interview. Thank you both. There were times while listening that my eyes watered up. Like hearing my story read aloud. I am today as healthy mentally as I’ve been in a long time.
I walked out too..I couldn't stomach the movie..
Excellent session! Thank you Dr. C. and Nadine!
Thanks, its a joy, to see Aaron, fred, my cool folks, thanks for helping, shout out to your healing, laugh out loud, im sorry about how, some body has got to love these fools, hec i was begging for more, just so i wouldn't cry no more, not healthy, this community is a good good blessing, for linda bell, yea buddy, sending our Gus, a big hug
I find her somatic slant excellent and her involvement with what I guess was a covert narc. Welcome. 🌹
Wow, it's almost creepy how similar my experience was with Nadine too. Like it's a formula.
Wow, Dr Nadine is so inspirational. I loved this talk thanks
Great interview! You have an excellent back and forth.
Thank you kindly!
The rage is demonic thats the only word for it.
This was very enlightening, thanks guys.
Glad it was helpful!
Become the wounded healer! Yes! Love it!
What I used to think was deep love with my ex-husband, it seems, was actually a trauma bond. He would pull on my heartstrings to get me to stay with him!!!
Oh The sophistry! (They don't do authentic!) I completely relate!
Mine did too.. until the day he blatantly told me I was responsible of his happiness, like entirely. That’s when it hit me; that’s impossible, and my happiness wasn’t even a valid concept for him. He went to therapy for a while, came out worse.
I left. That was 8y ago, he isn’t over it yet. He threatened our 15yo kid of k!lling me, in an explosion of rage. We’re talking about a 43yo grownass man here, apparently as good of a parent as I am, completely losing it on his child for maturely asking his dad to talk about something. It was filed at the police station, but now he’s freaking out to the point of paranoia because of the charges he’s facing. He’ll lose everything… welp!
@a.b.2850 Gosh. It took so much courage to share this. I've been divorced a number of years now, and my lads have grown up, but they went from a period of time of not wanting to see their father. He took me to court. He was not granted access as it was their choice. If you or your child does not feel comfortable in his company or are at risk. They do not have to see him. Take care 🙏🌸
@@BaraSchmidt Exactly. Nothing authentic. All fake! 🌸
Great interview, such a treat to hear everything from Nadine herself!
And I can see why they chose Margot Robbie to play her!
I've not watched the movie, as I couldn't manage to sit through much of "Catch me if you can". 😅
Such an amazing show❤! God bless u both💖🕊🙏and bless ur hard work which has helped me and I know is helping so many others 🙏🕊💖💖💖
Fascinating, fascinating, conversation Dr. C and Nadine.
She was definitely a good interview. Look at what she's been through and where she is now.
Thank you! I love your interviews and you bring on the best guests in addition to your own wisdom. God bless
Thank you so much for this DR Les and Nadine, Thank you Nadine for sharing your story and experience, It's helped me tremendously, I'm hearing so many women, Even famous women going through this and all are sharing the same red flags and the same patterns, Such an eye opener and a wake up call, I'll never allow myself to get in to abusive relationships again, There's people out there who promote it, It's unhealthy and sick, Beautiful trauma, They call it, Stop romancing abusive relationships, Keep shining light and speaking truth, Exposing abusers, Peace, love and respect to you both , Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God 🍄😘🦄🌹✌⚽👽🐎🦁🕊🕆☘♱⚖🌲🌈🌌💜❤💚💙💛💗😃
YAH Most High bless you sister Nadine. Thank YAH for helping you to survive such immense trauma and suffering. I am not able to afford one on one therapy, but I thank my heavenly Father YaHuWaH Most High for keeping me alive. Thank you so much for the work you do. I too have felt drawn to studying psychology in the hopes of being able to serve others in pain.
Keep learning...who knows when and how it will be put to good use!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you too Dr Carter for all you do. YAH bless you all.
Trauma bonds:
Narcissist love bomb make you fall in love with your idealised yourself.
Narcissist pull and push, hot and cold, diminishing your confidence then your confidence becomes dependent on narcissist discretion.
The process is called intermittent reinforcement, that creates codependency in you that serves the narcissist as anchoring you as a source of supply.
Our very genuine gifts are used against us😮😢 and then we become aware.😅
Thank you!!🍃🌼🍃🌸🩷
This was eye opening
Man I missed the live !! This is so good.
I might now actually watch Wolf of Wallstreet
It was a disgusting movie. But it shows that Nadine has done some serious soul searching in the last 30+ years to be where she is today. Her book is built on very solid principles.
@@SurvivingNarcissism For her I will watch. I am not a fan if Dicaprio. Something about him rubs me wrong
Us wounded healers are the most powerful cure against what we refused to let kill us.
So true 👍
Awesome! Thank you both❤❤
Absolutely LOVED ❤this discussion (and i must say that Margot Robbie did a Fantastic job at impersonating your dialect in the movie;) ☺️🥰your life story is so very inspirational! 😘👌✨
What dialect?
While I am to most practitioners on the survivor side of this I do not want to bring it into my growing blended family ❤
Your being cool, my Doctor says, to thank cool, hannamartin, thank ya miss lady, take care of the family
Sex/cash/show is the narcissistic version of a trifecta in a supply source
Some of the narcissist terminology I'm still struggling with. "Trauma bonds" is a term I'm not sure I understand.
Hi. How are you? ❤️
@@amandaliverpool3374 I'm okay. Some surgical procedures complete, but I have to have the inguinal hernia repaired at the hospital on 14th. I thought it would all be done at the clinic, but now there's the added ordeal of going to the hospital. It's not something they can do in the clinic. I'm anxious to get done. I used to be so healthy, but getting older always presents you with unexpected surprises. Thank you for asking. I hope you're doing well too.
@Hatbox948 I'm glad some of your surgical procedures are done. Perhaps it would have been too much to have everything done at once. It's always scary having any illness or procedure. None of us are ever 100%, and myself I go through bad patches, especially with my fibromyalgia, and I have a hospital appointment over my knee. I think it's important to try and stay focused and take each day as it comes. You are in my thoughts and prayers 🙏 ❤️ ✨️
It's impossible to correct but ... Co-gnutive dissonance is a word conjunction that means something. IT IS ALSO... a psychology term that means self doubt. The discomfort of doubting your self truth. Important to understand
We need to understand this. It seems it's based in confusion and discerning. Growth between how we see things currently and how we grow to see things.
34:43 strangely it seems notions on the Dialectic could be beneficial for folks suffering the cognitive dissonance. You have thesis, anti-thesis... they clash/engage, you end up with a synthesis of both. This new product? It now maybe is it's own new thesis, creating its own havoc. "And Also" instead of "But" within spoken discourse seems to have become popular over the past decade (i know I have used it in parenting both my kid and the narcspouse) maybe because allowing for "Oh forget it, IT'S ALL THAT" is radical quantum acceptance. So if i in the end held to "Always Expect the Unexpected because shit is shit, it will always look and smell the same," the dissonance was at a more tolerable frequency.
You are no less than a checklist to these kind of people. The checklist that will make them look good. And if one box on the checklist is not ticked, you are in for their negativity and criticism! The Trumanshow movie, the betrayal you feel from these people!!! NPD and BPD together in one, that is both eggshells and landmines.
I have all the side effects after 27yrs of him
So basically she was attracted to his wealth, status and power. He was attracted to her looks... This story is as old as the hills.
Just listened to beginning of the audiobook. Seems it’s geared toward women… ?
@Jonsey1977 I once read a book about men who are abusive to women (Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft) and it helped me finally understand why my sister was so abusive to me. I just swapped the pronouns, and it worked perfectly. (Btw, sis was also abusive to her BFs.)
What are you implying?
Women are more vulnerable from the start, like it or not. It does happen to men too of course, but being the uterus carrier and from how we’re traditionally educated for women to more submissive and subservient, and for some, to feel lucky a man actually wants us, so the level of toxicity and literal danger for women are greater.
Look at how many women are k!led by male partners or ex-partners versus men k!lled by ex female partners. It has become a pandemic. Women in Australia, in Canada, in many countries are getting k!lled every week.
Jordan Belfort
I like the music sound
Thats who ,you or, great privilege my community, state your name linda in Texas, plus howdy neighbor from another country, here we go, the enjoyment, go team healthy
It reminds me of that song?? The one that says “ it’s long long way from here to where we go!!” I’ve noticed that the narcissist who still attempts to control others, they aren’t going anywhere! Their journey stops. So when I don’t show fear or a need to stop where they are, and I carry on… it really pisses the narcissist off!