"They're boring" -yup, that's familiar. In my last session, I told my therapist that I learned that I'm attracked to friendships that have a strong magnetic pull and all other relationships seem boring but that I learned the "boring" ones are generally the safe ones. He got a good chuckle about me calling them boring but understood me. Dr. Fox, I'd love a video on that "boring" relationships/passionate relationships! And how to interact in those "boring" relationships, I find they are rather uncomfortable as obviously I've been wired in childhood for something less healthy so it makes sense but I need to change what I am attracked to and what I attracked already, it's time. I get anxious about maintaining a conversation within these more healthy people, it is unfamiliar waters.
I get the same feeling, “normal” people BORE me to death even though I’ve given countless chances to every normal person that has appeared in my life. Personally, I think it won’t ever work out and I don’t want to be with someone I don’t exactly like just because they are nice and could provide me a healthy relationship, there needs to be more than that. What I now focus on is people who might not have the most secure attachment, had the best childhood or things like that but who are ACTIVELY trying to recover and doing mental work. Just like I’m an anxious-avoidant and I still deserve to be loved as long as I’m not hurting others, other people also deserve that.
Seriously wish I could have had someone like you to see when I was going through the completely useless mental health services in the UK. Thanks for what you do.
I used to always attract very self centered, unfaithful, emotionally detached men and friends who would just use me for money or emotional support. I was trying to recreate my childhood conditions, because that was my comfort zone and my own version of normal. I constantly self sabotaged when things were going well since it felt so foreign to me. However, one day even that got old. So for the past year I’ve been focusing on my sobriety and learning about myself. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the best. I have zero unhealthy relationships now and I learned to love my own solitude. So much can change in just a year, it’s just whether you tell yourself “one day” or “day one”.
As somebody with bpd I am always always attracted to narcissistic men. Iv realised this that every male i have dated shows narcissistic traits. Recently I have tried my best with a guy who is not emotionally unavailable, who treats me amazing but I feel like I can not connect. Being with someone in a push pull dynamic where the future is always unknown is all Iv known since a child. Iv spent two years working on myself and find myself still being attracted to the same person.!
I date guys who treat me like my dad treated me. And my Dad was an asshole who made me feel like shit about myself. Once I realized this I stopped dating. I am definitely working on it.
I used to put aside the presents wrapped in plain brown grocery paper even though there is something inside that I could dearly use. 📦 Instead, I wanted that big box with the glittery bows and shinny paper even though there's big red flags all over the wrapping paper. 🎁 I just close my eyes and ignore the red flags, each bigger than the next, and dig into my present. 🤩 Little did I know it was a prank gift all along. My gift that I thought would be a blessing, ended up being a lesson on how to choose my next present with more care. 🧠 What an amazing gift it ended up being... As long as I've learned from it and don't keep picking up those big bright boxes covered in those adorable familiar toxic red flags. 💗 God bless the strong soul reading this message. 🙏🏾
Was soul tied to my lady friend after breakup. A very strong bond was hard to break. Then i learned the difference between a bond and love. bond has no boundaries which allowed me to be hurt so bad by my ex covert narcissist lady friend perhaps I have no idea what love is. So I got an idea it helped me a lot there's a lot of layers to this topic. Good and bad soul-ties, perfect storm of a narcissist and empathic relationship, difference between love and bonds, addiction to love chasing, or trauma bonds. Dr. Fox You have helped me so much with your videos I truly appreciate what you do. Thank you
Covert malignant narcissists are also having psychopathy traits …….They are the most dangerous as they hide pretty well. Only a trained eye will recognize it . They only USE and ABUSE .
Yesterday I saw my father for the first time in a year.. We had a very interesting conversation. He apologized for how he treated me as a child and how he handled situations that I was put in by his family (abuse etc).. Of course he made excuses etc for himself but what is interesting is that he admitted that in the past he had a narcissistic personality disorder. We were talking about how his ex partners often had BPD and I was talking about my BPD to him for the first time. (I am 35 years old). I realized that the way my dad and other abusive people treated me as a kid (who all had heavy narcissistic traits and bully personalities) made me attracted to this kind of partner when I became an adult.. I still have FPs and really obsessive crushes once in a while, but I realized that I no longer feel drawn to people who make me feel inferior and who treat me as disposable and I'm not more interested in individuals who are kind and creative and magical (like myself because i have qualities that are valuable)
I found your joke about wanting someone cool like you to be quite wholesome...might seem arrogant at first but who here DOESN'T want someone cool like Dr. Fox? You just want the best for us 😜
I always had this issue of essentially dating a certain type of person. I’d like certain traits, but then there were usually certain big negative traits that went along with it. And I noticed I just kept picking the same prototypes for a dating partner that would ultimately go nowhere.
This video is a hard pill for me to swallow... I have BPD and my marriage is rocky right now... but it has helped me to differentiate between BPD related pain and actual relationship issues...
This is actually what my history of relationships. Due to my lack of sense of value I have been in abusive relationships. However i have stayed single for years as i am invested in myself now.
I agree with the sarcasm comment. I’ve grown up with parents, who question why I don’t value myself, but then at the same time would go off on me and rip me up and then just the constant put downs marked off as a joke and stuff. Some of the things said were very concerning. I even contacted for help years ago and wasn’t taken seriously.
I had same parents and now I use sarcasm a lot to diffuse. Rarely to hurt anyone, mainly on situations...But Ive become a master of being friendly enough to get away with a put down and people didnt even notice.. Not very nice I realize.
I just got through my BPD workbook for my first run and I just wanted to say thank you again DR. Fox!!! you have been one of my best tools to combat the hard times i am going through... i feel my self worth is much stronger after just one time through the workbook!
Thank you doc!!! I'm dating again and I'm still v v much traumatized by what happened almost a year go and am learning and growing from it. Plsplspls make a video on the openness and emotional upheaval bcuz i legit thjnk "nice" guys are boring. I love how u talk about the prob and then give us solutions instead of villanizing and scrutinizing us. More dating vids pls! And yes cool like dr fox is defo on the list HAHA
Great video as usual! I'll definitely be coming back to this one. One thing I think is important to note is that this is not exclusive to romantic and/or sexual relationships; these dynamics can play out very strongly in platonic relationships as well.
I've been watching your videos for over a year and I am delighted to watch you grow comfortable with this format. Your knowledge and what you share with has always been life changing, and now you deliver it with such ease and confidence. God bless you and your channel. Thank you for sharing with us.
Oh yes, good idea! It's socially complicated to be authentic from my experience... I also link this to the feeling of derealisation/de personalization, as if I'm on automatic pilot mode most of the time, especially when around people (also alone though).
They were smothering They were accommodating They were risk takers. With a tendency to get obsessive.. which I think I create because I do the push and pull method naturally AKA always leave them wanting more. Thats the gift I kept opening.
Dr Fox,you are the best! You’re so accepting of us,that struggle everyday and give us brilliant solutions,so that we have ‘Choices’...and that in turn makes our lives,more livable and bearable ♥️Thank you 🇨🇦
I like men w issues 0.0 that make me take care of them I literally morph into whatever they need & they fuel my most impulsive tendencies too so if they say jump I jump then I end up letting go & we fall into a crazy mess together
@@jimicunningable we are both toxic in that scenario but I always get the worst of it because men have certain privileges and I did this when I was younger it almost killed me
Oh yes please make a video on why we find sane people as boring. And sometimes we don't even pay attention to them and call them as losers just because they take things slowly and doesn't love bomb us as we wanted us to be. But are consistent with their approach towards us.
your videos always help me get insight to myself, but one thing impressed me more than usual, when you mentioned the positive benfits of anxiety, I usually fought anxiety 24/7 and did not know it can be useful sometimes. thank you.
My mom was diagnosed with BPD and NPD traits. I’m starting to think I have NPD and I am curious about my own marriage! One of us has it lol just can’t figure out which one
Rachel Wyatt It’s very rare that NPDs want help. They usually mark it off as everyone else and think it isn’t them. It can be likely your partner has it and keeps gaslighting you and making you feel like you are the real issue.
I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about how I feel, but I will keep it simple. I am just so very glad that I have come across your videos. They mean so much to me. I wish you a very long and healthy life because I don't want you to stop what you are doing. Please keep your videos coming. They are so very helpful
I always like people who never have time to spend with me (or refuse to spend it with me) and try to change me and are not wanting a serious relationship.
Thank you for this video, I find this consideration on sarcasm very interesting. I had multiple situations - I believe with people with NPD and antisocial traits, regrettably none of them started a proper therapy - in which I tried to explain to them that their being sarcastic in regard to certain matters was equal to a passive-aggressive insult. Usually, after a first moment of confusion on their side, the answer was that I cannot take a joke and I am too sensitive. In my personal experience there is nothing more upsetting than a "sarcastic" comment when you try to talk openly to someone, because you care. I think that NPD and people with Antisocial personality disorder do it a lot, they really have this evil smile when they do it and every time it happened to me I thought "how can you be so sadistic?". Now I try to detach from these people and avoid confronting them, I see that it is unuseful because they don't want to reflect on they behaviour, they are stubborn and scared. Moreover, it is too much pain for nothing. I still hope sooner or later they will start therapy, so maybe this world will become a better place ahaha! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us Dr Fox, really great videos!
your videos are usually so relevant to me that they feel like ur talking about the exact things I’m going through at the time, hahaha 😆 thank u so much for ur content. ❤️ has really helped me to practice adaptive thoughts & actions during quarantine
I've only had the one relationship - an LDR that's lasted 11 years so far lol. But I can do the exercise about other people I've found myself attracted to, because they were different from my partner's personality.
Hi Doctor Fox, I wonder why you never mention DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) on your channel, as it is the most popular and effective therapy for people with Borderline Personality Disorder . It may bring awareness and help other people who have bpd.
This exercise is really helping me. Question, would you also include your closest friendships in the most recent relationships you've had when reviewing the personality traits you tend to be attracted to? Or would you consider that to be a separate issue?
I realized recently that I was so focused on the wrong thing with dating. Good education and advanced degrees (multiple) was such a hang-up for me. Yes, we need to be able to have commonalities and an equilibrium in education and ability to discuss things on a comprable level, but in no way does an advanced degree equal a good partner. It was like I had a block to that notion. So, then I fell in love with someone who doesn’t know the then/than, they’re/there/their, too/to, etc., difference. All of which would have been a deal killer for me previously because I was so focused on the wrong thing. Now, I’m like, “Let him just think “then” is the only word out there. I don’t care. So long as he’s loving and kind and mature and problem solver with me and is a true counterpart, I’m in this and I love him.” And I do love him so much. All about those baby steps.
It’s amazing how our perspectives can shift! Recognizing what truly matters in a relationship is such a crucial step towards happiness. Love and kindness really are the foundation of a great partnership.
I thought the art piece behind you was actually a ceiling when this video started! Having the camera slightly lower added to this illusion. Very disorienting and funny. Great videos...and now optical illusions
I had someone extremely caring fall for me and I pushed him away due to already being in a relationship....a somewhat unhappy relationship. But I was fearful of it not working with the new guy plus the thought of leaving and immediately getting in another bothered me. Even though he treated me better. Even though he understood me better. Apparently I'm not done with this chapter. Hopefully one day I'll have the balls the get with someone who is more in tune with who I am.
Thanks. It was very helpful. You've got me thinking now about introversion. A more extroverted partner might be what I need...(?)...and somehow end up not getting with.
I would like to see a video about bpd people being attracted to each other. Perhaps different types. Thanks for your videos. I find them really helpful. X
A thought I had while watching the video, one of my personality traits that I recognize about myself is that I get very agitated when someone changes plans suddenly or cancels them. I dont think it's an odd thing to be annoyed with that, i would assume everyone does this, but it is something about myself that I don't like, perhaps because it bothers me for a long time, longer than is reasonable, in my opinion. How does one go about changing that reaction?
Dr.Fox do you have a video to help/explain how to notice if people learning about their diagnosis start to apply that to their loved ones... and pros and cons about what affects it could have on both our relationships and our healing? I have BPD... thank you!
I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable guys 😩 they don't give me enough attention /affection but I still stuck with them. It's a mess. My father is a bit emotionally unavailable too.
I’m attracted to men who smoke. I don’t like it but they always end up smoking and being extroverted and narcissistic. I’m the complete opposite. I’m drawn to everything I’m not because I can’t stand myself and I want to be different. But once I realize they are not the nicest or morally best behaving persons I still stay with them because I don’t want to be alone and I feel like that “good enough” men would reject me. Men who have their life together and are successful. I’m drawn to egoistic and lazy men. I feel worthless and unloveable and that I’m an offence to good men so I turn to the obviously not so good once, in order to not be alone. Does that make sense?
I started with drug addicts, alcoholics, violent, then after some rec9very i started sating more outwardly calm but...narcissistic, sarcastic, neglectful...to this day. I keep repeating my abusers...im 63. I am done with love and dating. I just want peace of mind. Too sick...too lonely at this stage.
I would like a therapist that's cool like dr fox ... I'm hard to work with and probably still wouldnt be able to trust your insight in person but thanks for the vid :)
I believe in the change of a personality... But those with Borderline personality disorder, do they change..? And if they do, then what are the outcomes in a person's personality..? Do we have to carry this disorder in our personality through out and survive on coping mechanism entire life...? Thankyou!! Love from India...
For me it’s the habits the partners have. Like being addicted to technology, not eating healthy, etc. how do I do this method with that? How to BPD people know whether or not it’s time to move on?
@@DrDanielFox Thank you for acknowledging that it's tough. Of course, this is also the first relationship where the person is wonderful and stable; but at the same time, I feel like I'm holding my own life back trying to fit into their lifestyle... which isn't their fault, I just find it so hard to do my own thing and be independent. I can't tell whether or not I should work on the OCEAN aspects of myself and keep trying or not. The costs and benefits seem pretty even right now and we all know that us folks with BPD wouldn't want such a good thing to end. We'll have to wait and see how it goes. Pros and cons list here I come! haha :}
@@DrDanielFox you got that right. Its extremely hard. Im trapped in a burning building on the 31st floor. Do i jump or do i burn? Almost 50yrs old and i cannot deal with this anymore. Il jump off. I just want the pain to end and the nonstop yakking in my head. And the emotional rollercoaster to just STOP.
@Krishna Patel damn, I totally got you, sometimes it just feel like it's just better to be dead or just disappear, I'm just waiting to finish my degree, get a job, get money and use it to travel and find a good place to just end it all
@Krishna Patel even as a man, I sometimes feel want to be spoiled like a little girl, craving for someone's affection and warmth but I'm pessimistic, everything just feel like unreal and fake. It's just painful.
@Krishna Patel our environment, with asshole just everywhere, really affected our life. My parents always tell me to man up or be mature or some shit but I had enough with it. They act like they understand when they don't. Always like that. Whenever I try to talk my problems to them, they just consider it as trivial things and talk about how they have it harder. FML
I just wrapped and rewrapped my old toys and tossed them under the tree when I was a kid... analogy still works, at a point in my life I know what the gift inside will be 👀
i really feel so confused cuz i can’t tell if i’m repeating bad patterns or pre judging the person early bc i’m overly paranoid due to bpd trust issues
![Lp. Сердце Вселенной #60 РОЖДЕНИЕ ЛОЛОЛОШКИ [Финал] • Майнкрафт](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YoR0pAV9FVQ/mqdefault.jpg)
"They're boring" -yup, that's familiar. In my last session, I told my therapist that I learned that I'm attracked to friendships that have a strong magnetic pull and all other relationships seem boring but that I learned the "boring" ones are generally the safe ones. He got a good chuckle about me calling them boring but understood me. Dr. Fox, I'd love a video on that "boring" relationships/passionate relationships! And how to interact in those "boring" relationships, I find they are rather uncomfortable as obviously I've been wired in childhood for something less healthy so it makes sense but I need to change what I am attracked to and what I attracked already, it's time. I get anxious about maintaining a conversation within these more healthy people, it is unfamiliar waters.
I get the same feeling, “normal” people BORE me to death even though I’ve given countless chances to every normal person that has appeared in my life. Personally, I think it won’t ever work out and I don’t want to be with someone I don’t exactly like just because they are nice and could provide me a healthy relationship, there needs to be more than that. What I now focus on is people who might not have the most secure attachment, had the best childhood or things like that but who are ACTIVELY trying to recover and doing mental work. Just like I’m an anxious-avoidant and I still deserve to be loved as long as I’m not hurting others, other people also deserve that.
I soooo get you. I totally feel the same. And i have no clue how to connect with healthy people.
It makes sense that you'd want to be around people that affirm your perspective of reality, even if that includes a negative view of yourself.
Seriously wish I could have had someone like you to see when I was going through the completely useless mental health services in the UK.
Thanks for what you do.
100% this ☝
I'm in uk a d have bpd. Much love to you x
I used to always attract very self centered, unfaithful, emotionally detached men and friends who would just use me for money or emotional support. I was trying to recreate my childhood conditions, because that was my comfort zone and my own version of normal. I constantly self sabotaged when things were going well since it felt so foreign to me. However, one day even that got old. So for the past year I’ve been focusing on my sobriety and learning about myself. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the best. I have zero unhealthy relationships now and I learned to love my own solitude. So much can change in just a year, it’s just whether you tell yourself “one day” or “day one”.
As somebody with bpd I am always always attracted to narcissistic men. Iv realised this that every male i have dated shows narcissistic traits. Recently I have tried my best with a guy who is not emotionally unavailable, who treats me amazing but I feel like I can not connect. Being with someone in a push pull dynamic where the future is always unknown is all Iv known since a child. Iv spent two years working on myself and find myself still being attracted to the same person.!
You fineee lol my personality is attracted to you
Me too same thing.....
I atract emotionally unavailable too, i
I always feel like I starve from attention but still, I love them 🥴
Me too always.
Saaame.. I've seen the pattern, really would live to know the fix for this >.>'
I date guys who treat me like my dad treated me. And my Dad was an asshole who made me feel like shit about myself. Once I realized this I stopped dating. I am definitely working on it.
I used to put aside the presents wrapped in plain brown grocery paper even though there is something inside that I could dearly use. 📦 Instead, I wanted that big box with the glittery bows and shinny paper even though there's big red flags all over the wrapping paper. 🎁 I just close my eyes and ignore the red flags, each bigger than the next, and dig into my present. 🤩 Little did I know it was a prank gift all along. My gift that I thought would be a blessing, ended up being a lesson on how to choose my next present with more care. 🧠 What an amazing gift it ended up being... As long as I've learned from it and don't keep picking up those big bright boxes covered in those adorable familiar toxic red flags. 💗 God bless the strong soul reading this message. 🙏🏾
Was soul tied to my lady friend after breakup. A very strong bond was hard to break. Then i learned the difference between a bond and love. bond has no boundaries which allowed me to be hurt so bad by my ex covert narcissist lady friend perhaps I have no idea what love is. So I got an idea it helped me a lot there's a lot of layers to this topic. Good and bad soul-ties, perfect storm of a narcissist and empathic relationship, difference between love and bonds, addiction to love chasing, or trauma bonds. Dr. Fox You have helped me so much with your videos I truly appreciate what you do. Thank you
Love has boundaries, a bond doesn't have any boundaries.
Covert malignant narcissists are also having psychopathy traits …….They are the most dangerous as they hide pretty well. Only a trained eye will recognize it . They only USE and ABUSE .
P.M. Debrunner ….love is always and consistently KIND !
Yesterday I saw my father for the first time in a year.. We had a very interesting conversation. He apologized for how he treated me as a child and how he handled situations that I was put in by his family (abuse etc).. Of course he made excuses etc for himself but what is interesting is that he admitted that in the past he had a narcissistic personality disorder. We were talking about how his ex partners often had BPD and I was talking about my BPD to him for the first time. (I am 35 years old). I realized that the way my dad and other abusive people treated me as a kid (who all had heavy narcissistic traits and bully personalities) made me attracted to this kind of partner when I became an adult.. I still have FPs and really obsessive crushes once in a while, but I realized that I no longer feel drawn to people who make me feel inferior and who treat me as disposable and I'm not more interested in individuals who are kind and creative and magical (like myself because i have qualities that are valuable)
I found your joke about wanting someone cool like you to be quite wholesome...might seem arrogant at first but who here DOESN'T want someone cool like Dr. Fox? You just want the best for us 😜
Dr fox knows he’s cool
Didn't sound arrogant at all
I'm having an episode while watching this video but the joke of "cool like Dr. Fox" made me chuckle :)
he is indeed very cool and i might write that down
If we're comparing relationships to Christmas presents, all I get is gag gifts :D
Same girl 😕
Daaaamn that is a true story for me too...well put!
Ksenia V 😂😂i just get is a gag!!
I'll just get coal
😂😂😂it’s funny bc it’s true.😂😂😂
7:01 my humor 😂 Thank you dr. Fox!
What I heard was “First look beneath the wrapping Before you except the gift from the giver”! Thanks.
I always had this issue of essentially dating a certain type of person. I’d like certain traits, but then there were usually certain big negative traits that went along with it. And I noticed I just kept picking the same prototypes for a dating partner that would ultimately go nowhere.
It can be hard to break patterns, but not impossible.
This video is a hard pill for me to swallow... I have BPD and my marriage is rocky right now... but it has helped me to differentiate between BPD related pain and actual relationship issues...
This is actually what my history of relationships. Due to my lack of sense of value I have been in abusive relationships. However i have stayed single for years as i am invested in myself now.
Learning about yourself will help you grown and find more supportive relationships.
"Cool like Dr. Fox"
Noted ☑
The “Dad” humor had me laughing out loud! Thank you Dr. Fox- Happy New Year to you and your family 😊
Thank you!
I agree with the sarcasm comment. I’ve grown up with parents, who question why I don’t value myself, but then at the same time would go off on me and rip me up and then just the constant put downs marked off as a joke and stuff. Some of the things said were very concerning. I even contacted for help years ago and wasn’t taken seriously.
I had same parents and now I use sarcasm a lot to diffuse. Rarely to hurt anyone, mainly on situations...But Ive become a master of being friendly enough to get away with a put down and people didnt even notice.. Not very nice I realize.
“Comfortable is not always good” PREACH DR
(Preach it right into my unconscious mind, do u hear it unconscious? Please register this information)
@@SA-kh8pb 😂
I just got through my BPD workbook for my first run and I just wanted to say thank you again DR. Fox!!! you have been one of my best tools to combat the hard times i am going through... i feel my self worth is much stronger after just one time through the workbook!
You’re the coolest therapist in the world. I have your BPD workbook.
Amazing work from people that suffers this disorder.
Greetings from México!
I have bpd what workbook is this ? Did it help
Thank you doc!!! I'm dating again and I'm still v v much traumatized by what happened almost a year go and am learning and growing from it.
Plsplspls make a video on the openness and emotional upheaval bcuz i legit thjnk "nice" guys are boring. I love how u talk about the prob and then give us solutions instead of villanizing and scrutinizing us.
More dating vids pls! And yes cool like dr fox is defo on the list HAHA
Your videos are changing my life. Thank you so much
Great video as usual! I'll definitely be coming back to this one. One thing I think is important to note is that this is not exclusive to romantic and/or sexual relationships; these dynamics can play out very strongly in platonic relationships as well.
Hes such a lovely person makes its so easy to watch
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
I've been watching your videos for over a year and I am delighted to watch you grow comfortable with this format. Your knowledge and what you share with has always been life changing, and now you deliver it with such ease and confidence. God bless you and your channel. Thank you for sharing with us.
Dr. Fox is very cool
I am definitely gonna write 'cool like Dr. Fox'.
The seratonin boost I get when Dr.Fox says ✨expert in the area of personality disorders✨ 📈 makes me feel safe and happy 📈
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Could you do a video about the chameleon effect in borderlines?
I would love that
Oh yes, good idea! It's socially complicated to be authentic from my experience... I also link this to the feeling of derealisation/de personalization, as if I'm on automatic pilot mode most of the time, especially when around people (also alone though).
omg yes
yes that would be great
Hey i'd love to hear your take on dependent personality disorder and how to differenciate it from BPD. Many thanks from North Africa ❤️
They were smothering
They were accommodating
They were risk takers.
With a tendency to get obsessive.. which I think I create because I do the push and pull method naturally AKA always leave them wanting more. Thats the gift I kept opening.
It's interesting how relationships can be a mix of so many different dynamics! The push and pull method definitely keeps things intriguing.
Dr Fox,you are the best! You’re so accepting of us,that struggle everyday and give us brilliant solutions,so that we have ‘Choices’...and that in turn makes our lives,more livable and bearable ♥️Thank you 🇨🇦
You are very welcome
🤔 Really a friend and or mate who gets me like Dr. Fox. With out any manipulation. 😊
I like men w issues 0.0 that make me take care of them I literally morph into whatever they need & they fuel my most impulsive tendencies too so if they say jump I jump then I end up letting go & we fall into a crazy mess together
Yeah, no.
@@jimicunningable we are both toxic in that scenario but I always get the worst of it because men have certain privileges and I did this when I was younger it almost killed me
Oh yes please make a video on why we find sane people as boring. And sometimes we don't even pay attention to them and call them as losers just because they take things slowly and doesn't love bomb us as we wanted us to be. But are consistent with their approach towards us.
This sounds exactly like me lol. People think it's weird that I find normal "sane" people to be incredibly boring
your videos always help me get insight to myself, but one thing impressed me more than usual, when you mentioned the positive benfits of anxiety, I usually fought anxiety 24/7 and did not know it can be useful sometimes.
thank you.
My mom was diagnosed with BPD and NPD traits. I’m starting to think I have NPD and I am curious about my own marriage! One of us has it lol just can’t figure out which one
you can watch dr. ramanis video: when narcissists make you feel like you are the narcissist. maybe that helps.
I think if you're questioning whether you have it, you probably don't! X
Rachel Wyatt It’s very rare that NPDs want help. They usually mark it off as everyone else and think it isn’t them. It can be likely your partner has it and keeps gaslighting you and making you feel like you are the real issue.
It can certainly be challenging. Perhaps explore this in treatment.
I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about how I feel, but I will keep it simple. I am just so very glad that I have come across your videos. They mean so much to me. I wish you a very long and healthy life because I don't want you to stop what you are doing. Please keep your videos coming. They are so very helpful
You're welcome.
I find myself being attracted to a wide spectrum of different people. The only thing they seem to have in common is their attraction to me.
Thank you for this I needed it
Always good advice!!
Helpful as always Dr. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
All I have gotten was emotional, mental and physical abuse. That's why I have been single for 20 + years. Never want a relationship again!!!
Dr. Fox, you are brilliant!
I always like people who never have time to spend with me (or refuse to spend it with me) and try to change me and are not wanting a serious relationship.
Emotionaly unavailable..maybe patter from mother/father who was not present (addiction or so..)
Thank you for this video, I find this consideration on sarcasm very interesting. I had multiple situations - I believe with people with NPD and antisocial traits, regrettably none of them started a proper therapy - in which I tried to explain to them that their being sarcastic in regard to certain matters was equal to a passive-aggressive insult. Usually, after a first moment of confusion on their side, the answer was that I cannot take a joke and I am too sensitive. In my personal experience there is nothing more upsetting than a "sarcastic" comment when you try to talk openly to someone, because you care. I think that NPD and people with Antisocial personality disorder do it a lot, they really have this evil smile when they do it and every time it happened to me I thought "how can you be so sadistic?". Now I try to detach from these people and avoid confronting them, I see that it is unuseful because they don't want to reflect on they behaviour, they are stubborn and scared. Moreover, it is too much pain for nothing. I still hope sooner or later they will start therapy, so maybe this world will become a better place ahaha! Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us Dr Fox, really great videos!
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you, I wish you well too Dr.!
your videos are usually so relevant to me that they feel like ur talking about the exact things I’m going through at the time, hahaha 😆 thank u so much for ur content. ❤️ has really helped me to practice adaptive thoughts & actions during quarantine
I'm so glad!
I like to say “different flavor same behavior”… I want someone cool like Dr Fox 😂❤️
Thanks. Interesting topic.
I've only had the one relationship - an LDR that's lasted 11 years so far lol. But I can do the exercise about other people I've found myself attracted to, because they were different from my partner's personality.
Thanks for the informative Videos. I subscribed.
I certainly had this issue.
Thank you for these videos. It’s been hard to find videos about how to date healthily as the person w Bpd. ❤
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you Dr. Fox. I appreciate your knowledge. God bless
Yes Dr Fox . Thankyou.
Thank you Dr Fox! It's a very important point, that you are making! It makes perfect sense! I am doing the exercises right now!
King said beat it ✌🏽
Definitely “cool like Dr Fox” 😄🤗
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
i want someone cool as dr fox... no kidding like him hahaha hes so amazing
I really like the way you explain stuff. Thank's for the knowledge!
Words of wisdom! Thank you so much
Hi Doctor Fox, I wonder why you never mention DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) on your channel, as it is the most popular and effective therapy for people with Borderline Personality Disorder . It may bring awareness and help other people who have bpd.
DBT is the only type of therapy to help my BPD
I would like to know as well.
I actually have his workbook and the DBT workbook and they are great together. I would strongly recommend both.
Yes i wonder too
I am currently in a DBT group therapy and it is soooo helpful for me. I wish he talk about it and bring awareness.
i love you doctor fox 😭
This exercise is really helping me. Question, would you also include your closest friendships in the most recent relationships you've had when reviewing the personality traits you tend to be attracted to? Or would you consider that to be a separate issue?
He's talking about romantic relationships here but bpd behaviors and thinking certainly apply to friendships and familial relationships as well.
i wish you all the best BEAT IT is now my favorite phrase
Thanks
I realized recently that I was so focused on the wrong thing with dating. Good education and advanced degrees (multiple) was such a hang-up for me. Yes, we need to be able to have commonalities and an equilibrium in education and ability to discuss things on a comprable level, but in no way does an advanced degree equal a good partner. It was like I had a block to that notion. So, then I fell in love with someone who doesn’t know the then/than, they’re/there/their, too/to, etc., difference. All of which would have been a deal killer for me previously because I was so focused on the wrong thing. Now, I’m like, “Let him just think “then” is the only word out there. I don’t care. So long as he’s loving and kind and mature and problem solver with me and is a true counterpart, I’m in this and I love him.” And I do love him so much. All about those baby steps.
It’s amazing how our perspectives can shift! Recognizing what truly matters in a relationship is such a crucial step towards happiness. Love and kindness really are the foundation of a great partnership.
Really needed this video!
I thought the art piece behind you was actually a ceiling when this video started! Having the camera slightly lower added to this illusion. Very disorienting and funny. Great videos...and now optical illusions
Sarcasm is really hurtful to me. I can't tolerate it anymore. Thx dr. Fox
I agree
Controlinng people. I always find them.
I am trying to find myself. I am not dating now. I am loving it. 💯💯
I had someone extremely caring fall for me and I pushed him away due to already being in a relationship....a somewhat unhappy relationship.
But I was fearful of it not working with the new guy plus the thought of leaving and immediately getting in another bothered me.
Even though he treated me better. Even though he understood me better.
Apparently I'm not done with this chapter.
Hopefully one day I'll have the balls the get with someone who is more in tune with who I am.
so drawn in by this
Dr. Fox your videos are the best
Dr Fox is adorable when he’s not completely serious 🍷
Thanks! I wish you all the best.
You’re definitely cool doc. Thank you for your wisdom.
You’re welcome ☺️
Thanks. It was very helpful.
You've got me thinking now about introversion. A more extroverted partner might be what I need...(?)...and somehow end up not getting with.
Glad it was helpful!
I would like to see a video about bpd people being attracted to each other. Perhaps different types. Thanks for your videos. I find them really helpful. X
My problem is I see the red flags, but I want to see how red the flag can get.
Eish 😢 not worth it. We only end up more hurt...
Just found you, very interesting Dr. Fox.
Thank you kindly
I needed this today.
A thought I had while watching the video, one of my personality traits that I recognize about myself is that I get very agitated when someone changes plans suddenly or cancels them. I dont think it's an odd thing to be annoyed with that, i would assume everyone does this, but it is something about myself that I don't like, perhaps because it bothers me for a long time, longer than is reasonable, in my opinion. How does one go about changing that reaction?
Dearman dbt skill. Be willing to negotiate to half-win. Or lower your expectations. Radical acceptance all the way .
Dr.Fox do you have a video to help/explain how to notice if people learning about their diagnosis start to apply that to their loved ones... and pros and cons about what affects it could have on both our relationships and our healing? I have BPD... thank you!
I'm attracted to emotionally unavailable guys 😩 they don't give me enough attention /affection but I still stuck with them. It's a mess. My father is a bit emotionally unavailable too.
I’m attracted to men who smoke. I don’t like it but they always end up smoking and being extroverted and narcissistic. I’m the complete opposite. I’m drawn to everything I’m not because I can’t stand myself and I want to be different. But once I realize they are not the nicest or morally best behaving persons I still stay with them because I don’t want to be alone and I feel like that “good enough” men would reject me. Men who have their life together and are successful. I’m drawn to egoistic and lazy men. I feel worthless and unloveable and that I’m an offence to good men so I turn to the obviously not so good once, in order to not be alone. Does that make sense?
Look up Thais Gibson personal development school on youtube
thank you.
I started with drug addicts, alcoholics, violent, then after some rec9very i started sating more outwardly calm but...narcissistic, sarcastic, neglectful...to this day. I keep repeating my abusers...im 63. I am done with love and dating. I just want peace of mind. Too sick...too lonely at this stage.
I would like a therapist that's cool like dr fox ... I'm hard to work with and probably still wouldnt be able to trust your insight in person but thanks for the vid :)
Oh man I really don't want to miss this but I have to go to bed:-(
If you read dating app profiles of women, common threads are : sense of humour, honesty, goals, not into games, The Notebook, kids are their world.
I always end up with people I want to fix when I can't even fix myself its kinda funny in a morbid sort of way.
I believe in the change of a personality... But those with Borderline personality disorder, do they change..? And if they do, then what are the outcomes in a person's personality..? Do we have to carry this disorder in our personality through out and survive on coping mechanism entire life...?
Thankyou!! Love from India...
For me it’s the habits the partners have. Like being addicted to technology, not eating healthy, etc. how do I do this method with that? How to BPD people know whether or not it’s time to move on?
That’s the toughest. You have to balance the costs to the benefits. Not being alone is not a reason to stay with seeming. IMHO.
@@DrDanielFox Thank you for acknowledging that it's tough. Of course, this is also the first relationship where the person is wonderful and stable; but at the same time, I feel like I'm holding my own life back trying to fit into their lifestyle... which isn't their fault, I just find it so hard to do my own thing and be independent. I can't tell whether or not I should work on the OCEAN aspects of myself and keep trying or not. The costs and benefits seem pretty even right now and we all know that us folks with BPD wouldn't want such a good thing to end. We'll have to wait and see how it goes. Pros and cons list here I come! haha :}
@@DrDanielFox you got that right. Its extremely hard. Im trapped in a burning building on the 31st floor. Do i jump or do i burn? Almost 50yrs old and i cannot deal with this anymore. Il jump off. I just want the pain to end and the nonstop yakking in my head. And the emotional rollercoaster to just STOP.
hes so cute when he said cool like dr fox
Thank you
I don't even know what type of personality traits that I attracted to, since I haven't interacted with other people for 3 months
That's the best time to reflect (:
@Krishna Patel I never had any romantic experience and my age right now is the age when my parents had me that's 22
@Krishna Patel damn, I totally got you, sometimes it just feel like it's just better to be dead or just disappear, I'm just waiting to finish my degree, get a job, get money and use it to travel and find a good place to just end it all
@Krishna Patel even as a man, I sometimes feel want to be spoiled like a little girl, craving for someone's affection and warmth but I'm pessimistic, everything just feel like unreal and fake. It's just painful.
@Krishna Patel our environment, with asshole just everywhere, really affected our life. My parents always tell me to man up or be mature or some shit but I had enough with it. They act like they understand when they don't. Always like that. Whenever I try to talk my problems to them, they just consider it as trivial things and talk about how they have it harder. FML
I just wrapped and rewrapped my old toys and tossed them under the tree when I was a kid... analogy still works, at a point in my life I know what the gift inside will be 👀
i really feel so confused cuz i can’t tell if i’m repeating bad patterns or pre judging the person early bc i’m overly paranoid due to bpd trust issues