Controlling BPD Meltdowns and Acting Out
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- Controlling BPD meltdowns and acting out is one of the greatest challenges to having BPD. Urges often lead to engaging in maladaptive patterns, and one of my channel's paramount objectives is to help to identify these urges and manage them. Not an easy task, but also not impossible - though it may feel that way sometimes.
We all have urges, but what are they? Well, an urge is simply a strong desire or impulse to do something. These can be activated by many different things, such as external or internal triggers. Common triggers for those with BPD leading to intense urges include negative affect and poor self-concept and an unstable self-image.
Negative affect, according to the BPD criteria from the Alternative Model for Personality Disorder includes emotional lability, anxiousness, separation insecurity, and depressivity; my latest book explores BPD using this model - add picture - if you want to learn more.
Try the exercise mentioned in the video often to build the skill. Don't just try it when activated and contending with intense urges, but try it with minor ones too. Like ice-skating, it takes time and practice to get good.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 15 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: www.drdfox.com/books
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician's Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / drdanielfox
Dr. Fox's website: www.drdfox.com/
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author's Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
00:00 Introduction
01:25 Negative affect
02:20 Anxiousness
04:21 Depressivity
06:05 Urges
08:16 Emptiness
09:53 Acting opposite
13:23 Strategies to overcome BPD
BPD isn't who you are, that's the hardest thing to grasp sometimes. It's a reaction to the environment and helped you survive and cope when you needed it. I think that while it's important to recognize and disentangle from it now that it's no longer necessary, it's also important to be grateful for it as it's all you had at the time. Think of yourself as a seed that never got the nurturance it needed and now it's safe to accept that nurturance and grow. Easier said but that's what it is.
Katie, your comment is actually really really helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏼
❤
Great insight, thank you
Thank you.:)
Not if it's still not safe
the worst part about bpd is when people can’t understand it. that loneliness of feeling like you’re saying words but nobody really gets what you’re saying- especially in a society that tends to romanticize mental illness- your education on the disorder shows because you put my exact thoughts into words and your videos are the only thing i feel i can really turn to when i’m confused by myself
I came out to my grams and uncle and they both told me im crazy for thinking im crazy. I figured i stop controlling the tempest. they took me seriously.
Pussy makes everyone feel better... who cares if it's a band aid, it's better than a pill buffet!
I am so grateful for these videos. I also watch alot of Dr Berg on nutrition.
We aren't monsters. We are just scared. Thank you, this helped me a lot. I will try acting opposite with my partner and hopefully it will help him too.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
My daughter, when she was 7, after a blow up fight we had, wrote me a note (in marker) that said "I'm sorry I'm being mean, I'm just sad".
This i keep saying. I'm not a monster. This is not who i am. But i also want to be accountable for repeat behaviors.
Then why do people treat me like in a monster...
@@biolife3274absolutely!!! I need to be held accountable and im very aware of that !!!❤🇦🇺
As someone with bpd, this almost made me cry. You get it. We're not monsters like people think, we're just scared and need help to grow and manage our personality disorder and heal what caused it to develop.
I’m so glad you found the video helpful
Are we actually viewed as monsters? This makes me feel worse about it. How do I look normal?
It honestly amazes me how someone can understand something this deeply. Thank you so much for what you do!
He is amazing i just love these videos, ive got such empathy for misunderstood people due to my bpd 💙
How do I identify if my emotions are justified?
There's usually always a big part of me that's telling me "You're just being dramatic and attention seeking" or "you have no right to ask for this in a relationship, this is inapropriately much"
I know I am kinda gaslighting myself. But I genuinely never understand when my feelings are justified and I tend to just "swallow" them and back off and then I get angry at myself...
You’re not alone...I struggle with this too
Would like to know, too
Yeah I can't tell what's real or not sometimes.
Oh gosh. I deal with this every day. I always have to ask my husband or closest friends if I am being incredibly out of line for being upset. I will say, I do see things quite differently from others and my high moral compass gets me in trouble. I do have a lot of work to do, but I am also realizing that I had A LOT of manipulation going on around me too. They certainly weren't helping my triggers.
I feel the same. Sometimes my partner will use harsh language and it can be hard not getting triggered basically. I've asked him to think about the way he says things and now I just pick apart stuff. - sigh - I'm not even sure where this is coming from
if i could simply "act opposite" when having a meltdown i hardly think i would be in this position
Feel the same way ngl lol
requires practice and work and finding the thing that helps catch you when you're spiraling. healthy pattern of thought includes challenging yourself, in moments of distress. it's why we're taught dbt lol, to help us tolerate stress and, eventually be able to have an easier time dismissing the intense reactions that plague us.
You have a parent who tells you continually that you're not a good person. You pass those years thinking about the time when you'll be a grown up and things will be wonderful. You live on hope but by the time you reach adulthood you're hurting badly. You don't seem to fit in. You don't know how to act. But you learn over time how to put a good face on everything and how to be a responsible person and the opposite kind of person than that wrathful parent. For the most part the world couldn't even guess about the hurt you feel almost all the time. You watch the videos talking about different types of mental illness and when it comes to the BPD one you see yourself described there so perfectly that you find yourself weeping uncontrollably for a few minutes before you pull it all together again. Worse, the symptoms are described most of the time in such a painfully negative way that your heart screams out, Please God, don't let that be me. I don't want to be that person!
Over decades you come to realize that you just don't know how to make good relationships and so you start to keep the opposite sex at arms length. You choose the sort of companion who won't form an attachment to you or anyone else for that matter. You think that'll make it manageable. But it doesn't. It just keeps reinforcing the hurt. You don't want to get attached to anyone because you might get too attached, like that fear of abandonment thing you've heard about. You've experienced it plenty even before you ran across it as a "symptom" by medical people that will never see you as anything more than just a diagnosis, this and that a mental illness spectrum of screwed up thinking.
It's a lonely life. You end up still putting a good face on things and looking back and just wishing things could have been different. You feel a deep sense of loss because you know what you've missed. Yep, spend enough time doing that and you'll run out of time entirely. Ask me. I'm in my 70s - almost there.
Wow. You expressed what is in my mind and the fears that lurk in my heart. It is never to late- I believe that- I have to. I am so thankful that you shared .
Thank you I am sending you love.
@@happylindsay4475 love right back at you! You've got a lot of time ahead of you. Do what you have to do now to learn to love yourself and to learn to see that you really are valuable. You've got a right to expect good things. Love others enough to let them be themselves, even those partners that may choose to walk away. They have that right, just as we do, to stop a relationship which isn't fulfilling. Set good boundaries and make sure that one of those boundaries is one which you set for yourself. That boundary should be that you won't allow yourself to have a relationship with someone who's a user. Make sure they are a really good person that is well balanced and trustworthy and who wants a long-term relationship and not just a sexual fling. We BPD can feel so lonely that will settle for far less than we should. Shame on us if we don't stop that! We are way powerful people because we've been through a lot and tho we still have stuff to work through we have survived much and still have joy inside of us!
Even though I'm old and there's just not enough time left for what I like to do I'm going to keep trying and not stop learning. Dr Fox's exceptional. He recognizes and acknowledges we have many good qualities. We've earned the right to be proud of ourselves because not any of it came easy. More importantly, it confirms that we are capable of making the changes that we need to! Heck, we've already done a lot of the work.
@@charlysteenstevens9314 Your response brought tears to my eyes. The fact that you reached out, and shared your life experiences with me gives me hope. You really touched me- thank you. Your life and experiences matter. Sending you love, peace and days- moments filled with joy.
Thank you so much
❤ a really giant hug for you. You're not alone. I promise. We can do it together
Did you try the therapy he talks about ?
I had a massive meltdown yesterday, I am still weak and shaky today. I am finding your videos very helpful.
I’m so glad they’re helpful. Be well
I think I have something to add to this discussion. I'm 77 years old ... "young." I had this diagnosis when I was 22 years old. I never knew that I had it until I saw a "counselor" in my sixties who told me. I had noticed that I had gotten "strange" treatment from some health care professionals and attorneys. I never knew why. I hate labels and think they should be done away with. The damage they do to a person's self-esteem and quality of life is never-ending. I would, at least, like to see this label re-worded. I, also, dislike the word "disorder." It is not a disorder. It is a normal reactive process to help people cope with trauma. I can think of a few labels I would like to slap on the guy who gave me this label which made my life much harder than it should have been. Hold your heads up high...you are a survivor and have great depth as a result. I have a heart of gold, and my life's calling has been humane work with animals....no doubt because they have no voice, just as I had no voice. It has been my way of making the world a kinder place.
You understand me, I understand you.
I miss my dog.
I agree about the labels however we need words for things so don't think it is labeled just think of it as a words to help us communicate ideas!
Also omg the attorneys & therapists... I've had the same experience a lot of them ATE actually narcissists [even dr. phil said this] might be why you didn't leave fire them when you met! I Imagine the therapist or attorney started the session by trauma bonding you in their own special way get their clients hooked.
If you really have BPD, you would realize that it does in fact leave one's life in disorder. It is labeled as such bc it is not optimal for a functioning life.
It is a “disorder”, the effect it has on a person and life is not in order if a healthy normal person who had a healthy normal upbringing. You are not your disorder you HAVE a disorder. If you identify too closely with that there is no hope of relief
I normally have 3 triggers so far: Injustice, ptsd kicking in the sense of total loss, seeing myself as a failure... I start to get flammable and a seething rage boils inside me, rage towards me and everything else... I start being passive aggressive and then I start to feel the urge to rage quit, to destroy it all, to burn it all down... it is intense, last for weeks... but I do my best to control the dragons, so that I don't hurt people I care about or take a reckless decision. This rage permeates my sleep and I can go to sleep and wake up with a lot of anger... a lot of energy bottled up.. I start feeling hate about everything that I like and tend to destroy it... delete books and notes out of anger, destroying any art piece that I have done by shredding it to pieces, etc. Any spark can cause an explosion. For me, loneliness is not a trigger but the feeling of loss (identity, material, personal...), that feeling of doom that all has been lost... it leaves my guts done for... stress tends to multiply the frequency of these triggers. But I hide it... it drains me... but it will start to be noticeable, specially the passive aggressive responses... the keen observation to every little thing that ppl do or say, etc...
Most of the time I think u are the only one that understands me, without making me like I'm a horrible person, wife and mother.
I think people sometimes don't have patience these days and forget that people are often hurting on the side. You are not horrible. I promise. You make mistakes but you are not horrible
You aren't babes, it's so hard, and it's not our fault we have this shit. You are doing all you can by being here, I also hear Dialectic behavioral therapy is the thing to do to really beat this, I'm waiting to get my insurance so I can go get help. Keep your head up and keep finding strategies and things to help kick you back over into rational mind, I'm going to enlist my bfs help, I need help you need it too and I'm here to support you, you aren't alone and nor am I, we have to remember this, we have to remember that it's not our fault but it is our responsibility to take control of it and not hurt the ones we love because of it.
I haven’t started therapy yet, but I sort of trained myself. Whenever I find myself having negative thoughts, whether it be my relationship or myself- I feel the urge to lash out. Instead of doing that, I make myself think about things that I enjoy. Like Halo, 40k, my dog, maybe what I want to cook for that night. I sort of psychologically drag myself away from emotional self-harm (and hurting others). If that makes sense.
Great strategy.
Thinking about positive things will definitely override negative thoughts also try taking a few seconds to process your thoughts before responding so you don’t say something negative that helps too that’s what I do I just started therapy for BPD
Sending love your way ❤
😊I really your thinking on this! Do I have BPD?... I dont know, but I plan on doing this very thing myself, next time it happens, which has been too often! You put it into words that I can understand. I am slowly seeing just a little part of myself that I kind of like, and I need to remember that feeling as well. I think I can take control too. I think you've started to train yourself very well! Best of luck with your therapy, I wish you the best!
You're learning to control your thoughts and this is extremely beneficial. Everyone should work on it, BPD or not.
If this video brings u to justified tears; I love u. If it doesn’t I love u too. 🥰#growth
Here's my tip that might help (that has helped me): you don't have to immediately go all the way with the "act opposite" -thing. You can take it in steps. Like I used to eat really unhealthy if I felt stressed, so often now I ask myself: can you think of ANY food that would be tasty but not unhealthy? Usually when I take a moment and think, i can come up with something. Today I felt like eating those instant noodles, i was feeling a bit exhausted, but took a moment to think and chose whole-wheat noodles and shrimp. So ended up eating a warm meal that i cooked myself, that was tasty and not unhealthy. So you don't have to go from noodles to just eating salad, you can just start with changing up the noodles and go from fast food to cooking it yourself. :) Wow, I'm talking about these noodles a lot. My point is: when you make a change, take it easy, use your imagination and be gentle to yourself.
Thanks for your comment. Be well.
Small self love step for a man, a big step for the human race
Watching Amber Heard and Johnny Depps case unfold has triggered me. Bringing up all the times I've acted out having no control. Knowing people probably think I'm a horrible person. I'm praying for you whoever you are. My name is Tonia please pray for me too.
Prayers for you ToniaFoxFerguson
You guys are appreciated 💛 ❤
I recently introduced you, and the dbt workbook, to my son...who is facing legal consequences for a violent action. He hasn't been diagnosed with BPD, but can easily list off all the traits he has.
I can't predict the future, but I can say that your vids draw him in, unlike other vids he has watched over the years, looking for answers. He is also really liking the workbook.
It is also a great help that I, someone who loves someone with (maybe) BPD, also watches your vids. My son and I were talking the other day, and his body movements showed that he was becoming anxious. I said something like, "It looks like you may be feeling anxious. We should take a break. It can be three minutes, or a week, or a year...let's watch a funny vid". He just chuckled and relaxed pretty quickly. He had also watched that vid, lol.
Thank you for helping those with mental conditions, and the ones who care about them.
I wish both you and your son the best- the response you gave him- showing compassion, empathy and a separation from his emotions reflecting/mirroring a calm concern is really helpful. I feel seen and it instantly calms my inner child.
Again wishing the very best for both of you.
this is so beautiful, I’m glad he has someone like you in his life. wish you both the best, and a healthy journey together
I think a good way to lessen the damage of splits/the intensity of splits is when you start feeling that bubbling up sensation before splits, you usually dissociate, right? So try to use that to your advantage. If you were a person externally and sees this person who is filled with great frustration ,dissappointment and fear that's bubbling up into a fit of rage, wouldn't you want to step in and give that person some compassion? Then why wouldn't you deserve the same? Give yourself the compassion you want.
You will most probably get the compassion externally too, later, but for now, for the moment you are in right now, give yourself that compassion, to get some bearing. Cause tbh if you aren't grounded enough, no external validation will be able to calm the storm, regardless of how much we wish it would, and hey I know it's hard but don't worry, it doesnt mean external validation will be close to ineffective, not at all! It will still be special and will still give you that warm feeling but in order for it to work you need to make sure you are more grounded and futher away from the split first. ❤ good luck, everyone!
That's a very kind suggestion. I believe in self-compassion as well.
This was exceptional!! Just yesterday I allowed my urges to overpower me. I have been helping others in little random ways of kindness. I’ve also manage my BPD with prayer and bible study workbooks. And I collect American Girl dolls and so I make sure I play each day. I enjoy anything outside because for me it’s hard to be intensely upset when you’re under the sky or near trees. I do hold guilt and shame when I slip into old habits. And lately I’ve been suffering with nightmares and then that leads me into depressive states for the next day. I’m facing empty nest with my daughter leaving for college, so being a widow I dread the lonely life. I get so weary but my faith and motivation do kick in so I can enjoy my life in the here and now. Thank you Dr Fox. I would travel to Texas for your therapy!!! You are tops!!!!
Don't quit the Bible study!
Self reflection, self realization, self acceptance, self love, and self regulation are key components to becoming a truer self. Every human has room to grow, and the answers are within. Love u all
Not self attacking is one of the hardest parts of this.
I feel so ashamed to have BPD. I acted out wrong in the past in certain situations that I am not proud of. I never thought I would end up doing it. I would love to had someone to be able to hear me out than yelling at me for how I reacted. Listen to my thoughts and feelings during the time than shaming me. It would help me out to feel heard of. I keep telling myself that I'm no monster, because I said sorry after for my behavior. Although, I was talking to people who are toxic by being manipulative, gaslighting, etc. I found myself acting out like them. I keep telling myself that I'm no monster. I am caring and I said nice things to those people who I reacted poorly. It's sad how people think I'm like a crazy person, etc. without understanding my emotions. Those certain situations, I hate talking about it, I always find myself crying. I don't feel proud of it. I don't want people to hold that "mistake" against me. I want to be viewed as someone is not "mental".
When people tell me "I need help", It's not the best to tell someone that. I want to be normal. While at times, people can be toxic and say things towards the victim to try to lower their self-esteem to make them feel like they are doing things wrong when the toxic person done stuff wrong but pushing the blame onto the victim.
I'm proud of myself today. I learned better ways to communicate. I still have work to do. My folks never taught me it. It can be very hard when the people that you are living with, it can be very stressful when my feelings feel invalidate a lot / it can feel like abuse at times. Somethings are wrong. As much I said, "I would like a minute to cool down." , it was overwhelming when 2 parents yelling at me, so I wanted them to stop as well. They didn't respect it. They continued to yell at me. It was getting overwhelming for me to be around. I explained to them "I need a safe place to express myself" in a calm voice. My mom said, "No excuses" "You're a baby" , My dad continues to yell at me. I did not want to be around it. I didn't say anything but start getting dressed to go outside. As I head to the door to the garage, as I opened it, my dad slammed it. I started crying. I yelled, LEAVE ME ALONE. I didn't do anything wrong. I just was standing there crying. My dad mentioned about "If mom and I called the cops, we would WIN." I was confused.
Or like when the cop come out here to do a wellness check, when he left, my mom started to yell at me. I was not doing anything wrong. I was hoping she would be calm and try to understand how I feel. I feel it isn't right for a parent to yell at their child when they are depressed. It's hard when my mom explodes very easy and yells a lot. It can be very hard to feel supported when she goes off like that. Then when I was standing there and crying, she talked about calling the cops on me. I was like, "Why?" with tears running down my face. I wasn't acting out of control. I wanted her to stop yelling at me and shaming me.
I don't mean to dump all this emotional stuff out. It's hurtful memories.
This is horrible. You are wonderful. I hope your parents grow the f+ck up and get their karma in THIS life and I hope you are there to witness it so YOU can have justice.
I feel like you are an old friend to me. TY for everything you doing as usual.. it just help me alot to understand myself threw those crisis
Nothing has given me more hope for recovery than you and your videos dr fox. Every time I have a wobble or am near relapse I watch your videos over again. I’ve just completed 2 years of DBT and ready to do it alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do to dedicate yourself to helping us. I have your workbook too !
I'm so glad they're helpful. I wish you well.
I don't have BPD, that I know, but I have issues with emotional reactivity, ego dystonia and rumination. I have gone through DBT and loved it. I tend to internalize direct and indirect criticism. I find that when I can view events from a detached (not disassociated) perspective, I can usually remain calm and controlled. Good quality sleep and reducing or diffusing conflicts are the best medicine for me. Staying calm and relaxed and short-circuiting self-doubt and rumination also helps. I know what it feels like to feel out of balance, but staying active and maintaining calmness and self-care work best for me. Walks in the park help too. Everything is an experience and an opportunity to learn. GL 🙏
The problem with that is that I'm not good at anything even tho I have a lot of interests and then I try do to things and every time it turns out awful and I'm more depressed than before
I think in cases like that, do something that makes you happy. Not numb, happy. It's really hard to remember what makes you happy in those moments so when you're feeling more clear headed, write down everything that cheers you up. That list will help you when you're not okay
Many people who are really good at something had tons of failure, setbacks and discouragement along the way. It helps me to remember that when things I do don't turn out as well as I was hoping. I tried making pottery on a wheel and all I ended up with was a giant mess. The teacher was showing a new student around and as he walked by my lump of clay flew off the wheel. Oops. My bad.
Roberta, I say this not to be annoying but bc it must be said for the record: you are definitely good at many things. But, I do get that feeling of constant failure-been going through that a lot myself. Isn’t it dreadful when it just piles up?? But hey, don’t let failing at something you love to do keep you from doing it. There’s a great line from Silver Linings Playbook: “I’m not that great of a dancer, but who cares-it’s fun and it’s therapy.” And sometimes, your interests/identity can develop regardless of whether or not you do something. Do you like to watch certain movies? That can count as an interest and of course you can succeed at watching a movie. The beauty of no matter what you do is when you “act opposite” is that it will be a gift given to you when you needed it. Period. I am not that good of a singer, despite years of trying to learn how to be. “But who cares-it’s fun and it’s therapy.”
The part about assertiveness and appropriate responses to things really connected. My boss is a piece of work that I used to talk to my therapist about all the time. She used to make me so angry and want to quit and I felt miserable, but now suddenly I'm the only person that is calm and collected and assertive with her. It feels good to see this type of growth in myself. Once I gain confidence I'm my abilies and skills, I was able to view her behavior more objectively, and understand that her behavior was not a reflection of what I was doing wrong. I am able to look outside of myself so that I can advocate for myself.
Urges. Perfect word. I exercise every day to help stave off my urges to be self destructive.
A lot of my anxiety comes from being dependent upon someone else because I became unable to care for myself and I chased everyone away
I’m 25 years old and I got diagnosed just over a year ago. It has been extremely difficult and painful and like a lot of people have commented: the worst part is not being understood by anyone. This video really helped me. Also, reading other people’s comments made me feel like I’m not the only one in the world with this illness.
You’re not alone. Be well
Your videos and workbook have been helping me out. Thank you for your non-judgmental nature. Nobody would ever think I have BPD because a lot of mine is internal, but that doesn't mean it's any easier.
You're welcome. I'm so glad it was helpful. I wish you well.
I'm having a really rough go of it right now, I'm 37, been dealing with this my entire life. Your videos and how you speak about us truly helps me and I am grateful for that 🙏
Thank you for the tip about doing the opposite, but I would think I will have hard time with it because I tend to seek validation for my sadness or anger. It is like in that moment, validation is more important than control if that makes any sense.
I SO agree with this. I am the same.
It makes perfect sense, but we can learn to validate ourselves... it's hard at first but I know the hardest thing I've had to face-- in looking for validation outside me-- is finding the worst people to give it to me and then I'm all kinds of triggered you know what I mean? I personally have a relationship with God that helps me so much and I only concentrate on the positive things he believes about me and I trust my therapist who understands BPD. I have one or two people I can go to but, I got to a point in my life recently where there was NO ONE to validate me, that I could trust. That's what made me have to rely on God and myself and Dr Fox of course. 🤗 I had to stop listening to my mind telling me I "couldn't" or "this won't work" it was the scariest thing in the world... but it has changed me so much❤️
Yes! Such a good observation. I like that someone here says we need to learn to validate ourselves because that feels true and sounds true. But in practice, I just don’t know what that means. I feel estranged from my ego-everything about living feels outside of myself. Sometimes it’s a strength but it’s a terrible Achilles heel when the time comes for you to go to yourself. I only take that as a prolonged dissociation until I can go to another source again 😅
@@kimberlyjones4887 You have good point here in terms where to get the validation. Wishing you the best
@@susanryan4874 Yeah totally agree with you! It is like you want to validate your own feelings, but you are also used to being invalidated, so part of you do that. In my experience, being conscious of those patterns is key. Wishing you the best
4 out of 5 times you speak I feel your words so hard.extemely. Im just recently at 27 seeking help. I feel like you are saving me from suicide. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon. Your words help me understand I need this and am not just being silly.
Keep informing yourself! You will overcome this! I feel I am almost overcoming my BPD after immersing me in information and exercises like this. This channel is the most effective thing I've found.
Glad you're getting the help you need, as you are worth it! Dr. Fox and his channel have helped me so much, too.
This is great. Thank you so much for making these videos.
Thanks for all your BPD videos!!
Just came across this channel, and absolutely loving it. Thanks, Doc, for doing this and helping us ❤️
My ex used to trigger me constantly.... If he wanted to set me fully off to self harm.. He would call me fat and mental. Its so hard to bite the tongue. I do love these videos.. So nice to not feel attacked for it. I know I've said some regretful things... Sorry is never enough. I will be watching and ordering the work book tomorrow. Day by day.
I'm not this awful person.. I deserve some happiness.
I understand. My mother is an expert at triggering me. And seems to enjoy going out of her way to encourage me to meltdown, and feel horrible about myself. And then I always get made to feel like the bad one, and made to to feel ashamed of myself. It's horrible to have to be around someone who makes you feel like this. And who knows exactly how to push you to the extreme, and takes zero responsibility. It takes so much effort to try and hold it together
You guys are making the mistake of letting your environment define you. Set a personal boundary with yourself that your not going to internalise other peoples voices. Tell yourself that you are going to define you from now on. What you are doing is handing over your ego functions to other people. What horrible shit that comes out of other peoples mouths say all you need to know about them. Silence the negative introjects inside your head (harsh inner critic). You are a good object both internal and external, start treating yourself like it.
@@bentosan If it was that simple we would have done that .
Thank you so much! Channel is so useful!
I haven't been formally diagnosed, but after watching your videos, I can honestly say I have BPD. I've always felt that there was something wrong with me. My anxiety and insomnia has always been uncontrolled even as a child. Then the most horrific thing happened to me that could happen to a parent. I lost my 15 year old twin son in an accident July 2020 and my world is turned upside down. I have so many triggers, it's a wonder I'm still alive. I need help . There's only so much running and exercise I can do.
Sending you prayers and love to you and your family.
I’m so very sorry for this unimaginable loss. I’m praying for you. 🙏❤️🙏
I'm so sorry for your loss 😔💔. For your family's loss.
I'm sorry that happened. Please do not say you have bpd if you aren't diagnosed, though. symptoms of bpd are also symptoms found in depression and anxiety, it could really be anything or even just difficulty regulating emotion with no disorder attatched.
I'll pray for you , gosh I can't imagine what your going thru, I know that sitting and hugging yourself, that hurt part of yourself helps, at least for me. I have no one in my life that understands me at all, I have social anxiety bigtime so no real friends because I don't go out much. So it's just God and myself up here in my quiet recluse. But on days someone comes by like my birth family, and triggers me , I get thru the ok .bye y'all part, then decent into a deep place of pain that's like a bottomless hell. Once I she'd much of the pain , I hug myself, I know it might sound stupid, don't care. I also say to myself what a caring person would say. As if consoling a friend if it was them..what I would say all encouraging words untill I can calm down. I hope it helps you too❣️
Just wanted to let you know I got your workbook this weekend! I'm excited to get started!
Thank you VERY MUCH for putting this together and breaking it down the way you have!! Very helpful to try to help everyone realize what action caused the reaction!
Need to be able to break ourselves down in every situation that affects us or others.
This could not have come at a better time. Thank you🙏🏻
Thanks Dr. Fox! Always great video
Thank you so much for your videos. They help me a lot. I'm in an intense struggle at the moment with not acting the negative things out. I don't always do it right but sometimes i take social breaks/phone breaks when I'm afraid I can't handle/control my reactions and now I'm just trying to focus on art to combat the shame, intense fear, and despair I have right now of how the pieces of a particular issue/interaction will officially fall when the dust settles. Your videos give me hope and help me to at least identify, address things, and grow through them...
I really needed to hear this right now thank you Dr Fox as always X
Perfect score, nice.
I just wanted to thank you for these videos, they’ve helped me a lot. I’m grateful to have found your channel and i appreciate the effort you put into it 😊
Love this guy and his hopeful, and helpful approach
thank you so much for making this available for everyone, it really helps me bring myself back to reality and gain a sense of control and hope and reduces the amount of self hatred I may be feeling at the time, I really appreciate you, your videos are so clear and have zero malice towards people with bpd and the issues we face and it's just really helpful in times when I'm feeling worthless and feel there is no chance of getting better or being okay again
Thanks again for your selfless time Dr Fox.
Perfect timing for this reminder, Dr. Fox!!! Thank you 🙏
I giggled with the “talk greasy”. Currently in an emotional state and listening to your videos is really helping me cope.
Thank you for your videos!
Dr Fox you are so helpful & informative thank you so much
I never comment but I just wanted to say how much I love your channel. I just got diagnosed with BPD a month ago after starting therapy to cope with my abusive marriage and it has been a roller coaster of emotions since. I'm 32 now and my symptoms have calmed down a lot, but I can see how much BPD negatively affected me in my 20s, and also how it led to my marriage and current circumstances. I'm so excited to start DBT and break my cycle of immediately jumping into a new romance to distract myself from my inner pain. This comment got long but you've given me hope, thank you so much!
Thanks, this was great!
This video soothed me, and i was feeling emotionally raw, so i thank you, Dr Fox, once again. Acting opposite is great (dbt) advice
you are literally saving so many people's lives with your video's. i'm in the middle of a deep spiral, and i've passively watched your video's before to validate my feelings of "i'm 30 and i haven't done anything, but look at all i've overcome" but right now i've gotten to a really good point in my life - but here i am, super depressed during a medication change and i'm feeling completely unhinged and psychosis is kicking in.
Watching your video's during my medical leave is incredibly helpful. I've got a LITERAL team of doctors who work with me on my multiple co-mobid mental illnesses, and their not always around to answer the phone at 10pm when i'm feeling that surge of self-preservation!
Thank you Dr Fox, you're invaluable to the community you've built on youtube, there are many like me who appreciate your breakdowns and make it feel like there's light at the end of the very very long dark, dank tunnel. x
I got diagnosed 5 months ago after struggeling for almost 6 years. From 17 to 22 I used drugs to numb the pain I was feeling mentally. It was hard for me to just stay alive. I can say that after getting right medications and weekly visits to my psychiatrist I am finally feeling better. For the first time in forever I feel good about my life and future...
Thank you Dr. Fox for your work ✨
I rated everything a hard 10. Thank you for this video, I've been watching a lot of your stuff and learning more than I ever have about my BPD. I was told to my face that now that I'm becoming more self aware that I can control my emotions and impulsiveness and I'm pretty much healed. That stuff still happens all the time in my head and I don't always recognize it, ya know? They don't get that I have to be able to see it before I can deal with it. You're giving me the tools to learn how to and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. PS, I don't see a link to your community, I'd like to check it out.
Thank you for all the work you do to help those of us with BPD
Thanks so much for your videos. They are really helping me uncover an understand what I need ❤
Thanks for making this video😢❤
Thank you so much for making these videos. This video helps me be a good father to my 2 children.
sir, thank you so much for what you do. your actions are helping so many, including myself. my sincerest gratitude and respect.
I've got it yay
Thankyou Dr Fox
You describe me very well LOL! Thank you so much for actually explaining BPD and how all of this works. I’m 50 and struggle so much but finally am beginning, thanks to you, hear a breakdown of how this works. My therapist never explains it out, though she does help me work through it.
He speaks on mental health subjects the best I have ever heard. He mentions emotions and details them more in-depth than most people
Amazing. Thank you!!!!!!
I was feeling really anxious so i started to watch this video and now I feel calm thanks
I love your videos. I appreciate all you do. You make it clear and understandable. You describe exactly how I feel and I use these to help give clarity to those closest to me.
Your videos have helped me very much, understand myself and my BPD. Good mental health is not readily available here and I have to depend on my own research majority of them time which my therapist dismisses. Thank you for giving me hope, that it won't always be this bad, it does get better
It's a very helpful video and concept in it. Sometimes (often tbh), it's very difficult, mostly impossible to do things that are making you feel good or make you feel proud of yourself, from my perspective it is bc you "have no permission" to do so, you "should" behave in a bad way. And, when I see that scheme you just provided it becomes much clearer how and why to behave in an adaptive manner. Thank you very much! 🖤
You are incredibly inspirational!! i had decided owning that i am broken & helpless in my efforts for change, regardless of my endless hours of self searching & affirmations for change & countless hours of anger management, i gave up & adopted self isolation as a means to keep myself from having opportunities to hurt myself & others. Then..,TAH-DAH i stumbled onto your channel.
NO WORDS
no words adequately describe my gratitude for your work. Thank You is too generic for what i feel.
✨🧙♂️✨
Dr. Fox, you seem like an absolutely wonderful person. Thank you so, so much for what you do!! This channel is so informative. You’re so understanding and kind, and so professional at the same time. A perfect balance! Thank you for the videos :)
You are very welcome. Thank you
Thanks i just found this when i needed most i am having hard time to control my symptoms..i am having my dbt but your description is worth to hear
Really helpful video.thank you
Excited for this video, could really use it right now
Thank you for this.
Thank you I appreciate your videos
Thank you so much for this. It helped a lot
You're very welcome!
Doc Focs I always feel amazing after watching your videos. But then reality kicks in, I ruin my relationships, I end up alone, in trouble with the law for things I didn't do or people's misperception of me, and then become recluse and waste my youth and talent.
I really feel like a lost case but I keep trying.
If one day I end myself, at least you prolonged it for a day. And that's saying a lot, as nothing else helps.
I despise myself, and I despise myself more when my own loved ones betray me. But it wouldn't be betrayal if it wasn't from loved ones. So if everyone's my enemy, there are no betrayals.
Take courage and maybe some comfort that you are not alone. You are in a space where there are people like you, like me that support each other’s fight towards mental wellness, self compassion and awareness. We V are not monsters and we are not our symptoms or behaviors... no one is. We didn’t choose to be like this anymore than a person choosing to be epileptic...
We are all on the human spectrum- and it’s hard and ugly and also remarkably beautiful. And in my stable times- I remember this.
I am glad you’re here- please don’t give up.
Wish I could like this more than once! Thank you so much! ❤
Thank you for your compassion ♥️
Your like a bestie for us with personality disorders or the person we needed . I can’t tell you how to w much your work book helped /helps much Respect ❤
So helpful, thank you ❤
Thank you. Much needed!
So tired of being everyone's scapegoat because I have this diagnoise. The past 3 weeks I have been indated with insightful moments which are allowing me to build for the first time an authentic picture of my life. For me I have found that historically I was the one who has been manipulated by others. I truly belief that if I had had my diagnoise say in my twenties my whole life journey, experiences would be totally different. I have also learn that self compassion and the ability to put myself first now as really helped with my personal growth and understanding.
Thank you as always for an excellent video, you are helping enormously to all the bpd community
My pleasure!
love your work dokter, it makes me think of king nebukadnessar who had a dream , all the healers , seeers and magi's had to first tell the dream(sickness) nebukadnessar had, only daniel could tell the dream its amazing dokter, you are mostly correct 85 % about bpd , you tell me the dream , keep on telling me the dream it helps.
tx
You're the only person on youtube that i feel actually gets it, the rest are monopolising off the unfortunate trendiness of bpd, so thank you 😁
I really appreciate your videos, unlike some others ive seen. I feel adequately informed and you really provide me with hope and a sense of understanding. Thank you so much 💜
We arent lost causes, we just have more room for emotional growth and self awareness than some other people.
Thank you so much for making this video, Dr Daniel. I'm a teenager who has been working on my BPD for three years now, and one of the biggest challenges to my growth has been to overcome emotional instability because it has been interfering with my ability to stick to the healthy responses that I've been trying to implement for myself. Yesterday came a point where I was so hopeless towards my progress that I considered giving up. Your video helped me remember how to break down the complex states and make it mentally and emotionally manage my bpd. I'm really thankful for this video, it truly makes me feel understood as a person and gives hope for growth!
I wish I had dove into my condition a long time ago. So much could and should have been completely different had I put forth the effort to understand my disorder. I am currently in an absolute mental health crisis with so many different life stressors being piled up on me. It's been hell trying to get through it all. But I found this channel recently and today it has helped me get through my day. I hope I can soon get the professional help needed to help me learn to function. There are very few options where I live and the free affordable place is more of a pharmacy than therapy and Psychology. You go there to get medicated and not much else. Quality mental health care is well above my minimum wage income. I have to use the tools I can afford and this channel has given me more help and information than the Local Professionals ever really did. Thank you for this information. I hope I can utilize it for a positive start to rebuilding my life.
I love you! I just received your workbook on Bpd and Today I finished the first two chapters. I feel so excited to learn more about how my brain works! Thank you 😊
Great video.
I am so greatful about engaging in your chanel , thank you Dr. !!
I'm so glad it's helpful. I wish you well.
wonderful explanation that gives us the power of understanding ourselves!
I am 100% BPD and I appreciate your videos so much. I was just in the hospital though and they said I also had severe reoccurring major depression with psychotic features. Last year at the hospital they added schizoeffective bipolar to my bpd too.
And I’m a big ol’ 5 all the way through. My urges are almost always exacerbated when I find a boyfriend and develops feelings for him. My parents can trigger me sometimes but when I have a boyfriend and feel love for him, my stability is out the window.