7 Passive Aggressive Covert Behaviors of Toxic People
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- Опубліковано 4 лип 2024
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When they say "you are oversensitive" they are actually gaslighting you. That is another layer of the abuse.
True - and something I recently learned is that there’s no such thing as being “over” or “too” sensitive. The Truth is, we’re sensitive to their remark / behavior and our feelings DO matter and are valid.
When dealing with toxic, emotionally unavailable people, instead of sharing your “feelings” with them, say: your behavior is rude and disrespectful. This is a more assertive, less victim approach.
….your behavior is disrespectful and I choose not to participate in it….then walk away.
Yes I told mine she was gas lighting me and was told I don't appreciate you telling me this but yet would not address the situation
They justify their anger by blaming you for everything including their obnoxious attitudes.
!!!!!!!!
Yep
I've been married to this for nearly 50 years. I'm over it! Thing is no one believes me now or ever have. It's time to have my own life on my terms
Congratulations! Keep strong!
I spent 30 years in this awful marriage. Finally divorced him. Good luck, you deserve happiness and true unconditional love and peacefulness.
I left my ex this year after 18 years. He is a toxic controlling bully. We have 2 kids and it is hard as we are still going through the financial process of breaking up but it’s all worth it. I am now working full time and managing my own money. He is addicted to gambling so we never had money but it was always my fault?? Anyway good riddance.
Nobody else ever believes it when you're being bullied by somebody, trust me. they will just make excuses for the bully or treat you like you're imagining things.
You don’t need any1. My mom is married to a narcisist she just does whatever he says and gets annoyed at me
oh "the mood"... my mother would always throw the scariest tantrums (only behind closed doors of course, nobody from the outside world would ever believe me it was happening) , yelling and throwing things at me FOR HOURS and later in a light-hearted manner she would say how it is very healthy to "get the anger out of your system". But I was not allowed to even make a sad face. If I stopped smiling at any point I would get scolded for spreading a bad mood. "You are so ungrateful, I am literally standing on my head for yoy and it's still not enough!" she'd yell. While all I ever dreamed of was to be left alone. I am so proud of myself that for the last year I don't let her do this to me anymore, it's probably one of my hardest and biggest accomplishments in life(though I feel I have to fight for it all the time)
@Melbourne Australia MGTOW Monk that is true
Thank God the Toxic Person in my workplace got fired! Such a better environment.
:D
I would like this happens in my job either
Wow, same here last Wednesday. I’ve noticed narcs don’t last in environments they can’t thrive in
Ended up having to leave my job and work at a different setting because of this. Been almost a year and have to say happier overall.
@@naomijones8446 there is this kind of people every where like a plague...
The blame shifting to make us look as if we're the crazy ones they never take responsibility especially after instigating with us .
Exactly.we always seem to be responsible for their attitude and mood but they couldn't be responsible for our reaction to theirs...ever!
@@samanthacrotzer7355 True they always find away to flip the script on us .
SMHHHHH
They never take responsibility for their actions Their will even go as far as to change the history of the what happened in the relationship they never own what they did.
That as well as creating fights between others...ugh. I love my husband but I'm going to end up divorced because of my stepdaughter.
I never really understood how toxic passive aggressive behavior is.
I wish I'd known this 30 years ago.
Me too, except that its 36 years. It's only been a few months that i've known.
💯💯💯💯💯
I experienced this while I was pursuing someone and then I got lucky to escape
Never considered the ignore before...definitely a very subtle and covert tactic, so subtle I never realised it was going on till now...no wonder I've spent my life as back up supply, they were probably thinking "god, he can't even be ignored right" haha
Yes my narcissistic ex-wife did all these 7 Passive-Aggressive Covert Behaviors to me and more. Thanks Michele for another great video.
Oh yes, I've gotten the ignore/silent treatment, when I asked a question at the table to join conversation at a restaurant. I just ignored the in law and honestly continued eating my dinner happily. Then we went to a retail store and a stranger complimented my parenting skills in front of them and they must have been furious for the positive attention. Also, I've gotten the mean stare at the dinner table, because I started eating before them (they like to make others wait for them to start to eat). Then, they announced that they are going to sit, next to me, but I got up and left the house in a polite fashion! I try to avoid going out to restaurants or eating dinner at their house. Also, the subtle insults at the dinner table are annoying. I try to go no contact as much as possible to dodge their bullets.
Bmore Mom I also just leave when possible. No drama or anything. Just, “excuse me.” and walk.
They stonewall you to position themselves as superior and in the control seat.
Don’t give them a single crumb of your suffer if possible. The more you know about their toxic behavior the faster you can take yourself out of this toxic relationship. It’s not a life to be the target of someone else. I decided to call it a day years ago. The best decision of my life.
Lots of gaslighting going on here too.
Could you do a video on:
- people who embarrass you by behaving badly themselves and seem to have no shame about their actions
- setting boundaries with toxic people at work (especially bosses,) vs families
- what to do if you have to rely on a toxic person (you’re disabled, broke, their patient in a hospital etc.)
Thank you for the great information and best wishes on continued success!
What to do if you are reliant on a toxic person. If you have a disability. I would like to know more about how to handle this type of situation.
What's behaving badly.
@@lauratheexplorer6390 i need help too/thing i thought up=
Litterly=
Churches churches everywhere and not a religios or cathlic person in sight.
My ex was a different person to his co-workers/ family and friends. He told me his co workers were liars and cheaters. I found out he told them horrible lies about me. Before I left he begged me to move with him out of state (I later found out he was cheating with a co worker)
Whenever I went to family functions or first met friends/co workers I always seen the strange looks, I felt extremely uncomfortable, which makes people believe whatever it is they are saying about you since you seem so awkward. I didn't realize how much he messed with my mind. He would bring up restaurants or place and say "remember when we went there" I had never been to the place he was speaking about. Constantly keeping you wondering. So exhausting and evil.
Oh my gosh I have the exact same story. It's like they're on a frequency or something this is scary. The co workers the cheating and restaurants Wow!
My story too..cheating with a coworker.. Using my part of the rent to buy her flowers... she told me just because you two were living together doesn't mean you two WERE together! Then her first weekend Fb posted rose next to the bed with him...was on MY nightstand!!!! Wtf... but screw that they are so twisted they deserve Each other ...
Samantha Crotzer I'm sorry. I understand what that feels like. It shows you who they are and in my case I was 100% done. Be careful for when they try to suck you back in because it will happen.
Buzzing Bee I've never heard anyone else have that happen to them too. It's so creepy!! They are such A-holes!!!!
Nikki Lea I thjnk I developed some traits it’s scaring me
Michele you look a lot younger this year!!!! Amazing, beautiful, and courageous. Thank you 🤗
There’s nothing wrong with aging either ;) ! It’s because she has a pure spirit and it reflects in her face, as people get older I really think the way we age is a reflection of the beauty inside you
@@marial3231 I agree 100 percent 😊
New B cheers :)
Yes! These traits can really wear you down and create serious triggers after a while. So painful to deal with.
I was in a relationship with a narc for 6 very long years. I started seeing that he was a textbook case while watching your vids, but also discovered that I grew up with a toxic, manipulative passive/aggressive grandmother.
It seems to me that every other person nowadays is toxic in one way or another. I have gotten so familiar with it, that it is becoming "normal" behavior and I just avoid most people.
Sad to say..Its the new normal.
like every person on dating websites.
Sad, but True. Let's just love ourselves and get strong
True!!!
This was my small family and ex. Moved away from them all! Much happier now. Didn't recognize healthy people existed when you grew up under a malignant narc. Set me up to accept this typical behavior. Wish I had this knowledge 40 years ago.
You are always so accurate in your descriptions and so understandable.
He wanted me to pay him for doing the laundry. He didnt work. He got ssi and army pension.
I know one , makes his wife pay rent, get that! Bet he gets free sex! Lol
When I asked my ex to take care of the kids while I worked he said he would if I paid him!
Ha! Mine changed the oil on my car and then like a week later asked me for 20 bucks to gamble and when I said no, he demanded $60 for the oil change the week prior. Um, nope. Could have done it for 30 bucks and no giant mess on the garage floor. 🙄😂
The vibe ughhh it’s so toxic!
I am the mother of a so-called "adult" daughter who is everything you described. She's a single mom of 5 children and I happen to live with them. I'm trying my best to water down her unreasonable and sometimes downright cruel behavior toward her kids so they feel like they are valued and not just here to serve her. It's a nightmare. Your videos help me so much.
as a child if such parents, I find that it is a relief if someone just believes me. Not even trying to fix them or anything, just the acknowledgement that I am not the guilty and unreasonable one in the situation makes a world of a difference. I only got this as an adult, from my husband and close friends. Your grandkids are lucky they have you, please continue being there for them 💚 it will really help them
@@halucynki Thank you! I really appreciate your perspective and kind comment. I'm so sorry you had to endure this behavior from your parents. As children, there really aren't many options except for biding time until they're old enough to leave. As you know, there's no way to reason with toxic people and my heart hurts for them. Dr. Les Carter also has a UA-cam channel dedicated to narcissism and he is wonderful also. I'm very glad that you have found good, supportive people in your life now. I wish the same for my grandchildren. Thank you again!!
@@jmitch8483 thank you as well. Stay strong :) and just know how important you are to them 💚
Every single word you uttered is 100 percent true . It's happeningto me for years by a group of narcissistic sociopaths as silent abusive treatment. They are heartless vicious people who damage people s life. Earlier there will be loss of words to express the painful feelings. Greatly appreciate your videos as there are normal people out there to understand
I’ve experienced the ignore at work. It’s mean. They hug everyone and laugh and talk to everyone and completely ignore me. I never say anything. It’s not worth it.
Your light irritates their demons.I'm the same.
Void of reasoning - intentional ✔️
Yeah they suck that way. I also noticed that my narc boss tells all the time, that he is so busy and sick and exhausted, so that you can't expect more of him. You can't nail him for any responsability. He says I come and then is late or cancels the meeting. Triangulation, yes I had it, too. People see me through his eyes and say it isn't easy working with you. Now I am fired, which is in my best interest.
spilt with my ex 18 months ago, LTR. I helped raise her son, I still take him BMX racing. She came and went exhibiting all 7 of these traits plus some. Your basic anxious avoidant trap. She shifted 100% of the blame to me. Her misery is all my fault. I have made mistakes and own them. But 100% is just impossible with 2 people involved. I finally got wise and said enough when her own son told me I deserve better. We havnt spoke in months. When I take her son racing he tells me she is still miserable and now he gets alot of the BS that I had to bear. He is happy for me but my heart breaks for him. I just tell him you cant control how other people act and take care of your own business. Take it as a lesson on what to do if you want to be miserable.
This is painfully true. Especially about gatherings. I would be begged to go and then it was as if He was annoyed that I was there at all. Awful! I promise you that at a specific event, He literally saw me heading in his direction, we made eye contact and He ran away from me. I was always the crazy jealous one though. When I voiced any opinion about his treatment, the next holiday would be twice as bad. If I said I didnt like something, that behavior would become more prevalent. It is so exhausting. I am so happy that It finally has a name!
They set you up. Yeah like burn my decals by ironing my clothes
Mood = irked, annoyed, indifferent, resentful & in many cases contemptuous, which often ends in episodes of rage & silent treatment.
spideydouble lol I’ve just been copping this and bailed once I spotted the patterns
Wow, this really just explained somebody's crappy behavior to me online..... .love-bombing others in front of me while leaving me out of a conversation completely. I knew it was going on (denied of course) but I had no idea it was a tool used by toxic people. Thank you!
A lot of this video really resonated with me, especially the parts about the punctuality and silent treatment. So glad I am free from all of that now! 💪🏻
Everything you just said, happened in my relationship with my narc.. it's so sad, 35 yrs with this abuse... And he just dont get it...its like talking to a wall...I pray for him daily..
He gets it. It's just that he'd never not resort to gaslighting you into thinking he doesn't, rather than fess up because that risks you realizing you're not crazy, have credibility, are worth consideration, and aren't inferior to him in any way. Plus it's just so much more fun for them to double down on lies until their target begins to doubt themselves to the point they can't trust their own observations. This destroys your self esteem, and then you become reliant on them for guidance on how to be good. It's childishness in the form of pure evil. Don't let them do it to you anymore.
@@bloodstripeleatherneck1941 thank you
Lived my whole life with toxic people and sadly I have done some of these things to other people. Two years of being aware and working constantly to break bad patterns.
I used to be passive aggressive too, I think it's kind of inavoidable if that is all you know in life. But it's amazing that we can overcome it if we make a consious effort to be respectful to ourselves and to others :) feels so empowering, right?
@@halucynki Yes it does! Lots of hope.
I also did some of those to other family members but am learning and changing. Was trying to understand my ex and realised it started with my own parents and then affected my own parenting. Wish I knew this years ago. But from now am hopefully becoming a better parent and grandparent.
Good for you for being self aware and willing to change!!! I have definitely been guilty of being passive aggressive in the past, but its something i want to eliminate completely from my life. I want to be brave enough to speak the truth. In love.
@@somethinggood9267 Thanks. Being aware is crucial. Forgiving yourself is important too. The struggle is real but it's worth it.
Once again, you nailed every aspect I experienced in last relationshit. Thank you for your help!! Keep moving forward Michele!! ❤️🙏🏼
I just started watching but im so scared!! These are things I've been telling my husband for years, but im an idiot and didn't finish school so i dont know what im talking about. This has been 13 years! The first 8 were hell, and i started to stand up for myself, but its only gotten a little better for a few minutes at a time. I have to drop whatever im doing to rush to fix his problems. Im only here to make sure his life is easier. Im so sad this is true because i cant leave. Sex is him rubbing his junk on my leg. Don't kiss me ever, no hand holding haven't been anywhere other than the grocery store. This sucks
And notice when they’re even sitting NEXT to their “mate” : where are their naughty bits pointing? AWAY from wherever that neglected person is located.
I’m forced to work with a very toxic person and my employer is so intimidated that all of the employees are forced to tolerate them. It’s been 2 years and Everyone complains but nothing is done. I can’t wait to be in a position where I can leave. It makes me anxious working around these behaviors
Same at my work place
I deleted my other comment, and wish to post this instead.
Understanding why my x-wife was the way she was, and is currently, brings tremendous healing. I began finding my worth and value again.
Thank You, and all others like you, for sharing your knowledge !
Love From Iowa :)
I went through all of this, ugh. Sadly I met your channel months after breaking up with the guy (i had to realize all these things by myself... That i wasn't crazy, that it wasn't just me. It's been the worse 4 years of my life)
I get taken down in an instant with an “Ugh!” or “Oohhh” full of resentment or one that he pretends I’ve scared him by walking into the room. It’s like I’m dog poop he’s trodden in. I wished I’d kept a journal of the silent treatment. It took years to realise in the 1st week I was sad and confused, the 2nd week I was angry inside, the 3rd week I was so frustrated and unable to cope with it that half way through the 4th week I felt like I had to what I called “prostituting” myself to try to make up. This wasn’t anything sexual, I felt I was selling my soul to get the relationship on track. There was never an resolution nor was I told a reason for the initial problem. Two to three days later, it was all repeated...for years on end. He wasn’t happy at all to be talking again. I had been trained (trauma bonded) to make up with him even though I did nothing wrong! I started pressing him for a reason after about 7 yrs and I was told the same lie each time and it was my fault.
Another favourite was to not give me a loving hug or kiss. It was like I was a dead aunt he had to hug. Then he’d look at the disappointed look on my face with the vibe of “I know what you want and you’re not getting it.”...and a fake smile, hard pats on the back and quick retreat.
I was never not told things that I would consider parts of normal relationships. He loved to answer a question to “How was the trip?” with “Very trippy”. Did it all the time. He knew I hated it and would get the kids in on the joke against Mum.
I’ve also learnt to watch out for being told off for doing something my way like going to bed earlier than him. Truth has always been that he goes and has his secret activities after I go to bed. Took 24 years to find out that.
Can’t wait for the next video, Michele, that was great.
I relate.
I can relate, and also you get this built up resentment and it goes a few ways.... you get numb to it. You get more and more emotional and desperate. You blow up. All the while digs like: why are you so negative? Well we were having a conversation and all i could feel is disgust. Your tone changed, you rose your voice and i refuse to be abused.
So, I did not realize all this projection was going on.
The sullen mood punishment is the most unnerving thing I ever experienced. I found the best way to disarm these people is by not caring. Not just by acting and saying things that transmit that, but by embracing that attitude energetically because these types are HYPER sensitive (in a bad way..) and pick up quickly on whether you hate their guts even if you try your best to hide it. In order to do that you have to be focused on things happening in your own life in such a way that you just don’t care enough to feel contempt for this person... and then that person will start to even like you even though you really feel quite indifferent to him. I’m speaking from my experience with my extremely passive aggressive roommate who made me life hell last year, he would engage also in doing tiny passive aggressive things whenever he was angry. Yea it drove me crazy. So this year after the holidyays I became very focused on improving my life and like magic the guy is actually pleasant to live with! I honestly can’t seem to explain it other than that I stopped caring. He even cleaned the apartment something that I was always doing and which when I tried discussing with him would be met my passive comments (because it was a power struggle for him... sigh... I mean just clean the damn apartment when it’s your turn). I know not everyone can disconnect like I have, but if you can if that’s your situation then try it... good luck everyone
The mood, the intentional mistakes, the subtle blaming but not blaming and the guilt tripping...got it all and more. Now recovering from it. Thanks for your videos. It helps I thought for a while I was crazy and it was just in my head
the silent treatment was the worst, it was a daily thing with my ex. ounishing me for what ever i did or didnt do. i could never really figure out why she was so un happy with me. but i think the truth is she was bored and our relationship was getting boring to her, i dont think these people will ever beable to stay commited to someone
They love drama. No drama is boredom to them.
There is absolutely NO compromising with these toxic people.
I.m so disgusted to have to constantly deal with this. I am dealing with extreme financial hardship s and have had to rent rooms in homes. I have moved MULTIPLE times and in each instance have been abused deliberately by these people.
THESE are the some of the most evil people around.
"I think they're just dumb..."
Hahaha, that's what we always love to think: "Someday they'll understand... 🙃"
Oh, my...
I'm just going to use this on him from now until I can get out. "Uhh it's fine, I've tried to explain before, it's over your head." He can keep silent treatment and then yelling at me after 2 weeks of 6 total words, I'll consider it a blessing.
The “mood” drives me nuts. Their mood is so obvious, yet they say it’s you.
OMG, Michele do covert narcissist fit into this category also?
Thanks 😘 for the life-saving advice
I relate to all the points but what happened with number 3 was....I had a compromised immunity and the narc and I went on a cruise. I'm a fastidious handwasher and always wash my hands after being in a public place to stay well.
I asked the narc if he could wash his hands with soap too after noticing he would only rinse his hands quickly with water only after using the toilet or being in public spaces. Well you would have thought I was asking for the world. The silent treatment, narc rage and then verbal abuse that followed was disgusting. Shortly after that he was portraying himself as a doting husband again on social media.
You ended it on a cliffhanger! Always look forward to your videos.
This is why it’s so important to talk to your kids about security
Thanks for this video! I've dealt with a lot of these people, but one person in a group of friends is doing it right now and it's kind of ridiculous. 3 of us have plans tonight. This passive-aggressive woman said she could host, but then when two of us said that would be great, she said she'd rather meet downtown. She said we could meet downtown at a bookstore or a chocolate shop. I said I could meet at the bookstore since I didn't know where the chocolate shop was. She then started to explain where the chocolate shop was, so it sounds like we're meeting there. She also knows that I'm on a tight budget and that I will probably wind up sitting there while she and the other friend enjoy their chocolate and I can't afford it. She'll probably offer to buy some for me, but then think I owe her and act resentful all night. Or if I don't have anything, she'll ask what's wrong and accuse me of being a downer who can't enjoy the little things in life.
I plan to watch your other video on outsmarting passive-aggressive behavior, then eat dinner as well as chocolate at home ahead of time. That way I won't miss out on the chocolate but I also won't be coerced into breaking my own goals of trying to save up money. I also want to limit future interactions with this person. It's pretty ridiculous and pathetic how she'll go to great lengths to try to make me feel bad. She's been acting this way for years now.
You are beautiful Michele Lee Nieves, and most importantly, your beautiful soul shines through you - nothing enrages a narcissist more than that. Don't let their darkness trick you into thinking your light isn't a million times more powerful! :)
What about a covert narc that uses coughing to punish people by hurting their ears & causing headaches. The coughing starts when he isn’t getting his way & accelerates in closed in spaces like cars & restaurant booths etc. also coughs when someone is trying to talk.
🤣 I'm sorry that's annoying
Oh yes that sounds very passive-aggressive knowing that they are being obnoxious as hell, but doing it in a covert / innocent way such as coughing...... Because who's going to get mad at him for coughing? He can't help that right??? It's poor him.... look
.., he's having a coughing fit poor baby.....
And what's more I'm willing to bet that he's had people tell him how loud that is and that it hurts their ears.....
Omg my ex loser used to cough this way it was really bad cough to the point where my neighbours heard it I’m so happy I’m out of this crap I pitty the next fool.
iwantthetruth andnothingbut
For years people have told him his coughing is too loud. It has been described to him as “sonic”. People cover their ears & run. His response- “I’ve gotta cough” in an innocent voice.
This is seriously helpful for understanding people and events in my past. Thank gods I dont have to deal with that in my relationship anymore!
Another passive aggressive person does is give you horrible presents.
@Wild Bird yes, I was given some really bitter foul tasting chocolates couldn't eat then so nasty
@@LittleLulubee What an insult, hope she binned him because she would lose alot by weight by getting rid of him.
👍👏I encounter alot of toxic behaviors. I use to be toxic till I got help. Alot of people are not aware they are toxic. Going through this myself I learn that not all toxic people are not bad people. Alot has to do with their upbringing. Since I've been learning about toxicity. I know how to deal with them. You never know they could be mirroring something about you that your not aware of subconsciously🤔 especially if you get pissed off about they actions without addressing.
This video really is helpful sometimes you think it's all you and this is reassurance that it's not
Not saying I'm perfect and I'm not toxic but it's nice to know that it's not all me
Yes, you will always get the silent treatment when you point out any truth! All points are spot on, Thank You!!
Wow. Just now learned that all of this is a known thing. I thought it was just immaturity, simple disrespect, and mean spiritedness, but it's way beyond that and there's a blueprint to the entire thing. Is crazy difficult (children, too expensive in SanFran to split up) but seeing these dynamics open like this feels like desperately needed fresh water and air. Phew!
Once again Michelle you pointed out things that needed to be addressed - I know a couple of narcs who possess these same nasty traits
The p/a behavior that hurts me is the one with the "Hunh?" at every attempt at conversation. So I have to repeat myself ad nauseam because they don't want to bother to expend the energy to listen. Or they just want the control aspect. Or who knows why. But I've gotten to the point where I don't/won't repeat myself. They lose my trust. They lose my energy. They lose.
Thanks to mine I’ve been suffering with insanely high blood pressure and severe anxiety. My nervous system is completely shot so I’m stuck on fight or flight 24/7. I’m working on getting healthy enough to be able to leave and work.
Hi Michelle, I've been following you for 3 years now, I ve learned a lot from your videos and that helped me tremendously to understand what's going on in my life, and deal with it until it's time to leave, the right time has come.
Thank you much, you are my inspiration. Btw, you are blooming and you give us all hope that things can only change for the better.
She told me not everything is about me ... Ghosted me out by using the silent treatment and said it wasn't about me! I almost broke up with her but made it clear how I felt and that I understood from the silent treatment is that you can't stand me... She did it again and asked for a divorce a week after so I had to let her go. However it hurts me I've been hurt all that time but i can't change who she is. She ignored me as well. Never explained much. Expecting so much of me. Saying that she is on my side but she isn't...
My mum would say she would give me the silent treatment so that shouting at me wouldn't upset me, because her father used to shout at her. Yet still she fails to see the damage it causes.
Thank you, Michelle! Great video again. Still working on getting myself back, thank God I finally blocked the evil narc "friend" who kept intoxicating my life, same time as she initiated the discard. Been watching your videos for a very long time, it helped me so much to open my eyes and find my way.
Congratulations on Subscribed 180K Michele! We all appreciate what you do so keep it up.
Hi Michele!
You look stunning as ever!
Love your vidio.
I know that this might be wrong what I did years ago while I was in a toxic marriage along time ago and it gives me a bad feeling in my gut but when you talked about the "look" I used to get that " look" all the time but towards the end of that relationship if I got the "look" I would always find something super kind to say to the person I was talking to if I was in front of her "if I was getting the look" I know I would pay for it later but I sure enjoyed putting her on the spot at the time but hated playing those games if that is what it's called.
I did realize that I was a man and she could hit me and get physical all she wanted but I would just turn my cheek and take it. Now this is where it makes me feel bad because if someone could not take the physical abuse I wouldn't poke a stick at that "snake" but at that time in my life it was the only way I could level the playing field in public.
My question is would that be narcissistic behavior ? Or was it a copeing tactic I used so that I could have fun at get togethers?
Thank you so much for just now saying this. I was starting to think I was crazy and my friends thought I was just crazy too.
This was 2 on point! Nothing but truth and broken down so professionally and expertly! 👏🏾
Also, if at the social event and being ignored so you put on that brave face & try to have good time, finally if you go into a good time laughing with others then you get bad glances & when alone will ignore until you just speak about anything just the weather or that was a good event, anything they will lash out saying just how bad pf person you are for trying to have a nice time & pick at anything possible.. as in 'we'll seems like you had a great time & didn't even notice I was there it wouldnt have even mattered if i was there' & when you try to say that they were ignoring you then they get angered saying your crazy or calling names ... it's a cycle that will cause so much emotional harm.
5:08 - "Punctuality problems"
= means Your time is not important to the Toxic person...
Thank you so much for bringing these things to light. You are very insightful. I was so confused about these exact things for so long.
Michele, you have learned more in 15 years that I have in 40 years. I am ashamed. Thanks for your teachings, it is very actual. I appreciate your remark about the only "Person" that walked the face of the earth that was innocent but also couldn't please everybody. I know where I stand with you now and I see where your insight comes from.
The ‘ignore’ caused our last and final fight, I wasn’t okay with it any longer and it was the first time I truly understood that something very strange was happening and it was abusive. Standing up for myself caused her to “discard” me one last time, she went full tilt blaming every single thing wrong in her life on me, bringing up my past relationships blaming their failure on me, completely disjointed points of blame, etc... but this time I didn’t wait around for her apology, I left for good.
They will always play the victim. Well done to you 👍🏻
You nailed it so perfectly with this video! You really knew point for point what you were talking about.
Number 3 was so spot on, it's as if you know that person. They all were spot on, but number 3 was exact!
Great description!Coverts are very clever in making their abuse invisible to everyone but their target.Thank you for really articulating what tactics they often use.
Yea Man , trust your intuition, these Narc's Really, really good at playing ganes with you and I ended up losing my confidence totally,,,,my concentration dissapeared, I could not work and provide fopr the family, but then she had a "fancy man, toy boy in tow", had also controll of ALL the finances,what a mess it was and I was being told that I needed therapy, I was the confused and Bad one! I simply did not know that ones wife could be so Against me,,,,,,its taken ten years to recover.
Only finding these channels educated me to the exsistance of this type of personality disorder!
Since gaining certain insight I have bounced back somewhat, but still suffer the financial debts from that marriage ( I was a prisoner) Turned my own kids against me too, Karma got her in the end though!
Thank you so much for the video. My mother was using all this behaviours and then I have married to a narcissist. It took me 14 years to save myself and my to kids and ran away from him. The thing is that I was given the same treatment at work by one of the directors and eventually nobody in the office spoke to me. I would love to see the video on this topic. How come that other co-workers fall for this toxic people and eventually they treat you the same - in my case silent treatment, ignoring, never inviting me as the only one for social evening. Eventually I have changed the job despite the fact that I have really liked the company and I was earning very good money. I am sorry for any mistakes, English is not my native language.
I love how you kno that you kno that you know.....how these ppl think...and believe it
First video I’ve watched of yours. One of the most informative and accurate.
Thanks for posting this. It helps so much!
Omg! This is EXACTLY what I endured from my oldest stepdaughter and my youngest stepdaughter! They were HORRIBLE to me beyond what anyone could ever imagine or believe. BUT... to the public... they present as these perfect little, innocent victims and the nicest people ever. Wolves in sheep's clothing that DESTROYED my marriage with every effort they could, just like they destroyed their father's 2nd marriage.
Wow, spot on again, thank you
For me being ignored was the most painful because it was done around other people and I always felt as if the other people noticed it but didn’t do nothing about it. It’s like I was waiting to be rescued by someone. And so I would always convince myself that i was exaggerating and what he was doing wasn’t so bad after all.
I’m looking forward to your next video. I really really need it. Thank you,
My mother! She ignored me my whole life amongst the siblings she love more!
Judi Snyder so sorry that you went through that as it makes you believe you’re not good enough (by comparison to your siblings as they were getting the attention). This is my life now and I used to be the sibling she “liked” as I made her look good with my athletic and academic endeavours but now I’m the black sheep as I no longer run to her or react when she gives me the silent treatment ( aka she’s hurt and it’s my job to fix things). I see how toxic my family is and won’t nothing to do with the mind and emotional games she creates ( and my siblings follow suit as that’s all they know and can’t truly see what’s happening). Hang in there.... you will become way stronger then them and will rise above the conditional love your mother bestows on people. Who wants love that’s conditional? Not me that’s for sure. Hugs x
Fay Richardson Thank you for sharing your heartfelt experience. Now that I’m in midlife, I can see how truly dysfunctional my family was. Hugs in return! 🤗
Love your videos - can you do a video on narcissistic bosses and managers at work?
Marchant Madness - Check out the PERMISSION TO EXIST channel. She covers a lot of workplace issues, since she’s worked in corporate for a long time.
Your honesty gives them more information to learn further how to abuse you.
The ignoring thing!! I experience this with one girl. She is so odd. Like she's pretending she doesn't know me. They are just trying to kill your self esteem. It's like their main focus. They're so odd.
And yes the whole thing with how you can't address them... they abuse in such a subtle way that they can gaslight your feelings all day long and would make you look crazy.
my goodness how smart andgood are you doing this perfectcoaching. i deeply thank you and warmly congratulate for your efforts. keep it up. you are helping many people i assure you .may God blessthee
That is what my husband does, the silent angry mood when he comes home from work, only when I am in the room with him, but not with anyone else in the family is in the room with him, just towards me. Treats me like I am invisible then blames me for this kind of treatment, saying it's my fault when I ask him why he treats me this way.
Wow, not only are you gorgeous but you make helpful videos. You helped me realize my brother’s girlfriend is a toxic narcissist. Everything you mentioned, she does. Especially the silent/ignore thing. Thanks! Subscribed
lol. This video is SO DEAD ON! I love #2...that rings so true. Punctuality problems. OMG You so have this nailed.
I am passive aggressive as heck. Never interfere with the enemy when they are in the process of destroying themselves. It's called going no contact. That's what happened when you are surrounded by narcs.
48 laws?
You are amazing. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
Omg! Intentional mistakes!
This was so helpful. Thank you.