10 Signs Of A Troubled Jealous Person

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  • Опубліковано 9 лип 2021
  • Jealous people are deeply insecure, and they operate with the presumption that they can and should possess you. Dr. Les Carter highlights 10 primary signs that will help you identify this troubling pattern of life. With insight and awareness, you can determine to be no one's possession, but a unique person in your own right.
    Dr. Les Carter is a semi-retired psychotherapist who spent 41 years in private practice in the Dallas, Tx. metroplex. He now resides in Waco, Tx. He has conducted over 65,000 counseling sessions, written extensively, and has presented many workshops and seminars.
    If you are interested in online counseling, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: betterhelp.com/drcarter
    We receive a commission on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.
    Dr. Carter's new course: This Is Me, Setting Boundaries With The Controllers In Your Life: survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 566

  • @denisegilmore88
    @denisegilmore88 15 днів тому +93

    80 per cent of bullying is caused by jealousy.

    • @m.935
      @m.935 13 днів тому +2

      That's my realisation of the year as well. Saved my mental health.

    • @denisegilmore88
      @denisegilmore88 13 днів тому +7

      @@m.935 I read it somewhere years ago and it makes total sense. Sad, jealous people cause so much negativity in the world, it's just a shame.

    • @nancybaumgartner6774
      @nancybaumgartner6774 3 дні тому +1

      pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth
      The seven deadly sins are now acculturated “virtues” in the USA

    • @kellypolfleit3942
      @kellypolfleit3942 21 годину тому

      That’s great insight

    • @denisegilmore88
      @denisegilmore88 13 годин тому

      @@kellypolfleit3942 I also think that bullies, generally, have a lower iq than the average person.

  • @MyThoughtzAndOpinionz
    @MyThoughtzAndOpinionz 9 місяців тому +222

    The craziest thing about jealousy, is that people could be jealous of you for ANYTHING. Somebody could be jealous of you because you’re simply taller than them 😂

    • @valerietaylor9615
      @valerietaylor9615 3 місяці тому +6

      I envy tall women, but I try not to let it get out of hand.

    • @valerietaylor9615
      @valerietaylor9615 3 місяці тому

      I envy tall women, but I try not to let it get out of hand.

    • @KL-zg7lu
      @KL-zg7lu 2 місяці тому +11

      As a tall woman, yes. Short men often seem butthurt

    • @valerietaylor9615
      @valerietaylor9615 2 місяці тому

      I've always liked tall men, but most of the women I know are married to short ones.

    • @y0urSJ
      @y0urSJ 2 місяці тому +4

      yeah its sad man...as someone whos tall i can relate. people are so weak nowadays

  • @sharonjones5173
    @sharonjones5173 17 днів тому +38

    Envy is “I really like what you have and I’d like to have it too.” Jealousy is “Why do you have it and not me?” And I hate you for having it.

  • @nn3444
    @nn3444 14 днів тому +58

    Envy = i want what you have
    Jealousy = i dont want you to have what you have, so my intention is to take it away or destroy it...

  • @christinalw19
    @christinalw19 2 роки тому +470

    I feel sorry for jealous people. They were not taught to appreciate their own worth, or be thankful for what they do have. 😕🙏🏼

    • @winstonsmith9533
      @winstonsmith9533 2 роки тому +25

      They can't appreciate the good things that other people do:
      "Go Elon!"

    • @suzannesmith5339
      @suzannesmith5339 2 роки тому +16

      This is my favorite post of all Dr. Carter. Your last couple sentences took me almost 60 years to conclude about who the N. decided I would be. I loved 4:00 …”so what are you gonna give me next…even the giving has a “taking” angle.” Even discovering new hobbies, new outlooks on parenting and letting children go, new ways of enjoying holidays, not getting drawn into drama/gossip, makes the N. annoyed. It’s so unpleasant being the primary person who gets scrutinized, and is the comparison focus. Thank you always for making our awarenesses even clearer.

    • @leonap4814
      @leonap4814 2 роки тому +18

      Christina... I also feel sorry for them.
      Im thankful for what i do have. Im not concerned about what i don't have.

    • @christinalw19
      @christinalw19 2 роки тому +5

      @@leonap4814 right. We are given what we are meant to have.

    • @michiganmymichigan
      @michiganmymichigan 2 роки тому +5

      Gratefully facing the day is life affirming, healing, and life giving.

  • @goldbrick2563
    @goldbrick2563 14 днів тому +69

    1. Dread of being alone
    2. Disapproval of emotions
    3. Taker
    4. Diminished view of person
    5. Create isolation
    6. Controlling
    7. Impenetrable reasoning
    8. Prone toward anger
    9. Fear powerlessness
    10. Contemptuous outlook on people

    • @ruthparks5120
      @ruthparks5120 9 днів тому +4

      Thank you for being so thoughtful and helpful❤

    • @goldbrick2563
      @goldbrick2563 8 днів тому +4

      @@ruthparks5120 youre welcome, i was actually looking for this list in the comment section b/c I didn't want to sit through the video and no one had done it yet. So I decided to be mature and listen to the whole video and make the list for others. Though looking back, I could have done a better job by including timestamps and/or been a little more descriptive on some of them

    • @ruthparks5120
      @ruthparks5120 7 днів тому +2

      @@goldbrick2563 I'm usually the one that "performs this service" being the people-pleaser that I am. 😆 but been and us real slump lately & not on my game.
      I've noticed when I do it No one ever really appreciates it, or at least no one ever mentions it, So I wanted to be sure until you thank you. Lol
      It is helpful.

    • @goldbrick2563
      @goldbrick2563 6 днів тому

      @@ruthparks5120 😄 i always appreciate it so much when people like you do it. I always press the thumbs up, but rarely take the time to reply and say thank you. I will start doing that now.

    • @donnacoben4798
      @donnacoben4798 3 дні тому

      ​@@goldbrick2563thank you

  • @user-ez1bo3wn5m
    @user-ez1bo3wn5m 2 місяці тому +58

    i am an empath. being an empath makes me a target and i refuse to be a target. i refuse to be anybody's target.

    • @cherylvergin1757
      @cherylvergin1757 18 днів тому +6

      So, you refuse to be an empath?

    • @shantelhoward1970
      @shantelhoward1970 7 днів тому +2

      I agree I'm also a empath I've been getting attack left and right SMH😡

    • @emmsue1053
      @emmsue1053 6 днів тому

      @@cherylvergin1757 Read the comment again.

  • @maureendibari2384
    @maureendibari2384 11 днів тому +12

    Jealous people can be dangerous

  • @Rys12.3-4_5
    @Rys12.3-4_5 2 роки тому +80

    Jealous people are similar to narcissist , the same characteristic of narcissist ..

  • @mavispocorni1593
    @mavispocorni1593 Місяць тому +26

    Jealous people are sick

    • @pj61114
      @pj61114 14 днів тому +1

      And makes the object of their concern Sick.

  • @beautyshines2124
    @beautyshines2124 Рік тому +101

    Jealous people are very insecured, selfish and low self confidence individuals regardless of their status in life.

  • @treystewart2708
    @treystewart2708 2 роки тому +55

    Jealousy is an ugly trait!

  • @jeffreyjackson5229
    @jeffreyjackson5229 13 днів тому +6

    Remember your self-worth, control your emotions, and never settle.

  • @scamdemicpoliticalvirus1123
    @scamdemicpoliticalvirus1123 2 роки тому +148

    Jealousy is lack of understanding of one’s potential ✔️

  • @tamrinbekker8518
    @tamrinbekker8518 3 місяці тому +27

    I have a jealous coworker with ALL of these signs!

  • @beastman.330
    @beastman.330 2 роки тому +19

    Jealousy people are sore losers.

  • @strugglingmillennial1298
    @strugglingmillennial1298 2 роки тому +151

    It’s exhausting that there are so many people like this around. It makes me glad to have a small circle. Being an Empath makes you a walking target!

  • @vernabryant2894
    @vernabryant2894 Місяць тому +15

    I have a family member that is jealous of me.I have always been respectful of this person.

  • @sarahf.s.2961
    @sarahf.s.2961 6 днів тому +3

    When they secretly hate your success, they will compete wirh you in everything. That's how you spot fake friends.

  • @dazmindleon
    @dazmindleon Рік тому +48

    A parent being jealous especially a father is the worst

  • @biggooeyyy
    @biggooeyyy 9 місяців тому +52

    A jealous person.. will want to know everything about you & will want negative reactions from everyone else. Instead of talking about your achievements, they have a field day about your failures. You will always be the topic of discussion even if you’re not in the room. They’ll always view you as competition or as your enemy. They’ll compare everything. They’ll want to be better than you, but God forbid you’re better than them.. they’ll seek revenge. Jealousy is a disease.

    • @marinat187
      @marinat187 18 днів тому +4

      Agree with every word.

  • @Chrissy726
    @Chrissy726 4 дні тому +1

    Jealousy = I don't want you to have what I have
    Envy = I want what you have

  • @jussaraarundel9953
    @jussaraarundel9953 2 роки тому +92

    Jealous people need to find a place of peace like Guss, the happy creature.

  • @qineonmorame
    @qineonmorame Рік тому +58

    Best to stay FAR away from jealous toxic people, including family. They are miserable deep down and it's best to isolate them from non jealous people.

    • @kayjones6147
      @kayjones6147 День тому

      Let's put it this way: "Jealous people aren't happy unless they are making you unhappy."

  • @travelgo3720
    @travelgo3720 2 роки тому +45

    Negative emotions seem to be tied to some form of control.

  • @manuelhubbard1
    @manuelhubbard1 2 роки тому +73

    They will attempt to isolate. Possessiveness. Zero compromise
    You sir , are a life saver

    • @user-pq1bf4ng9b
      @user-pq1bf4ng9b 5 місяців тому

      Mine wanted anything & everything I had. So damn crazy. Literally hijacked my identity...unbelievable. Ppl don't understand the depth of their twisted psychology. They say they hate you but do anything & everything to become you!! Huh??

    • @Hithere-dc2qx
      @Hithere-dc2qx Місяць тому

      A "buddy" has not only constantly tried to keep my good friend from seeing me, but he's literally apparently been holding onto my car keys on purpose that I forgot in his car. So weird. Trying to keep me at home and with no friends lol. Good thing I have spare keys

  • @Raffnix58
    @Raffnix58 Місяць тому +10

    Soo true, they create separation so poisonous 😢

  • @AllyKit
    @AllyKit 2 роки тому +143

    Jealousy is a terrible thing and causes great loneliness. My closest childhood friend told a mutual friend that it must be nice to have what I have and that I married for money. (I didn’t.) My sister has always copied and tried to one-up me so we are not close. I have been dumped by friends because I was seen as “competition.” They didn’t want their boyfriends around me. I had to let go of my best friend bc she expected me to pay her way every single time since I had more money. She would start fights and say I have never struggled (I have!) and act entitled like I owed her. The final straw was when she walked into my new home for the first time she broke down crying. And not out of joy.
    After 20+ years of cutting these jealous people out, there is no one left. It’s pathetic to have no friends or close family at my age. Why can’t people who supposedly love you
    just be happy for you?

    • @katalynbabe
      @katalynbabe 2 роки тому +15

      Same here

    • @69LOLIN
      @69LOLIN 2 роки тому +24

      They can’t because they themselves are not happy!
      Surround yourself with happypeople!

    • @dannym6552
      @dannym6552 2 роки тому

      @ ally you expect too much from trash only thing they know to do is screw ppl over

    • @preeceknowledge-gh5ws
      @preeceknowledge-gh5ws Рік тому +19

      All u need is Jesus stay strong 🙏🙏.

    • @gobigirl1
      @gobigirl1 Рік тому +15

      I saw a quote saying, "Good friends halve your sorrows and double your happiness." I finally saw that with personality disordered people it is the reverse.

  • @ronw484
    @ronw484 2 роки тому +173

    I knew a woman who was married to a cheater. He'd always accuse her of being suspicious, insecure and jealous in an attempt to gaslight her into thinking she was crazy. One of his favorite things to do when she suspected him of running around behind her back was to sarcastically start singing the song "Suspicious Minds" to mock her and try and make her feel guilty and ashamed. She got fed up with his manipulations, hired a private detective to follow him, confirmed that he was in fact a serial cheater and divorced him.
    In any case, over a lifetime, I've seen lots of people use the "You're just jealous!" excuse to try and cover up misdeeds and it's always been accompanied by accusations of the person being "suspicious and untrusting" along with manipulative comments such as, "You must not think much of me as a person to think that I'd treat you that way or do things like that!"
    Generally speaking, I've learned that if you smell a rat, it's not your imagination-it's because there's one scurrying around in your life.

    • @wsurfs
      @wsurfs 2 роки тому +12

      VERY TRUE...BINGO..!!

    • @taraarrington2285
      @taraarrington2285 Рік тому +1

      This is a similar situation I have with my mom. She wants my children to 1) undermine me 2) disrespect me 3) shame me4) because I love them 5) more supply for herself. She hired a detective to dig up dirt on my boyfriend and me and when I confronted her about it she said something like I wouldn't waste my time and $.

    • @donnaatienza8001
      @donnaatienza8001 Рік тому +4

      Yes indeed.

    • @kerstinpalmberger8085
      @kerstinpalmberger8085 Рік тому +1

      To say you r just jelous is also a manipulation sentence!

    • @neenah4027
      @neenah4027 7 місяців тому +7

      I actually spoke to a PI during my first marriage. He saw that I was not ultra-rich and had a 1-year-old daughter, and told me, don't waste your money, you need it. Every person who has hired me to check on their spouse's cheating has been correct. You already know the answer.

  • @majestic-1
    @majestic-1 Рік тому +11

    Sounds exactly like someone I know! never really knew how to put my finger on all of these characteristics and traits but now I get it. Makes for a very very rude dangerous person . Total takers! Very distorted way of thinking.. Their shallowness, judgments & jealousy are just the tip of the iceberg!
    Sad way to live life.

  • @mptajo
    @mptajo 2 роки тому +82

    Jealousy is an emotion that I have never been able to comprehend. Envy also...I am like...why??

    • @69LOLIN
      @69LOLIN 2 роки тому +2

      @@chriswyma145
      👍👍👍

    • @christar9527
      @christar9527 2 роки тому +5

      Same. I had a hard time understanding what the Dr. was talking about in the video. It sounds so crazy to me.

    • @a.pieceofpie
      @a.pieceofpie Рік тому +3

      Envy can be as simple as, ooohh that's a nice car they have, I wish I had one too. It's when it take root that covetousness and evil and arise.

    • @a.pieceofpie
      @a.pieceofpie Рік тому +4

      ​@@chriswyma145I'm a giver and a former people pleaser and I used to pride myself on not being jealous. After my awakening, I began to be jealous in such a way that I would laugh because it felt foreign and sooo not me. Now I pride myself on not allowing it to be in my spirit for more than a few moments! I think its because now, I want reciprocity...not tit for tat but also not over giving. Idk, life is a big ole school.

    • @lee48lee68
      @lee48lee68 11 місяців тому +12

      ⁠@@a.pieceofpie-The worst kind of envious person is the type who not only want what you have but also don’t want you to have it.

  • @gaynorbishop9749
    @gaynorbishop9749 2 роки тому +53

    This has made great sense. 'You don't have a relationship, you have an arrangement ... ' What an eye opener. Sad when it's family members too.

    • @blanketeyblank5309
      @blanketeyblank5309 10 місяців тому +1

      I say it wasn't a relationship. We have a history. Not an arrangement for me. My theme is, he can't even live his own life, be damned if he'll live MINE. Forgot the title to the song.

    • @tommyparkerparker
      @tommyparkerparker 3 місяці тому +4

      I have one family member who is narcissistic and jealous. Very trivial and petty. At family gatherings, when I see this sibling, I go and just leave when the gathering portion is over. I’m sorry but I’m 58, I have no room for drama in my life.

  • @lynnfincham6839
    @lynnfincham6839 2 роки тому +16

    Jealousy and envy both very empty emotions used by very empty people…. Let them go

  • @cymbolichuman433
    @cymbolichuman433 2 роки тому +94

    I have been victimized by jealous people. If anyone has to be jealous...
    I don't want to put up with that. They can take it and shove it.

  • @kayjones6147
    @kayjones6147 День тому

    An elderly member of my family once observed: "Jealousy is like an eating cancer."
    I can't argue with that.

  • @angelhanhiae369
    @angelhanhiae369 14 днів тому +5

    Jealous people need to love themselves..jealousy is at the bottom of the consciousness scale. It’s a sickness.

  • @anesasosevic2813
    @anesasosevic2813 2 роки тому +54

    Never be angry with people who are jelaous of you, instead of it - respect their jealousy. Because they would like to be YOU.

    • @Mehmet-rw9bu
      @Mehmet-rw9bu 2 роки тому +12

      I like that definition a lot, but I'm afraid that jealousy is much more evil than this. It's not just the wish to be good as someone else, it's rather the wish to be signficantly better than someone else. At least to my understanding ...

    • @anesasosevic2813
      @anesasosevic2813 2 роки тому +2

      @@Mehmet-rw9bu Your opinion is okay. We are going to listen to what Dr. Carter will tell us. 🙋‍♀️

    • @Mehmet-rw9bu
      @Mehmet-rw9bu 2 роки тому +2

      @@anesasosevic2813Yes, let's learn something😀

    • @JRM410
      @JRM410 2 роки тому +3

      That's envy.

    • @Mehmet-rw9bu
      @Mehmet-rw9bu 2 роки тому +2

      @@JRM410 I've confused the two 😅English isn't my first language though. However, the difference between both definitions is quite subtle, if you ask me.

  • @jeorsea
    @jeorsea 5 днів тому +1

    It's astonishing that people don't know the difference between those two words.

  • @sage9836
    @sage9836 2 роки тому +76

    Describes those "I hate you but don't leave me" types. I wish I were more sympathetic but it's hard for me to deal with someone who is cutting a person down WHILE making use of their time, energy, money, or belongings. I have yet to find a nice way around it.

    • @DrLesCarter
      @DrLesCarter  2 роки тому +17

      Exactly. Dr. C

    • @SonicSpeedfan23
      @SonicSpeedfan23 16 днів тому +2

      Kinda wonder if that’s my situation right now, even though I don’t want to think of it like that. But sadly I’m starting to wonder if I care about this or if I’ve gone numb

  • @hebertjerome
    @hebertjerome 2 роки тому +13

    Jealousy and narcissism both come from a place of extreme loss usually in childhood abandonment death of a mother or father etc. to break up of a family these are the things it is sad that these people are so traumatized by life that they can’t even comprehend the results of their own actions

    • @prettinessful
      @prettinessful Рік тому +2

      I knew it‼️ I couldn’t agree more

  • @rohannim3100
    @rohannim3100 5 місяців тому +3

    He literally changed the definition of "Jealousy"

  • @sakuracardcaptor4709
    @sakuracardcaptor4709 12 годин тому

    Victims of bullying become bullies themselves.

  • @mariankeller5852
    @mariankeller5852 2 роки тому +14

    My mother called jealousy the Green Eyed Monster....you can't MAKE someone love you if they don't ..you can't MAKE someone stay if they won't..People do what they feel....if they aren't committed to you..they will leave you and won't care how you hurt....chose your love relationships wisely..and don't allow anyone to treat you badly..you are more valuable than that..

  • @healingandgrowth-infp4677
    @healingandgrowth-infp4677 2 роки тому +25

    Jealous envious prone people go beyond feelings. Everyone gets jealous you are a liar if you say you don’t. But these type of people take it to extremes. They befriend or pretend to like and respect you while trying to tear and destroy you slowly mistreatment out of envy. I learnt the longest experience I’ve faced with envious women were based on my weight. I work out for my health. If they just took better care of themselves too and put in the work they wouldn’t have the energy and time to take envious to a whole other level of hatred and everything mentioned in this video and then some. I’ve had many bitterness and abuse even by my own mother. Took many years to understand it is not me or because of me.

    • @katalynbabe
      @katalynbabe 2 роки тому

      Yes just had this happen to me. Frenemy

    • @emmsue1053
      @emmsue1053 6 днів тому

      Yeah, as said there's mild envy then there's nasty jealousy.

  • @izawaniek2568
    @izawaniek2568 2 роки тому +58

    Thank you dr Carter. There is no relationship with a jealous person, you are treated as an object and arrangement. It is impossible to call that transaction a relationship. Terrible state to be in.

    • @user-pq1bf4ng9b
      @user-pq1bf4ng9b 5 місяців тому +1

      Absolutely 💯 Competitive when nobody's even tripping or even thinking about them. Sick.

  • @vladquebec
    @vladquebec 2 роки тому +8

    What is also annoying for peopke like that is the people enabling them, they're almost worst than they are.

    • @DrLesCarter
      @DrLesCarter  2 роки тому +4

      They are like a little kid hiding behind the mean mother's skirt. Dr. C

    • @vladquebec
      @vladquebec 2 роки тому

      @@DrLesCarter Thanks for your response, I love the analogy! :-D

  • @thegodblogger3812
    @thegodblogger3812 2 роки тому +12

    Jealous folks can be very possessive of intangibles, such as relationships, influence, popularity, strength, and independence.

    • @a.pieceofpie
      @a.pieceofpie Рік тому

      I think that's envy

    • @thegodblogger3812
      @thegodblogger3812 Рік тому

      @@a.pieceofpie Basically a distinction without a difference....but ok

  • @markthomas2436
    @markthomas2436 14 днів тому +3

    Lots of narcissistic people have some of these traits, too.

    • @i.ehrenfest349
      @i.ehrenfest349 13 днів тому +1

      Yes I wonder how much jealousy and narcissism overlap

  • @thankyou1741
    @thankyou1741 6 місяців тому +12

    imagine your friend that has a family & support is beautiful is jealous of you when you have no family or any support and begins to compete with you for the man you like. Honestly, I didn’t know humans get this sick.

    • @NEO_Trojanmuldrop4
      @NEO_Trojanmuldrop4 3 місяці тому

      It’s fkn pathetic lol… the most pathetic shit I’ve ever seen. So many people are like that lol

  • @Libra_Girl.
    @Libra_Girl. 2 роки тому +60

    One thing they do is say something you literally just said that was a good point or whatever, even if it was just a few mins ago, they then act like they didn't know you said it. If you say something like yeah I just said that they act all surprised, say they didn't hear you, or even say no you didn't say that.
    (This also could be envy?) I have found that people myself and others have trouble with who are jealous are also envious. Anyway, all of this also describes my Narcissistic ex to a T! He literally exhibited all 10 of these signs on a regular basis.

    • @kynathomas4809
      @kynathomas4809 2 роки тому +5

      💣💣💣💯

    • @JAYNEmM1962
      @JAYNEmM1962 2 роки тому +13

      My husband to a T also. Omg its like there's a book on narcssitic people .

    • @sharonrenedavenport8995
      @sharonrenedavenport8995 2 роки тому +8

      Ditto !!

    • @alissar6804
      @alissar6804 2 роки тому +7

      I have experienced with grandiose narcissists. Its like they shut you out, but The words get to their ear and they use it.

    • @susanhewitt5602
      @susanhewitt5602 2 роки тому +6

      They hate it when you call them control freaks... Because they ARE control freaks!

  • @larainehruby1376
    @larainehruby1376 2 роки тому +93

    This video just answered my question I had about a neighbor who was impossible to reason with and I wound up shouting. Shouting is not the “normal” for me. Now I’ll save my breath for cheering on people on my team! Thanks so much Dr. C!!

    • @rhondacain6297
      @rhondacain6297 2 роки тому +8

      I have turned into someone that isn't me in the past, I was reacting with over-the-top emotions to someone who has none. I learned!!!!!!!!! So there is no regrets, every day I learn something, I've made an additional effort to learn more about different people's personality as well as my own.

  • @Spectre8282
    @Spectre8282 2 роки тому +15

    I told mine he needed to find a constructive hobby and that Im not doing it your way: piling shit on top of shit.

  • @tina8796
    @tina8796 Рік тому +27

    My neighbor is like that. As long as you do favors for her, she's all smiles but the minute she thinks she has to do something for you her REAL personality comes out. It's all about her and her house, her car, her this and her that. She was playing all the neighbors for a while and then going behind our backs and talking about each to the other. She's the type who can ask you for favors, drop in on you and call you but she doesn't want anybody dropping in on her or calling her. We finally got fed up with her and we've all cut her off. Also telling everybody's business to the other one. Rotating around the neighborhood. That was her everyday activities / entertainment. So, she's dead in the water now because nobody does favors for her anymore or listens to her lies or phony sob stories and she has nobody to gossip to. I've met some loony birds in my lifetime, but nobody comes even close to her looniness

  • @Miss_PANDAS
    @Miss_PANDAS 9 днів тому +3

    This was very insightful. I see all these traits in narcissism. I believe the heart of the issue is low self worth. They hate themselves, and you cannot appreciate and love others if you're self loathing. The contempt they have for others is projection. They need you to feel as bad as they do. They want you to feel worthless and to be as destructive as they are. Jealous people are inevitably self destructive. Great video!

  • @sugarcayenneseven1454
    @sugarcayenneseven1454 2 роки тому +30

    This very precisely describes the histrionic narc momster that "raised" me...every. single. point.
    this is a horrible & destructive way for a parent to behave with a child.
    I'm nearly 60 & still workn very hard to allow healing & reclaiming my life. ⚡💜⚡

    • @sharonjones5173
      @sharonjones5173 2 роки тому +4

      I’m 62 and am at the same place you are. Momster describes it perfectly.

  • @JRM410
    @JRM410 2 роки тому +45

    The possession thing - my x didn't want me to interact with anyone else. She didn't want me to have friends that I've had since grade school. She didn't want me to go anywhere without her. She would even get upset if I was just polite to a female cashier or waitress. It was so smothering I burned out. I couldn't take it anymore and left her because it didn't matter what I said or did to try to help her she would behave crazy.

    • @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693
      @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693 2 роки тому +6

      Same!

    • @wendyfarha
      @wendyfarha 2 роки тому +11

      That shows a deep insecurity and a fear that she would lose you. The sad thing is that by displaying that behaviour, she ended up losing you anyways.

    • @JRM410
      @JRM410 2 роки тому +7

      @J H I went through absolute hell trying to help her. You have no clue what I went through. Your comment is not helpful at all telling me I should've stayed in that hell. No way was that what I was supposed to do at the expense of my own well being even sanity. You really should think before you blast things like this off in comments, instead of making what you say about you how about considering the person you're commenting to and whether or not what you're saying is really helpful or productive. This comment you made is neither.

    • @pryzmcat
      @pryzmcat 2 роки тому +5

      My ex to a T. And man let me tell you, if I was kind to any other woman, no matter what age or what they looked like, I was punished by her, as she proceeded to flaunt her"assets" for anyone who would pay attention. Of course now in hindsight, and learning over the years more about this type of personality, I realize that in no way did this person love me at all. Her passive aggressive behavior is now in full light. But unfortunately, hindsight is often 20/20. Good judgement and wisdom comes with experience, but often life experiences and wisdom comes from bad judgment.

    • @user-pq1bf4ng9b
      @user-pq1bf4ng9b 5 місяців тому

      ​@@pryzmcatYou realize they never loved you they just want to be you!! Wth

  • @callalilly1988
    @callalilly1988 2 роки тому +15

    Let's get a video on envy.

  • @breathemindfully1340
    @breathemindfully1340 2 роки тому +31

    I wonder how many lives this is going to save. Just keepin' it real. Bravo Dr. Carter.

  • @pavla2055
    @pavla2055 2 роки тому +50

    You just described almost every way in which my covert narc mother acted . Besides me being her rage targeted scapegoat , she railed against the neighbours and pretty much all other relatives behind their backs of course - some of the ones she spoke the worst about were actually her flying monkeys - never knowing what she really thought of them . Much of the rage was very jealous fuelled - little attempt to hide it . Once as a teenager I accused her of being jealous of me during a verbal abuse session . She amusingly screamed back at me 'I'M JEALOUS OF NOBODY !!!" . Another day another lie . NO CONTACT is the only way to achieve some peace from these people .

    • @pegihaider813
      @pegihaider813 2 роки тому +4

      Yes, that's true - about having to eventually just go no contact. I had to do that with my very narcissistic & jealous mother to have any peace at all.

  • @reneela3471
    @reneela3471 2 роки тому +10

    Not hatred toward rivals but disrespect of the individual who is very gregariously flirtatious creates anger because of the disrespect

  • @daniellapawl6508
    @daniellapawl6508 Рік тому +10

    Jealous people are pathetic. Hurt people hurt people.

  • @tawanawilliams6296
    @tawanawilliams6296 2 роки тому +41

    She said she wanted to talk. I told her she doesn’t know how, as I had tried before. But I said ok…..the first thing I pointed out she said “ I don’t care”…. I just shook my head and shut it down. She saw nothing wrong with refusing to care. It’s loca and the relief I felt being rid of the relationship is kind of sad. She is so troubled. I feel so much compassion for her terrible childhood but she is spirit crushing and nobody who cares for themselves will stay around her.

    • @dannym6552
      @dannym6552 2 роки тому +1

      You are both not compatible move on love 💕

  • @camuyana
    @camuyana 2 роки тому +31

    I never had any problem in him having female friends but in almost every single time he got involved with them in an adulterous behavior and now I am going to be filing for the second time for divorce because I did so in 2008 but could not go through with it. Enough is enough!

    • @elizabethstewart6767
      @elizabethstewart6767 2 роки тому +6

      Beware of men with "female friends", and vice versa.

    • @i.ehrenfest349
      @i.ehrenfest349 13 днів тому

      @@elizabethstewart6767some generalisation…..

  • @junerm21
    @junerm21 2 роки тому +6

    My mother is exactly like this.

  • @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693
    @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693 2 роки тому +10

    Yes, I lived with a jealous narc. I could not even have coffee with a friend without fighting to get "permission".

    • @JRM410
      @JRM410 2 роки тому +2

      Same.

    • @Donita1213
      @Donita1213 2 роки тому +2

      After only 4 months of dating my ex demanded that I move in with him. We only lived 5 minutes away from each other. I'm realizing I not only dotted a bullet, I dodged a surface to air missile...🤤

    • @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693
      @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693 2 роки тому +2

      @@JRM410 love and prayers ✝️🙏

    • @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693
      @rev.jesseabelchristianlife6693 2 роки тому +2

      @@Donita1213 love and prayers ✝️🙏

  • @fetishisticrose
    @fetishisticrose 2 роки тому +28

    Tremendously helpful...i have thought I was crazy for so long ..now I realize that this is their issue

  • @jamesdouglas7345
    @jamesdouglas7345 2 роки тому +7

    Very violent type. Its like the root of narcissist abuse.

  • @reginathornton7433
    @reginathornton7433 2 роки тому +32

    I have seen this against me in a jealous person who was insecure, unhappy & a bully & yes, insulting; Cutting me down & not happy with my spiritual strength of peace & joy & doing ministry. I always forgive this person. Not a spouse or living with me. I sought counseling to be sure I can handle being around this person in ministry. I can, yet I keep a distance.

    • @dannym6552
      @dannym6552 2 роки тому +5

      You need to leave if you can

    • @user-pq1bf4ng9b
      @user-pq1bf4ng9b 5 місяців тому

      Notice we detach from them but they stay latched to us. Stalking,prying into your life in the Most manipulative cunning ways. Who stays so concerned with trash??? I know I don't.

    • @timmywitty1432
      @timmywitty1432 Місяць тому

      Quit enabling, leave.

  • @justice8563
    @justice8563 4 місяці тому +2

    This described my two sister to a tee. They consistently try to control me by smearing my relationship’s, damaging my property, telling me I owe them and then try and gaslight me that it’s my fault. They are very hateful and damaged individuals.

  • @SuperKarineka
    @SuperKarineka 2 роки тому +25

    I had a friend in the past, after the friendship ended badly, she began contacting one of my friends to speak poorly of me, even sharing personal and embarrassing things. His attitude became negative towards me. She quickly left her boyfriend she was intending to marry, and then married him. She then sent a wedding invitation to one of my siblings.. She lied and told the sibling how she missed me and never wanted to end the friendship....years later the male friend sent me a message, "we love you" i thought that was odd, but we never spoke again....its shocking that someone would go that far to hurt another person

    • @thomasmcnerney576
      @thomasmcnerney576 2 роки тому +5

      Ah...but you are smart and self aware.
      Good for you!!!
      Remember to ALWAYS keep the lid closed on the proverbial "Pandora's Box" in dealing with this type of person/people. Once you let them back in it starts all over again.
      I would rather have a roach infestation...at least you can get rid of them.

    • @SuperKarineka
      @SuperKarineka 2 роки тому +2

      @@thomasmcnerney576 Thank so much you! I needed that! That is the truth!, I totally agree...wish you all the best

    • @thomasmcnerney576
      @thomasmcnerney576 2 роки тому +2

      @@SuperKarineka You are most welcome.
      Remember that it is the familial events that we wish to share and remember. In difficult times it would be easier to reconnect with these people because you do not have to "set up" the series of events in order for someone to understand a back story. Problem is, as I wrote, once you reestablish contact all hell will come back into your life. Plus YOU will be labeled and berated as the one who started all the problems. So...better to just have a NO CONTACT with the people who drain you emotionally and spiritually.
      Remember, You Are Not Alone in this
      warding off of evil spirits in the human body! 🙂

    • @thomasmcnerney576
      @thomasmcnerney576 2 роки тому +2

      @@SuperKarineka This one is a short mantra...
      "If they do not add to your life in a positive way, then there is no need for them to be around you!" 🙂

    • @deemaysie6568
      @deemaysie6568 Рік тому +2

      That is a VERY cruel story you related here. (If it's any consolation, I have had similar experiences). It is unfathomable the level of hatred that some people show!! If you don't like someone, stay out of their way - live and let live!! (Sadly, not how MOST people think, though!!)

  • @user-vt9kd4no8j
    @user-vt9kd4no8j 9 місяців тому +4

    Yes, they ALL have 100% of these traits 💯

  • @lisaking4386
    @lisaking4386 2 роки тому +6

    Number One: They throw a rock at your garage door. Number Two: They knock over your mailbox. Yes, I had both of these happen to me many years ago, same person. Never even dated him. I nicknamed him "Ernest T." Remember the Andy Griffith Show? Mayberry RFD, or whatever it was called.

  • @kamed.
    @kamed. 2 роки тому +11

    Can't help but to notice how CHILLED Gus is. Thank you Dr. Carter. Another awesome video!

  • @lostlibrarian8180
    @lostlibrarian8180 2 роки тому +28

    Life with my ex-husband was a two-fer deal - narcissistic AND jealous. That's a deal nobody deserves. Took me many years to learn that. And thanks to Dr. Carter (and God's direction) I'm realizing I wasn't the one who was so "wrong".
    Thank you, Dr. C.! 🙌

    • @barbarastrayhorn4667
      @barbarastrayhorn4667 2 роки тому +3

      Hear you. Must have married his twin. Finally left mine. What a sad, mean person.

    • @user-pq1bf4ng9b
      @user-pq1bf4ng9b 5 місяців тому +1

      Ppl usually think of women being jealous but I dealt & still deal with an extremely jealous narcissistic man. It's really really sick & exhausting. Everyone is a transaction...not a genuine relationship!! Isolates you Big time. They are deranged & insecure...don't let the beginning of the false bravado fool you.

  • @rorywright5692
    @rorywright5692 2 роки тому +16

    We called it the green eyed monster!

    • @salettamyers8845
      @salettamyers8845 2 роки тому +3

      Hey Rory, I have green eyes🙄🥴😳😆😆😆

    • @rorywright5692
      @rorywright5692 2 роки тому +3

      @@salettamyers8845 I have hazel eyes!! And we’re not monsters!!😂😂

    • @salettamyers8845
      @salettamyers8845 2 роки тому +3

      @@rorywright5692 🥰🥰

    • @salettamyers8845
      @salettamyers8845 2 роки тому +3

      @@rorywright5692 🍪🍪😆

    • @rorywright5692
      @rorywright5692 2 роки тому +3

      @@salettamyers8845 I just had a small piece of my son’s Birthday cake and a scoop of ice cream! Would of been way more, but I have Drs checkup this coming week! Don’t want Dr to say I got that Covid spread going on!! I hate that scale!!🤪🤪

  • @wsurfs
    @wsurfs 2 роки тому +6

    My husband is and has always been very jealous of me and I have told him that if he doesn't stop, he'll ruin what relationship we have left...!! So, now he has gone "underground" with his behavior, but it's still there...all the time...!! SO......What do you do when you are NOT a jealous person, but the NARC you are with is the jealous, possesive one and creates situations and gaslights and turns everything you say around and accuses you of being the jealous...suspicious....crazy......one..!! It's maddening........exhausting....crazy making...!! It's hard to defend....reason with...or have a normal conversation/relationship when all this subterfuge has been going on....FOREVER...!. I'm worn out..!!

  • @SitesWithAds
    @SitesWithAds 2 роки тому +31

    After months of learning from videos like this, this line was like turning on a light in a dark room: "If the jealous individual is incapable of accepting my uniqueness, then it's obvious we don't have a relationship. It's simply an arrangement." Wow! This statement is very helpful to me in understand what happened. Thank you.

    • @maaikek8593
      @maaikek8593 4 місяці тому +1

      So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

    • @maaikek8593
      @maaikek8593 4 місяці тому

      So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

    • @maaikek8593
      @maaikek8593 4 місяці тому

      So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

    • @maaikek8593
      @maaikek8593 4 місяці тому

      So so so true. I was told that I'm "different" and "extremely unique" and "triggering" by various members of my inlaws when I had a conversation with them about their ways of treating me. Yes that was a mind game! This video was almost verbatim illustration of the underlying emotions in each of their "reasoning why they don't approve of me." Jealousy is a tricky one to ID!!

  • @timhawthorne62
    @timhawthorne62 2 роки тому +14

    I understood it as: Envy is of who the person is,and jealousy is what the person has.

    • @i.ehrenfest349
      @i.ehrenfest349 13 днів тому

      I understand it precisely the opposite way.😊

  • @evarkf5303
    @evarkf5303 16 днів тому +1

    Certain amount of jealousy is totally normal!

  • @jeffreyjackson5229
    @jeffreyjackson5229 13 днів тому +1

    "Powerlessness" and your elaboration is spot on. Exactly the vibes that I get from her.

  • @Lilyflower-TigerLily
    @Lilyflower-TigerLily 18 днів тому +2

    I never understood jealousy. It’s like I hate you so much because you’re (whatever). They may not even know you. But hate you on sight. And then if the group is important to you, YOU have to overcome that. Stupid

  • @jeffreyjackson5229
    @jeffreyjackson5229 13 днів тому

    Trouble?! The writing is on the wall what would happen to me: financially broke, emotionally abused, and discarded.

  • @mcm9619
    @mcm9619 2 роки тому +14

    Interesting I thought jealousy and envy were the same. I wish I had had your input about 20 years ago. Thank you for your humanity.

  • @cman31557
    @cman31557 2 роки тому +9

    Sweet Gus has zero interest in jealously 🤣 . I do! Thanks for another great talk, Dr. Carter.

  • @taliatehilahz7437
    @taliatehilahz7437 4 місяці тому +1

    I had a friend like that. Even God show me a dream that my friend was dangerous but i wouldnt listen until i was burn alive. 😢😢

  • @PinkYellowGreen2023
    @PinkYellowGreen2023 7 місяців тому +1

    When they are trying to get you in trouble constantly ....and what you are doing is nothing in comparison to everyone else...it's jealousy!!!! People who are always looking to get you in trouble.....also those who place limits on your life in an angry, dishonest manner repeatedly are exercising jealousy.

  • @lienlael3196
    @lienlael3196 2 роки тому +32

    Dear Dr. Carter.
    You have no idea how helpful your teachings has helped me during these last year; I've been listening and learning. If I didn't came across these videos, I will continue to be a victim of abuse. God bless you, and thank you.
    Hugs to Gus ❤ from a far friend.

  • @gerrimiller3491
    @gerrimiller3491 Місяць тому +7

    I Pray for the Jealous souls for they need healing in their soul🕊

    • @pj61114
      @pj61114 14 днів тому +2

      That’s going nowhere fast.

  • @danieltyler8932
    @danieltyler8932 3 місяці тому +1

    Jelly is not tolerable. Get away from that person. There will be no benefit from knowing them.

  • @TheCoffeeCat
    @TheCoffeeCat 2 роки тому +12

    Dr. Carter, that distinction you made between envy and jealousy is very important. I find that a lot of people use the word jealousy when they actually mean envy. It's a very common misnomer.

  • @jeffreyjackson5229
    @jeffreyjackson5229 13 днів тому

    "Practice self-care." I do my therapist said, "take care of yourself" so much after every session that now it's an attitude and habit.

  • @lisabaginski9155
    @lisabaginski9155 2 роки тому +15

    Literally had an issue with an increasingly jealous person in my group of friends today. This explained a lot. Thank you!!

  • @PD-nl3mb
    @PD-nl3mb 12 днів тому

    They want to be shown utmost respect, and because of their vindictiveness and paranoia, they will hurt the people whom they want to get respect from. I feel like I have no choice but to decrease my interactions with them, or not have anything more to do with them. It’s just so unpleasant.

  • @stellaercolani3810
    @stellaercolani3810 2 роки тому +6

    Thank you...the growing is painfully slow.

  • @ozarkprepper1718
    @ozarkprepper1718 2 роки тому +6

    Women dont like it when a classy woman talks to their guy.

  • @shihtzuluvrtwo6386
    @shihtzuluvrtwo6386 2 роки тому +15

    I had a very jealous "friend" she is envious of everything we own and achieved over the years. She had everything way before we did and lost it all as she didn't want to work. Her home was filthy and unkept, her children lazy and she was fired as a prison guard, not going to get into detail on this. Her envy had become so obvious and unacceptable we cut ties. I got tired of being trashed by her for what I have. Nothing was handed to me for free and if people cannot accept it, they can go to hell.

  • @mavispocorni1593
    @mavispocorni1593 Місяць тому +1

    Jealous people are thiefs you are willing to steal all your success

  • @Prince_Yonte
    @Prince_Yonte 3 місяці тому +2

    Dont listen to anyone in the comments this was a good video. It helped me. Its just hard dealing with these people in the workplace.

  • @c.williams4583
    @c.williams4583 2 роки тому +3

    Jealous people are jealous of someone or something. They don't just have a different point of view to which they want to convince you, possibly for your own good...

  • @joannajohnson696
    @joannajohnson696 2 роки тому +9

    Thank you Dr. Carter & Gus! Yes, the narcissist does refer to people as a thing, a possession, isolated, controlled, scripted. Yesterday, my AH offered to go to my favorite $5 store with me. (which he NEVER does) As soon as we arrive he says he has to URGENTLY go to the restroom. He disappears for over 45 minutes (to go #1). I had no idea where he was & what was going on I am standing at the front of the store getting concerned. Hence, I call him and ask, where are you? His response, "I am at the other end of the parking lot (a block away) sitting under a tree." Now I ask, Why? Then he admits, which I find extremely disturbing,"I can see you looking around for me." I am thinking, "WHO DOES THIS?" Yup, a narcissist! Breadcrumbs. He promised a good time & gave me a weird experience. We did get to go in store an hour later. But the feeling of good changed.