The moral of the story, do not be around people that make you feel uncomfortable. Especially those that make you feel as if you are walking on eggshells in their presence.
I just left a job I absolutely love because the owner of the restaurant is a malignant narcissist. I found out on my last day that she had been going around telling my coworkers and customers that I’m fake and that my happiness is an act! The funny thing....she is really just talking about herself. It hurt me because I am sensitive and kind and a people person naturally but I was able to let it go rather quickly. I saw this woman for who she was and she couldn’t stand it. I have no job now and no prospects but I don’t care. I am free and that is priceless. 🙏🏻🙏🏻💕💕💕
That is really sad that people cannot even handle being around genuinely happy people. It is like people thrive off of negativity or want you to have low self esteem. Then if you walk around with a mean look on your face people will have something to say. You cannot win for losing keep being you and dont change. True people will appreciate your inner beauty and approachable demeanor.
That says something about that person. Not about you. Be happy you left. Nothing else matters. If your manager doesn't know how to not gossip she shouldn't be in a managers position. Even if you are fake. Who cares? It's about how you do your job. If your colleagues couldn't stand up for you or didn't stand up for you, which means they also stand up for a healthy work culture, they are not worth your attention. I got fired two years ago from in hindsight the worst team and the worst manipulative manager. I really felt bad at work all the time but I needed money ofc... it really sucked because I was trying so hard to succeed. It was a culture with a lot of women(sorry) and one guy as a manager. The culture was just completely messed up and everybody stabbed each other in the back about bs to survive. When I left the manager was looking at my LinkedIn page every week on the same day of the week just to f with me. I wrote about my experiences and the toxic culture inside the team and sent it to a colleague of his. I saw him in the city once after and he was looking really angry at me.I said hello and moved on haha. I am soooo glad I don't work there anymore and have a job where the manager is very respectful towards the employees. And everyone who still works there is still complaining on whatsapp or manipulating.
That happened to me in nursing on my first job returning to my home state, and I desperately needed the work. As a single mom then, leaving was the last thing I could afford, and I had no one to turn to. Nursing itself is full of bullies; I pushed through though, rescued myself, and today my son and I work as a team and earn in a day what used to take a month. Staying true to self paid off.
@@laurielbrooks6079 Had to grow up in a family like this. Not everyone, but certain individuals tended to say hurtful things when I was happy and expressing my joy.
Observe don’t absorb is a great technique. It’s the same as being emotionally detached. A lot of people in the comments are referring to it as a “trick.” It’s not a trick or a ploy, it’s a practice one can generally use in life. It simply means you don’t allow yourself to get pulled into someone else’s toxicity.
This is very difficult because the intent is obvious and playing dumb has a way of feeling fake for me. Unfortunately, this occurs often and practice opportunities come often.
Wear sunglasses or respond while you walk away from them, it does not give them the supply/energy they want to steal from you. I’ve learned this unplanned. I see them squirm or laugh nervously, because they missed their target. If they can’t have eye contact with you, they can’t shoot.
Bmore Mom Nice! So, basically, when you buy sun-glasses you also buy narc-glasses? Now I understand why my former narc boss did not liked that I weared sunglasses. Apparently, she considered them to be offending. I told her that I need them because I have sensibility to light (which is true), but still, she barelly accepted it and only after several other people confirmed it. Should I mention that she was also behaving like we were rivals of some sort? Yup, she did so from the very beginning, despite the fact that she was the one who hired me. And maybe she needed to see my eyes in order to read my thoughts and plan her next reply...
@@eeaotly Thanks for sharing confirmation! Yes, they must see your eyes (the window to your soul) to extract the supply of praise/worship or release their insidious abuse, so they want to see your fear, pain, anger, etc... Yeah narc-shield-glasses!
The toxic people I know do all of the above, and I've just learned to ignore them--they don't exist in my view. And in the corner of my eyes I can see them cross their arms, roll their eyes, and storm off. It enrages them to get no response from me, to be ignored, and to not be the center of attention. But oh well, that's exactly what they're doing to me, and I'm just dishing it back.
OMG! The ignoring scenario! To the 'T'. At one point in my relationship, I naturally did the 'walk away and find something else to do' when I was intentionally ignored, and I later got asked if I felt ignored because I walked away. Inside I was thinking "you conniving brat!" But I replied "oh, not at all I just found something I wanted to check out. I didn't even notice you weren't around". The confused look was amazing! Sad we have to resort to this pretentious behavior though 😔
You sound like a POS, yourself. If you can actually take that constructive criticism, you'd probably benefit greatly. Fighting fire with fire is going to leave you and the other person both atop of 2 piles of ash, still bitching and blaming EachOther for what was done.
being with a toxic person makes US into a toxic person. the way other people think WE are the toxic one instead of them & how we have to adjust our behavior around them just to get by--appearing and acting toxic ourselves! 😖🥴
It really is easy to adapt, i mean they say "you're who you hang out with" that sucks, so get rid of them is the best rather than waste time and feel bad by hanging with them.
This is taking someone's behavior and not allowing it to make you toxic as well. By letting toxic manipulation affect us not to act the way they do and instead of reacting to it just absorbing it.
The toxic person does not deserve our positive attitude. These tactics are good to use while making moves and plans to end the relationship. The toxic relationship is not worth your while. Choose an exit date and commit to it. You will have sufficient time to plan and fortify your positive attitude. These people do not exist in reality. If they were a fly you would have swatted them out of your existence already, not turn it into a pet.
Decades ago I learned that everyone is responsible for their own feelings. Such freedom in walking in this truth. Also, no one is responsible for reading someone else's mind. Communicate your mind if you want someone else to know what you're wanting,thinking, expecting, feeling. Expect others to communicate their mind & heart if they want to as well.
Like she said, I think it’s carried on by family. They do as their parents do. I would hope they’d realize the hole they’re in and turn it around, but from everything on here, the majority don’t.
She mentioned that kind of stuff doesn't typically work on toxic people. So while it's excellent for maintaining a good r.ship, maybe a relationship gone sour or there's just some weak communication in an otherwise usual relationship.. worse people are much harder to deal with, bc you can't reason with an unreasonable person who might destroy your whole life
The “acting like you don’t notice it” is so funny because I do this all the time. And it’s so funny hearing that this actually advised to do hahah. Wow.
Also, THANK them for helping you accomplish do a,b or c and they will stop whatever behavior is irritating you. For example, my father in law would come unannounced to our house to annoy me. So, I thanked him for babysitting, so I could finish packing for a weekend trip we were getting ready for. His face of disgust was awesome. I just smiled in delight. He hasn’t come back unannounced 😀!
On the topic of timing, I remember one strategy from the guitarist and improvised music legend Derek Bailey, when 2 other musicians, Han & Evan, arrived to a recording session 1 hour late, as soon they arrived he packed his guitar up and said to them "see you in an hour, i'm having my lunch"
My mom was chronically tardy for every planned event. My hubby and I started telling her the start time was 30mins prior to when it actually was. Over time she realized she was on time and actually asked about it. I laughed and said “well, we’ve noticed you always show up 30mins late, so we give you a time 30mins earlier than everyone else.” At first she started to argue that she wasn’t late, and then realized it was futile. She said “well, you don’t have to do that anymore.” She never apologized or admitted fault, but she was never late again. I now realize she was doing this on purpose in order to make her narcissistic grand entrance.
Yes when they are not trying to be punctual or apologetic about lateness. I used to always be late due to cptsd but was close to tears, struggling & very apologetic every time. They train you with a deeply carved neural pathway!!!
My husband is a pastor, zero interpersonal skills, gaslighting me daily and I have FINALLY awakened. Just didn't know how to deal with it. You hit the nail in the head. "Making mistakes" was the lightbulb that I couldn't figure out. Thanks for the tip on how to deal with it. I need to distance and allow him to fail. Yes, when they discovered that we're bothered by their behavior they do it more. And he denies that he's toxic. He's always gaslighting.
Pray Psalm 18 It's a spiritual battle, the religious pretenders tortured and murdered innocent Jesus. He will protect you. I fled everything and it was worth the freedom. These are wolves in sheep's clothing and only want to kill steal and destroy...🙏🔥🕊
She mentioned the kitchen cleaning experiment. But that’s just putting your finger in the dike. And if you’re sticking your finger in every new hole that pops up, it gets exhausting. I think the solution is to let the wall break and run as fast as you can.
I'm expanding my career & redoing my office. Meeting nicer people & taking no BS. Boundaries are set in stone. If I say something it's short. On social media, I go on ocassionally: joke, tell how happy I'm & expanding my career successfully, without saying any information. I refuse to argrue, because I refuse to feed the beast. Redoing myself, for the better.
Thanks for calling it out. It's so hard to admit they are doing these nasty behaviors on purpose, but as I hear you talk, I know it's true. I've gone through 30 years of it with my husband. Always just thinking there is something wrong with him, like he can't think properly. Like his thinking is disorganized. But it's not. It's been calculated to obtain the maximum frustration and exhaustion of me. It's a hard pill to swallow. But, I appreciate this knowledge. Knowledge is the way out. Thank You.
This is dangerous ground to thread ... I remember as a kid at social events with my narc parents, they'd say or do something to kill our (my brother and i) enjoyment of the party, but I'd choose not to respond and act happy the rest of the day, play with my cousins, etc ..... Then watch out for when you're back home alone with them, that's when you "get" it, the abuse, the guilt trips they laid on us, then you'd get punished for something you didn't even do, or you did in their imagination only. Same thing happened with an ex narc significant other, he'd try to kill my enjoyment of the party by saying something mean or ignoring me, or some other stupid game. But i didn't let it kill my joy, I kept on talking with people, having fun. Then same scenario as with my parents, once alone he'd lash out at me for no reason, accusing me of things and behaviours I didn't even do or display. So just be careful because it does backfire. Maybe make sure they don't see you having fun. And most important, get out of the relationship, leave, save yourself, you owe it to You. Michelle, great video as usual. I appreciate how articulate you are, your ability to demonstrate these toxic behaviours. Thanks so much.
I agree! What I learned to do as a child was to invent a passion or weakness I didn't actually have, so that the toxic parent would go for that target to hurt me. Then pretend to be hurt by their barb so they're happy, without them having actually affected your true self. It was hard to do because my toxic parent was a psychotherapist, but I did eventually figure out how to play the victim they want to see without being one. Still - much better to get out if you can!
Thanks for your input@@Maren617 . Funny...... I used to do something similar as a kid. Whenever there was something I really liked or was passionate about, I made sure NOT to talk about it, keep it to myself. Maybe that's why today I'm rather secretive about my art projects. I developped the fear, almost superstition, that if I talk about what I wanna do, it won't come to path. Thanks for this dialogue, it helps us uncover, understand, who we are.
@@borealiswan2363 Me too! Also into art, just rediscovering it now that I'm making a recovery, and I have also always had lots of trouble talking about the things I truly love, trying to protect them. But I'm actually going to change that now, share my art openly with friends on social media, get lots of feedback from normal people, and will just use Michelle's techniques to reply to any abusive comments and won't let them bother me. I'm a free adult now and no longer have to hide who I am.
@@borealiswan2363 OMG yes my person have 3 bio sisters and step mother that I feel secretly stalking me and they always want to know what I'm up to and asking around the sly way.... I was an open book because I wanted to help my X-human and his sisters go through their family traumas so I reveal and shared too much details of what i'm up to, what helped me through my tough times how I heal traumas and reveal certain techniques of Mind Control that back fired against my better judgement... I thought they wanted to start on shadow work which is why I gave them my instructors contacts ... my instructor told warned me that a few people with their energies came to learn Mind Control techniques with shady intentions and they were hiding their true identities and were evasive in demeanor. I long stop contact and learn other things without their knowledge. Those group of humans delve in some shady Javanese Black magic and and information they acquired from me ended up stabbing me in the back... took away the one I loved and cared the most (my lovely friends..street cats) one by one and finally broke my emotional/ psychological defenses and my health collapsed along with my finances. I sought no one, trust no one, I moved back with my family working on side work and building my portfolio. Those are signs from Universe to do some heavy processing and detoxing. I will cut and block anyone suspicious or toxic from my life even if it will add fuel to their gossip, bad mouthing in order to garner supporters I no longer give any time or meanings to petty behaviours. I hope they grow up spiritually and purify their heavy karmic entanglements~be done, be free, stay safe and stay quiet bout your business for now!
@@leisurelyarting What a sad, terrible story ! Glad your instructor saw through them. Keep growing, I know it's very hard, but be strong. Sounds like you've done a lot of useful work in order to stay safe. Sending good vibes
I wish I'd known this years ago! You have shared a massive power source here for fueling self-confidence in the face adversity with a Narc! Thank you so much!!!
I appreciate your videos especially this one Michelle cause I get alot of those looks by these types of people after someone smearing my name . We should just smile , wave and act confident around these toxic people . It might be difficult but I need to practice and love myself . Accept that they wanna chose to hate you're right we can't control them .
Great insights, always, Michele! There were so many things I did, as a young wife, that I thought were non-negotiable, such as traveling across the country to visit his relatives. When I'd had one bad experience after another during these visits, I came to a huge realization (Eureka!) I didn't have to go!! So I stopped, many years ago, and get a vacation from him when he goes alone. The relatives can think what they like. I don't care. There are so many wrong assumptions that we make, based in our upbringing, that can and must be challenged to come to a peaceful, contented life. Counselors like you, Michele, are so helpful in breaking the chains that have kept us miserable....Thank you!
I've put a lot of this into use, definitely works, i'm not absorbing their B.S. nor losing control of my own world. They start moody, then unpleasant towards me, then self-pity, then some acting out towards inanimate objects (slamming a door, passive-aggressively put the dishes away), and when they realise they aren't getting what they want, they stomp off in a huff, often for about 5-15 minutes, then come back as if nothing occurred. I suppose that 5-15 minutes is as long as they can last before having to face who they really are, because when they come back they are in total mirror mode.
@@Rahel8811 I know what you mean, but I think as a tool it is incredibly helpful to keep them at bay. I think of it as like body-suits police wear to train their dogs...yes you can still feel the bite through the suit, but were you not wearing it you'd probably have your whole arm ripped off!
You are just so so right. All the silent treatment that he does to me is because im focusing on me and how i wanted it to end and how much it makes me so anxious and so confuse and hurtful. Now that i know his game all i need to do is focus on what can i do 'at that moment" to make me happy. Thats the key word. Thanks very much. Its so helpful. And when he smear me and is counting on my old responses to explode, that is exactly what i will not do.
Watching BONES, season 3, episode 14 and it nails how dangerous manipulative people are when we encounter them! The Wannabe In The Weeds. So many mysteries nailed narcissism in various stages but until YOU, Michelle, I never had the tools to ID what it is and what to do or not do. Thank you 🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸
Tolstoi novels, or meditations by Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius give clues about human nature and wisdom pills to epower ourselves. Khalil Gibran and Mary Oliver are Poets of love, wondering and wilderness. In self care, it helped me a lot. If you prefer series writing techniques, Edgar Allan Poe 's short stories. Milk n' Kisses
I have beat myself up about this. I have to struggle with feeling like somehow my joy for life is not normal because of the people who have a problem with it. I eventually found out that they basically want you to become either as miserable as them, or want you to amount to nothing because that gives them personal satisfaction. Living with someone like this is devastating and limits your huge potential. I am finally taking back my life and challenging anyone who has a problem with me for any reason. I have tried everything to appease these people and when I was at my most vulnerable, all the things they wanted me to be, they used to reject and isolate me. They don't want to help you, they want to hurt and destroy you and they will always have a problem with you and the smartest way to deal with them is not to deal with them. Detach emotionally, do not engage and carry on with your life the way it was meant to live. You deserve to be happy.
I usually love the silent treatment for the exact reasons mentioned in this video. But most of all, because silent treatment means SILENCE! Silence like in no fighting, hurling, yelling. Silence like in "I can hear my own thoughts and I xan really focus on them". That type of silence.
Cristiana Nicolae Right... In the beginning when he would do it it literally ate at me and would mess up my days how ever long he decided to do it but now now I welcome it ... It’s a break for me now... Sad that I’m even still with this person but in time I’m sure I will smarten up...
Christiana - YES! Same here - I thought I was weird because everyone always talks about how devastated they are when they get the silent treatment. I was always so glad for the break from the yelling. Especially since he almost never shut up. He acted like he would die if he wasn't running his mouth constantly interrupting me.
I think the hard solution is to have a face to face and resolve it. If they’re unwilling, tell them it’s a deal breaker not to. It’s what adults do. If they don’t, they don’t care about you.
I love it Michelle! My x used to do this when we would go on walks together or went places together all the time. I remember right after our honeymoon I was excited to go to the grocery store together and cook a meal together. When we got to the store he literally ran off from me. I couldn't find him and I was so hurt,confused and devastated by this behavior. I just realized this memory was a toxic behavior of him ignoring me on purpose to control my emotions and steal my joy away. It still hurts when I think of it. Your videos and words to use against the toxic Narcassist are so great!!! Thank you!
This is really important emotional survival advice for people who are trapped in a situation that you can't/ don't know how to get out of........such as at work, or if you have kids with that person. How ever......no one who is emotionally healthy, would choose to stay in this kind of relationship. It just isn't worth your time & energy.
I am noticing this lose of energy around two people lately. To avoid it on Saturday I felt I had to put a shield around my heart as I realized everything I said was being discounted. I am particularly sensitive to voice tones of people recently. Hearing how people speak to each other often feels hostile or passive aggressive with me. I noticed the person I am closest with when I speak with them my happiness increases and I do not feel I must shield my heart. Thank you for your strategies.
today I finally had the strength to dump my narcissist girlfriend. going no contact starts now! I have blocked her and deleted on everything. its time to move on with my life. my mind and soul is still very messed up tho, I'm so mentally drained i feel numb. I really need to heal.. if anyone can help me or give me advise I appreciate it, and I'm glad I can be apart of this community. if anyone could comment it would mean the world to me. I hope everyone has a good day, remember to love yourself
Don't let yourself slump into guilt , for stepping away . GET SLEEP , VIT B1 , AND GOOD MUSIC , I listen to Beautiful compositions , John Williams Hans Zimmer , serve the deserving ,include yourself . . Eat non toxic food , ease up on yourself. Be a giver , to others and don't forget yourself . , ❤❤❤
I once heard the quote "Don't Oil the Squeaky Wheel" and I think it relates to the topic Intentional Mistakes. I fixed the mistakes of the narcissist at work and by doing that they became my responsibility and part of my duties. It took me a long time to figure out that it was a trick.
I can also relate to being ig ores in public. With mg family, Its like i have to tag along everywhere obey them and they make sure they keep you ignored and tagged along at the same time. And when I tried to move. They woiod either bully me to stay with then or give fake assurance. Sounds childish but it applies to all situations and gatherings as you gown up with a toxic family. I never had a say in my own choices. Ad now im so confused what they actually are. Coming bacj on track with them...
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When we tell toxic people what hurts us, they do it more yess OMG how sad this is 😐
I ll try all the methods you mentioned , not letting them know it bothers you is something I have to put more in to practice ☝️️🎯thank you for your channel! 🎖
Great advise Michele. The outsmarting can last for so long before it drives you nuts. The narcissist is relentless and never give up. The only solution is to run away as fast as you can. You truly do help me in understanding my 22 year marriage to a full blown narcissist now 5.5 years divorced. Thank God for that!! Ciao!!
So relived the more i learn the more i can see and really am beginning to see through this fog . Clearly livin the priceless truth that you so simply and eloquently present has helped me immeasurably. From the center of my being I thank you
It sucks when your own older sis or sis in law are manipulative individuals and jealous of u... sad. Toxic people just need to go. U choosing to be toxic is not my responsibility. They intentionally like to aggravate and frustrate you, it’s never an accident...This clarity is amazing!
What's best working for me is to keep the control of the situation and don't burst. When I keep my cool I feel powerful, this way they don't ruin my mood. Also lately I've had problems with a person who's trying to take advantage of me, he keeps on going into the personal zone and I maintain him in the professional level
This is sage advice ! So it's fighting 🔥 fire with water 💦- instead of fighting fire with fire ( which never made sense?) I ve been watching your videos for a while and they keep getting better and better Michelle👈👏👏👏🙌👍
Simply intelligent and beautiful approach in dealing with these otherwise "tangling situations. " Thank you so much dearest Michelle for existing and sharing your wisdom. 💝
i like that she iterates to apply these techniques in a toxic relationship not a healthy one. They are manipulative techniques and using them on someone who doesn’t deserve it to boost your control will make you the toxic one.
It is frustrating when they will not pull their weight but then act like you are the one toxic. Or they will not even speak and do something they think will irritate you walking by. Like one person thinks whistling irritates me so specifically they will whistle while only walking by me. Ignoring them doesn't stop them.
I give him a mark out of 10 (in my mind) and if he needs it, an Oscar. He gave me the look the other day but because he was about 20 metres a way, he added excessive shoulder slumps and a humph. I’d just watched your last video and breathed then laughed under my neutral facial expression. The funny thing was if he’d asked me about his situation beforehand, he wouldn’t have had the problem. Thanks, Michele!
There is an irony to all and everything you have touched on here Michele. The more of this IGNORANCE stuff they have done to you over the years, i swear, when they discard you(or you do.. them), your recovery without the narc, totally and utterly comes QUICKER. In other words, by THEIR behaviour, they actually fast-forward your recovery once you start working narcs out with channels of knowledge like this one Michele...so... ....THANK YOU.
Sometimes people slip into these behaviors because they have been too lazy. They probably saw these same manipulative behaviors growing up and may not even realize how ridiculous they're acting. When I changed my expectations and calmly and lovingly refused to participate, things shifted and peace ensued. As long as I argued or let myself feel bad, nothing changed for many years. I finally grew up enough myself to see the way. Don't assume it isn't fixable...but please don't let anyone determine how you feel. And don't be hard on yourself as you figure out the difference. There's probably a good reason you're open to this bad behavior, but there is no reason you can't change that. Life is short. Make it beautiful! Stop being a victim of anything. Become a person who values compassion for both yourself and others. 💞
A lot of people are not mentally balanced but suffer from unresolved internal issues that they project onto the people around them. Be aware and have your guard up because they will try to take away your joy.
I would apply these techniques particularly in respect of the 'look' & the 'moods,' however, this would often escalate the issue. While nothing would happen publicly, my 'non-response' would be construed as my not caring etc which would often produce days long monologues of abuse. So, while it might work in the moment, it was dreadful afterward. How would you deal with the repercussions of these very valid options that our narcissists will obviously very much dislike?
I love these ideas and have tried them in the past. The only time I find it extremely difficult is when thier behaviour triggers an emotional flashback. Like someone struck a guitar cord. That’s when not giving them the response their wanting is a bit more difficult.
Another spot on video Michele thanks, i agree use the silent treatment as some me time to focus on yourself instead of the Narchole. My silent treatment went on for over a year then when the inevitable happened lol and the Narchole showed up i had allready decided that things would not change for the better and what happened at that time just cemented things. so my door closed for the last time on them. Now i have me time to focus on myself and what is important to me. Why put all your energy and focus into a Narchole when it becomes obvious they just want to put you down to the level they are on because they have no selfasteem, respect etc the list goes on and it is a long list.
The ex narc tried to give me the silent treatment for 2 days so I finally got some rest, looked up a new hobby and sang in the shower (I hadn't done that in years) He had a major violent meltdown and started screaming I'm abusive for being so happy not to talk to him for 2 whole days. Ugh
Great Video, you are spot on !!! I totally experienced all those examples, with the Narcs , back in time I was so confused.... It’s great you giving examples, & how to role play ....I know you helping a lot of people....!!! Thank you 🙏🏻 so much ❣️
Its 4 am you helped me out a tremendous amount and I've only seen one other video from you. I now understand a few things more not only about myself but the people around me, thank you so much.
You are helping me so much to deal with narcissist behaviour and helping me understand why I always felt negative and worthless and why I was always constantly battling my feelings towards myself until I realised the source of where it comes from , and when I noticed that when I'm happy is when my parents leave and I'm alone and when I'm with sertain friends , I think you just saved me from myself and people that took advantage of who I really am
Don't play their game, just leave. Normal people want to improve themselves or just be a normal adults. We all grow up with issues but we decide how we treat people and how we want to be treated. Reverse sychology, silent treatment that's playing there game it is easy to be a child like them don't make them wonder leave them they can wonder when your gone. Don't try to fix.
Michele. You are a Genius. If i had got this message 2 years ago, i would have saved my marriage.. However, i thank God i left, now i have an amazing person in my Life.
I just watched this & the video you recommended watching before this one. It amazes me how you put into words exactly what my ex did to me for 21 years. We've been separated for 4 years now & it's still hard to explain to people what happened to me. It's so helpful to be understood, thank you! That being said, your advice seems to be encouraging playing games & staying in a relationship that will eventually destroy you. The only time I could see using your tips would be with parents, kids & relatives that you can't disconnect from, &/or with a spouse/partner while formulating your plan for leaving the relationship. I DO believe you're not encouraging people to stay, but maybe you should preface your videos with that advice. It is especially important to clarify this because when we are in these mind-f-ing relationships we often don't trust ourselves, our thoughts or our decision-making process & have been trained to believe everything is our fault. As a result, we might take this as encouragement to change ourselves to keep the relationship, when what we should be doing is running for our lives.
Bonnie Newkirk-Rhoades ...Bonnie..have you been living my life too...Your response here to this video is so spot on with what hell I’ve lived for 23 years...I feel I know you or you must be ‘my secret sister’....
Such great advice! Yet the hardest part of it all...is learning the ability to fight off their dark aura. Fighting to be happy.... fighting to write your song.... fighting to smile through all the hell youre going through internally. I believe you really have to reach that place of being able to WALK and MEAN IT! That means you’ve allowed yourself to disconnect without the self sabotage. Forgive yourself for your toxic reactions back at the narcissist and rebuild. That never was you. You were just in the ring slinging mud back at them to save yourself! Look.... enough is enough. Be able to turn that chapter. Let yourself grieve and also let yourself feel the wind of freedom under your wings!
You have come a long way Michelle and your videos have gotten so good, thank you for them. I need to break free of these toxic avengers, they are my family, my husband, and a few people I thought were my friends. I need an education and job to get away. I wish there was something so I could move back home, have a good job, have good boundaries and be able to save my life to actually start being able to be free and me.
Number one goal to deal with toxic people is top] remove them from your life (or remove yourself from them if you are at the beginning). The first one to remove is extremely hard and painful but every next one is easier. I did it, you can do it too !!!
Love this! Unfortunately toxic people are all around us. I've had ex boyfriends, coworkers, and family like this. It is so confusing when it happens and can be so hurtful. I am always eager to learn more about how to combat this toxicity! Thank goodness for this education and these tools! They will get what is coming to them eventually, and I do not want to be anywhere near them when they do.
I like this. More on passive aggressive behaviors please. I like what you said 'When we tell toxic people what hurts us--they do it more. (When we expose that.) They covertly hide it but continue to do it more.' I have employees who do this tactic all the time. When I'm just far enough away from them they say something mean about about me. Example 'he is not a man,' 'he is a bad manager,' etc. The 'toxic,' charismatic person who is behind these passed on abusive behaviors encourages them to use these behaviors. When you confront them about this they later discuss what I told them in confidence--with the 'toxic,' person and he gets them to start doing this behavior again. How do you deal with this tactic when it is being used against you all the time. I am told by my boss 'oh just ignore it and let them talk amongst themselves.' When you listen to these suggestions and do what they are telling you to do--this empowers the abusive behavior and it continues to grow and continue and grow (It's a cycle that escalates). How do you stop this behavior when you confront them about it and they deny it. They smile and act nice when you talk to them but continue this tactic as soon as your out of immediate range where deniability is an option?
if you really want to piss them off mirror their insults but instead of bad manager change it to bad workers. Speak badly about them whilst pretending to be on the phone with someone.
It is very important 6o stay strong in your own self. That said I have a few objections: while some people are purposefully malignant, the majority of “toxic” people are just not self aware, rather than purposefully hurtful. Secondly, many of your suggestions involve lying or manipulating the “toxic” person. Direct communication is more honest. Making up stories, pretending you are affected, etc. is just more passive aggressive behavior. If direct communication doesn’t work, then explain what the problem is and stop spending time with them. I moved out. Within weeks my “toxic” friend started changing their behavior. Without my having to lie or pretend or make up fake competitions. Especially if kids are involved, they will see that you are lying or pretending, and now they have two passive aggressive parents to deal with.
Wow, you nailed it! I’ll need to listen to this weekly, this is spot on!! More of this please. Thank you!! (Dealing with covert narc parents and very toxic narc sibling, which are way more difficult than my narc spouse, the parent-sibling triangulation & enablement keeps getting me angry & very sad)
The trouble with me is dissociation... Delay in processing and then thinking it through hours or days or weeks later and realising what they did was actually really rude or something that should instantly be challenged. I hate this
The late realization may be because in the past, this behavior was seen as "normal", or it was something that you couldn't do anything about (in he case of a child). I am now seeing the reality of "back-handed compliments" and passive aggressive remarks about me that a sibling made in public. Because it was a surprise and public, I didn't respond in any way. Now I have learned what I could have done, and will do if it happens again.
It’s been a while since I was with my nex but when I was with him, I became really good at hiding my pain and putting on a show of being happy and completely unaffected by his behaviour, despite feeling like literal death on the inside. It was a continuous war with him.
I remember when i went back home after a few years.. and mum got me aside and delightedly and with a cheeky grin told me how she invited all the ladies of her bowling club back for lunch.. she made them opossum stew.. and she didnt tell them till after they had eaten it... and she recounted with great delight , the horror on their faces! she planned and plotted it.. and executed it.. and had no qualms or guilt about it... and those women in the bowling club were so nice!!
oh my gosh when you spoke on the silent treatment. I remember with my ex when she would either start chaos or start the silent treatment. I would disengage with it and not allow it to bother me. I would grab my favorite book and begin reading. It was fine for a while, but eventually, she stopped giving me the silent treatment and started attacking me reading lol What a low. But I never understood it until now - thank you!
Always moving things around so that I couldn’t do things efficiently, especially in the kitchen. Or starting a big project like moving all of the furniture around, then leaving it in an uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous state, so I had to spend the entire rest of the day cleaning it up while he ignored me and sat there like an iceberg at the computer doing something so much more important than anything that I could possibly be doing, even though I was paying all the bills.
In Sept. I moved in with my daughter and son-in-law because neither household, mine nor theirs, was able to thrive in this horrible economy with rent that is very high. We agreed to split everything right down the middle. For both parties (me and them) doing this cut our living expenses down to very manageable levels. For me, it meant I was paying only around 35% of my income on rent which was wonderful. My daughter has pretty severe fibromyalgea and she is pregnant with grand baby #2 which is a hard road to travel. My son-in-law, though, has not held a job for more than about 3 months (and sometimes much, much less). It is his habit to find a job and then complain about not being truly 'fulfilled' by his work. I was a single mom and bent over backwards and sideways to make sure my kid had a roof over head and food to eat including working long hours in places I was not "fullfilled" by. My parents were Depression babies. They did much harder work than I ever had to do just to survive, so this "I'm not fullfilled" sounds like BS to me. The lack of fullfillment argument always devolves into my son'-in-law's "mental health issues" where he talks about how his poorly managed anxiety makes it hard to do whatever job. Ultimately, all of this job hopping and lack of income made him not have money for rent this month. He knew this would be the case in Decement, and he asked if I would pay all of the rent for January and he would cover utilites. I said yes, but I felt like that was the wrong answer. Nevertheless, when January got here, he reminded me about paying the rent and said that when I moved out, he would "pitch in" to help with the move instead of paying me back in full. Hard pass. I was assertive, calm, and clear, "no, you will pay me back in full for your half of the rent. I am not paying the full amount of the rent because I am the person who needs help with rent. You are the person who does not have his share of the rent, therefore, I am paying the rent to help you and you are therefore bound to repaying me your half of the rent and not playing games about doing so". I insisted that I got a printout of the amount of rent owed and a print out showing the rent was paid. Then, I wrote a contract showing how much he had borrowed and setting a repayment date where the full amount would be repaid in 30 days. I also told him that he was not being fair to his wife and his kids by playing the victim and refusing to work or going to interviews and *not* getting a job he was perfectly qualified for by telling the interviewer that his wife is disabled and therefore he may have to leave at a moment's notice any number of times a week- which to an intervier sounds a lot like "I do not want to work". For the last couple of days, he and my daughter have been giving me the silent treatment. They did this in December and when I confronted my daughter, she exploded (which I prefer to the silent treatment) and said she and her husband had been "sending all kinds of smoke signals" so that I would catch on to the fact that I was doing stuff they didn't like. I told her I do not read smoke signals, I speak English so a conversation is paramount to communication. I recognized what they were doing and actually used his sudden interest in helping me put up Christmas decorations to get my daughter in a place where she would respond to the confrontation. This time, though, I am just tired of the BS. I decided in December when my son-in-law asked for help with the rent that I was enabling him by just being here and being more financially stable than he because as long as I am here, he will see me as his reserve 'in case" he doesn't have money for rent. So NOW, I am getting the silent treatment and/or the curt responses and general behavior common to a 13 year old and not an emotionally mature 30 year old. I have been acting like I do not notice it at all. I am not going to be manipulated into feeling guilty for telling my son-in-law that his responsibility is to his family and he is dropping the ball. I think I said the silent part out loud and that irritated him. I also think that he doesn't handle responsibility well - at least not financial responsibility- so he is doing this silent reatment thing to cover for his own shame at falling short of taking care of his family. I like the suggestion of finding something I need to do for me during this silent treatment phase as I have been neglecting reading my Bible and doing my Zentangles, two things that keep me grounded and sane. At some point, though, I am going to mention to my daughter that this silent treatment tactic that both she and my son-in-law have coordinated is a symptom of a covert narcissist and that it is an unhealthy way to deal with uncomfortable situations. I will not do it right now but eventually that is a conversation that will have to be had. Her father is a covert narcissist and she was deeply hurt by his behavior. She will not respond to me well for bringing it up, but for the sake of her kids, she needs to see that she is perpetuating a cycle and if she will behave this way to me, she will do so with her kids, too. Thank you for your suggestions and also the reinforcement that I am handling this weirdness properly and to just keep doing what I am doing.
I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!!!💕🌸 I had a situation at work today and I was feeling so sad, aggravated and many more things 😔😣🤬🤯😫😤and I was thinking to face that person tomorrow and tell her so many things and you save my mind, my feelings, my Job and my mental health!!! Thank you I know now how to play their game and win for my own mental health. 🌸💕☺️🙏🏼 Thank you so much!!!
These are feminine techniques. Both the person doing the action and the phony p/a reaction/response. You can avoid all this if you confront them on their p/a action, never let them off the hook, make them explain. It will stop their bs.... permanently, or at least make them think about doing whatever because of the potential confrontation..
Regarding the examples given about how to handle toxic spouses.......there better be a whole lot of money involved or something really important to get out of the relationship to put up with these kind of tactics by toxic people like that long term. Why would anyone want to be married to somebody like that??? If you got to play head games every day in your own home, that's no home.
It’s a really big red flag-one of the biggest-when people can’t stand your happiness or success!!!
so true
The moral of the story, do not be around people that make you feel uncomfortable. Especially those that make you feel as if you are walking on eggshells in their presence.
Exactly! I left my job because of how horrible it was constantly walking on egg shells around my manager.
It’s hard when that person is at work and you love your job.
Yes?m, but the hatdest way is to go out of yiur neighbours… they are evewhere 😂😂😂❤
I just left a job I absolutely love because the owner of the restaurant is a malignant narcissist. I found out on my last day that she had been going around telling my coworkers and customers that I’m fake and that my happiness is an act! The funny thing....she is really just talking about herself. It hurt me because I am sensitive and kind and a people person naturally but I was able to let it go rather quickly. I saw this woman for who she was and she couldn’t stand it. I have no job now and no prospects but I don’t care. I am free and that is priceless. 🙏🏻🙏🏻💕💕💕
That is really sad that people cannot even handle being around genuinely happy people. It is like people thrive off of negativity or want you to have low self esteem. Then if you walk around with a mean look on your face people will have something to say. You cannot win for losing keep being you and dont change. True people will appreciate your inner beauty and approachable demeanor.
I was fired by a malignant narcissist and he torpedoed my next job offer. Jokes on him.. I went to a competitor and got a raise 🙌
That says something about that person. Not about you. Be happy you left. Nothing else matters. If your manager doesn't know how to not gossip she shouldn't be in a managers position. Even if you are fake. Who cares? It's about how you do your job. If your colleagues couldn't stand up for you or didn't stand up for you, which means they also stand up for a healthy work culture, they are not worth your attention.
I got fired two years ago from in hindsight the worst team and the worst manipulative manager. I really felt bad at work all the time but I needed money ofc... it really sucked because I was trying so hard to succeed. It was a culture with a lot of women(sorry) and one guy as a manager. The culture was just completely messed up and everybody stabbed each other in the back about bs to survive. When I left the manager was looking at my LinkedIn page every week on the same day of the week just to f with me. I wrote about my experiences and the toxic culture inside the team and sent it to a colleague of his. I saw him in the city once after and he was looking really angry at me.I said hello and moved on haha. I am soooo glad I don't work there anymore and have a job where the manager is very respectful towards the employees. And everyone who still works there is still complaining on whatsapp or manipulating.
That happened to me in nursing on my first job returning to my home state, and I desperately needed the work. As a single mom then, leaving was the last thing I could afford, and I had no one to turn to. Nursing itself is full of bullies; I pushed through though, rescued myself, and today my son and I work as a team and earn in a day what used to take a month. Staying true to self paid off.
@@laurielbrooks6079 Had to grow up in a family like this. Not everyone, but certain individuals tended to say hurtful things when I was happy and expressing my joy.
Observe don’t absorb is a great technique. It’s the same as being emotionally detached. A lot of people in the comments are referring to it as a “trick.” It’s not a trick or a ploy, it’s a practice one can generally use in life. It simply means you don’t allow yourself to get pulled into someone else’s toxicity.
Thank you for this brilliant insight!
The problem is i can act like im not absorbing but inside im a mess and cant sleep, want to not think !!!!!
I love that comment. Thank you ❤
@@shirleymorales3161yes, EXACTLY! God bless 💜
This is very difficult because the intent is obvious and playing dumb has a way of feeling fake for me. Unfortunately, this occurs often and practice opportunities come often.
Wear sunglasses or respond while you walk away from them, it does not give them the supply/energy they want to steal from you. I’ve learned this unplanned. I see them squirm or laugh nervously, because they missed their target. If they can’t have eye contact with you, they can’t shoot.
Bmore Mom Nice! So, basically, when you buy sun-glasses you also buy narc-glasses? Now I understand why my former narc boss did not liked that I weared sunglasses. Apparently, she considered them to be offending. I told her that I need them because I have sensibility to light (which is true), but still, she barelly accepted it and only after several other people confirmed it. Should I mention that she was also behaving like we were rivals of some sort? Yup, she did so from the very beginning, despite the fact that she was the one who hired me. And maybe she needed to see my eyes in order to read my thoughts and plan her next reply...
@@eeaotly Thanks for sharing confirmation! Yes, they must see your eyes (the window to your soul) to extract the supply of praise/worship or release their insidious abuse, so they want to see your fear, pain, anger, etc... Yeah narc-shield-glasses!
I....LOVE...Mines...I...Smiled....and... Shook... My...Head...At...A...HATER....SO...Pitiful.. And... CRAZY
@@eeaotly im getting me some sunglasses!
@Tewdy Quew seems cowardly but really its a smart way to stay away
The toxic people I know do all of the above, and I've just learned to ignore them--they don't exist in my view. And in the corner of my eyes I can see them cross their arms, roll their eyes, and storm off. It enrages them to get no response from me, to be ignored, and to not be the center of attention. But oh well, that's exactly what they're doing to me, and I'm just dishing it back.
OMG! The ignoring scenario! To the 'T'. At one point in my relationship, I naturally did the 'walk away and find something else to do' when I was intentionally ignored, and I later got asked if I felt ignored because I walked away. Inside I was thinking "you conniving brat!" But I replied "oh, not at all I just found something I wanted to check out. I didn't even notice you weren't around". The confused look was amazing! Sad we have to resort to this pretentious behavior though 😔
You sound like a POS, yourself. If you can actually take that constructive criticism, you'd probably benefit greatly. Fighting fire with fire is going to leave you and the other person both atop of 2 piles of ash, still bitching and blaming EachOther for what was done.
being with a toxic person makes US into a toxic person. the way other people think WE are the toxic one instead of them & how we have to adjust our behavior around them just to get by--appearing and acting toxic ourselves! 😖🥴
It really is easy to adapt, i mean they say "you're who you hang out with" that sucks, so get rid of them is the best rather than waste time and feel bad by hanging with them.
This is taking someone's behavior and not allowing it to make you toxic as well. By letting toxic manipulation affect us not to act the way they do and instead of reacting to it just absorbing it.
The toxic person does not deserve our positive attitude. These tactics are good to use while making moves and plans to end the relationship. The toxic relationship is not worth your while. Choose an exit date and commit to it. You will have sufficient time to plan and fortify your positive attitude. These people do not exist in reality. If they were a fly you would have swatted them out of your existence already, not turn it into a pet.
She's an angel... You saved me
King Solomon me too
Me too. She still does🌸🕊💗
What is her hand signs
Decades ago I learned that everyone is responsible for their own feelings. Such freedom in walking in this truth. Also, no one is responsible for reading someone else's mind. Communicate your mind if you want someone else to know what you're wanting,thinking, expecting, feeling. Expect others to communicate their mind & heart if they want to as well.
Like she said, I think it’s carried on by family. They do as their parents do. I would hope they’d realize the hole they’re in and turn it around, but from everything on here, the majority don’t.
She mentioned that kind of stuff doesn't typically work on toxic people. So while it's excellent for maintaining a good r.ship, maybe a relationship gone sour or there's just some weak communication in an otherwise usual relationship.. worse people are much harder to deal with, bc you can't reason with an unreasonable person who might destroy your whole life
This takes so much self-control and endurance, but truly...there is no other way! It takes great mental strength.
The “acting like you don’t notice it” is so funny because I do this all the time. And it’s so funny hearing that this actually advised to do hahah. Wow.
Also, THANK them for helping you accomplish do a,b or c and they will stop whatever behavior is irritating you. For example, my father in law would come unannounced to our house to annoy me. So, I thanked him for babysitting, so I could finish packing for a weekend trip we were getting ready for. His face of disgust was awesome. I just smiled in delight. He hasn’t come back unannounced 😀!
Gratitude is powerful! Lol))
Beautiful counterattack 🤞🏽
LOL...Good Tips
Bmore Mom I’m gonna use this, I hope that’s ok. Clever. Same with the sunglasses trick as I have Autism and epilepsy and other medical issues.
Lobotomy try trolling a dictionary site.
You are so right on. Many of us are taught to please others. But, even Jesus often did not act to please others.🙄
On the topic of timing, I remember one strategy from the guitarist and improvised music legend Derek Bailey, when 2 other musicians, Han & Evan, arrived to a recording session 1 hour late, as soon they arrived he packed his guitar up and said to them "see you in an hour, i'm having my lunch"
Wonderfull
My mom was chronically tardy for every planned event. My hubby and I started telling her the start time was 30mins prior to when it actually was. Over time she realized she was on time and actually asked about it. I laughed and said “well, we’ve noticed you always show up 30mins late, so we give you a time 30mins earlier than everyone else.” At first she started to argue that she wasn’t late, and then realized it was futile. She said “well, you don’t have to do that anymore.” She never apologized or admitted fault, but she was never late again. I now realize she was doing this on purpose in order to make her narcissistic grand entrance.
Yes when they are not trying to be punctual or apologetic about lateness. I used to always be late due to cptsd but was close to tears, struggling & very apologetic every time. They train you with a deeply carved neural pathway!!!
My husband is a pastor, zero interpersonal skills, gaslighting me daily and I have FINALLY awakened. Just didn't know how to deal with it. You hit the nail in the head. "Making mistakes" was the lightbulb that I couldn't figure out. Thanks for the tip on how to deal with it. I need to distance and allow him to fail. Yes, when they discovered that we're bothered by their behavior they do it more. And he denies that he's toxic. He's always gaslighting.
Pray Psalm 18
It's a spiritual battle, the religious pretenders tortured and murdered innocent Jesus. He will protect you. I fled everything and it was worth the freedom. These are wolves in sheep's clothing and only want to kill steal and destroy...🙏🔥🕊
She mentioned the kitchen cleaning experiment. But that’s just putting your finger in the dike. And if you’re sticking your finger in every new hole that pops up, it gets exhausting. I think the solution is to let the wall break and run as fast as you can.
@@entrthedragonWhat is putting your finger in the dike?
I found that mirroring is the best tool.. If they cant get a reaction from you, that really sets them off, but they will leave you alone eventually
I'm expanding my career & redoing my office. Meeting nicer people & taking no BS. Boundaries are set in stone. If I say something it's short. On social media, I go on ocassionally: joke, tell how happy I'm & expanding my career successfully, without saying any information. I refuse to argrue, because I refuse to feed the beast. Redoing myself, for the better.
This explains SO much!!! The smear campaign starts before you even leave... Wow. This makes so many things make so much sense!! Thank you!
Thanks for calling it out. It's so hard to admit they are doing these nasty behaviors on purpose, but as I hear you talk, I know it's true. I've gone through 30 years of it with my husband. Always just thinking there is something wrong with him, like he can't think properly. Like his thinking is disorganized. But it's not. It's been calculated to obtain the maximum frustration and exhaustion of me. It's a hard pill to swallow. But, I appreciate this knowledge. Knowledge is the way out. Thank You.
This is dangerous ground to thread ... I remember as a kid at social events with my narc parents, they'd say or do something to kill our (my brother and i) enjoyment of the party, but I'd choose not to respond and act happy the rest of the day, play with my cousins, etc ..... Then watch out for when you're back home alone with them, that's when you "get" it, the abuse, the guilt trips they laid on us, then you'd get punished for something you didn't even do, or you did in their imagination only. Same thing happened with an ex narc significant other, he'd try to kill my enjoyment of the party by saying something mean or ignoring me, or some other stupid game. But i didn't let it kill my joy, I kept on talking with people, having fun. Then same scenario as with my parents, once alone he'd lash out at me for no reason, accusing me of things and behaviours I didn't even do or display. So just be careful because it does backfire. Maybe make sure they don't see you having fun. And most important, get out of the relationship, leave, save yourself, you owe it to You.
Michelle, great video as usual. I appreciate how articulate you are, your ability to demonstrate these toxic behaviours. Thanks so much.
I agree! What I learned to do as a child was to invent a passion or weakness I didn't actually have, so that the toxic parent would go for that target to hurt me. Then pretend to be hurt by their barb so they're happy, without them having actually affected your true self. It was hard to do because my toxic parent was a psychotherapist, but I did eventually figure out how to play the victim they want to see without being one. Still - much better to get out if you can!
Thanks for your input@@Maren617 . Funny...... I used to do something similar as a kid. Whenever there was something I really liked or was passionate about, I made sure NOT to talk about it, keep it to myself. Maybe that's why today I'm rather secretive about my art projects. I developped the fear, almost superstition, that if I talk about what I wanna do, it won't come to path. Thanks for this dialogue, it helps us uncover, understand, who we are.
@@borealiswan2363 Me too! Also into art, just rediscovering it now that I'm making a recovery, and I have also always had lots of trouble talking about the things I truly love, trying to protect them. But I'm actually going to change that now, share my art openly with friends on social media, get lots of feedback from normal people, and will just use Michelle's techniques to reply to any abusive comments and won't let them bother me. I'm a free adult now and no longer have to hide who I am.
@@borealiswan2363 OMG yes my person have 3 bio sisters and step mother that I feel secretly stalking me and they always want to know what I'm up to and asking around the sly way.... I was an open book because I wanted to help my X-human and his sisters go through their family traumas so I reveal and shared too much details of what i'm up to, what helped me through my tough times how I heal traumas and reveal certain techniques of Mind Control that back fired against my better judgement... I thought they wanted to start on shadow work which is why I gave them my instructors contacts ... my instructor told warned me that a few people with their energies came to learn Mind Control techniques with shady intentions and they were hiding their true identities and were evasive in demeanor. I long stop contact and learn other things without their knowledge. Those group of humans delve in some shady Javanese Black magic and and information they acquired from me ended up stabbing me in the back... took away the one I loved and cared the most (my lovely friends..street cats) one by one and finally broke my emotional/ psychological defenses and my health collapsed along with my finances. I sought no one, trust no one, I moved back with my family working on side work and building my portfolio. Those are signs from Universe to do some heavy processing and detoxing. I will cut and block anyone suspicious or toxic from my life even if it will add fuel to their gossip, bad mouthing in order to garner supporters I no longer give any time or meanings to petty behaviours. I hope they grow up spiritually and purify their heavy karmic entanglements~be done, be free, stay safe and stay quiet bout your business for now!
@@leisurelyarting What a sad, terrible story ! Glad your instructor saw through them. Keep growing, I know it's very hard, but be strong. Sounds like you've done a lot of useful work in order to stay safe. Sending good vibes
You don't have to look at the look you feel it.
I forgot a word I meant you can feel it
absolutely even in the dark from behind your back even when they are speaking to someone else you feel in like laser on your back
Yes, it hits your guts, causes emotional termoil inside you.
It’s easier to just purge toxic people out of your life, problem us there are so many. Good advice though if you’re stuck with them
I wish I'd known this years ago! You have shared a massive power source here for fueling self-confidence in the face adversity with a Narc!
Thank you so much!!!
14 aggressive ppl dislike lol. You go girl thanks for all your positive and educational videos!!! You’ve been super helpful.
I appreciate your videos especially this one Michelle cause I get alot of those looks by these types of people after someone smearing my name . We should just smile , wave and act confident around these toxic people . It might be difficult but I need to practice and love myself . Accept that they wanna chose to hate you're right we can't control them .
Great insights, always, Michele! There were so many things I did, as a young wife, that I thought were non-negotiable, such as traveling across the country to visit his relatives. When I'd had one bad experience after another during these visits, I came to a huge realization (Eureka!) I didn't have to go!! So I stopped, many years ago, and get a vacation from him when he goes alone. The relatives can think what they like. I don't care. There are so many wrong assumptions that we make, based in our upbringing, that can and must be challenged to come to a peaceful, contented life. Counselors like you, Michele, are so helpful in breaking the chains that have kept us miserable....Thank you!
I've put a lot of this into use, definitely works, i'm not absorbing their B.S. nor losing control of my own world. They start moody, then unpleasant towards me, then self-pity, then some acting out towards inanimate objects (slamming a door, passive-aggressively put the dishes away), and when they realise they aren't getting what they want, they stomp off in a huff, often for about 5-15 minutes, then come back as if nothing occurred. I suppose that 5-15 minutes is as long as they can last before having to face who they really are, because when they come back they are in total mirror mode.
Carl Spencer sounds familiar it’s exhausting also just observing and not responding..
@@Rahel8811 I know what you mean, but I think as a tool it is incredibly helpful to keep them at bay. I think of it as like body-suits police wear to train their dogs...yes you can still feel the bite through the suit, but were you not wearing it you'd probably have your whole arm ripped off!
Thank you Michelle
You are just so so right. All the silent treatment that he does to me is because im focusing on me and how i wanted it to end and how much it makes me so anxious and so confuse and hurtful. Now that i know his game all i need to do is focus on what can i do 'at that moment" to make me happy. Thats the key word. Thanks very much. Its so helpful. And when he smear me and is counting on my old responses to explode, that is exactly what i will not do.
Watching BONES, season 3, episode 14 and it nails how dangerous manipulative people are when we encounter them! The Wannabe In The Weeds.
So many mysteries nailed narcissism in various stages but until YOU, Michelle, I never had the tools to ID what it is and what to do or not do. Thank you 🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸🌺🌸
Tolstoi novels, or meditations by Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius give clues about human nature and wisdom pills to epower ourselves. Khalil Gibran and Mary Oliver are Poets of love, wondering and wilderness. In self care, it helped me a lot.
If you prefer series writing techniques, Edgar Allan Poe 's short stories.
Milk n' Kisses
It’s great that you ( Michele ) refer to them and not him all the time. This behavior is not gender specific.
I have beat myself up about this. I have to struggle with feeling like somehow my joy for life is not normal because of the people who have a problem with it. I eventually found out that they basically want you to become either as miserable as them, or want you to amount to nothing because that gives them personal satisfaction. Living with someone like this is devastating and limits your huge potential. I am finally taking back my life and challenging anyone who has a problem with me for any reason. I have tried everything to appease these people and when I was at my most vulnerable, all the things they wanted me to be, they used to reject and isolate me. They don't want to help you, they want to hurt and destroy you and they will always have a problem with you and the smartest way to deal with them is not to deal with them. Detach emotionally, do not engage and carry on with your life the way it was meant to live. You deserve to be happy.
I usually love the silent treatment for the exact reasons mentioned in this video. But most of all, because silent treatment means SILENCE! Silence like in no fighting, hurling, yelling. Silence like in "I can hear my own thoughts and I xan really focus on them". That type of silence.
Cristiana Nicolae Right... In the beginning when he would do it it literally ate at me and would mess up my days how ever long he decided to do it but now now I welcome it ... It’s a break for me now... Sad that I’m even still with this person but in time I’m sure I will smarten up...
Christiana - YES! Same here - I thought I was weird because everyone always talks about how devastated they are when they get the silent treatment. I was always so glad for the break from the yelling. Especially since he almost never shut up. He acted like he would die if he wasn't running his mouth constantly interrupting me.
Yes, I have the same. In silent treatment I can focus on myself again and feel better
I think the hard solution is to have a face to face and resolve it. If they’re unwilling, tell them it’s a deal breaker not to. It’s what adults do. If they don’t, they don’t care about you.
Silent treatment is abusive. Used by abusers.
I love it Michelle! My x used to do this when we would go on walks together or went places together all the time. I remember right after our honeymoon I was excited to go to the grocery store together and cook a meal together. When we got to the store he literally ran off from me. I couldn't find him and I was so hurt,confused and devastated by this behavior. I just realized this memory was a toxic behavior of him ignoring me on purpose to control my emotions and steal my joy away. It still hurts when I think of it. Your videos and words to use against the toxic Narcassist are so great!!! Thank you!
Wow! Sounds like I married is brother 😄 Blessings to you 🙏🏼🥰
@@sheilaprice1942 Lol. I think it's pure evil and that's why there are multiple people doing the exact same behavior. Lol
This is THE MOST ACCURATE thing ever.
This is really important emotional survival advice for people who are trapped in a situation that you can't/ don't know how to get out of........such as at work, or if you have kids with that person.
How ever......no one who is emotionally healthy, would choose to stay in this kind of relationship. It just isn't worth your time & energy.
I am noticing this lose of energy around two people lately. To avoid it on Saturday I felt I had to put a shield around my heart as I realized everything I said was being discounted.
I am particularly sensitive to voice tones of people recently. Hearing how people speak to each other often feels hostile or passive aggressive with me. I noticed the person I am closest with when I speak with them my happiness increases and I do not feel I must shield my heart.
Thank you for your strategies.
today I finally had the strength to dump my narcissist girlfriend. going no contact starts now! I have blocked her and deleted on everything. its time to move on with my life. my mind and soul is still very messed up tho, I'm so mentally drained i feel numb. I really need to heal.. if anyone can help me or give me advise I appreciate it, and I'm glad I can be apart of this community. if anyone could comment it would mean the world to me. I hope everyone has a good day, remember to love yourself
It's been 9 months since you posted. I hope you are doing well.
Don't let yourself slump into guilt , for stepping away . GET SLEEP , VIT B1 , AND GOOD MUSIC , I listen to Beautiful compositions , John Williams Hans Zimmer , serve the deserving ,include yourself . . Eat non toxic food , ease up on yourself. Be a giver , to others and don't forget yourself . , ❤❤❤
I once heard the quote "Don't Oil the Squeaky Wheel" and I think it relates to the topic Intentional Mistakes.
I fixed the mistakes of the narcissist at work and by doing that they became my responsibility and part of my duties.
It took me a long time to figure out that it was a trick.
I've done this... It totally drains the toxic people. Throughout that gathering... But I do feel strong vibes from everywhere.
I can also relate to being ig ores in public. With mg family, Its like i have to tag along everywhere obey them and they make sure they keep you ignored and tagged along at the same time. And when I tried to move. They woiod either bully me to stay with then or give fake assurance. Sounds childish but it applies to all situations and gatherings as you gown up with a toxic family. I never had a say in my own choices. Ad now im so confused what they actually are. Coming bacj on track with them...
When we tell toxic people what hurts us, they do it more yess OMG how sad this is 😐
Sumeyye Unfortunately 😞
Exactly .. they store in their mind fk ery bank
@@victoriavitoroulis3273 how can they stand being that way...i dont get it
Like they can't help it, it's havit and insecurities that they need to address which sooner or later they will hopefully if people do not allow it.
David U yes 🙄
I ll try all the methods you mentioned , not letting them know it bothers you is something I have to put more in to practice ☝️️🎯thank you for your channel! 🎖
Great advise Michele. The outsmarting can last for so long before it drives you nuts. The narcissist is relentless and never give up. The only solution is to run away as fast as you can. You truly do help me in understanding my 22 year marriage to a full blown narcissist now 5.5 years divorced. Thank God for that!! Ciao!!
So relived the more i learn the more i can see and really am beginning to see through this fog .
Clearly livin the priceless truth that you so simply and eloquently present has helped me immeasurably.
From the center of my being
I thank you
Observe don’t absorb. Act like you don’t even notice their bad mood. To hold on to your good vibes.
Yes, that is true. Toxic people will not treat you in a healthy way. They are ill people and we must humbly accept it.
It sucks when your own older sis or sis in law are manipulative individuals and jealous of u... sad. Toxic people just need to go. U choosing to be toxic is not my responsibility. They intentionally like to aggravate and frustrate you, it’s never an accident...This clarity is amazing!
What's best working for me is to keep the control of the situation and don't burst. When I keep my cool I feel powerful, this way they don't ruin my mood. Also lately I've had problems with a person who's trying to take advantage of me, he keeps on going into the personal zone and I maintain him in the professional level
This is sage advice ! So it's fighting 🔥 fire with water 💦- instead of fighting fire with fire ( which never made sense?) I ve been watching your videos for a while and they keep getting better and better Michelle👈👏👏👏🙌👍
Simply intelligent and beautiful approach in dealing with these otherwise "tangling situations. " Thank you so much dearest Michelle for existing and sharing your wisdom. 💝
i like that she iterates to apply these techniques in a toxic relationship not a healthy one. They are manipulative techniques and using them on someone who doesn’t deserve it to boost your control will make you the toxic one.
Yes they make us look mad bad etc I'm just an empath surviving 😭😭👽🤐🙏🏽🐇🙌🏼
It is frustrating when they will not pull their weight but then act like you are the one toxic. Or they will not even speak and do something they think will irritate you walking by. Like one person thinks whistling irritates me so specifically they will whistle while only walking by me. Ignoring them doesn't stop them.
I give him a mark out of 10 (in my mind) and if he needs it, an Oscar. He gave me the look the other day but because he was about 20 metres a way, he added excessive shoulder slumps and a humph. I’d just watched your last video and breathed then laughed under my neutral facial expression. The funny thing was if he’d asked me about his situation beforehand, he wouldn’t have had the problem. Thanks, Michele!
"Hold on to your energy." I love that.
There is an irony to all and everything you have touched on here Michele. The more of this IGNORANCE stuff they have done to you over the years, i swear, when they discard you(or you do.. them), your recovery without the narc, totally and utterly comes QUICKER.
In other words, by THEIR behaviour, they actually fast-forward your recovery once you start working narcs out with channels of knowledge like this one Michele...so...
....THANK YOU.
How Evil it seems that a person that know's they hurt you would purposely do more of it!
Sometimes people slip into these behaviors because they have been too lazy. They probably saw these same manipulative behaviors growing up and may not even realize how ridiculous they're acting. When I changed my expectations and calmly and lovingly refused to participate, things shifted and peace ensued. As long as I argued or let myself feel bad, nothing changed for many years. I finally grew up enough myself to see the way. Don't assume it isn't fixable...but please don't let anyone determine how you feel. And don't be hard on yourself as you figure out the difference. There's probably a good reason you're open to this bad behavior, but there is no reason you can't change that. Life is short. Make it beautiful! Stop being a victim of anything. Become a person who values compassion for both yourself and others. 💞
"The only way to stop them is to stop cleaning up after them".That was deep wow!
Yes thank you
It's to bad when someone doesn't realize that bad company currups good character.
A lot of people are not mentally balanced but suffer from unresolved internal issues that they project onto the people around them. Be aware and have your guard up because they will try to take away your joy.
I would apply these techniques particularly in respect of the 'look' & the 'moods,' however, this would often escalate the issue.
While nothing would happen publicly, my 'non-response' would be construed as my not caring etc which would often produce days long monologues of abuse.
So, while it might work in the moment, it was dreadful afterward.
How would you deal with the repercussions of these very valid options that our narcissists will obviously very much dislike?
Get out of the relationship.
@@jennifersoens6692 Thank-you Jennifer. I am out of it thankfully and am well on the way to healing now. 💙💙
Sooooo glad to hear that!!! 💜💜
Run don’t walkm
I'm so sorry to hear of that pain I understand what you're going through.
I love these ideas and have tried them in the past. The only time I find it extremely difficult is when thier behaviour triggers an emotional flashback. Like someone struck a guitar cord. That’s when not giving them the response their wanting is a bit more difficult.
AmazonKC ...it’s very difficult...You just want to lash out at them...hurt them to wake them up...
Another spot on video Michele thanks, i agree use the silent treatment as some me time to focus on yourself instead of the Narchole. My silent treatment went on for over a year then when the inevitable happened lol and the Narchole showed up i had allready decided that things would not change for the better and what happened at that time just cemented things. so my door closed for the last time on them. Now i have me time to focus on myself and what is important to me. Why put all your energy and focus into a Narchole when it becomes obvious they just want to put you down to the level they are on because they have no selfasteem, respect etc the list goes on and it is a long list.
The ex narc tried to give me the silent treatment for 2 days so I finally got some rest, looked up a new hobby and sang in the shower (I hadn't done that in years) He had a major violent meltdown and started screaming I'm abusive for being so happy not to talk to him for 2 whole days. Ugh
Great Video, you are spot on !!!
I totally experienced all those examples, with the Narcs , back in time I was so confused....
It’s great you giving examples, & how to role play ....I know you helping a lot of people....!!!
Thank you 🙏🏻 so much ❣️
It is so draining. I think about the toxic person even when he is not near,
Its 4 am you helped me out a tremendous amount and I've only seen one other video from you. I now understand a few things more not only about myself but the people around me, thank you so much.
You are helping me so much to deal with narcissist behaviour and helping me understand why I always felt negative and worthless and why I was always constantly battling my feelings towards myself until I realised the source of where it comes from , and when I noticed that when I'm happy is when my parents leave and I'm alone and when I'm with sertain friends , I think you just saved me from myself and people that took advantage of who I really am
Don't play their game, just leave. Normal people want to improve themselves or just be a normal adults. We all grow up with issues but we decide how we treat people and how we want to be treated. Reverse sychology, silent treatment that's playing there game it is easy to be a child like them don't make them wonder leave them they can wonder when your gone. Don't try to fix.
Michele. You are a Genius. If i had got this message 2 years ago, i would have saved my marriage.. However, i thank God i left, now i have an amazing person in my Life.
I just watched this & the video you recommended watching before this one. It amazes me how you put into words exactly what my ex did to me for 21 years. We've been separated for 4 years now & it's still hard to explain to people what happened to me. It's so helpful to be understood, thank you!
That being said, your advice seems to be encouraging playing games & staying in a relationship that will eventually destroy you. The only time I could see using your tips would be with parents, kids & relatives that you can't disconnect from, &/or with a spouse/partner while formulating your plan for leaving the relationship.
I DO believe you're not encouraging people to stay, but maybe you should preface your videos with that advice. It is especially important to clarify this because when we are in these mind-f-ing relationships we often don't trust ourselves, our thoughts or our decision-making process & have been trained to believe everything is our fault. As a result, we might take this as encouragement to change ourselves to keep the relationship, when what we should be doing is running for our lives.
Bonnie Newkirk-Rhoades ...Bonnie..have you been living my life too...Your response here to this video is so spot on with what hell I’ve lived for 23 years...I feel I know you or you must be ‘my secret sister’....
Such great advice!
Yet the hardest part of it all...is learning the ability to fight off their dark aura.
Fighting to be happy.... fighting to write your song.... fighting to smile through all the hell youre going through internally.
I believe you really have to reach that place of being able to WALK and MEAN IT!
That means you’ve allowed yourself to disconnect without the self sabotage. Forgive yourself for your toxic reactions back at the narcissist and rebuild. That never was you. You were just in the ring slinging mud back at them to save yourself! Look.... enough is enough. Be able to turn that chapter. Let yourself grieve and also let yourself feel the wind of freedom under your wings!
Your examples are right on, e.g. they answer as "you think too much" and say like everything is my fault.
You have come a long way Michelle and your videos have gotten so good, thank you for them. I need to break free of these toxic avengers, they are my family, my husband, and a few people I thought were my friends. I need an education and job to get away. I wish there was something so I could move back home, have a good job, have good boundaries and be able to save my life to actually start being able to be free and me.
Number one goal to deal with toxic people is top] remove them from your life (or remove yourself from them if you are at the beginning). The first one to remove is extremely hard and painful but every next one is easier.
I did it, you can do it too !!!
My former narcissistic client gave me all of those signs, bad mood, gossiping,looks , complaining about everything and everybody.
Love this! Unfortunately toxic people are all around us. I've had ex boyfriends, coworkers, and family like this. It is so confusing when it happens and can be so hurtful. I am always eager to learn more about how to combat this toxicity! Thank goodness for this education and these tools! They will get what is coming to them eventually, and I do not want to be anywhere near them when they do.
I like this. More on passive aggressive behaviors please. I like what you said 'When we tell toxic people what hurts us--they do it more. (When we expose that.) They covertly hide it but continue to do it more.'
I have employees who do this tactic all the time. When I'm just far enough away from them they say something mean about about me. Example 'he is not a man,' 'he is a bad manager,' etc. The 'toxic,' charismatic person who is behind these passed on abusive behaviors encourages them to use these behaviors. When you confront them about this they later discuss what I told them in confidence--with the 'toxic,' person and he gets them to start doing this behavior again. How do you deal with this tactic when it is being used against you all the time. I am told by my boss 'oh just ignore it and let them talk amongst themselves.' When you listen to these suggestions and do what they are telling you to do--this empowers the abusive behavior and it continues to grow and continue and grow (It's a cycle that escalates). How do you stop this behavior when you confront them about it and they deny it. They smile and act nice when you talk to them but continue this tactic as soon as your out of immediate range where deniability is an option?
Violence
dont confront them that what they want you to do
if you really want to piss them off mirror their insults but instead of bad manager change it to bad workers. Speak badly about them whilst pretending to be on the phone with someone.
It is very important 6o stay strong in your own self. That said I have a few objections: while some people are purposefully malignant, the majority of “toxic” people are just not self aware, rather than purposefully hurtful. Secondly, many of your suggestions involve lying or manipulating the “toxic” person. Direct communication is more honest. Making up stories, pretending you are affected, etc. is just more passive aggressive behavior. If direct communication doesn’t work, then explain what the problem is and stop spending time with them. I moved out. Within weeks my “toxic” friend started changing their behavior. Without my having to lie or pretend or make up fake competitions. Especially if kids are involved, they will see that you are lying or pretending, and now they have two passive aggressive parents to deal with.
Wow, you nailed it! I’ll need to listen to this weekly, this is spot on!! More of this please. Thank you!!
(Dealing with covert narc parents and very toxic narc sibling, which are way more difficult than my narc spouse, the parent-sibling triangulation & enablement keeps getting me angry & very sad)
The trouble with me is dissociation... Delay in processing and then thinking it through hours or days or weeks later and realising what they did was actually really rude or something that should instantly be challenged. I hate this
The late realization may be because in the past, this behavior was seen as "normal", or it was something that you couldn't do anything about (in he case of a child). I am now seeing the reality of "back-handed compliments" and passive aggressive remarks about me that a sibling made in public. Because it was a surprise and public, I didn't respond in any way. Now I have learned what I could have done, and will do if it happens again.
It’s been a while since I was with my nex but when I was with him, I became really good at hiding my pain and putting on a show of being happy and completely unaffected by his behaviour, despite feeling like literal death on the inside. It was a continuous war with him.
I remember when i went back home after a few years.. and mum got me aside and delightedly and with a cheeky grin told me how she invited all the ladies of her bowling club back for lunch.. she made them opossum stew.. and she didnt tell them till after they had eaten it... and she recounted with great delight , the horror on their faces! she planned and plotted it.. and executed it.. and had no qualms or guilt about it... and those women in the bowling club were so nice!!
oh my gosh when you spoke on the silent treatment. I remember with my ex when she would either start chaos or start the silent treatment. I would disengage with it and not allow it to bother me. I would grab my favorite book and begin reading. It was fine for a while, but eventually, she stopped giving me the silent treatment and started attacking me reading lol What a low. But I never understood it until now - thank you!
There is a special place in hell for people who interrupt a good book! I am glad you aren't with that person anymore! Read on! 📖💜
Yup, and they never change. Have to walk away from these people.
Absolutely! My daughter 28 yo, living with me, is now pregnant, can't even do the dishes, who's gonna raise this kid?
Thank you for these reminders, Michele! 💖💖💖
God bless you.. Not pointing out what bothered you and giving a different reason for the boundaries is the one I needed right now..
Always moving things around so that I couldn’t do things efficiently, especially in the kitchen. Or starting a big project like moving all of the furniture around, then leaving it in an uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous state, so I had to spend the entire rest of the day cleaning it up while he ignored me and sat there like an iceberg at the computer doing something so much more important than anything that I could possibly be doing, even though I was paying all the bills.
If I don’t listen to the gossip, that’s the way they vent. If I don’t listen to it, I’m told “you never listen to me” Ugh
Thanks Michelle! This was a great refresher for rusty unused tools in my toolbox. I enjoy your clarity and easy presentation style.
In Sept. I moved in with my daughter and son-in-law because neither household, mine nor theirs, was able to thrive in this horrible economy with rent that is very high. We agreed to split everything right down the middle. For both parties (me and them) doing this cut our living expenses down to very manageable levels. For me, it meant I was paying only around 35% of my income on rent which was wonderful. My daughter has pretty severe fibromyalgea and she is pregnant with grand baby #2 which is a hard road to travel. My son-in-law, though, has not held a job for more than about 3 months (and sometimes much, much less). It is his habit to find a job and then complain about not being truly 'fulfilled' by his work. I was a single mom and bent over backwards and sideways to make sure my kid had a roof over head and food to eat including working long hours in places I was not "fullfilled" by. My parents were Depression babies. They did much harder work than I ever had to do just to survive, so this "I'm not fullfilled" sounds like BS to me. The lack of fullfillment argument always devolves into my son'-in-law's "mental health issues" where he talks about how his poorly managed anxiety makes it hard to do whatever job. Ultimately, all of this job hopping and lack of income made him not have money for rent this month. He knew this would be the case in Decement, and he asked if I would pay all of the rent for January and he would cover utilites. I said yes, but I felt like that was the wrong answer. Nevertheless, when January got here, he reminded me about paying the rent and said that when I moved out, he would "pitch in" to help with the move instead of paying me back in full. Hard pass. I was assertive, calm, and clear, "no, you will pay me back in full for your half of the rent. I am not paying the full amount of the rent because I am the person who needs help with rent. You are the person who does not have his share of the rent, therefore, I am paying the rent to help you and you are therefore bound to repaying me your half of the rent and not playing games about doing so". I insisted that I got a printout of the amount of rent owed and a print out showing the rent was paid. Then, I wrote a contract showing how much he had borrowed and setting a repayment date where the full amount would be repaid in 30 days. I also told him that he was not being fair to his wife and his kids by playing the victim and refusing to work or going to interviews and *not* getting a job he was perfectly qualified for by telling the interviewer that his wife is disabled and therefore he may have to leave at a moment's notice any number of times a week- which to an intervier sounds a lot like "I do not want to work". For the last couple of days, he and my daughter have been giving me the silent treatment. They did this in December and when I confronted my daughter, she exploded (which I prefer to the silent treatment) and said she and her husband had been "sending all kinds of smoke signals" so that I would catch on to the fact that I was doing stuff they didn't like. I told her I do not read smoke signals, I speak English so a conversation is paramount to communication. I recognized what they were doing and actually used his sudden interest in helping me put up Christmas decorations to get my daughter in a place where she would respond to the confrontation. This time, though, I am just tired of the BS. I decided in December when my son-in-law asked for help with the rent that I was enabling him by just being here and being more financially stable than he because as long as I am here, he will see me as his reserve 'in case" he doesn't have money for rent.
So NOW, I am getting the silent treatment and/or the curt responses and general behavior common to a 13 year old and not an emotionally mature 30 year old. I have been acting like I do not notice it at all. I am not going to be manipulated into feeling guilty for telling my son-in-law that his responsibility is to his family and he is dropping the ball. I think I said the silent part out loud and that irritated him. I also think that he doesn't handle responsibility well - at least not financial responsibility- so he is doing this silent reatment thing to cover for his own shame at falling short of taking care of his family. I like the suggestion of finding something I need to do for me during this silent treatment phase as I have been neglecting reading my Bible and doing my Zentangles, two things that keep me grounded and sane. At some point, though, I am going to mention to my daughter that this silent treatment tactic that both she and my son-in-law have coordinated is a symptom of a covert narcissist and that it is an unhealthy way to deal with uncomfortable situations. I will not do it right now but eventually that is a conversation that will have to be had. Her father is a covert narcissist and she was deeply hurt by his behavior. She will not respond to me well for bringing it up, but for the sake of her kids, she needs to see that she is perpetuating a cycle and if she will behave this way to me, she will do so with her kids, too.
Thank you for your suggestions and also the reinforcement that I am handling this weirdness properly and to just keep doing what I am doing.
I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!!!💕🌸
I had a situation at work today and I was feeling so sad, aggravated and many more things 😔😣🤬🤯😫😤and I was thinking to face that person tomorrow and tell her so many things and you save my mind, my feelings, my Job and my mental health!!! Thank you I know now how to play their game and win for my own mental health. 🌸💕☺️🙏🏼 Thank you so much!!!
These are feminine techniques. Both the person doing the action and the phony p/a reaction/response. You can avoid all this if you confront them on their p/a action, never let them off the hook, make them explain. It will stop their bs.... permanently, or at least make them think about doing whatever because of the potential confrontation..
Very good - Thanks for teaching us how to play this bl00dy game
These videos are very instrumental and I have to view the videos several times so it sinks in👈👍
Regarding the examples given about how to handle toxic spouses.......there better be a whole lot of money involved or something really important to get out of the relationship to put up with these kind of tactics by toxic people like that long term. Why would anyone want to be married to somebody like that??? If you got to play head games every day in your own home, that's no home.