Sexual relationships between men and women tend to thrive when the man is, confidently and respectfully, leading the relationship. However, it can be difficult for modern women to follow for a variety of reasons. In this episode, I teach men how to lead their women using principles exhibited by successful military commanders. By leading from the front and deeply understanding those under their command, good leaders can significantly reduce the likelihood they they will not be obeyed. Buy my book, "The Value of Others" Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@oriontaraban Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #leadership #women
thanks for the video, I learned something new today :D I can agree that I very much appreciate my husband being more competent at some things than me. Because I'm always reassured that when I have an issue with another person that I cannot seem to resolve on my own, he's my coach I can return to in order to get advice or direct help : ) Some people in the comment section turn the content a little bit too much into "he's always got to compete" kinda message. But I don't think that's the point here. I think that two people in a relationship can have competencies that don't overlap, at all - effectively no competition there. Nevertheless, especially in all shared concerns - whether it's income, shared responsibilities e.g. family, or the meta game of the relationship itself - I think it can be very helpful to "divide and conquer". Just talk about what your individual strengths are and figure out who should lead what part A good first step might be to watch these videos together ^^
@scientia4866 I so agree with this and likely based in a lot of life experience. The best relationships seem to be where the 2 people play to each other's strengths..in that instance there is a back and forth flow of so called leadership..with none of the ego I see expressed somewhat in the video..and lots of in the comments
THE MALE IS THE LEADER BY DEFAULT BECAUSE HE IS THE MALE. Does not matter if he is worthy of being followed or not. If that woman feels like the man she is with is not worthy of being followed and doesn't want to follow his lead than she needs to LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP & GO FIND HERSELF A MALE THAT SHE FEELS IS WORTHY of being followed. 2. A male and woman should NOT be competing with each other in a relationship. THAT IS UNHEALTHY! Each party should know there role and adhere to it. You sound like a liberal feminist. "You just don't like to be challenged". YES! Don't challenge me woman. That's what real life is for. When I come to the crib I just wanna chill. Not have to look over my back constantly worried about competing. 3. Nothing wrong with pulling rank every once in a while. Sometimes you gotta remind your employees that you pay there salaries and take care of there retirement. That's a real naive way to think that people are just going to follow you without reason, everyone has there own ideas and everyone thinks there ideas is better than the next mans idea. Everybody thinks they should be the leader. Sometimes the threat of force and disiplinary action is enough to keep people from stepping out of line. Nothing wrong with a little bit of fear. 4. I would argue that the moment a woman enters a relationship with a man she is a consenting participant. Yes, a medical doctor can insist that everyone follow his advice because he's an athourity figure. Don't see anything wrong with that. He has the credentials. 5. I'm not her coach. She is a grown adult and should be wise enough to understand why she should follow my leadership. You have a real BETA Male perspective on how you view human relationships. Sometimes Might, Force and Fear is neccessary and can be a good deterent to bad behavior.
You cannot "lead" a woman in modern western countries, when the men leading is considered abuse. Google the Duluth model of abuse, which is the foundation of many laws in the modern Western society. I'm not saying I agree with it. On the opposite, I think it will be the collapse of the Western civilization.
Spot on. King-like actions speak for themselves, when people say someone was a king it literally means competence or other King-like qualities, more applicable to history but also applicable elsewhere
I’ve been an airline pilot for 17 years and my ex and my kids only saw me suit up and leave and return exhausted. They never saw the war. They never saw me as the warrior. They never saw the dragons I’ve slayed out there! I just bought an action camera so my kids AND my girlfriend will see it in 4k! Never again.
This is what Orion's book is all about. You have to offer more value (a lot more value) to her than she offers back (hypergamy/Briffault's law) and she needs to be happy with the value proposition on offer. If you are good looking, she will probably give you a discount on the amount of value you have to offer.
As an Army Recon, and now Infantry NCO, the only add I have is to never order someone to do something you yourself would not or could not do. The concept of servant leadership is also hugely valuable, and I recommend any man look into how it works. Everything else is spot on. Another great video.
I get where you are going, but it’s a little off. As an Army Officer, I ordered people to do things I could not do all the time. They had skills I did not have. I didn’t pretend I had the skills, but they knew I would know if the results were correct in the end. The worse thing as a leader I could have done would have been to try to learn all their jobs, and I might never could have. Cadets were often given a leadership demonstration in my day. One cadet is picked to solve the problem of raising a flag pole within a given time using three pieces of lumber, two pieces of rope, two enlisted soldiers and a sergeant. Inevitably, the cadet tries to micromanage and solve the problem and fails. The instructor then makes a show of asking the other cadets for criticism and lets a few offer advice. He then says he will show how it’s done. OIC: “Sergeant, Erect a flagpole” Sergeant:”Yes, Sir! Privates, erect a flagpole!” Privates:”Yes, Sergeant!” And they very quickly erect the flagpole (because they had been practicing for this very demonstration, and they always got a kick out of it, as I suspect you have too). This is a very important lesson on good leadership and respecting your troops. Hell on Wheels, Sergeant!
@@nunyabidness3075 Great points, Sir, particularly about skill set. I stand corrected, and should have said "Dont ask someone to do something you would not do yourself if you had the skill set". Personally, I'm not a great cook, but if my hypothetical wife was dead tired, I wouldnt want to be asked to cook, so I therefore shouldnt ask, but offer to take on the burden myself. Again, relating to servant leadership. It's certainly worth contemplating whether the role of a Husband is more like a Commander or a Team Leader philisophically. Naturally my bias tends to the latter, but I think a relationship carries much more of the energy of a TL taking extra watch shifts so his SAW gunner can get more sleep and is more rested for the fight ahead than a Commander's more hands-off big picture role. Naturally, both you and I are eating after our Soldiers either way lol, so I may be digging too far into this hahaha! Ascend to Victory, Sir!
As a 29 plus US Army veteran, I know it's impossible to lead someone especially in combat who constantly challenges your authority directly or through passive aggressive behavior. What does "servant leadership" look like when you must order a Soldier to do something that most likely will get him killed? Great leaders care for their Soldiers and yet risk their Soldiers' lives often doing things the leader must not do.
After 22 years of marriage and having been a weak leader and a strong leader in my marriage, my experience says that you are spot on. Gentlemen, even if she is a strong woman herself, she very likely desires you to take a strong lead in the relationship, but... she has to trust that you will ALWAYS act with her best interests in mind.
@@paulpalmer2336 I agree with you, I’ll also add that it makes sense to act in your own interests as well and the key here is to ensure that both your interests are aligned sometimes it happens in perfect unison sometimes in varying degrees because when you always act in her best interests and they are completely misaligned with yours, resentment will set in.
@@chrisnwanze Exactly. I could have communicated that more accurately. Beyond what you said, she also has to understand that sometimes you will prioritize long-term interests over short-term ones and trust that any near-term discomfort is for a purpose and to gain a greater longer-term benefit.
Fellas, always remember there are women who are naturally just very difficult to lead or be with. If a woman is being very difficult, 2 things may be happening here: Either you’re doing a bad job at leading, or she simply doesn’t desire you enough. Number 1 is fixable, number 2 is a no go. DESIRE IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.💯
The number 1 reason which you have not listed is that many women have become used to simps and have a preference for them. Today there are many stable, long-term but highly toxic relationships in which the man is a simp and the woman a tyrant.
This is probably the best comment I have read. It gets to the heart of the issue. If she is being disrespectful she probably doesn't even like you in the first place (maybe she just likes your income or car). Unfortunately, its time to cut and run rather than suffer in a nightmare marriage.
Well said. It's a lot like dancing, and some women just don't want to be led. All you can do is wait until the dance is over and move on to the next one (spoken as a former dancer).
A friend was telling me about the first day he joined his Regiment as a new Army officer. At morning parade he told his assembled Platoon the plan for the day was weapons training, they replied they didn't really want to do that. So imstead of pulling rank he asked what they'd like to do and they replied they wanted to go for a run, so he said O.K., we'll go for a run. He was fresh from his Officer training at that point so peak physical fitness and had been an ordinary soldier before Officer's training. So off they went running with him at the front. After a few miles some men started to flag, but he kept on running, another few miles and a few more men flagging, but he just kept on running, and he ran until literally every single man in his Platoon couldn't keep up, and then he ran them a little more to emphasise the point. They eventually got back to camp, he assembled his Platoon and said "Weapons training tomorrow", he got the unanimous response "Yes, boss".
@@aaaces01 the particulars could be to that environment. But with the right teacher and students willing to learn - the particulars could be very different, but the lesson and take away - the same.
@@Cre8Fire34 Yes. Perfect example of choosing the right approach out of many for the situation. I always say , put as many arrows in your quiver as you can fit and try to select the best one for the circumstances. If that fails, you always have more options which give you more opportunities to succeed.
You said 90% of game is selecting right woman Please make a video on how to choose right woman, yes it might be individual choice but some general red flags to avoid I've watched all of your videos (yes all 300+) but still this question is not addressed. This is what I'm looking for "What questions to ask a woman to weed out those feminist, nagging type, chaotic women" i.e. 90% of game is selecting right woman, so what are some common traits of those 10% high quality woman
Hire fast fire slow is a great video on this topic. You have to determine what the “right “ woman is. Examine your own life and determine that for yourself.
You can find a woman who "wants to do the thing you want them to do" for sure, but after a few years there's a good chance they won't want to do it anymore.
@@chriba6815half the time maybe, the other half maybe not. Even in employment, employees leave good leaders or start feeling the need for more or something different. Especially in today’s age. The options are many. Is the leader always responsible? No but they will be held accountable. You could be the best leader in the world, doesn’t mean everybody will follow you indefinitely or want to follow you. Human beings are simple in a complex way. From a spiritual perspective, God is all knowing and people still have trouble with fully submitting to him. So that should give you an idea as to how complex it is to keep another human satisfied.
A competent man should be able to lead his lady without her even being conscious that she is being led. The fact that he is taking care of things and is one step ahead means that she can just relax into the relationship and her femininity will naturally start to flow.
The problem in our society is that the competent men from the 50s generation raised an incompetent man generation (mostly through massive neglect - I salute the rare exceptions!), and the incompetent man generation raised and even more confused one. Young men have no concept of how to be competent, and how they should handle women. The examples set in front of them are mostly highly dysfunctional, so all the dreams and illusions in front of them prepare them for automatic failure.
@@wellen5336 No doubt. It was all downhill from the "Greatest Generation" which was actually not as great as they would have us believe. The greats were pre-1900's.
Yeah but the man is not actually leading. He's just staying one step ahead of all of her bullshit desires. He's nothing but a glorified atm and butler for her. And if he falters once, he's in the doghouse. It's a constant Neverending uphill struggle.
@@smokingcrab2290 maybe women feel the same way. if they don't give sex on demand, cooperate with everything that he wants to do without saying a word and listen to tirades and complaining without acting like it bothers us, take every suggestion and do whatever he thinks should be done even if it rubs us the wrong way inside and just in general put up with his character flaws while still acting like he's a god, look gorgeous all the time and never show any type of what would be considered negative emotion regardless of the circumstances or subject matter then we aren't good enough or feminine enough and we should leave.
This was a really tough lesson for me to learn. When I was inexperienced, I thought that if there was a strong attraction and two people [said they] loved each other, then whatever disagreements eventually arose meant there was just miscommunication that had to be cleared up, and that each would "train" the other how they needed to be treated. I did not understand the concept of two people just being wrong for each other. So experience is very helpful, just like proper mate selection is crucial.
MY WIFE has a master's degree. She always tells me she trusts my decisions because I research everything before deciding. We still discuss things as well.
@@ericinla65 so, you have a degree above her or below her? All respect and praise to you if she sees the power of your leadership without looking at the academic value of the degree.🙏🏾💯
A football player was just accused of violence here in Peru. He started his decline a few months ago and now he earns a lot less. While he was on his peak cheating and violence was fine. The moment women realize cant get anything else from you (weather its emotions, toxicity, happiness, excitement or money) , get ready to face a different person.
As a woman, I feel this is one of your best videos yet and there have been a lot of great videos. This completely unravels for me why I’ve had challenges in the past… “Selection is 90% of relationship success”. Where were you 20 years ago!?
I think this take would have more strength if it was framed by the point at the end: selection/vetting. You can avoid a lot of "leadership" problems if you make sure that you select someone who is truly compatible and doesn't have a bunch of underlying emotional/maturity issues. Because ultimately some people are just jerks, and if you feel like you need to "coach" them too much, they might just not be on your level and you shouldn't be dating them in the first place.
The bottom line for my failed marriage is that I chose poorly. Initially, I thought my wife was just being disrespectful to me, but I eventually saw a pattern. She treated her own family the same way and for no good reason other than being an itch with a capital B in front. Lesson learned, choose better next time.
Men; just do YOU! If she follows she does, if she doesn't, who cares. NEVER convince a woman of anything. Set your rules, your boundaries. Keep it simple and thrive. You're not on the clock; her fertility & youth is. You can be 30, 40, or 50 and get what you want. The women on the other hand will have a continuous difficult time as she ages to get what she wants.
Well said bro... In my 20s I tried to conform to what bloggers (before YT and Podcasts) said women want...failed more often than not... Now in my mid-30s fuck that... I do me... if she follows then we go together... if she doesn't...fuck her and I go alone...either way I'm going....
@@LionMentality1982 irrespective of your mate, we all as adults have a responsibility to mature and learn better techniques for self-improvement and interacting with people to receive or exchange for the things we want. It's not realistic to expect disparate agendas to converge, that's why proper mate selection is crucial and learning how to keep what you have is too.
@@leyenda6149 As a man, my job is to be the best and get the best results out of life. A quality woman should discern that and choose correctly. The main thing a woman wants is excitement. So, as a man I will utilize my money, wit and charm to keep her constantly guessing and surprised. If a man does not do that; all the other bullshit you listed won't matter. She'll get bored and most likely will cheat. I suggest every man have a mix of being stoic (nonchalant) and throw in a dash of BDSM. Women love that shit, no matter what they say differently.
thou there is some truth to that, if you manage to make to your 30’s & 40’s & unable to find a woman who will follow your lead you need stop and ask yourself am i a man worthy of being lead by…we as men need to stop, self-reflect, & ask ourselves are we the men we say we are
I think relationships often work well when the man is the leader about big things and the woman leads about little things. Like the man decides what area they will live in, what type of house to buy, the woman decides if she likes this kitchen or that one better. The man decides where they will go on vacation, how they will get there, the woman decides between twp comparable hotels as to where they will stay (but he decides which amenities the hotel must have).
@@stephanie7572 This is the conclusion I've come to. I've noticed that most women seem to enjoy having a role but they don't want to make the final decision. Also, having to make every decision and getting critiqued by someone who offered no input can be very irritating. No hard working man wants to deal with that.
Each couple is different. The necessity of communication is paramount if he is to lead well. I recommend that they talk about it and she decides where she wants him to lead. Some decisions are just hard for her, creating a lot of stress and anxiety. These are perfect places for her to ask him to lead. Surprisingly(?), my wife really likes me to decide on many small things like restaurants to visit, what to order for her when we are out, and to choose her outfit most mornings. But it is not me deciding unilaterally. I start by asking if she has any preferences for restaurants and when ordering I ask if she sees anything in particular that looks interesting (and then I usually quickly choose one of those). Likewise, with outfits, she is usually trying to decide between 2 or 3 options. I can make a quick decision from those (otherwise I have a few outfits that I absolutely love seeing her in.) Anyway, this works for us because I can confidently make quick decisions and those are decisions that often make her anxious (fear of making less than the perfect choice, I think). There are also other areas of life in which she strongly desires for me to take her on "adventures". This does not work if I ask her what she would like to do, so, I have to pay very careful attention to her all of the time so that I make decisions that I am confident she will appreciate. (Addendum) Sometimes it is best to start with the small things. It is easier for him to lead and her to follow when the stakes are low. If he leads well in the small things, she will begin to trust him with greater things.
You are right about the selection thing. Before I married my wife, we probably didn't talk enough about kids and parenting. Once we actually became parents it turns out we had quite different parenting styles and very different views on discipline. It lead to situations where I would "lead" by disciplining the kids and then she would criticise me for doing it, right in front of them, right in the moment and then we'd have to have a debate about who was right (basically she wouldn't follow my lead). In the end we separated and now are likely headed for divorce (not totally because of that, but it's one of several issues we had, and still have). Let that be a warning to anyone planning to get married. Talk about this stuff in detail before you propose!
Yes, and the dirty little secret is NOT that women don't want to follow. The wailing about "modern women will not follow, wring-wring, hand-wring!" translate to: Nanny "Traditional Society" is not there to force her to recognize I am a leader by ascription even when I am actually not." Never mind many wives used to fake their "following" and ruled from the shadows because he was an empty skull and the women who was literally above him in caliber had no choice. If women have nothing to follow or there's nothing worth following, things fall apart. A woman genuinely impressed with a man will fall in love with him and then she will be ready to set the world on fire to follow him.
I swear the Doctor's best videos are the ones where he's laying it out straight to Men and making us think about it all exactly how we're supposed to and this is one of the best ones of that type
Particularly insightful episode this one even for you Orion. As a history enthusiast this is right up my alley and i actually have examples of both cases in spades. I'll paraphrase a Napoleon quote here that came up in my mind when listening: 'A general's most important talent is to know the mind of the solider and gain its confidence... He is not a machine that must be made to move, he is a reasonable being who needs leadership.'
This reminds me of the successful NBA coach who said he was successful because the high-priced athletes ALLOWED him to coach them. He didn't assert his authority and the athletes didn't resist the coaching; they didn't think they were above being led. The result was championships for everybody on the team.
It’s not about you being competent, it’s about her being entitled to lead. She wants to be the boss and she thinks she is right despite of you fixing her mistakes.
@@knowledgeispower200 Well, quit helping her reproduce! Should have let wahmen fall flat on their faces some thousands of years ago, now there are some billions of them to deal with...
@@knowledgeispower200Briffault’s Law. You gave her those benefits yesterday. They have no meaning to her today. When you think about it, she might need you less today as a result.
@STOICIZMUS 😂😂 laughably and sadly off base. Most women who know themselves do not need a leader..especially those who operate with internal locus of control
She doesn't want to lead. She wants to sit on her ass and be taken care of. If a man can give that to her, she'll reciprocate 10x. If the man isn't leading her tho, she'll fill that vacuum of control; she will take the lead, and she'll grow bitter bca she had to get off her ass, and she'll lose respect for him bcs she "had to do 'his' job."
Been there done that. If you have to compete with your woman, then find another one. Save the nerves for concuering the world, don't spend it on useless power struggles.
Here’s a way to set things right: Wait until she is absolutely, positively, behaving badly. When she is being so wrong most feminists would not take her side. When this happens, call her on it sternly. Put your foot down, and don’t back down. If she doesn’t back down, you are done. If she does back down, and seems happier for the next few days, you need to start taking charge more. Rewatch the video.
I’ve seen it time and again. Strong women go weak when challenged and lead. It’s incredible. It baffled me first time around, and even though it doesn’t come naturally to me (childhood etc) I’ve stood up and the most amazing things happened. Imagine being told this was all in the past, then finding out it’s perennial - 40 years later.
@@hshshejejdu971 What? Everything worthwhile takes effort. If you aren’t putting in any effort, you’re the baddy. Maybe something might SEEM effortless if you are just really good at it and happy, but that’s not really what’s going on.
Thanks Dr. Orion! I've been using the internet for almost 20 years and of all the people I've watched on the internet you've helped me the most. You say things in a way that no one else says. You understand things like no UA-camr does.
@@robertedwards1240 He is certainly very, very bright. As a woman, I can't get enough of his insights even if I don't agree with all of his theses, especially the one on romanticism.
The big mistake I made many years ago was sayiing "I Do" while recovering from a personal disaster. After I recovered, wifey refuses to follow me. When I try to lead, even to the good, she fights me through passive aggressive tactics. 20+ years of potential progress and happiness diluted with petty arguments and sabotage. Don't pick a partner when you're weak.
All comes back to this - can she comfort me when I am down & out, or will she punish me for being human sometimes? If the latter, why would I lead her? Why be in a relationship?
And how would you know without testing it? Values are only tested in emergencies, and if you don't have values in an emergency, then you don't have values at all. The p4ndemic was very clear on this, you could see how lacking in principles people were and how willingly they followed nonsensical commands, even to their own detriment.
While I don't tend to think of myself as such, I am most often the authoritative person in the course of my marriage. That said, I've never once given an "order" to my wife. It's wild to even imagine doing so (outside of the bedroom). I agree with the wisdom this video touches on; that if a person has to declare their authority, they don't really have it. I disagree, though, that anyone should approach their interpersonal life, especially a spousal relationship, as a military officer, or as a coach. No one wants to live with their commanding officer or their trainer. I don't question Dr. Taraban's experience with dating, but when he starts talking about long term relationships, I do wonder how much time he's spent living with a woman.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Leaders are not self-nominated - Leaders are chosen, by the followers. Yes, to be a leader, you have to "shoot your shot", but, then it is up to others to choose to follow. When you risk leading from the front, you have no idea whether you'll be a perpetual lone wolf or a leader. The followers chose to follow, or not. Accept the outcome is outside your control - Be outcome indifferent.
Thanks alot for this content. Honestly, I truly appreciate. The information in your videos are 100% immediately actionable in my life ... I have to control myself from binge watching, and I try to limit to 2 or maybe 3 videos per day. You should be paid for all this. Thanks for making it free.
@@vinnievu1 That makes sense. Some of his artistic short look similar to Sadia Khan's so I think there is a network of artists working with them and possibly some other UA-camrs. I think it's really good but doesn't replace the simple format used here which focuses on the content.
I have been managing people for many years, and I can tell you for sure that people pursue their own interests most of the time, and when they don't want to do something, it's almost impossible to make them do it, no matter how hard you try. Instead, they would actively seek how to throw it off. Because they want something else, period. They will not share it with anyone because they have learned simple method - do what you want silently . Say yes, but then do whatever you want, and then make something up whenever the lie is uncovered
The art in management is about getting people to do what they don’t want to do. Recognise and remember that. They will gravitate to what they like and what they are good at. You can use those things. And then ask for more.
I appreciated this video, and appreciated the military references and comparisons. Thank you for making these videos my guy. I've always hated the idea of going to therapy, and I don't think I would get very much out of therapy, but I 've gotten a ton from these videos
I think I've read your book "the value of others" like 6 times already. It's so great at rewiring my brain, but I am slow learner when it comes to this kind of stuff. But man oh man, my last two girlfriends have adored me, and I really felt like the captain of a great ship. Finding a great passenger really is the hardest part once you get over the fear of women.
So true. So many low value betas live in a scarcity mindset and don't have the guts to lead her to the door. And then they are surprised they are losing their money, house and kids in divorce 10 years later.
I appreciate a man this decisive. It's the mark of true leadership. Most men will just hang back and treat you badly hoping you will take responsibility for the leaving. They can then play the victim about how women are always leaving.
How to lead: 1. Have a plan 2. Stick to that plan 3. Speak that plan how she receives information NOT how you want it to come across 4. If she doesn't get it...drop her... and find someone else to repeat steps 1-3 with....
Videos like this is why I learned to stop listening to these nerds on the internet who really don't know the basics of life. If you want a woman or any woman to follow you she must see other men respect you and would follow you. That's it plain and simple. You don't need money, the biggest muscles, or a high status job. Everything else falls away as soon as you leave your bubble and enter rooms with real men.
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head. Without the ability to punish insubordinance, there is no authority. All the responsibility with none of the authority isn't leading. This used to exist. It doesn't anymore. Therein lies the reason for failing relationships.
23 дні тому+11
This is not what he said, but I can see how you interpret it like that. I see a lot of comments here dripping with misogyny and weakness.
You don’t need authority to lead my dude. Think of it as service. If you’re serving the one you love, If you demonstrate that you have their best interests at heart, that’s what makes people want to follow you. Check out the book called “leaders eat last”.
Ah but 'disrespect' and 'insubordinance' can be misinterpreted to justify punishment. Without clear rules and guidance, they are just tools for tyranny.
@@davidsmyth6822 Women don't care about their best interests, only feelings. It's very easy to lead them to spend money, cheat, destroy their health, even abuse their kids, if it's exciting and easy they'll follow almost anyone.
@@HighQualityLeisure-yk1ok -- I, US-based man, paid for everything and still I was disrespected but I blame my own nativete (blue pilled nice guy behavior) for it. I was not red pilled then.
OK, maybe. My experience with Asian women is that they're usually the most materialistic and mercenary of all. You pay for a good show but it's just the sociable, outside-facing show. I suppose you could say that's something like leadership, or better than the western deal. I hope we can expect more. It seems to depend on individual people and not societies in general.
As a woman, I agree that rank pullers make bad leaders. Women aren't idiots who'll jump down a cliff just because they're ordered to. If a husband isn't considered competent enough, the wife will feel compelled to take his place as head of the family. I know several women in that position, who really struggle, because they intuitively feel the weight of responsibilities they don't believe should be theirs.
The doctor speaks the truth. I didn't lead....I showered my ex wife with a new car, home, money, attention, plenty of sex, stay at home mom, gave her everything she asked for....guess what. She still treated me like crap. Nver cooked or cleaned. Lied to me. Wasted a lot of money on spending on Amazon's website. , cheated on me with a guy with no job who fools around doing magic and tarot cards. Now I lead and I take no crap. The focus is faith, family, finances, fun.....life is way better and I'm treated so much better. Women want men to lead.
well you finally did Orion. You came up with a video that not only I don't agree with. You came up with a video that just will not work in practical application. Why? This whole lead a woman thing is predicated on a woman's recognition of any leader, not just a man. Women in my direct experience have issues with doing any following. Give them a direct order, and they will ask questions. Give them detailed instructions they will ask for clarification of timeline. In the real world in the time I can direct 3 men to do something, I still have a woman asking for information. When women say "they don't need no man" they are not saying that a man is not desired or needed. What they are saying is ALL that a masculine figure has been in the past; leader, decision maker, defender, steady influencer. All that manliness IS NO LONGER NEEDED (in their opinion). So it's nice you say that you can be "more competent" and "make better more clear executable orders". This is not enough. You have said that women want a laundry list of positive traits but WANT them from the men they are already attracted to. (I Agree!). I think the follow on to that thought is women want to FOLLOW a man that is so far outside of their normal league of play. Indeed that they will submit to such a man. Hence we get 7 and 8 women playing harem to one 10 man. That 10 man can make all the orders he wants and those 7s will step to I bet! Women today in the west WILL ONLY do ANYTHING that is considered 'traditional' for the man who is several levels above in SMV... end of story. Does not matter how competent he is. Does not matter how good an order he makes. Does not matter except SMV differential. And to put a video out saying do X and Y to get Z when getting there is impossible unless the man is 3 to 5 points of SMV BETTER than the woman... is very misleading.
Love this video...very helpful for me personally trying to grow up as a man. Ties directly to Jocko Willink's Extreme Ownership concepts too in application to military service/life. It does carry with it the innate anxiety-filling issue I fight which is thinking I'm never competent enough or good enough, but that applies by an large to most calls to action which I am happily taking. The 2 Rules summarized at the end fit well to encapsulate the bottom line. I found a lot of guys in the church/society seem to get the idea that they're men so they lead...and they skip this level of being a worthy leader. Orion, you've done a lot of content on fear, approach anxiety, panic attacks, etc... I'd love to see a future video on Anxiety and how to overcome it as a man in particular. I'm in pursuit of this myself, and hope to see that content some day.
You hit it right on point🎯🎯 men be more competent in everything and give orders that can be followed. “show me the reasons why I should follow you”.. wow I love you ❤
True, the past mistakes of men is when they see a clear sign of argumentative behavior from women, they still stay and put up with it rather than taking the hard pill and move on, find a more suitable woman while improving yourself in the process.
I agree with the doc on a lot of things but I don’t want competition with the woman in my life. The last thing that is is healthy. No one woman offers as much value as you think. She follows my program with minimal pushback or she can go. This is what more men need to have the inner strength to do; abandon the ones who are difficult. You want to turn the tables of power dynamic with women, it’s in your ability to leave.
Let’s not forget that there are a lot of women out there that don’t want to be lead by a man and rather have autonomy or partner with men who are emotionally weak and can be easily controlled and manipulated. Not saying I don’t agree with the point of this vid, but relationships are nuanced and don’t always follow this logic.
This video is very interesting and I’m doing my best to digest it as leading in relationships is a core topic I think a lot about. If anything, the concept that occurs to me regarding this could simply be boiled down to: I lead. I’m not leading the woman in my life. I’m just leading. If she chooses to follow, great. I’ll help her do that. But if she chooses to push back or otherwise be a ‘bad soldier’ my court martial is simply… You’re dismissed. She self-selected this outcome. I’ll keep leading in the meanwhile, and I believe the right people will follow because they recognize it’s in their best interest to do so.
Problem is so many low value betas live in a scarcity mindset and don't have the guts to lead her dismiss her. And then they are surprised they are losing their money, house and kids in divorce 10 years later.
@@alexisc7565 lead as in being in charge and making decisions, e.g. big purchases, where they live, whether they will get married, how many kids, how they will spend their spare time, how they will spend their money, etc.
Doc, your military analogy falls short when you consider that like marriage, everyone begins as a volunteer. After that, there is no more comparison. In the military the system is set up to reward compliance and punish noncompliance. Marriage is the opposite. The culture encourages women to be insubordinate and the legal system rewards them for desertion. I got married as a practicing Christian. I believed that my now ex-wife followed the same principles. Until I got my divorce papers and was falsely accused of being violent and abusive and was drug through the court system for 2.5 years. I do agree that you need a woman that wants to follow. But they can change their minds and make your life hell. If it weren't for children being involved the process of severence would be fine. She changes her mind? Fine, part ways. I usually agree with you, but the military analogy falls way short of reality.
This advice applies to pretty much any leadership situation. But another key to successfully navigating certain situations is to realize when you are not the leader, and be a good follower. I don't know if that works in too many romantic relationships, but in the case of a highly successful woman maybe it does in certain situations.
Yes it works situationally. If she’s in charge of packing for a trip, submit to her timeline. You’ll have some other roles around that trip you lead on. Doing her jobs for her or letting her do yours invalidates one of you so don’t go there.
I have met a guy about 4 months ago, he lectured me on the ongoing issues when it comes to finding a quality woman. I Myself, consider myself to be a bit different than the rest, i am willing to put effort and educate myself on these topics but i'm having issues with him opening and trusting me being a great woman. I have done actions, but not certain what else i can do to prove my dedication and sincerity?
This is a highly exaggerated perspective. Women rarely have "all the power" if they have children since she will face horrifying dating prospects with small children; and if the children are close to adulthood, she will still face horrifying prospects because now she is older. On average, women's living standard decreases more after divorce than men's and all on all, they have more to lose from divorce. All that is offset by the relief of escaping a tortuous or just lonely, unfulfilling relationship.
@@Damesanglante If she has a meaningful significantly better alternative than yes if that's what you mean. Make that relationship satisfying or face the risk.
Whether the relationship is healthy or not, women actually love being led. As long as they're being led in a direction they already wanted to go in the first place
The only reason I need to insist that any woman with me follow my lead, is that she literally made no effort to make the relationship happen. I'm the one who asked her out, invited her to a date, etc. Also, if she doesn't follow my lead, I'll dump her and move on to the next. It's that simple.
Dumping her is all you really can do. That is where the Military rank analogy falls apart. In the Military it is a criminal offense to disobey a superior. In dating she still gets to be a free woman regardless.
Nope I never said that. I was just following the Military analogy the Doc used and where it falls apart. No I don't want to make a woman's rejection a criminal offense.
Idk why but war and battle terminology make psychology more understandable. Freud was quite keen on using this terminology and now Orion :) Nice video doc.
My wife refuses to accept my competency level. In fact, she actively sabotages any opportunities that may display my merit. Regular rules doesn't apply to narcissists.
To "narcissists" or to people who are a very poor match to you. If she really resists everything you say, could it really be that you were made for just about anyone but each other? Let her go, for Chrissake.
Men naturally have better leadership skills. Because men have led women since time immemorial. It's that simple. The US president doesn't have to be an expert on anything in particular, he has counselors who are experts. The wife is typically the main counselor, her opinion should be respected but the man should be the one making the final decision on most things.
The US president has qualifications and experience in certain fields. His life and background were scrutinized. He is not president just because he is a man, so other qualities that the doctor describes make sense.
@@lepham71441 And I assume that a woman wouldn't enter a relationship, especially marriage, with someone that lacks any qualifications and experience either? Correct? Women vet potential partners rigorously, isn't that what the red pill teaches all the time? No one expects of the president to be better at everything than his advisors, neither should women expect it from their husbands as a condition for being submissive. Regardless of having more expertise on a particular topic the advisor is still an advisor and he's not the president. The president is a leader because he is better at seeing the larger picture. The same logic traditionally applies to marriage. What Orion is teaching here is a feminist cop out for women that are looking for excuses to not obey their husbands.
@@AlaricsFather-in-Law-em8kzWhen the President/husband is wrong, what do you suggest the advisor/wife do? When you say 'obey', I don't assume follow blindly with everything?
@@lepham71441 The advisor/wife has to submit to the final decision of the husband even if he's wrong. It is her duty to give advice in the interest of the family, and it is his duty to make decisions in the interest of the family. They can disagree on that final decision but someone has to be in command. You can't have two generals leading the same army, it is always ONE person. Otherwise you have feminism and women not accepting their role as submissive wives, they want to be "partners" instead. Which means equality in decision making, and that leads to the loss of authority, arguments and ultimately respect for the husband.
i love your point about how men should not feel they have authority simply because they are a man. but it leaves me wondering, which qualities should a man display to show the woman he is worthy of leading?
I don't want to compete with my future wife and just barely outdo her on all things. I have built myself up before she even met me. I want her to thrive in her feminine frame...not keep raising the bar on whats expected of me.
Probably because you did not make her feel safe. When women feel unsafe, they develop a strong need to exert control. (Men do this too, but we as men, easily recognize it in women.)
This episode offers a unique perspective on relationship dynamics by drawing parallels with military leadership. The emphasis on leading with confidence and respect is crucial, as it fosters trust and mutual understanding. It’s important to remember that every relationship is a partnership, and effective leadership involves empathy and communication. By understanding and valuing each other’s strengths, couples can build a strong, harmonious connection. Thank you Dr Orion for sharing these insights!
To make this make sense, when you click the "Submit" button on any website that requires submission for access, those who submit their contact information are trusting that website with their information. So, to submit is to trust which is the basis of all relationships business or personal.
I get it but it's a bit simplistic and 'male logical'. I've been on successful dates and led my woman to a late night cafe which she loved. Was my choice better than hers? No, but she wanted me to make the decision irrespective of competency and efficacy.
Relationships aren't supposed to be a competition, dude. If your insecurity is so bad that you feel as though you have to be "better" than your partner, you should probably do some work on yourself instead. That's not a healthy thought process.
Yet women almost always insist that you provide just because you are a man. Funny how we can't expect women to conform to a certain cultural norm yet men are currently conditioned to fulfill a role that is largely (if not wholly) disadvantageous to their prospects. I honestly love Dr. Taraban and I recognize that he gives a lot of useful advice but I find that some of his counsel particularly pertains to a society or culture strongly governed by gynocentrism. I honestly can say that such a society won't last (just my intuition and pattern recognition speaking). P.S. This lesson sort of contradicts Dr. Taraban's positively fruitful experiences in Japan. It was discussed in a past episode
A family member of mine who is usually difficult... did a very kind deed for me in 2017. I've always been grateful for this since, and when she's being difficult now, rather than get annoyed - I stop myself and think of that kind deed from 2017. Which got me thinking.. This is the opposite of how women regard men who do kind deeds for them. Even after a ton of kind deeds, women only care if they're going to get something else out of you going forward.
Kindness or "niceness". I ask, because in my experience, kind men do not care if anyone else values their behavior. They do it for themselves. "Niceness" always comes with undeclared expectations and women instinctively run from that.
One simple thing to show leadership from the first date, is too decide to cross a road to a shop, take her wrist in a firm grip and cross it - with her slightly behind. Release the grip once on the other side. It will display primal masculine leadership. The release is important. Also, bring up during conversation that you like traditional women who are feminine and that there is a timeless universal polarity in male-female relationships. Also, frame it as a secret only a few know - that in thriving relationships - there can only be one pilot and the woman can be a terrific and essential co-pilot, as it take two steer but the final decision is the mans.
I've heard it said and I think it is true, that women what to be led and the trick is to lead her where she wants to go. The trick is knowing where that is.
You get to know her likes and dislikes and her moods… she does the same for you. Use them to lead. Never try to lead when she is having an emotional moment.
Maybe 80% of the time. Do not underestimate the impact of leading her safely to someplace she is reluctant to go on her own. She has to trust you though. But afterward, if her experience is positive, she will trust you even more.
Women will and want to follow competence. Though if it's pretty arrogant to think that you will be more competent than your woman at everything. It's actually pretty stupid to think that this is even possible. A man needs to and should lead in relationships but if he is smart he will also realise he can learn a lot from a woman. A relationship is at its best and strongest when the strengths of the masculine and feminine are both being acknowledged and expressed.
Because no westernized woman will ever admit a man is superior! Look at the number of women divorcing highly competent, successful and strong leading men destroying their families and children and often quickly regretting it and yet never admitting it.
Thanks, Orion. This leadership image is definitely what many believe to be the case. Where does the competence struggle end? As expressed in the dating stats of younger men, if we have to compete with women, they are no longer an asset in our lives. They are a liability. Put another way, if we aren't working to build a life together why do I need you?
Sexual relationships between men and women tend to thrive when the man is, confidently and respectfully, leading the relationship. However, it can be difficult for modern women to follow for a variety of reasons. In this episode, I teach men how to lead their women using principles exhibited by successful military commanders. By leading from the front and deeply understanding those under their command, good leaders can significantly reduce the likelihood they they will not be obeyed.
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#psychology #leadership #women
thanks for the video, I learned something new today :D
I can agree that I very much appreciate my husband being more competent at some things than me. Because I'm always reassured that when I have an issue with another person that I cannot seem to resolve on my own, he's my coach I can return to in order to get advice or direct help : )
Some people in the comment section turn the content a little bit too much into "he's always got to compete" kinda message. But I don't think that's the point here. I think that two people in a relationship can have competencies that don't overlap, at all - effectively no competition there.
Nevertheless, especially in all shared concerns - whether it's income, shared responsibilities e.g. family, or the meta game of the relationship itself - I think it can be very helpful to "divide and conquer". Just talk about what your individual strengths are and figure out who should lead what part
A good first step might be to watch these videos together ^^
@scientia4866 I so agree with this and likely based in a lot of life experience. The best relationships seem to be where the 2 people play to each other's strengths..in that instance there is a back and forth flow of so called leadership..with none of the ego I see expressed somewhat in the video..and lots of in the comments
THE MALE IS THE LEADER BY DEFAULT BECAUSE HE IS THE MALE. Does not matter if he is worthy of being followed or not. If that woman feels like the man she is with is not worthy of being followed and doesn't want to follow his lead than she needs to LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP & GO FIND HERSELF A MALE THAT SHE FEELS IS WORTHY of being followed.
2. A male and woman should NOT be competing with each other in a relationship. THAT IS UNHEALTHY! Each party should know there role and adhere to it. You sound like a liberal feminist. "You just don't like to be challenged". YES! Don't challenge me woman. That's what real life is for. When I come to the crib I just wanna chill. Not have to look over my back constantly worried about competing.
3. Nothing wrong with pulling rank every once in a while. Sometimes you gotta remind your employees that you pay there salaries and take care of there retirement. That's a real naive way to think that people are just going to follow you without reason, everyone has there own ideas and everyone thinks there ideas is better than the next mans idea. Everybody thinks they should be the leader. Sometimes the threat of force and disiplinary action is enough to keep people from stepping out of line. Nothing wrong with a little bit of fear.
4. I would argue that the moment a woman enters a relationship with a man she is a consenting participant. Yes, a medical doctor can insist that everyone follow his advice because he's an athourity figure. Don't see anything wrong with that. He has the credentials.
5. I'm not her coach. She is a grown adult and should be wise enough to understand why she should follow my leadership.
You have a real BETA Male perspective on how you view human relationships. Sometimes Might, Force and Fear is neccessary and can be a good deterent to bad behavior.
@@psychacks love your information & thank you
I love this “You need to become a man worth following” 😅
The man who leads a modern woman deserves a nobel prize.
You cannot "lead" a woman in modern western countries, when the men leading is considered abuse. Google the Duluth model of abuse, which is the foundation of many laws in the modern Western society.
I'm not saying I agree with it. On the opposite, I think it will be the collapse of the Western civilization.
Like leading a freight train going downhill. You might be in front of it for a time but it’s not gonna end well for you.
Feminism is a cultural shit-test and you're all failing. It is possible, go listen to some Patrice O'Neal
The only man that can is no man, its them/they thank you 😂
It's not that hard honestly
As Tywin Lannister said to Joffery: "Any man who must say, 'I am the king' is no true king"
Damn, I wanted to write that one. :D
Spot on. King-like actions speak for themselves, when people say someone was a king it literally means competence or other King-like qualities, more applicable to history but also applicable elsewhere
they who see him act, hear him speak etc will say "he is the King"
If you are as good as you say you are, you don't need to say you are.
There aren't enough kings to go around. Women most affected.
Visible Competence is one of the most important things a men needs to master. People need to know that you’re visibly competent at something.
No. The most important thing a man needs to master is not needing a woman. 😂
I’ve been an airline pilot for 17 years and my ex and my kids only saw me suit up and leave and return exhausted. They never saw the war. They never saw me as the warrior. They never saw the dragons I’ve slayed out there! I just bought an action camera so my kids AND my girlfriend will see it in 4k! Never again.
This is what Orion's book is all about. You have to offer more value (a lot more value) to her than she offers back (hypergamy/Briffault's law) and she needs to be happy with the value proposition on offer. If you are good looking, she will probably give you a discount on the amount of value you have to offer.
@@ChristopherT1 Perhaps they saw the narcissism.
This is a soundbite...what are you doing? Describe your contribution to your community..your planet..etc..thank you
As an Army Recon, and now Infantry NCO, the only add I have is to never order someone to do something you yourself would not or could not do.
The concept of servant leadership is also hugely valuable, and I recommend any man look into how it works.
Everything else is spot on. Another great video.
I get where you are going, but it’s a little off. As an Army Officer, I ordered people to do things I could not do all the time. They had skills I did not have. I didn’t pretend I had the skills, but they knew I would know if the results were correct in the end. The worse thing as a leader I could have done would have been to try to learn all their jobs, and I might never could have.
Cadets were often given a leadership demonstration in my day. One cadet is picked to solve the problem of raising a flag pole within a given time using three pieces of lumber, two pieces of rope, two enlisted soldiers and a sergeant. Inevitably, the cadet tries to micromanage and solve the problem and fails. The instructor then makes a show of asking the other cadets for criticism and lets a few offer advice.
He then says he will show how it’s done.
OIC: “Sergeant, Erect a flagpole”
Sergeant:”Yes, Sir! Privates, erect a flagpole!”
Privates:”Yes, Sergeant!” And they very quickly erect the flagpole (because they had been practicing for this very demonstration, and they always got a kick out of it, as I suspect you have too).
This is a very important lesson on good leadership and respecting your troops.
Hell on Wheels, Sergeant!
Excellent comment
@@nunyabidness3075 Great points, Sir, particularly about skill set. I stand corrected, and should have said "Dont ask someone to do something you would not do yourself if you had the skill set". Personally, I'm not a great cook, but if my hypothetical wife was dead tired, I wouldnt want to be asked to cook, so I therefore shouldnt ask, but offer to take on the burden myself. Again, relating to servant leadership.
It's certainly worth contemplating whether the role of a Husband is more like a Commander or a Team Leader philisophically. Naturally my bias tends to the latter, but I think a relationship carries much more of the energy of a TL taking extra watch shifts so his SAW gunner can get more sleep and is more rested for the fight ahead than a Commander's more hands-off big picture role. Naturally, both you and I are eating after our Soldiers either way lol, so I may be digging too far into this hahaha!
Ascend to Victory, Sir!
As a 29 plus US Army veteran, I know it's impossible to lead someone especially in combat who constantly challenges your authority directly or through passive aggressive behavior. What does "servant leadership" look like when you must order a Soldier to do something that most likely will get him killed? Great leaders care for their Soldiers and yet risk their Soldiers' lives often doing things the leader must not do.
Chain of command are important in Army & sometimes you have ask your soldiers to die for greater good😅
It's simple. Only go for women that admire, respect and like you.
Good luck with that if you are not rich.
@maromorostar6621, being jacked goes a lot farther than money does.
Being rich nor being jacked will do it, it's your actions.
After 22 years of marriage and having been a weak leader and a strong leader in my marriage, my experience says that you are spot on. Gentlemen, even if she is a strong woman herself, she very likely desires you to take a strong lead in the relationship, but... she has to trust that you will ALWAYS act with her best interests in mind.
@@paulpalmer2336 I agree with you, I’ll also add that it makes sense to act in your own interests as well and the key here is to ensure that both your interests are aligned sometimes it happens in perfect unison sometimes in varying degrees because when you always act in her best interests and they are completely misaligned with yours, resentment will set in.
@@chrisnwanze Exactly. I could have communicated that more accurately. Beyond what you said, she also has to understand that sometimes you will prioritize long-term interests over short-term ones and trust that any near-term discomfort is for a purpose and to gain a greater longer-term benefit.
This guy is a joke..........
Fellas, always remember there are women who are naturally just very difficult to lead or be with. If a woman is being very difficult, 2 things may be happening here: Either you’re doing a bad job at leading, or she simply doesn’t desire you enough. Number 1 is fixable, number 2 is a no go. DESIRE IS NOT NEGOTIABLE.💯
The number 1 reason which you have not listed is that many women have become used to simps and have a preference for them. Today there are many stable, long-term but highly toxic relationships in which the man is a simp and the woman a tyrant.
This is probably the best comment I have read. It gets to the heart of the issue. If she is being disrespectful she probably doesn't even like you in the first place (maybe she just likes your income or car). Unfortunately, its time to cut and run rather than suffer in a nightmare marriage.
Well said. It's a lot like dancing, and some women just don't want to be led. All you can do is wait until the dance is over and move on to the next one (spoken as a former dancer).
In my decades of experience, she becomes disrespectful when she knows that I'm all-in, & I am committed, & I will be faithful.
Well said
A friend was telling me about the first day he joined his Regiment as a new Army officer. At morning parade he told his assembled Platoon the plan for the day was weapons training, they replied they didn't really want to do that. So imstead of pulling rank he asked what they'd like to do and they replied they wanted to go for a run, so he said O.K., we'll go for a run. He was fresh from his Officer training at that point so peak physical fitness and had been an ordinary soldier before Officer's training. So off they went running with him at the front. After a few miles some men started to flag, but he kept on running, another few miles and a few more men flagging, but he just kept on running, and he ran until literally every single man in his Platoon couldn't keep up, and then he ran them a little more to emphasise the point. They eventually got back to camp, he assembled his Platoon and said "Weapons training tomorrow", he got the unanimous response "Yes, boss".
What an awesome story. Great leader!
Great story.
Perfect. But unique to that environment.
@@aaaces01 the particulars could be to that environment. But with the right teacher and students willing to learn - the particulars could be very different, but the lesson and take away - the same.
@@Cre8Fire34 Yes. Perfect example of choosing the right approach out of many for the situation.
I always say , put as many arrows in your quiver as you can fit and try to select the best one for the circumstances. If that fails, you always have more options which give you more opportunities to succeed.
You said 90% of game is selecting right woman
Please make a video on how to choose right woman, yes it might be individual choice but some general red flags to avoid
I've watched all of your videos (yes all 300+) but still this question is not addressed.
This is what I'm looking for "What questions to ask a woman to weed out those feminist, nagging type, chaotic women"
i.e. 90% of game is selecting right woman, so what are some common traits of those 10% high quality woman
You may want to take a look at his video playlist. A number of them address what you are asking.
I think he has a video for that. Comb through them, you will find it.
He made that video a while ago
Hire fast fire slow is a great video on this topic. You have to determine what the “right “ woman is. Examine your own life and determine that for yourself.
you have to know your values, ranked. Which are deal breakers. What does she need to bring to the table, what do you bring
You can find a woman who "wants to do the thing you want them to do" for sure, but after a few years there's a good chance they won't want to do it anymore.
If that happens, chances are the dude messed up sometime in between, because what she did once she will happily do to another man she strongly desires
@@chriba6815half the time maybe, the other half maybe not. Even in employment, employees leave good leaders or start feeling the need for more or something different. Especially in today’s age. The options are many. Is the leader always responsible? No but they will be held accountable. You could be the best leader in the world, doesn’t mean everybody will follow you indefinitely or want to follow you. Human beings are simple in a complex way. From a spiritual perspective, God is all knowing and people still have trouble with fully submitting to him. So that should give you an idea as to how complex it is to keep another human satisfied.
@@YellowToucanYes. A woman's behavior is a reflection of the man. If she changed, guess what? So did he.
Onto the next one
@@chriba6815true, so if we messed up and no longer sense he desire. We should just break up?
This stuff is so exhausting, I applaud the men who still want to play these games, good on you.
I bit like when women were told they must maintain a 27 inch wist to please a man, I guess. I can see it.
This is why women favour men older and richer than them.
Also why many relationships struggle if the woman has more money
A competent man should be able to lead his lady without her even being conscious that she is being led. The fact that he is taking care of things and is one step ahead means that she can just relax into the relationship and her femininity will naturally start to flow.
The problem in our society is that the competent men from the 50s generation raised an incompetent man generation (mostly through massive neglect - I salute the rare exceptions!), and the incompetent man generation raised and even more confused one. Young men have no concept of how to be competent, and how they should handle women. The examples set in front of them are mostly highly dysfunctional, so all the dreams and illusions in front of them prepare them for automatic failure.
BEST COMMENT YET!!💜
@@wellen5336 No doubt. It was all downhill from the "Greatest Generation" which was actually not as great as they would have us believe. The greats were pre-1900's.
Yeah but the man is not actually leading. He's just staying one step ahead of all of her bullshit desires. He's nothing but a glorified atm and butler for her. And if he falters once, he's in the doghouse. It's a constant Neverending uphill struggle.
@@smokingcrab2290 maybe women feel the same way. if they don't give sex on demand, cooperate with everything that he wants to do without saying a word and listen to tirades and complaining without acting like it bothers us, take every suggestion and do whatever he thinks should be done even if it rubs us the wrong way inside and just in general put up with his character flaws while still acting like he's a god, look gorgeous all the time and never show any type of what would be considered negative emotion regardless of the circumstances or subject matter then we aren't good enough or feminine enough and we should leave.
This was a really tough lesson for me to learn. When I was inexperienced, I thought that if there was a strong attraction and two people [said they] loved each other, then whatever disagreements eventually arose meant there was just miscommunication that had to be cleared up, and that each would "train" the other how they needed to be treated. I did not understand the concept of two people just being wrong for each other. So experience is very helpful, just like proper mate selection is crucial.
Very well said
how do you define "just being wrong for each other". seems overly simplistic..
MY WIFE has a master's degree. She always tells me she trusts my decisions because I research everything before deciding. We still discuss things as well.
@@ericinla65 so, you have a degree above her or below her?
All respect and praise to you if she sees the power of your leadership without looking at the academic value of the degree.🙏🏾💯
A football player was just accused of violence here in Peru. He started his decline a few months ago and now he earns a lot less. While he was on his peak cheating and violence was fine.
The moment women realize cant get anything else from you (weather its emotions, toxicity, happiness, excitement or money) , get ready to face a different person.
As a woman, I feel this is one of your best videos yet and there have been a lot of great videos. This completely unravels for me why I’ve had challenges in the past… “Selection is 90% of relationship success”. Where were you 20 years ago!?
I think this take would have more strength if it was framed by the point at the end: selection/vetting. You can avoid a lot of "leadership" problems if you make sure that you select someone who is truly compatible and doesn't have a bunch of underlying emotional/maturity issues. Because ultimately some people are just jerks, and if you feel like you need to "coach" them too much, they might just not be on your level and you shouldn't be dating them in the first place.
The bottom line for my failed marriage is that I chose poorly. Initially, I thought my wife was just being disrespectful to me, but I eventually saw a pattern. She treated her own family the same way and for no good reason other than being an itch with a capital B in front. Lesson learned, choose better next time.
Men; just do YOU! If she follows she does, if she doesn't, who cares. NEVER convince a woman of anything. Set your rules, your boundaries. Keep it simple and thrive. You're not on the clock; her fertility & youth is. You can be 30, 40, or 50 and get what you want. The women on the other hand will have a continuous difficult time as she ages to get what she wants.
Well said bro... In my 20s I tried to conform to what bloggers (before YT and Podcasts) said women want...failed more often than not... Now in my mid-30s fuck that... I do me... if she follows then we go together... if she doesn't...fuck her and I go alone...either way I'm going....
@@LionMentality1982 irrespective of your mate, we all as adults have a responsibility to mature and learn better techniques for self-improvement and interacting with people to receive or exchange for the things we want. It's not realistic to expect disparate agendas to converge, that's why proper mate selection is crucial and learning how to keep what you have is too.
@@leyenda6149 As a man, my job is to be the best and get the best results out of life. A quality woman should discern that and choose correctly. The main thing a woman wants is excitement. So, as a man I will utilize my money, wit and charm to keep her constantly guessing and surprised. If a man does not do that; all the other bullshit you listed won't matter. She'll get bored and most likely will cheat. I suggest every man have a mix of being stoic (nonchalant) and throw in a dash of BDSM. Women love that shit, no matter what they say differently.
well spoken
thou there is some truth to that, if you manage to make to your 30’s & 40’s & unable to find a woman who will follow your lead you need stop and ask yourself am i a man worthy of being lead by…we as men need to stop, self-reflect, & ask ourselves are we the men we say we are
I think relationships often work well when the man is the leader about big things and the woman leads about little things. Like the man decides what area they will live in, what type of house to buy, the woman decides if she likes this kitchen or that one better. The man decides where they will go on vacation, how they will get there, the woman decides between twp comparable hotels as to where they will stay (but he decides which amenities the hotel must have).
How about you just follow the man's lead in everything and only decide to speak if he asks for your opinion.
@@stephanie7572 This is the conclusion I've come to. I've noticed that most women seem to enjoy having a role but they don't want to make the final decision. Also, having to make every decision and getting critiqued by someone who offered no input can be very irritating. No hard working man wants to deal with that.
Each couple is different. The necessity of communication is paramount if he is to lead well. I recommend that they talk about it and she decides where she wants him to lead. Some decisions are just hard for her, creating a lot of stress and anxiety. These are perfect places for her to ask him to lead. Surprisingly(?), my wife really likes me to decide on many small things like restaurants to visit, what to order for her when we are out, and to choose her outfit most mornings. But it is not me deciding unilaterally. I start by asking if she has any preferences for restaurants and when ordering I ask if she sees anything in particular that looks interesting (and then I usually quickly choose one of those). Likewise, with outfits, she is usually trying to decide between 2 or 3 options. I can make a quick decision from those (otherwise I have a few outfits that I absolutely love seeing her in.) Anyway, this works for us because I can confidently make quick decisions and those are decisions that often make her anxious (fear of making less than the perfect choice, I think). There are also other areas of life in which she strongly desires for me to take her on "adventures". This does not work if I ask her what she would like to do, so, I have to pay very careful attention to her all of the time so that I make decisions that I am confident she will appreciate.
(Addendum) Sometimes it is best to start with the small things. It is easier for him to lead and her to follow when the stakes are low. If he leads well in the small things, she will begin to trust him with greater things.
@@robicelus 😂
You are right about the selection thing. Before I married my wife, we probably didn't talk enough about kids and parenting. Once we actually became parents it turns out we had quite different parenting styles and very different views on discipline. It lead to situations where I would "lead" by disciplining the kids and then she would criticise me for doing it, right in front of them, right in the moment and then we'd have to have a debate about who was right (basically she wouldn't follow my lead). In the end we separated and now are likely headed for divorce (not totally because of that, but it's one of several issues we had, and still have). Let that be a warning to anyone planning to get married. Talk about this stuff in detail before you propose!
Love this! Male leadership in a relationship is amazing. It is so attractive and brings out the best in women when the dynamic is right.
Yes, and the dirty little secret is NOT that women don't want to follow. The wailing about "modern women will not follow, wring-wring, hand-wring!" translate to: Nanny "Traditional Society" is not there to force her to recognize I am a leader by ascription even when I am actually not." Never mind many wives used to fake their "following" and ruled from the shadows because he was an empty skull and the women who was literally above him in caliber had no choice.
If women have nothing to follow or there's nothing worth following, things fall apart. A woman genuinely impressed with a man will fall in love with him and then she will be ready to set the world on fire to follow him.
I swear the Doctor's best videos are the ones where he's laying it out straight to Men and making us think about it all exactly how we're supposed to
and this is one of the best ones of that type
Particularly insightful episode this one even for you Orion. As a history enthusiast this is right up my alley and i actually have examples of both cases in spades. I'll paraphrase a Napoleon quote here that came up in my mind when listening: 'A general's most important talent is to know the mind of the solider and gain its confidence... He is not a machine that must be made to move, he is a reasonable being who needs leadership.'
This reminds me of the successful NBA coach who said he was successful because the high-priced athletes ALLOWED him to coach them. He didn't assert his authority and the athletes didn't resist the coaching; they didn't think they were above being led. The result was championships for everybody on the team.
It’s not about you being competent, it’s about her being entitled to lead. She wants to be the boss and she thinks she is right despite of you fixing her mistakes.
@@knowledgeispower200
Well, quit helping her reproduce! Should have let wahmen fall flat on their faces some thousands of years ago, now there are some billions of them to deal with...
@@knowledgeispower200Briffault’s Law.
You gave her those benefits yesterday.
They have no meaning to her today.
When you think about it, she might need you less today as a result.
@STOICIZMUS 😂😂 laughably and sadly off base. Most women who know themselves do not need a leader..especially those who operate with internal locus of control
She doesn't want to lead. She wants to sit on her ass and be taken care of. If a man can give that to her, she'll reciprocate 10x. If the man isn't leading her tho, she'll fill that vacuum of control; she will take the lead, and she'll grow bitter bca she had to get off her ass, and she'll lose respect for him bcs she "had to do 'his' job."
If you’re incompetent women will lack respect and therefore will not follow you
Been there done that. If you have to compete with your woman, then find another one. Save the nerves for concuering the world, don't spend it on useless power struggles.
Except it’s not a competition for me it’s just to easy tutorial mode
Here’s a way to set things right: Wait until she is absolutely, positively, behaving badly. When she is being so wrong most feminists would not take her side. When this happens, call her on it sternly. Put your foot down, and don’t back down. If she doesn’t back down, you are done.
If she does back down, and seems happier for the next few days, you need to start taking charge more. Rewatch the video.
@@nunyabidness3075 "wait" "put". To cię Orion "good relationships are effortless". What's the point?
I’ve seen it time and again. Strong women go weak when challenged and lead. It’s incredible. It baffled me first time around, and even though it doesn’t come naturally to me (childhood etc) I’ve stood up and the most amazing things happened. Imagine being told this was all in the past, then finding out it’s perennial - 40 years later.
@@hshshejejdu971 What? Everything worthwhile takes effort. If you aren’t putting in any effort, you’re the baddy.
Maybe something might SEEM effortless if you are just really good at it and happy, but that’s not really what’s going on.
Thanks Dr. Orion! I've been using the internet for almost 20 years and of all the people I've watched on the internet you've helped me the most. You say things in a way that no one else says. You understand things like no UA-camr does.
Yes
Agreed. I'm convinced that Dr. Taraban is one of the deepest thinkers of our time.
@@robertedwards1240 Could be. Just ordered his book. I used Amazon for the first time in my life.
@@robertedwards1240 He is certainly very, very bright. As a woman, I can't get enough of his insights even if I don't agree with all of his theses, especially the one on romanticism.
The big mistake I made many years ago was sayiing "I Do" while recovering from a personal disaster. After I recovered, wifey refuses to follow me. When I try to lead, even to the good, she fights me through passive aggressive tactics. 20+ years of potential progress and happiness diluted with petty arguments and sabotage. Don't pick a partner when you're weak.
Mate selection in a state of vulnerability is almost guaranteed failure long term.
All comes back to this - can she comfort me when I am down & out, or will she punish me for being human sometimes? If the latter, why would I lead her? Why be in a relationship?
Leading a backstabber isn't exactly a winning formula 🤦♂
And how would you know without testing it? Values are only tested in emergencies, and if you don't have values in an emergency, then you don't have values at all. The p4ndemic was very clear on this, you could see how lacking in principles people were and how willingly they followed nonsensical commands, even to their own detriment.
While I don't tend to think of myself as such, I am most often the authoritative person in the course of my marriage. That said, I've never once given an "order" to my wife. It's wild to even imagine doing so (outside of the bedroom).
I agree with the wisdom this video touches on; that if a person has to declare their authority, they don't really have it. I disagree, though, that anyone should approach their interpersonal life, especially a spousal relationship, as a military officer, or as a coach. No one wants to live with their commanding officer or their trainer.
I don't question Dr. Taraban's experience with dating, but when he starts talking about long term relationships, I do wonder how much time he's spent living with a woman.
Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
Hmm...sounds like you've become an alpha widow.
"Any man who has to say 'I am the king" is no king at all'
Jesus had to say he was the King of Kings.
Ok Tywin...
Leaders are not self-nominated - Leaders are chosen, by the followers. Yes, to be a leader, you have to "shoot your shot", but, then it is up to others to choose to follow.
When you risk leading from the front, you have no idea whether you'll be a perpetual lone wolf or a leader. The followers chose to follow, or not. Accept the outcome is outside your control - Be outcome indifferent.
Thanks alot for this content. Honestly, I truly appreciate.
The information in your videos are 100% immediately actionable in my life ... I have to control myself from binge watching, and I try to limit to 2 or maybe 3 videos per day.
You should be paid for all this. Thanks for making it free.
The thumbnail art is always nice. Do you make it yourself or does an artist do it for you?
I've always meant to ask this
Im fairly confident the Doc uses A.I. to make these thumbnails
@@mohda.9420 I think it's another artist. I think Orion mentioned this once.
@@vinnievu1 I see.
Would love to know their name!
@@vinnievu1 That makes sense. Some of his artistic short look similar to Sadia Khan's so I think there is a network of artists working with them and possibly some other UA-camrs. I think it's really good but doesn't replace the simple format used here which focuses on the content.
I have been managing people for many years, and I can tell you for sure that people pursue their own interests most of the time, and when they don't want to do something, it's almost impossible to make them do it, no matter how hard you try. Instead, they would actively seek how to throw it off. Because they want something else, period. They will not share it with anyone because they have learned simple method - do what you want silently . Say yes, but then do whatever you want, and then make something up whenever the lie is uncovered
The art in management is about getting people to do what they don’t want to do.
Recognise and remember that.
They will gravitate to what they like and what they are good at. You can use those things. And then ask for more.
I appreciated this video, and appreciated the military references and comparisons. Thank you for making these videos my guy. I've always hated the idea of going to therapy, and I don't think I would get very much out of therapy, but I 've gotten a ton from these videos
do you like nukes?
I'm an African living in Africa, you're automatically a leader when you are 5'9 tall have money and confidence, that's all you need
If that’s all you need then the followers are doomed.
You have to be 6' or more in the 🇺🇸 USA to be noticed by most gold diggers here. And have $
@@tomstarwalker you dated an angel, we got too many of em but remember, MOST of us love the Whites for their colour.
@@mitthrawnuruodo1730 I betya
@@tomstarwalker West Africa to be precise, I was born here, i know
I think I've read your book "the value of others" like 6 times already. It's so great at rewiring my brain, but I am slow learner when it comes to this kind of stuff. But man oh man, my last two girlfriends have adored me, and I really felt like the captain of a great ship. Finding a great passenger really is the hardest part once you get over the fear of women.
Maybe add fearless man to address your fear of women. Good luck bub.
Lead her…to the door 🚪 👋
So true. So many low value betas live in a scarcity mindset and don't have the guts to lead her to the door. And then they are surprised they are losing their money, house and kids in divorce 10 years later.
Amen
Hallelujah
I appreciate a man this decisive. It's the mark of true leadership. Most men will just hang back and treat you badly hoping you will take responsibility for the leaving. They can then play the victim about how women are always leaving.
How to lead:
1. Have a plan
2. Stick to that plan
3. Speak that plan how she receives information NOT how you want it to come across
4. If she doesn't get it...drop her... and find someone else to repeat steps 1-3 with....
Videos like this is why I learned to stop listening to these nerds on the internet who really don't know the basics of life. If you want a woman or any woman to follow you she must see other men respect you and would follow you. That's it plain and simple. You don't need money, the biggest muscles, or a high status job. Everything else falls away as soon as you leave your bubble and enter rooms with real men.
Solid salute, Orion. Seriously. I love the military analogy too. Truth, truth, and more truth. I love it. Thank you brother. Keep crushing it.
A stable long term relationship is a “competentcracy “. Where as pick up artists thrive in the one night stand game which is a “confidentcracy”.
Well put, I myself am high in confidence but a little low in competency, hence I pull plenty but I know it's only for tonight/short term
That’s your best one in a while Orion. I like this direction.
Solid advice. One of the most valuable channels on the internet. Thank you 🙏
Well, I think you hit the nail on the head. Without the ability to punish insubordinance, there is no authority. All the responsibility with none of the authority isn't leading.
This used to exist. It doesn't anymore. Therein lies the reason for failing relationships.
This is not what he said, but I can see how you interpret it like that. I see a lot of comments here dripping with misogyny and weakness.
You don’t need authority to lead my dude. Think of it as service. If you’re serving the one you love, If you demonstrate that you have their best interests at heart, that’s what makes people want to follow you. Check out the book called “leaders eat last”.
Ah but 'disrespect' and 'insubordinance' can be misinterpreted to justify punishment. Without clear rules and guidance, they are just tools for tyranny.
@@davidsmyth6822 Women don't care about their best interests, only feelings. It's very easy to lead them to spend money, cheat, destroy their health, even abuse their kids, if it's exciting and easy they'll follow almost anyone.
Yall want to punish women so bad lmao
i only lead myself dont bother with women anymore
You are a wise man!
C’est trop bien ! Et t’as raison 😎😎
Passport bros go to places where the man is automatically the leader as long as he pays for everything.
in the west, you can pay for everything and still be belittled in your own home
@@HighQualityLeisure-yk1oksadly, this has been my experience as well.
@@HighQualityLeisure-yk1ok -- I, US-based man, paid for everything and still I was disrespected but I blame my own nativete (blue pilled nice guy behavior) for it. I was not red pilled then.
OK, maybe. My experience with Asian women is that they're usually the most materialistic and mercenary of all. You pay for a good show but it's just the sociable, outside-facing show. I suppose you could say that's something like leadership, or better than the western deal. I hope we can expect more. It seems to depend on individual people and not societies in general.
@@HighQualityLeisure-yk1ok😂
And this is how passport bro was created
As a woman, I agree that rank pullers make bad leaders. Women aren't idiots who'll jump down a cliff just because they're ordered to. If a husband isn't considered competent enough, the wife will feel compelled to take his place as head of the family. I know several women in that position, who really struggle, because they intuitively feel the weight of responsibilities they don't believe should be theirs.
Love my man. He leads and I follow. Exactly the way it should be.
The doctor speaks the truth. I didn't lead....I showered my ex wife with a new car, home, money, attention, plenty of sex, stay at home mom, gave her everything she asked for....guess what. She still treated me like crap. Nver cooked or cleaned. Lied to me. Wasted a lot of money on spending on Amazon's website.
, cheated on me with a guy with no job who fools around doing magic and tarot cards. Now I lead and I take no crap. The focus is faith, family, finances, fun.....life is way better and I'm treated so much better. Women want men to lead.
well you finally did Orion. You came up with a video that not only I don't agree with. You came up with a video that just will not work in practical application. Why? This whole lead a woman thing is predicated on a woman's recognition of any leader, not just a man. Women in my direct experience have issues with doing any following. Give them a direct order, and they will ask questions. Give them detailed instructions they will ask for clarification of timeline. In the real world in the time I can direct 3 men to do something, I still have a woman asking for information. When women say "they don't need no man" they are not saying that a man is not desired or needed. What they are saying is ALL that a masculine figure has been in the past; leader, decision maker, defender, steady influencer. All that manliness IS NO LONGER NEEDED (in their opinion). So it's nice you say that you can be "more competent" and "make better more clear executable orders". This is not enough.
You have said that women want a laundry list of positive traits but WANT them from the men they are already attracted to. (I Agree!). I think the follow on to that thought is women want to FOLLOW a man that is so far outside of their normal league of play. Indeed that they will submit to such a man. Hence we get 7 and 8 women playing harem to one 10 man. That 10 man can make all the orders he wants and those 7s will step to I bet! Women today in the west WILL ONLY do ANYTHING that is considered 'traditional' for the man who is several levels above in SMV... end of story. Does not matter how competent he is. Does not matter how good an order he makes. Does not matter except SMV differential. And to put a video out saying do X and Y to get Z when getting there is impossible unless the man is 3 to 5 points of SMV BETTER than the woman... is very misleading.
Dr OT is quite simply the best relationship coach out there.
'Delve deeply' is an understatement in the Value of Others.
Well said! We need more men with that mindset. Be proud and honored to have a smart, competent, kind woman, but thrive on being better than her.
Love this video...very helpful for me personally trying to grow up as a man. Ties directly to Jocko Willink's Extreme Ownership concepts too in application to military service/life. It does carry with it the innate anxiety-filling issue I fight which is thinking I'm never competent enough or good enough, but that applies by an large to most calls to action which I am happily taking. The 2 Rules summarized at the end fit well to encapsulate the bottom line. I found a lot of guys in the church/society seem to get the idea that they're men so they lead...and they skip this level of being a worthy leader.
Orion, you've done a lot of content on fear, approach anxiety, panic attacks, etc... I'd love to see a future video on Anxiety and how to overcome it as a man in particular. I'm in pursuit of this myself, and hope to see that content some day.
You hit it right on point🎯🎯 men be more competent in everything and give orders that can be followed. “show me the reasons why I should follow you”.. wow I love you ❤
One of your better episodes, I think
True, the past mistakes of men is when they see a clear sign of argumentative behavior from women, they still stay and put up with it rather than taking the hard pill and move on, find a more suitable woman while improving yourself in the process.
I agree with the doc on a lot of things but I don’t want competition with the woman in my life. The last thing that is is healthy. No one woman offers as much value as you think. She follows my program with minimal pushback or she can go. This is what more men need to have the inner strength to do; abandon the ones who are difficult. You want to turn the tables of power dynamic with women, it’s in your ability to leave.
This explains why women would be unhappy if she settles. The man did not prove he was worthy of leading her.
All this sounds true and makes sense. But as someone struggling to just take care of myself, relationships just sound like an exhausting burden.
Let’s not forget that there are a lot of women out there that don’t want to be lead by a man and rather have autonomy or partner with men who are emotionally weak and can be easily controlled and manipulated. Not saying I don’t agree with the point of this vid, but relationships are nuanced and don’t always follow this logic.
This video is very interesting and I’m doing my best to digest it as leading in relationships is a core topic I think a lot about.
If anything, the concept that occurs to me regarding this could simply be boiled down to:
I lead.
I’m not leading the woman in my life. I’m just leading. If she chooses to follow, great. I’ll help her do that.
But if she chooses to push back or otherwise be a ‘bad soldier’ my court martial is simply…
You’re dismissed.
She self-selected this outcome. I’ll keep leading in the meanwhile, and I believe the right people will follow because they recognize it’s in their best interest to do so.
Problem is so many low value betas live in a scarcity mindset and don't have the guts to lead her dismiss her. And then they are surprised they are losing their money, house and kids in divorce 10 years later.
Leading to where? To what?
@@alexisc7565 lead as in being in charge and making decisions, e.g. big purchases, where they live, whether they will get married, how many kids, how they will spend their spare time, how they will spend their money, etc.
@@alexisc7565 A life of happiness, success, and helping others. So far that path has worked out pretty well.
If she doesn't follow, lose the relationship and seek someone who is mesmerized with your direction. Those are the best.
from the moment I saw this video I knew I had to watch it because I knew this man was going to be saying nothing but the truth.
Doc, your military analogy falls short when you consider that like marriage, everyone begins as a volunteer. After that, there is no more comparison. In the military the system is set up to reward compliance and punish noncompliance. Marriage is the opposite. The culture encourages women to be insubordinate and the legal system rewards them for desertion.
I got married as a practicing Christian. I believed that my now ex-wife followed the same principles. Until I got my divorce papers and was falsely accused of being violent and abusive and was drug through the court system for 2.5 years.
I do agree that you need a woman that wants to follow. But they can change their minds and make your life hell.
If it weren't for children being involved the process of severence would be fine. She changes her mind? Fine, part ways.
I usually agree with you, but the military analogy falls way short of reality.
This advice applies to pretty much any leadership situation. But another key to successfully navigating certain situations is to realize when you are not the leader, and be a good follower. I don't know if that works in too many romantic relationships, but in the case of a highly successful woman maybe it does in certain situations.
Yes it works situationally.
If she’s in charge of packing for a trip, submit to her timeline.
You’ll have some other roles around that trip you lead on.
Doing her jobs for her or letting her do yours invalidates one of you so don’t go there.
This is a good one doctor.
I have met a guy about 4 months ago, he lectured me on the ongoing issues when it comes to finding a quality woman. I Myself, consider myself to be a bit different than the rest, i am willing to put effort and educate myself on these topics but i'm having issues with him opening and trusting me being a great woman. I have done actions, but not certain what else i can do to prove my dedication and sincerity?
Why are u trying to prove urself? If he wants u and sees potential in u, he will make it work and leads
She has 100% backing of the divorce judge and state laws. . The man has no backing of anything. She has all the power if she has children.
If she has children, then you have children.
This is a highly exaggerated perspective. Women rarely have "all the power" if they have children since she will face horrifying dating prospects with small children; and if the children are close to adulthood, she will still face horrifying prospects because now she is older. On average, women's living standard decreases more after divorce than men's and all on all, they have more to lose from divorce. All that is offset by the relief of escaping a tortuous or just lonely, unfulfilling relationship.
@@roses6564 Women leave because of hypergamy most of the times.
@@Damesanglante If she has a meaningful significantly better alternative than yes if that's what you mean. Make that relationship satisfying or face the risk.
Ohhhh Mr. Orion. I love this video of men welcoming the challenge!
🎯
Nailed it.
Whether the relationship is healthy or not, women actually love being led. As long as they're being led in a direction they already wanted to go in the first place
The only reason I need to insist that any woman with me follow my lead, is that she literally made no effort to make the relationship happen. I'm the one who asked her out, invited her to a date, etc. Also, if she doesn't follow my lead, I'll dump her and move on to the next. It's that simple.
Dumping her is all you really can do. That is where the Military rank analogy falls apart. In the Military it is a criminal offense to disobey a superior. In dating she still gets to be a free woman regardless.
@@gracerules2008 You want to make a woman rejecting you or not getting along a criminal offense? Wow.
Nope I never said that. I was just following the Military analogy the Doc used and where it falls apart. No I don't want to make a woman's rejection a criminal offense.
@coldsteel9420 calm down, Hero. He was continuing the doc's analogy - he didn't start it.
How many women do you dump, before you start to wonder that maybe its not all women?
Idk why but war and battle terminology make psychology more understandable. Freud was quite keen on using this terminology and now Orion :) Nice video doc.
My wife refuses to accept my competency level. In fact, she actively sabotages any opportunities that may display my merit. Regular rules doesn't apply to narcissists.
To "narcissists" or to people who are a very poor match to you. If she really resists everything you say, could it really be that you were made for just about anyone but each other? Let her go, for Chrissake.
Regular rules also don't apply to enabled, highly entitled, modern women.
I'm a simple man. When I see a new Psychacks video by Orion TB, I listen
Then you are defnitly not a simple man anymore. ;-)
Men naturally have better leadership skills. Because men have led women since time immemorial. It's that simple. The US president doesn't have to be an expert on anything in particular, he has counselors who are experts. The wife is typically the main counselor, her opinion should be respected but the man should be the one making the final decision on most things.
The US president has qualifications and experience in certain fields. His life and background were scrutinized. He is not president just because he is a man, so other qualities that the doctor describes make sense.
@@lepham71441 And I assume that a woman wouldn't enter a relationship, especially marriage, with someone that lacks any qualifications and experience either? Correct? Women vet potential partners rigorously, isn't that what the red pill teaches all the time? No one expects of the president to be better at everything than his advisors, neither should women expect it from their husbands as a condition for being submissive. Regardless of having more expertise on a particular topic the advisor is still an advisor and he's not the president. The president is a leader because he is better at seeing the larger picture. The same logic traditionally applies to marriage. What Orion is teaching here is a feminist cop out for women that are looking for excuses to not obey their husbands.
@@AlaricsFather-in-Law-em8kzWhen the President/husband is wrong, what do you suggest the advisor/wife do? When you say 'obey', I don't assume follow blindly with everything?
@@lepham71441 The advisor/wife has to submit to the final decision of the husband even if he's wrong. It is her duty to give advice in the interest of the family, and it is his duty to make decisions in the interest of the family. They can disagree on that final decision but someone has to be in command. You can't have two generals leading the same army, it is always ONE person. Otherwise you have feminism and women not accepting their role as submissive wives, they want to be "partners" instead. Which means equality in decision making, and that leads to the loss of authority, arguments and ultimately respect for the husband.
I think you missed one of Docs big points: Being a man doesn't entitle you to lead. Being a leader does.
i love your point about how men should not feel they have authority simply because they are a man. but it leaves me wondering, which qualities should a man display to show the woman he is worthy of leading?
Strength. It's a language they understand perfectly.
I think good decision making and problem solving are part of it
I don't want to compete with my future wife and just barely outdo her on all things. I have built myself up before she even met me. I want her to thrive in her feminine frame...not keep raising the bar on whats expected of me.
Better yet: be two BFF-s. The gold standard for HEA. Nietzsche knew.
"Women don't wanna lead, they want a LEADER." Patrice O'neal 🐐
I agree, but my first wife was near totally incompetent, but wanted to seize control ALL THE TIME. Glad that one is gone.
Probably because you did not make her feel safe. When women feel unsafe, they develop a strong need to exert control. (Men do this too, but we as men, easily recognize it in women.)
This episode offers a unique perspective on relationship dynamics by drawing parallels with military leadership. The emphasis on leading with confidence and respect is crucial, as it fosters trust and mutual understanding. It’s important to remember that every relationship is a partnership, and effective leadership involves empathy and communication. By understanding and valuing each other’s strengths, couples can build a strong, harmonious connection. Thank you Dr Orion for sharing these insights!
To make this make sense, when you click the "Submit" button on any website that requires submission for access, those who submit their contact information are trusting that website with their information. So, to submit is to trust which is the basis of all relationships business or personal.
One of your best videos.
So find the woman who wants to obey you. Got it.
I get it but it's a bit simplistic and 'male logical'. I've been on successful dates and led my woman to a late night cafe which she loved. Was my choice better than hers? No, but she wanted me to make the decision irrespective of competency and efficacy.
Relationships aren't supposed to be a competition, dude. If your insecurity is so bad that you feel as though you have to be "better" than your partner, you should probably do some work on yourself instead. That's not a healthy thought process.
Yet women almost always insist that you provide just because you are a man. Funny how we can't expect women to conform to a certain cultural norm yet men are currently conditioned to fulfill a role that is largely (if not wholly) disadvantageous to their prospects. I honestly love Dr. Taraban and I recognize that he gives a lot of useful advice but I find that some of his counsel particularly pertains to a society or culture strongly governed by gynocentrism. I honestly can say that such a society won't last (just my intuition and pattern recognition speaking).
P.S. This lesson sort of contradicts Dr. Taraban's positively fruitful experiences in Japan. It was discussed in a past episode
I’ve dated woman who didn’t seem to value kindness. I do.
A Western woman appreciating kindness is a unicorn. Everyone talks about them; no one has ever seen one.
A family member of mine who is usually difficult... did a very kind deed for me in 2017. I've always been grateful for this since, and when she's being difficult now, rather than get annoyed - I stop myself and think of that kind deed from 2017.
Which got me thinking..
This is the opposite of how women regard men who do kind deeds for them. Even after a ton of kind deeds, women only care if they're going to get something else out of you going forward.
@@chipsteveBriffault’s Law. Yesterday’s benefit has no meaning when a need exists today.
Kindness or "niceness". I ask, because in my experience, kind men do not care if anyone else values their behavior. They do it for themselves. "Niceness" always comes with undeclared expectations and women instinctively run from that.
@@paulpalmer2336 that's quite an overstatement. Imagine saying "kind women don't care if anyone values their behavior". Everyone cares, obviously.
One simple thing to show leadership from the first date, is too decide to cross a road to a shop, take her wrist in a firm grip and cross it - with her slightly behind. Release the grip once on the other side. It will display primal masculine leadership. The release is important. Also, bring up during conversation that you like traditional women who are feminine and that there is a timeless universal polarity in male-female relationships. Also, frame it as a secret only a few know - that in thriving relationships - there can only be one pilot and the woman can be a terrific and essential co-pilot, as it take two steer but the final decision is the mans.
I've heard it said and I think it is true, that women what to be led and the trick is to lead her where she wants to go. The trick is knowing where that is.
You get to know her likes and dislikes and her moods… she does the same for you.
Use them to lead.
Never try to lead when she is having an emotional moment.
Maybe 80% of the time. Do not underestimate the impact of leading her safely to someplace she is reluctant to go on her own. She has to trust you though. But afterward, if her experience is positive, she will trust you even more.
Women will and want to follow competence. Though if it's pretty arrogant to think that you will be more competent than your woman at everything. It's actually pretty stupid to think that this is even possible. A man needs to and should lead in relationships but if he is smart he will also realise he can learn a lot from a woman. A relationship is at its best and strongest when the strengths of the masculine and feminine are both being acknowledged and expressed.
He's trying so hard to say, "The man has to be superior to the woman," without directly saying it.
No I think he's just straight up saying it. If he wasn't why would she follow him?
Superior in what?
@@Lalapizzle ''You have to be more competent than she is'' 1:17
Did you at least listen to the video ?
@@aroumatismo That doesn’t mean you’re superior. Also being competent in what?
Because no westernized woman will ever admit a man is superior! Look at the number of women divorcing highly competent, successful and strong leading men destroying their families and children and often quickly regretting it and yet never admitting it.
Thanks, Orion. This leadership image is definitely what many believe to be the case. Where does the competence struggle end? As expressed in the dating stats of younger men, if we have to compete with women, they are no longer an asset in our lives. They are a liability. Put another way, if we aren't working to build a life together why do I need you?
The problem is people dont want people who want them back. Yes, I mean men, too.