The Incompetent Burglar - Jerma Plays Thief Simulator (Long Edit)

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  • Опубліковано 27 чер 2024
  • jerma turns to toaster thievery
    Jerma: twitch.tv/jerma985
    #Jerma985 #jerma
  • Ігри

КОМЕНТАРІ • 200

  • @EpicWinNoob
    @EpicWinNoob 6 місяців тому +1048

    I never made the connection before with the opening.
    You've been bailed from jail. Which means you are still going to trial for something eventually. So the whole time you're out on bail awaiting trial you're stealing a bunch of shit and selling it at a pawn shop.
    This game just became a lot funnier in context of this person being some kind of fucking kleptomaniac that doesn't give a shit if he gets caught while already on the way to a conviction.

    • @riikki___
      @riikki___ 6 місяців тому +226

      gets bail, immediately signs up for RentaThug

    • @ron133.
      @ron133. 6 місяців тому +40

      ​@@riikki___ fuckin genius

    • @BarackLesnar
      @BarackLesnar 5 місяців тому +41

      Burglr, the gig economy thief app

    • @chiralanomalous2904
      @chiralanomalous2904 5 місяців тому +75

      you say he's a kleptomaniac, but most of the time he's just breaking household items with a crowbar then leaving

    • @idrather7953
      @idrather7953 5 місяців тому +38

      My favorite part is how his favorite missions are the ones where he breaks in just to smash shit

  • @johnleclerc4507
    @johnleclerc4507 8 місяців тому +1218

    He sounds so old. I hope hospice is going well for him 😢

    • @stwabewwwy
      @stwabewwwy 8 місяців тому +79

      I hope his soul is saved

    • @Exobiologic
      @Exobiologic 8 місяців тому +124

      I hope the Combine can find him a new host body , off-world relocation has really run it's toll on him 😔

    • @mcgfn
      @mcgfn 7 місяців тому +66

      @@Exobiologicthey're gonna put him in the Breen slug :(

    • @_Cet_Cet
      @_Cet_Cet 6 місяців тому +11

      prayers for him 🙏😔✊️

    • @SirNightmareFuel
      @SirNightmareFuel 6 місяців тому +12

      I read that as hoe-spice. I am doubly concerned. 😢

  • @8stormy5
    @8stormy5 6 місяців тому +493

    Jerma hears a noise he wasn't expecting and for the next thirty seconds panics and tries to kill any living being within sight

    • @shaynehughes6645
      @shaynehughes6645 5 місяців тому +17

      I'm sorry you were there to see it

    • @duckonaroll1913
      @duckonaroll1913 4 місяці тому +58

      hes that cop that heard an acorn hit his car and got down and started shooting

    • @demonicloaf2100
      @demonicloaf2100 4 місяці тому +5

      ​@@duckonaroll1913Didn't expect to see such a recent comment

    • @UncleSam3188
      @UncleSam3188 3 місяці тому +7

      @@demonicloaf2100I live in your walls

    • @Spikedog777
      @Spikedog777 2 місяці тому

      Resident Evil 2

  • @thearchitect5405
    @thearchitect5405 8 місяців тому +731

    I'm pretty sure the home owners are gonna care a lot more about the SHATTERED TOILET than the singular broken plate he was sent there for.

    • @whilwheatonIII
      @whilwheatonIII 6 місяців тому +83

      You clearly don't enough take pride in your dishware

    • @bimboitis
      @bimboitis 2 місяці тому +3

      ​@@whilwheatonIII you clearly dont take pride in your porcelain throne

    • @frostyelwood9898
      @frostyelwood9898 2 місяці тому +7

      @@whilwheatonIIIwhere else shall i lay my crowned jewels? If all is shattered then i have nothing. I cannot set such precious jewels upon a cold pipe. It means more than a platter. It is necessary

    • @anyalaASMR
      @anyalaASMR Місяць тому

      @@frostyelwood9898poetry… 🥹

  • @obscure_alternatives
    @obscure_alternatives 5 місяців тому +166

    The way the auto play went from the pink panther theme to
    Classical dubstep kills me

  • @al0egarten
    @al0egarten 6 місяців тому +191

    the pink panther trap remix is killing me

    • @judtt
      @judtt 6 місяців тому +12

      I cried

  • @alegomanYTPs
    @alegomanYTPs 6 місяців тому +198

    >softlocked
    end game is an option
    >softlocked
    >spends 3 hours trying to get off the stairs

  • @frozenstandup
    @frozenstandup 6 місяців тому +266

    the voice line of the police saying "you're under arrest!" sounds just like Jerma

    • @Lightboxy2
      @Lightboxy2 3 місяці тому +2

      1:16:26 this guy even looks a little bit like old jerma lol

  • @riikki___
    @riikki___ 6 місяців тому +202

    idk why but the extended first person thief arms is so perfect for jerma

    • @shaynehughes6645
      @shaynehughes6645 5 місяців тому +27

      If he crouched and walked around he would 100% raise his arms to his face

    • @mikotoh
      @mikotoh Місяць тому +3

      raptor

  • @KhaosInductionCreator
    @KhaosInductionCreator 2 місяці тому +23

    Jerma having a staring contest with homeowners then loudly breaking a window after they go about 50 feet away and wondering why the police were called is such a Jerma thing lmao

  • @mccookiestealer5192
    @mccookiestealer5192 8 місяців тому +183

    ''You're under arrest'' then does a sick 360

  • @SGTsiete
    @SGTsiete 4 місяці тому +57

    If I went to steal from someone and their bedroom was just a king-sized bed with a bunch random bulges sticking up? Not only am I not breaking into that house, I'M calling the police.

  • @smatchimo645
    @smatchimo645 5 місяців тому +55

    "im like a normal person right?"
    *stands behind backyard fence at eye level and stares*

  • @lio_hoshizora
    @lio_hoshizora 6 місяців тому +123

    the youtube autoplay part is so good😭😭😭

    • @lio_hoshizora
      @lio_hoshizora 6 місяців тому +12

      i think jerma would rly like touhou arrangements

    • @aciperkele5173
      @aciperkele5173 3 місяці тому +8

      I woke up to the loud fur elise remix playing😭

    • @katqt32
      @katqt32 22 дні тому +1

      The pink panther remix was insane

    • @katqt32
      @katqt32 22 дні тому +1

      Never mind the Beethoven dubstep was worse

  • @irurwurst
    @irurwurst 6 місяців тому +49

    the fact that the main character of this game looks like he stepped out of a crime prevention ad is incredible

  • @supersillystuffs
    @supersillystuffs 6 місяців тому +88

    The auto-generated chapters are genuinely kinda funny

    • @jakeanator
      @jakeanator 4 місяці тому +21

      The neighborhood watch

    • @filteredmountaindew4521
      @filteredmountaindew4521 2 місяці тому +7

      the incompetent burglar 💀

    • @anyalaASMR
      @anyalaASMR Місяць тому +5

      “Where’s the toilet” and “sleeping in the car” are my personal favorites

    • @PointsofData
      @PointsofData 5 днів тому +1

      I didn't know you could autogenerate chapters so I just thought dumptruck had tried to do them high or something then gave up halfway through

    • @PointsofData
      @PointsofData 5 днів тому

      ​@@anyalaASMR
      Lockpicking Level 1 is something I'm glad the AI brought my attention to

  • @BrainRubber358
    @BrainRubber358 3 місяці тому +14

    I love how there is a list of controls and he proceeds to fuck up controls every time

  • @dumberdummer
    @dumberdummer 2 місяці тому +12

    the fiction of a burglar bumping fur elise dubstep in their headphones to break sinks to is so good

  • @goatonatree1062
    @goatonatree1062 7 місяців тому +70

    burglah boy

  • @emiya3242
    @emiya3242 3 місяці тому +11

    What’s crazy to me is how well he is at pretending he doesn’t know how to steal from houses to cover up what he does off steam. It’s so scary that we let people like this roam the streets…

    • @ZeallustImmortal
      @ZeallustImmortal 22 дні тому +2

      He doesnt steal from houses off stream, he just breaks in and destroys things.

  • @bignumbers
    @bignumbers 4 місяці тому +14

    The pawn shop man looks like the kid who disrespects velociraptors at the beginning of Jurassic Park

  • @OdaSwifteye
    @OdaSwifteye 6 місяців тому +47

    13:43 this is the logic of a person who does the genocide run. They don't care that the point of the game is to steal and that killing people would be the exact opposite of a clean theft and getaway, he has to kill people just to see it happen.
    Pathos is a meaningless word for Jerma.

    • @kakroom3407
      @kakroom3407 4 місяці тому +5

      He can't be stopped.

  • @normalcat
    @normalcat 6 місяців тому +70

    boy oh boy i sure do love jerma i sure hope he doesnt turn to performing illegal actions to get by

  • @NameTakenSensei
    @NameTakenSensei 6 місяців тому +109

    I watch Jerma because it's so frustrating to watch him play anything lol. It's so funny, but he doesn't see context clues or pop ups like ever haha

    • @Acrylescent
      @Acrylescent 5 місяців тому +12

      Jermaine is the embodiment of streamer brain lol.

    • @mannyperez4010
      @mannyperez4010 19 днів тому +2

      I'm under the impression now that most streamers are like this.

  • @AceCool1
    @AceCool1 4 місяці тому +14

    it just looks like such a sad neighbourhood...

  • @dvtye3378
    @dvtye3378 4 місяці тому +16

    Jerma not realizing that his mouse has a DPI button is an actual boomer andy moment.

  • @YUR_VMP_BYFRND
    @YUR_VMP_BYFRND 3 місяці тому +9

    Sleeping to this tonight. I just know I’m gonna sleep so fucking good

    • @YUR_VMP_BYFRND
      @YUR_VMP_BYFRND Місяць тому +7

      Update: I slept so fucking good, doing it again

  • @johnleclerc4507
    @johnleclerc4507 8 місяців тому +70

    best jerma stream to date, the original vod flies by somehow

  • @callumh4991
    @callumh4991 6 місяців тому +20

    9:18 this segment with Jerma just breaking everything is somehow genius; because why would a thief do such a thing and resulting in confused police.

  • @icedlava7063
    @icedlava7063 4 місяці тому +8

    i fell asleep to this after an awful day. thank ytou

  • @jackw.1342
    @jackw.1342 6 місяців тому +25

    Are you a machine (politely)

    • @derpicat
      @derpicat 6 місяців тому +6

      leefy

    • @jackw.1342
      @jackw.1342 6 місяців тому +5

      @@derpicat rage comic?

  • @oweeb5909
    @oweeb5909 2 місяці тому +4

    Jerma the type of guy to step on a branch alerting his presence to the skinwalker that's stalking him

  • @LloCiDul
    @LloCiDul 7 місяців тому +126

    Thank you so much for making these and sharing them with us... I found your channel right as I was going through so much bullshit. Having these on in the background has been indescribably helpful. I know your prolly thinking, I'd just watch something else if these didn't exist. But that's not actually true lol. I'll just sit in silence, starring at a wall all day if I don't find something perfect like these. So thank you! 💕 💕 It means a lot.

    • @PolumbiusTheThird
      @PolumbiusTheThird 7 місяців тому +12

      get help

    • @rainbowGZUS7
      @rainbowGZUS7 6 місяців тому +6

      ​@@PolumbiusTheThirdnever, I like being sad

    • @eliashanstad8169
      @eliashanstad8169 6 місяців тому +4

      Hope you feel better

    • @numberswithmeaning
      @numberswithmeaning 6 місяців тому +9

      Psych ward gang ❤

    • @charlesdemers1197
      @charlesdemers1197 5 місяців тому +3

      @@numberswithmeaning WE MAKIN IT OUT THE PSYCH WARD WITH THIS 🗣️🗣️🗣️🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @luxintelligentia4632
    @luxintelligentia4632 3 місяці тому +3

    1:17:12 this is the exact scene that sums this whole stream in just over a minute

  • @rttrss0
    @rttrss0 Місяць тому +3

    1:17:17 jermas running in there like hes a bug 😭😭

  • @SpaceCop
    @SpaceCop 4 місяці тому +5

    i bought one razer product and every time i plugged it into a PC it would download and install their parasite software. I instantly threw it in the trash, couldn't even be bothered to return it.

  • @bigbeefscorcho
    @bigbeefscorcho 6 місяців тому +12

    Haven’t seen this stream in ages, thanks for the edit! :)

  • @TransponderSnail
    @TransponderSnail 3 місяці тому +2

    2:02:27 I love the idea of a self-aware burglar who is just tired of his job, but keeps on going regardless even when he knows he’s in the wrong

  • @jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787
    @jonathanwarrdddedcxddeecec4787 6 місяців тому +10

    Ahh I got this game on my switch when it was on sale for practically free. It’s not a perfect game, but it’s fun

  • @raind0ll
    @raind0ll Місяць тому +2

    the beethoven dubstep remix had me crying 😭

  • @beanstalks8
    @beanstalks8 6 місяців тому +6

    the brick hit was worth it

  • @deqa
    @deqa 5 місяців тому +8

    The question is how do we steal Jerma? Will there be a Jerma Thief Simulator?

  • @Dimiranger
    @Dimiranger 4 місяці тому +1

    most underrated jerma stream, thanks so much for the edit

  • @axmoylotl
    @axmoylotl 5 місяців тому +4

    20:00
    Literally ""scout"" in meet the spy

  • @RancorousSea
    @RancorousSea 2 місяці тому +2

    "That's because I'm not a thief in real life, how could I be good at something I don't do?"
    He says this to defend against the accusation of being bad at this game. He plays games for a living.

  • @Meladjusted
    @Meladjusted 5 місяців тому +4

    1:53:08
    I refuse to believe Jerma shares our roadways.

  • @monkeebunz8580
    @monkeebunz8580 6 місяців тому +20

    So, I bought the game after watching a small bit. I did three heist in less then 25mins and got farther then jerma levels, in 5 hours

    • @charlesdemers1197
      @charlesdemers1197 5 місяців тому +7

      The thing is you don’t suck ass at video games.

    • @obscure_alternatives
      @obscure_alternatives 5 місяців тому +10

      The fact that Jerma gets distracted and fails like twenty times is what makes him so funny.

  • @battty_nattty
    @battty_nattty 6 місяців тому +11

    SICK I love this dumb game

  • @Sturj
    @Sturj 25 днів тому +4

    THE TRAP REMIX LOL

    • @Sturj
      @Sturj 25 днів тому +1

      OMG IT DOESNT STOP 😭😭😭

  • @samsparks151
    @samsparks151 Місяць тому +3

    1:17:11 is where the music starts causing issues

  • @lemonexhaustion8525
    @lemonexhaustion8525 5 місяців тому +2

    jermas reference to purgatory early in the stream became a reality there at the end with the brick throwing

  • @oscartaylor1159
    @oscartaylor1159 6 місяців тому +12

    2:48:13

  • @gryphon50c
    @gryphon50c Місяць тому +1

    56:00 CRYING over this yelp

  • @hallowchef
    @hallowchef Місяць тому +1

    53:20 Jerma comes to the realization on his own of what a neighborhood watch is without actually realizing it

  • @TheSpookiestSkeleton
    @TheSpookiestSkeleton 5 місяців тому +2

    Jerma and the 10 second response time

  • @goopy545
    @goopy545 6 місяців тому +5

    Bro the doorbells were so annoying lol holy Christ

  • @flanexism0165
    @flanexism0165 13 днів тому +1

    Steal: “T H E C H I N A.”

  • @mahmud7645
    @mahmud7645 2 місяці тому +1

    32:26 Not a bug but a feature, if I was a criminal and saw that I wouldn’t dare to run

  • @pinecone189
    @pinecone189 4 місяці тому +1

    Man is obsessed with houses and rooms

  • @nicholasjayres
    @nicholasjayres 2 місяці тому +1

    "They shouldn't put a jump there"
    *it was a staircase*

  • @coopers1716
    @coopers1716 2 місяці тому

    This guy's so good at video games.

  • @graces108
    @graces108 6 місяців тому +3

    The music is so funny

  • @amp4105
    @amp4105 5 днів тому +1

    jerma the mona lisa is worth 900 million

  • @transdieck2060
    @transdieck2060 6 місяців тому +16

    every time vinny started talking i thought it was fucking vinny vinesauce for a second

  • @hiveschives
    @hiveschives 6 місяців тому +4

    narrator sounds like willem dafoe (so essentially jerma)

  • @luxintelligentia4632
    @luxintelligentia4632 3 місяці тому +2

    ”Kiirby reemix………..kiirby reemix……………kirbyremix…………….kirby reemix…………kirby remix………..”

  • @BiomeYTube
    @BiomeYTube 3 місяці тому +1

    1:59:10 Hey thats the Fears to fathom: Home Alone house! exact same asset!

  • @skepsiez
    @skepsiez 3 місяці тому +1

    i dont know what it says about me that this is almost identical to my first experience playing this game. i even got mostly the same rankings he did.

  • @queso8627
    @queso8627 Місяць тому

    The music bits fucking killed me holy shit

  • @tanmayv33
    @tanmayv33 3 місяці тому +1

    fur elise remix ended me

  • @Rex-qx2ko
    @Rex-qx2ko Місяць тому +1

    1:17:50 the music😆

  • @Itzave
    @Itzave 5 місяців тому +3

    52:40

  • @sw3aty_forte
    @sw3aty_forte Місяць тому

    This man CRIES to the I.R.S.

  • @brockly6434
    @brockly6434 2 місяці тому

    Wii trap remix is hard

  • @griffinslack
    @griffinslack Місяць тому +1

    1:17:03-1:18:08

  • @mikotoh
    @mikotoh Місяць тому

    wonder if he ever found out vinny is indeed named after vinesauce vinny 🤔

  • @WhiteMercedes
    @WhiteMercedes 2 місяці тому +1

    “YAUNNERRESHD”

  • @bumbaclotannihilator8814
    @bumbaclotannihilator8814 Місяць тому

    Upper decker 😂😂😂😂

  • @Liz-rt2rh
    @Liz-rt2rh 3 дні тому

    27:40 DWOOP!

  • @LacyJacy
    @LacyJacy 8 днів тому

    1:22:30 jerma just going through different music is funny, why

  • @wow.tom.masters
    @wow.tom.masters 6 місяців тому +4

    half life 3

  • @twobreadtom
    @twobreadtom 15 днів тому

    LARERY DAVID

  • @remiwatson7574
    @remiwatson7574 Місяць тому

    watching jerma try to throw bricks through windows for 20 minutes is genuinely one of the most painful things I have ever expienced,,,, am i going crazy or is his aim, like,, impossibly bad? judging the height wrong is fine, that's one thing - but why is he always aiming way to the left or right? i'm losing my mind over this even though it's completely insignificant

  • @surpriseraisin5892
    @surpriseraisin5892 3 місяці тому

    How do I find that playlist? Haha

  • @Spikedog777
    @Spikedog777 3 місяці тому +5

    STEEL VAGINA STEEL VAGINA

  • @mikeloss8194
    @mikeloss8194 3 місяці тому

    5:06

  • @lityfity4197
    @lityfity4197 6 місяців тому +4

    bwuhj

  • @blupee4483
    @blupee4483 2 місяці тому

    1:18:45

  • @ChancioGames
    @ChancioGames Місяць тому

    2:08:49 😂

  • @myriadpro1641
    @myriadpro1641 6 місяців тому +5

    Hahia poopy streamer

    • @jacobkrakowski
      @jacobkrakowski 6 місяців тому +5

      No that's Vinesauce Joel silly.

  • @luxintelligentia4632
    @luxintelligentia4632 3 місяці тому

    Jerma is an idiot, but this one is just trying shit and finding out 😂 it would be awesome to see someone react to this who did knew what they were doing and they watch jerma just running in circles and laugh while holding stolen stuff in front of witnesses and police 😮😂😂

  • @ayelmao395
    @ayelmao395 4 місяці тому +1

    1:25:38 Pain.... if you know you know...

    • @xanderkhan7943
      @xanderkhan7943 2 місяці тому

      This is killing me!!!! Who's outro is this?? I can't for the life of me remember

    • @ayelmao395
      @ayelmao395 2 місяці тому

      @@xanderkhan7943 callmecarson, at least the one I was referring to

    • @bakugoushoe
      @bakugoushoe Місяць тому

      isn't it popular mmos?

  • @joshistheman36
    @joshistheman36 3 місяці тому +2

    Bro how can you run so many ads on this video?? For shame. Not your content.

  • @hevytheghost5233
    @hevytheghost5233 6 місяців тому +10

    Why did you decide to do a long edit for a 5 year old Jerma thief simulator stream now, instead of 5 years ago?

    • @kanyevest3246
      @kanyevest3246 6 місяців тому +23

      he didn’t start uploading until this year

    • @iCookCrystalMeth
      @iCookCrystalMeth 6 місяців тому +13

      yuh my name is kanye west i wear uh kanye vest cuz im dumb kanye best

    • @gwitch
      @gwitch 6 місяців тому +20

      i was unaware there was a time limit to these things

    • @batrachianbill9760
      @batrachianbill9760 6 місяців тому +44

      why did you post this comment 2 weeks ago instead of posting it 2 months ago when this video was released

    • @cdogthehedgehog6923
      @cdogthehedgehog6923 5 місяців тому +1

      ​@@batrachianbill9760 you killed them

  • @cessatiolux6250
    @cessatiolux6250 6 місяців тому +1

    This game is bad.

    • @Jarmey984
      @Jarmey984 6 місяців тому +12

      J🤤🤤🤤ema🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤😢

  • @slimaaconroy
    @slimaaconroy 8 місяців тому +16

    hope jerma stops streaming while high bc this sucked

    • @de-ment
      @de-ment 8 місяців тому +1

      on god high jerma sucks cause he's so anxious it's almost like self torture how bad he reacts to everything around him

    • @slimaaconroy
      @slimaaconroy 8 місяців тому +7

      @@de-ment this stream felt like you were watching your buddy crash out drunk and vomit on his shoes while crying

    • @sheildingepicness
      @sheildingepicness 7 місяців тому +99

      @@slimaaconroylamest commenter

    • @hautoa1513
      @hautoa1513 6 місяців тому +8

      ​@@slimaaconroythats peak tho

    • @Dami-ey2mu
      @Dami-ey2mu 6 місяців тому +1

      Okay let's see you stream then

  • @de-ment
    @de-ment 8 місяців тому +10

    worst jerma stream to date, the original short edit felt like an eternity anyhow

    • @wowbenwtf
      @wowbenwtf 8 місяців тому +69

      ??

    • @sheildingepicness
      @sheildingepicness 7 місяців тому +1

      Way to out yourself as a loser

    • @Dami-ey2mu
      @Dami-ey2mu 6 місяців тому +12

      Okay let's see you stream then

    • @de-ment
      @de-ment 6 місяців тому

      @@Dami-ey2mu on god mfs be malding HARD

    • @ron133.
      @ron133. 6 місяців тому +21

      Okay let's see you Jerm then

  • @tanmayv33
    @tanmayv33 3 місяці тому

    1:17:05