This is maby the most important insight i also learnd. We have nothing to lose form walking away from these predators because, what we are afraid of is all ready the reality!.
That was my "aha" moment, realizing this was an addiction. It was a realization of what the anxiety was a result of... inconsistent behaviors, never knowing what the moods would be, would i even receive a response. So much energy flowing into wondering what fresh hell would be revealed that day or what breadcrumbs i might be tossed. Fortunately, breaking habits is relatively easy for me once I logically decide I'm done. Lots of lessons learned. I like me... there is no requirement for anyone else to.
I'm struggling with this right now but I'm staying strong. I've never had this kind of emotional thinking with anyone like I have with a narcissist. Trauma bond is no joke too! Ugh It really is like a drug
You bring your progress, the hurt & the pain right back to the beginning & have to start all over again. It's not going to go the way you hope & pray. He will just find a way to hurt you if you do. Pick you mental health, your soul, your heart FIRST! It's a bitch, I know. You don't want the heartbreak or starting your journey all over again just for him to call you a name & tear your heart out of your chest. Pick you!! Call a friend, your mom, a sister! Tell them what you want to tell him. It will be another step forward for you & not 1,258 back.
For anyone out there who’s struggling with this here is what helped me personally: I made a logical list of the the main reasons I left this person (Yes in my case I was the one that escaped.) As soon as I feel like I’ve missed this person I recognize that I am not being rational and that I’m being fooled by my emotions that aren’t actually genuine but were rather implanted in me. If someone random on the street tries to abuse you in any way shape or form would you sit there and take it? Would you miss them after having abusing you? IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!! This is 100% an addiction that is toxic. And like all addictions you are getting something out of it but whatever thrill or companionship you are getting from it is NOT worth the pain that you’ll go through your whole life or until you are disposed of. And YES you have to reconcile yourself with reality and accept that a relationship with a narcissist has upsides otherwise you wouldn’t be there in the first place. There is psychological trauma on both YOUR part and the narcs part that makes both your psychological profiles match perfectly. Understand that you were conditioned, traumatized and shaped in such a way to be addicted to such people. Just like the narc was himself traumatized in a different way which made him the way he is. Like HG says it is a self defense mechanism born out of lack of control during childhood. You need to understand and TRANSCEND this entire dynamic. This is probably the hardest thing I have ever achieved but it is so worth it in the end. If you come out victorious, if you understand yourself and your weaknesses better, you will come out much stronger on the other end, and be a much more grounded person. No longer will you be exploitable. No longer will you fall for things like this because you know what your weaknesses are and how they are used against you. For my case, I was brought up in a moralizing environment that taught me to sacrifice myself for others. Altruism was engrained deep into me, and this was the perfectly fertile terrain for narcissists. This is a lot of work, you have to be willing to look into all the ways you were brainwashed and literally rewire yourself. 1- Do introspect on who you are and how you were brainwashed and perfectly prepped for the narcissist to literally eat you like a rotisserie chicken lmao 2- Do go through loneliness and do not just try to numb the pain with another relationship or 100 nightstands with random people all of this will make you only miss the narcissist even more 3- Be conscious of the mechanisms in which you were brainwashed into loving people who are ultimately bad for you. This isn’t normal!! 4- Lastly do not demonize the narcissist as much as you’d like to do so, it’s not in your best interest. By making them out to be this horrible figure you are giving them way too much importance and you are signaling to your brain that this is a life defining event in your life and it does not need to be.
Blocking also greatly reduces the anxiety when notifications ping on your phone. The power is back in your hands and you KNOW the notification is not a message from them because you took the power of their ping away. Haha 👊
I changed the ring and notification sound for him only, that way all other calls/texts don't cause me anxiety. I haven't fully blocked him because we have a child together.
I changed my phone number and deleted all social media.. 🙌 essentially I crumpled him up like a piece of paper and SWOOSH! INTO THE TRASH CAN HE GOES!! 😊😊😊
The simple answer to all the whys is: You're dealing with a narc. All the things he/she has put you through is the result of them being a narcissist. Once you know, you go. Get out, stay out. The only closure you'll ever get is: You were ensnared by a narcissist and that's all you need to know. The narcissist will not give closure or give answers that make any sense. This addiction will gradually fade. The first weeks are always the hardest.
" if they made a monster out of you because you walked away from their drama, so be it. Let them deal with what they have created. Be at peace with yourself, and stay out of conflict. " Dodinsky
I had zero desire to contact the narcissist once I ended it in March with him. He was the one who had to go. I never looked at his social media at any point. I blocked him on Facebook, blocked his number plus changed my number. I got rid of everything I came across that he left plus more.There was nothing to remember that was good. I am enjoying peace and quiet.
I am so happy for you. I haven't changed my number yet we are separated four months . We were "together" ten years. I know he is too proud so i am sure he will not contact me . After all he discarded me.
This should be taught in schools, churches and anywhere two or more gather. Online dating feeds right into this behavior. Tears of truth rings loud like church bell! Lost years in overcoming emotional thinking and seeking answers. HG, continue to share this and set people free!
It is crazy how accurate this is. I did something similar 7 hours ago and made a complete fool of myself. Wasn’t the first time but every time I am doing this I tell myself “this was the last time”. Let’s see for how long I can keep this promise this time... :( good luck everyone 💪🏻
@@hgtudor-theultra I have been considering this for a while indeed as I thought I could deal with this alone but I am starting to realize I can’t. I am hesitating a bit for 3 reasons... firstly I have too many things to say, secondly it only lasted for 2 months with him and I was only one of the IPSSs so I am angry at myself for being this weak... so many people can deal with this and move on after being in a marriage as an IPPS for years.... why can’t I do the same I wonder....and thirdly ... and you will probably like this .. I’m a bit scared of you :) Thank you for answering. I really appreciate it.
Write down all the crap the narc did to you or made you feel. When you feel weak and want to answer the narc, read this to remind yourself how crummy he was to you. Who needs that in one's life? Just take it day by day and the longer you are NC, you will have light bulb ah ha moments and the clarity of what he has put you thru will be surreal. You will go thru all the feelings of grief, anger and rage, feeling duped, sadness, etc...... just sit with those feelings and get thru the day, even minute by minute, like an addict. You've got this!
@@jiiikamon Everyone is different. It depends on the type of empath you are, your position in the fuel matrix and the school of narcissist you were ensnared by. Your ensnarement is affecting you negatively, this is what matters, not it’s duration. There is no need to be scared of HG. Every one who consults with him testifies to his professionalism, understanding and crucially, his effectiveness. As for “too many things to say”, we are empaths, concise isn’t what we are known for! HG reads and moderates us every day on his blog, he’s used to it!
@@purpleturtle7477 Thank you for your message and for the advice. I think one of the main problem is me because the things he is telling me are mainly projections...still I feel crap about myself after hearing those things. I hope that the bad experiences I had after every single interaction with him will stop me from contacting him in the future. For now I am determined...I even asked my colleague to break my hand if I ever happen to text him again. :)
It is so much like a drug (if I'd ever taken drugs...haha). The no contact is no joke. I wrote a list of all the lies so that when I started to reminisce, doubt myself, or miss him, I could go back to the truth for a dose of reality. It's really helped.
Michele, to understand more about your addiction to the narcissist, please follow this link. This package was the turning point for me and has kept me No Contact since listening to it. narcsite.com/2020/05/22/the-addiction-triple-package-4/
Theresa, Try 11 months of No Contact. My mind wants to reach out to My Ex Toxic Narc Girlfriend. Then I have to Slap it like slapping a Hand and saying No No. That's the Trauma Bond. Who Knew. Sometimes it makes you want to Cry just a Little.
If you were discarded, you may well feel that, which is sad because it's such a waste of emotional energy. But if you escaped, I think you’d more likely think, 'What a kn*b -- and what a wally I was to be taken in by that BSing creep, he's utterly repellent to me now.' In this instance, the narcissist is deluded in thinking you're pining and yearning and mooning around over them when actually you're not, and if you do think back to past times when you were with them, it's accompanied with thoughts of "Thank god that's all behind me." The narcissist can never entertain that you would think that tho, they will always be driven to believe you are worse off without them.
This is one of the reasons why I HATE the Good Morning Beautiful text. I always wonder when will it end? I know eventually I won’t be getting those texts anymore and it makes me sad. I’ve decided to tell anyone I date, do not send me a good morning text. I don’t like them. This makes sense. Narcs use the GM text to make you addicted to them.
It's is an addiction but also its a strong belief that there's good in everybody....its very hard to accept the whole thing was a facade ...and that there is no good in these people....as an empath I still always believe there's good in people and that plays on my mind...can I fix this person,,,there has to be a way ....its really hard to accept these things
I deleted the entire chat history and photos How the narc presented himself wasn’t real, so why romanticize a mirage, I blocked him & deleted his number. It’s like going behind the curtain at an amusement park & seeing all the sordid dirt & trash.
I can vouch for this. Giving in to your emotional thinking can result in ending up in a dark and emotional place where you no longer think clearly and undo a lot of hard work you have done
Even though you understand that it was pretend and make believe, it still felt GOOD. It was nice to feel something. And going back to nothing can make someone go back to the narcissist even after they realize it was all pretend. This entire mind f*** is something else. No, I won’t ever contact him again… but its still hard. Because now I’m back to feeling nothing again.
The thing you need to see. Is that it works the same way heroin does. First the junky feels the high, then comes the withdrawal symptoms, anxiety, self hatred and so on. It`s not just " good feelings" if it was so you would still be with the narcissist. It`s a mix where there is maby 2-3% good and 98% bad. In the " golden period" it is 100% good. Then the narcissist cuts down, and start to abuse, neglect and so on. But they always have a little mix of both to keep the codependent confused about reality. They also gaslight our minds so we lack the abillity to see reality for what it is. So when the victim starts to ruminate about " the good days", then the mind of the victim is distorting reality for what it is. The " good days" was never real but a fiction/illusion. And the person we cared for never existed.
Almost 5 years since I escaped , rejected the hoover after 3 years of silence. Nex said he still has dreams of me 🤮🤢I still struggle everyday of the need to contact and call nex out on the lying cheating and stealing . It got better over time but still have this residual effect . 🤐 no contact forever
All the above is bringing back the absolute hell ,hell ,hell I went through a couple years back ..As an empath it was the biggest form of torture iv probably experienced .And while he has hoovered me several times ..iv never let myself go back as I know I wouldn't survive a second round .But yes I still think.of him most days and how much I hate him.
This is well said. This has exactly been my experience. We're like a moth to the flame and because we have a healthy self-esteem and values we project them onto others. We want to extend an olive branch and help them and BOOM after following our emotional thinking we scorch ourselves all over again.
The Addiction package explains Emotional Thinking in detail. It provides a framework so that you can recognise emotional thinking at work in yourself so you can learn not to act on it. Similarly you can learn how to reduce it so that you don’t get scorched in future.narcsite.com/2020/05/22/the-addiction-triple-package-4/
I just found out about HG from Quora and been listening to his videos a couple of days now and everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks!! Three years I wasted on this person!! I can not believe or wrap my head around it. Obviously I’m doubg a lot of emotionally thinking and am addicted as hell but I’m starting to see clearer for every video I listen to. Thank you for doing this!!
It would just be more LIES- they will keep doing it to God knows how many, I've known the one that just discarded me a couple weeks ago since we were teenagers, found proof he had done that to someone a couple years back
As truthful as it is, I am stuck here in the emotional sea due to my emotional thinking. The blocking and unblocking of telephone numbers...... starting tomorrow I will train my mind to go NO CONTACT......
how is it going with the no contact? I am in disengagement phase, started no contact but I am breaching it because I look up his social media, block/unblock him regularly everywhere...
I wrote in a diary everything he said and did all the bad .I could look at it as a reminder of the pain and terror . Remember the bad ..... they don't change !!! Get a hobby stay busy and focused on your new life . Focus on healing your worth it .
HOLY ****!!! I’m on probably my 12th video now...and I used to believe I was so much smarter than to ever fall for any of this. After literally sitting here listening to him describe the last year of my life in the most disturbing detail, I am not only humbled but feel like the biggest idiot on the planet. I don’t know whether I love this guy or despise him. Despise. It’s definitely despise. I do however appreciate his brutal honesty about his own horrific behavior so that us empaths have some sort of chance. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Never Heather, You are certainly not alone. The world is full of good people who did not want to end-up with the likes of a Narcissist in there life's,
This is how i talk to myself when I think maybe I wanna break no contact... "You're being really pathetic and desperate right now!!" I can't stoop to that level anymore. It's done!!
You are not the pathetic one, they are, shallow pathetic shells who will never be happy, try and remember a time when people couldn't get you to do anything you didn't want to, I realized I needed to reestablish my boundaries, they hate them, I never had any problem with narcissists when I maintained and held my boundaries, I wish you all the best
Yes, HG is right we are remaining adicted to them to the narcisists we once loved, actually we are still loving them. And we know we need to keep the no contact regime but it is very hard...We know how much pain they caused to us but still we are connected to them or else, we are adicted. So we need to treat this adiction and move away.
I must say I have emotional thinking. I thought I went no contact. But now I realize I haven’t. I’m just not responding to any of his emails. I have to block him. Thank you HG
Good start. Is it total no contact? Are you staying out of the five arenas? If you need help bolstering your No Contact Regime, consult with me and I will help you.
Did this yesterday after 21 days of no contact I called the narcissist, I'm so angry at myself for this act. Lord help me never to do this again. I ddnt unblock him but after that call yesterday I deleted all his three numbers unfortunately I still know 1 by heart. I just made a fool of myself he just talked casually and kept on laughing for I don't know why
@@hgtudor-theultra He had a wife of 16 years and three children. I kept him at arm's length and refused his advances because of this, he divorced her, she moved with kiddos. He did this to prove he was.....genuine. I moved in with him. I caved. I submitted my all..How could I not? Can you even imagine how much he believes I OWE him? I think it's hard now..ppppfffttt! I'm scared of what will happen now that I've decided to get ghost.
Yes, go no contact. HG said that the narc will not be thinking of you at all but that is not true if you are the one who left the narc high and dry. The narc has lost total control of you if you discard him first. He will try to get you back to "punish" you. If you stay NC, he will feel powerless, frustrated, angry (rage) and will think of you a lot, trying to manipulate you into contact. Just go NC and get on with your amazing life, narc free.
It’s as if we’ve self crucified, replacing our crowns with the crown of thorns. Turning into Stone Temples being dominated by the narcissists. While the “Pilots” roam about sealing_stoning as many temples as they can. To the GOOD fight. ❤️ Thank you HG, for this message. It’s been my greatest battle to conquer. Studying my ancestors , Robert the Bruce being one, his history lives on within this one, right here.
There is no way I will contact him but ET is there...ET is what makes me up as narcissism makes you up...can you change? No, you are wired this way...can I change? Don't know, it feels I'm wired this way and I can't... I am losing the hope that I will be able to get him out of my mind... I know listening to these videos feeds my addiction too...I don't want anything related to him including these videos but there you go 🤦🏻♀️ addiction is so strong...as you say it is like a drug...😒
This is the starting point to feeling better. narcsite.com/2020/05/22/the-addiction-triple-package-4/ When your Emotional Thinking falls you will see things differently.
Yea he had to beat me up and break bones in my face for me to break that trauma bond it's been 38 days of no contact on my end..he has reached out multiple times,with no reaction from me..ever his new supply has reached out(ignored)..cant believe he hasn't been arrested...so sad..
Scorpio male ♏️ 🙄 thought you said narcissist can't feel emotions 🤔 so it would be like me going too talk too the dump truck about my love life or my aches and heartbreaks!🤯👌🤣🤪
I should not write that I loved him. It was the narcissistic attachmentI did not know what I was dealing with I didn't know what was going on I was very naive. I know what I'm dealing with now I'm not naive anymore
Wasted yrs trying to get him back, get answers, letting him use me in hopes of something, blocking/unblocking him. When the sex got bad, I saw who he was with- I quit that. When his txts were all the same- I got disgusted with his lack of intelligence. But-😕I still have the need to send hate txts or laugh at him. I just can't kick this one!!!
It might not feel like it, but this is your ET at work, feeding your addiction by prompting continued interaction with the narcissist. Shore up your No Contact, reduce your ET, then you can move on to a healthy relationship with a non narcissist.
I know I told you this before the grandbaby is really his baby.in other words even the daughter-in-law.I know greater narcissist are rare but he absolutely is I am very smart and you have taught me what I'm dealing with.he is a rarity he works as an undercover private investigator that used to work prostitution and terrorism I have to keep myself very safe from this man.God had warned me much before I met him I'm very happy to be away from him but I am nervous some of the future but we'll start with not taking the money when that day comes for I'm sure it will come again and I'm not looking forward to it but I'm safe for the time being
I just remembered when I confronted my ex N about his cheating, that described his feeling of being on drugs with the new supply. I now wonder if he has met a narcissist also.
Its hard cause of my child so im doing grey rock to the best of my ability....Me emotional thinking is tied to my child, other than that, they would've never heard from me again...Trying to master if.
Joey, this package has proved invaluable to those having to co parent whilst maintaining No Contact and reducing ET. narcsite.com/2020/11/26/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist-27/
I don’t feel addicted to it. When I see proof he lied I use that for the closure he didn’t give me and I just obsess over it until I stop loving him. I am not that terrible at falling out of love- it’s falling in it I have trouble with apparently.
675 dollars then showed up to lie to lie to be exact and to try to touch me and kiss me which he is not allowedit was heart-wrenching for me because I really loved this man that's married and has thousands of other women. I got away and I'm free again start over really start where I was which was I was doing fine I didn't lose too much here in school day and night rt now
HG what happens when you are a disobedient target. I fell for the love bombing but when the devaluation happened, I ghosted him, ignored him and was completely unreliable. I just wanted to throw quiet spanners in the works, because I just hated it so much. I was not needy I was the opposite, I just wanted to keep running away. What happens to a narcissist in a situation like this?
HG what can I do to get rid of this feeling, I have a no contact regime in place I have written on stickers that the narcissist no longer exists I have every where in my house, but this feeling is just disgusting.
I contacted my x narc a few times giving him repeated narcissistic injuries. Because I was so upset,and still am.. Every day I'm asking GOD to help me walk in forgiveness...My x did so many evil things to me and my kids,I wanted to put him six feet deep. But I'll let GODs vengeance take it's course.. GODs vengeance will be better then mines anyways
Bl@@dy emotional thinking 😤 Maybe it could help to make a list of all the negative things experienced & keep it ready to be read and reread if necessary 💱🖤📓
Well done on turning the other way. The bad thoughts are inevitable because seeing the narcissist caused a spike in your emotional thinking. Resume no contact and drive down your ET. If you require help with kicking the narcissist out of your head, consult with me and I will enable you to do it.
@@hgtudor-theultra Not sure if you will see this, but I resumed no contact and as you said my ET went back to low! Although there is something that still bugs me, I might contact you
I feel way better I can do the no-contact I am much better without him around but when the money starts being left at the cat sites I am I leaving it there I assume I should know the answer is yes leave the hundreds of dollars that he leaves there because that is what caused him coming around is me accepting money from the cat sites that he was leaving then he finally showed up and it was not good none of it was good it was all horrible the few times I saw him it was horrible for me all he did was lie and lie and lie
The loneliness of being single is infinitely better than the loneliness of being with a narcissist.
100%Correct
Preach!
This is maby the most important insight i also learnd. We have nothing to lose form walking away from these predators because, what we are afraid of is all ready the reality!.
Well said
👍👍👍👍
That was my "aha" moment, realizing this was an addiction. It was a realization of what the anxiety was a result of... inconsistent behaviors, never knowing what the moods would be, would i even receive a response. So much energy flowing into wondering what fresh hell would be revealed that day or what breadcrumbs i might be tossed. Fortunately, breaking habits is relatively easy for me once I logically decide I'm done. Lots of lessons learned. I like me... there is no requirement for anyone else to.
My aha moment came about 3 am, and it was I need and must reestablish my boundaries,
It's also called a "trauma bond"
When your mind clears you'll see the hollowness and flaws in even the " goodtimes " .
White Cat,
I Love the Way that You Think. Yes that's all they gave us a lot of empty Nothings.
I'm struggling with this right now but I'm staying strong. I've never had this kind of emotional thinking with anyone like I have with a narcissist. Trauma bond is no joke too! Ugh
It really is like a drug
Stray strong. Please, it,s only getting worse...
Know your value. They are skin suits.
It was all an act
You bring your progress, the hurt & the pain right back to the beginning & have to start all over again. It's not going to go the way you hope & pray. He will just find a way to hurt you if you do. Pick you mental health, your soul, your heart FIRST! It's a bitch, I know. You don't want the heartbreak or starting your journey all over again just for him to call you a name & tear your heart out of your chest. Pick you!! Call a friend, your mom, a sister! Tell them what you want to tell him. It will be another step forward for you & not 1,258 back.
@Neringa use this gum.co/AQxMd
For anyone out there who’s struggling with this here is what helped me personally: I made a logical list of the the main reasons I left this person (Yes in my case I was the one that escaped.) As soon as I feel like I’ve missed this person I recognize that I am not being rational and that I’m being fooled by my emotions that aren’t actually genuine but were rather implanted in me.
If someone random on the street tries to abuse you in any way shape or form would you sit there and take it? Would you miss them after having abusing you? IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!!
This is 100% an addiction that is toxic. And like all addictions you are getting something out of it but whatever thrill or companionship you are getting from it is NOT worth the pain that you’ll go through your whole life or until you are disposed of.
And YES you have to reconcile yourself with reality and accept that a relationship with a narcissist has upsides otherwise you wouldn’t be there in the first place. There is psychological trauma on both YOUR part and the narcs part that makes both your psychological profiles match perfectly. Understand that you were conditioned, traumatized and shaped in such a way to be addicted to such people. Just like the narc was himself traumatized in a different way which made him the way he is. Like HG says it is a self defense mechanism born out of lack of control during childhood. You need to understand and TRANSCEND this entire dynamic.
This is probably the hardest thing I have ever achieved but it is so worth it in the end. If you come out victorious, if you understand yourself and your weaknesses better, you will come out much stronger on the other end, and be a much more grounded person. No longer will you be exploitable. No longer will you fall for things like this because you know what your weaknesses are and how they are used against you.
For my case, I was brought up in a moralizing environment that taught me to sacrifice myself for others. Altruism was engrained deep into me, and this was the perfectly fertile terrain for narcissists.
This is a lot of work, you have to be willing to look into all the ways you were brainwashed and literally rewire yourself.
1- Do introspect on who you are and how you were brainwashed and perfectly prepped for the narcissist to literally eat you like a rotisserie chicken lmao
2- Do go through loneliness and do not just try to numb the pain with another relationship or 100 nightstands with random people all of this will make you only miss the narcissist even more
3- Be conscious of the mechanisms in which you were brainwashed into loving people who are ultimately bad for you. This isn’t normal!!
4- Lastly do not demonize the narcissist as much as you’d like to do so, it’s not in your best interest. By making them out to be this horrible figure you are giving them way too much importance and you are signaling to your brain that this is a life defining event in your life and it does not need to be.
Very good and true!
In a way, I get my fix by watching these videos.
After a 3.5 year relationship, ended i manage to find your work 4 months into total no contact and im grateful i did. Once out, stay out.
Blocking also greatly reduces the anxiety when notifications ping on your phone. The power is back in your hands and you KNOW the notification is not a message from them because you took the power of their ping away. Haha 👊
I changed the ring and notification sound for him only, that way all other calls/texts don't cause me anxiety. I haven't fully blocked him because we have a child together.
I changed my phone number and deleted all social media.. 🙌 essentially I crumpled him up like a piece of paper and SWOOSH! INTO THE TRASH CAN HE GOES!! 😊😊😊
I get chills/scared when I see his number
The simple answer to all the whys is: You're dealing with a narc. All the things he/she has put you through is the result of them being a narcissist. Once you know, you go. Get out, stay out. The only closure you'll ever get is: You were ensnared by a narcissist and that's all you need to know. The narcissist will not give closure or give answers that make any sense. This addiction will gradually fade. The first weeks are always the hardest.
What if there is no place to go. I am financially broke
" if they made a monster out of you because you walked away from their drama, so be it. Let them deal with what they have created. Be at peace with yourself, and stay out of conflict. " Dodinsky
I had zero desire to contact the narcissist once I ended it in March with him. He was the one who had to go. I never looked at his social media at any point. I blocked him on Facebook, blocked his number plus changed my number. I got rid of everything I came across that he left plus more.There was nothing to remember that was good. I am enjoying peace and quiet.
Well done.
@@hgtudor-theultra Thank you. It was necessary of course.
Good work 👏👏👏
I am so happy for you. I haven't changed my number yet we are separated four months . We were "together" ten years. I know he is too proud so i am sure he will not contact me . After all he discarded me.
It's the only way 👍😁 why would you wanna hurt yourself even more..... Get out stay out , purge and lesson learnt 💥
This should be taught in schools, churches and anywhere two or more gather. Online dating feeds right into this behavior. Tears of truth rings loud like church bell! Lost years in overcoming emotional thinking and seeking answers. HG, continue to share this and set people free!
It is crazy how accurate this is. I did something similar 7 hours ago and made a complete fool of myself. Wasn’t the first time but every time I am doing this I tell myself “this was the last time”. Let’s see for how long I can keep this promise this time... :( good luck everyone 💪🏻
May I suggest you organise to consult with me and I will give you the tools to say it is the last time and stick to it.
@@hgtudor-theultra I have been considering this for a while indeed as I thought I could deal with this alone but I am starting to realize I can’t. I am hesitating a bit for 3 reasons... firstly I have too many things to say, secondly it only lasted for 2 months with him and I was only one of the IPSSs so I am angry at myself for being this weak... so many people can deal with this and move on after being in a marriage as an IPPS for years.... why can’t I do the same I wonder....and thirdly ... and you will probably like this .. I’m a bit scared of you :) Thank you for answering. I really appreciate it.
Write down all the crap the narc did to you or made you feel. When you feel weak and want to answer the narc, read this to remind yourself how crummy he was to you. Who needs that in one's life? Just take it day by day and the longer you are NC, you will have light bulb ah ha moments and the clarity of what he has put you thru will be surreal. You will go thru all the feelings of grief, anger and rage, feeling duped, sadness, etc...... just sit with those feelings and get thru the day, even minute by minute, like an addict. You've got this!
@@jiiikamon Everyone is different. It depends on the type of empath you are, your position in the fuel matrix and the school of narcissist you were ensnared by. Your ensnarement is affecting you negatively, this is what matters, not it’s duration. There is no need to be scared of HG. Every one who consults with him testifies to his professionalism, understanding and crucially, his effectiveness. As for “too many things to say”, we are empaths, concise isn’t what we are known for! HG reads and moderates us every day on his blog, he’s used to it!
@@purpleturtle7477 Thank you for your message and for the advice. I think one of the main problem is me because the things he is telling me are mainly projections...still I feel crap about myself after hearing those things. I hope that the bad experiences I had after every single interaction with him will stop me from contacting him in the future. For now I am determined...I even asked my colleague to break my hand if I ever happen to text him again. :)
It is so much like a drug (if I'd ever taken drugs...haha). The no contact is no joke. I wrote a list of all the lies so that when I started to reminisce, doubt myself, or miss him, I could go back to the truth for a dose of reality. It's really helped.
This was beautifully sad… and so accurate. Scary how accurate. Today has been a particularly hard day.
I’ve had many addictions but none more powerful than the narcissist. Huge eye opening.
Thank you for this. So much. The little gestures.....trauma bond daily trying to no contact
It, s hard. But where all in this together. Stay strong Please..
Michele, to understand more about your addiction to the narcissist, please follow this link. This package was the turning point for me and has kept me No Contact since listening to it. narcsite.com/2020/05/22/the-addiction-triple-package-4/
Not fucking wrong mate!!
It’s like trying to give up cigarettes, absolutely fucked!
Me too! Feel you sister!
Theresa, Try 11 months of No Contact. My mind wants to reach out to My Ex Toxic Narc Girlfriend. Then I have to Slap it like slapping a Hand and saying No No. That's the Trauma Bond. Who Knew. Sometimes it makes you want to Cry just a Little.
If you were discarded, you may well feel that, which is sad because it's such a waste of emotional energy. But if you escaped, I think you’d more likely think, 'What a kn*b -- and what a wally I was to be taken in by that BSing creep, he's utterly repellent to me now.' In this instance, the narcissist is deluded in thinking you're pining and yearning and mooning around over them when actually you're not, and if you do think back to past times when you were with them, it's accompanied with thoughts of "Thank god that's all behind me." The narcissist can never entertain that you would think that tho, they will always be driven to believe you are worse off without them.
This is one of the reasons why I HATE the Good Morning Beautiful text. I always wonder when will it end? I know eventually I won’t be getting those texts anymore and it makes me sad. I’ve decided to tell anyone I date, do not send me a good morning text. I don’t like them. This makes sense. Narcs use the GM text to make you addicted to them.
They’re a bit much. I love love, but don’t want to be overboard....
Yes, emotional thinking is what keeps me f@#ed up! I recognize it now. Thank you
Thank you, HG. I need to listen to this on constant replay. The addiction is incessant and relentless. 😢
It's is an addiction but also its a strong belief that there's good in everybody....its very hard to accept the whole thing was a facade ...and that there is no good in these people....as an empath I still always believe there's good in people and that plays on my mind...can I fix this person,,,there has to be a way ....its really hard to accept these things
I deleted the entire chat history and photos How the narc presented himself wasn’t real, so why romanticize a mirage,
I blocked him & deleted his number.
It’s like going behind the curtain at an amusement park & seeing all the sordid dirt & trash.
You hit the nail on the head HG.
Indeed.
I can vouch for this. Giving in to your emotional thinking can result in ending up in a dark and emotional place where you no longer think clearly and undo a lot of hard work you have done
Right on the Money. Diane. Correct.
Stay strong... Walk and keep walking.
Even though you understand that it was pretend and make believe, it still felt GOOD. It was nice to feel something. And going back to nothing can make someone go back to the narcissist even after they realize it was all pretend. This entire mind f*** is something else. No, I won’t ever contact him again… but its still hard. Because now I’m back to feeling nothing again.
The thing you need to see. Is that it works the same way heroin does. First the junky feels the high, then comes the withdrawal symptoms, anxiety, self hatred and so on. It`s not just " good feelings" if it was so you would still be with the narcissist. It`s a mix where there is maby 2-3% good and 98% bad. In the " golden period" it is 100% good. Then the narcissist cuts down, and start to abuse, neglect and so on. But they always have a little mix of both to keep the codependent confused about reality. They also gaslight our minds so we lack the abillity to see reality for what it is. So when the victim starts to ruminate about " the good days", then the mind of the victim is distorting reality for what it is. The " good days" was never real but a fiction/illusion. And the person we cared for never existed.
Almost 5 years since I escaped , rejected the hoover after 3 years of silence. Nex said he still has dreams of me 🤮🤢I still struggle everyday of the need to contact and call nex out on the lying cheating and stealing . It got better over time but still have this residual effect . 🤐 no contact forever
All the above is bringing back the absolute hell ,hell ,hell I went through a couple years back ..As an empath it was the biggest form of torture iv probably experienced .And while he has hoovered me several times ..iv never let myself go back as I know I wouldn't survive a second round .But yes I still think.of him most days and how much I hate him.
This is well said. This has exactly been my experience. We're like a moth to the flame and because we have a healthy self-esteem and values we project them onto others. We want to extend an olive branch and help them and BOOM after following our emotional thinking we scorch ourselves all over again.
The Addiction package explains Emotional Thinking in detail. It provides a framework so that you can recognise emotional thinking at work in yourself so you can learn not to act on it. Similarly you can learn how to reduce it so that you don’t get scorched in future.narcsite.com/2020/05/22/the-addiction-triple-package-4/
I just found out about HG from Quora and been listening to his videos a couple of days now and everything is hitting me like a ton of bricks!! Three years I wasted on this person!! I can not believe or wrap my head around it. Obviously I’m doubg a lot of emotionally thinking and am addicted as hell but I’m starting to see clearer for every video I listen to. Thank you for doing this!!
I looked up HG on Google when I first started listening to his tutorials. I think Google is biased.
I believe this may be the most profound piece on this channel to date.
It would just be more LIES- they will keep doing it to God knows how many, I've known the one that just discarded me a couple weeks ago since we were teenagers, found proof he had done that to someone a couple years back
@@mine176p lived this life. Totally get it.
As truthful as it is, I am stuck here in the emotional sea due to my emotional thinking. The blocking and unblocking of telephone numbers...... starting tomorrow I will train my mind to go NO CONTACT......
Use this gum.co/AQxMd
Omgoodness yess..I have blocked and unblocked so many times...WOW
how is it going with the no contact? I am in disengagement phase, started no contact but I am breaching it because I look up his social media, block/unblock him regularly everywhere...
I am in tears right now again. All is being described is truly hurtful.
Did the no contact thing when my ex-boyfriend replaced me and haven’t looked back. They deserve each other and I’m happy and free. 😄 Thanks HG!!
It is a daily struggle to not contact her. The void she left is horrible.
going through the same...
I wrote in a diary everything he said and did all the bad .I could look at it as a reminder of the pain and terror . Remember the bad ..... they don't change !!! Get a hobby stay busy and focused on your new life . Focus on healing your worth it .
HOLY ****!!! I’m on probably my 12th video now...and I used to believe I was so much smarter than to ever fall for any of this. After literally sitting here listening to him describe the last year of my life in the most disturbing detail, I am not only humbled but feel like the biggest idiot on the planet.
I don’t know whether I love this guy or despise him. Despise. It’s definitely despise. I do however appreciate his brutal honesty about his own horrific behavior so that us empaths have some sort of chance.
🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
Never Heather, You are certainly not alone. The world is full of good people who did not want to end-up with the likes of a Narcissist in there life's,
This is how i talk to myself when I think maybe I wanna break no contact...
"You're being really pathetic and desperate right now!!"
I can't stoop to that level anymore. It's done!!
Stealing this, thanks.
I feel you Kelly, I'm done, done!! He can kick rocks, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.
You are not the pathetic one, they are, shallow pathetic shells who will never be happy, try and remember a time when people couldn't get you to do anything you didn't want to, I realized I needed to reestablish my boundaries, they hate them, I never had any problem with narcissists when I maintained and held my boundaries, I wish you all the best
HG, Your descriptions trigger my emotional thinking sometimes . 🙌🏻
Yes, HG is right we are remaining adicted to them to the narcisists we once loved, actually we are still loving them. And we know we need to keep the no contact regime but it is very hard...We know how much pain they caused to us but still we are connected to them or else, we are adicted. So we need to treat this adiction and move away.
Thanks again HG. I will pretend he never existed & it never happened. It's the only way.
I must say I have emotional thinking. I thought I went no contact. But now I realize I haven’t. I’m just not responding to any of his emails. I have to block him. Thank you HG
Timely. Thanks HG.
You are welcome.
One week no contact..it's a daily struggle ...but i don't want to call ..just want to feel better believe me
Good start. Is it total no contact? Are you staying out of the five arenas? If you need help bolstering your No Contact Regime, consult with me and I will help you.
Did this yesterday after 21 days of no contact I called the narcissist, I'm so angry at myself for this act. Lord help me never to do this again. I ddnt unblock him but after that call yesterday I deleted all his three numbers unfortunately I still know 1 by heart. I just made a fool of myself he just talked casually and kept on laughing for I don't know why
I like theses videos, learning so much about people in general
I'm going no contact..screw it
Once you know get out. Stay out. No contact
Well done. Make sure it is a total no contact regime.
@@hgtudor-theultra He had a wife of 16 years and three children. I kept him at arm's length and refused his advances because of this, he divorced her, she moved with kiddos. He did this to prove he was.....genuine. I moved in with him. I caved. I submitted my all..How could I not? Can you even imagine how much he believes I OWE him? I think it's hard now..ppppfffttt! I'm scared of what will happen now that I've decided to get ghost.
Yes, go no contact. HG said that the narc will not be thinking of you at all but that is not true if you are the one who left the narc high and dry. The narc has lost total control of you if you discard him first. He will try to get you back to "punish" you. If you stay NC, he will feel powerless, frustrated, angry (rage) and will think of you a lot, trying to manipulate you into contact. Just go NC and get on with your amazing life, narc free.
It’s as if we’ve self crucified, replacing our crowns with the crown of thorns. Turning into Stone Temples being dominated by the narcissists. While the “Pilots” roam about sealing_stoning as many temples as they can.
To the GOOD fight. ❤️
Thank you HG, for this message. It’s been my greatest battle to conquer.
Studying my ancestors , Robert the Bruce being one, his history lives on within this one, right here.
I thought I was a unicorn but you described exactly how I feel. Please tell me it gets better?
There is no way I will contact him but ET is there...ET is what makes me up as narcissism makes you up...can you change? No, you are wired this way...can I change? Don't know, it feels I'm wired this way and I can't... I am losing the hope that I will be able to get him out of my mind... I know listening to these videos feeds my addiction too...I don't want anything related to him including these videos but there you go 🤦🏻♀️ addiction is so strong...as you say it is like a drug...😒
This is the starting point to feeling better. narcsite.com/2020/05/22/the-addiction-triple-package-4/
When your Emotional Thinking falls you will see things differently.
Yea he had to beat me up and break bones in my face for me to break that trauma bond it's been 38 days of no contact on my end..he has reached out multiple times,with no reaction from me..ever his new supply has reached out(ignored)..cant believe he hasn't been arrested...so sad..
That’s totally fucked mate!
I hope you are ok!
SO EMOTIONAL THINKING IS A WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOM IN THE EMPATH..
I had no desire left for the narc, just truth seeking.
Been separated from the ex wife for 4 years now. She still hoovers and till only now have I realised fully what is happening
Scorpio male ♏️ 🙄 thought you said narcissist can't feel emotions 🤔 so it would be like me going too talk too the dump truck about my love life or my aches and heartbreaks!🤯👌🤣🤪
Prefect timing.
I should not write that I loved him. It was the narcissistic attachmentI did not know what I was dealing with I didn't know what was going on I was very naive. I know what I'm dealing with now I'm not naive anymore
8 month no contact ...I can't get him out of my head
Use this gum.co/AQxMd
Try 8 years 💔😢
I CONTACTED MY X MR NARKY.. AND HE CHEWED ME UP AND SPIT ME OUT...AGAIN.. HE CLAIMS HE NEVER ABUSED ME. HE DID NOTHING WRONG.
Wasted yrs trying to get him back, get answers, letting him use me in hopes of something, blocking/unblocking him. When the sex got bad, I saw who he was with- I quit that. When his txts were all the same- I got disgusted with his lack of intelligence. But-😕I still have the need to send hate txts or laugh at him. I just can't kick this one!!!
It might not feel like it, but this is your ET at work, feeding your addiction by prompting continued interaction with the narcissist. Shore up your No Contact, reduce your ET, then you can move on to a healthy relationship with a non narcissist.
Self manipulation.. be strong .. let evil be gone
HG. Thank you..
Excellent
Dude She had a ring on her insta gram. Im so fucking pissed... hahaha God speed HG Tudor.
Reason to block completely using the phone carrier account block setting's feature and NOT the device's settings.
Yess because even tho I block..I can still SEE.....and I do go in and look..and eventually unblock it
Yep, emotionel feelings, i thougt. Everyone has emotionel feelings. I didn,t even no. Wat a narcist was. Now i now what a narcist is. .........
It is more than knowing, you have to implement a solid and robust no contact regime.
@Mary Carroll Thank you very much. God bless you...
@@hgtudor-theultra thanks
I know I told you this before the grandbaby is really his baby.in other words even the daughter-in-law.I know greater narcissist are rare but he absolutely is I am very smart and you have taught me what I'm dealing with.he is a rarity he works as an undercover private investigator that used to work prostitution and terrorism I have to keep myself very safe from this man.God had warned me much before I met him I'm very happy to be away from him but I am nervous some of the future but we'll start with not taking the money when that day comes for I'm sure it will come again and I'm not looking forward to it but I'm safe for the time being
Ouch...it really hurts..
I just remembered when I confronted my ex N about his cheating, that described his feeling of being on drugs with the new supply. I now wonder if he has met a narcissist also.
Its hard cause of my child so im doing grey rock to the best of my ability....Me emotional thinking is tied to my child, other than that, they would've never heard from me again...Trying to master if.
Joey, this package has proved invaluable to those having to co parent whilst maintaining No Contact and reducing ET. narcsite.com/2020/11/26/how-to-co-parent-with-a-narcissist-27/
I'm struggling with no contact 😪
same...
I like that metallic mousetrap.
I don’t feel addicted to it. When I see proof he lied I use that for the closure he didn’t give me and I just obsess over it until I stop loving him. I am not that terrible at falling out of love- it’s falling in it I have trouble with apparently.
He simply will not stop....I've changed my number ..many times...he finds me ..
675 dollars then showed up to lie to lie to be exact and to try to touch me and kiss me which he is not allowedit was heart-wrenching for me because I really loved this man that's married and has thousands of other women. I got away and I'm free again start over really start where I was which was I was doing fine I didn't lose too much here in school day and night rt now
HG what happens when you are a disobedient target. I fell for the love bombing but when the devaluation happened, I ghosted him, ignored him and was completely unreliable. I just wanted to throw quiet spanners in the works, because I just hated it so much. I was not needy I was the opposite, I just wanted to keep running away. What happens to a narcissist in a situation like this?
HG what can I do to get rid of this feeling, I have a no contact regime in place I have written on stickers that the narcissist no longer exists I have every where in my house, but this feeling is just disgusting.
Fighting this tonight wtfffffffff
😆😆😆
I don't need to punch him. I don't need to punch him. 😆😆😆
🤦🏻♀🤦🏻♀🤦🏻♀
Peter hitchens the politician is mr tudor i think thats what scooby doo told me anyway.
I contacted my x narc a few times giving him repeated narcissistic injuries. Because I was so upset,and still am.. Every day I'm asking GOD to help me walk in forgiveness...My x did so many evil things to me and my kids,I wanted to put him six feet deep. But I'll let GODs vengeance take it's course.. GODs vengeance will be better then mines anyways
Bl@@dy emotional thinking 😤
Maybe it could help to make a list of all the negative things experienced & keep it ready to be read and reread if necessary 💱🖤📓
That is the trap that he will always come use is to leave me money
Researching. They make you throw up.
I ran into the narc after months of no contact, I turn the other way and left but seeing him brought bad feelings again. What to do?
Well done on turning the other way. The bad thoughts are inevitable because seeing the narcissist caused a spike in your emotional thinking. Resume no contact and drive down your ET. If you require help with kicking the narcissist out of your head, consult with me and I will enable you to do it.
Your turning away caused him a narc injury. Good job!
@@purpleturtle7477 No, I don't think he saw me
@@hgtudor-theultra Not sure if you will see this, but I resumed no contact and as you said my ET went back to low! Although there is something that still bugs me, I might contact you
I feel way better I can do the no-contact I am much better without him around but when the money starts being left at the cat sites I am I leaving it there I assume I should know the answer is yes leave the hundreds of dollars that he leaves there because that is what caused him coming around is me accepting money from the cat sites that he was leaving then he finally showed up and it was not good none of it was good it was all horrible the few times I saw him it was horrible for me all he did was lie and lie and lie
They are stuck, waiting on normals.
😥
And why shouldn't the Empath want to crush the Narcissist??? That makes US a NARCISSIST??? FUCK THAT.
QED.
@@hgtudor-theultra did you just Q me???
What if he is rich and u need money
Is decapitation breaching the no contact thingy let me know will you pal .
💯💯💯
With all due respect, this doesnt apply to me.
Gosh, this is hard to listen to...
Um...
😩😩😩 guilty
❤️🔥
Creepy
Is not pain that I feel. I miss the adrenaline he give me when you are in touch.
Yesss
They are a drug