Impact of Narcissistic Abuse: Anhedonia
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- Опубліковано 4 лют 2024
- Anhedonia refers to the inability to experience pleasure in activities and experiences that would be considered to be enjoyable for most people. There’s also a difficulty finding pleasure, finding motivation or feeling an anticipation even towards things they once enjoyed, or events most other people would look forward to.
More than feeling bored with things from time to time, it can be a complex and multifaceted symptom often associated with depression and its presence can vary in intensity and duration from person to person.
This video looks at some of the links between exposure to long term narcissistic abuse and anhedonia.
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti....
#anhedonia #narcissisticabuse #mentalhealth
If the narcisist has destroyed almost all of your relationships and is stalking you, even on holiday, smearing your name, harassing you by engaging multiple agents on many different fronts - including legal threats and intimidation, it is hard to leave your home or pick up the phone without anxiety and the fact that we can survive such conditions is a miracle. Thank you for your help and support Darren🙏
It's one of the hardest things I've been through thus far...
Narcs are all that is bad .
They will destroy you.
They have no other mission.
Their children have been taught by them , to undervalue themselves from day one.
That's why the victims of narcissistic abuse find it almost impossible to enjoy life as they should have been able to.
They have been demeaned by their tormentor for all their lives.
The scary part is that you don't see yourself slipping away until you are free and realized how great it is to have it back.
After my Son died I noticed nothing felt enjoyable or lifted me mentally for awhile. Then covid hit all of us.I found it a necessity in order to survive to create comfort , it is always ongoing aid. Whether it be a cozy bed and bedside table with special water and cool mist or my fireplace in the morning with coffee.
Those small things sustain me. Fortunately my parents modeled self care. But most people I can't be around anymore. But I'm glad you brought this up because being numb and in pain where nothing matters anymore is not a good state to live in. It starts with appreciating a nice glass of water. A white clean sheet on your bed and prayer. 🙏❤️🙏Thank you Darren Magee.
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The United States needs stronger libel by slander laws, as well as cyberstalking and new classifications of restraining orders to protect innocent people from Narcissists
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@justChristine, ~ So sorry for the loss of your son 💔 The items of comfort you mention are really important, and a true gift to our body, mind and spirit when we recognize it. Blessings 🙏
Five years separated after 30 years of a narcissistic marriage I find myself healing and enjoying life. More so. Sometimes I feel I’m rushing to catch up on missed years of joy. Thank you for your wisdom
Same here. 3 yrs out of 30 yr covert narc relationship. This is helpful as is understanding echoists. I find there’s a small cloud of doom above me,usually pertaining to things she said I was worthless with, but healing here. Each day. Happy for you.
So happy for you. Sometimes I think we men are more susceptible to getting sucked in because we have a weakness haha
@@Gettingback997 true. But the narc plays off our need to provide and not complain. They even condition us over time to expect less/nothing while we give and provide/protect. It’s a slow process but they never stop and use our inherent biology to enrich themselves and enslave us. Think parasites and host.
This describes me exactly. My mother, father, stepmother, and oldest sister were all my narcissistic abusers. I’m 62 years old and have been in therapy for the last several months. Thanks for this video. It has given me some insight.
There are two types of victims of narcissistic abuse: those who have actually seen the demon that lives inside them, and those who have not yet.
Demon is the word
Can you expand please.i ve seen it but it made no difference .i ve seen the stare .the change in voice and way of talking .saw a dark shadow twice. How does it make any difference though .if anything it buffles uou on where to place blame
I have found psychotherapy immensely helpful. Found out I have complex ptsd due to childhood abuse and 20 year’s marriage to a covert narcissist. Luckily he dumped me for another woman, which was devastating for many years. But through therapy, Emdr, antidepressants, journaling, staying away from narcissists and abusive peole… I am healing. When my treatment resistant depression got too much to bear last year, I tried TMS and found it very beneficial. Everyone’s life experience, biology, physical health, financial situation, access to psychological and medical help, and social support is different. So results from my particular treatments would vary depending on the individual. I hope my sharing helps someone.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm 58. Last year I was told I have CPTSD from childhood narcissistic abuse, a 16 year marriage to a covert narcissist...25 years post divorce his abuse continues through what he does to our adult children...and a lifetime of scapegoating and abuse from a narcissist older sister. I've now cut off all contact with her and everyone connected to her. The healing process sometimes feels overwhelming. Thank you for reminding me of all the tools available to help us heal, that I'm not alone and that the healing journey is worth every long step.
I didn't realise there was a word for this. I suffered narcistic abuse from many people for years (20+) - family, groups, so called friends. I only realised recently that I'm having feelings I haven't felt in years (Im 40, but i feel things and have good memories returning). Enjoyments, simple pleasures, eagerness in anticipation, freedom, lack of fear, a diminishing of second guessing. The primary treatment is to get away from the narcissist/s. Narcissim and gas-lighting attack emotional enjoyment very powerfully - criticise decsions, choices. This destroys happiness as a reason for action. It also builds patterns of fear, doubt, second guessing things that normal people enjoy without fear. As I was listening, I was engaged in mere activity, without feeling. A symptom that is getting better, but healing takes a long time (in my case). Most of my treatment was symptomatic. But I realise that primarily I had to end or get away from the many toxic relationships, as the source of the problem. Gas-lighting can cause anxiety, fear, depression and schitzophrenia. This is because the person learns to live from others, rather than from themselves, and so the brain learns to obey, or builds patterns based on fear requiring external confirmation, rather than to be a free independent person. Narcissists, like my brother, mother, father, friends, or several employers, often erupted in rage when they were rejected sometimes, just another symptom of their need to control others and feed off them.
Yes I am going through this. Not being able to find interest anything. This is happening since 2 years after I got separated from my narcissistic wife. I was mentally and physically tortured daily for around 1½ year. Earlier watching movies and playing video games bought me joy and refreshments but now I don't even think about it.
it was very difficult to feel ANYTHING from 10 years before the break up, to 2 years after the break up. I started by addressing my ptsd with a lot of walks in the countryside, and in forests, with stereo audio sounds in order to stimulate each side of the brain alternatively.
then I practiced (still do) feeling my emotions, all of them. joy is just starting to show up now, more than 3 years after the break up. I cried a lot, alone in the fields or in the forests.... still do from time to time.
I am feeling more and more like myself now, but it was quite a journey....
It can be so hard sometimes to find the get up and go to do the work like you have, Diane, but it sounds like it's paying off. Wishing you a continued good recovery.
I've come to love the crying. Three years since my break up, I still cry, although not so much anymore. Because I am still processing, the healing is ongoing. It was a Life changing experience with much, much growth.
Yes. The hurt feelings causes crying. I got ptsd. But after 2 years mostly happy. They pick sensitive people so makes sense those victims feel a split more deeply.i found self care works. Value yourself.
In a way you got off the horror train early. It took me 30 years. Now since four years 500 miles apart I’m healing well. Long walks in nature help me not only after separation but even when we were together. Today the energy has returned and I’m attracting people into my life.
Thanks Darren for covering the subject of anhedonia. I do get glimpses of joy so I should be thankful for that. :)
I had forgotten what that word meant... this connection makes perfect sense. Thanks!
For ten years I was depressed because I didn’t want to lose my family, birth or created. I no longer made friends because as soon as they get 5 minutes the narc ruins it. Over 10 years I lost my business because costs doubled. It was a business that I had been future faked into. It was a good investment and he said he could be there to answer the phone if I couldn’t. Nope. He wanted the $ when I sold it. He wanted my dad’s truck because it made him cool. What happened is he figured out what I liked and either took it or destroyed it. So now there’s nothing I like.
This was so right on😢
I'm a introvert, meaning I find My energy from alone time... too being in nature, so I'm not sure what this means: but when I was with My ex... and no matter how upset he was I would exercise I would go and exercise: cause My self care, and health was more important to Me then him. So I did... as a kid, as a teen and as an adult, as I love how I feel about Me... and if somebody else doesn't like I exercise, well My Life don't revolve around them: so who cares.
After finding my-old-self after a very long personal experience with n. abuse, has still left me with a (healthy) tendency to withdraw. Just lock the door and I am so wonderfully safe (and Happy!) alone inside it! My subconscious must be still working on what I thought was over/and/done/with, because after 10 years of separation new memories keep popping up. (My not so professional diagnose= Dark- triangle with strong n. traits) Happy to be alive and appreciate every morning that even today I can be ME! Thanks for your lessons!
Personally, things that help my anhedonia:
1) stay hydrated
2) good quality of sleep with consistent sleeping and waking hours
3) meditation (but mainly as an aid to sleep - it doesn't seem to help my anhedonia directly)
4) IMPORTANT: dedicated time to things that I feel at least some level of reward for - I think of this as a form of weight training for my reward centre; make sure there are no distractions and it's a good environment for the activity. I then do the activity 'deliberately' - for example, if it's watching a film then I seek to allow myself to be immersed in the film and NOT seek to enjoy it. I've found that seeking to feel a particular way (especially joy) almost never works when my anhedonia is really bad.
Finally: I remind myself often that the my anhedonia can ease off, even if it takes days, weeks or months.
Vou no psiquiatra amanhã. Parece que estou morta.Esqueço o nome das pessoas e não consigo contar as coisas com riqueza de detalhes.
Fico feliz pelas vitórias alheia, mas não sinto nada nas minhas conquistas. Torço pela felicidade de todos, mas não a minha, a minha felicidade é indiferente.
Tenho noção do presente e do futuro, vivo em prol dos fatos, mas sem expectativas de nada.
I’d imagine most people would experience anhedonia plus some of the others mentioned, although they may not have definitions outlined for themselves, that help them understand the differences.
Thing is, I’ve found that I may have spurts of anhedonia, even after going no contact. While I’m in probate with a malignant narcissistic sister, although I’m otherwise no contact with her, going no contact, as I had with my covert narcissistic mother, there is the continued foreboding, while she’s been able to manipulate the court, simply by crying. So, even when you consider yourself as “out”, you can lose time and life, lowering your sights on life. Narcissists can be like a gypsy curse that’s hard to rid oneself of as, they don’t respect boundaries and no contact. So, you may consider yourself no contact and, even if you tell them that, they feel it’s nothing they have to respect. This is not only compounded, heavily, by flying monkeys and enablers, that you will find every 5 feet. But I’ve learned about the court’s lack of recognition of abuse and the steadfastness of reconciliation between family members, despite obvious abuses. The general social and legal idea, although I’ve never heard anyone talk about it, is that I can see that abuse is not seen as a problem, but retaliation is and retaliation includes no contact. Yes, it’s unbelievable.
So, depression, and anhedonia should almost be as expected as breathing, within the context of all of this.
For my situation, I’ve been fortunate, that there’s been a revelation in my case? That may send my sister to jail. But probably for not enough time, that I should expect to not hear from her again. My expectation of some people’s opinions? That, once she’s served her time off it comes to that, reconciliation might be expected. I am, however, fortunate in that I’m a mostly internally-referenced person, who isn’t interested in their opinions.
Very interesting material! Thank you!
I was diagnosed with anhedonia in my late teens, but later on with autism. I'm guessing the first doctor might not have made quite the right diagnosis. As a child Doctors are making comments in my notes about me seeming sad, lonely, or distant. My mother and other relatives have said that I was always "gloomy" even as a toddler. So that's a lifelong neurological deficit rather than anything that can be cured, and not necessarily connected to my real emotions and feelings for people.
I've only recently seen these records and wasn't aware of the impact that might have had on my daughter growing up with a mother who always appeared sad. My daughter has developed BPD and narcissistic personality disorder, and I'm wondering if her emotional needs weren't met somehow because of my condition. I did experience abuse from my own father. So, I understand how miserable children can be with a parent who deliberarely withholds affection and approval. It's devastating to hear my child say that she thought I never loved her.
@@TheChosenOne2222
Hot take right there
Am in it right now. It sometimes helps to let go of any expectation of enjoyment. Just start moving, go for a walk, usually the pressure eases.
As a 20-year firefighter, seen enough stuff to cause PTSD. I get on with it. Met a nurse, she became my world. 12 months later, after constant ghosting etc, caused me to have a stress induced seizure. I messaged her and she disappeared. She was a covert narcissist according to the DSM 4-5 manual. Left me absolutely heartbroken. 4 months in bed recovering. To date, constant weakness, no get up and go. If it wasn't for my son, it would be a hot shower and cold razor. I'm fucking done with this shit. I'm just a weak and a stupid man.
I totally understand the feelings of pain and suffering you must have gone through. You should try and take steps to get out of this victim mindset, I struggle with having it sometimes and found it just eats away at your peace
You're not weak and stupid. Narcissists don't choose weak and stupid people. They choose kind intelligent people because they get pleasure from destroying anything good. I'm a survivor of 50 years of familial narcissistic abuse and a marriage and divorce from a narcissist. I know what it feels like to have your kid be all that keeps you going. If that's what you need to focus on to get you through do it. It gets better. Honest.
Hey mate. You're a good man - anyone can see that from your comment.
Take it easy on yourself. Look after your son. You deserve looking after yourself, too. Take it slow and keep believing in yourself.
Respect for all those years of firefighting service, too. It's a hardcore job.
A few things jump from your comment, over a twenty year period as a firefighter you will have experienced some of life’s terrible tragic events, external to your own personal life experience. Tough to carry around and/or process. But in your work you will have made a difference to many people who needed immediate help, you and your team where there when help was needed. You gave unconditionally, you have been let down by someone you trusted.
Your son loves you and you him, let her go, hard to do, but more than likely she isn’t coming back and you don’t want that scenario anyway.
You are a decent human being literally a life saver. We need more like you. We have more than our fair share of narcissists to contend with. Keep the faith, your son loves you. Be there for the both of you 👍
@@joemaguire6558 Thank you for your message. Means a lot. My sons mother uses him as a weapon/ tool to hurt me. I'm just having a bad few days. Thanks for all your support and advice. Means a lot to me. ❤️😁
While I didn't grow up in the worst environment, it definitely wasn't healthy, and there was enough there such that I will and do stay away to curtail the possibility of experiencing anything similar to it again.
Life is more peaceful with them in Maryland and me in Tennessee, because nothing has changed and it's gotten old.
Same. Although I haven’t moved that far yet. Mum basically raised us, and dad was the source of fear, indifference and coldness in my childhood. I always felt like our existence was an annoyance to him.
Do you find yourself constantly going back and forth between ‘it was bad’ and ‘it was alright’? I still don’t know if my father is narcissistic, but I definitely feel better about myself the longer I am away from him.
@@bangthehankers1985 I understand the back-and-forth thing. My father was a POW in WWII and he often made reference to that when we were complaining about something. He didn't want us to grow up and be poor like they were, and he was very persistent about work ethic, education, returning things in better shape than when you borrowed them, etc. We all felt sorry for my mother because he was so gruff. She died in 2008, he died in 2012 and it has taken ten years to sift through it all. I found some old love letters he wrote to her when dating in 1946, while he was going to college on the GI bill. In most every letter he was apologizing to her for being a "heel" and not returning to town to take her dancing, boring her with conversation about things he'd learned, etc. He would often go fishing on the weekend instead. My whole life, I don't remember anything ever making her happy, and those were the very same arguments I remember. He once told me that they were near divorce because he went hunting a lot and left her with us kids. She loved babies (they don't sass), and when I started sorting it all out after they passed away, I realized he probably didn't want to have five kids, and he certainly didn't want to work two shifts like he did, and come home and find out that nobody watered the garden, cleaned the cow stall, etc. Our house was old and over the next twenty years, he remodeled the whole thing himself, saving up for each room because they had no money to hire someone. It hadn't occurred to me when I was young, how much she played victim and turned us against him. We all thought he was the narcissist. Then she was the victim of us three girls. Now they are both gone, and I am so sorry for him and I grieve over that still. So make sure you think long and hard on it and get it right and say the things you need to say while they are alive.
Thank you so much. Good education.
I disassociate alot..and im numbed right out..I can't feel at all and there is absolutely no joy at all either. I can only sense emotions while listening to music only. I been diagnoses with clinical depression and a slight case of bipolar... half my life was with narcissists aka my mom and my ex. I feel kinda dead inside.. yet just recently I'm also encountering a type of solace after the many many years of several types of abuse. I don't put up with toxic or narcissistic people now either...I had my fill of them and want nothing to do with them whatsoever..I get triggered always from them and it makes me go places I don't like at all... like going into rages and becoming very violent..and that's not the real me but just reacting to all the bloody headgamy triggers. Lately I'm trying the technique 'grey rock' and disassociate with toxic people whom trigger me and send up red flags. I just can't cope with that type of people anymore..period. i craving and need the tranquility and solace..the calmness of mind..and my heart is so emotionally damaged I can't feel anything anymore. I can't feel at all..kinda beyond numbness or walls cos I had to have thick walks for the longest time. I can give love but I can't recieve it at all since all thr abuses..I don't trust anyone either on the most part..trust us earned and it takes time to develop..but one screw up on their part and I no longer stick around! I studying stoicism as well to learn to become more balance and not take crap from toxic, negative or demeaning peoples. I still have a very long way to go ...and I feel ill never heal infact.. but its a start in a better direction. I never knew there was such a condition but it sure clicks with all the symptoms I encounter. Thanks Darren for bring up this topic. Btw.. knowledge is personal power for one's wellbeing and to be able to move forward in a more positive light.
Pramipexole is a dopamine like pharmaceutical that can be helpful when other avenues have been exhausted.
Interesting video.
(Am a psychology student for few years now, and) I haven't been able to study enough and my brain is totally fried up with many other things already studied.. but there are indications... and its crude and oversimplification to simply infer 'colours' as desire and pleasure.
Some others with more time, energy and mental space may come up with more comprehensive and variety of factors interconnected, clarified more thoroughly.
And any further new discoveries and angles (not impossible and in fact may come apparent in some time/years) may come later and others may forward more work and studies in such some topics.
Hi Darren....... I love all ur videos, they r very informative and helpful.......but please don't suggest taking medications. Drs will happily give u them but a lot of them come with an added half life when u try to go off them. Other meds....like anything in the family of Benso's, can literally take up to 10+ yrs for the side effects to stop. These alter ur DNA ......sometimes for ever.
I speak from experience.......and most Drs have never studied what all can happen to a person....not all people but, I just got lucky I guess.......withdrawals can be a nightmare, especially when u don't know what's going on......as in most cases.
Medication is never a good answer unless it's going to save ur life. Counseling is a very good thing to do, provided u find one that is knowledgeable about narcissism and there r more of them now than there used to be.
Sorry if my suggestion upsets u, it's not meant to. Medication isn't always an answer.
Thank you for the great work that u do for all of us. ❤
Wooowww.. thank you so much
I have no emotions now. I don't feel anything good or bad, happy or sad.
Anhedonia is me from narcissistic abuse
So that's what's been happening to me all of these years!
❤same
Nope.. not quite. Narc feel pleasure and actively seek it out because they have never built that correlation with mental pleasures like the joy of making people happy. This is also where happiness stems from. Sadly, they will never experience that because nobody can teach you this in society even if you seek it out (because its nearly impossible to decipher from other issues... sure it can all point towards it after thorough investigation, but patients tend to lie.... especially npd folks). Take care gL with this pit of despair, Darren!
This is interesting. I am autistic (late diagnosed) and also have recurring depression and CPTSD. There is a lot of overlap for me. I struggle with processing what happened to me and am awaiting therapy.
Wow, I never put the two together and yet it's so obvious!
I never knew there was a name for this. I’ll never get out of therapy. 😞
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I find it ofd that narcissism is a hot topic that seems to be used as a catch-all to explain people’s problems. What made it such a trending explanation? Once you click on one of these videos you may get more of them recommended to you for months on end.
This is so very sad. What a miserable way to have to live. 🥺
Its different to just lacking motivation as people normally get enjoyment from doing activities.
Anhedonia-describes my life. Autocratic and sexist family, and many Nic bosses in the legal field in NYC. Plus a nasty Nic sibling who took financial advantage of the other three. Well, thank heavens for a wonderful husband, kids, and one sibling… But, definitely suffer from social anhedonia to this day. Nothing to be done.
interesting
Why do people willingly withdraw, their happiness, physically and mentally on revenge . Is it possible?
@psycho yenna pudusa ampla work laam tension aaki paaka try pannuriya.. evalavoo pannurom idha panna maatoma😂
Thank you for the video. After becoming a Christian in my late thirties, I noticed that listening to music (music in general) gave me more pleasure than it had done before -- there was a noticeable difference. Almost as though being a (true, Bible-believing) Christian made me more sensitive to appreciating the beauty in it.
My son was a totally changed person after he was baptized. He became capable of feeling happy. It was amazing-and it stuck. Began on a new life path and it’s not perfect, but he will be ok.
@@visualapologetics4891 Wonderful -- thank you for your comment.
God i love your Irish accent, i can listen to you all day.
You want to get a good laugh? Turn on cc and see what it comes up with.
How would you describe or define narcissistic abuse?
Oh, my. It would take volumes to describe. Enjoy the journey.
@@freemefreeme8301 I'm interested in the question of what counts as narcissistic abuse compared to what doesn't.
For example, a parent in a single-parent household suddenly starts aggressively berating their own child because the parent feels he or she has had a "deprived childhood", and therefore the parent feels entitled to take money received from the ex-partner intended for the child and use it for the parent's expensive foreign holidays. I think this would count as "narcissistic abuse". Would you agree, Darren, or have I got the wrong end of the stick?
I’ve made videos on different kinds of abuse and neglect where I outline the definitions if you’d find those interesting?
@@DarrenFMagee Thanks for replying.
This.
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I thought it was just life, the way it is.
I think I have this 😔
Dating!!? Yep!!! Social! Tx is to remove narracistic group and prognosis is amazing once removed!
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From your explanation I can't see how "anhedonia" is different in any way from general apathy. Is there a difference?