Self Righteous Narcissism
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- Опубліковано 20 тра 2024
- This video discusses an often overlooked characteristic of narcissism, a sense of self righteousness. Although the other characteristics may be still be present, when this characteristic is dominant we have Individuals exhibiting self-righteous narcissism, often believing they are inherently morally superior to others, insisting on their own correctness and righteousness.
This video also looks at the crossovers with other types of narcissism including grandiose, covert, altruistic and communal.
#selfrighteous #narcissism #mentalhealth
Transcript for this video is available on Substack darrenfmagee.substack.com/publish/posts/detail/143031239?referrer=%2Fpublish%2Fposts
Great video! I’m fairly certain you must have met my mother. 😅
Must be something in the water, because it's my mum as well
This is my paternal grandmother. My own mother is an overt narcissist, unapologetically so. lol
My mom too! 🤦🏻♀️
Lol!
Definitely my mother, too. Definitely wanted me to sacrifice my life, to prop up the family business, that couldn’t continue to survive, after my stepfather died and the market changed. Told me it was worth dying for. Since I wasn’t willing to do that, she tried to destroy me.
You see this with “Christian” covert narcissists. These are the ones that use the Word of God as a sword and a shield, but in a bad way.
Thank you Darren! You, Dr Ramani and others are doing a great service.
An excellent subject. Narcs also use religion to express self righteousness. Sadly, they get away with everything even if we try to to point out their flaws.😢
When they actually snort outloud in disgust at others you know there's a self-righteous narc in the room.
Unless it’s a truth teller snorting at a narcissist.
@jadegreen1554 The only time I've heard a truthteller snort is when they're laughing hysterically
Oh my goodness, I had traits like these in the past!. I thank God Almighty for humbling me and showing me that He's the only God, not me!. Thank you Jesus Christ for saving me from myself! ❤🙏🏽
Thanks for sharing your personal story and change of heart. Takes a lot of courage and true humility to do that! And maybe the biggest thing about your experience is that there is actual hope for others that are now in your situation, that you overcame. Although with those I'm dealing with now, it looks pretty hopeless for any real change for the better. But hearing your story, I guess it's possible!
@@ron3537 thank you!. I actually forgot that I commented on this video 🤣. Anyway, there were 2, maybe 3, reasons why I made the change. First, I believe God convicted my heart to change. He didn't make me that way so I needed to go to Him for change. Second, I wanted to change, and third, I was on my way down a road that would have literally killed me. Changing one's behavior/actions is possible. It didn't happen over night, but with God's help I made it through. I was desperate!. I didn't want to live my life the way I was raised by my narcissistic family. And one, of many, good things about the Lord and the Holy Spirit is that whenever I felt like I was falling back into the temptation of my former self, my spirit was immediately convicted (not in a scary condemning way), and I stopped!. I stopped, prayed, repented, and moved on. We all fight battles every day. People can change, but only if they want to change. I was one who wanted and needed to change. Glory be to God!.
@@MissKim671 Yes, a great desire to change oneself and looking within for those answers are essential. The problem is that most narcissists have little to no desire to truly change, because the problem is always with somebody else. My guess is you only had narcissistic behaviors that needed to be dealt with, and were never a full fledged "narcissist." But kudos to you for not letting it get out of control.
@@ron3537 😊
Unusual insight & self-examination. God bless you
Check, check, check,...
You have covered a lot, thank you. 3 family members who are above reproach, but only in their minds. Still amazed at the gyrations they go through to excuse themselves. It's like a thief, much more energy expended and risk taking to get out of work as opposed to just fessing up and deal with accountability and the problem.
1) morally superior to others
2) gains supply from other seeing them as morally upstanding, oppress others
3) expect others to stick to their rigid rules
4) exaggerated sense of morality and righteousness-their opinion is the only right way
5) passive-aggressive attacks to imply other persons lack of moral character-“I don’t think any self respecting person would do that”
6) scornful, sneer, mock others, judge people as lazy, if someone is more accomplished-“it must have happened because they were dishonest”
7) advice tends to be judgemental and dismissive - “you should know better” “bad things don’t happen to good people, so you’re bad”
8) similar to covert narcissists - don’t have time to be happy. There is too much to do in the world.
9) their victim is such a terrible person
10) there are those that don’t break the rules and use that to judge and look down on others. Different from OCD bc OCD don’t use sticking to rules to demean others.
11) they can also lie and break rules if they need to.
12) they attack people for their lack of virtue, mocking attacking and shaming those who they see as inferior.
13) they seek out people who accept and validate their view
14) dehumanize, even demonize, use group intimidation to destroy targets when targets feel outnumbered. Misrepresent victims words for them to sound foolish.
15) discredit the victim by framing arguments in their favour.
Through their sense of superiority they dominate, control and punish, victims. Have contempt for anyone who doesn’t agree with them.
Great video again Darren.
Viewers don't forget Autistic people can appear Narcissistic too but watch behaviour as I think some Autistic people are also Narcissistic
I have met quiete a few such indivifuals. Thank you Darren.
Geez. That describes our narc to a ‘T’.
I didn’t realise there was any different kind
Ah yes, my mother asked if I was going to a special mass for all the deceased people in the parish this past year. My sister passed in February after a thirty year battle with MS. And my father passed a few weeks ago from Alzheimer’s. I said that going to mass once a year was easy. That I did heavy nursing home duty for twenty two years and was a big support to my sister for thirty years. While they were alive, not dead, is when I spent time with them. That’s County Clare Catholic in NYC for years. I was pretty much accused of being a pagan on her way to hell
That's really sad, Dianne. Be encouraged and don't give up.
@@randy_cbc8811
Thank you
Thanks Darren. I can think of many people in the public eye who fit this description! Take care, and I hope Storm Debi isn't inconveniencing Freud and yourself too much.
All descriptions of one of 2 of our lead Narcissists. She wanted everyone to praise her for decorating various rooms of the church and how much she does for senior pastors and how she is the confidant to so many that tells her things, etc. But throws people under the bus and bad mouths them whenever advantageous to her. Gossips about people's prayer requests, looks down on how one ministry leader dresses for meetings who is under her control. She epitomizes self-righteous narcissism.
Sounds like he knows my event horizon.
Great video!
Have you ever heard about the situation where narcisist refuses to repeat the information the other side (victim) missheard or forgot?
No meter how much the other side needs that information right now, even if it’s a “life and death” situation, the answer will always be “I told you already”. Even if sharing the information would directly benefit them.
Same with finding things in the house. Even if the other side has a dyslexic/visaul impairment issue, and finds it hard to find things, their answer is always: “It’s there where you’ve put it.”
It almost feels like sharing the information causes narcisistic injury?
Also, there seems to be a huge tendency against collaboration and towards destruction.
Remember this well from the narc. It is the part of them that is the most mind f ing. It can cause you insanity dealing with it. They would have lists of things that they did that are vile and yet defend themselves later with disgusting self righteousness all in an attempt to get their victim to react to them.
I think it should be added that a narcissist is particularly dangerous when he / she views him / herself as a political anarchist and activist.
My ex is 100% a self Righteous Narcissist. I feel sorry for my daughter that is with him 50% of the time. 😢
Thanks Darren. Shared to patients.
How dare you question me about those murders!
This! All of your videos are top notch, Darren, but this one painted such an excellently perfect picture of a self-righteous narcissist. It was also so helpful that you highlighted the similarities/differences between this and altruistic narcissism! This was so great. Thank you for another highly educational video. I hope you are all recovered and back to feeling well. 💕
To a great degree I think that all self righteousness is narcissistic.
You do not have to be in the presence of anyone, anything or in any place that you choose not to be in. Just because everyone else is doing it doesnt mean you have to. You are a grown adult who does not require any explanation to be given. ⚠️
As I posted beneath one video by Dr. Les Carter, my last Pastor abused me, and I couldn't understand the 'why' until I started watching videos like this by Dr. Magee, also Dr. Les Carter, Dr. Ramani and Dr. Emily Mayfield. Finally I came to the conclusion my previous Pastor had strong Narcissistic tendencies. I guess even professing Christians can be or act like Narcs, but that's tough to wrap my head around because to me, Narcissism is pure evil, and as UNLIKE Jesus as any belief system or lifestyle can get! Amazing, really, but such people will meet their eventual day of reckoning and judgment, of that I am confident.
Please consider Catholicism
People who have holier than thou attitudes in my experience are narcissistic. They enjoy causing trouble and dominating other people. It's one rule for them and another for other people. They are only thinking about themselves. They enjoy using politeness as a power trip to Control people
just remember these diagnoses are not usually in isolation. also, differing forms of mental illness are not like finding a bacteria in a lab (it is not e coli or strep) but rather descriptions of overlapping systems and mental constructs. sticking the "perfect" lable on someone, based on their correlated symptom clusters, won't help me recover from their abuse
Spot on.
When they are depressed or anxious their righteous anger will increase.
Thank you.
Not trying to criticise you, everything you say about the various tactics, is right. There are too many types in your analysis, imho. All Narcs are self-righteous, the majority does good stuff to gain supply. Also, most of them go under the radar and thereby are coverts.
So true, I only understand since a while the behavior and pattern of a friend of mine. So sad.... because there will be no amelioration down the line
I absolutely hated the nurse Ratchel in the movie "One flew over the cuckoos's nest".
Jack Nicholson is such a good actor.
Ah, mom..And later husband. Both sincerely convinced of their righteousness,, to legitimately, realistically demand of the whole world their changing whim of the moment. Starting with me. Defining any other opinions as against them. And then acting like they didn't have any idea why I would not agree. Why I would leave. Did leave.
And individual can do "something" that the narcissistic will have an issue with. The narcissistic can do the same thing and others aren't supposed to say one word.
My father is perfect example of such. In a simple sentence, he was a deadbeat dad, who practically never came to see the three of us as we were growing. The majority of the time, we went to see him or ran into him in the community.
Here's the issue: The children become adults, realize the type of man he is, and stopped going to see him. He's got a problem with it?
I suffer terrible headaches. Woman in my street who is 10 years older then me has to knock on my door to let me know what all the other neighbors are doing, but she likes to put sinister spin to it all. Very two faced. Literally throws tantrums and refuses to talk to you if you disagree with her, she over talks you, so she will stop talking to you anywhere from a month to 2 months before she knocking at my door again with "more" news she thinks I want to hear. Always negative. She speaks alot about herself, how she worked for a lawyer and did this and did that... goes on and on. For some reason, no matter the day or time, she expects me to be on call and sort out all her problems. Gets really shocked and disgusted when I tell her I am tired or have a headache and sometimes yell at me, like it's my fault all her problems, her debts are a consequence of talking to me. No matter how many times I say I just want to be left alone due to my headaches, she will ask if I am ok, heres some herbal tea, next minute, back to her problems again. What do I do. Her own mother, sister and only son have nothing to do with her. I remember I made a joke to small crowd at her house, got people laughing, next minute she was letting us all know about someone who did something awful etc... just to get attention back to her. One worrying thing is that our house is the same. Literally. From where I placed my furniture is exact in her house, then the dressing like me started. I got freaked out and locked my gate. But she keeps calling my mobile. She leaves messages as to why I am not calling back. Getting to me pretty bad. I'm docile. See beauty all in, but do walk with caution. Not a fool. Just this type of personality is difficult for me to deal with. What do I do. Lies are the worse.
Have you ever taken vitamin b2 for headaches? Look into that if you haven’t. I hope you get some relief.
Self righteous Narcissism reminds of what some call "communal" narcissists.
Sounds similar (?)
Oops... I posted too soon. It is talked about afterwards.
You basically just described the majority of people on Twitter/X 🤦♀️😆
I think that's where Darren gets his inspiration! It's a never ending supply of toxic behaviour for us to pick apart.
...and the new-ish owner who walked in carrying and sink and fired everyone including HR *before* the termination of all the other employees.
I have a situation that I don’t find much information on. My sweet vulnerable daughter moved several states away and married a narc. He caught her on the rebound from a very bad break up. He hated me the moment he laid eyes on me. She has become a narc monster with me as her supply. Is there anything enlightening you could add here? It has been ten years plus and I am about to go no contact. Luckily, they have no children.
❤ (🙏?) The only resolution I can think of reading your scenario with your beloved daughter.
Pray the Rosary for her
One topic is peculiar to a narc i know is she will make very unfeeling f.b. connections. She friends the ex-husbands new girlfriends exhusbands new wife. Also if her girlfriend was assaulted, she will friend the assaulter. Really unfeeling even cruel facebooking. Modern day problems with a narc.😢
My mom has inserted herself in several people in my life for years. It rubbed me wrong when it was happening and I didn't why. Now I know.
My ex met me through Facebook. Her mask was incredibly enabled by Facebook. I started dating her thinking she was the best woman I’d ever known. By the end I wish I could erase every memory. She’s a sociopath or very close to it. There’s just no there there. No heart which is incredibly difficult to handle. Someone that doesn’t care whether you live or die…it has to be experienced to know. The hypocrisy is incredible. She used to lecture me on being more polite and a better communicator after she’d cheated on me for five months. When I learned of it she said I was a making a big deal out of it. I’d told her she was the love of my life. My father was dying while she cheated. The affair is bad enough. Being judgemental while hurting me more than anyone has before in my entire life. She was 46 at the time and I was 36. I was shocked by her so many times before I finally managed to stop waiting for the sweet person I’d met to come back. That person never existed. I loved her with all my heart. After six months I never saw her again. Just a selfish brat.
I should add I spent 12 years dealing with her. I wish I’d walked away after six months but she lied and gaslit me for years.
@@dahliafiend I know it's kind of like parents that go to the prison and visit their child's rapist and killer to forgive him and become pen pals. The child would be rolling in their grave
have you examined the psychology of police for narcissism?
Some of them are definitely narcissists, but not all of them. Some of them are truly capable of empathy for others. Too many have the "us" versus "them" mentality.
That makes me think an episode on doctors would be good
How is this balanced with the fact that some people are self-serving and disrespectful of others? If you recognize this in them, are you automatically a self-righteous narcissist or person avoiding abuse?
I like to joke and say I'm morally superior to narcissists, but it's also true because with narcissists their moral bar is so low it's hard NOT to be a better human being just be being an average, decent human being with a reasonable degree of empathy for others.
LOL
We’ll I guess I’m a narcissist.
But I do wonder if you had a bad relationship with your Dad?
Thanks for clearing things up.
Now I know why I’m like I am.
So, I’m normal.
Classic narcissism with FEIGNED superiority, with that laugh at the presenter. FOUND THE NARC. It's you! (Guess what though, every one of you get your karma before the end... And people like me stand on top of cars and praise the Lord for justice finally happening!!)
Oh, yes...👸🏻. But no religious opinion there with her only that she cleans her house & car & yard SO impeccable
How do I subscribe to your channel?
Right under the video is a black, oblong icon that says "SUBSCRIBE". If you click that, you will be subscribed.
On my laptop, you see it directly under the word "narcissism" in the title.
Self righteousness can be exemplified by attacking the motives for actions which would otherwise be seen as good. When I went out shopping for our family during the height of lockdown, waiting in long queues with a face mask on to get what was available - it was because I "was trying to appear relevant" and I was "panic buying" When I go to my children's school to attend meetings with teachers, it is because "I like to talk about myself". When I seek to discuss the possibility of sending one of my children to a higher end private school, it is because I want to "big-note" myself.
Do they say these things directly to you or devalue you and your motives to someone else behind your back? I ask because someone close 'explained' all my motives to me for similar actions, and it was the first time I realized I was being gas lit to my face. Maddening experience.
mainly to my children - but not exclusively. @@bernadette573
This video may have, in fact, helped me realize that a fairly nasty individual I met in 2019 may have been a self-righteous narcissist. It all started when this woman, whom I got to know at a religious event. After we hit if off, afterward, and found out that we were both single, she invited me to do something with her, which I took to be a date. A few days later, she broke it off. Then, we met again at another event with the same religious group, only this time she was with this man. At first I thought he was some guy she had started dating, which was fine with me, because I had only just met her and I didn't hold it against her if she had met someone else, but she and the guy both assured me that they were just friends. So, I asked the woman out. She gave me a sideways glance and said, in a sort of sing-song and a big smile, "may-bee!" I promised to call her, but when I did, I just got her voicemail.
I thought nothing of it, until the head of the board of directors of this religious organization, asked me to meet with her. She said a complaint had been made about me, in conjunction with this woman. I was mortified, because I couldn't think of anything I could possibly have done to make the woman uncomfortable. I went, expecting to meet with the woman I had been trying to setup a date with, but, instead, the man (her "friend") was there. He said something to imply that she didn't "feel safe" coming, so he had come, instead.
The president asked him to explain the complaint to me. He claimed that he had heard me say something that "implied" to him, apparently, that I didn't "believe in consent". I couldn't imagine what, because I do very much believe in consent! He literally twisted the words of something innocuous and off-hand I had said to the woman, at that last even.
When I explained to the president of the board what I had really said, she was willing to close the whole incident, on the grounds that it had all been a big misunderstanding (fortunately she had known me for years, whereas this guy had only turned up recently).
But, then, this guy insisted that we call up the woman. As soon as we called her, she said, "I'm watching the game, can we make this quick." Then she said, to me, "you know that [the man] was the one who raised this complaint, right, not me?" My heart raced, as I realized that she didn't seem to be all that interested in the complaint. I faced the man and said, "wait a second, so you were the one who made the complaint? I thought she had." He responded with something like, "I'd hope that anyone witnessing the way you treated her would speak up."
The president reiterated that it had been a misunderstanding, and the woman agreed. I assured the woman, "I'm sorry for anything that I did that made you uncomfortable. Maybe I misread your signals. I want you to feel comfortable coming back." The woman thanked us for our concern, assured us that it was okay, that she understood that misunderstandings happen, and said, "okay... can I get back to the game now?" We ended the call, and the president and I both breathed a sigh of relief.
But, then, the man said, "I'm really upset that you didn't apologize to my friend." I said, "I did apologize for anything I did to make her uncomfortable, but we all agreed it was a misunderstanding." He said something like, "well that's not a real apology. You hurt her and me, because I'm her friend, and I want a real apology from you." I said, "If this was a misunderstanding, the only thing I had to apologize for is my part in that misunderstanding."
Then, he said, "if you don't apologize to me, it will permanently mar our relationship." I was thinking to myself "what relationship? I just met this guy!" At this point, I was really upset, inside. I'm normally compassionate and understanding, but, in this instance, I found myself just shrugging, which may be rude under most circumstances, but I was frustrated and didn't know what else to do. The man just walked out.
Later, at a spirituality convention, I gave a talk and he showed up to it and challenged me on some of the things I had said. I guessed that he had bad intentions for being there, and I didn't want to have anything to do with him, so I just said, "okay, thanks for sharing your opinion." He walked out. After my talk, I fielded questions for about 20 minutes. When I walked out into the hall, he was waiting for me! I didn't make eye contact and pretended not to notice him, because I knew that any interaction with him would just end badly. I never saw him again, but the experience still haunts me. It's only when I saw your video that I've come to wonder if he's a self-righteous narcissist.
Ummmmm. He's a psychopath. You're lucky you escaped still wearing your skin. For real.
Wooooah no, he is so out of line. Psycho.
Sounds like Just Stop Oil
Entitled?! I am working with a female who, I have concluded, has strong NPD. I am sure she knows that I see right through her and have distanced myself. Of course, now there's the silent treatment.
Here is the entitled quality: She's a single mom with two teenage sons. I have no children but am supposed to complicate my life with her's. Why? Because she is Ms. A.G. and too cute to be resisted🤨
I'd rather be self-righteous than unrighteous 😂
Tell us all about it, goddess lol That's not narcissistic at all!
My ex-friend (narc) is a religion shopper. Last year she was Catholic, at the moment she's Lutheran. But that will change soon cuz she had brunch with the church ladies and none are worthy. Time to move on.
Wait...are you sure this person doesn't have Borderline Personality Disorder? They have no sense of self, so they can change religions as much as they change their mind, along with all their values (even their sexual orientation can shift to whomever will baby them and act like their parent).
She ought to study theology. Catholicism is the only sound theology when compared to the rest. If joining the church for anythung other than the truth of the moral teachings, it will fall apart. Joining for friends? Won’t work out. Joining because of a feeling? Won’t last. That’s too bad she is so lost. It’s confusing when a person doesn’t know what they’re looking for. No church people will ever be worthy because we’re all sinners, but hopefully the kind working on being saints.
@hiddenhand6973 Studying theology would require reading. And reading would require time. Time away from thinking only of herself. Not gonna happen.
Oof yeah, that’s a rough one. I hope you were able to make a clean break and avoid people like that in the future. All the best to ya.@@dgvfsa66
I was raised as a Catholic but there are so many hypocrits and so many narcissists that claim folloeing this religion that I may become a Buddhist very soon !😁😃
So if we like order and neat house we have ocd? I mean how can we have balance
No some personalities thrive best with neat and tidy.
No not at all, but if having a neat and tidy house takes over your life (doing hours of repetitive cleaning, rearranging ornaments and other objects, etc. to the point it disturbs normal functioning), it's problematic. You say it yourself, balance is the key.
Personally, I function optimally when things are organized because I have ADHD and get distracted easily. Order helps my mind focus on the task at hand, and also helps me find things. It helps me relax.
That is quite different from being obsessive and becoming enraged when someone moves something, or one throw pillow is out of place, or like in that old movie Sleeping With The Enemy where the husband is obsessed with controlling his wife to the point that she can't even leave one hand towel *not* perfectly even with the other hand towel in the bathroom after she has dried her hands on it.
There is a spectrum and these individuals are on the extreme ends of a spectrum when they are considered pathological.
They are all--or-nothing thinkers.
Tell and show this content to the supporters of T-rump... but I know they are all resistant for another point of view and believe they are on the only "right" way. Dangearous...
They're irreparably broken, it won't matter if you show it to them or not. They don't care about anything but being "right".
We are resistant to communism because our ancestors have told us the horrors. Your comment is pure projection.
You’re talking about millions of people. Don’t you think you might be making a huge oversimplification? Also a strawman argument. Set up an easily knocked over argument like “all they care about is being right”. I’ve met them and it seems to me they are against child murder, human trafficking and communism. Oh the horror. Don’t oversimplify and paint these people with a broad brush because it makes you sound unwell.@@le_th_
Morality 😂 shit
hmm. i see. i was hoping that i could avoid being labeled a narcissist. but i fit in with grandioise narcissism, altruist narcissism, and... a constant judging of others.
how much is actual narcissism? i am not sure. i just know that i am hyper aware. of certain things.
and yet i struggle with intimacy and the feelings of others.
hmm. hard to look at myself in the mirror... to be honest.
... i have a feeling that you're not going to enjoy this...
but i don't think that you have an actual grasp over this. i think you have a lot of concepts.
but concepts are categories for things...
i feel like you are missing the "thing".
but how much is me trying to discredit you?
... and how much is your trying to protect yourself from my suggestion?
... just a thought. i think your actual grasp over the material seems weak.
but what do i know?