Lol, last one, yes you're the AH. This reminds me of when my youngest was 6. She had her best friend (also 6) over for her first sleepover. They woke up at 6am, we usually got up about 7:30am and I wasn't even expecting them up then because they were up very late having fun. They proceeded to close my bedroom door so they didn't wake me while they made breakfast. They used the STOVE to make scrambled eggs!!! They woke me up wearing my daughters aprons and chef hats (she did do quite a bit of baking and cooking with me, but NEVER alone) and had a tray with two plates (one for me, one for my partner) containing the scrambled eggs, buttered toast, and a glass of orange juice. I was dumbfounded...I was very concerned, but also surprised and somewhat proud. It was one hell of a way to wake up. Disoriented, I still managed to first tell them how very sweet it was of them to make us breakfast in bed. They handed us our food, then ran back to the kitchen and grabbed their own plates. They made breakfast for all of us. We all ate on my bed (I had a rule that all food was eaten in the dining room or at the kitchen bar). They did a decent job, the eggs were bland and had quite a bit of shell in them, but they were cooked and not over done! The toast was pretty well done, partially burnt. However, my partner and I ate everything on our plates and told them how delicious it all was. Afterwards, we had to have that heart-to-heart about how they are not supposed to use the stove or oven without an adult around because accidents can happen. They told me they understood and they never did that again, but they knew we weren't angry with them. They knew we appreciated the gesture. They are very sweet girls even 10 years later. That phone call to her friends mom afterwards was very awkward though lol Edit to add: Forgot to mention they had also cleaned everything up before they even woke me! Such sweethearts
With the third story, what OP did wasn't the same as the example you gave regarding your grandmother. This guy told his girlfriend exactly what kind of cake he wanted. And I kind of think it was a little bit selfish and spiteful of the girlfriend to hear what kind of cake her boyfriend wanted. But then went ahead and made the cake she wanted for him. On someone's birthday, they should get the cake they want. My husband likes this chocolate sheet cake with fudge frosting that his grandma used to make and I hate it. It's super time consuming and difficult to make. But every year for the past 10 plus years I make it for him. now our daughter likes it too. So I'm making it twice a year. Because that's what he wants and if you love your partner, that's what you do.
Im with you. Dusty's example about his grandmother is about a wrongly made assumption on Grans part. On the girlfriend's part it was a complete dismissal of OPs request. Following Dusty's logic from the 1st story I would say the GF is more of an AH here.
Yeah it’s a simpler version of the wedding day scenario. It’s like.. u can’t set yourself aside for _one day,_ and do whatever they told u they want on _their_ day? If u simply cannot, don’t ask them what they want for a cake, gift, dinner; and don’t agree to be in their wedding.
I don't agree with your assessment on the cake. If someone asks you what kind of cake you want and you specifically tell them. Then they should make the kind of cake that you requested. If they want to make a different cake, fine just NOT for their birthday.
On the third story, I'm confused, His communication was perfect, he stated exactly what he wanted and she changed it. He was honest with her and she was upset. The communication is only off on one side. Now he could have just faked being happy to make her happy, however is it right to lie in this situation? If he does now she will do this again and again. Now I would have not told her at that time when people are around, I would have talked to her in private on another day. He is stupid if he apologized and asked for an apology, that's is not going to end well at all. Lol.
So in one story, you're on the side of the girl who was upset she didn't get a $300 cake, but in another cake story you're not on the side of the guy who didn't get the cake he wanted? All things being relatively equal, your reasoning is inconsistent.
Yeah, I think if the woman in Story 1 can have whatever she wants on her bday regardless of how silly OP thinks it is, then the guy in Story 3 should too. I also didn’t like OP’s judgemental language in Story 1. Sounds like he doesn’t respect his partner at all.
*Story 4: King Arthur? -* I don’t get these families/ Queen B’s, who hv to use their family first+middle names when they already get the last name for free. _Excuse me, but MY family counts too + btw MIL.. the nursie-nurse-nurse told me that if there’s a scuffle about baby’s name… they ask New Mom + that’s the one that goes on the birth certificate._ [true story but we were only figuring out the spelling]. You’d think these folks were dukes, duchesses + earls, the way they want to keep the legacy names, screw the maternal side. I’m a 3rd myself, named after grandma + mom, but called by my middle name since day 1 (a huge headache I don’t recommend it) + I do hate the old lady first name so much.
For the woman who was upset about her parents paying for her dog's surgeries instead of her rhinoplasty: Shes NOT the Asshole for being sad about not getting the surgery, and she might want to look into loans and/or payment plans if she really wants to get it. Also, i strongly disagree that she's entitled for wanting rhinoplasty. We don't know what she looks like, but for all we know she's gotten insults and ridicule for the way she looks and is certainly entitled to want to do something about it. It really drives me nuts when attractive people (such as Dusty) talk about elective surgery in blanketly negative terms. Its easy to judge others when youve never walked a mile in their shoes. When it comes to her disappointment, i get it. However, even if she cant get the procedure now, she can still get it over summer break or before she starts her career. Also, i hope she realizes just how serious such a procedure is. Just because it's elective doesnt mean its easy or minor. So i hope she really looks into the realities of recovering from this sort of surgery. Best of luck! ❤
Yea, you're an AH buddy. People that you or others find "attractive" can have insecurities too so it's not like they automatically wouldn't be able to relate. Hell, we don't know what OP actually looks like and she may very well be attractive but too insecure to see that.
My husband kinda the same 😂but he does still get me the stupid thing I like and want. One Valentine’s Day, he had work! He kiss me good bye he did go get breakfast, so I was happy, he told me we will go to dinner on his day off. Well I was just chilling, doorbell! Slip through the door cam, seen someone with this big bouquet of longstem roses! With the box of chocolate, I thought maybe it could be wrong house, so I answered from the door cam, she said order for my name, I run so fast to the door, 😂open the door, I had my face mask on, I was giving myself a little spa day😂 I was so happy. He spent $200+I talked to him, he said I’m glad ur happy! It does sound crazy to spend $200+ on followers! Well we never did that again! And sees candy has good candy! And it’s super market sounds beautiful flowers as well, but it made me happy! This pass valentines, he said no flowers 😂but got me beautiful diamond earrings. ❤❤
I have a feeling my 18yo is going to be in OP's shoes in story #4. They are currently 🤰🏽& the father agrees to not only have the baby take my child's last name, but HE wants to take the same last name when they get married. I feel like his family is gonna flip when they find out. 🤦🏽♀️ I really don't wanna have to roll heads, so I hope they stay respectful towards my kid. 🤷🏽♀️
In response to story #8 it blows my mind when people say my parent(s) pressured me into something. Parent should be teaching their children to NEVER give into pressure. Thats just common sense, the woman is 47 years old and still doesn't have a spine? Just hang up the phone and live life.
Story six: “If some guy blatantly hit on me in front of him he’d be annoyed too and wouldn’t like me hanging out at the beach alone.” Annnnddd… if he were to tell you that you weren’t allowed to go to the beach without him, that would be…. Oh, what’s the word… it’s on the tip of my tongue… oh yes, controlling. OP said herself that he is oblivious. Let’s say every single woman who comes across him does want to sleep with him. Does that mean that they get to?
I just gotta say. I seriously thought Bluey was Bingos DAD. Have you ever been wrong to a 3 year old. ? I've never felt so stupid. I didn't even catch half of the words and still felt so belittled. #popofail
I don't blame the rhinoplasty girl for being upset, but as someone who sees pets as family who you basically "promise" to care for to the best of your ability, it's puppies over plastic. Admittedly, I am probably biased and extra passionate about this right now because one of my babies just passed and I'm not handling it particularly well.
Story 1: I bet OP would buy her a hoover for her birthday. That’s practical. When is he going to learn to enjoy life and celebrate! That’s why he doesn’t want to buy the cake. Scrooge
Story 1 & 3: NTA, Maybe Ascon 4. Guy in #1 needs to work on attitude though. Story 6: The jealousy is oozing, regardless of age. Story 7: I don't understand why she stayed friends with her. She did everything wrong. Story 8: OMG Story 10: Ascon 3. Maybe a taste.
First one: OP doesn't "get it". Replace cake with tickets. They're single use, you'll keep nothing but photos. She just wants to look back on her life at a pretty photo and say: "I did that!". I bet if she instead obsessed for months over $$$ tickets to go to some amazing concert or place, he'd have bought the tickets for her birthday.
The story where the OP kicked out her sister and her sisters kids: Its so outrageous that i find the story hard to believe, to be frank. But, if it's actually true, her sister is the devil 😂
*Story 5: Landlady aka MIL -* I’m biased, I know, but _ oh Dusty.. after all the MIL stories, ur falling for this holes be damned fairytale?! When I hear a Mom, The Lily White Innocent, being taken advantage of by a smug mugged DIL, I squint reeeeal hard + listen between the lines. Cuz that animal is a rare breed. *Clue 1:* i asked my son if they wanted to live w/me when I was house hunting. They said no, later moved in. *Clue 2:* DIL is a high risk preg, had a 28 wk baby _so I can say nothing that my house is constantly a mess._ *Clue 3:* DIL gives me dirty looks when I try to talk to her. *Conclusion:* (1) Ofc they didn’t want to live w/anyone else but reality struck. DIL had trepidations + her fears are coming true. (2) MIL has had PLENTY to say about her constantly messy house + son prob shut her down, but it did not go unnoticed by DIL. (3) mugging is Immature, but DIL can’t say how MIL makes her feel (yet) during her most vulnerable time, so it comes across her face due to stress, all those little kids at too young of an age (25?!) + dealing w/obv money troubles. She’s stuck + miserable at the moment, but hopefully their new little family survives it. ❤
Umm…how is the daughter in law the victim here? If they can’t financially take care of themselves, why are they still having babies? What is mother in law expected to do with mortgage payments and bills? She mentioning things like messy home for perspective. Daughter in law should quit having kids for a while if they are not financially stable. They are not mother in law’s responsibility.
Story 9: While I sympathize, OP should wait until she is a bit older. Your face is still growing and changing at 18. Get into therapy and wait until maybe 25 so your face is set and you only need 1 nose job.
So the kid already gets the father's last name but that's not enough. Husband needs to grow a pair, he basically set his pregnant wife up as the 'bad guy' - red flag. Passing on names, with gender fluidity being what is there's no guarantee that Arthur couldn't someday be Amy ☺
Story with the baby name, guys an ascon 1 for sure. He's allowed to change his mind but he's not allowed to act like his wife should change her mind, if he brings it up and she is still firmly against it. Game over. They already had an agreement.
Everyone saying NTA for the guy in Story 3: i disagree with you and agree with Dusty. Its not that he shouldn't have told her, its that he should have done it in a gentler way. Often, its not what you say but how you say it, and he was overly harsh/blunt with his feedback. On top of that, he was probably acting pissy, because she asked him what was wrong. So clearly he had a sour demeanor at the time. To be clear, she was also an ASCON. I won't go into what she did, since everyone seems to agree she was an ASCON 3. But if i had been in his position, I would have first thanked her for the effort and let her know how good the cake was (because presumably, it was good). Then later, i would have said something along the lines of, "next time, could you please just make me what i ask for if possible? The cake was good and i love all the effort you put into it, but my tastebuds were in the mood for all chocolate."
It's a significant gap, but not because of the numbers. Your brain is still developing until ~25. Relationships between people over and under that benchmark will inevitably have a power imbalance; it can be very difficult for the younger party to see abuse, or keep boundaries.
That age gap would be meaningless if he was 31 and she was 37 or if he was 41 and she was 47. But because he is still so young, 6 years is a big age gap. She is very controlling which makes me think that she purposefully went after a younger guy that she thinks she can manipulate.
Story 6; Yes she’s the A-hole. That girlfriend is toxic and controlling. And the fact that she feels the need to spy on her boyfriend’s interactions with strangers and threatens to destroy something he’s been working on and matters to him if he doesn’t comply with her unreasonable demand for her to chaperone him at the beach is abusive. I hope the poor guy dumps her. She’s clearly not mature or healthy enough to be in a relationship right now.
Lol, last one, yes you're the AH. This reminds me of when my youngest was 6. She had her best friend (also 6) over for her first sleepover. They woke up at 6am, we usually got up about 7:30am and I wasn't even expecting them up then because they were up very late having fun. They proceeded to close my bedroom door so they didn't wake me while they made breakfast. They used the STOVE to make scrambled eggs!!! They woke me up wearing my daughters aprons and chef hats (she did do quite a bit of baking and cooking with me, but NEVER alone) and had a tray with two plates (one for me, one for my partner) containing the scrambled eggs, buttered toast, and a glass of orange juice. I was dumbfounded...I was very concerned, but also surprised and somewhat proud. It was one hell of a way to wake up. Disoriented, I still managed to first tell them how very sweet it was of them to make us breakfast in bed. They handed us our food, then ran back to the kitchen and grabbed their own plates. They made breakfast for all of us. We all ate on my bed (I had a rule that all food was eaten in the dining room or at the kitchen bar). They did a decent job, the eggs were bland and had quite a bit of shell in them, but they were cooked and not over done! The toast was pretty well done, partially burnt. However, my partner and I ate everything on our plates and told them how delicious it all was. Afterwards, we had to have that heart-to-heart about how they are not supposed to use the stove or oven without an adult around because accidents can happen. They told me they understood and they never did that again, but they knew we weren't angry with them. They knew we appreciated the gesture. They are very sweet girls even 10 years later. That phone call to her friends mom afterwards was very awkward though lol
Edit to add: Forgot to mention they had also cleaned everything up before they even woke me! Such sweethearts
With the third story, what OP did wasn't the same as the example you gave regarding your grandmother. This guy told his girlfriend exactly what kind of cake he wanted. And I kind of think it was a little bit selfish and spiteful of the girlfriend to hear what kind of cake her boyfriend wanted. But then went ahead and made the cake she wanted for him. On someone's birthday, they should get the cake they want. My husband likes this chocolate sheet cake with fudge frosting that his grandma used to make and I hate it. It's super time consuming and difficult to make. But every year for the past 10 plus years I make it for him. now our daughter likes it too. So I'm making it twice a year. Because that's what he wants and if you love your partner, that's what you do.
Im with you. Dusty's example about his grandmother is about a wrongly made assumption on Grans part. On the girlfriend's part it was a complete dismissal of OPs request.
Following Dusty's logic from the 1st story I would say the GF is more of an AH here.
I agree with his judgement 100%. They're both ASCON 3
Yeah it’s a simpler version of the wedding day scenario. It’s like.. u can’t set yourself aside for _one day,_ and do whatever they told u they want on _their_ day? If u simply cannot, don’t ask them what they want for a cake, gift, dinner; and don’t agree to be in their wedding.
I don't agree with your assessment on the cake. If someone asks you what kind of cake you want and you specifically tell them. Then they should make the kind of cake that you requested. If they want to make a different cake, fine just NOT for their birthday.
Candy Thunder the voice of reason!
On the third story, I'm confused, His communication was perfect, he stated exactly what he wanted and she changed it. He was honest with her and she was upset. The communication is only off on one side. Now he could have just faked being happy to make her happy, however is it right to lie in this situation? If he does now she will do this again and again.
Now I would have not told her at that time when people are around, I would have talked to her in private on another day. He is stupid if he apologized and asked for an apology, that's is not going to end well at all. Lol.
So in one story, you're on the side of the girl who was upset she didn't get a $300 cake, but in another cake story you're not on the side of the guy who didn't get the cake he wanted?
All things being relatively equal, your reasoning is inconsistent.
THIS!!! ! The cake was specific. She made what she wanted to make. Op would have been fine with that had she not ASKK!
Yeah, I think if the woman in Story 1 can have whatever she wants on her bday regardless of how silly OP thinks it is, then the guy in Story 3 should too. I also didn’t like OP’s judgemental language in Story 1. Sounds like he doesn’t respect his partner at all.
You don't mess with cake. She messed with cake, and then wanted a pat on the back. She is the AH.
*Story 4: King Arthur? -* I don’t get these families/ Queen B’s, who hv to use their family first+middle names when they already get the last name for free. _Excuse me, but MY family counts too + btw MIL.. the nursie-nurse-nurse told me that if there’s a scuffle about baby’s name… they ask New Mom + that’s the one that goes on the birth certificate._ [true story but we were only figuring out the spelling].
You’d think these folks were dukes, duchesses + earls, the way they want to keep the legacy names, screw the maternal side. I’m a 3rd myself, named after grandma + mom, but called by my middle name since day 1 (a huge headache I don’t recommend it) + I do hate the old lady first name so much.
For the woman who was upset about her parents paying for her dog's surgeries instead of her rhinoplasty:
Shes NOT the Asshole for being sad about not getting the surgery, and she might want to look into loans and/or payment plans if she really wants to get it.
Also, i strongly disagree that she's entitled for wanting rhinoplasty. We don't know what she looks like, but for all we know she's gotten insults and ridicule for the way she looks and is certainly entitled to want to do something about it.
It really drives me nuts when attractive people (such as Dusty) talk about elective surgery in blanketly negative terms. Its easy to judge others when youve never walked a mile in their shoes.
When it comes to her disappointment, i get it. However, even if she cant get the procedure now, she can still get it over summer break or before she starts her career.
Also, i hope she realizes just how serious such a procedure is. Just because it's elective doesnt mean its easy or minor. So i hope she really looks into the realities of recovering from this sort of surgery.
Best of luck! ❤
Yea, you're an AH buddy. People that you or others find "attractive" can have insecurities too so it's not like they automatically wouldn't be able to relate. Hell, we don't know what OP actually looks like and she may very well be attractive but too insecure to see that.
My husband kinda the same 😂but he does still get me the stupid thing I like and want. One Valentine’s Day, he had work! He kiss me good bye he did go get breakfast, so I was happy, he told me we will go to dinner on his day off. Well I was just chilling, doorbell! Slip through the door cam, seen someone with this big bouquet of longstem roses! With the box of chocolate, I thought maybe it could be wrong house, so I answered from the door cam, she said order for my name, I run so fast to the door, 😂open the door, I had my face mask on, I was giving myself a little spa day😂 I was so happy. He spent $200+I talked to him, he said I’m glad ur happy! It does sound crazy to spend $200+ on followers! Well we never did that again! And sees candy has good candy! And it’s super market sounds beautiful flowers as well, but it made me happy! This pass valentines, he said no flowers 😂but got me beautiful diamond earrings.
❤❤
I have a feeling my 18yo is going to be in OP's shoes in story #4. They are currently 🤰🏽& the father agrees to not only have the baby take my child's last name, but HE wants to take the same last name when they get married. I feel like his family is gonna flip when they find out. 🤦🏽♀️ I really don't wanna have to roll heads, so I hope they stay respectful towards my kid. 🤷🏽♀️
In response to story #8 it blows my mind when people say my parent(s) pressured me into something. Parent should be teaching their children to NEVER give into pressure. Thats just common sense, the woman is 47 years old and still doesn't have a spine? Just hang up the phone and live life.
Ni7: yes AH. She didn’t consider that room mate might have a slice for breakfast let alone anything else!
Angel food cake is pretty much gross 😂
Story six: “If some guy blatantly hit on me in front of him he’d be annoyed too and wouldn’t like me hanging out at the beach alone.” Annnnddd… if he were to tell you that you weren’t allowed to go to the beach without him, that would be…. Oh, what’s the word… it’s on the tip of my tongue… oh yes, controlling. OP said herself that he is oblivious. Let’s say every single woman who comes across him does want to sleep with him. Does that mean that they get to?
I just gotta say. I seriously thought Bluey was Bingos DAD. Have you ever been wrong to a 3 year old. ? I've never felt so stupid. I didn't even catch half of the words and still felt so belittled.
#popofail
Arthur 😢 couldn’t name my son that, tuberculosis..video games ruined some names
I don't blame the rhinoplasty girl for being upset, but as someone who sees pets as family who you basically "promise" to care for to the best of your ability, it's puppies over plastic. Admittedly, I am probably biased and extra passionate about this right now because one of my babies just passed and I'm not handling it particularly well.
Story 1: I bet OP would buy her a hoover for her birthday. That’s practical. When is he going to learn to enjoy life and celebrate! That’s why he doesn’t want to buy the cake. Scrooge
Story 1 & 3: NTA, Maybe Ascon 4. Guy in #1 needs to work on attitude though.
Story 6: The jealousy is oozing, regardless of age.
Story 7: I don't understand why she stayed friends with her. She did everything wrong.
Story 8: OMG
Story 10: Ascon 3. Maybe a taste.
First one: OP doesn't "get it". Replace cake with tickets. They're single use, you'll keep nothing but photos. She just wants to look back on her life at a pretty photo and say: "I did that!". I bet if she instead obsessed for months over $$$ tickets to go to some amazing concert or place, he'd have bought the tickets for her birthday.
The story where the OP kicked out her sister and her sisters kids:
Its so outrageous that i find the story hard to believe, to be frank. But, if it's actually true, her sister is the devil 😂
*Story 5: Landlady aka MIL -* I’m biased, I know, but _ oh Dusty.. after all the MIL stories, ur falling for this holes be damned fairytale?! When I hear a Mom, The Lily White Innocent, being taken advantage of by a smug mugged DIL, I squint reeeeal hard + listen between the lines. Cuz that animal is a rare breed.
*Clue 1:* i asked my son if they wanted to live w/me when I was house hunting. They said no, later moved in.
*Clue 2:* DIL is a high risk preg, had a 28 wk baby _so I can say nothing that my house is constantly a mess._
*Clue 3:* DIL gives me dirty looks when I try to talk to her.
*Conclusion:* (1) Ofc they didn’t want to live w/anyone else but reality struck. DIL had trepidations + her fears are coming true. (2) MIL has had PLENTY to say about her constantly messy house + son prob shut her down, but it did not go unnoticed by DIL. (3) mugging is Immature, but DIL can’t say how MIL makes her feel (yet) during her most vulnerable time, so it comes across her face due to stress, all those little kids at too young of an age (25?!) + dealing w/obv money troubles. She’s stuck + miserable at the moment, but hopefully their new little family survives it. ❤
I don't understand the automatic assumption that the daughter in law always has to be the victim.
Umm…how is the daughter in law the victim here? If they can’t financially take care of themselves, why are they still having babies? What is mother in law expected to do with mortgage payments and bills? She mentioning things like messy home for perspective. Daughter in law should quit having kids for a while if they are not financially stable. They are not mother in law’s responsibility.
@@cuculain78l totally agree
Story 9: While I sympathize, OP should wait until she is a bit older. Your face is still growing and changing at 18. Get into therapy and wait until maybe 25 so your face is set and you only need 1 nose job.
So the kid already gets the father's last name but that's not enough. Husband needs to grow a pair, he basically set his pregnant wife up as the 'bad guy' - red flag. Passing on names, with gender fluidity being what is there's no guarantee that Arthur couldn't someday be Amy ☺
Story with the baby name, guys an ascon 1 for sure.
He's allowed to change his mind but he's not allowed to act like his wife should change her mind, if he brings it up and she is still firmly against it. Game over. They already had an agreement.
Everyone saying NTA for the guy in Story 3: i disagree with you and agree with Dusty. Its not that he shouldn't have told her, its that he should have done it in a gentler way. Often, its not what you say but how you say it, and he was overly harsh/blunt with his feedback. On top of that, he was probably acting pissy, because she asked him what was wrong. So clearly he had a sour demeanor at the time.
To be clear, she was also an ASCON. I won't go into what she did, since everyone seems to agree she was an ASCON 3. But if i had been in his position, I would have first thanked her for the effort and let her know how good the cake was (because presumably, it was good). Then later, i would have said something along the lines of, "next time, could you please just make me what i ask for if possible? The cake was good and i love all the effort you put into it, but my tastebuds were in the mood for all chocolate."
I don’t think thats a really big age difference :/ but maybe what Candy meant was that the girlfriend was too old for acting this way.
It's a significant gap, but not because of the numbers. Your brain is still developing until ~25. Relationships between people over and under that benchmark will inevitably have a power imbalance; it can be very difficult for the younger party to see abuse, or keep boundaries.
That age gap would be meaningless if he was 31 and she was 37 or if he was 41 and she was 47. But because he is still so young, 6 years is a big age gap. She is very controlling which makes me think that she purposefully went after a younger guy that she thinks she can manipulate.
Story 6; Yes she’s the A-hole. That girlfriend is toxic and controlling. And the fact that she feels the need to spy on her boyfriend’s interactions with strangers and threatens to destroy something he’s been working on and matters to him if he doesn’t comply with her unreasonable demand for her to chaperone him at the beach is abusive. I hope the poor guy dumps her. She’s clearly not mature or healthy enough to be in a relationship right now.
💛🤍
First!
As a wife, spending $300 on a cake is asinine. No.