Відео

Could anyone imagine if this was the 70's or 80's and we got mouthy at the table with our parents? We didn't get grounded, our punishment was handed out at the table.

What an awful person you are, OP.

What a terrible wife!! There is nothing wrong with him helping older people. You are the AITA OP.

NTA

I feel like it’s totally fine if friends don’t really like her, however he needs to talk to them about still treating her with a bit of respect. I wouldn’t call her snobby, but I’d say that about the friends. Also what kind of friends are these if they don’t clean up after themselves? Op is a bit of an AH, while his intentions were in the right place, his concerns are misplaced.

Get a locking desk and file cabinet and put your laptop and all of your work inside when you leave. There would be zero reason for her to need to "clean" inside of furniture.

Yeah install some cameras before you try any to leave any of your stuff. If she dies damage anything you have proof.

So sorry OP. I would #1 tell hubby that the key was not ok, period. ST needs to work with supervision. or #2 that OP refuses to work in the office where her shit could be tampered with if hubby is allowing this or #3 I would let it all slide, except for the part about hiding hidden cameras everywhere in the office. I would not tell hubby, since he feels solo decisions are cool & then I would have proof of her behavior & with any luck, remove her from your life. She was basically grown up by the time OP arrived & I wouldn't give this girl any more slack. You guys are all enabling her uselessness. Cleaning your office once a week is hardly a job for an adult. Seriously, Dad should tell her he will help her only if she goes back to school or finds a tradesmen training program to become self-sufficient. Time is ticking & she is way behind. Don't be blind like hubby OP.

I wouldn't be surprised if the stepdaughter actually did some damage to the office because she now has a key. Dad will regret that decision since it will cost him financially. OP should definitely put up camera's before starting to work at home, that way she has the evidence to show her husband that the stepdaughter can't be trusted.

Maybe mama is having separation anxiety as well…in that case, mom is the only person baby needs right now anyways. An immediate bond with grandma isn’t a necessity.

The MIL needs to apologize, not just for her accusatory, judgmental, criticizing behavior, not just for ruining OP's clothing and suitcase, but also for blatant invasion of privacy. Not her suitcase, not her home, OP could have left the suitcase on the ceiling fan and it wouldn't have been MIL's business or concern, but to set it out of the way, closed, and wake up to it being open and in the middle of the room destroyed as well as the clothing and accessories in it is intolerable and inexcusable. What was MIL looking for in someone's sealed suitcase? What did she hope to find? Money? Jewelry? Medicine? Why was she snooping in the suitcase at all? She needed to be shown the door, if she has a house key, change the locks (she's probably made spare keys - if she lies about 'accidentally' spilling coffee and lies so artistically that OP starts doubting herself where she left her own closed, sealed suitcase (as if OP is used to coming home jet-lagged, opening her suitcase, placing it wide open in the middle of the living room floor so everyone has to walk around it and see its contents until she decides to unpack and put things away). Please! MIL overstepped every boundary of decency while being a guest in someone's home, was unapologetic, lied, ruined things, invaded OP's privacy, criticized her after a long flight home, nagged her even after the criticism, then gaslighted her to the point she began doubting herself in her tired state. The woman needs to know her behavior will not be tolerated or condoned in their home ever again. If she can't act like an adult, remember common courtesy, respect their privacy and keep her hands off other people's things, she isn't welcome.

I don't think this is really about the child's name: this is MIL's displaced aggression at DIL for marrying her precious son (their relationship is civil but not warm from what I understand). MIL can't 'divorce' DIL, she can't steal her son back, she can't dictate their household routine, rules, finances, decisions, etc., so the only way she can get under the DIL's skin is to stoop low with something that seems inconsequential to an outsider, not knowing the history of the given name or nickname. No matter what they named their child, the MIL would not have liked it and given any child a nickname just so she could irritate DIL every single opportunity she got. This should have been stopped the first time MIL pulled this stunt but that's water under the bridge at this point. Establish the boundary right now: next time the nickname gets used, in conversation or when introducing the child, MIL loses 4 months of visitation with the child. No calls, no dropping by, no babysitting (good gravy, I hope not!), nothing. Complete NC between child and grandmother. Each infraction, whether intentional or a slip, another 4 months. The longer her disdain and intentional maliciousness is tolerated and condoned, the more power she feels she wields over OP, husband and child. This isn't about a name: it is about power and control.

That kind of person is scary. She stepped out on him more than once, he found out about it by going through her phone but confronted her and told her he knew she was cheating and they were going to have a talk when he got home. She, on the other hand, went through his phone only after he told her he was dating - he was up front that he's dating, and the reason she went through his phone was to find his date(s) and then attack them via social media. He wanted to talk about her cheating face-to-face, one-on-one when they could get together: she wanted to threaten, coerce, frighten the woman/women he was openly dating. The GF's family/parents aren't there, weren't there, didn't witness anything: all they know is what their daughter told them, but they can't be that stupid: $15K bail isn't because she jaywalked: that's some serious bail for a serious crime and they should get a clue their daughter did something felonious enough to land her in handcuffs and in jail: that OP isn't in a cell in an adjoining room also should tell them who, in this incident, was right and who was wrong. OP shouldn't drop the charges, shouldn't clear his phone, shouldn't stay in that house, should change the locks (although if she gets bailed out, all bets are off she wouldn't run her car through the door to gain access and maybe injure him in the process), and should proceed to get a RO against her. She doesn't want him, doesn't want anyone else to have him, and that kind of obsession turns dangerous very quickly when provoked, even if the provocation is imagined. This girl is problematic and dangerous. OP should not back down on this.

Absolutely NTA!!!

When they show you who they are, believe them. She's demonstrated she can't be trusted, so NTA.

NTA. I agree with Dusty in that you set the boundary and you give her the chance to earn the trust... But it's going to take some serious time. Because this is a hell of a manipulative person and she's been doing it for a while and if she's going to screw you over she's going to do it hard. And when you do decide to work from there, I would even lay a trap. I would leave something that looks super important or valuable on your desk and then set up a hidden camera and then when she comes in with a key see how she does. 22 years old and she doesn't have her GED? If I were the parent getting her GED would be a condition of any further help. Also, she should be getting charged rent to live with you

OP is a giant pile of dog poop with a bunch of red flags stuck in it. I hope she leaves him and finds someone who appreciates her.

I'd be concerned as OP that I was being "baited" into doing something stepdaughter or dad would hold against OP. "OP's not working in the office because of ME? She's so nasty, dad--can't you see it?" That sort of thing would likely happen next if OP doesn't go along with dad's open door policy. Even if OP simply locked her office door she'd be met with, "I can't clean it because your wife is so paranoid she won't let me in! See how horrible your wife is, Dad?" I'd say OP needs to have a very deep conversation with her husband about his daughter--maybe insisting that daughter get therapy, or pointing out that daughter is purposely making wife's life a living hell.

OP's girlfriend needs a new boyfriend, one that will prioritize her feelings, otherwise why are they together? I'm surprised she hasn't dumped him. OP is the AH. All the way to number 1.

I can see your concerns OP and tend to agree. You could install some HIDDEN cameras throughout the office to monitor things and maybe one or two other out in the open as a warning. But would your husband even agree to that? Your stepdaughter has some problems, but your husband appears to enable at least some of her behaviors. NTA!

The parents have failed this daughter. She doesn't even have a GED but he paid for her livelihood for a year? She wouldn't see a cent from me until she, at minimum, gets her GED. She sounds like she needs therapy. NTA, she is not a safe person. You do not want to be an old, fragile lady with that woman in your life. Nope.

It's also weird that not only is she tagging on EVERY time, but..he's also paying. She hasn't paid him back for the ones he's paid. So he doesn't want to hurt her feelings by saying no, pays for her lunch, and isn't standing up for his wife and her only free time with him... you would think he would be upset too. This is odd

Not invited to a group event, not invited to participate in the "take out" food, not notified OP invited friends to *their* home - friends who clearly 'prefer' OP's ex to his current live-in gf, taken advantage of by leaving a mess behind, disrespected and disregarded after someone stained the carpet but never lifted a napkin to try and clean it up or apologize for the accident, just left it for the 'maid' to handle, insulted, denigrated, dishonored by being called a snob with a RBF by someone who supposedly chose her, claims to love her and lives with her who doesn't protect her, defend her, support her, uplift her to his atrociously judgmental and critical friends who elected themselves her critique squad. What, in hell, is there in all of that for her? What is so amazingly spectacular in his and their treatment of her to make her want to be in their company, let alone have them in HER home? This poor woman is being used and manipulated because she's quiet and reserved, she's verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused, treated as their doormat, is only important to OP when he needs something from her, and is only an option to him - definitely not HIS priority or even A priority in his life. That HE condones his friends still marveling at how much they prefer his 'ex' without shutting that conversation down immediately the first time it happened, and that he tolerates their disrespect for his current gf is shameful, selfish and immature on his part. He has decided, even knowing she's an introvert, that he no longer wants to be inconvenienced by asking her if she would like to join them in anything: he's making the decision/choice for her permanently as if she's incapable of making that decision each time by herself. Whether he's asked 1,000 times with 1,000 "no thank you" responses from her, he should still care enough about her to extend himself a teeny tiny bit and give her the courtesy of a choice - her choice. But after being treated as second-best by his friends in their group when she did join in, where they talk freely in front of her about his 'ex' being more to their liking and that she was an integral member of their 'group', and when being ignored by them in her own home that they treated like a fast-food joint where they just leave their crap behind and walk out the door, what makes him think she would ever want to be in their company? And that's why he didn't communicate with her before inviting his friends to their house: he knew they dislike her, he knows they make her uncomfortable comparing her to his ex, and he knew she'd balk at the idea of them being in their personal and private space when they disrespect her to her face. GF is worth so much more than OP seems capable of being and giving: she may be an introvert, but he's selfish, arrogant, weak, spineless, cowardly, with an inferiority complex that screams for others' approval so he goes along with 'friends' treating his live-in girlfriend like last week's garbage and when they find amusement in him providing a victim for their abuse and disrespect, he thirsts for their sick approval so much, he goes right along with them. If she was my sister, daughter or niece, I'd be urging her to end this farce of whatever it is - it isn't a friendship because of the intentional maliciousness with which they treat her; it certainly isn't a relationship because he's married to his twisted friend group with zero manners; but whatever it is, she doesn't need to allow it to continue, nor should she. GF, get out of this circus now. Trust me, it won't get better. He's shown you his true self by the friends he keeps: you will never be his priority; he will never, ever put you before others.

He quit his job and wishes to be a bum and have a bum fest. Hope she leaves him on the street.

FFS. I have 2 (of 6) grandchildren whom I got to hold once as a tiny, and then not again until they were almost or over 3 years. We let the kids have bodily autonomy. Don't want a hug? Fine, no hugs. The day my grandson sat down in my lap without any prompting, I nearly cried with happiness. (I did cry after we left.) It absolutely sucked, for 3 whole years, but the wait was worth it, and those kids learned early on that they have the right to say no, even before they could verbalize it.

In her defense, “pot’s not cleaned properly “ could mean food left in spots.

He worked a fulltime job. I'm sorry taking care of a house isn't that hard.

Of OP starts treating her like a man without emotions would, maybe then she will realize how much of a dumbass she is being.

She is money drunk. She screwed up by making them think your trash. NTA! She's making you look horrid!

NTA! OP, your wife is upset because now she looks like a financial failure instead of you looking like a gold digger. BTW, WHY is/was she okay with YOU looking like a gold digger? Why wouldn't she defend you? I think you and your wife really need to work on this. Regardless of incomes, the two of you need to be equal partners in your marriage.

OP knows and has accepted that his wife's family *hates* (OP's term) him, but he's confident in himself, knows his worth as a man and husband, obviously is a good provider and even attends social gatherings with her when he's completely outnumbered and the only thing he has in common with her 'circle' of viperous, condescending, ill-mannered 'friends' is his wife. That she sat there while he was criticized, insulted, denigrated and treated maliciously because her 'circle' made assumptions about him without any knowledge, truth or facts is indicative of how little she respects her own husband. She was telling *him* to drop the subject, but not her 'friends'; she got mad at him for defending himself with truth and facts, but didn't get the least bit upset with them for treating him like dirt. One can clearly see how, when he's not with this 'circle' of women, even his wife acts like they did because she's part of that circle. These are the kind of 'friends' who berate waitstaff in a restaurant for a forgotten glass of water, a mix-up with a side dish, a forgotten condiment, etc., so the entire room can hear them chastising someone they deem 'less than' themselves. How this guy survived with this woman as long as he has means he also has staying power, fortitude, commitment and understanding. That he grew up practically parentless, was self motivated to make something of himself, is successful and content is admirable. His wife, obviously, doesn't see any of that because she doesn't want to see it, otherwise, she never would have let the first insult or shameful comment stand at that table. She should have spoken up and as a lawyer, she is never at a loss for words or how to phrase something to check someone's inappropriate behavior or drive home a point with a few, well chosen words and tone. She doesn't value this man as her husband, she doesn't respect him, and she certainly doesn't care how others treat him, including her closest friends. This 'circle' of friends are snakes in a pit and she's right there with them. Before their venom infiltrates this admirable man, he should seriously consider ending the marriage post haste. He is worthy of so much more, and he deserves so much more than what she's obviously willing to give. And that is based on this incident with just her friends; toss in the attitude of her family toward him, and if he was my brother, I'd be urging him to leave asap and I'd be helping him pack.

NTA. I don't blame him for it at all. HIs wife should have stuck up for him with her family and friends from the start. She allows the behavior. She's the AH

Why was the wife just sitting home alone once the kids got older? My husband and I don't have kids. We've been married for almost 2 years. When I moved here and married him, I was only working part time and also had some breaks where I wasn't working for a week or two at a time. I used to GO when I had weekdays off. I'd go buy a day pass and go swimming. I'd ride my bike to the store and get groceries. I would ride to the lake or a park and jump rope. I ALWAYS left the house. The wife should get a part time job on her own, not through Anna. She needs to make sure she has more than just one female friend to keep her busy. Or she needs to find things to do during the day to get out of the house. A lot of places I've worked at have one or two moms of school aged kids who come in in the middle of the day so that full time employees can take their lunch breaks. Daycares and supermarkets are ideas of where to start. Also, if wife is into literature, maybe she can work at the library or as an aide in the local public school. It sounds like she didn't have any life when the kids were younger, either. She should have been taking the children to events to eventually meet people.

Class of 1975 😱 ... 🙃

Glad they broke up. They were toxic together.

People don't ask enough questions about values when they're dating. How do you get to married and didn't discover the wife had these shitty values of putting her friends before her life partner?

NTA. Dude this woman that he married is happy to let everyone trash him to his face and she doesn’t defend him at all but the moment he stands up for himself he’s the bad guy. OP might love her but she doesn’t love him or she would defend him with everything she has and be happy when he stands up for himself.

He needs to run !! Get away from her . She just showed what she actually thinks of him .

If you truly love this woman and you think she truly loves you, you either need to have an in depth conversation with her about how these people make you feel, or you need to both go to counseling and learn how to communicate. This behavior by her is not acceptable. She needs to learn that she doesn't need the acceptance of others. Either they will love/like her on her own merits or she's better off without them and needs to go low or no contact with them. OP has some work to do, as does his wife, if they want this marriage to work in the end.

He's a petty AH all the time. Sounds like wah wah wah...I'm being neglected. Rethink a man who does this especially when you're sick. He's not interested in listening to her

NTA. Leave her she sucks , she’s embarrassed that you’re not poor. She’s been letting her family/friends treat you like scum.

Taylor Swift story. I think the husband is right. The wife does seem out of control with it. He doesn't seem to be looking down on it at all, just saying it's too much. I didn't get any sense of him belittling her. He also SHOULD be telling her things like this. If it gets to the point of an argument, he's already let it get too far. Saying thus as soneone whos been with her husband for 20 years. We've 100% had our arguments in our early years and had to learn this. He seems to be doing this right. He just needs to keep communicating that he'll still support her love of TS but in a more acceptable level. He may see it getting to obsession level.

The whole group of people sounds pretty awful. Although I will say, the investment banking world isn’t exactly known for its reasonable and down-to-earth culture either.

❤️

Dude, divorce her as soon as possible! This is going to be your life forever if you don't

What’s going to happen if they have another child? All over again? The relationship is already tarred and will not get much better. Keep them at a distance

NTA….why are you with this woman??

petty…definitely NTA. Those “friends” are shitty

At the start, he's the AH, and so are the friends. The friends for comparing her to the ex and not trying to accept her and him for allowing it to continue. I wouldn't want to be around them either! He and the friends are garbage people, and she deserves better.

There is nothing complicated about it. They did not need privacy.