Why I Hated Minecraft Growing Up
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- Опубліковано 11 січ 2023
- How did Minecraft went from a game I've played since my childhood into an existential horror game?
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Twitter: / xayxayyt
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Video edited by me!
Heavily Inspired by “A Tribute to Minecraft” By Jschlatt
• A Tribute to Minecraft
Big thanks to my friends: Restless, Tsuki, Kataga, Moonshine, Marseeya, Tunie, Forsy and Gamo for providing feedback,
As well as the people in my community who responded in the community poll for the title of this video.
Yae Miko Minecraft skin (By timeforcrime):
www.planetminecraft.com/skin/...
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-Music used in the video (in order)-
[Intro] Minecraft - Wait
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[Kill Everything] Arcane: Original Score from Act II - A score to settle
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[Unknown Fear] SILENCE | 4 hours gentle wind in the mountains | sleeping, calming, resting
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[Change is good] Minecraft - Cat
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"When you’re going to change the world, don’t ask for permission.” - Ігри
̶M̶o̶r̶a̶l̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶r̶y̶:̶ ̶D̶o̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶t̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶A̶ ̶l̶e̶v̶e̶l̶s̶
Huge thanks to everyone who participated in the community poll for deciding the title of this video. After reading the comments, I felt that titling the video about fear about Minecraft in general with "Why Minecraft is Truly Terrifying" would've been disingenuous or too clickbaity, and I've scrapped that title idea for a future Halloween video.
This is a somewhat different video where I talk about Minecraft to me personally, the next few videos will be back to a format similar to the video about diamonds. I've also moved the subtitles lower down the video after seeing a few comments saying they were too distracting.
But do let me know what you think of the video, or whether the originally voted title of "Why Minecraft is Truly Terrifying" would've been fine.
Once again, happy new years and here's to 2023. :)
Happy new years :))))
You are the only youtuber i wait to watch so much that i dont forget about channels you are just a really good youtuber :D
@@WhompTheBunny That's really sweet of you to say, I thank you very much for the kind words but it does make me feel a little bad that I'm making you wait so long between uploads heh
@@XayXayYTanyway you have a lot of dedication 3k subs and 5k subs in 1 VID? Always worth the wait tho :)
I really understand you when you say about crashing from highest grades to barely studying. It really hurts and kills all the self-worth.
You are not alone with this problem, though, and there are people who can help you with getting back in life and restoring the happiness. Hope your darkest times have passed, and the better is ahead to come.
Honestly its the emptiness of the game that gets me, I never play minecraft alone. Nothing interacts with you, most things ignore or atack you. Nothing talks to you. There is no one else around like you in the entire world. Its empty, you are alone. The feeling is really uncanny valley for me.
I always imagine that’s what Hell would be like. Sure their are “entities” in the game but nothing that truly interacts with you. You are responsible for every single change that happens in the world besides creepers and less so endermen.
You are alone, sure you have a whole beautiful world to explore but you are still alone. Sure you can interact with Villagers but they are pawns with no real initiative.
This is hell. Alone with your thoughts and no one else to share them with. Everything you build, accomplish, do, see, it’s all non-existent the second you die because no one else is there. A universe without an observer doesn’t exist
I can only play multiplayer because of this even if no one’s online at least it’s like… they’re part of the world at least I’m not alone in it
I never thought about it like that, now I can’t not think about it 😅
This is the comment I was looking for. I started playing Minecraft with a friend, but then I moved away and lost touch, and was without company for the majority of my pay time afterwards. I would load up single player worlds and play alone, but...I stopped after a relatively short time. I got very into Minecraft UA-camrs after: why? Because then I felt, even parasocially, that the world of Minecraft was something I could share with someone. Otherwise, there was just the eerie feeling of a world without meaning and without anyone, rendering all actions meaningless. It makes you realize just how much of the reason why we do anything at all is so that you can share your experiences with others.
@@flavertex658 humans are social creatures after all, even the most introverted of us.
Im very introverted but over a long enough time period, you begin to wish someone could see what you’ve made
Parents always say all this stuff about how games don’t matter, but I feel like minecraft has made a huge impact on me 👍
Definitely! I feel like MC has teached me about how to deal with responsibilities, time management, resource management, automation, machine maintenance, facing fears, discipline, exiting my comfort zone, kindness, etc... all of that by playing Survival normally!
Huge
Parents don't know what games mean to kids. It was bad enough when i was a kid, now its gotta be a 1000 times worse - parents didn't change that much but kids have full lives on the internet thaat can be taken away at a whim because some powertripoping asshole gave them a bad grade in the failed education system. At least when it was taken away from me it was PS1 and offline games.
Same
@@atropa6053 I agree with you so much bro
This hit hard... I failed out my final year of college back in 2011. That was the worst year of my life. Just, indescribably dark and miserable. I would end up going back and finishing my degree, but minecraft was one of few comforts I had that could still bring me joy. I wish you well in life, [unpronounceable name].
Imagine having an unpronounceable name amirite
I wish you well in life too my dude :)
@@XayXayYT do you know about ddlc ?
@@fazilyous8622omori is scarier in terms of atmosphere
DDLC gives me PTSD after someone commited sudoku.
@@teamok1025go back to daycare
@@fazilyous8622I recently checked DDLC Steam reviews and there was someone with like 16,045 hours playtime and a week after that he already had 100 hundred more. I really enjoyed the game but how could you possibly play it longer than 5 hours
I can actually really relate to this, it’s probably due to the huge gaping emptiness in Minecraft that you feel when playing single player. You are alone the entire time which makes even the slightest noises really off putting and can even be sort of jump scares sometimes in a way, not to mention the cave noises that occur from time to time at random. Overall this video made me cry in a way because it reminded of how really empty and uncanny Minecraft feels in single player
I feel as if this game is a curse more than anything. I’ve been on and off with Minecraft for 11 years now and I highly doubt this cycle will ever end for me. I wouldn’t be surprised if i’m playing this game in my elderly years lol.
honestly that would be a nice thought, imagine playing it with grandkids and they're like "this game is ancient"
Couldn't have said it better myself
Totally agree. On and off for 8 years. Whenever it burns out, I’m always back a few years later. I doubt I’ll ever be strong enough to leave forever.
My grandparents okay Command and Conquer, and Battletanks on the N64 almost everyday. They are in their 80's.
I'm almost 62. I play Minecraft with friends and my grandsons.
The modded game is infinite.
But I played unmodded last summer.
I recommend, "Wear Sunscreen" by Boz. It's a great philosophical song.
I used to play Minecraft as usual, but since about 2019, I struggle to play without the overwhelming fear that some kind of creepypasta entity is watching me
Edit: I just want to make it clear that I meant I feel watched in-game, not irl
well, nothing is, its an irrational fear. I hope you are able to overcome your fear though.
well, by the 0% nil chance that it even is watching you, what will it do? It's just your computer in your fake Minecraft world, and you can just leave the game, turn your computer off, or just leave your pc. I would personally be exited to find such an entity, in the same way some people are thrilled by danger and unknown, exept I dont have to worry that the entity could genuinely hurt me.
I remember hearing about a game where you're searching for someone and have to save them at the end of the game, while also the model of the lost character is behind you at all times, you just can't see it because you can't look behind you, and even if you did it would still be behind the camera, just watching you
@@mariotheundying bro thats creepy
I recommend playing with friends you trust! You usually wont be alone, and there's always fun things to do. For example I have a sever (sadly inactive cause I have no friends that want to play anymore) but you could start wars, build collab bases, make a group/team and so much more. It helps for me at least
I've never just broke down in tears,but this one hit the spot man I've been playing since early 2010 and this video just hit a switch. The fact that most of the memories I have with friends and family have to do with this game just makes it even harder to accept the fact that one day you will place your last block and walk away. I think that maybe putting up worlds as world downloads might help with this share your creations that you've given up on or are bored of. Because someone like myself will take inspiration no matter how little and it will make an impact on other people and release some of that dread that you feel when you feel like it was for nothing.
I'm dealing with these existencial fear thoughts, thinking that i'm not spenting my time wisely, not being a person who's making his own parents proud, i'm trying to improve myself but sometimes it's hard enough for me to give up. This video was really special to me thank you, and sorry for any writing errors, english is not my native lenguage, i just wanted you to know that this video helped me somehow. Thank you, you deserve everything.
you just changed my entire view on life. We're in the same boat depression and academics. And minecraft. Thank you so much Xayller.
I'm happy to hear that it did, take care my friend.
@@XayXayYT I will until the next video I'm on a streak of saying hi
Yeah me too I still don't know the reason I to life and I'm now 18 and in 1 month I'm one year older.
@@XayXayYT mine too, also currently in the sigma male college grindset and while not battling depression, i am battling ADHD and have had depression in the past, so I know how hard battling mental ailments can be. We're all in this together.
@Draven's Cringe Gaming Who cares if it matters 'in the end' or not. It matters in the here and now and there's no sense in worrying about the rest.
This is going off on a bit of a tangent, but the "Butterfly Effect" is the phenomenon where tiny changes in initial conditions end up creating extremely different outcomes in the long term. There's a really cool video example of this effect on youtube using a simulation of a laser line reflecting off of a bunch of spherical mirrors. As the laser line changes in angle ('statistically insignificant' 0.0000000001 of a degree), the ultimate path of the laser bounces around quite drastically and unpredictably. This Butterfly Effect phenomenon is what makes long term weather forecasts so difficult to predict accurately without constantly updating the prediction as new information comes in.
Needless to say, any actions you choose to take (or not take) within your life will fundamentally change the course of the distant future in ways that are quite literally impossible to comprehend. Interesting food for thought
The dog disappearing at 4:24 is one of the saddest things I've ever seen. Makes me think about all those times I tamed one while playing, only to eventually leave that world, never to come back. To those wolves/dogs, I'm so sorry :c
Yeah, I felt like that would've been a perfect way to convey the message of leaving.
@@XayXayYTit probably would have been even sadder if the dog was still sitting there
They're still waiting.
its ok they're not real
That's why I stopped tameing dogs😭
I've been playing Minecraft for a long time now and I've lost many worlds that I've worked very hard on. I would usually just shake off and have a new start but in the recent years everytime I play sometimes I just feel an unknown overwhelming unexplainable fear... This. This is exactly what I needed...
I hate playing Minecraft alone. Whenever I do, I stream because at least there is someone there watching me and I feel like that world has value then.
The ‘End’ of Minecraft shows us a poem in the form of two entities conversing about us, the player and life itself. Minecraft isn’t just a video game, but a life lesson, and you covered it beautifully in this video. Thank you
No those are not the ones in the end. They refer to the player in third person
@@andrestamm3395 What do you mean?
@@Noodlekdoodle i mean like the first lines of dialogue referring to the player in third person
@@andrestamm3395 I never said they weren’t talking about the player in third person? I still don’t know what you’re talking about
@@Noodlekdoodle you said in the end there were two entities and one was the player. Why tf would the player referr to themselves in third person. Do you understand what pronouns mean?
I came here looking for a deep dive into the horrors of Minecraft but ended up with a free therapy lesson
worth it
Oh yeah mad wish I found this during my own confusion, this gem will save a lot of headache for many people to come.
same
Facts
This is by far one of the most relatable videos I've seen in forever
this video meant a lot to me. im glad i found your channel. thank you
As soon as you said, "each time I would boot up the launcher, I would receive a small sense of dread" I instantly knew what you meant even though you hadn't specified it yet. I'm the same age as you and I totally get this feeling. Apart from feeling like you're not alone in your own world, I also get the existential dread whenever I play minecraft.
Sometimes it's sunsets that get me, or new years, or the sound of my keyboard when I start typing.. I have specific triggers, and I really couldn't pinpoint why I also had it whenever I play minecraft until I watched your video. Not gonna lie, I expected another "herobrine" minecraft video but this totally blew me away. I'm also in university studying Architecture right now and I'm struggling and trying my best, my life went to shambles at the start of the pandemic and I'm slowly trying to get back to how everything was before. It's a huge struggle and I don't think I'm ready to let go of my childhood yet, but I'm trying. This video is truly a good motivator and I hope people get the same spark and inspiration as I did after watching this.
As a fellow 2001 kid, we'll overcome this :)
I think it's perfectly fine to feel as though you're not ready to let go yet, honestly I think identifying that you're not ready is a good first step. What matters if you're trying and you should be proud that you're taking steps.
I'm glad that I could give some sort of motivation, you got this, fellow 2001 friend :)
Honestly I think this is never why I play single player anymore.... I didn't even think about it till now, but even if it's a small server, expecially if it's a small server. I'm doing everything I normally do in survival, but I'm not alone, and I can chill out with new friends and I can help them when I'm bored, or get help when I'm doing a big project. Also the /home, /rtp, and /back commands are really nice. The only problem probably is that if the server shuts down I lose my progress, but also chances are I forgot about it all before it shut down. I can't even remember the last time I played single player and each time I have, it's been a strong feeling of dread. Probably because I abandon my worlds so fast, or I get bored too easily by myself...
Anyway we (I'm 2002 baby) are a generation that grew up on video games. People are still playing animal crossing, I used to play that on Gamecube XD millennials who came before us are still playing Atari and Tetris. Our elderly generation feels elderly because they carry on habits from their time periods, the short hair, the dress styles. I'm pretty sure when we are old we will still be playing Minecraft because it's a habit from our generation XD
As a 1997 kid you guys start to make me feel old. It's funny because i don't have such feeling, i love Minecraft but i don't play it all the time, i take long breaks but it's that one game i know i end up coming back to anyway because of it i know it might be the last block in a while but it never feels like it will be the last block.
@Sasha05 I mean I was talking about 60s short hair styles, like a bob or something. Google 60s hairstyles and think about the elderly women in your life, while maybe not as much hairspray and poof anymore... I still see women with these styles, my Nana has the one that curls out at the neck. Many short female hairstyles are newer, like the Karen (starting to grow older), the pixie, the A line, etc.
As for the games, of course they are getting better. I'm saying old habits die hard, and we will be a generation that plays games into the future. Like I said with animal crossing, I played it on GameCube and DS (still do when I find my DS....) But most now play it on mobile or switch. It's still animal crossing. Same with how you play the new versions of Pokemon. It's still Pokemon. And people make newer, better ones because they know you will keep buying them to play. Our grandparents probably didn't own a computer for half of their lives, but now they do. Also I don't think you play Minecraft 1.7.10 anymore, you play 1.19. the point is, you still play Minecraft. And some games we'll play forever without updates, like Snake, or sudoku, or solitaire, but heck I'll still try out Killer sudoku and variations, the point is we will still be playing games. And when we're older we will still be playing games. That fact is never going to change. Our grandparents went fishing because that was a fun thing to do, they take us fishing because they want to share their experiences with us. We play games and will probably show our children and grandchildren how fun Pokemon, Minecraft, and animal crossing are. No doubt they'll be outdated, or have adapted to technology be you our comprehension right now. Can't wait till we get laughed at for still playing on ancient computer PCs, instead of the latest Meta world Google Microsoft VR reality. Because in the future chances are, what we are using, our best tech, will be outdated like how the GameCube is to us. And then laptops that look like the ones we have now will be associated with old people who can't adapt to technology changes, and oooh we don't know how to fly in the metaverse, keep up grandma XD
What do you mean by "feeling you're not alone in your own world" ? I'm very interested to know, please...
This video genuinely changed my views on what minecraft and even life really is about
Glad I could provide a new perspective!
This is such a masterpeice of a video. The way you styled it, the voice over, layout, everything. Amazing!
I wish I could have that feeling I felt during that first dark abstract night and then the beauty of the sunset that gives you this nostalgic vibes
Sometimes I feel very sad about my worlds on my moms old computer and iPad. I feel like the worlds are lost to time. Never to be seen again. I’ll forget about them, no history to pass on… it’s like another world. Sometime when I make a new world, and delete it, I just feel a sense of dread. All the mobs, all the blocks, every imperfection in the world never to be retrieved again…
If it's any comfort, don't be sad that it's gone, be happy that it happened
But remember this - There are a limited number of possible worlds in Minecraft. In some versions, it's 4,294,967,296, while in others, it's over 9 quintillion. The point is, some day in the future (and possibly in the past) it's quite likely that someone will stumble or has stumbled upon that exact world. The exact time they do that is completely up to chance though.
Just trying to make you happier. ^-^
so we are all lonely gods in a sense.
@@JoBot__ That's not likely at all! 😂
Also, that must be the number of possible INITIAL worlds. It's not even likely that two shuffled decks of cards have ever been the same.
(🤓)
@@kricku I'm just taking into account how long Minecraft has been around and how long it will continue to be around for.
(Thanks for the compliment.)
My two main games since I was 10 were the two Crafts, Warcraft and Minecraft. When I was 9 my diagnosis of Depression became official. It is no stretch of the imagination that these two games kept me alive and going. Two years ago I "placed my last block", but not by choice, in Warcraft and I have still not recovered.
I started with Warcraft III and got interested in World of Warcraft. The problem was, as a broke child, I did not have money for a subscription. A friend in Minecraft offered me an account that he bought. It had all the expansions and someone was paying the subscription. I played on that account for a year before the subscription was canceled, but convinced my parents to continue it. Over time I became one of the top players on my server and eventually my region.
15 years, record kills, items, achievements, and well over 10,000 hours later, the original owner reclaimed the account. I lost everything. Yes, I should not have used a stolen account or transitioned to another account. At the time I did not understand the implication when I was young. By the time I did understand, I have put in too many hours to change accounts.
It felt like I lost a loved one. Many tears were shed, many gaming friends were lost, and many memory reminders were destroyed. I still ask myself what the point of all that time is if it could be lost in a moment. Just like you, it is hard not to draw comparisons to life in general. What is the point if it is all meaningless? I have not touched any Warcraft games since. I tried, but the empty feeling kept me from enjoying anything. Games are supposed to help ignore the inquest of life, but some of them end up asking even harder questions.
Your narration in this video is emotionally beautiful. Definitely earned my sub and I can't wait to see what else you have to show us 😊 my favorite thing about Minecraft is how almost every player has a deep and visceral connection to their time spent with it to the point that it becomes a significant part of their life. To many outside observers I'm sure Minecraft is mind numbingly plain but stories like yours are what prove its substance
as someone who just turned 22 i understand this fear on an intimate level.
I fucking cried watching this. I’ve never felt so related with something before… Thanks man, I am still passing through my depression… I hope I can feel happy someday, but things just look… Terrifying. But I will try my best, I swear! And thank you again, REALLY!
You got this my dude, take your time. It's easy to fall under the "C'mon now, everyone goes through this, why haven't I" mindset, but it's important to know that everyone walks a different path in life and everyone takes a different length of time to recover from their grievances.
Take care my dude. :)
@@XayXayYT Thanks dude, growing up might be scary, but I know I’m able to overcome this shit 🌹
Tip:play with your friends and you will not be scared
I cried too, I needed to hear this.
I dealt with depression myself, and videogames were the one thing that held me together during those times. i am doing much better now, but throughout my years i've learned that not everything you do has to be calculated. you don't have to stress about your future all the time. sometimes, what keeps you sane is enjoying the moment you have now.. so instead of thinking about your past actions, or worrying about your future, try to live a pleasant present
Minecraft is always that game for me that I come back to every once in a while and enjoy it and now I wanna play it even more after this video.Also I hope you get more subs you deserve them!
Thank you!
Same😂
I used to rush home from school to play for hours with my cousin, back when life was just a game. Now I rely on games to escape life. Even hearing Minecraft music takes my brain back to 2012. I stopped playing Minecraft couple years ago, I think it was easy for me because like you said, the games changed a lot to the point where it feels different. thanks for making this video, congrats on following your dreams as well g.
This video is so underrated and I'm so happy it popped up in my recommended. This is beautiful, and beautifully written. Absolutely beautiful; great job.
I'm glad you enjoyed the video! And thank you, it took a while to put my thoughts into the script but judging by your comment, it paid off :)
I'm so glad I came across this video. I'm so glad I don't have to figure out this fear on my own. I've been forcing myself to play minecraft for so long, feeling like I had to. So much so that I lost all my creativity with it. I'm happy you shared this and saved me from continuing to have this fear. I now can't wait to NOT play minecraft and find what I really enjoy again. Of course I know I'll come back again, but now hopefully I won't be afraid if it takes a few years.
Dude we're literally the same age, took almost the same IGCSE subjects, screwed up during the 6th form period, barely made it to uni (medical school in my case) and currently just going on, existing, with semi decent pass marks. Video games, especially Minecraft, have always been a source of refuge for me. This video really struck a cord with me, you've gained a subscriber. I wish you best of health and luck for the future.
I wish you best of luck too my friend! If I struggled with my stats degree I can't imagine how much harder it is for medical students
These are the best kind of UA-cam essays. I came here thinking about scary cave noises and Herobrine, and ended up reflecting about my entire life lmao
Ay, glad to hear that! I will definitely do these of essays in the future if I could come up with a topic that fits it :)
Dude. This was an incredible, deep, and beautiful video that I did NOT expect when I was reading the title on my recommended feed. I did not expect to relate to this so much and feel the emotions you just made me feel.
Incredible video. Well done brother. You just earned a subscriber.
Welcome to the community my dude, I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the video!
It’s not that deep
@@mysticsaru8577 ok 👍
@@mysticsaru8577 the ability of someone to relate to something defines it's profundity. If you're as me, someone that has very similar experiences to the author of the video, related to the same topics, the video can resonate with you in a very fundamental way. If your experiences are different, it will not be deep for you. That is why some music makes you cry. The human experience does have a lot of constants, but it is different enough that not everything makes every human tick. That's okay.
I'm glad someone can remotely relate to the dread I get after opening the launcher. I barely can get myself to boot it up
Just wanted to say this video made me super happy and feel better about some of the same fears you mentioned in the video :) Im so glad you're doing better from the depression, keep it up!
Dude, this video made me cry. i’ve been struggling with depression and that existential dread that i’ll never mean anything for my whole life, and Minecraft has always been there. So you’re brilliant for finally figuring out what it is about Minecraft that sometimes makes it so scary: that some day it won’t be the constant anymore-although I think the emptiness of it (particularly the lack of birds) contributes to that feeling of dread, too. Anyway, you’ve earned a new subscriber here and I can’t wait to see you succeed! Although I think my solution to worrying about when i’ll quit minecraft-is just to never quit xD
that’s probably immature of me, but I hold on to things I love like that. i’ve always been scared that like the kid in toy story, i’ll just wake up one day and not care about any of the cool stuff I grew up around, just like all the adults say. That i’ll “grow up.” But screw that. That will never happen to me, because without those things that bring me joy, I don’t “grow up” or “become an adult.” I become nothing. An emptier than empty void. And I’m not going to be that just because somebody else told me to.
*sir, this is a wendy’s drive thru*
Being an adult just means that you know how to deal with difficult people, you can earn money, and you understand the reasoning behind paying taxes.
What people somehow always forget to mention, is that you can still be yourself, even more than ever.
Adults who know what they are doing aren't as boring as they appear.
Good adults know how to deal with difficult people, they tend to choose who to share their hobbies with.
The meta is to look like a boring and straight forward person in order to get accepted by the highest in rank, which will most likely be a grumpy elder.
Keep the facade when needed, and be yourself the rest of the time.
This new generation of adults is really into gaming, sports, anime, and reading fiction, much like any other kid, with the difference they tend to keep it to themselves half the time in order to avoid arguments about the standard meta of being 'mature'.
Edit:
If your tastes change and you stop liking survival sandboxes, you'll still be yourself.
I used to love turn-based RPGs and MMOs, but I realised I like pretty much any game, and if I want to experience new exciting adventures, I'll have to learn to identify when I want to stop playing a certain game, even if it's a game that marked my life.
@@AzzRushman to me becoming an adult/maturing has ruined any chance i had of a truly happy life
life is an endless cycle, with every bit of fun you'll have, returning as pain in one form or another
once i realized that nothing i did would ever matter, and that i had no purpose in life, i scrambled to tape together one, so i just live to have fun
and that's a great reason to live when life seems specifically engineered to make that reason suck as much as possible
i'm tired of being stuck in purgatory, listening to music, talking to people online, sleeping, eating, etc
i wanna go out and experience the world, but not only will my pension run out after 6 months if they find out i've been gone that long, but there isn't even that much to see, the world seems huge, but when the pyramids failed to impress a younger less cynical version of myself..what could?
it's really just a question of when i'll decide i've had enough of life's bullshit
p.s i'm trying out D&D with my friend and his friends sometimes soon, so that's cool i guess
@@fortnitesexman I felt the same when I was 20.
By the time I was 25 I realised what I wanted to do with my life. Finding a purpose and a personal long-term project is just as important as to not forget who you are.
All I had in my life were my dreams. Small events that happened in my sleep and that I would soon forget minutes after waking up.
I started quickly writing them while waking up, and later that they I would fill the holes in the plot to reconstruct said dream.
Doing this I realised I wanted a more creative life. I had quite some money saved because I wasn't even interested in material stuff, I just payed my taxes and living expenses.
So I quit my job, gave myself a good month or two to administrate my dream backlog, and tried to hunt for a job with less time and less pay. My new goal was to exploit my creative drive.
Rereading my old dreams fills me with determination to fulfill my role. I want to create stories, bring my dreams to life one way or another. It's a spark that managed to drive my apaty away.
One day you will also find a purpose and drive that is strong enough to fight life head to head. I guarantee it. But you need to look for it.
Learn to meditate and seek within yourself what is lacking in this world for you.
Seek for something that inspires you and explore it. Try and create that something you want to see. Once you find it, life will change for good.
I've been feeling miserable for more than half of my life until I found my purpose.
I'm currently 30 and I'm nowhere near to my goal yet, but it's feels great to be on the right track.
@@AzzRushman I think you've covered everything I wanna say. Minecraft can't be replaced, but it doesn't have to be. Minecraft is a sandbox of infinite possibilities, but we are the ones who booted up the game, watched all those videos, enjoyed what we wanted to enjoy. There were, are, and will be so many things in life that will ignite a spark within us, and even if they're temporary, fated to fade away one day, we will have something else to get excited for, eventually.
Depression isn't real if you don't believe it. (don't be sad)
Man, this hit me in the feels. As one who has already sort of been burned out of games for the most part, this relates. I still love Minecraft and keep up with it on a regular basis, but things like the biggest and one of my favorite UA-camrs ever passing away (you know who that is), all of the questionable decisions from Microsoft, and just overall liking different things as of late, I can say that there maybe is a chance I won’t come back.
7:37 this actually made me spit my coffee
Damn that was so deep, thanks for sharing your experiences
Even though I am considerably younger than Xayllernste himself, for some weird reason I experience most of the feelings of existential dread he described in this video that he experienced while playing singleplayer. I've never realized it until now, but now that I think about it, the reason why I've always dreaded singleplayer survival is because of the feelings of loneliness it evokes for me.
I hope that speaking about my experiences helped you with your own fears though, honestly identifying these fears in an earlier age is both a blessing and a curse
That's wild cuz its the opposite for me, I despise multiplayer
I'm 22 currently and started having thoughts of death and feeling as if i wasted 1/3 of my life, so that part of the video hit me right at home. Life is short friends, enjoy every moment while you can. It all be okay in the end
Weird how this is the only comment that put me somewhat at ease, precisely the "It all be okay in the end". There's been some stress over faculty, but now it's gone lol. A toast to you, bro.
Man, I know how you feel, I'm 20 and having the same feelings. But you're having those thoughts right now, in the only moment that matters. Do what you care about now, do what matters to you now, and nothing will be wasted.
i’ll be 22 in two months and my life feels like it’s already over
Can I get any advice to make my life better I'm 11 plz
i hade a same feeling, thoughs of death. I got over it eventualy.
I found the anwser to my problems that I dident wanted to die rather i wase frustrated of my own existence, and wanted nothing but just exist as far as I wanted, I then promised myself i whoud never ever take my own life to then make me remember the words I had: "you don't want to die, you are just simply frustrated of your existens, your existenc is enouth, keep on existence untill the end. remeber your grates enemy is YOURSELF"
Been a while since I've felt this deep and emotional. Thank you
This video makes me wanna cry man. Minecraft was such a huge impact on me, my high school life and my high school releationship. Remembering all the maps, skyblocks, rpg, and mineplex servers that ive spent hours and hours only for me to never long on again and leave it empty with all those happy memories there is just such a odd feeling.
It's mainly paranoia that you can lose everything by dying (especially in hardcore) that sells it for me. But the VOID is the most terrifying thing.
That damn void is the embodiment of existential crisis.
I was just having an existential crisis before i opened youtube. I wanna thank you for this video. That got me out of a rabbit hole that almost made me cry
I'm glad I could help my friend, although you don't need to thank me for it because I personally think you got out of that rabbit hole yourself, I just spoke from my experiences :)
Thank you for this unexpectedly heartfelt and personal video. I never encountered your channel before so I had no idea what I was clicking into
Glad you enjoyed the video and thank you for giving it the video a click :p
I didn't expect this and I now love you-like seriously this video made me so happy and sad, idk how to say it, but this is just such a great video
Nothing lasts forever, but that’s exactly what makes these moments so special when we look back on them
Don’t be sad that it ended. Be happy that it happened.
i dont think thats the right context for this comment
Minecraft is about You are Herobrine.
and then you die and even if you lived the best life possible, you won't be able to look back on it
i swear to god existential dread has completely broken me inside. i'm too happy with my amazing life to be at all okay with it ending :(
Welcome to your life
There's no turning back
Even while we sleep
We will find you
Acting on your best behaviour
Turn your back on Mother Nature
Everybody wants to rule the world
It's my own design
It's my own remorse
Help me to decide
Help me make the
Most of freedom and of pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world
There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down
When they do, I'll be right behind you
You might also like
TOPIA TWINS
Travis Scott
8am in Charlotte
Drake
making the bed
Olivia Rodrigo
So glad we've almost made it
So sad they had to fade it
Everybody wants to rule the world
I can't stand this indecision
Married with a lack of vision
Everybody wants to rule the-
Say that you'll never, never, never, never need it
One headline, why believe it?
Everybody wants to rule the world
All for freedom and for pleasure
Nothing ever lasts forever
Everybody wants to rule the world
In my 19 years of life i've now passed the point where i've been playing Minecraft longer than i haven't, so i really connected with this video emotionally. It was really profound, Minecraft has been the one thing that has been there for me no matter how much i change as a person and i could never imagine leaving it behind, that's truly a scary thought. Thank you for making this video!
Glad that the video resonated with you, and I hope that the video's conclusion helps you with your fears as well :)
I have been playing Minecraft for well over the amount of time that I didn’t (7 years)
The motivational words at the end really hit me lol, you earned a subscription
that hit hard, thank you for this vid! that certainly open my eyes without knowing they were even closed. You've gained a new subscriber! :D
Welcome to the community!
This video is so terrifyingly relatable. Almost every thing it talks about, I can resonate with.
I'm glad it did, I hope speaking about my experiences helps you with yours :)
I think I like it so much because of its liminal feeling. I love the concept of liminal spaces in their purest form. No monsters, just a quiet in-between space. Like going through an empty church or school when no one is there. Also the pool rooms idea is super cool
I *live* for empty schools. I don’t know why, but they’re wonderful
@@dream_walker9726 You're not having to constantly dodge out of the way of thousands of students not looking where they're going
@@dream_walker9726 going into empty schools with a group of 2 or 3 friends sounds awesome, but i would never do that shit alone. it hits different with all the lights off, completely silent. you're so used to crowded hallways with people yelling and talking, but with all that gone, it's very off-putting
@@duckified.my school is dead quiet, and full of natural light, so it's not that much different when empty
This is a really insightful video that gives me the feeling that I need to do more with my life. Your great editing and visuals make this a truly amazing experience
Glad to hear that the video resonated with you :)
Tysm for this video, you pointed out a feeling i had but couldnt describe!
Glad I could help!
Great video! I personally used to be scared of the nether and dark caves. However, I found speedrunning to help me to overcome these fears. Additionally, I have recently been playing horror games and I've noticed that your imagination is what scares you the most, not the game itself. I think that is where the speedrunning aspect comes into play; ignoring your fears and just going for it. Life doesn't have to revolve around making an impact on Earth because all things will end eventually; that is what the heavenly place above us is for.
I think you're right about the horror game stuff, a lot of it is just overworrying about when the scare happens rather than the scare itself.
I turn them off
i used to be scared of the ambience lol
Life isn't about making an impact on Earth...It's the red world that matters! Or the gray moon? Or the tan cloudy planet?
Ok the cave and cliffs update I didn’t know new cave music ok? I made a new world then I went into a cave was about to mine some iron heard the scariest music I heard, I froze in the cave then ran out of the cave As fast as possible
My god, I love this. I've always had similar thoughts and experiences. Maybe not so much the lingering fear, but full-blown "oh my god, I don't want to lose that part of my story, my life, myself" kind of thing. I keep finding analogies within the way I play the game that help me grow into a better person. I love creating stories and characters within worlds, it's made me realize deep down that's all I want. A story to tell. This really touched me.
I don't struggle with depression, but anxiety. I've still had those moments of helplessness too, that just melts away when I play the game. Where I'm not the anxious, weak child I think I am, but a survivor and warrior that can take on zombies and dragons.
I'm happy to hear the video spoke to you, I hope that me speaking from my own experiences helped with yours :)
i love this video :')
i definitely relate as minecraft has also been a staple throughout my life since my elementary years. im going through a lot of existential dread atm as i make it through uni while juggling my passions, and this is a perspective i certainly needed to hear.
This was a beautiful video. The part where you talked about your struggles really hit me hard. I started crying. And when you said depression lost, I started crying even harder. You fought an impossible battle and won. Now you live on and have helped others by inspiring them and showing that there's hope. That means a lot. Thank you
I can’t thank you enough. I really needed to hear this. Exactly how I’ve been feeling for a while. I’ve always had extremely good grades and now I can’t seem to even study. Thankfully, I have a good memory and have aced most of my test thanks to luck, but I feel this exact sensation. I feel it might someday end or that somehow I’m wasting time. Change is difficult. But as you said it’s necessary to evolve. So really I thank you.
I'm glad my video could be of some help my friend! Do take care of yourself alright? Don't let results define who you are as a person, you're more than that.
I can't express how much I love your videos! I discovered you a lil while ago and instantly liked your content! Know that, by being here, you're already having an impact on all of us, and I'd be glad to spend another year watching what you have to say :) The editing and script is on point and, aw man, that's relatable. So thank you for what you do :) And remember to drink water. You're doing amazing!
The videos will keep increasing in quality as I experiment more and more, I'm glad to have you along this UA-cam journey and I'm glad that my videos are enjoyable for you. :)
I feel like if anything, I should be thanking you!
Don't forget to stay hydrated yourself too, take care.
This video really touched me, deep inside some of this things match with me, the same fear of knowing that one day i'll press that Quit button for the very last time for whatever reason makes me struggle with myself, the feeling of maybe never see again what have you done, or that you'll never be with those persons inside that game that made you have hours of fun does that too, and the part of "You'll leave as a nobody" or " Nobody will remember you" it's the part wich i felt most identified, and with this video i felt able to fight with that thoughts, and i definitley feel better with myself now.
I can't describe how much I feel this
"I don't have to fear change, because change is good" - Xayllernste 2023
Jesus. I was not expecting the answer to be that existential
That was...a lot more impactful than I was expecting
This is a great video - it made me cry a little. Keep making videos!
Thank you, I will!
I didn’t think this would go from a silly Minecraft video to an existential crisis
I love this video and its very emotional, i was also always afraid of quiting the game one day, im so sad that minecraft is somewhat dying rn in a way which makes it all even worse. Also the fear of making an impact I think isnt so big issue for u anymore, look at how many fans u gained now and how well ur doing on youtube, rn u rly are making a change and an impact for us and yourself, im glad u started youtube. Also I have this weird feel sometimes after I accomplish a goal i get motivated for one day But then just stop straight up next day and quit. Also I wasnt able to text u on twitter for some reason, ima try again today ;-;
hey Xay. this video really touched me and I'm happy that you're doing well in life. as someone who has struggled with depression and identity issues and the pressures of school and doing well, your words were very comforting. im 23 and often feel as though I squandered my only chances years ago. and this video just really resonated with me. thanks for that, and good luck.
ps. I subbed
All the best my dude, glad the video did. You got this :)
I found your channel today through your analysis of the history of minecraft. You have a wonderful sense of humor. This video brought me to tears lol. Thank you so much for sharing.
This feeling I’ve been intensely struggling with for half a year. This video touched my heart, thank you.
I'm glad it helped, you got this my friend
Holy crap. I remember watching one of your videos when I was a little kid now. You know, the cruddy mic quality and goofy stuff. I’m glad I found you again. I struggle with depression too and have been playing minecraft since the time you started. I’ve recovered as well. I know it’s tough. Keep on changing and creating man.
Oh god I was hoping noone remembered those videos lmao, glad to have you back my friend :)
@@XayXayYT :-)
A delightful insight into teenage growing-up crisis through the prysm of the game we all love. Thank you 😁
As a goth myself, I've always played the game in a way to make it more of a horror game, since I saw its potential to be so... I used to surround myself with skulls, weird paintings in dark halls...
1:49 That really sounded like meth.
I really tried to emphasise the A in math but eh
I FUCKING LOVE METH
@@HexOverride AYO PAUSE 🤨
@@HyperDevv i love you too
Yea-
Interesting I never had this feeling i already stopped playing minecraft I rarely go back to it but watching this makes me regret it and I think I might just go make a new world after all these years
It's certainly something that could be done as a trip down memory lane
i came to this video expecting some story about how cave sounds scare you shitless, but left watching a video that left me with a lot of questions but even more answers
Your Content Rocks
Glad you enjoy my content!
First video I’ve seen but I love the style and the narration was top-notch. Sending ❤️ love.
I was contemplating about this when I was playing on the server my friends have joined me in exploring and building, and suffice to say, I still am scared of leaving it all behind.
But it is a great point that you said. Playing Minecraft (or any game for that matter) is not a waste of time, especially if you enjoy it.
This video of yours has earned my respect, and my subscription.
Welcome to the community my dude! I'm glad the video resonated with you.
For those who are having an existential crisis, at 5:32 please remember that everything that you do is important whether you mean to or not. Death can be scary yes, but it isn’t something you need to be afraid of. DEATH IS WHAT GIVES LIFE MEANING. The fact that we know our days are limited is what makes every moment that much more precious. Please don’t let the fear of not being able to accomplish what you want before you die stop you from trying. Your experience on Earth is an experience no one in the past or future will ever be able to experience exactly. It’s the way of the planet to change and sure they’re will be things that we won’t get to experience when we die but neither will those of the future or the past be able to experience what you get to experience now! You get to experience being whatever age you are in the time now, imagine telling your kids about all of the experiences you had growing up in the 2000s just as others have fond unique memories growing up in the 90s, 70s, 80s. Imagine telling your kids about what life was like when you played Minecraft as a kid and reintroducing that love to someone else. Yes we will drift away from our friends and we have and will experience heartbreak, but the love and the memories you shared with those people will ALWAYS remain even if you never see them again. You are not wasting time if you are enjoying it. Here in the US we have a mentally of living to work, rather when the whole point is to work to live. (Unless you enjoy that which is ok) You watching this video lounging on the couch is NOT wasting time nor meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Every pain, joy and excitement is a part of life and you get to be here for it. Yes losing people sucks but the fear of dying in mediocrity is IMPOSSIBLE, especially if you pass it on like that guy who finished Mozart requiem after he died. If I were to die tomorrow, it would be sad and I would not had not reached the potential that I wanted to reach, but I still got to live, to create memories to have a childhood. You change the world by being here regardless of what you do. You could be the defining thing that leads to a set of circumstances that cures cancer just cause you tripped and fell in front of a puddle and caused someone to miss the bus. People think that when they reach their dream that someone will change, but will be surprised that they feel no different than how they felt before. So push forward and don’t fear death. You are unreplaceable, you are blessed, you are important, and you DO matter in the grand scheme of things, whether you like it or not. Take care.
thanks for writing this beautiful comment
On Valentine's day, I was sitting alone in my room playing Minecraft, and I beat Minecraft for the first time. Then the universe told me it loved me, and this comment is giving me a very similar feeling. Thank you.
ok but i would still prefer it if we didn't die
@@insertunoroginalnamehere6189 me too
though i wonder if people would get bored of life and wish for death
but hey new things keep happening in life
but at the same time the knowledge that our time is limited servers as a motivation for us to keep going
i feel like life would be pretty dull without it
but who knows
there's no way to find out
also overpopulation . . .
yeah
if we didn't die it would pretty much fundamentally change how we exist as living human beings
i dont think “bored of life” is a big reason some people wish for death. for some of us, living is hard, especially if you hate yourself. it’s true a person assigns meaning to his existence, but not all of us can, or sees the point of it.
I used to live in another city in my childhood. For a long time, I hadn't been there, but when I did, I was feeling anxious and just uncomfortable. Your video helped me revise this situation and understand more clearly why I was feeling that way. I was afraid of letting go of old memories, they were way too far in the past, it's gone and never come back. However, as you said, changes are good and I agree with that, thank you!
Another factor of minecraft that absolutely slams the wish to leave an impact in the world, is that the world is absolutely massive , and the area an average player plays in accounts for less than a millionth of what the max world size is
i feel so proud of myself that i have gotten through all these fears without embracing ideas like nihilism ("nothing matters") or pessimistic hedonism ("what matters is avoiding pain, therefore we shouldn't exist"). if you think about it, it's pretty obvious that there is a hard problem of consciousness.
This resonated with me way more than I expected it to and now I'm crying like a bitch, thank you.
I'm glad that it did and I'm sorry I made you cry :)
@@XayXayYT Oh, don't be, it was the good kind of crying. I wasn't sad, just emotional. :)
This hit home. I'm in that straight As part of my life right now. Barely hanging on and trying to get through everything, one semester at a time. And, much like you, I fall back on Minecraft for fun from time to time. It's nice to hear that I'm not insane and that other people have as much mental turmoil from this game as I do.
You are a very good person and I know I will always enjoy your videos!
No one needs to be special to give thier life meaning, everyone is special, because they were born into this world
Erehn Jeagaahh!
How are you so underrated? You are better than 95% of channels that are over 100K i follow, keep up the good work!
Thanks a lot my dude! I've always felt that subs or not, quality comes first and people will subscribe if they enjoy my videos, which is why I only included the subscribe call to action at the end of the video :p
Man, I teared up watching this. Beautiful video, keep it up.
This video made me cry and I thought i was gonna talk about creepy stuff but nope. I had the same fear and after watching this video me and my friends started a server to play! thank you for this video
9:40 It really touched me, damn man, you made me feel so emotional, it's something I feel, in my country (Brazil) we use numbers to rank our grades in school, when I get less than 9.0 I feel let down and that I didn't do enough, even if I got a good grade
Schools here are really something complicated, I hope I don't end up collapsing and madly wanting to end with myself in the future
Yeah, do try not to let your grades define who you are as a person. There's more to you than just that, and I think they aren't a perfect gauge as to how intelligent someone is
This is really good
Wow man. That was an incredibly deep and meaningful story. I am moved by your experience. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
im so glad ive finally found people i share experiences with. one day, i began to feel a stressful feeling that i couldnt describe. im not an anxious person, and after a while i realised what the feeling was, and that was the feeling that i was always "running out of time", no matter what i did, i would always feel like it would come to an end or something would get in my way, so i could never enjoy it. that ontop of a deep depression wasnt good. feel you bro
watched the video at 3am and it hits home. I definitely feel the same especially after college where the possibility is endless. I am so confused and it all overwhelmed me. I'm not a very special person I passed with average grade and definitely feels the same as you thinking that I have made the wrong turn in life and scared of not leaving anything to signify my existence. but lately I have tried to slow down all the thought and ask myself what I want and need in the moment and do things accordingly. I am still scared to face the world definitely but I have tried to accept things slowly. thank you for the video mate. I appreciate it.
I remember feeling this a lot when I was a kid playing Pocket Edition. I had a survival world that I played in, then one day, I closed off the mines and barricaded my house. Took all my animals inside and just stayed like that. I'm still not sure why, to this day, I did that, other than some inate fear. It's still here with me, but a bit on and off. Like, if I'm focused on a goal, chilling in a village, or making some contraption in a modpack, I'm good, but it always slips in randomly.
It might be the fact that either:
A) you are the last one there and you are always alone, that liminal feeling is creepy
B) you might not be alone and that scares you
Those two facts always make me uncomfortable in sandbox games like gmod and minecraft.
In gmod especially you can hear the ambience of civilization occasionally but no one is ever there in singleplayer.
What a refreshing and unique take on this game haha! I’m also turning 22 this year (and graduating college ahhh) and I’ve had a few of these existential moments too.
I started playing Minecraft near the end of 5th grade when it came out on Xbox 360. My dad worked for Microsoft so he got games for free here and there (Minecraft being one of them). I have no way of knowing exactly how many hours I’ve spent on Minecraft but it has to be in the thousands. The game was a huge source of entertainment for me in middle school and getting into Minecraft let’s play series threw me down the UA-cam rabbit hole overall.
I don’t think I would be anything like the person I am today if Minecraft didn’t exist and that both scares and fascinates me. While I definitely don’t play the game nearly as much as my 12-14 year old self, it’s still always present in my head. Whenever I’m feeling stuck or sad it’s back to Minecraft. Perhaps it’s that feeling of nostalgia that provides a comfort that nothing else can.
While the game makes me nostalgic and long for my carefree childhood, it also makes me reflect. “Look at how far I’ve come” I tell myself. “Think about how proud my younger self would be of me now”. It’s so strange how I still feel the same as that Minecraft addicted 12 year old I once was, yet I’ve also changed/improved so much. It gives me so much to look forward to in the future.
So cheers to Minecraft. A game that has not only provided me with so much entertainment and creative outlook, but also a game that helped me overcome bullying, pursue gaming further as a hobby, helped with my mental health, inspiring me, comforting me in some of my darkest moments, and giving me these oh so loving existential crises.
I will let you live, this story touched me.
9:27 my soul. Man you struck me with that. I should relax in my heart, thank you unknown friend