I have had this since I was 3 years old! It's been so addictive and I stopped doing it once my son was born last year. I've then got diagnosed with bipolar at 20 then bpd at 22 but no one took interest in the daydreaming and I'm so grateful you cover this topic! Your UA-cam channel saved my life and I've learned so many coping skills and understand my diagnosis. Thank you so much Kati!😁
@@ThePathOfLeastResistanc Hi funny you just said this! My baby boy is 15 months and is getting diagnosed with Autism in the next 6 months. I have learned so much about it and didn't realize how differently it shows in females and makes sense to me x
I'm seeing a lot of comments saying it's a positive for them or an escape, but for me, my thoughts/daydreams seem intrusive and keep me from actually living. They begin when I wake up and I have to do real life things to stop them; the temptation is to stay in them even when they're bringing me down. It's like I'm acting out scenarios where I stand up for myself to people, where normally I'm not that bold. I've been doing this since I was very young. The fantasy reminds me that I'm indeed not that bold and leaves me feeling even more powerless. Is this the same thing?
Yeah. I've been doing it obsessively for years now (around 4-6 hours a day (my legs ache a lot after these "sessions")) and after I do them (and during, of course) I feel great, amazing, really emotionally high, and then life hits me with its cold, hard facts. I'm a very introverted and shy person and have extreme social anxiety, noisy of my daydreams are about me being at the top of the world yk, having friends, being extroverted, being bold, etc and after I finish it just hits me that what I just daydreamed will probably never happen. It feels really shitty but I keep doing it, and it's this endless cycle of feeling really really good to contemplating s**cide, feeling useless and pathetic. I also have some kind of obsessive muscle/vocal movements that probably isn't tourretts (forgot how to spell it) but something else, or just an extreme extreme habit. Idk why I even wrote this 💀 to vent ig. Kudos to anyone who read this entire thing, I hope we all get better (might daydream about getting proper diagnosis for 5 hours straight maybe idk) Overall daydreaming is a nice way to vent, feels so good it's addictive, and at the same time makes you feel like shit.
@@lynxuvaeI have endless conversations in my head with people I’ve met recently imagining they are my friends. And the reality is so far from that. And I feel shitty about it but can’t stop. I literally have to tell myself its a fantasy and not real. It helps for a few minutes then it comes back.
The weird thing for me is, I recognized that I used to do it due to anxiety and stress, especially as a child, but as I grew up and learned what "Maladaptive Daydreaming" was, I didn't stop. Instead I "re-organized" my time, I made sure I was taking care of my health, and socializing, reading, working, etc. Then I would schedule in an hour or 2, often the hour or 2 before I go to sleep, to allow myself to daydream or game or read, I'd often pick daydream, it's so vivid rarely do other forms of entertainment approach it. So I'm not certain if it'd be considered unhealthy or not tbh at this point for me.
I do the same. Some days I'll lay in bed listening to a set list of songs that I imagine I'm the artist doing music videos. Anytime I listen to music its kinda hard not to just dissociate while using my other main coping skill, singing/dancing.
@@sadie1606 Music is a beautiful way to dissociate in my opinion, obviously within the lines of being healthy still. A year ago or so I went through and removed a ton of songs my from playlists that were negative/depressing, as I found they tended to bring me down/control my mood. I can't say all my music is positive, there're some classics I kept, but music is certainly another amazing experience, I do sometimes wish I could plan out a perfect playlist to match a daydream though lol.
same here. I did it since i was a child and it got out of hand when i struggled with depression as a teen. But now I think ive managed this thing since i have many friends, i go to partys, i do well in school and i do sports. I only daydream when im not stimulated by real life or when i go to bed early. I think it’s important to have a handle on this thing since it used to eat me inside but now i feel i have control over it ! some days when i want to rest i just listen to music and do it all day but its a choice !
I'm 30 years old and have done this since childhood. I never thought to look into it until recently. It's so interesting and comforting to know I'm not alone. Thank you!
I'm 23 and ive been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's so comforting to see that so many people experience it as well. None of us are alone!
And this maladaptive daydreaming increases when I listen to a song I vibe with or watch something inspirational because then I imagine how would I look if I were in that situation. Now many will say that it's a good thing because you're manifesting and using the law of attraction but I do it for hours which is not at all a healthy thing instead it's taking me away from reality especially when you're going through hard times like failing in main exams which will decide your college and hence future.
so true - I do the same thing, and I used to justify it as "im using LoA and manifesting something nice" but it really feels awful to stay stuck in it all the time. i just feel "off".
same. I have suffered from this problem from as far as I can imagine when was around 3 or 4 year olds. it has negatively impacted my social, educational and family life. I hope I improve myself
Everytime I am on a car ride or listening a song..... My brain goes where I am more successful,more powerful........ Its so satisfying.So sad. How to stop.
I love seeing Maladaptive Daydreaming getting some attention! I have ADHD and I’ve been doing this since about 5 years old. What started off as hyper-creativity, turned into a personal hell. Thank you for touching on this. I appreciate it!
I’m so “good”at daydreaming that I can do it while I’m doing other things. When I was a child, my mom called it “staring”. She would say “Stop staring all the time!” So I learned how to “stare” while I was doing something like cleaning. The problem is that I tend to “stare” when people are talking and that isn’t helpful. I have to make myself pay close attention to what people are saying so I don’t drift off.
My experience is kinda similar too but I’m not that good at it. Basically they are two types of daydreaming while doing something for me. I either daydream in a “normal” way but then I have problems with my routines and I don’t do things as well or as fast or I daydream in a less deeper way so that I can do things but the daydreams aren’t as clear and I don’t feel as connected.
l can do it if a physical motion while day dream but when my teacher was teaching l can not control my self and focusing making a scene in my mind could not understand what they teach after school.
It started as daydreaming, but it’s become such a big part of my life that I’m writing it as a novel now. I think that’s a healthy outlet for it. I don’t just stare at my ceiling and space out in a dream realm anymore 😂 I have a place to write it all down and journal it out; I think it’s at least more productive and easier to get away with in public.
Maybe you'll become the next J.R.R. Tolkien one day. His work is technically a Paracosm. Good luck with your writing! 😁 "A _paracosm_ is a detailed imaginary world thought generally to originate in childhood. The creator of a paracosm has a complex and deeply felt relationship with this subjective universe, which may incorporate real-world or imaginary characters and conventions. Commonly having its own geography, history, and language, it is an experience that is often developed during childhood and continues over a long period of time, months or even years, as a sophisticated reality that can last into adulthood." -Wikipedia
Does anyone else have daydreams that are actually stressful in themselves? Like a high-stress situation or confrontation or emotional reunion with someone? I'm not sure if perhaps it needs to be "strong enough" to actually distract me from the trauma I was experiencing? Now I just want to help my system be calm though, so I'm struggling some!
@@gogogetter most of my daydream are fantasizes of having a partner but some i daydream about losing some one i love of myself being dead or committing suicides. I am just teenager in college i used to be a topper in school and lockdown has increased daydreaming. I no more a topper. I have potential. But i am struggling to pass
A lot of mine include characters getting hurt in horrible ways. For example, the guy in my profile photo, getting chain to a wall by his mother to be experimented on, and turned into a hybrid human. Edit (I do not mean my dog, I changed my pic)
Wow... this video spoke to me on so many levels. When I was a teenager and young adult I spent a lot of time in my daydreams because of the traumatic situation I was in at home. In my dreams I was able to confide, to trust, to be vulnerable with the characters my mind made up to comfort me. I remember hours of conversations with these imaginary "friends" / gurdians and even though I knew that what I was doing wasn’t "normal" I couldn't stop. When nobody was watching or listening I would go for walks actually talking to them, making up different voices, so it would feel more like an actual conversation. It's sad to think that my brain went to these extremes to "save" me but I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about what went on at home and certainly not my peers at school. Even to this day I still like to wander off into my own world when things get stressful. It's not nearly as intense as it used to be but I guess in a way it will always be there. A safe space I can retreat to.
Your comment described my experience as a teen and young adult. I did a little of this also before my teens, but in my teen and young adult, it was more intense.
I have been a maladaptive daydreamer for almost 50 years now. It wouldn't even be sufficient to say daydreaming is second nature to me now, it is more the core of my being. Daydreaming comes easier to me than any other of my thoughts. Unfortunately as a teenager my life sort of fell apart, and I entered into a life-long dysthymia(chronic depression). The two have been locked in a vicious spiral ever since. I maladaptive daydream which takes me away from life. I get depressed and suicidal because my life Is empty. I retreat into daydreaming more. In my 50's now and I really see no hope. The negative aspects of my thoughts have become so automatic I can hardly escape them. The failures of my past and missed opportunities haunt me now. If you are young and a MD my advice would be to take command of your life and your mind. Only your will to overcome can help you and you can do it, but you have to start now.
Same situation but I'm 31. Childhood trauma triggered me into depression when I was 10. I've been a MD since then. Seems like my life and my youth has just passed me by. But thinking about it causes too much stress and mental agony that I end up retreating into my daydreams even more. It's a cycle.
@@Nothingbutdust_ this happens to me too. i'm seventeen now and i feel like i've missed out all of my teenage years because of my maladaptive daydreaming. i feel so detached from reality and even now i'm struggling to complete a very important school assignment that's been due from over a week ago. each time i set myself down to do it i just fall straight into daydreaming for hours. when i realise how much time i've wasted, i feel so awful and pathetic and just escape into my daydreaming again. i intend to start therapy in 2025 as i realise that it's taking my life away. my mind feels so sick. i don't find comfort in real life people or experiences, only in my daydreams, and it's killing me. even tho you're older than me, i'm sending you love and support. i also experienced childhood trauma and it feels like a viscous loop. i think you should also start therapy if you haven't already and i hope it's helpful ❤
thank you for your advice. i'm a teenager and i'm really struggling, but i'm trying my best to engage in reality. i have to reach out for help because i can't do this alone. it's been a year since you wrote this. i hope you're doing better. even though you are older, i think it's never too late. it's a bitter disease, trapping addiction, but starting therapy and reaching out may improve our brain health. i'm planning to do so staring in 2025.
Its a relief to know that all what you experienced during so many years has a clinic explanation. Also that many others out there are facing and struggling as you are. Makes you feel less lonely
You should check out HealthyGamergg's videos on daydreaming, if you haven't as yet. It's been very helpful to me who also struggles with maladaptive daydreaming and depression. Dr Scott Eilers' videos are helpful too
I did use to suffer with this - it was comforting to imagine myself of a different fantasy type life with no problems, lots of money & friends. I had PTSD & the daydreaming started after the attack .. desperately wishing/dreaming to have my old life back, to magically become rich and move far away etc. this was very addicting and I don’t think I even recognized it was doing it for years. I would have rather stayed at home daydreaming than go anywhere or see anyone. I would daydream instead of working on Uni assignments. It was very hard to get out of it. It was a safe zone but I did at some point recognize I had a problem late 20’s (attack happened when I was 14). I recall googling the subject of daydreams & realized it was called maladaptive. I had started to see a therapist & when I told her she said that the daydreaming and frequent naps were both dissociative behaviours to escape the trauma. Once I started to understand & identify the triggers it made it easier. I was told to avoid all triggers for the next month (mine were listening to music, taking naps, negative interactions with any person, going for long drives) .. The second instruction was to not allow the daydream to go further once it started - to be mindful and aware I was doing it - I had to say out loud to myself “no, Stop, I will only think of real events, real memories, real friends etc. These two tips worked great, the maladaptive daydreaming stopped. My brain was addicted to it so I had to break it.
I wish I could break it too, I have an exam tomorrow and all I m doing is daydream for couple of days. I wish I just read the question bank so I don't fail the exam
I live inside of my head through maladaptive daydreaming a lot. It's like a vacation from toxic people or places. I'm not a head doctor, but maladaptive daydreaming is still safer than using drugs, alcohol, and/or sex as coping mechanisms.
Like with all those other coping mechanisms, the use of MD depends on the moderation of use or lack there of. Sadly, in my case, it's not safer. It's a dopamine prison. MDing for 16+ hours a day, is beautiful and delicious, but is in no way healthy.
@@idontknow6265 No, I wouldn't say actively managing it. Being really busy helps and staying away from background/maladaptive hobbies(hobbies you do while you maladaptive daydream like watching UA-cam videos) I've taken up more active hobbies like walking and listening to podcast or watching vids while on my treadmill and reading. They grab your attention. Your focus can only be pulled so much. I plan to get back into crocheting as well since you really have to keep your focus on that.
@@laqaunza. Interesting that dopamine disreg is implicated in Parkinson’s. Would anyone still do it if they knew it would give them Parkinson’s or Dementia? Life is too short! Clearly, they don’t believe in Hope for Life After death, making the best time of the life you have now.
Maladaptive daydreaming and being psychologically abused has completely crippled my life. I'm 26 and have spent most of my life terrified of the world and even though I want to connect with people I don't trust anyone
I get you. Try and find a structure and routine, even for the small things - around the house etc. When you feel your being 'sucked in' Write down why (these reasons are private and personal to you), then once you start feeling 'sucked in' focus on something practical - organisation, cleaning the house etc. Also try and get out of the house as much as possible, bring on your own will encourage it. This will feel hard to begin with because you're brain won't be used to it, but KEEP GOING and you will feel more relaxed in your mind! As for the trust issues-if people have let you down before-- this isn't the majority of people, the majority of people are respectful and decent. Finally I would add its important to work on yourself, so if someone does let you down, it won't affect you so much. The only thing you can do is change YOU, you can't change anyone else or their actions (although it maybe wrong how they've treated you) I've struggled with these issues myself so I speak from experience!
Same here Steven. I suffered bullying in High School & I couldn't enjoy or have experiences like my classmates that kissed too many girls and went to a lot of parties. I grew up with self insecure that cannot allowed me talk to people as much as I'd like. In my daydreamers I'm so different than in real life. I'm responsible & capable to many areas as Sports, music or Acting. In real life I feel so useless.
Steven, hear you and I feel you so much. I hope this year has been better to you. I'm 2 years older and I'm in the same place. My life has been crippled by fear and unresolved ailments. I'm working my damndest to try to LIVE with what time I have left.
Yeah it makes us too sensitive for the real world, my world doesn’t have people who’ll commit crimes and pure as saint so naturally I’ll be overwhelmed by seeing strays or poverty after finally stepping outside of house. It makes everything overwhelming, too hard to adjust and so disappointing. For example I was swerving super cars in my daydreams but when you start learning actual car all the pressure and stress even if it’s minimal depresses us. Things are so simple in daydreams.
This is going to be long, but I'd like to share my own experience: Yeah, I don't want to "fix" my maladaptive daydreaming. It really helps me love myself and center myself, especially in stressful times. I have a very detailed "paracosm" in my head, since I was a child. There are characters I've created, where my favorite Disney, Anime and Video Game characters "live"...and whenever I feel down, I "talk" to them, pulling from their own struggles in their respective stories that I can relate to, and eventually, I gather myself and function better in "the boring real world". I work as an artist in an animation studio and havebeen a professional artist for a decade+ now, so these vivid imaginations are so crucial to my creative life -- and I NEVER let my paracosm/maladaptive daydreaming get in the way of my work. Living in an Asian home, my parents and older brothers have never been that supportive of my direction in life - but this is where I am the happiest...after having up to 8 different occupations since my 20's (I'm in my early 30's). The my most recent, traumatic and heartbreaking break-up with a guy I loved so much, led me back into "that world" that I had not visited in a LONG time. It felt like coming back HOME, I cried and danced and laughed and sang for like 3 hours,...but also felt kind of awkward as "I was already in my 30's and I still do this???" - BUT, hey, I AM truly happy and I function better, write and draw better and I realized just how CO-DEPENDENT I was in my relationship with my, much younger and commitment-phobic ex. My maladaptive daydreaming has gotten me through the toughest times of my life - especially when I felt alone, unloved, unseen and unheard. I had a posse of "MEs" that are so self-loving, supportive, they are how I know I got MY OWN back. They are reflections of the part of me that loves myself. It's even helped me in times where I'm too scared to say, ride a plane... As long as I can function well in "real life", still do my job that I love, ain't no way I'm giving up "the little world inside my head". Keep dreaming...but also, Keep Living!
If you are able to function well and get things done when needed, then it wouldn’t be considered maladaptive. It would just be a detailed daydream. It only becomes maladaptive when it starts to consume a person’s life and limits functionality, and causes stress to the person.
As a maladaptive daydreamer myself I think the worst thing about it is that you don’t WANT to stop it. So whenever I sought help, I wanted them to make me not want to do it. To help me get rid of the urge. it might sound absolutely insane. But the first time I could ever stop wanting to do it, to control the urge was when I fasted for 20 days straight. It felt like a miracle. I even kept putting myself in situations that would trigger my daydreaming and the urge didn’t come. And it lasted for long. I think it’s vital to be kind to yourself if you’re trying to stop daydreaming. Because for me it’s always been a defense mechanism. I honestly felt sad and bored for the first time in my life at the age of 22 when I first tried to stop daydreaming. And those feelings that are normal to other people felt extreme. So be kind to yourself and believe that you can overcome the urge. Maybe not by force though :)) it’s important to discover why you started doing it in the first place and try to work on that.
THANK YOU. NO one talks about this - I am 22 and have been doing this for about 6 years, and I am honestly trying desparately to stop. I want to feel in control of myself and my thoughts, and not keep pacing/going into these intrusive thoughts. I am really trying to regulate my system first, and hopefully be able to step out of this MD/dissociation easier - my body and mind are so used to thinking we have to escape mentally to survive, that it's honestly so hard to be present, mindful, feel my emotions, or handle any kind of calm, honestly - as well as tougher emotions. Anyway, no one has any idea what this type of dissociation is - I didn't myself until a few months ago! So thank you, genuinely, so so much for talking about it. I'm commenting this before I even watch the video because I'm so excited! Thank you! I really am just trying to regulate my body and mind to feel safe being here, and then hopefully this kind of dissociation will occur less and less. Thank you, Kati!
Heres my story: I delt with the issue from the age of about 10 until about 19, i'm 26 now. I would always listen to music and perform random lunge or jumping movements for a few hours a day. One day my mom walked in the room and caught me; she didn't acknowledge it, just walked out. Felt pretty mental so I stopped that type of display cold turkey. I never did it to escape reality, it was genuinely a pass time. Sometimes I get urges to start doing it again, especially when I hear a good song. Fitness has provided an excellent outlet for these urges, I just zone out and hit the weights or track. Made me into quite the fitness nut.
I'm literally crying I'm so thankful to you that somebody is talking about it. It's actually serious and causes stress in real life when you are unable to cope up with the imagination world you created because of uncertainty happened in one's life. Anyway starting to cope with it and be realistic.🌸
@@bonezbaaaby I'm working on it..God bless 🙏, there's a spiritual reason for this and I believe the veil has been lifted in order we may repent bowing to a JEZEBEL SPIRIT..STAY STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL!!! XO
I’m so glad there is more information on this now! I never knew what it was called but new I was different. I’m so glad I understand it better now. I had a very stressful childhood and have been doing this my whole life. It peaked in my late childhood and early teenage years. I always thought once my life became more manageable or once I got older I would “grow out of it”. I still do it every day and im 34 years old with a job and 2 kids! I have it under control now and absolutely love doing it, I’ve realised it’s just what my brain does, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop… and I don’t want to! I can’t imagine life without it, it has helped me so so much 💜
As i’ve said elsewhere, I’ve done this for literally as long as I can remember, and in my case, there needn’t be anything stressful going on for it to happen. Rather than continue for hours, it’s something so fully integrated into my life that I phase in and out as much as every five minutes. I used to go into deep trances, but now I can be pulled back into consciousness far more easily. I do have some grandiose fantasies, usually involving being a musician and performing before an audience, inserting myself into the cast of a sitcom, or inserting myself into story universes of my own creation. (One ongoing one is of being a trans rebel in a Handmaid’s Tale-style world). Are these narcissistic fantasies? I don’t envision myself as all-powerful, just more talented than I actually am.
I've had this since being 5 yr, as a coping mechanism for trauma and chronic stress. It got really bad when I started university and I literally spent ALL days and nights on daydreaming, couldn't focus on anything, lost jobs, failed exams, just gave up on life. After therapy and meds, 2 years later, I'm a completely different person. I still have it and I probably will never stoo, but it's under control, I have scheduled time for it and can stop anytime when needed. The problem wasn't the daydreaming itself but the amount of time spent on it. I also have derealization and depersonalization disorder, panic disorder, had chronic depression, sleep disorders, OCD etc. Daydreaming was just another form of dissociation for me. I'm also autistic, and I heard it's common for autistic people and people with ADHD to have such issues.
I didn't know about maladaptive daydreaming until a couple years ago when I decided to look up types of daydreaming and realizing this is what I do. I don't even remember when it started for me but definitely since I was a child. I thought I was the only one doing this.
My life has been so full of trauma that this is the only way I am surviving now. I look forward to my times of doing this. I get as I have my breakfast and coffee I am already looking forward to what I call it, "leaving reality". I eat lunch and then I lay down and leave reality again and diner and try to watch UA-cam awhile all the while I am waiting for the time to lay down and leave again. It runs my life. I have about five different stories I tell in these times I leave. As I write this I am being pulled to get done so I can lay down and leave reality. My real life has been filed with so much abuse I do not want to be in it. Because of my belief in God I will not end my life. If I did not believe in God and the hope of being with Him some day and out of this life I would have ended it a long time ago. I do spend as much time in pray as I can but my "leaving reality" is an addiction. When I was implanted with a pain pump for my back pain I had to stop taking Oxycodone. When I was taking Oxycodone I would take it and then before time for the next dose I would start to go through withdrawal. My addiction with wanting to "leave reality" feels the same way. I get the same feelings in my chest until I have to shut of the lights and lay down and leave. Right now my body is craving my time of leaving. I am having the same feelings I did when I would crave my next Oxycodone. I could go on and on about what I am trying to escape from that would take pages. I am writing "The Story of my Life" to try to get it all down in words and when I can stay her long enough to write I am seeing things I see in other of your videos. I am trying to write the part now as to how my parents were not there emotionally for me. My dad never did anything fun with me. I grew up on a farm and was alone all the time. Well if anyone read this far thank you so much. I need to "leave reality for awhile!! Kati if you read this thanks for your videos. Some of them really hit home.
I used to daydream for several hours as a kid (around age 6), but it wasn't daydreaming about myself; I had a character in my head that I would daydream about. I think it started as a way to fall asleep, but then I started to do it all the time. When my sister got too old to play with me, I started spending my time in this other world. I always, always listened to music and just created interesting scenarios in this character's life, usually inspired by whatever TV I was watching. From ages 7 to 14, I would run around my room, listening to music while daydreaming, usually for a couple to a few hours, but at some points in my life, I even spent probably up to like 8 hours or more daydreaming. I remember it never felt good when I daydreamed for more than a couple hours, but during those days, my character's life was much more interesting. And it was always this same character and his life. I have stopped daydreaming my days away; now I only daydream in the mornings right after waking up for a couple hours or in car rides. I really love my characters and their story and I don't want to give them up. They've lived with me for so long. Since I was 14/15, I have had this deep fear of having to give them up. I don't know why, but I just wish I could write their story, and for some reason, I feel like I'm not supposed to or can't. I don't know if it is fear stopping me, but this has become a huge anxiety/depression point for me. I miss them and I don't want them to go away forever.
I liked your story because mines are about a character too, it's from a TV show that I watched when I was young. I have never liked to daydream about myself, I don't think it was interesting enough to keep me in the daydream, I used to add characters from a show that I liked and the important part of the dream was the plot sometime I added plots of the shows too. Well I feel different from the people that dream about themselves, I feel silly when I do that and get bored because usually my dreams are about fantasy or superpowers that's why I use characters. Do you know Wattpad or Ao3 ? you could write the story as a fanfic, so it doesn't get forgotten.
Its the same for me, but I think its really bad because of the overstimulation it creates in our brain. And you’re right, if you do it too much we are going to feel pain or even start getting depressed.
Same here! Even I dream about a character from a manga which I like a lot. It's really hard to stop but this jas started affecting my daily life and career. I felt the need to put this to halt so searched for something regarding it and this video. Going through the comments, I realized I wasn't the only one. I hope we all get better!❤
Even though, we can manipulate what goes on in our daydream; maledaptive daydreams can be used like normal dreams to figure out if some things in our lives may be causing us some issues, that we aren't even aware of. Like, I've noticed that I tend to slip into my daydreams when I feel lonely or alone. Then I stay there for hours. My daydreams frequently consist of people I know or am fond of. Acknowledging this pattern, has helped me realize, that as someone who prefers to be on my own, I took my desire for solitude to an extreme and deprived myself of some minimal, but necessary socializing.
The part where you want to immediately return to the daydream after getting pulled out fits into dissociation as well. I believe that there are two main types of dissociation, one that we like and one that we don’t like. If I get pulled out of the first one, I am so sad and scared about the reality itself that I want to “leave” as fast as possible. I think maladaptive daydreaming checks every box of dissociation.
I thought my therapist was giving me bad advice when she said "if you find yourself in one of your daydreams or in a thought spiral, imagine a big red stop sign and just stop yourself" I thought it was silly because the whole problem was I couldn't stop myself but not I realize what the actual lesson was : recognize when it starts and remember to use your coping tools. I thought she just didn't understand how hard it was to stop but that's not what she meant, she wanted me to finally gain control over my mind (at least a little bit to start) and the silly red stop sign does actually remind me to stop and assess.. All this to say, it may seem difficult, and the tools may seem silly, but there IS a bigger effect down the road, unfortunately practice and mistakes are necessary. But the most important factor is self reflection, what worked, what didn't and why, how can I do better next time. ♡♡♡♡
Guilty on all charges. Daydreaming has been part of my life forever. And it might be a continuation from childs play, where I used a lot of imagination with my friends. Later I became lonelier and there these (maladaptive) daydreams helped me cope I guess. And to this day it can happen, that I live more in my imaginary world, which is almost always a better version of my real life, than in the real world. And Kati, you look gorgeous today!
I used to do this since childhood, but along the way I replaced daydreaming with video games to escape into. Now I'm at a point in my life where I do not have time to play video games, and hence my maladaptive daydreaming has come back full force & it SO DIFFICULT to control it. I'm going through a very stressful time in my life where I have so many things to work on with no time to myself or my hobbies, and to my mind this is the only way I can escape & take a breather. I need to talk to my therapist, but my schedule is so cramped that I cant. Plus my therapist doesn't work on Saturdays so I'm trapped...I'm going to try the things told in this video & try to think from my therapist's POV of how I should go about handling the situation. Thank you for making my experiences feel validated
I've been doing this ever since I remember, my parents often got into fights ,and it was cartoons which helped me runaway from all those noises, when I was 17 lightning struck again. And that's when i started watching animie. It was so peaceful, the entire anime world. I can say for sure it saved me from suicide, specially after watching "silent voice".I messed up an important exam because of animie addiction too, and that was a waste. Every now and then when I get stressed or see my parents argue I fantasise myself as an animie character, in a plot I created. Its soo satisfying. But I know my world is far from fantasy and I'm trying to say goodbye for my imaginary world.Thank you for the video,even though I'm still not sure if I want get out of my shell, you really helped.
Very interesting video and topic iv honestly not heard of maladaptive daydreaming until now but I can relate to decociasion because I do it often thanks for sharing this video Kati❤️
Just realised that I have this! I have been struglling with not being able to fucus always listening to music and disosiating to forget reality and my misery. I always thought it was just a dissociation and no big deal untill it stopped me from living life, being happy, feeling alone, isolating myself from people to be with my made up friends in my daydreams. Pacing around my room for hours a day not being able to stop.
Thank you Kati. I've been living with this for what seems like my entire life without paying any mind to it, but having recently been diagnosed with adult adhd, this video was eye-opening to me. It made me seek out for help, now that I'm realizing it's what's been affecting everything else. It's so hard to stop when my daydreams are better and more interesting than my own life though.
I’ve struggled with this for a long time. EMDR (not for the daydreams but for CPTSD) has helped a lot. It’s slowly stopping as I deal with the real issues. I’m now doing primarily CPT and EMDR only when needed. This video is very helpful, thank you.
Since look down l have been daydreaming what ever I desire it is so addictive that I couldn't stop myself. I was not able to sleep because of this and it affected my studies very badly. I also isolated myself and became very underconfident and shy slowly then. I also imagine stories at night and it was very hard for me to fall asleep. But I am very good in my studies stress, pressure and desire for my goals became the reason for my daydreaming. Because if this I was not able to think and focus and I also have headache cause of this. Now I myself is trying to cope up with this by dealing with stress, socializing myself, being busy, exercising and and self talk. This things can be satisfying but belive me it is very addictive and its gonna destroy your future and present. See like me you are also strong and can cope up with this and all your stories are LIE you need to come in reality. Have faith in yourself and make a self commitment with proper decepline you can cope up with this.
I'm 38 yrs old and I still daydream most of the time. Been doing it since I was child. and honestly it's the only time that I can escape of this cruelty reality. I don't see myself stopping anytime soon 😊
I have been doing this for 20 years, since childhood, anyone I watch on TV,it could be an actor, a footballer or someone I admire in real life, becomes my permanent imaginary friend, I imagine him/her -(the character I admire ) -with me all the time when I am with my family, I act as if he sees us and hears our conversation, when I stumble on the road I feel shy in front of him as if he is with me and saw me stumble.. when I go to bed I imagine him with me in an intimate position (this person could be anyone I see on TV , socialmedia and real life) .. and the list goes on, this matter seems to be a sort of craze but it cost me a lot of delay in my life, it made me a disconnected girl from her reality, immersed in her illusions, unable to accomplish even the simplest daily tasks, I want this matter to end.
I go into little micro trances hundreds of times a day. What my mind is doing is probably the daydreaming, but it is so easy to slip into to catch myself doing it is enough to snap out. But sometimes I will be in the middle of a task, carrying items, using tools, even speaking - a distraction takes me inside my mind scenarios and I get lost in thought on them and forget what I'm doing in my body. I thought it might be ADHD because I am already neurodivergent and I have been describing it as difficulty concentrating. It's when nothing is triggering and things are calm too. it feels like stolen focus - but, it's not redirecting my focus to anything but hypothetical future scenarios for some reason, i'll even get distracted by imagining myself finishing what i'm still in the middle of and not realize i've stopped working
I struggled with this as a child into my 40’s. It was a coping mechanism for a difficult and abusive childhood. In my fourties’ I was diagnosed with stress and anxiety and placed on medication for a time. During my medicated time I learned to better control my daydreaming. Now I see gaming took over where it left off. It’s very interesting how these two issues are related.
Thank you for this video. For a teenager with plans, ambitions, and dreams, this feels like living in hell. Realizing how many thousands of hours I've wasted and how my ability to focus has significantly dropped makes me feel desperate, and I still can't escape it. It's already torturous. The dreams themselves are even worse-more stressful and exhausting-for I am naturally melancholic. Thinking about this embarrassing and useless daydreaming (well for me total waste of time energy and mentality yet I still can’t stop it, it’s like loop that makes me mad) makes me feel nauseous, almost like jumping out of the window.
Not me literally going into a dream, talking to you about how I want to stop maladaptive daydreaming while watching this video. I was so dumbfounded when I realized. It happened so quick. That was crazy.
I didn’t even know this was a thing and I’ve been doing it almost my whole life. It’s especially noticeable in my early report cards when I was very young in school and every report card mentions my day dreaming. The alternate life that I lived in my head was very compelling and comforting to me. I do it now as well but I have somewhat of a handle on it because I am able to function and take care of my needs and work at my career. But I’m sure it is disruptive and it sometimes takes my attention away. Thank you for giving a name to this and for providing some coping strategies.
I haven't been very impressed with the videos on maladaptive daydreaming so far. This was a concise and reasonable video that really put into perspective why I was constantly slipping into daydreams throughout the day. Sometimes I would even have to wrestle with my mind just to sit down and think about some elaborate scenario that serves me no purpose. Of course, it was a disassociative disorder.
It's honestly an insane tool. I get to watch any thing possible and it's going to be better than I expect every time? Yeah, sign me up, it's a great thing when managed well. That's the key tho, it's horrible when used badly unfortunately, and hard to change. You can even use it to more accurately theorycraft solutions, as the vividness mixed with outside applied realism can help you feel things out.
Using TV and deeply associating into what's going on sounds like a similar choice that many of us do. Great video, many thanks and your suggestions are awesome.
The moment I learned about maladaptive daydreaming It stopped without trying. It becomes so hard for me to daydream .. it’s been nearly 1 year and I miss daydreaming because my reality sucks 💔
*As an immersive daydreamer, it breaks my heart what everyone seem to be going through in the comments.* I can't imagine getting rid of my characters; they're the best parts of me. I'm a writer. I daydream over 7 hours a day but as I'm immersive I can always control it, and the daydreams are inspiring rather than just fantasies. I'm lucky to have such a gift, and so it saddens me that my maladaptive siblings are trying to rid themselves entirely of it, considering they're both so similar. I've felt myself slipping down the maladaptive path sometimes, and was a maladaptive daydreamer for about half a (stressful) year of my life. *These two steps are how I turned my maladaptive back into immersive:* *1. Don't daydream about yourself.* Don't be the main character of your own stories. It will make you unmotivated in real life, and it will make you feel as if you're not enough as you are. Instead, create purely fictional characters and worlds, and project yourself onto them. You'll see your own struggles portrayed symbolically, and discover your own bravery through your characters. To make it distinct from the real world, historical fiction, fantasy, science fiction, etc. are ideal. And make sure your characters all are their own people first and foremost, not versions of yourself (though some will often be similar, inevitably, and that's ok. As long as they're taking inspiration from you but they're not you). *2. Make time to daydream.* Organize your time. I don't have an hour to spare in the mornings to put on makeup, and I don't hang out all day outside on the weekends, and I don't use much social media, etc. But I make sure to do well in my work (as I did in my studies) , to make my daydreaming productive through writing, and to take care of my loved ones and keep at least two meaningful friendships. And I still daydream a minimum of 6 hours a day. But sometimes I do it while going back and forth from work, while going to sleep, etc. It's possible. It's time management. If you don't allow yourself to daydream, you'll lose control. So enjoy it without guilt, as if the daydreams are healthy (as explained in the previous point) you're just interacting with your unconscious and being creative... Which beats watching Netflix or other ways of spending your time. The approximately 3-4 hours I spend pacing around my room I also exercise, as as the daydream gets better I naturally move quicker until I'm running and jumping. While you're in a dissociative state you often lose feeling of your body, so while I've run into a corner more than once and even injured something minor at one point, at the end of the day it's a great way to exercise. Maladaptive/immersive daydreaming is one of two dissociative conditions (the other being DID) that is considered chronic. No one who's daydreamed for such extended periods of time has really ever stopped doing it. It releases happiness in the brain, and the brain wants to be happy. Of course it's addictive. *But it's your mind doing what's best for you.* Giving you the opportunity to be a god and discover your own unconscious, and incredible reflections about yourself and the world. It allows you to fragment your mind into personalities nearly as realistic as yourself, and watch them all omnipotently, while also being them. Therapy is based around revealing your hidden, aching unconscious psychological wounds through speech. As a daydreamer you're given direct access to your own unconscious. It's a gift, not a curse. Just don't waste it on self-fulfilment. Use it to unleash your mind's full potential. Challenge your characters and create worlds, and you'll make yourself stronger and wiser in the process, especially when it comes to knowing yourself. Which is, in the end, the secret to happiness.
I have been maladaptive daydreaming since I was a kid. I legit had an imaginary friend. I always remember feeling so lonely and helpless. I was abused and bullied physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually. I was recently diagnosed with Anxiety/Depression, Adult-ADHD and a bit of PTSD. I Didn’t tell my care team about the daydreaming… it’s bad though. It feels so good to get lost but it literally last hours even when I’m doing normal day to day things.
few wrong things you said about it: 1. actually you can easily be thorn out of your daydream it just doesn't feel good 2. you think of it as kind of disassociation but it's not. we are completely aware. 3. the daydreams are not "less stressful". sometimes we create stressful or harming/self-harming/grieving scenarios of emotional pain in a way to cope with our emotions from the real world. 4. going for a walk will automatically trigger your daydream instead if preventing it. Thought the time management and the grounding help to manage .
The only time I’ve ever had the ability to control this was when I was in college, because, even thought I had a single dorm, Iived in a seriously old building and I didn’t want people to hear me pacing for hours or for someone to know on my door and me not ear it. It got a lot easier then, and I do it less now unless I’m really stressed. I try to keep myself busy but sometimes the urge is just too strong. I usually have intense daydreaming episodes (pacing and such) about 4 times a week. In high school it was at least once a day.
Oh my God... this is a bombshell. Im 20 years old and have been doing this since I was 9(had minor repetive trauma). I already have ADHD and I just dont know anymore. I thought I could really achieve normality. I really cant anymore.
I am a maladaptive daydreamer. It's sad because it replaces all human interactions. I don't even want to see my family anymore because all I daydream about is the stuff they did to wrong me. That can lead to derealization and depression. I am talking this out with my therapist but I don't know. It's been part of me for so long, it's part of me.
I've had maladaptive daydreaming since young childhood. I was a very advanced toddler and child. I knew my ABCs, could count to 10, and was potty trained by 18 months. I had a sister who married a sadist when I was 4. She was the oldest sibling and I was the youngest of 6 kids. She is about 16 years older than me. My parents were older when I was born and their patience and energy had declined a lot by the time I was born. They had no intention of having another child and weren't exactly thrilled by my existence. But, they did their best I suppose. Because I was advanced, they didn't really have to work with me, and I was usually low keyed and quiet as long as nothing was tormenting me. I was very different than other kids and suffered a lot of bullying. I always loved learning, but hated school due to the social aspect of it. Kids can be extremely cruel. My oldest sister had 8 kids and the oldest was 5 years younger than me. I loved being around my nephews and nieces (as long as they were somewhat calm) but their Dad was the thing of nightmares (literally). When I wasn't in school I was usually sent to stay with my sister to help her with the kids. I was constantly exposed to all manners of abuse and psychological torment. Even being held under water till I would nearly pass out at age 8 or 9. My parents mostly ignored me and I had a lot of emotional abuse, but occasionally I was physically abused. My older brothers also picked on me all the time. So, school was hell, my sister's house was hell, and my house was hell. I would always rock as long as I can remember and I was very literal and a concrete thinker. Now I understand that I probably was on the autism spectrum, but back then, I was just weird and embarrassing. At school I didn't rock because I knew it would be bully fuel, so I would swing at recess instead. This was all in elementary school. It would swing morning and afternoon recess, and after lunch. It was my time to escape and pretend to be all alone. I started maladaptive daydreaming around age 8 and I started doing it while I was rocking at home, while I was swinging at school, and during class, which was a combination of agonizing boredom and social anxiety. I will be 50 next month and I still struggle with this. I turned to mobile games to counteract it, and now I'm attached to those too. I really think it becomes an addiction. I never was into drugs or alcohol, but maladaptive daydreaming became my addiction - and now mobile gaming too 🙄
I have been daydreaming for a long time to escape my daily boring life to a place where everything is like a movie and I am the main character. Its really addictive!
I’m 15 I’ve been doing this for the past 2-3 years a little after when my mom passed. I don’t know if I did this before but I didn’t have the best childhood. I was mentally and physically abused by my mother and step father and biological father. Sexually abused by my 7 year old cousin when I was at least 5 and by my 2nd brother when I was 3. They never believed me and even had a children family we give case open just for my mom and step father to tell me to tell the people I was lying so I did and that was closed. Then when I was 12 I finally had the balls to e-mail cfs on my school iPad in 6th grade one morning after my mom had choke me to damn near passing out the day before and a few days before that. I knew I was in huge trouble becausr I missed the bus that day and tried walking to school to avoid whatever punishment was coming my way bc I knew that I was in for it bad after the event so f yesterday happened. They came and took me from school two days later and I went to foster care in Massillon. It was a huge change.since they picked me up front school without me knowing they was coming to get me so I didn’t ge to say goodbye to the only people who treated me good at school or get any of the dirty clothes my parents had me wearing. The environment for one. The learning was different bc I switched to a predominantly white school with an more advanced curriculum that the black charter school I was going to. And Making friends again was hard which I struggled with for a decent amount of my life so I ended up developing abandonment and detachment issues bc I did move around a lot before foster care so I just keep to myself and try to avoid making friends. I feel like all this stuff led to me being a maladaptive daydreamer and I wase always weird as a kid at home. But when you’re treated like a caged animal it kinda fucks with you at a age that young. My step dad got a little worse after my mom passed I.e yelling wt me and blaming me for my mom death and doing so in public. He would just accuse me for random shit and sometime throw shit at me. I know he was emotional bc his wife jus passed but you can go around telling people that in public bc I didn’t really care abt him telling me st home. I got numb but when he started doing it when my only friend secretly girlfriend at that time was over I started effecting me w little. That’s when I discovered music(yes my mom had me that secluded from social media and the world. If i knew about something it wa s through word at school or I got access to the internet when we went to phone stores)on the phone my sister gave me(it was her old iPhone) I started to feel like I was in certain scenarios based on the vibe of the music and it helped me out with my situation with him. He snapped one day and just dumped me off at my brother house without letting me get any of my stuff so I’ve been living here got the past 2 years and it just turned into an addiction and obsession so as ybose 2 years passed I have a album in my photos of my favorite fictional characters( marvel and dc) and whenever I’m watching something on tv or listening to music I just open that album and pretend that whatever I’m listening to or watching is apart of my scenario and when I look at the characters in the album I feel like I’m bonding with them and it strengthens the daydream bc it feels like I’m more connected with them and they’re like my imaginary friends. It’s hard to explain and I’m sorry for this whole dump but once I started I couldn’t stop typing. But I seriously think I need help. I left out a lot of stuff bc I tried to just keep it simple and short but shut just kept flowing back to me at different moments as I was typing so some shit is out of order. Whoever does read all this please tell ‘me if I should get help or if anything is concerning bc I have nobody to confide in lol
Yeah, you absolutely need to get help. The problem with trauma and other psychological burdens is if they're left alone and not addressed in a healthy and constructive manner ---- they grow like weeds and become worse over time. By over time I mean the span of years ---- I'm not talking about anything immediate. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that level of shit in your life.
This is an excellent video! The best one I’ve listened to about daydreaming. I’m in my 60s and I was born into a family where there was a lot of pain, chaos, verbal, and sometimes physical violence. I think daydreaming was critical to my being able to come out of that and Lead a reasonably life. But I still struggle with excessive daydreaming and rumination and I think I find your Tips very helpful.
2) This is a method I have started testing recently. I keep a daydream diary. When I want to start day dreaming, I write in my notes the date and number of the entry. And about the following text: Now I go into dreams and fictional reality, because I experience a lot of unpleasant emotions (anger, fear, irritation, misunderstanding). I don't have the energy to deal with it. I know how to make myself feel good very quickly. So now I am going to imagine a perfect love story where I will be more attractive, smart, happy, funny, cool, etc. IMPORTANT: When keeping these notes, don't shame yourself for daydreaming. Be honest with yourself and have an understanding attitude. It is very important to accept the situation and yourself in it. Be aware of yourself and your emotions. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TO STOP DEMANDING TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF. I invented this method myself, as the others I had heard about helped me little or were very hard to follow due to lack of discipline. I'm surprised, but often after writing these things down, I can suddenly stop wanting to go into daydreaming. As they lose their appeal in my eyes and I sort of unmask them. And even if I do go into daydreaming afterwards, I can still see the statistics ( how often, because of what emotions and what exactly I am looking for in daydreaming)
I've been testing out a similar thing with Journaling where I try to get the part of my brain that wants to switch tasks back in the "drivers seat" by essentially allowing it to express its feelings on paper. I write down why I would really like to switch tasks, all the fears and worries I have if I do or I don't. I write in a very non-judgmental way but still allowing myself to write out my fears of not getting things done. The goal is the longer I write the more time I'm giving that part of myself, the more control it will slowly gain over the part of me that doesn't want to change tasks. It's a bit of a hit or a miss but better than most methods I've used.
We maladaptive daydreamers have a kind of superpower, an extremely vivid imagination and creative mind. As we keep it under control, it then is just immersive daydreaming. I'm doing what I can to be present by taking care of my health and incorporate meditation into my routine. When my imagination pulls me in, I do my best to write it down. Many of us have amazing stories from our imagination, and we should share them. We can add more beauty to the real world with this gift. Remember, your not alone. You're stronger than you think. This world has its beauty and it needs your presence. ❤
I love the last tip. It seems like that’s going to be the most effective for me. Thank you so much for this video. I’ve had it since I was 10 or even younger. Never thought it was a problem because I saw it as my safe place. I always look forward to daydreaming and being in my world. A world I can control and that is free from evil or loss of loved one. The only down side for me honestly is that it prevents me from being so productive. Other than that, I love it because it’s emotionally satisfying. I will definitely adopt the last tip and incorporate it into my daily schedules so I don’t keep zoning out at intervals.
thank you Kati, I know I did this as a child. I remember a James Bond fantasy pretending to be on a secret mission to save the world. The maladaptive thoughts would sometimes cut in when I was riding my bike, or in the shopping mall
I’m 18 and just started to realise i’ve done this pretty much my whole life. It’s so addicting but has started to really affect my life, especially my relationships with people. it’s like the people in my life aren’t good enough cause they actually have human flaws whereas everyone in my daydreams just does what I want. It’s just weird because i’m actually aware that it’s causing stress on my life but i guess that makes me do it more. I’ve got OCD as well so wasn’t sure if this was maybe some massive control thing where i’m essentially the centre of the universe but it’s just pretty crazy to think about; it’s like i’m two different people
I would spend hours daily day dreaming in my last relationship, with a video game obsessed husband who chronically ignored me and emotionally and financially abused me. I wasn't aware there was a name for it, but my daydreaming greatly lessened when I was able to remove myself from that intolerable life.
im 12 now and i have realized that if you focus hard enough you can start to feel what you think of helping you get over stress and anxiety and this can help to get rid of anger issues by imagining a scenario and thinking of the bad thing that happened to you and imagining the worst possible outcomes (as in anything else bad that can happen) so if it happens to you are prepared for it and this works with most things that you cant get over with and im talking from experience.
I do this pretty much all the time after ive had a conversation with someone. I ruminate on it and make up my idealistic version of myself and how I’d like to be viewed by other people. I don’t really care what people think it’s just that social anxiety and thinking so much before I speak and being too aware of myself makes me really awkward. After that I become really dissociated from my current task for a while until my mind is satisfied and continue to do whatever the unproductive thing it is that im doing.
I think this is a fairly new problem and it's not been talked about that long. Not all paths have been trodden and there isn't as much advice and experience in overcoming this. But as they say, either find a path or pave it myself. I've been struggling with this for quite some time. And Happy to share my own experiences.
The thing people don’t understand about maladaptive daydreaming is that it’s so addictive and comforting thag for me - if it was taken away from me I would feel so depressed and horrendous.
To be honest, i think i might have/had it. I experience super vivid daydreams like that and sometimes to escape reality when im anxious, but it doesn’t affect me. Im doing fine in school, doing fine socially, so i don’t really have to care anyway, which leads me to believe i might not have it. Since i was 7 or something i would have these daydreams with all these complicated storylines and characters and action and so i began writing it all down. Soon enough, there was a whole goddamn world in my head i would just pull out and make stories within, which i still do to this day. At first i was led to believe it was just me having an imagination, which could be true, but im not so sure about that. When i was in 3rd grade, i switched schools and i had no friends, so to entertain myself i would stare at the ground, walk around the feild and let my mind run wild. Everyone thought i was a weirdo and my teachers got concerned that i was lonely, but i didn’t need any friends at the time because i would get so immersed i could just keep myself busy like that. However, i always had the control to shut it off and when i feel the need to daydream im able to focus on the task at hand and daydream at a more appropriate time. So im very confused. Maybe im just weird as fuck
It's been almost 3 years that I've been so lost in daydreaming. I keep thinking what I would do if I had to defend myself & it feels satisfying to do so but in reality nothing changes & I just feel even more miserable than before . Most of the reason are my past friendships that I messed up. But I'd also sometimes daydream about stuff like sharing my stories with someone maybe because I feel lonely? I dunno why anymore ......
I just do it at just about any quiet moment, or during repetitive actions. It’s made me late for work almost daily for years, and made me struggle in school due to just how prevalent and overpowering it is. Imagine taking a shower, and then an hour passes and only the sting of absolutely freezing water will “wake” you, regardless of how many times you tell yourself “I’ll be quick.” or “absolute no zoning out.” it just doesn’t change anything. Regardless of stress, my little world is what I go to. Any level of boredom, rather I’m happy, or if Im feeling overwhelmed, it happens regardless. I’m not diagnosed as having PTSD, but I probably should seek out a professional about it. I have anxiety and OCD without question. What I will add is that bringing others into that world helps out quite a bit. Yes, it still exists but instead of acting as my world I used to hide away in, it’s becomes a game of planning out events to later play out. Ironically, it turned into a social activity for me. I have other lesser “worlds” but my focus has alwasy been on the one I turned into a little roleplay world. It’s been ongoing for five years this way, turning something I’ve done since I was a child into something enjoyable and much more gratifying. Feels good to be a little more grounded, having a second person in that space really helps.
Idk if this is what I’ve been experiencing, but it feels like I’m daydreaming about today, but yesterday, so now I’m feeling a sense of Deja vu today. Like I’m using that as a coping mechanism for moving through a reality I disapprove of. I still don’t get it after watching the video and I’m sorry. I just learned about this word today.
The thing is, I know that md is taking up way to much time in my life, but if I’d stop doing it I’d loose this whole entire reality with those characters that I love more that myself (and even more than some people in my real life). I don’t wanna loose all this, I feel the most emotions in my daydreams. I feel like loosing my life and personality would be less that loosing that made up reality. So yeah, that’s kinda my problem, anyways.. have a Great day:)
I've had maladaptive daydreaming since I was 11 :( It was fun at first but now my studies are really important and its a big obstacle for my studies. Im really scared for my future :(
I have this disorder since I was a child. I still have it and even when someone is talking to me I can day dream and still answer the questions. I've got it down to an art but I try not to let it overcome me. Only when I get very depress over something I use it to get me through the tough times so its a sort of two edge sword. But its all a learning process of life. :)
Thank you Kati I saw this first on your Instagram. I really appreciate your help in understanding my own problems. I completely relate to this as have been doing it for years, losing time, describing my daydream out loud, which leads to paranoia and really negative self criticism.
Hi. Patrick from Mind Life Flow here...thanks for your information on maladaptive daydreaming and dissociation. Useful information for so many people and being able to access it here on the web - makes it available to all! Thanks
I grew up with a mother with narcissistic personality disorder, maladaptive daydreaming was my coping mechanism to the trauma, I created a life I'd rather live and there was a time I was dissociating so much that I thought it was some kind of premonition of how my life was supposed to be so I try to act like this character I made up in my head and I hope that my life would somehow become my daydream, over the years I changed my motive about it and started seeing it as an actual story. And now in my adulthood, I took the characters from my daydreams gave them a storyline with lessons about life. And I'm now working on my drawing skills to hopefully make it an animation series one day.
Wow I realise that I have it since years because, even though I was never experiencing any abuse or issue in my life, I am just… afraid to live. It became so addictive and I often use music to make the experience “better”
I know I should do something about this, it has taken over my life. I’m 27 and I haven’t done anything beneficial with my life since graduating college, I’ve never even had a job, all my friends have gone off living their lives, getting engaged and I’m still in a rut at home. I go to look for jobs or I have an idea of what I want to do, and I get so excited to do it, but then I don’t go ahead with it, I don’t know why. And then my mind goes into this daydream where my life is so much better. I’ve got the job, I’ve made new friends, kept some of my old ones, took different pathways in life, I’m a superhero in one and get saved by a superhero in another. Normal people or celebrities that I like I end up in relationships with. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to leave this dream world, it’s like my home now. I’m safe there, I’m happy there, but I know I need to get help.
I have had this since I was 3 years old! It's been so addictive and I stopped doing it once my son was born last year. I've then got diagnosed with bipolar at 20 then bpd at 22 but no one took interest in the daydreaming and I'm so grateful you cover this topic! Your UA-cam channel saved my life and I've learned so many coping skills and understand my diagnosis. Thank you so much Kati!😁
I the same from 3. Also diagnosed bipolar 1 and bpd. I still have it now and then. Not as bad x
You both should look at autism presentation in girls and women
@@missnorthwales321interesting I always wondered if my diagnosis was correct because of it starting with mdd x
@@ThePathOfLeastResistanc Hi funny you just said this! My baby boy is 15 months and is getting diagnosed with Autism in the next 6 months. I have learned so much about it and didn't realize how differently it shows in females and makes sense to me x
how are you doing with maladaptive daydreaming now? would be great if you share some coping skills that helped you
tnx
I've had this since 7 or maybe younger... It's so emotionally satisfying... extremely addictive.
Yessss
👍
precisely, i never had any trauma. Pretty happy with my life, family etc. Its just satisfying to do it..
Yep, same thing
Same here
I'm seeing a lot of comments saying it's a positive for them or an escape, but for me, my thoughts/daydreams seem intrusive and keep me from actually living. They begin when I wake up and I have to do real life things to stop them; the temptation is to stay in them even when they're bringing me down. It's like I'm acting out scenarios where I stand up for myself to people, where normally I'm not that bold. I've been doing this since I was very young. The fantasy reminds me that I'm indeed not that bold and leaves me feeling even more powerless. Is this the same thing?
Sem
Yeah. I've been doing it obsessively for years now (around 4-6 hours a day (my legs ache a lot after these "sessions")) and after I do them (and during, of course) I feel great, amazing, really emotionally high, and then life hits me with its cold, hard facts. I'm a very introverted and shy person and have extreme social anxiety, noisy of my daydreams are about me being at the top of the world yk, having friends, being extroverted, being bold, etc and after I finish it just hits me that what I just daydreamed will probably never happen. It feels really shitty but I keep doing it, and it's this endless cycle of feeling really really good to contemplating s**cide, feeling useless and pathetic. I also have some kind of obsessive muscle/vocal movements that probably isn't tourretts (forgot how to spell it) but something else, or just an extreme extreme habit. Idk why I even wrote this 💀 to vent ig. Kudos to anyone who read this entire thing, I hope we all get better (might daydream about getting proper diagnosis for 5 hours straight maybe idk)
Overall daydreaming is a nice way to vent, feels so good it's addictive, and at the same time makes you feel like shit.
Same it helps me escape my misery and lonelines but it also is the cause of my misery and loneliness.
@@lynxuvaeI have endless conversations in my head with people I’ve met recently imagining they are my friends. And the reality is so far from that. And I feel shitty about it but can’t stop. I literally have to tell myself its a fantasy and not real. It helps for a few minutes then it comes back.
You just described me honestly
The weird thing for me is, I recognized that I used to do it due to anxiety and stress, especially as a child, but as I grew up and learned what "Maladaptive Daydreaming" was, I didn't stop. Instead I "re-organized" my time, I made sure I was taking care of my health, and socializing, reading, working, etc. Then I would schedule in an hour or 2, often the hour or 2 before I go to sleep, to allow myself to daydream or game or read, I'd often pick daydream, it's so vivid rarely do other forms of entertainment approach it. So I'm not certain if it'd be considered unhealthy or not tbh at this point for me.
I love that you are so proactive!
I do the same. Some days I'll lay in bed listening to a set list of songs that I imagine I'm the artist doing music videos. Anytime I listen to music its kinda hard not to just dissociate while using my other main coping skill, singing/dancing.
@@sadie1606 Music is a beautiful way to dissociate in my opinion, obviously within the lines of being healthy still. A year ago or so I went through and removed a ton of songs my from playlists that were negative/depressing, as I found they tended to bring me down/control my mood. I can't say all my music is positive, there're some classics I kept, but music is certainly another amazing experience, I do sometimes wish I could plan out a perfect playlist to match a daydream though lol.
That… actually sounds… pretty great. I’d like to try that.
Edit: kiiiind of a 💡 moment, you got me thinking!
same here. I did it since i was a child and it got out of hand when i struggled with depression as a teen. But now I think ive managed this thing since i have many friends, i go to partys, i do well in school and i do sports. I only daydream when im not stimulated by real life or when i go to bed early. I think it’s important to have a handle on this thing since it used to eat me inside but now i feel i have control over it ! some days when i want to rest i just listen to music and do it all day but its a choice !
I'm 30 years old and have done this since childhood. I never thought to look into it until recently. It's so interesting and comforting to know I'm not alone. Thank you!
Same! I am 25 and have been doing this since I was a kid.
@@rashmisawant4068 I'm 21 and I've been doing this since I was a kid.
I want to stop but don't know how😭💔
I'm 37 and this is the first time I've looked into it. I'm so glad I did. I've been doing it since I was 14. Glad to not be alone with you.
I'm 23 and ive been doing this for as long as I can remember. It's so comforting to see that so many people experience it as well. None of us are alone!
33 here.since I was like 8. It started with Pokemon and Sailor Moon lol
And this maladaptive daydreaming increases when I listen to a song I vibe with or watch something inspirational because then I imagine how would I look if I were in that situation. Now many will say that it's a good thing because you're manifesting and using the law of attraction but I do it for hours which is not at all a healthy thing instead it's taking me away from reality especially when you're going through hard times like failing in main exams which will decide your college and hence future.
so true - I do the same thing, and I used to justify it as "im using LoA and manifesting something nice" but it really feels awful to stay stuck in it all the time. i just feel "off".
same. I have suffered from this problem from as far as I can imagine when was around 3 or 4 year olds. it has negatively impacted my social, educational and family life. I hope I improve myself
Everytime I am on a car ride or listening a song..... My brain goes where I am more successful,more powerful........ Its so satisfying.So sad. How to stop.
Law of attraction does not work
I love seeing Maladaptive Daydreaming getting some attention! I have ADHD and I’ve been doing this since about 5 years old. What started off as hyper-creativity, turned into a personal hell. Thank you for touching on this. I appreciate it!
I’m so “good”at daydreaming that I can do it while I’m doing other things. When I was a child, my mom called it “staring”. She would say “Stop staring all the time!” So I learned how to “stare” while I was doing something like cleaning. The problem is that I tend to “stare” when people are talking and that isn’t helpful. I have to make myself pay close attention to what people are saying so I don’t drift off.
My experience is kinda similar too but I’m not that good at it. Basically they are two types of daydreaming while doing something for me. I either daydream in a “normal” way but then I have problems with my routines and I don’t do things as well or as fast or I daydream in a less deeper way so that I can do things but the daydreams aren’t as clear and I don’t feel as connected.
I can do it.... While doing any basic work(except study)
l can do it if a physical motion while day dream but when my teacher was teaching l can not control my self and focusing making a scene in my mind could not understand what they teach after school.
It started as daydreaming, but it’s become such a big part of my life that I’m writing it as a novel now. I think that’s a healthy outlet for it. I don’t just stare at my ceiling and space out in a dream realm anymore 😂 I have a place to write it all down and journal it out; I think it’s at least more productive and easier to get away with in public.
that's great
I think I’m gonna do that!
same for me!
Dude, I am actually thinking to do the same for past few months bcz my daydream is not less than a book about a warrior queen😂
Maybe you'll become the next J.R.R. Tolkien one day. His work is technically a Paracosm. Good luck with your writing! 😁
"A _paracosm_ is a detailed imaginary world thought generally to originate in childhood. The creator of a paracosm has a complex and deeply felt relationship with this subjective universe, which may incorporate real-world or imaginary characters and conventions. Commonly having its own geography, history, and language, it is an experience that is often developed during childhood and continues over a long period of time, months or even years, as a sophisticated reality that can last into adulthood." -Wikipedia
Does anyone else have daydreams that are actually stressful in themselves? Like a high-stress situation or confrontation or emotional reunion with someone? I'm not sure if perhaps it needs to be "strong enough" to actually distract me from the trauma I was experiencing? Now I just want to help my system be calm though, so I'm struggling some!
Yes! Sometimes I do! How do you cope when that happens?
@@gogogetter most of my daydream are fantasizes of having a partner but some i daydream about losing some one i love of myself being dead or committing suicides. I am just teenager in college i used to be a topper in school and lockdown has increased daydreaming. I no more a topper. I have potential. But i am struggling to pass
Sometimes I have daydreams that are tragic events of people in my life that have never happened. They will make me cry.
@@reannadixon2398 same here
A lot of mine include characters getting hurt in horrible ways. For example, the guy in my profile photo, getting chain to a wall by his mother to be experimented on, and turned into a hybrid human.
Edit (I do not mean my dog, I changed my pic)
Wow... this video spoke to me on so many levels. When I was a teenager and young adult I spent a lot of time in my daydreams because of the traumatic situation I was in at home. In my dreams I was able to confide, to trust, to be vulnerable with the characters my mind made up to comfort me. I remember hours of conversations with these imaginary "friends" / gurdians and even though I knew that what I was doing wasn’t "normal" I couldn't stop. When nobody was watching or listening I would go for walks actually talking to them, making up different voices, so it would feel more like an actual conversation. It's sad to think that my brain went to these extremes to "save" me but I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about what went on at home and certainly not my peers at school. Even to this day I still like to wander off into my own world when things get stressful. It's not nearly as intense as it used to be but I guess in a way it will always be there. A safe space I can retreat to.
my gosh, this is exactly me - thank you so much it's so great to know i'm not alone
Your comment described my experience as a teen and young adult. I did a little of this also before my teens, but in my teen and young adult, it was more intense.
I have been a maladaptive daydreamer for almost 50 years now. It wouldn't even be sufficient to say daydreaming is second nature to me now, it is more the core of my being. Daydreaming comes easier to me than any other of my thoughts.
Unfortunately as a teenager my life sort of fell apart, and I entered into a life-long dysthymia(chronic depression). The two have been locked in a vicious spiral ever since. I maladaptive daydream which takes me away from life. I get depressed and suicidal because my life Is empty. I retreat into daydreaming more.
In my 50's now and I really see no hope. The negative aspects of my thoughts have become so automatic I can hardly escape them. The failures of my past and missed opportunities haunt me now.
If you are young and a MD my advice would be to take command of your life and your mind. Only your will to overcome can help you and you can do it, but you have to start now.
I appreciate you for the the last paragraph. That is a good piece of advice even though it is easier said than done.
Damn
Same situation but I'm 31. Childhood trauma triggered me into depression when I was 10. I've been a MD since then. Seems like my life and my youth has just passed me by. But thinking about it causes too much stress and mental agony that I end up retreating into my daydreams even more. It's a cycle.
@@Nothingbutdust_ this happens to me too. i'm seventeen now and i feel like i've missed out all of my teenage years because of my maladaptive daydreaming. i feel so detached from reality and even now i'm struggling to complete a very important school assignment that's been due from over a week ago. each time i set myself down to do it i just fall straight into daydreaming for hours. when i realise how much time i've wasted, i feel so awful and pathetic and just escape into my daydreaming again.
i intend to start therapy in 2025 as i realise that it's taking my life away. my mind feels so sick. i don't find comfort in real life people or experiences, only in my daydreams, and it's killing me.
even tho you're older than me, i'm sending you love and support. i also experienced childhood trauma and it feels like a viscous loop. i think you should also start therapy if you haven't already and i hope it's helpful ❤
thank you for your advice. i'm a teenager and i'm really struggling, but i'm trying my best to engage in reality. i have to reach out for help because i can't do this alone.
it's been a year since you wrote this. i hope you're doing better. even though you are older, i think it's never too late. it's a bitter disease, trapping addiction, but starting therapy and reaching out may improve our brain health. i'm planning to do so staring in 2025.
Its a relief to know that all what you experienced during so many years has a clinic explanation. Also that many others out there are facing and struggling as you are. Makes you feel less lonely
You should check out HealthyGamergg's videos on daydreaming, if you haven't as yet. It's been very helpful to me who also struggles with maladaptive daydreaming and depression. Dr Scott Eilers' videos are helpful too
I did use to suffer with this - it was comforting to imagine myself of a different fantasy type life with no problems, lots of money & friends. I had PTSD & the daydreaming started after the attack .. desperately wishing/dreaming to have my old life back, to magically become rich and move far away etc. this was very addicting and I don’t think I even recognized it was doing it for years. I would have rather stayed at home daydreaming than go anywhere or see anyone. I would daydream instead of working on Uni assignments. It was very hard to get out of it. It was a safe zone but I did at some point recognize I had a problem late 20’s (attack happened when I was 14). I recall googling the subject of daydreams & realized it was called maladaptive. I had started to see a therapist & when I told her she said that the daydreaming and frequent naps were both dissociative behaviours to escape the trauma. Once I started to understand & identify the triggers it made it easier. I was told to avoid all triggers for the next month (mine were listening to music, taking naps, negative interactions with any person, going for long drives) .. The second instruction was to not allow the daydream to go further once it started - to be mindful and aware I was doing it - I had to say out loud to myself “no, Stop, I will only think of real events, real memories, real friends etc. These two tips worked great, the maladaptive daydreaming stopped. My brain was addicted to it so I had to break it.
I wish I could break it too, I have an exam tomorrow and all I m doing is daydream for couple of days. I wish I just read the question bank so I don't fail the exam
I live inside of my head through maladaptive daydreaming a lot. It's like a vacation from toxic people or places. I'm not a head doctor, but maladaptive daydreaming is still safer than using drugs, alcohol, and/or sex as coping mechanisms.
Like with all those other coping mechanisms, the use of MD depends on the moderation of use or lack there of. Sadly, in my case, it's not safer. It's a dopamine prison. MDing for 16+ hours a day, is beautiful and delicious, but is in no way healthy.
@@idontknow6265 No, I wouldn't say actively managing it. Being really busy helps and staying away from background/maladaptive hobbies(hobbies you do while you maladaptive daydream like watching UA-cam videos) I've taken up more active hobbies like walking and listening to podcast or watching vids while on my treadmill and reading. They grab your attention. Your focus can only be pulled so much. I plan to get back into crocheting as well since you really have to keep your focus on that.
It is also very soothing for me as well, and knitting helps me get into that headspace.
It's horrible trust me ,it will make you so tired eventually
@@laqaunza. Interesting that dopamine disreg is implicated in Parkinson’s. Would anyone still do it if they knew it would give them Parkinson’s or Dementia? Life is too short! Clearly, they don’t believe in Hope for Life After death, making the best time of the life you have now.
After watching this video I daydreamed about taking a therapy and stopped having daydreamed
Maladaptive daydreaming and being psychologically abused has completely crippled my life. I'm 26 and have spent most of my life terrified of the world and even though I want to connect with people I don't trust anyone
I get you. Try and find a structure and routine, even for the small things - around the house etc. When you feel your being 'sucked in' Write down why (these reasons are private and personal to you), then once you start feeling 'sucked in' focus on something practical - organisation, cleaning the house etc. Also try and get out of the house as much as possible, bring on your own will encourage it. This will feel hard to begin with because you're brain won't be used to it, but KEEP GOING and you will feel more relaxed in your mind! As for the trust issues-if people have let you down before-- this isn't the majority of people, the majority of people are respectful and decent. Finally I would add its important to work on yourself, so if someone does let you down, it won't affect you so much. The only thing you can do is change YOU, you can't change anyone else or their actions (although it maybe wrong how they've treated you) I've struggled with these issues myself so I speak from experience!
Same here Steven. I suffered bullying in High School & I couldn't enjoy or have experiences like my classmates that kissed too many girls and went to a lot of parties. I grew up with self insecure that cannot allowed me talk to people as much as I'd like. In my daydreamers I'm so different than in real life. I'm responsible & capable to many areas as Sports, music or Acting. In real life I feel so useless.
Same. Hang in there buddy
Steven, hear you and I feel you so much. I hope this year has been better to you. I'm 2 years older and I'm in the same place. My life has been crippled by fear and unresolved ailments. I'm working my damndest to try to LIVE with what time I have left.
Yeah it makes us too sensitive for the real world, my world doesn’t have people who’ll commit crimes and pure as saint so naturally I’ll be overwhelmed by seeing strays or poverty after finally stepping outside of house. It makes everything overwhelming, too hard to adjust and so disappointing. For example I was swerving super cars in my daydreams but when you start learning actual car all the pressure and stress even if it’s minimal depresses us. Things are so simple in daydreams.
This is going to be long, but I'd like to share my own experience:
Yeah, I don't want to "fix" my maladaptive daydreaming. It really helps me love myself and center myself, especially in stressful times. I have a very detailed "paracosm" in my head, since I was a child. There are characters I've created, where my favorite Disney, Anime and Video Game characters "live"...and whenever I feel down, I "talk" to them, pulling from their own struggles in their respective stories that I can relate to, and eventually, I gather myself and function better in "the boring real world". I work as an artist in an animation studio and havebeen a professional artist for a decade+ now, so these vivid imaginations are so crucial to my creative life -- and I NEVER let my paracosm/maladaptive daydreaming get in the way of my work.
Living in an Asian home, my parents and older brothers have never been that supportive of my direction in life - but this is where I am the happiest...after having up to 8 different occupations since my 20's (I'm in my early 30's).
The my most recent, traumatic and heartbreaking break-up with a guy I loved so much, led me back into "that world" that I had not visited in a LONG time. It felt like coming back HOME, I cried and danced and laughed and sang for like 3 hours,...but also felt kind of awkward as "I was already in my 30's and I still do this???" - BUT, hey, I AM truly happy and I function better, write and draw better and I realized just how CO-DEPENDENT I was in my relationship with my, much younger and commitment-phobic ex.
My maladaptive daydreaming has gotten me through the toughest times of my life - especially when I felt alone, unloved, unseen and unheard. I had a posse of "MEs" that are so self-loving, supportive, they are how I know I got MY OWN back. They are reflections of the part of me that loves myself. It's even helped me in times where I'm too scared to say, ride a plane...
As long as I can function well in "real life", still do my job that I love, ain't no way I'm giving up "the little world inside my head".
Keep dreaming...but also, Keep Living!
Gosh thank you for sharing
THANKYOU
I think it’s wonderful that you have this!!
If you are able to function well and get things done when needed, then it wouldn’t be considered maladaptive. It would just be a detailed daydream. It only becomes maladaptive when it starts to consume a person’s life and limits functionality, and causes stress to the person.
Whoa 🙏
As a maladaptive daydreamer myself I think the worst thing about it is that you don’t WANT to stop it. So whenever I sought help, I wanted them to make me not want to do it. To help me get rid of the urge. it might sound absolutely insane. But the first time I could ever stop wanting to do it, to control the urge was when I fasted for 20 days straight. It felt like a miracle. I even kept putting myself in situations that would trigger my daydreaming and the urge didn’t come. And it lasted for long. I think it’s vital to be kind to yourself if you’re trying to stop daydreaming. Because for me it’s always been a defense mechanism. I honestly felt sad and bored for the first time in my life at the age of 22 when I first tried to stop daydreaming. And those feelings that are normal to other people felt extreme. So be kind to yourself and believe that you can overcome the urge. Maybe not by force though :)) it’s important to discover why you started doing it in the first place and try to work on that.
THANK YOU. NO one talks about this - I am 22 and have been doing this for about 6 years, and I am honestly trying desparately to stop. I want to feel in control of myself and my thoughts, and not keep pacing/going into these intrusive thoughts.
I am really trying to regulate my system first, and hopefully be able to step out of this MD/dissociation easier - my body and mind are so used to thinking we have to escape mentally to survive, that it's honestly so hard to be present, mindful, feel my emotions, or handle any kind of calm, honestly - as well as tougher emotions. Anyway, no one has any idea what this type of dissociation is - I didn't myself until a few months ago! So thank you, genuinely, so so much for talking about it. I'm commenting this before I even watch the video because I'm so excited! Thank you! I really am just trying to regulate my body and mind to feel safe being here, and then hopefully this kind of dissociation will occur less and less. Thank you, Kati!
Glad you discovered what kind of dissociation you experience. It's tough when you go through life not knowing how different you are...
Heres my story:
I delt with the issue from the age of about 10 until about 19, i'm 26 now. I would always listen to music and perform random lunge or jumping movements for a few hours a day. One day my mom walked in the room and caught me; she didn't acknowledge it, just walked out. Felt pretty mental so I stopped that type of display cold turkey. I never did it to escape reality, it was genuinely a pass time. Sometimes I get urges to start doing it again, especially when I hear a good song. Fitness has provided an excellent outlet for these urges, I just zone out and hit the weights or track. Made me into quite the fitness nut.
Me toooo
I'm literally crying
I'm so thankful to you that somebody is talking about it.
It's actually serious and causes stress in real life when you are unable to cope up with the imagination world you created because of uncertainty happened in one's life.
Anyway starting to cope with it and be realistic.🌸
I've done this as a trauma reaction and now in recovery
Psychological torture should be an indictable crime
No bruises, but years of recovery
I agree we need better laws
Exactly
@@bonezbaaaby I'm working on it..God bless 🙏, there's a spiritual reason for this and I believe the veil has been lifted in order we may repent bowing to a JEZEBEL SPIRIT..STAY STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL!!! XO
@@MulattoArchive yes we do.. I'm fighting hard to raise awareness..stay safe and beautiful..XO
@@laraparks7018 thank you 🙏 you too !!
I’m so glad there is more information on this now! I never knew what it was called but new I was different. I’m so glad I understand it better now. I had a very stressful childhood and have been doing this my whole life. It peaked in my late childhood and early teenage years. I always thought once my life became more manageable or once I got older I would “grow out of it”. I still do it every day and im 34 years old with a job and 2 kids! I have it under control now and absolutely love doing it, I’ve realised it’s just what my brain does, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop… and I don’t want to! I can’t imagine life without it, it has helped me so so much 💜
As i’ve said elsewhere, I’ve done this for literally as long as I can remember, and in my case, there needn’t be anything stressful going on for it to happen. Rather than continue for hours, it’s something so fully integrated into my life that I phase in and out as much as every five minutes. I used to go into deep trances, but now I can be pulled back into consciousness far more easily.
I do have some grandiose fantasies, usually involving being a musician and performing before an audience, inserting myself into the cast of a sitcom, or inserting myself into story universes of my own creation. (One ongoing one is of being a trans rebel in a Handmaid’s Tale-style world). Are these narcissistic fantasies? I don’t envision myself as all-powerful, just more talented than I actually am.
I've had this since being 5 yr, as a coping mechanism for trauma and chronic stress. It got really bad when I started university and I literally spent ALL days and nights on daydreaming, couldn't focus on anything, lost jobs, failed exams, just gave up on life. After therapy and meds, 2 years later, I'm a completely different person. I still have it and I probably will never stoo, but it's under control, I have scheduled time for it and can stop anytime when needed. The problem wasn't the daydreaming itself but the amount of time spent on it.
I also have derealization and depersonalization disorder, panic disorder, had chronic depression, sleep disorders, OCD etc. Daydreaming was just another form of dissociation for me. I'm also autistic, and I heard it's common for autistic people and people with ADHD to have such issues.
I didn't know about maladaptive daydreaming until a couple years ago when I decided to look up types of daydreaming and realizing this is what I do. I don't even remember when it started for me but definitely since I was a child. I thought I was the only one doing this.
My life has been so full of trauma that this is the only way I am surviving now. I look forward to my times of doing this. I get as I have my breakfast and coffee I am already looking forward to what I call it, "leaving reality". I eat lunch and then I lay down and leave reality again and diner and try to watch UA-cam awhile all the while I am waiting for the time to lay down and leave again. It runs my life. I have about five different stories I tell in these times I leave. As I write this I am being pulled to get done so I can lay down and leave reality.
My real life has been filed with so much abuse I do not want to be in it. Because of my belief in God I will not end my life. If I did not believe in God and the hope of being with Him some day and out of this life I would have ended it a long time ago. I do spend as much time in pray as I can but my "leaving reality" is an addiction. When I was implanted with a pain pump for my back pain I had to stop taking Oxycodone. When I was taking Oxycodone I would take it and then before time for the next dose I would start to go through withdrawal.
My addiction with wanting to "leave reality" feels the same way. I get the same feelings in my chest until I have to shut of the lights and lay down and leave. Right now my body is craving my time of leaving. I am having the same feelings I did when I would crave my next Oxycodone.
I could go on and on about what I am trying to escape from that would take pages. I am writing "The Story of my Life" to try to get it all down in words and when I can stay her long enough to write I am seeing things I see in other of your videos. I am trying to write the part now as to how my parents were not there emotionally for me. My dad never did anything fun with me. I grew up on a farm and was alone all the time.
Well if anyone read this far thank you so much. I need to "leave reality for awhile!!
Kati if you read this thanks for your videos. Some of them really hit home.
Thanks for sharing. There are pieces of what you said that I definitely relate to.
Yes God he is the only one which makes us live life.
I resonated with some of the things here.
I used to daydream for several hours as a kid (around age 6), but it wasn't daydreaming about myself; I had a character in my head that I would daydream about. I think it started as a way to fall asleep, but then I started to do it all the time. When my sister got too old to play with me, I started spending my time in this other world. I always, always listened to music and just created interesting scenarios in this character's life, usually inspired by whatever TV I was watching. From ages 7 to 14, I would run around my room, listening to music while daydreaming, usually for a couple to a few hours, but at some points in my life, I even spent probably up to like 8 hours or more daydreaming. I remember it never felt good when I daydreamed for more than a couple hours, but during those days, my character's life was much more interesting. And it was always this same character and his life. I have stopped daydreaming my days away; now I only daydream in the mornings right after waking up for a couple hours or in car rides. I really love my characters and their story and I don't want to give them up. They've lived with me for so long. Since I was 14/15, I have had this deep fear of having to give them up. I don't know why, but I just wish I could write their story, and for some reason, I feel like I'm not supposed to or can't. I don't know if it is fear stopping me, but this has become a huge anxiety/depression point for me. I miss them and I don't want them to go away forever.
I liked your story because mines are about a character too, it's from a TV show that I watched when I was young. I have never liked to daydream about myself, I don't think it was interesting enough to keep me in the daydream, I used to add characters from a show that I liked and the important part of the dream was the plot sometime I added plots of the shows too. Well I feel different from the people that dream about themselves, I feel silly when I do that and get bored because usually my dreams are about fantasy or superpowers that's why I use characters. Do you know Wattpad or Ao3 ? you could write the story as a fanfic, so it doesn't get forgotten.
Its the same for me, but I think its really bad because of the overstimulation it creates in our brain. And you’re right, if you do it too much we are going to feel pain or even start getting depressed.
Same here! Even I dream about a character from a manga which I like a lot. It's really hard to stop but this jas started affecting my daily life and career. I felt the need to put this to halt so searched for something regarding it and this video. Going through the comments, I realized I wasn't the only one. I hope we all get better!❤
Even though, we can manipulate what goes on in our daydream; maledaptive daydreams can be used like normal dreams to figure out if some things in our lives may be causing us some issues, that we aren't even aware of.
Like, I've noticed that I tend to slip into my daydreams when I feel lonely or alone. Then I stay there for hours. My daydreams frequently consist of people I know or am fond of. Acknowledging this pattern, has helped me realize, that as someone who prefers to be on my own, I took my desire for solitude to an extreme and deprived myself of some minimal, but necessary socializing.
It’s interesting. I do this as well but rarely with people I really know. Mostly imaginary people I wish I had in my life.
The part where you want to immediately return to the daydream after getting pulled out fits into dissociation as well. I believe that there are two main types of dissociation, one that we like and one that we don’t like. If I get pulled out of the first one, I am so sad and scared about the reality itself that I want to “leave” as fast as possible. I think maladaptive daydreaming checks every box of dissociation.
I hate reality,it scares me,I understand and relate completely to you
I thought my therapist was giving me bad advice when she said "if you find yourself in one of your daydreams or in a thought spiral, imagine a big red stop sign and just stop yourself"
I thought it was silly because the whole problem was I couldn't stop myself but not I realize what the actual lesson was : recognize when it starts and remember to use your coping tools. I thought she just didn't understand how hard it was to stop but that's not what she meant, she wanted me to finally gain control over my mind (at least a little bit to start) and the silly red stop sign does actually remind me to stop and assess..
All this to say, it may seem difficult, and the tools may seem silly, but there IS a bigger effect down the road, unfortunately practice and mistakes are necessary. But the most important factor is self reflection, what worked, what didn't and why, how can I do better next time.
♡♡♡♡
ill try if the red sign works
Guilty on all charges. Daydreaming has been part of my life forever. And it might be a continuation from childs play, where I used a lot of imagination with my friends. Later I became lonelier and there these (maladaptive) daydreams helped me cope I guess. And to this day it can happen, that I live more in my imaginary world, which is almost always a better version of my real life, than in the real world.
And Kati, you look gorgeous today!
I got maladaptive daydreaming from social anxiety and it lowkey ruined my life but it's so addicting
I used to do this since childhood, but along the way I replaced daydreaming with video games to escape into. Now I'm at a point in my life where I do not have time to play video games, and hence my maladaptive daydreaming has come back full force & it SO DIFFICULT to control it. I'm going through a very stressful time in my life where I have so many things to work on with no time to myself or my hobbies, and to my mind this is the only way I can escape & take a breather. I need to talk to my therapist, but my schedule is so cramped that I cant. Plus my therapist doesn't work on Saturdays so I'm trapped...I'm going to try the things told in this video & try to think from my therapist's POV of how I should go about handling the situation. Thank you for making my experiences feel validated
Sorry to hear you've been going through a stressful time... packed schedules can be a bit overwhelming. Hang in there! 🙏
I've been doing this ever since I remember, my parents often got into fights ,and it was cartoons which helped me runaway from all those noises, when I was 17 lightning struck again. And that's when i started watching animie. It was so peaceful, the entire anime world. I can say for sure it saved me from suicide, specially after watching "silent voice".I messed up an important exam because of animie addiction too, and that was a waste. Every now and then when I get stressed or see my parents argue I fantasise myself as an animie character, in a plot I created. Its soo satisfying. But I know my world is far from fantasy and I'm trying to say goodbye for my imaginary world.Thank you for the video,even though I'm still not sure if I want get out of my shell, you really helped.
This video is so well done and polished. It’s also really informative and people don’t usually talk about this topic.
Very interesting video and topic iv honestly not heard of maladaptive daydreaming until now but I can relate to decociasion because I do it often thanks for sharing this video Kati❤️
Just realised that I have this! I have been struglling with not being able to fucus always listening to music and disosiating to forget reality and my misery. I always thought it was just a dissociation and no big deal untill it stopped me from living life, being happy, feeling alone, isolating myself from people to be with my made up friends in my daydreams. Pacing around my room for hours a day not being able to stop.
Thank you Kati. I've been living with this for what seems like my entire life without paying any mind to it, but having recently been diagnosed with adult adhd, this video was eye-opening to me. It made me seek out for help, now that I'm realizing it's what's been affecting everything else. It's so hard to stop when my daydreams are better and more interesting than my own life though.
I’ve struggled with this for a long time. EMDR (not for the daydreams but for CPTSD) has helped a lot. It’s slowly stopping as I deal with the real issues. I’m now doing primarily CPT and EMDR only when needed. This video is very helpful, thank you.
I have no control in my life, career or living arrangement. Maladaptive daydreaming is all I have.
Since look down l have been daydreaming what ever I desire it is so addictive that I couldn't stop myself. I was not able to sleep because of this and it affected my studies very badly. I also isolated myself and became very underconfident and shy slowly then. I also imagine stories at night and it was very hard for me to fall asleep. But I am very good in my studies stress, pressure and desire for my goals became the reason for my daydreaming. Because if this I was not able to think and focus and I also have headache cause of this. Now I myself is trying to cope up with this by dealing with stress, socializing myself, being busy, exercising and and self talk.
This things can be satisfying but belive me it is very addictive and its gonna destroy your future and present.
See like me you are also strong and can cope up with this and all your stories are LIE you need to come in reality.
Have faith in yourself and make a self commitment with proper decepline you can cope up with this.
I'm 38 yrs old and I still daydream most of the time. Been doing it since I was child. and honestly it's the only time that I can escape of this cruelty reality. I don't see myself stopping anytime soon 😊
I really don't see the harm in it as long as it doesn't interfere with functioning in real life
I'm 22 and honestly can't let it go atp. 🤷🏽♀️🤗 I have characters I greatly love and I just can't lose them 😭
37, and same
@@elizabethgartman1441I am also 37 but daydreams are making me tired at this age
This is Satan’s plan! Too bad everyone in customer service has fallen for it, and is making life worse for everyone else.
I have been doing this for 20 years, since childhood, anyone I watch on TV,it could be an actor, a footballer or someone I admire in real life, becomes my permanent imaginary friend, I imagine him/her -(the character I admire ) -with me all the time when I am with my family, I act as if he sees us and hears our conversation, when I stumble on the road I feel shy in front of him as if he is with me and saw me stumble.. when I go to bed I imagine him with me in an intimate position (this person could be anyone I see on TV , socialmedia and real life) .. and the list goes on, this matter seems to be a sort of craze but it cost me a lot of delay in my life, it made me a disconnected girl from her reality, immersed in her illusions, unable to accomplish even the simplest daily tasks, I want this matter to end.
I go into little micro trances hundreds of times a day. What my mind is doing is probably the daydreaming, but it is so easy to slip into to catch myself doing it is enough to snap out. But sometimes I will be in the middle of a task, carrying items, using tools, even speaking - a distraction takes me inside my mind scenarios and I get lost in thought on them and forget what I'm doing in my body. I thought it might be ADHD because I am already neurodivergent and I have been describing it as difficulty concentrating. It's when nothing is triggering and things are calm too. it feels like stolen focus - but, it's not redirecting my focus to anything but hypothetical future scenarios for some reason, i'll even get distracted by imagining myself finishing what i'm still in the middle of and not realize i've stopped working
I struggled with this as a child into my 40’s. It was a coping mechanism for a difficult and abusive childhood. In my fourties’ I was diagnosed with stress and anxiety and placed on medication for a time. During my medicated time I learned to better control my daydreaming. Now I see gaming took over where it left off. It’s very interesting how these two issues are related.
Thank you for this video.
For a teenager with plans, ambitions, and dreams, this feels like living in hell.
Realizing how many thousands of hours I've wasted and how my ability to focus has significantly dropped makes me feel desperate, and I still can't escape it. It's already torturous. The dreams themselves are even worse-more stressful and exhausting-for I am naturally melancholic. Thinking about this embarrassing and useless daydreaming (well for me total waste of time energy and mentality yet I still can’t stop it, it’s like loop that makes me mad) makes me feel nauseous, almost like jumping out of the window.
This video is very informative ❤️
Not me literally going into a dream, talking to you about how I want to stop maladaptive daydreaming while watching this video. I was so dumbfounded when I realized. It happened so quick. That was crazy.
I didn’t realize that’s what I’ve been doing for years. This really was informative.
I didn’t even know this was a thing and I’ve been doing it almost my whole life. It’s especially noticeable in my early report cards when I was very young in school and every report card mentions my day dreaming. The alternate life that I lived in my head was very compelling and comforting to me. I do it now as well but I have somewhat of a handle on it because I am able to function and take care of my needs and work at my career. But I’m sure it is disruptive and it sometimes takes my attention away. Thank you for giving a name to this and for providing some coping strategies.
I haven't been very impressed with the videos on maladaptive daydreaming so far. This was a concise and reasonable video that really put into perspective why I was constantly slipping into daydreams throughout the day. Sometimes I would even have to wrestle with my mind just to sit down and think about some elaborate scenario that serves me no purpose. Of course, it was a disassociative disorder.
Thank you for always dealing with sensitive topics in a respectful, informative and professional way. I have learnt so much from your videos ⚘
It's honestly an insane tool. I get to watch any thing possible and it's going to be better than I expect every time? Yeah, sign me up, it's a great thing when managed well.
That's the key tho, it's horrible when used badly unfortunately, and hard to change. You can even use it to more accurately theorycraft solutions, as the vividness mixed with outside applied realism can help you feel things out.
I've done this since I was little kid. And I'm almost in my sixties. What you're saying is exactly what I've been doing for decades. Exactly. 😮😮😮
Using TV and deeply associating into what's going on sounds like a similar choice that many of us do. Great video, many thanks and your suggestions are awesome.
I started daydreaming when I was about 10 years old, my mind was using it as a means to try to escape what I was going through at the time.
Same
The moment I learned about maladaptive daydreaming It stopped without trying. It becomes so hard for me to daydream .. it’s been nearly 1 year and I miss daydreaming because my reality sucks 💔
*As an immersive daydreamer, it breaks my heart what everyone seem to be going through in the comments.* I can't imagine getting rid of my characters; they're the best parts of me. I'm a writer. I daydream over 7 hours a day but as I'm immersive I can always control it, and the daydreams are inspiring rather than just fantasies. I'm lucky to have such a gift, and so it saddens me that my maladaptive siblings are trying to rid themselves entirely of it, considering they're both so similar.
I've felt myself slipping down the maladaptive path sometimes, and was a maladaptive daydreamer for about half a (stressful) year of my life. *These two steps are how I turned my maladaptive back into immersive:*
*1. Don't daydream about yourself.* Don't be the main character of your own stories. It will make you unmotivated in real life, and it will make you feel as if you're not enough as you are. Instead, create purely fictional characters and worlds, and project yourself onto them. You'll see your own struggles portrayed symbolically, and discover your own bravery through your characters. To make it distinct from the real world, historical fiction, fantasy, science fiction, etc. are ideal. And make sure your characters all are their own people first and foremost, not versions of yourself (though some will often be similar, inevitably, and that's ok. As long as they're taking inspiration from you but they're not you).
*2. Make time to daydream.* Organize your time. I don't have an hour to spare in the mornings to put on makeup, and I don't hang out all day outside on the weekends, and I don't use much social media, etc. But I make sure to do well in my work (as I did in my studies) , to make my daydreaming productive through writing, and to take care of my loved ones and keep at least two meaningful friendships. And I still daydream a minimum of 6 hours a day. But sometimes I do it while going back and forth from work, while going to sleep, etc. It's possible. It's time management. If you don't allow yourself to daydream, you'll lose control. So enjoy it without guilt, as if the daydreams are healthy (as explained in the previous point) you're just interacting with your unconscious and being creative... Which beats watching Netflix or other ways of spending your time. The approximately 3-4 hours I spend pacing around my room I also exercise, as as the daydream gets better I naturally move quicker until I'm running and jumping. While you're in a dissociative state you often lose feeling of your body, so while I've run into a corner more than once and even injured something minor at one point, at the end of the day it's a great way to exercise.
Maladaptive/immersive daydreaming is one of two dissociative conditions (the other being DID) that is considered chronic. No one who's daydreamed for such extended periods of time has really ever stopped doing it. It releases happiness in the brain, and the brain wants to be happy. Of course it's addictive. *But it's your mind doing what's best for you.* Giving you the opportunity to be a god and discover your own unconscious, and incredible reflections about yourself and the world. It allows you to fragment your mind into personalities nearly as realistic as yourself, and watch them all omnipotently, while also being them. Therapy is based around revealing your hidden, aching unconscious psychological wounds through speech. As a daydreamer you're given direct access to your own unconscious.
It's a gift, not a curse. Just don't waste it on self-fulfilment. Use it to unleash your mind's full potential. Challenge your characters and create worlds, and you'll make yourself stronger and wiser in the process, especially when it comes to knowing yourself. Which is, in the end, the secret to happiness.
I have been maladaptive daydreaming since I was a kid. I legit had an imaginary friend. I always remember feeling so lonely and helpless. I was abused and bullied physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually. I was recently diagnosed with Anxiety/Depression, Adult-ADHD and a bit of PTSD. I
Didn’t tell my care team about the daydreaming… it’s bad though. It feels so good to get lost but it literally last hours even when I’m doing normal day to day things.
few wrong things you said about it:
1. actually you can easily be thorn out of your daydream it just doesn't feel good
2. you think of it as kind of disassociation but it's not. we are completely aware.
3. the daydreams are not "less stressful". sometimes we create stressful or harming/self-harming/grieving scenarios of emotional pain in a way to cope with our emotions from the real world.
4. going for a walk will automatically trigger your daydream instead if preventing it.
Thought the time management and the grounding help to manage .
The only time I’ve ever had the ability to control this was when I was in college, because, even thought I had a single dorm, Iived in a seriously old building and I didn’t want people to hear me pacing for hours or for someone to know on my door and me not ear it. It got a lot easier then, and I do it less now unless I’m really stressed. I try to keep myself busy but sometimes the urge is just too strong. I usually have intense daydreaming episodes (pacing and such) about 4 times a week. In high school it was at least once a day.
Great episode but all I want to say is… Kati the top you are wearing is amazing, 🔥🔥
Oh my God... this is a bombshell. Im 20 years old and have been doing this since I was 9(had minor repetive trauma). I already have ADHD and I just dont know anymore. I thought I could really achieve normality. I really cant anymore.
I was already day dreaming by the middle of the video 😂😂
I am a maladaptive daydreamer. It's sad because it replaces all human interactions. I don't even want to see my family anymore because all I daydream about is the stuff they did to wrong me. That can lead to derealization and depression. I am talking this out with my therapist but I don't know. It's been part of me for so long, it's part of me.
I've had maladaptive daydreaming since young childhood. I was a very advanced toddler and child. I knew my ABCs, could count to 10, and was potty trained by 18 months. I had a sister who married a sadist when I was 4. She was the oldest sibling and I was the youngest of 6 kids. She is about 16 years older than me. My parents were older when I was born and their patience and energy had declined a lot by the time I was born. They had no intention of having another child and weren't exactly thrilled by my existence. But, they did their best I suppose. Because I was advanced, they didn't really have to work with me, and I was usually low keyed and quiet as long as nothing was tormenting me. I was very different than other kids and suffered a lot of bullying. I always loved learning, but hated school due to the social aspect of it. Kids can be extremely cruel. My oldest sister had 8 kids and the oldest was 5 years younger than me. I loved being around my nephews and nieces (as long as they were somewhat calm) but their Dad was the thing of nightmares (literally). When I wasn't in school I was usually sent to stay with my sister to help her with the kids. I was constantly exposed to all manners of abuse and psychological torment. Even being held under water till I would nearly pass out at age 8 or 9. My parents mostly ignored me and I had a lot of emotional abuse, but occasionally I was physically abused. My older brothers also picked on me all the time. So, school was hell, my sister's house was hell, and my house was hell. I would always rock as long as I can remember and I was very literal and a concrete thinker. Now I understand that I probably was on the autism spectrum, but back then, I was just weird and embarrassing. At school I didn't rock because I knew it would be bully fuel, so I would swing at recess instead. This was all in elementary school. It would swing morning and afternoon recess, and after lunch. It was my time to escape and pretend to be all alone. I started maladaptive daydreaming around age 8 and I started doing it while I was rocking at home, while I was swinging at school, and during class, which was a combination of agonizing boredom and social anxiety. I will be 50 next month and I still struggle with this. I turned to mobile games to counteract it, and now I'm attached to those too. I really think it becomes an addiction. I never was into drugs or alcohol, but maladaptive daydreaming became my addiction - and now mobile gaming too 🙄
I have been daydreaming for a long time to escape my daily boring life to a place where everything is like a movie and I am the main character.
Its really addictive!
I’m 15 I’ve been doing this for the past 2-3 years a little after when my mom passed. I don’t know if I did this before but I didn’t have the best childhood. I was mentally and physically abused by my mother and step father and biological father. Sexually abused by my 7 year old cousin when I was at least 5 and by my 2nd brother when I was 3. They never believed me and even had a children family we give case open just for my mom and step father to tell me to tell the people I was lying so I did and that was closed. Then when I was 12 I finally had the balls to e-mail cfs on my school iPad in 6th grade one morning after my mom had choke me to damn near passing out the day before and a few days before that. I knew I was in huge trouble becausr I missed the bus that day and tried walking to school to avoid whatever punishment was coming my way bc I knew that I was in for it bad after the event so f yesterday happened. They came and took me from school two days later and I went to foster care in Massillon. It was a huge change.since they picked me up front school without me knowing they was coming to get me so I didn’t ge to say goodbye to the only people who treated me good at school or get any of the dirty clothes my parents had me wearing. The environment for one. The learning was different bc I switched to a predominantly white school with an more advanced curriculum that the black charter school I was going to. And Making friends again was hard which I struggled with for a decent amount of my life so I ended up developing abandonment and detachment issues bc I did move around a lot before foster care so I just keep to myself and try to avoid making friends. I feel like all this stuff led to me being a maladaptive daydreamer and I wase always weird as a kid at home. But when you’re treated like a caged animal it kinda fucks with you at a age that young. My step dad got a little worse after my mom passed I.e yelling wt me and blaming me for my mom death and doing so in public. He would just accuse me for random shit and sometime throw shit at me. I know he was emotional bc his wife jus passed but you can go around telling people that in public bc I didn’t really care abt him telling me st home. I got numb but when he started doing it when my only friend secretly girlfriend at that time was over I started effecting me w little. That’s when I discovered music(yes my mom had me that secluded from social media and the world. If i knew about something it wa s through word at school or I got access to the internet when we went to phone stores)on the phone my sister gave me(it was her old iPhone) I started to feel like I was in certain scenarios based on the vibe of the music and it helped me out with my situation with him. He snapped one day and just dumped me off at my brother house without letting me get any of my stuff so I’ve been living here got the past 2 years and it just turned into an addiction and obsession so as ybose 2 years passed I have a album in my photos of my favorite fictional characters( marvel and dc) and whenever I’m watching something on tv or listening to music I just open that album and pretend that whatever I’m listening to or watching is apart of my scenario and when I look at the characters in the album I feel like I’m bonding with them and it strengthens the daydream bc it feels like I’m more connected with them and they’re like my imaginary friends. It’s hard to explain and I’m sorry for this whole dump but once I started I couldn’t stop typing. But I seriously think I need help. I left out a lot of stuff bc I tried to just keep it simple and short but shut just kept flowing back to me at different moments as I was typing so some shit is out of order. Whoever does read all this please tell ‘me if I should get help or if anything is concerning bc I have nobody to confide in lol
Yeah, you absolutely need to get help. The problem with trauma and other psychological burdens is if they're left alone and not addressed in a healthy and constructive manner ---- they grow like weeds and become worse over time. By over time I mean the span of years ---- I'm not talking about anything immediate. I'm really sorry you had to deal with that level of shit in your life.
This is an excellent video! The best one I’ve listened to about daydreaming. I’m in my 60s and I was born into a family where there was a lot of pain, chaos, verbal, and sometimes physical violence. I think daydreaming was critical to my being able to come out of that and Lead a reasonably life. But I still struggle with excessive daydreaming and rumination and I think I find your Tips very helpful.
2) This is a method I have started testing recently. I keep a daydream diary. When I want to start day dreaming, I write in my notes the date and number of the entry. And about the following text: Now I go into dreams and fictional reality, because I experience a lot of unpleasant emotions (anger, fear, irritation, misunderstanding). I don't have the energy to deal with it. I know how to make myself feel good very quickly. So now I am going to imagine a perfect love story where I will be more attractive, smart, happy, funny, cool, etc.
IMPORTANT: When keeping these notes, don't shame yourself for daydreaming. Be honest with yourself and have an understanding attitude. It is very important to accept the situation and yourself in it. Be aware of yourself and your emotions. THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO IS TO STOP DEMANDING TOO MUCH OF YOURSELF.
I invented this method myself, as the others I had heard about helped me little or were very hard to follow due to lack of discipline.
I'm surprised, but often after writing these things down, I can suddenly stop wanting to go into daydreaming. As they lose their appeal in my eyes and I sort of unmask them. And even if I do go into daydreaming afterwards, I can still see the statistics ( how often, because of what emotions and what exactly I am looking for in daydreaming)
I've been testing out a similar thing with Journaling where I try to get the part of my brain that wants to switch tasks back in the "drivers seat" by essentially allowing it to express its feelings on paper. I write down why I would really like to switch tasks, all the fears and worries I have if I do or I don't. I write in a very non-judgmental way but still allowing myself to write out my fears of not getting things done. The goal is the longer I write the more time I'm giving that part of myself, the more control it will slowly gain over the part of me that doesn't want to change tasks. It's a bit of a hit or a miss but better than most methods I've used.
We maladaptive daydreamers have a kind of superpower, an extremely vivid imagination and creative mind. As we keep it under control, it then is just immersive daydreaming. I'm doing what I can to be present by taking care of my health and incorporate meditation into my routine. When my imagination pulls me in, I do my best to write it down. Many of us have amazing stories from our imagination, and we should share them. We can add more beauty to the real world with this gift. Remember, your not alone. You're stronger than you think. This world has its beauty and it needs your presence. ❤
I love the last tip. It seems like that’s going to be the most effective for me.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve had it since I was 10 or even younger. Never thought it was a problem because I saw it as my safe place. I always look forward to daydreaming and being in my world. A world I can control and that is free from evil or loss of loved one.
The only down side for me honestly is that it prevents me from being so productive. Other than that, I love it because it’s emotionally satisfying.
I will definitely adopt the last tip and incorporate it into my daily schedules so I don’t keep zoning out at intervals.
when you start day dreaming about what you now need to do to get better while she's talking and have to replay it twice..
thank you Kati, I know I did this as a child. I remember a James Bond fantasy pretending to be on a secret mission to save the world. The maladaptive thoughts would sometimes cut in when I was riding my bike, or in the shopping mall
I’m 18 and just started to realise i’ve done this pretty much my whole life. It’s so addicting but has started to really affect my life, especially my relationships with people. it’s like the people in my life aren’t good enough cause they actually have human flaws whereas everyone in my daydreams just does what I want. It’s just weird because i’m actually aware that it’s causing stress on my life but i guess that makes me do it more. I’ve got OCD as well so wasn’t sure if this was maybe some massive control thing where i’m essentially the centre of the universe but it’s just pretty crazy to think about; it’s like i’m two different people
I would spend hours daily day dreaming in my last relationship, with a video game obsessed husband who chronically ignored me and emotionally and financially abused me. I wasn't aware there was a name for it, but my daydreaming greatly lessened when I was able to remove myself from that intolerable life.
good job, congrats!
I'm had same issue, now I'm out of relationship but still stuck in fantasy world, may I know what technique you used to get out of it?
Same. My ex made me daydream about life on my own. The cool trick is that, once I left him, my dream came true and felt better than imagined 🥺💖
It helps me forget why I'm alone and miserable but also is the reason why I'm miserable
im 12 now and i have realized that if you focus hard enough you can start to feel what you think of helping you get over stress and anxiety and this can help to get rid of anger issues by imagining a scenario and thinking of the bad thing that happened to you and imagining the worst possible outcomes (as in anything else bad that can happen) so if it happens to you are prepared for it and this works with most things that you cant get over with and im talking from experience.
I do this pretty much all the time after ive had a conversation with someone. I ruminate on it and make up my idealistic version of myself and how I’d like to be viewed by other people. I don’t really care what people think it’s just that social anxiety and thinking so much before I speak and being too aware of myself makes me really awkward. After that I become really dissociated from my current task for a while until my mind is satisfied and continue to do whatever the unproductive thing it is that im doing.
I think this is a fairly new problem and it's not been talked about that long. Not all paths have been trodden and there isn't as much advice and experience in overcoming this. But as they say, either find a path or pave it myself. I've been struggling with this for quite some time. And Happy to share my own experiences.
The thing people don’t understand about maladaptive daydreaming is that it’s so addictive and comforting thag for me - if it was taken away from me I would feel so depressed and horrendous.
I know how you feel, without it I feel angry and upset. It’s honestly really becoming a problem for me. I’ve tried to go without it but I’m addicted.
Maladaptive daydreaming is NOT a form of dissociation, it's a form of obsession-compulsion, or addiction.
To be honest, i think i might have/had it. I experience super vivid daydreams like that and sometimes to escape reality when im anxious, but it doesn’t affect me. Im doing fine in school, doing fine socially, so i don’t really have to care anyway, which leads me to believe i might not have it. Since i was 7 or something i would have these daydreams with all these complicated storylines and characters and action and so i began writing it all down. Soon enough, there was a whole goddamn world in my head i would just pull out and make stories within, which i still do to this day. At first i was led to believe it was just me having an imagination, which could be true, but im not so sure about that. When i was in 3rd grade, i switched schools and i had no friends, so to entertain myself i would stare at the ground, walk around the feild and let my mind run wild. Everyone thought i was a weirdo and my teachers got concerned that i was lonely, but i didn’t need any friends at the time because i would get so immersed i could just keep myself busy like that. However, i always had the control to shut it off and when i feel the need to daydream im able to focus on the task at hand and daydream at a more appropriate time. So im very confused. Maybe im just weird as fuck
It's been almost 3 years that I've been so lost in daydreaming. I keep thinking what I would do if I had to defend myself & it feels satisfying to do so but in reality nothing changes & I just feel even more miserable than before . Most of the reason are my past friendships that I messed up. But I'd also sometimes daydream about stuff like sharing my stories with someone maybe because I feel lonely? I dunno why anymore ......
I just do it at just about any quiet moment, or during repetitive actions.
It’s made me late for work almost daily for years, and made me struggle in school due to just how prevalent and overpowering it is.
Imagine taking a shower, and then an hour passes and only the sting of absolutely freezing water will “wake” you, regardless of how many times you tell yourself “I’ll be quick.” or “absolute no zoning out.” it just doesn’t change anything.
Regardless of stress, my little world is what I go to. Any level of boredom, rather I’m
happy, or if Im feeling overwhelmed, it happens regardless.
I’m not diagnosed as having PTSD, but I probably should seek out a professional about it. I have anxiety and OCD without question.
What I will add is that bringing others into that world helps out quite a bit. Yes, it still exists but instead of acting as my world I used to hide away in, it’s becomes a game of planning out events to later play out.
Ironically, it turned into a social activity for me. I have other lesser “worlds” but my focus has alwasy been on the one I turned into a little roleplay world.
It’s been ongoing for five years this way, turning something I’ve done since I was a child into something enjoyable and much more gratifying. Feels good to be a little more grounded, having a second person in that space really helps.
Idk if this is what I’ve been experiencing, but it feels like I’m daydreaming about today, but yesterday, so now I’m feeling a sense of Deja vu today. Like I’m using that as a coping mechanism for moving through a reality I disapprove of. I still don’t get it after watching the video and I’m sorry. I just learned about this word today.
The thing is, I know that md is taking up way to much time in my life, but if I’d stop doing it I’d loose this whole entire reality with those characters that I love more that myself (and even more than some people in my real life). I don’t wanna loose all this, I feel the most emotions in my daydreams. I feel like loosing my life and personality would be less that loosing that made up reality. So yeah, that’s kinda my problem, anyways.. have a Great day:)
I've had maladaptive daydreaming since I was 11 :(
It was fun at first but now my studies are really important and its a big obstacle for my studies. Im really scared for my future :(
Thank you so much, ai used to daydream a lot in Elementary school thia might be the reason why. It might have come from my childhood trauma.
This is where I’ve created my best music , writing and art . Yet it’s so true that it’s made it difficult to get connected to people
The fact that I started daydreaming during this and didn’t even remember half of the video…
I have this disorder since I was a child. I still have it and even when someone is talking to me I can day dream and still answer the questions. I've got it down to an art but I try not to let it overcome me. Only when I get very depress over something I use it to get me through the tough times so its a sort of two edge sword. But its all a learning process of life. :)
Thank you Kati I saw this first on your Instagram. I really appreciate your help in understanding my own problems. I completely relate to this as have been doing it for years, losing time, describing my daydream out loud, which leads to paranoia and really negative self criticism.
I interact with my dream friends
Hi. Patrick from Mind Life Flow here...thanks for your information on maladaptive daydreaming and dissociation. Useful information for so many people and being able to access it here on the web - makes it available to all! Thanks
I grew up with a mother with narcissistic personality disorder, maladaptive daydreaming was my coping mechanism to the trauma, I created a life I'd rather live and there was a time I was dissociating so much that I thought it was some kind of premonition of how my life was supposed to be so I try to act like this character I made up in my head and I hope that my life would somehow become my daydream, over the years I changed my motive about it and started seeing it as an actual story. And now in my adulthood, I took the characters from my daydreams gave them a storyline with lessons about life. And I'm now working on my drawing skills to hopefully make it an animation series one day.
I have turned all those dreams into manifestation now. I processed my trauma through writing and it actually went away after that.
Wow I realise that I have it since years because, even though I was never experiencing any abuse or issue in my life, I am just… afraid to live. It became so addictive and I often use music to make the experience “better”
I know I should do something about this, it has taken over my life. I’m 27 and I haven’t done anything beneficial with my life since graduating college, I’ve never even had a job, all my friends have gone off living their lives, getting engaged and I’m still in a rut at home. I go to look for jobs or I have an idea of what I want to do, and I get so excited to do it, but then I don’t go ahead with it, I don’t know why. And then my mind goes into this daydream where my life is so much better. I’ve got the job, I’ve made new friends, kept some of my old ones, took different pathways in life, I’m a superhero in one and get saved by a superhero in another. Normal people or celebrities that I like I end up in relationships with. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to leave this dream world, it’s like my home now. I’m safe there, I’m happy there, but I know I need to get help.