I was diagnosed with D.I.D. it gets very lonesome at times. Pretty much scare away people. But I am learning a lot of this work IS getting back into your body. Everything physical. Dancing. Etc. D.B.T and mindfulness helps too.
I have HUGE pieces of my life missing from my memory. Traumatized and abused throughout my childhood. I don’t think I’ll ever get them back. Not sure I want to.
@@jantaljaard835 and at a young age. Trauma at 16 doesn't cause DID though it can affect it if it's all ready a part of your personality structure. Some say 6 and under. Revision: all people with DID didn't have to have "abuse" as it seems you have defined it. There are many serious traumas that can happen to a child that can cause them to start to dissociate to such an extreme that a system is formed, or at least 2 distinct personalities are formed as it says in the DSM.
When explaining to someone what derealization feels like, I always say that it's like when you leave a movie theatre. Your mind is still in the movie, in a different world, but you walk on a real street, in a really city. But your not present, your not in reality, you're somewhere else
Exactly this and if it’s paired with depersonalization it’s like you have to try your hardest not to have an anxiety attack and get to a safe place as soon as possible
I had a therapist tell me “the daydreaming isn’t maladaptive if it helped you survive”. I honestly think it should be changed to "persistent daydreaming" or something less judgemental.
@@TheresaTV1 I agree. Mine did too. I thought It was crazy for most of my life. But, think of everything I, and other survivors, have been through and how strong we are.
Same, and I had no idea this was a form of dissociation since daydreaming is normally something you can control (under normal circumstances anyway), and switch on and off whenever you want to (and I thought that dissociation wasn't like that). Except when it becomes like an addiction, which it has for me, and I'll sometimes even slip into it without really realising (Edited for typos)
The amnesia thing--I didn't realize it was dissociation. There are entire chunks of my life that are a blur--times that were very emotionally dark. When I read journals I kept from those times, it's like reading someone else's diary, someone else's words. It's very, very strange. It's like, at those times, I was so numb that I was not absorbing anything. Nothing was committed to my memory because nothing mattered. It's wild.
I slightly remember keeping a diary for a short time. I tried to keep it hidden but my mother kept looking for it whenever I wasn’t home. One day when I was at school she found it and when I came home it was on the kitchen table. She questioned me about everything that was in it. I wouldn’t tell her anything but when she went to the bathroom I took it back. I brought it outside, completely ripped it up and burned it until it was ashes. My mother was angry at me. She claimed I had no right to do that. I said it was mine and I did. She said I was in trouble with my dad now too. I never heard anything else about it but NEVER wrote in another diary / journal again.
@@laurabenevelli6783 I’m so sorry that happened to you. Your diary is private, and nothing in there should be read by anyone else than you. I don’t think she had the right to do all of that.😢
I have been (maladaptive) daydreaming since i was a child. before, i thought it was just something that everybody does and didn’t think it would be harmful. but after all those years of daydreaming, i created a lot of stories (some i can still remember, and i still continue to develop up to this day) and lived in my head EVERY SINGLE DAY that even though I know that doing grounding techniques are healthier than constantly living in my fantasy world, i can’t seem to abandon these imaginary people, imaginary version of myself, imaginary world i created. it’s effects aren’t really that extreme in real life bc i can still function but still, it does more bad because i often opt to daydream than to do my academic tasks. i just wish i can find it in myself to stop this completely bc i know that it is unrealistic and i’m just hurting myself in the process by setting my expectations too high (i have quite self-centered stories and i know that people won’t realistically hold me in such high regard)
I relate a lot.a part of me doesn't want to stop because it's my happy place and it feels like my life will never be as good as the life I have in my head. like why stop the good life in my head for the awfule one I have in reality?😔
I didn’t choose to stop, it just sort of went away one day. And to be honest, I feel like I wasn’t prepared to lose that coping tool because I didn’t have…correction, still don’t have…an replacement. So because I didn’t have a healthier method of coping I’ve just swapped it out for another unhealthy dissociative strategy. I spend most of time staring at a screen and not participating in life at all. If it’s not social media it’ll be a TV series or Pinterest or farting around with stupid apps like Reface. And I don’t mean the normal amount of time-wasting procrastination that other people do, I mean I do nothing. Ever. And when I try to think about it or think about participating I my life again it becomes too overwhelming, I have no idea where to start and I just end up in a spiral of self-loathing despair that can sometimes take me very close to the edge. So I’m stuck in this dissociation because it feels like sometimes it may literally be life or death. I have no other tools. I can’t afford therapy. And I can’t turn to people I know for support because for me that is too scary and for them, I genuinely don’t think they would know how to support me. And I don’t know how to help them help me. So I’m just stuck here now. And it’s terrifying. I think because I spent almost my whole life in that maladaptive daydreaming world I never developed the healthier coping methods or how to seek support from others. I feel like stray dog that ha never been socialised properly so I spend all my time hiding under a bush while the world and my life just passes me by. At least with daydreaming I had relief. I had somewhere to go for comfort. This is a much more grim existence.
I've always told myself that I can't have been traumatized because I don't dissociate, but it never occurred to me that there might be different types of dissociation.
When people think of trauma, they picture someone who fought in war, or very extreme scenarios, when that usually isn’t the case. Trauma is selective and it affects us in so many bizarre ways. All of these techniques and stuff actually help to rewire the brain over time so we don’t have all these issues and can manage. Edit: I’m no Doctor, just sharing what I have learned from the Doctors.
That's very interesting because since I only dissociate, I feel like I can't have been traumatized. I feel like those that experience their emotions very actively and are bathing in the pain are the true trauma survivors. I just have a voice in my head that constantly invalidates me.
Everyone is traumatized in this world. The question is just to which degree. A trauma is everything from your past that didn't get resolved. Moving as a kid can be a trauma, falling of your bike as a kid can be a trauma, being left alone crying can be a trauma. You catch my drift? Now think about your life again.
Mental health doesn't follow rules - the terminology and categorizations in psychology are there to help make sense of it all and to help you access treatment. Don't let the categories or definitions get in the way of understanding your story. The DSM is even only a guide, not a textbook dictionary as many people misunderstand it to be. The entire field of psychology is very, very new to western science! In other words, keep an open mind and do your best to be compassionate and understanding to yourself ❤ (also, I highly recommend looking into Dr. Gabor Mate's work!)
@@Katimorton I'm so thankful that if popped up for me today. It's so wild because last night I was thinking about the various times I've disassociated in my life. Childhood molestation and then something I'm trying to figure out is at various times on and off in my life, I have a job and don't suffer from depression or anxiety. Things that since childhood have prevented me from leaving my home. And I'm lazy So when I looked back at these periods of time, it makes me wish I could be that way again. I see I've had depersonalization. I believe when I would with a job because I was just emotionally upset on a whim, that was probably when I was coming out of a dissociative state. But maybe I'm so screwed up that might have been when I was in one. I've struggled to find a therapist because when I went to see one. I was trying to explain to her how awkward I felt that I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Standout and everybody's looking at me. That therapist told me, well I'm beautiful but I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world. So I never went back
For me it was maladaptive daydreaming, which impacted my life pretty heavily. It is better now, but still there. And yes, I could create a complete parallel life to my present life. But it never effected me that badly, that I could not function at work or at home. But there was always this story in my mind going on.
😭 it’s so bad for me 😭 people I care about think I’m ignoring them, their like hello hello! They don’t understand how was I staring at something but didn’t see it happen 😭
Used to be called 'imagination' now it's a mental health problem, you can pay someone who benefits financially from you thinking your imaginative brain is 'wrong' weird.
@@Debtwarrior If what you call "imagination" negatively affects your daily life such as (but not limited to) preventing you from completing daily tasks and not being aware of your surroundings/time, then it IS a mental health problem. Did you even watch the video? Your comprehension skills (or lack of) are concerning...
One of the reasons why I don't often watch movies, sometimes it happens with books, is because I always end up feeling weird and disconnected when they end, and it can take a long time for everything to start feeling normal again. (I am Autistic, was diagnosed with aspergers before that stopped being a diagnosis) I am also a Malaptive daydreamer, often find it impossible to sleep without slipping into one of my 'daydreams'.
Since I found out about narcissists and their mind games, is hard for me to watch a movie or read books when I have spent so much time reading thrillers and dreadful documentaries; I can't believe I have become so hypersensitive. I used to enjoy reading so much! 😢
Hi Kati Morton. Thank you so much for the video. It has come at a time when my family needs it most FOR ME. I have been dealing with dissociation and have tried to explain the symptoms to my family the best that I can. I have forwarded your video to all of them. I explained that, in the past, that I have dealt with Dissociative Amnesia from childhood trauma but that I feel I am no longer struggling with that Dissociation. However, Depersonalization and Derealization is making me feel "off". I am trying to seek professional Therapy and am working with my insurance company to do so. In the meantime I will continue take care of my wellness and self-heal the best that I possibly can. I appreciate all that you do and would like to say that your video have been extremely helpful. 💜💜💜
Hey, i have issues with constant er almost permanent dejavu, i heard some others talk about it here and it seems im not the only one, is it somthing you ahve come across?
I’ve experienced some combination of derealization/depersonalization. To me, it felt like a really bad case of deja vu that lasted weeks. Everything felt fake and there was always a fear of what was going to happen next, almost felt like a video game or a dream. Everything felt foreboding. Looking back I think it was similar to very very intense anxiety that basically took over my mind and body.
It's a very surreal experience, and a frustrating one when paired with panic attacks. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of I'm anxious, which causes me to panic, which causes me to dissociate, which then causes more anxiety and panic.... It especially becomes frustrating when happening at night when trying to fall asleep since that's when there's nothing to distract yourself with. I've had to pull all nighters because I just couldn't stop panicking and dissociating.
Thats exactly what ive experianced aswell, it feels as if somthing bad is going to happen, almost as if you have this constant dejavu that makes you think everything that is happening has already happend before. Often i feel this strange feeling afterwards as if somthing horrible will happen soon, i start to question everything and feel as if i remember whatever bad thing is comming as a memory. The dejavu thing is super scarry, it feels as if ive already seen everything. I also have this feeling that everything is strange, not really fake but more abstract as if everything is a modern artpiece and i loose my grip for a couple of minutes, it also causes me to somtimes have problems spelling becaus the words seem strange to be as if i cant remember them, it even happens with words that are three letters long at times, the more i focus on it the worse it gets. Somtimes i feel as if my vision is flat, like i cant judge depth, seeing myself in the mirror is wierd aswell. my hands doesn't feel as if they are mine alot of the time as if somone else moves them. Somtimes it feels as if im frozen as a statue that can't move even though i kind want to and the line between my control of my body becomes blurred as if somthing else decides if i move or not. Often this comes with dizzyness and confusion and i feel numbed out emotinally and physically. I can see hear and taste things just fine but its as if the "input" is turned down. But tell me more about the dejavu thing becaus i have this constant dejavu that never really subsides and its rare i meet others who feel this aswell.
100% agree with this description. I go through this a handful of times a year. it’s a very uncomfortable feeling but it will pass. It stems from my anxiety disorder, so I just try and tell myself it’ll go away after a few days.
I have suffered from the sames issues, however mine lead to seizures. I have a few weeks of feeling like I've dreamed everything and now I'm living it. Very confused, from time to time I get overwhelming dejavu/deja reve followed by clenched/burning/garlic tasteing jaw/mouth, shakiness, elevated heart rate, stutter, muscle contortion in my limbs, confusion that continues after, many other symptoms. It's a scary feeling
Depersonalization and dissociative amnesia were definitely big parts of my coping from trauma and still are at times. The brain is quite something! Thank you for making this video, such an important topic!
same here. it took me so long to realize that I was dissociating even though I understood and emphasize with other people. I couldn't apply it to myself
It's like (thanks brain for protecting me), but then (thanks a lot brain for being useless in helping me recall important information about my past) lol.
Maladaptive Daydreaming has been pretty much my main coping mechanism since childhood. I spend most of my free time in this state and often struggle at work because I keep slipping back to it. When I am present I am a efficient and precise worker. When I'm not I make all kinds of ridiculous mistakes that have no idea how I made them.
Really interesting. Disassociative amnesia describes my whole childhood in that I can remember the years of anxiety and depression but cannot pinpoint actual memories of events. I also completely lose my train of thought if am talking about something overwhelming, like right in the middle of a sentence.
I've had friends tell me about something that happened to me in my teens, I don't remember it, and two hours after the conversation couldn't remember what they told me. If my brain wants to forget that bad, let it
derealization is so scary. for me it felt like everything around me was completely new, like my family, my house, school, everything. it felt like after my traumatic experience my whole life completely changed and i had to start over. i wanted to go back to how i used to feel before it happened. everything just felt uncomfortable. idk it’s hard to put it into words.
Yes. Everything feels unfamiliar but also familiar at the same time. It is very uncomfortable. I think I have it from stress and anxiety. I used to worry about one certain thing for a long time and that is probably the main reason why I experience it and I dont worry about that anymore but the derealization is actually worse than that
There was a point in my life when I was in an incredibly deep depression, one of the worst depressions I've ever experienced. I would try to go out and do things with family and friends, but the really scary, negative thoughts persisted. I was in a department store one day, looking at inexpensive jewelry on sale, negative/intrusive thoughts racing through my mind, trying to focus on what was in front of me. All of a sudden it felt like nothing was real and everything was dissolving. It was a rushing physical sensation. It was like everything around me was an illusion. It was the oddest experience, and honestly it scared me. But now I know what this was, thanks to this video.
Been there too. Scary feeling. The scenario you're thinking about in your head feels more present than the actual physical world around you. You find your body reacting to the thoughts by adrenaline or stress.
The exact thing happened to me when I was in a Walmart about 2 years ago! It didn't happen again for months, then weeks, and now it happens about every week. At first just in Walmart (if I was there for a very long time), then other large stores (eventually to within seconds of entering), and now it's starting to happen at work. I don't even work in a store, and I don't know why this happens in stores anyway. I'm going to have to ask a professional about this. When it happened at work I just shut down my PC and left, since I no longer cared about anything. I can't have that continue.
I've had that on LSD...trust these feelings, it's the veil dissolving...some people can see through it/connect to different consciousnesses through space and time
Maladaptive daydreaming turned into me believing abusive people in my life actually loved and cared for me. These were important people in my life, family, parents, ex husband, and I did it to survive. I'm gotten out of this mind set and have taken a HARD look at who these people _really are._ It's a difficult pill to swallow but writing out every action and words of theirs to look at the whole has really helped. It's shown me who they are by their actions/words and lack there of that helped me see them clearly. It has helped SO much! I have sooooo many blanks, and observant memories, where I was going through life observing it from deep within myself, like I was inside a robot body looking out a huge windshield, my eyes, without the ability to reach the controls of this robot body. 😢
Gahhhh! My brain! Why am I dissociating while trying to pay attention to this video?! I'm a big mess, Kate. Thanks for being here, and explaining things in a way my little brain can understand. It so validating.
With ADHD I spend about 80% of my life disassociated. While working I'm often not really there, this slows my working speed causing my work hours to get cut. This puts me in an endless cycle of never having enough hours to live on no matter where I work. I wish I knew how to fix the problem. I personally would love to see a video with tips on how to stay present in the day to day or at work. I'll take any advice I can get.
@@1297sopapia I kinda can't do that at a pizza place or fast food. Believe me, I would of I could. Minimum wage jobs are just not made for ADHD brains.
Yes I have it too. I work at Walmart and they understand that I have adhd. They help me focus and give me chunks of work. I’m very grateful for my managers and team leads
I never truly feel alone, in my head there is always someone with me or watching me. I often find myself getting embarrassed doing this I wouldn't do in public in my room, because someone "saw" it. Even right now as I type this I don't feel alone.
I 100% understand how you feel. Something that helped me was giving it a name, if that makes sense? And then whenever I felt shame or embarrassment when I was alone I would turn it around on myself and be like, "What? You don't like that? Mind your business Janet!" And keep doing whatever you did that made you feel embarrassed! Do it more, even, be unapologetic! It's hard and feels silly at first but I have so much more confidence existing at home by myself now.
If you can envision what they look like I’d agree it could be DID/OSDD. There’s so many ways people suffered trauma that maybe didn’t phase another person. My alters aren’t full alters in my view so I say osdd1a and go about my day. But I try to talk to them here and there, give them names, and see if they react. My friend does have DID and has a child alter that rarely fronts, but is super perceptive bc they always wanted to know when to run away from a bad situation so they didn’t get hurt. Whatever it is, remember that shame and guilt didn’t appear out of thin air. Someone caused you to feel those emotions for doing things. So you can slowly work to break those walls of shame and guilt too.
Your description of derealization really landed for me. I feel like I've been in that state almost constantly for the last few years at least. It's hard to remember a time when reality felt real.
Omg seriously! I felt like that for maybe a little over a month and it was hell. I can't imagine it for years!!! I was desperate and did tons of research. I found a program for anxiety called the linden method. Basicall you push through it and act normal. Retrain your brain. It was exhausting cuz I had to do something that took up the bulk of my day that would encompass all my attention. I used to play the flute and I love interior design. So I spent hours a day relearning the flute and new songs and sketching designs. It was tiring but it took all my focus. I noticed while I was doing those tasks I felt normal. It was amazing ! I kept doing things that took up all my concentration and eventually I reset my amygdala (which is the part of your brain that controls flight or fight) and I slowly started to feel normal. It was amazing !!!! It was like 10years ago now. I get little touches of it for like a few seconds here or there once in a long while but overall I feel loads better! It's worth a try. I also meditate, do breathing exercises, I take cbd gummies or drink warm tea If im feel anxious. Also working out and eating healthier has helped. I hope you both are OK and eventually feel better. 💗
I mean dissociation isn't just a trauma thing and zoning out is a minor temporary dissociation. It can be caused by many things, from extreme cPTSD to mild anxiety
As an adult every few years I would "learn" my childhood bestie died. No matter how many times I heard it, it felt like brand new information until I finally had help processing it. As a kid I responded the same to my grandpa's death, I had somehow convinced myself he was just avoiding me & if I could just be good enough he'd come back. The human brain is equal parts self-protective & cruel.
For the longest time I told myself I just liked to space out because “maladaptive daydreaming” was just a buzzword used to sound special and different. After watching this, I realized how real it is in me and how much it takes from my life.
First time I've heard of it. Had a real moment of realisation like "So that's where all my time goes!" ua-cam.com/video/Sr-e2GWnKQY/v-deo.htmlsi=FoKwGmLq7rRev2sL&t=107
I used to rock back and forth in need daydreaming for hours every day well into my late 20s. I was in constant traumatic situations back then. Now I understand what I was doing
I've been dealing with Depersonalization disorder for as long as I can remember. I remember 10 years ago there wasn't much information about it and I'd literally try to tell myself I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I do... but now I see so many informative videos and articles to help. Thanks for your video it definitely showed me more than what I didn't know in the past
i’ve had a few dissociative episodes over the past few years. for me, they usually last anywhere from weeks to a month. in my experience it’s similar to depersonalization and derealization. i’ll feel things like i’m floating above my body, and like everything im looking at is fake, like im watching a movie of my own life instead of actually living it. i tried telling my friends about it but they didn’t really understand 😅😅. this video helped me understand more about what i’ve experienced. i’m definitely gonna use those grounding techniques. ❤️❤️☺️
It’s super hard talking to friends about it. It’s something that seems so surreal to someone who hasn’t experienced an episode. It’s hard to explain to someone how nothing seems real
Depersonalization.... So that's what I experience sometimes when under deep emotional distress. It feels like there's a black hole where my feelings and ability to emotionally connect once existed. It doesn't happen often, but the worst instance was after a bad breakup with an abusive ex. I felt just completely empty and numb for months.
I used to have the same. I think it went on for 6 months for me. Being shown any kind of love eventually got through to my heart and saved me. It felt like I was dissolving into nothing and I was going to die near the end and forced me to start swimming instead of drowning. emotional security was so important.
Omg thank you it makes so much sense now! I maladaptive daydream almost consistently and didn’t realise. I have never known how to explain it like I’m ‘stuck’ and mentally really busy but get nothing done for hours on end because my mind is so occupied all the time.
I have DID (professionally diagnosed) and here’s a helpful way I’ve come to explain the difference between depersonalization and DID (/OSDD1): Depersonalization is “one-way” disconnection. You might feel disconnected from the thoughts, feelings, urges, and movements of your body, but you still “instinctually” know that those are YOURS. No matter how separate they feel in the moment, you don’t attribute them to someone else (especially after the episode ends). DID involves “two-way” disconnection. Not only do you attribute those thoughts, feelings, urges, and movements to someone else, but that other person attributes YOUR experiences to YOU rather than themselves. Not only are you watching those foreign thoughts from the third person, but you might sense your OWN string of thoughts simultaneously, or those foreign thoughts may turn around and start thinking/feeling a foreign way about YOU. Instinctually, they are not you and you are not them. This “instinct” is similar to the way you can tell the difference between hearing a dog barking outside your head, and recalling the sound of a dog bark inside your head. While in this situation, it’s all technically “in your head”, you can still tell which is coming from inside “you” and which is coming from outside “you”. *Logically* I know that there aren’t multiple people in my head if I really think about it (in other words, reality checking is in tact), but *instinctually,* I attribute those foreign experiences to myself as much as I attribute that dog barking across the street to my own head (in that I don’t). In this way, it would be similar to hallucinating a dog barking (though, to be clear, these DID experiences are not hallucinations). Your mind would still be technically responsible for creating that barking sound, even though it sounds SO MUCH like it’s coming from outside of you. Hope this was helpful! Note that this is based on the way I experience this disorder. If you have been diagnosed with DID and you experience something different, then you are still just as valid!
I don't know how I feel about this. It's like feeling so disconnected from yourself that even your thoughts feel foreign to you. I know this feeling. It occurred to me that there are other people who don't think in second or third person perspective and I couldn't find any information regarding the topic until recently.
In my experience, in order to be able to ground yourself, you have to learn how to tolerate the emotions, thoughts, and sensations that your body and mind have. Otherwise, you'll go straight back to dissociation (specifically depersonalization). This has just been my experience. I'm not sure if that resonates with other forms of dissociation.
In my experience I have to accept the emotions in order for them to pass and for me to become grounded. This is especially true if one part in my system becomes overwhelmed and switches out with another part (I have DID) each part handles it better when no judgement is made about the emotion that caused the switch, then we can work on getting centered and calm and see if the parts want to switch back out front and also work on grounding. So I would say for me tolerating emotions comes in the form of accepting and not judging the emotions, and that takes a great deal of pressure and tension away making it easier to get grounded.
@@najmabegum9963 I’ve found it’s been helpful to me is when I process these experiences and emotions with a therapist and/or small group where I know I’m being ‘held’ in a safe place. It is hard, for some experiences very very hard. Someone told me what’s hidden can’t be healed and I agree. God bless you friend.
Thank you for the term "maladaptive daydreaming". I have been doing this all my life in an extreme way I realise. Vivid narratives with people, conversations... all in great detail. In the last years I've come to realise that I carry great trauma which I can place and is almost healed, but I never saw my "fantasising" as a coping mechanism. Thank you so much for this ❤️
Maladaptive Daydreaming is a big one for me. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid and it definitely got in the way of life in a lot of ways. My therapist and I are working on ways to stop it.
Same here! I love being able to daydream so vividly and I definitely have an emotional attachment to it but it does get in the way of real life. I was emotionally neglected & suffered from narcissistic abuse from my parent so I'm pretty sure that's where it comes from
I have no memory of my childhood up through my 20’s. I lived with a rage-aholic abusive father, my mom checked out and left me to my own divisive. I started using food, drugs and alcohol at a very young age. I’m in recovery now. I’ve done years of therapy and am thinking about doing it again. I’ve made peace with myself and the fact that it was a protective mechanism as to why I don’t remember. Even my 30’s- 40’s I have only bits and pieces that I remember. I’m 53 now. Thank you Kati for your videos, I find them very helpful! Bless you!🙏💜
I’ve experienced the first 3 forms multiple times over the course of the past 13+ years and this is the first time I’ve realized what maladaptive daydreaming is. The same year I was sexually assaulted for the first time I started making up epic stories that were basically alternate universes. I would get deeply angry and upset if I was made to end these daydreams before I was ready to come back.
I appreciate the insight into this general disorder of dissociation and the forms it can take. I certainly struggle with it as a recipient of a Traumatic Brain Injury a few years back that had certainly bled into so many facets of my world. I struggle so deeply on the daily with finding presence, feeling, remembering, and expressing myself in earnest when most days I can't even decide or am aware of the person I really am. I know there's still much I need to experience and learn (academically or painfully), but your videos truly guide me in the right direction.
Depersonalisation & derealization was me all the way through my school & uni years until i was 21... and finally was able the physically, verbally & mentally abusive household my parents had created Here's to never going back!
During a recent panic attack, my mom gave me a bottle of water from the fridge. Holding the cool bottle and feeling the cool water in my mouth and throat really helped bring me back.
Yes it can also help to massage the body and arms to help bring ourselves back into our bodies and feel less numb; help us feel the sensation of touch.
Because of dissociation, I still cannot remember what actually happened during the time that was traumatic. My therapists have been telling me I should process this but I am scared. I don’t know if I even want to know what really happened because I am still living with the people that caused me the trauma. 🥺
...May I suggest that you possibly can't process it because you're still around them? Or maybe you need to do preliminary work, like meditation or other self-stabilizing, before you dig into the stuff. Not remembering is a protective feature. ...I didn't start remembering what my dad did to me at a far earlier age until well after my mom divorced him when I was 16. Memories and feelings began slowly surfacing over years after he was gone. If I had started remembering when he was there, I would have gone berserk. ... It's just my experience, this may not be valid for you. I wish you the best.💓
Same. Can't remember anything. I guess it's because it happened before I had words for it. It began when I was.. old enough to show my personality. I remember I began to prosess my grief, when the parent got a terminal disease. There were a songtext that felt like it put words to my grief over this loveless childhood. Waves of grief came over me, waves so strong and painful I physically swayed on the spot.
@Humairah Sa'ban from my own experience I was unable to process the trauma while I still lived with the people who cause the trauma. I began to try to process through things with a therapist and as is normal when processing trauma I started to feel worse and the stress of still being around the abusive persons and trying to heal became too much and I shut down for quite a long time. I was unable to process anything during that time, and ended up quitting therapy. I tell you this to help you be prepared for things to feel worse at first, but to know it does get better over time. Also so you can try to find a way to feel more safe before starting the process. It may be you will have to wait till you live elsewhere, but you also might be able to focus first on setting boundaries with the people you live with. Getting a sense of safety can also come from joining support groups. Don't rush things it takes time, but you will get there when your mind is ready.
I can recommend EMDR therapy. If it works for you, that's a way to feel yourself through the trauma, emotion after emotion, so that it becomes more like just any other memory, and all the while you're being distracted from actually consciously reliving it, and from fixating on its details or consequences. And with the trauma having become a felt memory, instead of this heavy morass of unprocessed feelings, it becomes way easier to maybe follow through and act on it with other people (only if that's safe enough to do in your case). That's been my (very early) experience with EMDR. My therapist told me that this has very rapidly become the main initial treatment recommended to all PTSD folk, here in the Netherlands at least.
Been there. But now I’m on the other side. After my mom passed away, I began a journey that led me to the whole story of my past childhood abuse. I know how you feel. It’s scary to find out that what you suspected all your life really did happen. You’re probably not in a place yet where you’re able to handle the truth.
Personally art has made the biggest difference in my life. Childhood trauma never completely disappears, triggers can set off coping mechanisms that are valuable. Art pulls you into the here and now and can be cathartic in past trauma and coping with today. Thanks.
Very simple and helpful. Separation , divorce, childhood trauma, regrets of actions while under influence of drugs and alcohol and final the breakdown of family dynamics due to children coming of age and moving on all contributed to my dissociation. 7 months of confusion and isolation have brought me to a growing peace within my heart and relationships. We all need to help each other and love each other. My healing has been and still is a community effort, and I am so grateful for the support and love I've received, and the new freedom I am coming to experience. Thank you so much for your descriptions. I hope to help others that suffer from this terrible state of being. It can be truly devastating to all that experience it or know someone that is going thru it.. Love is all you need to give and receive. ( for yourself and others)
Depersonalization for me, the cotton ball reference you mentioned is very accurate for me. When it first happened for I freaked out and just kept telling my mum that nothing seemed real she was scared she thought I was having a mental break down it was like my panic attacks wanted to come but my emotions just were numb and I’d go between crying and then just staring into oblivion. I found out it’s my way to cope with death as I lost my father when I was young and it happened again when my uncle passed and that’s when I was diagnosed with complex ptsd. My brain just shuts off now to cope and I just feel numb and can stare at walls for hours. Before my uncles funeral I remember telling my aunty that I didn’t think I could get up and read what I wrote for his funeral but then I shut off and I just did it and it seems like a dream I remember pieces of the funeral but not much at all, luckily the funeral was recorded and it was grounding for me to go back and see that yes it actually happened. I was in this state for about a week and a half and now it just happens when I can’t cope.
Same, I feel stuck now. I lost my only sibling little brother in July 2020 suddenly... This is starting to effect my job, and life. And I have adhd so time is very weird for me. I can sit in my car for hours on end, and it feel like no time passed at all, or the hours prior feel like a lifetime ago.. my biggest problem is I stay in this state for weeks or months on end, does anyone else
How informative, thank you so much for that video! I have a generalized anxiety disorder and sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror or when I'm alone, I feel like I'm too "in my head" and that I don't recognize myself anymore. It usually last for a couple of seconds and I have to calm myself every time because it feels really scary, like I'm not myself? Or in a person's body I don't recognize? I think this is a form of dissociation but I never found such specific descriptions of it before, thanks again for helping me understand it better!
I have been having this feeling for a long time and when I leave the mirror I start to feel myself again. It is so weird and scary. Is this a symptom of anxiety?
Counting colors, I love this idea! Too often when I'm overwhelmed and or dissociating, I can't even wrap my head around any of my tools. Ive started paring them to down to basics, like I do my box breathing 5x5x5 instead of the staggered approach. This is so simple, I'm sure I'll be able to use it! Thank you 💜
For me... It feels like my consciousness (or soul.. or whatever you think makes you YOU) kind of recedes from the drivers seat and swirls around my body... Dropping back in to peek out my eyes to see if everything is okay yet.. then hops back to swirling.. my memory is freaking awful. I forget whole conversations.. it's like I'm on autopilot hardcore... I respond the same as I normally would (just more blase I'd say) and go through the motions.. but I'm not present... "The lights are on but no one is home" It's better than dealing with anxiety and being overly stimulated and overwhelmed and unable to cope.
I started having dissociative episodes when I was extremely young. I had no idea what was happening. and didn't know what was happening until I was 18. learning what happened and why has been a huge part of my therapy
I still don't know .I only have one imagine in my head from my early childhood. I don't remember anything from age of abt 0 to 5 . Weirdly I can remember everything through out my life except that time .
I TOOK NOTES! I got my colored Sharpie markers and took notes on this video! I started noticing my habit of maladaptive daydreaming in 2016 when I spent all my time thinking about a fake life with certain streamers and UA-camrs. I can't believe I've been doing it for 6 years. smh.
I suffer from derealization when I have a panic attack or I am in a situation where I feel very anxious. It's still very scary but I somehow learned to deal with it. Thank you for this video - it's so important to talk about these issues! And thank you so much for the color counting tip - I often experience derealization in the car so this sounds like an amazing grounding method during a car ride. I'll try this one for sure!
As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD and been abused for nearly 25 years, I never realized I had many of these. There are huge chunks of my life and relationships in which I have zero recollection of. Just today I looked at an old discord server I was in and I couldn't believe who I was then. It wasn't that long ago either. I was so ashamed and baffled. I feel like I took on another identity and discarded my old one and rebooted my life once my abuser left. Even my old friends describe me as someone I don't recall and are surprised at the person they see in front of them now. It's hard to explain.
25 years ?I would have killed my abuser if I spent one more moment with them she had a evil little daughter too I wonder somxs if she thinks she got away with something...not really though the little one your still out there and I'm sure I'll find you eventually I'm patient I got 2b but I live for nothing else your turn will come I'm sure your a psychopath and think your invulnerable whatever sleep good ladies one day in the jungle the mighty jungle.....
Disassociating from the part of you that was abused. It’s hard to integrate the experience and we don’t want it to become part of our identities. Plus social shaming for being victims of abuse is so common we do not want to identify with the victimization. It makes sense you would “reinvent” yourself. Plus abuse is so extreme and traumatic when you finally escape we are so conditioned it can be hard to “adapt” back to normal. So I think your response to recreate who you are is intelligent adaptation. But it may leave you feeling cut off from yourself (and others). I can relate but if any of my words did not feel right to you, I apologize am only sharing my insights based on experience.
@@alana8088 Yes it is very hard for me to adapt back to normal. I am more isolated now than I was before. It's hard for me to build relationships and interact like a typical person. I regress emotionally, or how do you say... I relive the experience of my trauma with others but the association is off. I fear authority and I fear adults, even though I am an adult. I often freeze up and choke in job interviews or whenever I am in the presence of authority. It's involuntary and it comes up even when I don't anticipate it. Only way I can deal with those challenges is by suppressing my emotions with drugs, like phenibut whenever I do a presentation or job interview. Even antidepressants aren't fully effective on me. I feel better without them because they affect my memory and overtime they also affect my mood. I've tried both SSRI's and NDRI's. I also have APOE e4 genes so that even affects how antidepressants work on me.
My entire (abusive) childhood id play this “game” with an entirely new family and have an entire routine and life with them. I’d sit in my room and spend hours in this whole world that I created not realizing that it was so different than a typical childhood game of pretend. I realized just a year or so ago that the “game” I was “playing” was really maladaptive daydreaming
I had several episodes of dissociating over a year. I discovered my husband hanging from his neck in our basement, cold dead. I had PTSD. But in addition to I some of the episodes I became him, acted like him, talked and walked like him. It was like I was acting but felt I was him. Or, if I was feeling mischievous, I’d become Bugs Bunny and embody his character. What dissociation type is this-I felt it was very real.TIA! 🌺
OSDD maybe? It's like DID without or with less amnesia. Those would be called introjects. There is a lot of debate around these disorders, the scientific understanding is still in its infancy and right now the general consensus is that it has to develop before 9 years old but personally I've seen some where it develops much later in life and it's not a hard and fast rule. I can't tell you what's going on, since I don't live in your brain, but I recommend you read up on OSDD, DID, and multiplicity in general. Maybe it resonates with you, maybe it doesn't.
Maladaptive daydreaming- making facial expressions to match the daydream- while surrounded by people. 😅 "Why do you look so angry?" ..."oh that wasn't me that was someone else!"
Finally your information explains what it is when i live in a daydream for days, going back and forth to daily tasks, but rushing back to the safe daydream shaping life as i wish it....got me through adolesence, but maybe at 60 i should let go.
During a series of catastrophic life events I experienced depersonalization. Every movement required an extreme level of focus and it was as though there was a delay from intention to execution. It was utterly exhausting. At the same time I experienced derealization. I felt disconnected from the world, like I was in a bubble looking out. I couldn’t feel emotions, but had an intensely uncomfortable awareness of my body. The only way I can describe it is that it felt a bit like vertigo and my whole body was buzzing. It lasted for over two years. Every waking moment. It was torture. It was all consuming. I remember very little of that time besides the most difficult events and the way I felt. It was years afterwards that I learned about DP/DR. It gave me a measure of peace to know about it. I wonder if a supportive therapist would have helped me recover sooner.
@@bribri8589 With tianeptine….the standard dosage. It took about 3 weeks to begin feeling better. I took it for a couple of months then weened off it. That was 13years ago. I have never had a recurrence of DP/DR. I still have occasional episodes of intense anxiety where I begin to dissociate, but they pass fairly quickly by practicing mindfulness and breathing techniques. I have also greatly simplified my life to reduce stress, that includes carefully choosing the people with whom I associate, and having good boundaries.
Thanks for bringing up the fact that our bodies can be numb as well as our emotions. I had a major dissociative episode the other day, and my legs went completely numb. I could not drive home for a while. ❤
Yeah, it's good that people are learning about the physical numbness. I couldn't tell the difference between sensations - for example, I would know that hot and cold felt stronger than normal/room temperature on the skin, but couldn't discern the difference when in a spell of dp/dr. Not good when running a bath, or going for a walk. It's amazing the lengths out bodies and minds can go to to try and shield us from mental stress and trauma, isn't it.
For me: Derealization feels like my surroundings become distorted, bigger, and seem farther away. My own home can seem unfamiliar and I come to wonder if Im in the right place. Depersonalization feels like I don’t exist, or am just a consciousness floating in a world that does exist. DID is a journey from being frightening, to unexpected, heartwarming acceptance of ones selves.
I was searching too long for this comment. This is exactly how it feels for me. I get this thing that's happened. Where like someone's face will zoom in really close even if they're standing 10 feet away from me. But other things feel so zoomed out and far away. I've been experiencing it since I was a kid and now I'm starting to wonder what the fuck did I go through when I was a kid because I don't remember anything.
Thanks again for another good and informative video ❤️ when I have DR or DP I start watching UA-cam videos about people who suffer the same or watching your videos 😊 it helped me. AND I am always telling myself: it will be over soon! That’s not forever and you will get over it. You can do this and it’s just protecting you! I repeat that the whole time and try to let it be and relax. Yall we are together in this ❤️🔥🍀
This is really interesting. I've always been forgetful of days and time because I'm constantly in my head playing out scenarios. Almost as outlandish as my dreams. As soon as someone tries to talk to me about something serious, I immediately grab a word or phrase and my mind wanders, weaving that thing they said into a million different stories. I'm not sure if it's adhd or one of these. I've flunked any schooling, lost my bf's trust of going to serious doctor's appointments for the kids because I can't remember the information, and destroyed my self confidence for ever doing anything that involves close attention mixed with fast work. I can never clean my house in one day because my mind is constantly wandering. I hate it.
I struggle with the exact same thing but it's bc of ADHD in my case. It wasn't a big deal on my first jobs but when I started climbing up the ladder and my job became more complex I slowly started crumbling under the pressure. Attending meetings was a nightmare bc as soon as someone started talking i would drift away in my head and had to keep trying to refocus while pretending to know what they were talking about. I lost my job and bc of it also lost my work permit so I had to move back overseas. I still have the same line of work but in a much simpler job and only recently started to feel like I'm not in danger of losing my job and hence the ability to take care of myself.
I have these issues as well. For certain situations like school or doctors appointments. I bring a notebook. I would write the whole time. Trying to write almost everything helped me stay focused. I’m a shy person so the worst for me is social situations because I know I’m not allowed to disassociate to combat my stress. I have never met anyone who talks about this disorder. It is so nice to read about people having the same problems.
It’s like I see me and what’s going on, on a screen. I am outside of myself. There is 2 of me, both me, one loving logical. The other scarey, dangerous to anyone who hurt me. I don’t know I changed, until I change back!
This was very educational; though I notice a lot of mental health videos involve advice to “go to therapy”. Of course that’s what will help many people (I’m in therapy), but I wonder if you could go through one type of therapy - like describing how a therapist would work through trauma with a patient - maybe some kinds of examples. That might give us insight into what needs to be done, or what we’re in for, or what the process might look like? That may be difficult to make, I don’t know.
I’ve had this all before and I thought I was completely insane now I just know what’s happening after suffering alone but to be honest the internet has helped me not feel so alone .. and I don’t care for social media but some stuff is helpful
I just came to the realization that I have been dissociative most of my adult life. Dissociative Amnesia and Depersonalization. I really need to get back with my therapist and talk about this.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. When I dissociate it feels like helium is rising in my head and trying to push out the top of my head. Very heavy. This was so helpful to me to understand it all.
I have sooo much amnesia. My kids bring things up all the time and I'm just grateful that I was a good mother. They say pretty impressive things we did and I have no memory of it all.
Maladaptive daydreaming and depersonalization are my two. I had this happen at work (I'm a massage therapist). I've checked out hard for a moment during a session on a tough day. It was scary. I daydream constantly and have as a kid. I struggle to be present a lot of the time. I don't understand why it happens but on tough emotional days, both ramp up. I've looked at my arms & hands (at work, during a session) and it doesn't seem like they're mine. It's as if someone else is controlling my body for a minute. So weird.
Same here. In fact, you just reminded me of the times I’ve looked at my own hands and face and just felt like they weren’t mine, so I guess I truly have had moments of derealization as well. It’s such a weird, yet also horrifying thing to experience, honestly. But Maladaptive Daydreaming and Depersonalization are definitely also my main two as well.
I’m also a massage therapist and have experienced several dissociative episodes during sessions. I’ve had clients cross my boundaries in the past and this had caused me to shut down. I didn’t know my triggers at first and the switch from being present to completely out of my head was really subtle. I will still able to talk and continue my task however its almost as though I’ve flat-lined and start speaking in a mono-tone voice
@@musicalhearts2879 did you find it hard to share with your friends/coworkers or family? I have desperately wanted to feel seen but this has isolated me due to the fear and risk of others taking advantage of me in this state. It’s probably the most misunderstood symptom that I experience and I keep it to myself.
@@Poorpixie As a matter of fact, yeah. I’ve just grown very detached to a lot of things, so being able to properly explain how I feel to someone is just really difficult. It’s like I’m out of touch with my own emotions. It’s also just hard to open up in general cause then people just start to see you as something broken and in need of fixing. I really hate it when people pity me like that, cause they don’t even see me as a person anymore.
Thank you so much for including maladaptive daydreaming on this list. Only recently I realized that this was linked to dissociation and that really helped me understand it better. I always thought it was something different but when I started looking into it I finally had a way to understand and describe it.
My therapist taught me to ground by doing a full body scan. Reallllly pay attention to how every part of my body feels section by section. He would have me do this while in talk therapy and doing EMDR, but also as a coping mechanism when I could tell I was dissociating.
I just love Kati's content. Coming from work, and I can remember some of the times I was daydreaming and aloof and absent-minded so much, and even after that. I think my trainer has way too often worried I'm not even paying attention. I'm terribly absent-minded, and yes I was physically abused in my childhood.
My experience with maladaptive daydreaming is a love/love/love/HATE relationship. I'm young so it sounds stupid and often people tell me that I'm just a teen and it's normal to daydream so much, but they don't know that I can recall only a few times during my life in which I wasn't pretending to be someone else or somewhere else, or having someone next to me. My persona was spit in two : the real, "physical", can be see by others me, and the roleshifter invisible one. Now I call it maladaptive daydreaming, and while my doctor told me after working on figuring out what it is It seem that I tend to "dissociate myself" to the point of also altering the way I present (mostly in odd clothing choices) and the way I see myself: Which leads it almost impossible with dealing with my actual struggles and self of self. Last Wednesday I was going to my therapist and while in the car I was listening to some music. At some point the music felt like a bunch of emotions that made me think of what I would have to name as "my characters" (inspired by all that I like) and started feeling almost adrenaline. The speed of the car helps me dissociate more, even one more sound is actually a stimuli for me and makes it easy to make me find myself only in my mind. But then, when we arrived to the structure, I had to stop the music and get out of the car. It felt like the world stopped, there was absolutely nothing. All my fears and interests and comfort just dissapeared:There was nothing to "hide" from but also nothing to chant for. It felt as If when in the studio I was still trying to find myself. and then on the way home I started reentering the fantasy world again, slowly but surely, in the uber's car, sitting next to my mom, I started daydreaming IMMEDIATELY even though I felt okay from my previous state of mind, more recognizing and present. I am now back into that imaginary world, and it is KEEPING me back from doing everything. I am homeschooled and it difficult, as I really tend to change my view / change my world and my understanding of it. I stay up all night because it is like "extra-not-guilty-time" to daydream. I do nothing if not spend time in my head making scenarios and when Im alone sometimes I try to feel them. When I am forced to go back to reality, for example for school or because something upsetting happened, I find a sense of self I no longer rememeber very vividly, though it makes me feel as if I could make the world a better place. Then I get bored or upsetted, or just because I MISS that world and it's presences, that I just run back into the fantasies and find myself incapable of snapping out of it and my thinking process goes back to being "I can't do this, I have no motivation, let me just go back to my familiar world, so I can escape this sense of powerlessness over my own physical life."
I have had many episodes of depersonalization and derealization starting as a teen. I don't remember what brought them on, but I have a feeling I also have dissociative amnesia from childhood. Whenever I would feel that, it would bring on a panic attack, and my favorite grounding technique was to put vapor rub under my nose to breathe that cool air, and also take a warm shower.
Years ago, my tramatized neighbor had 2 "episodes" of what I would describe as complete psychological separation. My neighbor had a smart dog that would come get me, and I would call the neighbors family and they would come. One time, it was already to the point that my neighbor was taken to the hospital as an "unknown" person. The other time I got a family phone number because they still retained some awareness and they quickly responded. This is real serious stuff people, one other time, another one of my neighbors, who was/is a police officer actually took advantage of the situation sexually. This person's "separations" started after a date rape drug assault.
It's incredible to think that as much as we try to ground ourselves and focus on what's real, and realize this world we live in isn't some comic book where anything can happen, that there are things, moments, places & even people we come across that defy these expectations. Dissociation affects each individual differently so something like this, as shocking as it may be to some, doesn't surprise me. I hope both of your neighbors are doing better and getting the assistance they need.
I struggle with it, its a damn pain trying to stay present. I have to pinch myself or hurt myself in some way to stop me from leaving my body. I'm just wanting to stay in my body. But my mind doesn't want stay in my body, its always trying to escape,, its always trying to protect me from danger im not even in and then leaving me to face the karma.
Depersonalisation is looking at a picture of myself or in the mirror and not feeling like it is me, basically feeling like I'm looking at a stranger, feeling like my body is just an avatar. (like when you put on a VR headpiece and look down in Virtual Reality) Derealisation is like the world around you is a VR world. Your body is yours but where you are is unfamiliar and sometimes feel unrealistic.
Thank you. My therapist often worried that my "work mode" and "home mode" was very near DID. They used to be useful living within abuse as an adult to keep the home abuse from affecting work. But like any adaptations to abuse, they were always maladaptive.
@luca basically, work-mode was a form of dissociative derealization that was mostly functional. I appeared more confident because the world was not as real as the abuse I suffered in home-mode when I cowered and kept my eyes down. Because I functioned differently in work-mode and seemed very much different, she worried that I was bordering on DID. I also referred to them as different. The primary difference between DID was that I could remember everything between both, and sometimes control the switch. However, violence or angry yelling would switch me to home-mode and work-mode required significant relaxation from stress to switch back. Therefore work-mode was not possible to hold at home where violence, threats, and anger/rage yelling was common. And as a change of management at work brought a change in atmosphere at work, as they discovered that anger could switch me to a more diminutive response, yelling became more common and work-mode was no longer possible.
@@jeffrybrickley870 Sorry you went through that. ...But that's very interesting, that you were able to compartmentalize like that. Depressing, but interesting. I'm very happy you got out, nobody deserves an abusive relationship.
dissociation became my norm since childhood.. in adulthood i found myself falling into substance abuse to induce dissociation- it felt comforting. accepting this as my past is helping me accept reality and lean into the unfamiliar, discomfort
The closest thing I have to these is maladaptive daydreaming. Though it’s not hard for me to work or focus on important tasks. I can control when it happens. I usually do it whenever I’m alone and laying down. I live through many characters.
What does it feel like. I can't really imagine it?? I'm curious. I have de-realization once In awhile and in the past and it feels like I'm an alien in my body. Even moving my arm felt unnatural. I used to crawl under the blanket and not want to do anything. Sleeping was amazing cuz I could be normal and I hated waking up.
@@theresag.4188 Omg same here!! I’m constantly taking naps because it’s the only time I can feel even remotely normal. Any excuse to get away from the negative feelings or stressful situations. Obviously it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but it’s a really hard habit to break, especially for me.
@@musicalhearts2879 I def feel your situation. I got out of feeling like that when I started focusing on things. Like putting all my energy into a hobby with all my focus. The more I kept my mind busy the more I started to feel normal again. It took like a month straight and doing it everyday for hours but it helped. I followed an anxiety program cuz I was desperate. I try to manage stress and anxiousness now with working out, I do breathing exercise and meditate. Which I never did any of those things before but they help. I still get small moments of de-realization but no where near as bad as I once did. I hope this helps and makes sense. If you have more question I'm here. 💕
Thank you. I found this helpful. I've got a new neighbour who has this condition. Listening to this has helped me understand what he's going through and be more compassionate.
Here's my own experience with derealization. This is a memory from late 2019 that still haunts me. I was in class and this year because of shuffling, all my friends were in a different class. I was surrounded completely by strangers. It was a free period so all the class was talking, laughing, playing, eating, etc. But I had no friends so all I did was sit there. I saw the entire class in one go, feeling like I am the camera on the wall. 15 different conversations I could make out with pinpoint accuracy. I even remember my own face, completely blank, like you can never guess my emotions with that face. Even in the slightest. But coming back to the topic, time was moving slowly, each second stretching like an hour. Slowly the images got blurry and the distinct conversations became angry buzzing. I felt like I was in a painting, or more accurately a gif. Everything was just going on around in perfect sync, meanwhile I just sat there. It was truly horrifying. This memory is branded onto my brain. Anytime I wish I can picture this with pinpoint accuracy. Anytime I think about it I start getting disconnect and feel like I am back in that classroom. Similar situations have arisen in recent times where I have no friends in one of my classes, or if I do then they are sitting far away, and I feel disconnected again. Today was one such incident and the guy sitting behind me was calling me yet it felt like he was a mile away. Although now I am far more conscious of the fact that I am going through an episode of derealization Anytime I actually do go through one.
Thank you, your comment made me understand what derealization feels like (understood what she ment but to fully understand it I needed to "feel" it) and your example matches a bunch of life experiences of mine... but I learned to enjoy them as me taking a "rest" from socialization (I have a bit of social phobia)
I'm 35 now and I have never heard these terms before in my life, but upon hearing you talk about what they are... I'm in a state of realization and even panic over suddenly understanding that I was targeted to feel like this and to be a certain way, and that it was used against me to control me.. I am so hurt and upset right now it's not even funny...
I lost my dad on Monday after a 5 week long fight in hospital, I think I’ve been dissociated the whole time, I’ve carried on working and although I know I feel sad, it’s as though I can’t feel anything, I feel numb.. I feel awful for not acting the way I ‘should’ be after such a big loss, but I can’t seem to ‘snap’ out of it 😕 Hope you’re all doing well 💕
So very sorry for your loss. Going through somewhat the same scenario myself. Lost my dad a 15 months ago and still haven’t grieved even though we were very close. Now I have a name for it.
As a child I often had those episodes like when you drive somewhere, get to your destination but don't remember actually driving there. Only I would have that for whole days and especially during abuse and upsets, which were never ending. In grade 5, I remember the teacher declaring we had a test to do right then. Panic tore through me as I knew I wouldn't do well. I then consciously tried to "go away" in my mind. I remember thinking "I can't do it any more." I was shocked that I thought those words. Meaning I couldn't zone out any longer when faced with upset or danger. I never knew that I had been zoning out purposely until that moment. I was shocked. And since that day I have never been able to melt away into the safety of my mind, at will. So now as an adult I can if I want, drink alcohol or take a calm me down pill, but these things may only relax/numb your emotions to a degree but it doesn't actually help the way hiding in my mind did. Dissociation did a much better job of blotting out the reality. However, gaining the courage to acknowledge the traumas and meet the pain head on, is the best course of action for healing. Finding a fully qualified therapist can be a huge challenge though. Too many therapists are not truly educated in these heavy duty matters and can make things worse. Don't give up, keep searching until you find the right one. It's all very interesting how our minds work.
Wow! You are the only person who named a very perplexing problem that I have and do. I freeze both verbally and phsyically, powerful paralysis. Now I know it's name. Dissociation. I have also switched to someone else when threatened. Thank you!
For de-realization...I find what helped is that you push through it. Retrain your amygdala and act as if your your regular self. Almost play the part of your old self. Also spend hours a day focusing on something that encompasses your mind so you will feel normal again. I remember I practiced the flute for hours cuz it kept my focus. While I was doing it I wasn't even feeling de-realization. Eventually your brain goes back to your normal mindset. I got it from the linden method which I found when I was a my worst and had de-realization for over a month . I spent alot of money at the doctor got a head mri. I thought I had a brain tumor or something. And my Dr said I could have epilepsy. I was freaking out until I finally did research and found out it was anxiety. This was like 10years ago when mental health wasn't that big. I hope this helps someone!💕
I experience the usual symptoms of Derealization but I also have some kind of unusual symptoms (maybe) like hyper awareness of everything like everything feels fake and too understandable which makes me feel bored , anxious and irritated. I feel like everything is too understandable but also feels fake and unreal
The feeling of the observer, myself watching me go through actions, that I do not feel connected to is a strong feeling, it can get really bad sometimes, but I am in contact with myself when it happens as best as I can deal with me, myself, and I.
coming from someone who has DID thank you so much for this... it helps me help other to understand the difference
THANK YOU for your comment Crimson Frisson, I appreciate you saying so.
ALL people with DID have been severely traumatized through abuse : physica,l sexual or emotional.
I was diagnosed with D.I.D. it gets very lonesome at times. Pretty much scare away people. But I am learning a lot of this work IS getting back into your body. Everything physical. Dancing. Etc. D.B.T and mindfulness helps too.
I have HUGE pieces of my life missing from my memory. Traumatized and abused throughout my childhood. I don’t think I’ll ever get them back. Not sure I want to.
@@jantaljaard835 and at a young age. Trauma at 16 doesn't cause DID though it can affect it if it's all ready a part of your personality structure. Some say 6 and under. Revision: all people with DID didn't have to have "abuse" as it seems you have defined it. There are many serious traumas that can happen to a child that can cause them to start to dissociate to such an extreme that a system is formed, or at least 2 distinct personalities are formed as it says in the DSM.
When explaining to someone what derealization feels like, I always say that it's like when you leave a movie theatre. Your mind is still in the movie, in a different world, but you walk on a real street, in a really city. But your not present, your not in reality, you're somewhere else
That's such a good description
Exactly this and if it’s paired with depersonalization it’s like you have to try your hardest not to have an anxiety attack and get to a safe place as soon as possible
This is great. I'm going to borrow this explanation.
Omg this is such a good description of it! I’m going to copy this so I can tell people when they ask.
Im always like that. And when im living the present anf paying attention to it, i got nervous and anxious.
Maladaptive Daydreaming got me through a huge chunk of my life. Letting it go is still difficult to stop.
I had a therapist tell me “the daydreaming isn’t maladaptive if it helped you survive”. I honestly think it should be changed to "persistent daydreaming" or something less judgemental.
@@TheresaTV1 I agree. Mine did too. I thought It was crazy for most of my life. But, think of everything I, and other survivors, have been through and how strong we are.
Really difficult to control...takes a short time for me to slip into what I call the "fugue" state.
This
Same, and I had no idea this was a form of dissociation since daydreaming is normally something you can control (under normal circumstances anyway), and switch on and off whenever you want to (and I thought that dissociation wasn't like that). Except when it becomes like an addiction, which it has for me, and I'll sometimes even slip into it without really realising
(Edited for typos)
The amnesia thing--I didn't realize it was dissociation. There are entire chunks of my life that are a blur--times that were very emotionally dark. When I read journals I kept from those times, it's like reading someone else's diary, someone else's words. It's very, very strange. It's like, at those times, I was so numb that I was not absorbing anything. Nothing was committed to my memory because nothing mattered. It's wild.
I slightly remember keeping a diary for a short time. I tried to keep it hidden but my mother kept looking for it whenever I wasn’t home. One day when I was at school she found it and when I came home it was on the kitchen table. She questioned me about everything that was in it. I wouldn’t tell her anything but when she went to the bathroom I took it back. I brought it outside, completely ripped it up and burned it until it was ashes. My mother was angry at me. She claimed I had no right to do that. I said it was mine and I did. She said I was in trouble with my dad now too. I never heard anything else about it but NEVER wrote in another diary / journal again.
Me too... I stopped re-reading my old posts because of that...
@@laurabenevelli6783 I'm sorry
@@gettingintrospective, So was I
@@laurabenevelli6783 I’m so sorry that happened to you. Your diary is private, and nothing in there should be read by anyone else than you. I don’t think she had the right to do all of that.😢
I have been (maladaptive) daydreaming since i was a child. before, i thought it was just something that everybody does and didn’t think it would be harmful. but after all those years of daydreaming, i created a lot of stories (some i can still remember, and i still continue to develop up to this day) and lived in my head EVERY SINGLE DAY that even though I know that doing grounding techniques are healthier than constantly living in my fantasy world, i can’t seem to abandon these imaginary people, imaginary version of myself, imaginary world i created. it’s effects aren’t really that extreme in real life bc i can still function but still, it does more bad because i often opt to daydream than to do my academic tasks. i just wish i can find it in myself to stop this completely bc i know that it is unrealistic and i’m just hurting myself in the process by setting my expectations too high (i have quite self-centered stories and i know that people won’t realistically hold me in such high regard)
I relate a lot.a part of me doesn't want to stop because it's my happy place and it feels like my life will never be as good as the life I have in my head. like why stop the good life in my head for the awfule one I have in reality?😔
I relate to this so much. Off topic, are you an INFP?
You just described my hole life..
I didn’t choose to stop, it just sort of went away one day. And to be honest, I feel like I wasn’t prepared to lose that coping tool because I didn’t have…correction, still don’t have…an replacement. So because I didn’t have a healthier method of coping I’ve just swapped it out for another unhealthy dissociative strategy. I spend most of time staring at a screen and not participating in life at all. If it’s not social media it’ll be a TV series or Pinterest or farting around with stupid apps like Reface. And I don’t mean the normal amount of time-wasting procrastination that other people do, I mean I do nothing. Ever. And when I try to think about it or think about participating I my life again it becomes too overwhelming, I have no idea where to start and I just end up in a spiral of self-loathing despair that can sometimes take me very close to the edge. So I’m stuck in this dissociation because it feels like sometimes it may literally be life or death. I have no other tools. I can’t afford therapy. And I can’t turn to people I know for support because for me that is too scary and for them, I genuinely don’t think they would know how to support me. And I don’t know how to help them help me. So I’m just stuck here now. And it’s terrifying. I think because I spent almost my whole life in that maladaptive daydreaming world I never developed the healthier coping methods or how to seek support from others. I feel like stray dog that ha never been socialised properly so I spend all my time hiding under a bush while the world and my life just passes me by. At least with daydreaming I had relief. I had somewhere to go for comfort. This is a much more grim existence.
Oh my Gawd. This is my entire my life.
I've always told myself that I can't have been traumatized because I don't dissociate, but it never occurred to me that there might be different types of dissociation.
When people think of trauma, they picture someone who fought in war, or very extreme scenarios, when that usually isn’t the case. Trauma is selective and it affects us in so many bizarre ways. All of these techniques and stuff actually help to rewire the brain over time so we don’t have all these issues and can manage. Edit: I’m no Doctor, just sharing what I have learned from the Doctors.
That's very interesting because since I only dissociate, I feel like I can't have been traumatized. I feel like those that experience their emotions very actively and are bathing in the pain are the true trauma survivors. I just have a voice in my head that constantly invalidates me.
Everyone is traumatized in this world. The question is just to which degree. A trauma is everything from your past that didn't get resolved. Moving as a kid can be a trauma, falling of your bike as a kid can be a trauma, being left alone crying can be a trauma. You catch my drift? Now think about your life again.
Mental health doesn't follow rules - the terminology and categorizations in psychology are there to help make sense of it all and to help you access treatment. Don't let the categories or definitions get in the way of understanding your story. The DSM is even only a guide, not a textbook dictionary as many people misunderstand it to be. The entire field of psychology is very, very new to western science! In other words, keep an open mind and do your best to be compassionate and understanding to yourself ❤ (also, I highly recommend looking into Dr. Gabor Mate's work!)
The first lie of abusers is that the abuse did not occur, or was not really abuse. It took me decades to figure that out.
I love how you say 'we' to ensure us that we're not alone in these situations ♥
xoxox
@@Katimorton I'm so thankful that if popped up for me today. It's so wild because last night I was thinking about the various times I've disassociated in my life.
Childhood molestation and then something I'm trying to figure out is at various times on and off in my life, I have a job and don't suffer from depression or anxiety. Things that since childhood have prevented me from leaving my home. And I'm lazy
So when I looked back at these periods of time, it makes me wish I could be that way again.
I see I've had depersonalization.
I believe when I would with a job because I was just emotionally upset on a whim, that was probably when I was coming out of a dissociative state. But maybe I'm so screwed up that might have been when I was in one.
I've struggled to find a therapist because when I went to see one. I was trying to explain to her how awkward I felt that I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. Standout and everybody's looking at me. That therapist told me, well I'm beautiful but I'm not the most beautiful woman in the world.
So I never went back
YES, this makes sucha huge difference
For me it was maladaptive daydreaming, which impacted my life pretty heavily. It is better now, but still there. And yes, I could create a complete parallel life to my present life. But it never effected me that badly, that I could not function at work or at home. But there was always this story in my mind going on.
Thank you so much for sharing Christoph!! I am so glad it's better now, and never really affected you that badly :) xoxo
😭 it’s so bad for me 😭 people I care about think I’m ignoring them, their like hello hello! They don’t understand how was I staring at something but didn’t see it happen 😭
Used to be called 'imagination'
now it's a mental health problem,
you can pay someone who benefits financially from you thinking your imaginative brain is 'wrong'
weird.
@@Debtwarrior If what you call "imagination" negatively affects your daily life such as (but not limited to) preventing you from completing daily tasks and not being aware of your surroundings/time, then it IS a mental health problem.
Did you even watch the video? Your comprehension skills (or lack of) are concerning...
I am a day dreamer. The thing is it's mostly because my jobs so boring idk what I'd do without an imagination lol
One of the reasons why I don't often watch movies, sometimes it happens with books, is because I always end up feeling weird and disconnected when they end, and it can take a long time for everything to start feeling normal again. (I am Autistic, was diagnosed with aspergers before that stopped being a diagnosis)
I am also a Malaptive daydreamer, often find it impossible to sleep without slipping into one of my 'daydreams'.
I think I have both maladaptive daydreaming and Derealization but Idk. They both sound pretty similar to me
Since I found out about narcissists and their mind games, is hard for me to watch a movie or read books when I have spent so much time reading thrillers and dreadful documentaries; I can't believe I have become so hypersensitive. I used to enjoy reading so much! 😢
@@Lyrielonwind Explain more
I can't sleep without maladaptive daydreaming.
@@azranger7294 I would think of my waifu in the night and how we are cuddling
Small favor to ask... If you find this video helpful, please consider sharing it. You never know who might need to see this. Thanks!
Fully noted Kati I'll share 🙂
Hi Kati Morton. Thank you so much for the video. It has come at a time when my family needs it most FOR ME. I have been dealing with dissociation and have tried to explain the symptoms to my family the best that I can. I have forwarded your video to all of them. I explained that, in the past, that I have dealt with Dissociative Amnesia from childhood trauma but that I feel I am no longer struggling with that Dissociation. However, Depersonalization and Derealization is making me feel "off". I am trying to seek professional Therapy and am working with my insurance company to do so. In the meantime I will continue take care of my wellness and self-heal the best that I possibly can. I appreciate all that you do and would like to say that your video have been extremely helpful. 💜💜💜
Hey, i have issues with constant er almost permanent dejavu, i heard some others talk about it here and it seems im not the only one, is it somthing you ahve come across?
Oh I did. My friends lovingly call me Sybil.
I worry sometimes.
So I sent it to my friends
I’ve experienced some combination of derealization/depersonalization. To me, it felt like a really bad case of deja vu that lasted weeks. Everything felt fake and there was always a fear of what was going to happen next, almost felt like a video game or a dream. Everything felt foreboding. Looking back I think it was similar to very very intense anxiety that basically took over my mind and body.
Oh my god its the same with me... So weird
It's a very surreal experience, and a frustrating one when paired with panic attacks. It becomes a self-perpetuating cycle of I'm anxious, which causes me to panic, which causes me to dissociate, which then causes more anxiety and panic....
It especially becomes frustrating when happening at night when trying to fall asleep since that's when there's nothing to distract yourself with. I've had to pull all nighters because I just couldn't stop panicking and dissociating.
Thats exactly what ive experianced aswell, it feels as if somthing bad is going to happen, almost as if you have this constant dejavu that makes you think everything that is happening has already happend before. Often i feel this strange feeling afterwards as if somthing horrible will happen soon, i start to question everything and feel as if i remember whatever bad thing is comming as a memory. The dejavu thing is super scarry, it feels as if ive already seen everything. I also have this feeling that everything is strange, not really fake but more abstract as if everything is a modern artpiece and i loose my grip for a couple of minutes, it also causes me to somtimes have problems spelling becaus the words seem strange to be as if i cant remember them, it even happens with words that are three letters long at times, the more i focus on it the worse it gets. Somtimes i feel as if my vision is flat, like i cant judge depth, seeing myself in the mirror is wierd aswell. my hands doesn't feel as if they are mine alot of the time as if somone else moves them. Somtimes it feels as if im frozen as a statue that can't move even though i kind want to and the line between my control of my body becomes blurred as if somthing else decides if i move or not. Often this comes with dizzyness and confusion and i feel numbed out emotinally and physically. I can see hear and taste things just fine but its as if the "input" is turned down.
But tell me more about the dejavu thing becaus i have this constant dejavu that never really subsides and its rare i meet others who feel this aswell.
100% agree with this description. I go through this a handful of times a year. it’s a very uncomfortable feeling but it will pass. It stems from my anxiety disorder, so I just try and tell myself it’ll go away after a few days.
I have suffered from the sames issues, however mine lead to seizures. I have a few weeks of feeling like I've dreamed everything and now I'm living it. Very confused, from time to time I get overwhelming dejavu/deja reve followed by clenched/burning/garlic tasteing jaw/mouth, shakiness, elevated heart rate, stutter, muscle contortion in my limbs, confusion that continues after, many other symptoms. It's a scary feeling
As a maladaptive daydreamer, I thank you for explaining it. Most people just don’t get how severe it is
Of course. So happy to help. I am working on another video on that right now. Hopefully it's helpful too. xoxo
Depersonalization and dissociative amnesia were definitely big parts of my coping from trauma and still are at times. The brain is quite something! Thank you for making this video, such an important topic!
Of course! And I am so glad it was helpful :) xxoo
:0 Molly
Same!😊😊
same here. it took me so long to realize that I was dissociating even though I understood and emphasize with other people. I couldn't apply it to myself
It's like (thanks brain for protecting me), but then (thanks a lot brain for being useless in helping me recall important information about my past) lol.
For me it feels like you’re always suspicious about everything because the things always have a tendency to feel inauthentic or distant
Exactly. It’s like having trust issues with everything. It feels like I constantly have to be on high alert for something.
@@musicalhearts2879 well said. Im pretty much always tense
@@Masada1911 Welcome to the club.
> always suspicious
You're just more awake than others. Embrace it. People conspire against others on the daily.
@@rabbitcreative seek help
Maladaptive Daydreaming has been pretty much my main coping mechanism since childhood. I spend most of my free time in this state and often struggle at work because I keep slipping back to it. When I am present I am a efficient and precise worker. When I'm not I make all kinds of ridiculous mistakes that have no idea how I made them.
😮😮😮😮😢😮
one day at work, I was day dreaming and I was ripping bacon, but I didn't realize I was throwing it in the trash. it took me a sec to figure it out
Really interesting. Disassociative amnesia describes my whole childhood in that I can remember the years of anxiety and depression but cannot pinpoint actual memories of events. I also completely lose my train of thought if am talking about something overwhelming, like right in the middle of a sentence.
I refer to it as hitting a wall in the middle of a sentence
I've had friends tell me about something that happened to me in my teens, I don't remember it, and two hours after the conversation couldn't remember what they told me. If my brain wants to forget that bad, let it
@@aspiemba4672 grin.
derealization is so scary. for me it felt like everything around me was completely new, like my family, my house, school, everything. it felt like after my traumatic experience my whole life completely changed and i had to start over. i wanted to go back to how i used to feel before it happened. everything just felt uncomfortable. idk it’s hard to put it into words.
Yes. Everything feels unfamiliar but also familiar at the same time. It is very uncomfortable. I think I have it from stress and anxiety. I used to worry about one certain thing for a long time and that is probably the main reason why I experience it and I dont worry about that anymore but the derealization is actually worse than that
There was a point in my life when I was in an incredibly deep depression, one of the worst depressions I've ever experienced. I would try to go out and do things with family and friends, but the really scary, negative thoughts persisted. I was in a department store one day, looking at inexpensive jewelry on sale, negative/intrusive thoughts racing through my mind, trying to focus on what was in front of me. All of a sudden it felt like nothing was real and everything was dissolving. It was a rushing physical sensation. It was like everything around me was an illusion. It was the oddest experience, and honestly it scared me. But now I know what this was, thanks to this video.
Omg I’ve been there, you just triggered a few memories for me, guao thanks, feel like i saw exactly what u described
Been there too. Scary feeling. The scenario you're thinking about in your head feels more present than the actual physical world around you. You find your body reacting to the thoughts by adrenaline or stress.
The exact thing happened to me when I was in a Walmart about 2 years ago! It didn't happen again for months, then weeks, and now it happens about every week. At first just in Walmart (if I was there for a very long time), then other large stores (eventually to within seconds of entering), and now it's starting to happen at work. I don't even work in a store, and I don't know why this happens in stores anyway. I'm going to have to ask a professional about this. When it happened at work I just shut down my PC and left, since I no longer cared about anything. I can't have that continue.
I've had that on LSD...trust these feelings, it's the veil dissolving...some people can see through it/connect to different consciousnesses through space and time
Imagine living like that every waking minute for months on end. That’s what I, and many other people deal with.
Maladaptive daydreaming turned into me believing abusive people in my life actually loved and cared for me. These were important people in my life, family, parents, ex husband, and I did it to survive. I'm gotten out of this mind set and have taken a HARD look at who these people _really are._ It's a difficult pill to swallow but writing out every action and words of theirs to look at the whole has really helped. It's shown me who they are by their actions/words and lack there of that helped me see them clearly. It has helped SO much!
I have sooooo many blanks, and observant memories, where I was going through life observing it from deep within myself, like I was inside a robot body looking out a huge windshield, my eyes, without the ability to reach the controls of this robot body. 😢
Gahhhh! My brain! Why am I dissociating while trying to pay attention to this video?! I'm a big mess, Kate. Thanks for being here, and explaining things in a way my little brain can understand. It so validating.
Maladaptive daydreamer here! Started at 18 due to a difficult home life and now can't stop aaah
With ADHD I spend about 80% of my life disassociated. While working I'm often not really there, this slows my working speed causing my work hours to get cut. This puts me in an endless cycle of never having enough hours to live on no matter where I work. I wish I knew how to fix the problem. I personally would love to see a video with tips on how to stay present in the day to day or at work. I'll take any advice I can get.
Why don't you try splitting your work up into chunks and giving yourself many small breaks to help yourself get through the day!
@@1297sopapia I kinda can't do that at a pizza place or fast food. Believe me, I would of I could. Minimum wage jobs are just not made for ADHD brains.
Yes I have it too. I work at Walmart and they understand that I have adhd. They help me focus and give me chunks of work. I’m very grateful for my managers and team leads
I never truly feel alone, in my head there is always someone with me or watching me. I often find myself getting embarrassed doing this I wouldn't do in public in my room, because someone "saw" it. Even right now as I type this I don't feel alone.
I 100% understand how you feel. Something that helped me was giving it a name, if that makes sense? And then whenever I felt shame or embarrassment when I was alone I would turn it around on myself and be like, "What? You don't like that? Mind your business Janet!" And keep doing whatever you did that made you feel embarrassed! Do it more, even, be unapologetic! It's hard and feels silly at first but I have so much more confidence existing at home by myself now.
Could be DID
@@realleon2328:
Not necessarily.
If you can envision what they look like I’d agree it could be DID/OSDD. There’s so many ways people suffered trauma that maybe didn’t phase another person.
My alters aren’t full alters in my view so I say osdd1a and go about my day. But I try to talk to them here and there, give them names, and see if they react.
My friend does have DID and has a child alter that rarely fronts, but is super perceptive bc they always wanted to know when to run away from a bad situation so they didn’t get hurt.
Whatever it is, remember that shame and guilt didn’t appear out of thin air. Someone caused you to feel those emotions for doing things. So you can slowly work to break those walls of shame and guilt too.
This is exactly how I feel! I feel like I can never relax because I’m never truly alone
Your description of derealization really landed for me. I feel like I've been in that state almost constantly for the last few years at least. It's hard to remember a time when reality felt real.
hey at least yk its not just you , ive been feeling like this since 2019
Omg seriously! I felt like that for maybe a little over a month and it was hell. I can't imagine it for years!!! I was desperate and did tons of research. I found a program for anxiety called the linden method. Basicall you push through it and act normal. Retrain your brain. It was exhausting cuz I had to do something that took up the bulk of my day that would encompass all my attention. I used to play the flute and I love interior design. So I spent hours a day relearning the flute and new songs and sketching designs. It was tiring but it took all my focus. I noticed while I was doing those tasks I felt normal. It was amazing ! I kept doing things that took up all my concentration and eventually I reset my amygdala (which is the part of your brain that controls flight or fight) and I slowly started to feel normal. It was amazing !!!! It was like 10years ago now. I get little touches of it for like a few seconds here or there once in a long while but overall I feel loads better! It's worth a try. I also meditate, do breathing exercises, I take cbd gummies or drink warm tea If im feel anxious. Also working out and eating healthier has helped. I hope you both are OK and eventually feel better. 💗
Me too it’s been 15 years now.. half of my life.
Same
I’ve always wanted to know more about trauma-response dissociation versus ADHD “spacing out.”
I mean dissociation isn't just a trauma thing and zoning out is a minor temporary dissociation. It can be caused by many things, from extreme cPTSD to mild anxiety
Personally, I feel like it's kind closest to maladaptive daydreaming. Source: been doing doing this for my whole life lol
As an adult every few years I would "learn" my childhood bestie died. No matter how many times I heard it, it felt like brand new information until I finally had help processing it. As a kid I responded the same to my grandpa's death, I had somehow convinced myself he was just avoiding me & if I could just be good enough he'd come back. The human brain is equal parts self-protective & cruel.
For the longest time I told myself I just liked to space out because “maladaptive daydreaming” was just a buzzword used to sound special and different. After watching this, I realized how real it is in me and how much it takes from my life.
First time I've heard of it. Had a real moment of realisation like "So that's where all my time goes!"
ua-cam.com/video/Sr-e2GWnKQY/v-deo.htmlsi=FoKwGmLq7rRev2sL&t=107
I used to rock back and forth in need daydreaming for hours every day well into my late 20s. I was in constant traumatic situations back then. Now I understand what I was doing
I've been dealing with Depersonalization disorder for as long as I can remember. I remember 10 years ago there wasn't much information about it and I'd literally try to tell myself I wasn't crazy for feeling the way I do... but now I see so many informative videos and articles to help. Thanks for your video it definitely showed me more than what I didn't know in the past
i’ve had a few dissociative episodes over the past few years. for me, they usually last anywhere from weeks to a month. in my experience it’s similar to depersonalization and derealization. i’ll feel things like i’m floating above my body, and like everything im looking at is fake, like im watching a movie of my own life instead of actually living it. i tried telling my friends about it but they didn’t really understand 😅😅. this video helped me understand more about what i’ve experienced. i’m definitely gonna use those grounding techniques. ❤️❤️☺️
It’s super hard talking to friends about it. It’s something that seems so surreal to someone who hasn’t experienced an episode. It’s hard to explain to someone how nothing seems real
@@Jordanlstudios i’m glad i’m not alone in this!! yes for someone who has never experienced it it’s so hard to explain to them what it’s like
You're not alone. I experience it similarly 🤗
Depersonalization.... So that's what I experience sometimes when under deep emotional distress. It feels like there's a black hole where my feelings and ability to emotionally connect once existed. It doesn't happen often, but the worst instance was after a bad breakup with an abusive ex. I felt just completely empty and numb for months.
I used to have the same. I think it went on for 6 months for me. Being shown any kind of love eventually got through to my heart and saved me. It felt like I was dissolving into nothing and I was going to die near the end and forced me to start swimming instead of drowning. emotional security was so important.
I feel emotionally numb and empty for 14.5 years now.
I suppose it's caused by 10 years of extreme bullying
Omg thank you it makes so much sense now! I maladaptive daydream almost consistently and didn’t realise. I have never known how to explain it like I’m ‘stuck’ and mentally really busy but get nothing done for hours on end because my mind is so occupied all the time.
Feels good to know I'm not alone man..i hear you
Really really sucks and has affected how I function daily
I think I experience maladaptive daydreaming and Derealization. They are both pretty similar tbh
I have DID (professionally diagnosed) and here’s a helpful way I’ve come to explain the difference between depersonalization and DID (/OSDD1):
Depersonalization is “one-way” disconnection. You might feel disconnected from the thoughts, feelings, urges, and movements of your body, but you still “instinctually” know that those are YOURS. No matter how separate they feel in the moment, you don’t attribute them to someone else (especially after the episode ends).
DID involves “two-way” disconnection. Not only do you attribute those thoughts, feelings, urges, and movements to someone else, but that other person attributes YOUR experiences to YOU rather than themselves. Not only are you watching those foreign thoughts from the third person, but you might sense your OWN string of thoughts simultaneously, or those foreign thoughts may turn around and start thinking/feeling a foreign way about YOU. Instinctually, they are not you and you are not them.
This “instinct” is similar to the way you can tell the difference between hearing a dog barking outside your head, and recalling the sound of a dog bark inside your head. While in this situation, it’s all technically “in your head”, you can still tell which is coming from inside “you” and which is coming from outside “you”.
*Logically* I know that there aren’t multiple people in my head if I really think about it (in other words, reality checking is in tact), but *instinctually,* I attribute those foreign experiences to myself as much as I attribute that dog barking across the street to my own head (in that I don’t). In this way, it would be similar to hallucinating a dog barking (though, to be clear, these DID experiences are not hallucinations). Your mind would still be technically responsible for creating that barking sound, even though it sounds SO MUCH like it’s coming from outside of you.
Hope this was helpful! Note that this is based on the way I experience this disorder. If you have been diagnosed with DID and you experience something different, then you are still just as valid!
I don't know how I feel about this. It's like feeling so disconnected from yourself that even your thoughts feel foreign to you.
I know this feeling. It occurred to me that there are other people who don't think in second or third person perspective and I couldn't find any information regarding the topic until recently.
In my experience, in order to be able to ground yourself, you have to learn how to tolerate the emotions, thoughts, and sensations that your body and mind have. Otherwise, you'll go straight back to dissociation (specifically depersonalization). This has just been my experience. I'm not sure if that resonates with other forms of dissociation.
How do u tolerate it. Its hard
In my experience I have to accept the emotions in order for them to pass and for me to become grounded. This is especially true if one part in my system becomes overwhelmed and switches out with another part (I have DID) each part handles it better when no judgement is made about the emotion that caused the switch, then we can work on getting centered and calm and see if the parts want to switch back out front and also work on grounding. So I would say for me tolerating emotions comes in the form of accepting and not judging the emotions, and that takes a great deal of pressure and tension away making it easier to get grounded.
@@najmabegum9963 I’ve found it’s been helpful to me is when I process these experiences and emotions with a therapist and/or small group where I know I’m being ‘held’ in a safe place. It is hard, for some experiences very very hard. Someone told me what’s hidden can’t be healed and I agree. God bless you friend.
This. I find my trigger is when I have conflicting emotions.
@Heather Petersen I couldn't either
Thank you for the term "maladaptive daydreaming". I have been doing this all my life in an extreme way I realise. Vivid narratives with people, conversations... all in great detail. In the last years I've come to realise that I carry great trauma which I can place and is almost healed, but I never saw my "fantasising" as a coping mechanism. Thank you so much for this ❤️
Maladaptive Daydreaming is a big one for me. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid and it definitely got in the way of life in a lot of ways. My therapist and I are working on ways to stop it.
Same here! I love being able to daydream so vividly and I definitely have an emotional attachment to it but it does get in the way of real life. I was emotionally neglected & suffered from narcissistic abuse from my parent so I'm pretty sure that's where it comes from
I have no memory of my childhood up through my 20’s. I lived with a rage-aholic abusive father, my mom checked out and left me to my own divisive. I started using food, drugs and alcohol at a very young age. I’m in recovery now. I’ve done years of therapy and am thinking about doing it again. I’ve made peace with myself and the fact that it was a protective mechanism as to why I don’t remember. Even my 30’s- 40’s I have only bits and pieces that I remember. I’m 53 now.
Thank you Kati for your videos, I find them very helpful! Bless you!🙏💜
I'm scoring four out of five here, on almost lifelong dissociative tendencies, so those grounding techniques are super neat to learn. Thanks!
Of course!! So happy to help :) xoxo
I’ve experienced the first 3 forms multiple times over the course of the past 13+ years and this is the first time I’ve realized what maladaptive daydreaming is. The same year I was sexually assaulted for the first time I started making up epic stories that were basically alternate universes. I would get deeply angry and upset if I was made to end these daydreams before I was ready to come back.
I appreciate the insight into this general disorder of dissociation and the forms it can take. I certainly struggle with it as a recipient of a Traumatic Brain Injury a few years back that had certainly bled into so many facets of my world. I struggle so deeply on the daily with finding presence, feeling, remembering, and expressing myself in earnest when most days I can't even decide or am aware of the person I really am. I know there's still much I need to experience and learn (academically or painfully), but your videos truly guide me in the right direction.
These are things I dealt with during inner healing. You are healed and it’s life changing. And It’s was free
Depersonalisation & derealization was me all the way through my school & uni years until i was 21... and finally was able the physically, verbally & mentally abusive household my parents had created
Here's to never going back!
During a recent panic attack, my mom gave me a bottle of water from the fridge. Holding the cool bottle and feeling the cool water in my mouth and throat really helped bring me back.
Yes it can also help to massage the body and arms to help bring ourselves back into our bodies and feel less numb; help us feel the sensation of touch.
Yes physical sensation helps us come back into our bodies. Cold ice water helps me also.
Because of dissociation, I still cannot remember what actually happened during the time that was traumatic. My therapists have been telling me I should process this but I am scared. I don’t know if I even want to know what really happened because I am still living with the people that caused me the trauma. 🥺
...May I suggest that you possibly can't process it because you're still around them?
Or maybe you need to do preliminary work, like meditation or other self-stabilizing, before you dig into the stuff.
Not remembering is a protective feature.
...I didn't start remembering what my dad did to me at a far earlier age until well after my mom divorced him when I was 16.
Memories and feelings began slowly surfacing over years after he was gone.
If I had started remembering when he was there, I would have gone berserk.
... It's just my experience, this may not be valid for you.
I wish you the best.💓
Same. Can't remember anything. I guess it's because it happened before I had words for it. It began when I was.. old enough to show my personality. I remember I began to prosess my grief, when the parent got a terminal disease. There were a songtext that felt like it put words to my grief over this loveless childhood. Waves of grief came over me, waves so strong and painful I physically swayed on the spot.
@Humairah Sa'ban from my own experience I was unable to process the trauma while I still lived with the people who cause the trauma. I began to try to process through things with a therapist and as is normal when processing trauma I started to feel worse and the stress of still being around the abusive persons and trying to heal became too much and I shut down for quite a long time. I was unable to process anything during that time, and ended up quitting therapy. I tell you this to help you be prepared for things to feel worse at first, but to know it does get better over time. Also so you can try to find a way to feel more safe before starting the process. It may be you will have to wait till you live elsewhere, but you also might be able to focus first on setting boundaries with the people you live with. Getting a sense of safety can also come from joining support groups. Don't rush things it takes time, but you will get there when your mind is ready.
I can recommend EMDR therapy. If it works for you, that's a way to feel yourself through the trauma, emotion after emotion, so that it becomes more like just any other memory, and all the while you're being distracted from actually consciously reliving it, and from fixating on its details or consequences. And with the trauma having become a felt memory, instead of this heavy morass of unprocessed feelings, it becomes way easier to maybe follow through and act on it with other people (only if that's safe enough to do in your case). That's been my (very early) experience with EMDR.
My therapist told me that this has very rapidly become the main initial treatment recommended to all PTSD folk, here in the Netherlands at least.
Been there. But now I’m on the other side. After my mom passed away, I began a journey that led me to the whole story of my past childhood abuse. I know how you feel. It’s scary to find out that what you suspected all your life really did happen. You’re probably not in a place yet where you’re able to handle the truth.
Personally art has made the biggest difference in my life. Childhood trauma never completely disappears, triggers can set off coping mechanisms that are valuable. Art pulls you into the here and now and can be cathartic in past trauma and coping with today. Thanks.
Very simple and helpful. Separation , divorce, childhood trauma, regrets of actions while under influence of drugs and alcohol and final the breakdown of family dynamics due to children coming of age and moving on all contributed to my dissociation. 7 months of confusion and isolation have brought me to a growing peace within my heart and relationships. We all need to help each other and love each other. My healing has been and still is a community effort, and I am so grateful for the support and love I've received, and the new freedom I am coming to experience. Thank you so much for your descriptions. I hope to help others that suffer from this terrible state of being. It can be truly devastating to all that experience it or know someone that is going thru it..
Love is all you need to give and receive. ( for yourself and others)
Depersonalization for me, the cotton ball reference you mentioned is very accurate for me.
When it first happened for I freaked out and just kept telling my mum that nothing seemed real she was scared she thought I was having a mental break down it was like my panic attacks wanted to come but my emotions just were numb and I’d go between crying and then just staring into oblivion. I found out it’s my way to cope with death as I lost my father when I was young and it happened again when my uncle passed and that’s when I was diagnosed with complex ptsd.
My brain just shuts off now to cope and I just feel numb and can stare at walls for hours. Before my uncles funeral I remember telling my aunty that I didn’t think I could get up and read what I wrote for his funeral but then I shut off and I just did it and it seems like a dream I remember pieces of the funeral but not much at all, luckily the funeral was recorded and it was grounding for me to go back and see that yes it actually happened. I was in this state for about a week and a half and now it just happens when I can’t cope.
Same, I feel stuck now. I lost my only sibling little brother in July 2020 suddenly...
This is starting to effect my job, and life. And I have adhd so time is very weird for me. I can sit in my car for hours on end, and it feel like no time passed at all, or the hours prior feel like a lifetime ago.. my biggest problem is I stay in this state for weeks or months on end, does anyone else
How informative, thank you so much for that video! I have a generalized anxiety disorder and sometimes, when I look at myself in the mirror or when I'm alone, I feel like I'm too "in my head" and that I don't recognize myself anymore. It usually last for a couple of seconds and I have to calm myself every time because it feels really scary, like I'm not myself? Or in a person's body I don't recognize? I think this is a form of dissociation but I never found such specific descriptions of it before, thanks again for helping me understand it better!
Yup! I start to panic that I’m trapped in my body and I don’t recognize it as my own skin 😫
I have been having this feeling for a long time and when I leave the mirror I start to feel myself again. It is so weird and scary. Is this a symptom of anxiety?
Counting colors, I love this idea! Too often when I'm overwhelmed and or dissociating, I can't even wrap my head around any of my tools. Ive started paring them to down to basics, like I do my box breathing 5x5x5 instead of the staggered approach. This is so simple, I'm sure I'll be able to use it! Thank you 💜
I was just diagnosed with DID almost a year ago and this whole video means a lot to me and helps me to understand myself a bit more. Thank you.
For me... It feels like my consciousness (or soul.. or whatever you think makes you YOU) kind of recedes from the drivers seat and swirls around my body... Dropping back in to peek out my eyes to see if everything is okay yet.. then hops back to swirling.. my memory is freaking awful. I forget whole conversations.. it's like I'm on autopilot hardcore... I respond the same as I normally would (just more blase I'd say) and go through the motions.. but I'm not present... "The lights are on but no one is home" It's better than dealing with anxiety and being overly stimulated and overwhelmed and unable to cope.
I started having dissociative episodes when I was extremely young. I had no idea what was happening. and didn't know what was happening until I was 18. learning what happened and why has been a huge part of my therapy
Same here at 22 years old.
I still don't know .I only have one imagine in my head from my early childhood. I don't remember anything from age of abt 0 to 5 .
Weirdly I can remember everything through out my life except that time .
I TOOK NOTES! I got my colored Sharpie markers and took notes on this video! I started noticing my habit of maladaptive daydreaming in 2016 when I spent all my time thinking about a fake life with certain streamers and UA-camrs. I can't believe I've been doing it for 6 years. smh.
I suffer from derealization when I have a panic attack or I am in a situation where I feel very anxious. It's still very scary but I somehow learned to deal with it. Thank you for this video - it's so important to talk about these issues! And thank you so much for the color counting tip - I often experience derealization in the car so this sounds like an amazing grounding method during a car ride. I'll try this one for sure!
As someone who was diagnosed with PTSD and been abused for nearly 25 years, I never realized I had many of these. There are huge chunks of my life and relationships in which I have zero recollection of. Just today I looked at an old discord server I was in and I couldn't believe who I was then. It wasn't that long ago either. I was so ashamed and baffled. I feel like I took on another identity and discarded my old one and rebooted my life once my abuser left. Even my old friends describe me as someone I don't recall and are surprised at the person they see in front of them now. It's hard to explain.
Same here.
Years of abuse and huge chunks of memory missing from my life.
Blessings to your future life. 🌅
25 years ?I would have killed my abuser if I spent one more moment with them she had a evil little daughter too I wonder somxs if she thinks she got away with something...not really though the little one your still out there and I'm sure I'll find you eventually I'm patient I got 2b but I live for nothing else your turn will come I'm sure your a psychopath and think your invulnerable whatever sleep good ladies one day in the jungle the mighty jungle.....
Disassociating from the part of you that was abused. It’s hard to integrate the experience and we don’t want it to become part of our identities. Plus social shaming for being victims of abuse is so common we do not want to identify with the victimization. It makes sense you would “reinvent” yourself. Plus abuse is so extreme and traumatic when you finally escape we are so conditioned it can be hard to “adapt” back to normal. So I think your response to recreate who you are is intelligent adaptation. But it may leave you feeling cut off from yourself (and others). I can relate but if any of my words did not feel right to you, I apologize am only sharing my insights based on experience.
@@alana8088 Yes it is very hard for me to adapt back to normal. I am more isolated now than I was before. It's hard for me to build relationships and interact like a typical person. I regress emotionally, or how do you say... I relive the experience of my trauma with others but the association is off. I fear authority and I fear adults, even though I am an adult. I often freeze up and choke in job interviews or whenever I am in the presence of authority. It's involuntary and it comes up even when I don't anticipate it. Only way I can deal with those challenges is by suppressing my emotions with drugs, like phenibut whenever I do a presentation or job interview. Even antidepressants aren't fully effective on me. I feel better without them because they affect my memory and overtime they also affect my mood. I've tried both SSRI's and NDRI's. I also have APOE e4 genes so that even affects how antidepressants work on me.
Your hair color is so pretty and looks perfect on you!
My entire (abusive) childhood id play this “game” with an entirely new family and have an entire routine and life with them. I’d sit in my room and spend hours in this whole world that I created not realizing that it was so different than a typical childhood game of pretend. I realized just a year or so ago that the “game” I was “playing” was really maladaptive daydreaming
"head is filled with cotton" haven't heard a better description! I've been struggling to find the words for it
This is one of those things where you go "Oh, that's what that feeling is."
I had several episodes of dissociating over a year. I discovered my husband hanging from his neck in our basement, cold dead. I had PTSD. But in addition to I some of the episodes I became him, acted like him, talked and walked like him. It was like I was acting but felt I was him. Or, if I was feeling mischievous, I’d become Bugs Bunny and embody his character. What dissociation type is this-I felt it was very real.TIA! 🌺
OSDD maybe? It's like DID without or with less amnesia. Those would be called introjects.
There is a lot of debate around these disorders, the scientific understanding is still in its infancy and right now the general consensus is that it has to develop before 9 years old but personally I've seen some where it develops much later in life and it's not a hard and fast rule.
I can't tell you what's going on, since I don't live in your brain, but I recommend you read up on OSDD, DID, and multiplicity in general. Maybe it resonates with you, maybe it doesn't.
Maladaptive daydreaming- making facial expressions to match the daydream- while surrounded by people. 😅 "Why do you look so angry?" ..."oh that wasn't me that was someone else!"
Finally your information explains what it is when i live in a daydream for days, going back and forth to daily tasks, but rushing back to the safe daydream shaping life as i wish it....got me through adolesence, but maybe at 60 i should let go.
During a series of catastrophic life events I experienced depersonalization. Every movement required an extreme level of focus and it was as though there was a delay from intention to execution. It was utterly exhausting. At the same time I experienced derealization. I felt disconnected from the world, like I was in a bubble looking out. I couldn’t feel emotions, but had an intensely uncomfortable awareness of my body. The only way I can describe it is that it felt a bit like vertigo and my whole body was buzzing. It lasted for over two years. Every waking moment. It was torture. It was all consuming.
I remember very little of that time besides the most difficult events and the way I felt. It was years afterwards that I learned about DP/DR. It gave me a measure of peace to know about it. I wonder if a supportive therapist would have helped me recover sooner.
How did you recover?
@@bribri8589 With tianeptine….the standard dosage. It took about 3 weeks to begin feeling better. I took it for a couple of months then weened off it. That was 13years ago. I have never had a recurrence of DP/DR. I still have occasional episodes of intense anxiety where I begin to dissociate, but they pass fairly quickly by practicing mindfulness and breathing techniques. I have also greatly simplified my life to reduce stress, that includes carefully choosing the people with whom I associate, and having good boundaries.
Currently experiencing to some level. Glad to hear you got better!
@@jalisa7681 Thank you. I am grateful to have endured!
Thanks for bringing up the fact that our bodies can be numb as well as our emotions. I had a major dissociative episode the other day, and my legs went completely numb. I could not drive home for a while. ❤
Yeah, it's good that people are learning about the physical numbness.
I couldn't tell the difference between sensations - for example, I would know that hot and cold felt stronger than normal/room temperature on the skin, but couldn't discern the difference when in a spell of dp/dr.
Not good when running a bath, or going for a walk.
It's amazing the lengths out bodies and minds can go to to try and shield us from mental stress and trauma, isn't it.
For me:
Derealization feels like my surroundings become distorted, bigger, and seem farther away. My own home can seem unfamiliar and I come to wonder if Im in the right place.
Depersonalization feels like I don’t exist, or am just a consciousness floating in a world that does exist.
DID is a journey from being frightening, to unexpected, heartwarming acceptance of ones selves.
for me i feel like my physical body is here but my consciousness isnt here
I was searching too long for this comment. This is exactly how it feels for me. I get this thing that's happened. Where like someone's face will zoom in really close even if they're standing 10 feet away from me. But other things feel so zoomed out and far away. I've been experiencing it since I was a kid and now I'm starting to wonder what the fuck did I go through when I was a kid because I don't remember anything.
Thanks again for another good and informative video ❤️ when I have DR or DP I start watching UA-cam videos about people who suffer the same or watching your videos 😊 it helped me. AND I am always telling myself: it will be over soon! That’s not forever and you will get over it. You can do this and it’s just protecting you! I repeat that the whole time and try to let it be and relax. Yall we are together in this ❤️🔥🍀
This is really interesting. I've always been forgetful of days and time because I'm constantly in my head playing out scenarios. Almost as outlandish as my dreams. As soon as someone tries to talk to me about something serious, I immediately grab a word or phrase and my mind wanders, weaving that thing they said into a million different stories. I'm not sure if it's adhd or one of these. I've flunked any schooling, lost my bf's trust of going to serious doctor's appointments for the kids because I can't remember the information, and destroyed my self confidence for ever doing anything that involves close attention mixed with fast work. I can never clean my house in one day because my mind is constantly wandering. I hate it.
I struggle with the exact same thing but it's bc of ADHD in my case. It wasn't a big deal on my first jobs but when I started climbing up the ladder and my job became more complex I slowly started crumbling under the pressure. Attending meetings was a nightmare bc as soon as someone started talking i would drift away in my head and had to keep trying to refocus while pretending to know what they were talking about. I lost my job and bc of it also lost my work permit so I had to move back overseas. I still have the same line of work but in a much simpler job and only recently started to feel like I'm not in danger of losing my job and hence the ability to take care of myself.
I have these issues as well. For certain situations like school or doctors appointments. I bring a notebook. I would write the whole time. Trying to write almost everything helped me stay focused. I’m a shy person so the worst for me is social situations because I know I’m not allowed to disassociate to combat my stress. I have never met anyone who talks about this disorder. It is so nice to read about people having the same problems.
It’s like I see me and what’s going on, on a screen. I am outside of myself. There is 2 of me, both me, one loving logical. The other scarey, dangerous to anyone who hurt me. I don’t know I changed, until I change back!
This was very educational; though I notice a lot of mental health videos involve advice to “go to therapy”. Of course that’s what will help many people (I’m in therapy), but I wonder if you could go through one type of therapy - like describing how a therapist would work through trauma with a patient - maybe some kinds of examples. That might give us insight into what needs to be done, or what we’re in for, or what the process might look like? That may be difficult to make, I don’t know.
I’ve had this all before and I thought I was completely insane now I just know what’s happening after suffering alone but to be honest the internet has helped me not feel so alone .. and I don’t care for social media but some stuff is helpful
Katie, I appreciate how you present stuff and think you must be an incredibly safe place/person to be in counseling with.
I just came to the realization that I have been dissociative most of my adult life. Dissociative Amnesia and Depersonalization. I really need to get back with my therapist and talk about this.
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. When I dissociate it feels like helium is rising in my head and trying to push out the top of my head. Very heavy. This was so helpful to me to understand it all.
I have sooo much amnesia. My kids bring things up all the time and I'm just grateful that I was a good mother. They say pretty impressive things we did and I have no memory of it all.
Maladaptive daydreaming and depersonalization are my two. I had this happen at work (I'm a massage therapist). I've checked out hard for a moment during a session on a tough day. It was scary. I daydream constantly and have as a kid. I struggle to be present a lot of the time. I don't understand why it happens but on tough emotional days, both ramp up. I've looked at my arms & hands (at work, during a session) and it doesn't seem like they're mine. It's as if someone else is controlling my body for a minute. So weird.
Same here. In fact, you just reminded me of the times I’ve looked at my own hands and face and just felt like they weren’t mine, so I guess I truly have had moments of derealization as well. It’s such a weird, yet also horrifying thing to experience, honestly. But Maladaptive Daydreaming and Depersonalization are definitely also my main two as well.
I’m also a massage therapist and have experienced several dissociative episodes during sessions. I’ve had clients cross my boundaries in the past and this had caused me to shut down. I didn’t know my triggers at first and the switch from being present to completely out of my head was really subtle. I will still able to talk and continue my task however its almost as though I’ve flat-lined and start speaking in a mono-tone voice
@@Poorpixie Oh yeah I get what you mean. I’ve had experiences like that and they’re really strange and startling.
@@musicalhearts2879 did you find it hard to share with your friends/coworkers or family? I have desperately wanted to feel seen but this has isolated me due to the fear and risk of others taking advantage of me in this state. It’s probably the most misunderstood symptom that I experience and I keep it to myself.
@@Poorpixie As a matter of fact, yeah. I’ve just grown very detached to a lot of things, so being able to properly explain how I feel to someone is just really difficult. It’s like I’m out of touch with my own emotions. It’s also just hard to open up in general cause then people just start to see you as something broken and in need of fixing. I really hate it when people pity me like that, cause they don’t even see me as a person anymore.
I love how you say us when refering to things it really helps you not feel like your being "othered"
Amnesia. No joke. This was very helpful thank you 🙏
Thank you so much for including maladaptive daydreaming on this list. Only recently I realized that this was linked to dissociation and that really helped me understand it better. I always thought it was something different but when I started looking into it I finally had a way to understand and describe it.
My therapist taught me to ground by doing a full body scan. Reallllly pay attention to how every part of my body feels section by section. He would have me do this while in talk therapy and doing EMDR, but also as a coping mechanism when I could tell I was dissociating.
I have more depersonalization over derealization. It’s more like a robot with a list of commands and sometimes it’s more “autopilot”
I just love Kati's content.
Coming from work, and I can remember some of the times I was daydreaming and aloof and absent-minded so much, and even after that. I think my trainer has way too often worried I'm not even paying attention.
I'm terribly absent-minded, and yes I was physically abused in my childhood.
My experience with maladaptive daydreaming is a love/love/love/HATE relationship. I'm young so it sounds stupid and often people tell me that I'm just a teen and it's normal to daydream so much, but they don't know that I can recall only a few times during my life in which I wasn't pretending to be someone else or somewhere else, or having someone next to me. My persona was spit in two : the real, "physical", can be see by others me, and the roleshifter invisible one. Now I call it maladaptive daydreaming, and while my doctor told me after working on figuring out what it is It seem that I tend to "dissociate myself" to the point of also altering the way I present (mostly in odd clothing choices) and the way I see myself:
Which leads it almost impossible with dealing with my actual struggles and self of self. Last Wednesday I was going to my therapist and while in the car I was listening to some music. At some point the music felt like a bunch of emotions that made me think of what I would have to name as "my characters" (inspired by all that I like) and started feeling almost adrenaline. The speed of the car helps me dissociate more, even one more sound is actually a stimuli for me and makes it easy to make me find myself only in my mind. But then, when we arrived to the structure, I had to stop the music and get out of the car. It felt like the world stopped, there was absolutely nothing. All my fears and interests and comfort just dissapeared:There was nothing to "hide" from but also nothing to chant for. It felt as If when in the studio I was still trying to find myself. and then on the way home I started reentering the fantasy world again, slowly but surely, in the uber's car, sitting next to my mom, I started daydreaming IMMEDIATELY even though I felt okay from my previous state of mind, more recognizing and present. I am now back into that imaginary world, and it is KEEPING me back from doing everything. I am homeschooled and it difficult, as I really tend to change my view / change my world and my understanding of it. I stay up all night because it is like "extra-not-guilty-time" to daydream. I do nothing if not spend time in my head making scenarios and when Im alone sometimes I try to feel them. When I am forced to go back to reality, for example for school or because something upsetting happened, I find a sense of self I no longer rememeber very vividly, though it makes me feel as if I could make the world a better place. Then I get bored or upsetted, or just because I MISS that world and it's presences, that I just run back into the fantasies and find myself incapable of snapping out of it and my thinking process goes back to being "I can't do this, I have no motivation, let me just go back to my familiar world, so I can escape this sense of powerlessness over my own physical life."
I have had many episodes of depersonalization and derealization starting as a teen. I don't remember what brought them on, but I have a feeling I also have dissociative amnesia from childhood. Whenever I would feel that, it would bring on a panic attack, and my favorite grounding technique was to put vapor rub under my nose to breathe that cool air, and also take a warm shower.
The separation in chapters is very helpful, thanks Kati
Years ago, my tramatized neighbor had 2 "episodes" of what I would describe as complete psychological separation. My neighbor had a smart dog that would come get me, and I would call the neighbors family and they would come. One time, it was already to the point that my neighbor was taken to the hospital as an "unknown" person. The other time I got a family phone number because they still retained some awareness and they quickly responded. This is real serious stuff people, one other time, another one of my neighbors, who was/is a police officer actually took advantage of the situation sexually. This person's "separations" started after a date rape drug assault.
It's incredible to think that as much as we try to ground ourselves and focus on what's real, and realize this world we live in isn't some comic book where anything can happen, that there are things, moments, places & even people we come across that defy these expectations.
Dissociation affects each individual differently so something like this, as shocking as it may be to some, doesn't surprise me.
I hope both of your neighbors are doing better and getting the assistance they need.
I struggle with it, its a damn pain trying to stay present. I have to pinch myself or hurt myself in some way to stop me from leaving my body. I'm just wanting to stay in my body. But my mind doesn't want stay in my body, its always trying to escape,, its always trying to protect me from danger im not even in and then leaving me to face the karma.
You are a kind person!
Depersonalisation is looking at a picture of myself or in the mirror and not feeling like it is me, basically feeling like I'm looking at a stranger, feeling like my body is just an avatar. (like when you put on a VR headpiece and look down in Virtual Reality)
Derealisation is like the world around you is a VR world. Your body is yours but where you are is unfamiliar and sometimes feel unrealistic.
Thank you. My therapist often worried that my "work mode" and "home mode" was very near DID. They used to be useful living within abuse as an adult to keep the home abuse from affecting work. But like any adaptations to abuse, they were always maladaptive.
You're welcome Jeffry. Thank you for taking the time to watch :)
@luca basically, work-mode was a form of dissociative derealization that was mostly functional. I appeared more confident because the world was not as real as the abuse I suffered in home-mode when I cowered and kept my eyes down.
Because I functioned differently in work-mode and seemed very much different, she worried that I was bordering on DID. I also referred to them as different.
The primary difference between DID was that I could remember everything between both, and sometimes control the switch. However, violence or angry yelling would switch me to home-mode and work-mode required significant relaxation from stress to switch back. Therefore work-mode was not possible to hold at home where violence, threats, and anger/rage yelling was common. And as a change of management at work brought a change in atmosphere at work, as they discovered that anger could switch me to a more diminutive response, yelling became more common and work-mode was no longer possible.
@@jeffrybrickley870
Sorry you went through that.
...But that's very interesting, that you were able to compartmentalize like that.
Depressing, but interesting.
I'm very happy you got out, nobody deserves an abusive relationship.
Have you heard about who states? Sounds a lot like what you’re talking about.
*ego states.
dissociation became my norm since childhood.. in adulthood i found myself falling into substance abuse to induce dissociation- it felt comforting. accepting this as my past is helping me accept reality and lean into the unfamiliar, discomfort
The closest thing I have to these is maladaptive daydreaming. Though it’s not hard for me to work or focus on important tasks. I can control when it happens. I usually do it whenever I’m alone and laying down. I live through many characters.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. xoxo
I have the same experience. I call them my daydreams
What does it feel like. I can't really imagine it?? I'm curious. I have de-realization once In awhile and in the past and it feels like I'm an alien in my body. Even moving my arm felt unnatural. I used to crawl under the blanket and not want to do anything. Sleeping was amazing cuz I could be normal and I hated waking up.
@@theresag.4188 Omg same here!! I’m constantly taking naps because it’s the only time I can feel even remotely normal. Any excuse to get away from the negative feelings or stressful situations. Obviously it’s not a healthy coping mechanism, but it’s a really hard habit to break, especially for me.
@@musicalhearts2879 I def feel your situation. I got out of feeling like that when I started focusing on things. Like putting all my energy into a hobby with all my focus. The more I kept my mind busy the more I started to feel normal again. It took like a month straight and doing it everyday for hours but it helped. I followed an anxiety program cuz I was desperate. I try to manage stress and anxiousness now with working out, I do breathing exercise and meditate. Which I never did any of those things before but they help. I still get small moments of de-realization but no where near as bad as I once did. I hope this helps and makes sense. If you have more question I'm here. 💕
Much love from the DID community. You're awesome.
After losing my son Destin this is what happened so thank you!
I’m so sorry for your loss
I'm sorry for your loss Bridget.
Sorry for your loss
Thank you. I found this helpful. I've got a new neighbour who has this condition. Listening to this has helped me understand what he's going through and be more compassionate.
Here's my own experience with derealization.
This is a memory from late 2019 that still haunts me. I was in class and this year because of shuffling, all my friends were in a different class. I was surrounded completely by strangers. It was a free period so all the class was talking, laughing, playing, eating, etc. But I had no friends so all I did was sit there. I saw the entire class in one go, feeling like I am the camera on the wall. 15 different conversations I could make out with pinpoint accuracy. I even remember my own face, completely blank, like you can never guess my emotions with that face. Even in the slightest. But coming back to the topic, time was moving slowly, each second stretching like an hour. Slowly the images got blurry and the distinct conversations became angry buzzing. I felt like I was in a painting, or more accurately a gif. Everything was just going on around in perfect sync, meanwhile I just sat there. It was truly horrifying.
This memory is branded onto my brain. Anytime I wish I can picture this with pinpoint accuracy. Anytime I think about it I start getting disconnect and feel like I am back in that classroom. Similar situations have arisen in recent times where I have no friends in one of my classes, or if I do then they are sitting far away, and I feel disconnected again. Today was one such incident and the guy sitting behind me was calling me yet it felt like he was a mile away. Although now I am far more conscious of the fact that I am going through an episode of derealization Anytime I actually do go through one.
Thank you, your comment made me understand what derealization feels like (understood what she ment but to fully understand it I needed to "feel" it) and your example matches a bunch of life experiences of mine... but I learned to enjoy them as me taking a "rest" from socialization (I have a bit of social phobia)
I'm 35 now and I have never heard these terms before in my life, but upon hearing you talk about what they are... I'm in a state of realization and even panic over suddenly understanding that I was targeted to feel like this and to be a certain way, and that it was used against me to control me.. I am so hurt and upset right now it's not even funny...
I lost my dad on Monday after a 5 week long fight in hospital, I think I’ve been dissociated the whole time, I’ve carried on working and although I know I feel sad, it’s as though I can’t feel anything, I feel numb.. I feel awful for not acting the way I ‘should’ be after such a big loss, but I can’t seem to ‘snap’ out of it 😕
Hope you’re all doing well 💕
So very sorry for your loss. Going through somewhat the same scenario myself. Lost my dad a 15 months ago and still haven’t grieved even though we were very close. Now I have a name for it.
I've been in freeze for 3 months. Its been hell. Brilliant video.
Thank you
As a child I often had those episodes like when you drive somewhere, get to your destination but don't remember actually driving there. Only I would have that for whole days and especially during abuse and upsets, which were never ending.
In grade 5, I remember the teacher declaring we had a test to do right then. Panic tore through me as I knew I wouldn't do well. I then consciously tried to "go away" in my mind. I remember thinking "I can't do it any more." I was shocked that I thought those words. Meaning I couldn't zone out any longer when faced with upset or danger. I never knew that I had been zoning out purposely until that moment. I was shocked. And since that day I have never been able to melt away into the safety of my mind, at will.
So now as an adult I can if I want, drink alcohol or take a calm me down pill, but these things may only relax/numb your emotions to a degree but it doesn't actually help the way hiding in my mind did. Dissociation did a much better job of
blotting out the reality. However, gaining the courage to acknowledge the traumas and meet the pain head on, is the best course of action for healing. Finding a fully qualified therapist can be a huge challenge though. Too many therapists are not truly educated in these heavy duty matters and can make things worse. Don't give up, keep searching until you find the right one.
It's all very interesting how our minds work.
Wow! You are the only person who named a very perplexing problem that I have and do. I freeze both verbally and phsyically, powerful paralysis. Now I know it's name. Dissociation. I have also switched to someone else when threatened. Thank you!
For de-realization...I find what helped is that you push through it. Retrain your amygdala and act as if your your regular self. Almost play the part of your old self. Also spend hours a day focusing on something that encompasses your mind so you will feel normal again. I remember I practiced the flute for hours cuz it kept my focus. While I was doing it I wasn't even feeling de-realization. Eventually your brain goes back to your normal mindset. I got it from the linden method which I found when I was a my worst and had de-realization for over a month . I spent alot of money at the doctor got a head mri. I thought I had a brain tumor or something. And my Dr said I could have epilepsy. I was freaking out until I finally did research and found out it was anxiety. This was like 10years ago when mental health wasn't that big. I hope this helps someone!💕
Yes!! I paint. Sand wood . It helped my brain
I experience the usual symptoms of Derealization but I also have some kind of unusual symptoms (maybe) like hyper awareness of everything like everything feels fake and too understandable which makes me feel bored , anxious and irritated. I feel like everything is too understandable but also feels fake and unreal
Cna you explain what is that feeling?
It feels like Im seeing the world as a whole and not one particular small world
The feeling of the observer, myself watching me go through actions, that I do not feel connected to is a strong feeling, it can get really bad sometimes, but I am in contact with myself when it happens as best as I can deal with me, myself, and I.