How To Get Over A Breakup FAST | Jordan Peterson
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- Опубліковано 6 кві 2019
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My advice to anyone dealing with the emotional fallout of a breakup.
Feel it all, don't even try to suppress it. If you need to cry, do it, get it out.
If you need to question what went wrong, do it, write those questions down, keep a diary of them.
If you need to feel anger, channel it.
It's absolutely ok to feel all those emotions, if you felt nothing, then that would be the time to worry.
Emotions are healthy, it means your mind is active, all those parts that make you feel are firing just the way they should.
Take all that emotional energy coursing through you and focus it into yourself.
When you fall in love you give someone a huge piece of you, when they leave they take it with them. That's why you feel hollow and incomplete.
Channel all that energy into rebuilding that missing piece, but make it so much more than it was before.
The most powerful thing we have is potential.
Use it.
hugely underrated comment
Thank you
Dealing with a long term breakup for a girl that I was saving up to buy a ring for and she blindsided me completely. Never gave me good closure, I ultimately know its for the best. But this comment is spot on, every time I try and suppress the feeling of heartbreak, or try and distract myself, the feeling gets amplified. If the emotions come in, let it in and eventually the feelings will get more numbed and numbed. There is no half measures about a serious breakup, you have to do it the right way and you will come out better for it. There will be bad days, there will be good days and eventually the bad days will come far and in between.
I completely agree. You have to work to replace and then strengthen. You don’t leave the bowl in pieces; you figuratively put it back together with gold. And it becomes more valuable than it was before. And more worth preserving.
I started reading an article on grief and when it got to the part where it said, “the best part of you dies,” I stopped reading because I knew, in this case, the best part of me had not died and I was not about to frame it that way. So I picked up my best parts and painstakingly started putting myself back together. I used Evan Marc Katz’ material for the reframing about what I could do better next time and so I’d never make the same mistakes again (which I haven’t) and ... well, it wasn’t fast. But it got done. Tons of writing and meta-analysis, walking and talking and getting grounded. I went to the batting cages daily and bashed the shit out of baseballs, forced myself to eat healthfully even though nothing had flavor. Slept crazy amounts, cried for months. Threw a ton of shit away and wrote out a one step per month month-by-month plan. It took ten months to really pull myself together, all brute force. Then discovered Prozac, which helped me finally get my head above water. But all the stuff he’s saying here... that’s the work. There will be no “fast” about it for some of us. But that’s the work if you don’t want to live the rest of your life broken and jaded and bitter.
Whoever is reading I hope you get through this because we all gonna make it.
how you're doing better
@@karthikvnair7621 yes
..gonna make it to the grave, and then it won't matter.
I’m struggling. It’s been two years. I hate this feeling.
Never thought I’d feel this kind of pain.
I am experiencing a break up for the first time just now and I feel physically ill. She was my first real relationship and I have never felt the kind of love that I have for her. Worst thing is we both still love each other but have realized we have different dreams and goals in life that are incompatible. My chest hurts, I cannot eat and I just want it to go away. Would not wish this onto any human being. At the same time I am so happy that we happened and I got my time with her. I just miss holding her and seeing her laugh at me when I was being silly. A part of me will forever be left with her.
Hold the line brother
Hi friend, i really understand how you feel right now, do you really need help in recovering your relationship by getting your ex back to you????
Let me recommend you to someone called baba Eseohe. That helped me recover my relationship by bringing my ex back to me.
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Broke up 4 months ago, but it hurts just as bad as the day it happened. There are good days and bad days. Just take care of yourself and learn to love and forgive yourself. If you take the time to work on yourself, you will find someone who appreciates you for you. It doesn’t go away, but it gets easier. If you’re out there having a hard time, you aren’t alone. Hang in there.♥️
Love is sweet, love is life, true love never die don't give up someone you love all hope is not lost okay
I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
Text him up in whatsap
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Bullshit
Just woke up in the middle of the night obsessing about what went wrong and found this. Thank you.
Damn, I felt that
Haha sorry man. Breakups are part of life I guess. To me they are empowering becauser they free your time and energy for other things
Literally the same.
Same
Pain
Maybe really 90% of the ppl lack morals, integrity and empathy. But at least i've met you guys at this comment section. Thank you. Hope you and myself all well.
God bless!
People are traumatised and unhealed. It takes a lot to heal. I pray you will find your soul tribe ❤️
🙌🏼
No its not 90% ...100% of people can be assholes..just look for the ones that share your values...dont take the first best thing that walks along!
When I was young, I used to go fishing with my father. One day, I caught a big beautiful fish but it somehow slipped away.
To which my Father replied, *"Don't worry, there are lots of fishes in the pond."*
"When you fall in love you give someone a huge piece of you, when they leave they take it with them. That's why you feel hollow and incomplete."
That just hit me so hard, and it's true. Much love, Peace!
No
Hurts so bad, man.
X I
Yes, pierced me open again... release release release
Where in the video does Jordan say that? I missed and can’t find it.
As brilliant as
Jordan is, the comment section has helped me more than this video.
Sean Marc Nipper hahahaha!
Same
Minus the Whats crap bots pushing the phone numbers.
It was interesting but I think I missed the main point
Ye
I broke up with a person I really cared about over a week ago. Im some areas we were great together but in others we had issues from the start. My advice is that if your constantly seeing some red flags or fighting over the same issues than its just best to let the relationship go.. Deep down i know we were not meant to be together but part of her was damn appealing to me that I was willing to go thru it all just to have those things i was crazy about in her.. this was a mistake. It cost me a lot and no person or amount of love is worth the potential damage you can cause yourself. Focus on yourself, take care of yourself, be as sociable and active with others as you can be. Forgive yourself, and really, forgive the person as well as its not their fault if they are in key areas incompatible with you. It is what it is.. let yourself heal and when you are ready use this experience to filter and find a better person in the future.
Well said. I was in the same position recently. His issue was jealousy No matter how hard I tried to reassure him that I wasn't doing anything, and that I wasn't that type of person he never could get over his insecurities. It would inevitably lead to a lot of fighting. You get to a point where you just get tired of trying. You realize you can't fix the person. You just have to let go and move on. Love without trust can not survive. I wish you luck in finding someone who will make you happy.
@@Areyoukiddingme64 thanx! Same to you!
@@richiebrz1670 true love never die, i know a powerful man that can help you restore back your relationship Immediately
@@richiebrz1670 text,,,him,,,,on,,,what,,,,sa,,,,pp
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The best way to get over someone is stay busy and hang out with friends that you can relate to. If you lay around feeling sorry for yourself it only gets worse. I know it's tough to find the desire to get moving but do it anyway. You'll be better off.
I agree, that helps. But you’re only suppressing your feelings. Running from all those built up emotions will later catch up to you in the future.
Or take up new physical activity, Come back to who you were before meeting that person.
I don't have friends sad
It sounds like you are avoiding the falling into the same pit again. How is what you describe going to help you not repeat the same mistake if not by sheer chance of you not falling for the same kind of person (which unlikely, you get attracted to specific things) or what ever you improved on while being busy was just what you need to avoid the same mistake (which as I said must be based on luck since you didn't think about the mistake to come up with the activity which would help you avoid it).
So you made a mistake, you can't ignore it and you can't find a solution what do you do?
intellectual unicorn agreed
As soon as I open my heart to someone, sooner or later, they leave me alone, in the dark. Sometimes, I think I'll never be able to find my true partner.
Sounds like a you problem.
Same thing happens to me, I always give give give to my partner and love them to fucming death and its always ke that gets left
You wont, people are horrible.
Check out Harville Hendrix's work, it sounds like it may help you. Good luck!
Likewise my dude. I was dumped yesterday and I’ve been crying like a baby
I just broke up after 4year relationship, I loved this girl more than anything, since I was her first bf, I gave her my heart. We loved and cared for each other. Had our hard times ,broke up, and got up again.
And now the time comes when I have to man up and say it's over. She lied to me, maybe cheated. I still love her, but it's over.
What i wanted to say, in 4 years, a lot of girls were throwing at me, but i knew where the line was. She didn't, but i did never cheat on her. So, boys and girls, there is real love you just have to find it.
Thumbs up for you staying loyal brother!
You remind me of my younger self, brother. I recently wrote something to another friend of mine, and I thought you might benefit from it. I'll paste it here.
We can very briefly review the basics. Generally speaking, men and women will have different goals in life. Women generally know what they need to do during the course of their lives - it is their biological mandate to bear children and raise a family. They have a relatively short biological clock, too. Men, on the other hand, have to figure out (usually from scratch) what they need/want to do. We also aren’t limited by the same biological clock, which means we can (and likely should) direct our long term focus on our personal and professional development, creating a legacy, and attaining childbearing “readiness” (becoming financially independent, etc).
It seems to me your focus is flipped - you may have been placing all your eggs in the wrong basket - somehow focusing on your relationship(s) which is more of what women need to do before their eggs dry up. Excuse the pun.
Remember women don’t chase after men - they chase after successful men. Generally, they wait at the finish line to pick up the winners, because successful men are the prize. Ask yourself are you chasing after an imaginary prize, or are you going to develop yourself into being the prize? Chase success, attain it, and you’ll naturally find yourself in the company of high-value women. However, you should be chasing success regardless of whether there are women in the picture. Chase success so you can unlock your own potential for impacting the world. Chase success so you can reach your peak physical, mental, emotional, and financial health. You owe it to yourself, no one else.
Lift, read, pursue your passions and hobbies, develop conscientiousness, network, learn from your relationships, and develop self-esteem independent from your “relationship status”. Only then will the real you begin to surface.
Lastly, take the time to evaluate whether you may have had a type of upbringing that led to your focus on relationships. Too many of my close friends who were from broken homes or were raised by single-parents ended up putting an unhealthy emphasis on their relationships, and to their own detriment no doubt. They lacked familial validation throughout their childhood and subconsciously seek to make up for it in their relationships or by entering a relationship in the first place. Going into anything with emotional baggage is no doubt a receipt for disaster.
Good luck brother.
It's over because she lied to you? Wasn't there a possibility for understanding and forgiveness? It seems like an overreaction to end a good 4 year relationship over a lie.
Shiroyasha Of course it is over after a lie, especially if the lie is a big one they deals with potential cheating and infidelity. It takes years to build trust, and only seconds to break them forever. You can forgive them but the trust will never be the same once it is broken.
Going back to her will make her actually have less respect for you, as it shows you don’t hold steadfastly to your core values of integrity. It means she subconsciously knows she and anyone else can mistreat you with no consequences. It is a strong sign that you have no options, as any man with options in the dating pool would not need to even consider giving up his integrity and dignity like that.
No man who lets others mistreat them and break his trust is worth respecting, if he simply bends over to them. Eventually the girl will cheat again, not to mention likely already be concealing more lies to begin with.
In many cases, the lie itself is also a lie. She lied about cheating, said nothing happened, both people make up, then later the guy finds out something did happen. Lies on top of lies is not uncommon.
@@anthonylam1078 You've got a pretty bleak picture of relationships my friend.
I got dumped yesterday. Thanks for this man. I appreciate it.
Feel ya, me before yesterday
Same here, but hours ago. I didn´t get the how to on this video
@@eltinchote First, you figure out what went wrong. Second, see the bigger picture, DON'T assume that its ALWAYS your fault. There were lots of factors that lead to your breakup. This will be hard cause you might be an emotional mess at the moment. Third, you use the information you gathered from what went wrong in the past and use it to avoid making the same mistakes in the future or use it as a tool to forsee where your future relationships are going. Like for example, let's say your recent relationship ended because she/he cheated. Examine why she/he cheated. Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault. Unless you cheated too. But if you didn't, then analyse why they cheated. Maybe you weren't always there for them in the relationship, maybe you slowly drifted apart because you had a major argument, etc. The point is, once you have analysed and determined the problem that caused the split, you'll know that when something similar happens again, you're prepared to find a different solution. You'll have a clear head on what to do. So yeah, i got a clear head now. It still hurts, but you gotta move on no matter how disappointed you are. It's your life, why do you want to spend your days with something that's killing you inside? Let it go and do what makes you happy. Sleeping around with strangers does not make you happy. It'll make you feel like shit after it's done. Trust me on that one.
Garrius Tius hope your doing ok ❤️
@@mysticalpineapple7263 i guess i am. thank you for wishing. :)
Recently found out my (former) best friend of 16 years has been dating my ex wife... and they messed around while we were married. Don't really care about her, but the betrayal of friendship is mind boggling. Was like a brother to me.
Omg
That's fucking brutal
Disgusting, outrageous and apaling.
I feel you. Peace and love
someone once told me "Your friend is your friend until the day he isn't your friend anymore".
fuck man
Colton Weir sometimes friends can make the worst enemies.
Pussy is a powerful thing. Dont take it personally.
Im still grieving over this breakup, but after a couple days of crying my eyes out and just absolutely letting all my emotions out, I feel relaxed. I feel okay. You gotta train yourself to realize your brain is the most powerful thing you have. Control your heart to accept what happened and learn from it. Once you start to think logically and realize what had happened was unfortunate but needed, you begin to want to work on yourself. You have to learn to truly love yourself.
Don’t know Kevin. I’m dying still lol. I have learned to love myself more & spent almost every single day at the driving range ha ha. Hard? An understatement to describe the situation. It is more like unbearable but as humans somehow someway we will survive. I said to myself, “I am done with LOVE.”
This is what I need. I tend to overthink, and with these thoughts, it will, thus, affect my emotions. The harder it is to control your thoughts, the harder it will be for you to control your emotions. To be honest, it is hard for me to control both of my thoughts and emotions, and it took me months of crying and self pity. It just doesn't go away.
The time I realized that this happened for a reason and I must not wreck myself too much over this, the better I felt the following weeks. Though, I stalked my ex and found out that he has someone new, and it felt like I got back on the first few days of my breakup.
In short, don't be scared to let out and feel your emotions, work on your self-esteem, and prevent the urge to stalk or contact your ex. Work on yourself. Focus on you, not on him or her.
@@fluffyfelix539 I'm an overthinker as well, I just got blocked out of a 5 month relationship and I knew it was gonna happen an hour or so before bc of my anxiety and overthinking..
It's difficult. Some days I'm okay and feel recovered, and then other days I'm just dying inside. It's so painful.
I wish we all heartbroken people could create a group to support each other.... we all know this is one of the worst pains a human could feel....
Need
It’s 4 am and I’m feeling it too. Sending love. I’m here for you ❤
whats stopping us, lets do it
Well there's one for men but you're better off staying away lol. I do think that's something that can't functionally exist, like Communism. Unfortunately. Being alone and actually feeling the pain is still the best way but sometimes it's inconvenient. Most people manage it with caffeine, alcohol, or pornography which are unsustainable despite seeming necessary. I think the best way is to just find other stuff to do that doesn't involve trying to find a romantic partner bc he who tries will be wasted (Alice in Chains lol)
Just lost the love of my life. I don't want to get over it fast. I need to feel the pain, like really feel it. I felt the love with every part of my soul and I want to give credit to that. The only way to the other side of the valley is through the valley.
Take my hand, let's walk through the valley together because I too want to get to the other side.
More Power To You.
you are lucky, I no longer fall in love like that
Most people tend to fill the void that the past relationship left, even when sometimes we still love them and the relationship just ends by personal decisions and not some toxic situations, it's OK to grieve and feel empty, it's part of the life and it's the meaning we as human beings have, to feel everything, even when that thing hurts like hell. I need to move on also but first I need to take care of myself, mentally and physically, so the next possible relationship could be better, it's never gonna be OK to use some random stranger or past known "friends" just to find some companion, we have to enjoy being alone and loving ourselves.
It takes years if you get over it at all. If it happens fast there wasn't much there.
I wanted to end my life yesterday because of the break up happened for my 5 year relationship. Thanks to my brother I'm surviving another day.
I’m here for you my brother
How are you doing? Hope the best for you :)
Hang in there bro!! You are special
There's no bigger show of strenght than trying to be happy.
Hope you're doing well.
Hope you're okay brother, stay strong king
I've suffered tremendously with mental health and self medication. My wife of three years and partner of 7 just asked for a divorce. Jordan, if you ever read this... man you have helped me so much. Thank you.
Poor guy. Stay strong buddy! Going through a hard time my self and I wish you all the best.
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope is not lost .
I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
Text him on what sap
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So much love in this comment section. My gf broke up with me 2 days ago. Still loving her, it's so hard, especially when you know she was a keeper
If she was a keeper, she would have stayed. Dont worry King 👑 you will find your true partner one day :)
@@MakaveliFan71 Thank you for that man. Although I did some ''mistakes'', so some blame on myself
@Ammar Ahsan Thank you so much brother. I wish you all the best in life!
@@Casperh2000 everyone makes mistakes, its in our nature. thats why its so important to be able to communicate and forgive. otherwise every relationship will be temporary. obviously some things shouldnt be forgiven, depending on the severity of the case
@@Kenin2000 That's true bro! I hope you are good
You must first grieve the relationship, but do not wallow in the sorrow for long - take your time to cry or whatever, but pick yourself up and be better than before. Analyse what went wrong to prevent it from happening in the future, not to get back with your ex.
You are never better than before. With every failed relationship you lose a part of yourself. You wither.. little by little. There is no getting it back.
@@earlgrey2130 That attitude won't allow you to heal properly. I hear this "take a part of you" stuff all the time. Sure, each relationship will leave a contextual imprint on you which may shape you future experiences, but it's ultimately up to you on how you interpret that event and the beliefs that you choose to entertain surrounding it.
Do yourself a favour, unlearn that crap you filled your head with and learn that you were a whole person before the relationship and you are still whole without them.
You haven't heard what he said. You were incompatible, end of story. No need to analyze what went wrong.
@@earlgrey2130false
@@danmchardy6424I guess you are right. Maybe we romanticize too much our emotions, but when you are truly truly in love, it feels like you are left with a void
Also every fail relationship leaves a scar, sometimes because of the failure, but most of it because of all the suffering, fights, etc. It causes some sort of trauma
You should always do the best for yourself, learn, improve and try to be better, but undoubtely, everything you go through will weight on you more and more. Nothing is like the first time when you had nothing previously, and you were totally pure
The pain does heal guaranteed but you have to allow yourself to feel it on your own , dont talk about it to the person you just broke up with. Do the work, dont only blame yourself. The situation wasn't ideal because you and the person were not a great match although love was enough . Give it time and I wish you the best. I believe next relationship will be better because we have learned a thing or two.
That's very intelligent and helpful. I hope you continue to prosper!
100%. Relationship gets better
Talk about them talk about it until you stop needing to
@@guesswhosbackg6616I have written on a large piece of paper near my bed and different other areas of the things that I can't deal with about my recent ex husband, such as he is very intelligent, more intelligent than I however he is shallow and has no emotional depth. He has no organizational skills or time management. He spends way too much time on social media blah blah blah. I do miss a lot of wonderful things about him. I even miss the smell of his skin. That's the hardest part and the sound of his voice has always done it for me! But I keep that list handy and within eye shot! It keep me level headed although it doesn't ease the pain.
Couldn't of said it better ❤
One of the worst pains in the world is when you lose someone you loved more than anything and YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY. You weren't strong enough to change something awful about yourself, and you let an addiction destroy your relationship. Im 6 months removed from my 4 year relationship and it's still a day at a time for me.
Two yrs now for me and unfortunately some days still I have to take it day by day . I have to remind myself how his stonewalling was a deal breaker In a huge way.
@@ZFern9390omg this comment! I left my bf, who I loved more than any other man, because of his stonewalling. That will never change if we stay with them and we deserve more. Communication is a minimal requirement, idc how amazing they are in other ways
10 years of choosing someone who in the end couldn’t choose me. It’s the greatest pain I have ever felt in my life. I know I can love with all of my soul where he can only love with limits. I forgive him, it’s not his fault or mine, we are who we are.. I am thankful I have the heart I have and I have hope I will find someone who can match the love I give
I pray you are with the person you were meant to be with. And letting go was the best thing that happened to you now.
a group of friends we are and we ve decided to do the following over the last years since before the pandemic we had we ve stopped entirely with dating efforts and decided to see things developing naturally so to speak - but there we are, we stopped chasing entirely. thats it
She broke up with me, yesterday, she was my first love and god i don’t even know if i can get over her
I'm sry bro, I truly am and the pain you feel would you have ever guessed there was such a pain? In one month I suggest you start dating again.
Just riiiiiide it out bro.... Force yourself to do something you’d enjoy that can both engage your mind and body and focus on it, Boxing for example
You will. Trust me
Its a long life! You will prosper! Dust yourself off, and get up again! Start a new. Start working out. Build new habits and keep your mind active on something to build your dream. Bit by bit.
The book "Mars and Venus Starting Over" can help you healing
At a certain point in ones life, we acknowledge we failed in our love life. At that point, the souls seek shelter, and the mind becomes stuck in a never ending cycle of self reflection. Yearning for love is replaced by seeking peace from self reflection. I am heartbroken not because I thought he was the love of my life, but because I know he was my last love.
Love lives inside you, love yourself ❤
Yeah, i feel you...
I think we were all looking for this today. My gf left today with my 1 years old. It felt like no matter what, as a father, I have no say in what happens with my little girl. Whatever your going through my brothers. Stay strong and keep moving forward, your on a good path if your here. Good luck
I believe in you man. you got this.
Hope you're doing well some months later.
5 years later, I'm really upset. They don't seem to show much remorse, to them its over to me it's okay your sick and it's not because of me you need to get healthy wtf are you doing? If they want to move on now there has to be some balance some justice you helped them out HUGE of something and got screwed being helpful would be better off without them in your life become an alcoholic again
Update
Thank you for bringing me back to this video. My daughters 2 now. She knows what it is when me and her mother fight, sometimes when we hug my daughter thinks we’re physically fighting. Although things have never gotten as bad as when I first commented several months ago. We argue a lot, but now I just bite my tongue and remind myself that she’s no longer the person I knew, and neither am I. I try to be very careful about the words I say, but she’s not like that. She says she doesn’t mean what she says, but with the amount of times she’s said it, I can’t help but to believe otherwise.
The last few months have been rough, the car is under her name, so I’m constantly asking if I can use her car for work since my truck is old and a gas guzzler, I’m still overweight, I have -100$ to my name until my next paycheck (bills all paid) and I think I watch more porn than I should. In short, I’m a loser.
But regardless, I’m not scared anymore. No matter what, I just have to keep working. I found a job that pays well. I’m gonna work to buy a used car, and I have to reinstate my gym membership. and finally, I need to either plan to live in a car or get my own place.
Thing’s haven’t been good since my last comment, but as long as I still have my daughter, I’ll continue working my ass off. Hopefully one day everything will have been worth it
Breakups hurt but breakup with a narcissist totally kills your self esteem
Yup
What you mean?
So true
I feel so heartbroken rn 🥺 it's the worst feeling in the world. There is no pain worse than to lose the one you thought was the one
SOOOO true !
Currently feeling it
Decided to get into a relationship after 5 years of being single and 7 months later it feels like i’m back to the same place i was 5 years ago. So heartbroken 😔
Bless you 💕 i am so sorry to read this... 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 take good care of yourself.
hey, how are you doing so far ? i've also been cheated on and dumped by my gf which was also my best friend and partner... im heartbroken for almost half an year and it doesnt seem to go away. it got better, im no longer physically ill, but the memories haunt me and i fear i will never be well again... i miss her so much but what she did.. i just dont know how to deal with it. we were so close and such good friends, i still dont understand why or how it could happen.. people just tell me thats life and i have to find a way to deal with it but, despite making progress, i feel like the abyss is calling and theres a very, very thin line between the struggle to keep going and the will to let it all go and just give up on life... she ment everything to me.
I had an abortive relationship that led to my getting severe depression. I'm never letting myself become so attached to someone again (though I'm probably too old for affairs of the heart now!).
How are you mate?
Same.
Try this, it will really help you cope with anything traumatic you have experienced or are going through.
Try doing something creative in relation to the person you've broke up with/the bad experience or the emotions you're feeling.
Draw a picture, paint or write a song (even if you don't think you're good at any of that, this is just about the process).
Something about the physical action of your brain processing these memories & feelings to accomplish something practical (rather than just experiencing them over and over again in your mind) seems to take the pain and negativity out of them.
How does someone go from planning a wedding with you to waking up one morning and say he loves me but we should break up cause I won't be happy with him if he keeps studying as he won't have time for me? This is something I actually supported him in and was happy he was enjoying his new course. Even though we were spending less time together I understood why and never mentioned it.
Edit: six months later he randomly comes to my house (formerly ours) with a lame excuse to give me something and first just starts some small talk with me but after an hour bursts out crying and says he misses me and is sorry for what he did. I've moved far on by this point and was actually working with a therapist to get over my absolute hatred of him and to start trying to trust men again. In fact while he was wimpering on my shoulder I had absolutely no empathy towards him and though I hugged him back as I'm not that vile, my face had a permanent scowl the whole time. He seems to want to work things out now but everything inside me is saying your love and trust for this person vanished the moment he told you 'love does not exist' the day he left you.
Nicole Coppini he’s lost his sense. Shake his view and show him how you see it and feel.
Terrible... I'm so sorry girl...
Love is always a HUGE risk in many cases not worth taking...
It took tons of pain to change me completely. Now I'm retired of all that nonsense, my trust in humanity is completely broken.
Never build with a man. Once they find better they will dump us.
He might use it as an excuse and not being brave enough to say the truth.
Yeah sorry but thats not the truth
I guess if you have truly loved someone with all your heart then it's almost impossible to get over it. It leaves a big void forever.
How are you now
@@cashpower3365 the void is still there.. living everyday with all those memories is the hardest part. Everything reminds of that person, every minute every day... But life goes on....
But its also kind of beautiful as time goes on. Its something to be grateful for and cherish and keep with you forever, like we do for our loved ones who have died. It is a death afterall. Its all in how you choose to move on from it i guess.
@@show_me_your_kitties you wrote that so beautifully. isn't it amazing how a slight change in our perception can make a huge difference in our mental and emotional health.
May lord give strength to all those people with innocence and pure heart who were devastated and heartbroken when the person they trusted the most cheats them
@@vikat99amen 🙏
4 years later and I still think about her most days. She was my soul mate. Nobody since has come close. Beginning to accept that it’s just how life is gonna be. Simply not as good as it was. That’s hard to get my head around.
I know how you feel mate . I broke up 2yrs ago but never been able to connect with anyone like I did with her . But like you said . That’s life , you don’t always get what you want
Damn man you are glowingly handsome and vibrant. You can't be out in the world unsatisfied, I won't accept it.. cause fuck man if so what hope is out there for young men? 💔
This is a perspective I don't see enough! It kind of annoys me that people always say you'll meet someone better when that just may not be reality. It this person lit up your life like no one ever before then it's hard to imagine a connection like that again. Ugh the pain.
My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. This is my first breakup and I have never been so sad or lost as I am now. I can’t sleep and cry at night. I thought he was the one. We were supposed to see JBP’s speaking tour later this year. I need his wisdom now; this comment section has been very insightful. Wishing everyone with a broken heart all the best.
I’m so sorry to read that. I know exactly how you feel. That was when I figured out how to deal with the feelings and the Voice in my head. You can actually hack your mind to heal by saying “Thank you” 👉 Feel free to watch my video where I explain how: ua-cam.com/video/faS7_foabpE/v-deo.html 💛
Wishing you all the best and a fast recovery from your heartbreak. 🍀💕
A lot of life is about managing heartbreaks and finding strength and reinventing ourselves… your comment is from a year ago… hope all is groovy with you and you upgraded to better circumstances. Being sad sucks but its just a season. … a rebuilding season. Whenever a relationship ended for me I always told myself that it was just training for something better.
a group of friends we are and we ve decided to do the following over the last years since before the pandemic we had we ve stopped entirely with dating efforts and decided to see things developing naturally so to speak - but there we are, we stopped chasing entirely. thats it
Tell me things get better 2 years on. I’m going through what you went through today
I'm glad I'm not the only one who came here after a break up. What a gnarly feeling that shit gives you.
I got broke up with last night. This shit feels rough.
It’s 3 am. I’m in tears reeling from the pain of an on and off long distance relationship on the precipice of a final break up. On top of that, I’m living through past traumas triggered by this. My gut is in knots, my chest is tight and heavy. My body hurts and keeps count. He is the source of my pain and pleasure, cortisol and oxytocin. My insecure attachment is prompting me to pull and grasp at the straws. But he is cold, distant, and indifferent towards my neediness and desperation. I’m grieving the death of a future yet again. God, please comfort and mend me and everyone reading this. Reassure us of your enduring, faithful, all encompassing love and affection for us. They cannot cherish and guard our hearts, only you can.
Edit: I will come back and update you on my recovery in a year. All of us in the comments section are really going through it.
The comment that best translates my feelings I've seen under this video. I'm dying for his care, compassion and love. But he prefers to leave after 4 years. I can't blame him, he can do whatever he wants to do. I can't hold him or decide for him. When the sound of all these logical thoughts goes away, I turn into a little girl in pain. A lonely girl who has lost the love of her life, her future husband, and perhaps the father of her future children. It's been a month since we broke up, but I still can't accept it sometimes. It feels like hell not to be able to kiss his lips again, never be able to make love to him again. But the worst part about it all is knowing that he doesn't share the same feelings. It hurts. I really miss him.
it feels like hell, so heart aching....
can you discuss something more that would be most grateful.
Good luck
Hey, I'm right there with you. It you need anything or have recommendations in all ears (or eyes)
It’s been a month how are you feeling? I’m going through a similar situation.
After 3 years she broke up with me and I realized how fucked the relationship has been the last year. I had a chance to get back but I stood up for my self. My transition from beta to alpha. It hurts deep inside that we’re completely done now. I miss our memories. But I’m also proud of myself because I stood up for what I believe in.
Wtf is alpha beta shit
What happend though
Your transition from beta to alpha, cringe...
I had the burden of calling it off with a girl I still loved. I knew we weren’t happy and things were just getting worse. Partly some personal faults and the fact we couldn’t have productive/healthy arguments and discussions.
I have done my best to implement Mr. Peterson’s teachings and beliefs over the last 6 years. I’m always touched by the things he teaches us and talks about.
I struggle with successfully implementing a lot of his teachings to relationships. I have reflected on the last three relationships and myself. Each time I’ve tried to change/improve where I see necessary.
I’m hurt that communication has been the major pitfall of all three. The best way I can explain it is the person acts as if they are striving to win. I make my points clear, listen, and lightly attempt to make suggestions. I haven’t fully reflected on this one yet. We managed to part on better terms. A lot of factors could apply to that, but I’m trying to be strong. I’m about thirty and I’m fighting off a lot of negative thoughts about my life. I hope I can be confident and move forward without too much thinking and searching for imperfections in myself.
Love's life true love never die, i know a great and powerful healer that can help you get back your ex or crush forever within 48hours without delay, he helped me too immediately.
Text him on what'sApp
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I’m 28. Every relationship I’ve been in the other persons walked away. It’s hard not to keep searching for the imperfections when you feel like something must be wrong with you when everyone runs away. I wish I could find a cure for this bottomless pot of loneliness cause opening up and getting hurt makes it worse but seclusion doesn’t help either 🤦♂️
I am going through something very similar at the moment and I hope you're doing alright now that some time has passed. Communication is so important and you just have to try your best. You can never know everything and you can't change others, especially if you love them. Try to be strong and honest with yourself.
I never really felt lonely until I got my heartbroken. We've been apart for nearly 2 years and she is seriously dating someone new. I am super happy for her but honestly it does hurt badly deep down.
I've never found the strength to put myself back out there and I am jealous she was able to move on to feel these feelings with someone else. It's the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I love really hard and it doesn't go easy.
I know I just have to keep that faith that eventually I'll find a person that makes me feel special from day 1 and treats me with respect and kindness. Deep down I know it is worth fighting for.
Thank you for this Jordan.
Same. Just found out they had a baby a couple months ago. It’s over
If they hadn’t taken time to heal from the past relationship you had,depending on how emotionally invested they were,it’ll eventually catch up to them coz they’ll repeat the same mistakes that got you guys to breaking up bcoz they’re just trying to run away from being alone and dealing with the emotions that come after a break up by being with someone else !!!
Alot of people out there hate themselves and have hollow hearts but try to fill in those gaps by using other people which will always be detrimental for them and the people they use
a group of friends we are and we ve decided to do the following over the last years since before the pandemic we had we ve stopped entirely with dating efforts and decided to see things developing naturally so to speak - but there we are, we stopped chasing entirely. thats it
I'm devastated...
Like someone just shot me...
So far, I've been 5 times in my life in this situation... anytime I snap out of it, it was because a new person came in my life... I believed that maybe I should open again and try... I only ended up completely destroyed just like right now... the next time when a guy comes in my way I'll immediately cut off cuz my trust in "there is someone better out there" is completely destroyed just like my heart. It's not worth it. Now it's time to have that looooong and painful recovery...oh I'm so sick of this...
you and me girl...we need to meet
@@EdwardGFunk thanks for reaching out.
You're a woman right?
no i'm a guy that is living what you're going through.... Listen i'm probably halfway across the world so don't freak out here.... Conversation is good
@@EdwardGFunk ok man...
Hey... sorry for your pain...
How long are you dealing with this, is it recent? Take care man
Hey, here's some advice if you want to listen. By your comment, i can see that you just fill the hole in your heart with someone new. You did not properly heal your heart before finding someone new. I suggest that you close your heart to everyone at the moment. You need to be able to live with yourself and not need someone to feel whole. Find a hobby, workout, read books. You need to be comfortable with who you are and not seek approval from others. Love yourself before you love others. Someone better is out there for sure. But he can wait. You need to focus on being someone better too. Improve yourself. Give yourself time to heal and become the best version of yourself. Once your heart is healed, and you decide to let someone in again, ask yourself this. "Can i live without this person in my life?" if the answer is yes, go and be with them. If not, then you still need to work on not being dependant on another person to live your life happily.
She broke up with me 8hours ago but listening to JP was a good joice
1 and a half hours ago, I still have a terrible headache because of it, but same
@Sam Farza Thank you for your advice, I work out regularly, but I stopped since the quarentine. I feel a bit better after sleeping, but I know it's just me not accepting what's going on. Still I'll try not to fall into a negative loop, and let everything else fall apart with my relationship.
Snapper ! I know of a man that can help you bring him back
@@joytracy505 bring who back?
Snapper ! a man help me bring back my ex after twenty four hours
Ok, now I get it! How to get over a breakup fast? *H Y P O T H A L A M U S*
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope is not lost.
Text him on what's app
@@jaspermelanie7855 - We need a SPAM serial killer.
@@bigneiltoo 🤣
LOL Yes, Just knowing about the hypothalamus made me get over my break up fast. NOT
I got dumped but im happy the worst version of myself was the one getting dumped and now im able to use my breakup as a breakthrough to reinvent myself not to win her back but so i can become a better individual. If its meant to be, that person will come to you, dont go chasing someone that dumped you.
All the time I spent moping around when girls played with me and left I realized one thing. When you do the dumping the healing process is fast, when they do its brings you down hard for weeks, months and even years. When you love them more than they love you it takes longer. I remember running whenever they called and thought I was doing the right thing until it became boring or something like that. The truth is never give 100% of your love, save 40% for yourself and dont feel bad saying no sometimes. Doesnt mean you need to cheat and be the bad guy but always have another hobby or a group of friends that she doesnt need to be involved in. When you give everything you lose everything. You can still be a good guy but not always the nice guy. Years later I realized they weren't worth it and I wasted precious time I cant get back. Be wise in your choices and that goes both ways. Find someone who loves you equally and not just by saying the words. I believe all you heartbroken souls work it out and become wiser from your individual stories. We all need love and companionship, I hope you all find it.
This was 20 years ago. I've been married for 15. I made this comment based on my experiences as a teenager to young man. The point is there is plenty of fish in the sea. Don't waste time with people who don't show the same effort. I'm happy you made it work with your ex. In my case I found the right woman and I'm happy now. Thanks for the comment.
@@raymondriggio7131 you replied to a Bot 🤖 dude..
In any case thank you for your write up, it was painful to read because I’ve just lost 7 years and been dumped after giving everything. I feel devastated. I thought being nice would mean they’d love me equally but instead she just lost respect for me and cheated on me instead. She wanted me to be in an open relationship- so I said no and decided to walk away. We just got engaged too. I feel sick
@@sunnyrana4248 sorry to hear this my friend, you do seem like a good person and maybe now it's time to focus on you, the initial days after the breakup will be tough, after that goes away you will realize your better off, takes alot of courage to do what you did and having morals and values makes you a keeper. You regret it now but in the future you will consider it a blessing, wish you luck my friend, be strong hang out with loved ones and move on. I hope you learn from these moments and next time around be a little more selfish. Much respect and thank for reaching out bud. I appreciate you
I was in a relationship and went through a breakup where there was an obvious discernment that I was Much more conciencous and of a higher intellect. The breakup literally left me disassociated and was the first snap showing I can’t perfectly regulate and stay in control of myself to stay centered. Blessed to have had a relationship and experience it but feeling lost was heartbreaking. Wouldn’t change it for the world but I’ve been hesitant for a long time to consider going through one again. Hearing the concept/idea of discernible differences so planet put makes me feel wiser from hearing it and might become the difference needed to choose a suitable person to invest my heart into in the future. Brilliant ty
It's been 3 years since we broke up, I thought I had moved on. Saw her in the streets today for the first time since the breakup. Hurt a lot, ngl. But despite the pain, I know I deserve to be happy
Love's life i know a powerful healer who can help you restore back your broken relationship and marriage without delay
Text him via Whatsapp
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I hope you are doing better I know how hard it is ...
Deal with it, or it’ll deal with you.
Feel everything and be thankful you feel it, for it only makes you stronger.
There’s always a lesson in the loss, and with the lesson comes the understanding that it was never a loss, but a huge gain.
Understand that those you lose, you lose because you refused to lower your standards. Always honour yourself with the utmost self-respect.
We live, we love, we lose, we learn, we gain. What will be will be and what was, now simply isn’t ;)
Anyone reading this who’s going through it right now, just know you’re not alone and you always reap what you sow, everyone get their karma, good and bad, just stay on the side of good, seek no revenge in anyway.
And if you’re committed to an ex responsibly through a child you both had together, then make sure you’re always there for your bloodline to guide, raise, love and protect! But you owe nothing to your ex except to be a good parent..
Warrior mindset
Are you Heartbroken, depressed? Don't worry I know of a powerful man who can get your ex back to you , he restored back my broken relationship. He's capable to help you too.
Wh'atsapp him
"Understand that those you lose, you lose because you refused to lower your standards. Always honour yourself with the utmost self-respect"
This phrase will be stuck in my head everytime I start feeling that I miss her. I'm the one who decided to break up, and I know it was the right decision, although not the easy one. Thanks a lot!
@@miguels.b.2749 2 years later and I still miss her, but I know better.
It’s too easy to give in to our emotions thus acting upon them, the real challenge is staying true to yourself, for yourself, by yourself - in all aspects of life.
Keep a level head and strive beyond greatness, Miguel.
All power to you, and god bless, my friend!
@@jt0094 thanks a lot for all your kind words, brother.
I just learned that it's better to be grateful for the good experiences and be thankful for the good memories that we had instead of just focusing on the pain. We must learn from our mistakes, and strive to become better men.
Stay strong my friend, I'm with fresh wounds, it's been less than a week, but slowly I'm starting to comprehend that whatever happens always happens for a reason.
Keep your head up, always. You're not alone in this path.
Yep, I was cheated on by my ex just before I was going to propose to her in the fourth year of our relationship. I've been tearing myself apart. Her new boyfriend is a therapist who met us both and used 'love languages' and the big five to try and break us apart. He's a total shit of a human being
@T R you've been blessed you didnt marry her. You're hurt now but you will see that she doesnt deserve you and that she is completly responsible of the betrayal. If it wasnt with the therapist she would have cheat with someone else. When you really love someone you dont cheat, what ever happen. If someone try to flirt/ seduce you then you step back and stop this person. She didnt, so she is in my opinion more trashy than the therapist who you said played game to get you split. Be strong and dont look back she doesnt deserve you and I pray you will find soon true love. I've been cheated on by the man i was engaged to so I know how this shit hurts. I never forgive him because cheating is the highest form of disrespect.
Hypergamy my friend, a heart breaking fact for a man to learn and swallow. He was a more valuable resource in her eyes, that's it. I'm sure you gave her oodles love and affection, but that don't matter shit to a woman who sets her sights on a more superior male ( to her ) and their minds are made up. Move on, time will heal, value your worth and make the next one work for your heart. Take care.
If you dont go break his legs, you're a massive pussy.
@@jaymcd8577 important to realise she'll likely do it to him as well when she sees cracks in her illusion of him and starts looking elsewhere again.
@@poface4827 true, we need to start confronting women head on. Shit test THEM at the gate. I'd recommend an excellent book called 'the tactical guide to women'
Needed this right now
Recently had my bf dump me. On and off we had such awkwardness between us, other times it was as if we were made for each other.
I shed so many tears the last year, but I felt like we connected like never before as well. It was a mixture of such pain and such goodness and hope. But, I knew in my gut we couldn't work. Too many negatives with a positive and it just because we are too different. I tried my hardest to make it work, but we can't force someone to fulfill our wants.
It's the hardest when you love someone but know you can be together because you are incompatible.
Hello dear, true love never die don't give up anything in life all hope is not lost
I know a powerful man that can help you get your ex back he helped me too immediately without stress and delay
Text him on what'sa pp.
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That last sentence yes, so true. I had to let this guy I love so much guy because I know we won{t work long'term. It is so hard. Sometimes I want to call him and see him but that would put me back to square one. He lied to me twice )that I know of and now the trust is gone.
My girl just told me she is leaving me. Still not able to sleep second day now. Where did we go wrong? Why didn't I listen as much. It's weird how you can hate something but love it so much at the same time
It's hard to trust anyone anymore.
@OGA abubakar ibrahim k cool scammer
Got dumped a few hours ago. Been crying all week expecting it the way he was saying absolutely nothing to me. In a way I’m sort of relieved of not having to fight anymore for someone who can’t put the same skin in the game. Just thanked him and that was it.
Love is just an unconscious decision to risk your whole damn identity in order to get the same feeling back from the other person, to have them and live happily....
That's what I think
Hi, get anyone you love or (SP) attracted to you. And also get your EX back coming to you begging you for a second chance through the help of Dr Steve, he helped me restore my 5 years broken relationship. Also Dr Steve always keep up with his words, I will advise you seek his help thanks.
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I can introduce you to the same Relationship Restorer who was able to reunite me and my ex back together And it works very fast, he can help your to get back with your specific person
It takes time but you must realize your chapter is over and have to move forward it might hurt it does but eventually you will be happy again
i know i’m going through it when i come back to peterson. i always come to him in hardship. his content is so good
Thank you for uploading. I needed this perspective of dr Peterson right now
I’m 17 years old right now, going into college next year and I have a girlfriend of 8 months right now. We’ve known eachother since elementary school and fell in love with eachother last summer. Over the course of the 8 months we’ve learned each and every thing there is to know about eachother. Our future plans don’t align with one another and we’ve talked about it. She wants to study abroad and travel the world… alone. I want the same thing but with her along my side. Along with this, we simply don’t see eye to eye on certain ethics or political views. It’s a complicated road to navigate. Knowing both of you still love eachother but realizing some morals simply don’t align can cause catastrophic consequences in the future. I’m scared of breaking up with her. Terrified. I love her. She loves me. That’s why we haven’t ended things. But deep down we both know there is someone out there better for both of us, we are simply too scared to end things which will result in heartbreak.
Courage
Shes for the streets mate
You need to end it mate. Those incompatible things will grow over time, trust me, an internet user you don't know.
Thank you all guys. Thank u all. What a hard fucking time man. I wish I could forget everything like in Man in Black. Reading this comment section has helped me a lot. Thanks guys, thanks Jordan.
Just got out of a 5y relationship and it’s the worst feeling someone could imagine I really needed this thank you for this video and all of these comments
I’m realizing today that
I can never forget it or move on
It’s being okay with what happened and eager to move forward and ready to be myself again
stressed, get half way through and im fine. save the second half if i get stressed again. its nuts how he helps us
i've been in a relationship for the first time in my life and it was a feeling of glee like no other. we complemented each other so well despite having many differences, like yin and yang in a way. we would talk for 5 hours on end about castles in the air but it never felt like a waste of time. because our outlook on life was so different, we had to go into our separate paths. i still grieve because i know it will never be that perfect again.
I had similar feeling about my broke up. We were different from each other but still we were really well conected. Cant even tell what went wrong, we had pretty healthy relationship, but she just left me from day to day and it felt like huge part of me gone away. So many questions but I dont have answers. Do you feeling better right now?
i'm really sorry about the things that happened between you two. as for me, it hasn't improved in a meaningful way. i still feel like something vital is missing from my life. i can somehow manage but whenever i'm reminded of a memory i feel lost again. i think i can't fix it beyond this point.
I'm feeling the exact same at the moment, guys. Know that many people do. We all respect your pain since we now how it feels - you're not alone.
@@angelphetamine stay strong, if you want to talk about your experience im open to it, some things we are just unable to control so we have to mainly focus on things that we can control in our lives
I left my x after 40 year marriage . It took me over 10 years to get over it . I am finally happy and understand it had nothing to do with me. I was in a trauma bond which can destroy you. I understand now
I broke up with my ex 2 months ago aswell. After 13.5 years i feel like im dying. Im trauma bonded also i cant sleep lost 1.5 stone struggling to work no contact is killing me
I'm dealing with a break up now. She was my first love. We shared so much about ourselves. We learned so much about one another. We created a strong bond. She met my family and I met hers. We had intellectual conversations. We supported each others dreams and careers. We laughed a lot, we went on adventures. Just everything man. She felt like a soulmate. I fell in love when I first saw her. She was a good girlfriend and best friend. It sucks that it all had to come to an end. She felt that although we were attracted to each other and had great chemistry we just weren't for each other. We weren't compatible. Didn't see our relationship being long term. So she decided to break up. She was a special one just hurts to let her go. I'm heart broken and have been dealing with it for a few weeks now. This is tough. I've already gotten past the crying stage but still healing. I can't get her off my mind. Nothing works. I wish we could have worked it out. I fought hard for us to work and failed miserably.
How are you doing now my man? Truly hoping that some of your pain has subsided.
im in your position right now bro
same here bro
This is very similar to that what I felt and had with my ex. It’s been nearly a year since she broke up with me and I still think about her every freakin day. Sometimes I still feel the heartbreake like Jordan said because it kinda traumatized me when she left me. What I learned is that this feeling will not go away fully. I don’t miss her, but the feelings that I had with her.
We need to stay strong and work on our life’s to fill the empty that’s inside of us. It’s totally okay to cry and feel those emotions, sometimes pain is a good motivator to make us better for the next experience and maybe the next love
Love from Germany ❤
Was about to type in a virtually similar comment. Yet, here is someone else who’s gone through the exact same thing as me word for word. What sucks is the meticulous organised caring and planning to make it work and believing it to be getting better and better only for it to suddenly end. Earth shattering.
The beginning made me cry, it is exactly how I feel...
i'm in this video, after a betrayal by a friend, struggling to breath and my chest hurting while tears stream down my face. i couldn't get over this for so long and finally dr peterson helped me drag out the monster inside the dark and purify it... god bless this man.
I want to give my advice to people suffering from break up, not as a phsychologist but as a mature and experience woman, who has her own way to understand the human psychology. If you had a break-up, it has happened for a REASON. Never underestimate this reason and hang on it. I agree with one of the comment-makers: you should not supress your feelings, tears etc. and never ever bother the person, who has broken up with you. But start to analyse the situation as seriously and as deeply as you can. Make clear for yourself, which reasons made you uncompatible with the person you broke up with. Doing this explain yourself, that this person and you would be in fact an unhappy couple and suffer much more, if you would stay together. Prove this to yourself, write this down, repeat reading and completing the list of the reasons again and again, until you deeply understand, admit and memorise it. Once you achieve your goal, you will feel peace inside yourself. You will understand that your break-up was reasonable, correct and fair. It save you from being unhappy and gave you a chance to become happy, happy with someone, with who you won't have such reasons for break-up, someone, with who you share mutual love, someone, with who you can be truely happy. Trust me, the key is analysing the situation. Ignoring the problem and doing other things like finding immedeately someone else is a strategy, which is practiced mostly by men and keeps the wounds there where they are. This wounds don't get cured and make their presence noticable at a later stage. This is the reason, whiy my three ex-boyfriends are still suffering for me, while I have overcomed the break-up. I need to confess, now I am in a similar situation. I am in love with a guy, who is actually a player and who I have expcluded from my life for being so unserious. I hope that my old strategy will work also this time. It will be funny, if this man starts to run after me after I cure myself. It will be funny but also very sad for him, because I never accept a betrayer back...
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My husband just left me for a trans woman after being together for 15 years. I found the burner phone and it all came out. I have never felt a more unimaginable pain. I am watching this while I sob and scream. I haven’t eaten in 4 days. I may not survive.
Be strong!
We all have to survive ! These acts have purpose ! Believe in god
@@aloo_ka_parathabelief in God’s plan is the only thing I have left. Thank you 4 replying.
I’m 63, my husband is 55. Together for 34 years, married for 27. He has been having a relationship with a 19 year old. We have been disconnected for years and I suspected an affair 4 years ago, but had no proof. I’m beyond heartbroken, despite our difficulties and I don’t know how I’ll get through this. I realise I never really knew him and I cannot understand how a 55 year old man can not realise that it’s sick to date a teenager. The rest of his journey is now in his own hands and I’ll trust God to help me through mine.
@@carolegrant5668 that's so sick ! This is me 24 years old ... I have not enough experience to advice you on this , only thing i will say trust god ! You are gorgeous !
Basically after a relationship with a narcissist take all the challenges he describes times 1000!
Thank you!
W8, so where’s the part about getting over a breakup? Lol
Good question
Exactly
Everywhere... Duh
To use your brain ,don’t waste time just move on.When we can’t get over we are like that cat who is killed by the curiosity but it’s a waste of time.learn from the pain.
The whole idea is mindset. Mindset gets you over the breakup.
There is no way for me, it's been 8 years and it still reduces me to tears. Can't find anyone else and all I can remember is wanting to be in her arms for the rest of my life. Of course it's only a temporary feeling, but the inability I have to find anyone else even remotely as worthwhile as her just keeps returning to haunt me.
So well expressed. I'm sorry for your pain. I think this is the perspective we don't hear enough! Everyone's always saying we'll meet someone better, but those of us who had a deep and compatible love unlike any other in our life, may struggle. All we can do is self care because something that's helped me is this: if you thought your person was magic, then it takes two people to really create magic. That means you, too, are magic. Take care.
I know everyone here is probably in grief for the failed relationship. I hope the best for all of you In future relationships.
Said so: Does anyone have a link to the video of the DNA repairing itself?
ua-cam.com/video/fkjwL6gnvoA/v-deo.html
I'm looking for it too!!!
ua-cam.com/video/fkjwL6gnvoA/v-deo.html
Broke up due to long distance mainly, so there was no temperamental clash. Makes it much harder to move on, knowing that my five-year relationship was actually pretty solid.
Me to only an hour away but covid and she got a dog which distracted her from me, sucks.
@@IntoMotivate bro just a dog 🤦♀
Distance kills fake love and shows you what’s real!
The guilt, self condemnation and the unhealthy obsession of how she can instantly move on cuts so deep.
Don't develop the habit of distracting yourself, that only suppresses and 'postpones' the pain. Just because you feel good or don't feel terrible doesn't mean you have healed. There is no healing without going through the pain. Feel it all, man. Don't buy into the misleading notion that men don't cry. We too have tear glands and emotions; let it all out.
Remember, even if you had done things differently, it's no guarantee that you would still be together. I'm writing this while going through my own deep pain. It does get better, even if your mind can't presently see it. Grieve well and may God strengthen you to go through it and come out better, wiser, stronger and more resilient to face tougher situations. Peace...
I broke down in tears as he explained everything. I’m currently at 6:52 and had to pause it. It was too much. He explained every little thing that’s been going through my head to a T, painting a picture just like he said. It was overwhelmingly accurate. Wow.
Was hoping to see the video he talked about, the DNA repairing thing… Great talk and totally identified.
Same here. Am hoping to find a link to this dna video he said is so cool.
Broke up yesterday, she caught me by surprise as I was not expecting that but she had her reasons and instead of solving them together she decided to Break up with me. I had a similar mindset Prof. Jordan mentioned at the beginning but this video helped me more than I expected 🙏🏻
I saw my girl with a man shirtless in her bedroom through the blinds. IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY NIGHT. BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT EVER🎉
I think his best moments are when he is lecturing. Whether you like or dislike him,he has charisma,and poetic flow which has you listening intently.
This didn't really help me at all. This was sort of like someone getting shot in the dick and someone else explaining that the pain you are suffering as you are bleeding out is because we have pain receptors and blood flow.
Because you didn't listen, your interpretation is completely incorrect.
He first went over what commonly happens to people after their relationship ends. Then he explains why people have a lack of self worth after relationships, and why that lack of self worth is incorrect. Then he explains where the trauma from a ended relationship comes from. Then he explains the role conflicting personality traits have in bad relationships.
He then explains that this can all be extremely helpful if you come to terms with the true reason your relationship failed because if you can do that, half the battle is gone, and your self worth isn't dead.
@@TylerKline69 and also how your dna can repair itself after the trauma and your cat could get his whole brain remove except hypothalamus and would still be able to function.
@@larsulle3842 😂 ✅
hahahahaha
My relationship broke more than 18 months ago, and instead of healing, I lost all control of my thoughts. It's not that I _can't_ go on, I lost all sense of purpose, and I don't _want_ to go on. Loneliness, in the wrong circumstance and with the wrong personality type, is a killer.
feeling this very same thing right now
the breakup ended me, now I am just on auto-pilot
I feel as if I am waiting for something, I do not know what, perhaps death or idk
it couldn’t have been that good💀
It wasn't, absolutely not. Witness that I said "with the wrong personality type". For borderliners and trauma bonders a relationship isn't defined by how much joy it brings, it is defined by how much it fills the empty holes in their psyche.
Bro, please find a doctor. A Psychiatrist. It will help you a lot. Don't get lost in the dark. There's life after it.
Girlfriend and I of 5 years broke up 3 months ago. My first love so it really hurts badly. It was a mutual decision to break up but we still live together which makes it very hard to get over her. Staying busy and leaning on friends and family is very helpful.
My 7 year relationship just ended and it feels like I fell off a cliff and don’t even recognise myself anymore. Love her still to the moon and back. She’s closed the option to repair the issues.
Can only do one day at a time, god it’s hard😢
I’ve been crying everyday the last week thank you professor.
Hello Mr John He can recover your relationship back
Text him on wha'txpp
+ 4 4 7 4 1 8 3 2 9 7 8 5
I sent this to a friend who asked for a book to read about healing from neglectful relationships. Besides sending a couple books I also sent this. So awesome.
From last 8 years my day started and ended with that name. My one and only relationship ... It's not that simple to carry on with life after this
hello do you need help on how to get your ex back or restore someone you love
there is a love specialist who helped me get my ex back after 2years of divorce
07046715955
I was used as a rebound with out knowing for 9 months. I also experienced hardest times in my life and i bond with her emotionally. Just to suddenly find out 3 months ago , she wants to end things because she doesnt feel anything for me and went back to her ex.
All the lovebombing she did was a lie.
Sometimes life sucks and it sucks you dry.
Same thing happened with me bro! These bitches are fucking narcissists, they drain all the energy off you. I hope you're doing fine now?
@@10imbahashimgulzar75 thanks for asking mate. Im doing okay , nothing new from above. Im sorry you went through this also best thing you can do is take some time off , invest in your self and enjoy life.
@@steffot8468 I'm taking time off from all this stuff and focusing on my career, my ex still tries to direct indirect contact with me which i ofcourse ignore but that brings all the pain back. Its been 7 months since my BU and no contact.
In this situation I'm the ex that she goes back to after the 9 months, and it also hurts as much for everyone. The woman is conflicted, the ex is hurting, and the rebounds having a good time, until the boom is dropped.
But how do I know she is coming back to me, how do I get that certainty, already we are in a long distance relationship, which is a much recent thing. We have been in the same city for 6 years and the long distance thing began in June 2020. I was the toxic one in the relationship, but have been working it out and seen some progress, but this time she had just too much. But we managed to work things out at some point, although she is seeing this new guy, but she also still comes to visit me, and I'm now the side dude, which scares the crap out of me. The mere possibility that I stand a great chance at losing her just crushes my spirit, and also being the one who led her to being in another relationship crushes .y spirit as much. But my main objective now is to be there until this whole thing blows over, the most scary part is that the new guy has a gun, and I just wish it don't get too far this thing. Love is really messy at times, or mostly
@@steffot8468 Hey man, are you doing better?
saw this two months ago thinking i would never need this. welp here i am 😔
Its really just not worth trying to connect with anyone these days. As soon as you open your heart to the concept of a relationship with someone, thats when the other person can do the most damage.
6:21 “great artists remind you that there’s more to things than you see now that you’ve learned to ignore them.”
I pretty much wound up doing everything outlined in the former bit of this video, and I now know pretty much exactly where I went wrong and what things I did stupidly in just about every important event. However what you've outlined, here and in plenty of other videos predominantly covering atonement, which stated that once you're smart enough to know where you went wrong and how to not do that again, you can stop torturing yourself, well I've found once those are done I'm filled with a crippling longing for the former person
I had a similar experience a number of years ago. Luckily I came across some information about Imago. It was very helpful to me, so thought I'd share. I hope it helps. Take care and best of luck
She broke up with me tonight, and it's tearing me apart. I can't fathom the pain. I need this.
:(
Are you doing better?
@@su2sa1li4 im actually doing worse. I found out later that she had been with another man during the time she broke up with me, and God knows for how long it went on. I felt betrayed and sick to my stomach. But it takes time to heal. Thank you for the concern
@@njmusica and this too
ua-cam.com/video/xtNbNFQrXb0/v-deo.html
@@njmusicaJesus Christ man! That kind of betrayal never really goes away.
Was in a 10 year relationship and had two children. It’s been almost a year later and I’m suffering from depression. I’m learning to keep my mind busy and focus on my studies. This isn’t easy but it’s a start
I feel you brother Keep going !
Good work, remember to share ur love
Broke up about a week ago from my girlfriend of two years. Definitely going to be taking this video to heart
It's the imaginary pressure, but feels real. It's never being at peace. It's the conditioning, finding yourself alone, because I went down a path with someone who abused me constantly, and I found myself at the end of it all, apologizing to my being for staying so long. "Little and often make much"
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my UA-cam channel 6 months ago about self development. Now I have 382 subs and > 100 hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I couldn’t have learned without getting started in the 1st place.
80,000,000 snakes all at the same time is like "forget it!". The first time I've laughed since being dumped
Hope you have got over now 😊
(sophomore male in highschool) My best friend girl of whom I had a crush on (no intention to date, I just find her attractive) liked this other guy, and I found it uncomfortable that she invited him to our lunch table. Well, I told her all this and she basically said "I need some space" "I need some room to think, idk what I want right now", and basically decided to eliminate me from her life in a matter of about 2 hours
We've been friends for about a year, very close, and its been 3 days since she said all this. But thanks for this video Dr. Peterson! It really does help, I hope I can get thru this
I’ve never been in this much pain, and Im really really hoping that I can use this to make myself better than ever. I don’t want to get overly depressed or suicidal.