My mother told me as a young man, "You don't know who your future wife is yet, but you're going to love her so much that you'll want her to be the only one." Thankfully, I listened.
When my wife and I were dating, a friend pointed out that the more physical the relationship becomes, the less you try to get to know and understand the person. It is so true!
45 years of marital bliss! We were both 27 and married in 1975 after a six-month courtship. Our daughter came in 1976 and our son was born in 1978. Two children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson are spreading the joy! We waited until our wedding night to become intimate. Wow, what a night! Waiting was hard but we wanted to become intellectually bonded before becoming physically bound. Our honeymoon was the kick-off for a truly happy life together. We knew what we wanted in life before the wedding, and we were then able to live the dream! Know your mate-to-be well before living together and be happy for a lifetime. It's worth the wait! My sweetheart died in 2020 from cancer. I miss her so much; but I thank God for nearly half a century of happiness together. Nothing in life can be better that a truly happy marriage.
Exactly right - sex is a bonding mechanism. If done pre marriage it can gloss over relationship mechanics. What a couple should be doing is building relationship skills such as communication, insted of a focus on "good" sex.. Also you both get to see each other's discipline if you wait till the wedding. This builds trust!
"Flawed as we both are, if we commit to each other we have the possibility of becoming more than we are and i'd like to do that with you" - Jordan B Peterson
How about not committing and become together more than you are anyway? Do we do this to our best friends? I want us to be BFF-s but you must promise you could never ever have another BFF or leave me for someone else you might love t,oo or even more than you love me. Humans try to force it and nature shows them over and over again that She has the last laugh.
In the Book of Enu, God claims that the man is of lesser status and value if he claims to only commit to one woman. God states that this man rationalizes his commitment by means of society tradition and states that this is the ultimate "cope." God made man to multiply with countless woman but he knew that some men would not have the status and value so he invented computers and encouraged women to be promiscuous so these low status men can simulate their biological design on the internet. And the willing entrapment of the man is the sincerest form of cuckoldry and failure. God looks at this kind of man with the sincerest form of sadness. I highly recommend reading Deretesius in the book. "I shall invent the internet so lonely men can simulate their sexual desires and needs in a safe space" - Deretesius 28:46
My father told me something I'll never forget: "If you have the try-before-you buy mentality, and think that you can always divorce him later, your marriage is already doomed." He was married for 46 years before he passed away from pneumonia. The longer time passed, the more I realized he was correct. I'm glad I listened.
Priceless words! Giving advice like that--he wasn't my father, but should have been. I'll take his advice anyway. Thank you for sharing. I will take his advice and cherish it, like the gem 💎 that it is. RIP, Papa.
Fair enough. But if you go into your relationships with the intent to marry I am hard pressed to think it matters if you move in beforehand or not. Before me and my wife were married we may as well been married after our first date. We didn't do that, because getting married has frustrating baggage outside of the devotion we didn't want to deal with until the timing made sense to do it.
@@aprilm4423 Here are other pieces of advice he gave me: "A man who truly loves you will wait" and "Never sacrifice your values for a man" and "A man matures when he hits 40, but 35 if you're very lucky. It takes a long time to gain that much experience to become mature." Again, he was correct on everything. He was often a goofy troublemaker, but deep down he was wise.
When I was married 55 years ago, I saw my wife as God's gift to me. One cannot return a gift from God. Still married. Best gift I ever received. She says the same.
True. People only need courtship. Date someone for as long as it takes to know them and fall in love with them, except no sleeping with them. However, people DO need to have a sense that NO ONE better could possibly come along when they make a commitment to marry. If that certainty doesn't exist, one should not make a commitment period. Yes, we would have a lot less marriage this way. but that's what it takes to have a fulfilling, quality forever marriage. Otherwise, people do the best they can with what's available (the majority), then lock in with "commitment" bc they know deep down that someone better suited could come along. The "commitment" is to annihilate/control that possibility but it doesn't work bc people will break a commitment for one they are unequivocally in love with.
Good. If you also choose each other in the presence of a third or fourth party whom you or H could love just as much, then that’s where the real test is. People confuse virtue for a lack of opportunity.
@roses6564 hmm I'm singleminded. It is possible to have options but how is it possible for anyone to love those options as much? When I accepted my husband's suit of courtship, I explicitly told my other suitors not to contact me since I am accepting someone's intentions. I think my acceptance meant I have made a decision to continue with a specific person. There shouldn't even be another option waiting on the wings. I expected the same with my husband. Had there any other girl he could love as much, then I'd be more than happy to send him on his merry way. I expected total devotion and nothing less.
... Hmm Really *Faith....* Faith is what caused you to *Eradicate* *AdolfShitler?* *Faith* is what cause the *Catholic* *to* *Eradicate* *all* *those* *hated* *by* *God?* While Faith is crucial to see thing is Positive light. *Its* *not* *necessary.* And I hear this... *Jordan* *Pete* *saying* *giving* *FELINE* *the* *right* *attention?* When it will be selling it when *It* *doesnt* *get* *ATTENTION...* While saying Ohhh *Skunk* *are* *PRONE* *to* *Negative* *Emotions* *and* *Men?* *Men* *have* *Guns.....* What is that suppose to mean?
Translation "You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith." *You* *dont* *commit* *because* *of* *Evidence* *You* *commit* *because* *of* *THE* *POSSIBILIY* *OF* *A* *HAPPY* *MARRIAGE...* Sooo what are you waiting for *Marry* *UP* *said* *1* *senator....* Pay off the Student Load, that it is never going to pay off by that *College* *Degree.* What is holding you up *from* *commit* *you* *Thy* *Faith?* Whats the matter, *Life* *flashing* *through* *your* *eyes?* *Marryup* *MarryUP* *MARRYUP!*
Yes, but... 1- Committing to the partner isn't the same as committing to a corrupt state. 2- Faith should be in the process of life, not in society's terms of engagement or the institutional stewardship of the authentic.
When my ex-wife divorced me and left the kids to go be with a married man she told me it was just a piece of paper. It blew my mind. 6 months after the divorce things didn't work out with the other guy and then she wanted back and suddenly valued marriage. I gave her a hard "no". Next time around I'm going to do a better job of finding somebody who has a history of upholding commitment.
*My wife in I are now in our mid 30s. We met as virgins in college.* Peers thought we were weird because we’re both fairly attractive but decided to wait until marriage for sex and also move in together. When you build that type of closeness before marriage, sex and enjoying living together is a bonus. 14 years together so far now with children and It’s been an awesome experience for us both; we wouldn’t exchange it for any dollar amount.
Sounds remarkable. How did you decide that you wanted to wait until marriage? We’re you raised religiously? Quite the departure from the prevailing culture these days.
In the Book of Enu, God states that any man who has mentioned sex in some statement when talking about the great benefits of a relationship with a woman was purely motivated by their sexual desires and rationalized by abstract and spiritual ones. God claims that men always do this and must do this to appeal to the woman's senses of trying to harbor an eternal slave for her offspring in the sense that she claims she is looking for a long and deep connection. Apothicus 26:9
It’s common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you’re ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way forward.
I’m facing significant relationship problems and can’t stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I’m ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.
@@user-el4cq5qg2jI want to say that, even if you are trying your everything to restore that connection, there are always 2 people in a relationship. The ultimate resort in a dysfunctional relationship is still to go separate ways, and it is just as respectable as the other solutions maybe tried before. Make sure, first and foremost, that you are safe and do not lose yourself over a relationship that did not work out sustainably (as sad and this may be).
I'm a 32 year old woman with traditional values. When I was 23, I had pretty much given up on ever finding a man who shared my values and beliefs, especially when it came to pre-marital sex and marriage. I am happy to report that after giving up, a man appeared in my life who was absolutely perfect. I met him while working at a church. We've been together for almost 10 years now, married for 5 and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. Sometimes you have to give up and focus on yourself before you can find the right person!
You say "focus on yourself", I think it's "Give up focusing on yourself and focus on God!" You WERE focusing entirely on yourself when imagining your dream man who'd share all your values. God waited until you let yourself go to give you what He wanted you to have.
@@evage99 I literally told God "I'm done. If you have someone for me, bring it on." I met my husband 3 months later. When I say focus on yourself, I just meant that I focused on my career, my interests, and my life. My interests include my relationship with God. 😊 Most people are to focused on "finding that person" that they lose who they are in the process.
I will never forget the scene when my grandfather - himself in a wheelchair with two amputated legs and seriously ill - fed my grandmother who was dying. For me it was the most impressive thing I've ever seen. The image of what commitment in marriage means. They have endured so much, into high age, and the love and commitment they gave to each other has impressed and touched me deeply and is a great role model for me. Jordan Peterson is right, it's not just a piece of paper. And the younger generation, which is "old-fashioned", they can learn a lot from their grandparents.
Yea. The line about the grandparents thing is completely accurate. You described it perfectly. My parents divorced so my grandparents relationship is the only healthy one I’ve really seen. I got to introduce them to my boyfriend and introduce him again as my fiancé. It makes me happy.
So you're saying he wouldn't have fed her had they not had a marriage contract from the gov and a vow uttered in front of a church rep ... that he will be there to feed her in old age? All of that had to be validated by society/law/church (social institutions)? Otherwise, he wouldn't have fed her? Hmmm....what if he had met another woman at some point, whom he loved even more than your grandmother, but since he loved your grandmother, he would have been there for her anyway to feed her in old age? Would that count? Are you sure he didn't? Men have lived parallel lives throughout history. If your grandparents had something so deep, they would have done it with or without the contract or "commitment." Life would have happened to them as they were destined to because they belonged. You're simply glamorizing bureaucracy, not love.
0:25: 🚫 There is evidence that cohabitation before marriage is a bad idea, as it increases the likelihood of divorce. 4:37: 🔑 Early sexual behavior and multiple partners are markers for anti-social behavior and predatory psychopathy. 9:33: 💔 Commitment in a relationship is necessary to overcome the difficulties that arise due to differences and challenges in life. 13:18: 🔥 Living together without marriage lacks commitment and leads to ambiguity and uncertainty in the relationship. 18:15: 💍 Faith is necessary for moving forward into the unknown and committing to a partner in marriage. 21:18: 😕 The speaker emphasizes the importance of commitment and faith in life, and criticizes casual relationships. Recap by Tammy AI
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way is this decision a “lack of commitment” like the guy above puts it.
@@Vasana612 You can argue against what the data says is objectively true to make yourself feel better, or you can accept the facts and attempt to understand them.
I remember when my younger brother told me he wasn't going to marry his pregnant girlfriend. He used that 'we don't need a piece of paper' line. I asked him, "How likely are you to keep a promise you never made?" He'll be 60 this year. He's had multiple children with multiple women, and never got married. He's killed his liver with alcohol, and is likely to soon die alone. If he would have just made that commitment to that sweet young lady who loved him way back when, his life might have been so different.
@@justice8718 is the only thing that matters to you is running to an abusive religion that threatens your soul with damnation, you need a better religion. We call those abusive partners when a man does that. We call them tyrants when world leaders do that.
faith is what makes humans commit the unspeaks atrocities, and performa the unspeakable miracles. religion, the boon and the bane, where it has shown some of the worst possible tortures, geniceds, rapes , hate crimes to the world, It has also shown some of the kindest behaviors, acts, to be the fuels for passion, kindness, love. humanity being what it is, faith is used for bad more than good, hence humans are better without faith and with logic and morals.
@@atharvsharma1866 You might be talking about faith in extreme religious way. But there is faith in every human being hence everybody believes in something even though you like it or not. And it makes us human.
All the Media/HollyWood will be saying Ohh *Ooman* are leading *in* *the* *world....* But never the bad said of it. *Ohhh* *GendrW* *are* *leading* *in* *College* *more* *then* *EVER* Do they use that *COLLEGE* *DEGREE* of theirs to EARN *A* *LIVING?* Or Debt Ridden they are? *FELINE* *are* *OWNING* *HOUSES* *MORE* *THEN* ever? *Has* *it* *never* *Occured* *to* *you,* *where* are all those *Houses* *FROM?* *Without* having TO *WORK* *A* *DAY* *IN* *LIFE?*
... Hmm Really *Faith....* Faith is what caused you to *Eradicate* *AdolfShitler?* *Faith* is what cause the *Catholic* *to* *Eradicate* *all* *those* *hated* *by* *God?* While Faith is crucial to see thing is Positive light. *Its* *not* *necessary.* And I hear this... *Jordan* *Pete* *saying* *giving* *FELINE* *the* *right* *attention?* When it will be selling it when *It* *doesnt* *get* *ATTENTION...* While saying Ohhh *Skunk* *are* *PRONE* *to* *Negative* *Emotions* *and* *Men?* *Men* *have* *Guns.....* What is that suppose to mean?
Marriage isn’t a springboard for you to dive into a shallow pool of your own personal happiness. Marriage is a platform of stability from which your future generations can all deep dive into happiness and success.
Marriage isn't JUST a platform of stability for future generations. There's Men that have taken their own life thinking just that. Your personal happiness is meaningless, all you are is a tool to provide stability to the next generation.
@@jpPID True enough! But the poster didn't actually say that personal happiness was meaningless, nor say that all you are is a tool. Presumably, be neither a narcissist nor an "echoist." As JPB said, the proposition of marriage is that "I will treat you like you're me." (16:10)
I hope you don’t treat your husband or wife as you treat yourself that could be very destructive for your partner. Especially since most of us truly do not know how we are to walk in all the glory that God created us to be , a man, woman who reflects his image and his likeness. Most people are self destructive
@@jpPID This is toxic stuff passed through generations. They've destroyed enough lives with this dogmatic religious propaganda. I wish someone could call out these ostensibly "traditional" impostors. Teaching people "Endurism" - to accept cycles of misery in the name of "God's will," when God's will is the exact opposite - to revere life and live it instead of enduring it. This mentality does not only do zero service to the next generation, it poisons the to do the same when their time comes.
This hits harder when you've already made the mistakes he's talking about. Thank you for teaching me to see the truth, Dr Peterson. You saved my life many times.
You lived together with your partner and your marriage failed anyway? It´s because you failed reading the signs that were there all the time and you refused to see....
Poor sense of why I don't feel like you are randomly making things up because I usually don't have intuitive feelings that produce thought yet know I am wrongfully convicted for the sake of your complex in being a part of a process that is transferring you away from the framework reality and we have those in this particular area afterall this is an industry this guy, from hay river, wanted to make some changes without people getting involved
This one really did hit hard for me. This is kinda what ive figured out in my mind ever since my last relationship. I was the one who left, not for another person, but because i was tired of disagreements and such. Which werent even that big of a deal, and werent usually very frequent, they were just emotionally difficult situations to navigate. I left, because i thought i could find someone better, who i wouldnt have these kinds of disagreements with. I’ve come to realize that even though she wasnt perfect in every way, we definitely clicked in a very special and unique way, and I loved her very much. I was at the point in the relationship where I felt like it was necessary to decide whether or not she was the one. But she was also my first really serious relationship. It felt like i had hit a fork in the road in my own mind, and i had to choose a path. We had been having some more serious arguments in that time, because she began to think i was cheating, which i absolutely was not, and i finally did get her to trust my word. But that really fucked with my head, and made me worry about the future. But at the same time, i loved her so much, and wanted her in my life forever. I just felt like it could be my last chance to dodge a bullet, and at that point in our relationship, i felt like we may never get past some of our conflicts. Looking back, i know that i could have changed some things about myself, and she had already began changing herself for the better. I think it would have worked out beautifully, if i just had faith. She really was everything I wanted, but i let that go. I hit the fork in the road, and took the wrong path. I should have just made the commitment instead, because i now have faith that it would have worked out. Unfortunately she now lives pretty far away, and is in a relationship with someone else. It’s also been like 3 years, and ive gone on some dates, but i dont click AT ALL with most women, and i either cant get a second date, or simply dont even want to because i’m not interested in them. I dont doubt that i’ll find someone eventually, but it was biggest flop in my life, and if i knew then what i know now, i would have protected our relationship at all costs. But ive learned let go. I’ve accepted it for the way it is, and i’m ready for the next great chapter. JP has helped me through.
@@tjziegler8823You can’t realize how much I needed to read this, for me being at exactly the crossroad you’re describing. Bless you and thank you very much for your comment
I love this! As a kid I prayed that God would protect me from men who would hurt me, that I would only date men worthy of marriage (not expecting to have that happen on the first try). I also made the choice to wait on sex before marriage. My husband and I dated for 7 years before marriage without having sex or seeing each other naked or any of that silly nonsense that take a backseat to what is truly important in love and friendship. Neither of us had cold feet or nervous butterflies when we walked down the aisle and moved in with each other. We have now been together for 20 years, 13 years married, and are still each other’s best friend and greatest support system. We have been through ups and downs, even extreme things like me having postpartum psychosis, us being without an income for 10 months, and starting a business with only $10 in the bank. We didn’t give up on each other, because that is not an option when your relationship isn’t built on m the physical or in a test lab.
My wife says she knew she was going to marry me after the first week we'd met, and she told her best friends at the time. Meanwhile it's been thirty years and we've been happily married for 25 years.
Eh, don’t worry my friend. It’s still possible as long as there is love and romance. Although we may have to look for it a bit harder these days. Fiamonds have become more rare. At least in the west. Parallel to that concept you just really ought to know what qualities to look for, and not let yourself get hooked, despite clearly/or subtle seeing “red flags.” Kind regards a fellow 19/20 year old. :)
Same story, I knew I would marry her after first date and told my dad already. I was 25 when we met, she was 22. We discussed life philosophy and expectations on our first date. I proposed 3 months into our relationship, married 4 months after that, 1st child another 5 months later. Second child 2 years later. Now together 7 years. Many of my friends who dated and lived together for years are now broken up.
We got married at 22 and 23, after three years of long distance dating and engagement (my husband was in the military and stationed overseas). We were high school friends but started dating as young adults. We were virgins on our wedding night, and moved in together after our honeymoon. We've been married nearly 14 years and still going strong, after two kids, multiple moves, deployment, and some serious health scares. It's not easy, it's work, but we made a commitment to each other and now to our kids that we will do whatever is needed to make our family healthy and strong.
We got married at 18 and 20. We did it in front of our friends and family. Both of us were virgins as well. We have been together 13 years with 4 kids. We both desperately want more kids. We are together forever!
My husband and I dated 2 years. We waited to have sex until marriage. This forced us to get to know each other pretty well before getting physical. We volunteered in ministry together as well which was great because we got to see how the other operated under pressure. We’ve had a great adventure together building a life.
the fact that you volunteered in "the ministry" before marriage infers that you are religious. Would you say it is fair comment that divorce is less socially acceptable to you? So many religious people are miserable in marriages but are not able to get divorced.
And often it's things we already knew or had heard, but couldn't assimilate until he said them in one simple, logical, mindblowing sentence. I'm SO grateful for that.
So basically what he’s saying is that if you aren’t married and live together, you aren’t committed to the other person and still open to other options. You’re not willing to go through thick and thin with them but only the good times. Marriage is and agreement that you two will stand the test of fire and whatever life throws at you together. You’ll settle your differences, work through things, and be faithful to each other
Exactly. Thats all nice and pretty IF you love each other truly AND you’re both not selfish assholes who can actually communicate and solve problems, not just demanding the solution. And that’s a skill, meaning it takes effort to learn it, meaning not many people can. “You’re still open to other options when you’re living together and not married” - of course I fucking am. You can be lovely if I see you once a week for couple of hours, but unbereable if living with 24/7. Also, am I supposed to marry someone after knowing them for, say, a month? Can you really know who someone really is after a month? A year? Will I really know them after such time? Different people open themselves up at different pace. It takes time. Jumping into marriage purely because of “love”, especially at a young age when you don’t really know what true love is, is almost a sabotage on yourself. That’s why there is so much unhappy marriages and so many divorces. Congrats to all of you who did get married early AND are happy with it - truly, I am happy for you and hope I can learn from you. But realise that you are a small percentage, realise time and people change, and advices that might be best for you are not necessarily the best for todays youth
@@blank_line No, Im not. sorry I was writing in rush so my response might be a bit chaotic. But what you’re asking is my point exactly! Are you willing to marry (live with) someone FOREVER after only, well, actually whatever time of knowing them, WITHOUT living some time together first? What if they are crazy? Publicly seeing each other or even spending some times in each other houses is completely different than actually living together. You don’t date without saying hi, you don’t live together without dating, you don’t marry without living together. It only makes sense. Jumping the living together part is another essential stepping up of the relationship. You wouldn’t jump into marriage after one date without talking to them (getting to know the “public” them). You shouldn’t jump into a marriage without living with them (getting to know the “private” them)
@Marcin Z. this is a very good point. It is difficult and risky to trust anyone to live with them in any case, married or not. Ugh, a stubborn dilemma As a Muslim, I can't help but think it is wrong to live with someone without legal commitment, though Thank you for answering. I will revisit this question again in my mind 🤔
Its not that you "Shouldn't" live with your partner before marriage. It's that you shouldn't feel you need to in order to know they're the one to marry because that just means you have to convince yourself. Im 26 and barely dated because I never found someone I could imagine marrying. Met a girl last december been dating 3 months and I already know this is the one for me because. She treats me as an equal and never gave me a reason to doubt her love. I don't need to live with her to know I'll gladly work through any issue we face together.
She may very well be the one for you. But 3 months isn't very long. Just keep your eyes open to protect yourself. Buying insurance doesn't mean you want something bed to happen.
@@natethegr8230 I appreciate the concern man but I don’t need to keep my eyes open for other girls while I’m in a relationship. Thats just having one foot out the door. You can invest yourself into one person and still be prepared it might not work out. Gotta take a risk of being vulnerable and getting hurt to build trust with someone.
My biggest regret in my personal life was living with my now ex husband before marriage. It ruined everything, I was taken for granted, I was a “wife” when it was convenient and a throwaway girlfriend when it wasn’t. Don’t live together ladies, have patience and faith you’ll meet the right guy under the right circumstances.
Your biggest regret should be ignoring flags. The whole point in cohabitation is finding them and it sounds like you found one, married him anyway and as the "ex" implies, made the wrong choice. Even if you hadn't lived with him before marriage you were destined for divorce.
I hate to say this but he was probably going to treat you that way either way. He just was a terrible person to you, and that was not going to change simply because you live together first or not. He was a bad person and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@mnotlyon I think any man can become a loser at any time. How many men have become despicable people after a woman gives him her home and v!rginity? MANY.
That last sentiment in the closing of JP's speech here is powerful: "Machiavellian, Psychopathic, Narcissistic, and Criminal at worst" is a great way to describe the Internet's obsession with modern casual dating culture.
it is not even casual “dating” anymore…you can swipe left and be in the sack an hour later with the understanding that after sex you will never see each other again And now, there is a new term both sexes are using with pride: “body count”
Jordan is just jealous because he is in a boring monogamous relation ship and wishes he would get a new vagin, so now he is bitter and argues against it.
I think the general idea of marriage is to settle in with someone that you can love no matter what but the concept of "hooking up" and having a number of bodies somewhat makes people addicted to that flow and idea of getting bored and switching in between people and not realising how important it is to understand to actually get to know someone know their flaws weaknesses and still love them.
I feel bad for people who are stuck in that cycle, like genuinely, not just being condescending towards shallow people. If you've been in love for real then I don't really need to explain it, but there's some things you just can't understand until you've been with someone long enough.
I tried the whole hookup shit when I was a teenager and it wasn't enjoyable to me because I did not feel connected with anybody I was having sex with. I'll never understand how people can just live like that
I lived with my wife before marriage for a period of time while engaged, and I am personally glad I did so. I am sure it is different for other people but for me I am happy we did it that way. I am 100% committed to her and do not see divorce as an option. I went into marriage fully in love and knowing everything about her. But I guess part of it is that I always viewed relationships as serious precursors to marriage, not casual. Marriage was always the end goal. And I wanted to ensure we could get along in a domestic setting.
I think it’s the difference between moving in with someone you know you’re going to marry or you’ve decided already to marry versus living with someone you aren’t sure about and then the window for other options runs out while you are cohabiting.
Sex before marriage is un-naturally, on the womans terms. If the relationship starts out on the womans terms, the man is in the wrong position The "alpha" man is the head of the marriage relationship. Weak men make loose women their wifes. Then, they wonder why women file 75% of divorces.
I've known people who iived together so they could share the rent payments while they earned their university degrees. They had been dating for a few years and came from similar backgrounds. The tension and distraction of desiring intimacy but trying to remain virgins is very difficult for some people for physical reasons. By cohabiting and having the relief from aexual tension made studying easier. One couple graduated and got decent jobs. Then they got married. Thirty years and two grown children later and they are solidly married. Postponing marriage can cause some people to mainly marry for the sex. I witnessed a case where one young man pressed his girlfriend to hurry up and marry him so they could consumate their relationship. It wasn't long before he started pressure to do what he wanted. Ten years in and 4 children later the marriage was in trouble because of the gaslighting behaviour of the husband toward the wife. She stayed to keep the family intact for the children and later divorced him, as he was emotionally abusive toward her. She had warned him, but he ignored her warnings.
I didn't live with my wife until we cut a covenant before God and man. Not because I didn't love her, but because I did. I wanted to give her something on our wedding night, not take something from her beforehand because I couldn't control myself.
That is done and spoken like a true gentleman. I hope your marriage has thrived and you get to raise more mannered spiritual awesome sons and daughters ❤ My parents were not married by church, only by state, and with separation of their own assets. They have been best friends all their life but guess where their lack of faithful vows led them to… sad and divorced by 60. And they will remain so for the rest of their life I swear. People find atheism so fun and free when they’re young, well, who is there to guide you and tell your story once you arrive at the last stages in life? If not by faith, with love, then nobody is there. Same for my uncles and aunts.
@@spirituallysafe for start all books of the new testament before the final four gospels where decided and added. Except for revelations all the books are old than the gospels.
Young people, for your own good, listen to this advice and save yourself years of pain. Don't wait until you're old with many emotional scars and trauma to realize this man is actually right.
The baggage of intimate ex-lovers , the baby mama/baby daddy dramas, child custody/child support battles. Those things will affect one’s future marriage.
I was told I was too young to be in love, in College. If I had followed the love and stayed I would have saved myself 25 years of regret, in and out of relationships, still thinking of that person. As I got older I started asking more questions. Then realized same people telling me I was too young were actually married themselves in their early/mid twenties and never divorced (now in their 70's), so much less trauma, a chance to build community and family. You can get yourself in some pretty serious situations going in and out of relationships, and the "in between relationship time" can put you in situations that can be downright dangerous if you grew up in a family where everyone seemed to get along and very few divorces, being too trusting because you don't know what is lurking... If you meet someone you really like, take it seriously. Ask the right questions. Do not sleep with them right away. Take your time. Get to know their family, as well. Do not move in together "to try it", "to save money", "because you don't need the piece of paper". Don't fall into the "common-law" trap. It is not marriage. This is the road to several ex-partners, loneliness, feeling like "time is gone forever". Commit. If I could go back in time I would. So much regret. Also, teach this to your children....the ones who have the long-term marriages, teach this to your children, actually sit down and talk with them about it, don't assume they will be like you, with very few partners and a long term marriage. Once you start down the multiple partner road/no commitment it is hard to go back and it starts at an early age. Save them from the "co-parenting from hell" because they lived together and not married, then realized the guy was abusive, had to leave. This has been my number one worse part of my life. Now in a position where I will follow this advice, with the awareness that I might be alone/unmarried now for the rest of my life to salvage some self-respect, while dealing with the fact that I have all of this past attached to me. Also do not let your children buy a house together with someone they are not married to...advise them. Teach these things while they are growing up. Set the guidelines for what is healthy and unhealthy by actually talking about it. Also, guide children about how to earn money from a young age so they are self sufficient and do not need to be supported, but can choose once married "as a family" what is best for them when children arrive (as a committed family). Thank you for listening.
JP is so wise and speaks from the heart. I'm a 27 year old man, been single most of my life and desperate enough to make changes with a strong desire and passion in my heart to marry the right woman, to pour my love into her, and start a family with. Divorce is not in my vocabulary. Been working hard these past few years to one day provide and protect. God willing, i pray of meeting her soon.
You are right. Seek god first and all else will be given to you. Watch out though...you may well be given the exact opposite of what you thought you wanted but it will be very very good for you regardless.
Watch a lot of George Bruno, he'll keep you leveled and from making a mistake when you're venturing out. Dont be desperate enough to forgo vetting a woman properly👍
Take responsibility for your own actions and self. What do you look like? are you attractive? Successful? Are you someone that even deserves half of the things you want (considering all the other men out there, similar to or better than you????) if not, change that.
@@sensei_poo Yeh but you would be wrong. There is no "yourself" without God. Nothing at all makes any sense with God, nothing has any purpose without God. If you seek "yourself" with out God then all you will find is absurdity, pointlessness and indifference.
My spouse said she will only move in with me if we are going to get married. She moved in. We got married. Then we have 4 kids. 16 year wedding anniversary coming up. We’re in this for life. The most important decision you can make in your life…is your life partner
You're in it for life cause you have everything to lose. She has everything to gain through divorce. 80% of divorce proceedings are initiated by the woman. These are facts whether you want to believe them or not.
I'm 27, single, virgin, fairly attractive, and I personally love the idea of waiting until I get married to live together and to have sex with my husband. It's so exciting for all the right reasons, and no one I've spoken to about the subject that feels differently has been able to convince me otherwise (like saying you need to see if you're sexually compatible, or what if they have bad habits, or a health issue that you won't want to deal with forever, etc.). That's why I'm working to be a better individual and why my future husband should also be someone that's worked on themselves and is on my level of maturity and dedication. If a man isn't, then they're simply not for me. What's sad is that I haven't been able to find a single man that seems to understand the importance of this kind of information to build good values that could prove to me he'd be a good mate. But, I suppose until I find one, I can also work on myself, and am happy I found Dr Peterson to be one of those guides I go to to learn to be better, happier, and wiser.
@@MPresheva Well this is awful advice...no dont just accept the first guy/girl who throws themselves at you, have some standards. Better to remain single than to settle for a less than ideal spouse because you're afraid of "time running out"
@MaudlinBlase You're boastful 😂 "on your level" And you cannot find a man ?! As a virgin?!!! Maybe you should stop looking for a certain type of dudes.
Excellent lecture, having lived in San Francisco in the late sixties and seventies and witnessed live in relationships before they ever became de riguer among so many, I have witnessed the emotional destruction of live in relationships first hand. There are reasons every major religion condemns this. It wrecks havoc among society. There is no security if people decide that when things get difficult they can just walk out.
There are reasons why there are few religions Every single one of them is fake the guys that made the devices that we are writing this on proved that long ago So yeah....
He is intelligent and adorable at the same time! Whoever finds him offensive simply needs to re-examine their thinking 🧐 Especially women, how is it that you find Jordan offensive? I’m a 57 year old woman and think he’s delightful 😊
I tell you why people might find him offensive. He is just telling the truth. And for many people it is hard to admit the truth. Just as for many people it is hard to admit their mistakes. It is way easier to live in excuses and lies because you dont have to confront yourself. But without confrontation you cannot heal and be free. There is in bible something like this: Seek the truth and it will make you free. And todays world is full of lies. Wish you all nice day.
its probablyh the time he said that woman who wear red lipstick to work are responsible for any innapropriate behaviour towards them in the workplace since it turn on the primal brain and it scientifically a colour which makes you more attractive. In an interview one time
Married at 21, 4 kids by 28, still together 42 years later. Just celebrated mothers day with out 4 kids, 1 'adopted' daughter and 8 grandkids. Never lived together, and only ever been with one another. Still wonderfully married in retirement. As a teacher for 38 years until I retired, I sadly saw the negative impact of the deterioration of Marriage in the lives of the children I supported and taught. Glad Jordan is speaking out about this.
"Deterioration of marriage" has nothing to do with living together before marriage. Jordan doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, although this would CERTAINLY not be the first, or the 500th, time for him.
I'm a child psychotherapist. From the children's perspective, there is nothing worse than making a child before you are sure that your partner is suitable *and* having a stable bond with them.
Thank God we have contraceptives and family planning programs to help us avoid unwanted pregnancies while being able to satisfy our needs and getting to know the person before any hard comitments are made.
My ex(childrens father) was in charge of everything. Me of silent generation. Statutory rape & resulting pregnancy in the shame generation sealed my fate to secure fathers responsibility -parentage. Only after e jean Carroll victory-verdict have realized he did unfairly coerce this innocent VIRGIN who wanted a truly white gown wedding. ---wich became reality of lyrics to. PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE. wiser little by slowly FREE 😁🤗🥴🧐🤔😉🥰😂
@@Sinoochkayet people decide not to use them and men don’t even know if the female they are with are on them 😂😂😂. Hence why we get so many I didn’t know I was pregnant women
I'm also a youth psychoterapist it's imporant that two people love eachother, and want to have children and are in stable economic conditions, otherwise children will suffer. That is why abortion is very important, oh wait most JP fans are against aboortion, ups.
Jordan always been inspiring, my relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her~
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
If it weren't for my vows I know for a fact I wouldn't still be married today. Our commitment held things together when the going got rough. And then our marriage got better than it ever was before, and it would never have had the chance to blossom otherwise. 10 years and going strong!
My husband and I didn't live together till two years after we dated. We had kids from different marriages and we wanted to be sure everyone got along. It also gave us time to learn one another's flaws and deal with this in our own space. I think that is why our marriages last cause we already learned to deal with one anothers flaws in the safety of our own space.
This talk is worth more than a million dollars. If we all adhered to and lived by this, 90% of America's problems would vanish! Thank you Mrs. Peterson and Dr. Peterson.
@@G.GordonMidi Sadly, it is your mentality... that values wealth over stable, loving family... that results in so many unhappy people, who are incapable of a loving, lasting, stable, family relationship. Most people realise that when they look back over 60 years... of materialism... and realise their values were all wrong... but it's too late by then! And if you listed to Jordan, you would know that women want and need a long, stable, living relationship. It's selfish to treat them as expendable, just to try and satisfy our lusts... which doesn't benefit anyone in the long run.
@@TheWraith7 If you can't establish whether a woman had the same values as you, and compatible, by courting them... as millions have done successfully... you lack the basic principles that underpin a long, stable, marriage. You should try listening to Jordan, then thinking about the facts he presented.
As someone who's had several partners (all in a 'steady' relationship) before marrying a man who was a virgin until our wedding night, I can only second what Dr Peterson is saying. Sleeping with multiple people destroys your soul and hampers your earnest joy in being with your spouse. I am so happy that I found a really wonderful man who is strong, steady and faithful. I can trust him fully. Now married for 12 years.
As a man who has shacked up too many times and has been unhappily married for 15 years, I can say the biggest problem we discovered was that, if you aren't ready to get married, you haven't yet established boundaries. Once you live together, establishing those boundaries becomes harder and the likelyhood that you will end up with a family before those boundaries are eatablished increases every day.
11:16 lol I bought 6 Cars in my life and never road-tested one of them. I did the same with my motorcycles, never road-tested one, and I had 4 of them. Your right. It's more than a piece of paper. It's a commitment and a big responsibility. We had our ups and downs. I never road-tested my wife and knew she was the one for me. My wife is a Nurse. Married now for 38 years. I was 16, and she was 15 when we first met. Married at 24; it was love at first sight and still is. She wasn't my high school sweetheart. Priest told me my Marriage would never last right from the get-go,what a dork. I'm buying a sports car soon, and I'm not road-testing it. My wife and I will be cruising up and down with the top down and the radio on. Six-speed standard shift 2-door roadster rag top with a gasoline engine rated at 220HP No time for dinky electric cars, Hybrids, yes, total electric, no. Never slept with anybody but my wife, nor did she. Sex is a bit of an issue now. You can't always get what you want But if you try sometimes, well, you might find You get what you need Ah, yeah🤘👩❤💋👨
This is awesome 😎 👏. If sex is a bit of an issue, try making sure you are both brushing and flossing (brush your tongues especially) and just spend a night snuggling on the couch focused on just talking and kissing (lots of kissing) after a movie and paying close attention to each other and no one else. There are TONS of nerve endings in the lips and lots of chemical reactions take place and hormonal release from kissing. I guarantee it will be quality time well spent but probably will lead to way more than that! And if you don’t already, stay away from the porn. That wrecks a guys timing and ability to perform properly. Major turn off for many a lady. I know this is unsolicited advice but you did bring it up. Also, a leading lecturer on this subject advises people to take not mentally if what things impress your partner and get them fired up. He advises to actually write it down. Like if you wore a certain shirt or cologne and got lucky with your spouse. Or you had a heart to heart talk and that brought you closer together and fired up the passion. He states the obvious but we forget over time to do the obvious and it helps to write it down because it increases likelihood of us putting it into practice. Also you could show her your public comment here if you haven’t because I think it would make her feel pretty special. I have a feeling though that you probably tell her often, how much she means to you. It’s another compliment to her and your relationship though, that you went out of your way to express it on a public forum.
I moved in with my now wife 6 months after we started dating because we lived 2 hours away from each other. Was the only way we could give our relationship a chance - we’ve had a decade of happiness and look forward to the rest of our lives.
I don’t know your story, but please don’t say that is the only way to build a relationship. My husband and I lived 6 hours apart until we married, and I know many people who lived further apart than that until they were married. Long distance dating is possible.
I find him very preachy and over thinking. Never trust statistics or someone that throws the odd shot out there. Statistically, what’s the other side of the argument?
A good marriage is like a long lasting friendship: a lot of good and bad adventures together, going in the directions of both partner's wants and needs.
Not a surprising statistic really. The only people who wait until marriage to cohabitate now are typically religious and in religious communities divorce is less socially acceptable. Reckon there’s a lot of unhappy married people who feel they can’t divorce due to the judgement of their religious community
Gosh this man is filled with so much wisdom it’s incredible. I’m a 26 year old male that was living that playboy/psychopathic/sociopathic lifestyle, using the blessings I was gifted with for pure evil, merely gratifying my impulsive pleasures and it lead me nowhere but toward destruction for all parties involved. So much time wasted on nonsense, my life was put at risk, chaos, gosh like he said.. nothing like being committed and BEARING all the responsibility and building something worthwhile. I’ve decided to change my ways.. this man certainly assisted in elucidating that path. Forever grateful.
So grateful my wife and I saved physical intimacy until after marriage. Reserving something so personal, so intimate, so precious for a time until after you've fully committed to one another makes so much sense. It makes for a stronger, stabler relationship of trust upon which to build a family.
@@SoWhosGae Don't know where you're getting that from but it was and is important to us to reserve that intimacy until after we're committed to one another in marriage. Laugh all you want.
Wow. That’s great!!! I’ve never moved in with a boyfriend before. I agree what u said, that women are not cars, that u gotta test drive before you buy them!!! It may sound old fashioned, but I don’t really care what people think😬
-be careful. Whoever you are, be aware. He's not speaking from experience, he is just speaking from his thoughts. Although it is a good way to make us think, we need to critically think by ourselves and contrast the information. Don't be sure of anyone or anything.
He’s not any other man . For a moment , let’s keep aside his qualifications and achievements.Lets take into consideration his experience and did you notice that ring on his finger 😅 he is not just taking the talk , he is walking the walk
My wife and I have been married for 50 years. We can relate to the faith and commitment part, and no we did not cohabitate before marriage. We wrote letters to each other for 4 years in different cities before we got married.
@@jayjonah83 my husband and I married 15 years ago and did not live together. We dated for a year, got engaged and married 6 months later. Still in love with each other. It's not always easy but if you put each other first it works and it's wonderful.
Thank you for telling us not to test-drive. Thank you for telling us we're not a car or an object. Thank you for telling us that marriage is not just a piece of paper. Thank you for telling us that we are not just "... the best we can manage at the moment" or that "you'll do for now." Thank you for showing us the pathway to misery, anxiety and what no hope is built upon. Thank you for resounding that kind of faith I believed in, which I thought was extinct, and I was the only stupid left practicing it. It is true that once a person has had multiple partners before he is with you, that habit is unbelievably hard to shake-off for that person entirely because it has become resilient and resistant to change. That's why they say once a cheater always a cheater. And that person will always be wanting what he cannot have or that the grass is greener on the other side. It is hard for such a person to remain faithful, loyal and true to one person for life. I wish all men had your viewpoint Jordan. You are a very rare man. This world would be a better place if everybody thinks and acts like you. There would be less or no breakups, heartaches, divorces; and no one playing with hearts as if they are objects. There would be happier relationships. No one wants to commit anymore. And no one fights to keep a love alive and wanna make it work. But your marriage shows that it can be done. You're a man of your word because you actually preach what you say. And that is remarkably admirable. Thank you for sticking by your wife through thick and thin, thru hell and back no matter what... Your life is a symbol of everything noble. You are like an angel come down to earth to show man that they can transcend. Much blessings to you and your family.
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years last week, and we had been living together in a house I bought for more than half of that time. Our relationship was not on solid ground before we moved in, and things just got worse afterwards because other problems kept arising . Once the breakup happened, it was hell, especially for her because she was the one that had to move out and completely uproot her life. I will never live with an unmarried partner again, and I don't recommend it to anyone. Edit: Considering input from commenters and my own reflections, I don't want to condemn living together so much as I want to provide a cautionary tale of moving in with someone who you are not in good standing with. Definitely don't live with someone unless your relationship is in a good place and you've been together for at least a couple years.
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way does this decision have to be a “lack of commitment” like Jordan Peterson puts it. If you’ll notice, OP was already having issues before moving in together. He then makes a leap in logic that you shouldn’t live together with your unmarried partner, even though y’all could not be having issues before moving in together and would have a much higher chance of having a successful relationship.
@@_Sloppyhamyou shouldn't. Tradition exists for a reason. Committing to someone for life before living together or allowing the possibility of kids is the only way to have a healthy lasting relationship amd a stable family. There is no other way to read the facts.
Regardless of being married or not, you glossed over one, of many, factor of the failure. "our relationship was not on solid ground before we moved in". This is the number 1 reason why relationships fail within the first 5 years. People need to realize that a piece of paper and ring don't magically make yourself and therefor your relationship perfect.
@@CasuallyAuthentic they make a good relationship better. Marriage is always better than non marriage unless you don't want a long term relationship in the first place.
@@adamb8317 Do you even understand this "tradition" you speak of. You do realize that marriage is a relatively new social construct, right? And that is was created as an institution to bind a woman to a man, as in make her his property (like a car, sorry Peterson) and then exploited for the last 4k years to ensure control of the masses first through the fake Christians and then through State.
It has a pretty interesting story behind it, it’s one of a set of twelve he got that are a metaphor for this study he did. I believe this suit is supposed to be heaven and hell
Much needed advice for youngsters. I was made fun of at school when I said I would get intimate with my man only after marriage... and not hook-up with anyone until I was finally married. It was considered silly, orthodox and outdated. But thankfully, my family and faith helped me stay true to that and it was the best decision ever. No man deserves your intimacy unless he has proved he is ready to be committed and loyal to you. So girls, value yourselves please. Marriage is a beautiful institution... find a partner who values it too.
lets give the same advice from the male perspective: guys, never get married, this hoes ain't loyal bro, the moment they thing they got you, they will start getting bored, they will start cheating and then the best part of all, they initiate the divorce. And look up the statistics brah, women win in 90% of those cases, they will take half of your net worth and destroy your life. Is that worth it? nah Just take care of yourselves, look good, get money, get good at what you do, and they will come, thirsty looking for validation and give you tail, without even having to be married. So guys, value yourselves please. No woman is worth losing your life over. Divorce is at an all time high and women are both incentivized to go for it and highly benefit from it. so, maybe instead of both extremes, there's a middle ground out there. We you date for a little while, maybe have sex, date exclusively, move in together, live together for 1-2 years, get engaged for a few months and then get married if there were no major red flags and you couldn't "work things out together". Because honestly, the main thing guys want from women is sex. And if we follow your advice, in 80 years there will be breading factories. Human breading factories. As most guys's needs will be meet with AI robots. So the population levels will tank. Current society protects women to much, and there's very little actual incentives for guys to marry. Very many incentives to not do that. Now, would I marry a girl? If she meets my criteria, and does things my way. Yes. If she's constantly "no sex before marriage", I'll go: "don't talk to me ever again and have a nice day :)" Like, I might not be the smartest guy in the room. But I ain't a moron.
If you are happy with it, then that's great. Doesn't mean, that it is the right choice for everyone. Advice for youngsters: make your own choices and do what you personally think is right for you.
Cohabitation before getting married saved my life. The mask dropped the moment we moved in together and only got worse. I can't imagine what my life would have been if I'd married him.
I've come to believe that your teenage to early twenties years should be spent building yourself and future life, but also to build virtue so that when you start the path towards choosing a mate you are attracted to virtue and virtue attracts to you. So that the virtue of the other person is what you can stake your faith on when you get married.
Depends on the couple and dynamic. Plenty of individuals have lived together before hand and are still together in a happy and functional relationship. I am one of those individuals. We moved in together to see if we were comparable as live in partners and we found it so! Talk it out with your partner to determine if it’s the right choice for you or not. And divorce doesn’t mean failure. In a lot of cases it just shows incompatibility, especially if throughout life we change as we grow and that compatibility before hand is no longer a thing and both parties no longer attempt to collaborate to make it work.
It's about the mindset and the ability to compromise with your partner, there are plenty of people having a happy, strong relationship even though they lived together before marriage and plenty divorcing who never lived together before marriage
Obviously there are always ouliers in every situation. But Dr. Peterson is talking about the vast majority of situations where true commitment is necessary and trying to live together before that diminishes on the importance of commitment. Hey good on you guys that it worked out but obviously not every case is the norm or the exception.
Jordan missed an important point: Waiting for marriage is a sacrifice, and investment in a relationship you value. Hooking up or living together isn't that much of an investment compared to waiting for marriage.
@@-JaggedGrace-Although I'm no relationship expert, if you are looking for marriage then your current situation appears to need some course correction or it may not be the relationship you are looking for. Dating is supposed to be the get-to-know-you phase before either a permanent split or the melding of two lives.
@@-JaggedGrace- I'm not sure "bad" is the word I would use, though it does incur additional risk as JBP mentioned in his video. Usually we think "our love is a special love", and understandably so as it usually includes a little bit of craziness, but statistically it's unwise to move in together. Sure, there are cases where it seems to work out, but the odds are what they are. If it's important, if your relationship is important; proving it by making it official will help it to last. There are no guarantees, so I would suggest doing whatever improves your odds.
Thing is a woman can be "a car that is taken on a test drive" as long as it is mutual. You test drive her ,while she test drives you. Afterall its about learning about each other. It is reasonable to fear, getting tired of each other from early cohabitation before marriage. That said it opens the door of "if you can not hold interest in the partner before marriage, then there is no certainty marriage will stop this issue", this metric was fine when divorce was taboo. Though i think a metric that should be used is, if things are to work out. Pushing each other to their limits to accertain "Is this what i am looking to endure with for years to come" if the answer is no. Then that is a lot of time saved. Time is irreversible, but everything else is up to the couple to change their mind on.
When Jordan speaks, what you owe yourself is absolute listening without interruption. More so, if a question pops up in your head, next thing is he is explaining that further. A genius he is.
I wish this was taught to me as a young person, both my parents married and divorced multiple times. I fell into that same trap; making poor choices for myself and not working on myself. Choosing people who also were not very healthy. I finally got it right, long term marriage with the attitude that we are going to make this work. If we go through a period of not liking each other, oh well we will stick it out until we like each other again. I am not one of the lucky ones that figured it out the first time, I’m ashamed to say but am forgiving myself and have a much healthier attitude towards marriage.
I'm glad that you made it through such tough time and I hope you are proud of yourself for being willing to learn and change to better yourself. If you dont mind me saying, I find the first part of your opening sentence interesting. Because what are the chances that a young person/couples would welcome that advice or maybe rules (religious or just cultural) that would stop them from living together? I feel the chances would be slim. There are religions that teach to what Jordan is saying but those religions are commonly seen a oppressive or the rules just ignored. Just sharing my thoughts.
@@aishahfirdaus2983 My parents were 16 & 17 when they had me and you’re right had they been raised differently I believe life would have been different and I most likely would not be here. Thank you for responding so respectfully, I understand what you are saying and wish our culture was different. I am actively working to connect with GOD and can see things differently. Have a good day 😊
I drove up to Auckland to see Jordan on this night. It was so different and amazing to hear him in person. Can't wait for the full talk to come to youtube.
Also damn near silent. She just smiles and waves as her husband talks about how he wouldn’t have been able to work it out with her if he wasn’t legally bound to her… she feels almost plastic, because she doesn’t give her own opinions or perspectives. Granted that may be because her values closely line up with her husband, but don’t act like you got any personality from her out of this video. She is basically a smiling NPC the whole time
@@JohnSmiths101 That’s so on-point! She’s an NPC in his low-level play-through. My husband and I were intimate long before we got engaged, and moved in together two months before our wedding. I “knew” it would work out because we are both committed to our relationship; we respect each other; we listen; and we started with decent role models. Twenty years later, I was right. But I was also lucky. I have friends who are divorced now who did nothing wrong; their divorces were unforeseeable. That’s the way life goes. Anyone who says they have the key - don’t buy anything from them. They don’t know any more than anyone else. We each know more about our personal relationships than anyone else.
And also: To my own children I am the embodiment of motherhood - warm, wise, and kind. And yet I am never a pushover. For one thing, I wouldn’t want to model that for them. Motherhood is much much more than acting a part.
Dr Peterson is a gift to all those fortunate enough to hear him speak and to read his books . My family and have followed his work since he made those early recordings from his basement , he has been a great and positive influence on our lives . We share his talks with as many people as we can . God bless you and your family , Dr Peterson .
Did you have sex during dating? I am asking this honestly as I just reconnected with a girl i have loved since I was 7. Please I will appreciate your comments
Before my husband and I got married we were together for 9 years and had two babies. Then we got married. We have been together for 33 years. 🥰 First baby was born in 91 and the second baby was born in 98. We have been together since high school. Plus we have worked together for the past 6 years. We are truck drivers.
People who have developed personalities and are eager to solve the problems in the relationship do not need legal or social coercion to maintain the relationship. I wish you all the best :)
There are narcissists, liars and psychopaths even in conservative couples who follow a certain faith and who do not live together and do not have sex until after marriage. I grew up in a conservative family, my parents did not live together, they only talked a year before the wedding. Immediately 3 children were born. My parents didn't divorce even though their 31 year long marriage was a mess. We children are traumatized adults, one of my brothers is an alcoholic in his 30s, he's been drinking since high school. I have emotional trauma due to the tension in the family and it is difficult for me to get close to someone. What do you do when after the wedding you discover that you don't get along with that man? Stay? Deserve? You have a "commitment"...
And that is the problem. He is actually advocating blind faith. Sure, there may be less chance of divorce, but is it worth it if one person is being traumatized and living in misery? Maybe a higher chance of divorce is a good thing.
@@JaimeWarlock No, every couple before marriage must do marital counseling, that's the most important thing. The therapist tells you: you have trauma, you want to enter this marriage out of necessity and not by choice. My brother divorced after not even a year of marriage, they had a long distance relationship for a year, when he moved in with her and they got married, it didn't last long and they divorced because they were different and my brother had a lot of problems behavior. Not to mention that he moved to another continent, he gave up the job he had to go to her. It's different when you stay at home with your partner, it's very different. There you can see him as much as he can.
I’ve often heard people promote cohabitation by saying “You need to know if you are compatible” or something along those lines. At the core of it, however, is the idea that “love” is conditional upon whatever self-centered preconditions you put on it. Waiting is not, as it might seem, a gamble that “things will work out,” but an acknowledgement that true love is something beyond the self-interests of either party and which both commit to by a covenant bond - something that in the years to come will often cross your will and often make you frustrated and annoyed, but which in the end makes life happier, more secure, and ultimately, more meaningful and fulfilling.
Many don't understand covenant bond because they haven't taken that first step in their own life before including another person in another covenant bond. It is more profound and actually freeing when you give yourself over and let God drive your life and your marriage.
Amazing. I’m your age and I wish I’d waited. Some advice: don’t ever, EVER give your body to people who don’t deserve it just for the sake of it. There are some losers I wish I could undo and take back my body from them. I’m not sure if this is a religious or a personal devotion, but I’m so proud of you.
After 70 years of life, 51 of which I have been married to the most important woman in my life, I can say that I have been blessed far more than I deserve. Women are unique in that they provide unrivaled balance to a man's life.Mothers, along with their husbands, are the foundation of all that is good for a family, life, and the community.Unfortunately, we are now living in an era of family relationship hunger and disrespect.Nonetheless, there are many shining examples of happy families succeeding in life's difficult survival race.And, as Van Morrison sang, I give thanks to the One. JP once again you are a light sinning in the darkness. Thank you!
Excellent argument against co-habitation . . . I'd like to have this completed by explaining how the commitment of marriage, when both partners can hold on through hell and high water, results in a unified whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. I found within my first marriage a relationship that was far better - and made me a better person - than I could have imagined beforehand. It also informed my relationship in my second marriage, which so far is working pretty good! And it would be my prayer that everyone might have that experience, even if only briefly, at least once in their life.
I’m so happy to read your comment. Marriages that end are not always a waste. In fact they rarely are. I’m glad to read that you aren’t jaded enough that you lost faith in marriage and that you are actively engaged in a good relationship again. So much loss comes from divorce but so much can be gained from even a bad marriage if one looks to find the lessons and the good it held. Another hugely important part of your comment is about if BOTH parties stick together come hell or high water. Everyone has their personal agency. You can’t make someone stay that doesn’t want to or won’t do the work but you can move on from that loss and try again. Hopefully it goes even better if it didn’t work out the first time. Best wishes to you for every success this time around !
It saddens me to see so many of my friends freestyling relationships and repeatedly getting their hearts broken. I tried to warn them about how they approach these relationships but I was much younger than I am now and much less articulate. All I can do is wish them happiness in their current and future relationships
My husband and I have been married for 20 years, this year! We both have divorced parents. His mother is married for the third time, almost fourth (but one passed away before proposing). My husband and I lived together for TWO years before getting married. I knew I wanted him forever, he wanted to be "sure" I was the one. For certain, I got lucky that I passed the "test drive". Ladies, I definitely recommend waiting until you know for sure that he values you before giving up "that thing" or moving in. But you have to value yourself FIRST!
Thank you. I know many stories like this too. This narrative that you should NOT move in together and testing the waters out is horrible. Of course testing things out is great. If you don’t test, This is how people get stuck in abusive complacent love-less marriages. Of course there are lots of people who had success with the traditional route but also a LOT of people have not. It’s disingenuous to only point to the success stories and ignore the insanely high divorce rates and issues people have.
My wife and I are eternally grateful that we waited until marriage to become physically intimate. Marriage is immeasurably difficult. It is even more difficult if you enter it casually and minimize the importance of all the traditional, well-grounded and well-established steps leading up to it. The best thing you can do to prepare for it is to try your hardest to know who you are as best you can.
So far I have done none of those things and I’m wondering what benefits it has. Other than figuring out who you are. That makes sense and is important.
I would NEVER advise anyone to not be physically intimate before marriage. EVER! I myself waited until marriage and I did not have good sexual chemistry with the man I married. And 13 years later it never got better. Not just my experience but several people I know too. Waiting to get married to move in is a totally different story to waisting to be intimate.
@@danieleromonselei doubt you will get a good answer from her. But the short answer is, if we assume their life was well built in all aspects except sex, and then she was never marriage material in the first place. In fact, it might be connected to the data Dr peterson alluded to. She had some sexual experience before and she was comparing the man to her "previous samples" That said, we don't know if she sincerely tried to improve things and maybe even looked for medical experts. So it could also be the guy's been lazy and took things for granted. Like i personally often would try new things and explore with my partner a lot which every girl i know liked. But i know many men can be very lazy about it
@@melissasmuse My wife and I married as virgins, we’re now in our mid 30s. We’re both fairly attractive individuals who had plenty of opportunities prior to marriage. We’re both glad we both waited until marriage (it’s a shared experience between us with nothing to compare, so we get to teach one another our wants and desires). Even after 14 years and children, sex is still exciting and passionate for both of us; like it’s newness. I think communication is the main reason we connect on all levels. I’m curious, do you both articulate your intimacy needs to one another? I know some guys can be lazy (it doesn’t take much to get us men to get in the mood but with women there is an emotional aspect you usually have to conquer). That said, if you truly love one another - why wouldn’t you feel comfortable sharing, meeting or practicing one another’s sexual desires? Sexual compatibility…What are you comparing it to? Being married comes with a level of vulnerability to where if you want certain needs met, there should be concern if your spouse simply doesn’t or tries to meet your needs.
I was the guy he described around 11:30. I was 2000% in it. My heart and mind was married without a piece of paper. 10 years strong and I never looked at anyone else and never would have. Not everyone falls into what he assumes most do and feel. Sadly. It wasn’t the same for her. She was more what he described. Lesson learned but would that paper have changed her thoughts ? Too late to know now.
She was with the man who did not care to confirm his feelings on a piece of paper. She was right to break up after waiting for 10 years. Guy who are 100% in it propose and offer marriage straight away.
Well done, sir. You did not fall for the old 'You did not love me because you did not sign a state contract that ensures my half of your pie.' I commend you for being wiser than that.🎉
The love of my life was going to move in with me several states away. She said I’m not moving in with you unless we’re getting married. I agreed. Only “cohabitation “ I ever did. We’ve been married for 15 years.
I displayed a lot of antisocial behavior as a child, constant disciplinary issues at school, very few close friends, early criminal behavior, etc. And when I was an adolescent, I definitely became promiscuous and was using people for my own gratification more than anything else. It seems to me that I had not a total lack of moral education, but constant mixed signals in the domain of morality during my childhood which contributed to this. What my parents would say, versus what the schools would say, versus what television/movies would say, versus what I would observe in my parents' actions, etc, all sent conflicting messages. At some point I decided everyone was just making up their own rules and so all that matters is whether you can "get away with it" or not, rather than the consequences for anyone else, or society as a whole. Our abandonment of the idea of absolute morality definitely has consequences.
On the marriage part and not needing “a pice of paper”, that was me. And I meant it. But then 04/04/04 was coming up. I said “Debbie, lets go get the paper that day”. And we did. I asked her older brother for permission to marry her as his older brother and father had passed away. Sadly she passed away 05/08/10. But without that paper I would not have been allowed to comfort her until the end. Get the paper!
Starting at 14:50, this is pure gold. Marriage is very much a cauldron that purifies you. You mature in marriage because you're "stuck" with that other person and you'll have to change in order to make it work. People bail out of marriage because they believe their felt needs reign supreme and the world around them should adapt to those needs. Not going to happen.
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way does this decision have to be a “lack of commitment” like Jordan Peterson puts it. You don’t have to listen to the OP who one of their points basically says “don’t divorce, deal with the potentially unhappy marriage. I hate how young people choose their happiness over a failed marriage and I’m going to act as if they don’t try to fix it and give up at the first sign of conflict. Oh! And I’ll also act like these young people are egotistical jerks because they don’t do things the way I do them. I will also criticize them in my glass house because my ideas are the best and the only ones that work 😃”.
"I'm stuck with you just like I'm stuck with me" - that's a good one. Fully support every word as a 30-year old man. Hard to explain the same to 16-20 y.o though
Research on this topic has produced mixed findings, and there's no definitive answer. Some studies have suggested that couples who live together before marriage may have a slightly higher risk of divorce, while others have found no significant difference in divorce rates between cohabiting and non-cohabiting couples. It's essential to remember that many factors contribute to the success or failure of a marriage, and living together before marriage is just one of them. Communication, commitment, compatibility, and individual circumstances all play crucial roles in the longevity of a marriage. Ultimately, the decision to live together before marriage should be based on the preferences and values of the individuals involved.
This man is such a wonder to listen to. Allways! You can even eventualy disagree, which is difficult, but you allways listen to him eagerly and without any hint of boredom. Treasure him.
Cohabitating was never on the cards for my husband and I. I enjoy married life now and I didn't have a hard time adjusting at all. I'm happy that we did things this way.
Now I understood why I couldn't hide my craving for marriage with my current boyfriend and I wait for the day it will come. I just want certainity and that he values my presence and support enough to say "yea, we will stay together for real now. No looking around when tough times will come. No hiding, no running away"
@@martakeczek6476 Whenever I hear "waiting for marriage" I cringe. Not because waiting for marriage itself for intimacy is a bad thing, but because a lot of women don't understand what makes men willing to marry in the first place. If you're intimate with men prior to marriage, it's going to be harder for you to get married. You'll find lots of men promising you to marry, but trying to be intimate with you 2-3 months into the relationship and leaving within a year. Men are made more independent from a young age as they start receiving less affection, receive minimal emotional support and eventually none. As a result, they don't feel the same need to have somebody there long term. A lot of men also believe that loyalty is established when a woman is young, so they're less likely to want an older woman as their "one and only" if they can't think back to when you were younger, wanted by lots of other men, but the only one that could have you was him. Most men that are looking to marry these days are looking to do so quickly, and they're looking to lock down women that are deserving.
I don’t believe living together before marriage is a huge indicator of whether or not the relationship will last. Love is just two people who look past eachother’s flaws and truly want to be with each other. Married young, old, having kids right away, not having kids right away, etc. Everyone has a unique situation. You have to be vocal about your boundaries in the relationship and determine if it’s best for you. I personally did not want to jump to the level of commitment of sharing a space until I knew my husband would be all in. Engagement, heading towards marriage. I’ve met some that have successful marriages & lived together before marriage. But i have also met some that become complacent and live together 8+ years with no ring. You have to establish what the heck you want. & i feel it is safer to say hey “im not going to put the cart before the horse”. Renting may be a good option while you test drive but to buy a house is a whole other level of commitment. Ask yourself- are you going to be disappointed in the long run if this doesn’t work out?
I think the key reason to date someone without moving in together is to experience the relationship but still retain your freedom. That way, when you decide to get married, you’ll voluntarily give up your solo living situation because being with that person is more important than being able to do whatever you want at home alone.
Easier solution....don't get married at all. Play house all you want. Don't give a woman power over your property, your wealth or your piece of mind. Government contracts are too be avoided at ALL costs.
Or you can voluntarily give up that freedom before marriage so if y’all find out that there are issues that are deal breakers/can’t really be fixed y’all can end it without the baggage and legal issues of marriage?
For me I experienced the opposite. I dated my bf in college for 5 years and didn't move in until the day we got married. 2 weeks later I found out a lot of things in a different side of him. He was sweet and all while we were dating. But after married, he didn't like to share the bed. I didn't like when I rolled in the bed. He didn't like it when I rolled over in my sleep. He out a big pillow between us so that I couldn't touch him accidentally. He hated that I got off the bed and used the bathroom. He hate the sound of the light switch when I turned the light on. He hated anything that inconvenient him. I moved out to another room the second year we got married. We also had so many things different and most of the time he got stressed out being with family. He took alone trips out of town to destress. If I had lived with him before married I probably broke up very soon. I didn't think of getting divorced until 17 years later, we completed became disconnected. We couldn't have any good conversations without either me or him raising our voices. His mom lived with us eversince had talken over the role to decide things for us in his favor. I felt suffocated in my own home. So I file for divorce.
My mother told me as a young man, "You don't know who your future wife is yet, but you're going to love her so much that you'll want her to be the only one." Thankfully, I listened.
That is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your mother’s wise words.
@Jackerson I was going to say "Sometimes, mom's lies come true".
@@KirisutonoNeko kirisuto no neko eh? I READ A KANJI IN THE WILD
@@jellyfrogfish おめでとう 👍
How did she get you to listen?
When my wife and I were dating, a friend pointed out that the more physical the relationship becomes, the less you try to get to know and understand the person. It is so true!
exactly this is true
Yep, I agree.
Men see conquests and women see failed relationships , fundamentally .
@@gravitheist5431wdym mean they see failed relationships genuinely curious as to why this is on the women’s part
Not necessarily
45 years of marital bliss! We were both 27 and married in 1975 after a six-month courtship. Our daughter came in 1976 and our son was born in 1978. Two children, nine grandchildren and one great grandson are spreading the joy!
We waited until our wedding night to become intimate. Wow, what a night! Waiting was hard but we wanted to become intellectually bonded before becoming physically bound. Our honeymoon was the kick-off for a truly happy life together. We knew what we wanted in life before the wedding, and we were then able to live the dream! Know your mate-to-be well before living together and be happy for a lifetime. It's worth the wait!
My sweetheart died in 2020 from cancer. I miss her so much; but I thank God for nearly half a century of happiness together. Nothing in life can be better that a truly happy marriage.
I'm sorry for your loss. Cheers for sharing 🤝🏿🙏🏾
cancer is so brutal, but I can't help but feel your 'wisdom' through your choice to be grateful for the time you had. it's impressive, honestly.
Exactly right - sex is a bonding mechanism. If done pre marriage it can gloss over relationship mechanics. What a couple should be doing is building relationship skills such as communication, insted of a focus on "good" sex..
Also you both get to see each other's discipline if you wait till the wedding. This builds trust!
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🕊️🕊️🕊️
A beautiful beautiful blessed life you two had and still have with that legacy.
Thank you for saying so clearly why "it's just a piece of paper" is so infuriating.
"Flawed as we both are, if we commit to each other we have the possibility of becoming more than we are and i'd like to do that with you" - Jordan B Peterson
true till i start beating the shitt out of my wife for fun :P
Jordan Peterson’s way of proposing to someone 😂
How about not committing and become together more than you are anyway? Do we do this to our best friends? I want us to be BFF-s but you must promise you could never ever have another BFF or leave me for someone else you might love t,oo or even more than you love me. Humans try to force it and nature shows them over and over again that She has the last laugh.
In the Book of Enu, God claims that the man is of lesser status and value if he claims to only commit to one woman. God states that this man rationalizes his commitment by means of society tradition and states that this is the ultimate "cope."
God made man to multiply with countless woman but he knew that some men would not have the status and value so he invented computers and encouraged women to be promiscuous so these low status men can simulate their biological design on the internet.
And the willing entrapment of the man is the sincerest form of cuckoldry and failure. God looks at this kind of man with the sincerest form of sadness.
I highly recommend reading Deretesius in the book.
"I shall invent the internet so lonely men can simulate their sexual desires and needs in a safe space" - Deretesius 28:46
I'll keep and use it 😁❤
My father told me something I'll never forget: "If you have the try-before-you buy mentality, and think that you can always divorce him later, your marriage is already doomed."
He was married for 46 years before he passed away from pneumonia. The longer time passed, the more I realized he was correct. I'm glad I listened.
Priceless words! Giving advice like that--he wasn't my father, but should have been. I'll take his advice anyway. Thank you for sharing. I will take his advice and cherish it, like the gem 💎 that it is. RIP, Papa.
Fair enough. But if you go into your relationships with the intent to marry I am hard pressed to think it matters if you move in beforehand or not. Before me and my wife were married we may as well been married after our first date. We didn't do that, because getting married has frustrating baggage outside of the devotion we didn't want to deal with until the timing made sense to do it.
@@aprilm4423 Here are other pieces of advice he gave me:
"A man who truly loves you will wait" and "Never sacrifice your values for a man" and "A man matures when he hits 40, but 35 if you're very lucky. It takes a long time to gain that much experience to become mature."
Again, he was correct on everything. He was often a goofy troublemaker, but deep down he was wise.
20 minutes resumed into a few words.
EXACTLY
When I was married 55 years ago, I saw my wife as God's gift to me. One cannot return a gift from God. Still married. Best gift I ever received. She says the same.
You both are so lucky to have each other❤
I just emailed myself this so I can always read it. I'm getting married in February and this really made me feel good.
Awww❤
All the best to you. We still go out on dates together regularly. A regular reminder to us to always to put each other before all else.@@german80
☺️❤️❤️it's so cute
Cohabitation seems like a slap in the face. It's like telling someone that you are good enough for now until someone better comes along
True. People only need courtship. Date someone for as long as it takes to know them and fall in love with them, except no sleeping with them.
However, people DO need to have a sense that NO ONE better could possibly come along when they make a commitment to marry. If that certainty doesn't exist, one should not make a commitment period.
Yes, we would have a lot less marriage this way. but that's what it takes to have a fulfilling, quality forever marriage. Otherwise, people do the best they can with what's available (the majority), then lock in with "commitment" bc they know deep down that someone better suited could come along. The "commitment" is to annihilate/control that possibility but it doesn't work bc people will break a commitment for one they are unequivocally in love with.
@roses6564 agree. I told my husband that he's the one because I choose him everyday.
Good. If you also choose each other in the presence of a third or fourth party whom you or H could love just as much, then that’s where the real test is. People confuse virtue for a lack of opportunity.
Totally true!!!
@roses6564 hmm I'm singleminded. It is possible to have options but how is it possible for anyone to love those options as much? When I accepted my husband's suit of courtship, I explicitly told my other suitors not to contact me since I am accepting someone's intentions. I think my acceptance meant I have made a decision to continue with a specific person. There shouldn't even be another option waiting on the wings. I expected the same with my husband. Had there any other girl he could love as much, then I'd be more than happy to send him on his merry way. I expected total devotion and nothing less.
"You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith."
Brilliant
... Hmm Really *Faith....* Faith is what caused you to *Eradicate* *AdolfShitler?*
*Faith* is what cause the *Catholic* *to* *Eradicate* *all* *those* *hated* *by* *God?* While Faith is crucial to see thing is Positive light. *Its* *not* *necessary.*
And I hear this... *Jordan* *Pete* *saying* *giving* *FELINE* *the* *right* *attention?* When it will be selling it when *It* *doesnt* *get* *ATTENTION...*
While saying Ohhh *Skunk* *are* *PRONE* *to* *Negative* *Emotions* *and* *Men?* *Men* *have* *Guns.....* What is that suppose to mean?
Translation "You don't commit because of the evidence. You commit because of faith."
*You* *dont* *commit* *because* *of* *Evidence* *You* *commit* *because* *of* *THE* *POSSIBILIY* *OF* *A* *HAPPY* *MARRIAGE...*
Sooo what are you waiting for *Marry* *UP* *said* *1* *senator....* Pay off the Student Load, that it is never going to pay off by that *College* *Degree.*
What is holding you up *from* *commit* *you* *Thy* *Faith?* Whats the matter, *Life* *flashing* *through* *your* *eyes?* *Marryup* *MarryUP* *MARRYUP!*
Yes, but...
1- Committing to the partner isn't the same as committing to a corrupt state.
2- Faith should be in the process of life, not in society's terms of engagement or the institutional stewardship of the authentic.
That’s marriage in a nutshell and I know that institution isn’t something I want to invest in.
Hmm
When my ex-wife divorced me and left the kids to go be with a married man she told me it was just a piece of paper. It blew my mind. 6 months after the divorce things didn't work out with the other guy and then she wanted back and suddenly valued marriage. I gave her a hard "no". Next time around I'm going to do a better job of finding somebody who has a history of upholding commitment.
Hypergamy definitely isn’t love.
Sadly, marriage is now often viewed as a legal contract. For me, it’s sacramental and is a gift from God.
@@CatholicPrayersNovenas And that's why I got an annulment. She demonstrated that she clearly never understood what being in a marriage means.
@@stupidbeetle Good for you. She neither deserved you nor the kids.
Stand you ground, and you'll find someone worthy of you.
*My wife in I are now in our mid 30s. We met as virgins in college.* Peers thought we were weird because we’re both fairly attractive but decided to wait until marriage for sex and also move in together. When you build that type of closeness before marriage, sex and enjoying living together is a bonus. 14 years together so far now with children and It’s been an awesome experience for us both; we wouldn’t exchange it for any dollar amount.
Thats nice but sex is better when you are younger. Enjoy it while its still fun
Sounds remarkable. How did you decide that you wanted to wait until marriage? We’re you raised religiously? Quite the departure from the prevailing culture these days.
Lucky man
Just lucky she got skills in the end
In the Book of Enu, God states that any man who has mentioned sex in some statement when talking about the great benefits of a relationship with a woman was purely motivated by their sexual desires and rationalized by abstract and spiritual ones. God claims that men always do this and must do this to appeal to the woman's senses of trying to harbor an eternal slave for her offspring in the sense that she claims she is looking for a long and deep connection.
Apothicus 26:9
It’s common for relationships to encounter obstacles, but there is always a solution. My own marriage faced considerable issues, but with appropriate guidance, my husband and I worked through them and deepened our connection. Solutions are achievable if you’re ready to work together. Stay hopeful-there’s always a way forward.
I’m facing significant relationship problems and can’t stand the idea of losing him. My love and longing for my partner are profound, and I’m ready to do anything to restore our connection. I would greatly appreciate any advice or help you could give.
Parting with someone you love is always a challenging process, but in my experience, I had the guidance of a spiritual guide who prevented my marriage from collapsing. His name is Father Akunna.
I'll quickly search for him online. Thank you. I'm optimistic that taking this approach will yield results for me as well; his absence is keenly felt.
I promise you will not regret it.
@@user-el4cq5qg2jI want to say that, even if you are trying your everything to restore that connection, there are always 2 people in a relationship. The ultimate resort in a dysfunctional relationship is still to go separate ways, and it is just as respectable as the other solutions maybe tried before. Make sure, first and foremost, that you are safe and do not lose yourself over a relationship that did not work out sustainably (as sad and this may be).
I'm a 32 year old woman with traditional values. When I was 23, I had pretty much given up on ever finding a man who shared my values and beliefs, especially when it came to pre-marital sex and marriage. I am happy to report that after giving up, a man appeared in my life who was absolutely perfect. I met him while working at a church. We've been together for almost 10 years now, married for 5 and have a beautiful 4 year old daughter together. Sometimes you have to give up and focus on yourself before you can find the right person!
Beautiful, God bless you and your family !
You say "focus on yourself", I think it's "Give up focusing on yourself and focus on God!" You WERE focusing entirely on yourself when imagining your dream man who'd share all your values. God waited until you let yourself go to give you what He wanted you to have.
@@evage99 I literally told God "I'm done. If you have someone for me, bring it on." I met my husband 3 months later. When I say focus on yourself, I just meant that I focused on my career, my interests, and my life. My interests include my relationship with God. 😊 Most people are to focused on "finding that person" that they lose who they are in the process.
No ladies night?
@@thewishmastur Huh?
I will never forget the scene when my grandfather - himself in a wheelchair with two amputated legs and seriously ill - fed my grandmother who was dying. For me it was the most impressive thing I've ever seen. The image of what commitment in marriage means. They have endured so much, into high age, and the love and commitment they gave to each other has impressed and touched me deeply and is a great role model for me. Jordan Peterson is right, it's not just a piece of paper. And the younger generation, which is "old-fashioned", they can learn a lot from their grandparents.
Beautiful, blessed, and together unto death. God honors them and all they gave !
wowwww
Yea. The line about the grandparents thing is completely accurate. You described it perfectly. My parents divorced so my grandparents relationship is the only healthy one I’ve really seen. I got to introduce them to my boyfriend and introduce him again as my fiancé. It makes me happy.
Bless them!!
So you're saying he wouldn't have fed her had they not had a marriage contract from the gov and a vow uttered in front of a church rep ... that he will be there to feed her in old age? All of that had to be validated by society/law/church (social institutions)? Otherwise, he wouldn't have fed her?
Hmmm....what if he had met another woman at some point, whom he loved even more than your grandmother, but since he loved your grandmother, he would have been there for her anyway to feed her in old age? Would that count? Are you sure he didn't? Men have lived parallel lives throughout history.
If your grandparents had something so deep, they would have done it with or without the contract or "commitment." Life would have happened to them as they were destined to because they belonged.
You're simply glamorizing bureaucracy, not love.
0:25: 🚫 There is evidence that cohabitation before marriage is a bad idea, as it increases the likelihood of divorce.
4:37: 🔑 Early sexual behavior and multiple partners are markers for anti-social behavior and predatory psychopathy.
9:33: 💔 Commitment in a relationship is necessary to overcome the difficulties that arise due to differences and challenges in life.
13:18: 🔥 Living together without marriage lacks commitment and leads to ambiguity and uncertainty in the relationship.
18:15: 💍 Faith is necessary for moving forward into the unknown and committing to a partner in marriage.
21:18: 😕 The speaker emphasizes the importance of commitment and faith in life, and criticizes casual relationships.
Recap by Tammy AI
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way is this decision a “lack of commitment” like the guy above puts it.
@@_Sloppyham lol you are very invested in being wrong.
Imagine marrying a girl, then finding out she's a crazy one after it's too late... Its a lot harder to hide the real you living together.
@@Vasana612 most the time that only happens if you don't actually get to know the girl or her family. There are some easy ways to rule a girl out.
@@Vasana612 You can argue against what the data says is objectively true to make yourself feel better, or you can accept the facts and attempt to understand them.
I remember when my younger brother told me he wasn't going to marry his pregnant girlfriend. He used that 'we don't need a piece of paper' line. I asked him, "How likely are you to keep a promise you never made?" He'll be 60 this year. He's had multiple children with multiple women, and never got married. He's killed his liver with alcohol, and is likely to soon die alone. If he would have just made that commitment to that sweet young lady who loved him way back when, his life might have been so different.
Did you meet him with God?
@@justice8718 What ?
@@HIMYMTR Jesus Christ of Nazareth. As that is the only thing that will matter.
@@justice8718 is the only thing that matters to you is running to an abusive religion that threatens your soul with damnation, you need a better religion.
We call those abusive partners when a man does that.
We call them tyrants when world leaders do that.
“How likely are you to keep a promise you never made?” Quite clear, concise, and true!
"Faith is what makes movement into the unknown possible" Wow... So simple yet so meaningful. I think there is no better description.
faith is what makes humans commit the unspeaks atrocities, and performa the unspeakable miracles. religion, the boon and the bane, where it has shown some of the worst possible tortures, geniceds, rapes , hate crimes to the world, It has also shown some of the kindest behaviors, acts, to be the fuels for passion, kindness, love.
humanity being what it is, faith is used for bad more than good, hence humans are better without faith and with logic and morals.
@@atharvsharma1866you need faith for any scientific endeavour...
@@atharvsharma1866 You might be talking about faith in extreme religious way. But there is faith in every human being hence everybody believes in something even though you like it or not. And it makes us human.
All the Media/HollyWood will be saying Ohh *Ooman* are leading *in* *the* *world....* But never the bad said of it.
*Ohhh* *GendrW* *are* *leading* *in* *College* *more* *then* *EVER* Do they use that *COLLEGE* *DEGREE* of theirs to EARN *A* *LIVING?* Or Debt Ridden they are?
*FELINE* *are* *OWNING* *HOUSES* *MORE* *THEN* ever? *Has* *it* *never* *Occured* *to* *you,* *where* are all those *Houses* *FROM?* *Without* having TO *WORK* *A* *DAY* *IN* *LIFE?*
... Hmm Really *Faith....* Faith is what caused you to *Eradicate* *AdolfShitler?*
*Faith* is what cause the *Catholic* *to* *Eradicate* *all* *those* *hated* *by* *God?* While Faith is crucial to see thing is Positive light. *Its* *not* *necessary.*
And I hear this... *Jordan* *Pete* *saying* *giving* *FELINE* *the* *right* *attention?* When it will be selling it when *It* *doesnt* *get* *ATTENTION...*
While saying Ohhh *Skunk* *are* *PRONE* *to* *Negative* *Emotions* *and* *Men?* *Men* *have* *Guns.....* What is that suppose to mean?
Marriage isn’t a springboard for you to dive into a shallow pool of your own personal happiness. Marriage is a platform of stability from which your future generations can all deep dive into happiness and success.
Marriage isn't JUST a platform of stability for future generations.
There's Men that have taken their own life thinking just that. Your personal happiness is meaningless, all you are is a tool to provide stability to the next generation.
@@jpPID True enough! But the poster didn't actually say that personal happiness was meaningless, nor say that all you are is a tool. Presumably, be neither a narcissist nor an "echoist." As JPB said, the proposition of marriage is that "I will treat you like you're me." (16:10)
I hope you don’t treat your husband or wife as you treat yourself that could be very destructive for your partner. Especially since most of us truly do not know how we are to walk in all the glory that God created us to be , a man, woman who reflects his image and his likeness. Most people are self destructive
If you are able to have future generations that is lol
@@jpPID This is toxic stuff passed through generations. They've destroyed enough lives with this dogmatic religious propaganda.
I wish someone could call out these ostensibly "traditional" impostors.
Teaching people "Endurism" - to accept cycles of misery in the name of "God's will," when God's will is the exact opposite - to revere life and live it instead of enduring it. This mentality does not only do zero service to the next generation, it poisons the to do the same when their time comes.
This hits harder when you've already made the mistakes he's talking about. Thank you for teaching me to see the truth, Dr Peterson. You saved my life many times.
You lived together with your partner and your marriage failed anyway? It´s because you failed reading the signs that were there all the time and you refused to see....
Poor sense of why I don't feel like you are randomly making things up because I usually don't have intuitive feelings that produce thought yet know I am wrongfully convicted for the sake of your complex in being a part of a process that is transferring you away from the framework reality and we have those in this particular area afterall this is an industry this guy, from hay river, wanted to make some changes without people getting involved
This one really did hit hard for me. This is kinda what ive figured out in my mind ever since my last relationship. I was the one who left, not for another person, but because i was tired of disagreements and such. Which werent even that big of a deal, and werent usually very frequent, they were just emotionally difficult situations to navigate. I left, because i thought i could find someone better, who i wouldnt have these kinds of disagreements with. I’ve come to realize that even though she wasnt perfect in every way, we definitely clicked in a very special and unique way, and I loved her very much.
I was at the point in the relationship where I felt like it was necessary to decide whether or not she was the one. But she was also my first really serious relationship. It felt like i had hit a fork in the road in my own mind, and i had to choose a path. We had been having some more serious arguments in that time, because she began to think i was cheating, which i absolutely was not, and i finally did get her to trust my word. But that really fucked with my head, and made me worry about the future. But at the same time, i loved her so much, and wanted her in my life forever. I just felt like it could be my last chance to dodge a bullet, and at that point in our relationship, i felt like we may never get past some of our conflicts. Looking back, i know that i could have changed some things about myself, and she had already began changing herself for the better. I think it would have worked out beautifully, if i just had faith. She really was everything I wanted, but i let that go. I hit the fork in the road, and took the wrong path. I should have just made the commitment instead, because i now have faith that it would have worked out. Unfortunately she now lives pretty far away, and is in a relationship with someone else. It’s also been like 3 years, and ive gone on some dates, but i dont click AT ALL with most women, and i either cant get a second date, or simply dont even want to because i’m not interested in them.
I dont doubt that i’ll find someone eventually, but it was biggest flop in my life, and if i knew then what i know now, i would have protected our relationship at all costs.
But ive learned let go. I’ve accepted it for the way it is, and i’m ready for the next great chapter. JP has helped me through.
@@tjziegler8823You can’t realize how much I needed to read this, for me being at exactly the crossroad you’re describing. Bless you and thank you very much for your comment
Same
Here
I love this!
As a kid I prayed that God would protect me from men who would hurt me, that I would only date men worthy of marriage (not expecting to have that happen on the first try). I also made the choice to wait on sex before marriage. My husband and I dated for 7 years before marriage without having sex or seeing each other naked or any of that silly nonsense that take a backseat to what is truly important in love and friendship. Neither of us had cold feet or nervous butterflies when we walked down the aisle and moved in with each other. We have now been together for 20 years, 13 years married, and are still each other’s best friend and greatest support system. We have been through ups and downs, even extreme things like me having postpartum psychosis, us being without an income for 10 months, and starting a business with only $10 in the bank. We didn’t give up on each other, because that is not an option when your relationship isn’t built on m the physical or in a test lab.
Reading your story made me so happy! Thank you for sharing! God Bless and protect you and your family always!
Your man is beta
My wife says she knew she was going to marry me after the first week we'd met, and she told her best friends at the time.
Meanwhile it's been thirty years and we've been happily married for 25 years.
Man that really was from a different time. That would be taken very differently nowadays with folks my age, 20s. Lol.
Eh, don’t worry my friend. It’s still possible as long as there is love and romance. Although we may have to look for it a bit harder these days. Fiamonds have become more rare. At least in the west. Parallel to that concept you just really ought to know what qualities to look for, and not let yourself get hooked, despite clearly/or subtle seeing “red flags.”
Kind regards a fellow 19/20 year old. :)
That’s lovely
Same story, I knew I would marry her after first date and told my dad already. I was 25 when we met, she was 22. We discussed life philosophy and expectations on our first date. I proposed 3 months into our relationship, married 4 months after that, 1st child another 5 months later. Second child 2 years later. Now together 7 years. Many of my friends who dated and lived together for years are now broken up.
Amen amen!
We got married at 22 and 23, after three years of long distance dating and engagement (my husband was in the military and stationed overseas). We were high school friends but started dating as young adults. We were virgins on our wedding night, and moved in together after our honeymoon. We've been married nearly 14 years and still going strong, after two kids, multiple moves, deployment, and some serious health scares. It's not easy, it's work, but we made a commitment to each other and now to our kids that we will do whatever is needed to make our family healthy and strong.
❤️❤️❤️
Bless you and your family
We love to hear it. But, you never put yourself into the situation that many women do. For attention or worse.
We got married at 18 and 20. We did it in front of our friends and family. Both of us were virgins as well. We have been together 13 years with 4 kids. We both desperately want more kids. We are together forever!
God Bless and protect your family🎉
My husband and I dated 2 years. We waited to have sex until marriage. This forced us to get to know each other pretty well before getting physical. We volunteered in ministry together as well which was great because we got to see how the other operated under pressure. We’ve had a great adventure together building a life.
the fact that you volunteered in "the ministry" before marriage infers that you are religious. Would you say it is fair comment that divorce is less socially acceptable to you? So many religious people are miserable in marriages but are not able to get divorced.
Working under pressure is indeed a great way to observe your future partner to be. 👍
@KT Was Here divorce should be socially unacceptable.
Christian sex. Yawn.
Make sure that, if you have kids, don't bring them to ministry, you know ministry loves children, if you know what I mean
Married 40 years…seven adult children. More than once one or the other of the two of us wanted out. So grateful for our mutual respect for our vows.
Good job.
@@shawnmendrek3544 thank you 😊
It's incredible how often Jordan Peterson says things that completely blow my mind.
And often it's things we already knew or had heard, but couldn't assimilate until he said them in one simple, logical, mindblowing sentence. I'm SO grateful for that.
What blows my mind is that he wants you to sign a marriage contract with the same government that's trying to ruin him. What a brilliant idea!
@@bruha321 If you got a better way run for office. You'll probably get the votes, as everyone else is batshit insane.
So basically what he’s saying is that if you aren’t married and live together, you aren’t committed to the other person and still open to other options.
You’re not willing to go through thick and thin with them but only the good times. Marriage is and agreement that you two will stand the test of fire and whatever life throws at you together. You’ll settle your differences, work through things, and be faithful to each other
in theory, in praxis a totally different thing
Exactly. Thats all nice and pretty IF you love each other truly AND you’re both not selfish assholes who can actually communicate and solve problems, not just demanding the solution. And that’s a skill, meaning it takes effort to learn it, meaning not many people can. “You’re still open to other options when you’re living together and not married” - of course I fucking am. You can be lovely if I see you once a week for couple of hours, but unbereable if living with 24/7. Also, am I supposed to marry someone after knowing them for, say, a month? Can you really know who someone really is after a month? A year? Will I really know them after such time? Different people open themselves up at different pace. It takes time. Jumping into marriage purely because of “love”, especially at a young age when you don’t really know what true love is, is almost a sabotage on yourself. That’s why there is so much unhappy marriages and so many divorces.
Congrats to all of you who did get married early AND are happy with it - truly, I am happy for you and hope I can learn from you. But realise that you are a small percentage, realise time and people change, and advices that might be best for you are not necessarily the best for todays youth
@@marcinz.3570 But are you OK with living with someone you have only known for a month? What if they are crazy?
@@blank_line No, Im not. sorry I was writing in rush so my response might be a bit chaotic. But what you’re asking is my point exactly! Are you willing to marry (live with) someone FOREVER after only, well, actually whatever time of knowing them, WITHOUT living some time together first? What if they are crazy? Publicly seeing each other or even spending some times in each other houses is completely different than actually living together.
You don’t date without saying hi, you don’t live together without dating, you don’t marry without living together. It only makes sense. Jumping the living together part is another essential stepping up of the relationship. You wouldn’t jump into marriage after one date without talking to them (getting to know the “public” them). You shouldn’t jump into a marriage without living with them (getting to know the “private” them)
@Marcin Z. this is a very good point. It is difficult and risky to trust anyone to live with them in any case, married or not. Ugh, a stubborn dilemma
As a Muslim, I can't help but think it is wrong to live with someone without legal commitment, though
Thank you for answering. I will revisit this question again in my mind 🤔
Its not that you "Shouldn't" live with your partner before marriage. It's that you shouldn't feel you need to in order to know they're the one to marry because that just means you have to convince yourself. Im 26 and barely dated because I never found someone I could imagine marrying. Met a girl last december been dating 3 months and I already know this is the one for me because. She treats me as an equal and never gave me a reason to doubt her love. I don't need to live with her to know I'll gladly work through any issue we face together.
Be careful of 'equality'. Same poles do not attract.
She may very well be the one for you. But 3 months isn't very long. Just keep your eyes open to protect yourself.
Buying insurance doesn't mean you want something bed to happen.
Im not going to try to convince you of anything, you will find out yourself, good luck
@@Panzerfaust-ux8xb I call bs , majority people last because of similarity
@@natethegr8230 I appreciate the concern man but I don’t need to keep my eyes open for other girls while I’m in a relationship. Thats just having one foot out the door. You can invest yourself into one person and still be prepared it might not work out. Gotta take a risk of being vulnerable and getting hurt to build trust with someone.
My biggest regret in my personal life was living with my now ex husband before marriage. It ruined everything, I was taken for granted, I was a “wife” when it was convenient and a throwaway girlfriend when it wasn’t. Don’t live together ladies, have patience and faith you’ll meet the right guy under the right circumstances.
Your biggest regret should be ignoring flags. The whole point in cohabitation is finding them and it sounds like you found one, married him anyway and as the "ex" implies, made the wrong choice. Even if you hadn't lived with him before marriage you were destined for divorce.
I hate to say this but he was probably going to treat you that way either way. He just was a terrible person to you, and that was not going to change simply because you live together first or not. He was a bad person and I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@IFBBProYeo Do you think a loser would hang around if they weren't sleeping together before marriage?
@@mnotlyon I think any man can become a loser at any time. How many men have become despicable people after a woman gives him her home and v!rginity? MANY.
@@IFBBProYeo The man you just described did not become a loser. He was already a loser. That man is not husband material.
That last sentiment in the closing of JP's speech here is powerful: "Machiavellian, Psychopathic, Narcissistic, and Criminal at worst" is a great way to describe the Internet's obsession with modern casual dating culture.
it is not even casual “dating” anymore…you can swipe left and be in the sack an hour later with the understanding that after sex you will never see each other again
And now, there is a new term both sexes are using with pride: “body count”
True
Jordan is just jealous because he is in a boring monogamous relation ship and wishes he would get a new vagin, so now he is bitter and argues against it.
I think the general idea of marriage is to settle in with someone that you can love no matter what but the concept of "hooking up" and having a number of bodies somewhat makes people addicted to that flow and idea of getting bored and switching in between people and not realising how important it is to understand to actually get to know someone know their flaws weaknesses and still love them.
I feel bad for people who are stuck in that cycle, like genuinely, not just being condescending towards shallow people. If you've been in love for real then I don't really need to explain it, but there's some things you just can't understand until you've been with someone long enough.
I tried the whole hookup shit when I was a teenager and it wasn't enjoyable to me because I did not feel connected with anybody I was having sex with. I'll never understand how people can just live like that
this is so beautifully put
it makes me fall in love with marriage in some way. Thanks. I'm moved, here.
I was told I don't know about love just because I did not have alot of sexual relationships...lol
I lived with my wife before marriage for a period of time while engaged, and I am personally glad I did so. I am sure it is different for other people but for me I am happy we did it that way. I am 100% committed to her and do not see divorce as an option. I went into marriage fully in love and knowing everything about her.
But I guess part of it is that I always viewed relationships as serious precursors to marriage, not casual. Marriage was always the end goal. And I wanted to ensure we could get along in a domestic setting.
I think it’s the difference between moving in with someone you know you’re going to marry or you’ve decided already to marry versus living with someone you aren’t sure about and then the window for other options runs out while you are cohabiting.
Sex before marriage is un-naturally, on the womans terms.
If the relationship starts out on the womans terms, the man is in the wrong position
The "alpha" man is the head of the marriage relationship. Weak men make loose women their wifes. Then, they wonder why women file 75% of divorces.
Still a car. You're fortunate in your spouse.
I've known people who iived together so they could share the rent payments while they earned their university degrees. They had been dating for a few years and came from similar backgrounds. The tension and distraction of desiring intimacy but trying to remain virgins is very difficult for some people for physical reasons. By cohabiting and having the relief from aexual tension made studying easier. One couple graduated and got decent jobs. Then they got married. Thirty years and two grown children later and they are solidly married.
Postponing marriage can cause some people to mainly marry for the sex. I witnessed a case where one young man pressed his girlfriend to hurry up and marry him so they could consumate their relationship. It wasn't long before he started pressure to do what he wanted. Ten years in and 4 children later the marriage was in trouble because of the gaslighting behaviour of the husband toward the wife. She stayed to keep the family intact for the children and later divorced him, as he was emotionally abusive toward her. She had warned him, but he ignored her warnings.
@@MarilynCrosbie really good points
I didn't live with my wife until we cut a covenant before God and man. Not because I didn't love her, but because I did. I wanted to give her something on our wedding night, not take something from her beforehand because I couldn't control myself.
That is done and spoken like a true gentleman. I hope your marriage has thrived and you get to raise more mannered spiritual awesome sons and daughters ❤
My parents were not married by church, only by state, and with separation of their own assets. They have been best friends all their life but guess where their lack of faithful vows led them to… sad and divorced by 60. And they will remain so for the rest of their life I swear.
People find atheism so fun and free when they’re young, well, who is there to guide you and tell your story once you arrive at the last stages in life?
If not by faith, with love, then nobody is there.
Same for my uncles and aunts.
If more men and women were like you our society would have so much better off.
@@blondegiraffe2023 Thank you 😊
Odd to define it as talking
@@MALICEM12 you realize that is a mutual “taking” as both are virgin.
This man is a giant, as a Canadian, and a Christian, I couldn't be happier he's with us ✊🏾
Not technically a Christian, but to be fair, he is more qualified to be called a Christian than most other people in the world.
I am happy as a Muslim too.
Not technically a Christian because he does not believe in God. Mind you according to most historical accounts neither did Jesus.
@@criticalthinker8007 "Most historical accounts"? Which?
@@spirituallysafe for start all books of the new testament before the final four gospels where decided and added. Except for revelations all the books are old than the gospels.
Young people, for your own good, listen to this advice and save yourself years of pain. Don't wait until you're old with many emotional scars and trauma to realize this man is actually right.
Yeah exactly.
💯
Oh my goodness yes, this is so true.
The baggage of intimate ex-lovers , the baby mama/baby daddy dramas, child custody/child support battles. Those things will affect one’s future marriage.
I was told I was too young to be in love, in College. If I had followed the love and stayed I would have saved myself 25 years of regret, in and out of relationships, still thinking of that person. As I got older I started asking more questions. Then realized same people telling me I was too young were actually married themselves in their early/mid twenties and never divorced (now in their 70's), so much less trauma, a chance to build community and family. You can get yourself in some pretty serious situations going in and out of relationships, and the "in between relationship time" can put you in situations that can be downright dangerous if you grew up in a family where everyone seemed to get along and very few divorces, being too trusting because you don't know what is lurking... If you meet someone you really like, take it seriously. Ask the right questions. Do not sleep with them right away. Take your time. Get to know their family, as well. Do not move in together "to try it", "to save money", "because you don't need the piece of paper". Don't fall into the "common-law" trap. It is not marriage. This is the road to several ex-partners, loneliness, feeling like "time is gone forever". Commit. If I could go back in time I would. So much regret. Also, teach this to your children....the ones who have the long-term marriages, teach this to your children, actually sit down and talk with them about it, don't assume they will be like you, with very few partners and a long term marriage. Once you start down the multiple partner road/no commitment it is hard to go back and it starts at an early age. Save them from the "co-parenting from hell" because they lived together and not married, then realized the guy was abusive, had to leave. This has been my number one worse part of my life. Now in a position where I will follow this advice, with the awareness that I might be alone/unmarried now for the rest of my life to salvage some self-respect, while dealing with the fact that I have all of this past attached to me. Also do not let your children buy a house together with someone they are not married to...advise them. Teach these things while they are growing up. Set the guidelines for what is healthy and unhealthy by actually talking about it. Also, guide children about how to earn money from a young age so they are self sufficient and do not need to be supported, but can choose once married "as a family" what is best for them when children arrive (as a committed family). Thank you for listening.
This one hits home for me... it literally felt like he was describing my entire young adulthood... 😢
JP is so wise and speaks from the heart. I'm a 27 year old man, been single most of my life and desperate enough to make changes with a strong desire and passion in my heart to marry the right woman, to pour my love into her, and start a family with. Divorce is not in my vocabulary. Been working hard these past few years to one day provide and protect. God willing, i pray of meeting her soon.
You are right. Seek god first and all else will be given to you. Watch out though...you may well be given the exact opposite of what you thought you wanted but it will be very very good for you regardless.
Watch a lot of George Bruno, he'll keep you leveled and from making a mistake when you're venturing out. Dont be desperate enough to forgo vetting a woman properly👍
@@wordforever117 i would rather say seek urself and not god. Inner exploration is more imp
Take responsibility for your own actions and self. What do you look like? are you attractive? Successful? Are you someone that even deserves half of the things you want (considering all the other men out there, similar to or better than you????) if not, change that.
@@sensei_poo Yeh but you would be wrong. There is no "yourself" without God. Nothing at all makes any sense with God, nothing has any purpose without God. If you seek "yourself" with out God then all you will find is absurdity, pointlessness and indifference.
My spouse said she will only move in with me if we are going to get married. She moved in. We got married. Then we have 4 kids. 16 year wedding anniversary coming up. We’re in this for life.
The most important decision you can make in your life…is your life partner
You're in it for life cause you have everything to lose. She has everything to gain through divorce. 80% of divorce proceedings are initiated by the woman. These are facts whether you want to believe them or not.
And why couldn’t you marry her before she moved in?
I'm 27, single, virgin, fairly attractive, and I personally love the idea of waiting until I get married to live together and to have sex with my husband. It's so exciting for all the right reasons, and no one I've spoken to about the subject that feels differently has been able to convince me otherwise (like saying you need to see if you're sexually compatible, or what if they have bad habits, or a health issue that you won't want to deal with forever, etc.). That's why I'm working to be a better individual and why my future husband should also be someone that's worked on themselves and is on my level of maturity and dedication. If a man isn't, then they're simply not for me. What's sad is that I haven't been able to find a single man that seems to understand the importance of this kind of information to build good values that could prove to me he'd be a good mate. But, I suppose until I find one, I can also work on myself, and am happy I found Dr Peterson to be one of those guides I go to to learn to be better, happier, and wiser.
@Nana Kwame Let him cook lol
good
@Tyler Lee I'm rooting for you 😆
@@MPresheva Well this is awful advice...no dont just accept the first guy/girl who throws themselves at you, have some standards. Better to remain single than to settle for a less than ideal spouse because you're afraid of "time running out"
@MaudlinBlase You're boastful 😂 "on your level"
And you cannot find a man ?! As a virgin?!!! Maybe you should stop looking for a certain type of dudes.
Excellent lecture, having lived in San Francisco in the late sixties and seventies and witnessed live in relationships before they ever became de riguer among so many, I have witnessed the emotional destruction of live in relationships first hand. There are reasons every major religion condemns this. It wrecks havoc among society. There is no security if people decide that when things get difficult they can just walk out.
There are reasons why there are few religions
Every single one of them is fake the guys that made the devices that we are writing this on proved that long ago
So yeah....
@@mateuszkrytyk5711😂😂😂
“You get to treat them like they are you”. Deep!
I need to see how you’re really treating yourself because that’s how you’ll treat me.
He is intelligent and adorable at the same time!
Whoever finds him offensive simply needs to re-examine their thinking 🧐
Especially women, how is it that you find Jordan offensive?
I’m a 57 year old woman and think he’s delightful 😊
I tell you why people might find him offensive. He is just telling the truth. And for many people it is hard to admit the truth. Just as for many people it is hard to admit their mistakes. It is way easier to live in excuses and lies because you dont have to confront yourself. But without confrontation you cannot heal and be free. There is in bible something like this: Seek the truth and it will make you free. And todays world is full of lies. Wish you all nice day.
@@tomasurge6145 People find him offensive when he goes out of his way to communicate delicate subjects in a harsh manner to provoke outrage.
I’m a 30 year old woman and I agree with you. I love him.
He tells the truth, and people do not like truth, so they hate him.
its probablyh the time he said that woman who wear red lipstick to work are responsible for any innapropriate behaviour towards them in the workplace since it turn on the primal brain and it scientifically a colour which makes you more attractive. In an interview one time
Married at 21, 4 kids by 28, still together 42 years later. Just celebrated mothers day with out 4 kids, 1 'adopted' daughter and 8 grandkids. Never lived together, and only ever been with one another. Still wonderfully married in retirement. As a teacher for 38 years until I retired, I sadly saw the negative impact of the deterioration of Marriage in the lives of the children I supported and taught. Glad Jordan is speaking out about this.
"Deterioration of marriage" has nothing to do with living together before marriage. Jordan doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, although this would CERTAINLY not be the first, or the 500th, time for him.
she was $$$ depend on U ?
@@dmitryspivak4586 www.wf-lawyers.com/divorce-statistics-and-facts/
@@dmitryspivak4586 So you hold the truth then, tell us all about it
@@OptimalOpinion If she was, then it's proven the male being the provider makes long lasting relationships?
“Part of the reason you get married is so you’re desperate enough to change.” That’s so profound
I'm a child psychotherapist. From the children's perspective, there is nothing worse than making a child before you are sure that your partner is suitable *and* having a stable bond with them.
Thank God we have contraceptives and family planning programs to help us avoid unwanted pregnancies while being able to satisfy our needs and getting to know the person before any hard comitments are made.
My ex(childrens father) was in charge of everything. Me of silent generation. Statutory rape & resulting pregnancy in the shame generation sealed my fate to secure fathers responsibility -parentage. Only after e jean Carroll victory-verdict have realized he did unfairly coerce this innocent VIRGIN who wanted a truly white gown wedding. ---wich became reality of lyrics to. PUT ANOTHER LOG ON THE FIRE. wiser little by slowly
FREE 😁🤗🥴🧐🤔😉🥰😂
@@X9523-z3v I don't get the relevancy of your comment. Can you elaborate?
@@Sinoochkayet people decide not to use them and men don’t even know if the female they are with are on them 😂😂😂. Hence why we get so many I didn’t know I was pregnant women
I'm also a youth psychoterapist it's imporant that two people love eachother, and want to have children and are in stable economic conditions, otherwise children will suffer. That is why abortion is very important, oh wait most JP fans are against aboortion, ups.
Jordan always been inspiring, my relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her~
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my wife of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go. I did all I could to get her back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@Margart526 Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
@@ddirtdid Her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer.
@@Margart526 Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
You are grieving, and grieving takes time.
If it weren't for my vows I know for a fact I wouldn't still be married today. Our commitment held things together when the going got rough. And then our marriage got better than it ever was before, and it would never have had the chance to blossom otherwise. 10 years and going strong!
My husband and I didn't live together till two years after we dated. We had kids from different marriages and we wanted to be sure everyone got along. It also gave us time to learn one another's flaws and deal with this in our own space. I think that is why our marriages last cause we already learned to deal with one anothers flaws in the safety of our own space.
I'm confused on the marriage lasting if you're stating that they didn't.
This talk is worth more than a million dollars. If we all adhered to and lived by this, 90% of America's problems would vanish! Thank you Mrs. Peterson and Dr. Peterson.
A million bucks huh? That’s absurd. You Jordan Peterson fanboys are something else.
Well he's Canadian...
@@G.GordonMidi Sadly, it is your mentality... that values wealth over stable, loving family... that results in so many unhappy people, who are incapable of a loving, lasting, stable, family relationship.
Most people realise that when they look back over 60 years... of materialism... and realise their values were all wrong... but it's too late by then!
And if you listed to Jordan, you would know that women want and need a long, stable, living relationship. It's selfish to treat them as expendable, just to try and satisfy our lusts... which doesn't benefit anyone in the long run.
@@TheWraith7 If you can't establish whether a woman had the same values as you, and compatible, by courting them... as millions have done successfully... you lack the basic principles that underpin a long, stable, marriage. You should try listening to Jordan, then thinking about the facts he presented.
@@TheWraith7 Data?
As someone who's had several partners (all in a 'steady' relationship) before marrying a man who was a virgin until our wedding night, I can only second what Dr Peterson is saying. Sleeping with multiple people destroys your soul and hampers your earnest joy in being with your spouse. I am so happy that I found a really wonderful man who is strong, steady and faithful. I can trust him fully. Now married for 12 years.
That's interesting. Since you were not a virgin...did it hamper your earnest joy with your husband? And how did you overcome that?
how do u know for sure he was virgin until the wedding night? :D
@@polpol1005 Because his penis still had the tamper-proof seal on it when she decked his drawers.
@@polpol1005 watch his reaction when he sticks it in
that's extremely unromantic, and perverted.
As a man who has shacked up too many times and has been unhappily married for 15 years, I can say the biggest problem we discovered was that, if you aren't ready to get married, you haven't yet established boundaries. Once you live together, establishing those boundaries becomes harder and the likelyhood that you will end up with a family before those boundaries are eatablished increases every day.
Everyone has to respect boundaries even if it’s family etc that’s how things work out
Good insight
Absolutely, also keep money separate 👍
No lmao I never felt pressured once to start a family while the gf is living with me you're easily manipulated
Loosers gonna loose.
11:16 lol
I bought 6 Cars in my life and never road-tested one of them.
I did the same with my motorcycles, never road-tested one, and I had 4 of them.
Your right. It's more than a piece of paper. It's a commitment and a big responsibility.
We had our ups and downs. I never road-tested my wife and knew she was the one for me.
My wife is a Nurse. Married now for 38 years. I was 16, and she was 15 when we first met. Married at 24; it was love at first sight and still is.
She wasn't my high school sweetheart.
Priest told me my Marriage would never last right from the get-go,what a dork.
I'm buying a sports car soon, and I'm not road-testing it. My wife and I will be cruising up and down with the top down and the radio on.
Six-speed standard shift 2-door roadster rag top with a gasoline engine rated at 220HP
No time for dinky electric cars, Hybrids, yes, total electric, no.
Never slept with anybody but my wife, nor did she.
Sex is a bit of an issue now.
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well, you might find
You get what you need
Ah, yeah🤘👩❤💋👨
This is awesome 😎 👏. If sex is a bit of an issue, try making sure you are both brushing and flossing (brush your tongues especially) and just spend a night snuggling on the couch focused on just talking and kissing (lots of kissing) after a movie and paying close attention to each other and no one else. There are TONS of nerve endings in the lips and lots of chemical reactions take place and hormonal release from kissing. I guarantee it will be quality time well spent but probably will lead to way more than that! And if you don’t already, stay away from the porn. That wrecks a guys timing and ability to perform properly. Major turn off for many a lady. I know this is unsolicited advice but you did bring it up. Also, a leading lecturer on this subject advises people to take not mentally if what things impress your partner and get them fired up. He advises to actually write it down. Like if you wore a certain shirt or cologne and got lucky with your spouse. Or you had a heart to heart talk and that brought you closer together and fired up the passion. He states the obvious but we forget over time to do the obvious and it helps to write it down because it increases likelihood of us putting it into practice. Also you could show her your public comment here if you haven’t because I think it would make her feel pretty special. I have a feeling though that you probably tell her often, how much she means to you. It’s another compliment to her and your relationship though, that you went out of your way to express it on a public forum.
I moved in with my now wife 6 months after we started dating because we lived 2 hours away from each other. Was the only way we could give our relationship a chance - we’ve had a decade of happiness and look forward to the rest of our lives.
@wanker2us wally ... exactly. You have to stay humble and aware 💯
there are exceptions to every rule.
I don’t know your story, but please don’t say that is the only way to build a relationship. My husband and I lived 6 hours apart until we married, and I know many people who lived further apart than that until they were married. Long distance dating is possible.
good for you . the first 10 can be easy . each 10 after that gets a bit more challenging .
Only by God's grace it is possible to maintain a marrige. Not by human efforts only.
I was 19 when I took one of Prof. Peterson's classes. I'm 30 now, still love hearing the man talk :)
How awesome to have had him as a prof. At such a young age.. I’m 43 and diving into his books and talks!
I'm sorry you had to take up student loan debt to listen to this nonsense
@nadjak3410 you sound bitter and ignorant
I find him very preachy and over thinking. Never trust statistics or someone that throws the odd shot out there. Statistically, what’s the other side of the argument?
A good marriage is like a long lasting friendship: a lot of good and bad adventures together, going in the directions of both partner's wants and needs.
Not a surprising statistic really. The only people who wait until marriage to cohabitate now are typically religious and in religious communities divorce is less socially acceptable. Reckon there’s a lot of unhappy married people who feel they can’t divorce due to the judgement of their religious community
I wish I had a man like this to give me the faith I needed to act rightly when I was young. I only ever got commands. I’m glad we have him now.
Yes, the spirits of love and good faith, instead of commands and "that's just how things are", which are so dispiriting and confusing
@@alvareo92 It just shows the danger of not understanding why you believe what you believe.
Gosh this man is filled with so much wisdom it’s incredible. I’m a 26 year old male that was living that playboy/psychopathic/sociopathic lifestyle, using the blessings I was gifted with for pure evil, merely gratifying my impulsive pleasures and it lead me nowhere but toward destruction for all parties involved. So much time wasted on nonsense, my life was put at risk, chaos, gosh like he said.. nothing like being committed and BEARING all the responsibility and building something worthwhile. I’ve decided to change my ways.. this man certainly assisted in elucidating that path. Forever grateful.
I am 66. This man is pure wisdom. That does not mean I acted the way I should have. But I now know all the things he says are true.
Nice
So true! Amen
I am 66 and I think JP says some stuff that is true and also much that is not true.
Experience is a harsh teacher. I learned this all the hard way too…
So grateful my wife and I saved physical intimacy until after marriage. Reserving something so personal, so intimate, so precious for a time until after you've fully committed to one another makes so much sense. It makes for a stronger, stabler relationship of trust upon which to build a family.
So you would've broken up if you had sex 1 week before marriage? Lmao this is ridiculous
@@SoWhosGae Don't know where you're getting that from but it was and is important to us to reserve that intimacy until after we're committed to one another in marriage. Laugh all you want.
Wow. That’s great!!! I’ve never moved in with a boyfriend before. I agree what u said, that women are not cars, that u gotta test drive before you buy them!!! It may sound old fashioned, but I don’t really care what people think😬
@@chrisbeus9509Don't cast your pearls before swine. She wouldn't understand anyway.
@@SoWhosGaeWhat's your history smartie?
-be careful. Whoever you are, be aware. He's not speaking from experience, he is just speaking from his thoughts. Although it is a good way to make us think, we need to critically think by ourselves and contrast the information. Don't be sure of anyone or anything.
Thank you ! I love to see people who think for themselves.
He’s not any other man . For a moment , let’s keep aside his qualifications and achievements.Lets take into consideration his experience and did you notice that ring on his finger 😅 he is not just taking the talk , he is walking the walk
@@SS-os5ff ok
My wife and I have been married for 50 years. We can relate to the faith and commitment part, and no we did not cohabitate before marriage. We wrote letters to each other for 4 years in different cities before we got married.
Beautiful
That's a great story but life in the 70's is very different than in the 2020's.
@@jayjonah83 my husband and I married 15 years ago and did not live together. We dated for a year, got engaged and married 6 months later. Still in love with each other. It's not always easy but if you put each other first it works and it's wonderful.
@@jayjonah83 people are the same,,,
@@jayjonah83 sometimes, I wish it was the 70s
Thank you for telling us not to test-drive. Thank you for telling us we're not a car or an object. Thank you for telling us that marriage is not just a piece of paper. Thank you for telling us that we are not just "... the best we can manage at the moment" or that "you'll do for now." Thank you for showing us the pathway to misery, anxiety and what no hope is built upon. Thank you for resounding that kind of faith I believed in, which I thought was extinct, and I was the only stupid left practicing it. It is true that once a person has had multiple partners before he is with you, that habit is unbelievably hard to shake-off for that person entirely because it has become resilient and resistant to change. That's why they say once a cheater always a cheater. And that person will always be wanting what he cannot have or that the grass is greener on the other side. It is hard for such a person to remain faithful, loyal and true to one person for life. I wish all men had your viewpoint Jordan. You are a very rare man. This world would be a better place if everybody thinks and acts like you. There would be less or no breakups, heartaches, divorces; and no one playing with hearts as if they are objects. There would be happier relationships. No one wants to commit anymore. And no one fights to keep a love alive and wanna make it work. But your marriage shows that it can be done. You're a man of your word because you actually preach what you say. And that is remarkably admirable. Thank you for sticking by your wife through thick and thin, thru hell and back no matter what... Your life is a symbol of everything noble. You are like an angel come down to earth to show man that they can transcend. Much blessings to you and your family.
Amen sister ❤
You said it all perfectly. 😔
Bruh. Someboddy putting someone on a huuge pedestal. And now let's fuck around.
Stop allowing yourselves to be test driven then. There's 2 parts
Well women also do test drive a man before marriage
I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2.5 years last week, and we had been living together in a house I bought for more than half of that time. Our relationship was not on solid ground before we moved in, and things just got worse afterwards because other problems kept arising . Once the breakup happened, it was hell, especially for her because she was the one that had to move out and completely uproot her life. I will never live with an unmarried partner again, and I don't recommend it to anyone.
Edit: Considering input from commenters and my own reflections, I don't want to condemn living together so much as I want to provide a cautionary tale of moving in with someone who you are not in good standing with. Definitely don't live with someone unless your relationship is in a good place and you've been together for at least a couple years.
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way does this decision have to be a “lack of commitment” like Jordan Peterson puts it.
If you’ll notice, OP was already having issues before moving in together. He then makes a leap in logic that you shouldn’t live together with your unmarried partner, even though y’all could not be having issues before moving in together and would have a much higher chance of having a successful relationship.
@@_Sloppyhamyou shouldn't. Tradition exists for a reason. Committing to someone for life before living together or allowing the possibility of kids is the only way to have a healthy lasting relationship amd a stable family. There is no other way to read the facts.
Regardless of being married or not, you glossed over one, of many, factor of the failure. "our relationship was not on solid ground before we moved in". This is the number 1 reason why relationships fail within the first 5 years. People need to realize that a piece of paper and ring don't magically make yourself and therefor your relationship perfect.
@@CasuallyAuthentic they make a good relationship better. Marriage is always better than non marriage unless you don't want a long term relationship in the first place.
@@adamb8317 Do you even understand this "tradition" you speak of. You do realize that marriage is a relatively new social construct, right? And that is was created as an institution to bind a woman to a man, as in make her his property (like a car, sorry Peterson) and then exploited for the last 4k years to ensure control of the masses first through the fake Christians and then through State.
I am so intrigued at Jordans bi-colored jacket. Maybe that’s a weird thing to say, but that’s the truth.
It has a pretty interesting story behind it, it’s one of a set of twelve he got that are a metaphor for this study he did. I believe this suit is supposed to be heaven and hell
Much needed advice for youngsters. I was made fun of at school when I said I would get intimate with my man only after marriage... and not hook-up with anyone until I was finally married. It was considered silly, orthodox and outdated. But thankfully, my family and faith helped me stay true to that and it was the best decision ever. No man deserves your intimacy unless he has proved he is ready to be committed and loyal to you. So girls, value yourselves please. Marriage is a beautiful institution... find a partner who values it too.
lets give the same advice from the male perspective:
guys, never get married, this hoes ain't loyal bro, the moment they thing they got you, they will start getting bored, they will start cheating and then the best part of all, they initiate the divorce.
And look up the statistics brah, women win in 90% of those cases, they will take half of your net worth and destroy your life. Is that worth it? nah
Just take care of yourselves, look good, get money, get good at what you do, and they will come, thirsty looking for validation and give you tail, without even having to be married.
So guys, value yourselves please. No woman is worth losing your life over. Divorce is at an all time high and women are both incentivized to go for it and highly benefit from it.
so, maybe instead of both extremes, there's a middle ground out there.
We you date for a little while, maybe have sex, date exclusively, move in together, live together for 1-2 years, get engaged for a few months and then get married if there were no major red flags and you couldn't "work things out together".
Because honestly, the main thing guys want from women is sex. And if we follow your advice, in 80 years there will be breading factories. Human breading factories. As most guys's needs will be meet with AI robots.
So the population levels will tank.
Current society protects women to much, and there's very little actual incentives for guys to marry. Very many incentives to not do that.
Now, would I marry a girl?
If she meets my criteria, and does things my way. Yes.
If she's constantly "no sex before marriage", I'll go: "don't talk to me ever again and have a nice day :)"
Like, I might not be the smartest guy in the room. But I ain't a moron.
You are so right!! Good for you for sticking with it!
If you are happy with it, then that's great. Doesn't mean, that it is the right choice for everyone. Advice for youngsters: make your own choices and do what you personally think is right for you.
@@Guckkasten85 I guess you've missed his points...
So true!
Cohabitation before getting married saved my life. The mask dropped the moment we moved in together and only got worse. I can't imagine what my life would have been if I'd married him.
Agreed
This is valid!!
There are red flags that should be seen.
Dumb as hell
Cohabitation is Technically Marriage, just no legal recognition. Nibba be humping you daily, that is what marriage is.
I've come to believe that your teenage to early twenties years should be spent building yourself and future life, but also to build virtue so that when you start the path towards choosing a mate you are attracted to virtue and virtue attracts to you. So that the virtue of the other person is what you can stake your faith on when you get married.
Depends on the couple and dynamic. Plenty of individuals have lived together before hand and are still together in a happy and functional relationship. I am one of those individuals. We moved in together to see if we were comparable as live in partners and we found it so! Talk it out with your partner to determine if it’s the right choice for you or not. And divorce doesn’t mean failure. In a lot of cases it just shows incompatibility, especially if throughout life we change as we grow and that compatibility before hand is no longer a thing and both parties no longer attempt to collaborate to make it work.
noooo dr peterson has factual evidence to the contrary. his source: trust me bro
@@croozerdog Yeah I would like for him to actually provide evidence for his key claims.
It's about the mindset and the ability to compromise with your partner, there are plenty of people having a happy, strong relationship even though they lived together before marriage and plenty divorcing who never lived together before marriage
@@croozerdog LOVED this. He succumbs to so many fallacies in his discourse I can’t even. He really wants to believe that marriage is necessary
Obviously there are always ouliers in every situation.
But Dr. Peterson is talking about the vast majority of situations where true commitment is necessary and trying to live together before that diminishes on the importance of commitment. Hey good on you guys that it worked out but obviously not every case is the norm or the exception.
Jordan missed an important point: Waiting for marriage is a sacrifice, and investment in a relationship you value. Hooking up or living together isn't that much of an investment compared to waiting for marriage.
what if I've dated someone for 9 years
@@-JaggedGrace-Although I'm no relationship expert, if you are looking for marriage then your current situation appears to need some course correction or it may not be the relationship you are looking for. Dating is supposed to be the get-to-know-you phase before either a permanent split or the melding of two lives.
@@stevelux9854 I meant, do you think is it bad to move in together before we get married because we want to be together more often?
@@-JaggedGrace- I'm not sure "bad" is the word I would use, though it does incur additional risk as JBP mentioned in his video. Usually we think "our love is a special love", and understandably so as it usually includes a little bit of craziness, but statistically it's unwise to move in together. Sure, there are cases where it seems to work out, but the odds are what they are. If it's important, if your relationship is important; proving it by making it official will help it to last. There are no guarantees, so I would suggest doing whatever improves your odds.
Thing is a woman can be "a car that is taken on a test drive" as long as it is mutual. You test drive her ,while she test drives you. Afterall its about learning about each other.
It is reasonable to fear, getting tired of each other from early cohabitation before marriage. That said it opens the door of "if you can not hold interest in the partner before marriage, then there is no certainty marriage will stop this issue", this metric was fine when divorce was taboo.
Though i think a metric that should be used is, if things are to work out. Pushing each other to their limits to accertain "Is this what i am looking to endure with for years to come" if the answer is no. Then that is a lot of time saved. Time is irreversible, but everything else is up to the couple to change their mind on.
This woman's ability to listen without interrupting is truly exemplary. Just astonishing!
hilarious, love your work
Lmao
When Jordan speaks, what you owe yourself is absolute listening without interruption.
More so, if a question pops up in your head, next thing is he is explaining that further.
A genius he is.
I believe that's his wife!
passively misogynistic comment
I wish this was taught to me as a young person, both my parents married and divorced multiple times. I fell into that same trap; making poor choices for myself and not working on myself. Choosing people who also were not very healthy. I finally got it right, long term marriage with the attitude that we are going to make this work. If we go through a period of not liking each other, oh well we will stick it out until we like each other again. I am not one of the lucky ones that figured it out the first time, I’m ashamed to say but am forgiving myself and have a much healthier attitude towards marriage.
I'm glad that you made it through such tough time and I hope you are proud of yourself for being willing to learn and change to better yourself.
If you dont mind me saying, I find the first part of your opening sentence interesting. Because what are the chances that a young person/couples would welcome that advice or maybe rules (religious or just cultural) that would stop them from living together? I feel the chances would be slim. There are religions that teach to what Jordan is saying but those religions are commonly seen a oppressive or the rules just ignored.
Just sharing my thoughts.
@@aishahfirdaus2983 My parents were 16 & 17 when they had me and you’re right had they been raised differently I believe life would have been different and I most likely would not be here. Thank you for responding so respectfully, I understand what you are saying and wish our culture was different. I am actively working to connect with GOD and can see things differently. Have a good day 😊
@cedar.summit Thank you for your comment, I’m working on it.
I understand the shame of a divorce and anger and the self for having chosen a bad person. We have to forgive ourselves and move forward🙏🏽
I drove up to Auckland to see Jordan on this night. It was so different and amazing to hear him in person. Can't wait for the full talk to come to youtube.
I love how soft spoken Mrs. Peterson is. She seems like the embodiment of motherhood - warm, wise and kind.
Also damn near silent. She just smiles and waves as her husband talks about how he wouldn’t have been able to work it out with her if he wasn’t legally bound to her… she feels almost plastic, because she doesn’t give her own opinions or perspectives. Granted that may be because her values closely line up with her husband, but don’t act like you got any personality from her out of this video. She is basically a smiling NPC the whole time
@@JohnSmiths101 that is what most men want and like. A plastic doll in the shape of a woman but not with the personality of one.
@@JohnSmiths101 your an NPC too.
@@JohnSmiths101 That’s so on-point! She’s an NPC in his low-level play-through.
My husband and I were intimate long before we got engaged, and moved in together two months before our wedding. I “knew” it would work out because we are both committed to our relationship; we respect each other; we listen; and we started with decent role models.
Twenty years later, I was right.
But I was also lucky. I have friends who are divorced now who did nothing wrong; their divorces were unforeseeable. That’s the way life goes.
Anyone who says they have the key - don’t buy anything from
them. They don’t know any more than anyone else. We each know more about our personal relationships than anyone else.
And also: To my own children I am the embodiment of motherhood - warm, wise, and kind. And yet I am never a pushover. For one thing, I wouldn’t want to model that for them. Motherhood is much much more than acting a part.
Dr Peterson is a gift to all those fortunate enough to hear him speak and to read his books . My family and have followed his work since he made those early recordings from his basement , he has been a great and positive influence on our lives . We share his talks with as many people as we can . God bless you and your family , Dr Peterson .
"Flawed as we both are, if we commit to each other we have the possibility of becoming more than we are. And I'd like to do that with you." Beautiful.
What he says is so true! I lived all this in my 24 years of marriage! We make each other better because we are committed!
Did you have sex during dating? I am asking this honestly as I just reconnected with a girl i have loved since I was 7. Please I will appreciate your comments
Before my husband and I got married we were together for 9 years and had two babies. Then we got married. We have been together for 33 years. 🥰 First baby was born in 91 and the second baby was born in 98. We have been together since high school. Plus we have worked together for the past 6 years. We are truck drivers.
That's great to hear, some couples still make it work, even if they are together before marriage
People who have developed personalities and are eager to solve the problems in the relationship do not need legal or social coercion to maintain the relationship. I wish you all the best :)
What a beautiful story & relationship
Love your story, wish you all the best!
Followed this advice and still happily married 15 years later with 4 kiddos and a happy home 😊❤️
Same :) 17 years in though 🙂
I don’t see the men saying that
There are narcissists, liars and psychopaths even in conservative couples who follow a certain faith and who do not live together and do not have sex until after marriage. I grew up in a conservative family, my parents did not live together, they only talked a year before the wedding. Immediately 3 children were born. My parents didn't divorce even though their 31 year long marriage was a mess. We children are traumatized adults, one of my brothers is an alcoholic in his 30s, he's been drinking since high school. I have emotional trauma due to the tension in the family and it is difficult for me to get close to someone. What do you do when after the wedding you discover that you don't get along with that man? Stay? Deserve? You have a "commitment"...
And that is the problem. He is actually advocating blind faith. Sure, there may be less chance of divorce, but is it worth it if one person is being traumatized and living in misery? Maybe a higher chance of divorce is a good thing.
@@JaimeWarlock No, every couple before marriage must do marital counseling, that's the most important thing. The therapist tells you: you have trauma, you want to enter this marriage out of necessity and not by choice. My brother divorced after not even a year of marriage, they had a long distance relationship for a year, when he moved in with her and they got married, it didn't last long and they divorced because they were different and my brother had a lot of problems behavior. Not to mention that he moved to another continent, he gave up the job he had to go to her. It's different when you stay at home with your partner, it's very different. There you can see him as much as he can.
I’ve often heard people promote cohabitation by saying “You need to know if you are compatible” or something along those lines. At the core of it, however, is the idea that “love” is conditional upon whatever self-centered preconditions you put on it. Waiting is not, as it might seem, a gamble that “things will work out,” but an acknowledgement that true love is something beyond the self-interests of either party and which both commit to by a covenant bond - something that in the years to come will often cross your will and often make you frustrated and annoyed, but which in the end makes life happier, more secure, and ultimately, more meaningful and fulfilling.
Many don't understand covenant bond because they haven't taken that first step in their own life before including another person in another covenant bond. It is more profound and actually freeing when you give yourself over and let God drive your life and your marriage.
Great words of wisdom!
I'm a 34 year old virgin. This is such a vindicating experience, thank you Sir. 🙏😊
Man or woman?
god bless you
Keep your values. Keep your standards . I applaud you ❤️
We are 32 sir 😃✌️
Amazing. I’m your age and I wish I’d waited. Some advice: don’t ever, EVER give your body to people who don’t deserve it just for the sake of it. There are some losers I wish I could undo and take back my body from them. I’m not sure if this is a religious or a personal devotion, but I’m so proud of you.
After 70 years of life, 51 of which I have been married to the most important woman in my life, I can say that I have been blessed far more than I deserve. Women are unique in that they provide unrivaled balance to a man's life.Mothers, along with their husbands, are the foundation of all that is good for a family, life, and the community.Unfortunately, we are now living in an era of family relationship hunger and disrespect.Nonetheless, there are many shining examples of happy families succeeding in life's difficult survival race.And, as Van Morrison sang, I give thanks to the One. JP once again you are a light sinning in the darkness. Thank you!
Very noble expressions…..much appreciated.
Excellent argument against co-habitation . . . I'd like to have this completed by explaining how the commitment of marriage, when both partners can hold on through hell and high water, results in a unified whole that is greater than the sum of its parts. I found within my first marriage a relationship that was far better - and made me a better person - than I could have imagined beforehand. It also informed my relationship in my second marriage, which so far is working pretty good! And it would be my prayer that everyone might have that experience, even if only briefly, at least once in their life.
I’m so happy to read your comment. Marriages that end are not always a waste. In fact they rarely are. I’m glad to read that you aren’t jaded enough that you lost faith in marriage and that you are actively engaged in a good relationship again. So much loss comes from divorce but so much can be gained from even a bad marriage if one looks to find the lessons and the good it held. Another hugely important part of your comment is about if BOTH parties stick together come hell or high water. Everyone has their personal agency. You can’t make someone stay that doesn’t want to or won’t do the work but you can move on from that loss and try again. Hopefully it goes even better if it didn’t work out the first time. Best wishes to you for every success this time around !
It saddens me to see so many of my friends freestyling relationships and repeatedly getting their hearts broken. I tried to warn them about how they approach these relationships but I was much younger than I am now and much less articulate. All I can do is wish them happiness in their current and future relationships
My husband and I have been married for 20 years, this year! We both have divorced parents. His mother is married for the third time, almost fourth (but one passed away before proposing).
My husband and I lived together for TWO years before getting married. I knew I wanted him forever, he wanted to be "sure" I was the one.
For certain, I got lucky that I passed the "test drive". Ladies, I definitely recommend waiting until you know for sure that he values you before giving up "that thing" or moving in. But you have to value yourself FIRST!
Thank you. I know many stories like this too. This narrative that you should NOT move in together and testing the waters out is horrible. Of course testing things out is great.
If you don’t test, This is how people get stuck in abusive complacent love-less marriages. Of course there are lots of people who had success with the traditional route but also a LOT of people have not.
It’s disingenuous to only point to the success stories and ignore the insanely high divorce rates and issues people have.
My wife and I are eternally grateful that we waited until marriage to become physically intimate. Marriage is immeasurably difficult. It is even more difficult if you enter it casually and minimize the importance of all the traditional, well-grounded and well-established steps leading up to it. The best thing you can do to prepare for it is to try your hardest to know who you are as best you can.
So far I have done none of those things and I’m wondering what benefits it has. Other than figuring out who you are. That makes sense and is important.
I would NEVER advise anyone to not be physically intimate before marriage. EVER! I myself waited until marriage and I did not have good sexual chemistry with the man I married. And 13 years later it never got better. Not just my experience but several people I know too. Waiting to get married to move in is a totally different story to waisting to be intimate.
@melissaallred7574 what do you mean by sexual chemistry?
@@danieleromonselei doubt you will get a good answer from her. But the short answer is, if we assume their life was well built in all aspects except sex, and then she was never marriage material in the first place. In fact, it might be connected to the data Dr peterson alluded to. She had some sexual experience before and she was comparing the man to her "previous samples"
That said, we don't know if she sincerely tried to improve things and maybe even looked for medical experts.
So it could also be the guy's been lazy and took things for granted. Like i personally often would try new things and explore with my partner a lot which every girl i know liked. But i know many men can be very lazy about it
@@melissasmuse My wife and I married as virgins, we’re now in our mid 30s. We’re both fairly attractive individuals who had plenty of opportunities prior to marriage. We’re both glad we both waited until marriage (it’s a shared experience between us with nothing to compare, so we get to teach one another our wants and desires). Even after 14 years and children, sex is still exciting and passionate for both of us; like it’s newness. I think communication is the main reason we connect on all levels. I’m curious, do you both articulate your intimacy needs to one another? I know some guys can be lazy (it doesn’t take much to get us men to get in the mood but with women there is an emotional aspect you usually have to conquer). That said, if you truly love one another - why wouldn’t you feel comfortable sharing, meeting or practicing one another’s sexual desires? Sexual compatibility…What are you comparing it to? Being married comes with a level of vulnerability to where if you want certain needs met, there should be concern if your spouse simply doesn’t or tries to meet your needs.
I was the guy he described around 11:30. I was 2000% in it. My heart and mind was married without a piece of paper. 10 years strong and I never looked at anyone else and never would have. Not everyone falls into what he assumes most do and feel. Sadly. It wasn’t the same for her. She was more what he described. Lesson learned but would that paper have changed her thoughts ? Too late to know now.
She was with the man who did not care to confirm his feelings on a piece of paper. She was right to break up after waiting for 10 years. Guy who are 100% in it propose and offer marriage straight away.
Well done, sir. You did not fall for the old 'You did not love me because you did not sign a state contract that ensures my half of your pie.' I commend you for being wiser than that.🎉
@MishaSkripach Right I'm not committed unless I get the piece of paper that gives her all my money if she decides to leave 🙄😒
The love of my life was going to move in with me several states away. She said I’m not moving in with you unless we’re getting married. I agreed. Only “cohabitation “ I ever did.
We’ve been married for 15 years.
Divorce incoming in 3...2....1....
I agree. If a man thinks a woman is good enough to be a roommate, he should think she is good enough to be a wife.
I have learned so much from Prof Peterson. What an amazing man who is able to help the lives of others. Truly blessed.
I displayed a lot of antisocial behavior as a child, constant disciplinary issues at school, very few close friends, early criminal behavior, etc. And when I was an adolescent, I definitely became promiscuous and was using people for my own gratification more than anything else. It seems to me that I had not a total lack of moral education, but constant mixed signals in the domain of morality during my childhood which contributed to this. What my parents would say, versus what the schools would say, versus what television/movies would say, versus what I would observe in my parents' actions, etc, all sent conflicting messages. At some point I decided everyone was just making up their own rules and so all that matters is whether you can "get away with it" or not, rather than the consequences for anyone else, or society as a whole. Our abandonment of the idea of absolute morality definitely has consequences.
What do you think about your life now?
I wouldn't even word it as absolute mortality, so much as just social cohesion and a consensus
I'm sorry you lacked good structure in your life, I hope you've been able to figure it out and improve your life
Do what you know would give you peace later in life. You know that part
I thought you were describing my life for a minute
On the marriage part and not needing “a pice of paper”, that was me. And I meant it. But then 04/04/04 was coming up. I said “Debbie, lets go get the paper that day”. And we did. I asked her older brother for permission to marry her as his older brother and father had passed away.
Sadly she passed away 05/08/10. But without that paper I would not have been allowed to comfort her until the end.
Get the paper!
Starting at 14:50, this is pure gold. Marriage is very much a cauldron that purifies you. You mature in marriage because you're "stuck" with that other person and you'll have to change in order to make it work. People bail out of marriage because they believe their felt needs reign supreme and the world around them should adapt to those needs. Not going to happen.
Martin Luther, the German calls marriage The School for Character.
Yep. It's heat and pressure that changes coal into diamonds.
@@caroldannenberg9778You're not a diamond or coal, you're a person.
Hey everyone. To those that don’t know, your relationship can be different from someone else and there are countless relationships that have succeeded after living together before marriage and countless relationships that have succeeded doing what Jordan Peterson recommends. Heck, people can even say they are glad they moved in together before marriage; so no, they did not succeed in spite of moving in together before marriage. In no way does this decision have to be a “lack of commitment” like Jordan Peterson puts it.
You don’t have to listen to the OP who one of their points basically says “don’t divorce, deal with the potentially unhappy marriage. I hate how young people choose their happiness over a failed marriage and I’m going to act as if they don’t try to fix it and give up at the first sign of conflict. Oh! And I’ll also act like these young people are egotistical jerks because they don’t do things the way I do them. I will also criticize them in my glass house because my ideas are the best and the only ones that work 😃”.
Bro this comment is gold! So well put.
"I'm stuck with you just like I'm stuck with me" - that's a good one. Fully support every word as a 30-year old man. Hard to explain the same to 16-20 y.o though
This is some of the greatest advice on marriage I’ve ever heard! So profound. So true. So rooted and grounded in reality. Man.
Seriously.
Research on this topic has produced mixed findings, and there's no definitive answer. Some studies have suggested that couples who live together before marriage may have a slightly higher risk of divorce, while others have found no significant difference in divorce rates between cohabiting and non-cohabiting couples. It's essential to remember that many factors contribute to the success or failure of a marriage, and living together before marriage is just one of them. Communication, commitment, compatibility, and individual circumstances all play crucial roles in the longevity of a marriage. Ultimately, the decision to live together before marriage should be based on the preferences and values of the individuals involved.
This man is such a wonder to listen to. Allways!
You can even eventualy disagree, which is difficult, but you allways listen to him eagerly and without any hint of boredom. Treasure him.
Cohabitating was never on the cards for my husband and I. I enjoy married life now and I didn't have a hard time adjusting at all. I'm happy that we did things this way.
Now I understood why I couldn't hide my craving for marriage with my current boyfriend
and I wait for the day it will come. I just want certainity and that he values my presence and support
enough to say "yea, we will stay together for real now. No looking around when tough times will come.
No hiding, no running away"
He may not be the marrying type.
@@RisetoStrength just to inform you,I broke up with him after he did outrage for 4th time and started to mistreat my cat.
@@martakeczek6476 Whenever I hear "waiting for marriage" I cringe.
Not because waiting for marriage itself for intimacy is a bad thing, but because a lot of women don't understand what makes men willing to marry in the first place.
If you're intimate with men prior to marriage, it's going to be harder for you to get married.
You'll find lots of men promising you to marry, but trying to be intimate with you 2-3 months into the relationship and leaving within a year.
Men are made more independent from a young age as they start receiving less affection, receive minimal emotional support and eventually none.
As a result, they don't feel the same need to have somebody there long term.
A lot of men also believe that loyalty is established when a woman is young, so they're less likely to want an older woman as their "one and only" if they can't think back to when you were younger, wanted by lots of other men, but the only one that could have you was him.
Most men that are looking to marry these days are looking to do so quickly, and they're looking to lock down women that are deserving.
Sorry to hear that hun
You did the right thing. I hope you find someone who treasures you as you will them
I don’t believe living together before marriage is a huge indicator of whether or not the relationship will last. Love is just two people who look past eachother’s flaws and truly want to be with each other. Married young, old, having kids right away, not having kids right away, etc. Everyone has a unique situation. You have to be vocal about your boundaries in the relationship and determine if it’s best for you. I personally did not want to jump to the level of commitment of sharing a space until I knew my husband would be all in. Engagement, heading towards marriage. I’ve met some that have successful marriages & lived together before marriage. But i have also met some that become complacent and live together 8+ years with no ring. You have to establish what the heck you want. & i feel it is safer to say hey “im not going to put the cart before the horse”. Renting may be a good option while you test drive but to buy a house is a whole other level of commitment. Ask yourself- are you going to be disappointed in the long run if this doesn’t work out?
I think the key reason to date someone without moving in together is to experience the relationship but still retain your freedom. That way, when you decide to get married, you’ll voluntarily give up your solo living situation because being with that person is more important than being able to do whatever you want at home alone.
Easier solution....don't get married at all. Play house all you want. Don't give a woman power over your property, your wealth or your piece of mind. Government contracts are too be avoided at ALL costs.
@@iamtheoffenderofall this isn't Andrew Tate
Or you can voluntarily give up that freedom before marriage so if y’all find out that there are issues that are deal breakers/can’t really be fixed y’all can end it without the baggage and legal issues of marriage?
For me I experienced the opposite. I dated my bf in college for 5 years and didn't move in until the day we got married. 2 weeks later I found out a lot of things in a different side of him. He was sweet and all while we were dating. But after married, he didn't like to share the bed. I didn't like when I rolled in the bed. He didn't like it when I rolled over in my sleep. He out a big pillow between us so that I couldn't touch him accidentally. He hated that I got off the bed and used the bathroom. He hate the sound of the light switch when I turned the light on. He hated anything that inconvenient him. I moved out to another room the second year we got married. We also had so many things different and most of the time he got stressed out being with family. He took alone trips out of town to destress. If I had lived with him before married I probably broke up very soon. I didn't think of getting divorced until 17 years later, we completed became disconnected. We couldn't have any good conversations without either me or him raising our voices. His mom lived with us eversince had talken over the role to decide things for us in his favor. I felt suffocated in my own home. So I file for divorce.