Philosophy For Breakups | STOICISM

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  • Опубліковано 25 лис 2024

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  • @Einzelgänger
    @Einzelgänger  3 роки тому +98

    Check out Einzelgänger's book 'Stoicism for Inner Peace' here: einzelganger.co/innerpeace

    • @Stabacs
      @Stabacs 3 роки тому

      Hey, could you create a playlist with your videos about break ups? I am pretty sure lots of people would appreciate that. :)

    • @ivana2189
      @ivana2189 8 місяців тому

      I really hope 🙏🏼

  • @ramirenriquez6795
    @ramirenriquez6795 5 років тому +7969

    After the phase of pain, it will be calm again. Believe me.

    • @threethrushes
      @threethrushes 5 років тому +175

      I still think of my ex daily, four years after we broke up... despite having a new partner for three years...
      Stoicism helps, as does 'the red pill'.

    • @ramirenriquez6795
      @ramirenriquez6795 5 років тому +97

      @@threethrushes Of course we remember them but the feelings aren't there anymore. I hope this is the case on your end.

    • @threethrushes
      @threethrushes 5 років тому +128

      @@ramirenriquez6795 The memory of having loved someone is there, and, as they say, 'tis better to have loved and lost, than never loved at all.

    • @ramirenriquez6795
      @ramirenriquez6795 5 років тому +66

      @@threethrushes Exactly, we just need to also acknowledge that it ended because something wasn't fit and whether we know or we don't, we really got something out of it, the learning and better self-awareness which are really worth it. Glad that this is your case, cuz it's not fair for someone to be involved with someone who's thinking for someone else :-)

    • @psylife3831
      @psylife3831 5 років тому +13

      It took 2 years for me

  • @Moneybagz-fn4yv
    @Moneybagz-fn4yv 4 роки тому +5265

    It’s crazy how a person can switch up on you from one day to the other like you or your time together was nothing. You would’ve done anything for them but them leaving makes you realize it wasn’t the same for them. Shit hurts

    • @pxmaarch7998
      @pxmaarch7998 4 роки тому +127

      i feel you

    • @tzevonlovejoy-hall4982
      @tzevonlovejoy-hall4982 4 роки тому +250

      exactly what’s happening now. she just broke up w me 2 days ago and i can’t believe how much your perception can change in such small time

    • @1hcc994
      @1hcc994 4 роки тому +266

      Doesn't mean it meant nothing to them the relationship wasn't working for them and that's okay it's a kindness to let you go. Would you rather them stay out of obligation than love?

    • @tzevonlovejoy-hall4982
      @tzevonlovejoy-hall4982 4 роки тому +52

      Mariah McCaleb but i feel like a lot of the time it’s just a period and it doesn’t take a lot to get the spark or feeling of love again. A lot of the time it can be more strong of a feeling

    • @daskush847
      @daskush847 4 роки тому +69

      No not a person only woman do it becsuse they find you boring and they cant obtain more from you

  • @milossavkovic6994
    @milossavkovic6994 4 роки тому +2841

    After reading comments and other people mentioning "no contact" rule and how they're afraid they will not get back with ex. Remember: This rule is set to get yourself back to you, not to get the other person.

    • @Povest1389
      @Povest1389 4 роки тому +12

      Поздрав за тебе, брате.

    • @milossavkovic6994
      @milossavkovic6994 4 роки тому +4

      @@Povest1389 Поздрав 😀

    • @Zoya194
      @Zoya194 4 роки тому +21

      What a meaningful comment. 👍🏻

    • @stellarstar9340
      @stellarstar9340 4 роки тому +4

      Amen!!! 🙏🏻 🙌🏻 😌

    • @stellarstar9340
      @stellarstar9340 4 роки тому +3

      Zoya194 I completely agree absolutely!! :) 😌☺️👍🏻

  • @anthonywlee3122
    @anthonywlee3122 5 років тому +3646

    Let the tears flow, be human first.

    • @frankibrill4657
      @frankibrill4657 4 роки тому +45

      It's been 4 days , I will let my tears flow

    • @syw9882
      @syw9882 4 роки тому +40

      I have ALWAYS been under the impression that Stoicism required the removal of natural human emotions which has made me maintain a level of disinterest. Idk how these videos even popped up on my YT homepage, but they are great and have led me down a path of embracing new knowledge. That sentence kept my mind open; and now for the remaining journey ...

    • @juanyj9886
      @juanyj9886 4 роки тому +3

      But being human in itself is a concept why not go beyond

    • @justal787
      @justal787 4 роки тому

      But what happens after?

    • @reme7903
      @reme7903 4 роки тому +12

      what if i physically can't cry?

  • @jackfrost3363
    @jackfrost3363 5 років тому +2620

    Yes. This is correct. Many people go into relationships to validate themselves. They think " look at me I am in a relationship so I must be a great person because another person loves me.". The minute u think u can obtain happiness from or thru another person. Be prepared to be disappointed. U must first find love for yourself. Love and light.

    • @remon563
      @remon563 4 роки тому +36

      well said! I found this out the hard way. Somehow I always "knew" this but I now know you can only really learn it the hard way trough real live experience. Failure is the greatest teacher there is.

    • @xdecker1179
      @xdecker1179 4 роки тому +4

      How do I do that

    • @sammajoros9819
      @sammajoros9819 4 роки тому +6

      This is so true. I did it, and it was very damaging for me in that time

    • @jackfrost3363
      @jackfrost3363 4 роки тому +36

      @@xdecker1179 you forgive yourself. U accept the things u feels are not so attractive about u. Eat good food. Bless your body with nice words....listen to happy music. Watch great movies hang out with people u like. Laugh, dance, be in nature etc. Do things u like....that make u feel good.

    • @mindofbeasts
      @mindofbeasts 4 роки тому +5

      Ah, well in tha case RIP my chances of ever getting love. 5 years and counting of severe depression and selfhate

  • @JSheetzArtwork
    @JSheetzArtwork 5 років тому +3230

    Love is attachment, that attachment is oxytocin (love hormone), Love is desire, desire leads to suffering. Instead, seek calmness and peace. That is where you will find happiness.

    • @TheCoffeeNut711
      @TheCoffeeNut711 5 років тому +43

      This self tyranny and a denial of the will. Fortune favors the bold

    • @jon_ovo3653
      @jon_ovo3653 5 років тому +9

      JSheetz Artwork I don’t understand but I want to understand stoicism

    • @turbonbc
      @turbonbc 5 років тому +172

      Love is not attachment. Attachment stems from Ego. Love is free, unconditional, total acceptance, non judgement ect.. true love that is...

    • @mauricio-poppe
      @mauricio-poppe 5 років тому +31

      you sound like yoda talking about the light/dark sides of the force

    • @rizzamaeong
      @rizzamaeong 5 років тому +11

      if u want to know the complete version of what he says, just read Chapter 3 of Dr. M Scott Peck's book THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED.
      you'd feel like a real competent psychotherapist after and that u understand love in depth.
      including the serotonin and dopamine part of falling in love that makes falling in love not love.
      that love isn't parasitism "oh i love u, if u leave me i'd die" sort of stuff in his book.
      still won't make u less forlorn though.
      but at least u'd be smarter and sound wise after.

  • @ravihlb
    @ravihlb 5 років тому +2033

    "... don't view it as your own, just as travelers view a hotel." hit hard af

  • @b-radicalproductions9962
    @b-radicalproductions9962 5 років тому +2581

    This could not have been released at a better time in my life

  • @denace_77_
    @denace_77_ 4 роки тому +548

    Its been over half a year that I broke up with a girl whom I thought I would marry and have kids with etc. Since then I've lost 25 kgs, stopped smoking and I am in the best shape of my life. It was very hard to do and I've had a lot of grief but trust me on this one. Sh*t is an excellent fertilizer of something beautiful, like the pretty flower I am now lol

    • @jennyrichard7438
      @jennyrichard7438 4 роки тому +3

      Hello dear

    • @zori.04
      @zori.04 4 роки тому +7

      Love this

    • @gregflores8959
      @gregflores8959 3 роки тому +2

      A beautiful flower? 👬Whatever floats yer boat I guess,..not me though, I likes the ladies!

    • @IRWLF
      @IRWLF 2 роки тому

      Agreed

    • @yanomillz3008
      @yanomillz3008 2 роки тому +5

      Am currently at this point seeing this comment gives me strength

  • @nswayze2218
    @nswayze2218 4 роки тому +175

    "I didn't lose her - I returned her back" that viscerally and emotionally makes me feel better. Thanks

    • @tharunmanikantan9696
      @tharunmanikantan9696 Рік тому +2

      But that made me want to cry

    • @glonkd
      @glonkd Рік тому +5

      She was never yours it was just your turn

    • @nirvana4623
      @nirvana4623 Рік тому +2

      Exactly. ...the more you stop hating more faster you recover

  • @saganworshipper6062
    @saganworshipper6062 5 років тому +1850

    Perfect timing for me as well. Been in "no contact" for 5 months. She's probably not coming back, but I will emerge stronger than ever.

    • @Dropitib
      @Dropitib 5 років тому +98

      Sagan Worshipper you are stronger than many my brother. Keep rising!

    • @saganworshipper6062
      @saganworshipper6062 5 років тому +39

      Thank you my friend. I will.

    • @caroldays9406
      @caroldays9406 5 років тому +107

      I’ve been in no contact for 4 months. He’s moved on, it’s time I do the same. He is not coming back.. Even I know that would be a mistake. I’m not meant for love. 😔 It always ends in misery. My trauma forces the ones I love away.

    • @saganworshipper6062
      @saganworshipper6062 5 років тому +47

      Be strong Carol. Try watching videos by "Dating Guy" and Rory aka "The Love Chat". Best of luck to you. You will find someone even better because you deserve better!

    • @saganworshipper6062
      @saganworshipper6062 5 років тому +28

      @username is it "stoic" to tell you to go fuck a goat?

  • @unahp.3751
    @unahp.3751 5 років тому +714

    Breakups suck. I'm at a point in my life where I don't think I want to bother with intimate relationships anymore. I'd rather have some decent friends and live my life. Lol, nobody asked for all of that but hey, lol.

    • @rizzamaeong
      @rizzamaeong 5 років тому +48

      it hurts so much.
      sorry for you too.
      but i wish life will be kind to you.
      and all of us heartbroken people in this thread.

    • @hayheyk
      @hayheyk 4 роки тому +40

      Me too...i just dont wanna go thru..indifelity, doubt, sacrifice...heartbreak...its been a year and i still cry, ive lost so much time just wasting away in my bed...i dont wanna repeat this..

    • @tracyellenbauer5253
      @tracyellenbauer5253 4 роки тому +13

      Starting to feel the same way but I don’t want to be celibate. So that makes it difficult to choose the path of being alone or just hanging out with friends.

    • @Maria-jd6uk
      @Maria-jd6uk 4 роки тому +11

      I feel the same, i'm nearly 30 and i feel like i don't want to live another heartbreake....maybe later i Will need sex but nothing more

    • @tracyellenbauer5253
      @tracyellenbauer5253 4 роки тому +3

      Unah Pita how are you feeling now? Your post was 5 months ago

  • @karthiknarasimha2000
    @karthiknarasimha2000 5 років тому +1280

    Hit gym fellas because,
    Muscles and heart grow only when broken and so does the person.

    • @oobibab9572
      @oobibab9572 4 роки тому +80

      Good idea, that's why they say; breakup makes bodybuilders.

    • @thewalkindude7716
      @thewalkindude7716 4 роки тому +58

      I agree. Turn the pain into fuel. Strengthen the body and the mind will follow.

    • @mhniroomand9597
      @mhniroomand9597 4 роки тому +46

      Just a quick Reminder , Don't let the Rage and Anger be the Fuel for Your Workouts , this will depreciate you in the long run
      IMO Do it for yourself and the future that yet is not revealed

    • @chewsan2408
      @chewsan2408 4 роки тому +2

      FACTSSS

    • @Grandmaster_Vic
      @Grandmaster_Vic 4 роки тому +3

      Well if the gyms were open where I live and able to find the time (working full time over 50 hours a week) then the gym would always be my first resort. But yes I agree for sure

  • @osse1n
    @osse1n 5 років тому +775

    Modern definition has become all about ego attachment and ownership. That's why it hurts so much, like we lose a bit of the self.
    True love is unconditional. The more we have a personal sense of self, the less pain we experience.

    • @musicgaines7170
      @musicgaines7170 5 років тому +11

      Dude qheverywhere

    • @rereme1998
      @rereme1998 5 років тому +27

      Love was never unconditional

    • @HugDealer
      @HugDealer 5 років тому +64

      How can love be unconditional? If someone does not prove themselves worthy of your love (for instance they lied to you, treat you poorly, do not meet your standards etc) you should not still love them. Unconditional love in romantic relationships will turn you into a doormat really quickly, especially in the modern dating world, so full of narcissists.

    • @theevil6252
      @theevil6252 5 років тому +12

      Except Mom and Dad . No one is going to love you conditionally even they will stop if you break trust. Wake up from blue dream !!

    • @xyoungdipsetx
      @xyoungdipsetx 5 років тому +1

      O'SSÉIN - Master Your Mind With Me great comment wow.

  • @Streudles
    @Streudles 4 роки тому +1353

    Stoicism is literally the art of vibing.

    • @defdaz
      @defdaz 3 роки тому +36

      No, it's literally the art of having zero vibe.

    • @warrioreon11
      @warrioreon11 3 роки тому +50

      No. What you're referring to is the art of just "being". Stoicism is the art art of ruling logic over emotion, being in control of ones self.

    • @tebhernandez
      @tebhernandez 2 роки тому

      Completely wrong

    • @Streudles
      @Streudles 2 роки тому +3

      @@tebhernandez Ok Tony

    • @guantisengkun4342
      @guantisengkun4342 2 роки тому +5

      Art of giving zero ****s you mean.

  • @ipsygypsy16
    @ipsygypsy16 5 років тому +327

    1. we lack patience. In our age of instant gratification, we jump from milestone to milestone even without pausing & thinking whether what we are doing is even good for us. And we don't give ourselves time to reflect, or to heal.
    2. We handle tremendous peer pressure. It seems everyone is having a better life than us, and we must conform to society's ideas of an ideal life, a stable place/position/partner.
    I guess one needs a certain amount of self realisation and maturity to handle rejection by other humans. Of course it hurts, but it too shall pass, like the pain we suffered when we stumbled for the first time we learnt to walk.

    • @rizzamaeong
      @rizzamaeong 5 років тому +8

      this is a stoic comment.
      so right.

    • @ayegirly
      @ayegirly 5 років тому +1

      you've got very deep and precise insights so right i agree with your vision

    • @Salty0
      @Salty0 4 роки тому

      যখন হাঁটা শিখেছি তখন তো ম্যাচিওর ছিলাম না

  • @joshflugel
    @joshflugel 2 роки тому +93

    Breakups hurt because we prioritize good memories of the relationship above all, especially when these memories were idillic, authentic and bigger than anything at some point. When nostalgia hits, I try to defuse it by remembering the root cause that made me decide to break up. I also try to focus on the fact that the broken relationship was a temporary gift, an experience that at some point showed me the best side of life.

  • @ash8207
    @ash8207 4 роки тому +231

    “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”
    - Marcus Aurelius.
    Relationships, dating, marriage, divorce, break-ups, etc. All these things are ultimately external factors, since you can't control what the other person feels or wants, only your own part in them. You have to love & respect yourself first & foremost. Your source of true happiness or sorrow should not be determined by someone else, even if it's someone you love deeply. It has to come from within. Excellent video, I believe this will help many people who struggle with relationship or marriage issues!

  • @ToxiCisty
    @ToxiCisty 5 років тому +1041

    Philosophers had no clue they’d be handing out life lessons centuries later

    • @jakeboi987
      @jakeboi987 4 роки тому +43

      Millennia later

    • @Ptolemy336VV
      @Ptolemy336VV 4 роки тому +22

      @@jakeboi987 Shit I opened the comment section as I was about to write the same. Who could have wondered that much of what the Ancient Greeks invented, thought, influenced, is so relevant today. It's so relevant, that much of what we see today is a copy of life of life 2500 years ago in Greece with the only thing that differs is the technology. The rest of our principles and our modern day life sterns from Ancient greece

    • @desert4seat
      @desert4seat 2 роки тому +12

      I bet they did. Truth transcends time

    • @vanessab7272
      @vanessab7272 Рік тому +1

      And on you tube!!

    • @miltonrubiojr2610
      @miltonrubiojr2610 Рік тому +4

      @@desert4seat”What We Do In Life Echoes In Eternity” - Marcus Aurelius

  • @ChillingatLP
    @ChillingatLP 5 років тому +468

    I was studying in university when my first gf left me. I forced myself to study and exercise but also I set aside time to feel the pain to the maximum and cry for an hour or so a day. It was brutal for the first 2 months But my mood lifted slowly but steadily. No contact then I called her 3 months later .8 months to heal
    . I know I was healed when I deliberately recalled a good memory and felt nothing .

  • @lucyb7906
    @lucyb7906 5 років тому +261

    I think the statement “I need this person to be happy” really states “This person meets my needs” and giving them up is painful, based on survival.

  • @supertinyblackhole_8675
    @supertinyblackhole_8675 5 років тому +533

    Great video. Here's a little bit of my story.
    I wasted almost 5 years of my life to get over a terrible breakup in the past. But for some reason, my friends always come to me when they had a breakup to just talk, asked for advice, etc.
    In the end of our conversations, I always said: I know it's hard, but you'll get over it. You'll come to the realization that you can live without your ex. Sooner or later. The question is, how long do you want to get over it? I hope you won't spent 5 years to do that, like I did.

    • @sterix_gg
      @sterix_gg 5 років тому +24

      I hope I won't spend 5 years... That would be devastating and I feel devastated already

    • @Neutrino0000
      @Neutrino0000 5 років тому +37

      @@sterix_gg It won't if you don't let it. Get rid of anything that reminds you of your ex and always keep busy so your mind doesn't wander off. Pick up a new hobby or join a club. In the end, it's gonna be okay, think of it as the experience was for you and not to you. To learn :)

    • @rizzamaeong
      @rizzamaeong 5 років тому +35

      good Lord, may it not take me 5 years.
      3 months is excruciating already.
      I'm now busy learning the Russian, Dutch, German, Mandarin, Japanese, Korean language all at the same time.
      also guitar-ing almost daily.
      just so I'd be busy.
      improving my language gave me a bit of happiness though.
      which surprised me.

    • @korncows1
      @korncows1 4 роки тому +14

      Me2. 5 years haha . I didnt know why i wasnt over it but I came to realize I wasnt letting myself let it go, only after i realizef that such a huge ammount of time has passed and indidnt realize. Then it hit me im still sitting here and sad, and she doesnt even remember me 😒 Hahah i feel alot vetter now. I went and sought help, and with a bit of councling I feel alot better.

    • @davecooper360
      @davecooper360 4 роки тому +26

      2 years on I haven't gotten over my ex gf. But she messaged me every 2-3 weeks that whole time as a "friend" even though she's living with her new man. I took it that she missed me... but after 2 years I finally realized she doesn't so now I don't respond anymore and sure enough... she doesn't message anymore. Now I'll finally move on.

  • @frankirwin5684
    @frankirwin5684 4 роки тому +82

    You need to feel it to heal it, you either stow or grow. This pain we are all facing in our lives is there for a reason. It’s not to punish you it’s there to show you what your missing out on. Break ups hurt like a bitch but I promise you, love is the way out. It’s unconditional love of oneself . Work on yourself. Continue to better yourself on a daily basis while accepting your flaws you cannot change. Each and everyone of you deserve happiness but that happiness comes from within. Once you find that unconditional love of self you’ll never be hurt again. Keep fighting the good fight and never stop loving.

  • @ryan1111111555555555
    @ryan1111111555555555 4 роки тому +458

    Having a real problem with this one, I met a girl nearly 2 years ago, it was brief but intense, I felt like I was high on life the whole time, one day it all changed and her character changed also, I never got a true explanation as to how someone can change so quickly, I've removed anything which could remind me of her, I deleted all of my social media, stopped going to the places we used to visit together, I re-joined the gym, got back into my hobbies, tried socialising more, but nothing will stop me thinking about her, even when I've managed to make myself busy and I'm concentrating on something completely different, she will randomly pop into my head again, without any external factors, I wish I had the magic pen from Men in Black lol I wish I could just delete all my memories of her, Love is like a powerful drug, once your brain experiences it, it yearns for it.

    • @kimmichaud4064
      @kimmichaud4064 4 роки тому +9

      Same here

    • @AlucardPeach
      @AlucardPeach 4 роки тому +44

      This hit hard af

    • @stuka80
      @stuka80 4 роки тому +79

      it takes time but eventually when she does pop up in your head, there will be no emptional reaction to go with it. will be just a passing thought then you move on.

    • @gabrielaflorez4093
      @gabrielaflorez4093 4 роки тому +71

      Maybe she had borderline personality disorder(like me). Google about this type of people and their relationship dynamics. They usually have intense but short relationships, rocky, a rollercoaster of emotions, a lot of love bombing in the beginning and in an instant(for various reasons depending of the person) we split. Meaning we can devalue or idolize someone in a split second. Meaning we can erase someone from our life without emotion. It is a psychological disorder but we got unhealthy attachment styles and in the end our behaviour gets seen as ruthless and confusing. Not saying its okay but it may be an explanation to your question. Safe wishes

    • @jazzip
      @jazzip 4 роки тому +6

      It is a powerful drug called oxytocin.

  • @hamidkarim8911
    @hamidkarim8911 4 роки тому +56

    I was psychologically prepared for the breakup. I worked to let go of any person or anything that may stop my journey to myself. The one that I Really need is myself. When she told she wanted to break up I said : ok. Take the decision that you want. I'm already prepared. Thanks to her I learnt alot and thanks to me I learnt to focus on me.

    • @gregflores8959
      @gregflores8959 3 роки тому +5

      Hamid- That’s what I’m talking bout yo, you said it! No need for tears, now you have time to do and become everything you ever wanted, nothing holding you back now,..yeah baby yeah!

  • @lamusic1996
    @lamusic1996 2 роки тому +16

    I am going through my 4th painful breakup. It hurts, the pain is inevitable, suffering is what you can avoid. Breakups are blessings in our life when we have opportunity to connect with ourself, find peace and happiness within our mind and soul and then open the door for another human to enter our life when you ready.
    In retrospective, those hurtful nights and lonely walks are somehow the most beautiful moments. The breakup is not a joy, but let it help you to find serenity and love within yourself. ❤

  • @LAAS1959
    @LAAS1959 4 роки тому +73

    You cannot force another person to love you. Better find someone who loves you.

  • @HunkWhite
    @HunkWhite 5 років тому +82

    The thing about time is that, while it'll heal all wounds, you have to remember, some wounds leave scars, some cripple you, some just heal without any side effects. What do I mean is, these experiences change you, as someone who had two traumatic breakups and now going through a rejection I can say with certainty you'll change, grow and learn.
    If you want to be wiser, you need to get yourself hurt and allow yourself to heal properly, even if leaves scars and cripple you, just let it heal, and you'll see growth. A wise person is a wounded person.
    People say "It is what it is" but I think that "It is what it will be".
    Stay strong everybody and good luck.

    • @rizzamaeong
      @rizzamaeong 5 років тому +7

      you are very wise and level headed.
      yes, i agree, some even cause irreversible damage.
      but life is life.
      we just gotta toughen up sometimes.
      cheers to you.
      at least u'r not like the MGTOW guys dehumanizing women.
      scares me sometimes for the human race.

    • @Yusa_Beach
      @Yusa_Beach 3 роки тому

      Talk about being wise when we're all just gonna die anyway.

  • @stablestoic1491
    @stablestoic1491 5 років тому +158

    Thank you for this. Stoicism blended with Buddhism is the key I think. Applying their principles helped immensely after my breakup. Wallowing in pain and victimization helps no one. Thank you for the quotes.

    • @ivanrodic2704
      @ivanrodic2704 Рік тому

      Stoicism and Taoism for me all day long...

  • @Argail8137
    @Argail8137 5 років тому +775

    Weight lifting my dudes....trust me on that

    • @Einzelgänger
      @Einzelgänger  5 років тому +76

      It surely helps

    • @MostGratefulOwl
      @MostGratefulOwl 5 років тому +14

      Kick boxing for me 😁

    • @davidcollins8574
      @davidcollins8574 4 роки тому +35

      Yup , also run , further , faster . It’s free and you benefit more than you can know .

    • @bigman9970
      @bigman9970 4 роки тому +3

      swimmings good if ur not strong enough lol

    • @milesvanrothow2067
      @milesvanrothow2067 4 роки тому +34

      Drink, drugs and self pity for me.

  • @thedarkwolf2525
    @thedarkwolf2525 5 років тому +157

    This literally couldn't have come at a better time.

    • @maxpavlov7110
      @maxpavlov7110 5 років тому +3

      Hang in there brother, as the wisest people said "time heals all wounds" I wish you the best of luck

  • @JL-ku4ef
    @JL-ku4ef 5 років тому +202

    I moved out today. She asked me to leave. It hurts. This video has helped me tremendously. I look forward to the second instalment. Thank you, Einzelgänger.

    • @natalietadros980
      @natalietadros980 5 років тому +10

      Wishing you peace ❤

    • @78SHAFER
      @78SHAFER 4 роки тому +2

      “Understand that your time has a limit set to it. Use it, then to advance your enlightenment; or it will be gone, and never in your power again.”

    • @mmas.3315
      @mmas.3315 4 роки тому +2

      Woawh dude, thats scary.
      Same here, all of a sudden she wanted me to leave, blaming her own depression.. I know your pain.
      For me, working out/lifting weights helped me get less "emotional" about it and I also got the motivation to work on my self and love my self, which in return will attract the right person.
      I know this out of experience, believe me or not, I never went with a girl thinking im staying with here, and I had many of them until my last ex.
      She learned me to love but also learned me to love my self first after the breakup.
      Hope it helps:)

    • @damianlim3429
      @damianlim3429 4 роки тому +5

      Just moved out yesterday, same story. Pain is unbearable. This stoic response talks about letting go but what if you do not want to?

    • @78SHAFER
      @78SHAFER 4 роки тому +7

      @@damianlim3429 Remember today that you are not defined by your past mistakes, never be held back by your circumstances, you shall be defined by the choices you make now. The good you do today. Your past can no longer be used against you. You are no longer that person. You have grown. This test was sent to awaken you. You have been a great teacher . Teaching the people around you about forgiveness. The real question is " can I forgive myself enough to walk away.

  • @connorjackson2973
    @connorjackson2973 3 роки тому +71

    It's been 5 years since I talked to the love of my life. The worst part about a break-up, is that it's like mourning the death of somebody who is still alive. There's nothing more that I would rather do and talk to her. But all she asked me for was space.

    • @surbhisharma8674
      @surbhisharma8674 2 роки тому +10

      You are better off without her

    • @cabrondemente1
      @cabrondemente1 Рік тому +13

      Please seek professional help, it's not healthy to be stuck in a breakup for so long.

    • @RittenhousesRifle
      @RittenhousesRifle Рік тому +2

      Honestly I just got my heart destroyed yesterday. But the fact that 5 years later you’re still having this hard of a time is definitely concerning.

    • @connorjackson2973
      @connorjackson2973 Рік тому

      @RittenhousesRifle when you love someone you love some one. I belive in falling in love. If it's real, idk how you can fall out of it.

    • @connorjackson2973
      @connorjackson2973 Рік тому +2

      @@RittenhousesRifle if someone said "my wife died 10 years ago and I miss her everyday" would you feel the same?

  • @OfficialJAMES97
    @OfficialJAMES97 Рік тому +57

    I love the end quote “Let the tears flow, be human first” I needed this. Here’s to months of healing! Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers! Have a blessed day! To anyone reading this currently experiencing heart ache… we got this 😊

    • @gabwiel
      @gabwiel Рік тому +2

      we got this!! fighting!!

    • @ardently750
      @ardently750 Рік тому +1

      Is it easier now?

    • @OfficialJAMES97
      @OfficialJAMES97 Рік тому +2

      ⁠@@ardently750 I had to take a couple days to reply lol but honestly everyone has their own timeline of healing. I was in a 3yr relationship before the mutual break up. The first month was hard. Lots of anxiety and over analyzing past mistakes. My #1 rule for these moments is to get active. Workout, go out with friends, vent to people who truly care about you. Go and do those things you once loved to do. Pick up an old hobby or start a new one. I’m now two months out and I’ll say that I think of her less and it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. Once you’ve been through a couple breakups you’ll find out that the healing process is quite the same. In my experience at least. Learning to let go of what could have and what ifs are probably one of the hardest things to do but once you do. I find that you gain a sense of clarity. Amor Fati, life’s too short to dwell. You might miss out on something or someone more special than the last 😁

    • @whitewolf9547
      @whitewolf9547 Рік тому +5

      I broke up with my girl 3 days ago and today was the first time I let myself cry. I actually balled my eyes out and now I feel much better. I haven’t cried in a long time because I always need to be tough and strong but it totally changed how i am feeling now. Im tired of always being tough. Im just letting my feelings flow. I know i will be stronger after this ❤

    • @OfficialJAMES97
      @OfficialJAMES97 Рік тому +1

      @@whitewolf9547 You got this my guy. Keep busy, and surround yourself with people who love you.

  • @Kanthavel.KV.Chennai.Bharat
    @Kanthavel.KV.Chennai.Bharat 4 роки тому +32

    When there's a break up, it means one of them or both of them need to grow up, mature, learn their life lessons.

  • @sinmatter8510
    @sinmatter8510 5 років тому +126

    Thank you for this video, friend. It's already been 2 months since my breakup with my ex and there are times that i still think about her, but I always remind myself to keep present and not cling to the past. Time does indeed heal wounds, but its how you apply yourself mentally and how you take care of yourself, then the wound of losing someone will begin to naturally heal. Self medicating ourselves with drugs, alcohol, rebounding with another person, and fast foods will do more harm then good, which will make the healing process much more difficult and prolonged.
    Take the time to work on yourself and heal. If you really cared for this person, the best course of action is to heal and grow from the experience as i have. I wouldn't be looking up Stoicism, meditation, self love, etc if it weren't for the breakup. Look at the positives, which many people overlook, and become better so when you are ready for your next relationship the same mistakes will not happen again. Be strong friends!

    • @JacobyX777
      @JacobyX777 5 років тому +4

      went through a similar situation as you and did the same thing. trust and believe that with self care and self improvement in general; there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay digilent in your self mastery, relationships, money, and success will always be at the door waiting

    • @walidhossain4836
      @walidhossain4836 5 років тому +1

      Funny thing is i learned the greatness of stoicism and taking myself seriously from my last break with my ex gf. Its been 3 months and i am in the same situation as you

    • @awaisstoicy3150
      @awaisstoicy3150 4 роки тому

      Search : Dan Bacon
      Thanks

  • @NLS4REAL
    @NLS4REAL 5 років тому +192

    Currently going through a tough time with someone I've loved for over 3 years, never claimed ownership over them but seeing as my turn is over breaks my heart to no end...

    • @meriameelabdellaoui9634
      @meriameelabdellaoui9634 4 роки тому +8

      I hope u r doinh fine 🖤

    • @Stanton758
      @Stanton758 4 роки тому +14

      I just came to the same realization and it does hurt be strong and cry if you need to but never stop setting goals get another one that it is your turn with

    • @mattias2509
      @mattias2509 4 роки тому +21

      It was her turn that ended :)

    • @desert4seat
      @desert4seat 2 роки тому +2

      It’s been a while… I hope you’re doing better.

    • @deadeverywhere
      @deadeverywhere Рік тому

      same

  • @TheAjaxGreater
    @TheAjaxGreater 5 років тому +201

    Been dealing with some really rough times. This is a god send.
    Thank you.

    • @EastLondonRulez
      @EastLondonRulez 5 років тому +1

      Likewise and agreed. Good luck my friend.

    • @Einzelgänger
      @Einzelgänger  5 років тому +2

      Glad to hear that. All the best!

  • @brownmasao
    @brownmasao 4 роки тому +20

    Feel it. Acknowledge it. Heal it. Be grateful for the experience.

  • @xeztan
    @xeztan 5 років тому +67

    Have been dealing with a breakup for a month, and just last night it was like a switch flipped and suddenly everything was ok, I felt this peace inside me and finally feels like I’ve let go. I tried to end things on a good note with my ex but that was only causing suffering, so instead I decided to let it all just die, and that’s what seems to have worked, I literally don’t feel anything towards the relationship anymore and it feels like it’s behind me now, stoic views really help with this, so to anyone going through a rough time; just hang on, you’ll be okay.

    • @maslinebere2622
      @maslinebere2622 5 років тому +2

      xeztan
      Lucky you are over it. It’s 11 months for me still stuck depressed

    • @cabrondemente1
      @cabrondemente1 Рік тому +3

      It's a phase, it's not over yet. Most therapists agree that it takes 6-12 months to properly heal from a breakup.
      I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to be honest because most likely there's still anger and sadness ahead of you.

    • @xeztan
      @xeztan Рік тому

      @@cabrondemente1 this was over 3 years ago lol

    • @cabrondemente1
      @cabrondemente1 Рік тому

      @@xeztan so how long did it take? Was it really over after a month? Not judging just asking because I'm still dealing with my breakup 3 months later.

    • @emdblues
      @emdblues Рік тому

      ​@@cabrondemente1I think it's different for everyone. It probably depends on how much did you get hurt, how much did you love her/him, how emotional or how mature you are, is it your first relationship...

  • @owain8087
    @owain8087 5 років тому +313

    I’m in the process of breaking up, I used to feel sad now I feel numb and nothing. Stoic philosophy helps a lot, my gf/ex doesn’t know my situation... this video was perfect timing

    • @whereeveritgoes
      @whereeveritgoes 5 років тому +24

      Same bro. I used to cry like a bitch, but my last breakup, I felt nothing because the last many months I had been practicing Stoicism and it felt weird after breaking up and felt nearly zero sadness.

    • @bs6662
      @bs6662 5 років тому +7

      Awang Budiman nothing wrong with crying man sorry you are going through it

    • @MrToman00
      @MrToman00 5 років тому +1

      Same brother

    • @g_mostella
      @g_mostella 5 років тому +1

      To help you out bro I hope you see this comment look up a guy on UA-cam named Matt Cross - Secrets 33 or Alpha Male Secrets he will teach you a lot about a thing called Red Pill 💊
      - Good Luck my brother 🙂

    • @bigman9970
      @bigman9970 4 роки тому +2

      Buick Life shut up incel

  • @YungUdon
    @YungUdon 5 років тому +78

    I think of all the breakup videos I have seen, this one helped me the most, thank you Einzelgänger

    • @Einzelgänger
      @Einzelgänger  5 років тому +6

      Oh wow, that's a great compliment. Thank you :)

    • @kairu5607
      @kairu5607 4 роки тому +1

      Utaragi couldn’t have put it better myself

  • @Trillvil1
    @Trillvil1 4 роки тому +240

    Literally when you’re in love it’s a drug. It activates the same area as cocaine. When you break up you lose that drug

    • @Nizzynaenae
      @Nizzynaenae 4 роки тому +14

      @@oldlarry9234 I did and now I havent slept for 5 days

    • @douglaskramer1853
      @douglaskramer1853 4 роки тому +3

      Shit, im just prolonging then

    • @isdenn7
      @isdenn7 4 роки тому +3

      @@Nizzynaenae maybe some CBD?

    • @crispendaysh3401
      @crispendaysh3401 4 роки тому

      So true

    • @crispendaysh3401
      @crispendaysh3401 4 роки тому

      @@Nizzynaenae like you I don’t sleep properly either it’s been 2 weeks

  • @78SHAFER
    @78SHAFER 4 роки тому +26

    “Understand that your time has a limit set to it. Use it, then to advance your enlightenment; or it will be gone, and never in your power again.” Marcus Aureluis

  • @theblackswan18
    @theblackswan18 5 років тому +39

    For anyone out there going that is going through a breakup or facing hard times in your relationship , here is my story. I've been together with a girl for almost 1 year and 3 months and from the start to now I have been always second guessing myself and believing that it's my fault the relationship isn't working but it wasn't anything close to that. She just wasn't on the same level I was and I kept blaming myself for her problems. Right now I don't even know if we're together or separated because we still talk daily. In short know your value and make sure the people you associate yourself with value your worth. Stoicism is helping and I'm sure it will continue to help you also. Be strong because we were not born to be ordinary and simple men. They do not deserve us that is why we must let them go.
    - Raees DeNiro.

    • @esmesal6006
      @esmesal6006 4 роки тому

      How are you doing?

    • @sen431
      @sen431 10 місяців тому

      Hey guys how's it going!!!

  • @snehaiyer3139
    @snehaiyer3139 4 роки тому +22

    I'd like to offer my 2 cents on the despair occurring from the one that got away -
    The despair we experience when someone we deeply cherished (were attached to) is no longer in our lives is the same despair one experiences at the death of a loved one.
    This grief is so madening, the pain so acute that it truly resembles a kind of mourning of the passing away of someone..as they aren't returning to our lives ever again. Yet it is different in that this person indeed does continue to exist, only in the life of another (new partner).
    What I'm arriving at, in essence, is that the mourning of the death of someone you loved so dearly is by no means avoidable. We will unfortunately have to pass through the various stages of grief.
    However, while the pain is unavoidable, suffering occurs purely in the mind, ie we can consciously take measures to reduce suffering.
    In summary, sit through the grief, mourn the loss of the true love - despair of separation, try to gradually reduce the mental suffering we experience, until you reach a point where there is no belongingness or identification with this person and hence there only remains good wishes and pure feelings for them, no matter where they are, who they are with.

  • @robyndaniels1381
    @robyndaniels1381 5 років тому +155

    Relationships exist because they have some purpose for the parties involved. When that purpose ends the relationship ends. Simples.

    • @MrMakingwavesmedia
      @MrMakingwavesmedia 4 роки тому +13

      No you just use people. It does not make it ok.

    • @Yusa_Beach
      @Yusa_Beach 3 роки тому +10

      @@MrMakingwavesmedia thats every single relation in general. Relationships/friendships/ even when it comes to family, it's all the same dude.
      Every single person needs a reason to want to hang around with you.
      Why do you think people become friends? Because they have similar interests, they make each other feel good, that they're the only people l who seem to "get" you. If they never did any of those things you wouldn't be friends with them.
      Everyone uses everyone for some reason no matter how big or small it is.
      Selfish? Yes, because we are selfish creatures. Is that wrong? Depends on perspective and context 🤔

    • @Yusa_Beach
      @Yusa_Beach Рік тому

      @jyk1218 This was a year ago so mindset change, I wouldn't change much of anything previously that I said other than it being selfish.
      Because the word selfish entirely depends on conscious intention.
      And what is usually considered over the line to taking care of yourself and simply looking out for yourself without any consideration of others,....so yeah.
      I wouldn't call it selfish if two parties were simply transactioning something.
      Anywho I'd somewhat agree to your comment if the person was Compassionate and selfless, however it still doesn't change much, because you wouldn't be able to connect in a way that would make a friendship blossom if you couldn't seem to have something in common that you both liked or liked currently within that moment.
      You'd have to find something you both like or both of you decide to make something that you both like. (Usually the former than the latter)

  • @BlindSniper305
    @BlindSniper305 Рік тому +6

    My 4 year relationship, my fiancé, left me a month ago. I feel so empty. I watch these videos and they help, but man does your mind get to you in times of quiet. I'm honestly miserable. Here's to brighter days.

  • @Rosannasfriend
    @Rosannasfriend Рік тому +5

    Yeah, absolutely right about the “other fish in the sea“ line. Because it’s basically saying “there’s always someone else I can be attached to!“. We need to realize that the only people we need to really be attached to his ourselves. We only need ourselves for our own happiness, and then we want other people after that only to enhance that happiness that’s already there. That’s after we have found our happiness. But we don’t need anybody else.

  • @natalianat9105
    @natalianat9105 3 роки тому +5

    I revisit this post again after a year post breakup. And now i am doing fine. All stated here is definitely true. Thanks to philosophy, stoicism and buddhism -- now i am back and better than previous me. Hope it can help others ❤️❤️❤️

  • @Urth_tu_bella
    @Urth_tu_bella 4 роки тому +1814

    Happiness doesn’t come from love and relationships, it comes from garlic bread

    • @Banzii_Mavuso
      @Banzii_Mavuso 4 роки тому +10

      YES! omg 😍

    • @Urth_tu_bella
      @Urth_tu_bella 4 роки тому +2

      ICY RENAULTO agreed, you will be the the first I will contact for support 👌

    • @secondsyth6227
      @secondsyth6227 4 роки тому +3

      It's true! I was the garlic bread

    • @almardelacerna9900
      @almardelacerna9900 4 роки тому +3

      "then you'd get fat"

    • @Urth_tu_bella
      @Urth_tu_bella 4 роки тому +9

      A0100 0001L Well then I’ll be fat and happy

  • @jenniferorozco6974
    @jenniferorozco6974 Рік тому +5

    The whole feeling entitled to that person really resonates with me. How we subconsciously take ownership of someone thinking its mean to stay forever. People change, feelings change. That's the gamble you take in love, in this time and age where temptation is so easy to act upon many just keep chasing what's next and better to supply their needs. Theres little effort put when the honeymoon phase wears off.
    For a while i gave up on relationships as they bring so much pain when they end but let's face it, romantic companionship and intimacy does us good from time to time. The hard work is mentally being prepared to let it go when it runs its course and not allow your ego to make you look desperate or unbalanced and take it as a personal attack to our self worth.
    I've started to adopt this philosophy and its a lot more peaceful to not get blinded by attachment. Takes ongoing effort but absolutely necessary.

  • @shwetanavani480
    @shwetanavani480 3 роки тому +21

    For me a breakup was the best thing to happen to me. It was more a like a breakthrough for me opening up my eyes to the fact that I wasn't being true to myself and many other lessons. It just goes to show whatever happens to you in life, even if it's the worst thing you can make it work for you and make you better

    • @siddhantramteke3834
      @siddhantramteke3834 Рік тому

      How are the things now?

    • @shwetanavani480
      @shwetanavani480 Рік тому +1

      @@siddhantramteke3834 thanks so much for asking. That's really nice of you 😊 Things are really great actually. I'm working in a profession that I adore. I choose to have people around me that love me and support me. I'm finally standing up for myself. It's funny. When you start expecting the best it just comes to you. I hope everything is going well with you too. Best wishes to you ❤

    • @siddhantramteke3834
      @siddhantramteke3834 Рік тому

      @@shwetanavani480 very very glad to hear this 😇😇. Its been one week i broke up. i slowly started to accept the fact that she wont come back . kinda felt sad and depressing. i don't know i just cant see any hope of things getting better for me right now. only thing i regret is about my efforts. lifetime nightmare for me.

    • @shwetanavani480
      @shwetanavani480 Рік тому

      @@siddhantramteke3834 I'm so sorry to hear that. In the beginning it does feel like that but I promise that it does get better. Start doing things that you like to do. Eat well, get regular exercise, sleep. It's sounds simple but these things do really help. Once you focus on you your heart starts feeling lighter. I wish you all the best in the world. Take things slow and be kind to yourself. You got this ❤

    • @antonioradolovic5283
      @antonioradolovic5283 10 місяців тому

      Any update?​@@siddhantramteke3834

  • @ganiniii
    @ganiniii 3 роки тому +15

    My wife died 6 years ago and I haven't felt inner peace ever since. I don't feel any rage anymore but I feel out of place all the time and what the video says about the substances being alcohol or anything else is quite true. It may easily become too much of a refuge and after that becoming a jail. I have reduced the amount of alcohol now but the first 4 years were too much untill I landed on the hospital because of my health condition. The kidneys complained first.
    Loosing someone being to death or overall is really sad because nowadays it is really difficult to find someone you can truly connect with and connects with you the same way back. Everything is so ephemerous.

  • @andreanova3986
    @andreanova3986 Рік тому +10

    “It is a universal law - have no illusion - that every creature alive is attached to nothing so much as to its own self - interest.”
    - Epictetus

  • @theevil6252
    @theevil6252 5 років тому +12

    I found travelling to new city fir 2-3 weeks is best ideas and live in hotel with shared bed. It worked for me. I feel better and healed now 😊

  • @Jesuslovesyou346
    @Jesuslovesyou346 8 місяців тому +4

    Guys the painful phase WILL PASS trust , you will feel peace and whole again . But some of us (including me) need to stop believing that moving on will pass quickly, it won’t it depends on how big the bond was and how long . If you’ve been in a relationship for more then two years during those years you are bounding yourself to that person , so don’t expect to be healed in two weeks trust it will all end just be patient with yourself and let yourself feel.

  • @secnock.
    @secnock. 4 роки тому +9

    Weeks, months or even years, but everyone you loved becomes a cherished memory that you can revisit time and time again. It is not the end of the world, regardless of how horrible it feels now.

  • @AlucardPeach
    @AlucardPeach 4 роки тому +19

    You can apply rational thought all the live long day, but there's usually a war between emotional brain and rational brain, and the fact is that no amount of rational thought will spare you from the pain. You say let the tears flow, because you know that no matter how you rationalize it, it still hurts.

  • @spidgetfinner4595
    @spidgetfinner4595 5 років тому +96

    This video has helped me alot, my girlfriend dumped me 2 days ago and the last two days have been the worst days of my life, the night that it happened, I even called my mom (which I almost never do) and told her everything while I was bawling my eyes out. The thing that hurts the most is that the breakup was so unexpected, she was at a football game with her friends and, out of nowhere, told me that she was done with me. I loved her more than anything and I thought she was the same way, we had promised that we would be together forever. It might be a little cringy, but we thought about our future together, what we would name our kids, where we would move to, what jobs we would have, when we would get married, etc.
    I just hope I will get over it quickly

    • @nycgregofficial
      @nycgregofficial 4 роки тому +2

      update?

    • @williamnakagawa
      @williamnakagawa 4 роки тому +2

      @@summerscents8284 sorry for your heartbreak. You should do a search about narcissists and other cluster b personality disorders. Look for doctor ramani channel. Hope this helps. God bless you and you deserve better than that.

    • @summerscents8284
      @summerscents8284 4 роки тому +3

      @@williamnakagawa Thank you so much for taking the time to send your words of encouragement; and also for the info you shared. So appreciate it.

    • @rauls2226
      @rauls2226 4 роки тому +4

      how are you feeling now bro?

    • @levity90
      @levity90 4 роки тому

      There were no signs?

  • @sunbeam9222
    @sunbeam9222 Рік тому +6

    Looking back I realise the ones I managed to have a happy, healthy relationship with were people with a happy,positive mindset. It's actually that's simple.
    Those who were overly anxious , feeling lack stayed miserable anyway . You can't make someone else happy. Make yourself content and happy and then go find someone who's already content and happy in life.

  • @michaelwoodley9535
    @michaelwoodley9535 5 років тому +8

    Love isn’t selfish so if you are going into it because the love you have for that person makes you feel better and you need that in your life...it isn’t love. When you truly love someone it doesn’t matter what you get out of it. You have been given something that can never leave you. It becomes a part of who you are. Even if you are no longer with them. The love is now you and not dependent on them being in your life.

    • @samreplete1842
      @samreplete1842 5 років тому

      Beautifully said!

    • @rizzamaeong
      @rizzamaeong 5 років тому +1

      u sound like someone who has read Chapter 3 of Dr M Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled.
      i know that already Michael.
      i know what love isn't.
      it isn't parasitism.
      not selfish.
      not falling in love.
      i know what love is.
      and i can reason and logic myself out of gloom and forlorn.
      but we can't rush mourning.
      it's a loss..
      hurts af
      i wish i get the rainbow after the storm phase faster.
      and hope i end up better, not bitter. like most people.

  • @Will-xl7xp
    @Will-xl7xp 4 роки тому +3

    I got into boxing. Was the best decision ever. Channeling all the fustration and grief every training session at the boxing club - Now i have a new craft and obsession. And i feel good about myself

  • @MikeMayArt
    @MikeMayArt 2 роки тому +2

    Coming fresh off a breakup with my love of 10 years, this is amazing to listen to. Thank you so much. Will have to dig deeper into stoicism. It all really rings true.

  • @SuperZander1999
    @SuperZander1999 4 роки тому +4

    My dad is going through a break up right now and I’ve essentially been his therapist through it all so more knowledge on how to deal with it helps alot

  • @ShugaAnims
    @ShugaAnims 4 роки тому +613

    I have returned my wife....
    to the streets.

  • @In2MeUcU
    @In2MeUcU 5 років тому +17

    If only after 5.years I could say goodbye and cry! Broken ❤

  • @1magin3
    @1magin3 4 роки тому +42

    We broke up 5 years back and I still find my self gravitated towards her. It's messed up.

    • @anniewest1595
      @anniewest1595 4 роки тому

      @@monroelee8090 I know someone who can help him regain your love. He helped me bring back my ex> after he left. WhatsApp him +121~38739~698...

    • @gregflores8959
      @gregflores8959 3 роки тому +1

      Oh please, like there are no other wonderful ladies out there, unbelievable!

  • @Spectrulus
    @Spectrulus 2 роки тому +1

    Having gone through a divorce this year, this video has helped me realize some more stoicism in life will help me recover. Thank you for your efforts in this and other videos. Your efforts bring more joy into the world.

  • @Victor_Andrei
    @Victor_Andrei Рік тому +11

    "She was never yours, it was just your turn." - Epictetus

  • @user-FM1
    @user-FM1 5 років тому +7

    Don't look for happiness anywhere, it's closer than you imagine.

  • @diamondunicorn2421
    @diamondunicorn2421 4 роки тому +23

    What’s helping me , every time I think of the person I was with. I think most of the reasons I left him. It gets easier eventually one day.

  • @morganpalmer5143
    @morganpalmer5143 4 роки тому +7

    I've been avoiding watching this. My significant and I are on a "no contact break" (his wish). I'm coming to terms with accepting this fate and finding peace and love within myself instead of searching for it from a partner. If we never speak again or he decides he no longer wants us to be together I will return him with grace.

  • @JMK719
    @JMK719 2 роки тому +2

    I believe it. Time will weaken the pain. However I do need to take the bandage off at one point and look at, treat it, heal it properly. Time will not heal my wounds. I’m simply locking them up in a misery box. It’s still there and will be unlocked every once in a while even if I try to avoid it. All the current and future events are keys to unlock that box and stir up my pain from the past. In order to heal it completely, I need to get professional help or proper treatment when I’m finally ready for them to open the box and handle my wounds. Only then, I can destroy them completely instead of just avoiding them.

  • @longingheart77
    @longingheart77 5 років тому +35

    A truly beautiful video 💖 Can you talk more about dealing with missing someone and the despair that comes from him/her not being in your life anymore?

    • @Einzelgänger
      @Einzelgänger  5 років тому +4

      Thank you! That's next level stuff, but I'll see what I can do ;).

    • @Alex-jq8sf
      @Alex-jq8sf 5 років тому

      Sara K has a good video on this. It is called attachments and expectations. She speaks about her experience of death, it's a little eccentric but very helpful and thought provoking

    • @snehaiyer3139
      @snehaiyer3139 4 роки тому +8

      sad kid I'd like to offer my 2 cents on this topic -
      The despair we experience when someone we deeply cherished (were attached to) is no longer in our lives is the same despair one experiences at the death of a loved one.
      This grief is so madening, the pain so acute that it truly resembles a kind of mourning of the passing away of someone..as they aren't returning to our lives ever again. Yet it is different in that this person indeed does continue to exist, only in the life of another (new partner).
      What I'm arriving at, in essence, is that the mourning of the death of someone you loved so dearly is by no means avoidable. We will unfortunately have to pass through the various stages of grief.
      However, while the pain is unavoidable, suffering occurs purely in the mind, ie we can consciously take measures to reduce suffering.
      In summary, sit through the grief, mourn the loss of the true love - despair of separation, try to gradually reduce the mental suffering we experience, until you reach a point where there is no belongingness or identification with this person and hence there only remains good wishes and pure feelings for them, no matter where they are, who they are with.

    • @chelsearae8062
      @chelsearae8062 4 роки тому +1

      @@snehaiyer3139 I really needed this, thank you so much and I hope to keep coming back to this and reading it to remind myself that its gonna hurt but I'll be okay

    • @voidmain9519
      @voidmain9519 2 роки тому

      @@snehaiyer3139 Sneha garu that was really profound and precious wisdom through experiences. This is helping me to look at my misery in another angle and I can feel the weightlessness of the baggage I have been carrying. Thank you so much Sneha. I'm grateful. You are the best. I felt like someone very dear and friendly consoled me through their words. Thanks a lot. God bless you.

  • @EricaGrafton
    @EricaGrafton 4 роки тому +3

    The concept that if I love someone, I would want the best for them, was a game changer. In the current situation, I do love him and want the best for him. And if that isn’t me, I can’t do anything about that, so I can let it go. That was so very freeing. And you should have seen his face when I told him 2 months ago! Sie la vie

    • @Ben-tr1ef
      @Ben-tr1ef 2 роки тому

      Beautiful thinking, rational, kind, loving and generous, thanks Erica

  • @gilmayer1
    @gilmayer1 5 років тому +3

    I miss my family terribly. The pain is great. Stoicism and meditation are my cure. Everyday is a struggle.

    • @AlucardPeach
      @AlucardPeach 4 роки тому

      I pray it gets easier for you soon

  • @OO_sunflower_OO
    @OO_sunflower_OO 5 років тому +100

    WHERE TF WAS THIS WHEN I BROKE UP WITH THE DEEPEST MOST TOXIC CONNECTION OF MY LIFE. Also he was my first bf so like that was heavy and I was a noob

    • @OO_sunflower_OO
      @OO_sunflower_OO 5 років тому +3

      Username wish I heard of it then lmao

    • @mattheus951
      @mattheus951 5 років тому +4

      same shit happened to me, most painful experience of my life. 8/10 would do again

    • @shashankaadiga4969
      @shashankaadiga4969 4 роки тому +1

      are you pro now? 😅😛

    • @rrrrrrraaaa9
      @rrrrrrraaaa9 4 роки тому +4

      Joanna Julep When student is ready master appears.. maybe you wasn't ready at that time to digest this knowledge..think like that..

    • @anniewest1595
      @anniewest1595 4 роки тому

      @@mattheus951 I know someone who can help him regain your love. He helped me bring back my ex> after he left. WhatsApp him +121~38739~698...,,,

  • @reneeren-patterson2657
    @reneeren-patterson2657 5 років тому +2

    A beautiful philosophy to teach what is human love? and how can be recovery when a love lost...Just remember that a true love is unconditional and the best way is to focus on "new research projects"...

  • @johnroman4608
    @johnroman4608 4 роки тому +2

    Self-Focus to return You to You. “Let the tears flow .. Be human first “ 🙏

  • @haileygoytia8688
    @haileygoytia8688 5 років тому +3

    Thank you so much for approaching this subject I’m going through a very horrible breakup and your videos are making me feel so much better! ♥️

  • @alexlanderos102
    @alexlanderos102 4 роки тому +11

    Talking to someone who just doesn't see you in that light anymore is wild .

  • @scottpine9786
    @scottpine9786 4 роки тому +3

    Been watching these videos to cope with my split. Helping me tremendously.

  • @highsoflyify
    @highsoflyify 2 роки тому +2

    Embrace the pain and don´t try to swallow it down. Because you only suffer now, due to the beatufilul time you had before.
    Now you have the same situation as before the relationship, plus you gained some meaningful moments and experiences.

  • @playcard2454
    @playcard2454 4 роки тому +1

    i’m back with my love even after many fights, it’s surface we all have to pass. believe your love,fights are just to understand each other, be each other hands and not hold hand and fall. We human beings love each other just love freely as you’re and carry on life together with your loved one. love your one like family and she taught me this and she is for life. Be Man to only woman.

  • @suedclub
    @suedclub Рік тому +3

    1) 2:30 I need that person to be happy
    2) 3:50 I'm entitled to that person
    3) 5:45 I'll never got over that person

  • @tovaris09
    @tovaris09 5 років тому +7

    Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, ...Guy Winch.

  • @boddisburgers
    @boddisburgers 4 роки тому +3

    Just had 2 intense relationships (Nov-Jan & Jun) that had to end due to us having different life paths. One moved to SF and I had to move home for the second one due to Visa issues. Though both were short lived, they were some of the most intense and memorable relationships I've ever gained. Anyone struggling has to know, it's all temporary. Remember fondly, move on. You'll be fine :)

  • @remusiac
    @remusiac 4 роки тому +2

    I understood the first point “i need that person to be happy” as in not needing the person but needing to see them being happy. Made no sense for a second

  • @shubha2308
    @shubha2308 4 роки тому +1

    I liked this the most: We need only virtue to be happy...and leading a virtuous life is in our control.

  • @Idumab
    @Idumab 5 років тому +5

    Superb. I used this approach during a recent breakup and it has been a heart saver.

  • @kurtlangberg6143
    @kurtlangberg6143 5 років тому +41

    Would you be willing to provide a video on a Stoic perspective on violence, aggression, and dealing with people who try to use it against you?

    • @abaranihei2608
      @abaranihei2608 5 років тому +2

      Remove yourself from them.

    • @kurtlangberg6143
      @kurtlangberg6143 5 років тому +2

      Abara Nihei No offense, but I think that for all the situations one could find oneself in, that the public will need something more helpful than a simple one sentence answer to fix all problems. Bear in mind I am asking for a philosophical approach, not martial arts or concealed carry, or how to fight. Even the use of those things must be regulated by philosophies that are attached to them.
      I’m asking for a more comprehensive philosophical framework and mindset with which to deal with the reality of violence and aggression. One that is useful for both the person on the street, the soldier on the battlefield, the cop on the beat, the child on the playground, the woman in the bar, etc.
      Remember that Marcus Aurelius fought wars on Rome’s borders personally and had to deal with the reality of deadly violence on a daily basis, as well as having to deal with people constantly trying to coerce him. The sports of boxing and wrestling are also mentioned by philosophers as metaphors for life, yet what they say about the mindsets of those who practice these sports is also applicable to the mindset one should cultivate when confronting violence and aggression in a very real and literal way.
      I think this subject deserves a more in depth discussion (and a video) all on its own.

    • @Einzelgänger
      @Einzelgänger  5 років тому +8

      Interesting topic... I'll see what I can do ;)

    • @kurtlangberg6143
      @kurtlangberg6143 5 років тому

      Einzelgänger I look forward to hearing your meditations on the subject.

  • @BrainsApplied
    @BrainsApplied 5 років тому +7

    This man has a soothing voice!

  • @_M_D_M_
    @_M_D_M_ 4 роки тому +2

    It didnt kill me. It made me stronger. It made her stronger too I believe.
    Time is taking away the hollowness in gut and heart you feel after being rejected. Time to Value Up!!

  • @danielcastillo4537
    @danielcastillo4537 5 років тому +18

    Get rid of all physical manifestations of your relationship! Letters, pictures, clothes etc. We attach memories to these things unfortunately.

    • @jshep2194
      @jshep2194 4 роки тому +4

      i got a whole house lmao

    • @eighteenglobe1396
      @eighteenglobe1396 4 роки тому +3

      Why would I do that ? They're beautiful memories and looking at these psychical manifestations shouldn't be painful, it will be for a bit but once you let go, it's beautiful to look back on. A relationship isn't something to be taken so lightly. It is a part of who you were, a part of who you are now. I'd say getting rid of things would certainly help some. But in years to come, if it really was a beautiful relationship, cleaning out that drawer in your house filled with nonsense then suddenly stumbling upon an old letter. It could be a lovely moment, that you wouldn't have if you got rid of everything and just threw it in the trash

  • @Walnutty
    @Walnutty Рік тому +3

    breakups is the most painful thing men can feel

  • @dimitrisboulios
    @dimitrisboulios 4 роки тому +13

    Einzelgänger: *Talking about breakups*
    Me: "I wonder with which philosophical view point will he touch this subject."
    Einzelgänger: "stoicism"
    Me: "Oh yes, yes of course..."

  • @thetruth4654
    @thetruth4654 5 років тому +7

    I am in love with someone, but we have not been in a relationship and i had to leave to other university so we no longer go to the same university. And now the uncertantity is what makes it hard for me to deal with it

  • @belavera994
    @belavera994 3 роки тому +1

    there's absolutely no doubt in my mind anymore, this channel's officially my favorite. nowhere else did I feel more empowered than after watching einzelgänger's content😊