Jordan Peterson ~ Never Ignore Small Signs Of Coming Betrayal
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- Опубліковано 9 січ 2020
- Jordan Peterson ~ Never Ignore Small Signs Of Coming Betrayal
Taken from:
2014 Personality Lecture 12: Binswanger & Boss (Phenomenology)
• 2014 Personality Lectu...
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If you want to BINGE watch BEST of Jordan Peterson check out this playlist:
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Why not watch himself rather than you trying to make money of his words.
Ppppl lol
A M E N! Brother
@@jamespower8234 I get it but we r indeed watching him... No....
U know there is no behavour to be checked here. U both no where the lines r. We have an affirmative duty to yrself; u owe it to yrself to remove yrself from that situation. Now if u don't, it is. Not that you're deserving of the outcome just that you've delayed it. You cannot fix other people's problems. The key is to find people whom have had long stable relationships, a solid upbringing. I know it sounds harsh.
The worst thing I found about betrayal is you lose trust in your own judgment.
That is absolutely true. And it’s devastating
Yes! Smh
And you put those trust issues on the next person where unfortunately I look for signs or little things constantly.
True!
YES
The worst thing about betrayal is that it's never from the enemy.
See how you'd expect you're enemy to do something crummy. Yet when those that you have taken into your inner circle, those that you love and Trust betray you it's very painful! The good news is that now you know the truth. And as they say, the truth will set you free! There was no longer need to maintain the illusion of that relationship, even if it's a family member!
Exactly, thats what no one wants to face.
Well, yeah. That's the definition of betrayal. Lol..
Deep af!!!
That’s why you try and reason with those people to no end. Making you insane
When your spouse betrays you, the marriage is gone no matter if you forgive them. You no longer feel close to them because they didn't care if you got hurt; you are now alone. They wanted what they wanted when they wanted it, and they figure you would just have to get over it. That is true betrayal. Betrayal is a death.
The Ex
Well said, yes, betrayal is death😢
but it does not have to be just a death...remember seed goes into the ground and grows something new
@@lilpoohbear653 It's not the same seed. That seed is dead. So, yes. It's a death.
They ? There is so much more to what you did within trauma than what that individual did ,or how they reaced,over the course of the whole relationship. , and this means a long term projectory of the possibility of shit happening ,or even you feeling like shit is happening,and ignoring all the so called red flags the do exactly what they say , waves a red flag but blissful ignorance is the same as willfully blind ,your not that close ,your surfing the waves taking everything for granted from another human being , an interaction between two ppl starts a relationship. so it's not a what they just did to you, that's just ridiculous and so childish,believing like every moment is separate and based on nothing whatso ever ,is so immature ...so , what you both said and did in the very very first place is snow balling all the time every day and produces the error ,that's why what happens has already happened before you saw already what was happening, if we don't check in and yes it's exhausting,but look at everything all the time every day..alone and together,so yeh this is exactly what that short explanation was regarding, listen be aware look feel and ask , and be totally completely responsible for every interaction for yourself firstly ,I know this is the thing we are lazy and willfully blind in the pursuit of selfish gratification but that's why we become taken for granted
Trust your gut. Don't allow someone to erode your boundaries through manipulation and coercion. You'll know when this happens because you'll feel compromised, and possibly dissociated.
That happened to me and I ended a 33 year marriage to get away from him. I'm happy now living alone.
Lived my whole life like that due to my sibling
Very precise analysis! It really speaks to me!
And manipulation has been almost every adult I've been around on a daily for last decade...
My boundaries is leaving all that behind in order to finish healing
You can't heal in places that get attention and prosper from you being sick
@@rainncorbin8291I doubt it very much
Never ignore when someones actions indicate a lack of loyalty to you.
Not judgment to rationally assess and rationally discern in one’s self-interest.
They aren’t ‘wrong’, just not right for you.
@lemmieatit I think thats fine when dealing with empathetic people, ppl aren't always aware of their affect on others. Its how they react when you bring it up that shows their true colours. If they show a lack of empathy and avoid accountability it shows they dont see your feelings as important as theirs. When it should be equal. If the infringement is minor you may not be willing to end the relationship over it but if its a recurring pattern you've got to make a choice because your being loyal to someone who has no loyalty to you.
J.P fanboys can relate. Like when Mother limits your internet usage. That's Postmodern Neo-Marxism right there bucko.
@@steven5054 Or an act of love. Too much of the wrong internet, and you will go blind!
@@tomusannonymous interesting. How they react when you bring it up - you mean when you say to them you feel they are not being loyal? Jealousy I feel is a problem. I have a friend who does lots of good things, but my instinct tells me he is a different person when we are around other people, usually women.
Best advice my dad gave me. " Keep doing what your doing and you'll keep getting what your getting".
Should've given you the "spell correctly when possible" advice
What about envious people tripping you up bc you're competition ? Is it your fault they're intimidated by your work?
Is Brian Tracy your daddy 👀
@@jayjabber935 baffle me with some more brilliance. Because Chopp n Tracy look real similar. 🤣✌
Understand and agreed! Good advice. Pro tip: when you quote someone, especially someone close to you, use proper english man. Your- dictates ownership. You're (YOU ARE) was the proper context. Seriously man, get with the program, this post makes you look ignorant. Gl out there!
Betrayal is the most hurtful known act i can think of. It hardens your heart, takes away the things you used to enjoy in life. I was betrayed by the people closest to me, and i felt so much anger for so long. Hardens your heart. Im still learning to live with it.
After a 30-year marriage, and a betrayal and a husband who left me, I have been on a long road to Healing. It has been 17 years. I have made a lot of bad decisions because of how my divorce occurred, and it also complicated my healing process. While I think I am about 90% healed, because of the consequences and some bad decisions that I made during the whole grieving process, it has taken longer than I would have hoped. It certainly transforms you. I am 68 now and in all my years that betrayal has been the worst thing to experience
Please - never forgive someone for betrayal. And take a lesson from this - be more perceptive with people. Think about the people who are in your life and go through your interaction-history: is there signs of betrayal? Has this person betrayed you before in a small way? If you give him 50, does he give you 50 back or nothing (meaning - is the relationship reciprocal)?
@@laurawalker546 I’m sorry for what happened to you. I hope you are mostly are peace now. What would you say helped heal your heart?
@ImadAli1 looking at everything very, very carefully and realizing my fault and his fault and all the circumstances that caused all of it, a very careful analysis over time. Also griefshare group and divorcecare group helped me a lot. I am not 100 percent healed but I am probably 90 percent or more. Maybe I will never be completely healed but I have accepted this fact too. In other words, I just let myself be now
Betrayal hurts because it always comes from those closest too you, else it wouldn't be betrayal because no implied loyalty has been betrayed
Never let someone become your everything. Never put them above yourself . People on pedestals are likely to fall off and when they do it’s you that will get flattened.
This.
I made that mistake with my first boyfriend/love when I was 16-19. My folks went through a terrible divorce (my relationship with my folks was awful/non-existent), and all my friends went off to college, whilst I was the only one in my friends circle that stayed in town to go to community college. So his family became my family. His home was more of a home to me than mine ever felt. And all of his friends became my friends. His world became my entire world.
You can imagine how smothering that must have felt for him, unbeknownst to me (even though it wasn’t done intentionally - it was done out of love and circumstance/desperation). But ultimately, I believe that’s what led him to cheat on me, not tell me about it, but then break up with me with no other reason than he “wanted to see what it’s like to be single” (I only found out he had cheated on me a year after he broke up with me, when one of his friends finally told me because I kept my friendships with all of his friends... As a side note: My ex’s reaction was to get furious with that friend for telling me; it wasn’t to stop to apologize for betraying me and hurting me so deeply).
Now you can imagine how soul crushing all of that was for me to experience, and what a massive first lesson in love and romantic relationships it was. It took _MANY YEARS_ to heal my heart, but even after 3 decades, I can tell you that there is part of me that never got over him and never will, despite the hurt he caused me. I was just so in love with him for so long, and it was mutual for quite a while there. I’ve had other boyfriends and loves of course, but it just was never the same.
So yeah, when he fell off that pedestal, it was definitely _ME_ that got flattened. Very difficult and painful lesson to learn.
We misunderstand what Jesus Christ said. He said "Love the person next to you a s yourself." He didn't say a b o v e yourself.
Just did this and this happened exactly. I’m pretty devastated. Still breathing though.
@@2202Winterful We're lucky that we breathe; which means we have the chance to change our mindset. Other people, don't have that chance. Like the innocent victims of the deadly train collision at central Greece 3 days ago. What made it horrible and deadly was the explosion of propane tanks. Hell on Earth.
I have learned in my 60 years on the planet that the saying 'The end is in the beginning' is completely true. A small something that's 'off' or done very early in a relationship bodes to something similar but far, far bigger being done later on. I don't use this instinct to dislike people just to know that a particular person is not for me. Every single time I have ignored a small red flag it led to whoppers that cracked me over the head. Be careful what you get used to........
Thank you for your insight
Exactly right.
Thank you
Taking a screenshot of your awesome comment. Very helpful
just had this exact thing happen to me today, so true
“Conflict delayed is conflict multiplied” JP
yup, that's how I failed my relationship
David Batista we all learn from it brother, it happens for a reason, now you know for the next relationship what not to do, dats all, she wasn’t for you anyways, nobody’s perfect
Never let the sun go down on your anger.
True
This is very true. Found out the hard way
The best way to tell how someone feels towards you is to tell them something great that happened to you...
John Deloach, this couldn't be more true! My ex-husband and later, ex-boyfriend couldn't bring themselves to be happy about my work and school success. Devastating.
Hope u told em to kick rocks
Ha! 🎉😂 NOW THIS WILL PREACH!!
AMEN
Also lend them some money.
"Be careful who you put your faith in. The only people who can betray us, are the ones we trust." - Maria, TLOU
It's the cognitive dissonance of someone saying they love you, then covertly treating you with disrespect in barely detectable ways. It allows them plausible deniability, and you don't want to say anything for fear of "overreacting", and not allowing them to "be themselves". It's insidious, and I'm glad there are high profile people like Mr. Peterson out there corroborating the experience of those on the receiving end.
It's even more painful when the doer is not aware bc then it goes on undetected period. So many lost souls and all are oppressed and oppressors at the same time.
Well said!
This is what happened to me and I kept it all inside until one night I exploded and ended the relationship for good. She told me I was being selfish and narcissistic for wanting to spend more time with her, two or three times a week after almost 5 years, in our 50s. She did exactly as you say, telling me she loved me but, not committing, telling me she wanted a life with me and then saying "if I move in". I left her 3 times, she left me two times, and every time she would come back and tell me things would be different. A year later, I'm still grieving and on anti-depressants. I walked away but I still miss her and I'm too scared to let anyone else near me. I wish I had realised what she was doing to me at the beginning. At least I know now I guess.
@@andreas1ioannou
How can you miss what you never had?
5 years isn't too much, there are folks who have spent 48 years putting up with abuse, in other JP video comments.. As they say, you don't miss HER, you miss her body/warmth etc. Get off that ssri crap. Look up toxic psychiatry on YT. Remember exercise is the most potent, yet underutilized anti-depressant & anxiolytic. Be decisive, going/taking back exes is like watching the same movie expecting a different plot! You'll acclimate, as we do with other losses. It needs to happen.
Beware of Anne Catrine! I Love you whilst she was meeting and doing things with other men. She didn't realize that her bragging to friends, swearing them to silence would get back to me. She even tried to get me to beat up a guy who was sex pest to her. I bumped into some of her acquaintances and the told me that she was actually the sex pest trying to destroy his family. She is always moving in for more supply.
The best revenge when someone steals your girlfriend is let them keep her.
That literally can't happen. That would be kidnapping. Your gf left you...no one stole her.
It’s not like you have a choice you can’t keep her if you wanted too
😂😂😂😭
@@halcyon6098 it's called a joke. Thanks for reminding me that stealing a person would technically be kidnapping though. My bad, next time I'll preface the sentence with a warning.
@@halcyon6098 r/wooooosh
I recently broke up with my girl because she wouldn’t let go of her flirty male friend. I don’t invest in liabilities so I just cut her off. Words mean nothing, actions are much more significant. Trust is earned, it’s not a given. Don’t ignore the signs, don’t accumulate the errors. You’ll save yourself a lot of wasted time. It ain’t easy but stand firm in your convictions. Keep your dignity and reserve your love for those who are willing to serve you, not their desires.
I'm taking a snapshot of your comment because I'm so very heartbroken beyond belief because my soon to be ex husband refuses to not spend hours and hours on Facebook and ignoring our son and me. Years of marriage and social media means more to him than us. I feel he is probably, eh the chances are hi he is dabbling in emotional infidelity. Your comment is powerful, thank you.
He is leaving me because I won't let him treat me this way.
Same, he couldnt turn his back on the sweet talk of women, was constantly going after those and he was gaslighting me calling such as friendly stuff, so the relo turned into a disaster and finished. Its such a shame because we were so good together. He traded happiness with ego satisfaction. Good for him.
After 15 years of unhappy relationship I couldn't agree more. Do not loose your time, health, patience and life for someone who doesn't deserve it. It's better to be alone than live with your enemy under one roof.
Keep your love for those who’ll serve you? Do you even hear yourself? That’s not a god complex, that’s a God complex.
As someone who’s been cheated on, the whole slightly flirting, going out more, new clothes, etc,., is right on the money. I used to bring it up with her when it happened and it would always lead to a fight and her gaslighting me and making me look like the obsessive/paranoid boyfriend. Looking back, I don’t even know why I put up with it. If any woman tried that on me now, I wouldn’t want anything to do with her. If you’re going through this just know they will never admit the truth to you so if your gut is telling you something, listen to it. Thankfully, being cheated on didn’t effect me one bit. I know I was a great bf and had much better relationships with much better women afterwards. Just remember, it’s not a reflection of who you are as a person, but who they are. Some people are frankly just pos. Being in a toxic relationship was a good thing for me, I learned so much from it and I’m thankful for that.
Very insightfull
You are very wise.
I don’t care what this therapist says there are narcissist I was married to one a cold hearted covert one and he had my parents wrapped around his finger after my brother was found dead in some in front yard and worked for my dad hidden money had multiple fairs they get mad start fights so they’re out for the weekend and they sleep around it’s crazy. I’m sorry you had to go through that and yes mine ended up with close to that were supposedly given to him by his girlfriend which is just a friend of the guy friend he was with that worked for my father to. Funny enough she’s a cop and didn’t see him his game but they are great liars. He ended up with brother in laws little sister. Like wow. She is wait for it…social worker…phd in criminology is her next stop with emphasis on Narracist traits.
It’s been a great learning experience for me but I wished I could’ve went back and spared my children many years of it but the reality is if the children were younger he would’ve manipulated him because that’s why he’s doing the oldest she was the one that found out he was cheating on me through his Apple computer oops guess he shouldn’t have gave her that code to get in on his side of the computer from mine but he was pretty slick he got away with it from us 30 years and um no loss for me I mourn something that never existed that’s the hardest thing about these relationships especially if you stayed in so long like me and tried to make it work he’s with his brother-in-law‘s little sister and she’s close storage but maybe 10 years younger. I can’t wait to send them a wedding gift I just wish part of that gift would him be completely out of my life because they don’t leave I don’t know about yours but they have this thing about coming back and it’s so annoying where they want to be with your family and it’s like you know dude move on you have a life find it.
You’re also right we didn’t lose anything and it’s a joke the only thing we lost especially for me that I’m more than most of the time and the mental health and physical health I lost along with our children
When we look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.
- Wanda
Did you just quote a fish?
@@andrewvelonis5940 No. Wanda's an owl, actually.
Well said!
@@andrewvelonis5940 Wanda is Waldo's ex. The fact that Wanda's an owl (with 20/20 vision) just reinforces our perspective of how difficult it must be to continue seeing Waldo as someone who matters, after he fades into the crowd Wanda had tried indirectly warning him about.
Wow!. This is a great quote.
When a person shows you who they are; believe them -Maya Angelou
I live by this quote. I believe them the first time.
💯
Right
Yes, this is one of my favorite quotes!
A True Saint. A heartfelt thank you for sharing.
Me too, that's one of my favourite quotes 💖
I’ve always told my five daughters that the two most difficult emotions to live with are ‘regret’ and especially ‘betrayal’
"It's not what you do in front of me, its what you do behind me."
When in doubt, get out.
You're not going to change anyone. All you do is teach a liar to hide their lies better.
What do you mean these days there are many that will just straight out call facts BS not really facts and it's all about you for bringing up concerns. I enjoy this shit now call them in public infront of there new victims and so called friends because these are who the lies are needed not yourself once you discover lies it's all to late
Well said 👌
i notice people who hate liars are the absolute worst liar. They even lie to themselves and belueve their own bullshit. I lie, but i dont lie to myself like you.
Been there.
Thats not what he is teaching, he is saying when in doubt bring it up (which usually causes arguments) instead of ignoring it and waiting for things to get so bad you can't ignore it.
If you're partner starts to disrespect you, especially in public with their words and actions, then the relationship is already over, don't waste your time trying to save it.
Absolutely. A partner that feels ok about humiliating you and denigrating you in front of others is not your lover, they are your abuser and abusers are only loyal to themselves.
I agree.
Same applies to 'close friends' in my experience. They will take advantage of you but never do the slightest significant thing in return or ever. Things still seem ok and you still can have nice moments if you shrug it off but the bomb is ticking. Either you cut ties with toxic people or be the victim and feel exhausted, depleted.
What ive realised is that those kind of ppl criticize everything you do in order to appear superior and will always try to dominate others. Its either psychological or physical. If one doesnt work then theyll try the other. Many people are blind to this tell as it just seems to be an assertive personality trait, but no healthy mind does that 24/7.
Another thing is that if you try to point out any negative things about them, wether its being in the wrong or simply that theyve been too harsh, offensive or anything really, you will never get an sorry. They will either again be brutally open about their immoral view and cant comprehend where youre comming from or come up with any excuse, twisting and bending the world around it just to be seen in the right light. This tell again can be seen as an flaw in their personality and be overlooked because you think noones perfect and he or she will get it over time. But again, no healthy mind tries to be in the right 24/7. It is human in the sense of a healthy mind to acknowledge a mistake or bad behaviour at some points in our lives at least. Whats also important on this behalf is trying to interpret where the misbehaviour came from. Often times this already can tell if the opposite has any sense of morality at all.
Also, if during the relationship you reduce the amount of time and effort you spent into it or cut ties at all, they will react offensive and try to make it look like the problems on you. If you dont break at this point and be sorry, you will see them turning the rest of your friends against you. Again making it look like youre the black sheep, which will definitely work, its common to search for comfort in knowing someones the bad guy, and im with the good guy. Pointing this out to your social circle is a bad move as it will only fuel this process since youre not the first in this case to get the shoulder to lean on, instead you spread negativity which will not be looked at objectively.
Even though you might think youre close to this person you should also try to remember if you ever had a 'deep talk' or try to remember moments in which you thought this might result in one but nothing really ever happened. Conversations are always super artificial and always just scratch the surface. You could know a lot of information about each other which gives you the false sense of friendship when in reality you know nothing about that person.
Their love life is also a good tell. Many partners but NEVER anything in the long term. Also, hooking up with partners that are taken. Sure, it takes 2 to cheat but would you do it without a second thought, or at least ask if theyre about to break up?
What also comes to mind is their taste. Musically speaking, when they listen to a song a lot which has vocals, theyre always ego pushing/uplifting. Im the best, you cant hurt me, i will dominate/hurt you. Its as if it fits what only matters to them.
They will also try to surround themselves with people which portray their mindset.
In my experience thats what i call toxic behaviour or people. As im not a psychologist or anything in that regard, i dont know where to draw the line between if thats a high functioning narcissist or a psychopath. Maybe someone can tell us more about that.
I hope i helped some out. Be wary of those signs, its onto everyone own's to either acknowledge or ignore the red flags. Just remember, ignorance is also a choice, even if you do it subconciously.
Edit: subconciously*
@@brigittetitte4415 Very good, I can 100% with everything I've read because I have observed this multiple times in past and current relationships.
Nope. Not always true. There can be some deep seeded issues that if resolved can heal the relationship. Sometimes the best relationships are the ones that go through hard times and find resolution. It’s extremely difficult but some people are worth saving a relationship for.
When someone keeps on reminding you how you 'should' think/feel about a situation, trouble is already here.
NEVER EVER DENY YOUR GUT FEELING. IF YOU FEEL IT ITS MORE THAN LIKELY HAPPENING. Trust me I learned the hard way. I think back & I saw every single sign of betrayal but I didn't want to believe it.
Same. But it's very difficult to recognize something when it's outside your frame of reference. If it's not something you would do it's hard to imagine the person you love and trust doing it
What ive learned in relationships whenever you feel the need to explain to someone what they are doing is wrong its already over. You just dont know it yet.
Yyyyyyyyyyyes.
Wow. Never heard this before but it’s spot on
Dam that’s deep I felt that but idk if that’s like high expectations
No, stick with them 'till the end.
And when you start hating them, it means it's only going to get better
@@mikevaldez7684 haha haha.
“No matter what anyone says or what excuses they offer; what someone does in the end is what they intended to do all along.”-Cus D’Amato
@@rdb223 Cus D'amato was a well known boxing trainer who died in the late 80's. Famously known for training Mike Tyson and Floyd Patterson. He was a firm disciplinarian and a very strong minded person with some fantastic quotes. Even if you're not a fan of boxing, his lessons generally transfer over to the real world.
Jay Emsley he also had the gift of vision, he saw Tyson and kept drilling in his head he was a champion although Mike didn’t see it at the time it came to fruition. It pays to have vision.
So Peterson was planning all along to go on world tour as the savior of the lost children of modernity?
I hate to put this in the context of the Mike Tyson ear-biting incident..
Rich Smith don't just look at the tip of the iceberg. Listen to the man talk now and then, open your mind and try to understand him. Mike Tyson is hands down the most terrifying and yet genuine wise and insightful boxer that ever existed. Someone who lived so much in such a short a period of time and who took the "face your own demons" to a whole new level. Know the man behind the beast, I guarantee you will be left speechless
I was in a kind of relationship with this person for 8months and we work together. One day I saw him making jokes and being too much with some interns girls and got a little angry and told him i was uncomfortable.Well it was a micro fight but he turned that into a deal breaker. I'm still suffering trying to figure out what happened, but guess what? After 3 weeks he was with this girl I was jealous about. If your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong... it probably is.
My biggest enemies have always been my family members. Getting gaslit, devalued, lied to, used and abused, yet still craving that type of love from those types of people. What I can confirm is, if your feelings towards your toxic family is dead, then you can, consider yourself fully healed. The garbage that has been sent by the universe into my life, is for me to learn how to protect myself from the garbage the universe will continue sending into my life. Sad honestly
It was a gift when the entire family disowned me. That was 35 years ago. Idk where they are or what they're doing and I don't care. I was disowned for calling my grandfather a child molester, which he was. He did that to me. Good riddance.
@@rainncorbin8291
Omg. Praying for you.
💯💯💯💯❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Praying God eases your pain. 😞
@@rainncorbin8291thirty-five years ago it was 1988 in a way you were fortunate that was 35 years you did not waste on them.
Tried it, got labeled a paranoid, and when time proofed me right, they blamed me, that my mistrust drove her to it. Coincidentally with the guy I suspected.
Dude I know it feels that way for you but the fact of the matter is if you were 100% wrong then you going through a spell of being paranoid or any of the above would not have pushed her away by any means definitely not specifically to that person all you did was give her an easy way out and excuse
imagine that....
Your partner was a narcissist. Look into it. Things will make so much more sense to you about the relationship as a whole. A key trait is that they flip everything on you under the delusion that they are never to blame despite the guilt they bear on the inside. They appear remorseless and play the victim so they never lose the blame game.
That said a take away for you is to study how you approached any distrust or accusations... Were you perhaps too angry? Did you feel that your were disrespected enough to warrant your reaction? Could it have been a conversation and not an
Argument? Did it make you moody or distant? Cause these behaviors while not the sole reason, can help build a list of "justifications" or excuses for your partner to mistreat or leave you.
It takes 2 to make a thing go wrong. So always learn and better yourself no matter who the victim ends up being.
I hope you've come out of the downer phase and are on the way up to bigger things!
Was it a so-called friend by any chance?
There's no trying in that matter. There's only doing. No "friend" or job deserves your constant anxiety. Either she burns the bridge or you do. I'm a proud paranoid that refuses to live in fear.
Mama always said, “Listen to what they do and not to what they say.”
best coment ever
Handsome is as handsome does.
@Warrior Son
Only to fools
your mother is wise
mama says they're just wrestling but what I'm hearing is those aren't grunts of pain exactly...
Betrayal is a wonderful gift of self awareness. Better to know the truth than sleep with a hidden enemy nightly. The only challenge is to learn to receive painful gifts with gratitude and love from which they are given.
No flirting with other people! No teasing. Teasing always has a grain of truth that hurts. Keep the love alive by thinking of creative ways to show love. Even when they aren't there. Go the speed limit. Buy the extra chocolate. Bring a flower or potted plant. Say positive things in front of other people. Make the effort.
I pray I first learn how to love myself. Second, I pray God will send me the man that will love me and say positive things to me, and not tear me down. My first husband was verbally abusive, and my second (a narcissist I’m currently in a divorce with) abused me physically, emotionally and mentally. Betrayal, for a girl, starts with an absent father.
I've made the effort in this last year to restore my marriage. My husband I have strongly suspected of cheating on me, yet still there is something between us, in the way. Unspoken, unresolved, unexplained but there none the less.
I've gone to great lengths to bring us back, actually have gone beyond, and what hurts is he wants to know HOW to be nice, to be romantic, to be what he was in our marriage before it all went wrong.
Here's the thing....I remember how to love my husband because I never forgot.
So what does that say about him if he needs to be told how to love me when he used to know???
We had 20 years of amazing love and rock solid. Then 9 years ago he changed tow ar dme.
@@ateachableheart2649 I had to check indidn't write this!
How is it going now?
@@jenster29 Better, finally I feel. Still cautious but we turned a corner.
Beware of family members. The ones closest cause the most damage.
@@ElMundoDeSam95 Me too. Ignored the red flags for years.
Unfortunately this is so true
Preech..
@Campari Soda Wow... sorry you had to go through that but I see what you're saying because my family turn on me for money.
Amen! They seem to be the ones you need to watch the most!
This man is slowly helping me piece by piece to rebuild myself after a toxic relationship. I can't thank him enough.
I wish you a healthy recovery!
Good to see some people growing a spine.
Most of what this dude says is shit that we don't understand, but we listen anyways.
Maybe we're dumbass,
Heck, maybe I'm dumbass!
Congrats on getting out of it! I hope your healing is going well, best of wishes.
Man this comment is so relatable :))
This doesn't only apply to romantic betrayal with your significant other. It also applies to good friends who you THOUGHT would have your best interests somewhere in their priorities, and whom you THOUGHT had a sense of loyalty given all you've done for them.
You never really know somebody until you see how they behave under MANY different circumstances. Apparently, it doesn't really matter how long you've known somebody, or how solid you thought your friendship was.
PAY ATTENTION to the tiny little "slips" when somebody's actions disappoint your expectations. Yeah, obviously you'll forgive them for something small, because nobody is perfect. But watch out. Sooner or later, some constellation of events will catalyze and magnify this little "personality quirk", and you don't wanna be caught off guard when that happens.
I here you in this one I have a situation with a friend when I was getting disappointed in the small little things and now it’s just one big betrayal in my eyes so I’m doing the best thing I know how .. no contact.
@@kevandnellymurray4242
Yeah, that's how I ultimately responded to such situations, as well. I ceased contact entirely, I accepted the fact that my opinion of that person was too generous, and I moved on with my life. Never looked back. Twelve years later, I still have no regrets about doing that. ...which might sound kinda' sad or messed up, but hey -- it is what it is.
I just went through this same reflection after a friend of nearly a decade completely took advantage of me for his own personal gain. Definitely blame myself for allowing it to happen, but doesn't diminish his actions. I forgave him and moved on, finally deleted his number yesterday. He didn't even express any concern when I told him forgave him, as if he had no guilt. I have no energy to waste on being angry. It's not just me who he harmed, a few other people came to me and told me what happened.
In this particular case, the guy was a great friend, but an extremely dishonest business person and CEO who flat out refused to pay people who worked for him including me.
There were DEFINITELY a ton of minor slips that I overlooked and acted like I had no issue with that I probably should not have.
This speech literally is exactly what I did throughout my relationship. Every time my girlfriend went out and flirted with people, snapchatted people behind my back, and made dumb decisions I made it known and did not let it bother me as I am independent. However I loved her and wanted her to change and kept giving her chance after chance and nothing ever changed. Because I was mentally preparing and aware of the situation I was hardened to the inevitable possibility that one day it would not work out any more. We dated for 3 years and lived together for almost that entire time and we broke up a month ago and because I was aware of the red flags along with how she and her family handled the break up I am in a fantastic mental state of growth and opportunity in my future.
Heard he was cheating confronted him finally he told me the truth() then he said he made it all up but it made sense still they would not even ask forgives refused 2 talk about and was upset when I wanted answers I still love him help me he still calls me acts like he loves me something is wrong still
@@buddybarnes9804 Don’t ever talk to him again. Remove him from ur life permanently. Delete his number and remove him from ig. If you don’t do that then you don’t deserve the right one who would eventually come. Remember, If the old doesn’t go, the new doesn’t come!
I'm happy for you, but I guess I'll have to do the same at last, after a 17 years of marriage and two children , only I should have done it much earlier
Your first mistake was expecting someone else to change for you , no matter who they are to you .
Not justifying anything your ex did. However it sounds like you were viewing your relationship as just a temporary means of filling the time. That's not really healthy for anyone
After being in several drama filled relationships, I met the man I’ve been happy with for 41 years.
What I learned, is true love isn’t torture. It isn’t painful. It isn’t a dramatic play.
If you find a person is consistently making you cry, feel “less than” or question your own sanity then get the hell out!!
Immediately. Life is too short.
Bless you 🙏
You have described my spouse. ! Do you know him by chance ? 🤷♀️🤦🏻♂️
thank you Beach Town Girl. really needed to read and see this comment. I'm glad even after the drama filled relationships you were able to find a true partner. gives me hope. blessings to you!
Several drama filled relationships, maybe you are the problem, and not all the other individuals. Just an idea I had
And it doesn’t require any micro adjustments, I think this video is made by someone who has been hurt and is trying to understand and fix the past, it was just the wrong person man there’s nothing you could have done
Speak up for yourself. Even when it feels uncomfortable. Especially when it feels uncomfortable.
I agree.
More than likely just walk away…
word
*I needed to see this.* I am taking your advice. Thank you! I always felt as though that's when I should keep my mouth shut. I had to realize that was "false wiring".
That's all good and well but in reality when I was a child being sexually molested at a very very early age throughout my adult life there was no way I had to capability to speak up my feelings. I had to survive and escape that situation and I have never looked back since
I noticed the warning signs. I didn't ignore them. I addressed them. The problem is that they kept arising and my gut told me i should leave and i didnt listen. Nearly two years later, find out she was having an affair for at least 6 months. It sucks. Im 35 and im starting over. But ill never not listen to that inner voice again.
My boyfriend has full of red flags when i first met him but he changed and is improving everyday, he always watch Jordan Peterson and decided to be a wholesome person. I stayed because i believed and the change is evident. I admire him for doing that he’s a whole different person now
That is so wonderful good for you guys. There's a difference between red flags and lines in the sand. When it comes to red flags I believe it's about how your partner responds when you talk to them about it.
Lucky
wake the fuck up.
That's so wholesome, good for you guys!
@@cactusmalone Cutting someone out of your life at the moment of upset is cowardice and narcissism. There is a fine line between standing your ground and not having accountability for why a partner has done something. Its up to you and your partner to communicate whether this is a product of both your design, or a flaw of their character. TALK.
Wish I had learned this before marriage.
Being raised by a narcissist you learn to accept abuse as normal.
Damn i feel you. Stay strong and stand your ground king.
So true. I have a hard time identifying abuse, because I grew up being abused. If someone says really mean things to me, it doesn't even register as wrong because I am so desensitized to it.
Same here guys. Every distinction of self kindness has been a battle for me.
JBP says any change needs 3-5 reasons to do it so when attacked/questioned you can over come their knee jerk defections.
In our case self respect is a stick in the mud to many so we need reasons to respect ourselves such as 3-5 of them.
Here’s one skill I’ve used to manipulate my way to self love n respect. Remember manipulate means to mold, not to fight or war... when your being toyed with you need the manipulation tool as it’s a softer form of victory... here it goes:
Help me to help you!
That’s it. That’s my skill for conflict. Think 🤔 on it fellow abuse survivors... if you live with me and don’t pay rent we both get evicted...
I need you to pay rent so I can help you stay in good shelter.
Oh you don’t care you say... well I know in the long term your respect your self more if I evict you because I know you like me and don’t want me to think of you in negative lights... by evicting you for not paying roommate rent I am securing for you more pleasant face and positive memories...
Btw here are the police 👮🏻♀️ 👮 they’ll help you walk now. Let’s get together soon. Take care-
See?-) help me to help you...
Or if your girl is flirting too much and saying your the problem for noticing... help her find a new guy then date her friends while you talk about how happy she looked flirting with others... and how you want her happy 😃.
It’s fascinating what happens to your own “I don’t deserve crap” guilt /suffering rut when you take on this frame of helping others feel better in the long run by shafting them now.
Cry now, smile later... I care for your long term peace of mind. Quick here’s my foot in your ass... it’s all part of my love 😍 for your multitude of forever happinesses I know you’ll have once you leave me behind.
💥 🦶 go get-’em tiger 🐯!
I know I made some laugh here, I made some cringe... but for abuse survivors trying to advocate for themselves... your self guilt n shame is often off the charts...
Take a help me to help you frame and all of a sudden you’ll stand up for yourself like never before.
Just believe in the long term help angle. I’ve used this as a bouncer with drunks n assholes too. It works.
Many look at you like your a mom or dad shutting down a party... when the party was very wrong but you care for the well-being of peoples grades or some shit... or your worried about their “sleep”...
Just frames you as a fuddy duddy but not a bad asshole your worried to come off as and that’s the problem because we fear being anything like our abusers.
Take the positive long term help frame and run with it to shape your boundries to you winning or to us winning... either is generally good.
I can self asses well. I self police well. I’m not a dick. I’ve been a dick n cleaned up my act. Ect. I still watch myself... but our problem is being too accommodating by default.
Help frame stops this over accommodation.
I understand completely. It's led to a life of misery and success seems to never come.
Not exactly you learn to distrust everything around that person
Due to my childhood I became hyper vigilant with getting dishonest people out of my life. I lost nearly everyone, family and friends. But then I slowly started to replace those people with honest ones and after a while I only regretted waiting so long to do what needed to be done.
What exactly did you do to achieve that life? How did you replace those people
Same here x
How did you get new honest people in your life?
So relatable!!
No one is honest. Lol. Just new. Give them time to fuck you over
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One of the symptoms of delusion is when you allow a person who has repeatedly betrayed you to remain in your life because you think they'll somehow change and make it up to you.
It’s not obvious if you’re in the delusion
@@katsuito1083 65
Or waiting for that perfect time to get paid off like a sick Gambler at a casino all night.
Yep, it's that cliche about doing the same thing over and over, and somehow expecting a different result.
Did this for 10 years. Worse pain I've ever been in. That relationship made me hate myself.
Childhood trauma leads you to become a master of dissociation. This becomes a serious maladaptive trait that often prevents you from dealing with things in toxic adult relationships.
I find myself being able to wake up and notice these things and act accordingly. But it doesnt come natural, it only works if i think actively in the moment about whats happening right now.
Only time will tell if i will stand up to myself most of the time, often enough to say that i do.
Agreed
Thank you, this is very comforting to me as I was stupid enough (damaged enough) to put up with a lot of shit over a considerable period of time before realising the end of a toxic friendship. My self-esteem was chipped away at until I barely recognise myself when I was in her company.
@@annemaster5254 Thank you very much for this Anne, I’ve just had a look at a couple of his presentations on UA-cam and I think he’s really good, so I shall watch some more.
I feel like it ultimately made me a target to the one who claims to love me so much. My mental health due to trauma and things we argued about 5 years ago has been used as ammo, but supposedly no one new will deal with all of my shit like he does because he loves me, he said, yet I have not seen him since January. This man was my bestfriend for years.
I was betrayed by someone I loved very much. I wasn't perfect and made my mistakes. But never would i betray like i had happen to me.
Confronting the early betrayals isn’t necessarily a simple solution. When the partner is living a narcissistic “false self”, they will respond to your challenges at early levels of betrayal with apologies and state the determination to do better-and then continue to accelerate the betrayal process.
Yes I completely agree. They give you false comfort. Thanks.
Empty words!
a wizards tenths rule:
ignoring truth is betraying yourself.
Could you please explain and give an example of your supposition? Thank you.
@@TheMickeymental basically what he explained in the video,
ignoring signs of betrayal is ignoring the truth,
its just a broader way of saying what jordan said and also true for all situations in life, not only in the case of betrayal in a relationship.
If you're if ignoring the truth, ur only lying to yourself
Brad Davies
You really need that self explanatory proverb breaking down and explaining!? Jesus!
kolo
Lmao! That’s the only way it would make sense. Lol.
I got involved with somebody who constantly manipulated and lied, usually in small, but significant, ways. I wrote it off as insecurity until the day this person betrayed me in a way that changed my life forever. Never ignore the warning signs.
Oh, you know my ex to :)
Can you please go into more detail about this? Id very much appreciate it
"I wrote it off as insecurity"...this. I could just kick myself because im 50 and that's still playing in my head as an auto response😣
So true, I went out with a guy I used to meet up with on and of for over 30 years, the last time I meet him he was going down with booze, I knew I shouldn't have went there again but I felt sorry for him, before I got out he done something bad to me now I'm in the middle of a court case against him, its daunting but il get through it at least something good has come from this, I done a self wearness course best thing I've ever done 😌
My ex of 7 years did this. Cheated on me for 2 months. Too many signs were there and I don't notice them until its too late. Hope I wont make the same mistake twice
If they start challenging you from the beginning of the relationship they are testing your tolerance levels. Then they know how far they can push you.
Sad thing is that betrayal comes from the person we love the most 💔
Don't you worry. You and I will forget the betrayal from this person. But Karma never forgets. Months and years down the line, Karma will come for them. It will come when they least expect it.
Considering the fact that betrayal comes from people who don't give a shit about you. If betrayal comes from the person you love the most, you should seriously check your insight and even sight abilities.
An old Jewish proverb, "If your friend becomes your enemy, you have an enemy for life".
Another old Jewish saying is, "with money in your pocket you are wise, you are handsome and you can sing well too"
I have never heard of these proverbs before. Do you happen to know more any chance. Question directed both @lopezmt and Ernest Soarr?
Nikola, try "Proverbs" --The Bible, alot in there..
@@ZowVaagNL there are so many but one that I always liked is;
"A living dog is better than a dead lion"
Basically, where there is breath there is still hope.
lopezmt thats so powerfull
1. Give someone an inch, they'll take a mile.
2. Trust your gut.
3. A picture is worth a thousand words.
Or a thousand dollars, if it's a nude and you blackmail
Due to economic crisis a picture is now worth 200 words
Never ever be taken in by flattery. Too fast too soon you end up wasting valuable time.
People over reach so eager for what they want they don't think to seek it ,,nothing is as it seems that's the whole riddle of life
3 rules for life(for preventing betrayal)
I’m going through this at the moment, I completely ignored all the signs because it thought it would never happen to me and my wife could be completely trusted so I never stopped her doing anything or asked any questions of her actions and now I am paying the price. As soon as you suspect these actions you must act on them or things will get worse. Unfortunately it will always happen especially if you have been in relationship for longtime and especially if you are nice, there is always someone round the corner
I will say, looking back i didnt see any signs, I keep thinking about even subtle ones, but cannot remember any. Maybe my partner was too good at hiding them, or I really was blind!
I always found SOME comfort in the saying “it’s not that I lost a friend, it was the realization that I never had one”. When my ex fiancé committed suicide a month after we broke up, the person who id thought was my closest friend of 20 plus years ghosted me bc (& as I later found out) it was bc “I was too much for her to handle” so this person I’d been “friends” w for over 2 decades abandoned me in literally my darkest hour, so it wasn’t so much about losing my ex bc that was happening regardless, & it wasn’t so much about the overwhelming guilt I felt once he did what he did, it was about losing my oldest closest “friend” after he did what he did. I was there for her ALWAYS & she couldn’t be there for me at my worst. & if a person can’t handle you at your worst they don’t deserve you at ur best.
Weirdly I cut off 2 people I'd been very close to for 20+ years and they both call it the darkest time in their life as well (I think because unlike other dark times in their lives, now they didn’t have a 24/7 punching bag available so the bottom dropped out more), they also claim they have absolutely no idea how I could have done such a horrible thing to them and have concluded publicly that I was just never a good person to begin with (how were we close for 20+ years? I was just really committed to the long con and was waiting for the right moment to inflict maximum damage?). I told them both in writing exactly why I was ending the relationship, but they maintain they have "no idea" because it would force them to say out loud the horrible things they did and accepting that isn't an option for them, so they make comments exactly like this all the time on twitter/facebook/irl and people that have seen the actual written explanation (because I certainly have no problem explaining it all) send me screenshots of them claiming these these same things.
One will even claim sometimes it is because I'm stuck up because she's divorced (false).
Point being, if you know someone for 20 years and they cut you off or ghost you, and you'd describe the relationship as close before that, you probably need to look harder at yourself. 20 years is a hell of a big emotional investment in someone and most people will never end a friendship that long because they're losing something near irreplaceable, unless the person is toxic and incredibly damaging and they have a good therapist.
Do people really honestly think they're fooling anyone with I had a best friend for 20 years and they noped out of my life completely forever because they were just bad people?
I went through hell as a caregiver and my oldest friend of three decades ghosted me . I haven’t seen her in six years. I literally bought diapers for her kids when her husband cheated on her and abandoned her. Helped her move three times. Took her kids on vacations . She called this year and apologized for not being a good friend. I kindly accepted, sent a generic Xmas card and went back to living my life.
@@teslawhite I get where you're coming from, but some people really are bad people, and you just don't realize it until later. In these instances of 20 year friendships going down the drain, it's possible the original commenter did something that caused the end of the friendship and won't own up to it, but it's also possible that the ex-friend was fine with being friends until it came time to actually do the hard work of being a friend. Many people can hang out with you for years doing the easy stuff: watching movies, going out, shopping, but actually being there for someone during an incredibly dark time like the one she described is honestly where a lot of people drop out. I've seen it happen. It's sort of like saying that if someone in 20 year marriage kills their spouse, the other person must have done something to earn that because why would someone put in work to pull off a long con like that? But people do it all the time. I think there's truth to both your and her side.
@@teslawhiteWell said.
I'm really, really sorry for you. I wish I could give you a hug. Don't trust people! Trust in God! He'll send other better people in your life.
When someone shows you their true character, believe them the first time!
People have different moods, everyone makes mistakes, you can't be so extreme as to reject people just because they've made a mistake or shown a flaw, as you'll end up rejecting everyone.
@@Maarten8867 Nice point. Good thing most reasonable people don’t do that.
@Micah Christina I believe that with hard work, there are few things that people cannot do.
I have always said this and got labeled "the 2x4 of truth".
Yeah should have realized my ex-wife was not good when she started beating me and flirting with other men
Yah and then when you confront a narcissistic they gaslight and it’s sucks
Oh I didn't mean to do it... instead of taking responsibility.
Or deny and deflect and project the blame onto you
Alice InChristchurch well I wonder if my ex was that or a sociopath... doesn’t matter now. hang in there. You can and heal. Much love to you
Alice InChristchurch I appreciate your reply Catrina.
Everything was so perfect, wasn't it? Why ruin it? So you wonder if you're just starting something, being clingy, maybe you're jealous or controlling, maybe you are just seeing things that aren't there... basically you gaslight yourself right out of having that important conversation.
This was spot on for me. Some of us need more of THIS: Pay attention. React efficiently. Grow YOURSELF bit by bit while working within yet pushing up against your bounds.
Exactly.
My advice is when you don't like something at the start of a relationship. Casually inform them. If they care, they'll stop. If you do like something, inform them. So they do it again.
The reason we ignore the signs is because we don’t want to come across insecure or called toxic because now calling someone on their bs is called toxic 🙄
"Being Called TOXIC Is Far Better Than Getting Fooled By A COMPLETE EVIL PERSON"..!
Atleast U Know Ur Worth As Well As U Know Yourself Better Than The World Know U From Outside!
So, Don't Fall Into The Trap Of Others' Manipulation/ "WHT PEOPLE'LL SAY ABT U" IS LITERALLY NON OF THEIR BUSINESS TO INTERFERE SOMEONE'S PERSONAL LIFE...
SO, DON'T PAY TO MUCH ATTENTION TO THESE TYPE OF TYPICAL NONSENSE JUDGEMENTAL THINGS OF SOCIETY CONTINUING DECADES & DECADES..! 🙂
So right. And all *that* is called gaslighting.
@@MrsJudyR I agree 100%. Recently walked away from a relationship because of this.... gaslighting
Gaslighting is more infuriating than anything!!! It'll make me snap in a heartbeat!
Yes I agree, there is a culture of 0 accountability because people don’t want to and can’t have adult conversations.
My gut feeling has always been right but just difficult to trust. Now I'm learning to trust myself and life is 100% better
Guts feeling are always right, hard to follow them
We don’t want to believe that people are dishonest or selfish or corrupt. Giving them too much credit exposes us to deceit.
Gut NEVER lies
When u get a gut feelings about something, try to investigate for the fact before making a final decision.
Sometimes our gut feelings can fool us easily.
Same. I’ve learned to trust this feeling. It’s like trusting in god.
Being betrayed isnt about you. Its about the choices of the betrayer. Your worth isnt held by others or determined by others. Losing control over your own judgement because of how others think and feel about you is the result of a lack of groundness and trust in yourself. You arent supposed to define yourself based on what others think about you. Youre supposed to define yourself based on what you think about you. How grounded are you internally. Or is your focus outward all the time and you put yourself last if at all. This is what is dysfunctional and what needs to be realigned. What others think about you shouldnt matter one way or the other. Do you want to be controlled by others, worship others, depend on others opinion so you can look in the mirror and feel proud, or do you want to trust yourself and your choices, create your life, have autonomy.
I met the father of my children when I was a very naive 21 and he was 32. The signs were there from day 1. He became an abuser once he had me and he was evil. All he wanted was a possession that he could torment and break down. Thankfully, I learned from all his insults and abuse and manipulation and never tolerated any disrespect from a man again after I left him. I can see dysfunctionality and psychopathy very easily now. He taught me more than any book could. My gut was telling me to stay away from him when I met him but I ignored it. Never ignore that gut feeling. My parents were dysfunctional alcoholics so it just destroyed my self-esteem and basically is probably why I fell into the hands of a nutjob. Not that it can't happen to people with functional parents but you just have to keep your eyes, ears, and mind very open for those early malignant signs.
How long did it take to leave?
My mother was not so lucky. She died at 35years of age. He was exactly as you describe. She would not leave her children and no job skills. She had no physical illness. No one understood why suddenly, she died. But I know who killed her.
Betrayal. That's a traumatic word. If you have been betrayed by friend, spouse, or family you know everything that word encompasses.
Very true.
The Biden Administration: Betrayed the American Citizens.
The worst pain
Trump betrayed his followers when he said he would make America great again.
What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness.
-Leo Tolstoy
Pretty don't milk the cows.
Depends on what you call beautiful
This is an example of the halo effect. Or, beauty presumes goodness.
Men are like that. Lol
@@speteydog2260 Yes, we are. And it often becomes a problem for us.
It's not betrayal that hurts , it's when you turn around and see who was putting the knife in your back 💔😢
Bingo.
Isn't that the truth
yep true...BUT NOW YOU KNOW...move on, but learn from it
@@lilpoohbear653 it's never a mistake if you learn from it.
EVERYTHING in life is either a lesson or a blessing 🙏🫶.
It is what it is 🤷🏻♂️
Betrayal is when someone says they will never break your heart, but they do anyways and then they stomp on it too.
When someone cuts you-bleed forgiveness.
My father and mother were never in my life. If I had someone in my life that gave me advice like this… I may have not dealt with the things I put up with. I love him… he is so on point
My mother and father who are still alive never gave me such advice. Don't assume that yours would, too. It will help you to heal the parental loss trauma more effectively. You are projecting your deep desires of having the wiser elders in your life onto someone who could potentially be completely incapable of being wise. Perhaps your oifepath involves becoming the wise elder to others ❤.
“Regrets are illuminations come too late.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces
Paul Cavaciuti I agree. So many regrets are in the moment, like self-betrayals... What were you thinking?
@@musopaul5407 In essence, hindsight is 20-20--we regret something because we didn't act differently, and we would've acted differently had we realized the situation for what it really was. The regret might be instantaneous, but we would not regret if we had realized sooner what to do to avoid our error.
I think "regret" can fit different senses even if "illumination" might suggest a more mature perspective, like letting go of regret and gaining even greater perspective.
It's weird that Jordan never mentions Campbell. Seems to be a fair amount of overlap.
Thus Piaff, Rien....
@@guyshafor1320 I guess that's his Messiah complex flaring up.
There is a thin, thin line between a gut feeling and insecurity. Part of relationships is literal blind trust. I’ve seen firsthand what disloyalty can do to people.. it’s absolutely horrible.
When somebody breaks that loyalty with somebody that thin line vanishes and it all becomes a blur to what is being insecure and what is a gut feeling. Because when that trust is broken in the most insidious ways it makes it so hard for that person to trust anybody else again. Even if the next person is entirely different
Albert Einstein said Don't even trust your self. Humans are not a thing to trust.
Always check out why & how their past relationships ended
To the yellow slime gamer, I feel like my first wife caused considerable damage to me by cheating on me and leaving me to the point where it has affected my relationship with wife number two. Wife number two was great for several years but my suspicious nature has dampened her love for me. I hate it but I don’t feel as though I can stop watching for the hammer
Betrayal broke me down to the point where I’ve learned to never put anyone on a pedestal. I made a choice at my lowest point in life to rebuild with self love.
I was betrayed by someone I loved I’ll never understand why she did it. Read all your books Jordan and really helped me grow emotionally your an inspiration - Nathan H
He explains it so well, it really helps me to "climb out of the frame" and look at the whole picture from a distance. I understand now that because I'm a timid and harmony -loving (and terrified of fights/violence due to prolonged abuse as a child) person, I was always thinking, " if he needs this or that to be happy...or: he just treated me bad because he had a bad childhood, I just have to love him more, be more understanding..", and taught him quickly to treat me like an item. Now, 6 years on, I'm breaking free, remember who I am, what I love doing and that I'm not an ugly, clumsy piece of garbage that cleans his apartment while he's in bed with his "flavour of the week". I've got quiet BPD and DID. He's a covert narcissist going south towards sociopath (I'm not a psychologist, but I studied a few years of psychology to understand me and my family dynamics). He's just like my mom, they even say the same things, make the same comments, etc. They hate each other, probably because they're too similar. But, it's the saddest thing that they are like holograms of people, artificial and not to reach because there's nothing anyone could reach. I've got to learn that love is something I don't have to earn or pay for with pain. I've got a lot of love inside of me even though I'm exhausted from living 6 years with a vampire. I hope I can heal, this man seems to have some interesting answers and theories. I wish everyone who's affected by being used like this healing, inner peace, happiness and real love.❤❤❤
I wish you strength. What you described is a damaged Moon in your natal chart that requires healing. Astrology would benefit you greatly on your journey to peace. ❤
There is something wrong with your character if opportunity controls your loyalty...just saying
By design, any human will break if they have a big enough opportunity. However character determines how big of a stimulus is needed before one breaks down.
@Tarzan Although I was speaking about loyalty, but where incentive is big enough we all kill and steal too, only the names are different. Like for conquering/defending a piece of land. Everyone thinks a controlling a country’s land is worth more than many people’s lives, hence big enough incentive to kill.
What if I'm loyal to my work team but suddenly I get another job opportunity of my dreams?
💯
@wendy jones Never heard of that saying before, thanks for sharing😊
"what the hell is going on" is always a good way to start
Why even bother asking? If you see blatant, clearly defined disloyal and disrespectful behavior, just get out. Once I was being verbally abused, and I just quietly got out of the car in the middle of an intersection, walked through traffic, went to a payphone and called a girlfriend to come pick me up. There's no 'fixing' a bad heart.
Betsy Barnicle You we’re wiser than you know.
Flirting can be just a need to boost your ego and find some kind of validation in the early stages. There is a thrill in realizing someone wants you, and it’s not necessarily because they want to cheat. It’s rare that someone in a committed relationship will *spontaneously* flirt with someone with any real intent to start an affair. But it’s a slippery slope. It does need to be nipped in the bud, because finding validation this way can get you entertaining destructive fantasies.
There are obviously cases where someone already has those destructive fantasies in mind when they flirt. You can tell when someone is like this because they will make excuses, call you “jealous”, etc... They aren’t interested in building up the relationship at this point, and they don’t validate themselves through you anymore. Probably because they have started taking you for granted. You need to remind them that you won’t take any BS, and you are ready to walk out the door.
Sometimes just doing this, they will be reminded of why they are lucky they caught you in the first place. Sometimes not. It depends on how much they’ve invested in their new fantasy.
@@russellcurtis6334 Very well said. If you know your date or mate, you might be happy that they have a charming way about them...that they can smile and interact with the opposite sex in an appropriate, playful way. It's a social gift, actually, and it's affirming to ego. Friendliness is attractive. A mate shouldn't be jealous of that ability.
But that said, your mate needs to respect you in public. I had a date who felt he had to talk-it-up with any pretty female waitress. Not appropriate. I had another date that even sang a love song to the waitress. (shaking my head) To me, Meghan Markle appears to be a classic narcissist, needing to be the center of any social interaction, wearing a constant, smug, snakeline grin. Sincere people don't wear masks - their affect isn't fake.
Betsy Barnicle Tbh, I haven’t really been following the Meghan Markle story beyond hearing they decided to split from the royal responsibilities. I should look into it.
I’ve been married for 12 years with a wonderful and faithful woman, and actually it was me who started flirting with one of my wifes best friends years ago. I never had an affair or did anything “sneaky” (never texted or spoke to her without my wife being present) but at a certain point my wife questioned me about it, and I woke up to what I was doing.
In my mind I had been justifying it because I had no plan or thought to have an affair, but I was also being intentionally oblivious to how it was making my wife feel. Not to mention, it could have ruined her friendship with one of her oldest friends.
Being 100% honest, I could see that going down that path could have become addictive. I might have started fantasizing about the excitement of an affair if it had continued. Self-awareness and self-criticism are really some of the most important keys to a healthy, happy marriage
Listening to the passion in his voice and the way he is able to comprehensively pass on the message is just inspiring :)
In my 25 years this is my first proper heartbreak, I’ve had small flings here and there but nothing like this. Was seeing her since February 2020 and she broke up with me 3 weeks ago because she said she has feeling for another man that she met in napa. Whilst I was getting all upset and heartbroken about that and about how I can still win her back from all the endless youtube videos, I would later find out (last Friday) she cheated on me with who I thought was a good friend of mine back in May and even booked a hotel with this guy planning it. Now I’m just so full of sadness and anger, yet I’m trying to become a better me by training more and being more active. But my mind is still defeating me with these thoughts of her betraying me, I know in time I’ll look back and be thankful that she isn’t in my life now, but it’s also the fact we were almost with each for 3 years and it’s all wasted because she decided to do the ultimate disrespect and cheat on me. I know down the line I’ll find someone so much better, but in this moment, it’s so hard not to keep thinking about everything.
I was with my ex for 9 years before he got some girl from work pregnant. For a month he went back and forth between her and I before he ultimately chose her over me. I think about it all the time still as well, it fogs my mind and makes me lose focus at work. Just knowing that I’m lonely now and he’s in someone else’s arms hurts so much. But all we can do at this moment is be grateful that they didn’t waste any more of our time. Good luck on your healing.
EMDR Personalilty Restructuring Therapy. Don't waste your life on rumination.
That's totally normal. Time heals all wounds, and in the future you'll look back at her and not even care about the whole thing, or you might even be thankful that you dodged a bullet, and she only took up three years, instead of decades.
I'm so sorry.
@@turqoiseillinois9955 Shoot! It was you who did it to him?! You bit@#!!
If your partner is flirting with others…the relationship IS over, or there never was a real relationship. Coupling is simple: don’t put yourselves in compromising situations.
it only goes to show that the other person isn’t ready for an actual relationship. some people get into relationships purely because they think it’s the “normal” thing to do and they’re “supposed “ to do it when in reality they haven’t reached the level of maturity required to commit to a serious relationship.
@@cellophaneoxygen Yess.. Exactly.. Don't Compromise Ur Purity/Loyalty For A GARBAGE In Ur Life... NEVER EVER..
Yep
Unless one is married and that behaviour is new after years of no flirting.
There are mid life crisis, if it gets caught the relationship is worth saving. Tossing out one’s spouse for a flirting episode is not wise.
Have a fight about it and give them a chance to smarten up about the crusts or they’ll lose everything.
Most times children are involved, so kicking someone out in some instances us. It always the remedy.
In newer relationships yes, in relationships that already showed the roller coaster yes, leave.
But not giving someone a chance after good discussion isn’t great either.
Or you need to take a look at yourself and ask what you’ve been doing ( or not doing ) to contribute to the situation.
Often times communicating a problem you have with someone else's behavior results in them hiding that behavior from you rather than eliminating the behavior in question.
THIS^^^^^^^^
Passive aggressive people don't change
Or they say, "that wasn't my intention." They think if they didn't intend to "harm" you it is okay to continue with their behavior. Which is freakishly selfish!
@@graftme3168 I'd say it's defensive. In that case the feedback/request has likely been perceived as aggression. Imagine assuming they did what they did intentionally, it would make things much worse for me.
If your significant other flirts in your presence, it’s very possible that he/she has already emotionally checked out of the relationship.
That happened to me-when got betrayed, i looked back and saw warning signs. But had i confronted him about those small warning signs, he would have just accused me of being jealous and getting upset over nothing. His anger at me would have then given him more reason to want to seek out another woman. Warning signs are important, but i don’t think bringing them up helps. Just prepare for what u will do when u get dumped, or u can do the dumping first.
Don't ever discard dreams about infidelity or betrayal because it's almost always your subconscious trying to send you a message. Sometimes little things in your daily life you may consciously see but not pickup on or you may feel a slight discomfort but your mind or subconscious can put together during sleep. Sometimes things that are plainly seen before our eyes and we want to deny the reality that something is amiss and happening before our eyes. Denial is a real phenomenon.
It's called Cognitve Dissonance.
My ex had dreams of me cheating on him all the time and he would get angry with me and it would cause a lot of problems. Let me tell u, I never cheated nor did I flirt and when I love I love hard and only see that person. It was a big insecurity of his to be cheated on, and that’s why he’d have those dreams. It didn’t come from reality, there’s no 100% rule for dreams
I used to have dreams of my ex bf cheating on me . Come to find out my current ex was actually cheating . I always thought it was my insecurity
Like 2 weeks before my ex admitted he cheated on me I had a dream where my 2 best friends warned me he was a bad guy and to not go near him again and they kept trying to protect me from him but I didn't listen
Dreams are dreams, sometimes there’s more to it so times there’s not dont ruin your relationship bc of a dream smh
Reading these comments is like reading the worlds biggest get-well card
Agreed 100%
No comment section as wonderful as J P comment section! It's another lecture and library of Congress of its own, so much to crunch and digest!!!!
🤣🤣🤣 true 🕊🕊🕊🌏
💖
Nice fish you have there!
Jealousy is not always a great trait to have, but it evolved for a reason.
I think admiring people can be valuable, as a point of reference for where you want to be. But jealousy, it can turn hateful, and you will envy the fact of somebody else having what you want. I don't know the psychology, but I'm pretty sure that what many wars are, and it's a massive spiral of destruction.
@@zuffin1864 admiring, respecting, or loving someone means you most likely do not understand them or your judgement is skewed. You can admire a job/success/position but if you don't understand how it is and how it works in real life it will lead to disappointment. Admiring people is never valuable your judgement justs gets skewed or corrected (hopefully) when you understand more about that person. You just need to learn about yourself and what you want then get where you want or try to create what you want. (that has good intentions) Never compare yourself to others who you deem successful if they are in other fields. Most people can do whatever they want as long as they truly want to get to job/success/position and have knowledge to fully or mostly understand what they truly want. Peterson says some jobs you need higher IQ and what psychologists say is it cant be changed to get higher so maybe there are limitations but if you were not smart enough for that job it wouldnt interest you anyway since you couldnt understand it? But IQ is how fast you can learn to understand something but not how well you can do that something. I wonder what my IQ is... I hope it is high enough so I could do anything I wanted but it could likely average though even a lower IQ person(90-105) can get where they want to get, through hard work. I would like to be able to become something that mostly requires you to be smart and learn fast something like Physicist or Mathematician even though I am not interested in math.
@@zuffin1864 I think OP was referring to jealousy in terms of seeing our partner interacting with someone else (in a way they shouldn’t be)
totally
Don’t get close enough to anyone to be jealous of anything..... problem solved
NEVER IGNORE THOSE LITTLE DETAILS.. YOU ARE NOT WRONG FOR NOTICING. DONT LET THE MANIPULATOR TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE OVER REACTING. And the ULTIMATE RULE, IS NEVER DISCRIMINATE IN WHO YOU OBSERVE,and never DISCONTINUE TO OBSERVE BECAUSE THATS YOUR FRIEND OR FAMILY OR LOVER,and your comfortable, ALWAYS BE AWARE
Marriage breakdown as an outcome of accumulating errors... fabulous definition. Thank you, Jordan.
At the end of the day a romantic relationship should only ever be a PART of your life, not the whole thing..I’m all for protecting yourself from betrayal and what not (I’ve been cheated on before) but even if it happens you’re still YOU. You still have yourself. You still have your own interest, your own friends, your own path, independent from anyone else.
Life will go on, even after a bad relationship.
In all seriousness if you can’t truly say that sharing YOUR life will improve and benefit theirs and that YOUR life is just as relevant and important as your partners, you’ll have much bigger issues than getting betrayed.
Always choose and cultivate YOU first and if he or she belongs to the streets even after you did all you could to make it work, it will be all good. You still have YOU. And no matter what happens in the world that will never ever change.
Thank you Mr.Robinson.
Have a great day
Yessss Elliott 👏
Well said Mr. Robinson
Agreed. One exception maybe is marriage with kids
Not really applicable to a 25 year marriage.
I’ve learned that you can’t control someone from cheating. If they flirt it’s already over. No point in trying to “correct” that. They wouldn’t do that to you if they cared.
absolutely. loyalty is not something u can ask for through negotiations, its inherent to someone who really loves and respects u
Agreed! They’re still “browsing “ they’re still “ looking “, you will never be enough for this person. Move on. Life is too short to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to spend their time with you!
I agree. If you take them back after they've cheated it means they don't learn the lesson with you and you've shown them they can deceive you and still be forgiven. Once you cheat, it's over for me. They need to heal from whatever it is that causes them to be ok with that behavior.
True
Totally right. People are crazy immoral today
Do not fall and loose mind with emotions. Think everything over, cool your anger down, be calm. Those around will think million things. Give it a time, there's no need to let anger and stress control you. There will be a moment when you are going to feel easy and relaxed. Then and only then think slowly and elaborately what you're going to do with them. You'll come up with some ideas, trust me:)
I love to listen to him speak, he is really well spoken man. He grabs your attention and shakes your mind a little and inspires to dig deeper
Gut feeling is always correct- you may not know what it knows quite yet but it is correct. Part of the thing that keeps you alive and gives you an edge
Ive always thought about: what if i have two or more conflicting gut feelings?
I’ve also had a gut feeling that my wife was cheating. Even told her this and asked her if she was. But kept denying until I caught her.
Gut feeling can just be a feeling, my ex accused me of cheating for years and that i didnt love him when he was everything to me, never even lied to him. Sometimes a git feeling is an insecurity in ones self not always the truth about someone else.
I have severe anxiety. Don’t tell me thiiiiis lmao
@@AA-qw2jq thats not the truth so dont worry. Seriously
Damn it’s crazy how you posted this right after I first got Covid and it turned into long Covid and during my awful illness I was surrounded by betrayal, lack of loyalty, lack of compassion and lack of integrity by my own family. Dad and I went through the virus together so we are very close now 💫🏆
The key to executing this is being in a relationship that you enjoy BUT can do without. You then have both the desire to stay together and enough fortitude to object to poor behavior. Humans are drawn towards pleasure and away from pain, making micro adjustments with every experience to maximize well-being. Pleasure always regresses to baseline, therefore pain will always exist, even in comfort and abundance. You have a responsibility to call out a partner who is straying, because he or she will, and it starts small and grows over time. To do so successfully requires compassion and empathy, not judgement and scorn. That’s where people fail and make it worse.
A good family is one u dont need to recover from
You nailed it.
So true!
So are good “friends”, “good jobs” and “ good people”
I believe you g adults go through a phase where they hate their parents.
Too strict, tried to control me, spoke harshly, made them "slaves".
Then once they mature and/or
have their own children.....
The childish judgement should resolve.
No Family is perfect.
We are all flawed humans.
@@moniqueengleman873 With all their faults, my best traits were a gift from my parents. Made by all their efforts in teaching me. They did it do it anywhere near perfect. But they did it.
When you know there's signs of betrayal but try to push them deep in your head, just know you played yourself
Juicebox95 Well said. THANK YOU!
It comes from experience
True!
It’s hard to tell what’s a sign and what’s not when you have anxiety that makes everything look like a threat.
@@otoyoto7153 I'd rather have that problem than be oblivious to everything. "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean someone isn't out to get you."
I was in a long on-again-off-again relationship with a narcissist. Although I didn't know that term at the time. He slowly eroded my boundaries, made me doubt myself and my memory and my decisions. He always acted hurt at what I supposedly did. He made me "see" how selfish I was to want to have things or time for myself. I didn't realise that his behaviour was just one mini betrayal after another. I blocked him and went no contact a few months ago for good. He realised I was serious this time, so he tried to undermine my healthy relationships with people who are important to me.
He told lies to those people behind my back but they told me and dismissed him as a psycho creep. Even though I'm well schooled now in the art of the narcissist's behaviour, it still shocked me when my friend showed me the text he sent to her with the lies. It's funny but that betrayal hit the hardest. We aren't even together and yet it stung badly. Luckily my friend knows what he's like and finds it creepy that he's trying to get her onside so he can manipulate and gaslight her as well.
She blocked him too 🤣 Decent people: 1, narcissist: 0.
😊Hiya..just read your comment and wondered if it's still
Decent people-1
Narcissist-0
JP has once again shown great wisdom. Get wise before the reality of life's betrayals hits you like a bag of bricks on the head.
Loyal friends stick with you until the bitter end; disloyal friends show their hands early, smirk, and kick you when you're down.
The Head Coach of my High-school Football Team used to say:
*“You can’t coach effort.”*
I have applied this in life everywhere since.
Yes you can. Your coach was lazy and wanted coaching done for him/her.
Just like business want already trained workers
@@Debtwarrior It was Highschool football
Him telling you that was his way of coaching your effort,
So yes you can. But the moral still stands. Busting your ass can compensate for lack of skill
His statement is correct, it's pretty much the same as: "I can give you a book but I can't give you knowledge", it's all about our self motivation to master our own minds and therefore obtain the strength to overcome any obstacles and become champions.
He as a coach can teach theories/techniques and motivate his students as much as he can but at the end of the day, excellence is only achieved with effort and determination and that is a choice that not everyone embraces.
@@vanetamona9918 He said, “you can teach somebody the right way to do something, you can show them what it looks like, but you can’t make them do it. The final 10% is on you.”
“Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Pro. 27:5, 6).
Amen. The Lord always explains it so well. No questions. God bless💗💗💗💗
Open disagreement is better than fake love!!!
Random you-tuber quotes the very verse that not one of my "Bible believing Christian" in-laws will tolerate me quoting or attempting to live
Thank you friend.
God gives us answers for everything.
I so wish his wisdom would have been available to me when my Dad died and my life became a living hell. Thank you, Dr Peterson, for sharing these insights. You make the world a better place, and more tolerable if it is not.
The best satisfaction for me is to balance out,know when to switch gears from an empath to a narc. Mind-blowing,we can learn from the best. People can't stand when you mirror them, you don't have to worry about them anymore.