Did I Ruin My Chances Of Getting My Ex Back?
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- Опубліковано 1 сер 2024
- In this episode, Clay Andrews answers the question "Did I Ruin My Chances Of Getting My Ex Back?"
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Clay discusses some things to watch out for when getting back together with your ex or what you can do to make your emotional connection better.
If you find yourself worrying, "Did I ruin my chances of getting my ex back," then you may want to know that the chances of getting your ex girlfriend back or boyfriend back are largely dependent on how you bring yourself to the interactions.
Yes, there are consideration such as whether or not they will talk to you, are in a rebound relationship, etc., but the most important factor is how you are bringing yourself to interactions with them.
So, if you are thinking, I ruined my chances of getting my ex back, understand that it is possible to overcome and recover from a lot of challenging setbacks, however, it is dependent on how you are choosing to interact with your ex. You could interact with them in a anxious, panicked sort of way, and that will have one outcome... or you could interact with them in a relaxed and easy-going sort of way, it will have another outcome.
**** IMPORTANT ****
This is an internet video, and it should be obvious, but this video and other videos on this channel should not be taken as a substitute for the evaluation of a psychologist, therapist, counselor, etc. This video and other videos on this channel are intended for informational uses only, and only reflect the personal opinions of the creator. The creator of this video is not responsible for your actions or choices or the consequences of your actions or choices. - Навчання та стиль
Thanks for watching this video. No matter what you may be going through right now, please remember to go easy on yourself. I know it's so tempting to blame yourself or to feel bad about things. Just remember, that whatever you may have done seemed like the best choice you could make at the time. Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made.
Thank you Clay
Thank you for this man
Thank you Clay for your amazing help
🇬🇧😜👍🏻
Happy to help, :-)
He refused to apologize for his mistakes instead blames me on everything... Am fine now, i let him go and he let me go
That's how she did me and I'm healing
Same with mine. He asked me for the truth. He bullied me, so I told him. He crossed my boundaries. So I told him. I wasn’t mean about it. I told him when he’s healed, I’ll talk to him. Until then, I’ll pray for him. I won’t put my life on hold. I’m not hurting. I don’t need someone to love me to complete me. I’m doing great. I don’t want to be with a bully, I know he cheated with his previous ex that he bullies. It’s sad and pathetic. Yea, I told him that, too.
This made me feel a lot better. I've made my fair share of mistakes but my ex is still responsive to talking to me. I assume this means I have a chance just need to change strategies and make progress day by day. Hoping for the best!
Glad to hear that our videos is something that resonates with you. :-)
@@eminek8526 no update to report im still trying :(
@@eminek8526 hope you progress no matter how slow it takes. :)
@@ClayAndrews Sometimes I feel a bit stuck in my progress or my ex still moving back and forth between stages. Getting an in person meet up is difficult. I think that's what i need to really make progress but I'm struggling even with the program.
@@mallorys6815 did it work out?
Hi Clay, did your ex ever break up with her rebound, or is she still married to him?
Once you've reinforced that negative trust pattern, but are still just about in friendly contact do you think you can reverse that pattern? I knew I shouldn't have been but somehow I managed to
He dout me everything,my god,and I every time prove you are wrong,what I do,I know he love me.but now when break up now he come back but some day he disappeare.this thing 3 time,plz kindly you say I what do?he say I don't understand,he shouting me?plz help na🙏🙏
I feel like i had two missed opportunities that i didn’t capitalize on because she sends so many mixed signals i don’t know if she wants to talk or not
It's stroking his ego..lol..I'm playing..I like your vids..
Ok Clay.
I guess everyone here would like to know if your BIG EX ever got back with you from another relationship lasting for example around a year and going strong. An answer would be very appreciated. Thanks.
it still depends, Adam. There are no absolute answers for that because every person's journey is unique and howe they would bring themselves to the different situations that they will go through. If you are to choose, will you prefer to focus on the process and hone the Advanced Relational Skills that might have a long term impact on the relationship or just the idea or label of getting back together?
Hi clay I need you help my ex doesn’t call me a lot and she doesn’t want me to come over her house over the weekend and don’t want to have sex with me anymore. And another problem that I have with my ex is that she doesn’t tell me if we are back together or not. So should I ask her or just see that we are back together if this make sense.
Hi Camille, It sounds like your ex is at the Test Drive Phase. This usually happens because they still feel that the interaction is relationship focused and that they have to guard themselves. Have you checked our Ex Solution Program course? We talked about the 5 stages of getting back together in depth inside our course.
Did I ruin my chances of getting my ex back? if I still told them i love you and I miss you always even though I'm not sure if she still have feelings for me as a lover not a friend
It's been 7 months. I told him I missed him and got no response. I'm assuming it's time to give up huh
Did you ever get a response in these last two months that you've been waiting anyting
@@ginawelch6532 no. And honestly I don't think I'll ever hear from him again unless I reach out first. I think he's been over me and happy for quite a while.
I tried giving my ex space but she got upset and then angry that I wasn’t talking to her as much, but as soon as I did, she started leaving me on read every time for days on end. She knows I still love her but I’m trying to show her now that I can live a good life without her for the time being until she comes back. She’s told me that she’s confused and doesn’t know how she feels about me anymore and also thinks its too soon to see each other in person again. Does anyone have any tips?😕
@@holyhyenas1759 Thanks for the advise🥺. I hope we both get what we’re looking for in the near future.
@@holyhyenas1759 hopefully they come around, because of everything we did together, all the memories just can’t fade like that😕
I made out with my ex. After that she completely ignored my calls and texts. I asked her what was going on. She said "after we kissed it did not feel the same". Do you think this is RTD?
It's hard to tell if it is Riding the Dragon. But there are couple who have personal meet up after being separated who decided to just stay as friends because the level of affection just stays in that phase. Would you be open to keep that friendship with her and see where things might lead to?
Clay, please tell us what you did. Did you held on to her leg whole she was walking out the door? Did you have a mariachi band playing Saturday morning in her yard? Did you send her dock pics? Please let us know lol!!
Hey Clay.... no response from her :-(
Soooo it’s been around 6 months since the initial breakup, we never stopped contact. There were times we didn’t talk and called it because of misunderstandings and hurt being present still. But this most recent time that contact has stopped feels very very final. He ghosted me, we casually said goodbye after I reached out, he said he wasn’t happy and doesn’t know what he wants in life. Said he’s sorry. He blocked me on social media. I am giving up you all. I made many mistakes yes but I will not continue to beat myself up for it anymore. I did the very best I could. I wished him well and said my peace
Btw, I think I did create a negative trust pattern 😢 I did act needy, anxious and insecure. I really don’t think there’s any fixing it
Hi Celeste, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. It must be hard to go through something like this.
What I noticed here is that you may need to give each other that needed space to really work on healing and figure out where to have each other in your lives. That is the essence of Active No Contact that we talk about inside the Ex Solution Program course.
I know you both still care for each other, but sometimes we need some time apart in order to really understand what we want from each other.
Sending more positive energies on your end.
So my ex says we can’t get back together anytime soon. She is in a rebound but they aren’t dating. However, I believe they will start dating soon and I am currently not able to hang out with her in person per her own request. Is there a way to get this guy out of the way that doesn’t involve any manipulation? I am worried they will get into a long term relationship and I will be left in the dust
keep away and work on yourself, go no contact and wait for her to reach out to you, leave her on a positive vibe
Hi JM, remember, the key to getting your ex back from a rebound isn't to "take down" the rebound. It is to show your ex that being with you is better than being with anyone else out there. I noticed that I have been answering to most of your questions here in UA-cam. In case you'd be interested to get more personalized guidance, we both have the course with the Modern Love Community and our personalized coaching services. :-)
@@ClayAndrews Hey Clay, sorry I comment so much lol. I don’t mean to mooch. I’m saving up rn for the $50 course you offer. I’m still in college so food and rent takes over. I really appreciate all the help though :)
Hi Clay! We exchanged same team conversations but suddenly for a few days, her interest seemed low and didn't respond to my messages properly. So I texted her, "Hey are you busy? I feel like I'm talking to a wall" she replied "Yeah, I'm a Wall🤦♀" then I said "I'm looking for a Hole in the wall so that we can have same team conversations:(" she didn't reply to that. After a day, I texted her to tell an important information, she didn't reply to that too. I've stopped contacting. What's my next course of action?
Hi Ahnaf, Wording your response to like "to have a same team conversation" may sound weird. We understand that we have that concept in our short courses but it doesn't mean you have to use that particular phrase in a verbatim way. If you'd like to be in the same team with her, it is not about pushing your own agenda, but it is also about understand where she is at emotionally. Since she mentioned that she is a wall, it may indicate that she is not in her emotional capacity to have that conversation yet. What Advanced Relational Skills should you apply in this situation?
@@ClayAndrews Maybe Empathy and Situational awareness?
I've broken up with my ex 3 months ago we have been together for almost 4 years and she said she needs a break because she's had mental health problems and she's confused on how she feels and we have been seeing each since than and when I found out she's seeing someone else I've stopped seeing her, after the break up when I was seeing her on dates she would tell me she wants me in her future and she wants to have kids with me but why see other people and why leave me, she still rings me to check up on me telling me she loves me and she says she needs space to miss me and that so now I've said don't talk to me only when you want to meet up and do something. I've been bettering myself during this break and working my way to the top to become a better me. Sad part is I will always love her and to this day I still miss her it's hard to walk away from someone you love. I've began no contact now and I know she wants to see if the grass is greener on the other side. I don't know what to think even tho it hurts I'm still moving forward with my life and still going to the top with or without her. Part of me always going to love her and that part of me wants her back into my life its sad situation. I don't normally write things like this, I wrote this hoping someone can reach out and help me in my situation
Hey Pickle, I'm sorry to hear about the breakup and we understand that this must be truly emotional for you. If you feel that you have already reached the Effortless Connection and is detached to any form of outcome, will you be ready to initiate contact with her?
@@ClayAndrews I have reached a point of not making any effort,. I don't know what she's going through. Because on the dates we have been on together after the break up she told me she wants a future with me and wants to have kids with me. But she is seeing other guys while we was on a date and sleeping with them. Like why tell me you want this and that from me in future but her actions show other. She still rings me up telling me she loves me. I've stopped picking up and texting to go onto no contact
Clay what do I do if my ex's rebound has turned into a semi-long term relationship. They have been dating for 5-6 months i believe. Do I idly wait for it to fail or can I start being more active in - not necessarily trying to get them to break up, but nudging in.
Hi John, if you are to choose on those two choices that you have presented, which of those would you be more comfortable doing?
@@ClayAndrews definitely the second option. But currently we are not on the best of terms. We were very close to getting back together and then she randomly told me that we could no longer interact anymore and cut me off. We text once a week maybe for 10ish messages and that is the only contact we have.
my question is, did i ruin my chances by giving into the breakup too easily? we broke up over the phone because of long-distance (ironically, we'll be going through unavoidable contact in a week), and he initiated, saying he didn't think we were right for each other and that he thought we should end things. i was listening, but the only point where i interrupted him was when he said he wasn't happy, where i repeated, "you're not happy?" he told me he was when we were on dates in person, but he didn't think either of us were happy. at first i tried speaking logically and reasoning things out in a calm way, even though i was freaking out internally, but he interrupted me and said i couldn't change his mind. i was quiet for a few seconds, then asked, "so there's nothing i can do?", which is when he told me, "yes." i kind of let that sink in, then i told him that i understood, and that i was kind of thinking about breaking up too, and that i was just a bit sad due to the circumstances (in hindsight, i didn't actually want the breakup, but it came out due to feeling hurt). after that, we started talking in a more humorous tone, probably to make the situation less awkward, and then we hung up shortly after.
did i mess up by giving in so easily, and not making it clear that i disagreed with the breakup? it's been about 6 weeks of NC by now, and i'm flip-flopping on talking to him or not when we go back to school on monday (he hates texting so initiating contact that way feels wrong).
Given that you have already given up, you may want to focus on building positive interaction instead. At times, we tend to make decisions and actions out of being emotional.
@@ClayAndrews thanks for the reply. do you think i should let him approach me, or should i initiate? also, how should i go about initiating if i should? i've been working on building good habits after i discovered attachment styles, like self-soothing, giving others space, and acknowledging my needs and boundaries in relationships, but i don't know how i can prove this to him, if it would even change much.
@@neliabedelia I suggest to take an active approach in reaching out. If you feel that you are ready, reach out. When it comes to approaching your ex, the Advanced Relational Skills will guide you in creating positive interactions with him. You can search my channel on what ARS is about or check out the Ex Solutions Program at modernlove.life/esp
@Clay Andrews
After completing NC for 30 days, my ex reached out. We have been talking daily but one day he stopped reaching out, so i reached out first, turns out he was upset about something as i suspected. That is why i didn't mind reaching out first. I apologized since it was my fault and we have been talking daily since. But last week he just stopped talking to me and it has been 4days. We had a decent chat before he stopped the following day (no arguments), he was telling me that he was happy when hes around me. He finally reached out and suddenly now he is unsure if he wants to work on getting back together because he feels that he needs to put in all the effort and i am just sitting there doing nothing waiting for him to make the effort. He got this from me not reaching out to him at all in these 4days. He said during this 4 days he had a lot of thoughts that he partially wants to be together with me again and partially not. He says that the things that he did that i was not happy with its like i am blaming him when i mention it many times, i explain that i was just sharing what i was not happy with and since we wanted to work on thing, i want to have a more open communication and i am not blaming him.
I don't know if it's just me but i feel like he is using it as an excuse to not work harder to earn my trust. I told him before that he abandon me twice when things get tough, am i suppose to try again and wait for him to abandon me a third time? he said that he will do what it takes to earn my trust again since this is our second breakup.
But now hes being emotional telling me things like i think im perfect and always blaming him for things and its two person fault etc. I apologized and said that i didnt mean to make him feel like that, i was merely just trying to share my feelings.
It seems like an impossible thing to try and workout this relationship. I do want to but i am so tired and afraid that it will be all for nothing again. He says he will take a few days to think if he still wants to work on us. I told him that he can reach out once he made up his mind and decide what he is willing to do but i wont be reaching out (and its not an effort thing) and i explain why i didn't reachout within the 4days. Up to him if he wants to believe it or not.
He is the confused child, why should i be dragged into his headache. So i guess NC after a real NC is not such a good idea.
But it doesn't help me much as i can anticipate what his decision will be, i still feel hurt.
Do you think i should just wait for him to come back to me with a decision then react to his decision?
Hey Loana, I'm sorry to hear about what happened. It seemed like there was a miscommunication between the two of you and communication skills may be something that have to be improved on.
@@ClayAndrews Thank you for your reply Clay, it means so much as i am so sad and stuck.
I agree with you communication has always been a problem with us. I feel that he always get me wrongly. For me i was merely sharing and not blaming him. But i think for him to admit it, its as if he really did smth wrong and he didn't want it on his conscience.
He will be taking a few days off to think about if he still want to work on us. Do you think i should just wait for him to come back to me with a decision then react to his decision?
Hi Clay
Hope I will get a answer… I did a huge mistake..
My ex and I were together for 1.5 years and broke up for the second time in October 2021. After begging I went to no contact for three months. At a few meetings in December we got closer again, we kissed and my ex told me she still has so many feelings for me. Then I made a big mistake. I hate myself for it. In a weak moment I told her that I love her and for me a friendship would not be possible. I haven't heard from her since. She is cold as ice again. What should I do now? Is everything lost or is there still some hope?
Thanks for your feedback
who cares. an ex is an ex for a reason. grow from it and move on and don't make the same mistakes if there's a next time.
I always wondered, if thats what you think why are you watching this videos? If you let your ex go, you shouldnt be watching videos of how to get them back xD