Soul Murder and Heart Rape is actually quite accurate for how it feels to be abused by these people. It helps to find the words that actually describe the pain I'm recovering from.
Exactly. I know your feeling. I'm recovered now(generally). The key point is to believe what you feel, if you feel constant negative feeling about someone, just leave. They are poisonous people, and don't deserve a social reaction from us. The reason is their been abused by parents. We can't help as it's like eternal damage but only in a organ (brain) that we can't distinguish from outside. Protect yourself, we are the nice ones and good ones who have normal social functions. Best wishes.
I’m 2 years past divorce, no relationship no friends. She left, and my friends expected I kneel for them after they were proven ‘right’. What they didn’t see or understand or care about, and of course neither did my wife, was that I was doing everything so that the child would grow up w both mom and dad. If I was going to quit it’d be on my own terms. Now I’m a single dad, pushing almost 40. Doing financially better than ever, but that’s about it. Constant emptiness and no clue about dating or women.
I totally understand!! My mom is a sociopath, Father who passed was a Narcissist, ex husband who also passed was a Narc and my Ex fiancee a sociopath, Ex Best Friend a Narc also,, Yes I understand what its like to not feel safe anywhere. Recovery is very difficult. I just kept picking my parents in everyone I met. Many do not understand, I see the world very different than others, My heart goes out to all of us who have experienced this horror!!
I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, I'm 32 and still trying to figure out who I am. I'm constantly fighting with the little girl inside of me, and constantly telling her it's ok.
Same here with the narc mother. It takes a long time to heal and I couldn't even begin to do it without Jesus. Try reading Genesis 3;15, Psalm 58:3-5 and Matthew Chapter 13 for a better understanding of who these monsters truly are. They have a different genetic makeup than the rest of us and they hide on purpose so that they can breed among us in order to destroy us by spreading their filthy genes all through the human population. They are literally "beasts" and the ancient Hebrew texts referred to them as such but evil men mistranslated this in the Bible so that they can remain hidden. Eve did not eat a piece of literal fruit. She had sex with the Serpent and bore Cain who murdered his brother Abel. Cain was the first narcissist and all narcs are genetically related to Cain.
Reese Daniel - me too- in fact; since going Very modified contact (which she attacks worse than Ever when I call to check on Dad as he is so ill & Dad ALWAYS insists I speak to her straight after. He tells me "speak to Mum now!"& I know what is coming!") She is nasty now to me. Worse than cruel now out boundaries up. About time Im now 57!! I wanted to say: I agree about Jesus. In fact; Thanks to this; I have such a deeper faith than before. He really lived us who have been abused as he was. I mean on Isiah 61 & heard Mark here refer to it too. "Beauty for ASHES "& Boy do we deserve it after a narc mother .
It's hard to believe the shattering that happens when you are discarded so brutally and find the person you fell in love with someone who never existed. The mindfuckery is beyond belief.
You say we invited these people into our lives, that it's our choice and responsibility, yet they are wolves in sheep's clothing. NO normal person with issues of their own to heal, would knowingly invite evil into their midst to make life and healing even more difficult. No normal person asks to have their life be destroyed becoming hell on earth. There is enough to grow on In a normal relationship without that. The damage done by these monsters, by the time you finally find out what's really going on, after struggling to understand and survive years of malicious gaslighting and sadistic torment, is totally, completely devestating. The most tragic part of malignant narcissistic abuse is that when we finally do figure it out, we are literally 1000x worse off (and older, more of our life, potential and even our health are GONE) than when we started. There really is NO getting back to where we COULD be now, if this hadn't happened to us, and that destroys our souls even more. Our abusers knowingly did to us, what they did to intentionally brutalize and destroy us, and many of us never had any other options than to stay and try to work it out. We had our brains, hearts and souls put through a blender by these sadists and couldn't find our way out of a paper bag for YEARS if we HAD to. We ARE victims who have been ruthlessly, cunningly brutalized. They only ever treated US this way. They targeted and tormented us purposely, keeping it hidden from the rest of the world. It's no different than the bodies of innocent children buried under Gacy's house. We have been victimized. Please don't re-victimize us by telling us it's our own fault. If we could have changed it, we would have in a heart beat. We were chained and held captive by brain fuckery beyond imagination and in many cases, because of isolation and triangulation are now left to try to pick up the shattered pieces of what's left of our lives, completely alone. NO human being, normal, dysfunctional, codependent, BPD, no one, would ever chose this hell for themselves. We deserve medals of honor for simply surviving. Those who got out were lucky, not necessarily stronger, smarter or braver. But we all wish we had been them. I'd love to have my life, my heart, my soul back together again from their fractured, annihilated state.
That's what I said to my narc post break up "If I knew you were this kind of person, I would have never dated you. Never" The first Narc, I think people get a pass when they don't know. They have no clue they're actually being abused to the extreme degree they are. They tell themselves it's a rough patch, they try to work through it but for some odd reason their partner isn't at all receptive and they can't understand why. Once you know though, it will be harder to a narc to get away with their behavior. Sadly, for too many, what narcissism is has to be learned the hard way.
Great comment and also I might add, some of us were BORN INTO a nest of these vipers, so how then is it our "fault"? We have been thrust into a secret WAR where only one side is privy to the warfare. Totally not fair from any perspective! There's a special place in HELL for these monsters!
Narcissists are in fact, (and this is Scriptural) an intra-species predator. They were called "beast-men" in the ancient Hebrew transcripts but this has been hidden from us for a LONG, long time, on purpose! You don't want to alert the cattle that you are feeding off of them. They might stampede and trample you to death (the predators).
Maxwell, I have been the scapegoat for a group of Narcissists my entire life. I endured neglect and abuse that very nearly ended my life on several occasions, so I do see where you are coming from. What I took from the statement of "inviting" them in, is the subconscious conditioning we have in us, that makes that kind of behavior familiar to our minds, "comfortable". I do not think any of us would advertise that we want this, but due to life long conditioning, we accept it as "normal". The lure of acceptance is a strong one and Narcissists use it with devastating effect. I only gained control of my own life by accepting, what I think Mr. Smith is saying, that it was never my fault but as an adult, it is my responsibility. I had no choice but to accept that I was the only one that would end this cycle and to do that I had to accept that I had been "conditioned" to seek out the abuse, just like all humans are conditioned to seek out their version of familiar. This is the double-edged sword of Narcissistic traumatization. If we cling to the Title of Victim we will forever give the power of ourselves to others. Power and Responsibility are forever linked. Spiderman's Uncle Ben got it backward. Great power comes from accepting great Responsibility. It is a truly daunting task to accept being responsible for our situation without taking the blame for it, but that is what warriors are for.
Free of resentment, anger or inclination to revenge clears the toxins and completes the healing- however long it takes. Keep your peace and guard it at all costs.
I’m not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior, no matter how much I’m comfortable with it. But, if I go along with it, and participate in it, then I’m responsible for my actions. I’m still not responsible for their actions..
The reason you accept, allow, keep these narcs is because of the childhood. Secure people smell them from miles away and “ignore/reject” them in the get go.
If it was legally recognized equal to being beaten with a hammer to the point of severe trauma then law enforcement and prosecutors would deal with this crime as serious as attempted murder
Very refreshing to hear a professional tell the violent truth about how outrageously destructive and dangerous these people are. All too often counselors are fooled by the narcissists and become part of the agonizing problem for the victims of this terrible kind of abuse. Thank you!
I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been out of work for over a year. I’ve never been so depressed that I couldn’t function. I exist at the very base level of existence right now and have been for some time.
My desire to want another relationship is gone, done. I experienced a existential belief shattering of all my beliefs and perceptions about me, others and the world and it took at last 3 years to even start to recover. Now I'm celebate, a hermit and have social phobia.
Soul Murder and Heart Rape is dead on. I went through hell with mine, thinking it was all in my head and what friends I had left thinking I was the crazy one. Even after I couldn't take him anymore and tried to overdose, I still went back for validation from him and was met with a "You tried to OD, that's harsh! Can you please put me back on your netflix account?". Thank god I found this video series, it literally saved my life. Of the fifty symptoms of NAS I had fourty eight of them. Putting a name to him and what he was doing to me woke me up. I've not seen him in two months, and am finally getting back to who I used to be. Thank you so much for making these videos!
It has taken me 14 years to finally find myself and get over the severe emotional abuse. It wasn't til I found videos like yours. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing this subject to light. You are helping far more people than you'll ever know.
The last bit of the video last night nearly blew my headphones off but there was a lot of good information before that. I was commenting that yes this is a type of rape. Behavior of my narcissist nearly destroyed my soul. I felt violated, dirty and just plain sick for nearly four years. I believed that she could do nothing wrong and I could do nothing right. I had such severe chest pain that I had to get a stress test but the doctor could not find out what was wrong. I kept looking online for over a year to learn WTF I was doing wrong. I came to the sad conclusion that this person who once called me "The coolest dude that ever walked the face of the earth" actually hated my guts. I was isolated from my friends, family and hobbies. She used the Bible to torment me. I was called a liar often and then reminded that all liars burn in the lake of fire. I was called stupid under her breath and then she would deny that she said anything at all and I was hearing things, I was crazy, I have a bad memory and so on. I was also told my eyesight was going bad and she would laugh at me when I had to grab a pair of reading glasses. Four years ago before I got married, I could see fine. My hearing and memory were good. My chest didn't hurt and I didn't entertain suicidal thoughts. I filed for divorce a month ago and I know that was the right decision.
It's what the narcs do. They twist everything around so we believe the opposite of the truth. And the truth is that you are worthy of love just because of who you are. You are probably a giver and a lover. I'm sorry that the narcs lie to you.
Thank you for speaking on this! I spent 10 years in a relationship with a narc. And, no surprise, I became ill from it. Then, I found another narc, and fell for him too! I seem to be attracted to narcs. And as long as you are willing to just be supply for them and not to ask for anything for yourself, things with a narc go smooth. But, being just their supply bores me. I can't stand it for long. Then, the war begins. And it's a brutal one! Thank you for this teaching video. 👏🏼
Waking up to the narcissists abuse is liking waking up in the final scene of a horror movie and you’re already on the table and the chainsaw is running.
"Due to your unresolved childhood issues, you invite somebody into your life, who misrepresents themselves, who lies, who uses, manipulates..." Mark, this can't be emphasized enough! I hear this view predominantly from psychologists, like yourself, but unfortunately, there are many UA-camrs (and vloggers) who seem to believe that being raised by narcs has absolutely nothing to do with it and that you are playing the "victim card" and "dwelling" on the past. I just wanted to say that and thought it was important to point out. Also, really sorry about the experience you had with that awful woman. It IS a kick to your soul and narc abuse IS one big, shocking mindf*ck! Thanks for this excellent video and Happy New Year!
+familytreecounseling ...My father was a narcissist. All of us kids, were affected by what and who he was.. I was the chosen one to step up and sit with him during family issues , and I took this on... for the sake of the 'Others".... I didn't know my father was a Narc... We didn't discuss why he was the way he was.... My mother worshipped him.. why ? because he took care of her.. all the while belittling her and calling her names...... She never , ever complained... never held a grudge . After she died , I was the one who was chosen , by my Narc sister , to take care of my dad and involve myself with attorneys etc... I could fill a book with how this all panned out ... I remember very little of how I managed to do all that was expected of me... I had no help , just criticism and indifference from my siblings... One of whom is an Alcoholic. I had to do everything on my own. The last months of my dads life were spent watching him end his life in a nursing home... I suffered for him, and he suffered for himself..... He trusted me to do what he wanted done. And I sat by watching him disappear.... Did I mention that I was married to a Narc ? well , it had no meaning for me then.... Also my sister. Another one.. My role was the go between ... I took over from my Mother... she handed me the baton , and I caught it .. Six years later... I walked away from my life as I knew it... A financial catastrophe hit my marriage , and rocketed me right into survival mode... I didn't see it coming.... All my efforts to bring some sort of sanity to the situation fell onto me.... it was all for naught. The house was taken off the market... as it was causing distress to my husband... He had no other plan or solution... Just "didn't want to do it , and "I was nuts , and he was going to have me committed ".... I was "Worthless trash anyway..".... That was the end of the road for me... I don't know how all this will pan out ..... I know I am better off... It just don't feel like it just yet.... If it weren't for UA-cam , and videos like this one , I would be dead by now..... I had know idea I was living with such ... a burden of insanity... Narcissism , is the worst of the worst.... xxxx
+Linda Lyons-Bailey I always thought for most of my life it was me who was the problem. I really didn't understand bullying. I was made with "faults" and I've gotta "straighten" myself out... until I realized that somebody LAID that trip on me (my narc mother). Well, recently, when I was explaining about how our family dynamics affected me growing up, surprisingly she said your very words: "you were raised with it; it's all you know," as if it were as clear as day! To myself I'm sitting there thinking: why the gas lighting all these years? Why couldn't she have said this sooner? What if I had never found out about NPD? Would she have continued allowing me to think I was born a "flawed" human being??
Thank you so much for describing to the TEE exactly how I “feel” whatever that I can feel now anyway. Nobody understands how to explain that my soul is dead - it sounds really strange to anyone you try to explain the “abuse” it’s like no other abuse: it really is soul heart murdering raping. Please share any way to heal and be alive again as currently I am dead but in much pain :((
The most gut wrenching part for me is the fact that I spent endless nights in bed talking and bonding with what I thought was an incredible person (my soul mate) only to find that he was anything but that. I feel so used sexually but also mentally because I was always there to support him as his emotional punching bag. I see all this clearly now which is a good thing but doesn't really help my pain. I wonder now if he was the spiritual person that he made himself out to be, maybe he was just mirroring my beliefs? Who knows. This is my problem, I'll never know the half of what went on behind my back. What I felt towards the end though was the strong feeling that I was being laughed at. What a horrendous experience.
In accepting or taking on any responsibility for their failure you are playing into a thread that they projected onto you. “It is your fault or your failure, or in the worst case you somehow deserve to be mistreated and abused.” The reason you fell for them is because they wanted you to fall for them. The length of the relationship is in their control. They decide when to vamp up and perform for you, it is impossible not to see them, they are the star, you are captivated and do not realize it is a performance. You are on a private stage with them, they take you through the acts of the screenplay they make up as they go along. And when bored of that “Dramatic Play” they exit the stage without any feeling or attachment to you because you are just a member of a long list of members who are their “audience”. They are not feeling any shame, blame, remorse, or guilt and as a last JAB at you. Accuse you of buying the ticket to their show. You would not have bought that ticket if they told you what they were doing. The responsibility is NOT yours. You did not invite or ask to be mind fucked. Do not take any of the blame or find fault within yourself about what happened. You did not know it was a play, you did not purchase the ticket, you were not given the option or choice because they LIE. The Lie is the causal element. They Chose to lie you did not.
This is exactly what it feels like. Father was a narc. And I carried on the cycle with all my relationships. I know I have a long road ahead and know it will take years. I'm taking extreme care of my environment..no contact in drama, no relationships, can't take the risk of being taken in again. I know I have a personality disorder due to childhood abuse and determined to make the rest of my life mine. I'm don't know who I am but I'm functioning after 4 months of isolating and learning about narcs. It shocked me but I understand it now what happened to my little girl in me and disassociation I have experienced all my life. Thank you for your great vids.xx
the trick is to move from victim to survivor. numb..pain.. fear..hate..shame.. regret .. fogivness to oneself.. understanding of the narcs. illness.. healing.. victim to survivor. the strong wise survivor that would still be weak if not for the narc. educate yourself and learn about youself and how the narc could do what they did. they teach you about yourself. you become stronger
Or better yet, move from victim to survivor to WARRIOR! Let's stop being the tail and become the HEAD again, which is our rightful position! Narcissists aren't fully human.
I hope one day I can heal. Thank you for this video and for all the videos I have been able to watch so far. I feel like my whole existence is not even real. Like I am going to wake up from this. I'm so confused. 😔
Amen to the gratitude! So many people are suffering in the self prison of victim mentality! God saves us from the pain n cruelty of demons who destroy my heart n soul! 🐷
Nothing but truth here been dealing with a narcissistic family, relatives, so called friends, employers and every woman I dated...never was a drinker or a drug user; curiosity yes but something within me always said "This isn't for me". It just seemed like they were sucking the life out of me...so many times wished I was dead because I was absorbing all of their negative energy. Get away from people as the majority are highly narcissistic. We are stronger and wiser...life is amazing without these people interfering in your life.
You are absolutely Right On the Mark with this! Better believe it's Soul Murder - It's Murder! Many people kill themselves over this. All I can think of, of this ABUSE is THE HORROR - a Life Time of It. Thanks for this video.
I've ALWAYS TOLD MY LAST 1..... that he was the WORST ! I CALLED HIM AN EMOTIONAL ASSASSIN ! AND YOUR ON EXACT POINT WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION..... THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMATION !
Absolutely. I can actually feel it in my belly when I get attacked now. It is a condition that truly should be covered by medical insurance for inpatient treatment. How do you tell people that your soul is beaten to a pulp?
I got the gist of this from a great article I found once....... in "normal" love/romantic relationships, we are intertwined with another person, basically like cords intertwined (emotional, physical and spiritual). These strands or cords represent our attachment to another person. So, when breakups happen, the cords usually have been slowly unwinding, a bit here, a bit there until there are no more and people are sad, but move on. With a narcissist, these cords don't unravel. The narcissist suddenly takes a machete (I'm throwing some of my own imagery in, here) and cuts them. So, there are all of these strands flying around with nothing to attach to anymore! It's horrible. It's also akin to being suddenly shoved off a cliff by your loved one, and you're in shock, plummeting towards the ground at breakneck speed and you finally hit and wham........ you are completely broken and shattered. So, this is us. The narcissist, on the other hand, never really attached to you in the same way. Even though they were somewhat, they always have other "attachments" they're grabbing onto. I don't even know if I'd use the word "attached" for a narcissist. It's more like they "own" you for a while and then just chuck you when they're done using you up or get bored, or find a new plaything. Anyway.....they are usually seeing another person already (while in relationship with you), have someone waiting in the wings, or at least have their eye on someone. They also grab onto things, as well as people, and are never without some sort of supply, because they cannot be alone with themselves........ not for 5 minutes. Anyway, the cord and cliff analogy represent how traumatic an experience this really is and why our identities are eroded and we don't know what freaking day it is. The good news is, I believe once we know what to call this (!), NAS, our cords have something to attach to again, and that is knowledge. We grasp onto it like a drowning person grabs a life boat. Things start making sense and we start to put ourselves back together, and thankfully, with the help of others in our community going through this.
+annette 410 Thank you! Absolutely perfect analogy. Totally resonates with me, 100%, in fact it gave me kind of a-ha moment. I hate abbreviations though, what NAS stands for?
I was married to one for 18 years ( a police officer ) and discarded 10 years ago. It has taken me that long to figure it out. all by myself and he took everything... money, kids, house and my self. YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT ( SCARY )
Amen!!! It's been 3 years, I am still weak and unable to work. Longggg healing process. Had a 15 year marriage and one before that 10 years, both narcissistic. I found and received Jesus Christ. Studying, no more crying (already cried an ocean), and seeking for a way to start all over. Thank you for your sharing and honesty. A breath of fresh air. God bless.
I also am unable to work, but cannot get it documented by anyone. Not my doctor, therapust, psychiatrist. No one will sign on the dotted line. How can I get disability if I have been a stay-at-home parent for 20 years and now cannot even hold a part-time job? I would love to work, to be with normal people, but I know that after a week, I'd be fired for under-performing. My life is destroyed.
that's what i'm in now is the grand .. finale , after 8 years i didnt think it could get worse , that anything could get worse.. was i wrong ugh, his WHOLE family...his whole job all his friends and of course i wasnt allowed to have any friends because im 'stupid' and pick 'stupid people to hangout with' and i literally have no family or support system so this is absolutely brutal and to try and go to work 6 days a week right now , the exhaustion thing.... i practically have to crawl up to my door after work. there is no quality of life
What this type of abuse really is is spiritual warfare. The intra-species predatory narcissists (seed of Cain) against the normal human beings that proceeded from Adam and Eve. (Cain was of the Serpent and Eve). Read Genesis 3:15. It states plainly that there are TWO SEEDS on the earth at ENMITY with each other. The seeds of Cain HATE the normal humans who have no clue they are living amongst rabid wolves in sheeps clothing. And they keep hidden on purpose with the help of "public education" and media who covers for them. The so called "churches" are also full of these wolves. You have to read the Bible for yourself to know what's really going on.
I empathize with you. Narcs like to mind f people but always in a way that the average person would not realize what is happening. I think like you said, learning about narcissists is important for recovery, but also learning about codependency as well is important. Co depends seem to attract narcs. You mentioned that your family and people you worked with thought you were crazy for bringing up things that happened. It's possible that they may be narcs too or just so unconscious without knowledge of these types of things. It's possible you may come from a family that never valued your opinion or you as a person. Even though you're a marriage therapist, I have to wonder why they would treat you as crazy. Perhaps to break your self esteem or question yourself and sanity. I think you get where I'm going with this as you are intelligent. Analyze both narcs and codependency and look back at your childhood to see any similarity in people not seeing you, treating you like you never mattered, belittling you, never standing up for you, neglect ect. Write things down and draw connections and red flags that trigger reactions in you that the narc can twist around on you. Peace and love.
"look back at your childhood to see any similarity in people not seeing you, treating you like you never mattered, belittling you, never standing up for you, neglect ect" That is what I am getting intensely at the moment, and that is what most of my childhood felt like, with a few nasty extra twists.
This is what they all do to the Scapegoats born into these viper infested families. This is "Narc 101". They all follow the same script. YOU are "crazy" and THEY are perfect. End of story.
I've experienced what you've been through. I know what it's like, you've been shaken and violated to your core. I've been looking to find some coping strategies to help me heal from the horrendous abuse.
It is a "cruel shocking mind fuck" , and I cannot think of a better description for this debilitating violating experience. Thank you for your videos they are really helping me as I try to rebuild my soul , life and my mind.
It’s the anxiety that makes it so hard to recover. Every day feels like 100 years and I pace like you said without relief. I just want to make it end. I just don’t understand the emotion where in my soul I want him gone forever while I’m crying about him being gone it makes no sense.
Thank you for this great advice. It is one foot in front of the other. After the penny completely drops it is recreating your whole life which is an opportunity as said…life can never be the same. Joy at others pain is a mind state I will never fully understand…but ultimately demonstrates a very broken individual. Those of with hearts have no business with theses people it is a tough lesson and price paid but exorcising all the unhealthy parts of us means we will become the best version of ourselves to ourselves . Self care is vital. Love to everyone who is going through this there is light at the end of the tunnel and we should commend ourselves for coming as far as we have.
THANK YOU!!!!! I dated Narcissist Gary C. for a couple years before reading an article and realizing this is what I was subjected to. And NO...you are absolutely not being overly dramatic! This is horrendous. Everything you state here, including the reaction of people around you...is the TRUTH. THank you again for validation me and all those who have been subjected to this. We will recover together.
THANK YOU FOR THIS HONEST AND CONSTRUCTIVE SHARE. It is a big relief from festive - Christmas and New Year - narcissistic attacks and extreme big manipulations. I was already having physical fight - can not escape from that anywhere. Your Hope message about recovery was my New Year gift. The only one. THANK YOU.
This was better than any therapist session I've.had I am 53 and I have been seeing therapist since I was 18. Was raised by a narcissist, have had many in my life since, I have lost everything because of it. God bless you and I thank you and I will keep watching your videos.
When I look back on the person that I was before the narcissistic abuse, it's like I don't even recognise that person anymore. I've completely lost my identity and don't know who I am anymore. I'm still a kind, empathic person but I feel like a ghost of my former self, not feeling anything, just going through the motions in order to take care of my kids which is a major undertaking and takes so much out of me. I can't afford therapy so I just watch you tube video's to try and make sense of what I've been through. When I was cruelly discarded after telling my narc that I knew what he was about, I suffered panic attacks, sleepless nights, lack of appetite etc. I'm still going through all these symptoms after 3 months and I think that it'll be a very long time before I can feel like me again. I've never been affected this way with normal breakups and it's been so hard to try to reconcile all the lies, tricks and mind games that were used against me. Shocking stuff!
I'm recovered now(generally). The key point is to believe what you feel, if you feel constant negative feeling about someone, just leave. They are poisonous people, and don't deserve a social reaction from us. The reason is their been abused by parents. We can't help as it's like eternal damage but only in an organ (brain) that we can't distinguish from outside. Protect yourself, we are the nice ones and good ones who have normal social functions. Don't doubt yourself. Best wishes.
I'm so happy I found your videos because I had to work on my recovery by myself and it was so hard. I didn't even who to tell for help. I felt like I made the pain up. I was just so confused.
I find so much peace in your videos. Out of all the channels out there covering this topic there's only two that I feel a real connection to and yours is one of them. Although your clinically versed and professional, your also and perhaps most importantly very genuine because you're not just learning and reporting on the pain, your living it. I've been in a severely abusive relationship with a malignant, pathological, somatic narc for five years now. It wasn't until a few months ago upon discovering this diagnosis of narcissism that I finally began down a path towards healing. I am currently struggling to find a way out, financially. I replay your videos during some very abusive, horrid times and they keep me sane. I wish you posted daily. Please know that you ARE making a difference and your not alone. Fortunately/unfortunately Renee (Indiana)
ever heard of broken heart syndrome or octopus syndrome ? The physical heart actually lays a bit on its side in an X Ray, it will not kill you but it is a wake up call that the depth of your soul crushing grief and despair needs an SOS HELP CALL........
Everthing you said is true, every single word. Thank you. Nobody understands unless they ve been thru it, everyone thinks you have trouble letting go. Ive been two years no contact, but living in denial. Just figured everything out a year ago. I also beleived everyone was good at heart, but since i opened my eyes i realized i was surrounded by toxic people. There are good days and bad days but i understand i can get thru it. Bless you and your videos.
These sick people are not the majority. For my own sake, I can't be wrapped up in this for years. I'm determined to use this relationship as a learning experience to help me better figure out the kind of people I should put my energy into. I hope you can too. Try to find the little blessings of your pain.
Im at the 7month mark of the raped soal just like you , and im feeling slightly better. .I reserching every thing I could about healing. I went to a Energetic healer, and had them do a cord cutting. I had a female sociopath con her way into my heart..She raped me emotionally and financially. She was a con artist. .She cheated, lyed, conned, and manipulated...
my husband described at 53 years old when he realised what was happening, that it's like escaping a brain washing cult on your own. it not a joke run if you have to. when the time is right leave your old life behind, all of it and see what life has for you. your a good man thanx for the videos. sending lots of love Yvonne and Richard xxx
Thank you so much Mark, your last video describes my situation and experience. It is a year ago since I was emotionally raped, used, lied to and discarded. My heart is still in pieces as I was totally in love, with this person. I have been listening to your videos for a year and they have been a life saver for me, I can't say thank you enough. XXX
+Marina Zapata The truth is, we weren't really in love with the other person, just who we "thought" they were, in other words we were in love with the person he or she was "pretending" to be. Therefore, the real person (the narcissist without their mask) was NOT the person we loved. Sound confusing? Oh, my yes. AND exhausting to even contemplate, much less experience and try to recover from.
Thankyou mark for this amazing video, you nailed it.I can relate very well to this and I too am gaining momentum after 12 months of going through many lies and utter bullshit justifications for my now ex partner. I think it is wise to listen to your intuition, thats what I call my higher power, the quiet voice in your head that tells you something is not right here and that you are a good person and deserve much more than this. I myself have gone from crying, not eating, shaky hands, anxiety to relief that he is gone and my life is in my hands now and not his. I am grateful for that.
Thank you for your video. I would like to point out that narcissistic abuse can occur not only in romantic relationships, but other types of relationships as well. I have recently been abused by a boss, and very recently, a landlord. I didn't know what to call these 2 women until I saw your video. They are narcissists, in the most extreme sense, who have damaged me emotionally in every way, except sexually, as you describe in your video. They exhibit every trait of a self-centered narcissist, and no amount of trying to communicate or reason with them, or treating them with kindness, works. I am completely shattered, barely able to function as a teacher (and I have to be well to work with young children), and have lost all confidence in myself. Trying to find a counsellor who understands this has been impossible. I spent last Summer in therapy with a counsellor who specialized in trauma. She didn't understand what I had gone through with my school principal, who nearly destroyed me. So at this moment, I am at a complete loss as to how to function, how to go on, both as a teacher and as a person. These 2 woman, in positions of power as my boss and landlord, had the power to destroy me. I have managed to move house as of 2 days ago, but still have legal dealings with the landlord. I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I will never get out of. I wish you and everyone, who has had to deal with these truly evil types of people, the best in receiving help and healing.
The Narcissist's Scapegoat, just not true. A landlord can totally be a narcissist and make their tenants' lives pure hell. Narcs come in every profession and landlords have great control over your money and living space.
OMG, your message was a godsend today. I wish I lived closer and could see you in person. I am without legal counsel in an abusive narc divorce filled with flying monkeys, and being destroyed for lack of a simple retainer bc of the narcs financial control of me. Please pray for me. Blessings to you!
It's this & so much more. The loss can't even be measured. It's not dramatic all. I've developed severe ptsd & major depression. Lost my career as a RN the ability to care for my child. Developed all these other horrible symptoms.
This is such a sensitive video. It is great that you FTC guys will all get on here and level about your own experiences. Something you don't get in real counseling!
my sister is my narc, she managed to steal everything that was important to me, including 1,000 cash, made me homeless in the middle of the night, and my parents, and my little brother, have become the flying monkeys. I moved to be near them after a massive heart attack, and being away for over 20 years, while I was recovering from the heart attack, and got the mind fuck of my life. I"m so lost and I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate, and the fear I feel is overwhelming. My heart and soul are gone. I have found this narc information to be very useful, in figuring out this puzzle. thank you for your free information on the subject. This narc outburst was in Nov. 2013. I am no where near over it. And I"m not telling you everything she did, because it would be a book of info, but she tried to ruin my life, in every way. I suspect my father a narc as well. He would do things to disrespect me in front of my little brother when we were kids. Like telling him in front of me to not worry about anything I say and I'm not his boss he never has to listen to me. things like that. I was trying to keep my little brother off street drugs, and that's the thanks I get from father. To this day my brother doesn't respect me. I"m not going to spend my whole life trying to change his or their minds about how they think of me now thanks to what ever it is my sister told them. They won't even tell me what the bitch said. that has turned them all so coldly against me and hate me even. j~
I'm a lil over 2 years healing now...we were together for a lil over 3 years total.... my sleep pattern has NEVER BEEN RIGHT, SO WHEN IT DID BECOME MORE OF A NORMALITY, I FIGURED IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIM, BUT AFTER HIM , IT BECAME WAY OFF QUILTER AND HASNT RETURNED TO ANY PATTERN IVE EVER HAD. MY ISSUES WITH EATING GOT BETTER WHILE WITH HIM, BUT AFTER HIM...NOW ITS OFF THE CHART NUTS, I GO FOR UP TO A WEEK & A HALF WITHOUT EATING, NOT EVEN FEELING HUNGRY....STILL AFTER 2 YEARS..... NOW I DONT THINK ILL EVER BE ABLE TO GET INTO ANOTHER SHIP, EVER, AGAIN ! as weird as this may sound..... I feel I will never be able to find someone as good as him, AND YET HE WASNT GOOD ENUF..... FOR ME, MY BREAKING POINT WAS.... WHEN SOMEONE STARTS TO TREAT ME WORSE THAN I TREAT MYSELF, THEN YA GOTTA GO !!!! AND THATS NO UNDER STATEMENT WHEN YOU SAY THEY STAGE A PRODUCTION.... HOLY SHIT, ITS DIFIANTLY HOLLYWOOD PRODUCTION.... 2 the POINT that looking back, He could only have spent every waking Min. planning this outcome ! in order for ME 2 regain any life, I wrote a list of all shit he said, did and treated me, MY family, friends ! I NEVER ATTEMPTED TO DO A GOOD LIST, AS IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT, NOTHING EXISTED AS HE WOULD HAVE ME TO BELIEVE ANYWAY! IT WAS ALL A FACADE... I suffer from PTSD ANYWAY, and when I say it went into HYPER Mode, that just mite be an understatement on my part ! these types pry on us, they seem to ZOOM RITE INTO ME... NOW I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS...... IF A GUY IS INTRESTED IN ME....WELL HE MUST BE A NUT....so far I'm not wrong..... but I know there's 2 sides to every coin... I feel IF I ever run into a normal man, he's gonna think I'm NUTS.... and that this point in my life....I can say...He wud be rite.... I'm NOT healed YET.... May Never be... but I hope I can at least, at sum POINT be able to find a male companion to spend a couple of dates out a month.... I'm happier alone, I have WAY more money alone, Idk, maybe I have given up.... but if I cud tell you the life track record I've had with men, you would ask, why didn't I BECOME a Nun..... well that's another story line...lol best wishes to you, thx 4 sharing a man's perspective as it help validate that it doesn't much matter, as IT HURTS US ALL & IT HURTS LIKE HELL, TO BE EMOTIONALLY ASSASSINATED ! least that's the term I coined so far.
I can definitely relate to your videos. I just left (was discarded) my narcissist less than 5 months ago. To say the least, it was soul shattering. It is still very hard. He is still my first thought on waking and he is still there most of the time. Burleson's, I am not fooled at all any more. I see him for exactly the lying, cheating, using, manipulating piece of shit monster that he is but I cry very little now. The anger is still very strong. In fact, most of the dialogue that I have with myself these days has to do with how much I hate him, how much I would love to see him fail, but I will come to terms with this anger in time and move on. I know that I will heal and I will definitely be more educated about narcissists. One day maybe I will even trust someone again, but right now, being alone is what's best for me...or being with only people that I know love me. My narc is on to another relationship. I just feel sorry for his new victim. I know he'll do the same thing to her.
Thank You Mark for all your videos. I grew up with a Narcissistic/Borderline mother. I had an addiction to the narcissistic type guy, but for many years I didn't know. The reason I was confused is because I would try to choose a very different type of guy for my next choice, but at the core they were all empty soul/fraudes raping your identity. The words you described your pain and symptoms were the exact ones I used to share my story to my sister a week prior to coming across your video. Listening to your story validated every emotion I had and brought so much light and healing. God Bless You for this.
Thank you for making this video! It paints a very vivid and whole picture of what this experience is like for someone trying to recover from this type of experience and person. I've experienced all of these things and it's truly a miracle that I'm still here fighting to mend the damage done to my spirit! I've often said there aren't words that can express the depth of pain, anguish and hopelessness this type of person brings to your life, but I felt this video did a great job. Thanks for speaking truth on this topic for those of us who's voice isn't being heard.
After 25 years, I have truly been absolutely and utterly destroyed. It's incomprehensible what one human being can do to another. And my family is filled with narcs as well, so I have no support as the scapegoat. I am trying hard for our children, to not become another "statistic", but you are correct, that seems the only real way out. TY so much for your videos!
dangerous people, it's interesting what you said about having very little ability to "burn the candle at both ends" even just a couple of late nights and I'm unwell. I had listened to a video of yours last night and you mentioned crying and I realized I don't do that anymore as I have cried a million tears. Today I was struggling with the "man" things he would do physical stuff that's beyond my capability but I struggled through it and when I came back into the house I started to cry from my feet up and it felt better to allow myself that release thankyou.
Thank you and God bless you for your video and for understanding the devastation of the mind fuck and violent rape to your heart and soul. I felt the shattering discard many times. I felt like my soul was shattered on the scorching hot pavement in summer. 25 years ago there was no internet or youtube so i was in the dark all alone. I experienced a npd 2 years ago w a grand finale discard and now again 2 months ago. Your video nails the horrific experience and helped me so much. I am taking your advice and watching all the youtubes ovr and ovr. My counselor of my years specializes in battered abusive relationships but even she had no knowledge of npd. God bless all the survivors out there who are helping souls like me.
Your not wrong. you are dead on point. I'm in on my 24 th Month and not over it but I am much better. The key is to learn about Narrcasist support and understanding what it's really all about.
You describe it perfectly and in a nutshell. I'm 6 months out of a very unhealthy 25 year marriage to a man that has was a narcissist who began decompensating and exhibiting sociopathic behaviour. I've never cried so much or felt such immense pain at a molecular level ever in my life. My mind had been f*cked so badly that I almost committed suicide, drank myself into oblivion many times over and self-medicated. As an adult survivor of childhood trauma and abuse I also echo that it starts in childhood. I think I've passed the midnight hour now and am not fully engulfed in the emotions of it as intensely or frequently but I still have a long way to go and am still in the throes of disentangling myself. Thank you for the great video.
thank you so much for this video Mark I also am a survivor of narcissistic abuse I let a man in my life who found out all my inner child pain and utilized me and discarded me at the end the grand finale he enjoyed watching me suffer and hurt I have never ever ever met anyone as evil as that man mind you my relationships have not been the best because of my original pain from childhood but I have never ran across a narcissistic person he was the catalyst for me healing my inner child wounds I am still in the journey I am still growing mark thank you so much I really appreciate that this topic of dangerous people like this is so ol over UA-cam people need to be informed of these lethal dangerous people thank you Wendy m
I can't believe I came across this video.I'm suffering worse today,then I've ever suffered in my life! I'm drinking Jack and coke @ 1:00pm Completely isolated in Oregon,Where I moved her to get her away from her Gambling and Drug addiction.I've never been more comfortable with Suicide! I'm Living in a 24 hour State of crying.he destroyed my Life.I lost my fucking mind trying to figure out her Gaslighting Crazy Bullshit!
Reese Daniel i sent off for an exit kit. she intercepted it and sent me a texte telling me it was illégal in france . she works in the post office . I can't stand this feeling and have no one to turn to . I want out .
My grand finale involved a bombardment of loving text messages on the Saturday which totalled 20. Asking me to bear with him as he apparently knew he had problems. On Monday he sent a message to me which was clearly meant for another woman (wtf)!. When I eventually responded after getting my kids ready for school, I received the most evil, hate filled message that actually resulted in a major panic attack. He basically projected all the hateful things that he'd been doing onto me and it cut like a knife. So sorry to bang on but it's therapeutic to get this stuff out because I have no one to talk to about my experience who'll understand.
Thank you, Mark. It really is soul murder and heart rape - literally feeling like my heart has been ripped out or cut out with a jagged blade. This is my 6th consecutive narcissistic abuse discard in 7 years. I have studied extensively how this has happened. The common early warning sign among them all was they were all very seductive in the beginning. I thought I healed the would from my father’s extreme narcissism, but I guess not. In this last discard, I was not powerless however. The last narc was also a cop and he engaged in some serious misconduct with me and he now is losing a job because it.
No medication please use natural ways first. I have been trying so hard and everything you said is so true and have been doing everything you said. My faith has been my biggest help to get through this.
Thanks for this video. I am going through a rough time with basic survival and my abilities being trashed by "mental illness". I was nosing around the Oxfam shop looking for something nice to wear to cheer myself up, I have occasionally found really really nice stuff in there, and they were playing "Over the Wall" by Echo and the Bunnymen, one of their old songs that really hits that angst of having nowhere to be, goth at its best. And then I found this video of yours. I have had this constant feeling that has been labelled anxiety and depression, that to me feels like I don't exist and that I died as a child. Constant depression hit me at the age of eight and I was anorexic at ten. My single mother was a nightmare. I hate feeling I have to portray myself as good, and I find that when I throw out non-linking bits of my life people tend to judge me badly and act against me, but I refuse to omit the dark stuff, it is part of what I am and I will not portray myself as some kind of angel, I am not, but that does not make me a narcissist, it makes me the child of a narcissist. And yes I have been deeply attracted to another person who only time will show who they really were, but I got deeply hurt by them, both emotionally and materially. Right now it is the inability to survive materially that is making me feel like I want to die, the threat of homelessness as well as the constant feeling of not existing. My IQ has tested very high by proper tests they gave us at school, and I always worked really hard and got the kind of exam results that rich parents pay for their kids to get, at a time when they meant something and you needed an IQ of 145+ to get decent A levels, not just to sound like a trashy Virgin mobile advertisement. I have occasionally known what it feels like to learn a useful skill that I never thought I would be able to, but I am getting old and nothing seems possible any more.
Soul Murder and Heart Rape is actually quite accurate for how it feels to be abused by these people. It helps to find the words that actually describe the pain I'm recovering from.
Exactly. I know your feeling. I'm recovered now(generally). The key point is to believe what you feel, if you feel constant negative feeling about someone, just leave. They are poisonous people, and don't deserve a social reaction from us. The reason is their been abused by parents. We can't help as it's like eternal damage but only in a organ (brain) that we can't distinguish from outside. Protect yourself, we are the nice ones and good ones who have normal social functions. Best wishes.
I’m 2 years past divorce, no relationship no friends. She left, and my friends expected I kneel for them after they were proven ‘right’. What they didn’t see or understand or care about, and of course neither did my wife, was that I was doing everything so that the child would grow up w both mom and dad. If I was going to quit it’d be on my own terms.
Now I’m a single dad, pushing almost 40. Doing financially better than ever, but that’s about it. Constant emptiness and no clue about dating or women.
I hope you’re in an amazing place for you now?! x
I’ve only just begun my journey back to recovery, wish me luck!
@@InheritTheField hey Michel, where are u in the world.. I’m in London. Mr London can be so grim cold and lonely lol
When it's by a mother, suddenly I felt like nowhere is safe. Like no one will ever be there for me
that must be extra hard! I hope you find the ressources to support you in this. much love
I totally understand!! My mom is a sociopath, Father who passed was a Narcissist, ex husband who also passed was a Narc and my Ex fiancee a sociopath, Ex Best Friend a Narc also,, Yes I understand what its like to not feel safe anywhere. Recovery is very difficult. I just kept picking my parents in everyone I met. Many do not understand, I see the world very different than others, My heart goes out to all of us who have experienced this horror!!
I am a daughter of a narcissistic mother, I'm 32 and still trying to figure out who I am. I'm constantly fighting with the little girl inside of me, and constantly telling her it's ok.
Same here with the narc mother. It takes a long time to heal and I couldn't even begin to do it without Jesus. Try reading Genesis 3;15, Psalm 58:3-5 and Matthew Chapter 13 for a better understanding of who these monsters truly are. They have a different genetic makeup than the rest of us and they hide on purpose so that they can breed among us in order to destroy us by spreading their filthy genes all through the human population. They are literally "beasts" and the ancient Hebrew texts referred to them as such but evil men mistranslated this in the Bible so that they can remain hidden. Eve did not eat a piece of literal fruit. She had sex with the Serpent and bore Cain who murdered his brother Abel. Cain was the first narcissist and all narcs are genetically related to Cain.
Reese Daniel - me too- in fact; since going Very modified contact (which she attacks worse than Ever when I call to check on Dad as he is so ill & Dad ALWAYS insists I speak to her straight after. He tells me "speak to Mum now!"& I know what is coming!") She is nasty now to me. Worse than cruel now out boundaries up. About time Im now 57!!
I wanted to say: I agree about Jesus. In fact; Thanks to this; I have such a deeper faith than before. He really lived us who have been abused as he was. I mean on Isiah 61 & heard Mark here refer to it too. "Beauty for ASHES "& Boy do we deserve it after a narc mother .
It's hard to believe the shattering that happens when you are discarded so brutally and find the person you fell in love with someone who never existed. The mindfuckery is beyond belief.
You say we invited these people into our lives, that it's our choice and responsibility, yet they are wolves in sheep's clothing. NO normal person with issues of their own to heal, would knowingly invite evil into their midst to make life and healing even more difficult. No normal person asks to have their life be destroyed becoming hell on earth. There is enough to grow on In a normal relationship without that. The damage done by these monsters, by the time you finally find out what's really going on, after struggling to understand and survive years of malicious gaslighting and sadistic torment, is totally, completely devestating. The most tragic part of malignant narcissistic abuse is that when we finally do figure it out, we are literally 1000x worse off (and older, more of our life, potential and even our health are GONE) than when we started. There really is NO getting back to where we COULD be now, if this hadn't happened to us, and that destroys our souls even more. Our abusers knowingly did to us, what they did to intentionally brutalize and destroy us, and many of us never had any other options than to stay and try to work it out. We had our brains, hearts and souls put through a blender by these sadists and couldn't find our way out of a paper bag for YEARS if we HAD to. We ARE victims who have been ruthlessly, cunningly brutalized. They only ever treated US this way. They targeted and tormented us purposely, keeping it hidden from the rest of the world. It's no different than the bodies of innocent children buried under Gacy's house. We have been victimized. Please don't re-victimize us by telling us it's our own fault. If we could have changed it, we would have in a heart beat. We were chained and held captive by brain fuckery beyond imagination and in many cases, because of isolation and triangulation are now left to try to pick up the shattered pieces of what's left of our lives, completely alone. NO human being, normal, dysfunctional, codependent, BPD, no one, would ever chose this hell for themselves. We deserve medals of honor for simply surviving. Those who got out were lucky, not necessarily stronger, smarter or braver. But we all wish we had been them. I'd love to have my life, my heart, my soul back together again from their fractured, annihilated state.
That's what I said to my narc post break up "If I knew you were this kind of person, I would have never dated you. Never" The first Narc, I think people get a pass when they don't know. They have no clue they're actually being abused to the extreme degree they are. They tell themselves it's a rough patch, they try to work through it but for some odd reason their partner isn't at all receptive and they can't understand why. Once you know though, it will be harder to a narc to get away with their behavior. Sadly, for too many, what narcissism is has to be learned the hard way.
Great comment and also I might add, some of us were BORN INTO a nest of these vipers, so how then is it our "fault"? We have been thrust into a secret WAR where only one side is privy to the warfare. Totally not fair from any perspective! There's a special place in HELL for these monsters!
Narcissists are in fact, (and this is Scriptural) an intra-species predator. They were called "beast-men" in the ancient Hebrew transcripts but this has been hidden from us for a LONG, long time, on purpose! You don't want to alert the cattle that you are feeding off of them. They might stampede and trample you to death (the predators).
Maxwell Bernstein I agree with you whole heartedly!
Maxwell, I have been the scapegoat for a group of Narcissists my entire life. I endured neglect and abuse that very nearly ended my life on several occasions, so I do see where you are coming from. What I took from the statement of "inviting" them in, is the subconscious conditioning we have in us, that makes that kind of behavior familiar to our minds, "comfortable". I do not think any of us would advertise that we want this, but due to life long conditioning, we accept it as "normal". The lure of acceptance is a strong one and Narcissists use it with devastating effect. I only gained control of my own life by accepting, what I think Mr. Smith is saying, that it was never my fault but as an adult, it is my responsibility. I had no choice but to accept that I was the only one that would end this cycle and to do that I had to accept that I had been "conditioned" to seek out the abuse, just like all humans are conditioned to seek out their version of familiar. This is the double-edged sword of Narcissistic traumatization. If we cling to the Title of Victim we will forever give the power of ourselves to others. Power and Responsibility are forever linked. Spiderman's Uncle Ben got it backward. Great power comes from accepting great Responsibility. It is a truly daunting task to accept being responsible for our situation without taking the blame for it, but that is what warriors are for.
Free of resentment, anger or inclination to revenge clears the toxins and completes the healing- however long it takes.
Keep your peace and guard it at all costs.
I’m not responsible for someone else’s bad behavior, no matter how much I’m comfortable with it. But, if I go along with it, and participate in it, then I’m responsible for my actions. I’m still not responsible for their actions..
I don't think it is always due to our childhood issues..These people present themselves as being something they are not...
I agree !
Yes I agree!!!
The reason you accept, allow, keep these narcs is because of the childhood. Secure people smell them from miles away and “ignore/reject” them in the get go.
I understand it's exactly how I feel. These things are truly demonic
I feel the way you put - not to speak to “unsafe” people. So true!!!
If it was legally recognized equal to being beaten with a hammer to the point of severe trauma then law enforcement and prosecutors would deal with this crime as serious as attempted murder
Very refreshing to hear a professional tell the violent truth about how outrageously destructive and dangerous these people are. All too often counselors are fooled by the narcissists and become part of the agonizing problem for the victims of this terrible kind of abuse. Thank you!
I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been out of work for over a year. I’ve never been so depressed that I couldn’t function. I exist at the very base level of existence right now and have been for some time.
My desire to want another relationship is gone, done. I experienced a existential belief shattering of all my beliefs and perceptions about me, others and the world and it took at last 3 years to even start to recover. Now I'm celebate, a hermit and have social phobia.
Soul Murder and Heart Rape is dead on. I went through hell with mine, thinking it was all in my head and what friends I had left thinking I was the crazy one. Even after I couldn't take him anymore and tried to overdose, I still went back for validation from him and was met with a "You tried to OD, that's harsh! Can you please put me back on your netflix account?". Thank god I found this video series, it literally saved my life. Of the fifty symptoms of NAS I had fourty eight of them. Putting a name to him and what he was doing to me woke me up. I've not seen him in two months, and am finally getting back to who I used to be. Thank you so much for making these videos!
It has taken me 14 years to finally find myself and get over the severe emotional abuse. It wasn't til I found videos like yours. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for bringing this subject to light. You are helping far more people than you'll ever know.
The last bit of the video last night nearly blew my headphones off but there was a lot of good information before that. I was commenting that yes this is a type of rape. Behavior of my narcissist nearly destroyed my soul. I felt violated, dirty and just plain sick for nearly four years. I believed that she could do nothing wrong and I could do nothing right. I had such severe chest pain that I had to get a stress test but the doctor could not find out what was wrong. I kept looking online for over a year to learn WTF I was doing wrong. I came to the sad conclusion that this person who once called me "The coolest dude that ever walked the face of the earth" actually hated my guts. I was isolated from my friends, family and hobbies. She used the Bible to torment me. I was called a liar often and then reminded that all liars burn in the lake of fire. I was called stupid under her breath and then she would deny that she said anything at all and I was hearing things, I was crazy, I have a bad memory and so on. I was also told my eyesight was going bad and she would laugh at me when I had to grab a pair of reading glasses. Four years ago before I got married, I could see fine. My hearing and memory were good. My chest didn't hurt and I didn't entertain suicidal thoughts. I filed for divorce a month ago and I know that was the right decision.
+Toxic Relationships it really is heart rape! thanks for sharing, hope your divorce goes well
+Toxic Relationships No More shoo, that is awful, I can so relate
the thing it makes me feel is worthless. unattractive and unlovable.
It's what the narcs do. They twist everything around so we believe the opposite of the truth. And the truth is that you are worthy of love just because of who you are. You are probably a giver and a lover. I'm sorry that the narcs lie to you.
I'm so sorry for what you went through.. Yes you made the right choice.. Thank you for sharing Keep going and healing. I wish you well.. I can relate
Thank you for speaking on this! I spent 10 years in a relationship with a narc. And, no surprise, I became ill from it. Then, I found another narc, and fell for him too! I seem to be attracted to narcs. And as long as you are willing to just be supply for them and not to ask for anything for yourself, things with a narc go smooth. But, being just their supply bores me. I can't stand it for long. Then, the war begins. And it's a brutal one! Thank you for this teaching video. 👏🏼
Waking up to the narcissists abuse is liking waking up in the final scene of a horror movie and you’re already on the table and the chainsaw is running.
who am I kidding? I struggle with pretty much everything thanks to the abuse
Lucia Pou i struggle too. trust has become a four letter word to me
"Due to your unresolved childhood issues, you invite somebody into your life, who misrepresents themselves, who lies, who uses, manipulates..." Mark, this can't be emphasized enough! I hear this view predominantly from psychologists, like yourself, but unfortunately, there are many UA-camrs (and vloggers) who seem to believe that being raised by narcs has absolutely nothing to do with it and that you are playing the "victim card" and "dwelling" on the past. I just wanted to say that and thought it was important to point out. Also, really sorry about the experience you had with that awful woman. It IS a kick to your soul and narc abuse IS one big, shocking mindf*ck! Thanks for this excellent video and Happy New Year!
+familytreecounseling ...My father was a narcissist. All of us kids, were affected by what and who he was.. I was the chosen one to step up and sit with him during family issues , and I took this on... for the sake of the 'Others".... I didn't know my father was a Narc... We didn't discuss why he was the way he was.... My mother worshipped him.. why ? because he took care of her.. all the while belittling her and calling her names...... She never , ever complained... never held a grudge . After she died , I was the one who was chosen , by my Narc sister , to take care of my dad and involve myself with attorneys etc... I could fill a book with how this all panned out ... I remember very little of how I managed to do all that was expected of me... I had no help , just criticism and indifference from my siblings... One of whom is an Alcoholic. I had to do everything on my own. The last months of my dads life were spent watching him end his life in a nursing home... I suffered for him, and he suffered for himself..... He trusted me to do what he wanted done. And I sat by watching him disappear.... Did I mention that I was married to a Narc ? well , it had no meaning for me then.... Also my sister. Another one.. My role was the go between ... I took over from my Mother... she handed me the baton , and I caught it .. Six years later... I walked away from my life as I knew it... A financial catastrophe hit my marriage , and rocketed me right into survival mode... I didn't see it coming.... All my efforts to bring some sort of sanity to the situation fell onto me.... it was all for naught. The house was taken off the market... as it was causing distress to my husband... He had no other plan or solution... Just "didn't want to do it , and "I was nuts , and he was going to have me committed ".... I was "Worthless trash anyway..".... That was the end of the road for me... I don't know how all this will pan out ..... I know I am better off... It just don't feel like it just yet.... If it weren't for UA-cam , and videos like this one , I would be dead by now..... I had know idea I was living with such ... a burden of insanity... Narcissism , is the worst of the worst.... xxxx
+anne dunn something has happened to my post.... I tried to edit a misspelling and this is what happened.... how do I put it back ?
+Breakthrough Moment It totally is. We go for these people because we were raised with it. It is all that we know.
+Linda Lyons-Bailey I always thought for most of my life it was me who was the problem. I really didn't understand bullying. I was made with "faults" and I've gotta "straighten" myself out... until I realized that somebody LAID that trip on me (my narc mother). Well, recently, when I was explaining about how our family dynamics affected me growing up, surprisingly she said your very words: "you were raised with it; it's all you know," as if it were as clear as day! To myself I'm sitting there thinking: why the gas lighting all these years? Why couldn't she have said this sooner? What if I had never found out about NPD? Would she have continued allowing me to think I was born a "flawed" human being??
Your mother actually had a "lucid moment" and said that?? Wow. Sad to say, they always fall back to sleep...
... it is a crime. A Law must be passed. Absolutely
Thank you so much for describing to the TEE exactly how I “feel” whatever that I can feel now anyway. Nobody understands how to explain that my soul is dead - it sounds really strange to anyone you try to explain the “abuse” it’s like no other abuse: it really is soul heart murdering raping. Please share any way to heal and be alive again as currently I am dead but in much pain :((
The most gut wrenching part for me is the fact that I spent endless nights in bed talking and bonding with what I thought was an incredible person (my soul mate) only to find that he was anything but that. I feel so used sexually but also mentally because I was always there to support him as his emotional punching bag. I see all this clearly now which is a good thing but doesn't really help my pain. I wonder now if he was the spiritual person that he made himself out to be, maybe he was just mirroring my beliefs? Who knows.
This is my problem, I'll never know the half of what went on behind my back. What I felt towards the end though was the strong feeling that I was being laughed at. What a horrendous experience.
Thank you for explaining the pain. It all makes sense now.
Everything about this video is so spot on and so validating
In accepting or taking on any responsibility for their failure you are playing into a thread that they projected onto you. “It is your fault or your failure, or in the worst case you somehow deserve to be mistreated and abused.” The reason you fell for them is because they wanted you to fall for them. The length of the relationship is in their control. They decide when to vamp up and perform for you, it is impossible not to see them, they are the star, you are captivated and do not realize it is a performance. You are on a private stage with them, they take you through the acts of the screenplay they make up as they go along. And when bored of that “Dramatic Play” they exit the stage without any feeling or attachment to you because you are just a member of a long list of members who are their “audience”. They are not feeling any shame, blame, remorse, or guilt and as a last JAB at you. Accuse you of buying the ticket to their show. You would not have bought that ticket if they told you what they were doing. The responsibility is NOT yours. You did not invite or ask to be mind fucked. Do not take any of the blame or find fault within yourself about what happened. You did not know it was a play, you did not purchase the ticket, you were not given the option or choice because they LIE. The Lie is the causal element. They Chose to lie you did not.
This is exactly what it feels like. Father was a narc. And I carried on the cycle with all my relationships. I know I have a long road ahead and know it will take years. I'm taking extreme care of my environment..no contact in drama, no relationships, can't take the risk of being taken in again. I know I have a personality disorder due to childhood abuse and determined to make the rest of my life mine. I'm don't know who I am but I'm functioning after 4 months of isolating and learning about narcs. It shocked me but I understand it now what happened to my little girl in me and disassociation I have experienced all my life. Thank you for your great vids.xx
the trick is to move from victim to survivor. numb..pain.. fear..hate..shame.. regret .. fogivness to oneself.. understanding of the narcs. illness.. healing.. victim to survivor. the strong wise survivor that would still be weak if not for the narc. educate yourself and learn about youself and how the narc could do what they did. they teach you about yourself. you become stronger
Or better yet, move from victim to survivor to WARRIOR! Let's stop being the tail and become the HEAD again, which is our rightful position! Narcissists aren't fully human.
I hope one day I can heal. Thank you for this video and for all the videos I have been able to watch so far. I feel like my whole existence is not even real. Like I am going to wake up from this. I'm so confused. 😔
Amen to the gratitude! So many people are suffering in the self prison of victim mentality! God saves us from the pain n cruelty of demons who destroy my heart n soul! 🐷
Nothing but truth here been dealing with a narcissistic family, relatives, so called friends, employers and every woman I dated...never was a drinker or a drug user; curiosity yes but something within me always said "This isn't for me". It just seemed like they were sucking the life out of me...so many times wished I was dead because I was absorbing all of their negative energy. Get away from people as the majority are highly narcissistic. We are stronger and wiser...life is amazing without these people interfering in your life.
You are absolutely Right On the Mark with this! Better believe it's Soul Murder - It's Murder! Many people kill themselves over this. All I can think of, of this ABUSE is THE HORROR - a Life Time of It. Thanks for this video.
I've ALWAYS TOLD MY LAST 1.....
that he was the WORST !
I CALLED HIM AN EMOTIONAL ASSASSIN !
AND YOUR ON EXACT POINT WITH YOUR DESCRIPTION.....
THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMATION !
No contact.It worked for me,just stick to it,after you get the hang of it,all those scumbags are so easy to spot .
often times my heart just aches
This is the absolute worst pain I have ever felt in my life. And I have had my fair share of it. None of which compares to this...
Absolutely. I can actually feel it in my belly when I get attacked now. It is a condition that truly should be covered by medical insurance for inpatient treatment. How do you tell people that your soul is beaten to a pulp?
I got the gist of this from a great article I found once....... in "normal" love/romantic relationships, we are intertwined with another person, basically like cords intertwined (emotional, physical and spiritual). These strands or cords represent our attachment to another person. So, when breakups happen, the cords usually have been slowly unwinding, a bit here, a bit there until there are no more and people are sad, but move on. With a narcissist, these cords don't unravel. The narcissist suddenly takes a machete (I'm throwing some of my own imagery in, here) and cuts them. So, there are all of these strands flying around with nothing to attach to anymore! It's horrible. It's also akin to being suddenly shoved off a cliff by your loved one, and you're in shock, plummeting towards the ground at breakneck speed and you finally hit and wham........ you are completely broken and shattered. So, this is us. The narcissist, on the other hand, never really attached to you in the same way. Even though they were somewhat, they always have other "attachments" they're grabbing onto. I don't even know if I'd use the word "attached" for a narcissist. It's more like they "own" you for a while and then just chuck you when they're done using you up or get bored, or find a new plaything. Anyway.....they are usually seeing another person already (while in relationship with you), have someone waiting in the wings, or at least have their eye on someone. They also grab onto things, as well as people, and are never without some sort of supply, because they cannot be alone with themselves........ not for 5 minutes. Anyway, the cord and cliff analogy represent how traumatic an experience this really is and why our identities are eroded and we don't know what freaking day it is. The good news is, I believe once we know what to call this (!), NAS, our cords have something to attach to again, and that is knowledge. We grasp onto it like a drowning person grabs a life boat. Things start making sense and we start to put ourselves back together, and thankfully, with the help of others in our community going through this.
+annette 410 I hope the above made some kind of sense. It did to me, but then lately, my mind is all over the place. Sheesh.
+annette 410 Thank you! Absolutely perfect analogy. Totally resonates with me, 100%, in fact it gave me kind of a-ha moment. I hate abbreviations though, what NAS stands for?
+Artzee 18 Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. Glad it resonated with you!
I was married to one for 18 years ( a police officer ) and discarded 10 years ago. It has taken me that long to figure it out. all by myself and he took everything... money, kids, house and my self. YOU ARE SOOOO RIGHT ( SCARY )
Amen!!! It's been 3 years, I am still weak and unable to work. Longggg healing process. Had a 15 year marriage and one before that 10 years, both narcissistic. I found and received Jesus Christ. Studying, no more crying (already cried an ocean), and seeking for a way to start all over. Thank you for your sharing and honesty. A breath of fresh air. God bless.
Pray for me if you would Laurie
You are in my prayers dear one. Lots of Love and a big hug coming your way.
I also haven't worked in 4 years. I feel Im only just able to sleep better now. I'm a paranoid weirdo now
I also am unable to work, but cannot get it documented by anyone. Not my doctor, therapust, psychiatrist. No one will sign on the dotted line. How can I get disability if I have been a stay-at-home parent for 20 years and now cannot even hold a part-time job? I would love to work, to be with normal people, but I know that after a week, I'd be fired for under-performing. My life is destroyed.
Maxwell Bernstein Do you have ADD? Anxiety?
that's what i'm in now is the grand .. finale , after 8 years i didnt think it could get worse , that anything could get worse.. was i wrong ugh, his WHOLE family...his whole job all his friends and of course i wasnt allowed to have any friends because im 'stupid' and pick 'stupid people to hangout with' and i literally have no family or support system so this is absolutely brutal and to try and go to work 6 days a week right now , the exhaustion thing.... i practically have to crawl up to my door after work. there is no quality of life
What this type of abuse really is is spiritual warfare. The intra-species predatory narcissists (seed of Cain) against the normal human beings that proceeded from Adam and Eve. (Cain was of the Serpent and Eve). Read Genesis 3:15. It states plainly that there are TWO SEEDS on the earth at ENMITY with each other. The seeds of Cain HATE the normal humans who have no clue they are living amongst rabid wolves in sheeps clothing. And they keep hidden on purpose with the help of "public education" and media who covers for them. The so called "churches" are also full of these wolves. You have to read the Bible for yourself to know what's really going on.
I empathize with you. Narcs like to mind f people but always in a way that the average person would not realize what is happening. I think like you said, learning about narcissists is important for recovery, but also learning about codependency as well is important. Co depends seem to attract narcs. You mentioned that your family and people you worked with thought you were crazy for bringing up things that happened. It's possible that they may be narcs too or just so unconscious without knowledge of these types of things. It's possible you may come from a family that never valued your opinion or you as a person. Even though you're a marriage therapist, I have to wonder why they would treat you as crazy. Perhaps to break your self esteem or question yourself and sanity. I think you get where I'm going with this as you are intelligent. Analyze both narcs and codependency and look back at your childhood to see any similarity in people not seeing you, treating you like you never mattered, belittling you, never standing up for you, neglect ect. Write things down and draw connections and red flags that trigger reactions in you that the narc can twist around on you. Peace and love.
"look back at your childhood to see any similarity in people not seeing you, treating you like you never mattered, belittling you, never standing up for you, neglect ect" That is what I am getting intensely at the moment, and that is what most of my childhood felt like, with a few nasty extra twists.
This is what they all do to the Scapegoats born into these viper infested families. This is "Narc 101". They all follow the same script. YOU are "crazy" and THEY are perfect. End of story.
I've experienced what you've been through. I know what it's like, you've been shaken and violated to your core. I've been looking to find some coping strategies to help me heal from the horrendous abuse.
God Bless You....sometimes it feels like we can't breath
It is a "cruel shocking mind fuck" , and I cannot think of a better description for this debilitating violating experience.
Thank you for your videos they are really helping me as I try to rebuild my soul , life and my mind.
It’s the anxiety that makes it so hard to recover. Every day feels like 100 years and I pace like you said without relief.
I just want to make it end. I just don’t understand the emotion where in my soul I want him gone forever while I’m crying about him being gone it makes no sense.
Thank you for this great advice. It is one foot in front of the other. After the penny completely drops it is recreating your whole life which is an opportunity as said…life can never be the same. Joy at others pain is a mind state I will never fully understand…but ultimately demonstrates a very broken individual. Those of with hearts have no business with theses people it is a tough lesson and price paid but exorcising all the unhealthy parts of us means we will become the best version of ourselves to ourselves . Self care is vital. Love to everyone who is going through this there is light at the end of the tunnel and we should commend ourselves for coming as far as we have.
THANK YOU!!!!! I dated Narcissist Gary C. for a couple years before reading an article and realizing this is what I was subjected to. And NO...you are absolutely not being overly dramatic! This is horrendous. Everything you state here, including the reaction of people around you...is the TRUTH. THank you again for validation me and all those who have been subjected to this. We will recover together.
THANK YOU FOR THIS HONEST AND CONSTRUCTIVE SHARE. It is a big relief from festive - Christmas and New Year - narcissistic attacks and extreme big manipulations. I was already having physical fight - can not escape from that anywhere. Your Hope message about recovery was my New Year gift. The only one. THANK YOU.
I'm so glad you are doing this vid on said title. :)
This was better than any therapist session I've.had I am 53 and I have been seeing therapist since I was 18. Was raised by a narcissist, have had many in my life since, I have lost everything because of it. God bless you and I thank you and I will keep watching your videos.
When I look back on the person that I was before the narcissistic abuse, it's like I don't even recognise that person anymore. I've completely lost my identity and don't know who I am anymore. I'm still a kind, empathic person but I feel like a ghost of my former self, not feeling anything, just going through the motions in order to take care of my kids which is a major undertaking and takes so much out of me.
I can't afford therapy so I just watch you tube video's to try and make sense of what I've been through. When I was cruelly discarded after telling my narc that I knew what he was about, I suffered panic attacks, sleepless nights, lack of appetite etc. I'm still going through all these symptoms after 3 months and I think that it'll be a very long time before I can feel like me again.
I've never been affected this way with normal breakups and it's been so hard to try to reconcile all the lies, tricks and mind games that were used against me. Shocking stuff!
ABSOLUTELY SPOT ON
I love how you explained this! So true! Thank you for this video
Just want to let you know that you are helping so many people who are going through this. Thank you Very much.
I'm recovered now(generally). The key point is to believe what you feel, if you feel constant negative feeling about someone, just leave. They are poisonous people, and don't deserve a social reaction from us. The reason is their been abused by parents. We can't help as it's like eternal damage but only in an organ (brain) that we can't distinguish from outside. Protect yourself, we are the nice ones and good ones who have normal social functions. Don't doubt yourself. Best wishes.
I'm so happy I found your videos because I had to work on my recovery by myself and it was so hard. I didn't even who to tell for help. I felt like I made the pain up. I was just so confused.
I find so much peace in your videos. Out of all the channels out there covering this topic there's only two that I feel a real connection to and yours is one of them. Although your clinically versed and professional, your also and perhaps most importantly very genuine because you're not just learning and reporting on the pain, your living it. I've been in a severely abusive relationship with a malignant, pathological, somatic narc for five years now. It wasn't until a few months ago upon discovering this diagnosis of narcissism that I finally began down a path towards healing. I am currently struggling to find a way out, financially. I replay your videos during some very abusive, horrid times and they keep me sane. I wish you posted daily. Please know that you ARE making a difference and your not alone. Fortunately/unfortunately
Renee (Indiana)
Thank you for this video! 🙏🙏🙏God is great!
ever heard of broken heart syndrome or octopus syndrome ? The physical heart actually lays a bit on its side in an X Ray, it will not kill you but it is a wake up call that the depth of your soul crushing grief and despair needs an SOS HELP CALL........
great video brother. god bless you and yours.
It’s not the grand finale ☝️
Watch out for the Hoover
Everthing you said is true, every single word. Thank you. Nobody understands unless they ve been thru it, everyone thinks you have trouble letting go. Ive been two years no contact, but living in denial. Just figured everything out a year ago. I also beleived everyone was good at heart, but since i opened my eyes i realized i was surrounded by toxic people. There are good days and bad days but i understand i can get thru it. Bless you and your videos.
These sick people are not the majority. For my own sake, I can't be wrapped up in this for years. I'm determined to use this relationship as a learning experience to help me better figure out the kind of people I should put my energy into. I hope you can too. Try to find the little blessings of your pain.
Im at the 7month mark of the raped soal just like you , and im feeling slightly better. .I reserching every thing I could about healing. I went to a Energetic healer, and had them do a cord cutting. I had a female sociopath con her way into my heart..She raped me emotionally and financially. She was a con artist. .She cheated, lyed, conned, and manipulated...
Thank you, you described this perfectly. It helped me hear this because you pointed out exactly everything that happened to me!
my husband described at 53 years old when he realised what was happening, that it's like escaping a brain washing cult on your own. it not a joke run if you have to. when the time is right leave your old life behind, all of it and see what life has for you. your a good man thanx for the videos. sending lots of love Yvonne and Richard xxx
Thank you so much Mark, your last video describes my situation and experience. It is a year ago since I was emotionally raped, used, lied to and discarded. My heart is still in pieces as I was totally in love, with this person. I have been listening to your videos for a year and they have been a life saver for me, I can't say thank you enough. XXX
+Marina Zapata The truth is, we weren't really in love with the other person, just who we "thought" they were, in other words we were in love with the person he or she was "pretending" to be. Therefore, the real person (the narcissist without their mask) was NOT the person we loved. Sound confusing? Oh, my yes. AND exhausting to even contemplate, much less experience and try to recover from.
Thankyou mark for this amazing video, you nailed it.I can relate very well to this and I too am gaining momentum after 12 months of going through many lies and utter bullshit justifications for my now ex partner. I think it is wise to listen to your intuition, thats what I call my higher power, the quiet voice in your head that tells you something is not right here and that you are a good person and deserve much more than this. I myself have gone from crying, not eating, shaky hands, anxiety to relief that he is gone and my life is in my hands now and not his. I am grateful for that.
Thank you for your video. I would like to point out that narcissistic abuse can occur not only in romantic relationships, but other types of relationships as well. I have recently been abused by a boss, and very recently, a landlord. I didn't know what to call these 2 women until I saw your video. They are narcissists, in the most extreme sense, who have damaged me emotionally in every way, except sexually, as you describe in your video.
They exhibit every trait of a self-centered narcissist, and no amount of trying to communicate or reason with them, or treating them with kindness, works. I am completely shattered, barely able to function as a teacher (and I have to be well to work with young children), and have lost all confidence in myself. Trying to find a counsellor who understands this has been impossible. I spent last Summer in therapy with a counsellor who specialized in trauma. She didn't understand what I had gone through with my school principal, who nearly destroyed me. So at this moment, I am at a complete loss as to how to function, how to go on, both as a teacher and as a person. These 2 woman, in positions of power as my boss and landlord, had the power to destroy me. I have managed to move house as of 2 days ago, but still have legal dealings with the landlord. I feel like I'm in a nightmare that I will never get out of. I wish you and everyone, who has had to deal with these truly evil types of people, the best in receiving help and healing.
The Narcissist's Scapegoat, just not true. A landlord can totally be a narcissist and make their tenants' lives pure hell. Narcs come in every profession and landlords have great control over your money and living space.
Thanks so much you're not alone :)
To me, you found exactly the right words.
Sounds really self-reflected.
Hope, you are way better now.
OMG, your message was a godsend today. I wish I lived closer and could see you in person. I am without legal counsel in an abusive narc divorce filled with flying monkeys, and being destroyed for lack of a simple retainer bc of the narcs financial control of me. Please pray for me. Blessings to you!
It's this & so much more. The loss can't even be measured. It's not dramatic all. I've developed severe ptsd & major depression. Lost my career as a RN the ability to care for my child. Developed all these other horrible symptoms.
This is such a sensitive video. It is great that you FTC guys will all get on here and level about your own experiences. Something you don't get in real counseling!
my sister is my narc, she managed to steal everything that was important to me, including 1,000 cash, made me homeless in the middle of the night, and my parents, and my little brother, have become the flying monkeys. I moved to be near them after a massive heart attack, and being away for over 20 years, while I was recovering from the heart attack, and got the mind fuck of my life. I"m so lost and I don't know what to do. I can't concentrate, and the fear I feel is overwhelming. My heart and soul are gone. I have found this narc information to be very useful, in figuring out this puzzle. thank you for your free information on the subject. This narc outburst was in Nov. 2013. I am no where near over it. And I"m not telling you everything she did, because it would be a book of info, but she tried to ruin my life, in every way. I suspect my father a narc as well. He would do things to disrespect me in front of my little brother when we were kids. Like telling him in front of me to not worry about anything I say and I'm not his boss he never has to listen to me. things like that. I was trying to keep my little brother off street drugs, and that's the thanks I get from father. To this day my brother doesn't respect me. I"m not going to spend my whole life trying to change his or their minds about how they think of me now thanks to what ever it is my sister told them. They won't even tell me what the bitch said. that has turned them all so coldly against me and hate me even. j~
I'm a lil over 2 years healing now...we were together for a lil over 3 years total....
my sleep pattern has NEVER BEEN RIGHT, SO WHEN IT DID BECOME MORE OF A NORMALITY, I FIGURED IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIM, BUT AFTER HIM , IT BECAME WAY OFF QUILTER AND HASNT RETURNED TO ANY PATTERN IVE EVER HAD.
MY ISSUES WITH EATING GOT BETTER WHILE WITH HIM, BUT AFTER HIM...NOW ITS OFF THE CHART NUTS, I GO FOR UP TO A WEEK & A HALF WITHOUT EATING, NOT EVEN FEELING HUNGRY....STILL AFTER 2 YEARS.....
NOW I DONT THINK ILL EVER BE ABLE TO GET INTO ANOTHER SHIP, EVER, AGAIN !
as weird as this may sound.....
I feel I will never be able to find someone as good as him, AND YET HE WASNT GOOD ENUF.....
FOR ME, MY BREAKING POINT WAS....
WHEN SOMEONE STARTS TO TREAT ME WORSE THAN I TREAT MYSELF, THEN YA GOTTA GO !!!!
AND THATS NO UNDER STATEMENT WHEN YOU SAY THEY STAGE A PRODUCTION....
HOLY SHIT, ITS DIFIANTLY HOLLYWOOD PRODUCTION....
2 the POINT that looking back, He could only have spent every waking Min. planning this outcome !
in order for ME 2 regain any life, I wrote a list of all shit he said, did and treated me, MY family, friends !
I NEVER ATTEMPTED TO DO A GOOD LIST, AS IT WAS ALL BULLSHIT, NOTHING EXISTED AS HE WOULD HAVE ME TO BELIEVE ANYWAY! IT WAS ALL A FACADE...
I suffer from PTSD ANYWAY, and when I say it went into HYPER Mode, that just mite be an understatement on my part !
these types pry on us, they seem to ZOOM RITE INTO ME...
NOW I LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS......
IF A GUY IS INTRESTED IN ME....WELL HE MUST BE A NUT....so far I'm not wrong.....
but I know there's 2 sides to every coin...
I feel IF I ever run into a normal man, he's gonna think I'm NUTS....
and that this point in my life....I can say...He wud be rite....
I'm NOT healed YET....
May Never be...
but I hope I can at least, at sum POINT be able to find a male companion to spend a couple of dates out a month....
I'm happier alone, I have WAY more money alone,
Idk, maybe I have given up....
but if I cud tell you the life track record I've had with men, you would ask, why didn't I BECOME a Nun.....
well that's another story line...lol
best wishes to you, thx 4 sharing a man's perspective as it help validate that it doesn't much matter, as IT HURTS US ALL & IT HURTS LIKE HELL, TO BE EMOTIONALLY ASSASSINATED !
least that's the term I coined so far.
I can definitely relate to your videos. I just left (was discarded) my narcissist less than 5 months ago. To say the least, it was soul shattering. It is still very hard. He is still my first thought on waking and he is still there most of the time. Burleson's, I am not fooled at all any more. I see him for exactly the lying, cheating, using, manipulating piece of shit monster that he is but I cry very little now. The anger is still very strong. In fact, most of the dialogue that I have with myself these days has to do with how much I hate him, how much I would love to see him fail, but I will come to terms with this anger in time and move on. I know that I will heal and I will definitely be more educated about narcissists. One day maybe I will even trust someone again, but right now, being alone is what's best for me...or being with only people that I know love me. My narc is on to another relationship. I just feel sorry for his new victim. I know he'll do the same thing to her.
Thank You Mark for all your videos. I grew up with a Narcissistic/Borderline mother. I had an addiction to the narcissistic type guy, but for many years I didn't know. The reason I was confused is because I would try to choose a very different type of guy for my next choice, but at the core they were all empty soul/fraudes raping your identity.
The words you described your pain and symptoms were the exact ones I used to share my story to my sister a week prior to coming across your video. Listening to your story validated every emotion I had and brought so much light and healing. God Bless You for this.
Thank you for making this video! It paints a very vivid and whole picture of what this experience is like for someone trying to recover from this type of experience and person. I've experienced all of these things and it's truly a miracle that I'm still here fighting to mend the damage done to my spirit! I've often said there aren't words that can express the depth of pain, anguish and hopelessness this type of person brings to your life, but I felt this video did a great job. Thanks for speaking truth on this topic for those of us who's voice isn't being heard.
60 days since my shattering! thank you for giving me hope and knowing me to my core!
After 25 years, I have truly been absolutely and utterly destroyed. It's incomprehensible what one human being can do to another. And my family is filled with narcs as well, so I have no support as the scapegoat. I am trying hard for our children, to not become another "statistic", but you are correct, that seems the only real way out. TY so much for your videos!
So glad I found your channel. Everything you say is so true. ❤
dangerous people, it's interesting what you said about having very little ability to "burn the candle at both ends" even just a couple of late nights and I'm unwell. I had listened to a video of yours last night and you mentioned crying and I realized I don't do that anymore as I have cried a million tears. Today I was struggling with the "man" things he would do physical stuff that's beyond my capability but I struggled through it and when I came back into the house I started to cry from my feet up and it felt better to allow myself that release thankyou.
Thank you and God bless you for your video and for understanding the devastation of the mind fuck and violent rape to your heart and soul. I felt the shattering discard many times. I felt like my soul was shattered on the scorching hot pavement in summer. 25 years ago there was no internet or youtube so i was in the dark all alone. I experienced a npd 2 years ago w a grand finale discard and now again 2 months ago. Your video nails the horrific experience and helped me so much. I am taking your advice and watching all the youtubes ovr and ovr. My counselor of my years specializes in battered abusive relationships but even she had no knowledge of npd. God bless all the survivors out there who are helping souls like me.
Your not wrong. you are dead on point. I'm in on my 24 th Month and not over it but I am much better. The key is to learn about Narrcasist support and understanding what it's really all about.
You describe it perfectly and in a nutshell. I'm 6 months out of a very unhealthy 25 year marriage to a man that has was a narcissist who began decompensating and exhibiting sociopathic behaviour. I've never cried so much or felt such immense pain at a molecular level ever in my life. My mind had been f*cked so badly that I almost committed suicide, drank myself into oblivion many times over and self-medicated. As an adult survivor of childhood trauma and abuse I also echo that it starts in childhood. I think I've passed the midnight hour now and am not fully engulfed in the emotions of it as intensely or frequently but I still have a long way to go and am still in the throes of disentangling myself. Thank you for the great video.
I AM A SERIOUS VICTIM OF EXCUSE MY FRENCH THE TERM YOU USED MIND FD I HAVE HADS MY SOUL TORN & RIPPED APART BY the damned devil himself
Just today I was praying that God would help me with this violence he did to me emotionally. And now to see this, wow.
thank you so much for this video Mark I also am a survivor of narcissistic abuse I let a man in my life who found out all my inner child pain and utilized me and discarded me at the end the grand finale he enjoyed watching me suffer and hurt I have never ever ever met anyone as evil as that man mind you my relationships have not been the best because of my original pain from childhood but I have never ran across a narcissistic person he was the catalyst for me healing my inner child wounds I am still in the journey I am still growing mark thank you so much I really appreciate that this topic of dangerous people like this is so ol over UA-cam people need to be informed of these lethal dangerous people thank you Wendy m
The Narc breaks your heart and destroys your spirit.
excellent, thank you.
I can't believe I came across this video.I'm suffering worse today,then I've ever suffered in my life!
I'm drinking Jack and coke @ 1:00pm Completely isolated in Oregon,Where I moved her to get her away from her Gambling and Drug addiction.I've never been more comfortable with Suicide! I'm Living in a 24 hour State of crying.he destroyed my Life.I lost my fucking mind trying to figure out her Gaslighting Crazy Bullshit!
Reese Daniel i sent off for an exit kit. she intercepted it and sent me a texte telling me it was illégal in france . she works in the post office . I can't stand this feeling and have no one to turn to . I want out .
After my discard I was skittish I was seeing shadows I felt an Evil presence around me and I was physically sick!
My grand finale involved a bombardment of loving text messages on the Saturday which totalled 20. Asking me to bear with him as he apparently knew he had problems. On Monday he sent a message to me which was clearly meant for another woman (wtf)!. When I eventually responded after getting my kids ready for school, I received the most evil, hate filled message that actually resulted in a major panic attack. He basically projected all the hateful things that he'd been doing onto me and it cut like a knife.
So sorry to bang on but it's therapeutic to get this stuff out because I have no one to talk to about my experience who'll understand.
Thank you, Mark. It really is soul murder and heart rape - literally feeling like my heart has been ripped out or cut out with a jagged blade. This is my 6th consecutive narcissistic abuse discard in 7 years. I have studied extensively how this has happened. The common early warning sign among them all was they were all very seductive in the beginning. I thought I healed the would from my father’s extreme narcissism, but I guess not. In this last discard, I was not powerless however. The last narc was also a cop and he engaged in some serious misconduct with me and he now is losing a job because it.
No medication please use natural ways first. I have been trying so hard and everything you said is so true and have been doing everything you said. My faith has been my biggest help to get through this.
I pray for all of us...keep lookin up though because they're all beneath and will spend eternity beneath
Thanks for this video. I am going through a rough time with basic survival and my abilities being trashed by "mental illness". I was nosing around the Oxfam shop looking for something nice to wear to cheer myself up, I have occasionally found really really nice stuff in there, and they were playing "Over the Wall" by Echo and the Bunnymen, one of their old songs that really hits that angst of having nowhere to be, goth at its best. And then I found this video of yours. I have had this constant feeling that has been labelled anxiety and depression, that to me feels like I don't exist and that I died as a child. Constant depression hit me at the age of eight and I was anorexic at ten. My single mother was a nightmare. I hate feeling I have to portray myself as good, and I find that when I throw out non-linking bits of my life people tend to judge me badly and act against me, but I refuse to omit the dark stuff, it is part of what I am and I will not portray myself as some kind of angel, I am not, but that does not make me a narcissist, it makes me the child of a narcissist. And yes I have been deeply attracted to another person who only time will show who they really were, but I got deeply hurt by them, both emotionally and materially. Right now it is the inability to survive materially that is making me feel like I want to die, the threat of homelessness as well as the constant feeling of not existing. My IQ has tested very high by proper tests they gave us at school, and I always worked really hard and got the kind of exam results that rich parents pay for their kids to get, at a time when they meant something and you needed an IQ of 145+ to get decent A levels, not just to sound like a trashy Virgin mobile advertisement. I have occasionally known what it feels like to learn a useful skill that I never thought I would be able to, but I am getting old and nothing seems possible any more.
Your video was very helpful. It will guide survivors into seeking therapy from the abuse.