Greetings. We have some pretty cool news. Rinda and I have been given the opportunity to speak at a 7 day national online conference on the topic of 'Overcoming Shame And Guilt'. Some very well known speakers are presenting at the conference. I'm day two - September 12th and Rinda has been moved to day 5 - September 18th. Here is the link with all of the information about the conference - and the best part is that it is absolutely FREE to you...www.avaiya.com/overcomingshameandguilt/?ap_id=msmith Mark Smith
Mark you nailed it dating sites are God send for sociopaths, narcissists and many sickos out there great advise to stay away from them. I was naive as you mentioned dated a narcissist for a year and a half I found him on a dating site he was funny, handsome, charming had a boyish charm to him, appeared to be affectionate, and he couldn't get enough of me after a few months he started to change not the same person anymore I noticed that he has a system to his behavior didn't know what it was now I know love bombing devaluation and discard. All I have to say he was like a tsunami in my life. I am in my forties never encountered anything like it. I was financially, emotionally and physically abused by this man later I found out he was married and dating few other women besides me . the amazing thing was on his Facebook he came across as a family man that loves his wife and kids fights for women causes, homeless you name it. At the very end I was even afraid of him. Now I know Satan exists.
wow..........holy F. Thank sir. I am about to enter on my own private quest. Your obvious honesty is beyond my need to compliment. Thanks for your recommend on the Narco King. I will listen to him.
So very true. The NPD person most recently in my life is a therapist employed at my former parish. Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. She attends mass daily and for a long time she fooled me with her "holy Catholic lady" act. Then I met her sons. This woman is a monster and was the worst mother imaginable. She was sadistic, violent, soul- murdering - just horrifying. I began dating one of her sons and then I got to witness her narcissistic rage, her evil. The mask came off. I reported her to the diocese for her behavior towards me (I even offered documented evidence) as well as for the fact that she is not licensed to practice in this state even though she has "MFT" after her name. Here it is a year later and she is still employed at the parish. Thanks for the cautionary advice on dating sites, I had no idea!
Please run away from the Catholic Church that Church is a safehaven for narcissists abusers and pedophiles. As you saw they protect their own cause that's what they are about: abusing destroying and deceiving goodhearted people by hiding behind a mask of fake decency and kindness. They are narcissistic monsters ( priests bishops clergy)who yearn for people to worship them as if they are better holier then the rest of society when in fact they are the real monsters.
Wow! Great video. I'm 79 & have not lived with my alcoholic/narcissist for 46 years. I went to Al-Anon, Recovery International, & counseling. No contact with the ex, & my life is content. I did a lot of work on myself, but it was an eye opener to find out my abusive husband was a narcissist. I discovered this via You Tube in 2015. I've had a lot of healing & I still need videos like yours. Some of our children are still being conned.
+Miss Ag Like you, I never understood what I had been through until 2015 via You Tube! Now I am a warrior on a mission to expose these "of the devil "beings! What an awakening! Like Mark said, we know more than most therapist, because we have lived it. The sad part is that, if you've not experienced this, you won;t understand it, and if you are experiencing it, you'll likely deny it. So I will tread gently, and be there for any survivor who finally breaks free, and reaches out for understanding. You stay strong and keep spreading the truth, It will set us free. 😊
Thank you! This issue is epedimic in proportion, but not addressed as it should be in the mental health community as you stated. Didn"t they just pass a law in the UK against this type of abuse? It is truly one of the worst hells a human can endure. Do you ever think that you went through this for a reason? In your field of study, look at the people you can now help from your pain. Wow! 😊
P.S. I agree that knowledge won't necessarily protect us from the coverts. They are tricky and can look and smell like codependents. But they are NOT. And sometimes you don't find out until too late. And, I'm learning that there are a lot of subtypes of narcissism. A great book on the subtypes is called "The Narcissist You Know; Defending yourself against extreme narcissists in an All About Me Age". The author is Joseph Burgo. I got a lot out of that one, also.
The thing that I go by is a few things....is there intentional disrespect over a period of time, try calling them out and see if they divert or get angry, see if they create drama for you, see if they try to sabotage you or confuse you or change the subject over a period of time, do they ever hold themselves accountable for their actions, do they make you feel bad about yourself consistently, do they try to isolate you, do they turn people against you, and does it feel uncomfortable, scary, or oppressive in any way if you are in their presence?
Yes, and anyone that goes through this understands that it involves a fundamental paradigm shift. This requires you to own the fact that you were wrong.
>Let's not turn it into a super-power. Admit that you are wrong is something that every mature responsible adult should be able to do. IF you are wrong - not to make you feel good;
You are so right. I had a monster for a mother. Then as an adult, I wound up with a monster. I am away from both of them. I do know they are monsters and will never look back. I’m a nice person and I finally realized I couldn’t fix either one of them. I’m happy and I thank God for rescuing me.
I get my therapy from YT videos that speak on narc abuse. These videos validate my experiences even when no one else does. My own family doesn't give two craps about what happened and thinks I can just bounce back into life like nothing happened. Bull crap! I *enjoy* watching YT videos and feeling validated, getting advice, nodding my head at the symptoms, at the stories that sound so *freaking* similar. I have no support, no encouragement out of the depressions I've gone through and am going through -- nothing except the videos on YT. Thank you and everyone else that has made videos about narc abuse, for giving me something to relate to, sound advice, and something to help heal.
Nobody but nobody understands us unless they have been a victim of a narcissist. If you try to talk to someone who is just having your run-of-the-mill marriage problems they will run for the hills because honestly I think marriages like ours scare them
It is difficult for people to understand the trauma , unless they have experienced this themselves. They have no idea of the mind fuck armageddon your dealing with in terms of rebuilding your life. Thanks again for another insightful video.
Thank you Mark, i am naive, with a hard exterior, i have always believed people are decent..... Not now, but i dont want to ever lose that innocent deep down feeling that people are good, but i am learning to be discerning, something i have never done. I love your videos, they are so validating because you have gone through this. My naivety says wow how can someone like yourself, educated, in the therapy field have this happen, but you are human like us all. Your honesty is lovely, again thank you.
I too was pathologically naive! Family of origin I believe are on the spectrum of narcissism with several malignant. I had no idea how bad it was! No wonder it was so difficult to function and develop chronic illnesses from trying to please and keep the peace.
That's the same thing that happened to me. I had no clue my family was so toxic. When I got PTSD it felt like I was getting electrocuted and I feel now like I am in a constant state of shock and apathy and the person I was before PTSD is gone. I miss that person so much. I used to be unstoppable. Like for example I used to be a triple major in college with all As, a touring dancer, dance instructor, and I graded papers for a professor but now just waking up in the morning is a chore. I feel like a broken machine that is trying to suppress a turbulent volcano just to function. I can't work consecutive days in the restaurant because I am afraid I will have a panic attack or pass out from adrenal fatigue.
You have a good grasp of narcissism. I totally agree: no person who has never seen the true face of narcissism can help a victim of narc abuse, no matter how helpful they want to be. Only recovered victims can.
It's quite depressing now that we have to change to account for the fact that there are wolves in the world. However, this is the case. We are a pretty cowardly species because we have allowed them to overrun us and are not able to subdue them. Sad how we now know we need to think more about ourselves instead of being as generous as we once were.
Honestly that is why I just don't trust or like most people. Most people honestly are cowards. I don't know how many times I have called things out for what they are and ended up fighting alone and my distrust is being reinforced each time. I go into things saying oh this new relationship will be better, this job will be better, I should just keep trying to make things work despite setbacks when I go into new situations but sometimes that is not enough.
You have a gift in the way you speak and portray your ideas and feelings. Can't stop watching your videos. Thank you so much. Your vids bring healing to me.
Wow, I used to think that way too, I thought all people were innately good or damaged by pain, I would emphasise or try to help anyone who would ask. Then one day this woman who I trusted, cared for and accepted as my family... She randomly just out of the blue came home from work and just physically started shaking me and screaming terrible things in my face. I was so shocked and confused and hurt, I let it go for some damn reason and she continued to randomly attack me and scream degrading things to me (of course in private) Then when I finally realized how wrong this was I reached out to my family and no one believed me which shocked and hurt me so deeply. She acted very overly sweet and loving always so enthusiastic and helpful, and I believed that was how she was as well up until she started hurting me. She was so evil. And she flipped my mind and my world upsidedown, now I have a hard time trusting anyone. Its messed up.
My name is ironically Fawn, and I have Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome with nearly all of the 50 symptoms. Now I am trying to find a therapist that understands how to help. I appreciate this video series and am working on becoming a better deer (staying FAR away from hunters/deer predators from now on!)
Hi all. My book 'Alchemists - We Transform Narcissistic Abuse Into GOLD!' is available for download!!! The link IS working now and the book is flying around the world - so grab yourself one! Here is more information about the book... familytreecounseling2.com/~family/ebooks.php?eID=32 or you can purchase it at ssl.clickbank.net/order/orderform.html?time=1491746722&vvvv=66746361626f6f6b73&item=11&oaref=01.70DC70D02A9525C27F9E083FBACED1CA8FE6262F73AC1F2B2137B6EF865791DC5EB656F77278FDB497D19DB5F92206743CB359F2E4FF7D6301F55CE4FA871C8D3C6640CA Mark Smith
Unfortunately I agree. This culture we live in encourages hiding the truth from ourselves and others. It encourages narcissism. It also encourages enablers and sympathizers of narcs. There is also victim blaming in all forms of mental illness or true crisis situations. We have been programmed with a NIMBY mindset that is so toxic. They take thinking happy thoughts and turns that into a weapon they can use to hurt truly good people because they want to manipulate everyone to get along NO MATTER WHAT. That is just a dangerous attitude. It is dangerous because you start to tolerate things you should not tolerate all at your expense. You just simply should not have to endure abuse. It is ok to leave. It is not a failure. You are not weak. You are also not trying to start problems just because you stand up for yourself. Everyone deserves peace of mind but the only way that can happen in through mutual respect.
So glad you turned to the dark side for information, Mr. Vaknin gives us an inside view of what it is like in the narcissist mind and why they do what they do. I know giving him praise feeds his ego, but It also help a lot more people heal from this type of trauma. It also helps people understand you want a therapist that has the right understand of how the mind of these people work. Sorry you had to find out the hard way, but you will be a more well rounded therapist in the end :)
Mark - I'm on a roll of watching each one of your videos pertaining to narcissist abuse one after the other - as people like ourselves do in our quest to find relief and restore our internal equilibrium again. Every single word, thought, view, insight, opinion, etc. that you share resonates completely with me. I also believe that Sam Vaknin is brilliant and have supersaturated myself with his work for several years. No other person describes my soon-to-be-ex as well as what he does. It reads like an autobiographical personality profile of what I lived with for many, many years. Thank you for sharing and validating me in doing so.
thank you for your honesty Mark, you are helping a great many people by admitting your lack of perfection= a humble good kind caring man, i have seen quite a few men and women destroyed by evil Narcs because of their blindness to the reality of evil
I'm glad you said it took six years until you saw the "person" hiding behind the person you knew/loved. I have been with my husband for 10 years. I have seen behind the mask in my final year with him. "It" was indeed not the person I knew/loved. I remember asking him straight out, "Who are you?" and telling him after ten years together, he was like a complete stranger now. He was very cold, uncaring and said the most wicked things to me. He ended up abandoning me OVERNIGHT. Right before he drove off, he gave me that smirky smile and placed an ever-so-lightly jab to my jaw, which I translate today as his way of saying GAME OVER. He's with new supply now.
Narcissism simply put, is a lack of a conscience. How a person gets this way is debatable, but I tend to think people get this way by the choices and decisions they make and the way they choose to respond to things.
+Susie Arviso there are studies now, that show that often it is a neurological issue. certain parts of brain in psychopaths are simply not working properly. the parts responsible for conscience and for empathy. the reason is still unknown, and being studied. simply put, psychos are functioning mutants.
So would you say this is a good indication of narcissism? I have made comments like we have no connection I don't feel love towards you (please understand this is me feeling this way after years of devaluation and emotional abuse) etc I mean honestly I have said some pretty bad things to him in my anger and he just stares at me blankly sometimes his eyes almost like creepy like there's just nothing behind them
Susie Arviso narcissist become monsters by circumstance, and being under pressure by someone or something that breaks there spirit completely, then a portal is open and legion/satan comes in.
Don't worry about your coughing. I can tell you what it is, Demons. I have watched heaps of videos on many subjects and when they tell the truth they have coughing fits, some bad, some not as bad. I live with a covert narcissist. I play games with him now. I can tell you it's tiring but stuck in this prison. I have learned a lot on how evil works. Good video, thanks
I highly recommend Ollie Mathews Narcissism channel...real stories, real people. He has a laser sharp eye for the narcs. Don't miss it! He cuts to the chase with no bs. He has helped 1000s with just one video.
+TheSheandoah Hey there! Thanks for the promo plug!!!!! Yup! Ollie is better than therapy, and you give me permission to be as pissed off as I want to be for as long as I want to be! I don't have to be the good daughter and neither do you!
Thank you for sharing I’m going though the shocking part I been married for 25 years with two kids it was a roller coaster I never knew anything about Narcissism until recently in its shocking but also a relief there is a name for this. I thought my husband had split personality we went to marriage counseling twice didn’t work he put on a good act I knew something was wrong, When I found out about NARC I started going to counseling for myself. I been though a lot I have ptsd, anxiety, high blood pressure, an insomnia. Their are no words that can express how I feel 25 years of my life sleeping with the enemy.
I can totally appreciate your words here. When that paradigm shifts like you describe, the challenge then is finding the new and improved, more mature, more evolved personal "truth".
I was pathologically naïve. My ex covert wooed me (I should say "hoovered me") back twice. At the time, I believed it was because he really was sorry and really did love me, more than the other potential new supply he was dallying with the last 2 years of our "relationship". Now I know it was because he couldn't make up his mind which of us was the better "supply". I didn't "win". (Which of course, was a blessing, I've since come to realize. But that realization took 9 months of pure hell.) Anyway, that's how naïve we can be. We weren't thinking our "partner" constantly had their radar up and working..... scouting for potentially new and better supply. We felt.... we believed, they really "loved" us. No, they were just loving the supply they were getting (attention, money, sex, companionship, and so on) and the moment something better appeared on the scene, out we went with the trash. It is THIS concept that has been so hard for me (and for so many of us) to grasp - that we were seen as replaceable "objects" to be used for a period of time. This is what we come to know, and this knowledge is devastating. But it will serve us SO well in the future.
I was very naive too, until the age of 40. I cut every single narc in my life off on July 1st. The issue is that the sociopaths don’t show themselves until you’re screwed. They’ve tried to kill me many times in many ways, and I was set up legally as well. They threaten to harm my child as well. The prophetic download I had from god was that 92% of the human population is afflicted with this possession in some form. It’s horrifying.
Yes, I noticed that about your other videos. You have courage and integrity. Thank you. Bless you. I am sorry for your pain. xx And I watch Sam for fun as well. LOL.Have learned a lot from him and begun to let go and emerge from the abuse syndrome. We really believed that if we just loved, were generous, kind etc, that people would receive that well..a VERY small group did. Our naivety was stunning and stunned us. Both our kids and ourselves are becoming much wiser. =) Your first vid I watched was the Narc Abuse Syndrome. Subscribed. lol
Thank you Mark for your brilliant but painful insight. Over the past 12 years I have had more than a handful of friends tell me that I am married to a narcissist. Accordingly I have researched this and I do agree with that "diagnosis". Is it typical to start to believe that maybe he isnt the one who is the narcissist and maybe that it's me? I have hurt so much for all of these years but as soon as I get to my lowest point he seems to be the answer, the knight in shining armor, the most loving person ever, so then I think its me and that I'm the crazy one. I am so low right now I just don't know what to do....again... God Bless you and your work. We need people like you. Thank you.
(Yes, I changed my UA-cam name again......) Anyway, 100 out of the 200 comments you mentioned were probably from me, lol. Oh, Mark, I love you for doing this! The highlight of my week is when you do a video on this subject. That's what I have to look forward to these days, lol. But I'm serious. They help so much. It's amazing when a UA-cam therapist I was already viewing started going through this right along with me. Our discards were around the same time. You mentioned dating sites.......I met my ex covert on one, so boy do I agree with you about that. My ex actually went on some while in relationship with me and I didn't know it for almost 2 years. Apparently this is common as well; that your partner is already scoping new and potential targets while swearing undying love to you. I'm also thrilled that you are bringing to light the facts about covert narcissists. Like you, I couldn't categorize some of the strange behaviors of my ex because he wasn't totally classically overt. He's sort of a strange mixture of the two. But when you first came out with a video on coverts, I had an epiphany and everything now made sense. Then I got the book "Psychopath Free" and it all REALLY made sense. I no longer had to suffer, wondering what in the heck happened, blaming myself TOO much. The early confusion really made the PTSD even worse. So, basically, you are just generally my hero. My kids even laugh with delight now when they see me watching one of your videos because they know who I'm watching, lol! And they're happy that I'm getting so much help from you!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I identified so much with you! i recently went no contact with my narc "friend" of course i didnt know he was sick and twisted and was using me for his supply and felt sorry for him, till i researched narcissism and what i found out completely blew me away i have went through the different stages of coming too terms with what this horrible person did too me, and thanks too good people like yourself i am getting better everyday and it's so good too that good genuine people exist, so a big thank you and God bless you in your recovery!
Thanks so much for all your videos and your sharing... it is more helpful than you know! very affirming. God bless you and please keep posting these videos....thanks again!
what an inspiration, I can see and hear yu are a beautiful soul. love yur videos and u are a doing great and I'm so proud of you. love light and blessing to yu and your new wife who is also an inspiration Xxxx
Thanks for all this insight -- it is slowly getting through that I idolized and idealized the very one who would inject into my soul the perfect poison for my emotional DNA. I saw her this week at an Al Anon meeting -- the one where we first met -- and even though what she was wearing. what she drives and what she had done with her hair at 50 screams "Narcissist!" and the wounds of how she has treated me since the break-up are still healing -- her sweet angelic disposition sucked me in again and I felt ready to "forgive and forget" and go on with the fantasy. Except my new knowledge of what she really is kept me in my place. I have the knowledge -- however faint its voice -- that there is a monster waiting to destroy me should I make the wrong move again. I wrote this poem that helps me: Sweet Poison: A Codependant is a Narcissist's Snack Soft as petals, Sweet poison. “Hold me, protect me,” Sweet poison. “I am yours -- you are not one of mine, And I possess you.” She’s the One, the Answered Prayer Leading me To the end of me. The spider draws you in With her dazzling strings. Then she caresses you gentling and wraps you In her shiny white womb. Her kiss entrances and emulsifies Your hardened soul. She kisses you again and again -- Each time leaving you lighter and lighter. Your shell-self she then rejects But not completely. She leaves you in the part of her sticky tent She will no longer visit. She throws you a smile Then goes to the next lover. You watch in the fullness of empty pain Wishing -- praying That it could be you again.
Having Children with these Monsters only adds to the devastation. My son is now walking in his father's shoes. Abusive, Manipulative, many faces...... the heart-breaking result of the Courts demanding that his father be a part of his life. Not ONE Counselor heard my cries..... they are far too sunken into Parents Rights. It's in the Best Interests of the child. Except what he did to me he's now doing to his children. We are NOTHING but Supply. The moment I challenged his "supply" is when all Hell Broke loose. He's still winning in Court and I look like the Crazy person.
Being involved with a narc has driven me to church and it is a good place to be but I must say, that church can be a place for the naive co-dependent to end up as Christianity is all about saving and I have noticed that there is naivety amongst some some church goes about wanting to save people.
I met my narc at church and He is a preacher... You are not save even at church. I know they can do a lot damage to people, specially to their partners and familly, but one thing that people don't talk about is the tremendous pain and suffering this people feel inside. I saw that with my own eyes but i couldn't help him and it hurts like crazy.
I remember during my discard phase, saying "who are you? It's like you were wearing a mask. I feel like I'm on dateline except I lived" little did I know at that moment. I only discovered this evil world when I googled~he went from extremely loving to cruel~ that's when my eyes were opened to a whole new nightmare~It was shocking and I have been trying to heal for almost two years. I have learned you cannot even try to explain to anyone unless they have experienced it~our world will never be the same or our trust.
Thanks Mark. I loved your delivery style. As a fellow survivor, I’m confused because my ex-narcissist thought of herself as the kindest and sweetest person in the world with a high level of empathy (enlarged amygdala), and the blueprint for a perfect relationship. I so wanted to believe this but the other person kept appearing. Has anyone else experienced this?
I'm in the process of getting everything prepared for when I can leave. It's going to take a good bit of money also. I'm hoping to be out of here in February..Thanks so much for responding, and I'm so sorry you had to experience one of these creatures.
I'm watching this video of yours. my narsasist in the beginning said he loved my niativity. he also said that 1 wk. into the relationship he was afraid he would do or say something that would drive me away. I really didn't understand then and ignored it. but as time went on especially after his mom moved out his dark side began to emerge. rage unspeakable, holes in walls. distruction to furniture. jabbing my chest where I had heart surgery goes on and on. I left after 6 1/2 years went 1500 miles to live with my daughter.
thanks for that. and I do get info from all different sources. I have been doing research on this for about 18 months . info like your sharing with me gives me another perspective ,I appreciate the tide bit. thanks.
Until I met my narcissist, I would never have believed these type of people exist. They almost seem like demons in human clothing. I am so glad I was able to get out with minimal damage, and yet it has been two years and I'm still trying to wrap my head around this experience. What I can say is that through the process I grew to love myself more and also connect to the Universe like never before. Unfortunately, I believe I will forever be bonded to this N because I allowed myself to be spiritually connected to him thru my heart chakra. I believe he knows this and uses it to keep me attached to him emotionally. I truly believe he might be my twin flame nightmare or total opposite of who I am designed to get me to evolve spiritually.
I am also very naive...less and less however; I met my last narcissist in church....we cannot be too careful...the narcissists know that they can find some good people in church and my last narcissist abused me emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.....it has been two years since we broke up and he really did me so much damage.....he even got me to quit my job and I have been going through helll trying to find a decent job...he told me he was going to destroy me during an argument.....I had no idea how honest he was when he said that...horrible, horrible person. He turned people against me and stopped at nothing to harm me as much as he could. I now am terrified of dating. I seem to attract narcs so I know I still need to heal.
THX for your insight...especially as a therapist ..not enough is known on this field about narcissm..& much harm is done to the victims as a result...please speak about this to colleagues...THX ..God bless..♥♥♥
Hi, I'm living with a narcissist I've being uncovering things the past few years, I've two kids for him and I think its making me sick now, he is getting worse, I kinda knew he was really evil I would cry so much and he is like a wall even when my siblings and dad passed away,, ha was cold fighting with me not letting me grieve this is awful, I'm with him 7yrs now and I just wannna run now, but I'm stuck I've kids from a previous and two for him their all in schools and I feel trapped, God help you in your recovering, x
Step by step. Make a plan. Document. Start recording interactions. Get the kids away or they will grow up to be Class B personality disordered or become the prey.
I'm finding myself creeping into that place where Frankenstein lives. I died the day I saw the real mad doctor, who shattered me slowly by picking off bits. I just wasn't up to par, always another way I am defective. so now I am the monster created in your image while you're doing well and have become a new person. I have lost everything now but the person I miss most, is the beautiful girl who shined like the sun. I know that my normal toolkit for me, wasnt for fixing fubar. I know I'm not alone and I will be ok because love always wins over lies in the end.
I don't fully agree with the recommendation to not date people met on internet websites. Of course many pathologic people who are dangerous are on those websites, so it is very necessary to BE VERY CAREFULL and go very very slowly. However many safe people can also be on internet-dating-websites including recovering co-dependents who can be safe romantic partners. Many intraverts who or people with cPTSD may also use the internet to meet people. I met a nice guy online in 2010 - he hates lies, is very reliable, good person, has a stable job, decent family of origin, etd.. We got married in 2014 and still happy, my friends like him.
Wow..our stories are very similar...my relationship was almost 7 years and to this very day, I am still trying to figure out what and how did this happen to me. SMDH.it is so very painful and it can literally and figuratively BREAK YOU!!! I am thankful that I escaped, basically you are escaping because the aftermath of the experience can actually make you think of dying. It is almost too painful to bear and I am thankful that I know and have a personal relationship with Go. I wouldn't have made it if I didn't. We have to be patient and loving to ourselves during recovery...LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!!
I watched all Sam's videos before I found you on utube. I was like you , I thought people just needed to be understood. I'm a psych major and I love to learn. I was approached by this narcissist at work. I was truly horrified by this man not because he told is a narcissist but because of the way he made me feel. I felt like an onion getting peal a little bit at a time, when spoke to me. I felt nake and disarmed. I didn't want to get too close to this man, I was curious and wanted to study him. I know and knew then this was unwise. he managed to 'befriend' me by mirroring my situation at the time. he became my mirror image . I had never felt so understood in my life and that deeply horrified me. in the back of my my I thought, this is the person who can hurt like I've never been hurt before in my life! so he approached me carefully and patiently and treated me sweetly. I also found it strange that he kept telling me over and over he would never hurt me and would protect me. it was like a mantra. I also felt like he was constantly breaking and wearing me down. he wanted me to completely surrender to him. give him my all!
My partner's narc mother went on a "Christian" dating site within a year after her husband died - go figure. She was in her 60's and on this site she soon met her narc con artist second husband. You described this guy perfectly - he put on the devout Catholic act and he pretended to like everything she likes, just kissed her butt. The guy didn't have two sticks to rub together and my partner's mother was the perfect rich lonely widow target.
Welcome to the club, Mark. I didn't want to know everything she had to tell me either. To learn about the disorder and to come to terms with what goes on in my ex girlfriend's head, I actually stayed in touch with her. My parents were vastly more damaging to me, they I cannot and will not see, their deeds destroyed me several times over. If it will make you feel any better, as it did me, female narcissists use sex to get narcissistic supply, it isn't for the act or the sensation. They are more like crack addicts sleeping with the dealer to get the drug than they are 'unfaithful'. Sure enough, my ex is on every dating site imaginable, and she makes herself sound spiritual and aware, which is how she baited me. I imagine now that she was always on those sites throughout our relationship. She has two distinct personalities... the sweet caring altruist got-it-together 'mystique'.. and the bitter scheming whoring (literally as i found out when times are tough, that was a shock to put it mildly) desperate error-prone gullible lying diagnosed zero-empathy ASPD (sociopath) that she is. And yes you got it. She is exactly like my father in every way except she has no balls, at least literally, perhaps figuratively. He beat me starting age 5.. which is how I got borderline. We are the opposite of narcs. We are too needy. Too paranoid of being lied to, cheated on , abandoned. We can be very manipulative and we can surely drive our loved-ones crazy (I have, all of them, except the sociopath - she's untouchable)... but borderlines have a structured personality, a sense of self (although it gets fuzzy in relationships, vanishes upon breakup), and we don't lie or manipulate unless we are scheming. Ninety nine percent of our scheming involves elaborate ruses to test our partner's loyalty. And of course, we choose emotionally unavailable partners to ensure we get to do lots of testing. Basically we're empaths... black sheep... we trust nobody, and can get so paranoid we develop psychosis in relation to being deceived. We are way too emotional and dramatic... but we are lovers..we're hot emotionally... not cold like narcs... we aren't chasing narcissistic supply. We're actually chasing our soulmate... but we only find narcissists because.... well... google 'narcissist and borderline marriage'... as it turns out there is good reason my ex changed my life.. she did not react to my disorder.. she was cold as ice.. and because of that.. i got hold of myself finally. The immaturity of my actions became crystal clear when they failed to yield any reaction at all.
I was triggered by shame when you read that trolls comment. It's just like my narc talking to me. For example, she hit me with the door and when I said "Ow, you hit me with the door" the narc replied "baby!" These monsters will not only take your lunch but they will pop the bag with that weird grin on their face.
So needed and thank you for making a point to relay the seriousness of this potential life threatening issue. I wish i knew all of this before I began dating. By 32, no family yet I might have had the family I wanted if I applied this knowledge.
Sam Vaknin is the worlds authority? He da man? You are feeding a narc. his supply. I have learned so much from Mr. Vaknin but let's not treat him like a God.
Yes because he's a self professed narcisstic himself he can only give some intellectual truths but even that is limited as he doesn't understand empathy and what the victims ho through -he's incapable of that experiential understanding
Stay strong. God is love. I thank him for brace people like yourself just putting your experiences out there. Sadly for me I had 2 children with a narc
Yeah, Sam Vaknin is pretty amazing. I was like "oh my God, that's me".... but then I realized that not only was it me, but I had inherited it from my parents... So shocking. I'm going through therapy now, taking meds, meditating, getting into a gym, sigh.... there's so much to do. I realized that I had anorexia and eating disorders as well. I have no idea where to even begin healing
Maybe the down votes are from people that don't like Sam Vaknin. He has been diagnosed as a psychopath (Narc, Socio) Whatever he is. But you are spot on and I appreciate YOUR view way more than his. Thank-you!
Ps 58:3-6. "The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray as soon as they are born speaking lies. Their poison is like the poison of a SERPENT: they are like the deaf adder that stoppeth her ear ; which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely. Break their teeth, O God, in their mouths: break out the great teeth of the young lions, O LORD."
Yes, well said, the world is not completely safe, but even less it's not a completely dark, scary place.There are so many colors and shades, we just need to tune in the colors we like, and stop pretending there's only pink or only black and white.
I am relieved to say that i don't believe that the person I dealt with last summer was narcissistic. I'm more convinced it was a matter of my co-dependency clashing with their counter dependency. This person verbally warned me not to "fall for them quickly." They cut off contact with me after that. Perhaps they thought I might be a narcissist. When I was just feeling needy and afraid of rejection and abandonment. I was not harmed as badly as you were, Mark, with your 6 1/2 year ordeal in the clutches of your narcissistic abuser. I cannot imagine the magnitude of such a mind fucking. I have been going back to my old counter dependent ways; avoiding relationships and most of all marriage. I have always been a solitary individual, so fighting that would be against my nature.
Worth pointing out that while 15% of general population might have narc tendencies, it's going to seem like a much greater percentage to someone who is targeted, since the narcs will cluster around that person when they get the blood scent. It is weird how they do it, but it's almost like a shared high they can't resist even if they don't know one another.
Thank you so much for this information! You have greatly contributed to my determination to thrive from this experience! I am over my Ex-Narc, but not the injustice of it all. Is it possibility for narcissistic abuse survivors to ban together and bring a class action suit against the federal government for not recognizing and penalizing these beings in the family court system? Represented by some media big wig and credible lawyer like Gloria Allred? Give the problem exposure and implement laws! I can not for the life of me understand how legitimate, professional, clinical psychology textbooks say these people exist, yet they are not dealt with in the court system unless they get caught stealing millions of dollars or killing someone. How can their (narcissist, sociopaths, psychopaths) tactics be documented in textbooks, yet courts order you to co-parent? There has to be a way to change things! They impede on our constitutional, individual rights of the pursuit of happiness.
Great observations, Mark. I know what you mean when you talk about encountering The-Person-Behind-The-Mask and wondering if they are MPD/DID or ... demonically possessed. Whatever they are - they are deceivers. And these deceivers know that we are nice folks and that we will project our own goodness onto them ! And you are right about our pain when we find that the person we thought we loved doesn't really exist ... and never did. We experience grief and mourning just as though someone we loved has died. It is very painful to find that behind that Beautiful Image lies a predator ... Sometimes, especially in "romantic" relationships, there's a distinctly numinous quality about our perceptions of the Other. When this is the case, I think it is a deeply psycho-spiritual experience because we often find that that Beautiful Image is our own projection ... that is, the Beauty we saw in the Other is really our own. It's almost like encountering the image of own's own Higher Angel ... via the Devil himself. There's a numinous quality about it all ... it's very deep and profound ... and disturbing. But again, often it is one's own self that has been encountered ... and not in a way that we thought we ever would. Most of us don't even know that such a process exists (encountering one's own Beauty as a projection onto another). It is very difficult to recognize one's own projection, especially one of this nature. Even after we realize that the image and idea that we had of the Other was a projection of our own minds/hearts/souls ... we are reluctant to claim it fully ... because it IS a thing of such Beauty ... and we simply are not used to knowing our own Beauty or we don't think that such a numinous and beautiful image could be a reflection of our own imperfect selves. We are reluctant to acknowledge our own inner Beauty ... or we just don't know how. But if we do ... well, it is not something that pumps up the ego. On the contrary, it is quite humbling. I hope I made some sense. It's a strange and mysterious thing ....
+Angela Payne I just realized how ironic the term "Narcissistic" is here ... in the myth Narcissus literally wastes away because he can't stop gazing at his own reflected image and, yes, we think of narcissists as being like this - everything is always about THEM ... plus our experience with the Narcissist is quite draining, energetically ... But there's something deeper going on here. In the "romantic" situations, at least, not only are we encountering a narcissistic individual ... we are having a Narcissus experience with our own selves as well ! We project our own Beauty on to another AND we are thoroughly enchanted by it ... sometimes to the point of being drained financially or wasting away emotionally and psychologically, sometimes even spiritually. And, just like Narcissus in the myth, this happens to us while not knowing that it is the image of our very own self that is so captivating. There is much to ponder here ... it is tricky territory, for sure. Very rich ground for us ... and especially rich ground for deceivers who use psychological/emotional/spiritual smoke and MIRRORS against us.
+Angela Payne For several years my ex narc had many people in my church fooled into thinking he was a good Christian man. Two months before I ended our relationship he confessed to me that he had been faking it and compared his spirituality is a machine that can be turned on and off. I've been No Contact for a year. Peace finally. And now I'm working on my character flaws which are many.
I'm no professional in the area of councelling, I do though have a PhD in the school of life's experience and hard knocks. and work in healthcare , regurgitate info or not there are some professionals who have spoken highly of his info from videos I have seen from Dr ross+the spartanlifecoach. my point is who really cares as long as the information is helping people and gives people some kind of answers to start healing from these cluster f.....ks that destroy and severely hurt people. I do appreciate what you are saying as well. thank you for those names as well I will look into their theories. the more info the better. :0)
It's MORE than 15% Mr. Smith !!!! I'm highly sensitive and have learned quite some time ago to spot them very well through a red flag system which i had developed. I'm not a doctor so i don't use pclr-test since i have no credentials to do so and i can't rely fully on the score i give them, even if i know all there is to know about their past, their behavior, their reactions, use of language (they have a different way of using language mainly consisting of hacking words of their meaning and adjust the meaning to what they need it to be, a prime example is the term rational/irrational). Studies have started about their use of language but it is limited to violent psychopaths & sociopaths. And there is more going on. People who want to create mass awareness are being gaslighted into feeling asif they are 'stigmatizers' and abusive towards people who had already been abused. My awnser to that is that it is abuslolutely sickening manipulation and a final grab for the victim role. How the world is reacting to such extreem horror is even more horrifying than some of the abuse !!
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Totally agree because I went into a trap and it almost cost me my life! Had to report it with the Dutch Police and go there for 3 months and in the end, I had to sign the report as being closed since there was no evidence for the 3 1/2 years with his evil abuse. I did report his stalkings though online because one time in november years ago he was behind me with his bicycle (I did not hear him!) in the dark near where I live and I was standing against the fence from a backyard and could not go anywhere or fight. Mentally I was strong though and one sentence I said, made him leave. A woman whom I knew and he also wanted, told me that he found somebody at work and that's when the stalkings stopped. But last Friday all of a sudden he entered the door from the supermarket where I live and I had to leave and could not do my grocery shopping then and stay where I do voluntary work nearby. I left him before Christmas in 2009, go figure...when I see his face, I get triggered in my trauma's.
What totally throws me about some people is that they think that you need a piece of paper, commonly known as a certificate, to prove you have memorized knowledge about certain subject matter and this means you are qualified and/or trustworthy regarding this subject matter, as if no one else can acquire knowledge on their own and be just as knowledgeable or sometimes more so, due to their personal interest in it driving them to research the heck out of it, compared to people in a program, who may not be as interested in certain things that they are required to study for a certificate. I trust the free lance researchers more, since they are more passionate and really desire to know about what interests them regarding subjects they research. Not that certificate holders can't be, but it just seems more genuine. However, anyone who does have a certificate representing them as being an expert or professional is just as trustworthy to me if they are not arrogant and rigid about their position. If they express an attitude of humbleness and are open minded about information that is new, or that they didn't know about, even though it has been around for a while, and is related to their field of expertise, then this shows me that they are truly passionate and interested in what they do. But, there are so many people who only get certificates to make a certain amount of money and have a certain level of status in society. However, they do not have the passion or genuine interest in their field because of the reason(s) they accomplished their certificate of expertise. They also seem to be the most arrogant in their positions, which is a red flag for me. I have always treated doctors as equals because I know I am quite capable of learning anything they have learned and I also see them as performing a service to my health and well being, and not as someone who owns my health and well being and who I should be intimidated by.
I understand the years part .. I dated one 5 years the min I got married bamm totally abuse and hell..I was completely confused.. but thought right away I'm in a abusive marriage. . I stayed 20 years
Welcome to our new channel format. We are going to focus on Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and Family Systems related topics here. We are going to focus on Marital Issues for services to be provided by our local northside Indianapolis marriage counselors at familytreecounseling ua-cam.com/channels/9NtRqysH1R-FTQ813ZoYlQ.html And we are going to continue our search for and training of Family Tree Brand Life Coaches at the Family Tree Brand Life Coaches Recruitment Channel ua-cam.com/channels/D2gmuQpQHH6xr45xKxDXJg.html We hope to better serve the needs of all three sets of client bases with these three tailor made channels verses our cumbersome "one size fits all" previous channel.
Mark you need to watch Andrew narc daily . He is someone who went thru this like all of us but his insight and knowledge on a real emotional level is life changing . Please take a look 👀
Greetings. We have some pretty cool news. Rinda and I have been given the opportunity to speak at a 7 day national online conference on the topic of 'Overcoming Shame And Guilt'. Some very well known speakers are presenting at the conference. I'm day two - September 12th and Rinda has been moved to day 5 - September 18th. Here is the link with all of the information about the conference - and the best part is that it is absolutely FREE to you...www.avaiya.com/overcomingshameandguilt/?ap_id=msmith Mark Smith
Mark you nailed it dating sites are God send for sociopaths, narcissists and many sickos out there great advise to stay away from them. I was naive as you mentioned dated a narcissist for a year and a half I found him on a dating site he was funny, handsome, charming had a boyish charm to him, appeared to be affectionate, and he couldn't get enough of me after a few months he started to change not the same person anymore I noticed that he has a system to his behavior didn't know what it was now I know love bombing devaluation and discard. All I have to say he was like a tsunami in my life. I am in my forties never encountered anything like it. I was financially, emotionally and physically abused by this man later I found out he was married and dating few other women besides me . the amazing thing was on his Facebook he came across as a family man that loves his wife and kids fights for women causes, homeless you name it. At the very end I was even afraid of him. Now I know Satan exists.
did we date the same person? lol
I've coined them as Narcinators. The are robotic killers that look human.
Right on!!
wow..........holy F. Thank sir. I am about to enter on my own private quest. Your obvious honesty is beyond my need to compliment. Thanks for your recommend on the Narco King. I will listen to him.
So very true. The NPD person most recently in my life is a therapist employed at my former parish. Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing. She attends mass daily and for a long time she fooled me with her "holy Catholic lady" act. Then I met her sons. This woman is a monster and was the worst mother imaginable. She was sadistic, violent, soul- murdering - just horrifying. I began dating one of her sons and then I got to witness her narcissistic rage, her evil. The mask came off. I reported her to the diocese for her behavior towards me (I even offered documented evidence) as well as for the fact that she is not licensed to practice in this state even though she has "MFT" after her name. Here it is a year later and she is still employed at the parish. Thanks for the cautionary advice on dating sites, I had no idea!
Please run away from the Catholic Church that Church is a safehaven for narcissists abusers and pedophiles. As you saw they protect their own cause that's what they are about: abusing destroying and deceiving goodhearted people by hiding behind a mask of fake decency and kindness. They are narcissistic monsters ( priests bishops clergy)who yearn for people to worship them as if they are better holier then the rest of society when in fact they are the real monsters.
Wow! Great video. I'm 79 & have not lived with my alcoholic/narcissist for 46 years. I went to Al-Anon, Recovery International, & counseling. No contact with the ex, & my life is content. I did a lot of work on myself, but it was an eye opener to find out my abusive husband was a narcissist. I discovered this via You Tube in 2015. I've had a lot of healing & I still need videos like yours. Some of our children are still being conned.
+Miss Ag Like you, I never understood what I had been through until 2015 via You Tube! Now I am a warrior on a mission to expose these "of the devil "beings! What an awakening! Like Mark said, we know more than most therapist, because we have lived it. The sad part is that, if you've not experienced this, you won;t understand it, and if you are experiencing it, you'll likely deny it. So I will tread gently, and be there for any survivor who finally breaks free, and reaches out for understanding. You stay strong and keep spreading the truth, It will set us free. 😊
Thank you! This issue is epedimic in proportion, but not addressed as it should be in the mental health community as you stated. Didn"t they just pass a law in the UK against this type of abuse? It is truly one of the worst hells a human can endure. Do you ever think that you went through this for a reason? In your field of study, look at the people you can now help from your pain. Wow! 😊
P.S. I agree that knowledge won't necessarily protect us from the coverts. They are tricky and can look and smell like codependents. But they are NOT. And sometimes you don't find out until too late. And, I'm learning that there are a lot of subtypes of narcissism. A great book on the subtypes is called "The Narcissist You Know; Defending yourself against extreme narcissists in an All About Me Age". The author is Joseph Burgo. I got a lot out of that one, also.
The best defense is to run away and never look back..
The thing that I go by is a few things....is there intentional disrespect over a period of time, try calling them out and see if they divert or get angry, see if they create drama for you, see if they try to sabotage you or confuse you or change the subject over a period of time, do they ever hold themselves accountable for their actions, do they make you feel bad about yourself consistently, do they try to isolate you, do they turn people against you, and does it feel uncomfortable, scary, or oppressive in any way if you are in their presence?
There is no one greater than those who will admit they are wrong and give credit to those who are right. A seriously rare quality.
Yes, and anyone that goes through this understands that it involves a fundamental paradigm shift. This requires you to own the fact that you were wrong.
>Let's not turn it into a super-power.
Admit that you are wrong is something that every mature responsible adult should be able to do.
IF you are wrong - not to make you feel good;
You are so right. I had a monster for a mother. Then as an adult, I wound up with a monster. I am away from both of them. I do know they are monsters and will never look back. I’m a nice person and I finally realized I couldn’t fix either one of them. I’m happy and I thank God for rescuing me.
I get my therapy from YT videos that speak on narc abuse. These videos validate my experiences even when no one else does. My own family doesn't give two craps about what happened and thinks I can just bounce back into life like nothing happened. Bull crap! I *enjoy* watching YT videos and feeling validated, getting advice, nodding my head at the symptoms, at the stories that sound so *freaking* similar. I have no support, no encouragement out of the depressions I've gone through and am going through -- nothing except the videos on YT. Thank you and everyone else that has made videos about narc abuse, for giving me something to relate to, sound advice, and something to help heal.
Thank you , you are so right by saying that the best support comes from the people that have lived through it .
Nobody but nobody understands us unless they have been a victim of a narcissist. If you try to talk to someone who is just having your run-of-the-mill marriage problems they will run for the hills because honestly I think marriages like ours scare them
It is difficult for people to understand the trauma , unless they have experienced this themselves. They have no idea of the mind fuck armageddon your dealing with in terms of rebuilding your life.
Thanks again for another insightful video.
Thank you Mark, i am naive, with a hard exterior, i have always believed people are decent..... Not now, but i dont want to ever lose that innocent deep down feeling that people are good, but i am learning to be discerning, something i have never done. I love your videos, they are so validating because you have gone through this. My naivety says wow how can someone like yourself, educated, in the therapy field have this happen, but you are human like us all. Your honesty is lovely, again thank you.
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I too was pathologically naive! Family of origin I believe are on the spectrum of narcissism with several malignant. I had no idea how bad it was! No wonder it was so difficult to function and develop chronic illnesses from trying to please and keep the peace.
That's the same thing that happened to me. I had no clue my family was so toxic. When I got PTSD it felt like I was getting electrocuted and I feel now like I am in a constant state of shock and apathy and the person I was before PTSD is gone. I miss that person so much. I used to be unstoppable. Like for example I used to be a triple major in college with all As, a touring dancer, dance instructor, and I graded papers for a professor but now just waking up in the morning is a chore. I feel like a broken machine that is trying to suppress a turbulent volcano just to function. I can't work consecutive days in the restaurant because I am afraid I will have a panic attack or pass out from adrenal fatigue.
You have a good grasp of narcissism. I totally agree: no person who has never seen the true face of narcissism can help a victim of narc abuse, no matter how helpful they want to be. Only recovered victims can.
Some people are just evil to the core. Pray for God's protection and use intuition.
I don't think praying for God's protection will help very much.
How about using common sense?
Check out the book by Elan Golomb called "Trapped in the Mirror". She is a psychologist who was raised by narc parents. Her insights are remarkable.
It's quite depressing now that we have to change to account for the fact that there are wolves in the world. However, this is the case. We are a pretty cowardly species because we have allowed them to overrun us and are not able to subdue them. Sad how we now know we need to think more about ourselves instead of being as generous as we once were.
Honestly that is why I just don't trust or like most people. Most people honestly are cowards. I don't know how many times I have called things out for what they are and ended up fighting alone and my distrust is being reinforced each time. I go into things saying oh this new relationship will be better, this job will be better, I should just keep trying to make things work despite setbacks when I go into new situations but sometimes that is not enough.
The wolves have always been among us. It is only now that people are learning how to recognize them before it is too late.
You have a gift in the way you speak and portray your ideas and feelings. Can't stop watching your videos. Thank you so much. Your vids bring healing to me.
Wow, I used to think that way too, I thought all people were innately good or damaged by pain, I would emphasise or try to help anyone who would ask. Then one day this woman who I trusted, cared for and accepted as my family... She randomly just out of the blue came home from work and just physically started shaking me and screaming terrible things in my face. I was so shocked and confused and hurt, I let it go for some damn reason and she continued to randomly attack me and scream degrading things to me (of course in private) Then when I finally realized how wrong this was I reached out to my family and no one believed me which shocked and hurt me so deeply. She acted very overly sweet and loving always so enthusiastic and helpful, and I believed that was how she was as well up until she started hurting me. She was so evil. And she flipped my mind and my world upsidedown, now I have a hard time trusting anyone. Its messed up.
My name is ironically Fawn, and I have Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome with nearly all of the 50 symptoms. Now I am trying to find a therapist that understands how to help. I appreciate this video series and am working on becoming a better deer (staying FAR away from hunters/deer predators from now on!)
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Mark Smith
It's way more than 15 percent.
Oh yea
Unfortunately I agree. This culture we live in encourages hiding the truth from ourselves and others. It encourages narcissism. It also encourages enablers and sympathizers of narcs. There is also victim blaming in all forms of mental illness or true crisis situations. We have been programmed with a NIMBY mindset that is so toxic. They take thinking happy thoughts and turns that into a weapon they can use to hurt truly good people because they want to manipulate everyone to get along NO MATTER WHAT. That is just a dangerous attitude. It is dangerous because you start to tolerate things you should not tolerate all at your expense. You just simply should not have to endure abuse. It is ok to leave. It is not a failure. You are not weak. You are also not trying to start problems just because you stand up for yourself. Everyone deserves peace of mind but the only way that can happen in through mutual respect.
So glad you turned to the dark side for information, Mr. Vaknin gives us an inside view of what it is like in the narcissist mind and why they do what they do. I know giving him praise feeds his ego, but It also help a lot more people heal from this type of trauma. It also helps people understand you want a therapist that has the right understand of how the mind of these people work. Sorry you had to find out the hard way, but you will be a more well rounded therapist in the end :)
Mark - I'm on a roll of watching each one of your videos pertaining to narcissist abuse one after the other - as people like ourselves do in our quest to find relief and restore our internal equilibrium again. Every single word, thought, view, insight, opinion, etc. that you share resonates completely with me. I also believe that Sam Vaknin is brilliant and have supersaturated myself with his work for several years. No other person describes my soon-to-be-ex as well as what he does. It reads like an autobiographical personality profile of what I lived with for many, many years. Thank you for sharing and validating me in doing so.
thank you for your honesty Mark, you are helping a great many people by admitting your lack of perfection= a humble good kind caring man, i have seen quite a few men and women destroyed by evil Narcs because of their blindness to the reality of evil
I'm glad you said it took six years until you saw the "person" hiding behind the person you knew/loved. I have been with my husband for 10 years. I have seen behind the mask in my final year with him. "It" was indeed not the person I knew/loved. I remember asking him straight out, "Who are you?" and telling him after ten years together, he was like a complete stranger now. He was very cold, uncaring and said the most wicked things to me. He ended up abandoning me OVERNIGHT. Right before he drove off, he gave me that smirky smile and placed an ever-so-lightly jab to my jaw, which I translate today as his way of saying GAME OVER. He's with new supply now.
Thank you so much Mark for replying too my comment! God bless you!
Narcissism simply put, is a lack of a conscience. How a person gets this way is debatable, but I tend to think people get this way by the choices and decisions they make and the way they choose to respond to things.
+Susie Arviso there are studies now, that show that often it is a neurological issue. certain parts of brain in psychopaths are simply not working properly. the parts responsible for conscience and for empathy. the reason is still unknown, and being studied. simply put, psychos are functioning mutants.
+totoro888 Abuse and neglect in childhood. I remember it all.
+Angel againstnarcopaths Spirituality is deviant. Religion of all kinds is founded on narcissism and codependency.
So would you say this is a good indication of narcissism? I have made comments like we have no connection I don't feel love towards you (please understand this is me feeling this way after years of devaluation and emotional abuse) etc I mean honestly I have said some pretty bad things to him in my anger and he just stares at me blankly sometimes his eyes almost like creepy like there's just nothing behind them
Susie Arviso narcissist become monsters by circumstance, and being under pressure by someone or something that breaks there spirit completely, then a portal is open and legion/satan comes in.
Don't worry about your coughing. I can tell you what it is, Demons. I have watched heaps of videos on many subjects and when they tell the truth they have coughing fits, some bad, some not as bad. I live with a covert narcissist. I play games with him now. I can tell you it's tiring but stuck in this prison. I have learned a lot on how evil works. Good video, thanks
I highly recommend Ollie Mathews Narcissism channel...real stories, real people. He has a laser sharp eye for the narcs. Don't miss it! He cuts to the chase with no bs. He has helped 1000s with just one video.
+Grace Colleen He's helped me a great deal... Faster and cheaper than therapy! lol
+TheSheandoah Hey there! Thanks for the promo plug!!!!! Yup! Ollie is better than therapy, and you give me permission to be as pissed off as I want to be for as long as I want to be! I don't have to be the good daughter and neither do you!
+Grace Colleen Which video do you recommend, he’s got so many of them lol
Thank you for sharing
I’m going though the shocking part
I been married for 25 years with two kids it was a roller coaster
I never knew anything about Narcissism until recently in its shocking but also a relief there is a name for this.
I thought my husband had split personality we went to marriage counseling twice didn’t work he put on a good act
I knew something was wrong, When I found out about NARC I started going to counseling for myself.
I been though a lot I have ptsd, anxiety, high blood pressure, an insomnia.
Their are no words that can express how I feel 25 years of my life sleeping with the enemy.
I can totally appreciate your words here. When that paradigm shifts like you describe, the challenge then is finding the new and improved, more mature, more evolved personal "truth".
I was pathologically naïve. My ex covert wooed me (I should say "hoovered me") back twice. At the time, I believed it was because he really was sorry and really did love me, more than the other potential new supply he was dallying with the last 2 years of our "relationship". Now I know it was because he couldn't make up his mind which of us was the better "supply". I didn't "win". (Which of course, was a blessing, I've since come to realize. But that realization took 9 months of pure hell.) Anyway, that's how naïve we can be. We weren't thinking our "partner" constantly had their radar up and working..... scouting for potentially new and better supply. We felt.... we believed, they really "loved" us. No, they were just loving the supply they were getting (attention, money, sex, companionship, and so on) and the moment something better appeared on the scene, out we went with the trash. It is THIS concept that has been so hard for me (and for so many of us) to grasp - that we were seen as replaceable "objects" to be used for a period of time. This is what we come to know, and this knowledge is devastating. But it will serve us SO well in the future.
Just wanted to let you know you are making a real difference for me....THANK YOU
I was very naive too, until the age of 40. I cut every single narc in my life off on July 1st. The issue is that the sociopaths don’t show themselves until you’re screwed. They’ve tried to kill me many times in many ways, and I was set up legally as well. They threaten to harm my child as well. The prophetic download I had from god was that 92% of the human population is afflicted with this possession in some form. It’s horrifying.
you know Sam Vaknin is a full blown Narcassist, he has all of the major 9 traits/levels. wasnt sure if you knew that or not.
And you know this because you are his wife or...?
@@roserevancroix2308 Vaknin freely admits it. He says so.
Yes, I noticed that about your other videos. You have courage and integrity. Thank you. Bless you. I am sorry for your pain. xx And I watch Sam for fun as well. LOL.Have learned a lot from him and begun to let go and emerge from the abuse syndrome. We really believed that if we just loved, were generous, kind etc, that people would receive that well..a VERY small group did. Our naivety was stunning and stunned us. Both our kids and ourselves are becoming much wiser. =) Your first vid I watched was the Narc Abuse Syndrome. Subscribed. lol
Thank you Mark for your brilliant but painful insight. Over the past 12 years I have had more than a handful of friends tell me that I am married to a narcissist. Accordingly I have researched this and I do agree with that "diagnosis". Is it typical to start to believe that maybe he isnt the one who is the narcissist and maybe that it's me? I have hurt so much for all of these years but as soon as I get to my lowest point he seems to be the answer, the knight in shining armor, the most loving person ever, so then I think its me and that I'm the crazy one. I am so low right now I just don't know what to do....again... God Bless you and your work. We need people like you. Thank you.
(Yes, I changed my UA-cam name again......) Anyway, 100 out of the 200 comments you mentioned were probably from me, lol. Oh, Mark, I love you for doing this! The highlight of my week is when you do a video on this subject. That's what I have to look forward to these days, lol. But I'm serious. They help so much. It's amazing when a UA-cam therapist I was already viewing started going through this right along with me. Our discards were around the same time. You mentioned dating sites.......I met my ex covert on one, so boy do I agree with you about that. My ex actually went on some while in relationship with me and I didn't know it for almost 2 years. Apparently this is common as well; that your partner is already scoping new and potential targets while swearing undying love to you. I'm also thrilled that you are bringing to light the facts about covert narcissists. Like you, I couldn't categorize some of the strange behaviors of my ex because he wasn't totally classically overt. He's sort of a strange mixture of the two. But when you first came out with a video on coverts, I had an epiphany and everything now made sense. Then I got the book "Psychopath Free" and it all REALLY made sense. I no longer had to suffer, wondering what in the heck happened, blaming myself TOO much. The early confusion really made the PTSD even worse. So, basically, you are just generally my hero. My kids even laugh with delight now when they see me watching one of your videos because they know who I'm watching, lol! And they're happy that I'm getting so much help from you!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I identified so much with you! i recently went no contact with my narc "friend" of course i didnt know he was sick and twisted and was using me for his supply and felt sorry for him, till i researched narcissism and what i found out completely blew me away i have went through the different stages of coming too terms with what this horrible person did too me, and thanks too good people like yourself i am getting better everyday and it's so good too that good genuine people exist, so a big thank you and God bless you in your recovery!
Thanks so much for all your videos and your sharing... it is more helpful than you know! very affirming. God bless you and please keep posting these videos....thanks again!
what an inspiration, I can see and hear yu are a beautiful soul. love yur videos and u are a doing great and I'm so proud of you. love light and blessing to yu and your new wife who is also an inspiration Xxxx
Thanks for all this insight -- it is slowly getting through that I idolized and idealized the very one who would inject into my soul the perfect poison for my emotional DNA. I saw her this week at an Al Anon meeting -- the one where we first met -- and even though what she was wearing. what she drives and what she had done with her hair at 50 screams "Narcissist!" and the wounds of how she has treated me since the break-up are still healing -- her sweet angelic disposition sucked me in again and I felt ready to "forgive and forget" and go on with the fantasy. Except my new knowledge of what she really is kept me in my place. I have the knowledge -- however faint its voice -- that there is a monster waiting to destroy me should I make the wrong move again. I wrote this poem that helps me:
Sweet Poison: A Codependant is a Narcissist's Snack
Soft as petals,
Sweet poison.
“Hold me, protect me,”
Sweet poison.
“I am yours -- you are not one of mine,
And I possess you.”
She’s the One, the Answered Prayer
Leading me
To the end of me.
The spider draws you in
With her dazzling strings.
Then she caresses you gentling and wraps you
In her shiny white womb.
Her kiss entrances and emulsifies
Your hardened soul.
She kisses you again and again --
Each time leaving you lighter and lighter.
Your shell-self she then rejects
But not completely.
She leaves you in the part of her sticky tent
She will no longer visit.
She throws you a smile
Then goes to the next lover.
You watch in the fullness of empty pain
Wishing -- praying
That it could be you again.
+Charles Tekula "gently" not "gentling"
Having Children with these Monsters only adds to the devastation. My son is now walking in his father's shoes. Abusive, Manipulative, many faces...... the heart-breaking result of the Courts demanding that his father be a part of his life. Not ONE Counselor heard my cries..... they are far too sunken into Parents Rights. It's in the Best Interests of the child. Except what he did to me he's now doing to his children. We are NOTHING but Supply. The moment I challenged his "supply" is when all Hell Broke loose. He's still winning in Court and I look like the Crazy person.
Being involved with a narc has driven me to church and it is a good place to be but I must say, that church can be a place for the naive co-dependent to end up as Christianity is all about saving and I have noticed that there is naivety amongst some some church goes about wanting to save people.
I met my narc at church and He is a preacher... You are not save even at church. I know they can do a lot damage to people, specially to their partners and familly, but one thing that people don't talk about is the tremendous pain and suffering this people feel inside. I saw that with my own eyes but i couldn't help him and it hurts like crazy.
You have a very pure heart :) Peace and be well.
Great video really enjoyed it. Keep them coming!
I remember during my discard phase, saying "who are you? It's like you were wearing a mask. I feel like I'm on dateline except I lived" little did I know at that moment. I only discovered this evil world when I googled~he went from extremely loving to cruel~ that's when my eyes were opened to a whole new nightmare~It was shocking and I have been trying to heal for almost two years. I have learned you cannot even try to explain to anyone unless they have experienced it~our world will never be the same or our trust.
I have tried telling friends. They don't understand. No one understands unless you have gone through it or unless you are a therapist/counselor.
Thanks Mark. I loved your delivery style. As a fellow survivor, I’m confused because my ex-narcissist thought of herself as the kindest and sweetest person in the world with a high level of empathy (enlarged amygdala), and the blueprint for a perfect relationship. I so wanted to believe this but the other person kept appearing. Has anyone else experienced this?
I'm in the process of getting everything prepared for when I can leave. It's going to take a good bit of money also. I'm hoping to be out of here in February..Thanks so much for responding, and I'm so sorry you had to experience one of these creatures.
I'm watching this video of yours. my narsasist in the beginning said he loved my niativity. he also said that 1 wk. into the relationship he was afraid he would do or say something that would drive me away. I really didn't understand then and ignored it. but as time went on especially after his mom moved out his dark side began to emerge. rage unspeakable, holes in walls. distruction to furniture. jabbing my chest where I had heart surgery goes on and on. I left after 6 1/2 years went 1500 miles to live with my daughter.
thanks for that. and I do get info from all different sources. I have been doing research on this for about 18 months . info like your sharing with me gives me another perspective ,I appreciate the tide bit. thanks.
Until I met my narcissist, I would never have believed these type of people exist. They almost seem like demons in human clothing. I am so glad I was able to get out with minimal damage, and yet it has been two years and I'm still trying to wrap my head around this experience.
What I can say is that through the process I grew to love myself more and also connect to the Universe like never before.
Unfortunately, I believe I will forever be bonded to this N because I allowed myself to be spiritually connected to him thru my heart chakra. I believe he knows this and uses it to keep me attached to him emotionally. I truly believe he might be my twin flame nightmare or total opposite of who I am designed to get me to evolve spiritually.
Wonderful video! Thank you!
I am also very naive...less and less however; I met my last narcissist in church....we cannot be too careful...the narcissists know that they can find some good people in church and my last narcissist abused me emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.....it has been two years since we broke up and he really did me so much damage.....he even got me to quit my job and I have been going through helll trying to find a decent job...he told me he was going to destroy me during an argument.....I had no idea how honest he was when he said that...horrible, horrible person. He turned people against me and stopped at nothing to harm me as much as he could. I now am terrified of dating. I seem to attract narcs so I know I still need to heal.
THX for your insight...especially as a therapist ..not enough is known on this field about narcissm..& much harm is done to the victims as a result...please speak about this to colleagues...THX ..God bless..♥♥♥
Brilliant video - thank you so much!
The Bible says in the last days critical times hard times will be here men will be lovers of themselves ...........2Timothy 3:1-5
Hi, I'm living with a narcissist I've being uncovering things the past few years, I've two kids for him and I think its making me sick now, he is getting worse, I kinda knew he was really evil I would cry so much and he is like a wall even when my siblings and dad passed away,, ha was cold fighting with me not letting me grieve this is awful, I'm with him 7yrs now and I just wannna run now, but I'm stuck I've kids from a previous and two for him their all in schools and I feel trapped, God help you in your recovering, x
Step by step. Make a plan. Document. Start recording interactions. Get the kids away or they will grow up to be Class B personality disordered or become the prey.
I'm finding myself creeping into that place where Frankenstein lives. I died the day I saw the real mad doctor, who shattered me slowly by picking off bits. I just wasn't up to par, always another way I am defective. so now I am the monster created in your image while you're doing well and have become a new person. I have lost everything now but the person I miss most, is the beautiful girl who shined like the sun. I know that my normal toolkit for me, wasnt for fixing fubar. I know I'm not alone and I will be ok because love always wins over lies in the end.
While I'm happy that there's help out there it's sad that we actually need it. But on the positive side the help is out there and your not alone!
I don't fully agree with the recommendation to not date people met on internet websites. Of course many pathologic people who are dangerous are on those websites, so it is very necessary to BE VERY CAREFULL and go very very slowly. However many safe people can also be on internet-dating-websites including recovering co-dependents who can be safe romantic partners. Many intraverts who or people with cPTSD may also use the internet to meet people. I met a nice guy online in 2010 - he hates lies, is very reliable, good person, has a stable job, decent family of origin, etd.. We got married in 2014 and still happy, my friends like him.
Wow..our stories are very similar...my relationship was almost 7 years and to this very day, I am still trying to figure out what and how did this happen to me. SMDH.it is so very painful and it can literally and figuratively BREAK YOU!!! I am thankful that I escaped, basically you are escaping because the aftermath of the experience can actually make you think of dying. It is almost too painful to bear and I am thankful that I know and have a personal relationship with Go. I wouldn't have made it if I didn't. We have to be patient and loving to ourselves during recovery...LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY!!
I watched all Sam's videos before I found you on utube. I was like you , I thought people just needed to be understood. I'm a psych major and I love to learn. I was approached by this narcissist at work. I was truly horrified by this man not because he told is a narcissist but because of the way he made me feel. I felt like an onion getting peal a little bit at a time, when spoke to me. I felt nake and disarmed. I didn't want to get too close to this man, I was curious and wanted to study him. I know and knew then this was unwise. he managed to 'befriend' me by mirroring my situation at the time. he became my mirror image . I had never felt so understood in my life and that deeply horrified me. in the back of my my I thought, this is the person who can hurt like I've never been hurt before in my life! so he approached me carefully and patiently and treated me sweetly. I also found it strange that he kept telling me over and over he would never hurt me and would protect me. it was like a mantra. I also felt like he was constantly breaking and wearing me down. he wanted me to completely surrender to him. give him my all!
My partner's narc mother went on a "Christian" dating site within a year after her husband died - go figure. She was in her 60's and on this site she soon met her narc con artist second husband. You described this guy perfectly - he put on the devout Catholic act and he pretended to like everything she likes, just kissed her butt. The guy didn't have two sticks to rub together and my partner's mother was the perfect rich lonely widow target.
Welcome to the club, Mark. I didn't want to know everything she had to tell me either. To learn about the disorder and to come to terms with what goes on in my ex girlfriend's head, I actually stayed in touch with her. My parents were vastly more damaging to me, they I cannot and will not see, their deeds destroyed me several times over.
If it will make you feel any better, as it did me, female narcissists use sex to get narcissistic supply, it isn't for the act or the sensation. They are more like crack addicts sleeping with the dealer to get the drug than they are 'unfaithful'. Sure enough, my ex is on every dating site imaginable, and she makes herself sound spiritual and aware, which is how she baited me. I imagine now that she was always on those sites throughout our relationship. She has two distinct personalities... the sweet caring altruist got-it-together 'mystique'.. and the bitter scheming whoring (literally as i found out when times are tough, that was a shock to put it mildly) desperate error-prone gullible lying diagnosed zero-empathy ASPD (sociopath) that she is.
And yes you got it. She is exactly like my father in every way except she has no balls, at least literally, perhaps figuratively. He beat me starting age 5.. which is how I got borderline. We are the opposite of narcs. We are too needy. Too paranoid of being lied to, cheated on , abandoned. We can be very manipulative and we can surely drive our loved-ones crazy (I have, all of them, except the sociopath - she's untouchable)... but borderlines have a structured personality, a sense of self (although it gets fuzzy in relationships, vanishes upon breakup), and we don't lie or manipulate unless we are scheming. Ninety nine percent of our scheming involves elaborate ruses to test our partner's loyalty. And of course, we choose emotionally unavailable partners to ensure we get to do lots of testing.
Basically we're empaths... black sheep... we trust nobody, and can get so paranoid we develop psychosis in relation to being deceived. We are way too emotional and dramatic... but we are lovers..we're hot emotionally... not cold like narcs... we aren't chasing narcissistic supply. We're actually chasing our soulmate... but we only find narcissists because.... well... google 'narcissist and borderline marriage'... as it turns out there is good reason my ex changed my life.. she did not react to my disorder.. she was cold as ice.. and because of that.. i got hold of myself finally. The immaturity of my actions became crystal clear when they failed to yield any reaction at all.
Thank you for this.
I was triggered by shame when you read that trolls comment. It's just like my narc talking to me. For example, she hit me with the door and when I said "Ow, you hit me with the door" the narc replied "baby!" These monsters will not only take your lunch but they will pop the bag with that weird grin on their face.
So needed and thank you for making a point to relay the seriousness of this potential life threatening issue. I wish i knew all of this before I began dating. By 32, no family yet I might have had the family I wanted if I applied this knowledge.
I married a narcissist, and my son did too. So now I get abuse from both my husband and my daughter-in-law.
Good..you do that, let ppl know. I am a survivor on narc abuse. Horrifying situation to go through.
Sam Vaknin is the worlds authority? He da man? You are feeding a narc. his supply. I have learned so much from Mr. Vaknin but let's not treat him like a God.
Yes because he's a self professed narcisstic himself he can only give some intellectual truths but even that is limited as he doesn't understand empathy and what the victims ho through -he's incapable of that experiential understanding
+Velda S. Lyons. Agree Sam Vaknin is a Narc and very dangerous one.
He creeps me out personally!!🚫🚫
No-one said he was a god.
He is an expert on this subject.
And there is nothing wrong in saying that.
I guess he is an expert in Narcs as in it takes one to know one.
exactly! mine changed 4 and a half years in! they missed their calling great actors!
Really needed this advice sir. Thanks
Stay strong. God is love. I thank him for brace people like yourself just putting your experiences out there. Sadly for me I had 2 children with a narc
Brave... lok
Lol
Yeah, Sam Vaknin is pretty amazing. I was like "oh my God, that's me".... but then I realized that not only was it me, but I had inherited it from my parents... So shocking. I'm going through therapy now, taking meds, meditating, getting into a gym, sigh.... there's so much to do. I realized that I had anorexia and eating disorders as well. I have no idea where to even begin healing
Maybe the down votes are from people that don't like Sam Vaknin. He has been diagnosed as a psychopath (Narc, Socio) Whatever he is. But you are spot on and I appreciate YOUR view way more than his. Thank-you!
LOVE all of them , COULD not said it better MYSELF.
Your awesome -Sam V is limited as he is a self proclaimed narcissist so he can give only limited information
Actually he is a world-leading expert on the subject.
@@roserevancroix2308 He's still limited in how he can help others.
Ps 58:3-6. "The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray as soon as they are born speaking lies. Their poison is like the poison of a SERPENT: they are like the deaf adder that stoppeth her ear ; which will not hearken to the voice of charmers, charming never so wisely. Break their teeth, O God, in their mouths: break out the great teeth of the young lions, O LORD."
Yes, well said, the world is not completely safe, but even less it's not a completely dark, scary place.There are so many colors and shades, we just need to tune in the colors we like, and stop pretending there's only pink or only black and white.
I am relieved to say that i don't believe that the person I dealt with last summer was narcissistic. I'm more convinced it was a matter of my co-dependency clashing with their counter dependency. This person verbally warned me not to "fall for them quickly." They cut off contact with me after that. Perhaps they thought I might be a narcissist. When I was just feeling needy and afraid of rejection and abandonment. I was not harmed as badly as you were, Mark, with your 6 1/2 year ordeal in the clutches of your narcissistic abuser. I cannot imagine the magnitude of such a mind fucking. I have been going back to my old counter dependent ways; avoiding relationships and most of all marriage. I have always been a solitary individual, so fighting that would be against my nature.
Worth pointing out that while 15% of general population might have narc tendencies, it's going to seem like a much greater percentage to someone who is targeted, since the narcs will cluster around that person when they get the blood scent. It is weird how they do it, but it's almost like a shared high they can't resist even if they don't know one another.
Thank you so much for this information! You have greatly contributed to my determination to thrive from this experience! I am over my Ex-Narc, but not the injustice of it all. Is it possibility for narcissistic abuse survivors to ban together and bring a class action suit against the federal government for not recognizing and penalizing these beings in the family court system? Represented by some media big wig and credible lawyer like Gloria Allred? Give the problem exposure and implement laws! I can not for the life of me understand how legitimate, professional, clinical psychology textbooks say these people exist, yet they are not dealt with in the court system unless they get caught stealing millions of dollars or killing someone. How can their (narcissist, sociopaths, psychopaths) tactics be documented in textbooks, yet courts order you to co-parent? There has to be a way to change things! They impede on our constitutional, individual rights of the pursuit of happiness.
Its good to keep your eyes on Thee King. keep looking up
It was an older sibling and she was the Monster in the house. So thank you for this video.
Great observations, Mark. I know what you mean when you talk about encountering The-Person-Behind-The-Mask and wondering if they are MPD/DID or ... demonically possessed. Whatever they are - they are deceivers. And these deceivers know that we are nice folks and that we will project our own goodness onto them ! And you are right about our pain when we find that the person we thought we loved doesn't really exist ... and never did. We experience grief and mourning just as though someone we loved has died. It is very painful to find that behind that Beautiful Image lies a predator ...
Sometimes, especially in "romantic" relationships, there's a distinctly numinous quality about our perceptions of the Other. When this is the case, I think it is a deeply psycho-spiritual experience because we often find that that Beautiful Image is our own projection ... that is, the Beauty we saw in the Other is really our own. It's almost like encountering the image of own's own Higher Angel ... via the Devil himself. There's a numinous quality about it all ... it's very deep and profound ... and disturbing. But again, often it is one's own self that has been encountered ... and not in a way that we thought we ever would. Most of us don't even know that such a process exists (encountering one's own Beauty as a projection onto another). It is very difficult to recognize one's own projection, especially one of this nature. Even after we realize that the image and idea that we had of the Other was a projection of our own minds/hearts/souls ... we are reluctant to claim it fully ... because it IS a thing of such Beauty ... and we simply are not used to knowing our own Beauty or we don't think that such a numinous and beautiful image could be a reflection of our own imperfect selves. We are reluctant to acknowledge our own inner Beauty ... or we just don't know how. But if we do ... well, it is not something that pumps up the ego. On the contrary, it is quite humbling. I hope I made some sense. It's a strange and mysterious thing ....
+Angela Payne I just realized how ironic the term "Narcissistic" is here ... in the myth Narcissus literally wastes away because he can't stop gazing at his own reflected image and, yes, we think of narcissists as being like this - everything is always about THEM ... plus our experience with the Narcissist is quite draining, energetically ... But there's something deeper going on here. In the "romantic" situations, at least, not only are we encountering a narcissistic individual ... we are having a Narcissus experience with our own selves as well ! We project our own Beauty on to another AND we are thoroughly enchanted by it ... sometimes to the point of being drained financially or wasting away emotionally and psychologically, sometimes even spiritually. And, just like Narcissus in the myth, this happens to us while not knowing that it is the image of our very own self that is so captivating. There is much to ponder here ... it is tricky territory, for sure. Very rich ground for us ... and especially rich ground for deceivers who use psychological/emotional/spiritual smoke and MIRRORS against us.
Great insight! Thank you!
+Angela Payne For several years my ex narc had many people in my church fooled into thinking he was a good Christian man. Two months before I ended our relationship he confessed to me that he had been faking it and compared his spirituality is a machine that can be turned on and off. I've been No Contact for a year. Peace finally. And now I'm working on my character flaws which are many.
I'm no professional in the area of councelling, I do though have a PhD in the school of life's experience and hard knocks. and work in healthcare , regurgitate info or not there are some professionals who have spoken highly of his info from videos I have seen from Dr ross+the spartanlifecoach. my point is who really cares as long as the information is helping people and gives people some kind of answers to start healing from these cluster f.....ks that destroy and severely hurt people. I do appreciate what you are saying as well. thank you for those names as well I will look into their theories. the more info the better. :0)
It's very hard for me to understand Sam Vaknim, unfortunately
Thank you, your amazing. God bless!
It's MORE than 15% Mr. Smith !!!! I'm highly sensitive and have learned quite some time ago to spot them very well through a red flag system which i had developed. I'm not a doctor so i don't use pclr-test since i have no credentials to do so and i can't rely fully on the score i give them, even if i know all there is to know about their past, their behavior, their reactions, use of language (they have a different way of using language mainly consisting of hacking words of their meaning and adjust the meaning to what they need it to be, a prime example is the term rational/irrational). Studies have started about their use of language but it is limited to violent psychopaths & sociopaths. And there is more going on. People who want to create mass awareness are being gaslighted into feeling asif they are 'stigmatizers' and abusive towards people who had already been abused. My awnser to that is that it is abuslolutely sickening manipulation and a final grab for the victim role. How the world is reacting to such extreem horror is even more horrifying than some of the abuse !!
Totally agree because I went into a trap and it almost cost me my life! Had to report it with the Dutch Police and go there for 3 months and in the end, I had to sign the report as being closed since there was no evidence for the 3 1/2 years with his evil abuse. I did report his stalkings though online because one time in november years ago he was behind me with his bicycle (I did not hear him!) in the dark near where I live and I was standing against the fence from a backyard and could not go anywhere or fight. Mentally I was strong though and one sentence I said, made him leave. A woman whom I knew and he also wanted, told me that he found somebody at work and that's when the stalkings stopped. But last Friday all of a sudden he entered the door from the supermarket where I live and I had to leave and could not do my grocery shopping then and stay where I do voluntary work nearby. I left him before Christmas in 2009, go figure...when I see his face, I get triggered in my trauma's.
What totally throws me about some people is that they think that you need a piece of paper, commonly known as a certificate, to prove you have memorized knowledge about certain subject matter and this means you are qualified and/or trustworthy regarding this subject matter, as if no one else can acquire knowledge on their own and be just as knowledgeable or sometimes more so, due to their personal interest in it driving them to research the heck out of it, compared to people in a program, who may not be as interested in certain things that they are required to study for a certificate. I trust the free lance researchers more, since they are more passionate and really desire to know about what interests them regarding subjects they research. Not that certificate holders can't be, but it just seems more genuine. However, anyone who does have a certificate representing them as being an expert or professional is just as trustworthy to me if they are not arrogant and rigid about their position. If they express an attitude of humbleness and are open minded about information that is new, or that they didn't know about, even though it has been around for a while, and is related to their field of expertise, then this shows me that they are truly passionate and interested in what they do. But, there are so many people who only get certificates to make a certain amount of money and have a certain level of status in society. However, they do not have the passion or genuine interest in their field because of the reason(s) they accomplished their certificate of expertise. They also seem to be the most arrogant in their positions, which is a red flag for me. I have always treated doctors as equals because I know I am quite capable of learning anything they have learned and I also see them as performing a service to my health and well being, and not as someone who owns my health and well being and who I should be intimidated by.
I understand the years part .. I dated one 5 years the min I got married bamm totally abuse and hell..I was completely confused.. but thought right away I'm in a abusive marriage. . I stayed 20 years
Welcome to our new channel format.
We are going to focus on Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and Family Systems related topics here.
We are going to focus on Marital Issues for services to be provided by our local northside Indianapolis marriage counselors at familytreecounseling ua-cam.com/channels/9NtRqysH1R-FTQ813ZoYlQ.html
And we are going to continue our search for and training of Family Tree Brand Life Coaches at the Family Tree Brand Life Coaches Recruitment Channel ua-cam.com/channels/D2gmuQpQHH6xr45xKxDXJg.html
We hope to better serve the needs of all three sets of client bases with these three tailor made channels verses our cumbersome "one size fits all" previous channel.
Mark you need to watch Andrew narc daily . He is someone who went thru this like all of us but his insight and knowledge on a real emotional level is life changing . Please take a look 👀
Great Video!
Excellent video
There is no getting through to these monsters... As soon as I have enough money, I'm out of here!