Click for more information on my new book 'The Alchemists - Transforming Narcissistic Abuse Into Gold'...www.familytreecounseling2.com//~family/ebooks.php?eID=32 Mark Smith
Shutting yourself away, self care, peace , quiet and watching your youtube videos I would say has helped me far more than counselling. Thanks so much for your invaluable insight. I know I am not alone and this is incredibly comforting to know .
How were you able to shut yourself away and not have to deal with concerned people,that did not understand what you were dealing with ? My ex narc after stealing, literally,everything, including my clothes, is trying to have ME put in prison!! The courtroom theatrics is beyond belief ! I've got ONE of them.
Hey Mark, thank you for another great video! like yourself i have cried "oceans" of tears and have also had to deal with a lot of anger in my life, i was brought up by two dysfunctonal people (i have never seen them as parents) who basically had no time for me, i was terrified of my mother who bullied me and was always putting me down and my father did nothing about it, i left home at 16 , i am now 52 and have had a horrendous life, i have suffered much abuse all my life and have been too many different councellors ( i live in ireland ) but didn't find they helped much then i found God and he is the one who has got me through my darkest times, and he has became my best friend and has worked so many miracles in my life and is helping me over narc abuse i enjoy your videos and your sense of humour so a big thank you! God bless you!
You asked for it. Here are my top 10 ways: 1. Psychoeducation - learning and understanding all about narcissists/sociopaths and the effects of trauma/C-PTSD via UA-cam and kindle books. 2. Joining forums pertaining to narcissistic abuse/domestic violence - these helped immensely because members got it and shared experiences, etc. I credit members of a forum specifically for DV as being the primary facilitators that got me to the point where I had the courage to leave. 3. Art, poetry and prose. I had such a great desire to communicate my inner experience and desperately needed to get it out there. This gave my experience structure and was the only thing that came close to being able to depict the horror of what I was feeling. My creativity became prolific soared through the roof and may well end up being my bread and butter now that I have to reinvent myself. In the latter and current stage I began Art Therapy to process all the deep stuff. 4. Allowing yourself to feel and honour your emotions. This unfortunately led to many episodes of emotional overwhelm/dysregulation of mammoth proportions which felt like I was having an exorcism conducted. Very painful, but very cathartic. 5. Help lines - I became a frequent caller to at least 3 regular 24/7 help lines that were able to help me through difficult times. Some were able to ground me at times when I had become hysterical. On three occasions I was seriously considering suicide and they activated interventions which were horrendously embarrassing but ultimately kept me safe. 6. Ongoing psychotherapy with one rock steady therapist. Although she didn't "get it" she was able to somehow guide me safely through the journey. 7. Isolation - I know this doesn't sound like the right thing to do but for me I needed a lot of time-out in peace and solitude where I could lose myself. There were many times when I simply felt too exhausted or overwhelmed to talk and retracting into myself and away from life was healing. Often this is when I did my art and got my head into a meditative type of zone. 8. Changing the channel. The whole trauma journey was often so engulfing that I needed to just get my head out of that space and focus on something else. A shopping trip with a friend, a short vacation with a friend, eating out, etc. 9. Spirtuality - I had somewhat of an awakening with regard to this and found a latent interest in spiritual and esoteric subjects rekindled. Despite my inner torture I also found a deep compassion for myself. This did not come about immediately but through small tiny insights and increasing wisdom. 10. I did many things I shouldn't do. Without going into details I was often my own worst enemy. I have no regrets. I needed relief and it helped get me through. PS I am just entering into the 4th year in my healing journey!!! 25 years of crazy making association with a highly disordered narcissistic and a further 5 years of being with a decompensating narcissist/sociopath just about killed me. I believe I'm on the home run now.
+familytreecounseling I don't have a channel. You Tube cut the ending and I am fixing the errors and will put back up. You are free to use the fixed version or any information you think will help people.
What has helped me was to read as much about narcissism; but don't let it consume you. There is life after the abuse. And yes, only God can reach the depth of your soul and heal you that no therapy can do. Only pure light and love can destroy something so evil and dark that tries to burrow and take root in your head, heart and soul brought on by souls who sought to destroy you. Whether they realized it or not this is pure evil. *May God bless you and your work!*
***** I'm still at the anger stage of the healing process. Right now I'm working on maintaining my inner peace. Knowledge is power, but I think keeping our inner peace is also powerful (and not losing our sense of humor.) :)
Thumbs up to you tube for sure and all these people taking time to help us heal it is amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and everyone of you, saved my life for sure.
THank you Mark, I have found being able to develop forgiveness and positive self talk incredibly helpful. I had bronchitis for 7 months as a response to the CPTSD. Some massage, reaching out, asking for help to get my nervous system to reset. It's highly reactive, traumatized and I'm slowly putting the pieces back together.
The list of things that has helped and continue to help me is long. 1. Eckhart Tolle books/CD's. 2. Talk therapy. Finally realizing my mother was awful and it was OK to admit it and be angry about it. Unfortunately, this took forever. 3. You Tube videos, the most helpful being, Spartan Life Coach. 4,. Giving myself permission and allowing myself to feel the feels. A lot of the pain I felt, both emotional and physical, was from working so hard NOT to feel. The best way to get over it is to walk through it. 5. Martial Arts. Specifically Muay Thai Kickboxing and ICS training. I'm allowed to hit back:). 6. Massages. 7. Diet. I found sugar and caffeine intensified anxiety for me. 8. Realizing that I'm not being punished by God for being bad! For the longest time, I believed I was trying to redeem myself for sins I couldn't identify. Those days are gone!
+Aunt T. I feel so bad for the children of Narcs like you. Horrible. Another thing you should know is that at a spirit level your parents represent the god mother/father - so if one of them can't give you that godlike unconditional true love- then you are missing that part of your triangle. That can hurt at a whole other level of worthlessness and kill your self esteem. ( I have found the YT vid on affirmations and hypnosis really helps reprogram that at a core level) You are on the ultimate hero's journey. You must have been called to do something great. I wish you well I know you will find joy.
Just learning about narc abuse and CPTSD. I believe my mother was not only mentally ill but a horrible narcissist. She was verbally and physically abusive. My siblings and I lived in and out of the foster care system (which was horrible) and I married a narc and then dated a narc for many more years. I eventually just shut down emotionally and spent many years alone. I thought I was crazy because I felt like I wasn't living. Like I was invisible. Literally I walked through the streets and saw people laughing and living and it hurt because I felt dead inside. I thought I would never be normal, and I would have killed myself years ago but I didn't want to do that and hurt my children but now I have hope and I know what I was going through and I can get better. Thank you for sharing. Its sad to know that so many people are suffering like this and that this area of abuse is so unattended to by the therapy community. I've been looking for a therapist for several weeks and who knew I finally have insurance and hope but can't find someone taking new patients. But I'm not giving up because my girls and grandchildren need a mother to be here loving them and guiding them. I'm hopeful that someday I'll find peace in my life and maybe even real love but if not real love, I'll be thankful with just peace & happiness. Thank you so mush for posting your story!
I've only made a small amount of progress on my recovery, but videos like this make me so so so grateful. I'm thankful that I stumbled across this video and there's people out there that understand the severity of this disorder and the negative emotion tied to it. Thank you so much for making this video and sharing your experience with everyone. I have a feeling this is going to help me tremendously ❤❤❤
Mark, you are like a new man! I totally see a huge burden lifted off of you and I know about that burden. Thank you for covering this issue because I can't learn enough either.
UA-cam videos have been invaluable to me. I have watched hundreds of hours of videos. Just hearing what other people have been through and identifying that the same things happened to me is liberating.
You tube videos gave me hope strength validation and so many tools and information. I listened from my hospital bed to educate myself for survival and moving forward . Very grateful to you all for sharing and supporting us all 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Great suggestions! .One more thing, 10 months ago now i adopted a little pupster dog who has 'rescued' me! She's with me all the time and for many of us who didn't experience lovingkindness as children and who are somewhat distrustful of other humans, the simple joyful affection between us is absolutely wonderful.
Awesome healing tips. I couldn't afford even talk therapy so... my list is like yours without the massages,EMDR and talk therapy or treatment center. So, my list is a bit shorter. For those who can't afford certain treatments, I can tell you what worked/is working for me. First is of course, know what you have. Other than your videos, Mark, the book "Psychopath Free" really saved me, possibly even my life. LOTS of reading. LOTS of crying (and as you know, that includes bone-deep sobbing that can last hours). Another thing is to NOT isolate yourself. Some of my worst times were when I was isolating. I'd recommend, getting around safe people everyday and getting some hugs. Physical touch can be very important during this time. I also occasionally would write letters to the narcissist (but did NOT send them). These letters could be when I was in an angry phase or a missing him phase. (I did this quite a bit during the early months). I'd write something, say whatever I wanted, and then I'd delete it or rip it up. The act of writing something out seemed to release things that otherwise would get stuck in my head and keep circling around up there. Journaling helps, too. Deep breathing helped me as well, since I was breathing shallowly during panic attacks. And finally, having done everything you can do for yourself, it seems time helps a great deal, obviously. The farther away I got from my "discard" date, the better functioning I became. But I sure worked HARD to get here as well. P.S. Driving can sometimes be a bad idea, lol. I actually took out a few mailboxes over the course of several months. On really bad days, I tried not to drive too many places. Thanks for another terrific video, Mark. I heard the notification "ping" on my phone and got excited, as always. So, now my dinner is cold, lol. But it was worth it!
+familytreecounseling Yes, loll. For some reason my peripheral vision was off during this time and I'd veer over to the right side of the road. I would hear a noise, look in my rearview mirror and see the top of someone's mailbox lying in the grass. This happened 3 times! Also, my body would occasionally "lurch" around (because I felt so weak and exhausted at times) and I'd knock into people in the supermarket. Very embarrassing for my kids, lol, but it actually made me laugh, which was good, because I wasn't doing much laughing during the last 9 months. So, I'd add laughter to the list! I should have watched more comedy shows or stand-up comedians. (I just didn't think of it, I guess.) I did this a few times, though, with my kids....and would laugh and cry at the same time. So healing. We store so much emotion and pain in our bodies.....Laughing and crying......... such great medicine for the soul.
Educating myself, via You Tube and learning to spot a Narcissist was really paramount in my healing. I have also used Hypnosis extensively! I also do inner child work!
I've done a lot of therapy & one therapist in particular really helped me, in fact she probably saved my life. After 3 years i feel i emerged as a different person, and yes that healing involved a lot of crying. Thank you ,Mark for another great video ! keep on keeping on...
Familytreecounseling+ Mark Smith, thank you for all these amazing healing videos. I've been researching narcissistic abuse on youtube for about 2 months while every video was of extreme value, your videos with your raw pain really hit home for me.. Literally hit home, because like you said, it definitely begins in your childhood home. It's all so clear now and I feel so empowered. Mark Smith what you make happen for others, GOD will make happen for you!! You have made my life worth living again, the fog has lifted and I see and feel peace, self love, self worth not in my future, but instantly. Never thought I would meet a human Angel on youtube.. GOD IS SO AMAZING.. 😇😇😇😇
I have complex PTSD. What works for me, being self aware is very important. CBT can help you become more self aware. Teach your self about Narcissistic about and its damage, and your symptoms. Swimming, yoga, mindfulness, eating clean, not smoking nicotine can make your flashbacks worse, having goals, staying away from people who are not supporting you. You tube videos of other survivors like yourself " Spartan life Coach" he is good.
Hi Mark So sorry to hear you have been a target. I live in Ireland and have been married to a narcissistic for years currently going through seperation. I can only empathise with you as truly the pain is excruciating. I would recommend a therapist called Christine Louis De Cannoville who has brought out a book called the Dark Triad which deals with narcissism machauvesim and psychopathy.She is also holding a seminar in Dublin in February for therapist to enlighten them and to give them the skills to treat clients with Narcissistic victim syndrome. I am so glad that you are in recovery I can see the sadness and pain in your face Bridget
This is a really great video thank you for sharing. I have actually been dealing with this for years but did not come across videos about it until last March, so I did not fully realize it was not just me. I have been in counseling for it and found talk therapy with the right therapist can be helpful and I was on medication for a year. But I couldn't afford to keep all of that up but the clinic I was at was supportive and encouraging to me on the other things I had already been doing to help myself. The only complaint that I had about that experience is that they did not explain to me what it was but that could have been b/c it was 10 years ago, BUT they did encourage me to talk about it at that time and I felt like they believed me. So the other things I have done through out the years to help me with this stem a lot from self care techniques such as massage, practicing tai chi and qi gong (which you can learn self massage, diet, breathwork, movement and meditation from). And they are all for people on a budget you don't need any fancy guru or sifu to show you the way there are a lot of vids here on youtube that can help teach people about all of that, and a couple of good books I have found just to have on hand as guides and for reference sake are "A Tooth from the Tiger's mouth" by Tom Bisio and "The Way Of Qi gong" By Kenneth Cohen. UA-cam vids on this topic have helped tremendously, I have been journaling about it too feeling the feelings is important. Thanks for the vid.
Hi Thanks for your honesty always appreciated. I underwent Narcissistic abuse from my Dad which lead me to suffering from social anxiety which thank God I have overcome. i now mentor other men/women that suffer from social anxiety. I'm still in the process of healing like yourself would say 80-90% healed but still have some pain in my body. I also had counselling from an amazing man who helped me. Thanks again for your support x
Most people who find that they have had a relationship with a narcissist are codependent so coda.org might help some people find codependency support groups. I don't know if you are familiar with Lisa A. Romano and Ross Rosenberg but they are both spectacular. They have both been abused and are recovered and now they have teamed up to work together.
It seems that for the vast majority of true victims, full recovery is difficult. I'm not going to prescribe any method, but I will say what has worked exceptionally well for me: Identify the particular/specific "weakness" (an unmet emotional need/craving) within oneself that has led to spiritual/energy vulnerability (a lowering of one's "shields"), recognize that this intense need has the effect of a real addiction, and then acknowledge that, once this addiction is neutralized (once the addiction is cured), all the pain/anger/sadness will be gone. For me, the way to cure my emotional addiction ("codependency") to that person was to focus on cherishing my life, cherishing my time, cherishing my energy. Not saying that I am worth more than others, but rather to say that our own time/energy/life is of tremendous, enormous, unfathomably high value, and therefore to waste another second thinking about the past is to throw away one's own life, a life bestowed upon us, a blessing. Don't throw away this blessing. Doing so is the ultimate tragedy. Perhaps you were meant to learn from this experience, if you believe that nothing happens by chance. For me, the lesson is to cherish life. When I was obsessed with the narc, I was no longer cherishing my own life. The narc became my emotional "master", the arbiter of my value. Cherish your own life enough (are you?), and if you believe in God, serve Him (because He has your best interests at heart). Don't serve the narc. Thoughts are powerful. To think about the narc is to absorb toxic energy. Why would you want to do that? Cherish your own life. Serve Him, if you believe in Him. Put your thoughts in Him. Kick the narc out of your mind. Stand your ground, and don't let him/her in your mind. Cherish your mind, cherish your life.
+Ken Pan Thanks so much! I want to say ditto to your comment. I know I must keep the lid on the pain with Gratitude for the life I'm building and am blessed with - - it is the addiction to codependency that pulls me out of the good that is already my life and re-traumatizes me. I am learning something new each year of my life. Thank you so much. Yes! Cherishing my own life and mind - detaching from them - and trusting in God. It's true - gotta master my mind.
Love your genuineness. Very similar to my journey. I think the hardest part is the very beginning when we first learn about this stuff, trying to comprehend the reality of it all and wanting so much to hope and believe it's not true. God heals and we can partner with him in our healing. I love that. Blessings.
My list is pretty similar to yours (esp. re: UA-cam being my saving grace for being able to finally identify what had happened and why I was having so much trouble functioning). The only thing I'd add (which may not be right for everyone) is that starting to post videos the past few weeks has begun to unlock things I wasn't able to access through writing in my journal or talking to someone. I feel like I can talk more freely alone while filming than in a conversation. And while writing has been so important to me as a way of connecting with myself, it left me feeling voiceless around others. I tried support groups and therapy for a few years but I felt interrupted a lot by people who were trying to help instead of trying to listen. (I understand they meant well but damn was it frustrating.) Having a voice has turned out to be incredibly important to me.
Thank you for your video. It is interesting that a lot of what you are describing, I found doing myself some of the things that you described. I guess, it validates the hypothesis that the damage that narcs do to us follows the same path as well as the recovery. You are so right, we are doing it to survive.
Mark, Thanks for your video. I found it very helpful. I'm not sure if I was married to a narcissist, he has many of the characteristics. He was diagnosed as having Mascupathy by the Men's Resource Center in Rapids, MI. Regardless, I feel healing and recovery from Mascupathy will require many of the things you recommend in this video. I will look for more of you videos, your openness and honesty will help many people struggling with this disorder. Thank you.
I was devastated by what happened to me. I had to disassociate with everything that reminded me of this person. It took me almost 3 years to feel normal. I felt truly alone and I couldn't find anyone who could help me. I saw no one could relate and understand my pain. I'm not sure why it took me so long to heal.
Thank you for your video.. like you i find so much help in processing my own bpd.. i went no contact with my mom... had false charges of elder abuse dropped on me yesterday.. she calls cops on me... and my reputation has suffered i was traumitized.. it will mean i walk away from money promised.. and its worth my life.. i realise my parents dont get what theyve done.. ive had thirty years of therapy.. been a pharmacutical gunea pig.. survived several serious suicide attempts.. im 46...lost a string of of loved ones starting on 10.11.12...saw the light 11.03..13... knew i had to adress these recalled abuses and change my way of living..but i was surrounded by narcassists drunks and wounded women... i care for broken winged women and abusers.. i felt need to fix them.. so im flawed in seeing i can have healthier woman.. less controlling or helpless.. so untill i heal some more.. reclaim my life.. i won't date.. till im more cautious about what i attract to me.. funny you mention lmt.. i was one.. lost the licence just due to the fact i couldnt practice.. bacause i got beat up..soon after gerting licensed.. i couldnt and cant afford massage... but chiropractic was covered.. i should return.. but everyone i see for medical stuff or even where i shop and pay bills.. my mother also frequents.. so i find it best to avoid these places for now.. my current ptsd therapist is amasing.. i know hes saved my life a time or two.. as i have so few i feel i can trust.. i know i cam heal... but i struggle each day to find purpose.. not quit.. survive.. forgive.. love.. appreciate.. and feel the pain... to allow myself to release it.. not have it boomerang back.. meds didn't help me..personally in the long term.. i had to recover from secondary parkinsonism.. from these meds... they work for some folks.. for me medicalarijua.. is my only help.. i struggle with all sorts of issues.. addictions.. and im sober.. but its hard.. i fight this alone.. like many of us.. i will post my own videos in time. NaMastê.. i know what works for me.. these vids. being forgiving with myself and others.. trying not to gaslight or convince the world my pain is valid.. and trusting in my talents.. practicing guitar.. helping others.. crying when needed.. but not in pity.. exercise.. healthy diet... and for me... to continue NOT working.. for now .. till i have a friggen clue what i can even feasibly handle doing now that im a broken cog in health care field... but still i now again gotta figure out a way to once again work at earning a living.. being unemoyed keeps me poor.. and i never was money driven... but id better start.. i got left in debt in helping some toxic family now done with me.. as a walking matt.. they just gotta walk on.. im done.. ill do better alone.
typos aside... thanks.. typo i saw first in my comment was.. medical Marijuana.. kinda got morphed into a gibberish bit.. but it does help minimize the flasbacks.. nightmares.. helps my writing.. not my spelling.. lol ..but ive over the decades put things down.. even pot.. to get a baseline to my head.. its a good practice.. but i will never criticise this herb. I tend on doing a few videos myself.. but as i take critism to heart.. i hestitate to do it.. i know i do grow a lot when i push myself out of my comfort zone. and that very often folks ask my opinion about everything... cause im a talker.. they want helo in figuring out them... so i quote the bumper sticker i recently saw.. dont follow me.. ..i'm probably lost.
Psychopath Free is an amazing book and it helped me more then I can express. I have found that listening to You Tube videos have kept me going and focused on healing. Narcissist Support has some amazing videos!
It was what pulled me out of that Dark hole. They have amazing support group as well. I am 2 yrs into my Journey of healing and I still have the eBook on my phone, and refer back to it when I am dealing with what I call "The Leftovers"
Thanks Rose, yes I have moved from the angry vblogs which were very helpful in many ways not knocking them think they are a very good start cause if you in that place good to hear other people are going through the same, now listening more to self help and true understanding vblogs. Other than one or 2 I owe so much to want to be by their side even if it is just in spirit while they are hurting.
Thank you so much for your tip about Psychopath Free book, downloading it immediately on your rec. I agree, youtube videos have been the main thing that helped me after my narcissist finally discarded me. After reading that book, i immediately went and blocked all ways he could find or communicate with me. I see now, this wasn't a normal relationship, and therefore not a normal breakup! It's strange, to remember a time when I was narc-free, and blissfully ignorant!
Great vid great tips. Also if you can't afford massage - you can watch some basic beginner yoga on yt and stretch it out:) free and sometimes you don't want to leave the house when you are healing.
I'm with you Dana, I definitely recommend a dance a day if you enjoy dancing. I choose a track that reminds me of my happy life before the Narc stepped in.
I've always excercised. With my narc, I packed on 60 pounds that were very hard to lose, because my soul needed armor for his constant hurtful demeaning remarks!
I'm right there with you on the number 1. I probably 75%~85% healed I think. it took 8months before discovery of Narcissism. My 2nd way to recover was to meet someone new who I fell in love with. Same month as when I discovered NPD. 3rd. Is looking at videos every day. Thanks for all your videos
i just cannot believe how many people go through this. and everyone ive talked to about it looks at me like im crazy. im 7 months no contact and i still hurt and shocked. it has so changed me butim trying to make it back its been one hell of a healing journey.
A less expensive way to get massages is to get them done at Massage Therapy or even Cosmetology schools. The students are excited about their new career path and are usually overachievers hoping to make a tip. You can usually choose how experienced the student you want working on you. Either brand new student or someone about to graduate. You can get great service for a much lower price. Well
Love the beard.....looks good on you. Danca for your help.....I am healing, I am alone, but happy. I am filling in the blanks and whys, which has let me forgive myself, it wasn't my fault. It was done too me. Jesus led me to your site because I'm ready to understand....still looking for my peeps and I'm 65. Peace
I often think of those that had no clue that it was a Narc and healed, as it healing like you said being apart of a community. Its frightening the numbers the survivors. it's almost like either you're a narcissist or you're a survivor of a narcissist, it's very sad!
I can't stop binge watching. Feel better but then go into depression then I have to watch again to feel better. I just want to be myself again it's horrible. My trigger is tv it's horrible.
It is tough to accept that you have to learn to confidently live a life without love and acceptance to overcome the problems of having lived a life without love and acceptance. That is the challenge of getting over narcissistic abuse. I've found some help in Buddhist practice. I don't feel alone and depressed even though I accept that my life will likely not include love and acceptance from now on. It's not been easy, but it's been the only way I've found to build some kind of personal integrity and contentment. It's a paradox that the answer to a life that has not had love and acceptance is to learn to build a life without love and acceptance, but it's the only way.
3506Dodge you are amazing! The way you worded that was like a bolt of lightning filled with magic. that is exactly what I am trying to do at present and may I say slowly, but succeeding at it. trying to learn to live without it and learning that that is what had been wrong with me is that I had been living without it. thank you so much for sharing. bless you!
Check out Love and the Mystery of Betrayal: Recovering Your Trust and Faith after Trauma, Deception, and Loss of Love by Sandra Lee Dennis. It came out a little over a year ago I think. I can't say enough good things. Great science, compelling story and all around wonderful resource. A hand to hold through this dark night if the soul. I've highlighted at least half of it.
I think there are lots of little things we can do. Like Dana Thrower says, dancing. If you enjoy dancing I'd recommend a dance a day, choosing a track that reminds you of a happier time when the Narc wasn't involved in your life, if you have such a time. Part of the recovery is regaining our self-worth, so how about 'I am what I am' by Gloria Gaynor. The words are perfect for regaining self-worth. Sing it to yourself when you can't hear it perhaps? I'm with Mark re: recovery comes from knowledge. I am in the early stages of going 'No contact' with my Narc daughter, it is painful, very painful, but every time I begin to weaken I visit UA-cam to be reminded of the truth of my situation. I have support from my remaining child who has suffered worse than me! Hopefully we can avoid the flying monkeys and the triangulation and get free of this. Throwing away things that the Narc has 'love-bombed' you with seems a good move too? There are lots of little quotes out there that help, I repeat these to myself too. 'What you put up with, you end up with". Stay strong, live happy.
you are wonderful person, thank you for sharing,i have been nas from a very awful father and he still is awefull, naturally I got it a awful nas partner, absolutely awefull, ten years later iam trying to get get my financial money back from this person the life savings for two decades, but god dam it I now know my father set me up for failure still ensures my failure actually took the word of the abusive drunk violent partner and not my word. really had enough of both my partner and this abusive drunk and no supportive crap father. in regards to self esteem I didn't have a chance with these two narcissistic bustards.
Therapists try to get you to breeze through the pain fast won't let you work through pain as I should how am I suppose to move on with all this unresolved pain
my ten things: Learning and understanding about being the child of a narcissistic mother. This knowing did most of it. no contact writing .... big thing for me. the writing. blogging practicing using the tools of an emotionally healthy person in everyday relating. boundaries! UA-cam videos have by far outweighed all the counseling I have found. reflective listening self care of my body mind and soul freeing myself of all lifetime narcissistic relationships from 'friends' to relatives good rest, sleep, learned to observe and not absorb... taught myself to step aside and watch the difficult exchange... not take it on. for real they are talking to the hand which stops the misdirected negative energy from entering. Making it clear this is their deal not mine. the very first thing some years ago I learned I didn't have to be right. the rest followed after.
it takes a long time for the wound to close. its such a deep layer of betrayal when u find out the person u love does not exist. thats hard to swallow. not only was the relationship a total fraud so was the person u loved! thats hard. ive been so angry for so long he cheated with hookers everyone who would be with him im an empath and he used me for a trophy girlfriend and for proofe of social normalcy. sad. its so dam hurtful .
Mark you're just the cutest little boy ever ...it's hard to not want to kid nap you into a day at fairytale town or into an episode of Willy Wonka ( Gene Wilder only ) and go up into that bubbily thing because well it'd be sooo much fun (: Tom Robbins said it's never too late to have a happy childhood and I couldn't agree more - since my narc dumped me I'm rolling in the green grass and just enjoying being 11 ( I'm 48 ) laughter escapes me constantly like bubbily champagne ..I know the sex , those narcs sure get the fire going ...but 11 is a great place to get some reprieve and u know what it's still there under all the bills and scary life crap that 11 year old is still there (: and it's just the best healing spot in our souls...so I hope anyone reading this finds time for your playful inner child- what do u think all those coloring books for adults are about - shoot I just decided to not even pretend I'm adult coloring and got Bambi(: Mark your e just adorable and I hope u share the child in you with someone , I can see him in your eyes . I'm just a dumb preschool teacher but I know just enough to know that letting our inner child out for a day in the park is sooo healing . Sending everyone lots of warm happy playful thoughts - now go get those leggos out - u might be crying your butt off , I know I was so close to ending it all..I felt so terrible , used, lied to , etc..Soo much pain ...but everyday I play with children and my kids too but never play just for myself , so find a swing and swing fir yourself ..you'll see , just by the laws of nature you'll feel a bit better ...lots of hugs ...danyachristine
The question I ask is how long is to long obsessing over finding out more. I have just about exhausted all the Vlogs out there on narcissism is about all I am doing just cannot stop if I go a day without listening I get back to the phase "oh crap maybe I am crazy"
+Rose You're so right, Rose. In the early stages of my recovery I was going through pure, unadulterated hell. And there were some well-meaning people who kept encouraging me to "forgive him and move on". I was in no place to even think clearly, much less forgive anyone. I was having suicidal thoughts daily... then weekly, then monthly..... And I was supposed to be able to forgive this person? It DID add more pain to my already devastated soul. I could barely function for a while. Forgive this person? I could barely get a spoon to my mouth. So many well-meaning people saying things such as, "Forgive and forget. Move on. Try to see your part in this. Don't ever think about him again. Put him out of your mind. Get a hobby". And so on................ Obviously, these folks had no clue and were thinking this was just a "normal" breakup. Fortunately, at some point, a healthy anger surfaced in me. This was ME fighting for myself. I was at ground zero. I was literally at the bottom of a pit climbing and clawing my way up. I got to a plateau point, where I could breathe and eat and sleep again. I could see the light at the top of this huge pit. And I just chucked the whole idea of forgiving this guy and didn't even worry about it again. If it happens on down the line, great. If not, I couldn't care less. But the important question to ask is, yes, "Can we forgive ourselves?". And after 8 months of thinking, "No. No way. I'm unlovable and an idiot and my life will never amount to anything....." and so on.......A light switch flipped on, seemingly in a day, and I gave that question a resounding "yes". And you're right. This unhealthy guilt didn't "really" just start with the narcissist. I had probably 40 years worth of unshed tears in me. Unexpressed anger at ill and horrible treatment by others, including my own parents. Years of treating myself like crap. Consuming false guilt. All of this is being addressed, finally, at age 51. And it's "becoming" a beautiful thing. There was always this innocent, pure little girl inside me who was terrorized for years, who I now am starting to take care of and cherish. She needed someone to fight for her and love her........ and that person was me, all along. Rose, your words moved me today in a way that led me to be able to realize these things today. Thanks so much!
Hi all. My new book' ALCHEMISTS - WE TRANSFORM NARCISSISTIC ABUSE INTO GOLD!' is available for digital download!!! YOU ALSO GET 2 FREE LIFE-CHANGING E-BOOKS WRITTEN BY MARK SMITH (The BASICS For A Healthy Life And Marriage' & 'Startling Insight Into The Healing Powers Of Marriage') AND 3 EXTENDED LENGTH PRIVATE VIDEOS (ONE -114 MINUTES, TWO 122 MINUTES, THREE 77 MINUTES) RAW POWERFUL SHARING BASED ON THE FIRST 3 CHAPTERS OF THE BOOK! THESE VIDEOS ARE NOT AVAILABLE ON UA-cam) Here are some early reviews... "Hi Mark, I just finished reading. It touched me deeply. You must have gone through hell. But what an incredible strength I read between the lines. In describing your feelings and thoughts I recognized myself. You give very useful tips and undoubtedly many souls will thrive after reading. Thank you for your honesty and trust to share your story to those who, like me, feel validated by it." - MB "I purchased your new book " Alchemist- Transforming Trauma, Shattering & Narcissistic Abuse Into Gold" 2 days ago & finished reading it today! It gave me new insight, hope & its put fire in my tummy knowing I am not crazy, but on a mission to fully recover and thrive at finding the gold!" - DMH Here is more information about the book... familytreecounseling2.com/~family/ebooks.php?eID=32 Or you can purchase it at ssl.clickbank.net/order/orderform.html?time=1491746722&vvvv=66746361626f6f6b73&item=11&oaref=01.70DC70D02A9525C27F9E083FBACED1CA8FE6262F73AC1F2B2137B6EF865791DC5EB656F77278FDB497D19DB5F92206743CB359F2E4FF7D6301F55CE4FA871C8D3C6640CA Mark Smith
Click for more information on my new book 'The Alchemists - Transforming Narcissistic Abuse Into Gold'...www.familytreecounseling2.com//~family/ebooks.php?eID=32 Mark Smith
1.right! thanks to people saying Trump was a narcissist showed me my horrible relationship was where I being destroyed! I GOOGLED NARCISSISM and got out. 2.Learned about boundaries. 3.how to say no! 'not now'...' 'you can think that' Gray Rock, and NO CONTACT. 4. Eight-hours days and more full time free UA-cam channels for at least a year. This channel! Angie Atkinson, the very most helpful! Lisa A. Romano, Richard Grannon, Lucky i am retired, and could work on self love and positive thinking! "3 thIngs I like about myself, and 10 things I'm thankful for from Angie! Literally: overnight successes night after night reprogramming my negative thinking, heal procrastination another night with Jody Whiteley's brilliant self- healing sleep hyposis videos .7. healing myself through the soul power institute's Divine Healing Hands (so powerfutj, 3 elderly men no longer terminal with stage 4 cancers!...), and now my recently upgraded Tao Hands! Why not ask for soul healing for myself!?? 9. going out Dancing wild rock and roll WITH 10.a great person, neighbor and friend, Janele Honer
Click for more information on my new book 'The Alchemists - Transforming Narcissistic Abuse Into Gold'..familytreecounseling.com/product/alchemists-transform-narcissistic-abuse-gold/ As of 7-30-17 the price has been reduced by 30% to just $4.95. - Mark Smith
Great answer! I am glad that you have gained a great deal of insight from the lessons in life that have been brought your way. Your own personal growth (a true benefit from your experience - despite the pain that you have endured) has the potential to help so many people who have been exposed to narcissistic traits in their partners and to allow them to sort through the unhealthy patterns of their childhoods and to achieve reconciliation with the wounding of their souls.
+Maryse Moire This article might be of help in understanding the issues of those of us who have found themselves involved with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits. I found it to be very helpful. www.abandonment.net/articles/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-of-abandonment-part-i-an-overview-and-list-of-30-characteristics
Found side effects of pharma a Nono, quit caffeine and drink kava. Ditto to all else you mentioned uncanny how we all have the same experience - I'd like to add Binaural beats -
although victims hear this if anything we must b pretty dam special because these narcs slash sociapaths they only pick people who are special in some way. so if its any comfort remember that.
For me? No contact, or very very low contact (children), UA-cam videos, I wrote a book of all the memories I can remember of the abuse and the scenarios. It was theraputic and beneficial. It's published and available for purchase.
make more and more if not for youtub I would be in Jill and the abuser would not be in earth. thanks again renumber the more videos the better for the victims
Click for more information on my new book 'The Alchemists - Transforming Narcissistic Abuse Into Gold'...www.familytreecounseling2.com//~family/ebooks.php?eID=32 Mark Smith
Shutting yourself away, self care, peace , quiet and watching your youtube videos I would say has helped me far more than counselling. Thanks so much for your invaluable insight. I know I am not alone and this is incredibly comforting to know .
How were you able to shut yourself away and not have to deal with concerned people,that did not understand what you were dealing with ?
My ex narc after stealing, literally,everything, including my clothes, is trying to have ME put in prison!!
The courtroom theatrics is beyond belief !
I've got ONE of them.
Hey Mark, thank you for another great video! like yourself i have cried "oceans" of tears and have also had to deal with a lot of anger in my life, i was brought up by two dysfunctonal people (i have never seen them as parents) who basically had no time for me, i was terrified of my mother who bullied me and was always putting me down and my father did nothing about it, i left home at 16 , i am now 52 and have had a horrendous life, i have suffered much abuse all my life and have been too many different councellors ( i live in ireland ) but didn't find they helped much then i found God and he is the one who has got me through my darkest times, and he has became my best friend and has worked so many miracles in my life and is helping me over narc abuse i enjoy your videos and your sense of humour so a big thank you! God bless you!
You asked for it. Here are my top 10 ways:
1. Psychoeducation - learning and understanding all about narcissists/sociopaths and the effects of trauma/C-PTSD via UA-cam and kindle books.
2. Joining forums pertaining to narcissistic abuse/domestic violence - these helped immensely because members got it and shared experiences, etc. I credit members of a forum specifically for DV as being the primary facilitators that got me to the point where I had the courage to leave.
3. Art, poetry and prose. I had such a great desire to communicate my inner experience and desperately needed to get it out there. This gave my experience structure and was the only thing that came close to being able to depict the horror of what I was feeling. My creativity became prolific soared through the roof and may well end up being my bread and butter now that I have to reinvent myself. In the latter and current stage I began Art Therapy to process all the deep stuff.
4. Allowing yourself to feel and honour your emotions. This unfortunately led to many episodes of emotional overwhelm/dysregulation of mammoth proportions which felt like I was having an exorcism conducted. Very painful, but very cathartic.
5. Help lines - I became a frequent caller to at least 3 regular 24/7 help lines that were able to help me through difficult times. Some were able to ground me at times when I had become hysterical. On three occasions I was seriously considering suicide and they activated interventions which were horrendously embarrassing but ultimately kept me safe.
6. Ongoing psychotherapy with one rock steady therapist. Although she didn't "get it" she was able to somehow guide me safely through the journey.
7. Isolation - I know this doesn't sound like the right thing to do but for me I needed a lot of time-out in peace and solitude where I could lose myself. There were many times when I simply felt too exhausted or overwhelmed to talk and retracting into myself and away from life was healing. Often this is when I did my art and got my head into a meditative type of zone.
8. Changing the channel. The whole trauma journey was often so engulfing that I needed to just get my head out of that space and focus on something else. A shopping trip with a friend, a short vacation with a friend, eating out, etc.
9. Spirtuality - I had somewhat of an awakening with regard to this and found a latent interest in spiritual and esoteric subjects rekindled. Despite my inner torture I also found a deep compassion for myself. This did not come about immediately but through small tiny insights and increasing wisdom.
10. I did many things I shouldn't do. Without going into details I was often my own worst enemy. I have no regrets. I needed relief and it helped get me through.
PS I am just entering into the 4th year in my healing journey!!! 25 years of crazy making association with a highly disordered narcissistic and a further 5 years of being with a decompensating narcissist/sociopath just about killed me. I believe I'm on the home run now.
God is what helped me because God was there when nobody else was.
+familytreecounseling I don't have a channel. You Tube cut the ending and I am fixing the errors and will put back up. You are free to use the fixed version or any information you think will help people.
What has helped me was to read as much about narcissism; but don't let it consume you. There is life after the abuse.
And yes, only God can reach the depth of your soul and heal you that no therapy can do. Only pure light and love can destroy something so evil and dark that tries to burrow and take root in your head, heart and soul brought on by souls who sought to destroy you. Whether they realized it or not this is pure evil.
*May God bless you and your work!*
***** I'm still at the anger stage of the healing process. Right now I'm working on maintaining my inner peace. Knowledge is power, but I think keeping our inner peace is also powerful (and not losing our sense of humor.) :)
Thumbs up to you tube for sure and all these people taking time to help us heal it is amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to each and everyone of you, saved my life for sure.
THank you Mark, I have found being able to develop forgiveness and positive self talk incredibly helpful. I had bronchitis for 7 months as a response to the CPTSD. Some massage, reaching out, asking for help to get my nervous system to reset. It's highly reactive, traumatized and I'm slowly putting the pieces back together.
The list of things that has helped and continue to help me is long. 1. Eckhart Tolle books/CD's. 2. Talk therapy. Finally realizing my mother was awful and it was OK to admit it and be angry about it. Unfortunately, this took forever. 3. You Tube videos, the most helpful being, Spartan Life Coach. 4,. Giving myself permission and allowing myself to feel the feels. A lot of the pain I felt, both emotional and physical, was from working so hard NOT to feel. The best way to get over it is to walk through it. 5. Martial Arts. Specifically Muay Thai Kickboxing and ICS training. I'm allowed to hit back:). 6. Massages. 7. Diet. I found sugar and caffeine intensified anxiety for me. 8. Realizing that I'm not being punished by God for being bad! For the longest time, I believed I was trying to redeem myself for sins I couldn't identify. Those days are gone!
+Aunt T. Best list ever! Especially No. 4 and 8.
+Aunt T. I feel so bad for the children of Narcs like you. Horrible. Another thing you should know is that at a spirit level your parents represent the god mother/father - so if one of them can't give you that godlike unconditional true love- then you are missing that part of your triangle. That can hurt at a whole other level of worthlessness and kill your self esteem. ( I have found the YT vid on affirmations and hypnosis really helps reprogram that at a core level) You are on the ultimate hero's journey. You must have been called to do something great. I wish you well I know you will find joy.
+morningmayan Thanks so much for your kind words.
We're all in this together:)
Yes!!! Richard Grannon! Spartan Life Coach! I had a little crush on him
Just learning about narc abuse and CPTSD. I believe my mother was not only mentally ill but a horrible narcissist. She was verbally and physically abusive. My siblings and I lived in and out of the foster care system (which was horrible) and I married a narc and then dated a narc for many more years. I eventually just shut down emotionally and spent many years alone. I thought I was crazy because I felt like I wasn't living. Like I was invisible. Literally I walked through the streets and saw people laughing and living and it hurt because I felt dead inside. I thought I would never be normal, and I would have killed myself years ago but I didn't want to do that and hurt my children but now I have hope and I know what I was going through and I can get better.
Thank you for sharing. Its sad to know that so many people are suffering like this and that this area of abuse is so unattended to by the therapy community.
I've been looking for a therapist for several weeks and who knew I finally have insurance and hope but can't find someone taking new patients.
But I'm not giving up because my girls and grandchildren need a mother to be here loving them and guiding them.
I'm hopeful that someday I'll find peace in my life and maybe even real love but if not real love, I'll be thankful with just peace & happiness.
Thank you so mush for posting your story!
Music ! listening to and making music ! there's nothing better for me :). I wouldn't be anything without it.
A tip that worked for me is get off social media
Soooo depressing!. Such a time waster!
I've only made a small amount of progress on my recovery, but videos like this make me so so so grateful. I'm thankful that I stumbled across this video and there's people out there that understand the severity of this disorder and the negative emotion tied to it. Thank you so much for making this video and sharing your experience with everyone. I have a feeling this is going to help me tremendously ❤❤❤
Hi I am a psychotherapist, yes I have been there. Thank you for been you, God bless.
are you? a prychotherapist who can't spell?
Mark, you are like a new man! I totally see a huge burden lifted off of you and I know about that burden. Thank you for covering this issue because I can't learn enough either.
UA-cam videos have been invaluable to me. I have watched hundreds of hours of videos. Just hearing what other people have been through and identifying that the same things happened to me is liberating.
You tube videos gave me hope strength validation and so many tools and information. I listened from my hospital bed to educate myself for survival and moving forward . Very grateful to you all for sharing and supporting us all 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Great suggestions! .One more thing, 10 months ago now i adopted a little pupster dog who has 'rescued' me! She's with me all the time and for many of us who didn't experience lovingkindness as children and who are somewhat distrustful of other humans, the simple joyful affection between us is absolutely wonderful.
Awesome healing tips. I couldn't afford even talk therapy so... my list is like yours without the massages,EMDR and talk therapy or treatment center. So, my list is a bit shorter. For those who can't afford certain treatments, I can tell you what worked/is working for me. First is of course, know what you have. Other than your videos, Mark, the book "Psychopath Free" really saved me, possibly even my life. LOTS of reading. LOTS of crying (and as you know, that includes bone-deep sobbing that can last hours). Another thing is to NOT isolate yourself. Some of my worst times were when I was isolating. I'd recommend, getting around safe people everyday and getting some hugs. Physical touch can be very important during this time. I also occasionally would write letters to the narcissist (but did NOT send them). These letters could be when I was in an angry phase or a missing him phase. (I did this quite a bit during the early months). I'd write something, say whatever I wanted, and then I'd delete it or rip it up. The act of writing something out seemed to release things that otherwise would get stuck in my head and keep circling around up there. Journaling helps, too. Deep breathing helped me as well, since I was breathing shallowly during panic attacks. And finally, having done everything you can do for yourself, it seems time helps a great deal, obviously. The farther away I got from my "discard" date, the better functioning I became. But I sure worked HARD to get here as well. P.S. Driving can sometimes be a bad idea, lol. I actually took out a few mailboxes over the course of several months. On really bad days, I tried not to drive too many places. Thanks for another terrific video, Mark. I heard the notification "ping" on my phone and got excited, as always. So, now my dinner is cold, lol. But it was worth it!
+familytreecounseling Yes, loll. For some reason my peripheral vision was off during this time and I'd veer over to the right side of the road. I would hear a noise, look in my rearview mirror and see the top of someone's mailbox lying in the grass. This happened 3 times! Also, my body would occasionally "lurch" around (because I felt so weak and exhausted at times) and I'd knock into people in the supermarket. Very embarrassing for my kids, lol, but it actually made me laugh, which was good, because I wasn't doing much laughing during the last 9 months. So, I'd add laughter to the list! I should have watched more comedy shows or stand-up comedians. (I just didn't think of it, I guess.) I did this a few times, though, with my kids....and would laugh and cry at the same time. So healing. We store so much emotion and pain in our bodies.....Laughing and crying......... such great medicine for the soul.
I am isolating. Still attracting narcs, but spotting it sooner
Educating myself, via You Tube and learning to spot a Narcissist was really paramount in my healing. I have also used Hypnosis extensively! I also do inner child work!
Its war and we are all warriors ❤️❤️
I've done a lot of therapy & one therapist in particular really helped me, in fact she probably saved my life. After 3 years i feel i emerged as a different person, and yes that healing involved a lot of crying.
Thank you ,Mark for another great video ! keep on keeping on...
Familytreecounseling+ Mark Smith, thank you for all these amazing healing videos. I've been researching narcissistic abuse on youtube for about 2 months while every video was of extreme value, your videos with your raw pain really hit home for me.. Literally hit home, because like you said, it definitely begins in your childhood home. It's all so clear now and I feel so empowered. Mark Smith what you make happen for others, GOD will make happen for you!! You have made my life worth living again, the fog has lifted and I see and feel peace, self love, self worth not in my future, but instantly. Never thought I would meet a human Angel on youtube.. GOD IS SO AMAZING.. 😇😇😇😇
I have complex PTSD. What works for me, being self aware is very important. CBT can help you become more self aware. Teach your self about Narcissistic about and its damage, and your symptoms. Swimming, yoga, mindfulness, eating clean, not smoking nicotine can make your flashbacks worse, having goals, staying away from people who are not supporting you. You tube videos of other survivors like yourself " Spartan life Coach" he is good.
Hi Mark
So sorry to hear you have been a target. I live in Ireland and have been married to a narcissistic for years currently going through seperation. I can only empathise with you as truly the pain is excruciating. I would recommend a therapist called Christine Louis De Cannoville who has brought out a book called the Dark Triad which deals with narcissism machauvesim and psychopathy.She is also holding a seminar in Dublin in February for therapist to enlighten them and to give them the skills to treat clients with Narcissistic victim syndrome. I am so glad that you are in recovery I can see the sadness and pain in your face Bridget
This video information is so helpful!! You are awesome!! Thanks for posting it!! :)
I'm so glad you are recovering and so thankful for you to share you experience. This is sooooo hard. Blessing in your journey
I also prayed begged for help...and I found a house in a week,....and the illusion was broken, I could see and free myself. Healing is now.
I've listened to two of your videos thus far. A friend told me what I'm going through this morning.. Thank you so very much for opening up!
This is a really great video thank you for sharing. I have actually been dealing with this for years but did not come across videos about it until last March, so I did not fully realize it was not just me.
I have been in counseling for it and found talk therapy with the right therapist can be helpful and I was on medication for a year. But I couldn't afford to keep all of that up but the clinic I was at was supportive and encouraging to me on the other things I had already been doing to help myself. The only complaint that I had about that experience is that they did not explain to me what it was but that could have been b/c it was 10 years ago, BUT they did encourage me to talk about it at that time and I felt like they believed me. So the other things I have done through out the years to help me with this stem a lot from self care techniques such as massage, practicing tai chi and qi gong (which you can learn self massage, diet, breathwork, movement and meditation from). And they are all for people on a budget you don't need any fancy guru or sifu to show you the way there are a lot of vids here on youtube that can help teach people about all of that, and a couple of good books I have found just to have on hand as guides and for reference sake are "A Tooth from the Tiger's mouth" by Tom Bisio and "The Way Of Qi gong" By Kenneth Cohen. UA-cam vids on this topic have helped tremendously, I have been journaling about it too feeling the feelings is important.
Thanks for the vid.
A nice hot bubble bath is great too when you can't afford a massage. Drinking hot chocolate afterwards and cuddling up with a good book.
Hi Thanks for your honesty always appreciated. I underwent Narcissistic abuse from my Dad which lead me to suffering from social anxiety which thank God I have overcome. i now mentor other men/women that suffer from social anxiety. I'm still in the process of healing like yourself would say 80-90% healed but still have some pain in my body. I also had counselling from an amazing man who helped me. Thanks again for your support x
you are an amazing man. i admire you.
Most people who find that they have had a relationship with a narcissist are codependent so coda.org might help some people find codependency support groups. I don't know if you are familiar with Lisa A. Romano and Ross Rosenberg but they are both spectacular. They have both been abused and are recovered and now they have teamed up to work together.
+adaku75 me too:)
In recovery
It seems that for the vast majority of true victims, full recovery is difficult. I'm not going to prescribe any method, but I will say what has worked exceptionally well for me:
Identify the particular/specific "weakness" (an unmet emotional need/craving) within oneself that has led to spiritual/energy vulnerability (a lowering of one's "shields"), recognize that this intense need has the effect of a real addiction, and then acknowledge that, once this addiction is neutralized (once the addiction is cured), all the pain/anger/sadness will be gone. For me, the way to cure my emotional addiction ("codependency") to that person was to focus on cherishing my life, cherishing my time, cherishing my energy. Not saying that I am worth more than others, but rather to say that our own time/energy/life is of tremendous, enormous, unfathomably high value, and therefore to waste another second thinking about the past is to throw away one's own life, a life bestowed upon us, a blessing. Don't throw away this blessing. Doing so is the ultimate tragedy.
Perhaps you were meant to learn from this experience, if you believe that nothing happens by chance. For me, the lesson is to cherish life. When I was obsessed with the narc, I was no longer cherishing my own life. The narc became my emotional "master", the arbiter of my value. Cherish your own life enough (are you?), and if you believe in God, serve Him (because He has your best interests at heart). Don't serve the narc. Thoughts are powerful. To think about the narc is to absorb toxic energy. Why would you want to do that? Cherish your own life. Serve Him, if you believe in Him. Put your thoughts in Him. Kick the narc out of your mind. Stand your ground, and don't let him/her in your mind. Cherish your mind, cherish your life.
+Ken Pan Thanks so much! I want to say ditto to your comment. I know I must keep the lid on the pain with Gratitude for the life I'm building and am blessed with - - it is the addiction to codependency that pulls me out of the good that is already my life and re-traumatizes me. I am learning something new each year of my life. Thank you so much. Yes! Cherishing my own life and mind - detaching from them - and trusting in God. It's true - gotta master my mind.
潘根鴻
Yes! I searched EVERYBODY'S self-love, self esteem topics! I "love my heart and soul" like a mantra
Love your genuineness. Very similar to my journey. I think the hardest part is the very beginning when we first learn about this stuff, trying to comprehend the reality of it all and wanting so much to hope and believe it's not true. God heals and we can partner with him in our healing. I love that. Blessings.
My list is pretty similar to yours (esp. re: UA-cam being my saving grace for being able to finally identify what had happened and why I was having so much trouble functioning). The only thing I'd add (which may not be right for everyone) is that starting to post videos the past few weeks has begun to unlock things I wasn't able to access through writing in my journal or talking to someone. I feel like I can talk more freely alone while filming than in a conversation. And while writing has been so important to me as a way of connecting with myself, it left me feeling voiceless around others. I tried support groups and therapy for a few years but I felt interrupted a lot by people who were trying to help instead of trying to listen. (I understand they meant well but damn was it frustrating.) Having a voice has turned out to be incredibly important to me.
thumbs upp(: thank you for upploadings videos it helps me alot and ut makes me feel better and youre awewsome keep going on!
Thank you for your video. It is interesting that a lot of what you are describing, I found doing myself some of the things that you described. I guess, it validates the hypothesis that the damage that narcs do to us follows the same path as well as the recovery. You are so right, we are doing it to survive.
Mark, Thanks for your video. I found it very helpful. I'm not sure if I was married to a narcissist, he has many of the characteristics. He was diagnosed as having Mascupathy by the Men's Resource Center in Rapids, MI. Regardless, I feel healing and recovery from Mascupathy will require many of the things you recommend in this video. I will look for more of you videos, your openness and honesty will help many people struggling with this disorder. Thank you.
I was devastated by what happened to me. I had to disassociate with everything that reminded me of this person. It took me almost 3 years to feel normal. I felt truly alone and I couldn't find anyone who could help me. I saw no one could relate and understand my pain. I'm not sure why it took me so long to heal.
Thank you for your video.. like you i find so much help in processing my own bpd.. i went no contact with my mom... had false charges of elder abuse dropped on me yesterday.. she calls cops on me... and my reputation has suffered i was traumitized.. it will mean i walk away from money promised.. and its worth my life.. i realise my parents dont get what theyve done.. ive had thirty years of therapy.. been a pharmacutical gunea pig.. survived several serious suicide attempts.. im 46...lost a string of of loved ones starting on 10.11.12...saw the light 11.03..13... knew i had to adress these recalled abuses and change my way of living..but i was surrounded by narcassists drunks and wounded women... i care for broken winged women and abusers.. i felt need to fix them.. so im flawed in seeing i can have healthier woman.. less controlling or helpless.. so untill i heal some more.. reclaim my life.. i won't date.. till im more cautious about what i attract to me.. funny you mention lmt.. i was one.. lost the licence just due to the fact i couldnt practice.. bacause i got beat up..soon after gerting licensed.. i couldnt and cant afford massage... but chiropractic was covered.. i should return.. but everyone i see for medical stuff or even where i shop and pay bills.. my mother also frequents.. so i find it best to avoid these places for now.. my current ptsd therapist is amasing.. i know hes saved my life a time or two.. as i have so few i feel i can trust.. i know i cam heal... but i struggle each day to find purpose.. not quit.. survive.. forgive.. love.. appreciate.. and feel the pain... to allow myself to release it.. not have it boomerang back.. meds didn't help me..personally in the long term.. i had to recover from secondary parkinsonism.. from these meds... they work for some folks.. for me medicalarijua.. is my only help.. i struggle with all sorts of issues.. addictions.. and im sober.. but its hard.. i fight this alone.. like many of us.. i will post my own videos in time.
NaMastê..
i know what works for me..
these vids.
being forgiving with myself and others..
trying not to gaslight or convince the world my pain is valid..
and trusting in my talents..
practicing guitar.. helping others.. crying when needed..
but not in pity.. exercise.. healthy diet... and for me... to continue NOT working.. for now .. till i have a friggen clue what i can even feasibly handle doing now that im a broken cog in health care field... but still i now again gotta figure out a way to once again work at earning a living.. being unemoyed keeps me poor.. and i never was money driven... but id better start.. i got left in debt in helping some toxic family now done with me.. as a walking matt.. they just gotta walk on.. im done.. ill do better alone.
typos aside... thanks..
typo i saw first in my comment was.. medical Marijuana.. kinda got morphed into a gibberish bit.. but it does help minimize the flasbacks.. nightmares.. helps my writing.. not my spelling.. lol ..but ive over the decades put things down.. even pot.. to get a baseline to my head.. its a good practice.. but i will never criticise this herb. I tend on doing a few videos myself.. but as i take critism to heart.. i hestitate to do it.. i know i do grow a lot when i push myself out of my comfort zone. and that very often folks ask my opinion about everything... cause im a talker.. they want helo in figuring out them... so
i quote the bumper sticker i recently saw.. dont follow me.. ..i'm probably lost.
thank you so much. I love your wise calm way of speech. Very informative. God bless.
Psychopath Free is an amazing book and it helped me more then I can express. I have found that listening to You Tube videos have kept me going and focused on healing. Narcissist Support has some amazing videos!
It was what pulled me out of that Dark hole. They have amazing support group as well. I am 2 yrs into my Journey of healing and I still have the eBook on my phone, and refer back to it when I am dealing with what I call "The Leftovers"
Thank you for sharing some of your healing techniques. I am still in this relationship trying to get out. It's so hard.
Thanks Rose, yes I have moved from the angry vblogs which were very helpful in many ways not knocking them think they are a very good start cause if you in that place good to hear other people are going through the same, now listening more to self help and true understanding vblogs. Other than one or 2 I owe so much to want to be by their side even if it is just in spirit while they are hurting.
Thank you so much for your tip about Psychopath Free book, downloading it immediately on your rec. I agree, youtube videos have been the main thing that helped me after my narcissist finally discarded me. After reading that book, i immediately went and blocked all ways he could find or communicate with me. I see now, this wasn't a normal relationship, and therefore not a normal breakup! It's strange, to remember a time when I was narc-free, and blissfully ignorant!
There are many amazing individuals out there and it helps a lot. You tube has been like my community x
Great vid great tips. Also if you can't afford massage - you can watch some basic beginner yoga on yt and stretch it out:) free and sometimes you don't want to leave the house when you are healing.
I'm with you Dana, I definitely recommend a dance a day if you enjoy dancing. I choose a track that reminds me of my happy life before the Narc stepped in.
morningmayan OMG I been like that! not wanting to leave but I thought it was unhealthy
I've always excercised. With my narc, I packed on 60 pounds that were very hard to lose, because my soul needed armor for his constant hurtful demeaning remarks!
3 years later, I prefer staying home with Me Myself and I. Is It a problem that I do not see that as a problem , but a blessing?
I'm right there with you on the number 1.
I probably 75%~85% healed I think.
it took 8months before discovery of Narcissism.
My 2nd way to recover was to meet someone new who I fell in love with. Same month as when I discovered NPD.
3rd. Is looking at videos every day.
Thanks for all your videos
thank you. big help to finally recover
i just cannot believe how many people go through this. and everyone ive talked to about it looks at me like im crazy. im 7 months no contact and i still hurt and shocked. it has so changed me butim trying to make it back its been one hell of a healing journey.
A less expensive way to get massages is to get them done at Massage Therapy or even Cosmetology schools. The students are excited about their new career path and are usually overachievers hoping to make a tip. You can usually choose how experienced the student you want working on you. Either brand new student or someone about to graduate. You can get great service for a much lower price. Well
Love the beard.....looks good on you. Danca for your help.....I am healing, I am alone, but happy. I am filling in the blanks and whys, which has let me forgive myself, it wasn't my fault. It was done too me. Jesus led me to your site because I'm ready to understand....still looking for my peeps and I'm 65. Peace
You're doing good Mark !!!
Of the many things I've searched through. I found reading Phil Walkers articles to be very helpful.
I 100% agree about everyone has something good to offer
that's true UA-cam, thanks due. good work
you have an amazing heart, thanks for sharing
I often think of those that had no clue that it was a Narc and healed, as it healing like you said being apart of a community. Its frightening the numbers the survivors. it's almost like either you're a narcissist or you're a survivor of a narcissist, it's very sad!
I can't stop binge watching. Feel better but then go into depression then I have to watch again to feel better. I just want to be myself again it's horrible. My trigger is tv it's horrible.
thank you, mark!!!
I took a meditation class and found that all I could do when I tried to meditate was BAWL MY HEAD OFF. I think it was a turning point for me.
It is tough to accept that you have to learn to confidently live a life without love and acceptance to overcome the problems of having lived a life without love and acceptance. That is the challenge of getting over narcissistic abuse. I've found some help in Buddhist practice. I don't feel alone and depressed even though I accept that my life will likely not include love and acceptance from now on. It's not been easy, but it's been the only way I've found to build some kind of personal integrity and contentment. It's a paradox that the answer to a life that has not had love and acceptance is to learn to build a life without love and acceptance, but it's the only way.
3506Dodge you are amazing! The way you worded that was like a bolt of lightning filled with magic. that is exactly what I am trying to do at present and may I say slowly, but succeeding at it. trying to learn to live without it and learning that that is what had been wrong with me is that I had been living without it. thank you so much for sharing. bless you!
Self love and acceptance helps very much! I really feel it is enough!
Check out Love and the Mystery of Betrayal: Recovering Your Trust and Faith after Trauma, Deception, and Loss of Love by Sandra Lee Dennis. It came out a little over a year ago I think. I can't say enough good things. Great science, compelling story and all around wonderful resource. A hand to hold through this dark night if the soul. I've highlighted at least half of it.
THANK YOU!
Getting this! Need something for when the phone is charging!
Thanks, Mark. Peace.
Psychopath Free arrived....too many 'aha' moments in the traits....your channel has helped me come through a dark time
Mark love speak my work is on this field
i am working on the recovery process from narc abuse sydrome.
it's called the primal scream and they teach it in the Tibetan temples for soul cleaning.
Also journaling, grey rock method and no contact.
I think there are lots of little things we can do. Like Dana Thrower says, dancing. If you enjoy dancing I'd recommend a dance a day, choosing a track that reminds you of a happier time when the Narc wasn't involved in your life, if you have such a time. Part of the recovery is regaining our self-worth, so how about 'I am what I am' by Gloria Gaynor. The words are perfect for regaining self-worth. Sing it to yourself when you can't hear it perhaps? I'm with Mark re: recovery comes from knowledge. I am in the early stages of going 'No contact' with my Narc daughter, it is painful, very painful, but every time I begin to weaken I visit UA-cam to be reminded of the truth of my situation. I have support from my remaining child who has suffered worse than me! Hopefully we can avoid the flying monkeys and the triangulation and get free of this. Throwing away things that the Narc has 'love-bombed' you with seems a good move too? There are lots of little quotes out there that help, I repeat these to myself too. 'What you put up with, you end up with". Stay strong, live happy.
oh I did the crying and that was for years. those were all the years before beginning the ten things starting with not having to be right ;)
Thank you for this, I would prefer yo mail you in private to let you know how much this has helped me.
you are wonderful person, thank you for sharing,i have been nas from a very awful father and he still is awefull, naturally I got it a awful nas partner, absolutely awefull, ten years later iam trying to get get my financial money back from this person the life savings for two decades, but god dam it I now know my father set me up for failure still ensures my failure actually took the word of the abusive drunk violent partner and not my word. really had enough of both my partner and this abusive drunk and no supportive crap father. in regards to self esteem I didn't have a chance with these two narcissistic bustards.
Thank you!
Bravo!
Therapists try to get you to breeze through the pain fast won't let you work through pain as I should how am I suppose to move on with all this unresolved pain
my ten things:
Learning and understanding about being the child of a narcissistic mother. This knowing did most of it.
no contact
writing .... big thing for me. the writing. blogging
practicing using the tools of an emotionally healthy person in everyday relating. boundaries!
UA-cam videos have by far outweighed all the counseling I have found.
reflective listening
self care of my body mind and soul
freeing myself of all lifetime narcissistic relationships from 'friends' to relatives
good rest, sleep,
learned to observe and not absorb... taught myself to step aside and watch the difficult exchange... not take it on. for real they are talking to the hand which stops the misdirected negative energy from entering. Making it clear this is their deal not mine.
the very first thing some years ago I learned I didn't have to be right. the rest followed after.
xx
it takes a long time for the wound to close. its such a deep layer of betrayal when u find out the person u love does not exist. thats hard to swallow. not only was the relationship a total fraud so was the person u loved! thats hard. ive been so angry for so long he cheated with hookers everyone who would be with him im an empath and he used me for a trophy girlfriend and for proofe of social normalcy. sad. its so dam hurtful .
Mark you're just the cutest little boy ever ...it's hard to not want to kid nap you into a day at fairytale town or into an episode of Willy Wonka ( Gene Wilder only ) and go up into that bubbily thing because well it'd be sooo much fun (: Tom Robbins said it's never too late to have a happy childhood and I couldn't agree more - since my narc dumped me I'm rolling in the green grass and just enjoying being 11 ( I'm 48 ) laughter escapes me constantly like bubbily champagne ..I know the sex , those narcs sure get the fire going ...but 11 is a great place to get some reprieve and u know what it's still there under all the bills and scary life crap that 11 year old is still there (: and it's just the best healing spot in our souls...so I hope anyone reading this finds time for your playful inner child- what do u think all those coloring books for adults are about - shoot I just decided to not even pretend I'm adult coloring and got Bambi(: Mark your e just adorable and I hope u share the child in you with someone , I can see him in your eyes . I'm just a dumb preschool teacher but I know just enough to know that letting our inner child out for a day in the park is sooo healing . Sending everyone lots of warm happy playful thoughts - now go get those leggos out - u might be crying your butt off , I know I was so close to ending it all..I felt so terrible , used, lied to , etc..Soo much pain ...but everyday I play with children and my kids too but never play just for myself , so find a swing and swing fir yourself ..you'll see , just by the laws of nature you'll feel a bit better ...lots of hugs ...danyachristine
It really is rough. I go to the next town over for groceries and stuff to not run into her.
The question I ask is how long is to long obsessing over finding out more. I have just about exhausted all the Vlogs out there on narcissism is about all I am doing just cannot stop if I go a day without listening I get back to the phase "oh crap maybe I am crazy"
+Rose You're so right, Rose. In the early stages of my recovery I was going through pure, unadulterated hell. And there were some well-meaning people who kept encouraging me to "forgive him and move on". I was in no place to even think clearly, much less forgive anyone. I was having suicidal thoughts daily... then weekly, then monthly..... And I was supposed to be able to forgive this person? It DID add more pain to my already devastated soul. I could barely function for a while. Forgive this person? I could barely get a spoon to my mouth. So many well-meaning people saying things such as, "Forgive and forget. Move on. Try to see your part in this. Don't ever think about him again. Put him out of your mind. Get a hobby". And so on................ Obviously, these folks had no clue and were thinking this was just a "normal" breakup. Fortunately, at some point, a healthy anger surfaced in me. This was ME fighting for myself. I was at ground zero. I was literally at the bottom of a pit climbing and clawing my way up. I got to a plateau point, where I could breathe and eat and sleep again. I could see the light at the top of this huge pit. And I just chucked the whole idea of forgiving this guy and didn't even worry about it again. If it happens on down the line, great. If not, I couldn't care less. But the important question to ask is, yes, "Can we forgive ourselves?". And after 8 months of thinking, "No. No way. I'm unlovable and an idiot and my life will never amount to anything....." and so on.......A light switch flipped on, seemingly in a day, and I gave that question a resounding "yes". And you're right. This unhealthy guilt didn't "really" just start with the narcissist. I had probably 40 years worth of unshed tears in me. Unexpressed anger at ill and horrible treatment by others, including my own parents. Years of treating myself like crap. Consuming false guilt. All of this is being addressed, finally, at age 51. And it's "becoming" a beautiful thing. There was always this innocent, pure little girl inside me who was terrorized for years, who I now am starting to take care of and cherish. She needed someone to fight for her and love her........ and that person was me, all along. Rose, your words moved me today in a way that led me to be able to realize these things today. Thanks so much!
No one believes me I was and still am victimized by legal authorities too. Life's been over I just exist
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Mark Smith
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Like this video - thanks
1.right! thanks to people saying Trump was a narcissist showed me my horrible relationship was where I being destroyed! I GOOGLED NARCISSISM and got out. 2.Learned about boundaries. 3.how to say no! 'not now'...' 'you can think that' Gray Rock, and NO CONTACT. 4. Eight-hours days and more full time free UA-cam channels for at least a year. This channel! Angie Atkinson, the very most helpful! Lisa A. Romano, Richard Grannon, Lucky i am retired, and could work on self love and positive thinking! "3 thIngs I like about myself, and 10 things I'm thankful for from Angie! Literally: overnight successes night after night reprogramming my negative thinking, heal procrastination another night with Jody Whiteley's brilliant self- healing sleep hyposis videos .7. healing myself through the soul power institute's Divine Healing Hands (so powerfutj, 3 elderly men no longer terminal with stage 4 cancers!...), and now my recently upgraded Tao Hands! Why not ask for soul healing for myself!?? 9. going out Dancing wild rock and roll WITH 10.a great person, neighbor and friend, Janele Honer
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How are you doing now? Mines real fresh still
which one is the diference to living with alcoholic
If you recognize during your therapy sessions with a couple that one partner is narcissistically abusing the other, how would you proceed?
Great answer! I am glad that you have gained a great deal of insight from the lessons in life that have been brought your way. Your own personal growth (a true benefit from your experience - despite the pain that you have endured) has the potential to help so many people who have been exposed to narcissistic traits in their partners and to allow them to sort through the unhealthy patterns of their childhoods and to achieve reconciliation with the wounding of their souls.
+Maryse Moire This article might be of help in understanding the issues of those of us who have found themselves involved with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits. I found it to be very helpful.
www.abandonment.net/articles/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-of-abandonment-part-i-an-overview-and-list-of-30-characteristics
Found side effects of pharma a Nono, quit caffeine and drink kava. Ditto to all else you mentioned uncanny how we all have the same experience - I'd like to add Binaural beats -
although victims hear this if anything we must b pretty dam special because these narcs slash sociapaths they only pick people who are special in some way. so if its any comfort remember that.
Family abandoned you sick of me not getting over with it
For me? No contact, or very very low contact (children), UA-cam videos, I wrote a book of all the memories I can remember of the abuse and the scenarios. It was theraputic and beneficial. It's published and available for purchase.
make more and more if not for youtub I would be in Jill and the abuser would not be in earth. thanks again renumber the more videos the better for the victims
jesus is the way !
Chronic stomach aches drs dismiss me
Who files my text full of print mistakes. That,s why I delete some of my opinions.