Just found you on You Tube, and so glad I did. I'm now 80 years old, and my narc, my husband replaced me in 1969. Now I know he did me a favor, but at the time I was embarrassed and felt rejected. I had to raise 7 children by myself with no family members nearby. I knew he was an alcoholic, & I went to Al-Anon. I had a lot of growing to do, and I did well. I have had no contact for 40 plus years, and I love my life. I did not remarry. I knew something was wrong with him, and I got the answer the last Monday in July, 2015 when I came across narcissism on You Tube. It was a spiritual awakening. I keep going on You Tube to remind myself that my mental health was in jeopardy because I lived with a mentally defective person
Amazing!! so happy to hear that you're doing well now. and glad you've found answers - I know how important that is. I don't blame you a single bit for staying single either. Hugs and love!
Yup it is like every time I was about to enjoy it, I would get slightly insecure before giving my full heart, so I would say something about the past out of insecurity and all I got was yelled at.
The last 4 to 5 months of my relationship were spent trying to avoid "triggering" the narc. I had to constantly remind my children to stay away from him and even taught them what his traps were. The last 2 weeks I saw a side of him (the rageaholic) that I didn't know existed because his primary persona is amiable low energy guy. We have been No Contact for almost a year and we are divorced. Such peace in the household now. Great new job and bought a house! Yay! I love No Contact.
Thanks for the video. I have mother that has NPD. My dad was her enabler. He passed away several months ago. I have an older sister who is the golden child. She has taken the place of my Dad. I am the scapegoat in this twisted family dynamic. day by day by watching these videos and going to counseling I am able to cope and deal with the isolation and abuse. I see it for what it is. Thank you for your knowledge and encouragement.
And when they twist reality it's somewhat hypnotizing. I'm not sure why, but I think it's partially from emotional exhaustion, and partially from emotional pressure. Afterwards, once I think outside the forest, I wonder why I couldn't see the trees.
angie, yet again another spot on video. My neck hurts from nodding my head in agreement throughout this. Are they all running on the same programming... Like a busted up pc with a load of harmful malware. Well i'm glad that i'm finally out of that deep dark web. Wow don't know where the computer metaphors have come from.. haha. If you are living this right now, you can get out, it gets better and one day you will be watching these as a reminder never to fall for their 'phishing scams' again ;)
A continuous, exhaustive, emotional battle - only 2 people (one family member and one dear friend) have actually witnessed the ugly truth. He's managed to successfully brainwash all family and friends, including my daughter...the ultimate betrayal.
the most frustrating thing to me is that other people dont see how evil my father can be at times. because he comes over to other people as charming and smart. people that dont know NPD will never understand how he really is and this actually frustrates me more than my father himself, because i dont have contact with him anymore.
The narcopath projects an innocent angel-like persona to everyone else. They sabotage the victim's character in order to protect their deluded false sense of self and their distorted viewpoint of the world. They recruit friends or family who are fooled by the innocent persona they project to defend them.
Reese Daniel - this is exactly what my elderly mother is doing. She's getting ready to have me arrested. She's been attacking my character for a while. She's ill and I e done all I can to help her to my own detriment. I'm going to have to go NC asap. She's in Hospital right now. And I have to sort a few things out first. But I'm aware now whats going on. She's got social services involved. I'm made out to be the bad guy. And I know I have to learn grey rock to survive the next few days ahead. It's taken till my late 40's to wake up to the reality of this abuse.
Mr. cat that's why I feel it's all cognitive. If they can control their behavior at will and behave in certain settings then this indicates a choice they are making. So they are all about sadistic malicious intent at will. Otherwise everyone would see the behavior all the time. So they are controlling it. Free will. They are choosing to be a demon
Mr. cat. Yes it's sad they do this... It's not peoples fault because he never shows his true self to others... But eventually they will see it because the narc cannot/will not hide their true self forever.
AN EVIL NARCISSIST TRIED TO STRANGLE ME A MONTH AGO. A GIRL FRIEND WAS A NARCISSIST SHE WAS ALWAYS ASKING ME FOR MONEY SHE WAS GREEK AND I SUGGESTED SHE LEARN ENGLISH. SHE FELT THAT I HAD CRITICIZED HER BY SUGGESTING SHE LEARN ENGLISH SHE CUT ME OFF FOREVER. IVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY EVIL NARCISSISTS ALL MY LIFE. YOUR VIDEO WAS HELPFUL BECAUSE IT HELPED ME RECOGNIZE THEM AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF THANK YOU
Have I been in a relationship like this? Yes, both parents. Just listening to this makes me realize that my parents are/were much, much crazier than I thought. I thought we were dysfunctional as a family, but they were just really nuts! I wonder why nobody ever tried to help.
Thanks for making such an odious subject almost fun. You've described my father to a tee. He was a textbook example of the distorted thinking you so accurately described, often prefacing some mind boggling proclamation with "My sources tell me..." He truly did have his own spin on reality. If he was corrected, he either went off or became sullen. He's been dead for nearly 22 years and I don't miss his endless BS at all. Rock on, Angie!
I left my narc-ex and got hoovered. During his hoover attempts, I said I didn’t want to rush back into anything. He said “you need to make a decision quickly because the longer you leave it, the more dangerous it is”. I thought it was manipulation (you know, the classic salesman technic of putting pressure on to make a quick decision without having time to think) or a straight up threat that he’d find someone else / new supply if I didn’t go back immediately. Now I think that he knew the longer I was away from his manipulations, the more clarity I would have and I would not go back. I am now five months NC.
my narc siblings always projected themselves onto me, doing a personality swap for so many years that I started feeling terrible and totally ashamed of being myself and being born. I even started hitting, punching, slapping myself and one day blood spilled out of my nose and ears. my narc brother didn't even bother, he said he would spill much more of my blood than that. its not that I was trying to please him. my self esteem was so low that I got into raging fit. it is so confusing, I never thought of myself as being that kind of person who can hit himself. my career is totally destroyed, my family didn't let me pursue my talent unless it was their wish to do so. nothing that I wish or feel is right. but your videos and deep insight into narcissism has helped me a lot. I stopped hitting and feeling constant cycle of fear, guilt and obligations that was induced by my difficult parents and siblings. thanks a lot for these videos Angei, really opened my eyes and I feel I can take back control of my life.
This was real helpful. I was involved with a NPD over the last 2 years, and even though I wanted to leave the relationship months before and take all my belongings out of her house, I decided to stay until we had the face to face break up, officially". Because I didn't want to take the cowards way out an flee. She had been giving me the silent treatment for months and we both knew it was over. I'm glad I toughed it out. Because without any training in the field, I did begin my research, after the break up, by exploring Passive Aggressive behaviour. Which further lead to learning about the NPD. Then I found a ton of info/videos loaded with info about this disorder. And I came to realize that I had been npd/abused my Narcs at other times in my life. I'm so grateful for the support I've found through youtube and the internet. Thanks
I am currently pregnant, have a 3 year old and have been abused by the father of my children for quite some time now. I am desperately trying to get out of this relationship and you are helping me to find the strength to do that! I thank you so much for your videos. It's awful, truly have felt like I have had everything taken away from me and I am just beginning to try and get away and he is getting worse because I want to leave.
My mother left him after 27 years and she took my disabled brother with her. I was taken by him and forced to stay with him.. No legal help could achieve anything and everytime social services tried to interfere he would always get away with it. So all I can say to you is that you can definitely leave him,but do it now and take your kids with you. If they stay with him they'll be destroyed. Be strong and brave!
+Angie Atkinson Thanks, that's very nice of you to say. I feel strong and weak all at the same time, but my strength always seems to prevail when it matters the most. Leaving him was one of those times. I wish I had known about the dangers of narcissism sooner, but better late than never. I do wish others in these situations the best also. Ladies, y'all can do it, and you men as well. Keep your heads up. Put your mind to it and move forward one step at a tine. It's all anybody can do. STAY STRONG!!!
This has happened all of my life, starting with my mother, then my wife and now with my doctor. But the thing is now I know what the doctor is doing, thanks to my reading books and listening to these videos. It's very by the book what they are doing.
They do believe their own lies. When it appeared dust was settling, three years ago, "we" talked about our relationship from what I was hoping a mature place. I was completely honest to my apparent detriment. Getting to hear the "new" story by complete accident blew my mind. He either believes it or is desperately trying to get others to.
Everything is just so spot on. 10 years of this roller coaster nightmare; so happy, and still in disbelief, I finally have my own life back, and it's better than I ever could have imagined.
the Narc hitting a tree... this exact thing actually happened to the narc in my life except it was a fire hydrant that they hit with their car with a river of water running all down the road. but it wasn't her fault. she MUST have run over something that pushed her car up over the curb and into the hydrant.
I’ve recently left who was my fiancé, he is one of the worst Narcissists I’ve ever met/heard of.....I’m glad I stumbled onto your channel because I’m loving all your videos! Hearing all about Narcissists and hearing I’m NOT alone/the only one who’s experienced this horrible sort of relationship , I’m NOT and never was crazy(his extreme daily gaslighting had me believing I was)......I need to stay strong and NEVER accept him back into my life as I’ve done many times before! Your videos are just the thing I need to hear right now......thanks!
Everything and all the lies that ever came out was all from me finding out on my own... he never admitted anything or came clean about anything and yet he had the audacity to sit there and say that I have no reason to be angry because he owned up to everything!... but he never did...and he still hasn't.... unbelievable
My sister is a narc too. Living together with her trying to help take care of my ageing mother is wearing me down. Straight out of the frying pan, divorce from narcissist husband, now into the fire with the narc sis and my mother covers for her which makes it so much worse. I'm growing to resent my mother. Here I am taking care of her...well, I should just stop right here because I could write a BOOK! I know u guys understand.
You described my 44 year life with my first husband. I had not even heard of NPD when I married him at age 19. When I felt empowered enough, I left. Thank GOD!!
You lady, are just so wonderful!I'm so thankful for your outpour of insight. You've shed so much light in a dark place as well as validated my own thoughts and behaviors time and again. I thoroughly enjoy soaking you up. So much gratitude!
Hi Angie Atkinson, I thank you for all the information and experiences you are sharing. I was in relationship with narcissist man for last 5 years , nothing ever seem to work , I tried to set limits and boundaries in our relationship many times, but the facts were twisted in such a way that he was never at fault. It made me think sometimes I am the bad one in the relationship may be I am the one who needs to improve. After every fight I was the one to apologize and apologize for no reason , and he used to make a big deal about forgiving me. I was so scared of fights and public dramas he used to make when he was angry. I tried everything to solve problems stop the fights. But years later after trying everything I realized the problem is not me. Its something else. I realised he pretended he was never wrong , never at fault. He was always Mr. Right , he thought so. I was walking on egg shells. I lived in constant fear of next fight. No matter how much I tried to improve it was ending up in fights. One day i realized I am not that bad as he is making me feel. When I tried to leave a few times. He pretended to be how miserable his life was without me , how his job was suffering because of me. I went back few times. But analyzing the pattern in his behaviour, I left the house after a big fight. I have been in no contact from last 3 months. My close family s noticed that I was very different and stressed when I was in relationship with him. I stopped thinking about myself taking care of myself. It was all about him. This journey of 3 months was hard but I am finding myself back again. :-)
Oh Boy! Everything you say describes perfectly my last (and hopefully THE last) encounter. History was COMPLETELY rewritten, leaving out all of their accountability and complete mind F**kery that left me... well.... temporarily crazy! Classic textbook moves from the intense love bombing to the emotional blackmail, devaluation, isolation, triangulation, silent treatment and final discard. They even gave me the "Lets be friends" line! It had been a couple of decades since I'd been on this particular roller coaster that I didn't see it... I thought they were a fellow survivor and that I was dealing with a rational adult that needed understanding and validation.... . NOT! When dealing with a Victim narc, it's very easy to build them up in your own mind/heart as you try to validate them and help their self esteem. It's a trap!!! Avoid anyone who has NO love for themself, no matter how abused they may claim to have been, and blames everyone else for their ongoing behavior, always has a new crisis just when it's time for them to reciprocate affection/ empathy or follow through on a promise. What I learned: It was a bit narcissistic of me to think that I could help fix someone else and I found myself being drained of all my energy into their bottomless pit and ever shifting moods. This encounter taught me that I have much more work to do on my own issues and my own behavior and I'm actually glad for the lesson, painful and embarrassing as it was. (sorry for the rant) :) XX♡♡
So, I've been in some not so happy and emotionally abusive relationships, and my one with my youngest son's dad was the worst, because there was physical abuse towards the end. However, when my sons and I moved and were able to get away, after about a couple of years, I met someone whom I let my guard down with and not completely, but enough to put effort into a new relationship with him and not be held back by my trust issues. He was showing me that he was a really good guy. So I fell even harder for him as time went on. After a while, little things began happening that I would overlook somewhat. At times I would bring issues up, but he would always say it was me feeling the way I did, he wasn't hurting me emotionally. I used the phrase bad vibes. I would say, I'm feeling bad vibes, what's going on, etc? He would say I was responsible for my vibes. Hence, he always deflected it off of him somehow, and after a while I would just bring things up less and less and let certain things go, because I was in love with him at this point and all that nonsense. So up until the last month or so of our relationship, before I dumped him, I began coming across narcissism sites and videos. I had no idea what narcissism was until then, but it began answering a lot of questions I had. It explained a lot. He has a drinking problem. He would normally only show these narcissistic traits while he was overly intoxicated, never while he was sober. The only time he spoke narcissitically towards me while sober, was if I brought up how he was the night before. He would deny it and apologize all at the same time. So, because I knew who he was on the daily, I forgave and it kept happening. Then finally the emotional abuse became too much and I dumped him the last time he showed out at me. I said I'm done. Out of my anger, I called him an alcoholic and confronted him and said I thought he was a narcissist. He never got physical, only emotional, and because he tended to do it only while overly intoxicated, it kept me confused and second guessing myself about how much more I would be able to handle before I reached an ending point. I didn't know how to put all the pieces in place. It would have been an easier decision I suppose, if he had been acting like that more regularly. I couldn't pinpoint if he was a full blown narcissist, or just had the traits and tendencies. I've been single now since March, 5, 2016 and also went no contact immediately. About 18 days after I cut him loose, he sent one text message asking if I was alright? I didn't respond. Since breaking it off with him, I've also not shed one single tear for him. I've been learning all I can about narcissism, and making notes for myself to help try to make sure I know what to start looking out for a lot faster. It gas been a real eye opener, that's for sure. Am I sad that things went the way they did? Yes. Do I still have thoughts of him cross my mind? Yes. Each time I'm reading or watching a video, or when I'm not, a good memory will pop into my head and according to learning I'm doing, I have to remind myself that the person I thought he was never really existed. Still confused about the situation in itself though. How can he be so good and yet so mean when he's drunk and actually fit a lot of the criteria for being narcissistic? Was he really that good of an actor? Did he use the drunkenness as an excuse to have it as an outlet to act that way, knowing I would probably keep for giving him for a while? Was he starting off with doing it through the drunkenness and then was going to work it more into the relationship as more time went on? We were together for just a little over 14 months. The drinking became an issue around the end of the 5th month in. So then, it leave a me wondering how long does it take a narcissist to get comfortable and let their guard down to start doing treatments on the target? Do they all gave a general time frame, so many months in, or can it take a lot longer with some. I'm not bothering with getting closure from him, I've been ok, staying no contact. However, having these questions answered, I feel would help give me the closure I still feel I need. The closure of understanding these particular points. Anything would be helpful. Thanks so much. I don't do a lot of commenting, I mainly just watch and take notes. So when do choose to comment, it's because at that point, I really needed to get something out. Thank you for helping those it need. Narcissism truly is horrible and I'm glad that I began learning when I did, or else I may very well have still been in the relationship with him to this day. Oh the thought of it.
+Roslynn Bates You are an incredibly strong woman! Though your story sounds very painful, the fact that you left and are staying NC is a big deal and I hope will provide inspiration to others who are waiting for their opportunity to go. Hugs and love to you! Stay strong! ♡♡◇
I can understand that, and it bugs me too because 'my' narc is female as well. But we usually take it in stride, just as I hear the word 'fireman' 'mail man', etc., I hope we can change the way it is spoken about in that way. In my life, it is my pseudo-sister.
+imawinwin Exactly. Some narcs are males, some narcs are females. When using general context, sometimes you'll hear "he" and at other times you'll hear "she." Jesus...
A victim only needs to ask~~>What does the narcissist gain from my death? They may want your wealth, or want your death along with their secret lies and treachery, or the shear joy of watching you continually suffer to the end. Illness usually precedes death and nothing causes illness more than a lowered immune system caused by stress, like death by a thousand cuts. Don't rule out them poisoning you quickly BUT open your eyes to anyone that constantly exerts pressure and stress on you, smiling the whole time as they may unconsciously or consciously, insidiously want you extinct for whatever ego evil reasons.
Since they actually believe the lies they are spewing, technically they are not lying... I hope the final judge, God, karma will have some kind of filter to sort that out. They always seem to skate
And the next day they will think the opposite..also the truth. With no explanation other than they changed their mind. 'Yesterday I really want a relationship. Today I was thinking about the past and now it's not going to work' You: Get angry from all their lies. Them:. Look at how you treat me. You are a monster. (blocks you)
Hi Angie! I had an eight-year-long relationship with a woman I would classify as a co-dependent covert somatic narcissist. Unlike so many other commenters on this subject, my companion never seemed to me to be doing willful, malicious harm, but rather her behavior seemed to be more compulsive, like she just had to have some huge event in her life once a year or so. Sometimes it was a blow-up with family members, sometimes it was a break-up with me, sometimes it was getting fired from work. She is not particularly intelligent or cunning and not really a schemer, like so many people think of narcissists. But the pattern of idealize, devalue and discard were always there, along with many other typically narcissistic behaviors, so I have concluded that her problem is NPD. Obviously there are variations in the severity of the disorder, so I guess I would say she's a "little bit" NPD. Is there any more hope of recovery for someone like that, or are they just as far gone at this stage as any other full-blown overt, malignant narcissist? She is 52 years old. Thanks for your videos!
+Jim Steele I am so sorry to tell you this, ,but it's HIGHLY unlikely that a narcissist can change, especially by the time they're well into adulthood. Id like to invite you to join my support group - it's free, online and confidential. queenbeeing.com/span
I have recorded several video's of agruements between my ex narc , played it back ,and they twisted & distorted the remarks back to me .....it was hillarious ...I laughted , because I immediately replayed the 20 minute rant back to her ....she got even more engraged .....
Everything you say is so true and my narcissist would lie so easily and it would be so believable he literally had no care or Shame about me in any way whatsoever because actions speak louder than words unfortunately for me and it was easy for him to lie and still is because he literally believes his lies it's so pathological it's mind-blowing
I am listening to your videos and thanking you for the reminders. My situation is so parallel to what you post it's crazy. And I can't help but be happy I'm cutting this out of my life. He had me at the end of my rope! But I'm still here👏🏼💕🏆
That is wonderful news. I'm so happy to hear that you're happy - and that the videos are helpful. Sorry you went through it - but glad to hear the rest! Hugs and love!
Wow, thank you so much for this video. My life was turned upside down by my exgf who did all of these things. Tonight she decided to not let me pick up our 3 year old for my court-ordered Father's Day weekend visitation. She routinely violates the protective order against her by breaking into my house, beating the crap out of me, writing on with permanent marker, and she even raped me once. The police don't do anything about it. Yet, when I went to pick our son up for visitation, she told the police that I was violating a protective order. 17 days in jail before the judge realized what was going on and let me out. There is a silver lining to all of this: I'm alive. Her last boyfriend drank himself to death.
Oh my goodness, that's definitely a Toxic one and I'm so sorry your father's day was ruined. Stay strong and remember it's not your fault. hugs and love to you!
Just listened to your video above. Describes my relationship exactly!! Been married for 29 years and have always known this marriage is not normal but could not work out why I ended up having no say in anything, no opinion, am always wrong, never being able to compromise on anything and have perfected the art of walking on eggshells. Two years ago I googled " lack of empathy" on my new I pad ........ And have discovered narcissism . Needless to say I have been studying the subject ever since!!!! Our 26 year old son still lives with us and suffers from anxiety and depression and is worryingly displaying many of the same signs and behaviour. I don't think my husband will ever improve but I feel so sorry for him as he must be tormented in his head and so very unhappy. I am stuck halfway between hating being around him (as he gives off a tense awkward aura) and feeling like I would be deserting an invalid if I left him. Dreadful way to live , any advice?!
leave him ! I know how you feel and that blank look they have on their face . I was terrified and afraid that he would leave me for someone new which he did ; he surely always cheated and good for me that he is out cause I have found my values Again and I look at sunset in the early morning instead of his bad moods while he is secretly typing his FB messages or secretly doing something against me (entitlement)
I used to always give him the benefit of the doubt and I also used to give excuses along with not telling anyone close to me about any of the very serious negative things that he was doing or putting me through because I didn't want anyone to look at him in a negative way or a bad way until I realized no this is what's happening and it's really hard to understand and to cope with it could also make you feel very alone
!! so good to see an amalgamation of symptoms for both parties..and the devastation it can cause.. so many narcissists out there! much of what this video has to say is totally taboo to some people and uploads like this one show the true nature of the narcisstic relationship. thanks x
This video is exactly what I am dealing with just now. I’m still not sure I could honestly say that she is a Narc, but she does do all of these abusive control strategies. She won’t hear anything wrong against her, and by wrong I mean, telling her home truths- as she has created a bubble with an outward facade of being lovely, beautiful healing person who is very spiritual. It has become very frustrating as she has done the, narc flip on me now, more so than ever. This video has described everything she does. I wish I could let her see this, but I don’t think she would accept the facts, at it would mean facing her mirror, and bursting that false facade bubble she has created.
the whole "candy bar" example was perfect...same shit happened just the other day with my narc friend... I have a rule in my house that (since I do all the cooking) you do not grab food without asking so that I can make sure that if I am planning on cooking that, I will not find it gone last minute... well, I had planned on giving my husband some taquitos that I had in the deep freeze when he came home on his days off (he works out of state)...he came and asked me what he could eat for dinner since I wasn't feeling well and I told him to get 2 hotpockets and eat those... I went downstairs to fix my hub the taquitos the next day when he came home...they were gone...I went straight to his room and chewed his ass out from one end to the other (I may be a "motherly" empath, but my ass is like Medea...my hubs will tell you I am "queen bitch"...I am surprised this bitch even kept trying for so long because feelz are the least of my concern and when the bitch pulls the "I will kill myself" shit, I tell him "have fun with that"...I may be an empath, but my ass wasn't born yesterday and truth is truth no matter how a mofo feels about it...I knew something was wrong with the mofo, just took me some time to put a name to it)...he pulled the "I won't eat your food anymore, I will just starve" bs...I was like, "ok, less food you will be spoiling leaving it in my fridge and less money out of my pocket"...lol I got no clue, with how fucked up in the head his ass is and how I am, what he thinks he will be getting out of my ass...
This ex-friend I had used to do that all the time (spread lies about me to everyone she knew). What was really crazy is that she was even jealous of my pets. She couldn't stand the fact that I bought myself a snake (the cute little ball python you see in my avatar) and was really enjoying it. She went around telling acquaintences she wasn't even close to she didn't agree with my getting a snake. One day I caught her doing this and told her that this was not up to her and that this was money I'd worked hard for, that I earned, and that I very rarely treated myself and that I frankly didn't care what she thought, that it wasn't her place to "have feelings" about it as she termed it. Her doing that was just another way she tried to control me and paint me as incompetent to others. She was jealous of my business and would constantly devalue that too (considering it not real work even though I worked more hours than she did at her 9-5 job), and would call and interrupt me when I was busy and trying to get things done. If I wanted to get off the phone because I had a deadline to meet she would get mad because I didn't just drop everything the moment she wanted attention, but then conversely she would make a point to tell me many times that she wanted to be with her husband and didn't want to spend time with me (unsolicited as though she assumed I wanted to spend that time with her even when she was actually deluding herself and I in fact did not). She engaged in all sorts of projection and distortion. Another thing she would do is ask me personal questions and what I thought about certain things going on in my life just so that she could take the opposite position in order to hurt me and make me feel unsupported. I finally told her that I was not going to share anything with her. When I pretty much stopped talking and gave only 1 word answers she purposely tried to pick a fight any way she could to try to get a rise out of me.
My moms worst distortion stated that All eight of my Aunts and uncles said that she shouldn’t have let me live with her again. EVEN THOUGH IVE HEARD THE EXACT OPPOSITE. They just can’t handle not being perfect it’s a huge narcissistic injury so they would rather twist a small bit of the truth. I’ve picked up the lying habit as a defense mechanism to throw her off my back when she is interrogating me about something trivial or super personal.
My mom the narcissist and my Dad the enabler. My mom was high strung & energetic. My dad was laid back. I was an enabler as I was my friend said, 'Too nice'... I think our character and deeper personalities also may be a factor. Great Advice thank you.
Too nice means for me to extend too much kindness to undeserving people. sorry you took that the wrong way. I hope you find some grace & peace in your life....
+LadyT right. the thing is I was the same even after I began to realise they were undeserving which is why I said dishonest. I was dishonest out of fear
I have learned to check 3 things my pastor taught me: If it is 1 Intimidation 2 Domination or 3 Manipulation it isn't coming from good. Get away from that behavior from others. anyone....God Bless the U.K.
+LadyT very wise. Unfortunately many empaths and all codependents are blind to the manipulation. Narcs are demonically clever anyway, and codependents are emotionally disconnected from their gut instinct so they're easy for abusers to manipulate. by the time they're overtly intimidation and dom'nation, the average codependent is trapped in self doubt and terror.
I was with my narc for almost 5 years. We lived in separate houses, because I have always known something would go terribly wrong. I have gone four months without contact, until recently. He is now asking me to move in with him, and that everything would be so much better. And for the record, during our no contact, he moved a woman in with him within three weeks. That relationship failed quickly, and now he's back to haunt me. I slipped up and slept with him a few times, and now can't stop beating myself up for it. He feels as if he is back in, and won't leave me alone. I'm scared, I'm shamed, I'm back at the drawing board. I feel as if I'm never going to get out of this thing. People think its easy to walk away, but I loved him with all that I am. He is convincing me little by little that this time it will work. I have lost friends, family, and mostly myself. I need a frontal lobotomy.
I have suffered this over and over again with both of my daughters... they punish me at will for the slightest perception of a wrong even though I've been there for them and my grandsons over and over again.... they take my precious grandsons away from me at will, they project onto me their troubling issues... they are both in their mid-to-late 30s and act like angry frustrated teens... they are from a divorced home from early on and I believe they learned to use me as a punching bag, scapegoat from their very vindictive dad who tried to ruin me in all respects, including trying to obtain custody of them, but didn't succeed... Now, I am trapped by them knowing how much I love and cherish my grandchildren who I've had an established relationship with and are probably wondering where their loving Nana went! It's heartbreaking and I don't know how to deal with it or resolve it since their narcissistic behavior is winning all the time... they've even succeeded in turning my own family members against me in the past.. I've gone to great lengths to repair those relationships and now they are threatened once again, as I am the "bad guy" here anyways, right? anyone out there dealing with this? Can I get some help, please!
I deal with narcissists all the time, I only feel like isolating myself from them, not other people. I like giving everyone a chance to be a friend, it is only when they display their nastiness over a period of time that I draw back from them. I do not walk on egg shells any more as I used to, it is so freeing. I no longer care about the rage they display, it leaves them with no wins when they do it with me, because I laugh it off or ignore it completely.
I've had the classic routines done to me; your having an affair (no proof - more important no time I'm too busy), then oh you want to upgrade me, I must have falling in love with another women when they took me to dinner (there were three people, 2 women and myself a man) plus the dinner was to discuss a financial plan put together by the female financial planner (This happened 16 or more years ago and I may have spoken to the woman a total of 3 times). The I did not want to buy a house as it would be harder if there was a divorce (she is the one who brings up the divorce word). She promised to split 50/50 if we did divorce, I recently said I'm hitting the end of this crap (2.5 + years of silent treatment, no affection, etc) she then was "I get the son, the house, and your inheritance as you can start over again". She has not worked for over 10 years now. Word salad, irrational conversations, name calling, ... Cannot have a conversation where you negotiate things out in a respectable manner. These days when I tried to talk to her she puts headphones on, walks out of the room, says she is busy, etc. Typical stonewalling tactics. The other thing she is doing is playing the victim card, there has been one issue after another (depression, recovering from an abusive husband (me), no sex drive, skin problems, peri menopause, etc). She isolated me for years. She is very transaction based in nature. Tried to blackmail me, agree with her plan else no affection / sex.
I would've to know.. what happens when a Narc dates another Narc? do they instinctually 'know' their own kind? or do they gaslight and smear each other into oblivion? I would love to know the answer
I used to excuse his "no I didn't"s as a result of his weed habit. Now I realise he KNEW and REMEMBERED everything he did, he just liked to screw with my head. Wow they are unreal lol.
I confronted a minister of verbal emotional abuse, basically. She responded by triangulating a naive head minister who then gaslighted me: “I know such n such isn’t like that, why don’t you take some space and come back for a reset.” Crazy shit.
Yes I have... Woman do the same thing. At least mine did everything you are saying. 49 years old and never been through this craziness before. There must be a universal narcissist handbook.
this is my life, and he's at the discard stage and I've never been so miserable or afraid as I am right now.. too many what if's?... and self worth and where to go from here... thank you for your words...I need so many more
+robin goodwin-andres my heart breaks for you. I know that pain. If you would join our SPAN group, the support will really help. And there are a couple of downloads in the pinned post that will help with this extreme pain. It's totally free- visit queenbeeing.com/span for details.
+Angie Atkinson I will... Then you so know as I woke up this morning I am struggling to even breathe...he walked out and left me with tears pouring down my face as I asked him to have the compassion to help me get through this...and give me time to find somewhere to live... And off he drove in his new convertible until wee hours and had the nerve to wake me from the couch and tell me it was ok to come sleep in our bed??? I will join your group and thank you for answering. I am a wreck
+robin goodwin-andres Oh Robin, you are definitely in the thick of it. our group will be very good for you right now! I'll see you inside! hugs and love, and please remember that you truly deserve better. we will help you get through this.
As a result, healthy conversations end up being a misnomer. Circular arguments become a frustrating routine when dealing with an issue the narc created. I’ve been frustrated for years, because I married one...30 years. Explains why I can never achieve a sense of balance and healthy well-being.
btw I did seek help after he ghosted me in 2006. I racked up a bill that was epic and the narc came back around 4 months later after the first round and actually attended a therapy session with me yes he went to the therapist with me we sat there for two hours well he made up a wild story about why he disappeared the therapists are right through it and sent him out after are two hour session she told me that everything he said was a lie. She did work with me for a while getting back to my childhood traumas but never once recognized his personality disorder bus I never was able to deal with it I ended up going back to school and getting another better job but it wasn't until the second round he came back around and said he was sorry and he loves me and miss me all these years gave me a diamond engagement ring for Christmas last year and then move to another state.
I was married to one. He lied about everything. So if you are right in your belief that they believe everything they say is truth, then these types are just plain crazy.
remember and never forget, they don't care. they don't care about you, they will drop you without a problem and any emotion they show is not genuine, it is only done because that's what a normal person would do and they are going through the motions to get something nothing more.
+Narcissist Free -almost I liked it, too. I'm about to upload a video about some insane gaslighting that just happened at work. What a learning experience this all turns out to be! LOL
something funny , for a change : may I ? There's a singer named Antonacci Biagio whose last summer song (my last summer with my narc too) was titled "i seldomly think of you" , well, when I lovingly and ironically whispered this song in his ears, with a smirk he repeated the title : only now It has occurred to me that he meant it and he discarded me slightly after!!!!
I was married for 5 years to mine. I went into that relationship very happy and vibrant. I left that relationship completely broken. I didnt even completely leave he passed away of a heart attack. It was the strangest feeling when i was called that night. If you can imagine feeling intense relief it was finally over. At the samw time i ws devastated, for my children, how would i take care of 4 kids alone. He had been speaking bad about me to his family so when he died his entire family excommunicated me and my 2 children from a previous relationship from their family... The same week he died. I let my babies that were my husbands go with my brother and law to visit and they accused me of lies and gained guardianship of my boys. Now instead of dealing with 1 narcissist i have to deal with 7.
I was given a bad employment rating by my boss. I started crying so much that everything was getting messy on my face. You know what I mean I won't get into graphic detail. I looked and there were no tissues in the room. I asked my boss for a tissue. She looked so smug as she calmly sat there and smiled and said the obvious, that there are no tissues in the room. Of course someone who was not a narcissist would have at least gone to look for a tissue for me or tried to comfort me in some way not be happy that i was miserable.Over 10 years later this ex boss turned up as a potential client at my then place of work. She walked straight up to me and remembered my name instantly. It took me a few seconds to register who she was but then I remembered the sly smirk that said it all.
Angela ur on point my Narsistic.hes been in my life 4 9 yrs .he would drag me out of my own house I played all the bills he said it's his home and I'm nothing but the dirt he walks on.what would happen to the Narsis if he met and bedded his own kind.
Yes the Narc husband says he is just saying "the facts and reality" when he demeans and insults me and others I care about...Yet his reality is bent and distorted. He is not in touch with any real facts.
He tells me I need to live in reality but his reality is to take away self esteem and hope...I tell him I cannot and will not choose his version of reality.
Here is a twisted laugh.....the ex narc says.....I am not an alcoholic.....because I have ever never been ticked for drunk driving!!!!! How twisted is that!?!!!
Yeeesss!... he would always talk down on me and then the next second claim to love me and then he always claims to forget anything I ever bring up ...obviously that's b.s.
God, my narc wife cuts in front of lines. It is so embarrassing when she does it and I have to drag her back out of line surrounded by pissed off faces. She is so self entitled it is rediculous. Last night she kept boasting about how wonderful she was and how better she was at everything and how people 'owe' her the best and top spots in everything, especially when it comes to her work (singer). It's like she thinks she is a superstar. See was a music teacher at a university before I got stuck with her. She called herself professor. Then in conversations with 'peers' the term professor would shift to 'teacher'. It took me a while to catch on. It stood out especially when I'd use the wrong term in the wrong company. She'd correct my wording like we were in on the lie together.
Just split with someone who I believe was a Narcissist. I'd heard the term before but was totally ignorant of what one truly was. Thankfully, my instincts kicked in at some point and I never completely gave all of my heart to them and I started to shut down after about 5 months living with her. I made a huge mistake if lashing out at her when I left because I didn't truly understand the mind of a Narcissist. It didn't take me long to realize that it was a form of abuse. When I truly realized what had just happened, I was shocked that I could have gotten sacked into her craziness. I still care for her and even suggested she get help and this was even before I realized the narcissistic part of it. My question is this: is there a good part to having gone through something like this? I will say I'm disappointed and sad because I got incredibly close to her children and now I'm not comfortable visiting them (and this is at their fathers!) I honestly haven't cried about the loss of her but it's been a very sad situation that I regret completely. I sacrificed everything I possibly could but again my instincts kicked in at some point and I started to pull back ever so slightly. She must have recognized this and started to look for new supply. She had communicating with a new guy for a few weeks and I knew something was up. A week after I left, I merged her cloud content to my phone (since her phone was on my account) and had all of the proof of her lies and the timeline of things. I'm sure she was doing some damage control and smearing my name all over my former and her current workplace. In retrospect, I very much regret calling her out on things because I didn't realize that she doesn't think like a normal person and it really got me nowhere. Trying to educate myself I never go through this again
the good thing about it (silver lining) for me is that it forced me examine my inner landscape and become 100% congruent instead of a mealy mouthed people pleaser
twisted mind.... yeah that's a very succinct way of putting it. it's never their fault. In a way they're right. They only get away with their crap because there are plenty of people out there who DON'T have any core self esteem who put up with Narcspeak. Tge worst thing is stay sms whine about how awful they are. The real question is Why do other people tolerate intolerable abuse?
I think that is a complicated question with a complex answer. I would just say that abuse is a process and cycle. Narcissistic abuse in particular is powerful, isolating and meant to destroy the most vulnerable and the deepest part of your soul as a human being. Once you recognize what is going, you are already so far up the creek with almost no way of turning back.
+Jennifer Janzen I know... 😣 it's very sad. Maybe that's why so many survivors spend so much time and energy trying to help others crawl out of the hole
I work for a narc, it would be a miracle if I get out of there with another job lined up. Her idea however, of me leaving, is fired, unable to get employed again, and homeless.
There is nothing to add as you have said it all, in a single nutshell. i am so numb now, that when i watch a movie, i feel like i can't feel the movie like i used too, get involved into the movie, because to me, now, its just all to hard to experience emotions; be it good or bad ones. I find the good ones get erased to quickly by the bad one - that i just can't be bothered having them....and i just want to keep my distance away from him because he always manages to ruin any good feelings or vibes i have regarding life or about him..... *** But it would be wonderful if you could answer me one question;- why it when WHEN-EVER I have a good day at work, and before i even enter the house, he somehow KNOWS I had a good day and he manages to ruin that day with some petty argument or manages to have or start a petty argument regarding the kids and makes me responsible when i wasn't even there to do something about it...or if WE (or just I) manage to have a couple of good days in row, he manages to ruin them for me, where i retrieve back to hating him and thinking bad about him. Why can't he help ME maintain a good vibe about him...... he always manages to ruin it for me...and why? Doesn't he want me to see him in a good light and have good loving feelings about him???
I bought a house with a narcissist. When we broke up I wanted to sell the house. He refused but he left me to pay all the crippling repayments. I finally got him to agree to put the house in my name by agreeing to pay him a substantial amount of money. He thought he was being so generous to me for agreeing to sign and thought this meant that we were friends again. I sold the house as I knew he would always think of the house as his in his crazy thinking. When he found out the house was sold he called my mother and basically said, she can't do this I told her not to sell the house and, she knows she's supposed to do everything I say. He also said It's a nice house and I don't want it sold. When my mother said that the house was in my name and that I could do what I wanted with the house he said, but she knows she's supposed to to everything I say. When my mother said that I don't have to do what he says he said as justification, but she has always done what I've said. He finally said Well she's made a big mistake and said that it's obvious I can't make any right decisions without him and hung up. Narcissists feel entitled to set the rules in their favour and you are just there to do what they want. I'm sure he expected me to keep the house because he thought that one day we would get back together and he could live there again.
My ex narc literally ran his work truck in between two trees. The truck was destroyed! He was drinking and driving and blamed the road for the accident. Apparently, there were rocks and debris everywhere... >.>
I look after an elderly woman and I take her to church...to make a long story short I try to get her out of the service before everyone else bc i fear people will run her over...some lady told me that I looked like an animal in a cage And I should learn to wait. I got very offended and thought to myself (bc I choose not to respond) zero respect for the elderly, maybe that lady should learn to look around and see the obstacles around other people and no just her damn self. I choose not to waste breath that time but I just felt sad for the old lady.
Just found you on You Tube, and so glad I did. I'm now 80 years old, and my narc, my husband replaced me in 1969. Now I know he did me a favor, but at the time I was embarrassed and felt rejected. I had to raise 7 children by myself with no family members nearby. I knew he was an alcoholic, & I went to Al-Anon. I had a lot of growing to do, and I did well. I have had no contact for 40 plus years, and I love my life. I did not remarry. I knew something was wrong with him, and I got the answer the last Monday in July, 2015 when I came across narcissism on You Tube. It was a spiritual awakening. I keep going on You Tube to remind myself that my mental health was in jeopardy because I lived with a mentally defective person
hope you can have peace of mind, and sleep better at nights, now that you know what was going on. Now be happy.
Wow- you have courage. Maybe you had no choice, but you must have faced ALOT of fear. Cogratulations on surviving -and still learning. God Bless.
Amazing!! so happy to hear that you're doing well now. and glad you've found answers - I know how important that is. I don't blame you a single bit for staying single either. Hugs and love!
+Uncle Claw indeed!
+dreams of turtles couldn't agree more!
Being in a relationship with narcs is worse than being alone...because you never enjoy the relationship.
Randal Richardson ugh yes....
It's a catch 22. They are dream sellers. It's like the horse and the carrot.
Yup it is like every time I was about to enjoy it, I would get slightly insecure before giving my full heart, so I would say something about the past out of insecurity and all I got was yelled at.
pro tip : you can watch movies at Flixzone. Been using them for watching loads of movies these days.
@Rafael Landen yup, been using Flixzone for since november myself =)
The last 4 to 5 months of my relationship were spent trying to avoid "triggering" the narc. I had to constantly remind my children to stay away from him and even taught them what his traps were. The last 2 weeks I saw a side of him (the rageaholic) that I didn't know existed because his primary persona is amiable low energy guy. We have been No Contact for almost a year and we are divorced. Such peace in the household now. Great new job and bought a house! Yay! I love No Contact.
+Don't Feed the Narcs BIG HUGS!! THat's great!!!
my narc said "everyone is looking at you and judging you". I said, "who? name them." he says, "it doesn't matter."lol... right
Haha you caught him out on his bullshit and he didn't know how to respond
Brittany Orr I've actually had this happen too! They love to call me weak and stupid but when I ask for them to clarify they can't!
Brittany Orr it's actually quite sad how stupid they are.
Brittany Orr h
yeah thay know how to piss u off my mom does its so frustrating like shitttt so much stress but I try to ignore it but it's hard to so I walk away
Thanks for the video. I have mother that has NPD. My dad was her enabler. He passed away several months ago. I have an older sister who is the golden child. She has taken the place of my Dad. I am the scapegoat in this twisted family dynamic. day by day by watching these videos and going to counseling I am able to cope and deal with the isolation and abuse. I see it for what it is. Thank you for your knowledge and encouragement.
+Steve Barr So happy I can help and so sorry for what you're going through. Hugs and love to you!
And when they twist reality it's somewhat hypnotizing. I'm not sure why, but I think it's partially from emotional exhaustion, and partially from emotional pressure. Afterwards, once I think outside the forest, I wonder why I couldn't see the trees.
That's the best description of that feeling I've ever read!
Yep, like being under a spell.
angie, yet again another spot on video. My neck hurts from nodding my head in agreement throughout this. Are they all running on the same programming... Like a busted up pc with a load of harmful malware. Well i'm glad that i'm finally out of that deep dark web. Wow don't know where the computer metaphors have come from.. haha. If you are living this right now, you can get out, it gets better and one day you will be watching these as a reminder never to fall for their 'phishing scams' again ;)
Lexi Unicorn love your take on it ❤️
My ex narc never nodded her head. Cheers
A continuous, exhaustive, emotional battle - only 2 people (one family member and one dear friend) have actually witnessed the ugly truth. He's managed to successfully brainwash all family and friends, including my daughter...the ultimate betrayal.
The way lies are explained in this video makes so much sense!
+Cassi Bales Thank you ♡
the most frustrating thing to me is that other people dont see how evil my father can be at times. because he comes over to other people as charming and smart. people that dont know NPD will never understand how he really is and this actually frustrates me more than my father himself, because i dont have contact with him anymore.
The narcopath projects an innocent angel-like persona to everyone else. They sabotage the victim's character in order to protect their deluded false sense of self and their distorted viewpoint of the world. They recruit friends or family who are fooled by the innocent persona they project to defend them.
Yup! you hit the nail on the head!
Reese Daniel - this is exactly what my elderly mother is doing. She's getting ready to have me arrested. She's been attacking my character for a while. She's ill and I e done all I can to help her to my own detriment. I'm going to have to go NC asap. She's in Hospital right now. And I have to sort a few things out first. But I'm aware now whats going on. She's got social services involved. I'm made out to be the bad guy. And I know I have to learn grey rock to survive the next few days ahead. It's taken till my late 40's to wake up to the reality of this abuse.
Mr. cat that's why I feel it's all cognitive. If they can control their behavior at will and behave in certain settings then this indicates a choice they are making. So they are all about sadistic malicious intent at will. Otherwise everyone would see the behavior all the time. So they are controlling it. Free will. They are choosing to be a demon
Mr. cat. Yes it's sad they do this... It's not peoples fault because he never shows his true self to others... But eventually they will see it because the narc cannot/will not hide their true self forever.
My narc friend asked to hang out and I rejected her. So, she said "YOU OWE ME"... scary people.
AN EVIL NARCISSIST TRIED TO STRANGLE ME A MONTH AGO. A GIRL FRIEND WAS A NARCISSIST SHE WAS ALWAYS ASKING ME FOR MONEY SHE WAS GREEK AND I SUGGESTED SHE LEARN ENGLISH. SHE FELT THAT I HAD CRITICIZED HER BY SUGGESTING SHE LEARN ENGLISH SHE CUT ME OFF FOREVER. IVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY EVIL NARCISSISTS ALL MY LIFE. YOUR VIDEO WAS HELPFUL BECAUSE IT HELPED ME RECOGNIZE THEM AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF THANK YOU
Have I been in a relationship like this? Yes, both parents. Just listening to this makes me realize that my parents are/were much, much crazier than I thought. I thought we were dysfunctional as a family, but they were just really nuts! I wonder why nobody ever tried to help.
+Kotobukicho Most often because your parents were good at hiding it from "outsiders." That seems to be the MO.
Thanks for making such an odious subject almost fun. You've described my father to a tee. He was a textbook example of the distorted thinking you so accurately described, often prefacing some mind boggling proclamation with "My sources tell me..." He truly did have his own spin on reality. If he was corrected, he either went off or became sullen. He's been dead for nearly 22 years and I don't miss his endless BS at all. Rock on, Angie!
+Melanie Hamilton Thank you!! Hugs and love
I left my narc-ex and got hoovered. During his hoover attempts, I said I didn’t want to rush back into anything. He said “you need to make a decision quickly because the longer you leave it, the more dangerous it is”. I thought it was manipulation (you know, the classic salesman technic of putting pressure on to make a quick decision without having time to think) or a straight up threat that he’d find someone else / new supply if I didn’t go back immediately. Now I think that he knew the longer I was away from his manipulations, the more clarity I would have and I would not go back. I am now five months NC.
my narc siblings always projected themselves onto me, doing a personality swap for so many years that I started feeling terrible and totally ashamed of being myself and being born.
I even started hitting, punching, slapping myself and one day blood spilled out of my nose and ears.
my narc brother didn't even bother, he said he would spill much more of my blood than that.
its not that I was trying to please him. my self esteem was so low that I got into raging fit. it is so confusing, I never thought of myself as being that kind of person who can hit himself.
my career is totally destroyed, my family didn't let me pursue my talent unless it was their wish to do so. nothing that I wish or feel is right.
but your videos and deep insight into narcissism has helped me a lot. I stopped hitting and feeling constant cycle of fear, guilt and obligations that was induced by my difficult parents and siblings.
thanks a lot for these videos Angei, really opened my eyes and I feel I can take back control of my life.
This was real helpful. I was involved with a NPD over the last 2 years, and even though I wanted to leave the relationship months before and take all my belongings out of her house, I decided to stay until we had the face to face break up, officially". Because I didn't want to take the cowards way out an flee. She had been giving me the silent treatment for months and we both knew it was over. I'm glad I toughed it out. Because without any training in the field, I did begin my research, after the break up, by exploring Passive Aggressive behaviour. Which further lead to learning about the NPD. Then I found a ton of info/videos loaded with info about this disorder. And I came to realize that I had been npd/abused my Narcs at other times in my life. I'm so grateful for the support I've found through youtube and the internet. Thanks
I am currently pregnant, have a 3 year old and have been abused by the father of my children for quite some time now. I am desperately trying to get out of this relationship and you are helping me to find the strength to do that! I thank you so much for your videos. It's awful, truly have felt like I have had everything taken away from me and I am just beginning to try and get away and he is getting worse because I want to leave.
Tristina Yarzombek nooooo pretend you want to stay then when he least expects it and youve saved you split.
My mother left him after 27 years and she took my disabled brother with her. I was taken by him and forced to stay with him..
No legal help could achieve anything and everytime social services tried to interfere he would always get away with it. So all I can say to you is that you can definitely leave him,but do it now and take your kids with you. If they stay with him they'll be destroyed. Be strong and brave!
This was two years ago. I hope things are going better for you now.
This video pretty much explains 30 years of my life!
I'm sure you know: there are narc women too.
Mine is a long story...
Yes. Sadly my first narc was a female family member.
+Angie Atkinson Thanks, that's very nice of you to say. I feel strong and weak all at the same time, but my strength always seems to prevail when it matters the most. Leaving him was one of those times. I wish I had known about the dangers of narcissism sooner, but better late than never. I do wish others in these situations the best also. Ladies, y'all can do it, and you men as well. Keep your heads up. Put your mind to it and move forward one step at a tine. It's all anybody can do. STAY STRONG!!!
+Roslynn Bates Truth! Hugs and love to you!
This has happened all of my life, starting with my mother, then my wife and now with my doctor. But the thing is now I know what the doctor is doing, thanks to my reading books and listening to these videos. It's very by the book what they are doing.
thank you very much, I have fallen too many times for Narcs! Enough is enough
+Sarina Fourie I feel you! Glad you found it helpful!
as they get older they get worse.
I had 2 rounds with the same narc once in 2006, again in 2014.
I can expand on this if anyone cares to know.
MaryLynn I'd be interested to know more please thanks.
They do believe their own lies. When it appeared dust was settling, three years ago, "we" talked about our relationship from what I was hoping a mature place. I was completely honest to my apparent detriment. Getting to hear the "new" story by complete accident blew my mind. He either believes it or is desperately trying to get others to.
Everything is just so spot on. 10 years of this roller coaster nightmare; so happy, and still in disbelief, I finally have my own life back, and it's better than I ever could have imagined.
the Narc hitting a tree... this exact thing actually happened to the narc in my life except it was a fire hydrant that they hit with their car with a river of water running all down the road. but it wasn't her fault. she MUST have run over something that pushed her car up over the curb and into the hydrant.
+Running from Chaos oh my gosh!! That is actually kind of funny in a sad way.
I’ve recently left who was my fiancé, he is one of the worst Narcissists I’ve ever met/heard of.....I’m glad I stumbled onto your channel because I’m loving all your videos! Hearing all about Narcissists and hearing I’m NOT alone/the only one who’s experienced this horrible sort of relationship , I’m NOT and never was crazy(his extreme daily gaslighting had me believing I was)......I need to stay strong and NEVER accept him back into my life as I’ve done many times before! Your videos are just the thing I need to hear right now......thanks!
Same here. Only mine was female.
Everything and all the lies that ever came out was all from me finding out on my own... he never admitted anything or came clean about anything and yet he had the audacity to sit there and say that I have no reason to be angry because he owned up to everything!... but he never did...and he still hasn't.... unbelievable
Angie I thank you.You have been my main support. It's taken me a year to finally get completely no contact. Never could have without you
My sister is a narc too. Living together with her trying to help take care of my ageing mother is wearing me down. Straight out of the frying pan, divorce from narcissist husband, now into the fire with the narc sis and my mother covers for her which makes it so much worse. I'm growing to resent my mother. Here I am taking care of her...well, I should just stop right here because I could write a BOOK! I know u guys understand.
You described my 44 year life with my first husband. I had not even heard of NPD when I married him at age 19. When I felt empowered enough, I left. Thank GOD!!
You lady, are just so wonderful!I'm so thankful for your outpour of insight. You've shed so much light in a dark place as well as validated my own thoughts and behaviors time and again. I thoroughly enjoy soaking you up. So much gratitude!
They can say something then forget about it min later when asked about it.
+Cassi Bales So true.
Forget.... AND then twist it around, too... Leaving you looking around & just thinking, "what... the ever lovin'.... ????" =o
It's been said we have 70,000 thoughts a day the Narcissist must have all dark ones.
lynette simmons tbh in is sorta like they don’t think at all
Hi Angie Atkinson, I thank you for all the information and experiences you are sharing. I was in relationship with narcissist man for last 5 years , nothing ever seem to work , I tried to set limits and boundaries in our relationship many times, but the facts were twisted in such a way that he was never at fault. It made me think sometimes I am the bad one in the relationship may be I am the one who needs to improve. After every fight I was the one to apologize and apologize for no reason , and he used to make a big deal about forgiving me. I was so scared of fights and public dramas he used to make when he was angry. I tried everything to solve problems stop the fights. But years later after trying everything I realized the problem is not me. Its something else. I realised he pretended he was never wrong , never at fault. He was always Mr. Right , he thought so. I was walking on egg shells. I lived in constant fear of next fight. No matter how much I tried to improve it was ending up in fights. One day i realized I am not that bad as he is making me feel. When I tried to leave a few times. He pretended to be how miserable his life was without me , how his job was suffering because of me. I went back few times. But analyzing the pattern in his behaviour, I left the house after a big fight. I have been in no contact from last 3 months. My close family s noticed that I was very different and stressed when I was in relationship with him. I stopped thinking about myself taking care of myself. It was all about him. This journey of 3 months was hard but I am finding myself back again. :-)
Oh Boy! Everything you say describes perfectly my last (and hopefully THE last) encounter.
History was COMPLETELY rewritten, leaving out all of their accountability and complete mind F**kery that left me... well.... temporarily crazy!
Classic textbook moves from the intense love bombing to the emotional blackmail, devaluation, isolation, triangulation, silent treatment and final discard. They even gave me the "Lets be friends" line!
It had been a couple of decades since I'd been on this particular roller coaster that I didn't see it... I thought they were a fellow survivor and that I was dealing with a rational adult that needed understanding and validation.... . NOT! When dealing with a Victim narc, it's very easy to build them up in your own mind/heart as you try to validate them and help their self esteem.
It's a trap!!!
Avoid anyone who has NO love for themself, no matter how abused they may claim to have been, and blames everyone else for their ongoing behavior, always has a new crisis just when it's time for them to reciprocate affection/ empathy or follow through on a promise. What I learned:
It was a bit narcissistic of me to think that I could help fix someone else and I found myself being drained of all my energy into their bottomless pit and ever shifting moods.
This encounter taught me that I have much more work to do on my own issues and my own behavior and I'm actually glad for the lesson, painful and embarrassing as it was.
(sorry for the rant)
:)
XX♡♡
So, I've been in some not so happy and emotionally abusive relationships, and my one with my youngest son's dad was the worst, because there was physical abuse towards the end. However, when my sons and I moved and were able to get away, after about a couple of years, I met someone whom I let my guard down with and not completely, but enough to put effort into a new relationship with him and not be held back by my trust issues. He was showing me that he was a really good guy. So I fell even harder for him as time went on. After a while, little things began happening that I would overlook somewhat. At times I would bring issues up, but he would always say it was me feeling the way I did, he wasn't hurting me emotionally. I used the phrase bad vibes. I would say, I'm feeling bad vibes, what's going on, etc? He would say I was responsible for my vibes. Hence, he always deflected it off of him somehow, and after a while I would just bring things up less and less and let certain things go, because I was in love with him at this point and all that nonsense. So up until the last month or so of our relationship, before I dumped him, I began coming across narcissism sites and videos. I had no idea what narcissism was until then, but it began answering a lot of questions I had. It explained a lot. He has a drinking problem. He would normally only show these narcissistic traits while he was overly intoxicated, never while he was sober. The only time he spoke narcissitically towards me while sober, was if I brought up how he was the night before. He would deny it and apologize all at the same time. So, because I knew who he was on the daily, I forgave and it kept happening. Then finally the emotional abuse became too much and I dumped him the last time he showed out at me. I said I'm done. Out of my anger, I called him an alcoholic and confronted him and said I thought he was a narcissist. He never got physical, only emotional, and because he tended to do it only while overly intoxicated, it kept me confused and second guessing myself about how much more I would be able to handle before I reached an ending point. I didn't know how to put all the pieces in place. It would have been an easier decision I suppose, if he had been acting like that more regularly. I couldn't pinpoint if he was a full blown narcissist, or just had the traits and tendencies. I've been single now since March, 5, 2016 and also went no contact immediately. About 18 days after I cut him loose, he sent one text message asking if I was alright? I didn't respond. Since breaking it off with him, I've also not shed one single tear for him. I've been learning all I can about narcissism, and making notes for myself to help try to make sure I know what to start looking out for a lot faster. It gas been a real eye opener, that's for sure. Am I sad that things went the way they did? Yes. Do I still have thoughts of him cross my mind? Yes. Each time I'm reading or watching a video, or when I'm not, a good memory will pop into my head and according to learning I'm doing, I have to remind myself that the person I thought he was never really existed. Still confused about the situation in itself though. How can he be so good and yet so mean when he's drunk and actually fit a lot of the criteria for being narcissistic? Was he really that good of an actor? Did he use the drunkenness as an excuse to have it as an outlet to act that way, knowing I would probably keep for giving him for a while? Was he starting off with doing it through the drunkenness and then was going to work it more into the relationship as more time went on? We were together for just a little over 14 months. The drinking became an issue around the end of the 5th month in. So then, it leave a me wondering how long does it take a narcissist to get comfortable and let their guard down to start doing treatments on the target? Do they all gave a general time frame, so many months in, or can it take a lot longer with some. I'm not bothering with getting closure from him, I've been ok, staying no contact. However, having these questions answered, I feel would help give me the closure I still feel I need. The closure of understanding these particular points. Anything would be helpful. Thanks so much. I don't do a lot of commenting, I mainly just watch and take notes. So when do choose to comment, it's because at that point, I really needed to get something out. Thank you for helping those it need. Narcissism truly is horrible and I'm glad that I began learning when I did, or else I may very well have still been in the relationship with him to this day. Oh the thought of it.
+Roslynn Bates You are an incredibly strong woman! Though your story sounds very painful, the fact that you left and are staying NC is a big deal and I hope will provide inspiration to others who are waiting for their opportunity to go. Hugs and love to you! Stay strong! ♡♡◇
Thank you so much! I'm doing it the best I can. I'm staying focused and moving forward.
U have a lot of good info here, but, I've got to say the "he" and "him", really turned me off. My wife is THE Textbook covert narcissist.
I agree. the most damaging of all the narcs in my life was a woman too
So is my "mother." (egg donor).
+Reese Daniel man, that's rough. Sorry. Unfortunately that's what my daughter will be saying.
I can understand that, and it bugs me too because 'my' narc is female as well. But we usually take it in stride, just as I hear the word 'fireman' 'mail man', etc., I hope we can change the way it is spoken about in that way. In my life, it is my pseudo-sister.
+imawinwin Exactly. Some narcs are males, some narcs are females. When using general context, sometimes you'll hear "he" and at other times you'll hear "she." Jesus...
A victim only needs to ask~~>What does the narcissist gain from my death? They may want your wealth, or want your death along with their secret lies and treachery, or the shear joy of watching you continually suffer to the end. Illness usually precedes death and nothing causes illness more than a lowered immune system caused by stress, like death by a thousand cuts. Don't rule out them poisoning you quickly BUT open your eyes to anyone that constantly exerts pressure and stress on you, smiling the whole time as they may unconsciously or consciously, insidiously want you extinct for whatever ego evil reasons.
+SBS “Aspergican” man Good point!
Thus, in a nutshell: they are NOT lying, because they believe in what they are saying.
yup.
Since they actually believe the lies they are spewing, technically they are not lying... I hope the final judge, God, karma will have some kind of filter to sort that out. They always seem to skate
And the next day they will think the opposite..also the truth. With no explanation other than they changed their mind. 'Yesterday I really want a relationship. Today I was thinking about the past and now it's not going to work'
You: Get angry from all their lies.
Them:. Look at how you treat me. You are a monster. (blocks you)
Hi Angie! I had an eight-year-long relationship with a woman I would classify as a co-dependent covert somatic narcissist. Unlike so many other commenters on this subject, my companion never seemed to me to be doing willful, malicious harm, but rather her behavior seemed to be more compulsive, like she just had to have some huge event in her life once a year or so. Sometimes it was a blow-up with family members, sometimes it was a break-up with me, sometimes it was getting fired from work. She is not particularly intelligent or cunning and not really a schemer, like so many people think of narcissists. But the pattern of idealize, devalue and discard were always there, along with many other typically narcissistic behaviors, so I have concluded that her problem is NPD. Obviously there are variations in the severity of the disorder, so I guess I would say she's a "little bit" NPD. Is there any more hope of recovery for someone like that, or are they just as far gone at this stage as any other full-blown overt, malignant narcissist? She is 52 years old.
Thanks for your videos!
+Jim Steele I am so sorry to tell you this, ,but it's HIGHLY unlikely that a narcissist can change, especially by the time they're well into adulthood. Id like to invite you to join my support group - it's free, online and confidential. queenbeeing.com/span
I have recorded several video's of agruements between my ex narc , played it back ,and they twisted & distorted the remarks back to me .....it was hillarious ...I laughted , because I immediately replayed the 20 minute rant back to her ....she got even more engraged .....
Everything you say is so true and my narcissist would lie so easily and it would be so believable he literally had no care or Shame about me in any way whatsoever because actions speak louder than words unfortunately for me and it was easy for him to lie and still is because he literally believes his lies it's so pathological it's mind-blowing
I am listening to your videos and thanking you for the reminders. My situation is so parallel to what you post it's crazy. And I can't help but be happy I'm cutting this out of my life. He had me at the end of my rope! But I'm still here👏🏼💕🏆
That is wonderful news. I'm so happy to hear that you're happy - and that the videos are helpful. Sorry you went through it - but glad to hear the rest! Hugs and love!
This has been the best video i have ever watched!! Thank you. Xxx
Wow, thank you so much for this video. My life was turned upside down by my exgf who did all of these things. Tonight she decided to not let me pick up our 3 year old for my court-ordered Father's Day weekend visitation. She routinely violates the protective order against her by breaking into my house, beating the crap out of me, writing on with permanent marker, and she even raped me once. The police don't do anything about it. Yet, when I went to pick our son up for visitation, she told the police that I was violating a protective order. 17 days in jail before the judge realized what was going on and let me out. There is a silver lining to all of this: I'm alive. Her last boyfriend drank himself to death.
Oh my goodness, that's definitely a Toxic one and I'm so sorry your father's day was ruined. Stay strong and remember it's not your fault. hugs and love to you!
Just listened to your video above. Describes my relationship exactly!!
Been married for 29 years and have always known this marriage is not normal but could not work out why I ended up having no say in anything, no opinion, am always wrong, never being able to compromise on anything and have perfected the art of walking on eggshells. Two years ago I googled " lack of empathy" on my new I pad ........ And have discovered narcissism . Needless to say I have been studying the subject ever since!!!! Our 26 year old son still lives with us and suffers from anxiety and depression and is worryingly displaying many of the same signs and behaviour.
I don't think my husband will ever improve but I feel so sorry for him as he must be tormented in his head and so very unhappy. I am stuck halfway between hating being around him
(as he gives off a tense awkward aura)
and feeling like I would be deserting an invalid if I left him.
Dreadful way to live , any advice?!
leave him ! I know how you feel and that blank look they have on their face . I was terrified and afraid that he would leave me for someone new which he did ; he surely always cheated and good for me that he is out cause I have found my values Again and I look at sunset in the early morning instead of his bad moods while he is secretly typing his FB messages or secretly doing something against me (entitlement)
the Narcissist will never leave you he will put down and abuse in everyway but will never leave the relationship...
I used to always give him the benefit of the doubt and I also used to give excuses along with not telling anyone close to me about any of the very serious negative things that he was doing or putting me through because I didn't want anyone to look at him in a negative way or a bad way until I realized no this is what's happening and it's really hard to understand and to cope with it could also make you feel very alone
!! so good to see an amalgamation of symptoms for both parties..and the devastation it can cause.. so many narcissists out there! much of what this video has to say is totally taboo to some people and uploads like this one show the true nature of the narcisstic relationship. thanks x
+Dead faery Truth - a lot of people won't talk about it. Hugs and love and thank you!
My last one,a psychotherapist, drugged and locked me up and shocked me. Nothing wrong other than his abuse. hardest thing I ever did to leave.
This video is exactly what I am dealing with just now.
I’m still not sure I could honestly say that she is a Narc, but she does do all of these abusive control strategies.
She won’t hear anything wrong against her, and by wrong I mean, telling her home truths- as she has created a bubble with an outward facade of being lovely, beautiful healing person who is very spiritual.
It has become very frustrating as she has done the, narc flip on me now, more so than ever.
This video has described everything she does. I wish I could let her see this, but I don’t think she would accept the facts, at it would mean facing her mirror, and bursting that false facade bubble she has created.
the whole "candy bar" example was perfect...same shit happened just the other day with my narc friend...
I have a rule in my house that (since I do all the cooking) you do not grab food without asking so that I can make sure that if I am planning on cooking that, I will not find it gone last minute...
well, I had planned on giving my husband some taquitos that I had in the deep freeze when he came home on his days off (he works out of state)...he came and asked me what he could eat for dinner since I wasn't feeling well and I told him to get 2 hotpockets and eat those...
I went downstairs to fix my hub the taquitos the next day when he came home...they were gone...I went straight to his room and chewed his ass out from one end to the other (I may be a "motherly" empath, but my ass is like Medea...my hubs will tell you I am "queen bitch"...I am surprised this bitch even kept trying for so long because feelz are the least of my concern and when the bitch pulls the "I will kill myself" shit, I tell him "have fun with that"...I may be an empath, but my ass wasn't born yesterday and truth is truth no matter how a mofo feels about it...I knew something was wrong with the mofo, just took me some time to put a name to it)...he pulled the "I won't eat your food anymore, I will just starve" bs...I was like, "ok, less food you will be spoiling leaving it in my fridge and less money out of my pocket"...lol
I got no clue, with how fucked up in the head his ass is and how I am, what he thinks he will be getting out of my ass...
This ex-friend I had used to do that all the time (spread lies about me to everyone she knew). What was really crazy is that she was even jealous of my pets. She couldn't stand the fact that I bought myself a snake (the cute little ball python you see in my avatar) and was really enjoying it. She went around telling acquaintences she wasn't even close to she didn't agree with my getting a snake. One day I caught her doing this and told her that this was not up to her and that this was money I'd worked hard for, that I earned, and that I very rarely treated myself and that I frankly didn't care what she thought, that it wasn't her place to "have feelings" about it as she termed it. Her doing that was just another way she tried to control me and paint me as incompetent to others.
She was jealous of my business and would constantly devalue that too (considering it not real work even though I worked more hours than she did at her 9-5 job), and would call and interrupt me when I was busy and trying to get things done. If I wanted to get off the phone because I had a deadline to meet she would get mad because I didn't just drop everything the moment she wanted attention, but then conversely she would make a point to tell me many times that she wanted to be with her husband and didn't want to spend time with me (unsolicited as though she assumed I wanted to spend that time with her even when she was actually deluding herself and I in fact did not). She engaged in all sorts of projection and distortion.
Another thing she would do is ask me personal questions and what I thought about certain things going on in my life just so that she could take the opposite position in order to hurt me and make me feel unsupported.
I finally told her that I was not going to share anything with her. When I pretty much stopped talking and gave only 1 word answers she purposely tried to pick a fight any way she could to try to get a rise out of me.
My moms worst distortion stated that All eight of my Aunts and uncles said that she shouldn’t have let me live with her again. EVEN THOUGH IVE HEARD THE EXACT OPPOSITE.
They just can’t handle not being perfect it’s a huge narcissistic injury so they would rather twist a small bit of the truth. I’ve picked up the lying habit as a defense mechanism to throw her off my back when she is interrogating me about something trivial or super personal.
My mom the narcissist and my Dad the enabler. My mom was high strung & energetic. My dad was laid back. I was an enabler as I was my friend said, 'Too nice'... I think our character and deeper personalities also may be a factor. Great Advice thank you.
literally too nice. which is also dishonest. people pleasers are just as fucked up as narcs and just as damaging. theyre just more socially acceptable
Too nice means for me to extend too much kindness to undeserving people. sorry you took that the wrong way. I hope you find some grace & peace in your life....
+LadyT right. the thing is I was the same even after I began to realise they were undeserving which is why I said dishonest. I was dishonest out of fear
I have learned to check 3 things my pastor taught me: If it is 1 Intimidation 2 Domination or 3 Manipulation it isn't coming from good. Get away from that behavior from others. anyone....God Bless the U.K.
+LadyT very wise. Unfortunately many empaths and all codependents are blind to the manipulation. Narcs are demonically clever anyway, and codependents are emotionally disconnected from their gut instinct so they're easy for abusers to manipulate. by the time they're overtly intimidation and dom'nation, the average codependent is trapped in self doubt and terror.
I was with my narc for almost 5 years. We lived in separate houses, because I have always known something would go terribly wrong. I have gone four months without contact, until recently. He is now asking me to move in with him, and that everything would be so much better. And for the record, during our no contact, he moved a woman in with him within three weeks. That relationship failed quickly, and now he's back to haunt me. I slipped up and slept with him a few times, and now can't stop beating myself up for it. He feels as if he is back in, and won't leave me alone. I'm scared, I'm shamed, I'm back at the drawing board. I feel as if I'm never going to get out of this thing. People think its easy to walk away, but I loved him with all that I am. He is convincing me little by little that this time it will work. I have lost friends, family, and mostly myself. I need a frontal lobotomy.
I have suffered this over and over again with both of my daughters... they punish me at will for the slightest perception of a wrong even though I've been there for them and my grandsons over and over again.... they take my precious grandsons away from me at will, they project onto me their troubling issues... they are both in their mid-to-late 30s and act like angry frustrated teens... they are from a divorced home from early on and I believe they learned to use me as a punching bag, scapegoat from their very vindictive dad who tried to ruin me in all respects, including trying to obtain custody of them, but didn't succeed... Now, I am trapped by them knowing how much I love and cherish my grandchildren who I've had an established relationship with and are probably wondering where their loving Nana went! It's heartbreaking and I don't know how to deal with it or resolve it since their narcissistic behavior is winning all the time... they've even succeeded in turning my own family members against me in the past.. I've gone to great lengths to repair those relationships and now they are threatened once again, as I am the "bad guy" here anyways, right? anyone out there dealing with this? Can I get some help, please!
I deal with narcissists all the time, I only feel like isolating myself from them, not other people. I like giving everyone a chance to be a friend, it is only when they display their nastiness over a period of time that I draw back from them. I do not walk on egg shells any more as I used to, it is so freeing. I no longer care about the rage they display, it leaves them with no wins when they do it with me, because I laugh it off or ignore it completely.
I have to change my name to leave comments
Row Deo me too! Lol
Great info and breakdown. Had an exhausting bout with a cheating narcissist. No love reciprocated.
I've had the classic routines done to me; your having an affair (no proof - more important no time I'm too busy), then oh you want to upgrade me, I must have falling in love with another women when they took me to dinner (there were three people, 2 women and myself a man) plus the dinner was to discuss a financial plan put together by the female financial planner (This happened 16 or more years ago and I may have spoken to the woman a total of 3 times). The I did not want to buy a house as it would be harder if there was a divorce (she is the one who brings up the divorce word). She promised to split 50/50 if we did divorce, I recently said I'm hitting the end of this crap (2.5 + years of silent treatment, no affection, etc) she then was "I get the son, the house, and your inheritance as you can start over again". She has not worked for over 10 years now.
Word salad, irrational conversations, name calling, ... Cannot have a conversation where you negotiate things out in a respectable manner. These days when I tried to talk to her she puts headphones on, walks out of the room, says she is busy, etc. Typical stonewalling tactics. The other thing she is doing is playing the victim card, there has been one issue after another (depression, recovering from an abusive husband (me), no sex drive, skin problems, peri menopause, etc). She isolated me for years.
She is very transaction based in nature. Tried to blackmail me, agree with her plan else no affection / sex.
Agree 100%
+veritas liberabit vos I will never understand withholding sex.
Yes, this is exactly what I went through with my ex-boyfriend for 6 1/2 years! Thank you so much for explaining this so well.
I would've to know.. what happens when a Narc dates another Narc? do they instinctually 'know' their own kind? or do they gaslight and smear each other into oblivion? I would love to know the answer
David Harrison omg I would love to know this
qzny0s oh Wow!!!
I used to excuse his "no I didn't"s as a result of his weed habit. Now I realise he KNEW and REMEMBERED everything he did, he just liked to screw with my head. Wow they are unreal lol.
This is amazing and so helpful to me! Thank you!
now this is legitimately fully accurate...
I just discovered this video.
It is essential information for everyone.
Very excellent video. Thank you.
Hugs, my pleasure and thank you for the kind words!
I confronted a minister of verbal emotional abuse, basically. She responded by triangulating a naive head minister who then gaslighted me: “I know such n such isn’t like that, why don’t you take some space and come back for a reset.” Crazy shit.
Yes I have... Woman do the same thing. At least mine did everything you are saying. 49 years old and never been through this craziness before. There must be a universal narcissist handbook.
this is my life, and he's at the discard stage and I've never been so miserable or afraid as I am right now.. too many what if's?... and self worth and where to go from here... thank you for your words...I need so many more
+robin goodwin-andres my heart breaks for you. I know that pain. If you would join our SPAN group, the support will really help. And there are a couple of downloads in the pinned post that will help with this extreme pain. It's totally free- visit queenbeeing.com/span for details.
+Angie Atkinson I will... Then you so know as I woke up this morning I am struggling to even breathe...he walked out and left me with tears pouring down my face as I asked him to have the compassion to help me get through this...and give me time to find somewhere to live... And off he drove in his new convertible until wee hours and had the nerve to wake me from the couch and tell me it was ok to come sleep in our bed??? I will join your group and thank you for answering. I am a wreck
+robin goodwin-andres Oh Robin, you are definitely in the thick of it. our group will be very good for you right now! I'll see you inside! hugs and love, and please remember that you truly deserve better. we will help you get through this.
As a result, healthy conversations end up being a misnomer. Circular arguments become a frustrating routine when dealing with an issue the narc created. I’ve been frustrated for years, because I married one...30 years. Explains why I can never achieve a sense of balance and healthy well-being.
btw I did seek help after he ghosted me in 2006.
I racked up a bill that was epic and the narc came back around 4 months later after the first round and actually attended a therapy session with me yes he went to the therapist with me we sat there for two hours well he made up a wild story about why he disappeared the therapists are right through it and sent him out after are two hour session she told me that everything he said was a lie.
She did work with me for a while getting back to my childhood traumas but never once recognized his personality disorder bus I never was able to deal with it I ended up going back to school and getting another better job but it wasn't until the second round he came back around and said he was sorry and he loves me and miss me all these years gave me a diamond engagement ring for Christmas last year and then move to another state.
I was married to one. He lied about everything. So if you are right in your belief that they believe everything they say is truth, then these types are just plain crazy.
So disturbingly accurate....Thank you.
Thanks and hugs Beth!
Thank you for this! Love u for this video. The first time I have heard this term anywhere! Now I have a name for my pain. 'Cognitive distortion.'
Hugs, my pleasure and I am glad it helped you!
remember and never forget, they don't care.
they don't care about you, they will drop you without a problem and any emotion they show is not genuine, it is only done because that's what a normal person would do and they are going through the motions to get something nothing more.
Great explanation! So helpful.
+Narcissist Free thank you! ♡
+Narcissist Free -almost I liked it, too. I'm about to upload a video about some insane gaslighting that just happened at work. What a learning experience this all turns out to be! LOL
Activism of Care And a great warning experience to other's.
Thank you ♡
something funny , for a change : may I ? There's a singer named Antonacci Biagio whose last summer song (my last summer with my narc too) was titled "i seldomly think of you" , well, when I lovingly and ironically whispered this song in his ears, with a smirk he repeated the title : only now It has occurred to me that he meant it and he discarded me slightly after!!!!
I was married for 5 years to mine. I went into that relationship very happy and vibrant. I left that relationship completely broken. I didnt even completely leave he passed away of a heart attack. It was the strangest feeling when i was called that night. If you can imagine feeling intense relief it was finally over. At the samw time i ws devastated, for my children, how would i take care of 4 kids alone. He had been speaking bad about me to his family so when he died his entire family excommunicated me and my 2 children from a previous relationship from their family... The same week he died. I let my babies that were my husbands go with my brother and law to visit and they accused me of lies and gained guardianship of my boys. Now instead of dealing with 1 narcissist i have to deal with 7.
Yes,yes yes all so true.thank you angie.
Hugs, my pleasure!
I was given a bad employment rating by my boss. I started crying so much that everything was getting messy on my face. You know what I mean I won't get into graphic detail. I looked and there were no tissues in the room. I asked my boss for a tissue. She looked so smug as she calmly sat there and smiled and said the obvious, that there are no tissues in the room. Of course someone who was not a narcissist would have at least gone to look for a tissue for me or tried to comfort me in some way not be happy that i was miserable.Over 10 years later this ex boss turned up as a potential client at my then place of work. She walked straight up to me and remembered my name instantly. It took me a few seconds to register who she was but then I remembered the sly smirk that said it all.
Angela ur on point my Narsistic.hes been in my life 4 9 yrs .he would drag me out of my own house I played all the bills he said it's his home and I'm nothing but the dirt he walks on.what would happen to the Narsis if he met and bedded his own kind.
Yes the Narc husband says he is just saying "the facts and reality" when he demeans and insults me and others I care about...Yet his reality is bent and distorted. He is not in touch with any real facts.
He tells me I need to live in reality but his reality is to take away self esteem and hope...I tell him I cannot and will not choose his version of reality.
Here is a twisted laugh.....the ex narc says.....I am not an alcoholic.....because I have ever never been ticked for drunk driving!!!!! How twisted is that!?!!!
Love your videos i am dealing with severe depression cuz of the abuse ive been through
Yeeesss!... he would always talk down on me and then the next second claim to love me and then he always claims to forget anything I ever bring up ...obviously that's b.s.
God, my narc wife cuts in front of lines. It is so embarrassing when she does it and I have to drag her back out of line surrounded by pissed off faces.
She is so self entitled it is rediculous. Last night she kept boasting about how wonderful she was and how better she was at everything and how people 'owe' her the best and top spots in everything, especially when it comes to her work (singer). It's like she thinks she is a superstar.
See was a music teacher at a university before I got stuck with her. She called herself professor. Then in conversations with 'peers' the term professor would shift to 'teacher'. It took me a while to catch on. It stood out especially when I'd use the wrong term in the wrong company. She'd correct my wording like we were in on the lie together.
Made me think of when my narc mentioned and almost seemed like bragging about a girl he had dated threatening to kill herself over him smh...
Just split with someone who I believe was a Narcissist. I'd heard the term before but was totally ignorant of what one truly was. Thankfully, my instincts kicked in at some point and I never completely gave all of my heart to them and I started to shut down after about 5 months living with her. I made a huge mistake if lashing out at her when I left because I didn't truly understand the mind of a Narcissist. It didn't take me long to realize that it was a form of abuse. When I truly realized what had just happened, I was shocked that I could have gotten sacked into her craziness. I still care for her and even suggested she get help and this was even before I realized the narcissistic part of it. My question is this: is there a good part to having gone through something like this? I will say I'm disappointed and sad because I got incredibly close to her children and now I'm not comfortable visiting them (and this is at their fathers!) I honestly haven't cried about the loss of her but it's been a very sad situation that I regret completely. I sacrificed everything I possibly could but again my instincts kicked in at some point and I started to pull back ever so slightly. She must have recognized this and started to look for new supply. She had communicating with a new guy for a few weeks and I knew something was up. A week after I left, I merged her cloud content to my phone (since her phone was on my account) and had all of the proof of her lies and the timeline of things. I'm sure she was doing some damage control and smearing my name all over my former and her current workplace. In retrospect, I very much regret calling her out on things because I didn't realize that she doesn't think like a normal person and it really got me nowhere. Trying to educate myself I never go through this again
the good thing about it (silver lining) for me is that it forced me examine my inner landscape and become 100% congruent instead of a mealy mouthed people pleaser
yeah I been isolated and feeling emotional and yeah that's how I felt and I'm still sick of her
twisted mind.... yeah that's a very succinct way of putting it. it's never their fault. In a way they're right. They only get away with their crap because there are plenty of people out there who DON'T have any core self esteem who put up with Narcspeak. Tge worst thing is stay sms whine about how awful they are. The real question is Why do other people tolerate intolerable abuse?
I think that is a complicated question with a complex answer. I would just say that abuse is a process and cycle. Narcissistic abuse in particular is powerful, isolating and meant to destroy the most vulnerable and the deepest part of your soul as a human being. Once you recognize what is going, you are already so far up the creek with almost no way of turning back.
+Jennifer Janzen I know... 😣 it's very sad. Maybe that's why so many survivors spend so much time and energy trying to help others crawl out of the hole
+Jennifer Janzen exactly
I work for a narc, it would be a miracle if I get out of there with another job lined up. Her idea however, of me leaving, is fired, unable to get employed again, and homeless.
+Miranda Howard ugh. I'm so sorry Miranda! Stay strong and get that resume polished!
So right. It's exactly what they do.
+SUZANNE Arena Hugs and thank you ♡♡♡♡
There is nothing to add as you have said it all, in a single nutshell.
i am so numb now, that when i watch a movie, i feel like i can't feel the movie like i used too, get involved into the movie, because to me, now, its just all to hard to experience emotions; be it good or bad ones. I find the good ones get erased to quickly by the bad one - that i just can't be bothered having them....and i just want to keep my distance away from him because he always manages to ruin any good feelings or vibes i have regarding life or about him.....
*** But it would be wonderful if you could answer me one question;- why it when WHEN-EVER I have a good day at work, and before i even enter the house, he somehow KNOWS I had a good day and he manages to ruin that day with some petty argument or manages to have or start a petty argument regarding the kids and makes me responsible when i wasn't even there to do something about it...or if WE (or just I) manage to have a couple of good days in row, he manages to ruin them for me, where i retrieve back to hating him and thinking bad about him. Why can't he help ME maintain a good vibe about him...... he always manages to ruin it for me...and why?
Doesn't he want me to see him in a good light and have good loving feelings about him???
No they hate it when you are happy , it makes them angry . He will be happy if you act sad or upset trust me , your misery equals his happiness
I bought a house with a narcissist. When we broke up I wanted to sell the house. He refused but he left me to pay all the crippling repayments. I finally got him to agree to put the house in my name by agreeing to pay him a substantial amount of money. He thought he was being so generous to me for agreeing to sign and thought this meant that we were friends again. I sold the house as I knew he would always think of the house as his in his crazy thinking. When he found out the house was sold he called my mother and basically said, she can't do this I told her not to sell the house and, she knows she's supposed to do everything I say. He also said It's a nice house and I don't want it sold. When my mother said that the house was in my name and that I could do what I wanted with the house he said, but she knows she's supposed to to everything I say. When my mother said that I don't have to do what he says he said as justification, but she has always done what I've said. He finally said Well she's made a big mistake and said that it's obvious I can't make any right decisions without him and hung up. Narcissists feel entitled to set the rules in their favour and you are just there to do what they want. I'm sure he expected me to keep the house because he thought that one day we would get back together and he could live there again.
candy bar was hillarious....my ex has actually taken chocolates and sweets in the exact same sense, with the same outcome lol
+JustRed Ditto, lol!! Haha, as always, art imitates life.
My ex narc literally ran his work truck in between two trees. The truck was destroyed! He was drinking and driving and blamed the road for the accident. Apparently, there were rocks and debris everywhere... >.>
Hugs April, I am so sorry to hear this. And unfortunately, a narc will never take responsibility for that, let alone for drinking and driving :(
the candy bar analogy was great thx.
+Marie Sprowl Thank you!
wow Angie you have been doing this a while. I so enjoy your videos
Hugs, thank you and yes!
I look after an elderly woman and I take her to church...to make a long story short I try to get her out of the service before everyone else bc i fear people will run her over...some lady told me that I looked like an animal in a cage And I should learn to wait. I got very offended and thought to myself (bc I choose not to respond) zero respect for the elderly, maybe that lady should learn to look around and see the obstacles around other people and no just her damn self. I choose not to waste breath that time but I just felt sad for the old lady.