Stockholm Syndrome AKA Trauma Bonding In Narcissistic Abuse
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- Опубліковано 6 вер 2024
- This video explains the 4 criteria that create Stockholm Syndrome (trauma bonding) and how this applies to narcissistic abuse. It explains why it's so hard to leave and break free from the abuser and the denial even when you're aware of what's happening. I also show you how they hook you and how to avoid that. If you know someone going through this, please share this video with them! It could be life-saving.
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NOTE: Meredith Miller is not a therapist or counselor - She is a holistic integration coach, helping you to self-heal after abuse and transform your life. She works with a mind-body-spirit approach to wellness that is a valuable complement to traditional psychotherapy. She recommends that you also seek out a licensed therapist who has experience with narcissistic abuse and understands these dynamics extensively in order to help you with the Complex-PTSD, especially in the early stages of recovery. Thank you for taking responsibility for yourself!
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#stockholmsyndrome #traumabond #narcissisticabuse
What I hate the most about this is that they look so innocent and sweet and that everyone believes them.
Exactly! Ever notice how they do the silent effect, stay silent, act like "what?" tongue in cheek". Shine you on, no comments. Ignore you. Like the DNC... ACT STUPID, then blame you for bringing up their behavior as if you are the one punishing and damaging to them!
I know you feel man,it really sucks
Bingo
True
I think these terminologies such as supply and discard from the experts are labels that I feel makes women or men being defined as object and is degrading. Also, it is very generalized tunnel vision ideation, that makes me as human being just focus on negative aspects, I do not see any positive, please health clinicians , there are so many factors involved, and saying there is no hope is the saddest thing to say to help and support a person who needs the help.
"no one believes you." This is a huge problem! Then you start doubting your own perceptions and your intuition gets killed off. You don't trust yourself anymore.
I know what you mean. Especially if they started their smear campaign early on.
My ex narc actually said these words to me
In private of course... it makes you feel so powerless
So true, thus it's the best starting point to move away from their narrative, pay no attention to the BS they're saying, tell your own truth when appropriate. Be a decent person - other decent people will appreciate this. Flying monkeys and narcs will not - which is good!
@@kyraaborkman what? Did he confess that he knew how this would impact your intuition negatively? Your sense of self?
that's the worst! having the intuition killed off. You just said it, the one thing a narcissist can't stand the most: someone's intuition
Your right! Its that abusive then 10 min later nice and kind. You feel like your crazy. That back and forth is mentally and emotionally exausting.
Yes it is....hes out .....this has been 7 years...off n on....i always get sucked back in....but i have done some work....i feel so dumb sometimes for falling back into it
makindreams cometrue don’t feel dumb. i get it, i pray you get out.
I experience this weekly
I thought they were just bipolar
The cycle is brutal, it is exhausting.
The way I got past the abuse amnesia was to write on a calendar at work the word "REMEMBER" whenever I was abused physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially. It really helped me escape.
yes! but then they say ur not forgiving (religious people are the worst). but thankfully i got out of religion and that oppression
corsican lulu I know that a lot of 'religious' people judge, if they're Christians they're supposed to try their best not to do that, the bible clearly tells us Christians to 'fix' ourselves first and never judge the non-Christian, to only be kind to them. But this is hard for Christians and non Christians alike, were still only human. I do want to point out that though the bible tells us to forgive, That is mostly for our own benefit, to clear us of that negative energy. The bible also tells us this: Proverbs 4:23 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.' We shouldn't let people trample over us again and again and again this causes us to become cold and unforgiving, we must guard our hearts so that other people don't make us bitter, angry or steal our energy for life and love. We as men think we're so smart that we don't need God, if we just read the bible we'd find the answers have been here all along. Also if you seek him with all of your heart, you will find him and he helps you change if you are willing to do the prayer work. I've had two revelations in the last year & I can tell you that I am sure Jesus is who the bible says he is. God bless you and may he give you eyes to see, ears to hear, and a heart that is able to discern:)
P.S. It's great to learn from other wise teachers whose basic principals mirror teachings of the bible, these videos have been very kind and helpful!
I've been Christian since age 10. God knows I'm a work in progress. He knows what I've been through. It's Him who was there watching me get whipped by my own belt over and over again. I have the "remember" poster put on the wall to remind ME not to let my guard down again and to have Him guide me on the path I need to go. Thank you Bri.
I have kept a journal for years and I am sooo glad I did. If I had not I would not have any sense of all the confusion the Narc created.
Great idea thank u
It's hard to accept that the person you loved the most is your abuser. And so hard that this person can't be changed
The devil is always trying to knock on your door. Just remember the abuse so that when it comes wearing a different mask (person) you can run ASAP.
I hope so. who wants to keep this up all their lives?
Everyone is EVIL....be afraid ALL THE TIME....nice way to live.
Fart Knocker unfortunately until the laws catch up instead of fear , i had to learn ways not to give the Narcissistic supply. Im no doormat but when women speak out on this issue , thats awesome. I just screen any dating situations and they still slip through.
Be ready to launch a full scale assault against the devil when he shows up at your door. Problem solved.
Fuck. I hardly cuss but...fuck. It's the worst when you realize it's your own mother--your own narcissistic mother and your enabling father who did this to you. I'm still trying to move out, in secret, and I hardly even know where to begin. Help! Pray for me. This sucks.
It's painful alright. A deep soul suffering to experience. It's a total shock to system, mind body and soul to the possibility of a humanity w no conscious.
Same thing happened to me. And then I dated one who ruined my life. Praying for you definitely.
I know exactly how you feel! I will pray for God to set the captives FREE!!!
My mom is that way. I went no contact 2 months ago. Look up as many resources as possible. Prayers and hugs to the both of you.
I grew up in a cult and the leftover damage has left a bad residue with my mom. I was blessed twenty years ago to have been able to escape to the other side of the country. I enjoyed 11 years of unbelievable Joy by going completely No-Contact but I was found by a cult member and it went down hill again. I Have faith that I will one day be set free again, for good,
Thank you for addressing men get abused. My own mother doesn't even think men can be abused , To show you how bad that Dynamic is
I watched a frienemie do this to her ex husband. I believed her until she was attempting covertly destroy me.
I have all the signs of Stockholm. No wonder I feel so stupid, fearful, lost, confused, besides the fundamental signs that come through isolation, slandering, gaslighting, etc.
And triangulation.
When we look at ourselves w empathy, it really sheds light on what survivors we are. It makes it easier to forgive self for falling for this SPELL.
+SHINE FORTH if it's ever possible to speak more about this. I truly believe we are enduring this primarily in our recovery above all everything else.
right there now
I just realized this as well, so many narc survivors go through this conditioning not knowing.
SHINE FORTH
I know this feeling
"No one believes you" ...that part.
Yes they are master manipulators. For example my mother would kick the shite out of me for no particular reason before I would drive her to the doctors. She would act all angelic in front of the doctor. And when we got home she'd slap me silly because she HAD to slap me silly before we went to the doctors. Causing her blood pressure to go up! Now im out of the situation i just laugh. As i get older people say to me who where too polite to say it at the time say 'ur the one with the weird mother arnt u?' People make there own conclusions up. Talk is cheap and she still thinks she looks holier than thou. But despite all the haters and smear campainers. Her actions speak louder than words. Give people more credit. They are much more observant than you think 😉👍♥️💚
this goes for people who wont let you be free to express yourself
You mean feminists?
Kareen Mondesir my mother brainwashed me to believe my African features/natural hair is ugly.
I’ve been through the Stockholm syndrome
It’s something that happens to a vulnerable person.
Trans here. We know 👍
Bullies, violent people and those who pick on the weak and vulnerable,
are the lowest of the low. They represent the worst amongst us. I have
no respect for those type of people. Anybody can act tough with those
who are weak and vulnerable. I could get a small animal and bully it
or be violent towards it. Picking on those weaker than you is not clever.
It's not an achievement. I don't do it because I have self respect.
predators are weak and soulless
David Walker Being weak and accepting that doesn't deserve respect or empathy whatsoever.
@James ScalzoSchadenfreude describes the sick twisted pleasure they get in hurting others. They operate under the demonic spirit of Jezebel.
@James Scalzo ok what do u mean by that? That the demons r the abusers?
You're ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! ESPECIALLY POLICEMEN AND THE ARMED FORCES ARE AMONG THE MOST COWARD PEOPLE IN THE WHOLE WORLD! Only a true coward hides behind a weapon of mass destruction. They are not there to protect us, they are there to PROTECT THEMSELVES AGAINST US AND TO GUARD THEIR DAMMED MONEY!
by the end of my marriage, when the abuse had escalated to crazy levels, every time I was about to leave our apartment, my ex-husband would create drama. So I got stuck in this insane argument with him, would cry a lot, feel horrible and then I always decided not to leave... wow! your video opened my eyes! that was also part of his sick game.
+Ipe Amarelo Exactly! When you see the bigger patterns it's like OMG!
Ipe Amarelo My narc soon to be ex husband would create a fight and when I would leave, he would leave our kids at home by themselves. I'd have to leave my friends and come home. I stopped going out. I was miserable.
Me too, exactly.
I can relate to your situation Ipe Amarelo but that was 3 years ago for you. But it's been 3 weeks for me.
Thank you for mentioning the way the system is biased against men in this regard, acknowledging that abuse of men does happen too.
I was raised by a very toxic mother and a codependent father. I totally get that. I see how my brother attracts toxic women. About 50% of my coaching clients are men and I've seen what they've been through. Only a few of them were abused by men, most of them were abused by women. This problem spans all cultures, genders, socio-economic statuses, and races. Big hug!
You are a good speaker.... and you stay on point and you don't "Ramble" too much like other videos do...thank you for your series!
Dee Bee
I agree..and its professional she is wonderfully articulate
Dee Bee She is also THE BEST on this topic in the Spanish Language. She is the Sam Vaknin of the Spanish language.
Eileen Viteri
Ramble? Sounds like you subscribe to NARC lingo .that's abusive to say ppl ramble ..just saying. .its ugly
I agree 100%
I agree!
I am strong, but I am broken. thank you for sharing and educating.
Big hug!
Hugs!
Thanks for sharing im broken that im taking it a minuete at a time.
Janice, the biggest lights on this planet are somewhat "broken". These are the people who carry a lot of hope for humanity. You are not alone...sending much love and hugs to you.
You just took step one!
I believe the only way you can heal from this type of abuse AND protect yourself from attracting the same kind of dysfunctional relationship again; is to become aware of your core fear/pain and the root trauma that produced it from your childhood...before the cognitive pre frontal cortex in your brain was fully wired. Please if you are in this type of relationship, research codepency and how your unconscious brain creates it. peace and love.
Absolutely!
Core fear is always abandonment even for abusers
Thanks for your support Shane L!Take care.x
I just went thru hell my partner had isolated me .he tried to kill me .I survived .don't let anyone manipulate you see the red flags and run from that person.
I agree.
...mine did kill
Me. Strangulation and broken neck. Nine minutes dead. I'm a survivor...I'm here to help anyone as a.life coach.men and women. Nikkicardarella78@gmail.com
you're making the world a better place.
This brought me to tears. I just went through a divorce from a 23 year long marriage. We have kids together so unfortunately I have to have contact. I finally blocked him from calling me, he can only email me, but he tries to pull me back in. What's crazy is he is already engaged to someone new, we've only been divorced since May. 😲
I could go on and on, thank you so much for this video it's one of the best on toxic abuse!
it has nothing to do w/ his new relationship ... the high they get from messing w/you is better than sex it last longer ... I hope it goes better for you ...my ex did not stop till my youngest turned 18 it was constantly CS or child custody... he had me in court all the time it is a control issue ... when I served him w/divorce papers he said "you will live in the street " i should have listened ...he meant it
This is the BEST DESCRIPTION of trauma bonding that I’ve ever heard.
I can't thank you enough. I have blocked him from all contact and I have resisted all urges I've had to reach out to him. He was cruel to me yet I know if he contacted me and asked me to come over I would.
Wow. This was incredible to hear. I finally left my narcissistic partner this year and I’ve never felt better
Everything you're saying speaks to my situation with my mom. Kindness, but with control and cruelty. I want to learn more.
My mum got me believe I am useless and cannot survive on my own. I felt helpless but bonding withher she was so important for me and she would not let me grow up she kept treating me as a child and dependent and she hated that I wanted to be an adult and I have been fighting with her my whole life. And she did kind things or spoke kindly and that always hooked me and I started to believe that she is okay perhaps we can mend our relationship and forever feeling guilty that our relationship is not good. Now, I relaize it could have never become better.
klári geiszler I think your mom was a single mother and that's why she did that. You growing up would result into you leaving her embrace and she'd be left alone.
klári geiszler
I gotta do what’s best for me People
I too god
Don’t Fuck My Feels
Assholes 100%
Watch Jordan Peterson’s lecture on the Oedipal Mother. You will finally have a clinical explanation of what happened to you. If she did this, cut her out of your life.
I am a man and I was in an abusive relationship with a woman. I called around town and found there were TONS of places for women who were abused. Finally got an answer from a social worker who said, "The only thing a man can do to get away from a woman is either run away or get arrested."
that needs to change. have u heard of erin pizzey?
Feminism says psychology and science don't apply to you if you're a man.
Instead of blaming feminism that men don't get the support, why not you do something like start a support group for men. Women don't get their support groups and safe places from day one. It started some time in history when people realized that it is a significant problem that need help. So you see that men don't get help being abused, then start doing something about it instead of blaming other victims who managed to get help.
When shelters for abused women first started, mainstream thinking is that what happens in a family should not be interfered by outsiders. Many at that time will even consider that wife-beating is acceptable so long as the wife did not suffer disabling injuries. The "systemic" and "sexist" bias against women who dare to voice against their husbands are staggering high. Views have changed today, but women did not get the protection (which is still far not enough) they have from day one, and not without many people working and supporting to get those protection in place. If you truly think that the same kind of protection need to be in place for men, then you have to do something to get your agenda out there, but you don't get to blame other victims for getting help.
Augure Zera So you mean to say, because men knew very well what it is like to be treated as "lesser than" especially "by women", men have been engaging in the systematic sexist treatment of treating women as lesser being for milleniums. It is quite something to come across a man who is so proud of that fact.
Wow, wow and WOW!!!
I thought that this happened only to me but apparently it is a real condition affecting many people out there!
Thank you so much for your thorough explanation and for this alertness you are giving us...
Highly appreciated 🙏🙏🙏
I can understand how nobody would believe you. Not many people are aware of narcissistic abuse.
This feels like my church. I now have a word for that horrible feeling, cognitive dissonance.
If they treat you that way thst is not a church. It's a sect.
It happens in all institutions. I was in a job with this type of abuse.
Never had a man who has put me down. One word of abuse or an angry act - and I'm out of this relationship. My father was a narc, so that made me sensitive and aware. I've never carried this example of horrible behavior that I witnessed in my childhood to my relationships with other people.
You know when l realized my "mind trauma" was so bad? When l tried to read a book...... Something that used to be so easy. And what l am reading l can't focus on because l am so scared.
Explained my entire life. This video is the single most important video I’ve ever watched in my entire life. All that I can say is thank you. I’m so fucking grateful for this.
I love how she ends her videos without asking us to "like and subscribe" :) It makes me feel like she's really genuine in making these videos and isn't just doing them for likes.
So helpful, thankyou! I had no idea what a narcissist really was until I ended up in a relationship with a textbook narcissist. He had me convinced I was crazy and I was the problem...until I got into therapy & realized what a dangerous situation I was really in. I had never been abused in this way before and it was scary to learn how truly evil a human being can be. Thank God I was able to get away with my life.
This!
Oh my goodness I needed this more than ever!! Wow makes sense finally!! Thank you!!!
Big hug!
Lisa Tsuda I'm SO sorry for your SUFFERING. i HAVE ISSUES TOO. im JUST REALLY learning how deep my own rabbit's hole is.... i JUST WANTED to say YOUR NOT ALONE. I'm TRYING to learn to heal and ✔ my own behaviour...take CARE of YOU
Me too.
This was a really amazing video, thank you!
your videos have really helped me awaken. Im in a toxic relationship, with a baby coming. i am a man, and its so painful , the guilt and abuse.
Francis Deflavia leave dude.
It may work out!! May...
Try to figure out what is making her act that way and talk to her to see if there could be change in her behavior... I’m sure you guys are both in love
🙏
I kept being hooked even after my narc ex broke up with me. finally 8months later, I found out he cheated on me for half of our relationship. now I'm trying to get out and get a job and he's trying to use fear to scare me back to not leaving with moments of being nice and trying to enforce "family moments" with our son. he's trying to talk to me all the time. I'm not letting him back into my heart.
You're SO AWESOME!!!
burrochapadogrl good for you! I highly recommend you start preparing your exit and no contact strategy like yesterday. This is the ONLY way you'll be free of his control. Sending you love and light. You can do it!
burrochapadogrl yo I agree with you haha
Screw him lol
Walk away
Just do you
4:00 So nice to see a woman atleast acknowledging situations where women abuse men or systems are set up unfairly against men. This makes you feel less isolated and hurt as a man 🙏
YOUR NOT ALONE! STAY SRONG
I've been out of contact for almost 2 months and it's been the hardest thing ever, every call triggers panic attack and not from the narcissist her self but from her mother and I'm scared that she would tell me to talk to her and I don't think I can
I'm currently trying cut myself out it's been so hard but I encourage everyone who is going through a toxic relationship (EVEN WITH YOUR MOTHER)to limit contact or cut it all off
REMEMBER THAT YOU'RE NOT ALONE
My ex moved one block away from me. I made it one year almost no contact. And then I’m walking down me street and there she is sitting in her porch.
This channel helped me so much. I was doing so well. And ever since she moved 50 yards from me, I have regressed. The trauma bond and the false memories of love have been coming back. A trigger of my ptsd from it.
It’s been hard for me, and I’m upset about it.
Watching your videos has truly helped me in getting out of an abusive relationship with my ex boyfriend who is clearly a narcissist. I could never thank you enough!
I had a strong Stockholm syndrome relationship with mother it took years for me to break free from her abuse.
"Thought I would forget, but I remember so thanks for making me a fighter" !
I'm an RN and always knew about stockholm syndrome, but you explained it so well, so much better than I've ever grasped it and the implications of it. As well as the fall out and what to do after.
I saw the red flags in a guy i met then dated three years ago. I was fine for two years after breaking up after a short four month relationship, then went back last spring when I had a problem and he - out of nowhere - offered to help. That one exchange, just like you said, that one contact....... I just moved out of a DV shelter last week. I also, as I was watching your video, had the "duh" realization to block him on my phone (I didn't at first because he was so scary I kind of wanted to see his reaction so that I knew 'what was out there' waiting for me when I got out, still, it's been six weeks, it's time to block him, i can't believe I forgot that).
This video was fantastic from start to finish. Thank you.
Georgia Byr
same same
Interesting. I was in fear for my life once, made by my own irresponsible choice of a man, who would have killed me if not for the fact that my brother put him in the hospital !! He never bothered me again. These horrible abusive people are the worst cowards !
It's amazing learning all of this stuff, these terms I've heard in my life, that they actually APPLY to me. I was always forced to believe growing up that everything that was happening in my life was normal, my family was normal, that it was ME that was the problem. So much of this just warrants "a-ha" moments where I can say, "Now that makes sense!" The abuse was always coated in love and "protection". Oh, I worry about you. But she didn't worry as much about her other children. It was always JUST me. I was chosen to be kept close...to not escape her. It's sicker the more I think of it.
as a 4th grader on a farm, our barn caught fire, the volunteer fire dept was able to get all of the horses, sheep, goats and cattle out of the barn. The sheep and goats ran back into the barn and burned alive-they knew the barn as home, even denying what they were seeing with their eyes. Always reminded me of an abused woman going back to the abuser.
awww
Your videos are the ones that I can most relate to. I'm currently writing a book about what it's like to deal with narcissistic abuse all my life, starting with my own mother. I want to say thank you, thank you, thank you for all the info that is not only helping me, but so many others out there who have endured abuse.
Kim Thorne-Harper that's courageous! I'll keep a look out for your book
I would love to read your story. I just figured out after many years that I’m suffering from trauma bond
I am stuck in this right now and it's become so bad that I don't even know who I am anymore and I can't concentrate, think straight, or anything anymore. I feel so lost, hurt, and ashamed.
This hurts so so bad
Thank you, Meredith. Such a great explanation! The nice/mean/nice/mean pendulum swings widely or closely, depending on the narcissist's mood - what's going on at work, with his(her) harem, etc.
When I have DARED to thwart his plans or when he's bored or frustrated, I am punished. When he's feeling good, I am rewarded.
It's the not knowing what's going on, what will happen next with him (her) that gets the target in trouble.
Thank you for letting us know that even a text or email can cause us to get sucked back into the dance with the narcissist.
Once no contact, I intend to block him from my cell and email. I will keep in mind that there are ways around that.
I'm fortunate in having friends who treat me well and I have online support from people like you.
I'm much more fortunate than my mother, who had no shelters or other means of support in dealing with my narcissist father. She stayed 42 years, poor thing, and never really recovered.
I intend to use all the resources available to me, including EMDR therapy, to get through this.
❤️
Good insights and I'm happy you have a plan for going No Contact. You can do it! Cheers to ending the trans-generational legacy of abuse! Big hug.
Inner Integration Wow. I don't know what's going on at this time...Ive got Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & a thyroid problem....so my significant other has been helping me, but being that he wanted to do NORMAL things like get a job (which I wouldn't usually think is wrong), it's like I've been trying to prevent it. But its like he wants to do GOOD things like travel out of town and take up work...when I'm incapacitated. However, I'm unsure if he's the narcissist, or if I am...because I need his help. I want to leave soooo badly, and I thought he does all of this, but I don't SEE the harm anymore....I'm starting to wonder if any of it has happened at all...and its been almost 6 years!
@@DolceFioreRosa are u ok now?? He seemed to be doing a number on u :/
OMG! This is so crazy. I'm in the middle of a break up with the man i have been living with for the last 2 years. I have been very silent about how bad I have been feeling for a long time, and when I did speak about it I felt like I could not find the right words, when I said it out loud it just sounded so weak. It didn't justify how it felt at all.
Everybody loves him and thinks that he is a great guy so I was never believed or seen when I tried to say that he was not treating med very nicely. He never physically abused me, but he is a very selfish guy who only does good things for others if he gains something from it. He does have sympathy, but no empathy and that is where I think people got tricked, so did I before I had been with him long enough to see the difference. And it's so hard to have people meet you with that special look that they give you when they think you are overreacting or lying.
But the things you said in this video gave me the strength that I need to be confident in my choice to leave and take care of ME.
Thank you.
This is a old post but I'm currently going through the after math of this same issue. He is running my name to the ground like I am the crazy one. He did all the wrong with his side chick yet he is okay and I'm suffering 😥
Omg 😲 I've even lost my family. I'm completely alone,with him,alone
Intermittent Reinforcement.
it hooked me.
Yes huge correlation with our society, culture, and media, I really see it there!! Our captors are not just the narcissist in our lives but the ones that run our country. We all have captors (aka authority figures) that keep us isolated and stuck in our day to lives, homes, and state, etc. A simple example is to think about how the coronavirus was handled and still being handled. You will be told it’s for “your safety“ but it’s really just about manipulation, power, and control. This makes me think how everybody has Stockholm syndrome on a higher level due to the narcissistic abuse and gaslighting of our own country, society, government, systems etc. we are all under the spell of “freedom” however we are anything but free!!! Think about it... Great video as always thank you for helping us!
thank you so much for this video this is exactly what I went through I was strip in every way possible it was degrading,disgusted,abusive, mentally, physically and emotionally.they make you believe everything is your fault and your the crazy one and this is a family dynamic they all work together. they pay for everything and took me to dinners pay for hotels but I didn't know or realize I was being set up because what came after that was a total nightmare I really thought I was not gonna make out alive. I have been 4months no contact. I had a difficult time dealing with this because when I finally woke up from this nightmare it was torture the pain was so bad I just didn't know how I was going to deal with it.but I'm healing, I'm feeling much better because now I have an understanding of what had happened to me. I never thought that I would be could out there like that. I was very naive about people like that this.I was to trusting to nice and your right everything they do for you is thrown right back in your face and if they gave you something you owe them something and if you don't do what they say you better best and believe the verbal and emotional abuse is coming really bad.im just happy I final wokeupt it took me 8 years of my life to find out about narcissistic abuse and narcissistic supply. these people don't care if you die they are pathic they feed off other people pain and destroy lifes.they don't love they hate they are empty soul.
Thank you for including the man perspective. It is true that they are left out of the abusive conversation. I could only imagine how hard it is for them to be even believed.
my ex narc contacted me on holidays and is hovering again plus my narc parents during holidays and I'm spent ..a constant reminder is needed to why I have to move on..your videos explore the dynamic of hetero relationships but in the gay community narcissism pathological lying constant cheating is looked upon as commonplace and a survival mechanism ..this entire nation is suffering from varying degrees of Stockholm Syndrome. God help us thanks for all you do
totally true re: the gay community.
This is one of the best explanations of the Stockholm Syndrome I have heard. Thank you. It is torturous. The cognitive dissonance- you know what you’re feeling is completely irrational but you cannot stop the feelings. He’s been physically gone for 8 months but one email or text message sucks me right back in. And then I’m messed up in my head for weeks. He did such sadistic, malevolent things to me yet I hurt for him and don’t want anything bad to happen to him. I feel guilty for moving on and experiencing happiness, as if I’m betraying or abandoning him, when he wouldn’t even piss on me if I was on fire. Sorry but that is the best analogy for how this person has treated me for over two years now. I’m trying to move on now and am feeling such intense guilt and grief. All I can hope is that “this too shall pass.” I’ve met someone so incredible and wonderful yet I feel a sadness that he doesn’t have the same. I need to remember that on some level he doesn’t want that type of intimacy with another human being. But that other part of me feels sorry for him because he is broken and incapable. I have way too much empathy I know.
This lady explains things so well, literally she will help you feel sane again.Thank you.x
My sister is completely captured by her abusive husband. It’s been 50 years of endless abuse with exactly the scenario you described. We are trying so hard to get her out of there but she is a total Stockholm syndrome scenario. Thank you so much for putting this video on, I have sent it to her
Does she get mad at you when you try to tell her what's going on?
Oh my god that is so so true, my husband is narcissist, he is so innocent a quiet looking on front of Other people 🤯🤬🤬
thank you so much for the tips on no contact, very helpful as i’m going through this now. this video encouraged me to keep as far as I can from the abuser even though my instincts and this syndrome tell me otherwise. I still feel under threat and I probably am even after 6 months I literally ran away from the abuser’s hands
Towards the end.. felt like you were REALLY talking to me and helping me like as a really good , loving, caring friend would. Thank you so much for this! Happy healing to all going through this rough patch!
I was in this for over 20 years. I felt so trapped with no escape. When he finally discarded me, I felt a sense of relief.
This has to be the best description on narc behaviour. If only I'd seen this video 5 years ago! I've been narc free for 6 months now and my life has drastically improved. However I do still suffer from PTSD from that relationship, which is why I subscribe to your channel. Keep the great knowledge and advice coming Meredith!❤️
You are SO good at explaining this
thanks. you nailed this. the hook is the feigned kindness. then whack, they strike.
Thank you for all these AMAZING videos Meredith Miller!!
There are billions yes BILLIONS, of women worldwide trapped with men they had children with. It's cultural in many regions worldwide. And, it's tragic.
OH MY GOD!!! You’re killing me with truth!!!😥. I now truly understand the term “The truth hurts”. Thanks for the true clarity. I seem to keep consistently going around in circles with making sense of this!
Ifkr! It fucking kills.. My narcs are my mother and grand mother.. I feel like I want to kill myself!..
I got blamed by everyone. They told me that I like being abused and that's why I go back. That hurts as much as the abuse.
Thank you for your very accurate information. I have Stockholm syndrome, I have left and moved 3 hours drive away to try and keep myself away from him. Over our 12 years he isolated me from friends and family and what you said about the narcissist creating a discomfort before going out to see people is exactly spot on. He slowly removed furniture from our house so there was nowhere to sit if people came visiting. Our huge house had 1 seat for him and 1 seat for me. You are doing a wonderful job at educating and healing survivors. Excellent videos! Thank you again 😊
I thank God to have found your videos I’m a grown man. More alpha than beta. An athlete. I’m trapped in a relationship with a physically abusive woman. No one will believe it. Bitten ear, broken tooth, fractured wrist, trashed car. Broken spirit.
Held against my will at home. Missed work. More than once, she hurt herself and filed a restraining order on me. I was trapped until I broke it off. Now like a drug I’m going through withdrawals. I am so grateful to have these words. It gives me the power to persevere.
Wow, one of the most helpful explanation I’ve ever heard. Thank you.
All I can say is wow!! Amazing video and exactly what I have been going through for the past 2 decades with my ex wife. I’m actually teared up right now watching this because it’s SO real and SO accurate. Almost like the first time someone has understood my circumstance and put it into words.
It's really about the abuser's access to tools/technology & "technological networking" against the victim through "covert" harassment.
This IS VERY scary!
Correct, nowadays all of these tech avenues can be used to harass and stalk a target. The system needs to be updated to protect people from this.
my mother has been able to do this.. idk how i came across this video.. i am extremely afraid for my sanity and state of being.
wow, this is me! i lost my home, reputation, and unfortunately i lost my two daughters. but i had to escape. its so strange but healing when i look back and then watch this!!!
Someone I care very much for is very clearly experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. I work with folks who are victims of cluster B's for a living too and a good friend of mine has an abusive spouse who tries to remove them from their friends and tell them that none of us care about this person and that if this person continues seeing their friends, this emotionally abusive spouse will take my friend's kids away. Btw when I say friends, I literally means ALL FRIENDS. Not one, but all. I miss this person terribly and I miss their friendship and am very concerned for my friend's well-being.
Yes, I have a dear friend too ....it is the saddest thing ever...one has a very strong Moon sign "scorpio" and the other has the weakest no boundary sign "Pisces" moon. and the one with the Scorpio moon has a "Aries" venus... i assure you she has done it all to him and is always many steps ahead.
This video was life changing for me after my divorce. Thank you so much for this. I saw this for the first time back in 2017 shortly after my divorce, and I was wracked every day with grief and I saw this video and it made me break down and cry in my offfice because I realized what I had just lived with for the past 17 years. Trash took itself out. I was lucky and I love this video
OMG needed to hear this message. Thank you.
It is so damaging to encounter people like this. I dated a guy who was narcissistic and emotionally abusive. They had their friend bully me for my personal values of abstinence, then when I told them I felt uncomfortable, they said you can't take things so personally in a stoic tone of voice, then dropped me off at my house, then took off before I could get inside the house. No-one believes it because when I've told friends who also know this guy, they say, not him. He's so nice. It's like no-one else sees what I see, and it's a total mindfuck. It makes me feel like I'm not able to trust men.
This made me feel really good and on the right path. I wish I was around these sources as a child. I was always seeking for answers. Coping through it can be so rough. I feel I have learned well to disarm the abuse. Though you never really know who is lurking. It doesn't matter. I am comfy, I will cry and stubbornly go. You cross a line. I will deal with it fairly.
It is so true that you can get pulled back into the abusive situation if you don't see clearly. You have to understand that a covert narcissist is not going to change, that many of their acts are premeditated, that kindness is a lure and their compulsion to abuse you will never stop. Stay away from them. Don't feel sorry for them. There are good people in the world. You're not alone and support is available.
Thank you Meredith. Your videos have helped me so much.
I made up my mind that I will continue on walking in my truth
You saved my life, Meradith. May God bless you. Please keep going. Keep sharing these videos. Keep writing about this. You are an inspiration.
Thank you so much I had no idea someone would ever know what I'm going through.
I watched this very phenomena happen between my husband (now ex) and daughter during the last 7-8 years we were together. I had no idea at the time, he molests her and was in the process of brainwashing her to enable his abuse.
It's unimaginable to most people that a child would put up with such a father, but our daughter showed every sign of Stockholm Syndrome, that continues to this day. Unbeknownst to her (and me for a long time), this is a form of brainwashing her father intentionally inflicted on her to keep himself out of jail.
My ex is a very sick man to do this to his child for the sake of a pedophile fetish. I pray everyday our daughter finally figures out she is being used by the Devil and responds accordingly.
I'm beyond angry at my ex, and I refuse to keep HIS secret.
I certainly experienced aspects of this . I totally understand now , it's the " drip fed " treatment , so confusing and that's what makes it go on for so long .
Thank you so much for the work you are doing. And a special thank you for your focus on covert narcissism. Ignorance around makes it really hard to heal and to relearn how to trust oneself.
Thank you so much for this video in particular. I have been stuck with cognitive dissonance for months now, and can't push forward. Of all the videos I've been watching, yours have helped me tremendously. I have been trying so hard to keep no contact, but everyday is a struggle. She discarded me months ago, and is now starting to reach out for me. I have blocked her number now, and all other social media. Thank you so much for your help. Please keep making videos, especially about female covert narcissists. It's so hard to find any on women.
I just recently heard of this. I lived with my Narc abuser for 17 years. I used all sorts of excuses for his bad behavior, he was a victim himself as a child, yet I didn't deserve to be treated that way. My life was in danger, and I knew it, and made the best of a bad situation. I didn't think that I had the strength to get away! He would do those fake acts of kindness that boggled my mind. His greatest fake was loaning my grown son his vehicle, "because he (my son) needed it more to get to work, and take his Dad who had cancer to the drs. My son lives over an hour away from me. I KNEW his fake altruism was a ploy to triangulate with my son, and keep me with him, because if I didn't want to be with him, how could I leave? My son would lose the car! Yes..he put a knife to my throat 3 years ago, "he was drunk"..an excuse for his bad behavior. He also threatened to burn the house down 3 times while sober, if I kicked him out. The final act was in Dec 2016, when he tried to break my arm because I lied about how much money I had in my purse, because he took all my cash that I made extra, I did hide some money away..for me. He also tried to strangle me, swing nunchucks at me, took my cell phone, comp, and house phone battery to keep me isolated that night. He took my car that night, and when he left, I had to walk to the store and use their phone, and even STILL, I first called my sister, who said CALL THE POLICE!, and then called my friend to come over, so that I did have the strength to call the police, which I did, and he's still in jail. He violated a judge's No Contact order, and mailed a letter to me, and suddenly, I was ridden with guilt for having him arrested! I felt like I betrayed him, even though his own actions betrayed me. Gah! He tried to kill me..telling me in such an evil voice while he had me in a choke hold "we can end this here, right now!" I have to stand firm, and it is hard. I am going to therapy today for my first one on one visit. I will be sure that she knows how to treat someone suffering from this and narcissitic abuse. Thanks so much!
Me and my children was abused mentally by my ex , but I was the one that ended.up in jail ! And she held that over my head for 10 more years before she finally left me for someone else.
Oh my gosh! You are speaking 100% correct I mean like right on the money!
A lot of these things are kind of what my dad does to my mom and me. Your explanations cut deep and I can see that these types of people are everywhere. I think the problem is that most people think that people who have these behaviors are going to be like Hannibal Lecter or Tommy DeVito or some other type of caricature of a personality disorder; in other words, they expect the toxic behavior is going to be SUPER OBVIOUS.
But it's not and most of time it's difficult to judge whether or not it's even happening to you (at least at first.) It takes a mind that is quick and discerning to spot these things as they're happening and it takes a lot of vigilance to fight against it. Thank you for these explanations.
What's sad is that this sounds a lot like my dad. =(
I'm currently trying to rebuild my life but it's been super hard that I'm afraid to talk to people outside my house. My anxiety is so strong I can't get a job or feel that my voice matters.
I've always had this vision in my head that I was a bird but my dad saw me as a dog, so there's a chain around my neck. I want to fly away, but the chain keeps me from flying. He tells me to do things like a dog, but I'm a bird, so he would yank the chain and get angry because he cannot see that I'm NOT a dog.
Since he's been the person I see most, his perspective is my world. He would ignore me if I don't do things to his liking, make me feel bad by giving love/attention to my other sisters because they listen to him. When I get emotional he gets angry because he doesn't know how to handle it. In my eyes, to him, love means ALWAYS listening to him and NEVER questioning him. "Harmony" forever and ever... But people have their flaws and when things get tough you're not supposed to leave them!!!
I remember he would buy gifts to make up for troubled times, but still won't ever accept it was his fault for anything. If I tell him it's his fault, he gets mad, runs away and say "find someone else to take care of you!" He wouldn't let me go out unless he's with me. So never got to go friend's house until I was like 19.
I cannot describe this damage. I feel like I can't tell people because my dad has this story that he's doing everything to keep his family safe and give food and roof over head, he works so much to do that he feels like dying, and we HAVE tried to tell him that he CAN take days off, he doesn't have to overwork himself and then blame us for being unappreciated because he's done nothing wrong. But you make us feel soooo guilty!! We feel like we have to cap in like 80% of true selves around him.
I can't explain how suffocating and trapped I feel....
He said before family is important, yet he has made my mom cry multiple times and once refused to let her see her DYING MOM!!!!! But luckily after a few days, he left her go because she wouldn't stop crying... I remember it was so sad because when I found her crying, she told me, "i don't want you to marry the wrong man like me." ='{
They've married maybe 20 years?
And I think she/both were unhappy for 19 years..... Because of them I'm kinda scared to get married, I never want to have a relationship like them. It's so suffocating.... I can't help but blame my dad because he was the one that proposed to her a year after knowing her THROUGH THE PHONE, when he didn't even get over his last marriage!!!! Which happened about 10 years before he met my mom! and that wife left him because he was too lazy from what I heard...
My dad broke my mom's heart when she found her pictures in the trash and pictures of his old wife in his wallet.
His story sound sad to lot of people, but there's more truth to it. He angrily blames his old wife for leaving him, but THATS BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS!!!! IT was SHE who did all the work. She left him because he wouldn't take responsibility, he wouldn't do the tough, but needed parts, in relationships....
My mom used to be sooooo beautiful... Before she met my dad. I mean she is still beautiful in her own way, but she's gotten lots of sag on her face, grown fat, and she mostly stays in the house.... There were years when she couldn't talk to any friend... She even has depression.
But things are getting better now. My dad changed and is actually more lenient, but I think it's because he's been sick for entire year, won't go doctors, and has believed he's going to die soon... =(
I love my dad, but growing up with him left lots of scars in me. I'm so thankful to feel most of the chains lifting. I guess need to get used to living MY life for ME, something I've never done. It's hard because the conditioning has made me want to stay indoors, away from society, and scared to make any mistakes.
But again, things are getting better for me, so do not worry. =) I prayed to God to be free and I feel he heard me.
The most validating thing. I wept at parts of this video. Thank you very much for explaining in such an informative, level-headed way.
This vid made me cry. I am doing much better about the psychotic bitch who did all types of screwing of my brain...so sweet..then gradual evil...so sweet then more evil. It's very hard to forgive yourself from forgiving a monster repeatedly. Every single time it was good I thought, we are finally past the psychosis. The person makes sure that the good is very good so that when they act hateful, they are protected from you leaving, since they have more phony goods in store.
In stark contrast, myself and my REAL best friend...we NEVER had those types of dysfunctions. Never, not once. We loved each other unconditionally, but Gail was also mentally stable so, our connection was much healthier than me and psycho.
I find myself steering clear of ppl now...I just can't handle it anymore. It seems like mentally disturbed ppl are everywhere. I love the peace and quiet now. LOVE IT!!!!!!!
Wow I needed to hear that .. How kindness hooks you .. Now i get why my Narc always would help other people out he was trying to hook them.
This is about the best video I have seen about damaging relationships. If some of you are wondering, how people get to be like that, I strongly recommend the book by Arno Gruen "The Betrayal of the Self". He explains there how ALL terror systems work, starting from the day we are born.
Lady you are the truest thing I’ve ever seen on UA-cam bout this topic . Most people on this topic seem like they are using recycled information like gaslight and so on. You explained with in-depth detail. You have done me a true service and given me more enlightenment than any friend relative or therapist .
I am told I didn't love him when all he did was abuse the shit out of me for 16 years!!!
Sounds like dr. Ramani describes 'Tribal Gaslighting'