They will play the role of the character that you consider the best person ever. If you like a good father for your kids they'll conince you they are, if you do t want to have kids, he'll convince you that have kids is the worse idea. Is not about what they think is more about what you need/want and they'll play that role. The person that you fall in love, never existed, so don't try to get it back, they doesn't change after a while, they've been always like this.
Yes!!!! She was an impressive actress! Golden Globe Worthy! But something was off that’s why she doesn’t get the Oscar! That lust /love bombing, victim story happened almost right off the bat! But she also had off quirks her body language and eyes were odd and everywhere. I felt something in the pit of my stomach. She tried to say those are your love butterflies. 😅
I hope the victims of narcissists who listen to this video consider each of these traits and take a moment to realize how wonderful they are. Narcissists take each positive trait, exploit it, abuse it, and manage to make a truly good and caring human feel like their excellent qualities are weaknesses and liabilities. Doing this is one of the narcissists most insidiously cruel goals. They want their victim to feel ashamed, guilty, ignorant, and self doubting. I believe that many narcs don’t consciously think about doing this to another person, but are so deeply self serving at their core that they act purely out of a primal instinct. . Which is why they fight like a threatened animal for their position in the relationship.. they don’t use rational thought. They act out of survival. If they had a deeper thoughtful process they could be reasoned with. However, deeper thought requires a capacity for empathy, for seeking understanding about others. Narcissists are missing this gene apparently. As one therapist said “ the victims of narcissists are some of the kindest people on the planet”
Penelope Lambson,. That's nice to hear! Bc after everything on the list mentioned & the ✔✔✔✔✔✔,. You sure feel like a chump,. & your insides take quite a beating,. All after years you were thinking how happy you "thought" you were,. But weren't? Bc it wasn't real!??? And does it Seem they're numbers are multiplying? I sometimes wonder? Is this a baby boomer bumped up phenom? Of 1960's or even 50's raised kids expected to be perfect? Does the % of NPD match the % of victims of NPD? Just a rhetorical question really Bc honestly I don't believe the #'s purported could possibly be accurate? My understanding is those with NPD dont seek therapy to begin with bc there's nothing wrong with them! ( far as they're concerned ) As well as it seems therapists are woefully ill prepared educationally as it seems they are likely misled by the narcissists performance ( especially the shy narcissist ) noone suspects! So how do they get a % remotely accurate? If they're "out there demonstrative" maybe? But what about the stealth, under the radar, shy or covert narcissist? The more covert the better the mask holds up! Till it doesn't! But by then? Whole lotta damage from what I see! Entire families destroyed! Nice to hear tho that if you survive you're among a group considered as good persons,. It's the "if" that scares ya! Staying loyal, kind, generous, sensitive to others, & mostly bc you need to learn to love yourself more & get better at boundaries? Without a good dose of lasting shock or bitter? Ain't there a better way? Yikes!
Penelope Lambson my daughter, got very abusive , because I started to say NO, she’s not let me see my grandkids,after I was , always very aggressive, she curses like a truck driver, my history is very long , I’m very caring person, I think she started, to tell you she’s been like that ,when she got pregnant, after that I was , not important, she was nice , when she needs something, after that she goes to her abusive way !
Mary Farrell yes, there’s a better way for THIS day and age. It is much better to remain single and childless. For those of us born in this time cycle, the age of living happily ever after doesn’t mean a family anymore. The national divorce rate is now over 50%. Thats a whole lot of DESTROYED families with children. It’s the kiddos that suffer the most and deserve it the least when these relationships break. IMO it’s just not worth it now days to pursue that definition of happiness. I am teaching my grandchildren this option. Having a family is a choice.......and now days, a dangerous one.
Feeling sorry for these individuals is my biggest downfall. Being loyal is my second biggest downfall. You become a shell of a person yourself as they use you all up.
Yes that's what saved me, and a strong belief in the Almighty! HE finally told me I was done, and to get out. GOD created the scenerio, started the argument...and I was able to leave again! Then GOD put this video in front of me, as the final answer...🙏
Spot on. People who attract narcissists should feel pretty good about who they are with lots of great traits. It’s the boundaries that are the biggest issue. If we can keep all those traits but work on maintaining strong boundaries, seems we can keep losers out.
They want someone who is a people pleaser accommodating and has low self esteem and a lot of generosity and weak boundaries. Looks like I’m the perfect Narc victim.
Liora Sitelman ...I feel I’m a people pleaser, accommodating and generous with enough empathy to let my boundaries weaken under stress...I had good self esteem but over time he has torn that apart...I did pity him but it was for his sad story...
Liora Sitelman I disagree with you on the low self esteem issue. I’m one of the most confident, self assured person I know. And I was a primary source for a Narc. for awhile. I believe it’s your level of loyalty and generosity that keeps you in their trap.
Wow, I possessed all 10. No wonder why I was targeted 🎯 I don’t want to change these unique wonderful traits that I do love about myself, therefore from here going forward I will be celibate - no more relationships for me! And at this age (56) I’d rather be alone - I actually prefer my alone time as I call it. 😊
Perspers piri piri - I don’t find it exciting at all. In fact, just the opposite - it’s exhausting having to walk on eggshells, watching what you may say, something simple like we’re not having hotdogs tonight, rather we’re having hamburgers would send him into a rage. And why should I have to give up awesome qualities about myself - empathy, compassion, putting others first just bc someone was an asshole to me? Yes, I am constantly a work in progress, striving to always improve but improve the negative things such as being a procrastinator but as far as putting other people’s needs first to me is a good thing. Being compassionate to other peoples feelings is important to me. Why should I have to change that? BC you said so? BC my narc wants me to be as miserable as he is? I don’t think so! The last thing I would ever want is to turn out like my soon to be X. No, I’ll stay being the laid back calm compassionate person I’ve always been. No one, not my soon to be X or you will ever take that from me! I happen to enjoy myself and being alone in my own company. I don’t need anyone to validate me. And I sure won’t change the good things about me, however I will continue to work on areas I feel need improvement. PS- I’ve been married for 30 years, so I don’t know where you came up with that I’m attracted to these kind of people. As the video states, bc I possess these awesome qualities, I have been targeted, and since I do wear my heart on my sleeve, I have a target right on my forehead that these narcs pick up on, therefore I will NEVER get involved with anyone ever again - end of discussion!!
I was married to a covert narcissist. I had NO idea what that was. He was the biggest lesson of my life. Him and his family and friends. They taught me a lot. ONCE I learned what I was dealing with. Which was six months after the divorce. I created STRONG boundaries. I cut everyone off. NO contact.
Sometimes circumstance can make you a target. I was the target of a narc at work. The company hired me to take over some of her workload. I think she was terrified that her mask was going to be removed and management would figure out that her workload was not the issue. The issue was her lack of work ethic and inability to take direction from her superiors. They definitely figured it out, but she made me a target because she knew my ability to get the job done was going to be her downfall and she was correct about that.
Work narc/old sup. We both still work for the company remotely at home but go inside the office 1x every 3mo. Last month we had to go in and everytime I looked up she was staring at me from across the floor. The weirdest thing ever because although she saw me look up at her 3 different times she didn’t take her eyes off of me. I thought we had a crush on each other but boy was I wrong!
Oh my goodness, this is whyI am a narcissist magnet. Ironically, I am also impervious to narcissists. which means as soon as they start to push my boundaries they go crazy banging their heads up against my brick wall. They want all my kindness, empathy, charity, and compassion but they cannot manipulate me. I have learned to just laugh at them, but oh my goodness in my youth it caused me problems.
Narcissists want people who are the opposite of what they are: (there's a lot more to learn than this list in this great video!) Highly Empathetic, Loyal, People Pleasers, Conscientious, Highly Considerate, High Integrity, Extremely Generous, Honest, Weak Boundaries (to push and break your boundaries), someone raised in a dysfunctional family, someone who dislikes and wants to avoid conflict, high values and morals, inherently kind, caring, courteous human being, wants others to feel happy and genuinely cares about other people and how others feel. If you're empathetic be careful and have your guard up when you meet new people because Naricissists are on the hunt for people like the traits I've listed above from this vid. Listen to this vid, there is a lot to learn from this wonderful video. Thank you! This video helped me a lot!
This is so me. Blues, morals, caring, empath, generous, kind, considerate. He's tested me over & over. Thankfully I learnt enough self esteem, boundaries before I met him. And a f*d up background enough to be highly sensitive to his red flag manipulations. So glad I didn't know him years earlier when it would have worked on me & destroyed me. As it is, I think I'm the first woman who hasn't succombed to him & walked away. He didn't expect me to be a strong woman who is happy to confront conflict.
I have quite severe autism and have always been taken advantage of. I don't want to change my values of being kind and compassionate, so I think I need to strengthen my boundaries. Another video made me realise I was changing my own values, due to being exposed to a narcacisst, accepting her bad behaviour towards others instead of challenging it. When she started affecting my other friendships e.g.blew up at me supporting another friend with cancer instead of dropping everything to deal with her problems, I saw the light and cancelled the loyalty and compassion she was relying on. Thanks so much for the video. Another new subscriber!
Almost the same happened to me. A man whom I had been dating for a long time said he left the last woman he was with because she was spending so much time caring for her mother with Cancer instead of him.
Thank you! you've just described my now ex-business partner. She stole from me, left me with her debts, lied to me and about me and when I was no longer any use to her told me she wanted me out of the successful business we started. I nearly lost my home fighting to keep what was my share of the business, thankfully my husband and family + a true friend saved me. This all happened 15 years ago and I'm only just now starting to recover from it. If only I knew then what I know now about narcissists.
1. Easily forgiving 2. Very open about your life 3. Giving 4.honest 5. Happy go lucky 6. Willing to see the relationship to the end no matter what 7. Physically beautiful 8. Can be easily controlled 9. Empathy 10. Selfless
This is also me. My daughter has used all my traits against me for years.It is very difficult to see the frightening negative side of your child,but after you have been nearly beaten to death with it, you must to survive.particularly when you see these negative traits she has destroy her own children. I know this is not something she will ever try to change so I have had to dismiss her from my life,even though it is painful.
7 years TOXIC/Narc and or cluster B friend, lover, FREEEEEEEE! Lots of work on MYSELF for the last nearly 7 years single, celibate, and READY to always be resisting and never immune to the addiction to these manipulative, sick, sad, people. Some of us were born into this mess, but SOME of us will NOT DIE in it! SELF CARE and learning TRUE SELF LOVE is the KEY! Muchas gracias to you and ALL of the other youtubers out here teaching and changing lives for us FELLOW BADASS WARRIOR PHOENIXES! These coaches and even SOME therapists on youtube are the people who literally SAVED MY LIFE and brought me back to finally be who I was always supposed to be! Lots of former real live therapists almost did more damage because many therapists are not even truly familiar with this issue and can even be conned themselves by the person who has this or other cluster B disorders. STAY ON UA-cam please, you and all of the other fellow Truth seekers and Truth TELLERS are doing HERO'S WORK!
Wow! That's me. I ticked every box. All the traits I considered worthwhile only became fodder for how I lived all those years. Changed my life forever.
Ive been with my narc for 21 years i went no contact with him 7months ago best think ive ever none he did all these things and when I had nothing left to give i was called selfish 🤔isn't that something
hahaha yes mine did and said the same, hilarious isn't it. That were his last words he said when I broke up. He probably wanted me to feel guilty and responsible for the pain of the break up ' I caused' , but instead these words only confirmed I made the right choise.
Yes! When they have used up and sucked every ounce if life force energy out of you until you become a shell of a person so you finally Say "no more" thet accuse you of being selfish!!
There were so many things that led to the end of the relationship between me and my narc ex spouse. I started with pushback on the cognitive dissonance. Like you say in the video, you take the blame to keep the peace but eventually it gets bigger and bigger to where it starts to seriously discredit you. The endgame just before I left, little did I know, was when I set the financial boundaries by closing out the joint account we had and getting a different account. I didn’t last two more weeks before I had to leave. It’s starting to get really dangerous. The financial bit I never had access to any of her income but she had full access to mine and would question me If I spent even the slightest bit without telling her.
I recognize eight out of ten which affected me during my relationship with a covert narcissist. I miss an important point / issue in this video which narcissist also are looking for in their victim. This is a positive energy level. Narcissist and especially covert narcissists don't have a high energy level. They use the energy of their victims to get through life. They have to recharge themselves on and on because the façade (the huge fake show as I call it) costs them so much energy. They drain it out of you.
It’s possible that we get these abusers in our lives because it’s a flaw in our own character that caused us to choose someone like this. For example choosing someone based on looks. I would suggest that the blame lies at least in part in our own laps. The narc met some sort of deep seated need and blinded us to the bigger picture.
Family. 50 years of abuse. Finally getting a divorce! Also these traits are for any psychopath whether they are a lover or an enemy. The enemy will use these same traits they observe. So when people ask me why I am always a target, I will send them to this video! Thank you!
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I wish I had this in our pre martial counseling. He pushed all my boundaries and when I finally stood my ground, he sighed relief and said "I'm glad it's over, it was too much work trying to make you flip. You're old, fat and no fun. Now you're broke".
OMG! That blatantly??? Now that's hard to receive and hear. Good on ya for not believing any of it! I truly am shocked that someone would say that to someone they`re considering marrying. They do discard people ultimately, like a printer ink cartridge...next! I find confronting Ns publicly with the truth of something they did useful, but be careful.It must absolutely and irrefutably and exactly be something they actually did or they'll turn on you and confuse you. Remember: `NO`is a complete sentence. And then watch them squirm for a while before latching on to something or someone else. An N is most likely also to admit to having done something wrong, not because he knows it as truth, but to sollicit supply from whomever could have appreciated his seemingly giving in. It's as simple as that! As long as they can somehow pull out of THE truth and slip back into now trying to milk their newly found pseudo-honesty directly to their ego. Honestly and depending on the severity ( remember, we all have narcissistic wounds but that's not what a narcissist is) of any narcissist, it is better to just run....count your losses and thank your intelligence and your guardian angel for alerting you that something is definetely off. I'm still shocked at what was said to you!. I find it so ironic that his only moment of honesty and genuiness was when he realized you were too together for him to win. I bet you're a beautiful `` old`` with pleasant padding and that you know how to have real fun, despite being broke. How's that for turning abuse into something positive! My warmest, kindest regards to you Carla.
wow omg the shit that comes out of thier mouths is truly meant to make a person suicidal....disgusting. Been there too, twice, that's why I back on you tube to remind myself it's not me it's them. Thank you for sharing I know how hard it is to repeat and post the Narc's words. Truly disgusting. My heart go out ot you.
@carlasouthwell that’s awful and I totally understand. I was dating someone who lovebombed me for 5 weeks. In the 5th week he took me on a 10k vacation after returning he told me he was in love with a much younger women then me the he met years ago but she broke up with him bc he was married with kids at the time. I was in shock. He could have left it at I’m in love with someone else. He had to make the point that she’s much younger then me. I’m trying to heal and thankfully the connection was only 5 weeks. I can only imagine how many time his words haunted you.
My narc married me 47 years ago. He had never been to church in his life and I was raised in church. Now I know why he picked me.!!!! And he DID push my boundaries and wrecked my life. Thankfully I got four fantastic, fabulous kids out of the pain of living with the jerk.
@@drock5298 My narc isn't that interested in church, so I have no worries of him pushing me out, BUT, he is always singing my praises to the pastor and his wife and so they think he's just the cat's ass of a husband, saying such nice things about me. Therefore.. I can't very well go to them to complain about such a 'loving' man. lol.
@@lindamoore9729 - What a two-for! 1) You cant say anything negative or try & find some council? 2) and don't they look grand with a catch like you! Trapped & Sinister
This video is 💯% on point! Being married to a narcissist is a slow death. These callous, poor excuse of human beings have no heart, professional liars, and so deceptive.
You described my relationship with a female narc/sociopath to a T. I wish vlogs like this had been available before I got involved with her. Been free of her for 16 years. I can spot one now very easily.
I just find these people such a good test. You need to think so carefully how you’re going to win it with them for both of you. Yes, I’m a pleaser, but I also don’t like to lose.
Outstanding video. My mother was a Narcissist. I escaped to College and then the military. I got married at 35 and my wife identified several bad traits which I had "inherited" from my mother and I have worked to correct them.
Yeah even if they were wrong guess what.... “It’s always your fault” ding ding ding* The Narc I’m dealing with said sarcastically “of yeah of course everything is my fault” How am I dealing with a grown man who behaves like a child? You think yeah I’ve found another person but you never know anyone until 1. You see how they argue and if they are picking fights etc (and when they are wrong they gaslight, shift blame, project, deflect) 2. If you feel like this person doesn’t understand your needs or even thinks you have needs 3. Everything is about them and only them. 4. You are always in a state of anxiety, confusion, you are stressed ( this isn’t normal) 5. You feel trapped in the relationship like you’re chained up and held hostage emotionally 6. Double standards 7. Rages that come out of nowhere and are unprovoked 8. You feel invisible ( forget the love bombing phase- that was fake) I mean after a month or two you will see it and trust me once you see these red flags 🚩 RUN! 9. They belittle you and shift all their bad feelings about themselves onto you, if you ask them they are “perfect” it’s you whose stupid, needs to change, crazy ( but you know you aren’t these things) 10. Silent treatment after an argument which you are sure you didn’t provoke and you know it was on them but they insist it’s your fault ( all arguments to them means “you are trying to criticize me ‘The False Self’) and will accuse you of always arguing even though they are the cause of these arguments 11. You feel they can be controlling and possessive but you think it’s because they care about you 🚩 they just want you to be their slave while they go out doing what they want with whom they want and they want you to believe they are loyal, trustworthy etc and it’s all a ploy for you to fall for them because if you love them you won’t leave right? And if you have the supply they need “your looks, cooking and taking care of them, loving them and giving them a positive reflection then yeah you are good” but once they have made you depressed, and you are just torn apart they have no reason to stick around you’re damaged goods. 12. They can also threaten suicide or threaten to hurt you if you plan to leave them 13. They suffer from attention seeking behaviors and will see this either in overt ways showing off what they have and/or during arguments when they want all the sympathy and love on them 14. They don’t love anyone but themselves. Nobody exists this is the Truman show and the whole movie is about them 15. All of them love bomb but this lasts for a month at most and the mask starts slipping and you start seeing all the red flags I mentioned 16. They are normally overlapped with other dissorders BPD (threatening suicide) OCD ( they are obsessed with cleanliness) PPD ( they think people are out to get them - yeah they know why deep down) and can exist with more than one disorder sometimes all 17. You feel like you’re talking to a child 18. They put themselves before everyone and I mean everyone and if they have to throw you under the bus so they can come out on top sure they will! Doesn’t matter if you’re a family member or spouse 19. They care a lot about reputation and how people see them. And if you’re their family or spouse then the only reason why it seems like they may care because it reflects on them too so yeah 20. They are selfish, cruel, heartless and only have one agenda whether they realize this or not is to destroy your very existence and make you feel like the worst person in this world. 21. You feel the need to put up an act, cheer them up and if you’re sad they start do dysfunction like a robot and may break down they can’t handle it 22. They are unable and incapable of giving you empathy. Because if they give you empathy they are validating your existence but you don’t exist remember 23. They love to argue and fight dirty and guess what they love it 24. They are from fear and not love, they don’t experience love but just hate and toxic stuff and you see that spewing out of them during arguments
TheCommentBandit yeah they will hoover and say anything but always pay attention to their actions and how they make you feel that tells all really about a person
The narcs I have been dealing with, didn't have solid boundaries themselves either. They were quick to scream "This is my boundry', but were very eager to not maintain them. And when you start to referring to their screamed out boundaries and you yourself stick with them....they get mad again. They only use so called boundaries themselves in order to manipulatie or blackmail you emotionally.
Great, great information and expertly delivered. This should be taught in school. Also, I see from the thumbs down count, that so far, 25 sociopaths have watched your video. Keep up the fantastic content!
Where were you when I started my relationship, I will follow you to the end of the world, you are so clever to the issue that I have faced and will be quite some while. Love you for your thoughts to heal me and a lot of us.
This video makes me want to cry. It's ashame that we cannot freely operate from a loving space due to predators and perpetrators on the prowl looking to destroy those qualities 😞
Wow, Enlightened Target, this stuff is blowing my mind! You are describing exactly, my ex-woman friend. I finally left her after a six year ordeal. You are part of my new armor. Beware of Abusive Narcissistic Pain Bodies!
Wow!!! Absolutely jaw dropping. I divorced my Narc 7 years ago and we have 4 boys together. It’s been hell. But I’ve healed so much. Obviously I need to heal more because I just had a man I met and dove head first in with, love bomb me and gaslight me. All within a week. And now this explanation!?? Wow!!!! And YES Boundaries are a big problem!!! I’ve gotta work on this!
This is the best most descriptive way of letting us and others know for one ,,; that they target good people they target honest People that deserve happiness yet this narcisssiti has in their mind total jealousy and needs to ruin that person . The video is to the point and exhaustive Thankyou
I was targeted, and have had all of these things happen to me. It’s been a long road to healing. I would have really benefited from this video earlier on, but it’s a great confirmatory message, and hits on all the points therapy has helped with. Thank you, for putting out these educational videos!
I’m not a people pleaser and I do not come from a dysfunctional family but I’m 8 out of 10. It’s hard to believe that their are people like that in the world. If I didn’t experience it I would never believe it. That’s pure unadulterated evil 😈.
I did not think my family was as dysfunctional as it is until I went to therapy. It is amazing what you put up with as normal when you don’t know what normal is like.
I think it is SINFUL to continue living with a narcissist once you know who they are because they'll be used by the devil to change you to be like they are then eventually send you to hell with them.To allow your children to also be abused by the narcissist instead of protecting them, is wrong. Thanks a lot for these posts.
I'm 35 and feel as though I'm missed out on so much, having been held back, by these unfortunate people and my lack of knowledge. Not only about them, but about myself and my role in this dynamic.
Good, honest comment. Hang in there. I'm 53 and just learning some of this. You're still young have lots of life to live. And now you have wisdom. Peace :)
Thank you... I lacked boundaries and my father is Narcissistic. I always felt I needed him( husband) to make me a better person? He attacked my integrity and accused me of being bipolar and a liar. Thank you, why don’t our therapist tell us these truth? I still struggle to let go emotionally?
Great! Very well researched and systematically presented. I also liked your videos about female narcissists. I still watch them again and again. Lifechanging experience!!
I give ten marks out of ten for this video. Hard working and highly successful, I went through it all. Eventually in fear for my life and dead broke left everything. Long story short, I met a wonderful woman, rebuilt my life, and recently found and reconnected with my son, whose name without my knowledge, she had changed.
I caught my ex-narc, red handed, coming back from a weekend trip out of town with her male "friend", ....that she just happened to run into while on that trip.... She tried to hide it by erasing everything (emails/texts/etc etc)...despite all this..and after I cornered her, she insisted it was completely innocent and nothing sexual happened etc. Then, it was all turned on me, for being too insecure....LMAO.....these people are soulless..
i was the image,,,,,,,,,,with no boundaries and so controlled, now what life do i have,,,,,,,,,,he ripped me to pieces,,,,im so empathetic,but its killed my life, im too old to rebuild now, i lost most all i had,,,,,,,,,,he even has my cat lol,,,,,,,,,,what salt in a wound, why does GOD BLESS THESE PEOPLE and not save us before life is gone,
@@Real2k25 I have faced my defects and been so hard on myself for being imperfect,,,,that it feels good sometimes,,,,,,,,to just speak truth of it all,,,,,,,,you are very nice and I do forgive all and am helping the same abuser now with love and compassion and going to nurse them very soon
This list is spot on and describes me to a tee! Best list I've heard, ever! And sadly I've had a lifetime of relationships with narcs that started with early training from my narc mother. If you consistently fall victim to relationships with narcs you are likely codependent (I am a codependent as well). It's really worth looking into to unravel and heal unresolved trauma to evolve past this unhealthy relationship dynamic to ones that are healthy.
OMG, this is just what I needed! After a short brutal marriage to a narcissist, I now see why he picked me aside from the usual! This will help me greatly with 2 coworkers who have targeted me, and when I put up boundaries, they are angry and provoking, I don't take the bait. It will be easier to stick close to boundaries than trying to avoid their dysfunctional attitudes.
I think the aspect of looking for loyalty reaches further than I even would’ve thought. My ex narc even went to the length of dismissing the relational assaults done to me by others in the past who I got away from, striving to create cognitive dissonance about those events. Even trying to go back in time and change my perception of past events to assure for him that I might be a better supply I guess? I was so fooled too. I still have doubts sometimes but thank God infinitely for material like this. Thank you so much for what you do! It’s incredibly powerful and can I really think it can change the world for so many people. Power to you 🙏🏼💖
You described me to a point! Thank you! I was just with one for a few months again (I attract them like flies). I strongly up to him and he ran. Haven’t heard from him in 6 months. Thank you again for showing me what I need to look out for in myself.
The ten points mentioned here describe me extremely well. I've recently discarded a very toxic narcissistic friend and couldn't be happier. He rode around on my coat tails of my decency, generosity and empathy whilst using these ten points unmercifully to the detriment of my marriage, relationship with our daughter, business and financial obligations, everyone one else was at fault other than him. If he got a parking ticket, he'd write letters to whomever till they drop it, speeding tickets, always the fault of the police, signage or anything else he could think of to blame shift. Anyway, live your best life you can and lose the narcissist, life is GOOD.....
This is a fantastic video. Of all that is said, the tip about the boundaries is the best advice I've ever heard. We can't and won't change our values but we can change our standards.
Wow, I was the perfect target, exactly what my wife was looking for, and I sure suffered the consequences including multiple injuries, kids abused, life threatening violence, rage, everything. I met the criteria in 9 of the 10 areas and the one that I didn't match is that my family was not dysfunctional, but my wife found a way to make my family dysfunctional and separate me from them. It is really eerie how all of the narcissistic behaviors match exactly. One interesting thing is that I am certain my wife (separated with PFA order) does not know she has a problem and is thinks that everyone else is the problem. All of these behaviors and the affinity for someone like me, are not, I believe, something she thinks about, but it is instead innate. This illness must be very hard to study because there can be no cooperation from the ill person. After forcing her from the home with a protection from abuse order she immediately went on to victimize more men and currently has multiple boyfriends at age 69. At the time, I felt bad about unleashing her on the world, but I had to save myself and my daughters. These people have no moral compass whatsoever and are inflicting severe trauma on everyone they interact with. Society would be best served to institutionalize all NPD patients for life to prevent them from doing damage to the people around them. Just imagine what might happen if an NPD sufferer became, say, president of the United States!
Hello! I’m a new subscriber & have enjoyed a couple of your videos so far. I appreciate the info that you share. It baffles my mind how I was married to a narcissist for 13 years & had no clue about none of this until 12 years after being married. Thank God for revealing these things and giving me strength to leave that male! According to this video I was most definitely grade A supply as I scored 10 out of 10!
Shocking how ugly and dramatic that can become for real. Then they are all calling you only the over dramatic Hystrionic type until you have no choice but to rest in the corner where then they pull out in a cartoon coyote style like manner the label -- Schizotypical Personality Disorder to threaten you with maybe getting on a permanent basis from there next.
i wondered whether she was an alien ...or something reptilian ...when u said they walk among us ...this really rung bells ...jeez no more ..shes still in my life but I'll never look at her & not know what I know now..its scary
This is the same thing I have said. My definition of sociopath and psychopath were totally different didn't even know about Narcs, (Hollywood portrayal) until I came across the actual thing and got burned but managed to stick up for myself at the last moment but the damage was done. I now know what I need to look for.
I worked for a malignant narcissist. Lots of people had trouble with. Senior Management can't do enough for this nut job. He should be on disability leave. Now I know why he has targeted me and how he can be such a malicious liar. Thank you. You have a noble mission.
Ive heard it said when their hand is caught taking a cookie from a cookie jar they wil deny and not only that they will make you believe it wasnt even a cookie. BLESSINGS
I thought I had the one that I would be spending the rest of my life with. Until I had feelings that were bothering me that something just wasn’t right. After doing some investigating I got the shock of my life. I have been 100% loyal and would never betray her in any way. Unfortunately I learned that she was the opposite. All of the years I thought she was loyal to me was just an illusion. The woman I fell in love with didn’t exist. I’m afraid this will haunt me for the rest of my life. Betraying your partner is the worst hurt you can put on them the pain and the feeling that you weren’t good enough literally crushes your self esteem into dust. Thank you I have learned a lot from your videos.
very important t understand what makes you a target, and to what. It's like understanding why a certain person falls for one scam versus another scam. You need to know these things about yourself and possibly change them, depending.
Within the trait of family dysfunction it can be desirable if the victim has already experienced narcissism through a parent or grandparent, as the predator narcissist seems instantly familiar to the victim and the victim mistakes it for love.
I have learnt so much over just the past few months, it is really sad - I wish I could of picked her up and taken all the pain away ... love you always ***.
The concepts in this video are mind blowing. All the things that have me special, my female doctor was able to weaponize against me. She nearly had me too, hook, line and sinker. 👩🏼⚕️🪝🐠
Listened to this twice, sobbing a lot of the way through. I was fooled by a sibling for many years, she was so good at love bombing and lieing, and mirroring me. She knew me well and as I listened I could see myself and why she so easily could use me, and why so many others tried. I was used to narc behavior, giving the benefit of the doubt, feeling sorry for them, being kind... Innocence destroyed, I have had to teach myself to not trust people, many people can be worse than cruel, and instead trust my first intuition about people, and don't let my mind overrule it.
Very good description of narcissistic intent and I hope that everyone becomes aware of the narcissistic nature and the fact that these people are not like anyone who you may have encountered in life, I have always been observant about other people and I'm a horrible empath and being empathetic is not good in this case because you need to make sure that the person you feel sorry for will actually benefit from your goodness and help, it doesn't help them and it can destroy your goodness, don't hold contempt or hate for them, it may seem impossible to forgive them but I think that no matter how much it may seem to be impossible to forgive them just remember that they are the way that they are for some reason that isn't your fault and that you can't help them, you can't go along with supporting them because it will corrupt you and forgiveness is the only way to start healing, I believe in karma and if you hold hate for someone that just hurts you in the long run.
The Narc puts on an Academy level performance in the form of an illusion that they a nice and normal person when you first meet them!
@hani hani Well take heart: we have learned a lot! we have grown; and we keep on learning! let's not give up on ourselves!
They will play the role of the character that you consider the best person ever. If you like a good father for your kids they'll conince you they are, if you do t want to have kids, he'll convince you that have kids is the worse idea. Is not about what they think is more about what you need/want and they'll play that role. The person that you fall in love, never existed, so don't try to get it back, they doesn't change after a while, they've been always like this.
@hani hani they are the rotten apple of the box, the one that rots the others. So don't be around, they'll rot you also.
Yes!!!! She was an impressive actress! Golden Globe Worthy! But something was off that’s why she doesn’t get the Oscar! That lust /love bombing, victim story happened almost right off the bat! But she also had off quirks her body language and eyes were odd and everywhere. I felt something in the pit of my stomach. She tried to say those are your love butterflies. 😅
I hope the victims of narcissists who listen to this video consider each of these traits and take a moment to realize how wonderful they are.
Narcissists take each positive trait, exploit it, abuse it, and manage to make a truly good and caring human feel like their excellent qualities are weaknesses and liabilities. Doing this is one of the narcissists most insidiously cruel goals. They want their victim to feel ashamed, guilty, ignorant, and self doubting.
I believe that many narcs don’t consciously think about doing this to another person, but are so deeply self serving at their core that they act purely out of a primal instinct. . Which is why they fight like a threatened animal for their position in the relationship..
they don’t use rational thought.
They act out of survival.
If they had a deeper thoughtful process they could be reasoned with. However, deeper thought requires a capacity for empathy, for seeking understanding about others. Narcissists are missing this gene apparently.
As one therapist said “ the victims of narcissists are some of the kindest people on the planet”
Penelope Lambson,.
That's nice to hear!
Bc after everything on the list mentioned & the ✔✔✔✔✔✔,.
You sure feel like a chump,.
& your insides take quite a beating,.
All after years you were thinking how happy you "thought" you were,. But weren't?
Bc it wasn't real!???
And does it Seem they're numbers are multiplying?
I sometimes wonder?
Is this a baby boomer bumped up phenom? Of 1960's or even 50's raised kids expected to be perfect?
Does the % of NPD match the % of victims of NPD?
Just a rhetorical question really
Bc honestly I don't believe the #'s purported could possibly be accurate?
My understanding is those with NPD dont seek therapy to begin with bc there's nothing wrong with them! ( far as they're concerned ) As well as it seems therapists are woefully ill prepared educationally as it seems they are likely misled by the narcissists performance ( especially the shy narcissist ) noone suspects! So how do they get a % remotely accurate?
If they're "out there demonstrative" maybe? But what about the stealth, under the radar, shy or covert narcissist?
The more covert the better the mask holds up! Till it doesn't!
But by then?
Whole lotta damage from what I see! Entire families destroyed!
Nice to hear tho that if you survive you're among a group considered as good persons,. It's the "if" that scares ya! Staying loyal, kind, generous, sensitive to others, & mostly bc you need to learn to love yourself more & get better at boundaries? Without a good dose of lasting shock or bitter?
Ain't there a better way? Yikes!
This is a very thoughtful reply that touched my heart. Thank you for taking the time to share your ideas.
Penelope Lambson my daughter, got very abusive , because I started to say NO, she’s not let me see my grandkids,after I was , always very aggressive, she curses like a truck driver, my history is very long , I’m very caring person, I think she started, to tell you she’s been like that ,when she got pregnant, after that I was , not important, she was nice , when she needs something, after that she goes to her abusive way !
This happened to me,. But my daughter
Mary Farrell yes, there’s a better way for THIS day and age. It is much better to remain single and childless. For those of us born in this time cycle, the age of living happily ever after doesn’t mean a family anymore. The national divorce rate is now over 50%. Thats a whole lot of DESTROYED families with children. It’s the kiddos that suffer the most and deserve it the least when these relationships break. IMO it’s just not worth it now days to pursue that definition of happiness. I am teaching my grandchildren this option. Having a family is a choice.......and now days, a dangerous one.
Feeling sorry for these individuals is my biggest downfall. Being loyal is my second biggest downfall. You become a shell of a person yourself as they use you all up.
Nan W, Being a good person shouldn't result in you getting abused. What has our world become?
@@notagain779 That is so true!
@C.H Please take care.
True...
@@estheradao sorry you have lived thru this as well.
Confidence and strong boundaries are like kryptonite to a narcissist!!
Yes that's what saved me, and a strong belief in the Almighty! HE finally told me I was done, and to get out. GOD created the scenerio, started the argument...and I was able to leave again! Then GOD put this video in front of me, as the final answer...🙏
M. Skinner
The N likes to turn a no into a yes.
Thank you so much. You said it all. 🙂
Sure is
No truer statement has been said about the narc.
2:30 empathy
4:47 loyalty
5:40 people pleaser
6:14 conscience
7:03 integrity
8:25 generous
9:17 honest
10:41 weak boundaries
12:07 dysfunctional family
13:25 avoids conflict
So i should avoid any of these traits in my next online dating profile.
Narcs don't think they are narcs, so it's probably no worry.
They don’t need tips. They do fine without a handbook.
Conscientious but being conscious helps too.
@@cb5501 no these are the traits narcs look for!
Spot on. People who attract narcissists should feel pretty good about who they are with lots of great traits. It’s the boundaries that are the biggest issue. If we can keep all those traits but work on maintaining strong boundaries, seems we can keep losers out.
They want someone who is a people pleaser accommodating and has low self esteem and a lot of generosity and weak boundaries. Looks like I’m the perfect Narc victim.
Is there a sign on us?
Yes
Liora Sitelman ...I feel I’m a people pleaser, accommodating and generous with enough empathy to let my boundaries weaken under stress...I had good self esteem but over time he has torn that apart...I did pity him but it was for his sad story...
Liora Sitelman I disagree with you on the low self esteem issue. I’m one of the most confident, self assured person I know. And I was a primary source for a Narc. for awhile. I believe it’s your level of loyalty and generosity that keeps you in their trap.
@@carlajohnson9369 : They can see that warmth and openness in our eyes.
This is a fight. We made a mistake by being with these people. But prayerfully we have truly learned from our mistakes/downfall.
Amen🙏🏿🙏🏿
Learned...maybe.You can't help who you are, they see it and lay on the charm. Go easy on yourself👍
Love your confidence!
Our good qualities can become our weaknesses if we don't have strong boundaries to protect us. We need wisdom to invest ourselves in healthy soil.
OMG... that’s me, I have all these traits, that’s why he gravitated towards me... 😢 I drop my boundaries, my standards... help me Jesus
K Corn me to 😳
Me too; This woman just described my entire personality and character. It's scary.
Only Jesus can help get rid of these types of demons that possess people.
Wise words. I wish I’d known this a long time ago, instead of gradually learning it by experience.
Wow, I possessed all 10.
No wonder why I was targeted 🎯
I don’t want to change these unique wonderful traits that I do love about myself, therefore from here going forward I will be celibate - no more relationships for me! And at this age (56) I’d rather be alone - I actually prefer my alone time as I call it. 😊
Same here
Perspers piri piri - I don’t find it exciting at all. In fact, just the opposite - it’s exhausting having to walk on eggshells, watching what you may say, something simple like we’re not having hotdogs tonight, rather we’re having hamburgers would send him into a rage. And why should I have to give up awesome qualities about myself - empathy, compassion, putting others first just bc someone was an asshole to me? Yes, I am constantly a work in progress, striving to always improve but improve the negative things such as being a procrastinator but as far as putting other people’s needs first to me is a good thing. Being compassionate to other peoples feelings is important to me. Why should I have to change that? BC you said so? BC my narc wants me to be as miserable as he is? I don’t think so! The last thing I would ever want is to turn out like my soon to be X. No, I’ll stay being the laid back calm compassionate person I’ve always been. No one, not my soon to be X or you will ever take that from me! I happen to enjoy myself and being alone in my own company. I don’t need anyone to validate me. And I sure won’t change the good things about me, however I will continue to work on areas I feel need improvement. PS- I’ve been married for 30 years, so I don’t know where you came up with that I’m attracted to these kind of people. As the video states, bc I possess these awesome qualities, I have been targeted, and since I do wear my heart on my sleeve, I have a target right on my forehead that these narcs pick up on, therefore I will NEVER get involved with anyone ever again - end of discussion!!
😀😃😄🎇🎉🎊😉☺😊
Same here. Two relationships right after each other. And I am DONE! Alone time is great.
YakkateeYak same here 53 done with it love my peace prefer the compagnon of animals
I was married to a covert narcissist. I had NO idea what that was. He was the biggest lesson of my life. Him and his family and friends. They taught me a lot. ONCE I learned what I was dealing with. Which was six months after the divorce. I created STRONG boundaries. I cut everyone off. NO contact.
Sometimes circumstance can make you a target. I was the target of a narc at work. The company hired me to take over some of her workload. I think she was terrified that her mask was going to be removed and management would figure out that her workload was not the issue. The issue was her lack of work ethic and inability to take direction from her superiors. They definitely figured it out, but she made me a target because she knew my ability to get the job done was going to be her downfall and she was correct about that.
Work narc/old sup. We both still work for the company remotely at home but go inside the office 1x every 3mo. Last month we had to go in and everytime I looked up she was staring at me from across the floor. The weirdest thing ever because although she saw me look up at her 3 different times she didn’t take her eyes off of me. I thought we had a crush on each other but boy was I wrong!
Oh my goodness, this is whyI am a narcissist magnet. Ironically, I am also impervious to narcissists. which means as soon as they start to push my boundaries they go crazy banging their heads up against my brick wall. They want all my kindness, empathy, charity, and compassion but they cannot manipulate me. I have learned to just laugh at them, but oh my goodness in my youth it caused me problems.
Narcissists want people who are the opposite of what they are: (there's a lot more to learn than this list in this great video!)
Highly Empathetic, Loyal, People Pleasers, Conscientious, Highly Considerate, High Integrity, Extremely Generous, Honest, Weak Boundaries (to push and break your boundaries), someone raised in a dysfunctional family, someone who dislikes and wants to avoid conflict, high values and morals, inherently kind, caring, courteous human being, wants others to feel happy and genuinely cares about other people and how others feel. If you're empathetic be careful and have your guard up when you meet new people because Naricissists are on the hunt for people like the traits I've listed above from this vid. Listen to this vid, there is a lot to learn from this wonderful video. Thank you! This video helped me a lot!
This is so me. Blues, morals, caring, empath, generous, kind, considerate. He's tested me over & over. Thankfully I learnt enough self esteem, boundaries before I met him. And a f*d up background enough to be highly sensitive to his red flag manipulations. So glad I didn't know him years earlier when it would have worked on me & destroyed me. As it is, I think I'm the first woman who hasn't succombed to him & walked away. He didn't expect me to be a strong woman who is happy to confront conflict.
I've always said it takes a good 3 years to get to know someone and their true colours. I was right again 😟
I have quite severe autism and have always been taken advantage of. I don't want to change my values of being kind and compassionate, so I think I need to strengthen my boundaries. Another video made me realise I was changing my own values, due to being exposed to a narcacisst, accepting her bad behaviour towards others instead of challenging it. When she started affecting my other friendships e.g.blew up at me supporting another friend with cancer instead of dropping everything to deal with her problems, I saw the light and cancelled the loyalty and compassion she was relying on.
Thanks so much for the video. Another new subscriber!
Almost the same happened to me. A man whom I had been dating for a long time said he left the last woman he was with because she was spending so much time caring for her mother with Cancer instead of him.
Opposites attract? Then I must be the least narcissistic person in the world. For some reason narcissists have never been able to leave me alone.
That's because you allow them to abuse you... This I have done this too! Set your boundaries and own your life.
I am a magnet for them- My mother was my first- she must of put out a memo...
Thank you! you've just described my now ex-business partner. She stole from me, left me with her debts, lied to me and about me and when I was no longer any use to her told me she wanted me out of the successful business we started. I nearly lost my home fighting to keep what was my share of the business, thankfully my husband and family + a true friend saved me. This all happened 15 years ago and I'm only just now starting to recover from it. If only I knew then what I know now about narcissists.
I used to say to myself over and over that he appeared to be trying to create some kind of image when he was with me.
1. Easily forgiving
2. Very open about your life
3. Giving
4.honest
5. Happy go lucky
6. Willing to see the relationship to the end no matter what
7. Physically beautiful
8. Can be easily controlled
9. Empathy
10. Selfless
This is also me. My daughter has used all my traits against me for years.It is very difficult to see the frightening negative side of your child,but after you have been nearly beaten to death with it, you must to survive.particularly when you see these negative traits she has destroy her own children. I know this is not something she will ever try to change so I have had to dismiss her from my life,even though it is painful.
7 years TOXIC/Narc and or cluster B friend, lover, FREEEEEEEE! Lots of work on MYSELF for the last nearly 7 years single, celibate, and READY to always be resisting and never immune to the addiction to these manipulative, sick, sad, people. Some of us were born into this mess, but SOME of us will NOT DIE in it! SELF CARE and learning TRUE SELF LOVE is the KEY! Muchas gracias to you and ALL of the other youtubers out here teaching and changing lives for us FELLOW BADASS WARRIOR PHOENIXES! These coaches and even SOME therapists on youtube are the people who literally SAVED MY LIFE and brought me back to finally be who I was always supposed to be! Lots of former real live therapists almost did more damage because many therapists are not even truly familiar with this issue and can even be conned themselves by the person who has this or other cluster B disorders. STAY ON UA-cam please, you and all of the other fellow Truth seekers and Truth TELLERS are doing HERO'S WORK!
Wow! That's me. I ticked every box. All the traits I considered worthwhile only became fodder for how I lived all those years. Changed my life forever.
Perfectly, perfectly, perfectly, perfectly, perfectly said.
listening to this I realized my late husband did use all this on me.
Ive been with my narc for 21 years i went no contact with him 7months ago best think ive ever none he did all these things and when I had nothing left to give i was called selfish 🤔isn't that something
They do that
hahaha yes mine did and said the same, hilarious isn't it. That were his last words he said when I broke up. He probably wanted me to feel guilty and responsible for the pain of the break up ' I caused' , but instead these words only confirmed I made the right choise.
Same crap. Its like theyre reading it from a script.
Hope you are at peace now.
Yes! When they have used up and sucked every ounce if life force energy out of you until you become a shell of a person so you finally Say "no more" thet accuse you of being selfish!!
I laughed harder every single one you named fit me to a T. WOW. I knew he was manipulative...but I didn’t know it went this far
There were so many things that led to the end of the relationship between me and my narc ex spouse. I started with pushback on the cognitive dissonance. Like you say in the video, you take the blame to keep the peace but eventually it gets bigger and bigger to where it starts to seriously discredit you. The endgame just before I left, little did I know, was when I set the financial boundaries by closing out the joint account we had and getting a different account. I didn’t last two more weeks before I had to leave. It’s starting to get really dangerous. The financial bit I never had access to any of her income but she had full access to mine and would question me If I spent even the slightest bit without telling her.
J Clawson ..good job! Closing the account. Cut her ass off of everything. They will take your shit and dare you to say something.
@@tashasparxxx1910 & J Clawson ~
These stories are stunning,.
Just stunning?
wow....three years in a narcissistic relationship that ended and now saw that i have all 10 traits. Thanks for letting me see what happened to me.
I recognize eight out of ten which affected me during my relationship with a covert narcissist. I miss an important point / issue in this video which narcissist also are looking for in their victim. This is a positive energy level. Narcissist and especially covert narcissists don't have a high energy level. They use the energy of their victims to get through life. They have to recharge themselves on and on because the façade (the huge fake show as I call it) costs them so much energy. They drain it out of you.
Raoul Kleijntjens very well spoken my friend
Good point!!!!
This is sure eye opening. They are jerks plain and simple!!
Oh, it’s way way worse than that. The N will eventually destroy the victim.
Facts
It’s possible that we get these abusers in our lives because it’s a flaw in our own character that caused us to choose someone like this. For example choosing someone based on looks. I would suggest that the blame lies at least in part in our own laps. The narc met some sort of deep seated need and blinded us to the bigger picture.
Family. 50 years of abuse. Finally getting a divorce! Also these traits are for any psychopath whether they are a lover or an enemy. The enemy will use these same traits they observe. So when people ask me why I am always a target, I will send them to this video! Thank you!
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I wish I had this in our pre martial counseling. He pushed all my boundaries and when I finally stood my ground, he sighed relief and said "I'm glad it's over, it was too much work trying to make you flip. You're old, fat and no fun. Now you're broke".
OMG! That blatantly??? Now that's hard to receive and hear. Good on ya for not believing any of it! I truly am shocked that someone would say that to someone they`re considering marrying. They do discard people ultimately, like a printer ink cartridge...next! I find confronting Ns publicly with the truth of something they did useful, but be careful.It must absolutely and irrefutably and exactly be something they actually did or they'll turn on you and confuse you. Remember: `NO`is a complete sentence. And then watch them squirm for a while before latching on to something or someone else. An N is most likely also to admit to having done something wrong, not because he knows it as truth, but to sollicit supply from whomever could have appreciated his seemingly giving in. It's as simple as that! As long as they can somehow pull out of THE truth and slip back into now trying to milk their newly found pseudo-honesty directly to their ego. Honestly and depending on the severity ( remember, we all have narcissistic wounds but that's not what a narcissist is) of any narcissist, it is better to just run....count your losses and thank your intelligence and your guardian angel for alerting you that something is definetely off. I'm still shocked at what was said to you!. I find it so ironic that his only moment of honesty and genuiness was when he realized you were too together for him to win. I bet you're a beautiful `` old`` with pleasant padding and that you know how to have real fun, despite being broke. How's that for turning abuse into something positive! My warmest, kindest regards to you Carla.
wow omg the shit that comes out of thier mouths is truly meant to make a person suicidal....disgusting. Been there too, twice, that's why I back on you tube to remind myself it's not me it's them. Thank you for sharing I know how hard it is to repeat and post the Narc's words. Truly disgusting. My heart go out ot you.
How horrific-I am so sorry. Karma will catch up with him, don’t worry...
@carlasouthwell that’s awful and I totally understand. I was dating someone who lovebombed me for 5 weeks. In the 5th week he took me on a 10k vacation after returning he told me he was in love with a much younger women then me the he met years ago but she broke up with him bc he was married with kids at the time. I was in shock. He could have left it at I’m in love with someone else. He had to make the point that she’s much younger then me. I’m trying to heal and thankfully the connection was only 5 weeks. I can only imagine how many time his words haunted you.
My narc married me 47 years ago. He had never been to church in his life and I was raised in church. Now I know why he picked me.!!!! And he DID push my boundaries and wrecked my life. Thankfully I got four fantastic, fabulous kids out of the pain of living with the jerk.
Linda Moore I took my narc and her son to my church they pushed my out by talking bad things about me so now I dont go anymore but they do
@@drock5298 My narc isn't that interested in church, so I have no worries of him pushing me out, BUT, he is always singing my praises to the pastor and his wife and so they think he's just the cat's ass of a husband, saying such nice things about me. Therefore.. I can't very well go to them to complain about such a 'loving' man. lol.
@@lindamoore9729 -
What a two-for!
1) You cant say anything negative or try & find some council?
2) and don't they look grand with a catch like you!
Trapped & Sinister
This video is 💯% on point! Being married to a narcissist is a slow death. These callous, poor excuse of human beings have no heart, professional liars, and so deceptive.
You described my relationship with a female narc/sociopath to a T. I wish vlogs like this had been available before I got involved with her. Been free of her for 16 years. I can spot one now very easily.
I just find these people such a good test. You need to think so carefully how you’re going to win it with them for both of you. Yes, I’m a pleaser, but I also don’t like to lose.
Outstanding video. My mother was a Narcissist. I escaped to College and then the military. I got married at 35 and my wife identified several bad traits which I had "inherited" from my mother and I have worked to correct them.
Yeah even if they were wrong guess what....
“It’s always your fault” ding ding ding*
The Narc I’m dealing with said sarcastically “of yeah of course everything is my fault”
How am I dealing with a grown man who behaves like a child?
You think yeah I’ve found another person but you never know anyone until
1. You see how they argue and if they are picking fights etc (and when they are wrong they gaslight, shift blame, project, deflect)
2. If you feel like this person doesn’t understand your needs or even thinks you have needs
3. Everything is about them and only them.
4. You are always in a state of anxiety, confusion, you are stressed ( this isn’t normal)
5. You feel trapped in the relationship like you’re chained up and held hostage emotionally
6. Double standards
7. Rages that come out of nowhere and are unprovoked
8. You feel invisible ( forget the love bombing phase- that was fake) I mean after a month or two you will see it and trust me once you see these red flags 🚩 RUN!
9. They belittle you and shift all their bad feelings about themselves onto you, if you ask them they are “perfect” it’s you whose stupid, needs to change, crazy ( but you know you aren’t these things)
10. Silent treatment after an argument which you are sure you didn’t provoke and you know it was on them but they insist it’s your fault ( all arguments to them means “you are trying to criticize me ‘The False Self’) and will accuse you of always arguing even though they are the cause of these arguments
11. You feel they can be controlling and possessive but you think it’s because they care about you 🚩 they just want you to be their slave while they go out doing what they want with whom they want and they want you to believe they are loyal, trustworthy etc and it’s all a ploy for you to fall for them because if you love them you won’t leave right? And if you have the supply they need “your looks, cooking and taking care of them, loving them and giving them a positive reflection then yeah you are good” but once they have made you depressed, and you are just torn apart they have no reason to stick around you’re damaged goods.
12. They can also threaten suicide or threaten to hurt you if you plan to leave them
13. They suffer from attention seeking behaviors and will see this either in overt ways showing off what they have and/or during arguments when they want all the sympathy and love on them
14. They don’t love anyone but themselves. Nobody exists this is the Truman show and the whole movie is about them
15. All of them love bomb but this lasts for a month at most and the mask starts slipping and you start seeing all the red flags I mentioned
16. They are normally overlapped with other dissorders BPD (threatening suicide) OCD ( they are obsessed with cleanliness) PPD ( they think people are out to get them - yeah they know why deep down) and can exist with more than one disorder sometimes all
17. You feel like you’re talking to a child
18. They put themselves before everyone and I mean everyone and if they have to throw you under the bus so they can come out on top sure they will! Doesn’t matter if you’re a family member or spouse
19. They care a lot about reputation and how people see them. And if you’re their family or spouse then the only reason why it seems like they may care because it reflects on them too so yeah
20. They are selfish, cruel, heartless and only have one agenda whether they realize this or not is to destroy your very existence and make you feel like the worst person in this world.
21. You feel the need to put up an act, cheer them up and if you’re sad they start do dysfunction like a robot and may break down they can’t handle it
22. They are unable and incapable of giving you empathy. Because if they give you empathy they are validating your existence but you don’t exist remember
23. They love to argue and fight dirty and guess what they love it
24. They are from fear and not love, they don’t experience love but just hate and toxic stuff and you see that spewing out of them during arguments
Jasmine,... Girl, you nailed it!
Exactly !
Jasmine this describes it pretty much perfectly - I wrote my own list of why I will never go back and it mirrors this list EXACTLY
TheCommentBandit yeah they will hoover and say anything but always pay attention to their actions and how they make you feel that tells all really about a person
They are big liars and will NEVER admit their faults. They love false praises..you really wrote the true character of these people.
Monsters.
I'm stronger for meeting one!
My narc actually screamed at me ....
."where are your boundaries"??
Don't worry, they're THERE now!!!!!
Ha, ha...its a lot of work making normal people crazy!!!
The narcs I have been dealing with, didn't have solid boundaries themselves either. They were quick to scream "This is my boundry', but were very eager to not maintain them. And when you start to referring to their screamed out boundaries and you yourself stick with them....they get mad again. They only use so called boundaries themselves in order to manipulatie or blackmail you emotionally.
What is actually REAL with Narcs?
Let alone "their" boundaries...
#liesNconfusion.
Michelle Buselli
Straight up gave me a giggle! ☺
Hilarious!
I totally feel you. My narc said almost the same thing screaming at me: " DON'T YOU HAVE BOUNDARIES?"...
all of that rings a bell for me, thank you for the solid advice , beware of people, who are out to destroy you
Great, great information and expertly delivered. This should be taught in school.
Also, I see from the thumbs down count, that so far, 25 sociopaths have watched your video.
Keep up the fantastic content!
this tells me that they will target empaths for their partners & friends thank you for your information
Where were you when I started my relationship, I will follow you to the end of the world, you are so clever to the issue that I have faced and will be quite some while. Love you for your thoughts to heal me and a lot of us.
This video makes me want to cry. It's ashame that we cannot freely operate from a loving space due to predators and perpetrators on the prowl looking to destroy those qualities 😞
Wow, Enlightened Target, this stuff is blowing my mind! You are describing exactly, my ex-woman friend. I finally left her after a six year ordeal. You are part of my new armor. Beware of Abusive Narcissistic Pain Bodies!
Wow!!! Absolutely jaw dropping. I divorced my Narc 7 years ago and we have 4 boys together. It’s been hell. But I’ve healed so much. Obviously I need to heal more because I just had a man I met and dove head first in with, love bomb me and gaslight me. All within a week. And now this explanation!?? Wow!!!!
And YES Boundaries are a big problem!!! I’ve gotta work on this!
Wow! I have ALL of these...ni wonder I have been literally swarmed by narcissistic people all my life...now I am a hermit with healthier boundaries
This is the best most descriptive way of letting us and others know for one ,,; that they target good people they target honest People that deserve happiness yet this narcisssiti has in their mind total jealousy and needs to ruin that person . The video is to the point and exhaustive Thankyou
I was targeted, and have had all of these things happen to me. It’s been a long road to healing. I would have really benefited from this video earlier on, but it’s a great confirmatory message, and hits on all the points therapy has helped with. Thank you, for putting out these educational videos!
I’m not a people pleaser and I do not come from a dysfunctional family but I’m 8 out of 10. It’s hard to believe that their are people like that in the world. If I didn’t experience it I would never believe it. That’s pure unadulterated evil 😈.
I did not think my family was as dysfunctional as it is until I went to therapy. It is amazing what you put up with as normal when you don’t know what normal is like.
I think it is SINFUL to continue living with a narcissist once you know who they are because they'll be used by the devil to change you to be like they are then eventually send you to hell with them.To allow your children to also be abused by the narcissist instead of protecting them, is wrong. Thanks a lot for these posts.
I'm 35 and feel as though I'm missed out on so much, having been held back, by these unfortunate people and my lack of knowledge. Not only about them, but about myself and my role in this dynamic.
Good, honest comment. Hang in there. I'm 53 and just learning some of this. You're still young have lots of life to live. And now you have wisdom. Peace :)
Your videos are among the best ones on narcissism. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge on this overwhelming and confusing topic. Best wishes.
Thank you... I lacked boundaries and my father is Narcissistic. I always felt I needed him( husband) to make me a better person? He attacked my integrity and accused me of being bipolar and a liar. Thank you, why don’t our therapist tell us these truth? I still struggle to let go emotionally?
So true! I have encountered several narcissistic people at work and delt with many of the situations you have mentioned.
Great! Very well researched and systematically presented. I also liked your videos about female narcissists. I still watch them again and again. Lifechanging experience!!
You hit the nail on the head,so true,all the traits those demonic beings have.👍❤️
I give ten marks out of ten for this video. Hard working and highly successful, I went through it all. Eventually in fear for my life and dead broke left everything. Long story short, I met a wonderful woman, rebuilt my life, and recently found and reconnected with my son, whose name without my knowledge, she had changed.
I caught my ex-narc, red handed, coming back from a weekend trip out of town with her male "friend", ....that she just happened to run into while on that trip.... She tried to hide it by erasing everything (emails/texts/etc etc)...despite all this..and after I cornered her, she insisted it was completely innocent and nothing sexual happened etc. Then, it was all turned on me, for being too insecure....LMAO.....these people are soulless..
A unique angle on this topic. much appreciated!
i was the image,,,,,,,,,,with no boundaries and so controlled, now what life do i have,,,,,,,,,,he ripped me to pieces,,,,im so empathetic,but its killed my life, im too old to rebuild now, i lost most all i had,,,,,,,,,,he even has my cat lol,,,,,,,,,,what salt in a wound, why does GOD BLESS THESE PEOPLE and not save us before life is gone,
🙏🙏
@@Real2k25
@@pagen5219 yea I probably had worse traits tho
@@Real2k25 I have faced my defects and been so hard on myself for being imperfect,,,,that it feels good sometimes,,,,,,,,to just speak truth of it all,,,,,,,,you are very nice and I do forgive all and am helping the same abuser now with love and compassion and going to nurse them very soon
@@pagen5219 yes noone perfect
You described me to a T! Scary to think that I am a perfect narcissistic supply! So, these zombies look for high quality people!
This list is spot on and describes me to a tee! Best list I've heard, ever! And sadly I've had a lifetime of relationships with narcs that started with early training from my narc mother. If you consistently fall victim to relationships with narcs you are likely codependent (I am a codependent as well). It's really worth looking into to unravel and heal unresolved trauma to evolve past this unhealthy relationship dynamic to ones that are healthy.
OMG, this is just what I needed!
After a short brutal marriage to a narcissist, I now see why he picked me aside from the usual!
This will help me greatly with 2 coworkers who have targeted me, and when I put up boundaries, they are angry and provoking, I don't take the bait.
It will be easier to stick close to boundaries than trying to avoid their dysfunctional attitudes.
I think the aspect of looking for loyalty reaches further than I even would’ve thought. My ex narc even went to the length of dismissing the relational assaults done to me by others in the past who I got away from, striving to create cognitive dissonance about those events. Even trying to go back in time and change my perception of past events to assure for him that I might be a better supply I guess? I was so fooled too. I still have doubts sometimes but thank God infinitely for material like this. Thank you so much for what you do! It’s incredibly powerful and can I really think it can change the world for so many people. Power to you 🙏🏼💖
You described me to a point! Thank you! I was just with one for a few months again (I attract them like flies). I strongly up to him and he ran. Haven’t heard from him in 6 months. Thank you again for showing me what I need to look out for in myself.
The ten points mentioned here describe me extremely well. I've recently discarded a very toxic narcissistic friend and couldn't be happier. He rode around on my coat tails of my decency, generosity and empathy whilst using these ten points unmercifully to the detriment of my marriage, relationship with our daughter, business and financial obligations, everyone one else was at fault other than him. If he got a parking ticket, he'd write letters to whomever till they drop it, speeding tickets, always the fault of the police, signage or anything else he could think of to blame shift. Anyway, live your best life you can and lose the narcissist, life is GOOD.....
What the heck, I was there! 😥😭 Fortunately I'm not there anymore.
This is a fantastic video. Of all that is said, the tip about the boundaries is the best advice I've ever heard. We can't and won't change our values but we can change our standards.
Wow, I was the perfect target, exactly what my wife was looking for, and I sure suffered the consequences including multiple injuries, kids abused, life threatening violence, rage, everything. I met the criteria in 9 of the 10 areas and the one that I didn't match is that my family was not dysfunctional, but my wife found a way to make my family dysfunctional and separate me from them. It is really eerie how all of the narcissistic behaviors match exactly. One interesting thing is that I am certain my wife (separated with PFA order) does not know she has a problem and is thinks that everyone else is the problem. All of these behaviors and the affinity for someone like me, are not, I believe, something she thinks about, but it is instead innate. This illness must be very hard to study because there can be no cooperation from the ill person. After forcing her from the home with a protection from abuse order she immediately went on to victimize more men and currently has multiple boyfriends at age 69. At the time, I felt bad about unleashing her on the world, but I had to save myself and my daughters. These people have no moral compass whatsoever and are inflicting severe trauma on everyone they interact with. Society would be best served to institutionalize all NPD patients for life to prevent them from doing damage to the people around them. Just imagine what might happen if an NPD sufferer became, say, president of the United States!
Light dimming monsters 😱
This rings very true with a few jerks in particular I’ve dealt with at work over the years.
Hello! I’m a new subscriber & have enjoyed a couple of your videos so far. I appreciate the info that you share. It baffles my mind how I was married to a narcissist for 13 years & had no clue about none of this until 12 years after being married. Thank God for revealing these things and giving me strength to leave that male! According to this video I was most definitely grade A supply as I scored 10 out of 10!
Wow! Spot on... every detail, every example, spot on...
And someone to blame when their stupid plans don't work
Hahahahahah!!!
Shocking how ugly and dramatic that can become for real. Then they are all calling you only the over dramatic Hystrionic type until you have no choice but to rest in the corner where then they pull out in a cartoon coyote style like manner the label -- Schizotypical Personality Disorder to threaten you with maybe getting on a permanent basis from there next.
Brilliant. Thank you. I always wondered what it was about me that attracted these horrible people and now I know, and I know how to block them out.
This hit home so hard 😔
This is extremely true.
Every word makes sense.
Trying to understand my puzzle for 30 years.
Lived that .... sad.... they truly walk among us. Predators that look just like us
Narc equals loser.
i wondered whether she was an alien ...or something reptilian ...when u said they walk among us ...this really rung bells ...jeez no more ..shes still in my life but I'll never look at her & not know what I know now..its scary
honestlord tough you got this 👍
This is the same thing I have said. My definition of sociopath and psychopath were totally different didn't even know about Narcs, (Hollywood portrayal) until I came across the actual thing and got burned but managed to stick up for myself at the last moment but the damage was done. I now know what I need to look for.
I worked for a malignant narcissist. Lots of people had trouble with. Senior Management can't do enough for this nut job. He should be on disability leave. Now I know why he has targeted me and how he can be such a malicious liar. Thank you. You have a noble mission.
Ive heard it said when their hand is caught taking a cookie from a cookie jar they wil deny and not only that they will make you believe it wasnt even a cookie.
BLESSINGS
Trump, faced with sexual harassment charges: “ugh, shes not even my TYPE”
Just ended a three week relationship with a highly hoghly narcisstic girl.very exact advice 👏
Thank you for everything you're doing to spread awareness and help victims❤
I thought I had the one that I would be spending the rest of my life with.
Until I had feelings that were bothering me that something just wasn’t right.
After doing some investigating I got the shock of my life.
I have been 100% loyal and would never betray her in any way.
Unfortunately I learned that she was the opposite.
All of the years I thought she was loyal to me was just an illusion.
The woman I fell in love with didn’t exist.
I’m afraid this will haunt me for the rest of my life.
Betraying your partner is the worst hurt you can put on them the pain and the feeling that you weren’t good enough literally crushes your self esteem into dust.
Thank you I have learned a lot from your videos.
very important t understand what makes you a target, and to what. It's like understanding why a certain person falls for one scam versus another scam. You need to know these things about yourself and possibly change them, depending.
Within the trait of family dysfunction it can be desirable if the victim has already experienced narcissism through a parent or grandparent, as the predator narcissist seems instantly familiar to the victim and the victim mistakes it for love.
I have learnt so much over just the past few months, it is really sad - I wish I could of picked her up and taken all the pain away ... love you always ***.
The concepts in this video are mind blowing. All the things that have me special, my female doctor was able to weaponize against me.
She nearly had me too, hook, line and sinker. 👩🏼⚕️🪝🐠
Listened to this twice, sobbing a lot of the way through. I was fooled by a sibling for many years, she was so good at love bombing and lieing, and mirroring me. She knew me well and as I listened I could see myself and why she so easily could use me, and why so many others tried. I was used to narc behavior, giving the benefit of the doubt, feeling sorry for them, being kind...
Innocence destroyed, I have had to teach myself to not trust people, many people can be worse than cruel, and instead trust my first intuition about people, and don't let my mind overrule it.
Your comment so resonates with me.
She gets right to the point in an organized fashion. She beats many, but maybe not all, clinical psychologists so I have subscribed.
It’s as if you were living my experiences. Happy to be free of the narcissist after 9 years. So done with the drama. Thank you.
I can’t agree more than this. You are looking straight into a narcissist.
Very good description of narcissistic intent and I hope that everyone becomes aware of the narcissistic nature and the fact that these people are not like anyone who you may have encountered in life, I have always been observant about other people and I'm a horrible empath and being empathetic is not good in this case because you need to make sure that the person you feel sorry for will actually benefit from your goodness and help, it doesn't help them and it can destroy your goodness, don't hold contempt or hate for them, it may seem impossible to forgive them but I think that no matter how much it may seem to be impossible to forgive them just remember that they are the way that they are for some reason that isn't your fault and that you can't help them, you can't go along with supporting them because it will corrupt you and forgiveness is the only way to start healing, I believe in karma and if you hold hate for someone that just hurts you in the long run.
O am watching this over and over rewinding back and over
THANK YOU.
absolutely top explanation 👍
Subscribed.......I was got on every level.