The Vulnerable Narcissistic Wife
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- Опубліковано 11 жов 2020
- In this video Darren Magee discusses the characteristics and traits in vulnerable (covert) narcissism, and what to expect if in a relationship with a covert / vulnerable narcissistic wife. Different from a grandiose narcissist, a lot of the abuse comes through neglect and invalidation as opposed to anything actually done to cause distress.
Behaviours/characteristics include narcissistic abuse through emotional neglect
1 Constant state of unfulfilment , strain and disappointment
2 Constantly disagreeable
3 Husband is always wrong / always sides with others against him
4 Fantasies over other partners / compares husband unfavourably with ex
5 Lack of empathy / thoughtlessness / lack of insight
6 Hyper sensitive to criticism / behaves as if crushed
7 No interest, wants nothing to do husband - doesn't want anyone else to have anything to do with him either
8 Constant sabotage / every solution has a problem
9 Overly empathetic / sympathetic to others - not to husband
10 Toxic amnesia - no learning or growing - elusive defensive tactics
Punishes husband for others' (usually narcissistic parents) abuse of her. Other tactics include gaslighting and blame shifting
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#Vulnerablenarcissist #Covertnarcissist #narcissisticwife
The videos I make are topics suggested by you the viewer. Feel free to suggest any mental health or psychology subjects you'd like me to cover in future videos. Just a reminder though, these videos are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
What would you suggest to a daughter of such a (covert) narcissistic mother? That’s exactly what the mother is like and treating her, especially since the father passed away.
Constantly has to recover, constantly complains about everyone who is absent, always having health issues, always drama, always needs to be rescued and loves to let problems grow or even damage happen to then blame her daughter that that all happened because she didn’t help her and didn’t care enough, while her mother - of course - didn’t ask for help or even tell her; like she enjoys the frustration and anger of her daughter and wants to punish her for not moving back to her hometown to do everything her mother doesn’t want to do and entertain her.
She never calls her daughter - ever - but brags about how much her daughter needs her and how often she receives calls from her. She stopped that after her mother hang up on her the last time, now they only exchange text messages very rarely.
Her daughter seems to calm down a bit, but not really, as she knows she will have to face a mess her mother will throw at her to deal with once she visits again. She is an only child, so she will have to declutter all the senseless stuff her mother keeps on buying every day. The mother’s house is stuffed with all kinds of goods, but she keeps on buying and buying, it is gonna be dreadful to deal with all of it.
Maybe speaking to a counsellor would be helpful
@@DarrenFMagee Tried that, he couldn’t help. It seems like rarely anyone is specialized in that topic.
The terrifying person that almost CONSTANTLY smiles--about nothing. It really is like The Joker but when a woman does it, I know they are dangerous. Is this a sociopath or what?
sir ur so true.
My wife is a covert narcissist, and has a very subtle way about it. She did it to me for so many years, that I actually started exploring whether or not I had borderline personality disorder. Turned out I was just a miserable person, who was starving for affection. It is a very sad place to be.
I feel where you are at.
Yeah that crap sucks there myself now
So sorry!! That is no way to live!
Selective amnesia!! My covert narc husband had this tactic perfected to a high degree!! Just mind boggling!!
@@victoriousjoy9338 My wife accused me of the "classic narcissist trait" of not remembering conversations had gone a certain way - but what could I do if I genuinely remembered the event differently? Baffling.
It's eerie how these narcissistic women fit the mold so well that to talk about one of them is to talk about any of them
Thank you 🙏 there is very little support for men in these relationships. This needs to be recognised as domestic abuse .
Damn straight
Men get no support
Things need to change
Many wifes are Like Amber Heard.. a user who plays the victim role
@Salman Alaail Too right brother
And they know the corrupt system will believe them
It IS a terrible abuse. Terrible. sophisticated, hidden with puting the blame on the victim among all people.
Including even closest relatives and own children who are missled. Ihe victim gets isolated.
In childhood I thought dady was the bad one. Just after his death I discovered my mother is a sick person - the Covert narcissist.
In last years we were good friends with my dady.
I wonder if some men take their own lives because they are ashamed to tell anyone and have no where to turn. They suffer in silence until they can,t take it anymore.
Nailed it, 36 years. +gaslighting: rewriting history, conversations that never took place. She demanded divorce, discarded me, then flipped 180 & now she's fighting with every legal weapon to drag it out. Thankfully our 4 kids are grown and away from the toxicity.
This is EXACTLY what I’m facing now. Threatened divorce for the longest time, finally asked for one and I AGREED to it which probably called her bluff, and now she’s dragged it out 3 1/2 years without a solution in sight. What a pattern they follow!
@@christanatwork - I'm going through this right now too. She actually would threaten to print out the divorce papers if I stood my ground or put her on notice about something. Then she finally did print out the papers and I finally was like OK and I filled them out. We still haven't filed them yet. She wanted me to buy her another house to move into with the kids half time. I was like no way and finally moved out when a rental opened up. But now she wants me back, says she misses me, but boy does her body language change when I bring up things I need to have changed with us if we get back together....... Last night for Mother's Day she mentioned a guy by name that gave her his phone number, wanting to take her out. She said no supposedly and threw out the number, telling him she was married.... But why even tell me that? Anyway you are not alone, this sucks.
@@cleanslate2247 she was trying to bait you into acting insecure and ‘fighting for her’. That you didn’t will also likely be used against you.
@@UA-camhandlesaresilly - Yeah I kinda knew that ploy. Just a rhetorical question really. And I did end up giving her a reaction. Not quite the one she was looking for LOL but she was probably OK with it being I DID react. And yeah anything from here on out will be used against me I'm sure. Thanks for the reply!
@@cleanslate2247 Divorce her now! Ignore her as much as possible (grey rock) and go no contact or as little as feasible, it's the only way to begin to heal and believe me, whether you realize it or not, she has caused damage.
They drain your soul literally.
She stabs you in your back, then blames you.
Perfect description 👌
Backstabbing is an understatement.
Spot on!! Men and women narcs do this!!
Chew you up and spit you out, and leave you for dead!!!
Sucubus
This describes my mom exactly. She was horrible to my sister and I, but even worse towards my dad. She and my dad were married for just over 50 years until he committed suicide last year. She cheated, lied, put him in financial distress over and over. It breaks my heart to think of the torture that he went through during their marriage. Now that he is gone she has turned into the victim and done anything and everything she possibly can to make him out to be the bad guy. My sister and I have had to go no context with her because of her toxic, narcissistic behavior. I just wish he would have ended the marriage when we were young and moved on. He was a kind, loving, gentle man who deserved so much better.
This is horrible and exactly the stage I'm in does the same to my sons too . I am now in trouble with the police due to her behaviour and victim playing. I have thought about killing myself many many times feel like I've been loosing my mind but now I know what it is hopefully I can be better prepared. Sorry for your loss x
You described my ex perfectly. For 20 years, she had me believing that I had a problem. I was always wrong and I couldn't trust my own thoughts and feelings. I felt as if I was crazy and inferior, even down right worthless. I've awaken. I now know it was her that is broken and worthless. The sad part is that I adored her and loved her dearly. These covert narcissist will destroy you in a relationship while everyone else believes them to be a wonderful an caring person while you are viewed as the cold hearted villain.
I’m glad you found it helpful and hope you’re in a better place today
Hello Sir, I can relate to it now. I myself used to feel the same that I am useless and had doubts about.
I want to know how did you overcome this all. I am still facing it every day. Help!
@@mackky101 I over come the feelings by leaving her. After, I reflected on how she had manipulated my emotions. I realized that I should trust my instincts and there is nothing wrong with me. I live my life on my terms. This means you rely upon yourself and no one else. A lot of Women are manipulators. When they try to change your opinion or try to change you, don't. Be who you are and let them go. The only way a person can be happy is to be who they are. I wish you the best.
@@bain5872 that's well said friend. Sounds like your going to turn it around. I've gone thru 27 years of marriage to a borderline personality with coexisting bipolar and extremely narcissistic qualities..I think to the point of being a predatory psychopath. She's merciless. Heartless. Callous. She turned my kids against me. Falsely accused me of violence. I made so many mistakes. Number 1 being that I stayed too long. I tried too hard for too long to save it and keep it together for my kids benefit. I didn't help anyone ultimately. She gained the power and control in our dynamic and she has ruined me. She ruined us all. Flunked all 3 of my kids out of school. This guy really hits the nail on the head with his description of what I've been dealing with. I made the mistake of thinking that if she would just get treatment for her borderline personality and bipolar it would all turn around and we could get back to life. I really did love her. She wasn't always this way. For 15 years of marriage it was pretty amazing. Then about 7 years ago something changed drastically. It feels like demonic possession. I honestly believe that. She's sabotaged us all with her reckless destructive behaviors. I don't know what the future holds for us because i don't see a way out at this point. Your the first person I've come across who has gotten out and had such a positive outlook. All the men I've come across in this type of relationship are just beaten up, depressed and have given up or struggle daily just to eat and sleep. And I've come across SO MANY men in this exact same kind of dysfunctional relationship. It seems to be an epidemic. Im glad you got out and it gives me hope to finally come across someone like you after 7 years of researching this topic. Keep on doing you bud. 🤙
@@jimig399 Jim, END IT! Yes, a nightmare will follow and the storm will rage but after, the sun will shine again. If you stay in a relationship with a life sucking partner, there will be no sunshine, only insanity and the wasting away of your man hood and self respect.
Men and women say they stay in an abusive relationship because of the kids. In reality, what are your children learning from your unhappy insanity......helplessness and they inherit a scrip for their own future relationships! You do them no favor by remaining in an unhealthy marriage.
When you do decide to end it, have a plan in place and follow it. Be aware of her attempts to suck you back in through crazy behavior, saying I've changed and down right threats. She will use your children as pawns against you, in many different ways. She will turn them against you. Yes, my children were indoctrinated to hate me and my children does not have a close relationship with me to this day. These people have no limits and you will feel all alone, ridiculed and hated. However, you must stay focused upon your mission, YOUR HAPPINESS!. Your goal is to be a happy man and only through perseverance will you obtain this. Give great thought to what will make you happy, form a plan and execute it. Above all.....trust your gut instincts! I can not stress this last point enough. My wife manipulated me through her making me doubt my own judgement and my own feelings. I've since realized that my instincts (gut feelings) were the cause of my extreme anxiety. They were warning me to run away from danger. TRUST YOUR FEELINGS ALWAYS!!! Do Not question your judgment. Stay away from escapes such as Alcohol or drugs. They are death to your soul.
As with everything in life, you and only you are responsible for your happiness and it is a hard long road filled with emotional pain and deep pitfalls. This is why a majority of people are unhappy, they will not do what is required! I wish you much success and happiness. God bless you my friend.
Unbelievable how you can sit there and completely describe what I've been enduring for the last 21 years with such accuracy.
oh!!...ME too!!!! since 1997....
When I started looking into the narcissistic personality disorder I was actually spooked at how accurate the stuff I was reading matched my own life for a short time I actually thought how the f*** do these people know this have they been spying on me it was literally that accurate so yeah I know exactly what you mean
1996
How did you survive so long? I’m at 8 years and on my last legs…
Observable behavior patterns of a mental disorder. everybody that has that disorder behaves relatively the same way. Thats how they can be so accurate without having spied on you for the last 20 years. it's the mental illness that's the same, over and over and over in so many different individuals
I come back to this video over and over since Mr. Magee published it... It's like an island of sanity where I see that I'm not crazy.
Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful
I completely second your sentiment. It’s on loop.
Ive watched it 4 times now
Indeed, it’s one of the most important videos ever made on the subject.
Amazingly accurate!
I can’t help but think about the many, many men who silently suffered for years and ended their lives after suffering this abuse. This video is incredibly powerful and I hope that it brings understanding to men that need to hear it. Perfect description of my life for the past 25 years in a 32 year marriage. When you understand who and what you’re dealing with, it brings a bit of peace to know you’re not alone and not solely to blame.
I'm 24 years in, finally recognizing it and trying to figure out how to have enough courage to exit stage right.
I have just seen the light. I was soo relieved at first, I thought wow I'm not crazy. Been then reality sank in. This is my life, I have 2 kids with this woman. Currently separated after telling her to leave. Oh, have I been paying for that. Kids used as pawn and the whole 9. Anyone and everyone she can paint her portrait for, and create a divide. I get so many dirty looks, and have merely placed a boundary, but cut her feed bag off and she doesn't take kind to losing her resource. Confused and hurt.
Sad thing is there are some men that lash out and then it is all about them. No one can see the damage done to the victim by the years of pecking away…
This is an amazingly accurate description of the marriage I experienced. Ten years of of having to constantly be on my toes while also being kept off balance.
Me too.....10 years, I am broke. I am broken. I am sad. But he acts the role.....
@@msblueocean7533 Try 19 years Bros...
Ha! beat y'all... 35!
I starve each night because my wife doesn't cook, doesn't allow me to cook because I make too much of a mess... Im sick of the moodiness so I don't eat... She is a super picky eater and only eats gluten free icecream.
@@puscifer99 what are you still doing with this narc? She wants you to get sick and die - don't you see that. Trust me she eats outside the house :)))))
This is how my mom treats my dad. It makes me so angry 😠 😡
Thank you for this.
She started to treat me that way after Dad passed. Take it very seriously and just leave her all together. Covert narcissists are sneaky and dangerous-they show the abusive side just to one close person in a moment an play supernice to others. They take down one by one. Search for information - get very informed. But do not tell her anything.
Looking back I think that was the right way we should do with my dad and brother. The earlier the better. All of our lifes are broken for each in different ways.
This is just my experience - you will take what you need.
Let your father know.he may only be with your mum for fear of her doing something to you in retaliation while he is not around.
This is like he's actually interviewed my ex-wife. 100% accuracy. Like he's reading from the covert narcissist owner's manual, wife edition.
Thank you for commenting I'm glad you found it helpful.
@@DarrenFMagee I just learned that this was a real thing about a week ago. It's like a great awakening. Living in constant fear of saying anything. Anything. It always becomes an argument. She still, after six months, refuses to acknowledge she broke the drawer on the new refrigerator. "It was like that." "You broke it." This is a constant in my life.
It is good to learn the Narcs playbook
I hate narcissists because they look for love interest to destroy. They target their prey due to our codependency and empathy. Narcs punish us for their sordid horrible upbriny where they were ignored, invalidated and abused. In turn they keep partners around as extension of themselves to punish for their toxic shame. Subscribed.
Well said
It's interesting to note that not all narcissists develop because of trauma or abuse. This is current psychological theory, but I feel there is much more to the story.
Can anyone offer any help
Very, very accurately described my life pre-divorce. She spent every penny I could make while she worked less and less or not at all. Never saved, never helped with taxes, always wanted more. Never said nice things about me to others in our presence. Would always tell others about "her" kids, "her" house, "her" vacation, not "our" kids, house vacation. Failed in every way to care for me when I had very temporary health issues. One of the things that really pissed me off was whenever I would start a DIY project, she would be skeptical and suggest getting a specific friend's advice, just to try to cut into my self-confidence. I never gave in though. So nice to do DIY projects now that she's gone from my life. So nice to wake up in the morning now that she's gone from my life.
MY goodness this is accurate. My wife is identical. Never a good word to say about anything. Either it's criticised unconstructively or ignored. These people are absolutely toxic.
This is exactly what my mother did to my father for 17 years, and blamed him for everything. She is a pathological liar and even after she divorced him, took everything including the house, she still blamed him for how awful life was. Even after he died, she still blamed him for stuff when he hadn’t had any contact with her for years. Now I get all the blame. What a psycho she is. No contact is the only option at this point. She is so destructive to her immediate family while fooling everyone else . I never heard anyone explain this so well.
Sorry about your dear Dad 😢xx
Your poor dad. I can completely empathize with him. I’m married to a wife just like your mother. Ready to divorce her. They are definitely very destructive. They bite the hand that feeds, blaming their spouses, kids and everyone but themselves for their problems. They often end up dying miserable and alone, because they push everyone away over time
I can absolutely relate with every word you wrote. My father suffered much longer time. He tried to escape her after we grew up. Unjsuccesfully. Guess it was too late and he was too desoriented and felt lost.
Now I feel so sorry that I could not help him. Dady died 2 years ago and after his death I was her next victim. she is over 75 and gets more and more strange and invents storries so that I started to notice it crosses the line of normality. So I started to search for information what it is.
may i know her zodiac??
@@TheZakFilms My Covert Narcissist mother is PISCES. Traits characteristic to the Covert narcissism are exagerated Pisces traits
This hit the nail on the head. I was married to one for 17 years. Its been almost 5 since I walked away and I am still not back to my old self. They are soul sucking demons.
Fact!
Thats true I'm still in a mass effect by her beaver. Thank 🙏
Yup, true. 8 years, nearly killed me. Been over 2 years since divorce, can't bring myself to see anyone new. Just want to live.
This is spot on...40 f in years I put up with this...this is the Jezebel spirit....and this thing (demon) will kill u ...I had chronic illnesses starting about 5 years in...still stuck with her do to all the chronic illness and being financially crushed ...my daughter helped me wake up 2 years ago
🍀🍀🍀🍀
Realisation may feel uncomfortable but I think it’s the start of recovery
18 years here. We've been separated for a year now and I was lucky to get a no-contact order due to physical abuse. I broke one day and had her arrested. It was the first time I'd followed through with enforcing a boundary. She turned it into being a victim, of course, but still tries to meddle in my life through our adult kids, actually MY kids from my first marriage.
I feel for you. Its hard, really hard.
So true my Brotha. I've been on this roller coaster ride for 19 years. Salute to you for dealing with that for 40!
It's definately the Jezebel spirit. It's all spiritual warfare. As long as we are in Christ He will help us and reward the wicked in His time.
This describes a friend of mine to perfection, she humiliates her husband and then hits on mine aggressively I think the idea of me having a happy marriage is something she can’t handle.
I called her out once for giving my husband a lap dance but demanded an apology for my “agressive” behaviour saying she never knew I was the jealous type.
Narcissists are toxic on every level.
She is clearly not a friend.
Envious of you, played the victim, lack of boundaries, berating her husband, triangulation and projection in your short description. They are all the same. You don't need people like this no matter who they are. Good luck
That is not a friend, Dear Heart. You should look for a real friend.
She needs to be ousted from your life
Wow!!!!! That's just horrible!!!!!
I'm completely blown away by this. I was believing every negative thing about myself. I couldn't understand why I couldn't find a way to make my marriage work. Why was I such a horrible person. Every mistake I made was always the worse possible thing, and never forgotten. I lost or gave up everything I worked for, everything that mattered to me. My career & home, gone. Connections with friends & family. All while seeing how everyone loves her. Wishing I could have that connection with her. I'm literally just now realizing my trauma and mental conditions. Hopefully I can get myself & my life back together. Thank you for this video, truly you've opened my eyes. I will continue to educate myself.
You got this, man!
Check out Dr Ramani's videos as well!!
You'll get through this brother just have faith in yourself and always remember you're not alone
Your comment, "Wishing I could have that connection with her" brought back how often I desperately wished the same. It's heartbreaking to look back on. But so grateful to have clarity and not in that place anymore.
Good luck!!! this information saves lives - you deserve the best - CPTSD is something that takes years to heal from but you have started ...good on ya
My dad was a talented engineer elictrician but she used to devalue him for not being able bring "enough" money and claim him be lazy and not motivated for life. Fortunately my dad had me and I soon realized who my mum really was
I wish my daughter turns out smart like you
Had a few ladies who played that card. They never brought anything ,but sex to the table. However I provided everything. One pulled that shit for four years before she found the street. After that as soon as they started in I had them removed.
These personalities belong to the streets
Yep. Had no idea what I had gotten myself into. Third year in and I’m serious contemplating jettisoning myself out of her car while traveling 60mph down the freeway in the midst of her colossal rage fueled tantrum. Left her that night with only the word ‘narcissist’ as a guidepost. Started to listen to experts such as the gentleman in this video describe what she was and what I went through. I simply cannot think what it would be like not having these valuable resources like this channel to help victims understand this personality type.
Thank you so much for your kind feedback I'm glad you found it helpful. Sadly we don't see it at first, it tends to creep up a little bit at a time until we're in the middle of it. I hope you have the support you need.
Can totally relate. I did actually open the door of a moving car when he was driving because of his toxicity. I was literally tried to fly. This behaviour identified how I used to feel in the car with my NM as a child. He traumatised me but had good purchase because she is the same! Why they didn't like each other. Competition for control.
5 years equivalent of studying psychology( major and submajor) Narcissisim never mentioned in the early 80s.
Your wondering answered.
Years and decades of lives wasted, ruined , thrown down the toilet, to be never lived again is what happens.Also children's lives negatively impacted. Flee and don't look back- leave the State or Country if that is what it takes. Life is not a rehearsal.
My wife is like that, but we have 3 kids together and another on the way tho I suspect the new baby is not mine.
Good for you. Hope u initiated 0 contact.
My parents divorced when I was 2. You know how parental alienation goes; I always more or less thought he was to blame for it. Mother had no friends (I wonder why...); I grew up isolated, naive, lacking in social skills and even basic common sense. Father drunk himself to an early grave.
Still, despite how dysfunctional my childhood was, it wasn't a particularly distressing experience. The damage was felt far more in early adult life. And that's when that creature became REALLY unhinged. The lies she would tell about me, the complete absence of honor or ethics, the palpable sense that objective reality means nothing to her...
That's when it dawned on me I had absolutely NO REASON to believe her narrative. But my father was already dead. I'd never get to hear his side of the story, and he never dared broach that subject when he was alive, knowing the stacked deck and the uphill battle he would have faced.
I wish I could apologize to him. I wish I could tell him that my eyes are open now.
This post made me tear up. I’m sorry you had a difficult childhood. I hope you found love and healing.
Something tells me that your dad is very well aware of your feelings 👍🏽
You just described my parents, but without alcohol. I’m 51 and finally figured out the riddle about 2 years ago. My “mother” was very quiet and very evil. We always thought my father was unhinged. I wish I could tell him.
Funny how complete strangers can have similar realities in life. My mother also alienated our father except we were all under the same roof. The house that he bought. She created this narrative about him being lazy, inattentive, not caring and twisting the truth to make it more believable. My father is dead now and my little sister still believes our mothers lies about him. It's crazy. I too wish I could tell him my eyes are open but he would have defended my mother because he loved her. Too bad she didn't love him the same way.
My baby is turning 1 and I don't know what to do 😭
She's gonna grow up to be like her cunt of a mother I fear. Will I just watch her grow to resent and hate me as well? I don't want to play this hand of cards.
This is so creepily accurate it's like you know her!
You described my wife perfectly. She threatened me with divorce during one of her meltdowns at least once a year. Then, in-between her fights she would make random comments about divorce. She used the same opening line for most of her meltdowns -- "I'm sick of the way you talk to me!" And then, never provided one example of anything hurtful that I had actually done. Gaslighting, love bombing, shit testing, false accusations, empty threats, financial disaster -- my wife hit every narcissistic trait I have learned from the internet, I have recently discovered through counseling that she lied to me dozens of times over our 40 years together. You all might think I'm crazy for staying with such a horrible person. I think I was used to that type of treatment because it's basically the same that I received from my abusive mother.
How are you going now? Are you still with her? Was she always like this or did it get worse when married?
People who dont know about narcissism cant comprehend these relationships so its best not to talk to them about iit if you value their friendship or regard.
They wont just think youre crazy, theylll think you are paranoid and malicious for speaking about your wife like that. They can only.corelate.your experiences with theirs, and there is no corellation between how a narc and a normal person behave and deal with things.
People cant comprehend thst your wife willfully causes you misery ...she doesnt look like a monster and she has always been perfectlly nice to THEM, she even resued their little puppy last week .
@gh9253 Sorry for your plight. Every argument ended in a threat of divorce for 24+ years until one day she left. I stood up for myself and told her I was not going to be treated in an abusive manner any longer. Now 2 of my 3 kids want nothing to do with me.
I understand your plight. After finding out that my wife was a covert narcissist, I began to think about my upbringing. I realized that my Dad also used to be this way. My narc wife would always tell me that I'm just like my dad. Now it makes sense. She's the one who is like him, not me. Praying for you, friend.
@@greggeer6231 My ex went so far as to actually call me my dad's name in our arguments. It was infuriating!
Wow, so happy to find an explanation of my wife.
She’s not nearly as bad as the other examples. In a nutshell, she treats complete strangers, coworkers, relatives and friends way better than me, her loving husband.
When I was a pushover she treated me bad, when I was an arsehole she treated me better and now that I’m over the marriage completely she has been amazing and caring and sexual.
Too little too late, sweetheart.
Everyone thinks she’s the best person in the world because she’s very thoughtful and so kind to everybody but me.
It gaslights me into making me feel crazy like maybe I don’t realize that I’m a bad husband, but I wrote down an honest list of what we do for each other and pros and cons and her pro list was almost empty, while the list of what I do for her is ridiculously long.
I’m also in great shape and hit the gym 4-5 times a week and she is in terrible shape with more health problems each year and refuses to stop buying and eating junk food everyday.
I really wish it could’ve worked out between us.
Those honeymoon phases are like crack and you’re always trying to get that feeling again to no avail.
I wish you all luck, it’s scary to move on, but eventually you have no doubt that you’ll be better off! ❤️
I second your comment. My ex got so much more excited about buying gifts for 2nd tier friends than she did buying gifts for me. I came 3rd, 4th, 5th to others on just about everything. Whatever I wanted to do, wherever I wanted to go, was so much less important than what her friend wanted or what anyone else wanted. I used to ask her, "This is how you treat the person you say you love?"
My wife built up a $40,000 gambling debt, the kids clothes never got washed, were late to school every day, she cooked when she could be bothered not when people were hungry, she complains about the kids wanting attention and blames them for things that are her fault, she spent the money we had been given to start a business, she has zero empathy and nothing is her fault, she refused to accept our daughter being autistic and didn’t follow through with any treatment... yes I need help
My wife's vice is fashion and spent roughly the same on shoes and clothes....
I experienced the gambling just like that. We went to a wrestling event. Our boys made weight. After we had dinner she said she was going to go to the casino where we were staying for a little while. The alarm went off about 6:30 AM in the morning. I rolled over and she had never even been in the room since like 8:30 PM the night before. We had to go to the arena for our two boys to wrestle. Before we could leave I had to go find her down in the hard rock casino. She was so mad at me she ran off and got in the elevator and did not even wait for me at all. Went upstairs knowing that we had to leave to get where we needed to go. Climbed in the bed and said she was going to sleep. I had to take the covers off of her and be a jerk and tell her get up and go watch her child compete.She was so mad she didn’t even want to talk to me.
Typical American women, no surprise for me. Sorry for you.
So I don’t have it so bad….. I just found out she’s had a obygn doctor in the harem for 4 years😂
You sound like a great dad. It's good to know that you dived in there and took care of your family when they needed you the most! Thank goodness for real men like you!
so spooky how spot on this is
Yep, they are impossible.
Unfortunately described my Wife & Marriage! Together 20yrs, she left after 14 & moved out of state to be closer to her family. I tried to reconcile for 31/2 yrs then she committed adultery with a co-worker & blamed me for not coming to see her! It was awful! Of course he was 20yrs younger than me, but the sex was meaningless & she was lonely and only trying to help him & ultimately I was over-reacting considering Divorce!! The best part was her Declaration that she'd never do anything intentionally to hurt anyone! Divorce took 21/2 yrs & it was finalized 2yrs ago...Still Recovering.
Watched our dad live this hell for 2 decades. Utterly brutal and spirit crushing.
They are evil (anti-live or life)
This is absolutely spot on with what I was going through for over 13 years.
I finally left with her threatening to falsely accuse me of rape to teach me a lesson for leaving her because she basically lost her control over me. Im still effected by it, still have ups and downs but much happier now almost 2 years on.
How are you now? Sounds like my wife. She is psychotic from amphetamine abuse and has hallucinations but is also bipolar and narcissistic. In December, she left me but I didn’t know she was leaving me until I heard her on the phone with the police while accusing me of “raping,” my own son. Then when the police caught up with me 30 seconds after left, I had to be interviewed by 10 police and cps. She has a history of making false reports and lying in court as well as a history of abuse. The police refused to take the kids away from me so she got an order of protection based on lies, but I beat her in court that time. We got back together and had a few months of hell because of her hallucinations then 2 months of joy when she got clean and she got pregnant too tho I’m not sure if it is mine. But she went crazy again a few weeks ago and accused my brother of “raping,” one of our kids which is beyond ridiculous as he has never even been alone with him because I’m always there but he would never fathom anything so sick. She seems to have a rape fetish or something. She was raped when she was 7 so I’m sure that’s part of it. Since I didn’t lie in court against my brother and cut ties with my own family, Now she is accusing me of “beating her and choking my oldest son and threatening them with a gun.” She got a protective order and they took my gun permit all based on lies. She is very gorgeous and has a professional career so when she goes in court and start crying and looking sexy, they always believe her no matter how much evidence I present against her. Fighting for my life now. I’m waiting for her to accuse me of raping her next. I know that’s coming
I have a relative who did that to me too. Well, of abuse. But actually it was the other way around. And upon investigation, they found that it was not true. Or no evidence. Well, she lied. But she was abusing me. But she plays it off like all the awful things she's done are just accidental. Or coincidental. In public, she gets yelled at because her driving is so dangerous and bad, and she never considers her actions and that she could hurt someone. But if anyone does anything she doesn't like, even if it's not bad, she is very passive aggressive.
Everyone get out! Cut your losses and go no contact. If your going to stay with a Demon learn the Narcs playbook and flip the script.
It's so sad because its true. I've experienced this type of interpersonal manipulation and it's hard to accept because you love someone who never really existed in the way you were conditioned to believe.
20+ years of being married to one of these beings, and your comment encompasses how I feel. It's the only thing I mourn. The person I loved wasn't that person at all, so I'm stuck reeling inside over the loss of a fictional character. It is a confusing place to be.
I shared devastating news with my narc ex and she put on croc tears, gave me a weak hug then sat in the bath for an hour and left me there. Saw me shed a tear later and was bewildered as to why I would. Broke up with me that weekend, but not face to face… by deleting our pics together off her socials. Unfortunately I was hoovered back in briefly but I finally listened to my gut and found out all of her deceit and left.
Enormous hypocrisy and double standards all round. Projection, confessions made through fake stories and third party storytelling.
3 years paying rent, phone bill, groceries, clothes, etc all by myself and I still “didn’t do much” for her.
This video is unbelievably accurate. Personally it’s one of the most important videos I’ve seen on the subject and it will have saved my life. I never write comments but for this video I had to. Thank you so much for this. You are literally saving peoples lives.
Hi Daniel. Same. Would love to talk to you and see if you could help me. I’m starting to wake up.
Me three guys, what a wake up call!
My Dads name also was Daniel.
He passed 2 years ago suffering from her and not understanding what happens. After his death I discovered my mothers Cover narcissism. As I noticed details which cross the line of normality and started to search for information. In my language there is no information and it would be not available for Dad.
I will do something to honour him. ❤❤❤❤❤
(in my childhood of course I thought he was the bad one)
My brother has various problems with phyiscal and emotional health since his teen age. Schizoide personality accentuation and the recent one - autoimmune disease. We could not find where does they come from. Guess I am the only one who knows the truth about my "victim Mother Theresa" mother so popular among relatives.
"she would step over his bleeding corpse to ask his attacker if he would like a cup of tea" Oh yes indeed.
This is so cold wow 😳
Hell yes lived that nightmare.
@@Utaker935 would you mind sharing your story?
I stayed for 18 years. I was tortured by this toxic type of woman. She took my kids my house and my savings. I now can look back and say thk fn goodness that I was able to get the hell away from her. Sick thing is my therapist said I married my evil stepmother. Starting over now at 50. She tried to burry me..thing is I was only planted not buried. Things will get better. Get out while you can it’s never too late. 💪
My partner is a decade out aged 56. Life is good. He's lost his kids to them getting enmeshed and that makes him sad but overall we do fine.
You are a warrior and a king
Ah yes the dating the mom dynamic. I had to break that cycle too
Wow dead on . I lived it for 10 years. Narc free now. Keep the videos going.
Thank you, and yes I will
My vulnerable narcissist mom of course got my sibling and me in the divorce and tried to alienate us from our dad. It worked for childhood, but in the teenage years as I realized how much I was getting nagged into a constant state of low self-esteem and anxiety, it struck me what my dad may have been going through in their relationship. Not to say he was blameless, and I can trace both of their behaviors to their own dysfunctional upbringing, but yikes.
Omg🤦♀️
Not to diminish your experience, but this is such a frustrating and all too frequently told story. Thanks for sharing.
Same
20 years !!! Lucky to be alive today! It took YEARS to discover !!!! She was a MASTER ACTOR and MANIPILATOR! Pure Jezebel !!!
This is the best description I have every heard! My son is married to a woman like this. They have 3 children.....its appalling to see and can do nothing!
Send the video to your son
A hell of a price to pay by the husband when the wife's parent(s) failed miserably in raising her as a child.
I grew up with someone like this. I wasn't the husband, I was the child, but the patterns apply.
Thanks for your insight into this subject. You have perfectly described 20 years of torturous marrage to a female, vulnerable narcissist. It's so difficult to see them as narcissists because of their lack of self-confidence, and by the time you realise something is really wrong you've been sucked into their dark, cold void. I mistakenly thought mine was mysterious at first, but it was just a total lack of depth and empathy or any desire to grow and develop.
So true, they are very shallow.
I thought that my wife was agreeable (which she was before marriage) but I can see now that it was just that she never had an original or novel idea in her life. After marriage I realised how wrong I had been -every thought or idea i had to be immediately opposed and invalidated. No desire to grow up or to become an adult.
@@speedypete4987 100%. My ex was stuck in a late teenage mentality. Very petty and never EVER wanted to resolve anything. Just sweep it under the rug to use against me at a later date. Totally maddening!
@@speedypete4987 💯
9.59 acts like an innocent bystander in her own marriage lol. I love watching your videos just to hear the way you phrase things
The inability to discuss the relationship. She would either run off or deflect and spew endless word salad. Her default setting to garner support from most people was turn the tears on. These people are so destructive and exhausting.
Mr Magee, you are spot on with everything you said, you have described my wife of over 30yrs to a tee.
I’d love to hear you explain about flying monkeys as well, my wife uses one of our twin sons who is 39yo as her enforcer to attack me physically, she spoils him rotten, she will be making a lovely roast dinner for instance and dish him up a meal and herself when I’m not aware the meal is ready yet, then sit herself down at the tv to start her evening, if I ask when is dinner going to be ready, she says is been ready for ages you should have known, and by the time I get to eat what should have been a delicious dinner, it’s already cold and now needs to be microwaved.
The list goes on with how unloving and disrespectful she.
Oh and if I ever say ( I love you ) yo her she says (I know you do) or just right out refuses to respond.
What a pathetic type of people they are!!
Thank you for sharing and for suggesting a topic. I have made 3 videos previously on flying monkeys, what they are, how they’re recruited and dealing with them. Hope they are helpful for you.
My God I’m in a bad marriage. Thanks for putting this in perspective and showing me what I’ve been living in.
good luck brother...stay safe and take care of yourself
Thank you very much for calling out the abusive behaviors of the narcissistic wife. So difficult to find information on this topic. Many husbands have experienced every single tactic those wives use to devalue their significant other. A major contributing factor is the no fault divorce statues where it seems like the courts have little to no interest in which partner caused the marriage to fail, so women (and men) can pretty much do whatever they want to destroy their union and not be held accountable. And should there be a divorce, the man loses an ordinary life with his children and most his property. The authorities appear not to recognize narcissism. The only reasonable way forward is not to get married, which would solve some problems but create other ones.
It’s devastatingly sad to watch a couple go through this from the outside looking in. Especially when it’s family members.
I hve recently been learning about Narcissim . It seems that you have been describing my Mother, how she was with my Father and my brother amd myself. I know know that it greatly affected my adult romantic relationships. And now know why I could never negotiate a mutually benifical out come. The lies and twisting the truth were very insidious. But the almost magical power they have to lie and convice others of their "victimhood" is truely like a malignant magical power.
Thank you for your feedback, and thank you for sharing your experience
This is so true that it made me cry with the empathy and the sad and sick reality that even people who 'love you' can be liars, cheaters and EVIL!
Same
....I left a boyfriend like that ....years ago...they never change! Living away from them ( even by yourself ) is wonderful!
Glad you're in a better place
I brought it up with her, and after a fairly large fight, the issue has gone (not without the occasional cynical comment that I forbid it) but my wife likes to tell what I call “Shitty Bedtime Stories,” in which she waits until the moment my head hits the pillow (literally) to bring up a heavy, unresolvable emotional or financial issue. When I ask why she didn’t bring it up earlier, she’ll claim there was too much going on, when in reality we had been sitting and watching TV together with all the time in the world. She’ll claim I seemed unapproachable, or she didn’t want to disturb my down time. No, just my sleep, right?
Hearing this, the times when I questioned is it me?
I heard some very stressful emotional news from my mother and instead of telling my husband that night I did wait until the next morning because I didnt want to spoil his evening. So I don't tick thst box... thats awful listening to what you have written above. I do hope you are getting on better and yes I hope your children one day see things clearer and make contact. I'm waiting for one of mine. I have no idea if they will ever come back into my life but I live in hope.
@@juliaf7068 I hope they do, too. My son is the sun to my universe. Without him, I languish in darkness absolute. I hope and pray that yours comes back into your orbit, and soon.
@@jschiek8054 thank you. I have been trying to work on myself. Had therapy. There are so many in my family who have so many issues and I am trying hard to over come mine, it is difficult to tell if anyone else is doing anything to help themselves, I fear most don't think the problem is theirs. Its easy to blame me for everything. No one can have an honest conversation. If anything is brought up theyre all on the defence. Some days I'm sick to the bottom of my stomach and other days I try to get on with my life as I too am only on this world once.
Good luck in your quest for peace.
Look up narcissist and sleep deprivation.
Yes, it's a thing, a BIG thing.. They keep you exhausted so they can control you better.
@@jodyayers4592 YES YES YES! What you're saying is true!!! It's a tactic they use. Jesus, they are so wicked!!
How perfect a description of my mother is this? My poor Dad who worked his guts out from 4am to 8pm every day, taking us children out to work on the farm with him. Coming home with rabbit ot pheasant to feed his six children. Being asked " where the hell havw you been"? When he was with 3 of us on the allotment, growing food to feed his kids? My mother drove him to an early grave at 56....He was the best Dad in the world and I hate her.
Have listened to many videos on narcissism and gaslighting, and this ,by far , is the best one. Mr. Magee, you have no idea how much I learned about myself and the narcissistic wife. I know now that it has affected me immensely and I'm at the point where I now question my sanity. Your description is super accurate. Just subbed. Thank you.
Sad thing is; I have a friend that is going thru counseling with his wife and she has projected all of these traits onto him and has had private conversations with their counselor. Now the counselor is convinced that the husband is a "covert narcissist". He has given up and now paying for a professional bully.
That's really sad. Ive heard of this sort of thing happening and to me its amazing that a therapist could fall for that, but it does happen and is such a shame. Cant even trust professionals
Do not go to couples therapy. Go to individual therapy with a therapist who understands this type of abuse. This type of abuse is the worst form of abuse! Its so sick, and there is no excuse for this type of abuse! its a horrible insidious torturous slow death!
Been married to my wife since 2011. 7 kids, number 8 on the way. I have PTSD and multiple brain injuries from combat. Also have bad adhd. I don't know what to do. I even became suicidal, and tried to explain how constantly putting me down makes it worse, but then it somehow became me using suicide as a threat so I don't have to change. Most our marriage I was overseas or working away from home, but I've been building a business for the last two years and it's been soul crushing. Everything I do is wrong, I've stopped caring about my health or chores as nothing I do meets this standard created for me. And now all she does is speak doubt on all my goals or things I'm working towards in business, but according to her she is simply being realistic in talking about the ways things will most likely go wrong. I have it in my mind that all I need to do is make a million so I can give that to her so I can leave. That's more than 50k per year for the next 18 years, so no one can say I'm not supporting my kids. But I also would fight for custody while also still working to make as much money as possible so I can ensure she remains taken care of and can retire since she did do so much to help raise this family. But as I said, I would be active in raising them and would prefer to have custody but I know she would fight tooth and nail to ruin any chance of that
Narcissistic abuse also causes PTSD. I have a brain scan to prove it. EMDR therapy helps.
Do dna tests for the children .
Life in a minefield, where all things are done under covert darkness . Lie,s deciet , and manipulation
It made me happy im not narcissitic, or at least high on that spectrum
This describes my sister-in-law to a *T* , it's almost eerie. It's so painful watching my brother suffer from her emotional abuse and manipulation but everytime I try to talk to him, he gets defensive or denies that he is being abused. Early in their relationship, every time she was worried he might leave, she'd get pregnant (despite saying she was on the pill). He's not a perfect victim but he's been heavily depressed with terrible thoughts and I have no idea how to reach him. Reading some of these comments makes me sad but gives me hope that he'll be able to see her true colors and leave.
Any chance he would watch the video if you sent it to him?
This was so my relationship of 11 years that I just Got out of. To the letter. Never happy. Always switching jobs because the grass is greener on the other side. Always wanting what somebody else has. It’s ridiculous.
With Great Knowledge, Comes Great Responsibility
I adored an ex who was a covert narcissist and I was there to solve her problems, which was extremely exhausting in the long term. She was never present as a friend and support and focused on triangulation and even an ex. No empathy - just coldness. This was very damaging and I am still drawn to this type of person. I know now to run!
Same here. I am terrified on the precision of his analysis and going through all the comments just to realize the precision. Literally started shaking.
I have been free from my wife for 4 months now and I can literally tick off every behaviour😢. Sadly she made false allegations against me and I have to go to court to clear my name. If I fail to clear my name then I go to Prison and lose my kids, house and job. Do not underestimate how powerful and dangerous narcissists are, prepar3d to lie and commit purjory to prove their twisted point and completely destroy all those around them out of shear spite.😢
How long did you two date each other before marriage?
YOG
@@yawopokugyamfi6609 very good question, 1 year, engaged after 6 months, I went to Afghanistan for 6 months. I guess the love bombing hoovered me up.
Hey Karl, I went through false allegations after we separated. It totally sucked but luckily court saw through it. Man happy to connect- like some kind of resource for men going through this- covert narcissist is so so tough to convey to others
@@Papaboy9017 thanks, crown court in Aug and Barrister behind me.
Goodluck brotha
I think this is accurate, she’s consistent with this, but not as constant. She does give enough reprieve to make me think there’s hope it will get better.
You have just told my 30 year story.
Relentless, control, nothing ever right. Just recently I disengaged my mind from it all. Shame they are so blind
Having a covert narcissist in a marriage was like having cancer slowly eating you from the inside.
After going no contact with covert narc mom, after pulling a gun on me in my house. I was tired of my dad trying to get me to speak to her! I sent him this video. It took a week for him to respond. He says he watches this video everyday! He has been dealing with her sh!t for 52yrs!
Nothing ever gets resolved,all talks over you when you find yourself shouting,they say “your always shouting.you don’t know how to talk” my ex wife’s dad is a narcissist,her brother said he was,gaslighting was her favourite...you name it she would use to start an agreement,she said she hated silence but wouldn’t talk for days,my father had just past away and the sec day he’d passed she started an agreement about something i said or probably didn’t do & before I’d left the house to go up to my dads wake,I’d went into give her a kiss and she pushed me away,after that I new she wasn’t right for me and to get out..
Hope you’re in a better place today
@@DarrenFMagee good morning Darren thank you for your kind words,I am in a far better place,i count myself lucky,there’s men out there that don’t,it’s just getting used to not being controlled and abused but that will come in time..have a good day and nice weekend.
Spot on!!! You described my Covert Narc Ex wife perfectly!!
Glad you found it helpful.
THIS IS SO FREAKING ACCURATE!!! 😩 DEMON WOMAN
My wife stands up then screams and wails like a baby. Trashes the property and screams if she does not get want she wants. I tip toe around her now. I have a one year old child. Help!!!! I can't take this anymore
Check out dads surviving divorce channel - he has coaching too
Make a journal and record for evidence, file for divorce immediately and go for custody. The longer it goes on, the worse you and your child will be.
File for divorce asap! I had no clue about personality disorders or narcissism when I was married in 2001. I lost 17 YEARS of my life walking on eggshells, trying to please, having vacations and holidays ruined, worthless arguments, gaslighting, word salad............
Your daughter will be better off too!!!
Walking on Eggshells Syndrome
@@scottbaxter2682 I lost 11 years. You are correct in your advice. We even had a mixed family type relationship. I always felt like she was rooting against my kids also. It drove me nuts. Pretended to be my daughters friend and talk bad about her to me in private. Stabbed my daughter in the back when my daughter counted on her. What she never knew was my daughter toward the end did not want me to be with her. But we kept that to each other because she is very vindictive.
Exactly what I experienced. Brutal. Months away from divorce, which was a year and a half process of hell. Thank god it’s almost over.
Wow, I’ve been blaming myself for so long. She got me thinking that I’m a bad person and father. We are separating now and she is doing her best to make it difficult. She doesn’t work so child support and alimony could leave me as a pauper. I am absolutely sick to my stomach after watching this video because I never clued into any of this. I always thought of myself as a strong and intelligent man, but I now realize how much I was used and abused. As men, we really need to talk about this to each other more.
This hurts so bad, this is exactly how I was treated……I was known as the guy who was the happiest guy you ever met, or people would say, your always smiling…..I lost it all, all my friends most family my job, because of her….i was put in a menatal hospital by her saying I was no-polar, this was a 20 year relationship, my only in life……I just thought that’s how relationships where……I write this as I’m laying in my bed unable to get up. This video did help, but only momentarily, I don’t know how to rebuild when you don’t have any real support system…..or anyone to talk regularly. She took advantage of how nice and easy going I was…..
This
i hope you are better now. I am just out of an 8 year Narc relationship. I fortunately discarded her just before she left me.
I wish I knew all this 17 years ago. A vivid description of my ex wife, the side of her no one sees or believes.
Over the past 18 months I have watched a lot of videos on the female vulnerable narcissist, some of which were very, very good. However, this may be the best one I have ever seen. I'm not really into the occult but I believe that they (both male and female) are the closest thing to witches that I can think of. Many thanks...
I'm with you in thinking that there is an element of evil to these behaviors. My wife wasn't always this way. She changed suddenly. My wife loved me with all her heart. I know she did. Something infected her or possessed her because of her weak mental state due to her mental illness. I watched her eyes change one night. They went from black to bright red like there was a fire burning inside them. I never believed in the occult or fairy tales or whatever. I now believe 1000% that my wife has been possessed by evil. Seeing so many men experiencing the exact same behaviors from their own wives kind of helps lend credence to that idea. Because they all act the same. So many women all acting in the exact same manner... doesn't make any sense unless they are under the influence and control of one singular entity. The devil. I know it sounds crazy but I think it's true.
@@jimig399 I'm a woman who has experienced this with my ex husband and I can attest that their eyes change. I felt like I was looking into the eyes of some kind of demon lizard. Their goal is to torture. It's like nothing else. My sympathies are with men who experience this, as I have found that narc women I have known are so much more covert and skillful at manipulating than men, who tend to make more grand, violent scenes.
@@lc5666 That's very interesting to hear and I'm grateful that you decided to share with me. I've spoken to at least 6 men directly who have shared the detail of the eyes of their spouses changing. 6 men who I know personally and believe wholeheartedly. I've heard it from at least a dozen more men as an anecdote here on UA-cam. Your the first one to tell me about a mans eyes changing similarly. Any idea what it means or why it happens from a scientific point of view? Did your ex-husband have any mental illness?
Narcs pack around a Demon. A body with no soul and unable to love always gets a Tar Baby. That Demon wants to share that Tar baby.
These personalities are nothing more than Babbling Cadavers.
This is SPOT ON to what I experienced. We went to couples therapy for two straight years. She didn’t try to work on anything we did in therapy. Would always make it about her feelings. I only asked that she treated me kindly and spent some time with me. In those two years I set up two dates for us. Around her schedule. On Valentine’s Day she showed up 35 minutes late. On the second date she stated she was Ill with a stomach issue. She really tried to sell it. But it was obvious she was fine. She blamed everything on me always. All I did was support her financially, emotionally and with my time and attention. She would create circular arguments where I had to explain myself over and over and she would use selective hearing to try and offset what I’m saying. She’s give me a blank stare and be like ‘are we done talking yet?’ It has been a nightmare.
Yes , lived it all ! Spot on !
Thank you I'm glad you found it helpful
I have been going through six months of a horrible separation trying to pinpoint what time be been going through for years!!! I just can't understand how her family and friends could let her do these things to me and felt like I was crazy for being so destroyed by this. To the point of ended my life. I've paid such a price for ever knowing this woman and I hope this isn't too late for me to use.
I see it’s been a few months since your comment and I hope you have been able to make a full separation and move towards healing since then. My former best friend was one of these wives. I really can’t reconcile how the friend I knew is the same person I witnessed over the last several years.
They were married for 11 years or so and I became good friends with him as well. I couldn’t stomach calling myself his friend and stand by what was happening. And ultimately I decided I do not want a friend who treats people like that. But it took a lot more time and self-reflection than it should have. I know other mutual friends saw it too. I kept wondering why no one was saying anything. I think everybody thought that someone else would say something.
I think one of the things that really stuck out to me was the sexist nature of everybody staying quiet, and by that I mean if we had all witnessed a husband treating and speaking to a wife that way we all would have begged her to get out of there and offered her a place to stay because she was experiencing gross psychological and emotional abuse. But that didn’t happen. Everyone just froze and waited for the storm to pass.
But it’s no different. Its abuse by any metric. And that’s not a storm that passes. You did the right thing by getting out of there. And I know some of the compound interest is that people you considered friends and family were left behind but also didn’t have your back.
I’m really glad you mentioned this part of the equation because we don’t talk about the enabling that happens as a result of people within the orbit of the situation saying absolutely nothing. No one wants to think of themselves as a party to this nonsense. But we are. We are if we see it and say nothing.
I hope you come to find real friends and family that will support and cherish you.
With my wife I noticed her mother was the same. The apple never falls far from the tree.
You just described my mother and my parents marriage. Totally toxic and dysfunctional. Sometimes I felt sorry for my dad sometimes I didn’t cause he was a narc too a smothering one at that. It was a depressing and violent home to grow up in. They ruined their kids all four of us.
Same
This is my favorite video so far. I keep coming back to it. It describes my mother so accurately, it’s shocking. And to think that my father was married to this for 50 years… and to think that I was so brainwashed by her that my eyes opened to it only two weeks after his death, when I became her next target. It really blows my mind. Thank you, it helps to see events in perspective
I have been through each and every point that you mentioned with my narc ex-wife. Including gaslighting.
Thank you for posting this informative video.
Thank you I’m glad you found it helpful
What an absolute nightmare from hell. When u articulate what they are like so perfectly it almost seems like this is a parody and nobody could be so cruel in every way. But, I can attest to living through a nightmare like this and I don’t wish this abuse on my worst enemy.
Watching this as an ex wife to see if its me. Best video I've seen so far on this subject. Thank you for posting.
Thank you for your kind feedback, glad you found it helpful
Just the fact that you're wondering if it's you proves that it is not.
My covert sister's husband disappears, gets away from her, as often as he can. They sleep in separate bedrooms. Theirs is a marriage in name only.
A ton of her behavior comes from our paternal grandmother, who favored my sister over all her grandchildren and was also a narcissist. And traces of our mother, too.
Everything you have said... I have scoured UA-cam to find a description of what my life is like living with a covert narcissistic wife. I find bits and pieces here and there that touch on some of the behaviors, but it also comes along with the idea that I’m more at fault for allowing it to happen to me rather than this woman having an actual, perpetual condition that has scarred me. It’s like screaming through a glass wall to people about what’s going on.
Your description fits every single experience I have had and currently having with my wife.
Thank you- sincerely. I can feel myself coming out from the illusion.
I’m glad you found the video helpful, thank you for your feedback
13+ years of marriage, 3 children and after several attempt to divorce my wife (but failed because of my lovely children), I recently found that my wife is Narcissistic in real bad way. All of you talk about here are exactly what my wife is. I do not know what to do
You are a hero. I needed to hear this so badly.
I am unmarried but during my 20s my sister who is two years older than me started exhibiting this behavior. We we were best friends and I was always caught off guard when she would instigate fights. The toxic amnesia was probably the worst. Not only that, she accused me of behavior she was exhibiting. She relished in watching me suffer. When I eventually got emotional and started to cry she excused me of faking it and using it for attention. She also spread rumors about me and there was a constant covert smear campaign.
For context my sister was the lost child, she was quiet and smart. When she was in college she became close to my borderline narcissistic mom. Prior to that my sister was afraid of my mom. My sister graduated from the lost child to the vulnerable narcissist. Once the two of them teamed up I could do nothing right.
Wow!!! So ironic!!
You have described what I went through with my cousin who is 1 year older than me, to a tee. I had to go no contact with her to keep my sanity and I'm glad I did. However the rest of the family probably think I'm envious of her cos of her constant covert smear campaigns. For me a win is a win. As long as she isn't actively in my life I don't care. 🎉
She even tried to get my niece to get us to go out together like we used to. And I refused. I'm enjoying the peace I have right now.
this is insanely accurate and this absolutely 100% defines my mom. when i try to point out all that she does to my dad especially, but also myself and others, she only ever walks away saying you're "attacking her" or "being mean" and NEVER takes accountability for anything. then she runs around and smear campaigns DAILY to ANYONE who listens and then i'm the bad guy now receiving calls from my siblings threatening me to "stop making her cry". she triangulates & compares us and now we have a shit relationship. i'd love if you could delve into this topic regarding if this person is your mom. it really takes a severe toll on your mental, emotional & physical. & you begin to realize even your romantic relationships are effected by it
OMG ... This is my wife!!!! And I have been trying to figure out this whole puzzle over the last 3 years.
I have been watching videos on intimacy anorexic as well as narcissistic personality disorder.
And I am convinced that we need counseling. But of course, as you can guess, "she" does not need counseling "I" need counseling. SMH
IF she agree's to go to counseling, she will quit after a couple of sessions and say that there is nothing wrong with her. I was married to a covert narcissist wife for 17 years. They are not fixable. Leave now and go no contact. You are never able to get the time back. They are evil, soul sucking vampires!
@@scottbaxter2682 Damn ...I am sorry to hear that. I'm glad you got out.
I definitely expect her to respond the way you say. She doesn't apologize nor self reflect. She, of course is perfect.
But I'm going to "try" the councelling just to say I tried everything. Leaving; I can't do. We have a 3yr old and I KNOW I need to run interference as she grows up.
But I will say, I called out her Gaslighting via text. I didn't elaborate. She asked me something and replied with: "That's called Gaslighting" And she stopped texting.
She asked me the same question in person the next morning and repeated "That's Gaslighting".
I WISH YOU'D STOP SAYING THAT!"
I got my coffee and walked out. She hasn't brought it back up since.
Doing that brought me so much peace! LOL
He's not wrong. Save yourself while you can. I'm at the tail end of 21 years. Took me way longer to figure it out because I was one not to give up and swore I could help fix everything, only to eventually learn she felt the only thing needing fixing was me and she had no fault in anything whatsoever. You literally have two choices. 1) accept things will always be this way, but will get worse over time 2) get the hell out and as far from her as you possibly can and go no contact and save yourself.
You don't need counseling, you need to run...there's no fixing these demons
So precise.
Once again, I feel like you are describing my story as if you were there. They are always the victim, often mirroring illnesses of others well vocalized but not displayed in their behavior. Their actions do not support their words. Hold & know your reality, don't engage ( grey Rock) and don't take their blame. When they accuse you of behaviors, they are actually telling you how they feel about themselves. This is projection. Thank you for describing and validating what a husband of a covert narcissist endures. Learn as much as you can about NPD. This is so helpful! Darren your content and delivery is direct, informative and relatable to us who have endured this abuse. Thank you Darren!
This is a brilliant articulation of covert narcissism and its devastating impacts on the person whose own lack of self worth makes them especially vulnerable to this kind of relational abuse.
OMG this is literally my wife in every way imaginable. I LITERALLY got assaulted on the train a few years back and her first response was that I must have done something to deserve it. Not an ounce of concern for me. I swear she argued with me over details of my story in front of the police when they came to take my statement. She will even stops eating foods that she has eaten for years as soon as I start eating it. She has never once paid me a compliment or said a positive word about a single thing I have ever done. She told me once I should ask a friend of hers for advice on mowing the lawn, when I asked why she said “because he’s got a PhD so he must be really smart” 🤣 I crashed my dirtbike a year ago and broke my shoulder and she came out, took one look at me and then walked back inside and kept doing whatever she was doing. I had to drive myself to the hospital.
Literally haven’t had sex in 3 years, when I tried to talk to her about it it lead to a 5 hour torture argument that went round and round in circles until I ended up with a migraine. Its been killing me for years but thanks to videos like this I’m finally starting to work it out. She even complained about the way I proposed to her. She literally complains about EVERYTHING! If we go for a meal somewhere she’ll always find something to complain about. I’m going total grey rock and I’m realising now she never loved me so why should I let her bother me. I just laugh at her now …she’s not worth the bother 🤷♂️
she sounds intense broh
Leave!!!!
OMG! Fits to a "T". I could never put my finger on it. I was blamed for everything that went wrong in the relationship. I tried just about everything, but nothing worked because she did NOT want it to work. Why lose control? Why accept fault? What? me change? I'm perfect. YOU (me) need to change.
2+ decades of this. No more.
I was married to one for 30 years , its a miracle I'm still alive . 100% No contact is the best way to deal with them IMO.
What if you have a baby with them?
You're describing my husband, especially the parts about being the victim and expecting constant support while offering none. He didn't seem to know how. We were an isolated couple because I was uncomfortable making plans with anybody in case he cancelled at the last minute. Or he wouldn't speak a word when he got to a gathering. I was on tenterhooks most of the time.
I think my decades with him added up to complex PTSD and yet I didn't twig to it for the longest time. I went for counselling and had good community support for four years away from him. I have mostly dug myself out of the hole I was in.
I contributed to our sick relationship by being the empath to his narcissist, and forgoing any boundaries when I was with him. That made me a sitting duck for his behaviour. The best lesson of my life was learning that I was worthwhile enough to assert boundaries around other people. I thank him for that.