I am an introvert and I hate small talks. I dont understand the logic behind it. It is superficial and people do not really care about what being said. I'd prefer a deep discussion and I can learn something from it.
I've always been an introvert by nature, and As I got older I realized I just couldn't do small talk, specially when it got nowhere with alot of people. My social skills vary with the type of people I'm surrounded by. If I just FEEL your not gonna appreciate what I'm gonna say, the way I want it. Then why waste my breath, when I can be drinking my coffee and be with my own thoughts somewhere else.
I feel like the sight and smell of burning hair may cause people to engage you in more conversation. Technically, people screaming "your hair is on fire!" would not be small talk though, so that's good.
I'm an introvert,I don't like crowds, have a few friends, and I just love spending time alone, sometimes I feel like just indulging myself with a novel and get lost in it bc I love reading novels though I'm a science student
I’m an introvert I always hated the idea of people talking to me, I have no social skills and I hate crowd and parties, I’d rather stay I. My room all day watching movies or playing video games
I am a introvert, I don’t like people talking to me, I don’t like crowds like parties and festivals and I don’t really have a lot of friends 😀🔫 My age is 11
You don’t have to have a lot of friends and love parties etc ... there is no rule book anywhere that says you must ... there are lots of us in the same boat and prefer quieter things .... I am the same - a definite introvert, and my daughter is the same, introverted and also autistic ... we are all different, there is no one right way of being.
As a introverts, I am not a fan of chat. I understand they are trying to be nice but most importantly only talk to people if they got something really important to say.
As an ambivert, I can appreciate both sides/views about small talk. I also think that small talk is useless/fake but at the same time, it is a great way to figure out if the person (stranger) is worth having a deep meaningful conversation with. It's not the words in the small talk that matter, it's the non-verbal communication that happens through eyes etc. First impressions are formed within 7 seconds of talking to someone, and I believe the words are less important than what your intuition tells you about that person.
All good points. I am an introvert. I LOATHE small talk. It was affirming to find out I am not alone. Our church has a time between church and Sunday school where people could have a snack and “connect”. I hate it! I can’t see how people can stand talking about absolutely nothing. Having said that what I would do is stay in my seat and ask the people around me how they are doing and take time to connect. The thing that is so true is I find small talk exhausting
So small talk to you would be connecting with just one or two people? That's how I am at parties and networking too. The best thing is you only have to do it once and the next time you skip it with these same people.
This is NOT about why introverts HATE small talk... you title is DECEPTIVE... this is a way to trick us into trying small talk aGain... it' s a MINDLESS chat over the weather for MILLIONTH time.
"I have nothing interesting to say" has been a pretty recurring thought for me that has kept me from opening my mouth in group settings for quite awhile (which some of my peers have noticed). I hadn't made the connection that it might be trauma related before...
I can totally relate to all the above. When I'm walking with a agenda to enjoy my outings especially when I hoping to have good photo shoot session, I don't appreciate the distraction from my train of thought 🤔
If small talk is meant to bridge to more interesting topics, its kind of frustrating. When im at the bank teller, im not going to have a deep conversation. I just want to get my business over with, say thanks and have a nice day, and be on my way. But no. The bank trains and pressures these people to engage in small talk with me. Its not just the bank, its at the elevator, coworkers, when you call a friend etc. Im not bad at small talk either. Im okay but i just dont like it.
I think we need to make a distinction between engaging in small talk in situations where you want to have a conversation and ones like retail situations. I don't have the desire to engage in conversations when I'm buying groceries for example, but I do believe in treating workers like human beings. I respond to people, ask them how they are, actually listen to their response, and then I shut up. I rarely find the silence awkward when I have honestly engaged with someone. Except the dentist. Why do people ask me about my life while I have dental implements wedged in my mouth?
I wish more than anything, that I could just sit with someone and say nothing but bond at the same time, I really don’t see talking as necessary, when someone says something, they talking about something and it’s usually obvious but then you have to agree with them and keep a conversation going about things you already know and that’s exhausting.
So how can you make that happen? Obviously, you need the right person, but what else? Perhaps it is finding and sharing experiences that are bigger than words, like that awesome sunset, the incredible view on a hike, watching people fall over on icy sidewalks...
I’m an introvert and I don’t like small talk. It’s a good video but I only like to build bridges with the people I think are worth it. I agree you can get to know someone if you are actually going to meet people either for work or your partners friends or people you have to meet for a reason for examplebut what is the point in doing small talk with someone at the supermarket or on the train when you will never see that person again and it’s not like that person is going to make friends with you in 10 minutes and ask you for your contact details so in these cases I find it ridiculous.
Agree completely. Use your limited social energy on building relationships that are meaningful. Some people are wired to want to chat to strangers to get their larger social tank filled and some of us are definitely not wired that way.
Always interested in new data. I have found statements that introverts make up as little at 15% of the population and one the other day that claimed 70%. When you are talking about a spectrum it can be tough to have hard numbers.
@@DaveByrnes www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-gen-y-guide/201710/the-majority-people-are-not-introverts-or-extroverts#:~:text=Research%20supports%20this%20idea%2C%20increasingly%20pointing%20to%20the,between%20a%20half%20and%20two-thirds%20of%20the%20population. Even the creator of the terms has submitted. This article does list references.
@@DaveByrnes And I can actually prove this because the brain develops the entire life cycle. White matter is added through dedication and fluid Intelligence is linked to white matter. Brain development is majorly correlational.
I like that last one or was it the second to last . Nothing about being introverted means that you have to suck at social interaction or not having a whole lot to say means that something went wrong . I know those were not the exact words that you used . That is an interesting take on it . I actually was born with brain cancer it didn't become a problem until I was 8 years old almost 9 . I suppose that is probably one of the reasons I have a difficult time relating to people . When I got out of the hospital I was recovering and it took me a good 7 years maybe 8 . Not that I have not thought through this before but this brings it a little more into perspective .
Do you have problems relating because of having a very different life experience than others or is it more having missed all those years of social interaction and the skills it builds?
Yours is a unique background but I can tell you from talking to many introverts that there are a lot of people out there who didn't develop their social skills at a younger age and struggle with it throughout their lives. The good news is that they are "skills" which means they can be practiced and improved. I know this from personal experience.
@@DaveByrnes Great video mate. I just made that comment because most people identify introverts with being shy. Intellectuals hate small talk for the most part. People are throwing the word introvert around like people throw around the terms socialism and communism. People seem to come up with their own meaning of things at times.
@@DaveByrnes I pretend to laugh and joke, but would rather not talk to any of my coworkers. I just don't fit in. My only friend was my ex and I was perfectly fine with that. Now it's just me and that's perfectly fine to.
deep conversations tend to be just as dumb and boring too, i don't trust anyone enough to learn anything from them and i am completely uninterested in educating or changing opinions
Man what is the thing or topic which really interests you? Because if you are really interested you will definitely be interested in sharing them and getting inputs from similar people. Seems like you are least interested in anything If I'm not wrong
As a hair stylist. I can say that WE DO CARE!! & The other thing is I hate small talk. I ask great questions though and I get sometimes deep and detailed responsedt. I am by nature am introvert,I am awkward but I do tend to come alive when I do hair. However I need to recharge afterward and being on the phone shooting the breeze - with no baseline for the convo ..I just don't do it. So my friend group consists of 3 major people whom I trust and our talks mean the world to me. And then there are those special clients that captivated my mind and heart and I try to keep up with them
@@DaveByrnes You have a point there, actually. But my rebuttal to that is that women that are into that stuff generally don't tend to be the most attractive.
At 34 years old I'm watching videos like this to try and be what I guess is a "normal" person. I suck at small talk or getting to know anyone or putting myself out there. I think it mostly stems from the fact that I just genuinely feel like I have nothing to offer the conversation because my life is extremely basic right now. I work all day, and go home to my wife and kids, we do the basic evening stuff, go to bed, wake up and start all over. We make enough money to get by, but not enough to do interesting things. When I'm not home I spend all my time trying to advance in the world where everything continues to get more expensive and my earned wages mean less, therefore we do less. I live in a small boring town that doesn't seem to care about really. . . anything, except dinosaurs. The worst is going to something, like a party, but the only person that doesn't know anyone is you, but you are expected to put yourself out there and talk to people, which to me is the equivalent of door to door sales selling Kirby Vacuums
Introvert here- small talk is torture. What’s worse is the older I get the harder it is to deal with ..
Yes, 63 and I can't tolerate it any more.
I am an introvert and I hate small talks. I dont understand the logic behind it. It is superficial and people do not really care about what being said. I'd prefer a deep discussion and I can learn something from it.
"There are probably millions of people out there talking that should probably shut up." My feelings exactly. Not everything is worth saying out loud.
And a lot these days that should be kept inside...
As the scarecrow said in the Wizard of Oz, "Some people without brains do a lot of talking."
I've always been an introvert by nature, and As I got older I realized I just couldn't do small talk, specially when it got nowhere with alot of people. My social skills vary with the type of people I'm surrounded by. If I just FEEL your not gonna appreciate what I'm gonna say, the way I want it. Then why waste my breath, when I can be drinking my coffee and be with my own thoughts somewhere else.
Did you find there is a certain type of person you do click with in conversations Dion?
Small talk drains my energy. I'd rather sit in silence or set my hair on fire than engage in it.
I feel like the sight and smell of burning hair may cause people to engage you in more conversation. Technically, people screaming "your hair is on fire!" would not be small talk though, so that's good.
@@DaveByrnes LOL, agreed.
@@DaveByrnes lmao Dave!! love the dry vibe there
I don't hate small talk, I just don't wanna do it to everyone I come across, I'll start a small talk with only people I feel I can trust
It is your choice to only spend your energy where you want and where it benefits you. Right on.
It kinda fits into why I hate talking on the phone. I don't have the time or the energy to discuss something that won't lead anywhere.
I'm an introvert,I don't like crowds, have a few friends, and I just love spending time alone, sometimes I feel like just indulging myself with a novel and get lost in it bc I love reading novels though I'm a science student
You be you!
Same. People think that being lonely and enjoying being alone are the same thing. Sometimes I want human interaction. Other times, I love my solitude.
I’m an introvert I always hated the idea of people talking to me, I have no social skills and I hate crowd and parties, I’d rather stay I. My room all day watching movies or playing video games
I am a introvert, I don’t like people talking to me, I don’t like crowds like parties and festivals and I don’t really have a lot of friends
😀🔫
My age is 11
Knowing what works for you and what doesn't is important. You be you.
@@DaveByrnes thank you so much I will try☺️
I'm 23 and your not the only one 👍
@@jeanpaulsanchez904 🤝
You don’t have to have a lot of friends and love parties etc ... there is no rule book anywhere that says you must ... there are lots of us in the same boat and prefer quieter things .... I am the same - a definite introvert, and my daughter is the same, introverted and also autistic ... we are all different, there is no one right way of being.
This is why I don't like talking on the phone most people call to just small talk and I don't want too
People who talk a lot have nothing to say
I think the key for introverts is to turn small talk into an interesting discussion about things you care about
You have summed up the intent of my video perfectly.
This Taurean here doesn't have time for immature banter, just get to the point or get lost, they're just wasting throat chakra energy.
I have never considered my throat chakra energy before.
As a introverts,
I am not a fan of chat.
I understand they are trying to be nice but most importantly only talk to people if they got something really important to say.
As an ambivert, I can appreciate both sides/views about small talk. I also think that small talk is useless/fake but at the same time, it is a great way to figure out if the person (stranger) is worth having a deep meaningful conversation with. It's not the words in the small talk that matter, it's the non-verbal communication that happens through eyes etc. First impressions are formed within 7 seconds of talking to someone, and I believe the words are less important than what your intuition tells you about that person.
Thanks Supreet. Interesting point about the non verbal factor. I wonder how the small talk haters I've met come across in these situations?
Hey Dave, really entertaining and encouraging video. Thanks for asking us introverts to push our boundries.
Really glad it came across as encouraging. I think working to our strengths + pushing ourselves is the key for introverts to make their mark.
@@DaveByrnes He was being sarcastic. What he meant was 'this vid is full of dog's poop'
@@NehaSinghRoyal Awww. My first troll!
All good points. I am an introvert. I LOATHE small talk. It was affirming to find out I am not alone. Our church has a time between church and Sunday school where people could have a snack and “connect”. I hate it!
I can’t see how people can stand talking about absolutely nothing.
Having said that what I would do is stay in my seat and ask the people around me how they are doing and take time to connect. The thing that is so true is I find small talk exhausting
So small talk to you would be connecting with just one or two people? That's how I am at parties and networking too. The best thing is you only have to do it once and the next time you skip it with these same people.
This is NOT about why introverts HATE small talk... you title is DECEPTIVE... this is a way to trick us into trying small talk aGain... it' s a MINDLESS chat over the weather for MILLIONTH time.
"I have nothing interesting to say" has been a pretty recurring thought for me that has kept me from opening my mouth in group settings for quite awhile (which some of my peers have noticed). I hadn't made the connection that it might be trauma related before...
I hear that comment so much and I know the people saying it, have interesting things to say. I bet you do too.
I can totally relate to all the above.
When I'm walking with a agenda to enjoy my outings especially when I hoping to have good photo shoot session,
I don't appreciate the distraction from my train of thought 🤔
Giant headphones can help in these situations eh?
When you're a party and you hear all about a person's kids, their dog's bathroom habits and their sex life.... please kill me....
Sounds like you skipped the small talk if you are getting the sex talk...
If small talk is meant to bridge to more interesting topics, its kind of frustrating. When im at the bank teller, im not going to have a deep conversation. I just want to get my business over with, say thanks and have a nice day, and be on my way. But no. The bank trains and pressures these people to engage in small talk with me. Its not just the bank, its at the elevator, coworkers, when you call a friend etc. Im not bad at small talk either. Im okay but i just dont like it.
I think we need to make a distinction between engaging in small talk in situations where you want to have a conversation and ones like retail situations. I don't have the desire to engage in conversations when I'm buying groceries for example, but I do believe in treating workers like human beings.
I respond to people, ask them how they are, actually listen to their response, and then I shut up. I rarely find the silence awkward when I have honestly engaged with someone.
Except the dentist. Why do people ask me about my life while I have dental implements wedged in my mouth?
@@DaveByrnes yep and same at the barber. I just want to sit there in silence but nooooo lol.
I wish more than anything, that I could just sit with someone and say nothing but bond at the same time, I really don’t see talking as necessary, when someone says something, they talking about something and it’s usually obvious but then you have to agree with them and keep a conversation going about things you already know and that’s exhausting.
So how can you make that happen? Obviously, you need the right person, but what else? Perhaps it is finding and sharing experiences that are bigger than words, like that awesome sunset, the incredible view on a hike, watching people fall over on icy sidewalks...
I’m an introvert and I don’t like small talk. It’s a good video but I only like to build bridges with the people I think are worth it. I agree you can get to know someone if you are actually going to meet people either for work or your partners friends or people you have to meet for a reason for examplebut what is the point in doing small talk with someone at the supermarket or on the train when you will never see that person again and it’s not like that person is going to make friends with you in 10 minutes and ask you for your contact details so in these cases I find it ridiculous.
Agree completely. Use your limited social energy on building relationships that are meaningful. Some people are wired to want to chat to strangers to get their larger social tank filled and some of us are definitely not wired that way.
My reason: it spend my energy to unimportant talk
As an ambivert I usually dislike small talk but a few times it's nice especially if its more pumped on joking and something intriguing.
Turning small talk towards things that interest you is definitely going to make a positive difference!
@@DaveByrnes Dave, I thought somewhere I left a comment about the majority population being ambiverted. Would you like to see this?
Always interested in new data. I have found statements that introverts make up as little at 15% of the population and one the other day that claimed 70%. When you are talking about a spectrum it can be tough to have hard numbers.
@@DaveByrnes www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-gen-y-guide/201710/the-majority-people-are-not-introverts-or-extroverts#:~:text=Research%20supports%20this%20idea%2C%20increasingly%20pointing%20to%20the,between%20a%20half%20and%20two-thirds%20of%20the%20population.
Even the creator of the terms has submitted. This article does list references.
@@DaveByrnes And I can actually prove this because the brain develops the entire life cycle. White matter is added through dedication and fluid Intelligence is linked to white matter. Brain development is majorly correlational.
I contradict myself. I don't like small talk but I don't like to go through self-checkout. I want to chat with the cashier and the courtesy clerk.
That was really helpful 🙏
Glad it was helpful Victoria.
I just dont care what people have to say, unless it is work related, similar interests, or being in a date.
I like to talk about things that make you think. Not what you're wearing.
Small talk is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Straight up annoying.
Small talk is useless, meaningless and a waste of energy.
I like that last one or was it the second to last . Nothing about being introverted means that you have to suck at social interaction or not having a whole lot to say means that something went wrong . I know those were not the exact words that you used . That is an interesting take on it . I actually was born with brain cancer it didn't become a problem until I was 8 years old almost 9 . I suppose that is probably one of the reasons I have a difficult time relating to people . When I got out of the hospital I was recovering and it took me a good 7 years maybe 8 . Not that I have not thought through this before but this brings it a little more into perspective .
Do you have problems relating because of having a very different life experience than others or is it more having missed all those years of social interaction and the skills it builds?
@@DaveByrnes I would say it is probably a bunch of both of those things or 100 % of both of those things .
Yours is a unique background but I can tell you from talking to many introverts that there are a lot of people out there who didn't develop their social skills at a younger age and struggle with it throughout their lives. The good news is that they are "skills" which means they can be practiced and improved. I know this from personal experience.
Hating small talk has nothing to do with being introverted whatsoever.
What does it have to do with?
@@DaveByrnes Great video mate. I just made that comment because most people identify introverts with being shy. Intellectuals hate small talk for the most part. People are throwing the word introvert around like people throw around the terms socialism and communism. People seem to come up with their own meaning of things at times.
@@TheConscienceOne 💯💯
I fake all my convos at work. I gotta learn to code so I can freelance from home lol
What do you mean by you fake them?
@@DaveByrnes I pretend to laugh and joke, but would rather not talk to any of my coworkers. I just don't fit in. My only friend was my ex and I was perfectly fine with that. Now it's just me and that's perfectly fine to.
Ok, gotcha. I was thinking you were making up fake details in all your conversations. That would be a lot of work.
deep conversations tend to be just as dumb and boring too, i don't trust anyone enough to learn anything from them and i am completely uninterested in educating or changing opinions
Man what is the thing or topic which really interests you? Because if you are really interested you will definitely be interested in sharing them and getting inputs from similar people. Seems like you are least interested in anything If I'm not wrong
I hate it when the hair stylist starts talking likes she cares about whether or not I live or die
As a hair stylist. I can say that WE DO CARE!! &
The other thing is I hate small talk. I ask great questions though and I get sometimes deep and detailed responsedt.
I am by nature am introvert,I am awkward but I do tend to come alive when I do hair. However I need to recharge afterward and being on the phone shooting the breeze - with no baseline for the convo ..I just don't do it. So my friend group consists of 3 major people whom I trust and our talks mean the world to me.
And then there are those special clients that captivated my mind and heart and I try to keep up with them
The world is crying out for a hair salon for introverts. Pure silence unless the customer engages in conversation!
My bf and I broke up over this... among other things.
Your boyfriend kept engaging you in small talk?
Unless what you are saying is in my interest range or directly affects me, I'm sorry but I just don't care about what you are saying.
English is taught all over the world. We're fd
313th like. Oh yes fr fr
I despise small talk too, but that's not exactly a good excuse if you want to meet women.
Well, starting a conversation debating the futility of existence or Star Wars vs Star Trek would be one way to thin the crowd...
@@DaveByrnes
You have a point there, actually. But my rebuttal to that is that women that are into that stuff generally don't tend to be the most attractive.
What you find attractive in women is a whole other UA-cam channel my friend...
I think I love YOU
Awwww. Thanks John!
People just talk to be talking. Please shut up already. It really bores me to death.
At 34 years old I'm watching videos like this to try and be what I guess is a "normal" person. I suck at small talk or getting to know anyone or putting myself out there. I think it mostly stems from the fact that I just genuinely feel like I have nothing to offer the conversation because my life is extremely basic right now. I work all day, and go home to my wife and kids, we do the basic evening stuff, go to bed, wake up and start all over. We make enough money to get by, but not enough to do interesting things. When I'm not home I spend all my time trying to advance in the world where everything continues to get more expensive and my earned wages mean less, therefore we do less. I live in a small boring town that doesn't seem to care about really. . . anything, except dinosaurs. The worst is going to something, like a party, but the only person that doesn't know anyone is you, but you are expected to put yourself out there and talk to people, which to me is the equivalent of door to door sales selling Kirby Vacuums