Why Most Introverts Hate Small Talk
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- Опубліковано 7 кві 2022
- I hate small talk. It makes me anxious. It makes me awkward. It's boring. And yet.... it's required? I'm impolite if I don't ask the questions, if I don't respond, and if I don't fake it.
Watch the video to find out more reasons I don't like it. Let me know what you guys think of small talk. Do you have any funny stories or weird encounters with strangers you've met? I'd love to hear them.
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My name is Bridget, and I'm a Mindset and Confidence Coach for introverted women. In other words, I'm helping women with Anxiety live more fulfilled and confident lives. I am grateful you are joining me on this journey to share hope in mental health-related topics with the world.
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i believe silence is underrated because you are protecting your energy from those who socially drains it and energy is everything
I hate it when when I try to break the small talk but the other person keeps it small
This!
Exactly! Like at work people just shoot lame jokes and one liners but nothing of substance comes out. I'd rather just spare my energy then waste it on meaningless gossip and lame jokes
The "how are you" question is too personal to be frequently used as a mere habitual politeness. Especially when you don't feel good and that question may add fuel to the fire, reminding you of your misery.
"I don't know when the conversation is going to end." Such an introvert thing to say. I feel your pain!🤣
I know right!!😂
Its anti-social not introverted
@@smokythebearreal1181 No it's not. Introverts are simply listening to extroverts talk at them rather than with them. Introverts are very passionate talkers when someone is actually conversing with them.
It never ends. When you pause and go back to what you were doing they keep finding some other dumb things to talk about. I think extroverts have a mental disorder. Most of them don’t act normal. It’s like they don’t think about anything they just keep moving their mouths
Forced and fake, boring and pointless - you just described most ppl, and most ppl small talk, because they are forced, fake, boring and pointless.
That’s the answer right there. If there’s no reason for us to talk and nothing is going forward in our association/relationship then there’s no point of talking.
I hate boring and dreadful meaningless conversations 😡
As an introvert, if we are being honest, we only hate small talk if we are not interested in the other person. But if it was someone we are interested in, it doesn't matter whether it's small talk, we will talk about anything.
It feels like a huge waste of time. I rather invest time in MY day instead of hearing about other peoples problems.
I'm a misanthrope and I hate small talk- If I'm not dealing with a person on a professional level, dating wise or if I haven't known you since childhood, then I'm just flat out going to ignore you. I've ignored so many people who tired do small talk- they got mad and start calling me names, but I didn't care because I know I had power over the situation.
It made me so happy and refreshed to hear your level of disgust and annoyance with smalltalk because YES
God, I hate it when people see me from across the street and it's obvious I'm in a hurry but they couldn't care less, so they scream my name and try to interact with me, even after I tell them I'm on my way to work. Wtf people? I'm not the weird one! If you still want to interact with me, even though you think I'm weird and impolite, either your life sucks or I'm actually a decent person.
Can't you just wave them with a big smile ?
@@annaheart7731 I do but 9 times out of 10 they will try to cross the street and try to interact with me.
It's just people being friendly. 🤷🏻♂️
@@zzz6valvolineno it’s not! it’s inconsiderate nosey people who want to know your business .. 9 times outta 10
@@zzz6valvoline did you miss the part where I was in a hurry? How is not giving a fuck about me being late at work "being friendly"?
I'm starting to find out now that sometimes small talk can get you hurt out there and being extroverted can get you into trouble too. It's safe to be an introvert for me .
Quick story. I was once at a graduation celebration and all these old ppl kept coming up to me one by one and chatting. Everytime they asked me a question, I simply answered and left it at that. I wasn't going to ask them a question in return. Also, when they said some random bullcrap, I usually didn't respond. Crap made me feel so unintelligent, but the fact of the matter is I JUST DON'T CARE.
The only time I say" Hi how are you doing " is when I'm asking questions in public places (stores, restaurants, schools, hospitals etc" Its pointless to say "Hello" when you're not going to engage in a full conversation.
BIG FAX. I ALWAYS HATED SMALL TALK. CRAP FELT SO POINTLESS
im glad i dont need to mask anymore because i thought i need to be like all the other people now i only talk if i feel like it😂😂
Introverts love small talk with themself, not other people. They feel uncomfortable for this reason. I am an introverted person from time to time reaches out of my comfort zone. you will know the joy behind it with correct people
I like thinking about what I’m going to write next or my goals for the next week or month.. I also think about issues in the world, where I want to hike, etc etc
I am introverted but not intensilly introverted as my son or some other ppl. Small talk doesn't bother me. Quick chit chats don't bother me. I enjoy being by myself and just listening to music , watching you tube or tiktok. Sitting in the sun and playing my games. I can be with someone and am quite happy not to talk at all. I don't need to fill the air with Chitter chatter.
My son likes to be by himself and not have anyone disturb him. Just be by himself. This allowed me to understand how he feels. Thank you.
It's so hard to describe how it feels sometimes, so I totally understand. I'm glad you were able to see how your son feels🥰
Man I got this woman I work for sometimes and she's always asking me how I'm doing and seems so concerned but as soon as I tell her the truth I can see her need to get away then I feel like a fool and become really anxious , but she continues to do it and I foolishly keep telling the truth lol, at the end of the day my brother prolly cares about me but he's so busy getting high all the time and other than that there is a woman who Is completely in love with me who would do anything for me but I dont feel the same , so than hopefully there is God...
To many people do not think, to many people just go about there life without ever stepping back to really think.
This subject has got me thinking over the pass few months especially how i feel about it...however it's a feeling of discomfort & disconnection which is frustrating but yet revealing what is it i really need & why? relationships matter if work, family, social, Church or romantic & the levels shared between ourselves & others will determine different levels of connectedness.
We all want deeper conversation & connection with only the people that we like or value - in some case i'm happy to have small talk as a boundary as we should only choose who we want meaningful conversations or connectedness with However as you mentioned the sense of being fake is what you dislike for me in some case it's just being polite or not allowing the other person to feel uncomfortable around me.
Beautiful. Thank you.
One day I was having a a hangover and was still drunk, I've got an Uber and the traffic was heavy. We started to talk and I had no filter, it was one of the most memorable and funny conversation I had in my life, and I think his too 😂
You said about not knowing when it will end. I have said a silent prayer in my head that God will let it end before I start crying. I usually wear earbuds, because that's the unspoken "leave me alone" sign, and if people try to get my attention when I'm wearing them, I feel completely right to be rude. They are being rude first by trying to talk to a stranger with earbuds
Hi Bridget! just discovered your channel today after listening to Matt Walsh's video on the same topic. I HEAR YOU! ❤ I'm an introvert too and dislike small talk, but probably not as much as I hate talking on the phone. You're right, it's disingenuous most of the time. However, when I ask people how they are, I really want to know.
When I'm in a situation where I know smalltalk is going to be a thing, I try to avoid the usual topics and jump right in to ask something like, what did you think of the views offered on this trail..? or what book are you reading? where are you from? type of questions. so yes...introverts crave depth and authenticity with others.
Hi! Thanks so much, and I totally get where you're coming from. It's definitely a little bit of both for me too, which I didn't really touch on in this video. It's hard to find those conversations sometimes when the people are not as interested/genuine as you are. However, when I do find the right people, that's when the conversations feel authentic and meaningful.
Couldn't agree more with all of these points
I also hate it. Sometimes I have to act like extroverts just to get through it.
I stopped concerning myself with how others perceive my authenticity, and honestly I have received a great deal of back lash and hostility, however It's seems to be the price one pays for being true to oneself and unpretentious, I no longer allows others to project their own mind onto oneself, I have been subject to having some cruel behaviours inflicted, however now at 52 years old I came to accept people can really only meet you at the level they have met themselves, how others behave is really not anything to do with me personally although it doesn't make it easy when out of spite people are at a very destructive level and go out if their way to knock down what you have built up or created, As difficult as it is sometimes I refuse to let it keep me down, My resolve is to rebuild and keep moving forward with my own expansion and awareness, and stay true to oneself ✨
Ya I'm also an introvert and all the reasons you hate small talk are verbatim what I say
Ok for a bit but not constant how are yiur cats how's yiur weather what did you have for dinner over and over I can do small talk not for long though called futile talk and it's annoying as fingernails on a chalkboard
Because it's not deep and mostly boring.
Yes!
Exactly! They talk about how they got drunk the other night, what they ate for dinner, about their kids, their money issues, bf drama, etc .. in my head I’m thinking “please go away, please shut up, idc idc idc , please God help me, God let me win the lottery so I don’t have to work around these crazy people anymore” … those are a few things that go on in my head
“Hi, how are you?”
“Better than stage 4 cancer.”
That’s good, right?
what is your MBTI tye?
INFJ
@@BridgetHallisey same
I adore small talk, big talk. Why is it considered binary?? This is what foxes me. I don’t understand why it’s not also a thing to like adore and do both?? 🤷🏻 why is it only either / or
At times small talk is necessary but for the most part, small talk is a pointless, surface level interaction. Small talk is forced and fake a great majority of the times. one of the many problematic things with small talk is, it stays small most of the times. Every time the two people see each other, they keep on making the same old, boring, tired, dried out, worn out, dead small talk. "How was your weekend?" "What plans do you have for the weekend?" "How is your day going?" "It's a scorcher out there." Cold outside."Switch it up. Why keep on with the same dull small talk. Ask the person who their favorite philosopher is, their favorite poet, what books do they read, what's for dinner tonight, talk about something interesting for a change. Say something about the borders and the migrant crisis. Say something about inflation. Let's talk about our passions, our goals. I wanna know what's bothering a person. Spit it out. Get it off your chest. Let's talk about it. Let's figure out a solution together. If we have enuff time, let's go deep. Let's talk about life and what exactly are we doing here. What's it all for. I don't get why we can't normalize going straight into a conversation without the small talk. Western society has a sick obsession with extroversion and small talk. We should normalize skipping small talk and go straight for the meat and potatoes. If the other person is not interested, move on. I walked in a restaurant and me and the waiter went straight into a conversation. As soon as he saw me he said "let me see your rings." He didn't ask about my weekend, didn't say anything about the whether, he never ask where I'm from, what I do for a living, what plans I got for the weekend , how my day is going, he just ask to see my rings. From that point on, we had a nice 15 minute talk about the restaurant industry, economics, politics, meditation. Hell, he gave me 2 free beers. None of it felt forced and fake. As Bridget said, these are the kind of interactions that bring us closer together. These interactions help us get a better understanding of each other. A lotta times with small talk, you never really make a genuine connection with people. The same old, tired, boring, dried out, worn out, dead small talk. When Im forced into most small talks I feel like I'm dumming myself down and losing brain cells. If I was to have a kryptonite, it would be small talk. I don't have a problem with people saying good morning or hello. The pain starts when they follow through with small talk. Follow through with something interesting. If not, keep it moving. I know you don't care about my weekend. I know you don't care how my day is going. I don't care for your weekend and how your day is going. We both know it hot, cold, raining, or snowing outside. Let's stop playing these games. Tell me something that's gonna better me mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Let's have a meaningful interaction. If not, be quiet.
Yeah, small talk can be awkward, but like anything else, the more you do it, the more natural is becomes. Just take work and effort.
Wrong!
@@petermartin5030 please explain. There many, many people who put in the work and improve. It doesn't mean it's enjoyable, it just means people are more capable of doing it.
To expand on my reply, yes you are right that by work and effort you can become better at faking small talk, reading and mirroring body language and preparing with things to say, but in my experience if you are truly introverted, it remains hard work, draining and artificial, as described in the video. I speak as someone in my 60's with 40 years of working with other people and running teams of up to 30 people, so having had loads of training and practice. I can fake it but it remains terribly wearing and by no means natural, which was the word you used in your original comment.@@zzz6valvoline
@@petermartin5030 Ah, okay, we agree then. Yeah, it never becomes enjoyable, but it does become more doable. It become less awkward because you have tools you can apply. Nevertheless, it's not something fun.
Basically do the same thing with strangers everytime they get chatty. It's about sending their mundane pointless chatter in another direction. There was a girl one time trying to talk to me in a line at a convience store, I turned around and told her I thought I heard her cellphone ringing. Basically dug in her purse, was checking her phone. It's my go to sometimes, I thought I heard your phone go off.
Love this😂
For me I respond to them and when they get distracted by someone else I disappear and hide in the bathroom or go on my lunch break. They are draining and talking about absolutely nothing