Why Nice Guys Lose In Relationships
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- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
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To your point of cute kids, I’ve seen beautiful women produce unattractive children and “ok” ppl have beautiful children so if that’s the inspiration… it’s a coin toss. So he’s right, that’s not the most important.
This relationship stuff is getting too complicated, no matter how long one can wait for a good partner, which used to be the solution, can still end with abandonment and heartache. Furthermore, all the while the culture is constantly changing, but not for the better.
People don’t make it easy. They play a lot of games
It's too exhausting.
Gdeve. @@UniquelyVickie
I agree with U all. Whew!
I just finished talk'n 2 my male cousin abt some of the same exact things: Bad relationships & bad, failed marriage.
He's 7 yrs younger than me.
I👂🏾how he feels abt women he's dated & past wife & he👂🏾my feeln's about some men.
People make things complicated when it's really not unfortunately.
There's a lot of toxicity going around. These men are too prideful to get help.
Too many folks (men and women) out here looking for the wrong type of people (i.e., toxic people, ungodly people) to do right by them.They don't even have the capacity to treat you right. They invest in these people. These people treat you bad, you get offended, then turn around saying you're good and being treated bad. Stop the cap. Start looking for a good person who will treat you well.That's who you invest in. If that's not what you want, please admit it and stop complaining.
💯
You can find the same toxic people in the church don't sugar coat this. I see many spiritual men on their purpose but they still can't attract the right woman into their lives. And some of these men are now attracting virgin women out of the blue..my question is why hasn't the emotional connection clicked for them yet? It's because they think seek God according to Mathew 6:33 is going to draw out all problems in your life. No it's not, no matter how much faith I have in God rather he sends the right women my way or not (usually not true) love is not going to somehow just zap you and you find the one. There's over 8 billion people in this world life is based on chance and opportunity just like applying for a job. Not every job you applied for you got or you wanted.
Men and women in the church need to wake up. GOD is not going to do all the work for you. You still have to go out and pick and choose choices rather the holy spirit leads you to the right one or not. If you are on your purpose you can still delay or miss the promises God has for you in his divine will. Just like Zacherious if you don't believe in What God told you, you can dismiss the promise of relationships or anything.. and for some people they didn't pay close attention to salvation because they thought they had plenty of time to self improve. Some lived single or selfish but some slipped out of here faster than they thought
Underrated comment
Your channel is probably the most balanced so far and part of it is because it isn't catering to either men or women. Just tell the truth with pure intentions and it can't fail.
Thank you
It's definitely is women focused. Nothing balanced about him or his channel.
@@TheShumakeWay
Sorry young one, you are not speaking to the thinking of serious black men. You are not responding to the thinking of our best and brightest, our business creators, scientists, inventors, educators, military, engineers and the like. They are older than you, have more experience than you and you have no respect for the perspectives of serious brothers. But let the sisters gaslight you, you will definitely make money doing what you are doing.
@@johncalhoun916who are these men exactly and where do we go to hear from them?
@@bluebutterfly5062
Are you expecting me to write out a list of hundreds of names for the UA-cam? If I don't, does it mean that I am lying? "Exactly", in the way you used it, doesn't seem like it is coming from a place of sincere curiousity. It appears more like strategy and tactics, problem is, I am not seeking to win. I want us to win.
I will openly accept your intention to debunk my statements, sadly, it seems hard for our people to believe that there are serious and brilliant black men. WEIRD! Though understandable in America.
I have met these brothers everywhere I have lived. Ohio, California, Texas, Louisiana, Pennsylvania, and Connecticut. Some of them I met at Ohio State (Go Bucks) others I met while simply living my life.
Are they interested in being heard from? I suspect they feel that because of the kinds of men they are and the general disrespect for said kinds of men, they perceive the black community has little interest in what they have to say...
I believe it’s not enough to be “nice” whether you’re a man or woman being nice won’t make the relationship. You must be a good partner. You must be compatible in regards to your values, beliefs and how you relate to one another.
Can you learn from this person? Can you grow/mature with them? Can you be your authentic self when you’re with them? Are you confident or proud of the? Are they supportive? Do they show up for you? Do they speak well of you? Do you even LIKE them? (Not lust them)
Are they respectable? What’s their reputation in the world? Do they have a healthy relationship with God? How are they with money?🤨
Being a nice guy or even a godly man doesn’t mean you’re a good fit to HUSBAND a woman. Same goes for woman too ladies. This is why a lot of “Christian” woman get their hearts broken and taken advantage of. Unfortunately
I love how you hold men and women to the same standards and keep both accountable of their character development 👏🏽Thank you for building a community of self aware and healthy individuals ✨Your opinions are never biased towards one side
This hits home. I haven’t been in a relationship since I broke up with my ex. We were with each other for five years and me trying to be a “nice guy” I didn’t set any boundaries not wanting to be seen as a manipulative or controlling boyfriend. I let her go out, she had male friends, always had a feeling she was cheating on me but again I didn’t want to come off as insecure or controlling so I just let it go. Long story short I eventually found out and it’s been really hard to trust women for me anymore.
Im so sorry you had to go through that. Good women get hurt the same way. I didnt have strong boundaries for a long time. But with a good woman who is trustworthy she should be allowed to have friends and go out. My thing is if i am in a relationship i have strong boundaries with male friends, the friendship changes when i am taken, i dont hang out with them alone or go anywhere overnight, also if it is an ex or someone ive been intimate with in the past i cut off contact with that person if i am in a relationship, and i expect the same from my partner. I dont want someone who is best buddies with their ex. But if it has always been platonic, no reason to have to cut off good friends. Personally i have 2 good male friends that i dont cut off. 1 was married to my best friend for 13 years and we have been friends since highschool. The other i have been good friends with for 7 years and our boys are best friends.
All u so called good people never find each other weird standards maybee😊
@@rockfresh5359 that is so true . I guess the good all attract the opposite
Boundaries are important no matter what because we set ourselves up if we never take a stand
You missed the point of the video. You’re not a victim, you used zero discernment in who you choose to love. And then you stayed and wasted your own time! You’ll be fine. Just be your best happiest self and find a kind woman with similar traits!! Therapy is a necessity as well.. Wishing you self awareness and joy.
My husband seemed like the perfect guy for me , then after we got married he showed me who he really was, then I found out he's a narcissist, he started being abusive in all ways emotional verbal then physical sometimes I get on myself for ignoring the red flags. I was single for five 5years before he came along, caught me in a state of being lonely, and I'm learning a lot about myself as to why I allowed him to cross my boundaries. I've never been so hurt. I did have the courage to finally leave and love myself again, for he didn't break me, only bent me . Now I'm on my healing journey getting help . As soon as I started Bible study, it got worse, and he wasn't willing to study or pray with me . I thank you for your channel it's great..
Amen! Thank God he got you through that. You are wonderfully and fearfully made with a purpose. God bless you sister.
@KingdomWoman333 Amen thank you 😊 🙏🏽
You’re welcome
What you wrote, every word is my current marriage. I am preparing to file for divorce for spiritual, emotional, and financial abandonment, distress, and abuse
@ladyshenna967 sorry you are going through this. The Almighty will help you through it all. 🙏🏽
Guys love to say it women who don’t want them who is “to nice” most of y’all are not nice and have y’all own definition of niceness. My whole life dudes would ignore a woman like me. I was either A to skinny or B my hair was to nappy. Growing up I was pretty small and my hair hair has always been long and I will never flat iron it. Who put me down about it no matter how nice and sweet I was? Men. And specifically bm. Fast forward I am slim with gainz outta this world and thoes same men want to holler at me. Like no… and it doesn’t matter how nice you are you could never get my time😂. I feel this subject applies to both sexs we ignore the best option and usually don’t realize till your type plays you.
I am glad more men are tuning in because you are a good example for men and your message is helping both men and women. I agree that the man must be a godly man. If he truly loves God, he will do right by his wife and family. Great video.❤🙏🏽👍💞
I appreciate that
Amen @gloriamathews6452.
You can be as nice/kind as you want when you find a woman that likes you or to people who deserve it. The thing is, a lot of "nice guys" are not nice, the niceness is a manipulation tool or a sign of low self worth and just a overcompensation for that.
The devil comes disguised has an angel of the light. Put God first and shall direct your path. He has only good things planned for those who love Him. Amen
Skate on them blessings Shumake!! Haha! This advice is amazing and a breath of fresh air! So glad you’re not advising men to be scumbags and manipulators while also telling them what to look for in both good and bad women.
Being a Godly man will prevent a lot of heart break because you’ll be able to notice & choose a Godly woman.
It is essential and the only way to be.
Everything else is too high risk.
I’m glad you named all the characterstics, and describe the Power Rangers analogy, so now I’m going to make it my mission to develop all these things to become a unicorn and then some.
Megazord is the word you were looking for brother Shumake, yeah I'm a Power Ranger fan 😂
Shumake is absolutely right. A Godly man has and always is the goal. The other thing is many nice guys lack leadership skills which makes a woman feel he cannot protect on all levels. So glad you said its not all monetary. Men dont know it but a man that can handle his own prayer life is very attractive. It shows self control and discipline. So, Shumake is correct!!!
Yeah, like Jerry Flowers says from redefined tv, a kingdom man is different than a good man. A good man is usually of this world and a kingdom man follows God. Bible says who is good? Not one but God. And a kingdom man or Godly man is lead by God. You will know them by their fruit.
Congratulations on the growth! God been moving and I just thank Him for putting you in this position to bless us with His word.
Great video. I know the male audience isnt that high on ur channel, but I liked that ur channel was originally geared towards male focused content and while im not asking for a complete switch, id like more of these
Can you also speak on the conditional nice guys? The men that perform niceness only to women who meet his requirements or until the woman draws a boundary. Then they are passive aggressive.
narcissistic trait of covert narcissist they lovebomb and withdraw love as tactic of abuse
That's manipulation. Act right or I'll switch up. Stand your ground!
This!!! This is one of the most succinct and comprehensive, yet easy-to-understand explanations I've heard. It's practical and sums up (with precision) what I would agree is a man I would love to meet, marry, and build a Life & Family with. The fact that you "get it" and are willing to pass along this Wisdom is a blessing beyond measure. Let anyone who has the (willing) ear, hear. The world & family would be such a better place if this were the applied Standard.
Right 👍💯. Everything you stated what a good man needs in quality is right on! You are a wise young man beyond your years
Thought truly needs to be put into getting into relationships so thanks for this insight. We need to want more for ourselves and not just settle to say we have someone
It's better to be kind than nice. Being nice to me is disengenious. You are only nice when you want to get something. But if you are a kind person, kindness is innate. You helping others is second nature to you. Being nice implies push over. Being kind means being empathic with boundaries. Being nice implies creepy and cringy. Being kind implies genuine concern without any hidden motives.
Thanks for taking time ⌚ our for making these videos. The content is priceless. I'm continuing to grow spiritually in Christ and choosing not to date until I'm ready. May multiple blessings continue to fall upon you, your family and YT ministry. 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Thank you
That’s not your opinion about a Godly man bro; that’s the TRUTH!!!
Nothing but facts!!!! Great video, brother in Christ.
Thank you
I really appreciate that you are respectful to both men and women great advice 😊
In my opinion and experience. When you tell a man you are not interested in him, he cannot understand that. He pursue you anyway, sometimes for years. Even though you make it clear you are interested. My advice is to like the ones who like you, that will help.
I had to change my mindset and desire a good man, I loved a toxic mf for decades but I finally woke tf up!!!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤❤
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.
Amen!!! 🥰but God has already done it we’re just waiting in time while he sees that it’s already happened in eternity
@@erickalucas5660 💯
I was married 40 years and that’s one thing I’d love about the man I was married to if I had an issue or if he had an issue we worked it out. We figure it out whatever it was but yes that that is a great thing.
I recently started Watching You, I Really Enjoy Your Content keep Doing What You're Doing Regardless, Blessings!!!!
Thank you, I will
I have three sons and they tell me how these girls out here, MOST of them are no good. I agree. The abusive cycle has made both men and women CYNICAL. Telling a man that he's too nice, is not Christian, because God never says that. The WORD says to be wise as serpents, but innocent as doves. The nice man needs to know that he can't cast his pearls before these swine. He has to wait for the innocent and nice ones come into his life to bestow ONLY to those type, his pearls. Those females are far and in between. So, be prepared for the wait!
Do you also agree that most of these males ain't no good either?
Like shumake said they are probably attracted to the instagram model type females who are horrible on the inside. My brother said the same thing. But the funny part about it is that he dogged about 80% of the females he has been with. And he would admit he did. If u constantly being a dog you gone attract a hound eventually and it’s unfair dudes will label “girls no good” no more than likely I can almost bet your sons are ignoring the good women.
@@dalagamble3164the good women be ugly just like the good men. That's why good men and women are not attracted to each other
@@dennisg7709underrated comment
@@dennisg7709this is the truth and I’m still working on my superficial ways. However, I just can’t see myself being with someone I’m not attracted to physically. So I’ll just remain single
I’ll be here on UA-cam I try to stay away from Instagram. I’m not on TikTok and I don’t do Facebook. Thank you my brother keep up the great work knowledge is needed.
Your channel is really growing - reaching more people.
Hello! Very wise of you! Absolutely Put God first and find your purpose and then ask God to send you who he has for you! Blessings to you🙏🏽💕
Agreed, she doesn't want him.
Yes,you must be able and willing to protect me from other mens agressions on the street,
Great show you hit the one out the park. Thank you date with a destination
I disagree.. good men just like good women choose the wrong person for them. We have to choose the people who would do for you like you will do for them, communication, loyalty, respect, truthfulness, and the list can go on period. Stop going after the visual only but actually get to know someone and their values and start to build from that.
That’s why he just said … what exactly do you disagree with? 🤔
I tell my nephew all the time ,you can't pick a broken bird and expect to fix her .
@@MrsBrittanyGold did you read the title of his video? I disagree that nice guys lose in relationships and I went into my explanation. Also for ya information since you want to be on my body. I just commented on cause the title was self explanatory and not watch the video.
@@loribelle-dp1kj I would watch the video before commenting bc that’s what he said in the first 2 min 😂
So you didn’t watch one second of the video huh? 🤔🤔
1yr dating? Sir. She is on the market.
You really described the ideal man. Nice guys finish successfully if they have these keys.
Best advice I heard was to identify/lock up/cultivate the relationship with the best man or lady who’s personality contains most of those 5 qualities mentioned by Shumake, at a very early age (preferably late high school years or college) and marry that person. I know it sounds much easier than it is in real life but if you are mature enough to try it…it works ✌🏾🙌🏾….I’m living proof!
The frontal lobe is fully developed at age 25. No one should marry before that, because that person does not know who they are….when they switch up on you, you’ll act surprised. Men should also marry from 30 upwards.
The problem is some people just don't attain maturity before 30
@moe_ramz there's no clear cut solution to this. You have men and women in their 40's and 30's that's 10x worse than someone in thier 20's. I used to think like you do but I remember when my wife and I went to counseling for marriage. We were in our 40's and the I remember the comment "yall kind of old" came up. We both were taken aback at it but years in between has taught me how true that statement is. The older you get the more set in your ways you and the other person are. At least at a younger age your both of you have the ability to grow together. We tend to highlight the failures of marriage but not look at the long term successes. Many of those successful unions started when these people were young. The ability to take on challenges and grow together. But this also goes back to something this brother is stating. You have to have a moral guidance and Godly principles at your core beliefs in order for any unions to survive in a world that always attacks it. I don't believe there's any hard and fast rules other than being submissive to your Godly principles. And that my friend, don't come with an age limit unless we're speaking of children.
@@moe_ramz yeah we didn’t get married until 29/30 but we dated from age 20 onward
Godly man!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤ that's the language I know and speak.
I’m sorry everything this guy says can also be said for alot of woman . And we get told to chose better or lower your standard . So you know what , chose better and lower your standard.
Please don't settle or lower your standards... redefine ur viewpoint, stand by STANDards, and open up ur options.
Being a nice guy doesn't mean that's all you need to be to get a woman. It is the dumbest thing that men say....Men think just being a nice guy is enough. If that were true, than why aren't these nice guys attracted to all of those single nice girls?
Thank God for you
Great message and he hit in on the nail👏👏👏
The main difference between men and women who've been hurt is that women who've been hurt will distance themselves from men, while hurt men will go out their way to sought out women to harm women because they've been hurt.
Noooooo... Hold Errybody Accountable to the Word... No Matter..🥰✌️BlessUp
Man you tell a lot of truth.
I am a victim of these points
CUUZO❤ Dropped SOME GEMS again!!!
PS: STOP dropping standards and stay out of the dumpster. That's VULTURE BEHAVIOR..#SUBSTANCE
My husband is a nice guy. But I'm ready for divorce because he does not understand those 5 verses you share. 😣
You're ready to divorce because he didnt understand those 5 verses? Give him the same grace he gives you.
There is a difference between a "nice" guy and a "good/kind" man. Nice is conditional, whereas Good is based on character and definitive. This video correctly defines what to look for in someone who's good. If you are finding this to be true, take heed and do what's best for you.
This was great advice!
Man you're preaching good!!
7:28 THIS ❤ was a MASTERCLASS
This is hard to listen to because its harder to be nice quote on quote then be selfish and evil, it literally like balancing on a pole and people don't understand that even as a man everyday you get thoughts of hurting people even when someone doesn't open the door for you or someone cuts you off it doesn't take anything to snap for every nice person to do you wrong its almost like bottling shit up buts its good to do that because you'll only cause what you don't want to be done to you which is contributing to this cruel world we live in. We are not of this world at all like I said its easy to do this its easy to cheat on your wife but when its done to you and people almost ridicule for being too nice that sounds like a load of bs its the world's fault not me I'm being on my best behavior
Shumake I said the same thing a year and a half and not planning to marry or be together forever they must be seeing other people…
Not above correction
Came home and picked up the book
Just gone tighten up
And follow God's lead
I stopped playing nice and fare a long time ago
I think both men and women need that nice/nasty side. My father told me having a balance of good and bad keeps a person intrigued.
But that’s what I’m looking for a good man that means a man that won’t cheat doesn’t need to be noticed by other women might like the attention which is fine, but a man that I can trust when we’re not together and the hours are not 9 to 5 so you nice guys losing relationships no I guess if you don’t have a nice girl you might but I know what I’m looking for in my man I have five qualifications you have to meet off the top and then we can talk about the rest but thank you for that Shoemake, because I like your channel you speak intelligent conversationsand you’re in the Bible if you want to add gods note to this which I bless you for
I like your content bro, you and your wife ever thought about having a match maker live videos? 😅
Heyy..watch the commercials all the way through...Algorithm is Righteous!!!✌️BlessUp
Eye opening !
This what Kevin Daniels wanted to be.
I stop being a nice guy in 1994...
I got friendzoned and multiple girls kept sayjng your such a nice guy you going make someone very happy when your older.
Nice guy:
Faithful
Respectful
Put her first
Give her anything she wants
Always be there for her.
Take her out to eat
I became a womanizer at 16.
I got swagga and edge now
I put me first and only
I'm selfish
Focus on chicks spoiling me
Im a taker and user
Im cheater and a liar
I might sleep with yo sister if whe offered
Your home girls are not off limits
I approach women all the time
I don't chase I replace
The next one is the best one
This is good food 🙏🏼 Be the Lion and the Lamb
Women have a strong fear of the man your describing
So do you think that they don’t trust all women anymore
It’s the nice guys for me … or rather guy singular #getit
It’s sad how the relationship channels that hold both men and women accountable and attempt to be fair on both sides aren’t nearly as popular as the ones bashing one side or the other. Just goes to show how immature people are and that most would rather take no accountability for their actions and instead choose to put all the blame on the other side rather than being adults, telling the truth and actually fixing the real issues between men and women in relationships. Mature, grown fair minded folks are the minority out here. Everyone else just want to whine, bitch and play the blame game.
balanced content 💯
Right I mean you dating for a year and a half and you ain’t even boyfriend and girlfriend yet so that means I’ll see other people but y’all together every day, so wow yeah he needs to reevaluate this relationship
Dear nice men,
Nice (good) women don’t come for your pockets.
Kind regards,
THE GOODEST lol 😉
#goodwomenlooklikethistoo
nice guys choose the wrong girls.
❤
Saving & Protecting my Peace Quiet & Sanity - Staying Single and building overseas by myself for myself. my experience is that is you give a XX respect, commitment, attention, loyalty, integrity, romance - she / they will shiate on you on the Reg. and they will leave, cheat to get to exact opposite. They do not want a NICE GUY. So I quit being it. Now I treat them with indifference, apathy and distinct contempt with wary cautious suspicion
Do u have advice for mental disable guy too find right lady?
2:35 the reason men hold on to heartbreak longer is because we're more logical and we understand the risk of being an emotional, vulnerable bitch with a woman is no where near the reward.
15:15 wow he almost got it right. Nah the inner beauty has to match OR BE BETTER THAN the outter beauty. He was close tho, credit where its due i guess
4:30, false men don't be nice. Be on your purpose always. Why do you think men who are bosses, CEOs, Business owners who have a bunch of money are usually assholes? because their minds are on their purpose and goals. Not people and women, get on your purposes and become that boss. Do not listen to boys like this.
I recently started Watching You, I Really Enjoy Your Content keep Doing What You're Doing Regardless, Blessings!!!!