A man without social media is the biggest green flag. Seek out men who don’t use social media. They’re a rare breed but they exist. I’m married to one…
me and my boyfriend deleted social media after we started dating. well neither of us watched anything lewd but we just saw much negativity that affect to our brains. so deleting social media has made our relationship much more better
It really disturbs me how normalized it is to just feel the need to have porn and sex everywhere and need to be aroused all the time. Like why can't people take a break???
Social media offering soft and hard porn and racy content are designed to create addictive behaviours. The girls are hustlers and looking for validation and money. Men/boys eventually become compulsive and addicted with trying to make contact through messages (which are free to draw them in) and even paying for the virtual entertainment. The girls encourage it because their end goal is money but they make men feel like they have a chance. It's sick, hyper sexualized narcissism and its generations of this that will become the future... that's scary.
6 months? This is the honeymoon phase and he’s already disrespecting your feelings. How do you think it’s going to be in 5yrs? Find yourself a real man not a boy in a man’s body. No man or woman should settle just to be in a relationship. Respect yourself and you’ll find someone who respects you too!
Yep! My bf was doing it the first months and told me he won't do it again and fast forward to 3 years and being married...he's still doing it. Just don't bother ladies. They will never change
@ninishali I am very sorry. I was dating a man, and I noticed him loving pics of a woman that he knew in person. She always posed in sexual ways and when I confronted him he said she was his neighbors niece and I was exaggerating and he didn't do anything wrong.I told him Ok, and good luck with her and I stopped communicating with him.
i'm not going to ask a man to stop doing this anymore. they always lie or blame me. i'll just walk and i'll tell him why. and i won't date men who do these things, which probably means i'll live alone. but, not cheated or shitted on. ;)
SAME. When you’ve expressed it’s a boundary and they still deliberately, repeatedly step out and disregard how much it guts you, there’s clearly no respect. Apparently these other people are worth hurting who you’re supposed to care about and losing that person. My husband does all of this including sliding into DMs.. makes a collection of hot women on FB.. gets mad at me over my user and then signs up for dating chat sites. Claims it’s not cheating and innocent and just gives him a thrill. Yet he refuses to stop; the hypocrisy too is mind blowing. I’m not allowed to speak to male friends and he freaks out about me even commenting on YT comments or in my medical support groups saying it’s the same. It blows my mind. Hell act completely affectionate and loving half the time whole behind the scenes he’s screwing around. It’s just not worth it anymore. I’ve always had crap luck with men, they’ve all treated me the same in the end, always lied to and replaced. I wonder if maybe I’m just not meant for “love” in that way- if it means constantly waiting for the betrayal and stress of continuing eggshell walking.. it’s just too much!
@@PhantasmicEther Pls leave that guy. Let him spend all day on his addictions as he pleases at least you won't have to witness it. Your life will feel 10 x better once you get your peace back. Then you will discover there is so much joy in life to be had without someone making you miserable. ❤
@@PhantasmicEtheri would leave him, he is insecure, childish, lacks respect and is controlling and doesn’t value your feelings. A thrill? dude you are in a relationship you either engage for that thrill or stay in your relationship. its hard yes i get it but it’s so hurtful..in my opinion you have to reevaluate your boundaries and love and respect yourself and be positive
@@Maelu-op9gf Agree. Found out my fiancé did this and lost all attraction for him in an instant. Couldn’t stand to have him touch me so I ended our 3 year relationship, and 48 hours later I’d packed my bags and left. It was fascinating to hear him beg for me to return, not understanding that any love or affection I felt for him had evaporated. When you act in such a way that grossly disrespects or disregards your partner, don’t be surprised when they walk out the door. Men can play pretend and hide it all they like but they have no clue as to how their partner will respond when they do eventually find out. Such men are much diminished in the eyes of their women and the loss of respect can never be regained.
@@mickmash-5192 wow… good for you! You are a very strong person to know your value and walk away. I’m sorry you had to go through this though because that tough. You deserve a great man who is 💯 all about you ❤️
@@mickmash-5192 that was good to hear! these men don't deserve to be in relationship. If they want to spend the rest of their days wanking to pixels, so be it, it is their choice. But they can't having a cake and eating it too. Either they are all in he real relationship, or single with an attention span of average porn video.
It’s a dealbreaker and I don’t understand why so many people don’t realize how it would affect the quality and intimacy of their relationship. Not just because the woman feels hurt or disrespected but because it does something subconsciously to both partners that weakens and erodes their connection.
@@r.walker7986 Thank you for making an example yourself as a person most women would never want to be with. Certainly not whoever you think is the most beautiful. It’s sounds like You might be the type of person who views woman as objects. And it’s ok for women to say no to the status quo thus far held up by men like you who have fooled themselves into thinking they are the one in control in a relationship. It’s not the man, but ideally, it’s not the woman either. It’s mutual, with respect, trust, cooperation, communication and curiosity, etc. Your perspective is archaic and you are quite possibly an angry person deep inside. It’s ok you’ll be dead soon. We all will. Because life is short. And I, like so many women would rather spend it alone than be mistreated by men who don’t know how to love a person, only know how to possess an object of perceived value. But lots of men don’t hold your perspective, and/or are taking the steps to correct their unhelpful beliefs. So there’s some hope for you before you die. Anyway, good luck dude.
How tf does it even matter. Morals and dignity are everything in human relationships. At least for me and people like her. Many women can be beautiful and can be compared on different levels but that is out of the question. Humans are not toys. You can't collect and have as many as you want and play with them whenever you feel like. The entire social media has normalised sleazy behaviour online and this has significantly eroded the quality of human connections that once existed. @@r.walker7986 but if beautiful and sexy is the only thing that calls to you, you do you. But trust and believe there are women who actually have standards and morals when it comes to forming and staying in relationships, which is something that they don't compromise with.
@@r.walker7986 -- that's a bit of a silly statement because even super gorgeous women can still have moments of insecurity or jealousy. Just because a woman knows she's beautiful doesn't mean she wants her man constantly checking out Instagram and OnlyFans hoes.
@@r.walker7986well they usually won’t because the guy will be looking at them and so will all the other guys. Then the guy will be self conscious and the women will lack any care. It’s just a human thing. A lot of people, unless you are asexual, are going to be attracted to the physique of others. And it draws attention. Drawing attention to you, doesn’t mean that you are a disgusting pervert, who is incapable of keeping it in their pants, though. people blame this for their problems. But that’s not the problem. The problem is how they act and how they communicate with each other.
Caller.... you've only been dating for six months. The purpose of dating is to evaluate one another's suitability as a long term companion or spouse. Through dating him, you've learned be has a habit that you don't care for. Consider that you and he may not be a match. You're not going to change him. Harping on his character flaw will only result in his figuring out how to hide his obsession from you. Decide now if this is something you want to live with long-term.
Kimberly Smith: I have had the same issue, only he was actively contacting women online. Most of them have been scamming him. The relationship has been off and on for years because he was continuing to do this against my wishes. I have refused to marry him 3 times because he broke our engagement the first time and has a habit of not supporting me when I need help with transportation (I have no car). I have left him twice and currently live by myself because of an attachment caused by his recent serious health issues and my guilt for having been with him and and his lack of regard for my happiness. All the time he was sick last winter with heart attacks and covid, he was constantly blaming me for trying to keep him alive. I was not able to get home care for him since his doctor refused to refer him to the proper services. I live in the same apartment building and want to move out because he keeps trying to draw me back into his life and get me wrapped up in a business he wants to start. If I do, I will be the one doing most of the work. It's hard to be cold in the face of his physical condition, but the relationship is so toxic I can no longer stay with him.
He is your boyfriend, not husband, you are not married, don't have kids, my point is you can easyly walk away. Don't waste your time. This is a major red flag which in time will lead into porn addiction and intimacy promlems. You wouldn't want to get yourself into this knowingly. Just walk away. Please walk away! You are a lively young lady you, deserve better. You owe yourself to do better!
I think if she loves him, she should give him an ultimatum. If he’s not willing to have accountability for it, and feels remorseful I think there’s hope. It’s an addictive behavior and it’s not about her. But they need a plan to make sure he can’t do it without her finding out.
I had the same situation, I got my boyfriend at the time into counseling to work on his addiction, at some point I had to decide what I was willing to tolerate. I had to walk away for my peace of mind. If we were right for each other, things would have turned out differently. Remember that behavior is a language. Ladies, pay attention to your instincts and know it’s ok to have boundaries and standards.
Just ended a relationship for this very reason. He said he wasn't, but he was. That was a lie, and a disrespect of my values and feelings, there's no coming back from that. Now just have to let the void heal.
@@ananimity7332 I don’t have social media but you gotta be pretty insecure if your triggered over your man stumbling across photos of wome on an app where you take photos……
@Bigmommashouse317 the playboy girl, can't message back. Instagram you don't have to wait for next week's issue, it decreases tolerance of sameness, smart phones has infinite varieties in seconds, playboy you gave to wait a week for a other issue and thus worsens arousal addiction with smart technology.
Its getting worse. People constantly ask for selfies and nudes. Some use those pictures to post on dirty websites! Or make a fake profile to scam others for money
@@prolegend4773 "Just like women will always want a man who is stronger, earns more and taller." Umm. No. I bet you don't talk to many women in real life. Most women who are in love or in relationships aren't lusting after random men - unlike men lusting over lots of random women and strangers. Maybe you should actually talk to women rather than projecting onto them.
@@jackie41083 its in a mans nature to do so. Also the majority of women in the world are very boring in relationships. And since men in general only deals with women for sex, obviously he will want to see sexy pics of girls online. So him looking at women sexy pics is not a big deal since he cant sleep with them. Also that woman should be happy since he comes back to her and treats her well.
@@jackie41083 if women in general focus on pleasing their man in every way possible we wont be having that conversation. But it does not matter cuz uall dont care. So guys, date and have atleast 3 girls in rotation and u will be fine.
Magic Mike franchise sold billions. And they even have a live tour. It wasn't men buying those tickets for the movies or tour. Women again with their constant double standards with everything. They are like children.
"Pay attention to what a person does not what they say because people will tell you what you want to hear, while doing what they want to do" saying that I came across
My ex was like that. My current bf is NOT. We’ve been together a year and the peace and calm I feel is incredible. My ex had this thing with giant breasts, and I would tear my body apart, my self esteem was so low. Now I don’t even care what my breasts look like because I know I’m loved. I haven’t even wore makeup in months because I feel so beautiful. And I’m allowed on his phone so I’ve seen for myself what he looks at ha. It’s just not worth how LOW and UNATTRACTIVE this type of man makes you feel.
I made the mistake of getting breast augmentation to impress my ex fiance because I saw the dirty things he was following on Instagram and it made my self esteem so low because I wasn't built like those girls. I'm no longer with him and I totally regret the surgery. I love myself a lot more now and plan on having the implants taken out eventually.
@@mary-kate6170 Oh you poor thing 😞 I know the feeling. I hope you continue to heal from that situation 🙏🏻 Men don’t realize how damaging that behavior is.
It's just plain disrespect. If something bothers you, and your partner doesn't care, there's your answer. Let him have the ig attention seekers. They don't want him either, unless he is paying, of course! lol
@@kingasif9265 I agree. Women watch porn A LOT, there is desire and things they see in porn they really like, including the male actors and how good they do certain things and their manly body parts lol, that doesn’t mean these women don’t like their husbands or boyfriends. It’s literally just for fun and fantasy.
Theres nothing wrong with doing what he did. Im sure she sees men online and outside the house that she finds attractive as well. However, he just wasnt man enough to be honest and say that he wasnt going to stop. He should have acknowledged her feelings and gave her his side and if she wanted to stay based on his honesty about the situation it could have been her choice but he just brushed her off and lied about it.
@@crzyruskie86 finding people attractive isn't some horrible act but he likes these pictures and is obviously intentionally following these types of women on social media for his own selfish reasons. He gets nothing out of liking womens pictures. He has no respect for her boundaries. I don't understand why men think liking naked women's pictures is okay...
@@Ayn0de you have got to be kidding me... those aren't even the same! Someone's past is not relevant to the present unless they are still showing the same behaviors. What does someone's sexual history have to do with this man not respecting the girlfriend he has now. And I'm sure that man had sex with other women before so what is the difference.
I agree with it not being ok to let them follow or even like sexy pics. It’s like them not caring about loosing you over a stranger. I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way.
Even if he stops giving them attention he will still be checking them out. If he agreed to stop but he chose not to stop its over. Your goose is cooked. It is so so so so so much easier to find a man who is good for you than to try to change a man who isnt!
A man only changes when HE wants to. Apparently her BF did not want to change this particular viewing habit. Question is how was she able to discover this habit in the first place? Are these 2 people shacked up together? If so, now caller knows that men do not view shacking up as being exclusive/committed to 1 person. Men view their shack up counterpart as a roommate with benefits, nothing more. Time to put on your big girl pants and get a home of your own.
@@jeromehenry4484it depends on the person, i change if i want to but i consider my partner’s feelings and if i think something is normal and he is bothered by it still then id try to understand him
My husband and I are 45 and we are now having this issue . My husband recently created an IG acct and is now constantly looking at T&A on there . I cannot believe that at 45 & married we are having the same problems that younger couples who are dating are having over social media 🤦🏻♀️
Unfortunately there is no age limit for this. If they do it when they are 20 they will continue doing it when they are 60. It’s who they are. The phones/computers with instant access is ruining many aspects of relationships and personal health by making it easier to view. Years ago it was playboy and other magazines; how much worse it is now!
I’m just immediately icked whenever I see a guy thirsting over women online who will never know their name 😂 Ladies, trust me, there are real men out there!! Save yourself for them. You do not have to choose these boys.
All men look, its biology. Women have to stop being delusional, most men are with the women they were able to get, not the woman they really want. Same for women. So everyone must be understanding about stuff like this.
@@jennifermarie8707 yes. Plenty have moral discipline, spend their spare time outdoors, monitor their health and show up for their loved ones. The examples in my life include my older cousins, brothers, my father, and even some friends my own age who have begun to find partners in life and start families. Of course I know many who are stuck in these unhealthy cycles. Boys like that are plentiful, as you know. Doesn’t mean the others don’t exist. Wait for them!
@@jennifermarie8707 She's delusional, if men are not lingering and looking at what they desire, it usually means the wifi is out. Hell, even Amish men have old tattered playboys stashed around the farms... 😂😂😂
Speaking from experience, if they say they stop but they don't, you will forever be guessing and wondering what they are really looking at, it eats away at you and is not a good way to live
My momma taught me that when you are dating someone that is the best behavior that you will ever get out of them. Girrrrrrl if he is looking now he will look even if you are married to him. Is this the best behavior you will tolerate from a partner or do you deserve better?
My bf’s parents are a mess. Like 60 somes fighting daily. Dad is always looking at b00bs n a$$ and they divorced but live together-? And apparently lately he’s been begging her to sleep with him “one last time.” 🤮
I have no problem with my boyfriend liking pictures but when it comes to liking thirst traps and girls showing their goods it’s like why? because if i posted pictures like that he would say i’m looking for validation from other men. so why is he validating other women by liking their provocative pics…? I got called insecure cause i don’t want him liking those type of pictures i told him well good thing their are a million other women in this world go find one who doesn’t care what you like and has no standards! goodbye
THIS. Men would be so pissed if women normalized showing their body to other men nonstop while in a relationship with them. But somehow it’s okay that they have normalized looking at other women while in a relationship.
You are NOT insecure. When I was heavily pregnant with my second son, my ex liked inappropriate pics of half-naked women, and he even commented, telling them how beautiful they were. It is plain disrespect
@@mariovilla2348 you wouldn’t cheat on her right my man is the same way he follows Insta gram models he told me he had an ex what else he was supposed to do? I’m like u have me now so delete them u wanna see big booty bitches u have one right here he said that’s doing too much what do u think at first I didn’t mind but like tf I’m not following guys with six packs and stuff idk
@@mariovilla2348 if a woman with a big booty throws herself at you, you would cheat. Men who think its okay, also think its okay to cheat or eventually will if what they like presents itself in the form of opportunity.
There are many red flags that you're over looking. End it. There is no trust from here going forward. You're in a relationship. Each party should act that way. People know right from wrong, point blank.
This has always been something I’ve felt strongly against in my relationships as I feel it’s such a blatant act of disrespect. Yet all my partners have done it and anyone I’ve ever spoken to say “it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a man thing” I feel like I’ve been conditioned to think that this has to be accepted when in a relationship 😥
Wrong. No, the social media, Only Fans and porn sites being visited by men "as just the norm" are engineered to create addictions. Men of a certain pathology become addicted faster and they don't even realize how compulsive they become in Liking and yes, sending DMs to these girls. What makes it detrimental is when the girls encourage the contact as they are hustlers looking for money. In my profession, I treat the few men who come forward with addictions and they all started out the same way - visiting these websites. It's not something anyone with values and self-worth will accept.
I completely agree. It isn't acceptable if one partner has made it clear that this behavior violates their boundaries and trust. My ex was a porn addict in denial and we went through the same crap. I never felt good enough for him, which is BS. It was so disappointing and hurtful to not be respected by him. That relationship was a failure and I'm now with a man who doesn't indulge in any of the online sexual fantasy. Thank God. I am so grateful to have him.
Nope. But gonna be honest. We like to look. It's like a candy shop. We like them thin thick White Black Asian etc. However I'm not looking in front of my woman. But if I'm at a friend's house and he has a nude magazine I.aint gonna lie. I'm sneaking a peak.
Your woman deserves better. We aren't eye candy. We are human beings. I know you wouldn't like it if your woman was out tasting the flavors behind your back. It would make you feel less than human. You would start wishing you were taller and more muscular, with a different skin tone, better hair, better eyes. You would question - What does she see in me? Am I ugly?.....Grow tf up. You aren't twelve years old.
I heard about that sliding into DMs. It would be like a lottery for the man. These women get hundred or thousands of DMs. The chances of hooking up with these women is probably .0000001%.
@@em77775 Agreed. Probably better to to be single. The relationship will not last more than 5 years with that behavior. It is sad this is distracting so many people from real relationships.
Ladies, not all men are the same with this. The man i unfortunately married constantly lusted at images of scantily dressed women all the time. Over time it really affected my sexual confidence and attraction to him, as i never felt sexy or beautiful. Having left that soul destroying relationship, ive been with another man for a few years who just isnt on the contant look out for the sexual stimulation of other women. Guess what? I feel beautiful, sexy and cant keep my hands off him because of how respected, peaceful and happy he makes me feel! He's a wonderful man that i love to distraction.
I was just like this with my ex. She came to me to stop and I made excuses to just keep my phone from her. I was a POS and ultimately ended things with her because I felt controlled. She was amazing and would have done literally anything for me. I ruined our 5 year relationship and it hurts me everyday since
Serious question: Do you still look and are you in another relationship? The question is relevant, because I would like to know what made you stop looking or why are you still looking? I'm curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
@@lowkey2262 I'll answers because it helps me be honest with myself. We have been apart for a year now. I did look a couple months after the break-up and couldn't commit. Since then I've been staying to myself and focusing on my career. I've been working on my own self improvement as well and I don't want to ever drag someone else down ever again. It's hard for me to forgive myself. Dr John's videos have really helped me in my progress
@@samia6888 In my experience of 41 years of life and 19 of the 41 being married, it's my personal opinion that we should all live a single life first, before we get into a relationship with anyone. I'm still married and had to learn a lot of things about being with my wife.
As someone who entered a relationship like this, young men are being programmed for this behavior. I felt it was so normal to do these things and never even thought of the disrespect until my significant other came to me and said it was a problem for her. I heard her and I understood. My behavior was unacceptable while being in a relationship. Young men need to hear stories like this video, because they could think this very thing is normal and it shouldn’t be.
Yep. They're also taught that they can have any woman they want because women are just objects. Objectifying women and looking at them sexually is not valuing women. Trust me, that's a huge part of it for women. We don't want our man looking because we know that's how he sees women, but it's also kind of like cheating. I mean I completely understand a glance and have no issue if my partner tells me someone attractive because that's natural.
Don’t fight your nature, and don’t beat yourself up over it While I agree it can be unhealthy to be doing it constantly, it’s really not that big of a deal
I think "programed" isn't the right term. This stripps us from the responsibility. Those people weren't brought up properly, and our society tolerates bad manners. This isn't a casual look on some passing by, this is intentional and active search for sexual pleasure outside of your relationship.
This issue that many men have with social media is very sick. These guys are being programmed to think that doing this type of stuff is acceptable. My ex boyfriend would do this as well. He made me feel like it wasn't a big deal because he wasn't cheating. He said he stopped, but he would never let me look at his phone freely. So I could never truly trust him. I'm so happy we broke up. But I have absolutely no doubt that if I was screenshotting pictures or messaging half naked hot guys and following and liking their pictures, he would have a huge problem with it. If you're a guy and you do this... I think you need to reevaluate what you're being programmed to do, and if you have a partner and you're doing this.. you are being disrespectful and you know if your wife or gf was doing the same you'd feel some type of way about it. You need help. This type of behavior is not okay. There might be some women that say they're supposedly okay with it, but I believe most women find it completely disrespectful.
Yep! I’m in my 50s, so meeting a nice guy and finding out he’s following hundreds of practically naked photos of 20 year olds is gross AF and a total turn off. Each to their own but I don’t wanna put effort into a guy who has to engage with a bunch of (likely fake) profiles with sick ass comments of what he’d like to do to “her”. That just screams “you’re NOT the man for me”.
The media is what's doing this. They promote promiscuity in women and as a result you get these weird, disenfranchised boys/men who are WAYYY out of touch with reality. Not all of us are like this and vice versa, just remember not everyone is lost to these things.
@@crazymelomankasame, i feel bad even if he turns to look at a woman that is half naked i mean dressed provocative and the worst part is idk what he is thinking and i dont want to obsess over that but i dont want him to have bad thoughts about women dressed like that or to check them out…
Girl, you deserve better!!! 27 is still young. You'll meet someone who will never make you question how they feel about you and treat you with so much respect and love. Due to how my life went growing up, etc., I did not meet my husband until I was 32. I promise you'll thank the stars you didn't settle and found someone who loves and adores you!
I think most men dont understand what it does to a woman self esteem when they notice their guy isnt looking at them but is looking at other chicks and this has become so normalised by the men that they feel they're doing nothing wrong. Flip the situation around. Would you appreciate your partner checking out some other guys ?
Wanting it and doing it regardless of how it hurts your partner, and wanting it and realizing you shouldn’t act on it are two totally different things.
No, I wouldn't be bothered. I know my wife looks at other men because that is simply a part of human nature. As long as she is not doing anything physical or communicating with them, there is no wrong in it. It is up to each couple to communicate and determine which behaviors are acceptable between them and which are not. I'm not defending a man who tramples a woman's boundaries or breaks his word. She made her feelings clear, and he said he would stop but didn't. That is wrong. However, I think that boundary is a product of extreme naivety in the first place and has more to do with the caller's own insecurities than with moral standards. It's not a technology thing either. Men and women have been checking each other out since the dawn of time. We must be honest with ourselves and stop treating natural human urges as if they are crimes.
Women don't get excited looking a naked man. So Men don't understand the deep hurt it causes. As a woman, being naked is what we have to offer to be different than a roommate. Its a huge part of our intimacy with a man. Men cheat us that intimacy when they look at other women. But they don't get it and they've been conditioned to think harming women this way is their God given right.
@@GixxerRider1991 i used to never look at men up until i realized my bf woudlnt ever stop. it hurt me alot and i did that for YEARS out of respect. human nature is BS you can just not look. i did it.
I‘m Asian and I grew up in Asia. I’m having this problem with my boyfriend. He is Latin American. We have been over a year. At first I thought it might be because of different cultures. So, I try to be open-minded and try to accept it. I try to understand him in this thing. I think of it as normal for western guy. Trying to find more information. until, I found this clip. I listened to this clip over and over to remind myself that I shouldn’t lost the way I am and love myself enough to walk away. I'm thankful I got to watch this clip.
As a man, it makes zero sense why people do this. By doing this, you are asking for another person's attention openly. This guy knows it's wrong and still did it, but some guys don't even see a problem with it. Social media is twisted.
Hey girl, it's important to know that this has nothing to do with you. It is literally all him. If a man is doing this he clearly has insecurities and low morality. I know you posted this almost a year ago, but I feel like we attach other people's actions to our self-worth and egos, and that's where we make a mistake and end up with trust issues/low self-esteem. You are MORE than enough, dont ever let these kinda things change how you see yourself!
This call gave me immense clarity about my own situation. Not the same situation as Amanda’s, but the same interactions and results. I was struck by Dr John’s explanation about becoming the best girlfriend to keep someone. This is exactly what I tried to do. It would never have been enough. Thank you for this clarity.
Honestly you go girl! Good women deserve good men! I don’t even have any social media accounts nor do I even watch pornography or masturbate I’ve also even stayed and been abstinent for 3 years now. If I exist then I know for a fact there are other good men out there just waiting to show you the care and attention you deserve from a relationship, don’t give up girl bless you; you will find someone amazing.
@@GwenMotoGirl you are very welcome :) it really bugs me because I’m sick of guys lying to really sweet women like you and telling you “ohh your just jealous stop overreacting”. Because now when I tell women I don’t have social media or look at pornography they assume and figure I’m lying,, and because of the things you and other women tell me I really don’t blame them for being skeptical when I tell them. Just keep your heart open I know you will find a sweet guy that treats you amazing and makes you feel like one in a trillion 😁
But people accept it when men are disrespectful yet hardly judge and berate women for doing similar things. There's little to no consequences for men behaving in an immoral/p3rverted manner.
@@shantiwilson6143 that is between the people involved in the relationship. For example Some people don't care if their partner use foul language. I will not put up with that behavior.
@@Peaceful4627 But can you see how quickly people brush it off when it comes to men? Men are allowed to mistreat and cheat on their partners, but people would burn a woman on the stake if she even says 1 wrong thing to a man. Women are often blamed and expected to take responsibility for everything and everyone, especially the behaviours of men and its unacceptable and sensless as nobody can control the behaviours if others, nor is it our responsibility to do so. I believe this stems from the misogynistic notion that a woman's sole purpose in life is to sacrifice and serve the needs of men and children, it's our role to give birth, please men and keep men and children happy even if it means neglecting our own needs.
Women, in general, tend to overlook so many red flags all in the name of love. And a lot of men fully expect us to overlook the red flags. If we don't overlook the red flags they tell us there is something wrong with us. Stand proud, hold your head up high, and love yourself first. We don't have to put up with that crap.
@@nocapcryptoo I agree. Women have flaws. Women aren't perfect. But most of the time, women get stuck with the kids having to raise them alone and they struggle. I did not have kids because I did not want to end up in that boat. Men walk away because they can't handle the responsibility of a marriage so they can live the way they want to. The hell with everybody else. Yes there are some good men out there but they are extremely hard to find. Men feel entitled to do what they want.
We're so used to being called crazy, possessive, controlling, jealous. I used to be told I should just accept literally never hanging out with my own partner
@@nocapcryptoo No, it falls on the men to actually be good decent human beings. We're not going to accept all the blame for YOUR behaviour. Women can not control the behaviour of men, nor should they have to, YOU are responsible for your own attitudes and behaviours. Learn to be more responsible, decent people just like women have to.
I hate to use the "society told us" explanation, but society has trained us (I'm referring to women in this case) that we should be relaxed and "cool" with crap like this. I wish Dr. D had been around when I was a teen, because I always felt like the worst human ever for reacting to stuff like this.
I used to have a friend who would tell me "you cant be jealous in relationships" as a way to make excuses for the fact her boyfriend was going to strip clubs and watching porn. Really I think her brushing it off was stemming from deeper seeded issues. He has treated her horribly in the past but she kept him anyway and they got married several years ago and had a baby about a yearish ago. Honestly I think its all just about pleasing him so keep him from leaving because she is afraid of being alone so she sweeps her feelings and values under the rug. Don't do this ladies! You will regret it in the end even if it takes 20 years it will blow up in your face then it will be a truth realized too late that he was not worth all the years of not staying true to yourself.
Do you listen to society’? I don’t care what society tells me. I am not cool about porn at all. And I am not ashamed to admit it!! And I don’t try to play like I’m so “cool” with a man. No, I am not cool , I’m serious about what is important! Period .
I agree, I think the issue was deeper than Instagram photos. It's the fact she communicated an issue she saw and what she wanted instead. He agreed, then lied. This is the issue. The disregard for her values and beliefs is a major issue and could just get more intense over time. Get out, if he didn't change after the next conversation. Hold out hope for growth, but do NOT let your boundaries go. If he fails them, HE fails them. Move on ❤️
I have struggled with this as well. I have made it my goal to never do this again and give ungrateful women attention on instagram or facebook. For me I deleted it. My wife deleted hers. We love each other. Our marriage is stronger because of this
Honestly your comment made my day. It’s admirable to see you admit this was a problem and realize that giving validation to these random women on Instagram is so hurtful to any wife/girlfriend. Your wife is lucky
That’s good but the « ungrateful » comment was kinda unnecessary because it should be about your commitment to your wife and not the fact that the other women you look at are « ungrateful » or don’t reciprocate..
It's disrespectful that keeps doing something that makes you feel that way. My husband doesn't have an Instagram because he thinks the whole idea of it is dumb. Honestly I'm glad he doesn't have it. It just gives me peace of mind. It's overstimulating
Good for you. I hope my boyfriend does the same to me. He do have social media apps, he said he never really look at half naked girls 😢 but I caught him the other day cheating on me :(( he watches porn while I was sleeping next to him😢 . I still don't know what to do😢 he said he's sorry 😢
My husband watches porn sometimes and it has destroyed my self image and I break down over it. I have to hide that it destroys me because he acts like I'm being dramatic when I bring it up. I see it as a form of adultery and although it's common place in our culture I cannot get over it and it's crushing me.
It is adultery. It’s common but it’s an addiction. You should not have to get over something that is wrong and makes you feel unworthy. If he doesn’t understand that or care, I would reevaluate your marriage.
You are not dramatic! It's cheating, he is having sexual relationships with other women. Ask him if he feels not actually touching her is not cheating, then you making a pornography page so you can get the attention you are not getting from him (you know fulfilling your desires to be desired ;) ) if his attention and sexual desires go to other women than he should have no issue allowing you to share your body. Immor actually saying do this because I believe in monogamous relationships, but see how it flips with the double standard.
John hit a key point. If he was a man about it he would have told her the first time "No, I love you but I am not going to stop because bla bla bla...." then let her have the choice whether to stay or not.
I am a guy, non religious, not someone who can be bossed around. This advice is excellent. What this man is doing is a huge red flag. Very disrespectful. This woman needs to move on from this man. Don't waste your time. You will never be able to trust him.
Thank you for taking this much needed call. I know so many people who are dealing and being on this abusive and destructive cycle of harm. This problem is prevalent and destroying relationships, families and marriages.
@@David-wo9un If you disagree that the guy should respect how she feels and try to understand how it is making her feel, then you are not someone who would be good in a relationship. You are missing it.
It's such a turn-off. And the women they are lusting over probably wouldn't give them a second look 😂 Better appreciate what you have next to you, not whats on a damn screen
You need a man who will be recklessly faithful to you. Someone who is willing to get a flip phone if you asked and would go to great lengths to make you feel safe and comfortable! That is how my man is, and it makes me so thankful and feel so safe!
Seeing your man liking half naked women on instagram and all other platforms…it just goes something to you. Especially when you barely use social media and when you are on it it’s just checking in on friends and family. My ex never understood why it was a big deal, but could never piece together how it affected my self esteem. He was liking women that didn’t resemble me in the slightest, over time making me feel like he wasn’t very attracted to me. It made me not want to be intimate and our sex life died and he would just be scratching his head like this is so weird. They can’t ever see how it can affect the entire relationship it may start small but it plants seeds of doubt and insecurity that bleed into some of the most important aspects of a relationship. For us at least.
There's nothing wrong with her concern. It's the equivalent of a man expressing concern of his woman posting provocative pictures for other men to look at. I personally don't think he'll stop because he's clearly a simp and a slave to his sexual urges. He lack of self-discipline.
@@gunner7633 I'm going to assume you're either a troll or uneducated. Either way, do your research before you make false claims. 2Pac was never found guilty of rape and the case against him was weak and built off lies. He was falsely accused.
This is important! If people don’t respect each other, to include their values, they should NOT be together! If this “boyfriend”can’t get rid of this bad habit, the relationship is over.
@@rosewest5168 I am a man. I know so. If they fear God and care about their significant other, they absolutely won’t desire it. We ain’t perfect, but as for us truly God-fearing men, we’re out here and we’re trying our best.
I went through a similar situation 2 years ago. We were together for almost 3 years. We argued constantly over him following woman on Instagram, Reddit, pornhub, he had a list of his favorite girls, he wrote on these girls pictures, I found out later he was going on dating sites when we would fight over it. It eventually turned to abuse because I got him in UA-cam watching videos of woman who do try ons of clothes and lingerie. It is never just him looking at these women it gets worse. One piece of advice I would give is love you first because if it’s uncomfortable just from ig leave before you find out anymore, it turns toxic and violent
Girl you just described my relationship hahahahaha and it was a point where I could not even mention it or he would get mad and tell me to get over it. They never admit they got a problem till is too late. I feel you🤍
Ladies, how they are is how they will be! If they are doing it after they know that it makes you sad ,it makes you cry. They really dont care. I caught my bf looking at 6 months and he said he stopped. And took me 2 years to trust him and then married him only to find out hes been doing it and still doing it after marriage. If you are dating, just let them go. You deserve BETTER!!! Makes me sick thinking men are like this. Dont get stuck with a man that puts their lust over your feelings .
As encouragement, Amanda, I met the love of my life 30 years ago after my divorce age 31. You got this. He’s out there. Or not. I came to decide I’d rather be single than with someone who doesn’t love and respect me. I believe that was what did it. Be confident in your value. When that guy saw me before we met, he knew I took no crap. (Fun story ) And wanted to know me. 30 years later he loves that about me. There is a man out there worthy of your love and commitment. ❤️❤️❤️ as an aside, our 27 yo daughters irritatingly declared there was no one for the bc I ruined them with what I taught them. Update, they have men who love and respect them. Don’t give up or give in.
Anything that steals your peace walk away from. No matter what it is. We all have the right to our own boundaries. Find someone who matches up with what you find acceptable and not acceptable and be confident in those values.
what if i end up alone, most of the “men” check out other women and blame it on biology, wired like that, blame it on us on our “insecurity” and think they do nothing wrong even if it affects us, dont take accountability and don’t try to put our feelings first and decide to continue this behaviour behind our backs and idk how to deal with that especially if he really is an amazing man but just has the habit of checking other women out even without lust or anything…
I was dating a guy for 6 months who would check out other women, even in my presence. Your concern about “What if I end up alone?” Is valid because it feels like all men do this, and most of them do (watch sexy girls on IG, TikTok porn etc.) But you have to weigh how awful you feel when your man - whom you give 100% of yourself to - is disrespecting you in that way. Weigh that alongside how awful you feel being alone. For me and many women, we would rather the pain of being alone than the pain of giving 100 % of myself to somebody who repeatedly chooses to lust over women who are not me. It’s a no brainer. I’m not giving all of myself to this relationship so he can have his cake and eat it too. Having an amazing partner in life comes with some (minor) sacrifices.
A college roommate had this issue. No internet then, it was magazines. She brought home some Playgirls and displayed them in the living room. HE DIDN'T LIKE IT!!!
I recently got out of an abusive and toxic relationship. In the beginning, I'd feel a certain way and react, not understanding why. Through months of therapy and self reflection, I learned how to communicate my feelings. The problems in our relationship became worse. It turned into "you're feeling wrong, fix your feelings" and no effort to understand, emphasize, correct the behavior. I was always the problem. I almost died trying to prove I wasn't. He's definitely showing you exactly how much he values your input: not very much. Don't talk yourself out of your gut feelings. Let him go.
I've struggled with jealousy surrounding this for years... After being told constantly that it's "just what guys do", I tried to numb myself to it. Honestly, it does bother me... mostly because it feels like they're throwing it in your face constantly "oh look THIS is actually what I find attractive. See? NOT you." And no guy I've been with who has done this has ever stood by me or cared about me. I was kind of like a "placeholder" kind of girl... I'm kind of just thinking now that it does send a clear message that he just isn't that into me. I'll just move on next time. Looking is one thing, trying to get these women's attention and being obsessed with them is another... I don't want to be the placeholder! I want to be the dream girl!
It’s not just Instagram, he’s looking at them on every platform available! My ex had an addiction to porn & those photos. Lived a complete secret life!! He only got better at hiding it
it almost made me wonder when mine said, 'what now, are you going to tell me I cant look at porn?" I could not deal with it anymore that day so I didnt ask about what he meant or think about it more. These men are sick and twisted.
The strongest and happiest relationships are when BOTH partners are not on social media AT AL!!! ZERO accounts. No Facebook. No instagram. No Snapchat. ZERO! Focus on EACH OTHER. Not. OTHER PEOPLE!
If he's following half naked women on Instagram and other social media outlets, it is highly likely that he's watching pornography as well. Most people who are in the world have no real conscious or morals so they are going to always say it's normal and okay which is not! You as the wife or significant other is being disrespected. If he ignores your request to stop then drop that loser, he's not worth your time!! A real man who loves you and is invested in you then he will let it go..period.
The thing is that she has talked to him about it. He still continues to do it. It's possible that it's an addiction for him. But he disregarded your feelings about it.
So I asked my husband if he liked other women's pictures on facebook(I don't have social media) and very quickly he answered no, that he sees it as a total disrespect. I have no doubt that he's being truthful. I would never do it myself. We have the same values and morals in almost everything..find a partner that sees everything the same way you do.
Don’t believe it. I get husbands on my social media DM’s every single day. Just saying. If he has a social media, he is looking 👀 and if you relationship gets a bit rocky, he will be sliding into the DM or comments or double tap. Ask your husband to delete social media or let you have his passwords to it.
@@Chosen302 I would believe it if any other past partner had social media..lol but not my husband. If it isn't about fishing he really does not pay attention. I know no one should trust another so much. But marriage is supposed to be this way. The only one that gets in between us is God and it just puts me at ease.
@@marisolh4349 yeah my husband told me the same thing he would reassure me that he would never lie to me, and he took the extra step to not only deny that he was looking at other women and commenting on other women on social media, but he would go the extra mile to say things to manipulate me to believe he would never do anything like that like I would never do that to you. I would never hurt you that way, and guess what the whole time when he was lying to my face, he was doing exactly what he said he wasn’t doing, good luck
I wish I had heard this 5 years ago😅 Oh man, Amanda, you deserve way more than that! You are worth being with someone who loves you for you and respects you and your values!!!
i stand very firmly on this. you should not be watching porn or following ig “models” if you are in a relationship. it’s disrespectful to your partner first of all. and second of all, why would you need all that if you genuinely liked your partner? many men will come up with excuses but they’re all bullshit because they are addicted to porn and they can’t come to terms with it. i never never never will date a man with a following list that looks like straight up porn hub
Just got out of my 9yr relationship and although he wasn’t interested in intimacy, his entire Instagram was full of nothing but insta baddies. So I will follow your lead and say that this is a huge red flag.
This advice is what keeps people single No one is “worth” anything or “entitled” to anything It’s all about what you put in. No relationship will ever be perfect, and if you expect it to be that’s on you
This video and all the comments give me strength, he told me he is a man, it’s normal for men doing this. I broke up with him but I still feel so hurt, angry and confused. But thanks everyone letting me know I’m not wrong and I can have boundaries.
If he disagreed with her on that as a boundary for their relationship, then he should’ve said so - and then either declined to accept her request, or negotiated an agreement that’s amenable to both of them.
It really does hurt and he seems like he does not care. I KNOW my man likes other half naked pics of women. There's one in particular who is damn near naked, shaking her a$$ on ig that he said he was going to unfollow because he also commented on one of her reels. He NEVER unfollowed her. That's a slap in my face. That's a disrespect. That's trust issue. That's a lack of keeping me safe cause I don't know how far he would go with this. Matter of fact 95 percent of pages he follows are that type. It's like I'm not enough for him. I'm not desirable to him and that hurts.
Coming from a guy who struggled with a porn addiction, People need to stop watching it. It effects them mentally and physically even relationships. Its gotten very very bad. I pray to anyone who struggles with it, You can overcome it.
This helped me so much… knowing my Value is being stomped on kinda hurts and the fact that I try to wallpaper it hurts even more because I know I’m not being heard.
I saw the title and without listening to the talk, if you are not comfortable the answer is no. And no one sane will be comfortable with this. Just follow your intuition and no need validation.
What alot of people miss is that if a person feels terrible around, about, because of, in response to you then its just a matter of time and frequency and your emotional love will be dead. Men, when her emotional love is dead then the good will leaves, sex leaves, kindness leaves, and you will get almost nothing from her and her behavior toward you will look nothing like it did during the early stages of goodness
A man without social media is the biggest green flag. Seek out men who don’t use social media. They’re a rare breed but they exist. I’m married to one…
me and my boyfriend deleted social media after we started dating. well neither of us watched anything lewd but we just saw much negativity that affect to our brains. so deleting social media has made our relationship much more better
Good luck with that 😂
Funny, people call me psychopath for not having facebook and instagram for over 8 years now.
@@anarmustafayev1555😂 They're projecting.
😂😂😂 sure!!
It really disturbs me how normalized it is to just feel the need to have porn and sex everywhere and need to be aroused all the time. Like why can't people take a break???
Social media offering soft and hard porn and racy content are designed to create addictive behaviours. The girls are hustlers and looking for validation and money. Men/boys eventually become compulsive and addicted with trying to make contact through messages (which are free to draw them in) and even paying for the virtual entertainment. The girls encourage it because their end goal is money but they make men feel like they have a chance. It's sick, hyper sexualized narcissism and its generations of this that will become the future... that's scary.
You’re absolutely right, I agree
Right! Do something appropriate!
lust. one of the 7 deadly sins. they will never be satisfied and it’s a bad habit / addiction.
soooo true!
6 months? This is the honeymoon phase and he’s already disrespecting your feelings. How do you think it’s going to be in 5yrs? Find yourself a real man not a boy in a man’s body. No man or woman should settle just to be in a relationship. Respect yourself and you’ll find someone who respects you too!
Yep! My bf was doing it the first months and told me he won't do it again and fast forward to 3 years and being married...he's still doing it. Just don't bother ladies. They will never change
@ninishali I am very sorry. I was dating a man, and I noticed him loving pics of a woman that he knew in person. She always posed in sexual ways and when I confronted him he said she was his neighbors niece and I was exaggerating and he didn't do anything wrong.I told him Ok, and good luck with her and I stopped communicating with him.
Damn that’s some real a** ish 👏🏽
i'm not going to ask a man to stop doing this anymore. they always lie or blame me. i'll just walk and i'll tell him why. and i won't date men who do these things, which probably means i'll live alone. but, not cheated or shitted on. ;)
SAME. When you’ve expressed it’s a boundary and they still deliberately, repeatedly step out and disregard how much it guts you, there’s clearly no respect. Apparently these other people are worth hurting who you’re supposed to care about and losing that person. My husband does all of this including sliding into DMs.. makes a collection of hot women on FB.. gets mad at me over my user and then signs up for dating chat sites. Claims it’s not cheating and innocent and just gives him a thrill. Yet he refuses to stop; the hypocrisy too is mind blowing. I’m not allowed to speak to male friends and he freaks out about me even commenting on YT comments or in my medical support groups saying it’s the same. It blows my mind. Hell act completely affectionate and loving half the time whole behind the scenes he’s screwing around. It’s just not worth it anymore. I’ve always had crap luck with men, they’ve all treated me the same in the end, always lied to and replaced. I wonder if maybe I’m just not meant for “love” in that way- if it means constantly waiting for the betrayal and stress of continuing eggshell walking.. it’s just too much!
@@PhantasmicEther Pls leave that guy. Let him spend all day on his addictions as he pleases at least you won't have to witness it. Your life will feel 10 x better once you get your peace back. Then you will discover there is so much joy in life to be had without someone making you miserable. ❤
@@PhantasmicEtheri would leave him, he is insecure, childish, lacks respect and is controlling and doesn’t value your feelings. A thrill? dude you are in a relationship you either engage for that thrill or stay in your relationship. its hard yes i get it but it’s so hurtful..in my opinion you have to reevaluate your boundaries and love and respect yourself and be positive
@@PhantasmicEtherYeah, that sounds like he's manipulative and abusive. You need to leave him asap.
@@CrimsonsJimson slowly but surely getting there- awful financial situation so it’s like torture 🙄
I’m so turned off by guys who do this.
💯 it would take a man’s attraction level from an 8 to a zero and I’m walking out the door ❤️
@@Maelu-op9gf Agree. Found out my fiancé did this and lost all attraction for him in an instant. Couldn’t stand to have him touch me so I ended our 3 year relationship, and 48 hours later I’d packed my bags and left. It was fascinating to hear him beg for me to return, not understanding that any love or affection I felt for him had evaporated. When you act in such a way that grossly disrespects or disregards your partner, don’t be surprised when they walk out the door.
Men can play pretend and hide it all they like but they have no clue as to how their partner will respond when they do eventually find out. Such men are much diminished in the eyes of their women and the loss of respect can never be regained.
@@mickmash-5192 wow… good for you! You are a very strong person to know your value and walk away. I’m sorry you had to go through this though because that tough. You deserve a great man who is 💯 all about you ❤️
@@mickmash-5192 that was good to hear! these men don't deserve to be in relationship. If they want to spend the rest of their days wanking to pixels, so be it, it is their choice. But they can't having a cake and eating it too. Either they are all in he real relationship, or single with an attention span of average porn video.
@@mickmash-5192you are a cruel person and you never loved him in the first place. Good luck in life.
It’s a dealbreaker and I don’t understand why so many people don’t realize how it would affect the quality and intimacy of their relationship.
Not just because the woman feels hurt or disrespected but because it does something subconsciously to both partners that weakens and erodes their connection.
Unless you are the most beautiful woman in the world then you should not feel offended.
@@r.walker7986 Thank you for making an example yourself as a person most women would never want to be with. Certainly not whoever you think is the most beautiful. It’s sounds like You might be the type of person who views woman as objects. And it’s ok for women to say no to the status quo thus far held up by men like you who have fooled themselves into thinking they are the one in control in a relationship. It’s not the man, but ideally, it’s not the woman either. It’s mutual, with respect, trust, cooperation, communication and curiosity, etc. Your perspective is archaic and you are quite possibly an angry person deep inside. It’s ok you’ll be dead soon. We all will. Because life is short. And I, like so many women would rather spend it alone than be mistreated by men who don’t know how to love a person, only know how to possess an object of perceived value. But lots of men don’t hold your perspective, and/or are taking the steps to correct their unhelpful beliefs. So there’s some hope for you before you die. Anyway, good luck dude.
How tf does it even matter. Morals and dignity are everything in human relationships. At least for me and people like her. Many women can be beautiful and can be compared on different levels but that is out of the question. Humans are not toys. You can't collect and have as many as you want and play with them whenever you feel like. The entire social media has normalised sleazy behaviour online and this has significantly eroded the quality of human connections that once existed. @@r.walker7986 but if beautiful and sexy is the only thing that calls to you, you do you. But trust and believe there are women who actually have standards and morals when it comes to forming and staying in relationships, which is something that they don't compromise with.
@@r.walker7986 -- that's a bit of a silly statement because even super gorgeous women can still have moments of insecurity or jealousy. Just because a woman knows she's beautiful doesn't mean she wants her man constantly checking out Instagram and OnlyFans hoes.
@@r.walker7986well they usually won’t because the guy will be looking at them and so will all the other guys. Then the guy will be self conscious and the women will lack any care.
It’s just a human thing. A lot of people, unless you are asexual, are going to be attracted to the physique of others. And it draws attention. Drawing attention to you, doesn’t mean that you are a disgusting pervert, who is incapable of keeping it in their pants, though. people blame this for their problems. But that’s not the problem. The problem is how they act and how they communicate with each other.
This woman has more patience than I do! Don’t settle with disrespectful people, period.
same here
That's good. You shouldn't have patience for this sort of thing. He's a pig.
❤
Now talk about all your selfies looking for attention from other men!
That's why you single lol
Caller.... you've only been dating for six months. The purpose of dating is to evaluate one another's suitability as a long term companion or spouse. Through dating him, you've learned be has a habit that you don't care for. Consider that you and he may not be a match. You're not going to change him. Harping on his character flaw will only result in his figuring out how to hide his obsession from you. Decide now if this is something you want to live with long-term.
Kimberly Smith: I have had the same issue, only he was actively contacting women online. Most of them have been scamming him. The relationship has been off and on for years because he was continuing to do this against my wishes. I have refused to marry him 3 times because he broke our engagement the first time and has a habit of not supporting me when I need help with transportation (I have no car). I have left him twice and currently live by myself because of an attachment caused by his recent serious health issues and my guilt for having been with him and and his lack of regard for my happiness. All the time he was sick last winter with heart attacks and covid, he was constantly blaming me for trying to keep him alive. I was not able to get home care for him since his doctor refused to refer him to the proper services. I live in the same apartment building and want to move out because he keeps trying to draw me back into his life and get me wrapped up in a business he wants to start. If I do, I will be the one doing most of the work. It's hard to be cold in the face of his physical condition, but the relationship is so toxic I can no longer stay with him.
AMEN!
True it time to make a decision whatever it may be good u can’t complain what u permit a person show u who they are believe it
They should figure out a way to share a video comment so it pulls up the video and the comment you shared
Cause that's what I need for this comment
He is your boyfriend, not husband, you are not married, don't have kids, my point is you can easyly walk away. Don't waste your time. This is a major red flag which in time will lead into porn addiction and intimacy promlems. You wouldn't want to get yourself into this knowingly. Just walk away. Please walk away! You are a lively young lady you, deserve better. You owe yourself to do better!
I think if she loves him, she should give him an ultimatum. If he’s not willing to have accountability for it, and feels remorseful I think there’s hope. It’s an addictive behavior and it’s not about her. But they need a plan to make sure he can’t do it without her finding out.
@@nick23900 He said he'll stop doing it and did it again... I guess he was remorseful of getting caught, not remorseful of doing it...
It's "easily", not "easyly".
I had the same situation, I got my boyfriend at the time into counseling to work on his addiction, at some point I had to decide what I was willing to tolerate. I had to walk away for my peace of mind. If we were right for each other, things would have turned out differently. Remember that behavior is a language. Ladies, pay attention to your instincts and know it’s ok to have boundaries and standards.
They doesn’t automatically make it easy. I mean if they’ve only been on 3 dates I guess… lol
Just ended a relationship for this very reason. He said he wasn't, but he was. That was a lie, and a disrespect of my values and feelings, there's no coming back from that. Now just have to let the void heal.
Im curious what’s the difference between looking at girls on insta and your dad having a playboy stash?
@@Bigmommashouse317 She's not married or in a relationship with her father
@@ananimity7332 I don’t have social media but you gotta be pretty insecure if your triggered over your man stumbling across photos of wome on an app where you take photos……
@Bigmommashouse317 the playboy girl, can't message back. Instagram you don't have to wait for next week's issue, it decreases tolerance of sameness, smart phones has infinite varieties in seconds, playboy you gave to wait a week for a other issue and thus worsens arousal addiction with smart technology.
@@ananimity7332weird question from him in the first place.
This is a form of addiction that is so accessible.
Yes and society tells us this addiction is ok
@@brooklove90 it's all about control with you guys
And totally normalized, even encouraged. So many youngsters look up to these Instagrammers. Even though Iots use editing/surgery
@@Melissa.712 ya control your baser urges and gross addictions please. Absolutely we all need to control ourselves. We ain't wild animals
It's not addiction.
I NEEDED this. This is such a massive issue in the dating scene now and is not spoken about enough. Thank you so so much
Its getting worse. People constantly ask for selfies and nudes. Some use those pictures to post on dirty websites! Or make a fake profile to scam others for money
Men will always want other women. Thats the truth. Just like women will always want a man who is stronger, earns more and taller.
@@prolegend4773 "Just like women will always want a man who is stronger, earns more and taller." Umm. No. I bet you don't talk to many women in real life. Most women who are in love or in relationships aren't lusting after random men - unlike men lusting over lots of random women and strangers. Maybe you should actually talk to women rather than projecting onto them.
@@jackie41083 its in a mans nature to do so. Also the majority of women in the world are very boring in relationships. And since men in general only deals with women for sex, obviously he will want to see sexy pics of girls online. So him looking at women sexy pics is not a big deal since he cant sleep with them. Also that woman should be happy since he comes back to her and treats her well.
@@jackie41083 if women in general focus on pleasing their man in every way possible we wont be having that conversation. But it does not matter cuz uall dont care. So guys, date and have atleast 3 girls in rotation and u will be fine.
Never get attached to a man, as hard as it may be, until he has proven he is worthy!
Awesome advice.
Your not going to change him don't waste the pretty
Wish I had known this a lot earlier
Magic Mike franchise sold billions. And they even have a live tour. It wasn't men buying those tickets for the movies or tour. Women again with their constant double standards with everything. They are like children.
Amen❤
Woman:
Make a good dude who beats off prove himself!
Also woman:
* finds hot wife beater*
* marries him*
Girl, he never stopped the first time He just told you what he thought you wanted to hear and continued to do what he wants.
"Pay attention to what a person does not what they say because people will tell you what you want to hear, while doing what they want to do" saying that I came across
So? It’s pictures. She needs to get over it.
@@FreePickCapper these women also act like they don’t check dudes out they’re just in their feelings over petty insecurities oh well 😂
@@cptfreeman8966 as if you would like it if your partner checked out better looking men than you. Hypocrite
@@cptfreeman8966 we don't constantly look up random dudes and pine after them that is strange behavior
My ex was like that. My current bf is NOT. We’ve been together a year and the peace and calm I feel is incredible. My ex had this thing with giant breasts, and I would tear my body apart, my self esteem was so low. Now I don’t even care what my breasts look like because I know I’m loved. I haven’t even wore makeup in months because I feel so beautiful. And I’m allowed on his phone so I’ve seen for myself what he looks at ha. It’s just not worth how LOW and UNATTRACTIVE this type of man makes you feel.
I made the mistake of getting breast augmentation to impress my ex fiance because I saw the dirty things he was following on Instagram and it made my self esteem so low because I wasn't built like those girls. I'm no longer with him and I totally regret the surgery. I love myself a lot more now and plan on having the implants taken out eventually.
Does he have access to your phone too?
@@mary-kate6170 Oh you poor thing 😞 I know the feeling. I hope you continue to heal from that situation 🙏🏻 Men don’t realize how damaging that behavior is.
@@MrTmenzo Of course! That would be weird if it was one sided.
@@mary-kate6170 If you have to do that to please a guy, you are with the wrong guy. A more quality guy is looking for things other then large breasts.
It's just plain disrespect. If something bothers you, and your partner doesn't care, there's your answer. Let him have the ig attention seekers. They don't want him either, unless he is paying, of course! lol
Lol no! What do you say when a men watches porn while his married! That doesn’t mean he hates her or have zero feeling for her!
@@kingasif9265 I agree. Women watch porn A LOT, there is desire and things they see in porn they really like, including the male actors and how good they do certain things and their manly body parts lol, that doesn’t mean these women don’t like their husbands or boyfriends. It’s literally just for fun and fantasy.
@wonder woman it’s hard to find guys in the comment section of this video who agree with you because we all do it
Amen, sister.
“They don’t want him either” hahaha
Men who do this have no respect for their significant others or other women.
And won't change. Move on...
Theres nothing wrong with doing what he did. Im sure she sees men online and outside the house that she finds attractive as well. However, he just wasnt man enough to be honest and say that he wasnt going to stop. He should have acknowledged her feelings and gave her his side and if she wanted to stay based on his honesty about the situation it could have been her choice but he just brushed her off and lied about it.
And if single watch away whoo!
@@crzyruskie86 finding people attractive isn't some horrible act but he likes these pictures and is obviously intentionally following these types of women on social media for his own selfish reasons. He gets nothing out of liking womens pictures. He has no respect for her boundaries. I don't understand why men think liking naked women's pictures is okay...
@@Ayn0de you have got to be kidding me... those aren't even the same! Someone's past is not relevant to the present unless they are still showing the same behaviors. What does someone's sexual history have to do with this man not respecting the girlfriend he has now. And I'm sure that man had sex with other women before so what is the difference.
I agree with it not being ok to let them follow or even like sexy pics. It’s like them not caring about loosing you over a stranger. I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels this way.
It’s losing
Okay?
But; is it ok for women to post those pics?
Even if he stops giving them attention he will still be checking them out. If he agreed to stop but he chose not to stop its over. Your goose is cooked. It is so so so so so much easier to find a man who is good for you than to try to change a man who isnt!
A man only changes when HE wants to. Apparently her BF did not want to change this particular viewing habit. Question is how was she able to discover this habit in the first place? Are these 2 people shacked up together? If so, now caller knows that men do not view shacking up as being exclusive/committed to 1 person. Men view their shack up counterpart as a roommate with benefits, nothing more. Time to put on your big girl pants and get a home of your own.
Wow, your last sentence is🤌🏼 wish someone would have told me that during my dating years!
@@jeromehenry4484it depends on the person, i change if i want to but i consider my partner’s feelings and if i think something is normal and he is bothered by it still then id try to understand him
MEN WILL ALWAYS WANT VARIETY
Quit shaming Men for Nature
My husband and I are 45 and we are now having this issue .
My husband recently created an IG acct and is now constantly looking at T&A on there .
I cannot believe that at 45 & married we are having the same problems that younger couples who are dating are having over social media 🤦🏻♀️
TnA?
@@KillerofGodsterm for naked women
I was married 30 years. I didn’t see the red flags from the beginning.
Unfortunately there is no age limit for this. If they do it when they are 20 they will continue doing it when they are 60. It’s who they are.
The phones/computers with instant access is ruining many aspects of relationships and personal health by making it easier to view. Years ago it was playboy and other magazines; how much worse it is now!
@@KillerofGods Tits n' Ass
I’m just immediately icked whenever I see a guy thirsting over women online who will never know their name 😂 Ladies, trust me, there are real men out there!! Save yourself for them. You do not have to choose these boys.
preach
All men look, its biology. Women have to stop being delusional, most men are with the women they were able to get, not the woman they really want. Same for women. So everyone must be understanding about stuff like this.
Are you sure those men exist?
@@jennifermarie8707 yes. Plenty have moral discipline, spend their spare time outdoors, monitor their health and show up for their loved ones. The examples in my life include my older cousins, brothers, my father, and even some friends my own age who have begun to find partners in life and start families. Of course I know many who are stuck in these unhealthy cycles. Boys like that are plentiful, as you know. Doesn’t mean the others don’t exist. Wait for them!
@@jennifermarie8707 She's delusional, if men are not lingering and looking at what they desire, it usually means the wifi is out. Hell, even Amish men have old tattered playboys stashed around the farms... 😂😂😂
3 weeks postpartum and found my husband using tiktok to look at girls....now I'm watching this video crying my eyes out..
I hate Ticktok it's another filthy thing for men to look at no less than there filthy mags wife's would burn if found !!! Nasty creeps.
If you need to talk, I totally understand this (minus the postpartum) and I’m here for you.
I am so sorry to hear this, just stay strong through the rough, promise it only gets better from here, his loss
Hi! I’m also in my postpartum and going through the same. Please if you need someone to talk to I’m here
I’m with you !
Very disrespectful. I’ve been married for 18 years and have never ONCE indicated verbally or behaviorally that I was attracted to any other woman.
True gentleman 👏
Good to hear dude! Happy to finally hear a married guy that is completely satisfied with his sex life and has no complaints!
Your wife is lucky!!!
Good on you mate!!
You’re a rare breed.
Good man
Speaking from experience, if they say they stop but they don't, you will forever be guessing and wondering what they are really looking at, it eats away at you and is not a good way to live
My momma taught me that when you are dating someone that is the best behavior that you will ever get out of them. Girrrrrrl if he is looking now he will look even if you are married to him. Is this the best behavior you will tolerate from a partner or do you deserve better?
Honey! That’s a mouthful. I will keep this advice in mind when I date.
My bf’s parents are a mess. Like 60 somes fighting daily. Dad is always looking at b00bs n a$$ and they divorced but live together-? And apparently lately he’s been begging her to sleep with him “one last time.” 🤮
Your mama was smart!!!!!
Mama gave the best advice and she is 100% right. If in the dating phase, they’re showing a failure it’s time to reassess and the interview is over
I have no problem with my boyfriend liking pictures but when it comes to liking thirst traps and girls showing their goods it’s like why? because if i posted pictures like that he would say i’m looking for validation from other men. so why is he validating other women by liking their provocative pics…? I got called insecure cause i don’t want him liking those type of pictures i told him well good thing their are a million other women in this world go find one who doesn’t care what you like and has no standards! goodbye
That’s such a good way to put it
THIS. Men would be so pissed if women normalized showing their body to other men nonstop while in a relationship with them. But somehow it’s okay that they have normalized looking at other women while in a relationship.
@@dianachristine8438 Exactly!
You are NOT insecure. When I was heavily pregnant with my second son, my ex liked inappropriate pics of half-naked women, and he even commented, telling them how beautiful they were. It is plain disrespect
@@xsuzannex Thank you. I'm sorry you went through that.
Emotional cheating is highly likely to lead to physical cheating
And even if it doesn't it's so wrong. Can't believe how much people defend it. Drives me mad.
@@mariovilla2348 you wouldn’t cheat on her right my man is the same way he follows Insta gram models he told me he had an ex what else he was supposed to do? I’m like u have me now so delete them u wanna see big booty bitches u have one right here he said that’s doing too much what do u think at first I didn’t mind but like tf I’m not following guys with six packs and stuff idk
@@mariovilla2348 if a woman with a big booty throws herself at you, you would cheat. Men who think its okay, also think its okay to cheat or eventually will if what they like presents itself in the form of opportunity.
@@mariovilla2348 Wouldn't you feel disrespected and grossed out if your wife was looking at big ol 🍆 on the internet
@@snoozyq9576because physical one is believed to be worse
Run... don't look back... it leads to a dark world
Heard that too manipulater Im just looking it will escalate 😢
Damnit John you made me cry when you said “for what it’s worth don’t settle” sheesh. Your videos are amazing. Keep up the good work
Yeah, I got choked up when he said that too ~
There are many red flags that you're over looking. End it. There is no trust from here going forward. You're in a relationship. Each party should act that way. People know right from wrong, point blank.
This has always been something I’ve felt strongly against in my relationships as I feel it’s such a blatant act of disrespect. Yet all my partners have done it and anyone I’ve ever spoken to say “it doesn’t mean anything, it’s just a man thing” I feel like I’ve been conditioned to think that this has to be accepted when in a relationship 😥
Wrong. No, the social media, Only Fans and porn sites being visited by men "as just the norm" are engineered to create addictions. Men of a certain pathology become addicted faster and they don't even realize how compulsive they become in Liking and yes, sending DMs to these girls. What makes it detrimental is when the girls encourage the contact as they are hustlers looking for money. In my profession, I treat the few men who come forward with addictions and they all started out the same way - visiting these websites. It's not something anyone with values and self-worth will accept.
I completely agree. It isn't acceptable if one partner has made it clear that this behavior violates their boundaries and trust. My ex was a porn addict in denial and we went through the same crap. I never felt good enough for him, which is BS. It was so disappointing and hurtful to not be respected by him. That relationship was a failure and I'm now with a man who doesn't indulge in any of the online sexual fantasy. Thank God. I am so grateful to have him.
Ouch! Maybe it is a man thing but there are true gentleman out there. A good man is hard to find. Stay away from 90% of the male population!
Nope. But gonna be honest. We like to look. It's like a candy shop. We like them thin thick White Black Asian etc. However I'm not looking in front of my woman. But if I'm at a friend's house and he has a nude magazine I.aint gonna lie. I'm sneaking a peak.
Your woman deserves better. We aren't eye candy. We are human beings. I know you wouldn't like it if your woman was out tasting the flavors behind your back. It would make you feel less than human. You would start wishing you were taller and more muscular, with a different skin tone, better hair, better eyes. You would question - What does she see in me? Am I ugly?.....Grow tf up. You aren't twelve years old.
The real red flag is that Instagram has morphed into a makeshift dating site, so if he's liking pictures, he's probably trying to slide into some DMs.
I heard about that sliding into DMs. It would be like a lottery for the man. These women get hundred or thousands of DMs. The chances of hooking up with these women is probably .0000001%.
@@dbloyd2 precisely. They're only good for responding if you're a "high value man".
It's so easy to cross the line with this kind of stuff. He's like a kid in a candy shop with no self control.
@@em77775 Agreed. Probably better to to be single. The relationship will not last more than 5 years with that behavior. It is sad this is distracting so many people from real relationships.
@@dbloyd2 even if you’re pursuit is rejected, if you’re in a relationship it is cheating
Ladies, not all men are the same with this. The man i unfortunately married constantly lusted at images of scantily dressed women all the time. Over time it really affected my sexual confidence and attraction to him, as i never felt sexy or beautiful. Having left that soul destroying relationship, ive been with another man for a few years who just isnt on the contant look out for the sexual stimulation of other women. Guess what? I feel beautiful, sexy and cant keep my hands off him because of how respected, peaceful and happy he makes me feel! He's a wonderful man that i love to distraction.
😭where did u find this man😂
Trust me yes we are. Some Men are juts better at hiding it and Some Men just don’t care
@@nylayziyagil8777I think Ebay.
Plenty of Fish. Though I sure had to kiss a few lower idiots before I found him.
@EM-KeepingtheFa🎉🎉🎉ith
I was just like this with my ex. She came to me to stop and I made excuses to just keep my phone from her. I was a POS and ultimately ended things with her because I felt controlled. She was amazing and would have done literally anything for me. I ruined our 5 year relationship and it hurts me everyday since
Serious question: Do you still look and are you in another relationship? The question is relevant, because I would like to know what made you stop looking or why are you still looking? I'm curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to.
@@lowkey2262 I also would like to know because I am also curious as to why someone would throw away a great relationship over something like this.
@@lowkey2262 I'll answers because it helps me be honest with myself. We have been apart for a year now. I did look a couple months after the break-up and couldn't commit. Since then I've been staying to myself and focusing on my career. I've been working on my own self improvement as well and I don't want to ever drag someone else down ever again. It's hard for me to forgive myself. Dr John's videos have really helped me in my progress
@@Matt-ug7nb Thank you for answering my question. I appreciate it.
@@samia6888 In my experience of 41 years of life and 19 of the 41 being married, it's my personal opinion that we should all live a single life first, before we get into a relationship with anyone. I'm still married and had to learn a lot of things about being with my wife.
As someone who entered a relationship like this, young men are being programmed for this behavior. I felt it was so normal to do these things and never even thought of the disrespect until my significant other came to me and said it was a problem for her. I heard her and I understood. My behavior was unacceptable while being in a relationship. Young men need to hear stories like this video, because they could think this very thing is normal and it shouldn’t be.
Exactly and by programmed, it means they’re being groomed and conditioned
Yep. They're also taught that they can have any woman they want because women are just objects. Objectifying women and looking at them sexually is not valuing women. Trust me, that's a huge part of it for women. We don't want our man looking because we know that's how he sees women, but it's also kind of like cheating. I mean I completely understand a glance and have no issue if my partner tells me someone attractive because that's natural.
Don’t fight your nature, and don’t beat yourself up over it
While I agree it can be unhealthy to be doing it constantly, it’s really not that big of a deal
I think "programed" isn't the right term. This stripps us from the responsibility. Those people weren't brought up properly, and our society tolerates bad manners.
This isn't a casual look on some passing by, this is intentional and active search for sexual pleasure outside of your relationship.
BRO THANK YOU.
This issue that many men have with social media is very sick. These guys are being programmed to think that doing this type of stuff is acceptable. My ex boyfriend would do this as well. He made me feel like it wasn't a big deal because he wasn't cheating. He said he stopped, but he would never let me look at his phone freely. So I could never truly trust him. I'm so happy we broke up. But I have absolutely no doubt that if I was screenshotting pictures or messaging half naked hot guys and following and liking their pictures, he would have a huge problem with it. If you're a guy and you do this... I think you need to reevaluate what you're being programmed to do, and if you have a partner and you're doing this.. you are being disrespectful and you know if your wife or gf was doing the same you'd feel some type of way about it. You need help. This type of behavior is not okay. There might be some women that say they're supposedly okay with it, but I believe most women find it completely disrespectful.
Exactly, he could dish it but can’t handle a dose of his own medicine. I’m sorry you dealt with a narcissist
Yep! I’m in my 50s, so meeting a nice guy and finding out he’s following hundreds of practically naked photos of 20 year olds is gross AF and a total turn off. Each to their own but I don’t wanna put effort into a guy who has to engage with a bunch of (likely fake) profiles with sick ass comments of what he’d like to do to “her”. That just screams “you’re NOT the man for me”.
Same thing. And I don't know what to do about it...
The media is what's doing this. They promote promiscuity in women and as a result you get these weird, disenfranchised boys/men who are WAYYY out of touch with reality. Not all of us are like this and vice versa, just remember not everyone is lost to these things.
@@crazymelomankasame, i feel bad even if he turns to look at a woman that is half naked i mean dressed provocative and the worst part is idk what he is thinking and i dont want to obsess over that but i dont want him to have bad thoughts about women dressed like that or to check them out…
Girl, you deserve better!!! 27 is still young. You'll meet someone who will never make you question how they feel about you and treat you with so much respect and love. Due to how my life went growing up, etc., I did not meet my husband until I was 32. I promise you'll thank the stars you didn't settle and found someone who loves and adores you!
I'm 32... I had given up on the possibility of marriage lol
I think most men dont understand what it does to a woman self esteem when they notice their guy isnt looking at them but is looking at other chicks and this has become so normalised by the men that they feel they're doing nothing wrong. Flip the situation around. Would you appreciate your partner checking out some other guys ?
Every single Man wants variety. It’s a sad truth but a truth nonetheless
Wanting it and doing it regardless of how it hurts your partner, and wanting it and realizing you shouldn’t act on it are two totally different things.
No, I wouldn't be bothered. I know my wife looks at other men because that is simply a part of human nature. As long as she is not doing anything physical or communicating with them, there is no wrong in it. It is up to each couple to communicate and determine which behaviors are acceptable between them and which are not. I'm not defending a man who tramples a woman's boundaries or breaks his word. She made her feelings clear, and he said he would stop but didn't. That is wrong. However, I think that boundary is a product of extreme naivety in the first place and has more to do with the caller's own insecurities than with moral standards.
It's not a technology thing either. Men and women have been checking each other out since the dawn of time. We must be honest with ourselves and stop treating natural human urges as if they are crimes.
Women don't get excited looking a naked man. So Men don't understand the deep hurt it causes. As a woman, being naked is what we have to offer to be different than a roommate. Its a huge part of our intimacy with a man. Men cheat us that intimacy when they look at other women. But they don't get it and they've been conditioned to think harming women this way is their God given right.
@@GixxerRider1991 i used to never look at men up until i realized my bf woudlnt ever stop. it hurt me alot and i did that for YEARS out of respect. human nature is BS you can just not look. i did it.
I‘m Asian and I grew up in Asia. I’m having this problem with my boyfriend. He is Latin American. We have been over a year. At first I thought it might be because of different cultures. So, I try to be open-minded and try to accept it. I try to understand him in this thing. I think of it as normal for western guy. Trying to find more information. until, I found this clip. I listened to this clip over and over to remind myself that I shouldn’t lost the way I am and love myself enough to walk away. I'm thankful I got to watch this clip.
This is not normal behavior for a man. Do not allow any man to brainwash you into thinking it's okay
What was the clip?
@@krismargalThe video for this commentary.
As a man, it makes zero sense why people do this. By doing this, you are asking for another person's attention openly. This guy knows it's wrong and still did it, but some guys don't even see a problem with it. Social media is twisted.
Simp. White Knight.😂😂
Why can't we just be enough ladies? I'm so sick of being sick . I know now that I'm not enough I'm so tired of it.
Do you also dress with modesty?
Hey girl, it's important to know that this has nothing to do with you. It is literally all him. If a man is doing this he clearly has insecurities and low morality. I know you posted this almost a year ago, but I feel like we attach other people's actions to our self-worth and egos, and that's where we make a mistake and end up with trust issues/low self-esteem. You are MORE than enough, dont ever let these kinda things change how you see yourself!
im going through this right now. my s/o was living photos of women and i left him thank you for this message
I feel this to my core. I am so sorry.
This call gave me immense clarity about my own situation. Not the same situation as Amanda’s, but the same interactions and results. I was struck by Dr John’s explanation about becoming the best girlfriend to keep someone. This is exactly what I tried to do. It would never have been enough. Thank you for this clarity.
Honestly you go girl! Good women deserve good men!
I don’t even have any social media accounts nor do I even watch pornography or masturbate I’ve also even stayed and been abstinent for 3 years now.
If I exist then I know for a fact there are other good men out there just waiting to show you the care and attention you deserve from a relationship, don’t give up girl bless you; you will find someone amazing.
@@Practicalinvestments thank you!
@@GwenMotoGirl you are very welcome :) it really bugs me because I’m sick of guys lying to really sweet women like you and telling you “ohh your just jealous stop overreacting”.
Because now when I tell women I don’t have social media or look at pornography they assume and figure I’m lying,, and because of the things you and other women tell me I really don’t blame them for being skeptical when I tell them.
Just keep your heart open I know you will find a sweet guy that treats you amazing and makes you feel like one in a trillion 😁
"Begin trusting yourself going forward." That's excellent.
That “are you settling?” cut like a knife.
This happens all the time. Smart phones and computers have made it to easy for people to disrespect each other.
But people accept it when men are disrespectful yet hardly judge and berate women for doing similar things. There's little to no consequences for men behaving in an immoral/p3rverted manner.
@@shantiwilson6143 that is between the people involved in the relationship. For example Some people don't care if their partner use foul language. I will not put up with that behavior.
@@Peaceful4627 But can you see how quickly people brush it off when it comes to men? Men are allowed to mistreat and cheat on their partners, but people would burn a woman on the stake if she even says 1 wrong thing to a man.
Women are often blamed and expected to take responsibility for everything and everyone, especially the behaviours of men and its unacceptable and sensless as nobody can control the behaviours if others, nor is it our responsibility to do so.
I believe this stems from the misogynistic notion that a woman's sole purpose in life is to sacrifice and serve the needs of men and children, it's our role to give birth, please men and keep men and children happy even if it means neglecting our own needs.
Women, in general, tend to overlook so many red flags all in the name of love. And a lot of men fully expect us to overlook the red flags. If we don't overlook the red flags they tell us there is something wrong with us. Stand proud, hold your head up high, and love yourself first. We don't have to put up with that crap.
@@nocapcryptoo I agree. Women have flaws. Women aren't perfect. But most of the time, women get stuck with the kids having to raise them alone and they struggle. I did not have kids because I did not want to end up in that boat. Men walk away because they can't handle the responsibility of a marriage so they can live the way they want to. The hell with everybody else. Yes there are some good men out there but they are extremely hard to find. Men feel entitled to do what they want.
@@nocapcryptoo This isn't about you, dude.
@@nocapcryptoo So true. My best to your daughter.
We're so used to being called crazy, possessive, controlling, jealous. I used to be told I should just accept literally never hanging out with my own partner
@@nocapcryptoo No, it falls on the men to actually be good decent human beings. We're not going to accept all the blame for YOUR behaviour. Women can not control the behaviour of men, nor should they have to, YOU are responsible for your own attitudes and behaviours. Learn to be more responsible, decent people just like women have to.
I hate to use the "society told us" explanation, but society has trained us (I'm referring to women in this case) that we should be relaxed and "cool" with crap like this. I wish Dr. D had been around when I was a teen, because I always felt like the worst human ever for reacting to stuff like this.
It's a form of gaslighting.
Yea and that leads to us putting up with more and more and more. Been there. Never again.
I used to have a friend who would tell me "you cant be jealous in relationships" as a way to make excuses for the fact her boyfriend was going to strip clubs and watching porn. Really I think her brushing it off was stemming from deeper seeded issues. He has treated her horribly in the past but she kept him anyway and they got married several years ago and had a baby about a yearish ago. Honestly I think its all just about pleasing him so keep him from leaving because she is afraid of being alone so she sweeps her feelings and values under the rug. Don't do this ladies! You will regret it in the end even if it takes 20 years it will blow up in your face then it will be a truth realized too late that he was not worth all the years of not staying true to yourself.
Do you listen to society’? I don’t care what society tells me. I am not cool about porn at all. And I am not ashamed to admit it!! And I don’t try to play like I’m so “cool” with a man. No, I am not cool , I’m serious about what is important! Period .
Same I have a hard time having a different opinion about it too
I started watching this channel as a reminder that I am happily divorced and happily single.
😂. Why do u have to be reminded about happy. 😆. U should feel that no matter what. It's like I started going to the zoo to remind me I'm a human 😂
Schadenfreude @@Shaolin91z
No people need reminders and validation
I agree, I think the issue was deeper than Instagram photos. It's the fact she communicated an issue she saw and what she wanted instead. He agreed, then lied.
This is the issue. The disregard for her values and beliefs is a major issue and could just get more intense over time.
Get out, if he didn't change after the next conversation. Hold out hope for growth, but do NOT let your boundaries go. If he fails them, HE fails them. Move on ❤️
I have struggled with this as well. I have made it my goal to never do this again and give ungrateful women attention on instagram or facebook. For me I deleted it. My wife deleted hers. We love each other. Our marriage is stronger because of this
Honestly your comment made my day. It’s admirable to see you admit this was a problem and realize that giving validation to these random women on Instagram is so hurtful to any wife/girlfriend. Your wife is lucky
good for you. i’m wishing i find a man that has the same values as me.
Ok but if you see a good looking woman in person you’ll still admire
That’s good but the « ungrateful » comment was kinda unnecessary because it should be about your commitment to your wife and not the fact that the other women you look at are « ungrateful » or don’t reciprocate..
It's disrespectful that keeps doing something that makes you feel that way. My husband doesn't have an Instagram because he thinks the whole idea of it is dumb. Honestly I'm glad he doesn't have it. It just gives me peace of mind. It's overstimulating
Good for you. I hope my boyfriend does the same to me. He do have social media apps, he said he never really look at half naked girls 😢 but I caught him the other day cheating on me :(( he watches porn while I was sleeping next to him😢 . I still don't know what to do😢 he said he's sorry 😢
If a situation bothers you and your partner does nothing to change it/doesn’t care, that’s just plain disrespect
My husband watches porn sometimes and it has destroyed my self image and I break down over it. I have to hide that it destroys me because he acts like I'm being dramatic when I bring it up. I see it as a form of adultery and although it's common place in our culture I cannot get over it and it's crushing me.
It is adultery. It’s common but it’s an addiction. You should not have to get over something that is wrong and makes you feel unworthy. If he doesn’t understand that or care, I would reevaluate your marriage.
You are not dramatic! It's cheating, he is having sexual relationships with other women. Ask him if he feels not actually touching her is not cheating, then you making a pornography page so you can get the attention you are not getting from him (you know fulfilling your desires to be desired ;) ) if his attention and sexual desires go to other women than he should have no issue allowing you to share your body. Immor actually saying do this because I believe in monogamous relationships, but see how it flips with the double standard.
Dump him. I agree. Been there. Dumped him. Done. Men like that have zero respect for women.
It is cheating! Don't let common culture tell you otherwise!
How would he feel if you looked at guy porn?
John hit a key point. If he was a man about it he would have told her the first time "No, I love you but I am not going to stop because bla bla bla...." then let her have the choice whether to stay or not.
but if he loved her or no lets say if he wanted not to make her bad or stay with her wouldnt he stop doing it?
@@iamweebo1349what
I am a guy, non religious, not someone who can be bossed around. This advice is excellent. What this man is doing is a huge red flag. Very disrespectful. This woman needs to move on from this man. Don't waste your time. You will never be able to trust him.
You’re such a bullshit artist
Thank you for taking this much needed call. I know so many people who are dealing and being on this abusive and destructive cycle of harm. This problem is prevalent and destroying relationships, families and marriages.
The reason for even grey divorces. This issue is so prevalent. Men laugh in the faces of women for being upset about it.
Gosh I just want to give Amanda a hug. I have been there. Ending that relationship was the best thing I ever did.
Lemme guess, you’re still single?
@@prod.saiyan4863 happily she should
You’re awesome , John. She sounds awesome and deserves someone who respects her feelings.
Another Beta like John.
He always puts women on a pedestal and makes them feel like men are not worthy of them; it’s quite ridiculous.
Stop the Cap
@@David-wo9un I wonder what kind of pictures the caller post's on her Instagram...that's probably how her boyfriend found her🙄
@@David-wo9un If you disagree that the guy should respect how she feels and try to understand how it is making her feel, then you are not someone who would be good in a relationship. You are missing it.
It's such a turn-off. And the women they are lusting over probably wouldn't give them a second look 😂
Better appreciate what you have next to you, not whats on a damn screen
You need a man who will be recklessly faithful to you. Someone who is willing to get a flip phone if you asked and would go to great lengths to make you feel safe and comfortable! That is how my man is, and it makes me so thankful and feel so safe!
Sounds quite controlling
You must have a good little man that listens to you and lets you boss him around
@prod.saiyan4863 or he knows what the world has come to and knows the benefits of cutting a smart phone out of his life.
Seeing your man liking half naked women on instagram and all other platforms…it just goes something to you. Especially when you barely use social media and when you are on it it’s just checking in on friends and family. My ex never understood why it was a big deal, but could never piece together how it affected my self esteem. He was liking women that didn’t resemble me in the slightest, over time making me feel like he wasn’t very attracted to me. It made me not want to be intimate and our sex life died and he would just be scratching his head like this is so weird. They can’t ever see how it can affect the entire relationship it may start small but it plants seeds of doubt and insecurity that bleed into some of the most important aspects of a relationship. For us at least.
There's nothing wrong with her concern. It's the equivalent of a man expressing concern of his woman posting provocative pictures for other men to look at. I personally don't think he'll stop because he's clearly a simp and a slave to his sexual urges. He lack of self-discipline.
Weird you think he is wrong for looking at pics but have a rapist as your avi
@@gunner7633 I'm going to assume you're either a troll or uneducated. Either way, do your research before you make false claims. 2Pac was never found guilty of rape and the case against him was weak and built off lies. He was falsely accused.
Did some research and saw he was charged huh
Yep! Agree!
Read what he was charged with dummy. It wasn’t r@pe. Also he was charged with poor evidence. Read the case and see the evidence. He was set up.
Experiencing it right now. I'm crying while watching this
Get over it, all Men do it despite what some women believe or what other Men will lie and say they don’t
This is important! If people don’t respect each other, to include their values, they should NOT be together! If this “boyfriend”can’t get rid of this bad habit, the relationship is over.
The next guy will do the same thing! Just not let her know !!
Wake up people lol
@@beatdown3361 Not every guy will, that’s simply not true.
@@MagicalFishy do you think so?
@@rosewest5168 I am a man. I know so. If they fear God and care about their significant other, they absolutely won’t desire it. We ain’t perfect, but as for us truly God-fearing men, we’re out here and we’re trying our best.
Usually looking at soft porn will lead down to addiction to the hard porn( if he's not already doing that!) Also to infidelity!! He's not for u!!
Yes! And those are absolutely the correct terms.
Do you have any proof for this claim ?
Have you tried using UA-cam on a new or no account..? Since 2016 it’s been BAD
@@franziskaniUA-cam knows it, just look at what they push to new accounts
@@franziskaniResearch studies, multiple ones, have confirmed it. Google it!
I went through a similar situation 2 years ago. We were together for almost 3 years. We argued constantly over him following woman on Instagram, Reddit, pornhub, he had a list of his favorite girls, he wrote on these girls pictures, I found out later he was going on dating sites when we would fight over it. It eventually turned to abuse because I got him in UA-cam watching videos of woman who do try ons of clothes and lingerie. It is never just him looking at these women it gets worse. One piece of advice I would give is love you first because if it’s uncomfortable just from ig leave before you find out anymore, it turns toxic and violent
Most of these guys have porn addictions. Gross lack of self control and just complete slaves to their urges.
Girl you just described my relationship hahahahaha and it was a point where I could not even mention it or he would get mad and tell me to get over it. They never admit they got a problem till is too late. I feel you🤍
Ladies, how they are is how they will be! If they are doing it after they know that it makes you sad ,it makes you cry. They really dont care. I caught my bf looking at 6 months and he said he stopped. And took me 2 years to trust him and then married him only to find out hes been doing it and still doing it after marriage. If you are dating, just let them go. You deserve BETTER!!! Makes me sick thinking men are like this. Dont get stuck with a man that puts their lust over your feelings .
As encouragement, Amanda, I met the love of my life 30 years ago after my divorce age 31. You got this. He’s out there. Or not. I came to decide I’d rather be single than with someone who doesn’t love and respect me. I believe that was what did it. Be confident in your value. When that guy saw me before we met, he knew I took no crap. (Fun story ) And wanted to know me. 30 years later he loves that about me. There is a man out there worthy of your love and commitment. ❤️❤️❤️ as an aside, our 27 yo daughters irritatingly declared there was no one for the bc I ruined them with what I taught them. Update, they have men who love and respect them. Don’t give up or give in.
I have now got trust issues with my partner over something similar. It's very difficult when you think something is a big deal and they don't.
Anything that steals your peace walk away from. No matter what it is. We all have the right to our own boundaries. Find someone who matches up with what you find acceptable and not acceptable and be confident in those values.
what if i end up alone, most of the “men” check out other women and blame it on biology, wired like that, blame it on us on our “insecurity” and think they do nothing wrong even if it affects us, dont take accountability and don’t try to put our feelings first and decide to continue this behaviour behind our backs and idk how to deal with that especially if he really is an amazing man but just has the habit of checking other women out even without lust or anything…
I was dating a guy for 6 months who would check out other women, even in my presence. Your concern about “What if I end up alone?” Is valid because it feels like all men do this, and most of them do (watch sexy girls on IG, TikTok porn etc.) But you have to weigh how awful you feel when your man - whom you give 100% of yourself to - is disrespecting you in that way. Weigh that alongside how awful you feel being alone. For me and many women, we would rather the pain of being alone than the pain of giving 100 % of myself to somebody who repeatedly chooses to lust over women who are not me. It’s a no brainer. I’m not giving all of myself to this relationship so he can have his cake and eat it too. Having an amazing partner in life comes with some (minor) sacrifices.
A college roommate had this issue. No internet then, it was magazines. She brought home some Playgirls and displayed them in the living room. HE DIDN'T LIKE IT!!!
Good!!!
lol legendary
I recently got out of an abusive and toxic relationship. In the beginning, I'd feel a certain way and react, not understanding why. Through months of therapy and self reflection, I learned how to communicate my feelings. The problems in our relationship became worse. It turned into "you're feeling wrong, fix your feelings" and no effort to understand, emphasize, correct the behavior. I was always the problem. I almost died trying to prove I wasn't.
He's definitely showing you exactly how much he values your input: not very much. Don't talk yourself out of your gut feelings. Let him go.
I've struggled with jealousy surrounding this for years... After being told constantly that it's "just what guys do", I tried to numb myself to it. Honestly, it does bother me... mostly because it feels like they're throwing it in your face constantly "oh look THIS is actually what I find attractive. See? NOT you." And no guy I've been with who has done this has ever stood by me or cared about me. I was kind of like a "placeholder" kind of girl... I'm kind of just thinking now that it does send a clear message that he just isn't that into me. I'll just move on next time. Looking is one thing, trying to get these women's attention and being obsessed with them is another... I don't want to be the placeholder! I want to be the dream girl!
It’s not just Instagram, he’s looking at them on every platform available! My ex had an addiction to porn & those photos. Lived a complete secret life!! He only got better at hiding it
it almost made me wonder when mine said, 'what now, are you going to tell me I cant look at porn?" I could not deal with it anymore that day so I didnt ask about what he meant or think about it more. These men are sick and twisted.
The strongest and happiest relationships are when BOTH partners are not on social media AT AL!!! ZERO accounts. No Facebook. No instagram. No Snapchat. ZERO! Focus on EACH OTHER. Not. OTHER PEOPLE!
💯
Exactly!
If he's following half naked women on Instagram and other social media outlets, it is highly likely that he's watching pornography as well. Most people who are in the world have no real conscious or morals so they are going to always say it's normal and okay which is not! You as the wife or significant other is being disrespected. If he ignores your request to stop then drop that loser, he's not worth your time!! A real man who loves you and is invested in you then he will let it go..period.
He has an addiction, that’s why he can’t & won’t stop. PLEASE RUN NOW!!!
"they're at peace with who they are."
another rock solid call and advice from Dr. John.
The thing is that she has talked to him about it. He still continues to do it. It's possible that it's an addiction for him. But he disregarded your feelings about it.
So I asked my husband if he liked other women's pictures on facebook(I don't have social media) and very quickly he answered no, that he sees it as a total disrespect. I have no doubt that he's being truthful. I would never do it myself. We have the same values and morals in almost everything..find a partner that sees everything the same way you do.
Don’t believe it. I get husbands on my social media DM’s every single day. Just saying. If he has a social media, he is looking 👀 and if you relationship gets a bit rocky, he will be sliding into the DM or comments or double tap.
Ask your husband to delete social media or let you have his passwords to it.
@@Chosen302 I would believe it if any other past partner had social media..lol but not my husband. If it isn't about fishing he really does not pay attention. I know no one should trust another so much. But marriage is supposed to be this way. The only one that gets in between us is God and it just puts me at ease.
@@marisolh4349 yeah my husband told me the same thing he would reassure me that he would never lie to me, and he took the extra step to not only deny that he was looking at other women and commenting on other women on social media, but he would go the extra mile to say things to manipulate me to believe he would never do anything like that like I would never do that to you. I would never hurt you that way, and guess what the whole time when he was lying to my face, he was doing exactly what he said he wasn’t doing, good luck
Don’t Go into his activity log , probably will break your heart 💔
From: jaded female
I wish I had heard this 5 years ago😅
Oh man, Amanda, you deserve way more than that! You are worth being with someone who loves you for you and respects you and your values!!!
Dr. John is so intuitive - love to see him get to the crux of the matter.
i stand very firmly on this. you should not be watching porn or following ig “models” if you are in a relationship. it’s disrespectful to your partner first of all. and second of all, why would you need all that if you genuinely liked your partner? many men will come up with excuses but they’re all bullshit because they are addicted to porn and they can’t come to terms with it. i never never never will date a man with a following list that looks like straight up porn hub
Just got out of my 9yr relationship and although he wasn’t interested in intimacy, his entire Instagram was full of nothing but insta baddies. So I will follow your lead and say that this is a huge red flag.
You don’t want to be in a cop/mommy position toward your boyfriend. Yes, he can do what he wants, but lying about it shows a lack of integrity.
Right ...I'm not saying a word...it's their character, can't really change that. Let the pig go.
This girl sounds like a real sweetheart.
Im already 28… we were planning to get married… i think i dont wanna get married anymore
You are worth it. Be true to your values. Be at peace for who you are. You are worth being loved.
This advice is what keeps people single
No one is “worth” anything or “entitled” to anything
It’s all about what you put in. No relationship will ever be perfect, and if you expect it to be that’s on you
Ladies run from men who are like this, they will never be good family men nor good fathers. He has too much time on his hands if this is his pastime.
This video and all the comments give me strength, he told me he is a man, it’s normal for men doing this. I broke up with him but I still feel so hurt, angry and confused. But thanks everyone letting me know I’m not wrong and I can have boundaries.
You did the right thing by breaking up with him. You deserve to be treated with respect.
@@primrosec.2045 🥲🥲🥹🥹
If he disagreed with her on that as a boundary for their relationship, then he should’ve said so - and then either declined to accept her request, or negotiated an agreement that’s amenable to both of them.
Bingo. The details of the parameters don't really matter. It only matters if both agreed upon them.
It really does hurt and he seems like he does not care. I KNOW my man likes other half naked pics of women. There's one in particular who is damn near naked, shaking her a$$ on ig that he said he was going to unfollow because he also commented on one of her reels. He NEVER unfollowed her. That's a slap in my face. That's a disrespect. That's trust issue. That's a lack of keeping me safe cause I don't know how far he would go with this. Matter of fact 95 percent of pages he follows are that type. It's like I'm not enough for him. I'm not desirable to him and that hurts.
If it makes you uncomfortable then an needs to stop. Your feelings are valid.
I’m there now. It’s happened multiple times. I’m exhausted
Wow this got me. It’s beautiful to see how you validated her intuition
Boyfriend is window shopping for what he would like to have in the future. She's just a place holder, cleaning woman, cook, caretaker.
Not necessarily
We just like variety
@@prod.saiyan4863 then have the decency to break up with a clearly monogamous woman. then you can have all the variety you want
@@prod.saiyan4863You mean have your cake and eat it, too?
Coming from a guy who struggled with a porn addiction, People need to stop watching it. It effects them mentally and physically even relationships. Its gotten very very bad. I pray to anyone who struggles with it, You can overcome it.
I am Amanda, going on 19 years together and we are still fighting the same behaviors.
Did you get out, Evelyn?
This helped me so much… knowing my Value is being stomped on kinda hurts and the fact that I try to wallpaper it hurts even more because I know I’m not being heard.
I saw the title and without listening to the talk, if you are not comfortable the answer is no. And no one sane will be comfortable with this. Just follow your intuition and no need validation.
What alot of people miss is that if a person feels terrible around, about, because of, in response to you then its just a matter of time and frequency and your emotional love will be dead. Men, when her emotional love is dead then the good will leaves, sex leaves, kindness leaves, and you will get almost nothing from her and her behavior toward you will look nothing like it did during the early stages of goodness