She gets paid to be her paralyzed boyfriend’s caregiver, but marriage could change that
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- Опубліковано 8 сер 2021
- Over a year ago Jane Morgan and Conner Slevin's life changed when Conner was hit by a wave in the ocean on a trip to Mexico. It left him paralyzed. Now, his girlfriend Jane is his sole caregiver, taking care of his long list of medical needs. Living in Oregon, the state pays Jane minimum wage for forty hours of care a week. Before the accident, Conner was planning to propose. But if they marry, Jane's payments for caregiving will get reduced.
Who gets paid to be a caregiver is complicated. Medicaid, Medicare and private insurance companies have different rules and requirements for paying family members, as do individual states - and in most states, married caregivers are not counted as workers. Only eight state Medicaid programs allow married people to be paid caregivers to their partners. Eight additional states have private programs that allow spouses to be paid as caregivers.
But across much of the country, interabled couples, a relationship with one person who is disabled and one who is able-bodied, are placed in a terrible predicament: marriage or compensation for the grueling work of managing one of the most expensive medical conditions. Read more: wapo.st/3s1R9Aq. Subscribe to The Washington Post on UA-cam: wapo.st/2QOdcqK
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Caregiving to this degree tends to break the relationship because one feels guilty and the other exhausted. One needs to have a network of people.
Sad but True 😢😞
I agree. I have a friend who is now a quadriplegic due to a similar accident at the beach like the one this gentleman in the story had. Anyway, he's the same age as me (38) and was dating his girlfriend for almost ten years prior to his accident. After he came home from the hospital she stuck around for a year or two and couldn't handle all the responsibilities of taking care of someone else who needs that much help. I also believe she wanted to have kids so she moved out.
true, i was one of the main(?) caregivers for my late aunt (she had stroke). there were times when i was so stressed out, depressed and i did get help but there were times when everyone else in my family were completely exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally and not receiving enough helps from my other family members.
but we truly did our best to care for her with wtv we had and i wasnt by my aunt's side when she died as i was hours away, studying in college at the time.
i remembered crying for days after receiving the news from my mom. caregivers too need themselves to be taken care of while caring for others tbh.
Probably due to exhaustion from having to work a full time job and come home to their spouses care. Unless they're given around the clock care of course, otherwise when you come home from work, you have another full time job to do. Nah, I think you've got it the other way around. THAT, imo, is where the burn out really happens. Of course, this would also have a lot to do with the level of care needed.
Ya...
As a working American, both these people should be getting payments. He should be getting full disability payments. She should be paid the equivalent of a full time job, and not minimum wage. I want my taxes to allow these people to get married.
That’s very well said. Thank you. I want my tax paid to allow these people to get martied
Don't complain then if your taxes are raised
@@extremepsyche3135 taxes being better allocated is more like it. Wouldn’t have to be raised. I’m a quadriplegic and my nurses are paid $30 an hour through a home care agency. The agency is paid over $100 an hour through state Medicaid for the care. It would actually be saving tax dollars if more of that money just went straight to the caregiver or spouse in this instance.
@@extremepsyche3135 Way to completely negatively interpret and change his words. I despise people like you.
Is there an NGO that can support families like this with tax-deductible donations?
These are REAL Issues we as a country should support. Hats off to this couple for being together throughout this.
What a disgusting thing to say about someone you know nothing about.@@postpwnmalone
@@postpwnmalone genuinely what are you talking about
The country/government does not care about us. Poor people, veterans, disabled people etc. We can not expect any help from the government.
It’s just too much for her and we know realistically it’s unsustainable. She needs help.
Taking care of someone has a huge impact on your mental health.
Tell me about it
That is right
And physical health - all those lifts ruin your back.
Yes, it does! I helped care for my mother for many years with Alzheimer’s, and now I have developed chronic illness.
It sure does!!!!
You can see the pain in her eyes. She’s really struggling. I hope they get more financial assistance.
Exactly, people are praising here and whatnot, but all I saw was pain.
@@PurpleRanger69 uhh and? She can be in pain, and yet still keeps doing this. that deserves praise.
Yes even the poor guy is in pain. Thank God he has someone to tk care of him
She needs to leave ☺
she left him 4 months ago
I was a nurse for a quadriplegic for 5 years. The toll it takes on your physical health AND mental health are huge. I was always injured from repetitive movements from transferring the person, and supplying that level of care really wore me out mentally after a while, too. And of course, you are not given any health insurance as a hired caregiver. I knew it was time for me to move on because I had compassion fatigue. I think it would be in her best interest to get an outside job and hire a nurse, if they want their relationship to survive.
you are a true hero
Yeah, they can still marry and their life will be easier.
@@user-uz7ok9lp8k wow, can you say the same to yourself then? move outta ya parents basement, LOL
Was your patient a real quadriplegic or he was just acting as quadriplegic?
@@angeloramirez1249 --- Here's a huge FACT. ...... There is a service for paralyzed or any severely disabled person that a paid woman comes over and provides sex. It's a real job for these nurse/women to provide this service. He should get that service. She should leave him to pursue her own life and dreams, and just be a real good friend to him. ---- Jane Morgan. If you're reading this. J U S T D O I T . ( Nobody owes anybody anything in this world )
I provide this level of care for my brother…he’s quadriplegic (diving accident)…much respect for this lady on many different levels…her loyalty and commitment is truly remarkable not to mention admirable. It’s impossible for someone who isn’t in this situation to truly understand the challenges that are present on a DAILY basis both not only the handicapped but the caregiver as well. I’ve been doing it now for nearly 30 years
do you have your own family?
@@reddoe7055 No I don’t.
Chris Evans how much you now just like me I can go back next weekend right now just good luck with the best news now like that his way now that I can find out now
@@chrisevans9688 What??????????????
@@Bob31415 Chris Evans now you feel like you did you power cool and the best TV show power rangers now that day is the best people would be back like you do that show that you can find out now like you video me look good at that day and time we go back next weekend
This is a go fund me I'd contribute to. She was beyond an amazing woman. She deserves so much better and so much more help. She loves him deeply.
Yeah
We shouldn't need Go Fund Me for family care. They should be able to be married and receive Medicaid benefits for his care.
Yes
Yes and her heart is in it🥰
We shouldn’t need a go fund me for this! We pay taxes! It should come from our taxes in the form of healthcare coverage, and then any money you donate to a GoFundMw gets taxed too
She is one in a million. The heavy lifting is going to take a toll on her back. After she puts in 8 hours a day care, a health care professional should be hired by the state to do the rest. She is an angel
Naw, I think she is going to leave him soon. She doesn't seem loyal to me. She is trying to hide it for the camera, but her true feelings shine through. She is over it. Men's value comes from their ability to provide, and women's value comes from their looks. She is thinking she needs to leave him and get a new man who can provide for her before her looks fade anymore than they already have. She is evil, but that's how the world is.
@@theNimboo From women to the world, that's quite a big jump in logic 🤔
@@theNimboo Yeah no stop projecting your own view of the world onto strangers and situations you aren't involved with. Each person is different. Also, your own perception of the world is very sad. There are people that don't care about that stuff. I'm sorry you haven't experienced it but it doesn't mean it isn't out there.
This has nothing to do with being an angel, don’t get religion deal with this. This man is huge and needs pro medical support. She is a tint girl not an Angel. Angels can’t help you when you paralyzed and need to go to the bathroom and take a poop.
@@theNimboo why don’t you go and help him ahole, how could she help him with that tiny body, lifting him up several times a day. I wish you get the same treatment then see what your love ones do, punk.
you can see in her eyes she is tired, feel so sorry for you both, wish you all best, stay strong!
It is sickening to see genuine people abandoned 😢
You are a shining example of love and empathy!!
She has such a good heart. A person like that is extremely rare nowadays.
Oh yes she is but we are not that rare we do exsist
@@BurninSven1 You are the exception, not the rule.
Well its not extremely rare but people like us aren't in relationships. I for one been single for 20 years tried dating but i get this everytime, You're too nice. I have found that ALOT of women don't want nice guys, they find them to be creepy. While nice women are extremely rare, that is true. Sad but true. All the nice women are either damaged or in relationships.
It's only been a year... It's way to early to say that....
@@robertbrainard5651 I've seen this rhetoric "women don't want nice men", but many women have said that they don't want "nice guys", they want good guys. Being nice doesn't entitle anyone to anything, and to me, being nice is doing something positive for benefit while being good means you aren't in it for anything. Being "nice" is a bare minimum for anybody honestly. Other personality traits, actions, physical attractiveness, etc has to play in. I think there's a difference and other factors that need to be brought up when saying that.
I'm worried about her back. She's so small. She needs a pull system to transfer him. We pay plenty for wars and other foolishness and people like this are SUFFERING 😡😪
You are right. They talk in terms of milllions or billions of dollars when sending money or aid to foreign countries and American families are genuinely suffering, so sad.
🙌🙌🙌🙌
I was a nursing assistant and it will take a toll on you even if you are using proper lifting techniques. She will eventually have to get help.
And illegals
They need to get a Hoyer lift
Working as an RT in a hospital, I've seen this scenario before. A young man had an aneurysm and was ventilator dependent. The young wife would visit him all the time, but he never reacted to her. She was young, beautiful and totally devoted to this guy, but you could see it was taking a toll on her emotionally as well as physically. It was a heartbreaking thing to see.
Still wasn’t physically ruining her body as this girl is
@SerpentInside if he is vegetatative not taking much of a toll since your soul and mind has already crossed other side...see her partner in that state can drive someone to suicide
As a former caregiver to a 24/7 cerebral palsy patient, a patients who is a quadriplegics, nursing home experience, and a brother in law who is also a quadriplegic and mentally disabled, I understand partially how she feels. I only understand partially because so far, I’ve never had to do any of it non stop by myself. What she’s doing will eventually destroy her back. She will break down emotionally and physically. My mother in law has been my brother in law’s caregiver his whole life. Please support people like this. Don’t let them do it alone. Help lawmakers fund these people. If you are a family member or friend be as supportive as possible. Don’t assume that the staff is enough. I promise you it’s not. Sometimes just breaking up the monotony of routine is enough to ease the burden. If you have loved ones in nursing homes, visit them as often as possible. All these people need A LOT of emotional support. Offer to make meals, play board games, help with transport to appointments and outings. Getting out of the house is hard. Just be there for them in any way you can.
I've been taking care of my paraplegic partner for 18 years. We have a teen son, but live apart and are not married because in Quebec they would not only cut my caregiver pay but also stop his disability payments. We would have no choice but to go on welfare, so we live apart instead.
*hugz*
I’m so sorry that’s horrible. Sending you love and prayers ❤️🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
It is baffling that more stress is placed on families trying to take care of each other.
Ok I am so f..cking confused that government pays illegal for everything but their own citizens. It is f...cking so ridiculous and mind boggling. God bless these couple 💑 🙏 ❤️
So sad
Just shows you how under valued the position of being a house wife and full time care giver is…. basically it’s a kick in the teeth!….
It's not just house wife, it's every spouse!
@@joannehart1720 👍💚
@@benbrown9053 you just sound like a hater
Literally
I’m sure it only costs a few hundred million per month for the states to fund care for persons in this situation. All tax payers should demand that caregivers be paid $15 per hour rather than minimum wage. We should demand our taxes be raised or other programs be defunded to accommodate. I’m sure we can find the money somewhere regardless what programs must be cut in order to get it done.
In this day and age of disposable relationships... this is unbelievable. She's a literal angel.
>Implying she isn't sticking around for the money either way.
You clearly don't know much about women.
@@thewingedpotato6463 maybe women don't want you because of your terrible personality
Most world is genuine, just get your head out of social media and Hollywood crap
@@AugmentedEdits666Stop talking about peoples mothers weirdo!
@@thewingedpotato6463do her job for one week and we will see how that income is charming to you.
Beautiful lady. Sadly she would have to move on soon. She cannot sustain this forever. It's too much stress on her back, too much stress on her mind (she looks so sad), and too much stress on life.
She is patient with his needs . It’s not sustainable to do this forever. Her caregiving duties are 24/7 . Kudos to her commitment to take care of him
I was a nurse assistant for the elderly for many years and this is NOT EASY. I was lucky I got to clock out at the end of the day and made more than minimum wage. This woman deserves all the praise & compensation in the world. She isn't even MARRIED to this man & she's quite literally being his all. God bless her.
Don't gotta be married to be someone's all, marriage is a scam.
no one cares, f her
If the woman got quadriplegic, will the man do the same to her?
@@real_hello_kitty According to some internet searches, yes, but the girl is abusive so he is in a bad spot. Honestly these things are few and far in between when compared to everyone else. Not everyone will wanna stay for various reasons, just like how not everyone will wanna leave.
People do good and bad, not men and women.
Yes I pray God will bless them both endlessly. I truly admire her because I am a paraplegic and I know what they both are going through, it is not easy to deal with someone who needs a lot of care. She is a gem.
"We are punished for pursuing love..." Heartbreaking.
Everyone one is but not many realise it.
@@vishveshtadsare3160 I think you might be right...😢
It is the things we love the most that makes us weak. The lesson for this woman is simple detachment, refusing to see does nothing but create pain down the road. Can you imagine her when she is 50 if she still doing this?! She should leave, work for the guy for a while heal do the transition but leaving is the solution here
she looks and her eyes says she wants to give up and move on. but it looks shes being made guilty of feeling that way. there's a big possibility that he say this things to make her feel guilty. like we're being punished for pursuing love. why include her for being punished she dodged being carried by the waves. why not say hes being punished. why include her. shes 30, shes worried shell never be able to have children. what if she grows old and alone.
@@mxtinac01casterl68 many people grow old alone even if they have children. What's the big deal??
This reminds me of what happened to a friend of my cousin. Her husband was stricken with polio just after they were married in the early 1950's, and was paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life. She stood by him, however they were never able to have children. Somehow, they were able to make their relationship endure.
You are doing a great job. Love is such a difficult thing alone, but to also be a carer full time, of your partner, I take my hat off to you . Mana wahine! Strong determined woman day in and day out.
there's no love lmao, she just wants more money. people care for loved ones for FREE and dont talk about ''ohh I am not getting enough money''
@@terrorsquadlith oh sorry....didn't know you were the woman in this story. On the real though I know, i can't care for loved ones with love alone. Unfortunately we do need funds to survive, eg; roof over head, power, water, food, meds,petrol to get hospital appointments,and every other necessity. Is always easy for one to judge another, when not in each others own shoes/situation. Just alot easier to listen and hear, not send negatively out into the world. Kia ora 🙂
@@terrorsquadlith Youre a clown, shes been doing this for a year and only getting paid minimum wage, he CANNOT WORK so SHE NEEDS TO PROVIDE IN THE RELATIONSHIP. Actual incel.
She has to get help if she doesnt, she's going to end up needing a caregiver for her. This is hard work, I feel for her.
Exactly
FACTS!!!!!
Caregiver burn out, that is so harsh. I became resentful
Definitely agree, she’s going to wreck her back lifting him like that all the time.
@@unaonse1115 Yes and this is mostly why men don't bother at all. Most leave their female partner if she gets sick or disabled.
My parents had a relationship similar to this. My mother as the caregiver , sacrificed much of her youth staying faithful to my father. He was just a little more independent than this man. All I can say is most people feel bad only for the one who is handicapped. Most don't realize the mental and physical toll one handicapped person can have on a wife/husband, children, and even an entire family. This woman is a hero and people like her deserve every ounce of support in the world.
They could use professional caregivers instead of wasting their family member's life
@@KenericTheGeneric it’s not horrible.. it’s shallow… basic and without consideration to things like $. But it is not horrible or wrong
@@KenericTheGeneric mmmm how interesting that u attack them for seeing compassion for the family. Ur attempt to shame them must be from your own shame.
@@roshnik5137 So, true. That woman needs a chance to live her own life. Be stupid if they marry. She should get the state to assist. And, enjoy her youth while she can.
@@KenericTheGeneric even if it's horrible it's true, others shouldn't have to waste their own life someone else's misfortune, we get one life to live, one and only chance. If I was in the same situation I would use professional help.
I saw the struggle in her eyes, I really hope things become better for you guys.
Feeling depressed today about my caregiving responsibilities; this was a helpful reminder of how many people are struggling and that I'm not alone. Bless their hearts...so young to take this on.
You,and me both. I have been a caregiver for almost five years.
Don't be down guys. Keep that chin raised. You pursued this sort of career for a reason. We need people like you because most of the world are just a-holes at this point and wouldn't help their own mother if need be. You're the strong ones. So stay strong.
@@shawnflynn1713 Know you are not the only ones. I care-give for my mother who is much older. And, it is a difficult situation for us.
@Juju ... Sorry you are getting depressed or have been depressed. But, know you are not alone. I'm caregiving for my mother who is older, and she has no one -- other than me.
@@shawnflynn1713 Yeah, Shawn, you said 5 years of care-giving. I guess mine is about the same. My Mom fell and hit her head in 2017, so it's about same length of time.
This woman has incredible character. Not just to stay together and help, but the fact that she still values him as a partner, in spite of his disability. So many lose sight of that. Her incredible physical and emotional strength is evident. Anyone who has ever been a caregiver or close to one knows how relentless the workload is. How appropriate that she is a dancer! Who else has the stamina and sensitivity combined for this task? She is an eloquent spokesperson for this important issue. Somebody needs to help them, lawmakers, so they can achieve their dreams.
All I can say as a caregiver for my mother I have incredible respect for this women ! She could have easily pulled out ! God bless her ! I hope some wealthy person sees this and helps her ! Lastly she needs more help or she could burn out !
I’m confused, why would she not value him as a partner? He’s brings value to the relationship; it’s just more mental now.
@@ohmoflife1 Many, many men would not, but how can you pass such judgement on this particular man?
Her heart doesn't seem to be in it. She wants a normal life. I don't blame her. Big decisions
@@ildikoparker920 yeah, most women dream of getting married, some of having children… but none dream of being a full time caregiver. She’s better than me. I wouldn’t be able to be pregnant, give birth, take care of a baby all while being a full time care giver. I would’ve faded away a long time ago. But she looks older and accepted her fate that this is her life now. You can tell when people start letting themselves go.🥺
This woman and that man deserve each other. The degree of her loyalty made me cry.
I give Jane an A+ for giving him unconditional love everyday. It’s very rare and hard to find someone like a person like this lady. I’m so proud of her. I just wish that there were more people like Jane. Especially in my East Indian culture. Hats off to you Jane. I’m so proud of both of you and God Bless you. You guys are an inspiration for other disabled people who marries a non disabled person. Wish you all the best in happiness. Gpd Bless you.
This is like literally the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever seen you can tell that they love each other but you can also tell that she’s breaking down slowly how tired she’s gotten her smile is gone away
I think that she smiles beautifully, but with exhaustion.
Only a woman could get to such ludacris conclusions, I bet you think money grows on trees and economy is ran by faries
@@cstuartdc Loving multiple people isn’t going to help their financial and emotional struggles.
@@cstuartdc I agree but imagine having to take care of him AND a baby as well
@@cstuartdc So they need another woman huh
As the parent of a disabled adult daughter, I can tell you, the government does not consider disabled people as capable of love and marriage. For one thing you cannot collect SSI if you marry. Your spouse is expected to support you. Now, in your state, your spouse cannot be paid for your care. So, how is this couple supposed to survive? Hopefully, this young man worked long enough to be able to collect SSDI, which requires ten years of paying into Social Security. That helps, but isn’t enough for one person to live on, much less two.
My mom had SSI and she never worked. She did get married and they never took her check.
What angers me is in America we send money to help other countries but this couple needs so much help and there’s none for rhem.
@@janiboma your vote is your voice. Stop voting like it’s a popularity contest and you will see a change.
@@janiboma Blame the government not the other countries
@@missdesireindependance5194 that’s great for her. And not common.
From a caregiver's perspective : I hope they can utilize care through an agency or get friends certified so they can provide care. When there are multiple people it is so much easier and provides better quality of life for the client. My paralyzed friend was also in a water related accident. Please be careful and safely strengthen your neck muscles as much as you can. If they cannot be truly married on paper, it should only matter to them that they are committed to one another.
What a keeper! Astonishing.
I was a full time caregiver !! It ruined my life. I cared for my mom. No help no pay. I lost my job and all my skills were out dated by the time i tried to reenter the work force after her death. It's sad because its mentality draining and financially a wash that's so hard to recover from
I experienced the same! The state has cut back hours for caregivers so even if you hire a company you won’t get much assistance.
Probably would have been better to keep the job and pay for someone else to assist your mom. As noble as this sounds sacrificing your life for anyone else is not love it is a toxic entanglement that will come to bite you later
@@carolinecavalcante5778 ha! Caregiver charge 5 times the amount they pay there employees.
@@carolinecavalcante5778 why is it a toxic entanglement to care for someone? Genuinely asking. I mean I guess it would depend on a persons reasons for doing it?
@@carolinecavalcante5778 that's not possible for everyone
I never married my guy because I'm disabled and felt like we were getting "punished" enough just for existing. He wanted so badly to marry, but we couldn't have survived financially if we had. He died a few years ago and now I'm alone. Boy, things sure can get really weird in a hurry. Too bad our system is so f*ked up.
Are in the dating scene again? Weird question i know but I'm too curious.
Thats why need to just enjoy the little things in life like the fresh air when you open your front door or just being able to sleep on a clean pillow. This world is full of messed up situations and we chase meaning and fulfilment when its really right infront of us. Life its self is a gift. Pan the room. See whats around you. Hear the sounds or even the silence. Beauty and meaning is right infront of us. You just need to know where to look
@@phanomtaxskibididoodoo m
I happen to program card caregiver with your family member can you get paid for taking care of you you can look into it
That’s so wrong. The care is the same!! Why punish you for love
The way he needs caregiving is obvious. The way she needs it isnt, but its just as much if not more
She should have get paid more.
I don't see her doing this forever.
Eventually she'll leave him
Heartbreaking for them. Caregiving is exhausting physically , emotionally and mentally . We as a country haven’t figured this out .
I feel so validated by your comment. I was in denial for awhile what caregiving is. How much of a mental toll it is.
We have figured it out. It’s called long term care insurance. The problem is 99% of Americans don’t want to pay for it because they say it will never happen to me. We can’t even get them to agree on universal healthcare.
@@A-Thomas LTC insurance does not change these facts🤨… it is still all of these things to even the professional caregivers.
@@shakitabananaa5651 It was mentioned that she is only eligible for financial help because they are not married. LTC insurance would help many Americans in that situation. Also extra financial assistance would allow her to hire someone to give her a much needed break even a few times per week. But I guess things like that don’t matter to you because you know so much.
@@A-Thomas wth are you on about Abraham . never said any of that wasn’t the case for some reason faceless axx keyboard warriors like yoself wanna keep @‘n me tryin to put words in my mouth. I rebuke that raggedy axx energy you can have it back tenfold now leave me alone goofy.
I cared for my late husband. I aged while caring for him and was thrown into early menopause. It nearly killed me
I've seen that happen to someone,
Really, What causes someone to get thrown into early menopause? I just heard of this happening a couple weeks ago. Kourtney Kardashian was going through some treatments to get pregnant and she said it threw her into early menopause.
@@bellaapple2166 Hello. Physical, emotional, mental stress. Sleep deprivation, exhaustion, worry, grief, being “on” 24/7, 365 days a year. It all stresses the adrenals that can affect the hormones and entire health as a result, taking its toll in a multitude of ways. Especially in long-term situations and when there’s little-to-no family who are able or willing to help, and limited outside resources for any real downtime/respite. (Friends have their own lives and careers.) It’s compounded when behavioral, neurological and/or psychiatric issues are also involved, causing help to be even less accessible. It takes time to decompress and let go too, even sporadic help; so the cycle never really changes, until the situation does. Yet for many, the toll lasts a lifetime, in one form or another. Take care and stay well. 🌷
@@bellaapple2166 p.s. Kourtney Kardashian’s circumstance is different from a caregiving situation. One being given medical treatments, Which I presume are hormone related and messed her up, versus an extreme and on-going stress-related situation. But yes, a whole lot of things can affect hormonal balance. Any single aspect of what I’d listed, let alone all combined!
I’m slowly becoming my mom’s only care giver and I have no idea what I am doing. No government support in my country for elderly people. I’m grateful for your post. That’ll make me more aware of how I manage my own situation. Thank you!
Omg bless this woman! I’m a caregiver and I understand what she’s going through. She’s so amazing. He is very fortunate to have her.
What an amazing girlfriend/wife. It so rare, these days, that somebody dedicates their life helping you. Wish you both to be very well.
“Being punished to pursue love” So point on. Prayers up for this couple.
Prayers that they do get married. Maybe then God will bless them.
@@robertavaughan8236 your prayers don’t change anything, if you care that much then write a letter to oregons governor or something
They're not being punished, they're being given their lessons in life - things don't happen to us but rather through us. We all have trauma & face adversity - you can either grow from it or let it consume you.
Adventure is not courage or thrills, it is foolishness and sometimes leads to situations such as these, I've never done trekking, diving or hangliding, but I can wipe my own behind, drive, feed myself and have a normal relationship.
Please dont destroy your own lives in pursuit of 2 seconds of cheap thrills.
Appealing to stupid, emotionally driven people, always works
She sounds like she loves him but can no longer handle this. I am not sure if this relationship will last. Either way it doesn’t take away from how great of people they both are. Wish them the best.
You can see her comment up sadly he died and for sure she looks tired
Wow, sorry to hear that. Thanks for updating me.
@@adhienthuch Really 💔
@@adhienthuch I have Googled him and I can't see that he has died.
@@antoniajane5442 I don't know but I saw a comment up there and seems like his girlfriend
It's a burden from guilt. Jane needs to do her own life and hire care givers paid so she can pursue her life. This is the biggest mistake families make. As a nurse I've seen this a thousand times. She needs to let go of the care giver role asap. She is describing compassion fatigue.
The story of how he broke is neck is absolutely terrifying... So innocent playing in what sounds like small waves.
She's feeling overwhelmed and he needs a professional caretaker.
You gon pay for that?
There has to be away of getting home care come in a few times a day to help.
@@lindabueckert9559 that is private pay. Most grants cover elderly over 60
He should be able to get a direct support professional.
@@mikasjewels5772
Those cost money in the US. Insurance barely covers anything. Dont you think if it were that simple.. then they would've already done that
It's ridiculous with the amount of taxes we pay that a person in this situation can't get more help. These are people that need and deserve a helping hand it's not a handout.
That’s because USA spends on guns and rockets and wars on other people’s land in the name of a democracy that they don’t apply on their own soil.
Well we got criminals and illegals to feed. Foreign wars to fight. Political and pharmaceutical pockets to fill with cash.
It's because those taxes actually go to the rich and big corporates. And also those rich and big corporations hardly pay any tax. Also your government is ridiculously inefficient compared to other governments
@@billseron2391 no, our government just doesn't pay to take care of people because that is not what government is for. When you give the government that much power, then they get to decide who lives and dies. That is not the kind of government real Americans want. If they do, they are in the wrong place. Personally I think it is better for people to take care of themselves and their communities and get assistance through charities. I see a steak as better than a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
@@crystalh450 name me a country that has turned into a dictatorship due to growing government spending overtime.
Charities huh? Let me know how Puerto Rico looks with all richest people in the USA who give so so much charity... Lol Name me an anarcho capitalist country where the poor is better off than let's say a country like Sweden. Which actually has a lower government debt to GDP than the USA.
What a great human being she is! Not even on my best day could I do half of the things she does.
Being in the healthcare field as a caregiver, I've picked up and transferred so many people, men & women, heavy and small and when i tell yall that my back is blown out and my feet & legs are swollen and i walk with a limp now, it takes a deep toll. I was only paid $9 hr when i first started CNA work in 2005. My most recent caregiving job paid me $13.50 a hour. I was in the dementia unit which made it even more difficult on me & staff. We were understaffed, and underpaid. 2 people in the building for 8 hours of wandering dementia patients. I could cry 😢 telling yall how bad this took a toll and hurt me. Not only that i was a med tech as well. So trying to watch 25-30 dementia patients, give meds, feed them and change them every 2 hours was horrible but the love, the dedication, the sincere heart i have for people kept me going. And the fact that they had no one else kept me strong. I want you all to know that taking care of people is very tough. Mentally, physically, psychologically, etc the lost goes on. It was many days i needed help but i had to put myself aside. Ive been gone from that job since 1/16/2023 on MLK day i was terminated from the Job. I actually went to dietary to work because of the shortage of help they had, and we had so many leftovers it was ridiculous. Somedays i took home the leftovers that were going to be thrown out, & gave them to my dog at home who over 100 pounds. Hes a pit bull boxer. Well someone told them i was "stealing food" & i was fired. I admitted to taking the leftovers because i had been doing this since i started the job & it was never an issue but you know what I'll never forget the hearts i touched and the hearts that touched me. The memories will last forever.
She's a damn good woman. Not easy to find a gem like her easily.
She does not seem happy though.
@@electrikoptik understandable though. She's his full time caretaker, takes care of the dogs and house alone. Plus the trauma of dealing with the accident and crushed dreams. I admire her honesty.
@@electrikoptik why would she be happy about her bf being disabled
@@electrikoptik what really is happiness
Stop calling women who sacrifice their lives « good women who are rare ». You don’t have to give up on your life to be a good woman stfu
I hope this young lady gets a break regularly as she can easily get "burned out" this is hard and it can not only wear you physically but mentally as well. Hope family members and friends are pitching it. God bless you young lady!
Hope they offer her respite services.
And this is why I am a DNR card carrier not just because of the problems that might come after an accident, but all the pain, suffering and financial stress it would cause towards my loved one's.
He is selfish for letting her do all that stuff for him she needs to live her life.
Where is his family? Why aren't they helping with caring for him? This is a lot of work for one person. It's hard to be a young person and get trapped inside the house taking care of someone all day. I feel really bad for this guy. Accident can happen to anyone of us at anytime.
That woman is a Saint, God bless her for all the hard work she does. I also pray that he will heal Conner, never give up.
God does not exist. Prayers are useless.
Prayers from uk.
Yes, miracles for them
You can get married as a ceremony, and get married casually. The government doesn't need to be involved. It can be just your marriage. It's just love, the government doesn't need to be in your life.
That’s true but they should have the same rights as a married couple would have it’s not fair.
@@elenawalker517 You’ve missed the bigger point.
They will lose a lot of rights that married couples would have
Elena acknowledged the significance of a marriage ceremony for their love and the lack of certain benefits that come with having a married status observed by the government. Its important to face the entire picture.
Yeh, marriage is really weird. You're announcing to the government that you love someone. The government really doesn't need to know. It's a deep connection between two people. You don't need a legal contract for that.
I feel bad for her back, she definitely needs help. I absolutely commend both of them. She gets ALL the credit for what she does for him. He also deserves the credit for putting his ego aside to allow his wife to help him, which wouldn’t be an easy feat for most of us. He’s still smiling and doing the best that he can, and that’s more than enough. I’m rooting for both of them, and they both deserve to feel sorry for themselves, but also incredibly proud of themselves for taking on this struggle together head on. Even though she’s exhausted, she’s still there and she still loves him. Even though she’s tired, he sees her effort for him and loves her. Uggghhh, my heart. This was beautiful to see.
I can't help but reading your comment as; 'She gets all the credit, but hey the poor guy is also pulling through well, let's praise him.'
I'm not saying you shouldn't...but praising him for letting her help.. with all due respect, he can't really stop her, can he? What other choice does he have?
You're saying she is tired but he loves her still and we should praise that.
Why on earth would you not love your spouse if they were tired? You're just trying to make this about him, especially with your 'she gets ALL the credit."
Go eat some spinach you pancake.
Dam stay strong.. i was in a motorcycle accident in may almost lost my life.. have been in wheelchair since. And My relationship who I thought we was in love. Ended almost immediately.. I had all these people around me at one point now I only have myself. Have been dealing with getting help from the state still haven’t had any.Thankfully I will be able to walk again in the next year or 2.. I guess I’m still happy to be alive .. Happiness or pain❤
Do not give up buddy, there are many fighting alone. Im there with you.
@@dickmullen3750 Truly thank you 🙏. You said just the right thing. For the people feeling lonely I’m there with you. Your not alone!
The woman has a good heart. She never left him, and committed to look after his well-being.
@Siddhartha dash Why?
And if she left she would be a bad woman? 😂 she sacrificed her life out of guilt, that’s just simply stupid
@LiwiaGoszynska If she left, I wouldn't see her as a bad person. It was an accident, nobody wanted it to happen. Also being a caretaker is a mentally and physically taxing job, it's not for everyone.
@@call2872 i agree, its truly taxing being a caretaker full time, they both dont have the right mental state to be discussing about their future together. She might leave him sooner or later if she wanna build a family
Love is unconditional. I would stay and love my husband no matter the circumstances. I would totally see her as a bad person.
She's not going to be able to do this forever. Need to find another solution. Bless their hearts.
This girl is not human.. she is an angel.. Only God could be this good
Yup. I'm taking care of my mom right now. If you're a relative you don't get sht. If you're not a relative you can get paid. My advice to them is don't get married and you beat the system. Nothing else has to change, except for the lack of a contract.
My mother had severe MS, and my step-father took care of here for many years, until she passed away from complications related to the disease. We had help also from the state, so my step-father could work while my mother had assistants while he was at work. Anyone who has the strength and love to take care of someone like this has a special place in my heart. They are like angels who have taken human form.
My 2 sons would never do any help for me in any medical situation...not even text or call. They'll learn that "cancel culture" devowers your life.....not enhancing.
@@sallydeppe8575 Take less Stress, Keep yourself healthy & fit so to reduce chances for you to be depended on anyone.
Also Time and Situation can change people, Your Sons will help you in times of struggle but I say keep yourself Prepared for such times so you have less dependency.
I hope you are doing well in your life.
Cancel Culture is Cancer.
They are not solving any problem with Cancel Culture, They are merely suppressing expression.
I was a full time caregiver for my Dad. There was no way to have a job outside of that care. My state offers no pay to family caregivers. The VA did provide a stipend for him for caregiving costs and if that had not been there there is no way I could have afforded to care for him. Even then it was a low rate, but I am very grateful it was there.
What a brave guy. I've made it very clear to all my friends & family that if that ever happened to me to let me die instead. I refuse to live my life the way he does so I salute his bravery & will. You are much stronger than you know.
This exact same thing happened to one of my parents friends. He was playing in the ocean with his kids and was hit by a wave. They found him laying in the sand completely paralyzed for life.
This is what Real Hero's look like. It's obvious she's not doing it for the money. I'm 44 and have ankylosing spondylitis and have broken my back too. So now I need my wife to help me with a lot of day to day activities. Although I tell her that she is awesome & amazing all the time, I don't think that her or any person that helps another person that can't help themselves understand how their acts of selflessness & kindness help someone but also inspire others to be kind and good people. I know I rambled on but this is important to me. God Bless Everyone & I Pray If You Need Help God Will Send Someone Your Way Soon!
Thank you for sharing your story. The best to you and your wife!
Thank you for sharing, I can tell you have a beautiful spirit. God Bless.
Not trying to be funny but, does ankylosing mean you lost use of your ankles? Or something completely different?
@@THE-CHAMPION-HAS-A-NAME look it up
@@boughtbythecross mind your business
I’m a long term ICU nurse, there is no way that I could be a caregiver in my personal life. It is hard work. I always pray for my patients and their family members, that are fortunate enough to be well enough to go home. Some of them you can’t help but wonder how they will manage alone without nursing staff.
Thank you for all you do for others. God bless you abundantly.
So if you wouldn’t care for your aging mother or father ?
@@jesuslover5968 Some people just aren't built for it. I care for my incapacitated parent and I juggle a job and household duties and haven't left my parent's side for more than 2 years. I have no family or friends that offer to help so I'm doing it alone. It's gut wrenching, emotionally and physically draining, and my health is deteriorating but I am strong willed. You can't shame or guilt people into feeling remorseful -- they have to love and want to help to do it right.
She is a great and strong lady. Huge respect for her. May God bless them both and person get recover with perfect health as soon as possible.
True love is life saving. Thank you Jane for what you do for Connor. I pray you will receive help with his care. And I pray your financial situation will get better. God Bless you both ❤
You as a girlfriend has done more than a caregiver..A caregiver may put in 6 hours caregiver goes home to care for themselves their families 8 years I cared for my dad a quad, worked 2 jobs cared for my kids..I worked with the Schools was off in the Summer. I cared for my dad during the day and work evenings. God gave me the strength to do it I was a single parent. No government assistance, no child support..I wasn't paid to care for my dad..No regrets..lots of 🙏
You are amazing. May God continue to bless you more and send you helps ....
Wow you’re amazing ❤️❤️
you're incredible.
My mom raised 4 kids alone, no child support & no government help. It is rough, but its the family that kept things going, keep up the good work.
@@Kimmieziven notice it's usually the woman that take on the load and burden that no one else can do or will do when it comes to these situations
this woman, right here. is a real angel. the amount of love you have for someone to go through this and never bat an eye to the challenge is truly amazing. people will never know how tough it can be for someones significant other to have to take on this role after living normal lives without a debility like this. what a freaking amazing person this girl is.
You are inspiration pls don’t give up on him. I’m inspired by you
Watching this brings tears to my eyes... how beautiful true love is❤.
Caregivers and patients in need of help deserve more support. Financially and in physical offload.
Thank you for this film that shows humanity💕, the strength, willpower, discipline and joy despite the challenges and struggles this couple faces each day. I pray for them and every one who is suffering🙏
"While Oregon is one of eight states that pays spouses to caregive, the amount of hours a married caregiver is reduced."
This is why we say there is no marriage equality for disabled people.
Is the general consensus that you SHOULD be getting paid to care for a spouse?
@@xAlexZifko
When that person is severely disabled, I would think yes. She should be getting further assistance too.
@@keirfarnum6811 why do you feel that public tax dollars should be going to them for the care of a spouse? Taxes paying for a different nurse once she married the guy sure yeah that makes perfect sense. But getting paid to care for any family member strikes me as odd I spose
@@xAlexZifko If caring for a family member requires full-time hours, the caregiver cannot work any other job. Paying family caregivers for their caregiving work is the literally necessary for the survival of both people! The only alternatives are either leaving a dependent adult alone 8+ hours a day, which at best will result in medical consequences that could be life threatening, or hiring another caregiver, which is more expensive, complicated, and unreliable.
@@caspianh.1926 Yes but why should it be withdrawn from public tax dollars. Is it societies fault? I understand the need, but not the entitlement...
His family should help with the caregiving.
I was about to comment this. Where are his family and why is his girlfriend doing the most.
Man bless there hearts ..Wish more people had this kind of heart and loyalty..
She is a gem of a person. 99% of women's would have left this guy but she is from a different world.
I know how she feels my wife has been bedbound for 5 years and me and my daughters,thank God for them have been talking care of her
This is heartbreaking. All the people in the comments are saying how wonderful and loyal she is and while that may be true, I’ve seen way too many situations like this first hand. Caring for someone 24/7 can break down your body, mind and relationships with the people around you. Government assistance SHOULD be able to pay someone who is a professional caregiver instead of putting it all on her.
While I do think she is a wonderful person, all I can do is feel horribly bad for both of them. I know he probably doesn’t want to be a burden and I know that she probably doesn’t want to leave, but at some point you have to be able to take care of yourself as well. They have no other help. When something goes wrong with her body, who’s going to be there to take care of her?
Our government needs to do better so people aren’t put in these situations.
She is human after all even if she becomes angry sometimes at her situation or lose hope that doesn't makes her bad person.
Everyones heart is in the right place but you're 100% on this, eventually it will break a person and relationship down.
@@user-cs3fo3zh6k Not at all, in fact it still makes here a wonderful person but the OP is correct.
He should let her go. Assuming this is mostly against her will, he is holding her reputation hostage.
Imagine becoming the girl who left the crippled guy.
He is something new now, and that's okay. I think he needs to at least give her a chance to leave him if he has not already. If he has then I see the whole situation in a new light.
she has also only been doing it for a year which is honestly nothing at all. my friend had a similar situation along with many people in his support groups and etc, most able bodied partners that have to help a lot or act as caretakers leave after a few years not usually within the first one. Things get harder as years go by and the reality sets in of how much the individual will really recover and how much of their old life will actually return. Love isn't unconditional for most people, we just say that.
What a lovely loyal woman. She is a credit to her parents. That poor man having had this experience. I hope that they are able to get some additional outside help to give her some rest and relief. The circumstances really shocked me. When I was 21 I travelled to Senegal in West Africa. I was swimming in the sea one day when a huge wave suddenly caught me, pulled me under and rolled me violently along the bottom before spewing me out on to the shore. I have never felt a force like it before or since. I was covered in cuts and scrapes from the rocks and felt winded, but otherwise unscathed, thank God. Please take care when you are in the sea! So many things can go wrong.
@Hello there, how are you doing this blessed day?
She needs to move on and find someone else asap
It’s incredible to see such strength in a woman to see her to stay by his side and such difficult times.
What an angel. A very strong woman, who is stronger than she realizes. This world is a better place just by having someone like her in it.
I am incredibly inspired by this story. I can feel the pain for both of them, as I sit here and think about each element of life they deal with from the emotional to the physical to the desires to them lack there of. My advice would be to become a part of a respectable church family and grow friendships together and you will find your place and be very highly rewarded as you’re an inspiration and others can be an inspiration to you
I was a nurse assistant at a hospital and was getting paid $11 starting paid. It was an exhausting job but I loved it. I left because it wasn’t sustainable financially. I feel her pain.
It is also very hard on the back. I wrecked mine caring for a quad. 12.56 an hour. Workers comp gave me 3 weeks pay. Was in big pain for 6 years. Still flares up many years later.
$11 to be a nurse assistant is slavery. Wtf is wrong with this world? So disgusting.
I was a CNA for 13 years making $12 an hour and one day I said “no more, I quit” . I left the field almost 3 years ago. I don’t regret it. Best decision. I definitely ruined my back. I still get horrible back pain.
@@SnapszDuhh I completely agree with you Everliza. Even 25.00 is too little for this important work.
Then you have lawyers charging 500.00 for 40 minutes and retinal surgeons making over a million a year. It is gross. One of my specialists said doctors " used to make a killing and that is what they still need to feel valued." It is a killing too. #$#@%&*!
Medicaid pays $13.50/hour to caregivers in California.
I can really see a lot of hurt, pain, and worry in her eyes. She’s an incredible woman and they both need so much support. I’m worried about her back lifting him so I hope she’s able to get hoist for him. It’s sad to say but at some point she may need to make a decision for her mental well-being how much can she do. I hope she can still be in together somehow!
Thinking of you darling! You’re so strong and my best wishes goes out to you!
I can relate. My mom suffers from ALS, and at first it was okay, because she still could move, taking care of her was easy, I received a lot of help from her, but as the disease progresses it's getting harder and harder, she can no longer move, and my body and mind is too tired to properly take care of her. She is also on the heavy side.
Our house is not properly distributed either, so getting from one room to the other is a pain. Nor we have the money to fix the bathroom and have it accommodate for her necessities.
Everything is so difficult with this disease. Its getting to the point where I am angry all day long.
I admire people who keep on going with a happy face taking care of their loves one.
For me its being a struggle. I received little to none help from my siblings.
Wishing your boyfriend speedy recovery. Salute to you for taking care and lifting him.
1 in a million lady. Shes a keeper and deserves everything she can get. Our taxes pay for other ppl in other countries more than our own
They need to invest in a hoyer lift before she blows out her back. I've been a caregiver for 20 yrs and I strongly discourage partners or family members being the sole care provider. It creates dysfunction in the relationship, one feeling burdened and the other feeling like a burden. I've seen it many times.
This couple is absolutely incredible. She is an angel for so sweetly and wholeheartedly taking care of him. And he seems so sweet and generous.
this is such a sad story... i mean how long can we expect her to stay doing this. oh that poor man. god this was depressing
You definitely need a Hoyer lift and you definitely need to move to a state where you can get paid to be a caregiver after marriage.
💜🐷💜 Can't believe only 6 states approve pay for care from family. It's a 24/7 job. I did hone/hospice care for over 20 years. The toll it takes on families providing this care is very taxing.
And expensive. But we do what we need to .
@No. You chose to have a child, most people don't chose to become disabled. Also have you ever tried lifting a full grown adult around the house? Caring for a mobile-physically capable kid is infinitely easier than someone who can't move, eat, sometime breath without assistance. It takes maybe 30 minutes to bathe a baby at most, it takes hours to physically lift a full grown adult in a bath(all dead weight) and bathe them. It's not the same thing, even if being a parent is difficult in its own right.
@No. Kids, while an arduous task of care, pales in comparison to taking care of a person with disabilities to this degree. Lifting and pulling a full grown adult from bed to car, maintaining their hygiene, cooking for them, etc is an all day job. You would feel already tired two hours after waking up in the morning. It's only when you have a wide selection of family members who help out and rotate is when it's manageable. But from the looks of things, this girl is doing this all by herself. This kind of care is tougher than having any number of kids in the house. She's incredible in many ways for holding on for this long. I have also experienced this to a degree so I know what she's going through.
@Festival of Ice Cream having kids is a joyous occasion. There's no joy in being paralyzed.
You are simply an angel, what you do is the greatest thing a person can do in this life, Bless You.
I’m Heartbroken to see these young couple going through this. God bless you both
I really feel for you. I was my wife's carer with MS for 23 years and we had a government package. We had a hoist, wheelchair, hospital bed and much more. My wife has not been able to stand or walk for over 15 years. Caring at that level is going to have a huge impact on your health. I know it well. I really hope you can get the help you need. We are in Queensland Australia.
I have multiple sclerosis and it's been so difficult for me and my wife Iive in America our health care system is so bad