there's nobody more single than a married narcissist. and there's nobody more lonely than the spouse who's married to a narcissist. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
It gets worse. They know the end is near and they won't go out without a fight- typical. They need to make sure they cause strife, conflict, pain and confusion one more time. It's what feeds them.
It's been nearly 7 years since my 12-year marriage to a covert narc ended. While I was married his abuse turned me into a shell of my former self, destroyed my dreams and my friendships. Then I discovered what narcissism was and it all made sense. It took me 10 months to gray rock him enough so that it was his idea to leave. I had to make it his idea. If I announced I wanted a divorce he would DESTROY me and everything I owned or had worked for. I let him believe it was his idea to break up and pretended I was sooo upset about it so he would feel satisfied and finally just leave. Then two more years of pretending until the actual divorce went through. I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to cut all ties. He was shocked to discover that I wasn't interested when he hoovered me later. Seven years later and I'm only now just able to think about maybe dating again. Marriage with a narcissist is a tsunami of total destruction and never-ceasing pain.
Took me a decade of grey rocking for him to leave, during which time he groomed a former divorce client. I thought that I was going to loose my mind in the meantime. I'm still trauma bonded though, have my good days and bad. Trying to protect my assets for myself and children
I'm 2 years out of an 18 year marriage with a covert narc. I keep feeling like "why do I still feel so overwhelmed and exhausted? why can't I consider finding someone else?" I think I need to respect how truly awful the situation I escaped was, and that I'm not even close to beginning to heal yet. Still trying to get through a property settlement, with extreme grey rocking and the emotional manipulation now comes via his lawyer.
im in the situation to waiting divorce happen. with 100 reasons im no get my way out yet. i do need any trick sharing by who had success of leaving from Narc. please share
Yes it was very exhausting that i now never think of going into any relationship with anyone....i am sick and tired of pleasing people and now i am just focusing on my healing journey with independence.
Same. Just the thought of holding a conversation with a man who isn’t a work colleague or a relative is beyond exhausting and I need to lie down. If I won the lottery I would buy a house, quit work and just stay home all day, away from everyone. That is the perfect life for me.
My marriage to one was for over 30 years as well I'm so glad I got myself out and saved my life myself!!!! These type people are real devils in human form
@@angelanicoletti3330 yes I'm so grateful to the Most High God to have led me to help myself through channels like this one. It's been long and hard I feel better mentally physically I'm trying to get my body back to normal and stronger and my fiances in order because my ex husband was the fiances but I have been working my job now for a sometime now and that's been the biggest blessing being able to provide for myself Blessing to you 🙏
I’m go glad that I’m not the only one who survived over 30 years. Folks not in a narcissistic have no idea why it takes so long to leave. Take care and continued blessings y’all❤🙏🏽.
It’s not a marriage. We are tricked into signing a contract with the Devil. By the time we realise it, we are already shackled and getting out is just as hellish as staying in. Sending lots of love and strength to all those who are trapped in this situation. I pray that you get out and move on 🙏🏽
Mine would start fights all the time, and he got so lazy near the end that he quit creating reasons he was mad at me. He would just start the silent treatment or name calling out of nowhere. I got pretty good at ignoring him, and then he started telling me "You love to fight!" Haaaa! He also said "I'm scared of you. You're abusive." I told him that was utter BS and it ticked me off as an actual abuse survivor that he said that. I told him that if you are being abused and are scared of someone, you avoid the person and especially fights as much as possible to avoid being abused, and that all he ever did was try to START fights. I posted this somewhere else a while back, but when I would tell him calmly that I wasn't going to participate in his fights, he would call me a hypochondriac. He has no idea what that word means. He probably just heard someone else say a big word and thought he was being impressive, while using it completely incorrectly. He was abusive, a liar, and dumb to boot. He must have done a hell of a job in the lovebombing stage, because looking back I have no clue what I ever saw in him.
This sounds like my life the last 3 years with a Christian narcissist who’s whole family babied him and everything was always my fault no one in his family cared ab what he was doing to me I got so sick of being neglected in everything that I was angry I became something I didn’t no I could become dealing with his constant games and intentional hurt he caused me. I would yell and try to justify myself and it always came back that I was the crazy one I was the problem. I’m so glad God got me out of there. I wanted to save my marriage I tried so hard but he wanted me and the kids to go saying I was the problem in the marriage and for a few weeks I was in so much pain thinking he was all I had. Now 6mos later I’m healing I’m connecting with friends again and I can finally see everything for what it was. I love myself I’m continually growing and pushing myself to be all that I can be. Gods showed me so much unconditional love through all of this.
Youre NOT alone. I was accused of being abusive for yelling at her out of frustration. She would tell her coworkers how badly I was treating her, and " get out". Meanwhile, I'm being gas lit, blame shifted, guilt tripped into submission. Ridiculed for my hobbies, my past relationships, working out, the money I make, where I live, going to church and much more. She would subtly make rude comments, I would react and she would confirm my behavior as " mean" and want out of the relationship because I was mistreating her. When I told her I was " done" she would say I was making harsh decisions that affect her because I depose of people to quickly and we should stay " friends". She didn't want to be discarded first, and wanted to keep me on the shelf as another source of supply. I wasn't settling for that especially being in love with her, and I'm NOT going back into the " friends zone " That's a hard NO !!! I'd rather be alone then used as her " boytoy" or occasional supply.
@clintonnagy1662 There is a actually a term for that, it's such a common pattern: reactive abuse. It is a toxic person's way of deliberately triggering a bad response from you, so that they can point to you as the problem.
Danish, I call this "death by a thousand cuts"! I left my husband of 27 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. For the first year, I was really sick. I even ended up in the hospital with sepsis. My immune system just broke with my break up! It has been almost 3 years now and of a lot of therapy, but I am healing. I appreciate all your videos, they make me feel I am not alone. Thank you for all your help through this most difficult time!
So true, I cannot believe I got into a relation like this, it's like living a nightmare everyday, the funny part, u don't realize that it's a nightmare, it's like is somthg is wrong with you. Why dint I see this coming. Really I have always thought my life was hell, literally
It’s a train wreck when you have children with them. Not only that, but your children can get their genetic disorder too or neurolgical abnormalities. You become stronger in yourself but it is a painful journey.
Exactly. I remain concerned with a watchful eye (from silent distance!) over my 2 adult kids … watching for signs in themselves or their marriages etc… So far so good, but who really knows - I sure didn’t!🧡
We were the "Unpaid Helper". One guy kept leaving my toilet seat up on purpose. I told him, "I live here, no man lives here so out the seat down". What did he do? Kept leaving my toilet seat up. I think he secretly hoped that when I invited a guy over he would notice a toilet set up . They're so slick, cunning and covert with her tactics. The fact that I had to repeat myself as if he was a child. I told Hime one day, "You act like my 8 yr old nephew" 😂😂 Horrible! But I came out alive, talk about a battle of the spirit, emotions and physical war.
My narc did something similar. He came to live with me briefly in my apartment. I sleep on expensive sheets because I love them. They are pretty and girly and they make my sleep wonderful. He would always put his carry-all bag on my bed. I asked him not to do that because I didn’t want my sheets damaged. But every day he would do it anyway. After a couple of days, I put a chair in my bedroom and told him he could put his bag there instead so my sheets wouldn’t get damaged. He still did it every day. I ended up putting his bag on the chair right in front of his face when he’d put the bag on my bed. It baffled me that he just didn’t listen. I thought he has something wrong with his memory. Little did I know back then that he was doing it deliberately just to upset me. He must have been salivating in his own head at how much supply I gave him over that one little thing. Eventually I told him to f-off out of my house and back to parents because he wasn’t welcome any more. Unfortunately I didn’t stay away at that time. That was years ago and we kept coming back together randomly over the years. Thank God I found out about narcissism and everything is done. But it was just a tiny behaviour along with the other millions of tiny behaviours that baffled the heck out of me.
My ex was sadistic and spiteful. My son was in the bathroom getting ready to go to work. My ex wanted to use the toilet. So he urinated in my kitchen sink. He knows how I feel about hygiene and shoes in the house. He would purposely cross my boundaries in my home. This is just one of many many things he did in my home and I wasn’t married to him. I remember him saying to me that if we did get married I would be in charge of the home. I knew then, he just wanted a cook, cleaner, sex aid and an emotional punching bag. He’s a sick bastard
And then they say”you’re not my mom”. At least that’s what I heard early on asking for help or telling him to wash his hands or lock the door. Screw safety and disease spreading. Help with any chores, only if I did something for him. Objectified and dismissed, treated as useful or worthless. So confusing.
My narc spouse says, "You can't tell me what to do," if I ask him to do anything. If I ask a question, he tells me that he feels like he's being "interrogated by the police." He's 57 years old. I'm exhausted.
@@tammyhollis1519Yes!!!! If I would ask my ex-narc: what time will you be home tonight? His answer was: ARE YOU WORKING FOR SCOTLAND YARD???!!!!!! ALWAYS ASKING QUESTIONS!!!
I'd say, 'I'm not your Mom'...he'd says my Mom wasn't my dependent ' even though I had a Master's degree and brought home a decent salary which I was stupid enough to hand over to him every week as he had me convinced I couldn't manage money. He wouldn't even let me near the checkbooks because 'you know you can't do numbers. We each have our strengths. Mine is numbers, yours is scrubbing toilets'. My Master's degree was not in scrubbing toilets.
“They love to see you in pain.” Mine said he married me so”he could have things”. I was his pay check. That didn’t send me packing. But it certainly opened my eyes.
Fortunately, I was never married with such kind of an individual, but you are absolutely right: they purposely try to make your life harder & to a hell because they get pleasures in your pains & don't respect your boundaries because they don't see you as an human being who has limits & can be tired of it. My former employer was like that. I worked passionately & quickly & she couldn't stand it. Hence, she always added a new task to exhaust & confuse me more & more. Then I really forgot things & almost believed I will svffer from dementia but fortunately, Danishs wonderful educational channel & videos helped me a lot to figure out that it all were just my mind's trauma responses to her horrible actions. Hence I beg you guys: Never marry them or get immediately a divorce. Otherwise, they will eff up your life completely. Thanks again, dear Danish❣️🙏❣️❤
Not long after we were married my husband said to me, "I want you to take over from my mother." My reply to that was, "I did not marry you to be your mother." I was deeply taken aback, but let it slide as I was crazily "in love" at that time, If I had only known what the future had in stall for me........
Thank you this because my ex narc would go on and on about wanting a 'submissive woman' Basically I was never allowed an opinion.. if I tried to say anything I was told " shut up and let me talk"
Virtually no one wants to hear this for many different reasons. I even skip the comments of those still stuck. You give the feeling of speaking with someone who really understands and is only going to give personal examples rarely for a specific purpose and validating our own experiences. Thank you!
Like the narc that discarded me and came back with the accidental text. Hangs around with younger people and goes on boy's holidays.... if I asked anything I would get shouted at and screamed at that nothing is my business and that I just want to monitor everything.... no it was just a simple question...
He always leaves all his dirty plates and coffee mugs all piled up in the sink. I told him I don’t like him doing that, and that he should wash them. Even though I’ve told him many times, the situation hasn’t changed. He even said it’s not his job. I hate it that he leaves wet tissues in the kitchen sink with the dishes. 😢
It was beyond lack of support... Its active passive aggressive destruction. Used As an emotional, mental, financial, intimatedly neglected, punching bag.
My covert passive-aggressive narcissist daughter used to come in the door every day and drop her backpack and jacket on the floor right in front of the door. I used to pick them up and put them away for her and just tell her that she had done it again. She totally denied it so finally I just left them there and showed them to her. She angrily denied that she had done that and refused to pick them up and put them away. Finally she claimed that she HAD put them away and somehow they had arrived on the floor. I asked in astonishment, "So you are saying that I went into your closet and brought them out and put them here??" And she said, "Yes!!" She was 12 years old.
Danish,thank u so much ....only u can understand d pain given by a narcissistic in conjugal life.....i get so much strength to survive after listening your video....
Oh my, this video gave me PTSD!!! I go through this every freakin day. I told him, last week that I was tired. I got yelled at for about 4 hours that "everyone is f* tired! You're not the only one!" And yes, I totally agree they only marry you out of convenience. I see it now. I cannot wait to get away.
You are so right. I left my children's father nearly 20yrs ago, as a completely broken human and I have repaired myself over the years, but I have not been able to commit the same way to anyone else. He's also a dreadful father, which is still an ongoing issue. Thanks for putting these videos out and making them so specific, often it has normalized my thoughts and feelings that I experienced during and after the relationship and even though I eventually figured out he was a narcissist, it's still hard to wrap my head around the behaviours as it just doesn't make sense to me. You have really assisted my understanding and I am very grateful
Why wasn't my "item of clothing" washed? I answer it wasn't in the hamper. It took him a couple of weeks of dirty clothes to start putting his clothes in the hamper. I don't look for clothes or dishes when I do laundry or wash dishes. If he wants to act stupid then I'll treat him like he's stupid. When I do laundry if it's not in the hamper then it doesn't get washed, if your favorite cup isn't in the sink then it doesn't get washed.
You are helping me a lot to know about the narcissistic thing and I am a survivor and a lot more to go. Because I have 6 kids and now he is not allowing me to see them talk to them 😢😢.
I recently about a month ago started figuring out that my husband is like this after about 14years of marriage and we have a daughter. So for her sake I started going silent and started working on healing myself. We live in USA and we just came to India for a vacation and my husband created such a big scene in front of my parents putting them in so much stress and pretending to try and fix things and complained about me so much to my parents. I realized that my keeping quiet didn’t go down his system very well. He hated that I could figure my life.
Thanks for the support, what ever happened to good days bad days? Kidding, no scam on my part, he knows I married him to save my financial ass, somehow he doesn't like hearing that, "It worked didn't it?" Replies she! Xox 🙋🎠 🙃👒
My ex didn’t do some of the things…I.e. I didn’t pick up after him, he did it himself. I asked him not to drink alcohol because of what I went through in my childhood…he absolutely did quit. Most of the other stuff, holy cow! I put up with his crap for less than 10 years, I am pretty strong willed. I remember having an incident with him one night, I was screaming and raging and crying then suddenly stopped…sat on the basement steps, looked at him and said…I’m not doing this anymore…you’re changing my personality…get out (something had made me put this house in my name, I had POA, military spouse, he knew I did it) he looked shocked! Then said…I can’t leave, I have no clean clothes. So I threw him a roll of quarters. He left. Shortly after he got caught in a FBI child pornography scam and we lost everything, we had 7 houses. He lost his military retirement. He was arrested, did 14 years, got out offended in child pornography again. Now is a lifetime resident of Pennsylvania state pen and remarried. What a waste of so many of my years
My daughters mother is the worst toxic and evil monster you xan think of...I am out now and healing...a living hell it was being with this narc monster robot programmed to exploit, steal, lie, cheat, abuse and breaking down other people, and at the same time get fun, money, material things and enjoyment out of it... narcs are not humans and have no limits when it comes to destroy what they get in touch with
100 % right. I had narcisistics father and 2 years younger brother and i was scapegoat for both of them. As small kid i dreamd to leave home, to kill my brother (at least1000 times ), i prayed that father dies ( at least 15 Years long, my two sisters tell me as grown people, they prayed to :)), father beat me and mother very often, and me also always when my brother it wished, i was punished for all the bad what my brother did, i worked always in and out of home, brother never etc, etc.. I was my whole life confused, i didn't know what's wrong with them. I was always extreme family loyal, and thought, i must that all tolerate. One week ago, at age of 68, on UA-cam, i find out that the two most evil people in my life are narcisstics :)
Gosh Danish, did you know my ex?? I endured years of this soul destroying behaviour , wet towels on the floor ,p* ss on the toilet seat, clothing dropped where he took it off ,ect ect This made worse by undermining my efforts to teach our sons to tidy after themselves. He then would criticise me for losing desire for him, I said I feel like your mother not your wife.
I'm also so feels that I came out alive bcoz my mother , who is a widow mother is also narcissistic personality...so I'm thoroughly attacked within my marriage ,bcoz the societal pressures my narcissistic mother made on me being into this relationship with my partner, she always tried teaching me how to live with my partner amd inlaws , which is of total shit she, my mother imposed in my brain and mind...so both individuals my mother and my partner made my life he'll . But right now I'm living at my own space physically and feeling emotional freedom inside out...thanku for connecting with me..I feel a deep connection with you and your videos ever6single day...
I agree They are just awful They leave you to carry the load and then pretend you do nothing They are the breadwinner according to them when in fact my husband never supported me He was busy with his hobbies a lot of the time
Those problems you showed, they aren't nothing with narcissist. But fighting always, rage out of blue, ruining every birhtdays, christmas, eastern, any special day you'd like to be specail in good way, money issues, abuse of your childrens, cheating, and so on... That's hardest with narcissist.
Looking good tonight. What you’re talking about is so true my partner will do a job and drop tools everywhere 35 years and marriage and I his to room is a mess. I just take pictures and throw it in. Don’t throw the laundry on the floor in the basement gets dirty and hair on it. No go ahead and do it your own damn way.
😂 your videos make me laugh so much about narcissists Thank you 🙏🏽 because my ex husband was a nightmare and worse I think they pass this down the generations so they,re just more and more of them 😅😅😅
“Marriage is exhausting” 😂 average to bad w/non-narcissist yep. But with a good match (aye that’s the rub!) way privileged over single people, especially those without functional family/support network.
Mine doesn’t even lift the toilet seat. He just pees all over it and the floor. Hacks loogies everywhere and has a literal dirt trail from the bathroom to the couch.
We have rules that are ignored like when you leave you put the dogs out before you leave when you get home you take the dogs out they do not care. Let them pee on the hardwood floor that you just sanded and we finished they don’t care.
His mother is a narcissist. He’s her little boy. Don’t say anything bad he could cook and use every pan in the kitchen and it’s so cute though is 65 not piss me off clean the damn shit up.
My husband love after 33 yrs,he nle everything he no respect,no emotional or anything toxic face and seprated my kids all family my cousins friends and all,now look like discard no call ,I m depends jis financial all he keeping pwr,now I try silence, I want live this I can't financial money otherwise I so stressed out
The creep I was married to for 24 yrs is dead of natural causes. Thank you, God. Both of our kids are healing from that. They have distanced me, their mom. Jesus help me.
Part of the time they act like helpless, little babies and then the other part of the time they act like abusive, narcissistic parents and you're the child. In reality there are the emotional immature children
You are spot on. They either "need" you so badly to help them with something, or they are scolding you for some perceived wrong. I used to ask mine if he was going to ground me next.
Was beginning to know a friend closer, upon visiting me, he did not flush the toilet, left seat up, did not wash hands. Also, he obviously had not showered recently. I learned so much now, I did not ask, correct, object. I cut visit short, and have made great distance since. Those Red Flags hit me in the face now. Thank you, dear Danish. 🤝🕊️
They note that they know what bothers you and what you’re asking them to improve, then they start telling you that, “you didn’t put your dishes in the dishwasher”. Then you go look and he’s done it already then the next time he only does his dishes, but still has the same annoying habits that you’re requesting to have changed. They never change , but they exasperate the problem and does not care that it bothers you. They make it look like you owe it to them to pick up after them!
Yes , they only come back for their own ego . They will always send an accidental text to check in ( they want to see if they can still get a reaction and make you cry) and start the devalue process all over again ....
Worst thing I ever did was to get married! You totally lose your independence and become their property! You have no rights! Don't everr get married! The lawyers will not help!
You are 1000% right!!! When I married him, i was 19 years old. After 19 years i left the house, he had locked the door and the police came...he never helped me at homework, never. 5 children and my old and ill narc. mother im the same house. She betrayed me, my narc.husband triangulated against me to the children...as i must left i was totally demolated. I never thought, how evil the own members of family can be. Thanks for your true and real info
In over 30 years until "Death do us part" it never got any better, just morphed into sneakier ways to gaslight, brainwash & zombify me into staying until his ever more horrifying last curtain call performance. What an eye opening experience it has been waking up from that nightmare into reality & seeing my pathetic life for what it has been! 😭
I can identify with that. Married for 22 years, then feeling guilty and being blamed for 25 years for finally leaving, until discovering these pages a few weeks ago. Whatever time we have left, we know we are good people and we deserve to enjoy ourselves. ❤
They do get sneakier the longer they are with a person. When you tell them you will no longer tolerate specific behaviors they will find ways around it to cause you more pain and anguish.
I was married for 20 yrs to a passive/aggressive covert narc. Got the divorce at 36, & now have lived alone for 35ish yrs.I am now 70 yrs old … WHERE was ALL this info back then? Suddenly seeing TONS of Narc info on YT! I am immensely grateful for sure. VERY glad to have the CORRECT VOCABULARY to describe how I lived & was treated and WHY I have lived alone in the aftermath of the abuse. Very thankful for this info. I raised our 2 kids basically by myself. I continue to be concerned for them (from a silent distance!) in their adult yrs as they navigate their own marriages. Guess I’m waiting for another shoe to drop in the event that they show previously repressed signs of trauma from the family system…. So far, so good; I pray continuously for their protection & safety…Ugh…. It NEVER ends. These evil toxic people have branded us all & their own offspring for life… there ought to be a law against this kind of abuse.
Bless you. I was in therapy for years...PTSD, anxiety, depression, physical ailments such as fibromyaligia, HBP, hair loss, mysterious rashes, tooth loss from grinding. I acquired sleep apnea as, on the nights when he actually was home, if I snored, he elbowed me HARD. I subconsciously learned to feel a snore coming and hold my breath. I overheard him tell a friend, laughing, that the key to getting me to clean really good was to make me really angry (his words weren't so nice). 40+ years married. He died a year and a half ago. I don't see myself ever being in a relationship again though I've already had offers of marriage from...OTHER narcs!
Same... And when I came out of the hospital, his first concern was not for my well-being. He literally got mad at me because of how it made him look to my family. He never even asked how I was or what I needed. 25 years later and I'm free.
Yes, yes, yes! 17 years of asking him to put his laundry in a basket, but the basket was on the wrong side of the room or not attractive enough for the bedroom or not the right size and then he said it was it was too dark when he got up in the morning to do it and he was too tired at night to put his laundry in a basket. And all the while I'm asking myself why is he doing this, why can't he just put his clothes in the basket instead of on the floor next to the basket, what am I doing wrong, how am I not communicating clearly? And it's this same story with the coffee pot, the farm chores, giving directions, and more. And he's constantly telling me how my brain works differently than his, so I adapt to the daily struggles and try to be empathetic and understand him better . But it never really works and I just feel worse and more unhappy. Until the time when I finally discovered he didn't love me and everything had been done on purpose!!!
Everything, EVERYTHING, you have just said is exactly my life to a T. I am sooooooo exhausted. Now I am trying to find a way out. But it is so difficult, as the rents have gone beyond crazy, that is if one can get a place even. Cost of living is so high. I probably would have to share to survive and who knows who I would end up sharing with....another narcissist????I might as well put up with the rotten people I am living with, at least they are family. But life is such a drag now. I have had enough!!!
I was a married single mother who repeatedly encountered every scenario you outlined. In the end, after 33 years, I was reduced to the live-in help. Finally, he was hoist by his own petard and, politely but firmly, invited to leave. None of us can change the past, but we can embrace our future. The light at the end of the tunnel is hope.
Been there and done that ! Got the bumper sticker as well. Happily single for 16 years .... sadly not for my daughter who is stuck with her until she realises that she is being coerced and manipulated.
4 місяці тому+13
Very true. Everyday is another lie. Soon you can honestly tell yourself your life is a LIE. Do yourself a big favor. Get out! Run! Forget about the narcissist. They never ever truly thought about you and your interests.
I was only married 1 year. I was out going friendly and loving. It took 2 months to realize this man was crazy. Serious rage's, I swear he was filled with demons. He separated me from family and friends. Overly jealous, I was accused of looking at men, and I was single and celibate for 20 years, before I meet him. In less than 1 year he took this happy and friendly person and turned her into a depressed, suicidal, shell. Hollering, never hit me but once. I was afraid to go out my own front door. Well due to some unusual circumstance, I got him out! Already went to court for my divorce, have a 3 year restraining order against him and waiting to go to court to testify against him.
Yeah it is exhausting because is only about pleasing the narcissist that never is satisfied. I will never married again or have a relationship. He took my life I finished with nothing because I didn't have the emotional energy to fight for my right of 25 years of marriage. I didn't go to the divorce court because when I see him, I couldn't control my emotions and I look like I am the crazy also because I didn't want to believe that he is a narcissistic and he will repent. God is in is control. I just want peace. I was only his slave his servant in that is extremely painful to accept. He used the Bible and his terrible childhood to manipulate me, to see that is extremely painful. I was not his wife. Now when I human being use his/ her childhood how much suffering they were I just stand and left for me is only manipulation.
How To Heal After Narcissistic Abuse:
emotionalabuserecovery.com/hana
Price in Euro?
there's nobody more single than a married narcissist.
and there's nobody more lonely than the spouse who's married to a narcissist.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Well said !! Thank you 👍🏻
Cheers from the Netherlands
@hettykoster9447 beautiful! team healthy is a global phenomenon.
enjoy your narc free weekend. 😉
-cheers, steven
@@carparthero Yes it is !! Thanks I will , you too . 😊
Born in Ontario , Canada . My homeland 🇨🇦
@hettykoster9447 very nice, canadian lady.
all the best.
-steven
Absolutely!!!!
It doesn't get any better the older they get.
It gets worse. They know the end is near and they won't go out without a fight- typical. They need to make sure they cause strife, conflict, pain and confusion one more time. It's what feeds them.
It's been nearly 7 years since my 12-year marriage to a covert narc ended. While I was married his abuse turned me into a shell of my former self, destroyed my dreams and my friendships. Then I discovered what narcissism was and it all made sense. It took me 10 months to gray rock him enough so that it was his idea to leave. I had to make it his idea. If I announced I wanted a divorce he would DESTROY me and everything I owned or had worked for. I let him believe it was his idea to break up and pretended I was sooo upset about it so he would feel satisfied and finally just leave. Then two more years of pretending until the actual divorce went through. I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to cut all ties. He was shocked to discover that I wasn't interested when he hoovered me later. Seven years later and I'm only now just able to think about maybe dating again. Marriage with a narcissist is a tsunami of total destruction and never-ceasing pain.
Took me a decade of grey rocking for him to leave, during which time he groomed a former divorce client. I thought that I was going to loose my mind in the meantime. I'm still trauma bonded though, have my good days and bad. Trying to protect my assets for myself and children
I'm 2 years out of an 18 year marriage with a covert narc. I keep feeling like "why do I still feel so overwhelmed and exhausted? why can't I consider finding someone else?" I think I need to respect how truly awful the situation I escaped was, and that I'm not even close to beginning to heal yet. Still trying to get through a property settlement, with extreme grey rocking and the emotional manipulation now comes via his lawyer.
im in the situation to waiting divorce happen. with 100 reasons im no get my way out yet. i do need any trick sharing by who had success of leaving from Narc. please share
Yes it was very exhausting that i now never think of going into any relationship with anyone....i am sick and tired of pleasing people and now i am just focusing on my healing journey with independence.
I have the same feeling. The strange thing is that after almost a year had contact with a lady and had straight the same feelings. Alone is peacefully
Ultimately, I hope you find true love ❤
Heal your body and soul.Eventually you will come out.There are better people in this world
Same. Just the thought of holding a conversation with a man who isn’t a work colleague or a relative is beyond exhausting and I need to lie down. If I won the lottery I would buy a house, quit work and just stay home all day, away from everyone. That is the perfect life for me.
I can relate as well with this
I can relate …. My 37 years of marriage was like a war , a battlefield 😞 But thankfully I came out alive 🙏🏻
My marriage to one was for over 30 years as well I'm so glad I got myself out and saved my life myself!!!! These type people are real devils in human form
@@MsTeelove07 , Congratulations..I had over 3 decades. By The Grace Of GOD HE got us through.
@@angelanicoletti3330 yes I'm so grateful to the Most High God to have led me to help myself through channels like this one. It's been long and hard I feel better mentally physically I'm trying to get my body back to normal and stronger and my fiances in order because my ex husband was the fiances but I have been working my job now for a sometime now and that's been the biggest blessing being able to provide for myself Blessing to you 🙏
I’m go glad that I’m not the only one who survived over 30 years. Folks not in a narcissistic have no idea why it takes so long to leave. Take care and continued blessings y’all❤🙏🏽.
It’s not a marriage. We are tricked into signing a contract with the Devil. By the time we realise it, we are already shackled and getting out is just as hellish as staying in. Sending lots of love and strength to all those who are trapped in this situation. I pray that you get out and move on 🙏🏽
It's like being in a cult. I've been in one and in two narcissistic marriages. I'm finally catching on.
Yes, this is my life. And when I yell, out of desperation, I am the crazy one and I am the one abusing him. I am so afraid of losing my mind.
There is an expiration date on the whole scenario, and the worst case scenario is staying in until the bitter end. Please take care of yourself. ❤
Mine would start fights all the time, and he got so lazy near the end that he quit creating reasons he was mad at me. He would just start the silent treatment or name calling out of nowhere. I got pretty good at ignoring him, and then he started telling me "You love to fight!" Haaaa! He also said "I'm scared of you. You're abusive." I told him that was utter BS and it ticked me off as an actual abuse survivor that he said that. I told him that if you are being abused and are scared of someone, you avoid the person and especially fights as much as possible to avoid being abused, and that all he ever did was try to START fights. I posted this somewhere else a while back, but when I would tell him calmly that I wasn't going to participate in his fights, he would call me a hypochondriac. He has no idea what that word means. He probably just heard someone else say a big word and thought he was being impressive, while using it completely incorrectly. He was abusive, a liar, and dumb to boot. He must have done a hell of a job in the lovebombing stage, because looking back I have no clue what I ever saw in him.
This sounds like my life the last 3 years with a Christian narcissist who’s whole family babied him and everything was always my fault no one in his family cared ab what he was doing to me I got so sick of being neglected in everything that I was angry I became something I didn’t no I could become dealing with his constant games and intentional hurt he caused me. I would yell and try to justify myself and it always came back that I was the crazy one I was the problem. I’m so glad God got me out of there. I wanted to save my marriage I tried so hard but he wanted me and the kids to go saying I was the problem in the marriage and for a few weeks I was in so much pain thinking he was all I had. Now 6mos later I’m healing I’m connecting with friends again and I can finally see everything for what it was. I love myself I’m continually growing and pushing myself to be all that I can be. Gods showed me so much unconditional love through all of this.
Youre NOT alone. I was accused of being abusive for yelling at her out of frustration. She would tell her coworkers how badly I was treating her, and " get out". Meanwhile, I'm being gas lit, blame shifted, guilt tripped into submission. Ridiculed for my hobbies, my past relationships, working out, the money I make, where I live, going to church and much more. She would subtly make rude comments, I would react and she would confirm my behavior as " mean" and want out of the relationship because I was mistreating her. When I told her I was " done" she would say I was making harsh decisions that affect her because I depose of people to quickly and we should stay " friends". She didn't want to be discarded first, and wanted to keep me on the shelf as another source of supply. I wasn't settling for that especially being in love with her, and I'm NOT going back into the " friends zone " That's a hard NO !!! I'd rather be alone then used as her " boytoy" or occasional supply.
@clintonnagy1662 There is a actually a term for that, it's such a common pattern: reactive abuse. It is a toxic person's way of deliberately triggering a bad response from you, so that they can point to you as the problem.
Danish, I call this "death by a thousand cuts"! I left my husband of 27 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. For the first year, I was really sick. I even ended up in the hospital with sepsis. My immune system just broke with my break up!
It has been almost 3 years now and of a lot of therapy, but I am healing. I appreciate all your videos, they make me feel I am not alone. Thank you for all your help through this most difficult time!
This was my marriage down to the tee…I didn’t even realize how much I was compromising until it was too late
So true, I cannot believe I got into a relation like this, it's like living a nightmare everyday, the funny part, u don't realize that it's a nightmare, it's like is somthg is wrong with you. Why dint I see this coming. Really I have always thought my life was hell, literally
Its like destroying your own mental health
It’s a train wreck when you have children with them. Not only that, but your children can get their genetic disorder too or neurolgical abnormalities. You become stronger in yourself but it is a painful journey.
Exactly. I remain concerned with a watchful eye (from silent distance!) over my 2 adult kids … watching for signs in themselves or their marriages etc… So far so good, but who really knows - I sure didn’t!🧡
We were the "Unpaid Helper". One guy kept leaving my toilet seat up on purpose. I told him, "I live here, no man lives here so out the seat down".
What did he do? Kept leaving my toilet seat up. I think he secretly hoped that when I invited a guy over he would notice a toilet set up .
They're so slick, cunning and covert with her tactics. The fact that I had to repeat myself as if he was a child. I told Hime one day, "You act like my 8 yr old nephew" 😂😂
Horrible! But I came out alive, talk about a battle of the spirit, emotions and physical war.
My narc did something similar. He came to live with me briefly in my apartment. I sleep on expensive sheets because I love them. They are pretty and girly and they make my sleep wonderful. He would always put his carry-all bag on my bed. I asked him not to do that because I didn’t want my sheets damaged. But every day he would do it anyway. After a couple of days, I put a chair in my bedroom and told him he could put his bag there instead so my sheets wouldn’t get damaged. He still did it every day. I ended up putting his bag on the chair right in front of his face when he’d put the bag on my bed. It baffled me that he just didn’t listen. I thought he has something wrong with his memory.
Little did I know back then that he was doing it deliberately just to upset me. He must have been salivating in his own head at how much supply I gave him over that one little thing.
Eventually I told him to f-off out of my house and back to parents because he wasn’t welcome any more. Unfortunately I didn’t stay away at that time. That was years ago and we kept coming back together randomly over the years. Thank God I found out about narcissism and everything is done. But it was just a tiny behaviour along with the other millions of tiny behaviours that baffled the heck out of me.
My ex was sadistic and spiteful.
My son was in the bathroom getting ready to go to work.
My ex wanted to use the toilet. So he urinated in my kitchen sink.
He knows how I feel about hygiene and shoes in the house. He would purposely cross my boundaries in my home.
This is just one of many many things he did in my home and I wasn’t married to him.
I remember him saying to me that if we did get married I would be in charge of the home.
I knew then, he just wanted a cook, cleaner, sex aid and an emotional punching bag.
He’s a sick bastard
Yes, they are sick bastards I am currently married to this toddler 50 year old its so sad.
🫢Kitchen sink😵💫🙃
And then they say”you’re not my mom”. At least that’s what I heard early on asking for help or telling him to wash his hands or lock the door.
Screw safety and disease spreading. Help with any chores, only if I did something for him.
Objectified and dismissed, treated as useful or worthless. So confusing.
My narc spouse says, "You can't tell me what to do," if I ask him to do anything. If I ask a question, he tells me that he feels like he's being "interrogated by the police." He's 57 years old. I'm exhausted.
@@tammyhollis1519Yes!!!! If I would ask my ex-narc: what time will you be home tonight? His answer was: ARE YOU WORKING FOR SCOTLAND YARD???!!!!!! ALWAYS ASKING QUESTIONS!!!
I'd say, 'I'm not your Mom'...he'd says my Mom wasn't my dependent ' even though I had a Master's degree and brought home a decent salary which I was stupid enough to hand over to him every week as he had me convinced I couldn't manage money. He wouldn't even let me near the checkbooks because 'you know you can't do numbers. We each have our strengths. Mine is numbers, yours is scrubbing toilets'. My Master's degree was not in scrubbing toilets.
“They love to see you in pain.” Mine said he married me so”he could have things”. I was his pay check. That didn’t send me packing. But it certainly opened my eyes.
I had 47 years, thank you Lord for getting me out,!
Sir I pray for you,God bless you forever.When I hear your words ,It makes me heal .
Sadly so very true…. Experienced this !!
Fortunately, I was never married with such kind of an individual, but you are absolutely right: they purposely try to make your life harder & to a hell because they get pleasures in your pains & don't respect your boundaries because they don't see you as an human being who has limits & can be tired of it. My former employer was like that. I worked passionately & quickly & she couldn't stand it. Hence, she always added a new task to exhaust & confuse me more & more. Then I really forgot things & almost believed I will svffer from dementia but fortunately, Danishs wonderful educational channel & videos helped me a lot to figure out that it all were just my mind's trauma responses to her horrible actions. Hence I beg you guys: Never marry them or get immediately a divorce. Otherwise, they will eff up your life completely. Thanks again, dear Danish❣️🙏❣️❤
Not long after we were married my husband said to me, "I want you to take over from my mother." My reply to that was, "I did not marry you to be your mother." I was deeply taken aback, but let it slide as I was crazily "in love" at that time, If I had only known what the future had in stall for me........
Thank you this because my ex narc would go on and on about wanting a 'submissive woman'
Basically I was never allowed an opinion.. if I tried to say anything I was told " shut up and let me talk"
They are grown up children 😢
Correction: They physically LOOK grown up - but that’s all. It stops there. They are cases of Arrested Development.
Virtually no one wants to hear this for many different reasons. I even skip the comments of those still stuck. You give the feeling of speaking with someone who really understands and is only going to give personal examples rarely for a specific purpose and validating our own experiences. Thank you!
You’ve described my ex husband. He was very adolescent in so many ways and I lived with him for 45 years!😢
Like the narc that discarded me and came back with the accidental text. Hangs around with younger people and goes on boy's holidays.... if I asked anything I would get shouted at and screamed at that nothing is my business and that I just want to monitor everything.... no it was just a simple question...
He always leaves all his dirty plates and coffee mugs all piled up in the sink. I told him I don’t like him doing that, and that he should wash them. Even though I’ve told him many times, the situation hasn’t changed. He even said it’s not his job. I hate it that he leaves wet tissues in the kitchen sink with the dishes. 😢
It was beyond lack of support...
Its active passive aggressive destruction.
Used As an emotional, mental, financial, intimatedly neglected, punching bag.
The examples were much cleaner than the pit I had to deal with.
My covert passive-aggressive narcissist daughter used to come in the door every day and drop her backpack and jacket on the floor right in front of the door.
I used to pick them up and put them away for her and just tell her that she had done it again. She totally denied it so finally I just left them there and showed them to her.
She angrily denied that she had done that and refused to pick them up and put them away.
Finally she claimed that she HAD put them away and somehow they had arrived on the floor. I asked in astonishment, "So you are saying that I went into your closet and brought them out and put them here??" And she said, "Yes!!"
She was 12 years old.
Nip it in the bud before she's a grown up 😮
You literally described to a T my husband & definitely the whole reason why he married me, you nailed it completely.
Danish,thank u so much ....only u can understand d pain given by a narcissistic in conjugal life.....i get so much strength to survive after listening your video....
Oh my, this video gave me PTSD!!! I go through this every freakin day. I told him, last week that I was tired. I got yelled at for about 4 hours that "everyone is f* tired! You're not the only one!" And yes, I totally agree they only marry you out of convenience. I see it now. I cannot wait to get away.
I always see your episode,yes I have married with narcissistic person,now I left that life and feel relaxed to my new life
“Marriage in general is exhausting”
Thanks for giving me proof never to do that again 😂😂😂😂
Happy wotld narcissistic abuse awareness day
I'm soooo tired, exhausted.ive been in a living hell for 25 years and surprisingly I m alive.
I am sorry.. pray hard and watch you tube ( secretly)… get stronger…
You are so right. I left my children's father nearly 20yrs ago, as a completely broken human and I have repaired myself over the years, but I have not been able to commit the same way to anyone else. He's also a dreadful father, which is still an ongoing issue. Thanks for putting these videos out and making them so specific, often it has normalized my thoughts and feelings that I experienced during and after the relationship and even though I eventually figured out he was a narcissist, it's still hard to wrap my head around the behaviours as it just doesn't make sense to me. You have really assisted my understanding and I am very grateful
Why wasn't my "item of clothing" washed? I answer it wasn't in the hamper. It took him a couple of weeks of dirty clothes to start putting his clothes in the hamper. I don't look for clothes or dishes when I do laundry or wash dishes. If he wants to act stupid then I'll treat him like he's stupid. When I do laundry if it's not in the hamper then it doesn't get washed, if your favorite cup isn't in the sink then it doesn't get washed.
Exactly what am doing. Now he is telling everyone how unloving and disrespectful I am.Thank God I care less about others opinions
@@draruleah4981 I'm the same. I usually say "here's a quarter to call someone who cares" 🤣
Glad that worked!
You are helping me a lot to know about the narcissistic thing and I am a survivor and a lot more to go. Because I have 6 kids and now he is not allowing me to see them talk to them 😢😢.
My mother,my brother and my sister do this to me daily. Unfortunately my father committed suicided because he couldn't take it
I’m so sorry 😔
@@hettykoster9447 it's okay because I'm so used to the abuse that it feels like normality
I'm so sorry 😞 😢
My mother still pretends this is normality
Don't be sorry
100% correct sadly
I recently about a month ago started figuring out that my husband is like this after about 14years of marriage and we have a daughter. So for her sake I started going silent and started working on healing myself. We live in USA and we just came to India for a vacation and my husband created such a big scene in front of my parents putting them in so much stress and pretending to try and fix things and complained about me so much to my parents. I realized that my keeping quiet didn’t go down his system very well. He hated that I could figure my life.
Unbelievable 😮that's my house
Thanks for the support, what ever happened to good days bad days? Kidding, no scam on my part, he knows I married him to save my financial ass, somehow he doesn't like hearing that, "It worked didn't it?" Replies she! Xox 🙋🎠 🙃👒
Yes! Great systematic abuse -mosquito analogy.
My ex didn’t do some of the things…I.e. I didn’t pick up after him, he did it himself. I asked him not to drink alcohol because of what I went through in my childhood…he absolutely did quit. Most of the other stuff, holy cow! I put up with his crap for less than 10 years, I am pretty strong willed. I remember having an incident with him one night, I was screaming and raging and crying then suddenly stopped…sat on the basement steps, looked at him and said…I’m not doing this anymore…you’re changing my personality…get out (something had made me put this house in my name, I had POA, military spouse, he knew I did it) he looked shocked! Then said…I can’t leave, I have no clean clothes. So I threw him a roll of quarters. He left. Shortly after he got caught in a FBI child pornography scam and we lost everything, we had 7 houses. He lost his military retirement. He was arrested, did 14 years, got out offended in child pornography again. Now is a lifetime resident of Pennsylvania state pen and remarried. What a waste of so many of my years
Life is tough as an Indian wife who had arranged marriage to a narcissistic person. Just have to die with this . Your videos help me bro. Thank you
My daughters mother is the worst toxic and evil monster you xan think of...I am out now and healing...a living hell it was being with this narc monster robot programmed to exploit, steal, lie, cheat, abuse and breaking down other people, and at the same time get fun, money, material things and enjoyment out of it... narcs are not humans and have no limits when it comes to destroy what they get in touch with
👍👍👍
100 % right. I had narcisistics father and 2 years younger brother and i was scapegoat for both of them.
As small kid i dreamd to leave home, to kill my brother (at least1000 times ), i prayed that father dies ( at least 15 Years long, my two sisters tell me as grown people, they prayed to :)), father beat me and mother very often, and me also always when my brother it wished, i was punished for all the bad what my brother did, i worked always in and out of home, brother never etc, etc..
I was my whole life confused, i didn't know what's wrong with them.
I was always extreme family loyal, and thought, i must that all tolerate.
One week ago, at age of 68, on UA-cam, i find out that the two most evil people in my life are narcisstics :)
Every single word u said is 💯true 😢
Whole relationship..
Hell would be 1000 times better than this kind of marriage ... isn't it ?
Gosh Danish, did you know my ex?? I endured years of this soul destroying behaviour , wet towels on the floor ,p* ss on the toilet seat, clothing dropped where he took it off ,ect ect This made worse by undermining my efforts to teach our sons to tidy after themselves. He then would criticise me for losing desire for him, I said I feel like your mother not your wife.
That would be why we aren’t coming back
Every thought shared by you counts
I'm also so feels that I came out alive bcoz my mother , who is a widow mother is also narcissistic personality...so I'm thoroughly attacked within my marriage ,bcoz the societal pressures my narcissistic mother made on me being into this relationship with my partner, she always tried teaching me how to live with my partner amd inlaws , which is of total shit she, my mother imposed in my brain and mind...so both individuals my mother and my partner made my life he'll
. But right now I'm living at my own space physically and feeling emotional freedom inside out...thanku for connecting with me..I feel a deep connection with you and your videos ever6single day...
I agree They are just awful They leave you to carry the load and then pretend you do nothing They are the breadwinner according to them when in fact my husband never supported me He was busy with his hobbies a lot of the time
Those problems you showed, they aren't nothing with narcissist. But fighting always, rage out of blue, ruining every birhtdays, christmas, eastern, any special day you'd like to be specail in good way, money issues, abuse of your childrens, cheating, and so on... That's hardest with narcissist.
Looking good tonight. What you’re talking about is so true my partner will do a job and drop tools everywhere 35 years and marriage and I his to room is a mess. I just take pictures and throw it in. Don’t throw the laundry on the floor in the basement gets dirty and hair on it. No go ahead and do it your own damn way.
😂 your videos make me laugh so much about narcissists Thank you 🙏🏽 because my ex husband was a nightmare and worse I think they pass this down the generations so they,re just more and more of them 😅😅😅
I can relate 100%
I’m speechless 😮
Same with university students every day but you don’t have to sleep in the same bed with them (if you can get them out of your head!) 😂😮😢
“Marriage is exhausting” 😂 average to bad w/non-narcissist yep. But with a good match (aye that’s the rub!) way privileged over single people, especially those without functional family/support network.
Mine doesn’t even lift the toilet seat. He just pees all over it and the floor. Hacks loogies everywhere and has a literal dirt trail from the bathroom to the couch.
Thankyou so much 🙏
We have rules that are ignored like when you leave you put the dogs out before you leave when you get home you take the dogs out they do not care. Let them pee on the hardwood floor that you just sanded and we finished they don’t care.
I honestly feel my 27 year marriage was marriage fraud. As far as I'm concerned, I've never been married,.
Thanks for my daily danish❤
I have an extreme case
Yes she IS my whife. Now she leave me and our son
His mother is a narcissist. He’s her little boy. Don’t say anything bad he could cook and use every pan in the kitchen and it’s so cute though is 65 not piss me off clean the damn shit up.
Marriage in general is exhausting, danish ?
What are you saying?!
How can love be exhausting?!
Facts 💯
My husband love after 33 yrs,he nle everything he no respect,no emotional or anything toxic face and seprated my kids all family my cousins friends and all,now look like discard no call ,I m depends jis financial all he keeping pwr,now I try silence, I want live this I can't financial money otherwise I so stressed out
Amen
Read the new bestseller-a darkly satisfying novel-“The Balaur”
Yes
The creep I was married to for 24 yrs is dead of natural causes. Thank you, God. Both of our kids are healing from that. They have distanced me, their mom. Jesus help me.
They are stubborn
🎯
😭
@ stardustpal25 Same in a marriage with a narc of nearly nine years, thank God for delivering me, on my road to healing.
Part of the time they act like helpless, little babies and then the other part of the time they act like abusive, narcissistic parents and you're the child. In reality there are the emotional immature children
I know what you mean, never a partner or a teammate, but acts like either your child or your parent. 😮
You are spot on. They either "need" you so badly to help them with something, or they are scolding you for some perceived wrong. I used to ask mine if he was going to ground me next.
Yes they are. They constantly change the rules…how dare you ask them to live up to the same rules that they expect for you.
Was beginning to know a friend closer, upon visiting me, he did not flush the toilet, left seat up, did not wash hands. Also, he obviously had not showered recently. I learned so much now, I did not ask, correct, object. I cut visit short, and have made great distance since. Those Red Flags hit me in the face now. Thank you, dear Danish. 🤝🕊️
9
They note that they know what bothers you and what you’re asking them to improve, then they start telling you that, “you didn’t put your dishes in the dishwasher”. Then you go look and he’s done it already then the next time he only does his dishes, but still has the same annoying habits that you’re requesting to have changed. They never change , but they exasperate the problem and does not care that it bothers you. They make it look like you owe it to them to pick up after them!
Ugh. Throw all dishes away except yours keep locked up only cook for yourself, and, LEAVE TOMORROW. 🤝
I always said, since he's already done the dishes (an attempt to shame me), that could be his job. 🙄
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Vecchi Nese .
God is more than enough for us, and his mercy is new every morning.
They are just pure evil.
Yes, they are pure evil. My sentiments EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@joanb8489 ❤️
Yes , they only come back for their own ego . They will always send an accidental text to check in ( they want to see if they can still get a reaction and make you cry) and start the devalue process all over again ....
But they will not stop telling you how evil you are because you have made their life miserable 😂 they struggle with self awareness
That is an Absolute Fact!!
Oh Danish, YES. All is 100% true and yes, I don't ever want to get into a relationship now because of the horrible narc marriage I endured for 15 yrs
Worst thing I ever did was to get married! You totally lose your independence and become their property! You have no rights! Don't everr get married! The lawyers will not help!
You are 1000% right!!! When I married him, i was 19 years old. After 19 years i left the house, he had locked the door and the police came...he never helped me at homework, never. 5 children and my old and ill narc. mother im the same house. She betrayed me, my narc.husband triangulated against me to the children...as i must left i was totally demolated. I never thought, how evil the own members of family can be. Thanks for your true and real info
In over 30 years until "Death do us part" it never got any better, just morphed into sneakier ways to gaslight, brainwash & zombify me into staying until his ever more horrifying last curtain call performance.
What an eye opening experience it has been waking up from that nightmare into reality & seeing my pathetic life for what it has been! 😭
I can identify with that. Married for 22 years, then feeling guilty and being blamed for 25 years for finally leaving, until discovering these pages a few weeks ago. Whatever time we have left, we know we are good people and we deserve to enjoy ourselves. ❤
Yes, zombify is a great way to describe it.
They do get sneakier the longer they are with a person. When you tell them you will no longer tolerate specific behaviors they will find ways around it to cause you more pain and anguish.
I was married for 20 yrs to a passive/aggressive covert narc. Got the divorce at 36, & now have lived alone for 35ish yrs.I am now 70 yrs old … WHERE was ALL this info back then? Suddenly seeing TONS of Narc info on YT! I am immensely grateful for sure. VERY glad to have the CORRECT VOCABULARY to describe how I lived & was treated and WHY I have lived alone in the aftermath of the abuse. Very thankful for this info. I raised our 2 kids basically by myself. I continue to be concerned for them (from a silent distance!) in their adult yrs as they navigate their own marriages. Guess I’m waiting for another shoe to drop in the event that they show previously repressed signs of trauma from the family system…. So far, so good; I pray continuously for their protection & safety…Ugh…. It NEVER ends. These evil toxic people have branded us all & their own offspring for life… there ought to be a law against this kind of abuse.
😢😢😢
My husband did this. He broke me so hard I ended up in the psychiatric hospital. With all kinds of issues. From years of narcissistic abuse.
Bless you. I was in therapy for years...PTSD, anxiety, depression, physical ailments such as fibromyaligia, HBP, hair loss, mysterious rashes, tooth loss from grinding. I acquired sleep apnea as, on the nights when he actually was home, if I snored, he elbowed me HARD. I subconsciously learned to feel a snore coming and hold my breath. I overheard him tell a friend, laughing, that the key to getting me to clean really good was to make me really angry (his words weren't so nice). 40+ years married. He died a year and a half ago. I don't see myself ever being in a relationship again though I've already had offers of marriage from...OTHER narcs!
I'm so sorry 😢 I hope you are free of pain now
@allthingsjana7870 bless you.
I ended up having a nervous breakdown after I threw the narc out. We were married 18 yrs. I’m still healing 10 yrs later. Be well. ❤
Same... And when I came out of the hospital, his first concern was not for my well-being. He literally got mad at me because of how it made him look to my family. He never even asked how I was or what I needed. 25 years later and I'm free.
Yes, yes, yes! 17 years of asking him to put his laundry in a basket, but the basket was on the wrong side of the room or not attractive enough for the bedroom or not the right size and then he said it was it was too dark when he got up in the morning to do it and he was too tired at night to put his laundry in a basket. And all the while I'm asking myself why is he doing this, why can't he just put his clothes in the basket instead of on the floor next to the basket, what am I doing wrong, how am I not communicating clearly?
And it's this same story with the coffee pot, the farm chores, giving directions, and more. And he's constantly telling me how my brain works differently than his, so I adapt to the daily struggles and try to be empathetic and understand him better . But it never really works and I just feel worse and more unhappy. Until the time when I finally discovered he didn't love me and everything had been done on purpose!!!
Everything, EVERYTHING, you have just said is exactly my life to a T. I am sooooooo exhausted. Now I am trying to find a way out. But it is so difficult, as the rents have gone beyond crazy, that is if one can get a place even. Cost of living is so high. I probably would have to share to survive and who knows who I would end up sharing with....another narcissist????I might as well put up with the rotten people I am living with, at least they are family. But life is such a drag now. I have had enough!!!
Yes, so hard! My ❤ goes out to you. Praying blessings and open doors for you.
It is true. Marriage with a narcissist is like living in a war zone 24/7.
I was a married single mother who repeatedly encountered every scenario you outlined. In the end, after 33 years, I was reduced to the live-in help. Finally, he was hoist by his own petard and, politely but firmly, invited to leave.
None of us can change the past, but we can embrace our future. The light at the end of the tunnel is hope.
Real hope, not the kind they dangle over your head and then hide from you when you get close. 😂❤😮
Been there and done that ! Got the bumper sticker as well. Happily single for 16 years .... sadly not for my daughter who is stuck with her until she realises that she is being coerced and manipulated.
Very true. Everyday is another lie. Soon you can honestly tell yourself your life is a LIE. Do yourself a big favor. Get out! Run! Forget about the narcissist. They never ever truly thought about you and your interests.
I was only married 1 year. I was out going friendly and loving. It took 2 months to realize this man was crazy. Serious rage's, I swear he was filled with demons. He separated me from family and friends. Overly jealous, I was accused of looking at men, and I was single and celibate for 20 years, before I meet him. In less than 1 year he took this happy and friendly person and turned her into a depressed, suicidal, shell. Hollering, never hit me but once. I was afraid to go out my own front door. Well due to some unusual circumstance, I got him out! Already went to court for my divorce, have a 3 year restraining order against him and waiting to go to court to testify against him.
Wish you all the best.
Yeah it is exhausting because is only about pleasing the narcissist that never is satisfied. I will never married again or have a relationship. He took my life I finished with nothing because I didn't have the emotional energy to fight for my right of 25 years of marriage. I didn't go to the divorce court because when I see him, I couldn't control my emotions and I look like I am the crazy also because I didn't want to believe that he is a narcissistic and he will repent. God is in is control. I just want peace. I was only his slave his servant in that is extremely painful to accept. He used the Bible and his terrible childhood to manipulate me, to see that is extremely painful. I was not his wife. Now when I human being use his/ her childhood how much suffering they were I just stand and left for me is only manipulation.