The Six Keys to Self-Esteem
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- Опубліковано 8 лип 2024
- Most of the things we're doing to boost our self-esteem are completely wrong. We tend to focus on external things like changing our career or changing the way we look to in order to increase our self-esteem but that's not the way it works.
Whenever we make changes on the outside to solve issues on the inside we set ourselves up for failure. This is not the key to confidence or how we build self-esteem.
In this episode I'm going to teach what does work to get those lasting changes on the inside.
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What was one of your takeaways from this talk?
That there is a difference between being flexible with goals and being so lenient that nothing gets done. To hold myself accountable for the things I want to achieve
Julia Kristina Counselling 🇧🇷 : that we should not try to fit in - to be someone that do not reflect who we really are.
Everything is so accurate. If only there wouldn’t be so many creeps around that want to prove different!
@@rominaramos6050 so good.
@@saturninealiem6745 I'm so glad that part connected with you.
"Your pain probably is not your fault. But your healing is your responsibility." Dang... that hit me
It's a Glennon Doyle quote - isn't it a good one?
What if you caused your own pain julia?
It explain the difference between not taking things personally, but that key to overcoming it is yourself.
Great quote
• 5:00 living consciously
• 6:20 self-acceptance
• 8:12 taking full resposibilities for our lives
• 10:06 self-assertiveness
• 12:11 living a life with intention and purpose
• 14:40 living with integrity
Thanks Ice
Thanks ❤️❤️
You saved whole worlds time👌🏻👍
Thanks Ice Queen; you are the best
A caveat to life with purpose is that sometimes life can bring a dark night (s) of the soul and we are totally in the dark. No color. Needing to accept that vs beating ourselves up for not ‘having color or clarityz’ has been a giant lesson for me. Sometimes we have to accept the total farmed and despair, today surrendering and letting life remake us. The surrender of the ego and waiting not forcing the answer for ‘our purpose, having certainly, or having color in it life.
Sometimes we can’t push for clarity/ purpose. Loving ourselves in the dark nights I believe needs to be honored now in these challenging times.
Simply said when the caterpillar dissolves he has to let go of his form and wait. The imaginary cells rework while the caterpillar ego dies.
*Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself*
Yasssss. And freedom.
What if you don't like yourself then what.
@@paulbarnes9490 gotta change the thinking
@@n647097 Yes but it's not exactly easy to do.
I need to remember this..
At 71, it's only the last few years that I have really gotten into what is real in this life and what makes me tick. I only started to seriously look at my life with the goal of change after my special needs daughter passed 3 years ago. I have had a lot of time since then and I have used it to clear fog that I have lived in for so long. This video is a major help. I've only seen a couple of your videos but subscribed right away. Thank you for helping to make things clear and providing some much needed information..
Good for you for taking this time to invest in you Pat. It's so important and I'm thrilled for you and your journey.
I was so glad to read this. I am 73 and have not dealt with issues because I felt I was not worth it! I've been watching your videos since I saw something that mentioned Mindfulness! I searched UA-cam and found your video on What is Mindfulness? Needless to say it changed my life! I have probably watched more than 20 of them. I discovered what has held me back all my life... And why I haven't been able to let go of the Past! This is Big!!! I discovered it is not too late for me! My Goal for this year is to practice MINDFULNESS and be Present in the moment...
Thank You so very much, I plan on working through my issues one at a time until I am Depression free!
So glad for you!
No one is too old to start changing their lives. Although I'm 21 I sometimes feel like I should have known this earlier so I can live a happier life in school and at home. We are all doing this work together
Anxiety is like a Boogey Man. It comes to creep, haunt, and take the happiness, confidence, and life out of you.
Amen. It is my nemesis as well. When I fell anxiety, I clam up. I should be more curious about why I’m feeling anxiety
I have trauma and the therapist told me something life changing about anxiety yesterday! The anxiety is lying to you. Thats what happens Just remember that
My lack of assertiveness has caused my more pain than anything.
Are you ready to work on it Kasey?
I'm so glad I happened upon you! I just turned 55 and I'm on a quest to finally improve my life. It really does start from within. I think I'm finally starting to believe that I AM ENOUGH. Thank you Julia.
I've learned that when you speak up and assert yourself, people respect you much more. It rarely ever backfires. I cannot control how other people think or judge me.
Understanding that self-esteem is closely tied to one's thought patterns has motivated me to adopt a more positive outlook. Redirecting negative thoughts has been a transformative experience in my self-esteem journey.
The self-acceptance part spoke to me. There are so many people I've encountered in my lifetime that have told me in some form or another that I wasn't good enough for them. This goes back to my childhood. My self esteem has been under attack on and off since before I was old enough to know how to spell it. There's always someone out there willing to mercilessly go after it. They say everybody plays the fool. In my experience, many don't mind playing the part of the bully.
Narcissists go after the wounded, like a predator in the wild always goes after the young and the lame.
Biggest key for me to increase self esteem is to try to eliminate procrastination. If you succeed in doing a task (however small) successfully instead of sitting on your arse, it's amazing how this increases self esteem.
@baby Maharaja best of luck. Meditation might help with stopping smoking.
Yes! Our brains like little wins that we let ourselves celebrate.
I struggle with this from extreme trauma and PTSD, And this comment resonates with me, my husband of 31 yrs developed schizophrenic like disorder and I at first I wouldn't abandon him bcuz he is sick & our vows n love however his psychosis episodes lasted longer n longer got more n more violent and the world/ppl look down on me as weak for trying to get him help b4 leaving. What if it would've been Braun cancer a TBI that changed his personality? Would it then had been acceptable to stay and get him support. I'm not a professional in that field and couldn't do it for him, so, for my own safety.. I'm putting myself back together. It's not easy.
It's scary that I feel most of your videos speak to me directly. Dealing with insecurity most of my life.
✨One of the most important topics of all. Not feeling like we are enough is at the root of so many painful issues in our lives. Building self-esteem is critical to helping us truly understand we are worthy, good, exceptional .....we are always MORE than enough, even when we don’t feel that it is the case. Thank you for this. Sending light and love to this amazing community! ♥️
Thanks sister. Glad you're here.
Julia Kristina Counselling beautiful channel ♥️
Its now like a funny game of tag.
Well, Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!#! Iam more than enough you as well!!!!!
“I am who I am right now” I love this part. Thank you!
For me, as a man with an ASD, when I was younger (20s - 40s) I went to therapy and found it a colossal waste of time. I recognize that I have had LSE for a lifetime and that I was gaslit into believing that everything was my fault. I remember telling therapists that I simply wanted my life to work and being told to be content in all things, think more of others than yourself. Throughout life, i learned and believed that I did not matter. I am strong on self-efficacy and very weak on self-respect. I never believed that I deserved good things in life and from my Christian experiences, I only learned to devalue myself. I learn from your videos and only wish I had someone of your caliber 30+ years ago when I was more motivated, enthusiastic and hopeful I could change for the better. In all my therapy, I NEVER learned that I mattered and NEVER created a strategic plan for personal improvement. I was diagnosed with an ASD when I was 60 and sadly, at 68, I no longer have the self-respect that Branden wrote about so eloquently. I function well enough to get through my days, but I have given up on thriving. Full of anger over so much of the ineffective therapy I got and the life teachings of conformity that eliminated my youthful hopes, dreams and abilities.
"You can't have a relationship with someone you can't trust" Well that hit home! I am working on a plan to deal with many things including my self esteem, so I am so glad I found this video which makes perfect sense and is very helpful. Thanks so much!
Speaking up is what I will work on & squashing the perfection in an imperfectly perfect world.
You may not have control over your circumstances but you have control over your choices.
1. Living consciously
2. Self acceptance
3. Taking full responsibility for our lives
4. Self assertiveness
5. Living a life with intention and purpose, deciding what that is
6. Living with integrity
As someone who is nearing the end of my therapy sessions (after years of weekly meetings) these videos make me feel more confident about living life on my own. I'm a huge advocate for therapy, but it's kind of scary to think about the "what now" feeling after going for so long and then suddenly just, not. These short "check-in" sort of videos let me know that I can survive and more importantly thrive with my life because theres so much great information in every vid I've watched so far! I appreciate this channel a lot!
Really great to have you here friend.
So glad I came upon this. I plan to watch more. Thank uou!
When you spoke to the "perfectionist brain" you were speaking to me. I needed to hear this. Thank you!
I love the B&W format. Mind altering concepts for success! Thanks Julia for sharing. You are awesome!
Thanks friend. Glad you're here.
@@mermaidlifeonearth the b&w format makes me feel secure/calm while watching it. This makes its unique to me...
Yes. No one else does it! Really good!
I say to have a great self-esteem you have to believe that you're great, you're wonderful, and everyone likes you.
You come across as authentic, smart, caring and kind. You're adding so much to this world. You have helped me to better understand myself. Thank you Julia.
When you called out the perfectionists at the end of the video, I almost felt like you were calling me out personally because that was exactly what I was thinking 😂❤️
I've always been a perfectionist, but I'm learning to overcome this mindset and simply take action. Thank you so much for sharing this video - it's been incredibly helpful!
Thank you for your videos, Julia. As a fellow licensed therapist, I trust your content and share your videos with the folks I'm working with. Your healing is widespread! Namaste.
I will work on trusting myself. No more promises to myself & not keeping it.
Hi Julia!
I've been following the past few months and would just like to extend words of appreciation for your insights. It's been a struggle for me the past year trying to evolve and expand my mind, to opening up about my insecurities and feeling stronger about my sense of self, but your videos have helped a lot. They really have. Even when I'm slapped in the face with painful realisations I have come back for more.
Thank you so much x
I am only halfway through this video, but thank you so so so much for posting this. I've been in therapy for almost ten years, yet no one has brought up these things to me, despite everyone, both therapists and other people I've met during these years, commenting on my low self worth and self esteem. Thinking of these things and actively working on them feels like it might genuinely help!
My biggest breakthrough recently was to accept my body 100%. I used to feel bad about me gaining weight and felt ugly. Then I saw a girl in my class is overweight but she looks healthy and confident. I don't think she is ugly at all. Then I thought to myself maybe others also don't think I'm ugly. More importantly, if I don't think she's ugly being overweight why would I think I'm ugly because I'm overweight. From the moment, I let go the body shame and get more overweight😂. Now I'm trying to loose weight because I want to be healthy and feel energetic, not because I want to be beautiful. I am beautiful already.
Living integrity I hold on very dearly... thank you Julia!
I love this. I think it is important to be gentle during this re-integration of self esteem for me. It can be triggering to discover your conditioning can be undone by you when people you were told loved you were being abusive. I love taking back my power and undoing their reign.
I called the late Nathaniel Brandon to thank him for his book.
He told me "I hope you are actually putting these ideas into practice. I did not write that book for nothing.".
The focus is on action.
My self esteem has been so low for so long now that it almost feels like it’s just who I am. It’s like a rain cloud that follows me everywhere. This gave me a sense of hope and made me realise it doesn’t have to be my normal. Thanks for the inspiration,
This might sound weird and bad (and I still kinda think so unless you have some of the specific traits) but, I used to hate myself so god dang much to the point I just feel like I reject everything that is "me"
I hate how I look, I hate how I act, I hate how I think, I hate how I feel, I hate just entirely everything about "me"
To the point that I don't want to be "me" and tried to change, in anyway possible good or bad I didn't know at that time - but I am lucky that I have surrounding people that has "good will" towards me, which is why I was able to change in the good way
Also I am lucky that I have the trait of copying other people's good traits (because I do not have the creativity of making or creating something of my own) - when I see someone does something or thinks something and make them good/better/more successful/achieved something I just try to do what they do
It take years my friend, at least 4-5 years for me doing this everyday to the day I am proud of myself today
Still, I still got alot of things to work on and some topic/issues
And always love your vids Julia :) , many of your vids from two years ago helped me alot with improving myself and my mindset.......after a vid I just immediately subscribe to your channel and always have really great insights and reminders. And as always, thank you!!
Good for YOU for doing the work and for changing the way you think about yourself. That's everything.
Your videos always seem to come up at the right time for me. Either you post one as I need it or your older one is suggested at just the right time. Tha k you so much for your content. You put forth valuable information.
I haven't really figured out my purpose in life, but i roughly have pointed out two things : achieving my carreer goals and growing on that professional path and in general, living a life helpful to others, where i can help someone heal or just make them not feel alone through their struggles, whoever that person is, whatever relationship i have with them. These two keep me motivated to study more and also to grow and become better as a person, regardless of my academic success.
What I need to work on, out of these six things, is the 2nd one, self acceptance and knowing even if i don't have my dream job yet, I am still worthy and I am still good enough, cause as you said, as a child i was told i need to be smart and successful, to be worth anything at all. Thank you for this invaluable content so much.
I love the living with integrity toward your own values and self-promises, part!
Like you are super amazing. I went through a depression last year and I need to tune up every so often. This is what I needed today.
I rewatched this video immediately after watching it the whole way through. This is amazing stuff, thank you!! I’m going to check out your other videos now 💜
Hi I’m so glad I found you. I was in a dark space in life. You’ve helped me work on myself. I so needed that ASAP.
I’ve been working on my self-esteem for a while and still falter on certain days, this is a video I needed! I always love hearing your insight, one of my favorite channels hands down 🤍
It's a journey Admir - and none of us feel 100% about ourselves 100% of the time. You're doing great.
Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you so much for the motivational words, it really means a lot to me! You’re absolutely right, sometimes it’s easy to forget where we are on our life path and be down on ourselves. I need to have more faith that things will work out like they’re meant to.
Thank you! I keep hearing this and hadn't until about three years ago. Appreciate your videos. It is all finally sinking in and becoming understandable.
Excellent! I really needed this right now.
You are such a beautiful person inside and out, Ms. Kristina. Thank you.
Thanks Jerrod. Really glad you found it helpful.
I love your videos so much. I recently got out of a 7 year relationship, but ive been in different types of relationships since i was 14. I promised myself i would be completely single and figure myself out for the next few years.
So glad I came across your channel. I've been struggling for years and really finding it hard to beleive good can happen to me and pusb everything away because I beleive itll hurt me and I destroy everything.
I'm able, through this breakdown, to examine my own self esteem finally! I'm not young, started out with wobbly self esteem and it seems I've been gaining my sea legs throughout life....there's my analogy. What an important effort to make! It may come courtesy of many prolonged efforts at different times in life and due to different people in our lives too. Thank you for giving words to a mostly life effort.
Thank you 💯. I have been so busy trying to make everyone around me happy,but I have been so misalbe.
Been listening for a week or so. Love your positive messages
Saw this video yesterday, i thought i'll get around to watching it at some point, it's shown up like as a reminder today, as i'm listening to the video, being only 3 odd minutes into watching it, I'm like, Ok i'm really needing this, thank you Julia ♥
Always Karen - glad you're here.
Keeping promises I make to myself and others. Very helpful. Thank you for all you do for me.
Thank you Kristina this Is not my first time here, you're my favorite Emotional and mental wellness counsellor, I love you you're inspiring. Keep the energy keep the vibe keep the good work ♥️💯🌹
Thanks! I have been around people who try to bring me down plan my downfall or set me up and they themselves make bad choices. I never knew how to handle it. The only thing that worked for me was alone time to build myself back up. I have few I trust. And love my privacy and self. I can't wait for a healthy relationship i have been alone 12 years I am ready after doing my part. My purpose is being simple and helping people love themselves and keeping envious men and women who think they are perfect and blame everyone else away!!
Loved "...it's an inside job." Fabulous.
Thank you for this - very encouraging.
Thank you
Thank you so much, Julia. This video is the tough love I needed.
Thank you Julia, your videos have so connected with me.
That means a lot to me sis.
"your purpose has changed" BLEW MY FRICKING MIND. I thought it was only people with BPD or aspects of it wherein this occurred. I have never heard a therapist say it So maybe I'm not so abnormal. Once i had kids, my whole changed and so did my priorities. Now that they are all older and more independent, i am struggling to find "that one thing". this really spoke to me about external pressure, perfectionism, changing purpose and being okay with that. "what lights me up"? I dont know right now. im gonna accept it. for the moment.
Thank you Julia fr that powerful video. I hv to trust myself and take responsibility for myself is the message I get. I hv really learned a lot frm yr videos and learned we hv to respect ourselves first in order to speak up and just be ourselves. God bless you and family always.
As a child I struggled a lot. Because of it, I was to gain most of these self esteem qualities. The only one I am missing is that not be able to speak up. I am on an anti anxiety medication, which helps to become calm and to speak mind with out fear. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us with no fee. You are very kind and generous 🙂
Your videos are so very helpful. Love the way you keep it real. I am working on all of these. Baby steps...just don't give up.
Yes ma'am!
Wow! Great advice! Thank you sooooooo much for your help!!! 💛💫✨
You are a bright light!!! 🙏💛
I needed some of these reminders today. thank you Julia.
I'm really glad they connected Mel.
Love these videos. Always feel empowered after watching!
Today I will practice self-care
by making decisions
based on what serves feeds
and nurture my spirit
I will stop apologizing
For rejecting negative energies
That deplete my spirit
I alone am responsible
for my happiness
 with this acknowledgment
I forfeit victimhood
while embracing freedom
It is only when we let go
of that which dulls our inner light
that we are able to connect
With our dreams
Anything less is embezzlement
of our own soul
self pillaging an infraction
upon your own destiny
Sister Grace 
Thank you for your honesty about self-esteem
My purpose is to be The Family Team Coach - I am conquering my self-worth as I’ve noticed I subconsciously self-sabotage and this video has been Fantastic! - Thank-you! X👌🏽😃🌟💖X
I wonder who these broken people are who just come here to dislike the videos!
😔
Thanks for being supportive Firuzeh. I actually don't mind when people dislike a video - It often means their brains are being challenged and that's not a bad thing.
Firuzeh i think most of us are all varying degrees of broken. Sometimes when people are triggered or self delusional or many other things...they reject something that may help them on a deeper level. They might not be ready for the info. They have their journey and we have ours. If we worry too much about others, it’s time and energy taken from our journey and healing.
Blessings 🌺
Firuzeh luckily she is trained to know this 😋
I have no problem being assertive, I have no problem finding my goals and what I want to do in life… I think the biggest issue is feeling hopeless when everything falls apart
Thank you”
Awesome! Thanks with heaps of respect
Thank you. Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself! Great.
Great job Julia....You are the very best in your field.......
Thank You For Sharing ❤️
Wow. I am glad that I clicked on your channel. I have struggled with self esteem for ever! Thank you. I plan to listen to more of your videos.
Never valued myself.... Thank you.. Will learn this
I'm so glad to have come across your page while I seek Therapy. I just want to be better. Thank you!
THANK YOU
Think I'm starting to learn I have choices and that has changed my outlook on my life, I now want to change my career and I am not as afraid to go for it. Thank you
A beautiful, passionate, wonderful person. Thank you.
Kind of you to say. Glad you're here.
10:08 THIS! As a highly sensitive person, I can completely relate.
Thank you 😊 💓
You are amazing! Thank you so much, for taking the time to make these videos.
I like all teachings. I am practicing everyday!! TY.
thank you for this, i really taking notes and put things into practise
I’m pretty sure quitting a toxic job and toxic relationship is a healthy step in the right direction 😅
But there is always internal work to do and that’s why I’m here!!
"Your pain probably is not your fault. But your healing is your responsibility." wow! i have been trying to get over my pain, at my last job i was a victim of gas lighting and i was in a relationship that was difficult to describe (chasing Amy i was the last one to know) but after almost two years i continue blaming myself , but i am trying too move on but it is hard my life kind of self destrucked
You totally speak to me. I'm thrilled to have found your videos! I've sent a notice to all my girlfriends to watch you. I'm always looking for ways to grow and learn to be the best version of myself! Thank you!!!
Thanks for another great video.
Amazing video!!!! Thank you so much!!!! It was what i needed to hear!!!❤
To be the best version of yourself!
I spent well over an hour watching this, taking small breaks when I get distracted, and taking some hefty notes. Victim mentality, lustful addictions, dark-negative emotions, bad social skills, trauma and a failing relationship with God are my greatest detriments to these strongholds of self-esteem. My relationship with myself is bad enough to where I don't really know myself anymore. My relationship with others doesn't help either - even my female family members look disgusted for brief micro expressions when they listen to me or hug me. Other women have treated me pretty badly as well, for my lack of masculinity, self-esteem and confidence. It makes me desire their companionship and adoration even more. I've been working on my game, working on handling tension more, but it was always so painful, because I know I'm doing it to be good enough. I know grace doesn't come with good sex, and women won't accept less than good sex or less than a good emotional connection, not for too long. However, building esteem with the opposite sex without esteem for myself is like trying to build a strip club on top of an ancient condemned church.
My relationship with porn isn't going well either. I have submissive and compliant tendencies, and I love the cold dominance porn has over my brain. I love trying to resist as the lust and pleasure grows from it. It's like a woman taking full initiative, pinning me down for sex without my consent, as I cry out for mercy and to for her to stop, but as she ignores me and keeps going, it just makes me feel more validated, more desired and makes me enjoy the experience more. I realize loneliness is the real reason why I cling to porn so desperately, and I don't see myself able to quite anytime soon, not without finding someone to fill that loneliness, but maybe I can approach porn in a different way, take ownership of my decision to use it and use it in a more dominant way - "Hey, porn, come here! I got some lotion for you! You like that, don't you?!" ....( *hides face behind hands* I could not say this to anyone's face, I just couldn't..... not yet, anyway).
Yeah, you can just imagine how my relationship with God is going among all this. I'm not entirely sure how to tell if I have one, but I still believe I do. It seems to me that faith in Jesus means I don't have real self-esteem unless I comply to God's will........
Anyway I feel very much myself when I write this, more so than usual. I think you're video helped me already. Thank You. God Bless. You're kinda cute.
Living with integrity..... I need to do confidently what I decided to do. I get that.
You are awesome!!
very clear, succinct and true! thank you.
Much love! Keep up the good work!
I have self respect but I don’t have self efficacy. I have ADHD and social anxiety from undiagnosed adhd which turned into depression. So it’s a bit weird and warped. I can’t handle life but I think I am a great person and worth a lot and I give a lot as a teacher.
Thank you so much! I love your channel and wisdom!